“Matt Damon (and Tracey!) LIVE in Madison”

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Subject to change.

Oh, my God.

All the house lights, please.

Take your time with the house lights.

Oh, wait.

Yeah.

Oh.

Oh, wait.

Take your time with the house lights.

I don't...

I don't...

This isn't...

Can...

Will somebody...

Yeah, give it to me.

How about you just...

You just had a red ball.

I need to be slapped to be woken up.

Okay.

I'm going to slap you...

I'm gonna slap you though as hard as I want you up you I want I'm gonna slap you as hard as I want You just slap me okay just that much okay Harder than that okay wait. I think we're on right now.
Oh, we should yeah Okay, so no, I we got. No, we gotta do the thing.
No flash photography, don't use your fucking cell phone.

Ow!

Ow!

Here we go.

That was a block.

No flash photography, don't use your fucking cell phone.

Don't record.

Have a good time.

Say hi to your neighbor.

And this is SmartLess! Hello, Madison! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Hi, Madison. You nice people.
Very nice. Wow.
All right. Wow.
Crazy. Crazy.
Yeah, look at that. Come on, come on, come on.
He's already in his cup. Oh, he's snapping.
He's just snapping. Drinking one hand and he's going, that's snapping.
He's got a drink going. It's a high level of plural.
He's got a drink going. He doesn't want to snap.
Clap. Get this sweatshirt.
Oh, sit down, sit down, sit down. All right, you guys.
Sit, sit, sit. For sure, sit.
Beautiful, beautiful theater. Wow.
In a beautiful town. We, we, we finally made it to Madison, Wisconsin.
Okay. I got to say a little bit, you know, as you guys know, you're a big part of the podcast.
and and coming here today

kind of feels a little bit like a home game yeah yeah it's right you know it does like a badger game or like a badger game that was cheap that was that was a cheap applause line very cheap sorry about that or like some people are like i don't give a shit about the fucking match. Yeah.
Or like a bowling game. I bowl a lot.
Maybe I bowl. Anyway.
What? We want to say thank you to you guys for wanting to see us. We wanted to see you.
So this is awesome that this worked out. And a shout out to the Edgewater Hotel who housed us for four hours today.
Yeah. It's right on a frozen lake and us soft little L.A.
freaks were like, well, that lake's frozen.

I see people walking.

Should we go walk on it?

So we walked on it.

And we walked on it.

You can walk on a frozen lake.

Yeah.

It's amazing.

It was very cold, right there at the edgewater.

Well, they, look, as a Canadian, I get it.

Okay.

Not to pull rank too much, but.

Did you ever play hockey on a frozen lake?

Sure.

Really?

Yeah, of course.

How many times?

Again, I'm Canadian.

No, but... Did you ever play hockey on a frozen lake? Sure.
Really? Yeah, of course. How many times? Again, I'm Canadian.
No, but I mean, not every Canadian plays hockey or on a frozen lake. Yeah, no, I have done it, but it's a fair question.
And we did get out there. You wanted to go.
We were up at the Edgewater Hotel. I don't know.
And they were super nice. We were there for like two hours.
But we... Jason saw the ice and he saw people walking across.
He's like, we got to get out there. I didn't say it like that.
And Sean was like, what are they doing? And neither of them had ever been out on a frozen lake before, which you guys know is just what you do. Yeah.
Hey, let's sit down. Yeah, let's sit down.
Let's sit down. We're going to continue.
Yeah. So let's switch seats.
Oh, let's switch. Yeah, let's switch.
I'm going to sit. So we have different...
I've been sitting in that seat for a couple of days. Yeah, it's nice to be over here.
I want to see these people, too. All right.
So, um, I, you know, I like to start off, like, with a personal story that happens, you know, on the... Sean's got material.
No, I don't have material. Dig in, everyone.
Someone's prepared. Grab a cocktail.
No. I, you know, on the tour, by the way, we are living together on the tour.
We're living in one suite, like, yeah. Turns out he's messy.
Yeah. Not true.
He's not. You don't sleep well.
I don't sleep well. You like the snacks.
I mean, wait a minute, what? Yeah. You like the snacks.
I do like the snacks. You know, I do get a lot of shit from you about, you know, eating sprouts and no gluten.
I mean, now that you see, I eat terribly. Well, here's what it is, and we don't want to bore you too much, but we're going to do it it anyway what we realize is as you know Sean and as you guys know Jason gives me a lot of shit about eating and what I eat blah blah blah have you noticed all the time that he gives me shit and then he ends up eating all the time all the time but it was classic today right before we ate we switched a little bit and Jason ordered a burger and Will ordered a salad which is so which is so rare, and then the salad came, but the salad came, and then it was the fried chicken salad.
Fried chicken salad, yeah. But anyway, so, but wait.
It's still a salad. Low-hanging fruit is still fruit.
And then Jason did offer me, he had a burger, and he offered me his, you did at one point legitimately say, I'll give you the rest of my waffle fries for your salad. It is true.
I did offer you my gluten bun too. I know.
Oh God. All right.
So, but on the tour, these guys, one day I came back into the room and these guys have had, had, had massages. And so I was like, oh, I was bummed.
And so Jason was like, oh, well, you can still get one willy nillyilly trying to get me figured out how to get one. I'm like, you know what? Forget it.
So yesterday in Chicago, I got a facial because I couldn't get a massage. God, we sound so gross.
It's the worst. By the way, for the record, I did not get a massage.
Yes, you did. No, I didn't.
Well, you looked awfully complete afterwards. Thank you.
Yeah, whatever you did. But so I got this little thing today.
And this Russian woman is like massaging my shoulders after she put, I don't know, some fucking stuff on my face. And she's massaging.
She goes, out of nowhere, I can't do a Russian accent. But she's like, oh, you strong muscles, you work out.
And I was like, oh, God, I don't know what this is. It's already making me feel uncomfortable.
But I love funny massage stories. I have two really quick.
One, the first time I was giving to- Wait, when you were keying yourself up for your own story? Absolutely. Okay, okay.
Absolutely. Oh, this one I'm keying.
Absolutely. This gets better.
It gets better. The night gets better.
One is, one time this friend of mine offered, you know, he's like, this guy does sports massage. I'm like, all right, I'll try that.
So I'm lying on a thing. I never had a sports massage before.
And I have the little thing over me, and I'm totally naked underneath. And this guy starts, like, pulling one leg over this way and then one leg over this way.
And my penis and balls are over here. And my penis and balls are over here.
And none of it was, like, relaxing or comfortable or anything. And I thought, you know, the sheet was supposed to be the invisible barrier between us.
but it was like relaxing or comfortable or anything and I thought you know

the sheet was supposed to be the uh invisible barrier between us but it was everywhere but anyway my philosophy wow my philosophy my philosophy for for massages is this if they say hey do you want a male or female I always ask for a female and this is why if it being gay Newsflash

So if it's a straight guy

Getting a massage

And something happens, I don't want him to freak out. If it's a gay guy and something happens, I don't want him to be like, hey.
And if it's a, so if it's a woman, I'm good to go. Oh.
Go ahead, go ahead, cancel yourself. We're going to do it in Madison, Wisconsin.
What a night. What a night.
Have you ever had an uncomfortable situation on the massage table? No, I don't think so. Well, you know what prompted me to tell this story? You would remember.
A nice, clean no would have done it. No, I had a masseuse one time get up on the table, and she got up on me a little bit.
Yeah, and, you know... Were you in the country? In this country? Do you consider Latvia part of this country? No.
So her technique was to get up on you? She got up, yes. She got up on my back, which I think is irregular now that I think about it.
Did she have a saddle with her? It was when she took her clothes off. That was the signal.
No, but that was it. Have you had an uncomfortable massage? I don't think so.
There was... A friend? No, no, no.
Things change a little bit, but they don't go... Things didn't get to where they get to...
Your Honor, permission to treat the witnesses hostile. Wait a minute.
What about that story you told me today,

but that actually did happen to a friend of yours?

Oh, my friend, yeah.

My friend of mine's wife

goes to this pretty reputable massage place

in Los Angeles,

and we can't tell this story here.

There's no names.

No, but they don't want to hear about this kind of stuff.

That's like, that's...

Thank you. and uh we can't tell this story here no but they don't want to hear about this kind of stuff that's like that's she uh but we'll tell shit stories on the podcast no how about how about this i'll tell a cleaner i'll tell a cleaner a massage story that i was actually in i i i actually said oh Oh, great.
You're gonna get both now. No, so she was in this nice massage place, and she's enjoying a nice massage, and she's face down, and she's got herself a male Russian massage therapist.
Why are they always Russian? Because they're strong, man. Okay.
And she receives a thumb. Wow.
Wow. Everything stops.
He stops because he's wondering if he's going to receive a solid green instead of the flashing green. Right.
She stops because she's wondering if it's a mistake. Then she turns her...
What's going on? He stops the thumb. Sure.
And then finishes the massage. She's so freaked out, she goes to pay at the end.
She tips him. Because she's not sure what she should be...
He'd already tipped her. Hell.
She goes... She goes...
She goes home. She goes home.
She tells her husband, right? Because she's freaked out, rightfully so. He's freaked out.
He picks up the phone. He calls the massage place and he explains the situation.
He says, you know, my wife is in there. She's got a massage from a massage therapist there and she was stunned.
And the person says, you know, I'm sorry, so that's impossible. Who was the massage therapist? And he says, I don't, honey, who was the massage therapist? It was Yuri.
And the guy says, it was Yuri. And the person at the desk says, well, that's odd, because Yuri's our most requested massage therapy.
Wow. And they both paused.

The husband and the person at the massager was like, oh, got it. We will speak to Yuri.
So that was that story. And let me get digits after the show of where that plays here.
So, you know, we're here because one of the main reasons we're here is because my sister lives in Wisconsin. And, um, yeah, yeah.
And, uh, as you know, Tracy. And, you know, just one quick Tracy story.
She came to pick me up at college after my fourth year, and we, she came to pick me up in some pickup truck or something, and we got high before we got into the truck, and we got stoned. What? Drugs.
That's a good one. And so we got stoned.
We smoked pot before we got in, and we loaded the truck in with just, like, willy-nilly, like, just the clothes and, like, my dress or whatever. And so we're driving.
And Doritos and Oreos.

And we're driving up around 55 from ISU,

Illinois State University.

And I'm driving up and we're both like listening to Madonna.

And we're both like in our own world,

like we're actually Madonna.

And I'm like, just like a prayer,

their voice will take us there.

And like we're in the video or something in our own worlds.

We're not really talking. All of a sudden I open my eyes and in the rearview mirror i just see some pants and then a shirt and then she's like driving she's like holy shit some more pants and some socks and like a suit and then like part and then we're like maybe we should pull over we pulled over and i'm talking like two miles of clothes behind us, right? And we just, what do we do? Should we go back and get in? No, we didn't give you, we just drove the fuck home.
Because you did not zip your bags adequately. You know, I was 18, or I'm sorry, I was 20.
I don't know what. Are you high now? Yeah, a little bit.
But you know, why finish any of these stories When I can have Tracy tell them herself She read Yeah Yeah Oh my god Tracy Thank you Hi Madison's own Tracy Okay Thank you. Hi.
Hi. Madison's own Tracy.
Okay. She doesn't look like she needs anything explained to her.
All right, so I have these questions that I literally wrote about an hour ago. Don't let her peek.
What was one of the best memories you have of me? Don't they look alike? Isn't that cute? I think... Or of our family or anything.
Well, growing up, we had just us five kids. Yeah, chaos.
Just us five kids. That's why you need to explain things to me.
Yeah. Oh, do you see...
Do you help the explanations on the podcast? Do you think they help you? Yes. We say, Tracy, can you explain? Yes.
Do you guys have any questions for my sister? How about this? How about, you used to be a police officer. I'm obsessed with crazy police stories.
Do you have a crazy one? You used to be a police officer? Yeah. Hang on a second.
We didn't know that. The police chief I worked for is in the audience.
Oh, yeah, Phil. Hi, Phil.
Yeah, so I was a cop. But we lived in Glen Ell Ellen and all that, where the worst thing that would happen is...

You always say that.

You weren't there.

No, like, okay.

I was a cop for 15 years in Glen Ellen, where we grew up.

Did you ever have a case...

Did you ever work on a case of a weed-smoking couple

who lost a bunch of clothes on the highway?

Did you guys ever solve that case? What was the most dangerous thing you were ever involved with as a cop? I mean, there was, you know, burglaries and domestic, probably domestics. Did you see any dead bodies? Yeah, a ton.
You did? Yeah. No way.
I think you told me one.

Then that became normal to you?

Yeah, that doesn't bother me.

Okay, great.

Really?

Really?

What was the oldest dead body?

How long had it been dead?

Oh.

Not the oldest person.

No, there was an old elderly lady that the mail kept piling up.

And then you'd go and a neighbor called. So it's like a like a week a maggots oh no what about did you ever see anybody get get dead oh is that the way you say it will even die he made longer No, did you ever see anybody like die in front of you? No.
No. God, that must be scary.
And what is your last name? I'm kidding. Were you a motorcycle cop or did you drive a car? I drove a car and then I became a detective and then, yeah.
Well, dude, she could have been a motorcycle cop. Don't look at me.
We didn't have motorcycle cops. Well, you don't have motorcycle cops? No.
Oh, because of weather, right? What? We got motorcycle cops all over. LA's lousy with motorcycle cops.
We don't live in a ship. Now you can see in person what we're dealing with.
It's absurd. But no, I think that that's a pretty good question.
If you're in a place that has a lot of winter, you can't have a motorcycle cop because you got snow and ice and stuff like that. Good for you, dude.
I figured... You see the way? I have a process that I figure stuff out.
What is it like? Do people bug you because you're referenced on the podcast? Do people stop you? They don't know who you are. What is it like? I get kind of some emails.
How do they figure out it's you? I don't know. Really? Yeah, I don't know because I have a different last name.
Right. And I live in Monaco.
Right. I got to change that now.
Yeah. Yeah yeah I don't know how they figure it out but sometimes some people do it's fine how fucking weird is it that all these people know who you are because we talk about you all the time because Sean right it's weird you know here's the thing I am a single mom and I'm at home and I literally it makes my Monday I think it makes everybody's weird.
But you know, here's the thing. I am a single mom, and I'm at home, and I literally, it makes my Monday.
I think it makes everybody's Monday morning to look forward to that. I'm kidding.
Yep. So I really appreciate you guys involving me.
That's a wonderful place to end. No, I want one question.
I have one question to ask you. Wait, she's not going anywhere.
We gotta go. What are you talking about here?

I know, but hang on, hang on.

I just want to say, I want to ask you this.

Your brother, Sean.

That's me.

Yeah, just zip it for one second.

Is our good friend.

We love him very, very much.

And he's an incredibly talented guy.

How, yeah, how...

Very nice.

When Sean moved to California

and then he had all this incredible success,

did you say, yes, I knew it,

and did you feel an incredible sense of pride

for all the amazing things that your brother's done?

Amazing.

Or, or...

Was it wait till they figure out the mistake they've made?

No, I think he's a great brother.

I mean, he's very...

We're very close.

We've always been the closest, I think.

Isn't that nice?

We were the two youngest, and so we kind of stuck together.

Poor guy.

I made him do, like, baton lessons and cheerleading.

I mean, it was bad.

She did.

You want to do a cheer together right now?

No, I do not.

Well, please do a cheer.

Please.

No.

Oh, my God.

Wait a second.

No, my God.

No, no, we're not going to do it.

Oh, my God.

Wait a second.

I didn't hear...

Thank you. Yeah, she did.
You want to do a cheer together right now? No, I do not. Well, please do a cheer.
Please. No.
Oh, my God. Wait a second.
No, my God. Oh, my God.
Wait a second. What? I didn't hear.
You guys said you used to be on cheer squad together? Is that what you're saying? No, she used to just teach me cheer. I would be like a cheerleader, and I make him do the practice with me and baton tour.
Right now. Right now.
I know. I'll do one.
I'll do it. You're right here.
I'm sure I do it. Right now.
But really quick. Okay, I'm gonna do one.
Here we go. Get up there.

I'm not doing it.

I am not doing it.

Okay, ready?

This is what she taught me.

Ready?

Five, six, seven, eight.

We've got power.

Wild cat power.

P-O-W-E-R.

We've got power.

Stand up.

Thank you.

I love you.

I love you.

That's crazy.

Thank you.

Thank you for coming out.

Thank you, Tracy.

Keep it going.

Keep it going.

Isn't that great?

That was awesome.

That's awesome.

That was awesome. We'll be right back.
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All right, back to the show. Let's move on, shall we? Where are we going? We're going to go on a little trip, Jason.
Okay. Here we go.
You guys are in for a special treat. This is exciting.
You know how you want... I had to write it down.
Me and Jason write our intros down. You know how you wonder sometimes how certain people in our business become successful and then they sustain that success, right? Sure, you need talent and brains and ability to capture an audience, but I found the secret ingredient to becoming a superstar is being a nice person.
Huh. Right? This person is one of those people.
He's one of the nicest, kindest people I've ever had the pleasure of being friends with. He is the first person to introduce me to a Segway, the scooter, not how to connect thoughts.
He's played an attorney, a pickpocket, a talking shrimp, and a spy for the FBI.

He also happened to appear with me

on one of the funniest episodes of Will & Grace.

Unlike how he's treated by Jimmy Kimmel,

we have plenty of time for him tonight.

It's Matt Damon!

What?

Whoa!

Whoa!

Thanks.

Whoo!

Thanks, guys.

Thank you. Thanks, guys.
I mean, if I was ever going to do this show, it would have to be in Wisconsin, right? Yeah. Come on.
This is a perfect example of nicest guy in the world. That's why I said, I know you're probably wondering who canceled and thank you for replacing at the last minute you're very welcome yeah uh so we used to lord you know what's so funny we used to remember this i bring this up every time i see you we used to play softball about 75 years ago with the olsen twins yes yeah yeah it was yeah when they were little kids that's right yeah and what was the league what no? No, it wasn't a league.
No, it was like meet at this fucking... At a park in Santa Monica.
Just meet at this park. The Olsen twins will be there.
You can play softball with them? Yeah. Is that like a flyer on a telephone pole? No, our friend Steve Schenbaum organized these softball things.
And I remember playing with you, and we were hanging out, and you go... Because it it was right at the peak of Will and Grace and you go, how can you go out anywhere? I'm like, how can you go out anywhere? And you're like, yeah, but you're Sean Hayes.
I'm like, you're fucking Matt Damon. It was crazy.
You can cruise around with a fair amount of anonymity, yes? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. But you live in New York, yeah? Mm, most of the time.
And now, do you, are you like, you can just go to the store and do whatever, right? Yeah, yeah. We were talking about this.
Do you go to the store a lot? I do, actually. Well, in New York, yeah.
And when I lived in LA, I probably never went to the store, but in, in New York, kind of. Nobody gives a shit, right? Nobody cares at all.
Nobody cares. But there are some people, we're talking about this the other day, there are some people, would you not agree, that some people sort of carry themselves like a celebrity, and then other people do not.
I don't know what it is, whether what they wear or how they act, or what, I don't know. But you are, you've always been to me a really famous actor, as opposed to some, you know, big flashy celebrity.
But you have all the fame of a celebrity, but people think of you as a... Right, you're not a TikToker, right? Well, I'm trying.
Are you trying? Are you trying? You working on it? I mean, to get my kids... I'm not.
Are you out of your mind? No. Sean Shoney is.
I am. Are you? Yeah, I do things like that stupid thing.
Or I do like a chair. No.
Then I have to get on TikTok and follow you. But my kids won't let me get on TikTok.
Why? Because they're like, Dad, you're lame. You can't get on TikTok, really.
Yeah. We were going through that about the dad lame thing, and Jason was worried.
I accused him of looking like cool dad tonight. Yeah, I got a terrible outfit on today you look great no yeah you know what'd you call me a rock and roll dad rock and roll with this ridiculous hair I need to get cut I look like Chrissy Hine I said I have that going too because I'm I have to go I've got this thing I have to do in L.A.
tomorrow for the next movie.

It's like one of the hair and makeup tests.

You have an excuse.

They tell you not to cut your hair or shave for a month. Right.

But you don't have to wear this ridiculous denim outfit.

I don't.

I don't.

We're at the end of the tour.

I'm down to loose ends, you know?

Short ends.

I want to do it because I like that topic about you being an actor,

not just like a personality, because it's true.

And you went to Harvard, but did you only went for one year? Did you go for four years or what? I went for five years. But I got, I got, yeah, I got credit for three of them.
You know, what would happen was I'd get to like wherever I was in a semester. If I got a job, I'd take the acting job and then, you know, then go away and then come back and take a leave of absence and go away and come back.
And there was one semester, I mean, I was in a semester, if I got a job, I'd take the acting job and then, you know. And then go away and then come back.
And take a leave of absence and go away and come back. And there was one semester, I mean, I was three weeks away and they, I said, can I just finish? I'm just about done.
I just have to take my finals. And they said, you can do it if you take your finals at the exact moment they're offered in Cambridge.
And I'm like, well, I can't shut a movie down for three hours, four different times. Like, I'm number nine on the call sheet.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Back then, yeah,

I wasn't,

I was just like,

right.

Was it hard?

The school? Just humor him.

No, but I just,

from what I've been told,

was Harvard hard?

But this is why I ask, because I have heard that people say, you'd be surprised, college in general is not as difficult as a high-level high school program. Like if you take AAP classes or whatever, I don't want to have a high school diploma.
Just bear with me. The general ed in college is not as difficult as it can be in high school because it's voluntary school and they're not really grinding you.
You're trying to... You're disciplining yourself.
Voluntary school. No, no, yeah.
It's so fun watching his brain work and how he thinks about stuff. It's amazing.
Was it difficult? I mean, it depends. For me, it was always, if I liked the class, it wasn't difficult.
Right. Because it's kind of like, you know, if you have the job you love, you never really are working.
Right. People go, well, you work such long hours, and you go, no, I mean, I'm...
But aren't those first two years you have to take general ed? You have to take the... There's a...
It's the second two years where you get to say, well, now I want to be this person. They had core requirements, right? So you had to, no matter what you were studying, they wanted to make sure you took a lot of different classes across the other...
And this will all be on the syllabus. So you guys, you'll be able to see for yourself.
I mean, obviously, it was hard. I didn't finish, so...
Did not finish? didn't graduate? No, no, no. If I were to ever...
I'm still on a leave of absence, guys, okay? All right. Don't...
This ain't over yet, okay? Don't count me out. I would be a senior if I went back.
You're so close. You want to go back? No.
I'll go with you. All right.
Let's see. We go back and, like, do back and do this and kind of teach or something,

and then they just give us diplomas.

Yeah, we get a degree in hosting.

I got a...

You know, have you ever done a commencement speech?

I did the commencement speech at MIT.

Yeah, they don't ask me for that stuff.

Six years ago.

You could...

And they're supposed to give you...

Ben, I know he did one at Brown,

and Ben got a diploma from Brown.

Tracy, that's Ben Affleck. Yeah.
But the great thing about that was that John Krasinski went to Brown and is very proud of that and studied and worked really hard for four years and got a diploma. And Ben called him and said, I was in Rhode Island for 45 minutes and I got it.
I love that.

And when I gave the commencement thing at MIT,

they don't give you even, like, an honorary diploma. They're like, it's MIT.
Like, no, you don't get one. So if you don't even ballot in your parking.
And I'm like, that's cool. No school in this city gives me a diploma, so it's fine.
Hang on. Bear with me for one more second.
If you give a commencement speech, you get a diploma from that? Yes, an honorary doctorate. I got one of those, too.
Do you have to have a high school diploma before you? No. By the way, asking for a friend.
I'm just asking for a friend. Yeah.
Yeah. No, no.
No, they, if you've got something they want to hear so badly that you're considered an expert and you get an honorary... I'm screwed.
For God's sake. All right, so listen.
You mentioned Ben. I don't think I know this answer.
When did you meet Ben Affleck? When and how? Because we always associate you, too. I was 10 and he was 8.
Really? Aw. And we lived two blocks from each other.
I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah.
We grew up together. That's why it's so weird, because we didn't have anybody in our families in show business.
We didn't have any... Boston isn't a show business town.
It's not? Not really, you know. And we just had this weird obsession, and we probably grew up 200 yards away from each other and met each other and just...
Like out on the street, like playing stickball? Yeah, we used to play Little League together. We used to play, you know, he was a little younger than me, but when he got to high school, I was a junior and he was a freshman, and that's when we really started hanging.
And then we, you know He had an agent. He had been on an after-school special.
He was like the big star of our school. Was he like a big shot when he had the after-school special? When he arrived at the high school, it was like, and I had to set him straight, because I was the lord of that theater department and he likes to tell this

story. Apparently, I went up to him like first day and like pulled him up and was like, hey,

you know, it's different here in the theater.

That was great.

Straight douche right away.

Yeah, you're not going to get by on your looks.

That's hilarious. We were both like 5'2".
What were some of the theater things? Do you still love theater? Do you want to do theater? Do you do theater? I actually, yeah, I did a ton of theater in high school and college. And we had an extraordinary, amazing, amazing, amazing teacher.
who, was, I mean, just from that school, me and Ben and Casey, his brother. And, I mean, there's just a ton of people who came out of that program.
Sean Hader, who's just got nominated for an Oscar for CODA. She's the director of CODA.
She went through that program. Like, there are a lot of, really, because we just had this unbelievable teacher.
But I was going to say, because when I went to see you... Don't leave it.
Keep it there. Keep talking.
When I went to see you on Broadway, and I had done a play in London 20 years ago with Casey Affleck, actually. And I went to, you know, 10 years later or whatever, which is probably 10 years ago.
When was it? Yeah, 2010. 2010.
Was this Promises, Promises? It was Promises, Promises. And so...
Hold for applause, Matt. It was...
And obviously, he was amazing. It was awesome.
And we see it, and we were totally into it. It was deep into the he was amazing.
It was, no, it was, it was awesome.

And we, we see it and we were totally into it. It was deep into the run though.

And we went backstage and I have never seen a more,

it made me never want to do theater again.

I looked at you and you were just, were like, I'm, you were, you were.

I was like, hey, what's going on?

Hi.

Scott, he just had his hand around.

He was just holding you up.

You were like eight shows a week. Who holding you up.
You were like, eight shows a

week. Who would do this?

You were so tired.

It was awful. And you still had like a

month and a half to go. Yeah, it was at the

finish line. But you were so nice to

come, A, and B, to see the show,

and B, you wore those

I sent you a long time ago

as a birthday gift

t-shirts with my picture on it.

Oh, that's right. And you wore it to

the show. That's right.
Oh, my God. That's right.
And I forgot that. I totally forgot about that.
And it had holes in it. It had holes in it.
I sleep in it. Because I did.
Because you know those shirts that you wash so many times? They're like, they're better than it. So that was my Sean Hayes shirt.
Yeah. I was like, didn't it say something? What did you write? There was some great some great it was really funny i can't believe i can't remember this i probably wore it 600 times but no no you were so sweet and and i too get better as more the more you wash me i guess would you what about um uh have you ever done musicals no yes yes really of course what hang on oh my god in high school pippin i was pippin no way fuck yeah what yeah i totally has this season everybody has its time show me a reason and i'll show you a rhyme oh my god i i literally i sing that to my daughter to drive really i do i with the with the choreography we did it was like let's Here we go.
It was literally like... A five, six, seven, eight.
It was this bad. It was like, Rivers belong where they can ramble.
Eagles belong where they can ramble. That was literally the choreography.
See, that's my kryptonite. I can't sing in the shower even.
I mean... I would kill the heat.
I can't sing either. Yes, you.
That sounded pretty good. That sounded really good.
Jason just admitted today that he hasn't danced since when? What happened? I haven't, yeah. I had a fourth grade dance and my I made my sister teach me a dance step all night till like midnight and it was, it was, it was just, it was this one.
And I just, and so I got to the dance with my girlfriend, Amy Keating. And I did that for about four or five songs.
And then she stopped in the middle of the sixth song and said, is that the only step you know? And she left the dance floor. And I've never danced since.
Now, the follow-up to that is I ran into a friend of mine who 10 years later, 15 years later, we were in the class together with Amy. And we were talking about her, and he said, you know, I heard she got a brain tumor.
And I said, oh, my God, is she okay? He says, I don't know. But I hear she may have not made it and i was like oh god no no cut to um uh uh i get an email from amy keating about five years later saying hey just wanted to reach out i hear you think i'm dead um and she said she said so i've made a documentary that says jason bateman thinks dead.
No way. And I'd like to interview you for the end of the documentary.
Would you come meet me at the auditorium where I left the stage at our elementary school so I can interview you? And I was like, yeah. And I sat down for an interview, and I think it's on YouTube, this documentary.
What? Oh, Jason Baby Thinks I'm Dead by Amy Kinney. True story.
How have we never heard about this? Yeah, I've never heard that. I've not told that story.
No. The fuck are you talking about? I've got many stories.
All right, ready? Here we go. Oh, God.
All right. I want to start at the beginning no uh i wanted to i know you probably had first of all i have to state the obvious which is you're one of the biggest fucking stars on the planet right it's true i don't know that's not important to you and i know i know the art and the craft of it is is more important than any of that but it's just so cool.
It's just so cool, right? And we're all such fans. And I love you.
And I've been such a fan as well. And, I mean, how hard did we laugh? He did this episode of Will and Grace where he played this guy.
That was the funniest. I mean.
By the way, I have a quick story. You don't know this story.
He played this guy who was actually pretended to be gay so he could sing in the gay man's chorus. Because they were going to Europe and he wanted the free trip to Europe.
It was such a... It was so stupid.
It was so funny, though. Did you sing on the show? Yeah, he did.
In the chorus, we all sang. But the whole idea was that Sean, he figures it out.
Yeah, I'm like, you're straight like you're you're straight and so he he tries to in me right instead yeah but the show was like 10 years deep like and i had never done a sitcom and i couldn't believe like so fun because they they were so locked in and and the writers were so like amazing like that table like you'd sit around the first draft comes in we read it it's hysterical and then like there's like 10 of you and you guys just start going and you make it better and better and better and like it was just so fun and i couldn't believe how by that point because you'd put all the work in for 10 years how little you guys worked i was I was like, holy shit. It's amazing.
It was criminal. Well, James Burroughs, who's one of the greatest directors of all time, he directed every episode of Cheers, every episode of Will and Grace.
He directed Friends. Taxi.
Taxi, Big Bang Theory, Two and a Half Men, all these things. But anyway, he's what got me like this, right? So now, and I got spoiled at such a young age, so now when I'm on a set, I'm like, what's taking so long, you know? But you're so sweet because I remember, you don't know this, I think, or maybe you do, but during that episode, you were so kind and worried, like you didn't, nobody was attending to your hair or something, and you had a baseball hat on all day, so you took it off, and I think you were afraid to, like, ask for help.
So in the episode, you can see the line where his hat is by the way there it is today i have the same line if i'm left to my own devices i'm just completely useless i'm fine to build on that real quick the the the kindness that you have is so authentic and sincere and organic and and we are in such a permissive business for bad behavior and then if you're super famous, they let you get away with even worse stuff. What is it that keeps you from behaving badly beyond just your own natural instinct? Was your mom or your dad real good at saying, things are starting to really take off for you, son, keep your shit together? Or did you have a Ben that would beat the crap out of you of you like you did with him and Matt let me just say before you answer that Jason wants to know why aren't you giving into your desire to be shitty to people because he finds it really hard to bury it how do you bury it is it similar to how he buries it go ahead yeah man I don't know I never had an impulse to do that and i don't know why i think i just was lucky i think i had a great great parents a great big brother and a great foundation and i honestly you guys all know lost it at some point i think the experience of getting famous is weird yeah right and and that i always reflected back on that after i kind of got through that first two years like whoa that was crazy um and you're working with people and you're seeing people that are more famous than you coming up the way they're acting which for the most part is not great and how did you think like you know well i guess i gotta be a dickhead i've been really really lucky oh good i've i've i have not witnessed a lot of bad behavior.
Really? In fact, I started out, I was working with, I had like Denzel and Robin Williams and Tom Hanks and these people who were like so, and nobody was bigger than them, right? And they were so classy and professional and kind and good and like, it's just. Important first examples.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, it just really really set the tone i always say um if you can't find the asshole on the set it's probably you're the asshole yeah yeah um so uh you mentioned your big brother how many how many siblings do you have just one just one how much older is he three years older are you guys still really tight oh yeah yeah uh what sort of without getting specific what line of in? He's an artist.
No way. Yeah.
Well, like painter? Painter and a sculptor. Wow.
Yeah. Can I buy some of his stuff? You certainly could.
Yes. Wow.
Really? I would love to see that. We'll talk afterwards.
Okay, great. How funny, and I don't know this either, so were your parents in the arts or no? No, no.
My mom's a professor, um, of early childhood education. And my dad was, when I was a kid, he was a stockbroker.
He taught school. He did all kinds of jobs until he finally built a company and became really successful and retired early.
But it was interesting because my mom did what she loved and didn't get paid anything. And my dad only did what he did just to make sure that we were provided for.
And he never enjoyed his work. And so it was a great lesson, I think, for my brother and me to go like, you know, because both of them were saying from two different sides of the coin, like, follow what you love to do.
Yeah, that's awesome. And so it's probably great to have a brother who's an artist, even though he's not an actor or a director or a writer or whatever, but because he's an artist, you guys can talk a similar language and relate as creative people.
Yeah, I love, I mean, I really trust his judgment and his opinions. And I mean, you guys know, like when you're working, I mean, it's like you have a little core group of people that you show your stuff to and you're like, am I crazy or is this working or am I crazy? Is Lucy straight with you? Will she tell you when you suck? Yes.
And she's been actually, for me, really the best bellwether. Tracy, Lucy is, tell Tracy who Lucy is.
Tracy, Lucy's my wife. By the way, speaking of Tracy, I didn't know, I was standing next to Tracy in the wings trying to hide.
I didn't know it was Tracy. Oh, really? And then I'm sitting there.
I'm like, what'd they say? You know? And I'm just, I just, because there's, you know, 10 people back there. And I figured they're all working on the show.
Right. And suddenly you announce it.
She goes blasting out. I'm like, oh, shit, that was Tracy.
Well, I was totally starstruck, but I better. Yeah.
I know. That's the thing.
Okay, so I want to talk about, you know, I know you're so sick of talking about... You have typed questions.
Oh, my God. That's amazing, by the way.
Sean prepares. That's harder than you worked on that episode of Willing.
No. Without a doubt.
It's so true. And I made so much money.
Sean, Sean is, Sean is so organized. One of the things that we're finding on this tour is Sean is, it's

insane. So the other night we got back, we were in New York and we got back after the

show and we all had dinner like in our room and it's us and a bunch of people and our

friends. And so everybody's got food.
There are like eight or ten of us. The food arrives,

we start eating. Sean's finished in, I don't know, legitimately 90 seconds, maybe two minutes.

And everybody else is just starting their food and he stands up and he starts, he clears

His place is a hotel room. There are people who are going to come and clean it anyway, but no.
He's cleaning it. My wife does this exact same thing.
It drives me crazy. It's bonkers.
I'm like, why are you bussing the table? I'm eating my food. He likes order.
He doesn't like chaos. He likes things done tight in a proper way.
We're being driven here in a tour bus. Yeah.
And he got Waze open to make sure the driver

is on the right

route

not a bit

and so we keep

going every

30 seconds

we go

how much longer

Sean

and he's like

three minutes

I'm starting

a new app

it's not called

Waze

it's called

Gaze

it's much faster

it's much

faster

with a more

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transmitter by the New York State Department of Financial Services. support system.
My support system, as you well know, talk about all the time, is Scotty and of course my two besties, Will and Jason. Whenever I have a problem, an issue, I talk to them about it and if they're not available, I will talk to a therapist and I've been going to therapy for a long time and it's always great.
So think about your favorite leaders, mentors, and idols. They don't have all the answers, but they do know when to ask questions or seek support from their community.
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All right, so now I know you're sick of talking about Good Will Hunting, and just bear with me here because I, you know, because I have every single one of your movies. It's crazy.
But talk about, you know, what I love about this story, about how it happened, because so many people ask, how do I start, where do I, like, what did you do, how did you get your start, and you just fucking did it. Like, you just, you're like, well, I want to work, I want to work, so maybe I should just write my own thing, right? Yeah, and then won an Oscar for that script.
It's like... Yeah, I mean, it worked out.
Yeah. The only reason I'd love for you to just talk, yeah, exactly.
For you to tell it is because there are so many people who want to, so many young people starting out that love this story, that need to hear this story. I mean, I think we were, A, desperate.
We were unemployed, struggling actors, and it just became clear that we were going to have to wait forever until we got a shot. i remember it was that movie primal fear i don't know if audition for it yeah i swear to god ed norton and richard gear edward you know brilliant actor you know my age edward got the part and and what and was great i think he got nominated for an oscar for the movie so that script came along and ben and I looked at it and we were like, that's the best role.
I'm like, why isn't a movie star taking this role? This is an unbelievable role. Like, why isn't like at the time it was like Ethan Hawke or Robert Sean Leonard, all the guys from Dead Poets.
I'm like, why aren't those guys jumping all over this? This thing is amazing. And I bought, I paid for a dialect coach because remember he switches these two for with money.
I would feel for him to get a dialect code. Because remember, he switches these two.

I would feel for him to get a dialect coach.

But this was like with money I didn't have.

Because I was like, this is it.

You know what I mean?

To prepare for the audition.

To prepare for the audition.

Because he switches from Southern to Normal or Normal to Southern?

Yeah, exactly.

It's like a Jekyll and Hyde thing.

Did you say Southern to Normal? Oh, exactly. It's like a Jekyll and Hyde thing.
Did you say Southern to normal?

Oh, God. Standard, maybe standard.
Okay, that plays well in Wisconsin, okay? What's that? Wisconsin's not Southern? What's that? I said it plays well because you just called them normal. No, no, they're...
They're...

They're all really nervous for you right now. I think I got canceled in minute five.
I know. I just poured cement over it.
Everybody's nervous at every moment. That's the best.
You guys, us. I'm terrified for you, buddy.
I've got to be honest.

I started.

Does he go into Southern? The country just got cut in half.

You can only go to half the country now.

Where do you guys shoot Ozark?

Southern.

Atlanta. Atlanta.
So he has a southern accent. No.
So you had a switch between Ozark and normal. Yeah.
So. Oh.
So, yeah. Oh, God bless him.
But the idea was that there are two distinctive voices that come from this guy. Yes.
Both perfectly good voices. Yes.
Yes. Two excellent, distinctive voices because he's playing and having a mental health problem.
He's saying he's schizophrenic, and then there's a... It's a whole...
But it's an actor's dream because it's a really showcasing part for whoever got it. And Edward won the part.
But Ben and I realized then we were like, if it, you know, what are the odds of another movie coming down where, you know, and then, and then it's like, it gets kicked down and there's 10,000 of us like rabid hyenas, like going for it. And like, what are the chances? A, another one's going to come in the next five years.
And B, that even if it does, we'll be the ones to get it. We'll get called back.
We'll get close.

Remember, well, you don't remember auditions.

Yes, I do.

You were a fucking star when you were

like eight, and I was watching you

like, that guy, I could do that.

I could do that.

But,

yeah,

so that kind of started us thinking about writing, about going, like, well, let's write our own parts. You want something done, you've got to do it yourself.
Because you were dying to be an actor, not a writer. Right, right.
We were writing just literally to give ourselves jobs. Because you win an Oscar for writing.
That's amazing. I know.
It's weird. I've never gotten any award of any kind for acting.
Now, what about... What about...

Wait, is that true?

The Empire magazine gave me an award

in like 2007.

And I went and

picked up the award.

I was like, guys, like in

high school, we had the Massachusetts High School Drama

Festival and they would give awards. I was in

every one of those plays. Killing it.

Never got an award. I was like, oh man.
Is it true that you have not received an award for acting? Yeah. Are you kidding me? You've been nominated a shit ton of times, I'll bet, yeah? Yeah.
Good Lord. I got a Golden Globe.
You got a Globe? You got a Golden Globe. Well, that's something.
Yeah, that's something. Come on.
Well, for The Martian, right? For the Martian. And they gave it to me.
Hold for applause. But by the way, thank you.
They gave it to me in the category of musical or comedy. No way.
No way! 100%. By the way, it's one of the it's one of my favorite movies of all time.
It really is great. I love that.
It's so good. Wait, are you still on Good Will Hunting? I want to talk to Matt about a couple movies.

Can I do this one thing and then I'll hand it off to you?

Okay.

Tell me your name again.

So listen, so George Clooney was on a podcast, okay?

And he just was describing this amazing moment

when you took Ocean's 12 to the Cannes Film Festival.

Do you know this story?

Oh, yeah.

And so you guys rode on this yacht for the press

and Brad Pitt says he wants to climb to the top

Thank you. when you took Ocean's 12 to the Cannes Film Festival.
Do you know this story? Oh, yeah. And so you guys rode on this yacht for the press, and Brad Pitt says he wants to climb to the top and take his shirt off and jump off the top.
And George is like, oh, my God. Brad Pitt takes his shirt off, and it's like something Michelangelo carved.
His body was just perfect. And then he says, he looks over at Matt, and Matt goes, and you take off your shirt, and it's something like the Pillsbury Doughboy car.
Wow. Well, you're probably bulking up for a part.
Clearly, clearly I was preparing for something. We've all seen Ripley.
We've all seen... You know how to get it down.
I can get it down if I have to. But, I mean, those...
That shot's fired by Clooney. I mean...
Listen, Clooney was so scared of getting his picture taken next to Brad with his shirt off that he didn't even jump off the boat. And he told me later, he's like, I knew you were going to get hit by the...
because the paparazzi took pictures. And it's like, you know, it's Brad and the whale.
Jumping off. And we were in the middle of the Mediterranean.
Out of this boat, I couldn't see it. Those lenses are so ridiculous.
And I didn't even know how they knew we were on that boat. But George somehow knew.
He's got like a spider sense or something. And he was just like, nah, I wasn't going to risk it.
But so you do. And you do know how to get it down and get in shape because the fucking Bourne movies.

Yeah, that's crazy.

I think the first time I met you years ago was at Krasinski's house,

and I came in the door, and I don't know if you remember this.

I came in the door, and you picked me up.

You grabbed me around the waist and picked me up. You'd had a few.
But then. At John's? At John's.
That's weird. Yeah, at John's.
JK, you guys. That's John Krasinski.
So. Bravo.
And I think I geeked out on you at that time. The Bourne movies, to me, I have seen all, well, the four that you've done.
I can't even count how many times. Bourne Ultimatum is the second one? The third one.
Third one. Bourne Supremacy.
Identity Supremacy is the second one, yeah. Bourne Supremacy, to me, is one of the most perfect films.
It's got everything. It's got drama.
It's got action. You're so fucking good.
And, you know, people say, well, you know, you're doing an action movie. Doing what you do, you have its intensity from the moment you start.
It's just, like, super intense. And you're in it.
And you're just, like, kicking dudes' asses and strangling them and shit. All the while acting like, I'm not sure how I know how to do this.
You're a weapon and you don't even know it. Right.
What? Yeah, exactly. What was that experience like? Because that to me is it.
And would you ever go through that training process again? Yeah, though on the last one, I remember I was 45 on the last one. It hurt.
Yeah, people would go, like, my age would come up, hey, man, how did you get? And I'd go, not worth it. Right.
What about what Liam Neeson is doing? Every single film he's doing is more intense than the next. And he's not 45.
No, no, he's great. I mean, I don't know.
I mean, some people, yeah, good for him. Even when you were younger, even when you were in your 30s and you're doing Supremacy and you're doing all this crazy shit and Supremacy was directed by...
Paul Greengrass. Paul Greengrass, who's an incredible director.
That's why they all work. I mean, it's always the director.
What was that? Yeah, but you're giving him a lot of credit, but you deserve so much. What was that process like for you? Were you beat up every day? No, I mean, they make it.
You know, look, they're the Tom Cruises of the world who do their stunts, like literally hang off a plane and do that. I remember I had dinner with him once and it was after he did the one where he ran around the building.
Oh, yeah, in Abu Dhabi. In Dubai.
And he's 1,500 feet up on a cable running around the building.

Yeah, that's crazy.

And I go,

can you tell me how that happened?

And he goes, yeah.

I mean, he's a really intense guy.

And he's like, yeah, I'll tell you how it happened.

He's like, so...

I go, all right, all right.

And I'm in.

I'm like, okay.

And he goes, so I go to the...

He goes, I've been thinking about this shot for 15 years.

And I go, wow, really?

And he goes, yeah.

He goes, I knew it. He goes, and I...
So I go to the safety guy. I go, here's what I'm going to do.
And I lay it all out. Safety guy goes, you can't do that.
It's too dangerous. You can't do that.
So I get a new safety guy. That's the beginning, the beginning of his story.
And I just go, stop. Like, that's where we're different.
Like, when the safety guy says no, I'm like, oh, safety guy says it's not a good idea. Do you have any long-lasting injuries from all of that? No, no, no.
Are you serious? No, no. It's all, I mean, little nicks and cuts and stuff from those fight scenes, but nothing, you know, they're pulling their punches.
In fact, on the first movie, The Bourne Identity, I fight this guy in an apartment. Nicky Node was his name, and Nicky was a...
In Paris. In Paris.
Yeah, now I know. Why are you telling me stuff I know, Matt? Sorry, sorry.
Nicky was a professional, had been a professional kickboxer, and he was an actor and a stuntman, and so I went to him before we shot, and I said, look, I'm really sorry. I'd been boxing and doing all this stuff to get ready, but I go, I'm going to accidentally hit you.
I mean, I just know I am, and I'm really sorry in advance. And for every time I hit you, I'll give you a bottle of champagne.
And Nicky goes, this is good, yes.

So by the end of the day, I owed the dude a case of champagne.

But he had been used to, like, fighting professionally.

So he was like, it did not hurt at all.

He was fine.

You know what I mean?

He was so happy.

He was thirsty.

He was leaning into it.

He was like, great.

He was like, any time you want to do a fight scene, I'm in. I want to know another favorite movie that I love that you're in is The Departed, which I love.
It's crazy how many movies you've been in at your age, and none of them suck. Oh, some of them suck.
No, no, no. It's got to be bad to suck.
Some of them were not as great as the others because the others are like 11s. But the amount of work you've done and the quality that you've maintained is just stunning.
You really deserve to really apply to that. Thank you.
It's true. It's true.
I want to ask about The Departed because I did a movie with Jack Nicholson as well called The Bucket List. Sure.
Yeah. Sure.
And the first, not as much applause. But the first day of The Bucket List, we were in this Bentley or something, and they took the windshield out to put the camera in.
And I didn't know. was the first day and Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson are sitting in the back and I'm sitting in the passenger seat in the front and in your mind you know you're like should I break the ice with a joke should I not, I don't know these guys yet it's only the first day of shooting so idiot goes alright I'm going to go for it.
Maybe someday when you make it big, you can sit in the front.

Silence.

Silence.

Nothing.

Crickets.

Nothing.

Crickets.

They're literally looking at their lines and they just go.

No.

Oh.

That's it.

And then the last one was, now we're like a month or two in the thing, and I'm like, well, now they're my pals, right? And so I'm sitting in, you know, little video village. Tracy, video village is a thing where you can watch playback and it's like off of the set.
How fun is it that he can look at Tracy while he does it. So I'm sitting there, and I thought, oh gosh, now would be the perfect time to play a game, right? Because we're waiting while they're lighting the scene.
It's going to take like a half hour or whatever. So I say to Morgan and Jack and Rob Reiner, who's directing it, and some crew guys who are sitting around, I go, hey guys, I got a great idea.
Let's play a game. Let's go around the room and name the movie

you're embarrassed to say you've never seen.

Embarrassed to say you've never seen.

I go, I'll go first.

I've never seen The Godfather.

That was the end of the game.

That was the end of the game.

Because next half hour, everyone's like,

hey, this guy's never, you've never seen the fucking, what?

And I'm like, is somebody else going to go?

Like, nobody else...

I know where you're going with this.

Departed.

But Departed is certainly one of those movies

that you don't really...

You're not allowed to say you're a fan of movies

if you have not seen that movie.

Yeah, I agree.

That's such a great movie.

Such a good movie.

God.

What was that experience like?

How did you come about that part? I was, we were making Ocean's 12. Yeah.
This is true. And Brad Pitt, you know, is a pretty prolific producer.
And I don't know if you guys know, but he produced that movie. And he.
I did not know that. Yeah.
He just came up. It's the weirdest thing.
Because every actor's dream is to work with Marty Scorsese, right?

And we were sitting there.

See, that's the guy who directed the movie.

Among others.

And we were literally, this is the worst.

This is like, how many names am I going to drop that I have to pick up?

That's okay.

You're allowed.

You're allowed to.

We were at George Clooney's house in Italy.

We figured out that we could get a better job. this is the worst this is like how many names am I going to drop that I have to pick up you're allowed we were at

George Clooney's house

sure

in Italy

we figured you knew him

and

and Lucy and I

it was before we were married

so this is 2004

I think

and

because we got married

in 05

and

and we were sitting there

at the pool

sure

and Brad Pitt

walked over

sounds like a very nice

weekend Matt

yeah

look we were working

okay Thank you. at the pool.
Sure. And Brad Pitt walked over.

Sounds like a very nice weekend, Matt.

Look, we were working, okay?

Sure, sure. It was hard.

Rehearsing.

It was really hard.

And Brad kind of put his towel down

and sat down on the chair

next to us and goes,

hey, Matty,

do you want to do a movie

with Martin Scorsese?

No way.

What?

I swear to God that's what he said.

And I was like, yeah.

And he was like, no, I'm actually serious.

Wow.

I'm like, what are you actually talking about right now?

Drop the script on your towel right then?

Yeah, and he goes.

And then the script went whoop.

Yeah.

Page one. Did you at any point say, well, hang on a second, Brad, why aren't you playing this part? He felt like he had aged out of it.
Really? Because the guy goes through the police academy and he's just unbelievably generous. And he goes, no, I think it'd be better if you did it.
He goes, Leo's going to play this one role. How old is Brad Pitt? Brad is, I don't know.
I think, I'm 51, and I think Brad's 58. I think he's like 56 or something.
57? Yeah, something like that. He looks incredible, first of all.
Guys, he looks awful. He looks terrible.
I love me some Brad Pitt. I saw, I know, I really do.

So do I. He's such a nice guy.

He's so cool.

Such a nice guy.

And he's so handsome.

And I know.

It's hard to not look at him.

It's so hard not to look at him.

So we were, like, right before the pandemic, we were at, we were in Los Angeles.

We were at a Bon Iver concert.

And, and so, and I know those, I concert. I like Wisconsin, so I know those guys.
Justin Vernon, Sean Carey, and all those guys. So anyway, we were hanging out before the show and just chit-chatting.
And then Brad came in to sit down. He sits down and I go, we're talking for a second.
I said, you know, Brad, I was thinking, you know what movie has aged really well? And he said, what? I said, Benjamin Button. That's a great line.
It's a great joke, right? It's a great joke. And he paused for a second and then he started laughing.
And I was like, I'm not ripping on the movie. It's a perfectly constructed joke.
And he was great about it. Yeah, that movie is so goddew.
Yeah, he's somebody who, it was, because we started working together 20 years ago on Oceans, and it was just mystifying, like, how, because he's been the most famous guy, you know, and even Jerry Weintraub, our producers, you know, I was with Elvis. Every generation has one guy.
Brad's the guy. And it's true, just the effect that he has on people.
But I've never seen an effect like that but with so... He doesn't do anything to court it.
He doesn't do anything to... He's the most regular guys from Missouri.
He just couldn't be... He couldn't be more normal, Jason.
Yeah. He's really normal.
Really normal. He fights, he pushes down the instinct to be shitty to people.
He actually said... He elicited for me at that same thing after the show.
He said, hey man, I just want to say... We've done this little show on Netflix called Flaked and he goes hey man it's a little indie anybody goes he goes man I just want to say I just I loved your show so much man I watched the whole thing I was so shocked and I was like really goes oh I just loved it and he gave me a big hug and I said thanks man and then we go to the door to go out I said well I'll see you guys that I walk outside and I slid down the wall I I went, oh my God.
Oh my God. Yeah, yeah.
Who do you think he thought... In front of my girlfriend.
She's like, this is great. This is...
Who do you think he thought you were? That you're mistaken for... Can I have some of that? I want to introduce everybody to the real Jason.
He's finally showed up. Well, speaking of normal, Matthew Damon, you're one of the most normal people I've ever known.
Thank you for being here that time. Oh, my God.
That's all we have time for. That was fast.
I know. Matt Damon! Matt Damon!

Thanks.

Thank you.

Let him hear it.

Thanks, guys.

Wow.

Wow.

You guys.

Isn't that amazing?

You guys came for us, and that's what's important.

I'm kidding.

You guys came for us, and Matt was so nice to be here thank you guys so much for coming we um go ahead no you go ahead i was gonna say i we said everything i've said everything there and i would repeat it a thousand times i love that man he's the kind like all talking about kindness and everything and um it is kind of by the way i could have asked him a thousand questions about The Martian because I love The Martian. Yeah.
But I just love him and he's so talented. He's so talented and so normal and so kind and generous and always just warm to people.
Yeah, he's just one of those. I do think it's interesting, though, you know, when he did The Talented Mr.
Ripley, which is about a gay... What's that? Who, me? Here he comes.
No, no, this is it. We're not doing a bye? No, no, not yet.
He did... I know, usually this is where Sean starts wrapping up and his brain breaks, trying to work his way to a bye.
And you can feel it. No, because I'm doing it right now.
I just feel talented Mr. Ripley.
I was going to say, in The Talented Mr. Ripley, he plays a gay con man, and that's about the time he started hanging out with me.
But... And I was sitting here, I was trying to think of a bite, I was thinking, boy, he's so nice, you could put your hand in the cage that he's in, he'd never take a bite out of it, and I'm like, no, no, no.
It's terrible, it's terrible. It's too sweaty.
It's too sweaty. We are thinking about getting rid of the bye.
Yeah, what do you guys think? The bye, it's so cringy. She's like, yeah, both of them.
It's so cringy. What about if, like, I'm trying to...
So listen, if you want to pick on anybody after this show, these three said they want us to get rid of it. But I'm pitching, but what about if we just change it to...
I'm pitching these guys and we change change it to a see ya, right? And then we can find a C in some, but we can't think of any more buys. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
He keeps pitching the see ya. Well, like it's Italian now.
I know, but let's vote on it right now. So, bye.

And? Or see ya.

I didn't pitch it very well.

Also, you know it's 1-1.

Bye!

Thank you, man.

Thank you guys so much. Smart.
Less. Smart.
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