“Matt Damon (and Tracey!) LIVE in Madison”

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Speaker 3 Oh my god.

Speaker 3 Take your time with the house lights.

Speaker 4 Oh wait. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 Oh wait. Take your time with the house lights.

Speaker 3 I don't. This isn't.
Well, somebody's

Speaker 1 how about you just

Speaker 1 had a red ball.

Speaker 5 I need to be slapped to be woken up.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna slap you the as hard as I want you to slap you.

Speaker 3 I want I'm gonna slap you as hard as I want you to slap me.

Speaker 1 I just slap Sean. You just slap me.
Okay. Just that much.

Speaker 1 Okay. Harder than that.
Harder than that. Wait, I think we're on right now.
Oh.

Speaker 1 We should, yeah. Okay, show.

Speaker 1 So, no, we got to do the thing.

Speaker 6 No flash photography. Don't use your fucking cell phone.

Speaker 1 Ow, ow. Here we go.
That was a block. No flash photography.
Don't use your fucking cell phone. Don't record.

Speaker 1 Have a good time.

Speaker 1 Say hi to your neighbor. And this is Smartless.

Speaker 1 Come on, Madison. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Hi, Madison!

Speaker 1 You nice people!

Speaker 1 Woo!

Speaker 1 Very nice! Wow!

Speaker 1 Wow! Crazy! Crazy!

Speaker 1 Yeah, look at that! Come on, come on, come on, come on!

Speaker 3 Oh, he's got it snapping.

Speaker 1 Just got a drink in one hand and he's going to go.

Speaker 1 He's got a drink going.

Speaker 1 He's got a drink going. He doesn't want to snap.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Look at this sweatshirt. How's that?

Speaker 1 All right, you guys.

Speaker 1 It's it. It's it for sure.
Sit. Beautiful, beautiful theater.
Wow. In a beautiful town.

Speaker 1 We, we,

Speaker 1 we finally made it to Madison, Wisconsin.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I gotta.

Speaker 1 I gotta say a little bit, you know, as you guys know, you're a big part of the podcast. And

Speaker 1 coming here today kind of feels a little bit like a home game.

Speaker 7 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 7 Right.

Speaker 4 You know? It does.

Speaker 1 Like a Badger game. Or like a Badger game.

Speaker 3 That was cheap. That was a cheap applause line.

Speaker 1 That was very cheap. Sorry about that.

Speaker 1 Some people are like, I don't give a shit about the fucking Badger. Yeah.

Speaker 7 Or like a bowling game.

Speaker 1 I bowl a lot.

Speaker 6 Maybe I bowl.

Speaker 1 Anyway.

Speaker 6 We want to say thank you to you guys for wanting to see us. We wanted to see you.
So this is awesome that this worked out.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 6 a shout out to the Edgewater Hotel, who housed us for four hours today. Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's right on a frozen lake. And us soft little LA freaks were like, well, that lake's frozen.
I see people walking on it. Should we go walk on it? So we walked on it.
And we walked on it.

Speaker 3 You can walk on a frozen lake. Yeah.

Speaker 3 It was very cold right there at the Edgewater.

Speaker 1 Look, as a Canadian, I get it.

Speaker 8 Okay.

Speaker 1 Not to pull rank too much, but...

Speaker 3 Did you ever play, you ever play hockey on a frozen lake? Sure.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah, of course. How many times? Again, I'm Canadian.

Speaker 3 No, but I mean, not every Canadian plays hockey or on a frozen lake.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, I have done it, but it's a fair question. And we did get out there.
You wanted to go. We were up at the Edgewater Hotel.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 And they were super nice. We were there for like two hours, but

Speaker 1 Jason saw the ice and he saw people walking across. He's like, we got to get out there.

Speaker 1 And then Sean said, and Sean was like, what are they doing? And neither of them had ever been out on a frozen lake before, which you guys know is just what you do. Yeah, hey, let's sit down.

Speaker 1 Yeah, let's sit down. Let's sit down.

Speaker 6 Let's sit down. We're going to get out of here.
Let's sit down.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So,

Speaker 3 let's switch seats.

Speaker 1 Oh, let's switch. Hold on, let's switch.

Speaker 6 So we have different.

Speaker 3 I've been sitting in that seat for a couple of days.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's nice to be over here. I want to see these people, too.
All right.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 6 I, you know, I like to start out like with a personal story that happens, you know, on the.

Speaker 1 Sean's got material.

Speaker 6 No, I don't have material.

Speaker 1 Dig in, everyone. Someone's prepared.
i i gotta talk to him

Speaker 6 no um i you know on the tour by the way we are living together on the tour we're living in one suite like yeah

Speaker 3 turns out he's messy yeah he's not

Speaker 3 you don't sleep well i don't sleep well you like the snacks

Speaker 3 i mean i like wait a minute what yeah you like the snacks i do like the snacks all these no i do get a lot of shit from you about you know eating sprouts and and no gluten stuff i mean now that you see, I eat terribly.

Speaker 1 You can eat it. Well, here's what it is, and we don't want to bore you too much, but we're going to do it anyway.

Speaker 1 What we realize is, as you know, Sean, and as you guys know, Jason gives me a lot of shit about eating and what I eat, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 Have you noticed all the time that he gives me shit and then he ends up eating

Speaker 1 all the time?

Speaker 6 Yeah, all the time. But it was classic today, right before we ate,

Speaker 6 we switched a little bit, and Jason ordered a burger and Will ordered a salad, which is so rare. And then the salad came.
But the salad came and it was the fried chicken salad.

Speaker 4 Fried chicken salad.

Speaker 1 But anyway, so, but wait, what? Still a salad.

Speaker 1 Low-hanging fruit is still fruit. But wait a minute.

Speaker 1 And then Jason did offer me yet a burger and he offered me his, you did at one point legitimately say, I'll give you the rest of my waffle fries for your salad.

Speaker 1 It is true.

Speaker 7 I did offer you my gluten bun, too.

Speaker 1 Oh, God.

Speaker 6 All right, so, but on the tour, these guys, one day I came back into the room, and these guys had had massages.

Speaker 4 And so I was like, oh, I was bummed.

Speaker 6 And so Jason was like, oh, well, you can still get one willy-nilly trying to get me to figure out how to get one. I'm like, you know what? Forget it.
So yesterday in Chicago,

Speaker 6 I got a facial because I couldn't get a massage.

Speaker 3 God, we sound so gross.

Speaker 1 That's the worst. Yeah.
God. Well,

Speaker 1 you have an hour. For the record.
Wait.

Speaker 1 For the record. For the record.
I did not get a massage. Yes, you did.
No, I didn't. Well, you'll have to complete afterwards.

Speaker 7 Thank you.

Speaker 4 Yeah, whatever you did.

Speaker 6 But so I got this little thing today, and this Russian woman is like doing, like, massaging my shoulders after she put, I don't know, some fucking stuff on my face. And she's massaged.

Speaker 6 She goes out of nowhere. I can't do a Russian accent, but she's like, oh, you strong muscles, you work out.

Speaker 7 And I was like, oh, God, I don't know what this is.

Speaker 6 It's already making me feel uncomfortable.

Speaker 7 But

Speaker 6 I love funny massage stories. I have two really quick.
One, the first time I was.

Speaker 1 Wait, when you were keying yourself up for your own? Absolutely.

Speaker 6 Absolutely. Oh, this one I'm thinking.
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 This one gets better.

Speaker 3 It gets better. The night gets better.

Speaker 6 One is, one time this friend of mine offered, you know, he's like, this guy does sports massages. I'm like, all right, I'll try that.
So I'm lying on a thing. I never had a sports massage before.

Speaker 6 And I have the little thing over me, you know, I'm totally naked underneath. And this guy starts like...

Speaker 6 pulling one leg over this way and then one leg over this way and my penis and balls are over here and my penis and balls over here and nothing nothing none of it was like relaxing or comfortable or anything and I thought you know the sheet was supposed to be the invisible invisible barrier between us but it was everywhere but anyway my philosophy wow my philosophy

Speaker 6 my philosophy for for massages is this if they say hey do you want a male or female I always ask for a female and this is why if it being gay oh news flash

Speaker 6 so if it's a if it's a straight guy giving massage and something happens I don't want him to freak out if it's a gay guy and something happens I don't want him to be like hey and if it's a so if it's a woman I'm good to go

Speaker 1 go ahead go ahead cancel yourself

Speaker 1 we're gonna do it in Madison Wisconsin what a night

Speaker 1 what a night

Speaker 1 have

Speaker 3 have you ever had an uncomfortable situation on the massage table

Speaker 6 no I don't think so well you know what prompted me to me to tell that story you would remember

Speaker 3 A nice clean no would have done it.

Speaker 1 No, I had Masseus one time get up on the table and she got up on me a little bit. Yeah, and you know.

Speaker 3 Were you in the country?

Speaker 1 In this country? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you consider Latvia part of this country? No.

Speaker 3 So she, her technique was to get up on you?

Speaker 1 She got up, yes.

Speaker 1 She got up on my back, which I think is irregular now that I think about it.

Speaker 3 Did she have a saddle with her?

Speaker 1 It was when

Speaker 1 she took her clothes off. That's that's a big deal.

Speaker 1 No, but that was it. That's the only time.
Have you had an uncomfortable massage?

Speaker 3 I don't think so.

Speaker 3 That there was

Speaker 1 a friend. No, no, no.

Speaker 3 Things things change a little bit, but they don't go.

Speaker 3 Things didn't get to where they get to.

Speaker 1 Your Honor, permission to treat the witnesses hostile.

Speaker 1 Wait a minute.

Speaker 6 What about that story you told me today?

Speaker 6 But that actually did happen to a friend of yours, which is.

Speaker 3 Oh, my friend. Yeah.

Speaker 3 My

Speaker 3 friend of mine's wife goes to this pretty reputable massage place in Los Angeles and

Speaker 1 we can't tell this story here.

Speaker 3 No, but they don't want to hear about this kind of stuff.

Speaker 7 That's like, that's.

Speaker 1 She.

Speaker 6 But we'll tell shit stories on the podcast.

Speaker 3 No, how about this? I'll tell a cleaner. I'll tell a cleaner massage story that I was actually in.

Speaker 3 I actually said...

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 great.

Speaker 3 You're going to get both now.

Speaker 3 No, so she was in this nice massage place and she's enjoying a nice massage and she's face down and she's got herself a male Russian massage therapist.

Speaker 7 Why are they always Russian?

Speaker 3 Because they're strong, man.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 she receives a thumb.

Speaker 1 Wow. Wow.

Speaker 3 Everything stops.

Speaker 3 He stops because he's wondering

Speaker 1 if

Speaker 3 he's going to receive a

Speaker 3 solid green instead of the the flashing green,

Speaker 3 she stops because she's wondering if it's a mistake.

Speaker 3 Then she turns her, she says, What's going on?

Speaker 3 He stops the thumb

Speaker 3 and then finishes himself. She's so freaked out, she goes to pay at the end.
She tips him.

Speaker 3 Because she's not sure what she should be doing.

Speaker 1 He'd already tipped her. Hell.

Speaker 3 She goes home. She goes home.
She tells her husband, right? Because

Speaker 3 she's freaked out, rightfully so. He's freaked out.
He picks up the phone. He calls the massage place.
And he explains the situation. He says, you know, my wife is in there.

Speaker 3 She's got a massage from a massage therapist there, and she was thumbed.

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 3 the person says, you know, I'm sorry, sir, that's impossible. Who is a massage therapist? And he says, I don't know.
Honey, who is a massage? It was Yuri.

Speaker 3 And the guy

Speaker 3 says it was Yuri. And the person at the desk says, well, that's odd because Yuri's our most requested massage therapist.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 3 And they both paused.

Speaker 3 And the person at the massage was like, oh, got it.

Speaker 1 We will speak to Yuri.

Speaker 3 So that was that story.

Speaker 1 And let me get digits after the show of where that place is.

Speaker 7 So

Speaker 6 we're here because one of the main reasons we're here is because my sister lives in Wisconsin.

Speaker 6 And,

Speaker 1 yeah, yeah.

Speaker 6 And

Speaker 6 as you know, Tracy.

Speaker 6 And, you know, just one quick Tracy story.

Speaker 6 She came to pick me up at college after my fourth year. And she came to get, picked me up in some pickup truck or something.
And we got high before we got into the truck. And we got stoned.

Speaker 1 Stunned.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Drugs?

Speaker 6 That's a good one. And

Speaker 1 so

Speaker 6 we got stoned. We We smoked pot before we got in.
And we loaded the truck in with just like willy-nilly, like just the clothes and like my dress, my dress or whatever. And so we're driving.

Speaker 1 We're driving. And Doritos, right?

Speaker 6 And we're driving up route 55 from ISU, Illinois State University. And I'm driving up and we're both like listening to Madonna.
And we're both like in our own world. Like we're actually Madonna.

Speaker 6 I'm like, just like a prayer. Their voice will take us there.
And like we're in the video or something in our own worlds.

Speaker 1 We're not really talking.

Speaker 6 All of a sudden I open my eyes and in the rearview mirror I just see some pants.

Speaker 1 And then a shirt. And then she's like driving.

Speaker 6 She's like, holy shit, some more pants and some socks and like a suit.

Speaker 6 And then like part, and then we're like, maybe we should pull over.

Speaker 1 We pulled over, and I'm talking like two miles of clothes behind us, right?

Speaker 6 And we just, what do we do? Should we go back and get him? No, we didn't give you it. We just drove the fuck home.

Speaker 3 Because you did not zip your bags

Speaker 1 adequately.

Speaker 6 You know, I was 18, or I'm sorry, I was 20.

Speaker 6 I don't know what.

Speaker 1 Are you high now? Yeah, a little bit.

Speaker 6 But, you know, why finish any of these stories

Speaker 6 when I can have Tracy tell them herself? She read.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Tracy.

Speaker 1 Oh, boy.

Speaker 3 Madison's own Tracy.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 3 She doesn't look like she needs anything explained to her.

Speaker 6 All right, so I have these questions that I literally wrote about an hour ago.

Speaker 1 Don't let her peek.

Speaker 6 What was one of the best memories you have of me?

Speaker 5 Don't they look alike? Isn't they cute?

Speaker 1 I think.

Speaker 1 Or of our family or anything.

Speaker 9 Well, growing up, we had just us, five kids.

Speaker 1 Yeah, chaos.

Speaker 3 Just us five kids.

Speaker 9 That's why you need to explain things to me. Yeah.

Speaker 6 Oh, do you see? Do you help the explanations on the podcast?

Speaker 1 Do you think they help you? Yes.

Speaker 6 We say, Tracy, can you explain?

Speaker 9 Yes. Yes.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 6 Do you guys have any questions for my sister?

Speaker 1 How about this?

Speaker 7 How about you used to be a police officer?

Speaker 6 I'm obsessed with crazy police stories.

Speaker 1 Do you have a crazy one?

Speaker 1 You used to be a police officer? Yeah. Hang on a second.
We didn't know that. The guy I worked for is in the audience.
Oh, yeah. Phil.
Hi, Phil.

Speaker 9 Yeah, so I was a cow officer.

Speaker 6 We lived in Glenn L.

Speaker 6 where the worst thing that would happen is somebody. But you always say that.

Speaker 1 And you weren't there.

Speaker 6 No, like, okay.

Speaker 9 I was cat for 15 years and in Glen Ellen, where we grew up.

Speaker 1 Did you ever have a case, did you ever work on a case of a weed-smoking couple who lost a bunch of clothes on the highway?

Speaker 1 Did you guys ever solve that case?

Speaker 3 What was the most dangerous thing you were ever involved with as a cop?

Speaker 9 I mean, there was, you know, burglaries and domestics. High domestics.

Speaker 6 Did you see any dead bodies?

Speaker 9 Yeah, a ton. You did?

Speaker 1 Yeah. No way.
I think

Speaker 6 you told me one.

Speaker 1 Then that became normal to you?

Speaker 9 Yeah, that doesn't bother me.

Speaker 1 Okay, great.

Speaker 3 Really? Really? Like,

Speaker 3 what was the oldest dead body? Like, how long had it been dead? Oh.

Speaker 1 Not the oldest person ever.

Speaker 9 There was an old, yeah, an old elderly lady that, you know, the mail kept piling up. And then, you know, you go and a neighbor called and.

Speaker 3 So it was like a week?

Speaker 9 A maggots who no

Speaker 3 what about did you ever see anybody uh get get dead

Speaker 1 oh is that the way you say it will

Speaker 1 die die even die he made longer

Speaker 1 no

Speaker 6 did you guys did you ever see anybody like die in like in in front of you no no god that must be scary yeah and what is your last name i'm kidding uh

Speaker 3 so were you a motorcycle cop or did you drive a car?

Speaker 9 I drove a car and then I became a detective and then, yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, dude, she could have been a motorcycle cop.

Speaker 1 Don't look at me. We didn't have motorcycle cops.

Speaker 3 You don't have motorcycle cops? No. Oh, because of weather, right?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 We got motorcycle cops all over.

Speaker 3 LA's lousy with motorcycle cops.

Speaker 1 We don't live in LA. How you can see in person what we're dealing with is

Speaker 3 absurd. But no, I think that that's a pretty good question.

Speaker 3 If you are in a place that has a lot of winter,

Speaker 3 you can't have a motorcycle cop because you got snow and ice and stuff.

Speaker 1 Good for you, dude. I figured.

Speaker 3 You see the way I have a process that I figure stuff out.

Speaker 7 What is it like?

Speaker 6 Do people bug you because you're referenced on the podcast? Do people stop you? They don't know who you are. What is it like?

Speaker 9 I get kind of some emails.

Speaker 1 I don't really figure out it's you. I don't know.

Speaker 9 Really? Yeah, Yeah, I don't know because I have a different last name.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 9 And I live in Monaco.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 9 I gotta change that now. Yeah.

Speaker 9 Yeah, I don't know how they figure it out, but sometimes some people do. It's fine.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 How fucking weird is it? It is weird

Speaker 1 that all these people know who you are because we talk about you all the time. Because Sean.

Speaker 1 Right, it's weird. Yeah, it's just a lot of fun.

Speaker 9 But you know, here's the thing.

Speaker 9 I am a single mom and I am at home and I literally, it makes makes my Monday, I think it makes everybody's Monday morning to look forward to that.

Speaker 1 I am not kidding.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 9 So I really appreciate you guys involving me.

Speaker 1 That's a wonderful place to end. No, I want one question.
I have one question ahead. Wait, she's not going anywhere.
We got to go. I got another

Speaker 1 shit. But hang on, hang on.
I just want to say, I want to ask you this.

Speaker 1 Your brother, Sean. That's me.
Yeah, just zip it for one second. Is our good friend.
We love him very, very much. And he's an incredibly talented guy.

Speaker 1 How, yeah, how

Speaker 1 when Sean moved to California and then he had all this incredible success, did you say, yes, I knew it, and did you feel an incredible sense of pride for all the amazing things that you and your brother's done?

Speaker 1 Or, or

Speaker 3 was it wait till they figure out the mistake they've made?

Speaker 9 No, I think he's a great brother. I mean, he's a very,

Speaker 9 we're very close. We've always been the closest, I think.
Isn't that nice? We were the two youngest, and so we kind of stuck together.

Speaker 9 I made him do like baton lessons and cheerleading.

Speaker 1 I mean, it was bad. She did.
You want to do a cheer together right now? I do. Oh, please do a cheerleader.

Speaker 6 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Wait a second. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 Wait a second. I didn't hear it.
You guys said you used to be on cheer squad together?

Speaker 1 No, she used to be a cheerleader.

Speaker 9 I would be like a cheerleader, and I make him do the practice with me.

Speaker 1 And baton for me. Right now.
Right now. I know what.
I'll do one. I'll do it.
You're not. I'm sure I'll do it.
Right now. But really quick.

Speaker 6 Okay, I'm going to do one.

Speaker 3 Here we go.

Speaker 1 Get up there. I'm not doing it.

Speaker 1 I am not doing it.

Speaker 6 Okay, ready?

Speaker 6 This is what she taught me. Ready? Five, six, seven, eight.
We've got power.

Speaker 1 Wild cat power.

Speaker 1 P-O-W-E-R.

Speaker 4 We've got, we've got power.

Speaker 1 Stand up.

Speaker 1 Thank you, Millen.

Speaker 1 That's Tracy.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 1 Thank you for coming out. Thank you, Tracy.

Speaker 3 Keep it going. Keep it going.

Speaker 3 Isn't that great? That was awesome. That's awesome.
That was awesome.

Speaker 1 We'll be right back.

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No, we cannot be five floors away from our kids.

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Speaker 1 Let's move on, shall we?

Speaker 4 Where are we going?

Speaker 1 We're going to go out

Speaker 1 all trip, Jason.

Speaker 1 Okay, here we go.

Speaker 6 You guys are in for a special treat. This is exciting.
You know how you want, I had to write it down. Me and Jason write our intros down.

Speaker 6 You know how you wonder sometimes how certain people in our business become successful and then they sustain that success, right?

Speaker 6 Sure, you need talent and brains and ability to capture an audience, but I found the secret ingredient to becoming a superstar is being a nice person. Huh.
Right? This person is one of those people.

Speaker 6 He's one of the nicest, kindest people I've ever had the pleasure of being friends with. He is the first person to introduce me to a Segue, The Scooter, Not How to Connect Thoughts.

Speaker 6 He's played an attorney, a pickpocket, a talking shrimp, and a spy for the FBI. He also happened to appear with me on one of the funniest episodes of Will and Grace.

Speaker 6 Unlike how he's treated by Jimmy Kimmel, we have plenty of time for him tonight.

Speaker 1 It's Matt Day Matt!

Speaker 4 Thanks, guys.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 4 if I was ever going to do this show, it would have to be in Wisconsin, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Come on.

Speaker 3 He's a perfect example of nicest guy.

Speaker 6 That's why I said. I know you're probably wondering who canceled and thank you for replacing at the last minute.

Speaker 1 You're very welcome.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 7 So

Speaker 1 we used to. Oh, Lord.
You know what's so funny?

Speaker 6 We used to, do you remember this? I bring this up every time I see you. We used to play softball about 75 years ago with the Olson twins.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah. It was.
Yeah, when they were little kids.

Speaker 1 That's right.

Speaker 1 It was the league. What? No, it wasn't a league.
No, it was like meet at this fucking...

Speaker 4 At a park. Yeah.

Speaker 1 In Santa Monica.

Speaker 7 Just meet at this park.

Speaker 3 The Olson twins will be there. You can play softball softball with them?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Is that like a flyer on a telephone ball?

Speaker 6 No, our friend Steve Schenbaum organized these softball things.

Speaker 6 And I remember

Speaker 6 playing with you, and we were hanging out, and you go, because it's right at the peak of Will and Grace.

Speaker 1 And you go, how can you go out anywhere?

Speaker 6 I'm like, how can you go out anywhere? And you're like, yeah, but you're Sean Hayes.

Speaker 1 I'm like, you're fucking Matt Damon.

Speaker 6 It was crazy.

Speaker 3 You can cruise around with a fair amount of anonymity, yes?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But you live in New York, yeah?

Speaker 6 Yeah, most of the time. And now, do you, are you like, you can just go to the store and do whatever, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
We were talking about. Do you go to the store a lot?

Speaker 1 I do, actually.

Speaker 1 Well, in New York, yeah.

Speaker 4 And when I lived in L.A., I probably never went to the store, but in New York, kind of. Nobody gives a shit.

Speaker 7 Nobody cares at all.

Speaker 1 Nobody cares.

Speaker 3 But there are some people, we're talking about this the other day. There are some people, would you not agree?

Speaker 3 There's some people sort of carry themselves like a celebrity, and then other people do not. I don't know what it is, whether what they wear or how they act or what, I don't know.
But

Speaker 3 you've always been to me a really famous actor as opposed to some

Speaker 3 big flashy celebrity. But you have all the fame.
of a celebrity, but you're people think of you as a...

Speaker 1 Right, you're not a TikToker, right? You know, like, well, I'm trying.

Speaker 4 Are you trying?

Speaker 1 Are you trying? You're working on it.

Speaker 4 I mean,

Speaker 1 my kids, I'm not. No.

Speaker 4 Are you out of your mind? No.

Speaker 1 Sean is. I am.
Are you?

Speaker 7 Yeah, I do things like that stupid thing.

Speaker 1 Or I do like a chair.

Speaker 4 No, then I have to get on TikTok and follow you. But my kids won't let me get on TikTok.

Speaker 5 Because they're like, Dad, you're lame.

Speaker 1 You can't get on TikTok.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 We were going through that about the dad lame thing, and Jason was worried I accused him of looking like cool dad tonight.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I got a terrible outfit on today.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. You look great.

Speaker 3 No, yeah, you know, what'd you call me?

Speaker 7 Call me.

Speaker 1 Rock and roll dad. Rock and roll.

Speaker 3 With this ridiculous hair, I need to get cut.

Speaker 1 I look like Chrissy Hine.

Speaker 4 I have that going, too, because I have to go. I have this thing I have to do in L.A.
tomorrow for the next movie. It's like one of the hair and makeup tests.
You have an excuse.

Speaker 4 They tell you not to cut your hair a shave for a month. Right.

Speaker 3 But you don't have to wear this ridiculous denim outfit.

Speaker 4 I don't.

Speaker 1 I don't.

Speaker 3 We're at the end of the tour. I'm down to loose ends, you know?

Speaker 4 Short ends.

Speaker 6 I want to know, because I like that topic about you being an actor not just like a personality because it's true and you went to Harvard but you did you only went for one year did you go for four years or what I went for five years

Speaker 4 but I got I got yeah I got credit for three of them

Speaker 4 you know what would happen was I'd get to like wherever I was in a semester if I got a job I'd I'd take the acting job and then you know and then go away and then come back and take a leave of absence and go away and come back and There was one semester, I mean, I was three weeks away and they I said, can I just finish?

Speaker 4 I'm just about done. I just have to take my finals.
And they said, you can do it if you take your finals at the exact moment they're offered in Cambridge.

Speaker 4 And I'm like, well, I can't shut a movie down for three hours, four different times. Like, I'm number nine on the call sheet.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly.

Speaker 4 Back then, yeah, I wasn't. I was just like, all right, I lose this.

Speaker 3 Was it hard?

Speaker 1 This is the school.

Speaker 3 No, but I just, from

Speaker 1 what I've been told, was Harvard hard? Well,

Speaker 3 this is why I asked, because I have heard that people say you'd be surprised, college in general is not as difficult as a high-level high school program.

Speaker 3 Like if you take AAP classes or whatever, I don't have a high school diploma.

Speaker 1 Just bear with me.

Speaker 3 That they're like the general ed in college is not as difficult as it can be in high school because it's voluntary school and they're not really grinding you. You're trying to

Speaker 1 voluntary school. No, no, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's so fun watching his brain work and how when he,

Speaker 1 how he thinks about stuff, it's amazing. Was it difficult?

Speaker 4 I mean, it just, it depends. For me, it was always, if I liked the class, it wasn't difficult.
Because it's kind of like, you know, if you, if you have the job you love, you never really are working.

Speaker 4 People go, well, you work such long hours. And you go, no, I mean, I'm.

Speaker 3 But aren't those first two years you have to take general ed? You have to take the

Speaker 3 second two years where you get to say, well, now I want to be

Speaker 3 this person.

Speaker 4 They had core requirements, right? So you had to, no matter what you were studying, they wanted to make sure you took a lot of different classes across.

Speaker 1 We could all be on the syllabus. So you guys, you'll be able to see for yourself.

Speaker 4 I mean, obviously it was hard. I didn't finish.

Speaker 1 Did not finish?

Speaker 3 Did not graduate?

Speaker 4 You didn't graduate. No, no, no.

Speaker 4 If I were to ever, I'm still on a leave of absence, guys, okay?

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 don't, this ain't over yet, okay? Don't count count me out.

Speaker 4 I would be a senior if I went back.

Speaker 1 You're so close. You want to go back? No.
I'll go with you.

Speaker 4 All right. Maybe we can go back and like do this and kind of like teach or something, and then they just give us diplomas.

Speaker 3 Yeah, we get a degree in hosting.

Speaker 4 I got a, you know, have you ever done a commencement speech? I did the commencement speech at MIT. Yeah, they don't ask me for that.

Speaker 1 Years ago.

Speaker 4 And they're supposed to give you, you know, Ben, I know he did one at Brown and Ben got a diploma from Brown. Tracy, that's Ben Affleck.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 4 the great thing about that was that John Krasinski went to Brown and is very proud of that and studied and worked really hard for four years and got a diploma.

Speaker 4 And Ben called him and said, I was in Rhode Island for 45 minutes and I got it.

Speaker 4 I love that.

Speaker 4 And when I gave the commencement thing at MIT, they don't give you even

Speaker 4 an honorary diploma. They're like, it's it's MIT.

Speaker 4 You don't get one.

Speaker 1 So you don't even battle it. I'm like, that's cool.

Speaker 4 No school in this city gives me a diploma, so it's fine.

Speaker 3 Hang on.

Speaker 3 Bear with me for one more second. If you give a commencement speech, you get a diploma from that unit.

Speaker 4 An honorary doctorate.

Speaker 1 Doctorate. I got one of those, too.

Speaker 3 Do you have to have a high school diploma before you get to that?

Speaker 1 By the way, asking for a friend. Asking for a friend.
I'm just asking for a friend.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 No, no, no.

Speaker 4 If you've got something they want to hear so badly that you're considered an expert

Speaker 4 and you get an honorary

Speaker 6 what you mentioned Ben,

Speaker 6 I don't think I know this answer. When did you meet Ben Affleck?

Speaker 1 When and how?

Speaker 1 I was

Speaker 1 associate you too.

Speaker 4 I was 10 and he was eight.

Speaker 4 Oh, really?

Speaker 4 And we lived two blocks from each other.

Speaker 4 I didn't know that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 We grew up together. And that's why it's so weird because we didn't have anybody in our families in show business.
We didn't have any... Boston isn't a show business town, you know.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 4 Not really, you know.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 4 we just had this weird obsession. And we were probably grew up 200 yards away from each other and met each other and just like out on the street, like playing.

Speaker 7 Yeah, we used to play Little League together.

Speaker 4 We used to play, you know, he was a little younger than me, but when he got to high school, I was a junior and he was a freshman. And that's when we really started hanging.

Speaker 4 And then we, you know, we got agents. He had an agent.
He had been on an after-school special. He had been on a, he was like the big star of our school.

Speaker 1 Was he like a big shot when he had the after-school school special?

Speaker 4 When he arrived at the high school, it was like, and I had to set him straight because I was the lord of that theater department.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 4 I, and he likes to tell this story. Apparently, I went up to him like first day and like pulled him up and was like, hey,

Speaker 4 you know, it's different here in the theater.

Speaker 1 That was great douche right away.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you're not going to get by in your looks.

Speaker 1 That's hilarious.

Speaker 4 We were both like 5'2.

Speaker 6 What were some of the theater things? Like, do you still love theater? Do you want to do theater?

Speaker 1 Do you do theater?

Speaker 4 I actually, yeah, I did a ton of theater in high school and college.

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 4 we had an extraordinary, amazing, amazing, amazing teacher.

Speaker 4 And it was, I mean, a lot of just from that school, me and Ben and Casey, his brother, and I mean, there's just a ton of people who came out of that

Speaker 4 program. Sean Hayter, who's just got nominated for an Oscar for CODA, she's the director of CODA.

Speaker 4 She went through that program. Like, there are a lot of really,

Speaker 4 because we just had this unbelievable teacher.

Speaker 4 But I was going to say, because when I went to see you. Don't leave it.

Speaker 6 Don't keep it there.

Speaker 3 Keep talking.

Speaker 4 When I went to see you on Broadway, and

Speaker 4 I had done a play in London 20 years ago

Speaker 4 with KCF, like actually,

Speaker 4 and I went to,

Speaker 4 you know, 10 years later or whatever, which is probably 10 years ago. When was it? Yeah, 2010.
2010, 10 years. He was just promises, promises.
He was promises, promises.

Speaker 4 And so.

Speaker 1 We for applause, Pat.

Speaker 4 It was, and obviously he was amazing. It was no, it was, it was awesome.
And we we see it and we were totally into it. It was deep into the run, though.

Speaker 1 And we went backstage, and I've never seen a more,

Speaker 4 it made me never want to do theater again. I looked at you and you were just were like, I'm, you were, you were, I was like, hey, what's going on?

Speaker 6 Hi.

Speaker 4 Scotty just had his hand around. He was just holding you up.

Speaker 7 You were like, eight shows a week.

Speaker 6 Who would do this?

Speaker 1 You were so tired. It was awful.
And you still had like a month and a half to go.

Speaker 6 Yeah, it was at the finish line. But you were so nice to come, A, and B, to see the show.
And B, you wore those,

Speaker 6 I sent you a long time ago as a birthday gift, shirts, t-shirts with my picture on it.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's right.

Speaker 8 And you wore it to the show.

Speaker 1 That's right. Oh, my God.
That's right. And I forgot that.
I totally forgot about that.

Speaker 1 I had that shirt in your hand. You had a sleep in it.

Speaker 4 Because I did, because you know those shirts that you wash so many times? They're like, they're better.

Speaker 4 So that was my Sean Hayes shirt. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Didn't it say something?

Speaker 4 What did you rate? There was some great thing. It was really funny.

Speaker 4 I can't believe I can't remember this. I probably

Speaker 1 wore it 600 times.

Speaker 6 No, no, you were so sweet. And I, too, get better

Speaker 1 the more you wash me, I guess.

Speaker 3 Would you, what about,

Speaker 3 have you ever done musicals?

Speaker 1 No, you haven't. Yes.
Yes.

Speaker 4 Really? Of course.

Speaker 4 Hang on.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Sing in dance.
I was in school.

Speaker 4 Pippin? I was Pippin.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 fuck yeah. What?

Speaker 5 Yeah. I totally.

Speaker 1 Everybody has a season.

Speaker 4 Everybody has its time.

Speaker 1 Show me a reason and I'll show you a rhyme.

Speaker 4 Oh my god.

Speaker 4 I literally, I sing that to my daughter to drive.

Speaker 4 I do,

Speaker 4 with the choreography we did, it was like,

Speaker 1 here we go. It was literally like, it was just that.
It was just that. It was like, rivers belong where they can ramble.

Speaker 1 Eagles walk with them.

Speaker 1 That was literally the choreography.

Speaker 3 See, that's my kryptonite. I can't sing in the shower even.

Speaker 1 I would kill you. I can't sing either.

Speaker 1 That sounds really good. That sounded really good.
Jason just admitted today that he hasn't danced since when? What happened? I haven't.

Speaker 3 Yeah,

Speaker 3 I had a fourth grade dance,

Speaker 3 and

Speaker 3 I made my sister teach me a dance step all night to like midnight. And

Speaker 3 it was just, it was this one.

Speaker 4 And I just,

Speaker 3 so I got to the dance with my girlfriend, Amy Keating, and I did that for about four or five songs and then she stopped in the middle of the sixth song and said, is that the only step you know? And

Speaker 3 she left the dance floor and I've never danced since. Now,

Speaker 3 the follow-up to that is

Speaker 3 I ran into a friend of mine who 10 years later, 15 years later,

Speaker 3 we were in the class together with Amy. And

Speaker 3 we were talking about her, and he said, you know, I heard she got a brain tumor. And I said, oh, my God, is she okay?

Speaker 3 He says I don't know but I hear she may have not made it and I was like oh god no no no cut to

Speaker 3 I get an email from Amy Keating about five years later saying hey I just wanted to reach out I hear you think I'm dead

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 she said, so I've made a documentary that says Jason Bateman thinks I'm dead. No way.

Speaker 3 And I'd like to interview you for the end of the documentary.

Speaker 3 Would you come meet me at the auditorium where I left the stage at our elementary school

Speaker 3 so I can interview you? And I was like, yeah. And I sat down for an interview, and

Speaker 3 I think it's on YouTube, this documentary. What? Oh, my God.
Jason Baby Thinks I'm Dead by A.B.

Speaker 1 True story. How have we never heard about this?

Speaker 3 I've not told that story? No.

Speaker 1 The fuck are you talking about?

Speaker 3 I've got many stories.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 3 Ready?

Speaker 1 Here we go. Oh, God.

Speaker 7 I want to start at the beginning.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 6 I want to.

Speaker 6 I know you probably hit. First of all, I have to state the obvious, which is you're one of the biggest fucking stars on the planet, right?

Speaker 6 It's true. And I know that's not important to you.

Speaker 6 And I know the art and the craft of it is more important than any of that, but it's just so cool. It's just so cool, right? And we're all such fans.
And I love you, and I've been such a fan as well.

Speaker 6 And

Speaker 7 I mean, how hard did we laugh?

Speaker 6 He did this episode of Will and Grace where

Speaker 6 he played this guy.

Speaker 4 That was the funniest.

Speaker 6 I mean, by the way, I have a quick story. You don't know this story.

Speaker 6 He played this guy who was actually pretended to be gay so we could sing in the gay man's chorus.

Speaker 4 Because they were going to Europe and he wanted the free trip to Europe.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 It was such a, it was so stupid.

Speaker 1 It was so funny, though. Did you sing on the show?

Speaker 4 Yeah, he did.

Speaker 4 In the chorus, we all sang. But the whole idea was that Sean,

Speaker 4 he figures it out.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I'm like, you're straight.

Speaker 4 And so he tries to in me.

Speaker 1 Right. Instead of out of that.

Speaker 4 But the show was like 10 years deep. And I had never done a sitcom, and I couldn't believe, like.

Speaker 1 So fun.

Speaker 4 Because they were so locked in, and the writers were so locked in.

Speaker 1 Amazing.

Speaker 4 Like that table, you'd sit around, the first draft comes in, we read it, it's hysterical.

Speaker 4 And then like, there's like 10 10 of you and you guys just start going and you make it better and better and better and like it was just so fun.

Speaker 4 And I couldn't believe how by that point, because you'd put all the work in for 10 years, how little you guys worked.

Speaker 1 I was like, holy shit. It's amazing.
It was criminal.

Speaker 6 Well, James Burrows, who's one of the greatest directors of all time, he directed every episode of Cheers, every episode of Will and Grace.

Speaker 6 He directed Friends, Taxi, Taxi, Big Bang Theory, Two and a Half Men, all these things. But anyway, he's what got me like this, right? So now, and I got spoiled at such a young age.

Speaker 6 So now now when I'm on a set, I'm like, what's taking so long, you know? But you're so sweet because I remember you don't know this, I think, or maybe you do.

Speaker 6 But during that episode, you were so kind and worried, like you didn't, nobody was attending to your hair or something, and you had a baseball hat on all day.

Speaker 6 So you took it off, and I think you were afraid to like ask for help. So in the episode, you can see the line of where his hat is.

Speaker 4 By the way, there it is today.

Speaker 1 I have the same line.

Speaker 4 If I'm left to my own devices, I'm just completely restless.

Speaker 1 I'm fine.

Speaker 3 To build on that real quick,

Speaker 3 the kindness that you have is so authentic and sincere and organic, and we are in such a permissive business for bad behavior.

Speaker 3 And then if you're super famous, they let you get away with even worse stuff. What is it that keeps you from behaving badly

Speaker 3 beyond just your own natural instinct? Was your mom or your dad real good at like saying, things are starting to really take off for you, son?

Speaker 1 Keep your shit together or did you have like a Ben that would like beat the crap out of you like you did with him and and Matt let me just say before you answer that Jason wants to know why aren't you giving into your desire to be shitty to people because he finds it really hard to bury it

Speaker 1 how do you bury it right is it similar to how he buries it go ahead

Speaker 1 yeah I man I don't know I

Speaker 4 never had an impulse to do that, and I don't know why. I think I just was lucky.

Speaker 4 I think I had a great, great parents, a great big brother and great foundation and I honestly you guys all know lost it at some point I think the experience of getting famous is weird yeah right and and that I always reflected back on that after I kind of got through that first two years like whoa that was crazy

Speaker 3 you're working with people and you're seeing people that are more famous than you coming up the way they're acting which for the most part is not great and how did you think like you know well I guess I got to be a diphead I've been really really lucky I haven't I have not witnessed a lot of bad behavior.

Speaker 1 In fact, I started out, I was working with,

Speaker 4 I had like Denzel and Robin Williams and Tom Hanks, and these people who were like,

Speaker 4 so,

Speaker 4 and nobody was bigger than them, right? And they were so classy and professional and kind and good.

Speaker 3 Important first examples.

Speaker 4 Yeah, yeah. I mean, it just really set the tone.

Speaker 6 I always say: if you can't find the asshole on the set, it's probably you.

Speaker 1 You're the asshole.

Speaker 4 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 6 So.

Speaker 1 Wait, you mentioned your big brother. How many siblings do you have? Just one.
Just one. How much older is he than?

Speaker 4 Three years older. Are you guys still really tight?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Yeah.
What sort of, without getting specific, what line of work is he in?

Speaker 4 He's an artist.

Speaker 1 No way. Yeah.
Well, like a painter?

Speaker 4 Painter and a sculptor. Wow.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 Can I buy some of his stuff?

Speaker 4 You certainly could. Yes.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? I would love to see it. We'll talk afterwards.
Okay, great. How funny, and I don't know this either.
So, were your parents in the arts or no?

Speaker 4 No, no. My mom's a professor of early childhood education.

Speaker 1 Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 4 my dad was,

Speaker 4 when I was a kid, he was a stockbroker. He taught school.
He did all kinds of jobs until he finally built a company and

Speaker 4 became really successful and retired early.

Speaker 4 But it was interesting because my mom did what she loved and didn't get paid anything. And my dad only did what he did just to make sure that we were provided for and he never enjoyed his work.

Speaker 1 And so it was a great lesson, I think, for my brother and me to go like, you know because both of them were saying from two different sides of the of the coin like follow what you love to do and is it yeah that's awesome and so it's probably great to have a brother who's an artist even though he's not an actor or a director or writer or whatever but because he's an artist he can you guys can talk a similar language and relate as creative people.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I love, I mean, I really trust his judgment and his opinions.

Speaker 4 And I mean, you guys know, like, when you're working, I mean, it's like you have a little core group of people that you show your stuff to, and you're like, am I crazy? Or is this working?

Speaker 4 Or am I crazy?

Speaker 3 Is Lucy straight with you? Will she tell you when you suck?

Speaker 1 Yes. Lucy.

Speaker 4 And she's been actually, for me, really the best bellwether.

Speaker 1 Tracy, Lucy is, tell Tracy who Lucy is.

Speaker 4 Tracy, Lucy's my wife.

Speaker 4 By the way, speaking of Tracy, like, I didn't know, I was standing next to Tracy in the wings trying to hide. I didn't know it was Tracy.

Speaker 4 And then I'm sitting there, and I'm like, what'd they say?

Speaker 4 Because there's 10 people back there and I figured they're all working on the show.

Speaker 4 And suddenly you announce it. She goes blasting out.
I'm like, oh shit, that was Tracy.

Speaker 3 Well, I was totally starstruck, but I bet her.

Speaker 1 Yeah. No.

Speaker 6 That's the thing. Okay, so wait, I want to talk about, you know, I know you're so sick of talking about.

Speaker 1 You have typed questions.

Speaker 1 You know what?

Speaker 7 Sean made fair, by the way.

Speaker 1 Sean for sure.

Speaker 4 That's harder than you worked on that episode of Willing.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 without a doubt.

Speaker 6 It's so true.

Speaker 6 And I made so much money.

Speaker 1 Sean,

Speaker 1 Sean is so organized. One of the things that we're finding on this tour.

Speaker 4 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 And Sean is, it's insane.

Speaker 1 So the other night we got back, we were in New York, and we got back after the show, and we all had dinner like in our room, and it's us and a bunch of people and our friends.

Speaker 1 And so everybody's got food. They're like eight or ten of us.
The food arrives. We start eating.
Sean's finished in. I don't know, legitimately 90 seconds, maybe two minutes.

Speaker 1 And everybody else is just starting their food. And he stands up and he starts, he clears his plate, and then he starts clearing all the loose ends.
And then he starts clearing plate.

Speaker 1 Like, and you're like, No, no, no, I'm not done yet. What, right? Stop chewing.
He's just cleaning it. Now, this is a hotel room.

Speaker 1 There are people who are going to come and clean it anyway, but no, he's cleaning it.

Speaker 4 My wife does this exact same thing. It drives me crazy.

Speaker 1 It's bonkers.

Speaker 4 I'm like, why are you bussing the table?

Speaker 1 I'm eating my food.

Speaker 4 He likes order.

Speaker 3 He doesn't like chaos. He likes things done tight

Speaker 3 in the proper way.

Speaker 3 We're being driven here in a tour bus. Yeah.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 he's got Waze open to make sure the driver is on the right route.

Speaker 1 Not a bit. And so we keep going.
Every 30 seconds, we go, how much longer, Sean? And he's like, three minutes.

Speaker 1 And he's got,

Speaker 6 I'm starting a new app. It's not called Waze.
It's called Gaze.

Speaker 1 It's much faster.

Speaker 1 It's much faster. Yeah, it's much faster.

Speaker 3 With a more handsome font.

Speaker 1 We'll be right back.

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Speaker 6 All right, so now I know you're sick of talking about Goodwill Hunting and just just bear with me here because

Speaker 6 I, you know, because I have every single one of your movies, like I have, it's crazy. But

Speaker 6 talk about, you know, what I love about this story, about how it happened is because so many people ask, how do I start? Where do I, like, what did you do? How did you get your start?

Speaker 6 And you just fucking did it. Like, you just, you're like, well, I want to work, I want to work, so maybe I should just write my own thing, right?

Speaker 4 Yeah, but and then won an Oscar for that script.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I mean, it worked out. I mean, it worked out.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
The only reason I'd love for you to just talk, exactly.

Speaker 6 For you to tell it is because there are

Speaker 1 so many people who want to,

Speaker 6 so many young people starting out that love this story, that need to hear this story.

Speaker 4 I mean, I think we were, A, desperate. We were unemployed, struggling actors, and it just became clear that we were going to have to wait forever until we got a shot.

Speaker 4 And I remember, it was that movie, Primal Fear. I don't know if you.
Audition for it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I swear to God, audition for it.
Right, go ahead.

Speaker 3 Ed Norton and Richard Gere.

Speaker 4 Yeah, Edward, you know, brilliant actor, you know, my age. Edward got the part

Speaker 4 and was great. I think he got nominated for an Oscar for the movie.
So that script came along, and Ben and I looked at it, and we were like, that's the best role.

Speaker 4 I'm like, why isn't a movie star taking this role? This is an unbelievable role. Like, why isn't, like, at the time, it was like Ethan Hawk or Robert Sean Letter, all the guys from Dead Poets.

Speaker 4 I'm like, why aren't those guys jumping all over this? This thing is amazing. And I bought, I paid for a dialect coach because remember, he switches these two for

Speaker 6 him to take it to get a dialect coach.

Speaker 4 But this was like with money I didn't have because I was like, this is it. You know what I mean? To prepare for the audition.
To prepare for the audition. And.

Speaker 3 Because he switches from southern to normal or normal to to southern.

Speaker 1 Exactly, exactly.

Speaker 4 He's got, it's like a Jekyll and Hyde thing.

Speaker 4 Did you say southern to normal?

Speaker 8 Oh, God.

Speaker 4 Standard, maybe standard. That plays, okay, that plays well in Wisconsin, okay? But

Speaker 1 Wisconsin's not southern? Yeah, what's that? Wisconsin's Southern.

Speaker 4 I said it plays well because you just called them normal.

Speaker 1 No, no, they're

Speaker 1 they're they're

Speaker 1 they're all really nervous for you right now.

Speaker 3 I think I got canceled in minute five, and I just poured cement over it.

Speaker 1 Everybody's nervous at every moment. That's the best.

Speaker 1 You guys,

Speaker 4 I'm terrified for you, buddy.

Speaker 1 I've got to be honest.

Speaker 3 But he does.

Speaker 3 Does he go into Southern City?

Speaker 4 The country just got cut in half.

Speaker 1 You can't.

Speaker 3 You can only go to half the country now.

Speaker 1 Where do you guys shoot Ozark?

Speaker 3 Southern

Speaker 1 Atlanta.

Speaker 1 So he has a southern accent.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 6 So you had a switch between Ozark and normal.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So.

Speaker 1 So, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, God bless you.

Speaker 4 But the idea was that there are two distinctive voices that come from this guy.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 7 Both perfectly good voices.

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 4 Two excellent distinctive voices because

Speaker 4 he's playing at having a mental health problem.

Speaker 4 He's saying he's schizophrenic and then there's a, it's a whole thing, but but it's a but it's an actor's dream because he's it's a really showcasing part for whoever got it. And Edward won the part.

Speaker 4 But Ben and I realized then we were like, if it, you know, what are the odds of another movie coming down where, you know, and then and then it's like it gets kicked down and there's 10,000 of us like rabid hyenas

Speaker 4 going for it. And like, what are the chances? A, another one's going to come in the next five years.
And B, that even if it does, we'll be the ones to get it. We'll get called back.

Speaker 1 We'll get close.

Speaker 4 Remember, well, you don't remember audition.

Speaker 7 Yes, I do. You were a star for the whole.

Speaker 4 You were a fucking star when you were like eight. Oh, exactly.

Speaker 1 And I was watching you like, that guy, I could do that. I could do that.

Speaker 4 But yeah.

Speaker 4 So that kind of started us thinking about writing, about going like, well, let's write our own part.

Speaker 6 You want something done, you got to do it yourself?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Because you were dying to be an actor, not a writer.

Speaker 1 Right, right.

Speaker 4 We were writing just literally to give our action.

Speaker 1 Can you win an Oscar for writing? That's amazing. I know.
It's weird.

Speaker 4 I've never gotten any award of any kind for acting.

Speaker 1 Now,

Speaker 1 what about...

Speaker 1 Wait, actually, it's true.

Speaker 4 I got the Empire Magazine gave me an award in like 2007.

Speaker 4 And I went and picked up the award.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 And I was like, guys, like in high school, we had the Massachusetts High School Drama Festival and they would give awards. I was in every one of those plays.
Killing it never got an award.

Speaker 4 I was like, oh, man.

Speaker 3 Is it true that you have not received an award for acting? Yeah. Are you kidding me? You've been nominated a shit ton of times, I'll bet, yeah?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Good lord.

Speaker 1 Let me know. I got a golden gold award.
I got golden gold. You got a globe? You got a golden gold.
Well, that's something. Yeah, that's something.
Come on.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 6 for the Martian, right?

Speaker 4 For the Martian.

Speaker 4 And they gave it to me.

Speaker 1 But by the way,

Speaker 7 Thank you.

Speaker 4 They gave it to me in the category of musical or comedy.

Speaker 1 No way. No way.
100%. By the way,

Speaker 6 it's one of my favorite movies of all time.

Speaker 1 It's great. I love it.
It's so good. It's so good.

Speaker 1 Wait, are you still on Goodwill Huntington?

Speaker 1 I want to talk to Matt about a couple movies.

Speaker 6 Can I do this one thing and then I'll hand it off to you?

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 6 Tell me your name again.

Speaker 1 So listen.

Speaker 6 So George Quino was on a podcast.

Speaker 1 Okay?

Speaker 6 And he just was describing this amazing moment when you took Ocean's 12 to the Cannes Film Festival.

Speaker 1 Do you know the story? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 6 And so you guys rode on this yacht for the press, and Brad Pitt says he wants to climb to the top and take his shirt off and jump off the top.

Speaker 6 And George was like, oh my god, Brad Pitt takes his shirt off and it's like something Michelangelo carved. His body was just perfect.

Speaker 6 And then he says he looks over at Matt, and Matt goes, and you take off your shirt, and it's something like the Pillsbury Doughboy car.

Speaker 1 Right? Wow.

Speaker 7 Well, you're probably bulking up for a part.

Speaker 1 Clearly, clearly I was

Speaker 1 my question.

Speaker 3 We've all seen Ripley. We've all seen, you know how to get it down.

Speaker 4 I can get it down if I have to.

Speaker 1 But, I mean, that's shots fired by Clooney.

Speaker 1 Listen.

Speaker 4 Clooney was so scared of getting his picture taken next to Brad with his shirt off that he didn't even jump off the boat.

Speaker 4 And he told me later, he's like, I knew you were going to get hit by the, because the paparazzi took pictures. And it's like, you know, it's

Speaker 4 Brad and the whale

Speaker 1 jumping off.

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 4 we were in the middle of the Mediterranean. Out of this boat, I couldn't see it.
Those lenses are so ridiculous. And I don't even know how they knew we were on that boat.

Speaker 4 But George somehow knew. He's got like a spider sense or something.
And he was just like, nah.

Speaker 4 I wasn't going to risk it.

Speaker 1 But so you do, and you do know how to get it down and get it in shape because the fucking born movies. Yeah,

Speaker 6 that's crazy.

Speaker 1 I think the first time I met you was years ago, it was at Krasynski's house, and I came in the door. And I don't know if you remember this.
I came in the door and you picked me up.

Speaker 1 You grabbed me around the waist and picked me up. You'd had a few.

Speaker 1 But then.

Speaker 1 At Johns. At Johns.

Speaker 1 Yeah, at Johns.

Speaker 1 JK, you guys.

Speaker 1 That's John Krasinski.

Speaker 1 So.

Speaker 1 Bravo. And I think I geeked out on you at that time.
The Born movies to me, I have seen all,

Speaker 1 well, the four that you've done,

Speaker 1 I can't even count how many times. Born Ultimatum is the second one.

Speaker 4 The third one.

Speaker 1 Third one. Born Supremacy.

Speaker 4 Supremacy.

Speaker 1 Born Supremacy to me is one of the most perfect films. It's got everything.
It's got drama. It's got action.
You're so fucking good. And people say, well, you know, you're doing an action movie.

Speaker 1 Doing what you do, you have its intensity from the moment you start. It's just like super intense and you're in it.
And you're just like kicking dudes' asses and strangling them and shit.

Speaker 3 All the while acting like, I'm not sure how I know how to do this.

Speaker 1 You're a weapon and you don't even know it. Right.
What? Yeah, exactly. What was that experience like? Because that to me is it.

Speaker 6 And would you ever go through that training process again?

Speaker 4 yeah though on the last one i remember i was 45 on the last one and and uh it hurt yeah people would go like come my age would come and go hey man how did you get and i go not worth it right

Speaker 3 yeah what about what what liam neeson is doing every single film he's doing is more intense than the next and he's not 45.

Speaker 4 No, no, he's great. I mean, I don't know.
I mean, some people are.

Speaker 1 But it's for him great. Even when you were younger, even when you're in your 30s and you're doing supremacy and you're doing all this crazy shit, and Supremacy was directed by Paul Greengrass.

Speaker 1 Paul Greengrass is an incredible director.

Speaker 4 That's why they all work. I mean it's always the director.

Speaker 1 What was that? Yeah, but but

Speaker 1 you're giving him a lot of credit, but you deserve so much. What was that process like for you? Were you beat up every day?

Speaker 4 No, I mean they make it, you know, look,

Speaker 4 they're the Tom Cruises of the world who do their stunts, like literally hang off a plane and do that.

Speaker 4 You know, I remember I had dinner with him once and I and it was after he did the one where he ran around the building. Oh, yeah,

Speaker 4 yeah. Yeah,

Speaker 1 in Dubai. Dubai.
Dubai.

Speaker 4 And he's 1,500 feet up on a cable running around the building. Yeah, that's crazy.

Speaker 4 And I go, can you tell me how that happened? And he goes, yeah. And he's a really intense guy.
He's like, yeah, I'll tell you how it happened.

Speaker 1 He's like, so I go, all right, all right.

Speaker 4 And I'm in. I'm like, okay.
And he goes, so I go to this, he goes, I've been thinking about this shot for 15 years.

Speaker 1 And I go, wow, really? And he goes, yeah.

Speaker 4 He goes, I knew it.

Speaker 4 He goes, he goes, so I go to the safety guy. I go, here's what I'm going to do.
And I lay it all out. Safety guy goes, you can't do that.

Speaker 4 It's too dangerous. You can't do that.
So I get a new safety guy.

Speaker 4 That's the beginning, the beginning of his story. And I just go, stop.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 4 that's where we're different.

Speaker 4 When the safety guy says no, I'm like, oh, safety guy says it's not a good idea.

Speaker 6 Do you have any long-lasting injuries from all of that?

Speaker 1 No, no, no. Are you serious?

Speaker 4 No, no. It's all, I mean, a little

Speaker 4 nicks and cuts and stuff from those fight scenes, but nothing, you know, they're pulling their punches. In fact, on the first movie, The Born Identity, I fight this guy in an apartment.

Speaker 4 Nikki Node was his name, and Nikki was a... In Paris.
In Paris.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, I know.

Speaker 1 Why are you telling me stuff I know, Matt? Sorry. Sorry.

Speaker 4 Nikki was a professional, had been a professional kickboxer, and he was an actor and a stuntman. And so I went to him before we shot and I said, look, I'm really sorry.

Speaker 4 I am, you know, I've been boxing and doing all this stuff to get ready, but I go,

Speaker 4 I'm going to accidentally hit you. I mean, I just know I am and I'm really sorry in advance.
And for every time I hit you, I'll give you a bottle of champagne.

Speaker 4 And Nikki goes,

Speaker 4 this is good.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 4 So by the end of the day, I owed the dude a case of champagne.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 4 he had been used to fighting professionally. So he was like, it did not hurt at all.

Speaker 1 It was fine. You know what I mean? He was like, he was so...
so thirsty. He was leaning into it.
He was like, great.

Speaker 4 He was like, anytime you want to do a fight scene, I'm in.

Speaker 6 I want to know, you know, another favorite movie that I love, that you're in, is The Departed.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 4 which I love. Yes.

Speaker 3 It's crazy how many movies you've been in at your age and none of them suck.

Speaker 1 Like it's some of them suck. No, no, no, no.
No, no. No, no,

Speaker 3 it's got to be bad to suck. Some of them were not as great as the others because the others are like 11s.
But the amount of work you've done and the quality that you've maintained is just stunning.

Speaker 1 You really deserve to really appreciate it. Thank you.
It's true. Thank you.

Speaker 6 I want to ask.

Speaker 6 I want to ask about the departed because I did a movie with Jack Nicholson as well called The Bucket List.

Speaker 7 Sure.

Speaker 1 Sure.

Speaker 6 And the first, not as much applause.

Speaker 6 But

Speaker 6 the first day of The bucket list, we were in this like Bentley or something, and they took the windshield out to put the camera in.

Speaker 6 And I didn't know it was the first day, and Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson are sitting in the back, and I'm sitting in the passenger seat in the front. And

Speaker 6 in your mind, you know, you're like, Should I break the ice with a joke? Should I not? I don't know these guys yet. I'm not, you know, it's only the first day of shooting.

Speaker 7 So, Idiot goes,

Speaker 6 All right, I'm gonna go for it.

Speaker 6 Maybe someday when you make it big, you can sit in the front.

Speaker 1 Silence.

Speaker 4 Silence.

Speaker 1 Nothing. Crickets.

Speaker 6 Nothing. Crickets.
They're literally looking at their lines and they just go.

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 1 That's it. And then

Speaker 6 the last one was, now we're like a month or two in the thing, and I'm like, well, now they're my pals, right? And so I'm sitting in a little video village.

Speaker 6 Tracy, Video Village is a thing where you can watch playback and it's like off of the sound.

Speaker 1 How fun is it that he can look at Tracy while he does it?

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 6 I'm sitting there and I saw and I thought, oh gosh, now would be the perfect time to play a game, right? Because we're waiting while they're lighting the scene.

Speaker 6 It's going to take like a half hour or whatever. So I say to Morgan and Jack and Rob Reiner, who's directing it, and some crew guys who are sitting around, I go, hey guys, I got a great idea.

Speaker 6 Let's play a game. Let's go around the room and name the movie you're embarrassed to say you've never seen.
Embarrassed to say you've never seen. I go, I'll go first.
I've never seen the godfather.

Speaker 6 That was the end of the game.

Speaker 6 That was the end of the game.

Speaker 1 Because next half hour, everyone's like, hey, this guy's never going to go, you've never seen the fucking, what?

Speaker 6 And I'm like, is somebody else going to go?

Speaker 1 Like, nobody else is.

Speaker 3 So, uh, I know where you're going with this. Departed, but Departed is, yes, is certainly one of those movies that you don't really,

Speaker 3 you're not allowed to say you're a fan of movies if you've not seen that movie, in my opinion.

Speaker 1 That's such a great movie. That's such a good movie.
God. Yeah.

Speaker 6 What was that experience like? How did you come about that part?

Speaker 4 We were making Oceans 12.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this is true.

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 4 Brad Pitt is a pretty prolific producer. And I don't know if you guys know, but he produced that movie.
And he... He did not move.
Yeah, he just came up to... It's the weirdest thing.

Speaker 4 Because every actor's dream is to work with Marty Scorsese, right?

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 4 we were sitting there. Crazy, that's the guy who directed the movie.

Speaker 4 Among others.

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 4 we were literally, this is the worst. This is like, how many names am I going to drop that I have to pick up?

Speaker 1 You're allowed.

Speaker 4 We were at George Clooney's house

Speaker 4 in Italy. We figured you knew him.

Speaker 4 And Lucy and I, it was before we were married, so this is 2004, I think.

Speaker 4 Because we got married in 2005,

Speaker 1 and we were sitting there at the pool, and Brad Pitt walked over.

Speaker 3 Sounds like a very nice weekend, Matt.

Speaker 4 Look, we were working, okay?

Speaker 4 It was hard.

Speaker 1 It was really hard.

Speaker 4 And Brad kind of put his towel down and sat down on the chair next to us and goes,

Speaker 4 Hey, Maddie,

Speaker 4 you want to do a movie with Martin Scorsese?

Speaker 1 No way.

Speaker 4 I swear to God, that's what he said. And I was like, Yeah.

Speaker 4 And he was like, no, I'm actually serious. Wow.
I'm like, what are you actually talking about?

Speaker 3 Drop the script on your towel right then?

Speaker 1 Yeah. And he goes, and then the script went, woo!

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Page one.

Speaker 1 Did you?

Speaker 3 Did you at any point say, well, hang on a second, Brad, why aren't you playing this part?

Speaker 4 He felt like he had aged out of it. Really? Because the guy goes through the police academy and

Speaker 4 he's just unbelievably generous.

Speaker 1 And he goes, no, I think it'd be better if you did it.

Speaker 4 Because Leo's going to play this one role.

Speaker 1 How old is Brad Pitt?

Speaker 4 Brad is, I don't know. I think I'm 51.
And I think Brad Pitt.

Speaker 1 I think he's like 56 or something. 57.

Speaker 7 58?

Speaker 1 Yeah, something like that. He looks incredible, first of all.

Speaker 4 Guys, he looks awful.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he looks terrible.

Speaker 1 I love me some Brad Pitt. I saw, I know, I really do.
I think he's such a nice guy.

Speaker 4 He's so cool. He's such a nice guy.

Speaker 1 And he's so handsome. And I know.

Speaker 4 It's hard to not look at him.

Speaker 1 It's so hard not to look at him.

Speaker 1 So we were like right before the pandemic,

Speaker 1 we were in Los Angeles. We were at Bonnie Verick concert.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 so, and I know those,

Speaker 1 I like Wisconsin. So I know those guys,

Speaker 1 Justin Vernon. Sean Carrey and all those guys.
And so

Speaker 1 anyway, we were hanging out before the show and just chit-chatting. And

Speaker 1 And then Brad came in to sit down. And

Speaker 1 he sits down and I go, we're talking for a second. I said, you know, Brad, I was thinking, you know what movie has aged really well? And he said, what? I said, Benjamin Button.

Speaker 1 That's a great laugh. It's a great joke, right?

Speaker 1 It's a great joke. And he paused for a second, and then he started laughing.
He's like, And I was like, I'm not ripping on the movie. It's a perfectly constructed joke.

Speaker 7 And he was great about it.

Speaker 1 That movie is so good.

Speaker 4 Yeah, he's somebody who, it was, because we started working together 20 years ago on oceans, and it was just mystifying, like, how, because he was been the most famous guy, you know, and even Jerry Weintraub, our producer, said, you know, I was with Elvis.

Speaker 4 Every generation has one guy, Brad's the guy. You know, and

Speaker 4 it's true, just the effect that he has on people. But I've never seen

Speaker 4 an effect like that, but with so, like, he doesn't do anything to court it. He doesn't do anything to he's the most regular guys from Missouri.

Speaker 1 He just couldn't be

Speaker 4 He couldn't be more normal, Jason.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 4 he's really normal.

Speaker 1 Really normal. He fights, he pushes down the instinct to be shitty to people.
He actually said,

Speaker 1 He got, he elicited from me at that same thing after the show. He said, Hey, man, I just want to say, we've done this little show on Netflix called Flaked.
And he goes, Hey, man,

Speaker 1 I don't know. It's a little indie, but he goes, Man, I just want to say, I just loved your show so much.
Man, I watched the whole thing. I was so shocked, and I was like, Really?

Speaker 1 He goes, Oh, I just loved it. And he gave me a big hug, and I said, Thanks, man.
And then we go to the door to go out. I said, Well, I'll see you guys later.
I walk outside, and I slid down the wall.

Speaker 1 I went, Oh my god,

Speaker 1 yeah, who do you think he thought in front of my girlfriend? She's like, This is great. This is

Speaker 3 who do you think he thought you were?

Speaker 3 Are you mistaken for

Speaker 6 that?

Speaker 1 I want to introduce everybody to the real Jason.

Speaker 1 He's finally showed up.

Speaker 6 Well, speaking of normal, Matthew Damon, you're one of the most normal people I've ever known.

Speaker 1 Thank you for being here that night. Oh, my God.

Speaker 6 That's all we have time for.

Speaker 4 That was fast.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 Matthew Damon Damon!

Speaker 5 Thanks.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Putting here, right?

Speaker 5 Thanks, guys.

Speaker 5 Wow. Wow.

Speaker 1 You guys.

Speaker 6 Hey, guys, isn't that amazing? You guys came for us, and that's what's important.

Speaker 6 You guys came for us, and Matt was so nice to be here. Thank you guys so much for coming.

Speaker 1 Go ahead.

Speaker 6 No, you go ahead. I was going to say,

Speaker 6 we said everything, I've said everything there, and I would repeat it a thousand times.

Speaker 1 I love that man.

Speaker 6 He's the kind, like, all talking about kindness and everything. And it is kind of a, by the way, I could have asked him a thousand questions about the Martian because I love the Martian.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 But I just love him, and he's so talented.

Speaker 1 He's so talented and so normal and so kind and generous and always just warm to people. And yeah, he's just one of the things.

Speaker 6 I do think it's interesting, though, you know, when he did the talented Mr. Ripley, which is about a gay...

Speaker 4 What's that? Who, me?

Speaker 1 Here it comes. No, no, this is it.

Speaker 3 And we're not doing a bio?

Speaker 1 No, no, not yet.

Speaker 7 He did.

Speaker 1 Usually this is where Sean starts wrapping up and his brain breaks, trying to work his way to a bye.

Speaker 1 And you can feel it. No,

Speaker 1 I'm doing it right now. You talented Mr.
Ripley.

Speaker 6 I was going to say, in the talented Mr. Ripley, he plays a gay con man, and that's about the time he started hanging out with me.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 3 I was sitting here, I was trying to think of a bite. I was thinking, boy,

Speaker 3 he's so nice. You put your hand in the cage that he's in.
He'd never take a bite out of it.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, no, no, no, no, it's too.

Speaker 5 It's terrible. It's terrible.

Speaker 1 It's too sweaty.

Speaker 3 We are thinking about getting rid of the bot.

Speaker 1 What do you guys think?

Speaker 1 It's so cringy. She's like, yeah, both of them.
Yeah, all of them are still bad. It's so cringy.

Speaker 1 What about if, like, so listen, if you want to pick on anybody after this show, these three said they want us to get rid of it.

Speaker 3 But I'm pitching, but what about if we just change it to some? I'm pitching these guys and we change it to a C,

Speaker 3 right? And then we can find a C.

Speaker 1 But we can't

Speaker 1 put any more buys. Wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 1 He keeps pitching the C ya. Well, like it's Italian.

Speaker 1 I know, but let's vote on it right now.

Speaker 1 So, bye.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 3 or Sia.

Speaker 1 I didn't pitch it for you. Also, you know it's 1-1.

Speaker 1 Bye.

Speaker 1 Thank you guys for

Speaker 1 it.

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