“Will Ferrell: LIVE in Washington DC”

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Speaker 1 Are we in the cold open right now? We're in the yeah, the show is happening right now. Okay, so the cold open is right now.
We're about to do our first show.

Speaker 1 It's our first

Speaker 1 live show.

Speaker 1 Should we let people

Speaker 1 let's pray to the podcast God. Okay, pray to the the podcast God

Speaker 1 what's

Speaker 1 it him or her it's it's it's one of them

Speaker 1 it's all so it's a day it's everything it's it's everything it's everybody it's we're all we're all inclusive okay what's the prayer and the prayer is please Lord pod

Speaker 1 pod person

Speaker 1 shine your happy funny light lovely light

Speaker 1 on our

Speaker 1 stupid stupid idea to go live with this pie.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 welcome to the Smartless.

Speaker 1 Washington, D.C., thank you for having us. Thank you for having us.

Speaker 1 And please, above all things, manage your expectations.

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 1 this was really,

Speaker 1 you know, kind of a half a joke. And then we got an invite and we said, well, maybe we should.

Speaker 1 But we want to make sure you guys understand. It's just the three of us talking to a person for an hour.
That's it. There's nothing.
That's it. That's it.
So I hope you enjoy it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 there's not going to be any singing. There's no dancing.

Speaker 1 We don't even know how to do it. We sat down.
We were backstage and we were dicking around. Well, make sure you buy one of these.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Or four of them. Or four.

Speaker 1 But we were dicking around. We were doing Sing for Real backstage and then Jason didn't want to do it because he claims he can't sing.
I can't sing. I don't even sing a single thing.

Speaker 1 You don't know about Sing for Real that we talked about, right? He goes, have we talked about it? No, I don't think so. So tell him what it is.
So Sing for Real is, it started a long time ago.

Speaker 1 One of the big enemies of the podcast, Justin Thoreau, JT from New York,

Speaker 1 he did this bit where we would sing in the car and then he'd say, no, sing for real, which means you can't do it as a bit. You can't like embellish.
You can't like really stummy.

Speaker 1 And you can't like do it like that. You have to do it for real.
Like sing the best you possibly can. And it's so embarrassing.
Yeah, it's so embarrassing. So Will, sing for real.

Speaker 1 But you sing for real. You've done done Broadway.

Speaker 1 I like when Will does it. So Will, sing for real.
So I'm saying you know how to sing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you have to sing for real. Give me a song, any song.

Speaker 1 What is it? Don't stop believing. Don't stop believing.
Oh, yeah. What are the lyrics? Just don't stop believing.
Believing. Right? Hold on to that sweet.
By the way, it stops here.

Speaker 1 We're not going around.

Speaker 1 Hold on to that sweet. Sweet feeling, yeah.
Okay, ready? But now, but now he can't do a bit.

Speaker 1 Like, he can't make fun of the song or do you have to really sing it really like he's really look at him fucking focusing. It's the worst.

Speaker 1 Okay, go. Okay, ready? Three, two, one, go.
Don't stop believing.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 You done?

Speaker 1 That was pretty good. That was pretty good.
But now, now, wait, I want to talk about. Hold on to that feeling.
Now you're doing a bit.

Speaker 1 He's doing a bit.

Speaker 1 Ho ho.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 All right, so wait, listen. Have you now have you ever done any musical theater?

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure that just cost us about $150,000. I know, I know.
Okay, so wait, now listen. We flew in.
I've only been to DC once before. I loved it, but I was here very briefly.

Speaker 1 Sean, why don't you just relax and get casual and cross your legs a little bit?

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 we

Speaker 1 were. I brought a phone out here.
What about you? Oh, my God. You brought your phone?

Speaker 1 Listen, I'm a doctor.

Speaker 1 We were driving in from the airport yesterday, and I said I wanted to know where a specific thing was, which was

Speaker 1 a landlord. Oh, no, you were driving along, and there's some parkland or whatever.

Speaker 1 And Sean seriously said, is that where the grassy knoll is? Or was it

Speaker 1 not a bit.

Speaker 1 Could not be less smart.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I really didn't know.

Speaker 1 Then you explained it to me. It was shocking how little both of you knew about anything.

Speaker 1 That was a real shock. Yeah.
Well, what he didn't know, I bet you guys don't,

Speaker 1 this came from the Washington Monument. This was, this started.
The figure, you're claiming the whole symbol.

Speaker 1 You keep giving it to them for sure. Yeah.
No, this.

Speaker 1 There's a great, there's a still. Because it was, it was.
Jason Bateman on stage in D.C. immediately gives the crowd the.

Speaker 1 It was a big F you back to Europe that we made it, we did it, and look, we got a monument now, and that's where this all started. I don't know if that's true.
It's not, Sean.

Speaker 1 I forgot we didn't really close that up.

Speaker 1 I had him kind of going out on the sidewalk, and then we went on to something else, and he literally just tried to get the real answer just now. By the way, it should be in your defense.

Speaker 1 This is coming from the guy who all your facts lately are from Maple. Right, Maple, my 10-year-old daughter spends a lot of time on YouTube because it cuts down on my parenting obligations.

Speaker 1 She, she, you know, when you say to an actor, oh, break a leg.

Speaker 1 I've always thought it's you wish the person, and my apologies to people over here, you

Speaker 1 say break a leg because now only a good thing can happen, right?

Speaker 1 She says, no, daddy, break a leg means

Speaker 1 if you break your leg, you get put in a cast. And that's what you're trying to do when you audition to get put into a cast.
And that's where it comes from.

Speaker 1 Apparently that's a true story.

Speaker 1 Too many faces are going, no way. Here's...
They're all turning to to each other. He goes,

Speaker 1 Here's the best part. And then he goes, and then I said, well, Mabel can, where did she get that? And he goes, YouTube.
Like, as if it's like, oh, oh, from the news. Also, I see.

Speaker 1 Also,

Speaker 1 that's where all the facts come from. Also, sand is called sand because it's neither sea nor land.

Speaker 1 Right? Look, they're all looking at their neighbor. I don't know.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Let's verify it.
I think it's real. But here's the other thing that happened today that I've never done.

Speaker 1 A day of firsts, was we were we were walking, Jason wanted to walk maybe another extra 25, 30 miles, and

Speaker 1 and all of a sudden you were here, or Jay said, why don't we take one of those birds? And I said, Marty bird.

Speaker 1 And then,

Speaker 1 right.

Speaker 1 And then he slapped me really hard.

Speaker 1 But I'd never, and I was like, ah, you guys go, this is too fucking complicated. Like, how do you undo the thing? And I got to sign up in the app.
Jason did it for me.

Speaker 1 We rode these birds all around town. This is the best time I ever had.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 We took the bird from the Washington Monument to the Capitol and then here to

Speaker 1 the arena.

Speaker 1 Now I get Marty Bird. You're always flipping the audience off, even in your character name.
We're sneaky smart on that show. What?

Speaker 1 Can we speak to Marty Bird? Yes.

Speaker 1 Sure.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, let me get

Speaker 1 started the actor's studio. Let me get Marty.
Is Marty Bird here? Let me get.

Speaker 1 I'll get my I'll get

Speaker 1 my dumb concerned face on. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Don't you say that.
It looks a lot like my smiling face. Oh no.

Speaker 1 Jason this morning at one point he got sort of like sort of mad at me when we were in the hotel room and then he said and I said, do you know what your face is doing right now?

Speaker 1 Because the look on his face was this and he goes, am I smiling?

Speaker 1 No, you're doing the opposite of smiling. We have covered this on the show.
If anybody is north of 40 in this audience,

Speaker 1 are you not surprised? I'm surprised. When I watch,

Speaker 1 you know, as you do, you watch a playback of stuff when you're shooting something.

Speaker 1 I know

Speaker 1 what I'm trying to do as an actor. I'm trying to have a certain,

Speaker 1 but this is so heavy now

Speaker 1 that

Speaker 1 I look concerned when I'm just supposed to be listening.

Speaker 1 And so to get, I think we talked about this on the podcast, when I want, I have to tell myself, when I want to just be level, I have to tell my face to be semi-surprised.

Speaker 1 It lifts it just a little bit, so now it's neutral. So semi-surprised is all right.
And then if I want to seem happy, I have to think ebullient.

Speaker 1 It's a long, yeah. Because in the morning, I try to keep my distance from you because I'm like, is he pissed at me?

Speaker 1 Yeah. You're just like, that's my good morning thing.
Because

Speaker 1 he's a little bit grumpy.

Speaker 1 I am a little bit grumpy. I'm moody.
then I give you coffee and then you're good. I'm moody.

Speaker 1 All right. Oh, man.
We've covered a lot. We're not even supposed to be talking to you.
We're supposed to be talking to ourselves.

Speaker 1 I know. It's so crazy.

Speaker 1 It's a little nuts. It's a little surreal.
Did you just adjust the lace, Ben? No. Just a snap.

Speaker 1 The snap.

Speaker 1 I'm wearing my sport piece tonight and it snaps.

Speaker 1 But they come loose.

Speaker 1 I didn't realize it was going to be so windy.

Speaker 1 But the helmet you slept in shaped it nicely. Yeah, it keeps it.
Well, it holds it. Yeah.
I'm not stupid, dude.

Speaker 1 Do these nice new clothes we're wearing. We didn't wear this in the podcast.

Speaker 1 We learned that. We've got pajamas in the podcast.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. All right.
Shall we? Shall we? Oh, you want to get going? I'm sorry. Are you.

Speaker 1 You have a heart out? Yeah.

Speaker 1 What are you doing? No, I felt like that. Where's that check-in? Did you guys enjoy the check-in, showing your vaccination?

Speaker 1 Did it take too long, right?

Speaker 1 Where's your hat? Where's your hat? Where's my hat? I know. This is it.

Speaker 1 No, I thought

Speaker 1 I'd

Speaker 1 not wear one.

Speaker 1 You usually wear a vaccine. That's a very valid question.
Thank you. No, why? Because otherwise I look like a pedophile.

Speaker 1 Can I watch your kids? You know.

Speaker 1 So I just try to, it just takes too long. You're long to sit there.
It takes too long to do something, so I got a lot of product in it. That's why I wear a hat.
I'm like, I'm too exhausted and old.

Speaker 1 Now,

Speaker 1 did Scotty tell you not to wear a hat on the tour?

Speaker 1 Yes, he did. He did, right?

Speaker 1 I knew it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He's like, you're not going to go out there looking like an asshole, are you?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You thought taking up the hat would do it?

Speaker 1 All right. Right.

Speaker 1 This is your guess, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. So, drink up.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 by the way, just to remind people, we don't know who this is. We Jason John legitimately don't know who it is.

Speaker 1 We never do. We never do, but we've carried the story.
The exception is Kamala Harris and Stacey Abrams, we all knew about because there was a lot of

Speaker 1 apparatus to organize that. Yeah, yeah.
But other than that, I think we've always not known. Not known.

Speaker 1 And that is totally legit. But this took some doing because this person is backstage and they had to be in a certain area backstage.

Speaker 1 They had to be brought here from out of town and they had to, so it was a big deal to keep it from these guys.

Speaker 1 can't and and and some other people on the tour know who it is so we keep on having to say the special guest now do you have questions on you do you have your intro memorized I I don't have my intro memorized my intro is gonna I'm kind of winging it

Speaker 1 you can keep them out I've got my cards you can keep either way

Speaker 1 I don't think you understand the concept of winging it you can't look at fucking no those are my questions

Speaker 1 Those are my questions, not my intro. Okay.
Here's something.

Speaker 1 I've never admitted this to you because you do your little intros sometimes, which are obviously written right before. Yeah, right before.
And learn. How about you? I know I spend time on mine.

Speaker 1 Here's an admission.

Speaker 1 I've never written one.

Speaker 1 You never clear.

Speaker 1 That's clear. You never wear? I've never written an intro.
Oh.

Speaker 1 Really? No. Why?

Speaker 1 Because we're going to get to them.

Speaker 1 Did you write one for this person?

Speaker 1 I did not. No, this person doesn't need an intro.
Oh. Oh, really?

Speaker 1 This person legitimately is someone who has worn many, many hats. Oh.

Speaker 1 This person has been,

Speaker 1 this person was a cop.

Speaker 1 As a cop? America's mayor? This person was a cop. Is that who's coming out?

Speaker 1 I would like that interview. Wouldn't that be nice? That would be fun.

Speaker 1 Turn up the heat in here a little bit, get some sweat going.

Speaker 1 great

Speaker 1 we got our we got our first cut we got our first thing we have to cut why is that bad that'd be a good interview do you so this person was a cop this person uh has been a cop this person has been a race car driver

Speaker 1 this person i'm telling you this person wore a lot of different hats this person has been a figure skater

Speaker 1 this person is america's best friend this person has been a basketball player this person has been and will always be to me, the funniest guy that I know. Mr.
Wilfer.

Speaker 1 Look at you guys.

Speaker 1 That's a vaccine. That's smart.
You did it. I knew you were on the fence, but you did it.
That's smart.

Speaker 1 I'm so mad at you.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I asked you,

Speaker 1 is there a dress code? You said...

Speaker 1 You said

Speaker 1 it's formal. Tuxedos and cool sunglasses.

Speaker 1 You specifically said.

Speaker 1 That was when it was going to be in Toronto.

Speaker 1 And I swear, I don't see anyone on a tuxedo.

Speaker 1 Wait, Will, did you fly in today? I flew in yesterday. You did? This is so nice of you to do this.
I know.

Speaker 1 Truly.

Speaker 1 I'm

Speaker 1 happy to do it. You guys didn't have to pay me the fee that you're paying me.
They don't.

Speaker 1 They don't. Is that the same outfit you wore on the plane?

Speaker 1 Okay, you guys flew me first-class accommodations. I was not allowed to bring a change of clothes, though.
That was the stipulation.

Speaker 1 But yeah, remember when people used to dress up on a flight? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 My dad tells me. No one does it anymore.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to bring it back.

Speaker 1 My mom was a stewardess or a flight attendant for Pan Am. Their outfits were incredible back in the day, right? With the bowler hats, right? Is that what it's called? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And everyone had to wear a suit and tie in first class, I think, right? Yeah. And to be fair, just to catch that mistake you made.

Speaker 1 Philbox to answer. Just to highlight it to underline it and highlight it.
Oh, stewardess. Oh.

Speaker 1 Yes. At the time,

Speaker 1 what I was going to say was in your defense at the time, she referred to herself as a stewardess. Yeah.
Well, that's what it was called back in the day.

Speaker 1 You used to call her a waitress.

Speaker 1 She used to call her a waitress.

Speaker 1 But why did they switch it? Guys, it's a long tour. I know.
It's going to be a long tour. Let's not get to your raid.
Let's not get to it. And you are wearing Pan Am colors.
The Pan Am classic. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Blue and white, and a little bit of teal, right? Wasn't there teal? A splash of gold. The splash of gold.
Right for the wings. Did you have the travel,

Speaker 1 the shoulder bag?

Speaker 1 The Pan Am shoulder bag. Oh, sure, I did.
I had all the swag. And, you know, we used to be able to ride with mom for free if

Speaker 1 there's empty seats.

Speaker 1 And then I would help out mom serving dinners to people.

Speaker 1 I'd walk

Speaker 1 six

Speaker 1 on my life. Yeah.
I'd walk down with their tray and get into it. Well, your parents had you working even on vacation.

Speaker 1 Actual slope. She was on an actual slope.
Unbelievable.

Speaker 1 Flew all around the world for free. She was thrilled to do it.
Thrilled to do it. Yeah, we had to be in suit and tie, including my sister.
No.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 you had to be dressed up and

Speaker 1 you couldn't check a bag because we never knew if we could get on the plane or not because you could only get on the plane if there's empty seats. So you had to be carry-on bags.
Oh sorry, man.

Speaker 1 So let's get back to Will.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 It's February. Sure.

Speaker 1 It's pretty much the start of the year, so I thought I'd read my New Year's resolutions.

Speaker 1 We're going to double back to the Pan Am story because he's got something he really. Oh, he really did the audience a favor.

Speaker 1 Stop saying pun unintended.

Speaker 1 That's a good note. Because I love puns.
Yeah. And whenever I use it, I mean it.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Because otherwise you just wouldn't say it.

Speaker 1 Why? You're not going to do it if you don't intend to make a pun. It's like saying like, hey, murder unintended after murdering somebody.
Right.

Speaker 1 I'm just.

Speaker 1 He's trying to wiggle in a promotion for murder bill coming on that.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 They applauded pretty quick. They're aware of it.
They haven't seen it yet. They haven't seen it yet.
It's very good. That's kind of you to say.
I mean, keep talking about it. Really commit.

Speaker 1 I really want to commit this year to referring to all money/slash cash

Speaker 1 as cheese or cheddar.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 fully commit to it. And fully commit.
And $100 bills as blue cheese.

Speaker 1 Do you?

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I'd like, yes, I'd like to, can I have a couple of those in blue cheese? Sure. Well, at the ATM, you can read that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right. Or like you call your account and you're like, how much

Speaker 1 blue cheese? How much blue cheese we cost? Because I got a big spread. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'd love for you to say, your agent calls and says, well, we've got an offer, and your only thing is, how much cheddar are they offering you? Right.

Speaker 1 Next person that says to me, age before beauty, I'm going to knock out. Okay.

Speaker 1 You just don't like it?

Speaker 1 Oof.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Say 2022 in the house as much as possible.

Speaker 1 Eat more vegetables. Sure.
Well, that one makes a lot of sense. That's a good one.
Yeah. Do you guys not look at him and just fall in love? I swear I could just stare at the funniest man in the world.

Speaker 1 Yeah, absolutely. Please, no.

Speaker 1 Drink

Speaker 1 at least 50 liters of water a day.

Speaker 1 50 liters? That seems like a lot.

Speaker 1 Do something special for a random stranger every day. That's nice.
That's nice.

Speaker 1 Buy their coffee for them.

Speaker 1 Help someone cross the street. And then ask a stranger to do something special for me.

Speaker 1 Let's do it. Just pick one.

Speaker 1 This comes back to get in the face of flight attendants because I have rights too.

Speaker 1 That I think has a head full of steam already.

Speaker 1 Just follow that trend. Yeah, I got it.
Never buy a pack of cigarettes again.

Speaker 1 There's plenty of half-smoked butts out there with at least two or three drags left on them. So you just gotta

Speaker 1 look on the ground. Don't shake your head at me.
Wait, that might go double for cups of coffee. Right.

Speaker 1 I got a lot, by the way. I'm glad this list is so long.
You should have done it. Well, you don't follow through on the way.

Speaker 1 If this list is like even five more minutes long, it would have been nice if you started with buckle up.

Speaker 1 Tell my wife I love her at least once a month.

Speaker 1 And then treat myself to a nice piece of jewelry.

Speaker 1 Remind myself daily that I ain't afraid of no ghosts.

Speaker 1 That's good. Good for you.

Speaker 1 Can you forward these to me? I will. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Really try to stop breeding exotic big cats.

Speaker 1 Mostly tigers and jaguars.

Speaker 1 Really try. Mostly.
Mostly.

Speaker 1 Put all my money, all of it, every last penny. All the cheddar in Bitcoin.
And do not look back.

Speaker 1 Take down my Christmas tree.

Speaker 1 And we will be right back.

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Speaker 3 And then he thought that maybe we're professional. We're not just a bunch of clowns.
To be honest, there was a point where I got so comfortable, I forgot that I was in front of an audience.

Speaker 3 I was sitting back on that nice Ashley couch and I was just hanging out with my buds in my living room.

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Speaker 2 And now back to the show.

Speaker 1 Avoid slipping into vocal fries so much. Right.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You guys know what that is? I just found out what that was about six months ago.

Speaker 1 You know, when you talk,

Speaker 1 talk like that.

Speaker 1 It's like Valley Girl Speak, right?

Speaker 1 That's going back a bit.

Speaker 1 Every sentence ends in a question mark. Nah, it's talking like, you know, like that's.
Isn't that vocal fry?

Speaker 1 One more example because I think I can't.

Speaker 1 All I see are two cameras over there, and I don't, I don't, can't do it again. Thank God for the internet, huh?

Speaker 1 Because that will haunt you for so long. By the way, Willie, again, this is starting to read read like a manifesto, but go on.
Chicago,

Speaker 1 Chicago PD,

Speaker 1 Chicago Fire,

Speaker 1 Chicago Med. These are the three shows you're promising to watch this year? No, I'm just, I just love, I just love them.
You love them.

Speaker 1 It's actually an ad.

Speaker 1 It's actually an advertisement. That's a paid ad.
It's a paid ad that I snuck on the smart list. What the fuck? So, what the fuck? Thank you, guys.

Speaker 1 Speaking of Chicago, you look dangerously close to Harry Carey right now. Oh, did I? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to eg him on just a little.

Speaker 1 Chicago, PD.

Speaker 1 What I love has all the thrill and excitement of the inner workings of the police department.

Speaker 1 With all the backyard knowledge of Chicago.

Speaker 1 Wait, you know, I'm from Chicago, and it sounds exactly like it.

Speaker 1 What's more exciting than solving a homicide at Wrigley Field?

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, I got a lot more. Should I just stop it? No, listen.
I mean, our guests don't show up prepared. Okay.
You know, this is what a choice is. Okay, I'm going to speed.
I'll speed through.

Speaker 1 I don't really have questions. Try to ask questions.

Speaker 1 Try to work on my intense hatred of manatees.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 jackets streaming now on Showtime. Oh, Jesus, man.

Speaker 1 Second ass. Second half.

Speaker 1 Hollywood has got you. You don't know how much blue cheese I just landed right there.
Well, not yet. Not yet, but when this airs.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 All right. Finally, finally change my name to De Baby, unless it's already taken.

Speaker 1 Or finally change my name to

Speaker 1 Yay, unless that's already taken. No, you're good.
They're both taken. Well, how do you spell it?

Speaker 1 Y-E. No, that's taken.
What is it? Yay or Ye?

Speaker 1 Well, I thought, like, Y-A-Y isn't taken if you want that. I just want Y.
I just want Y-E. You can't have it.
Taken? Taken. I don't know.

Speaker 1 I mean, if you're pronouncing it like the way you're doing it, I think that you're good.

Speaker 1 I mean, I should preface it by saying I'm not a lawyer.

Speaker 1 Wait, does Kanye want it pronounced yay or ye?

Speaker 1 Ye? You see, you're hearing both. Yay!

Speaker 1 I just thought of a fourth one, Chicago Law. Oh, Chicago Law.

Speaker 1 You can play a lawyer. Shit.

Speaker 1 By the way, now this is like a trademark thing. Turtle, Mike Davis.

Speaker 1 Sounds like Terry Seattle. He does sound like Terry.
Is it Terry? Terry Seattle. Remember to talk louder on my cell phone when I'm in public, especially on an airplane.

Speaker 1 Eat more roadkill.

Speaker 1 More. If we all ate roadkill, at least one meal a week, we'd reduce our carbon footprint by 25 percent.

Speaker 1 You almost couldn't get that one out. You like that one

Speaker 1 land voiceover contract for Reese's peanut butter. What the fuck?

Speaker 1 Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 And don't be sorry about it. Don't be sorry.
You'll be sorry about it.

Speaker 1 Good luck.

Speaker 1 Will, can you roll down your sock a little bit more? Sorry.

Speaker 1 Just get it all the way down.

Speaker 1 Jason and I got an argument for real just before the show because I did have a Reese's peanut butter cup,

Speaker 1 also pay dad. And

Speaker 1 Jason said, in that way, he goes, oh, so funny. I said, how long you do? Thank you, Will.
They're really funny. Thank you, man.
I actually stop and watch them every time I see them. Thank you.

Speaker 1 It's so nice to get a compliment from a friend. Whoa.

Speaker 1 Fuck it. I mean, the hours of the day.

Speaker 1 The last great commercial I saw was the Dodge thing that you did way back when. Remember that? Was for Dodge, wasn't it? Right, yeah, right.
Have you done a commercial since then?

Speaker 1 I did one for GM.

Speaker 1 Oh. GMC.
Not GMC, not GMC trucks. Not GMC.
So you did GM, he does GM cars. That's GMC.
That's a CMC. GM, right? GMC is a truck of G.
What's GM? That's the big overall company. Yeah.

Speaker 1 General Merchandise. Don't like me.

Speaker 1 GG. I thought I was talking about it.
We're talking about light trucks. No, I mean, we're talking about professional grade vehicles.

Speaker 1 And we've only been doing it for 23 years. Look, here's the point.

Speaker 1 Is that like a world record in voiceovers? I don't know.

Speaker 1 It might be, but I try not to.

Speaker 1 Someone Google it. I try not to talk about it in front of people.

Speaker 1 In front of a theater, a packed theater of people. No, because it's gross.

Speaker 1 But you love it. I love it.
But you're a good match for it because you are kind of a professional grade kind of guy.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 It fits him. Thank you.
Well, the voice alone is like a truck.

Speaker 1 It sounds like a truck.

Speaker 1 Burned out.

Speaker 1 Who sings that song, Believer?

Speaker 1 Don't Stop Believing? No, that's not the best. No.
Believer.

Speaker 1 Imagine dragging these nuts across your face.

Speaker 1 Is that on my list? That's on my list.

Speaker 1 Say that more.

Speaker 1 The last one is, Imagine dragging your

Speaker 1 which is not really a resolution it's just a reminder to take chances

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 be more spontaneous yeah

Speaker 1 even though it's on my list well it makes me think big this is my last one

Speaker 1 he's not done okay this is my last one I don't know

Speaker 1 remove all and repeat all of my music from Spotify. All my albums.
There we go.

Speaker 1 All my albums.

Speaker 1 All of them. All of them.
You think Cupcake Party.

Speaker 1 All the way back.

Speaker 1 Revolution Yesterday.

Speaker 1 Not on there. Grandma's Unicorn.

Speaker 1 Jesus Clown.

Speaker 1 That's a B-side. Even the B-side.
Get it on. Get it off.

Speaker 1 And Will, why?

Speaker 1 Here we go. Here we go.
Why would you let me cut? Because.

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 1 it's a bad platform. Yeah, it's a bad platform.
Yeah, yeah. Because you have a lot of glitches.
Yeah, a lot of glitches.

Speaker 1 And your music is pure are we is that and is that it we're getting there we're halfway done that was it

Speaker 1 yeah will farrell

Speaker 1 new year resolution

Speaker 1 but will so sitting here thinking and and and that's our time oh wait wait hang on he's getting a call he's taking the car are you face time

Speaker 1 Wow,

Speaker 1 Will, I gotta say, sitting here on the stage, I was gonna say, and doing that, and I was thinking, and

Speaker 1 with all these people here,

Speaker 1 do you miss, and I know we've asked you this before, but how much do you miss performing every week like you did for a long time? You guys

Speaker 1 are

Speaker 1 yawning right now, Sean? You were kind of yawning, weren't you?

Speaker 1 I've been yawning for 20 minutes.

Speaker 1 Sean,

Speaker 1 Jason forced Sean to walk a lot earlier today. You guys were on the birds all over the city.
Yeah, I heard. Yeah, yeah.
We did the birds, but it started as a walk, and then this is actually.

Speaker 1 exhausted.

Speaker 1 Okay, I'm not. You make me laugh harder than anybody else.
And Angel didn't sleep last night, right? I didn't sleep.

Speaker 1 I got up at like three or four in the morning because these guys are like out, like they can do the switch from West Coast to East Coast time. Like anyway, I need like two weeks, and I don't have it.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 But it should be, you are a little bit tired. But I'm okay.
Why is everybody on my back about being tired? Because you were yawning when Will was. I was not yawning.

Speaker 1 I went like this. It's my thing.
I was like, okay. Good God.

Speaker 1 Do you know?

Speaker 1 Maybe I have a different problem. Do you know what a yawn is?

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure I can identify a yawn when I see that.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 I did a small scene in a movie with Kevin Hart, and I was doing my single. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.

Speaker 1 And we're doing my single, right? So single, the camera's on me, and the person that you're talking to is behind the camera here. So, okay, right.

Speaker 1 So Kevin Hart's face is right here, and I'm talking to him. We're in the middle scene.
In the Hollywood bounce guard. He falls asleep.

Speaker 1 He fell asleep

Speaker 1 while he's off camera. Camera's rolling.
Who, Kay Hart? Kevin Hart fell asleep while I'm doing my single. Wow.
I'm talking. Literally his eyes closed, and I thought, well, maybe.

Speaker 1 Finally, somebody has the guts. And then...

Speaker 1 While you're performing to do what... Has Kay Hart been a guest? No, that'd be a good one.
It would be

Speaker 1 you guys could break that down. I'd like to talk to him about that.

Speaker 1 Let's call him. Is that phone?

Speaker 1 I want to go back to this thing. Do you have a problem like I do with the changing? Because you travel a lot too.

Speaker 1 And you, that's the thing I don't understand about you guys who do like movie after movie after movie after movie.

Speaker 1 It's like, how do you adjust and then have the energy after 14 hours to just get up and go? Like, be funny. Champion? Coke.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Those are the two That's what's in

Speaker 1 the old Dop Kit.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 The old Dopkit. He taught me.
He told me. You've got two Dopkits.
One's brimming full of coke.

Speaker 1 You've been open about that. It spills out everywhere.
You're really open about your cocaine use, right? You have been for a long time.

Speaker 1 I've never hidden that from anyone. Right.
Not a soul. Yeah.
The kids. You know what? Backstage, the true story also,

Speaker 1 that we were trying to figure out, out Jason, what is a dop kit? What does it mean? We looked it up. Do you know what it is why it's called a dop kit? Does anybody here know? A what?

Speaker 1 Why they call it dop. You know what a dop kit is? What I'm do you know what I'm saying? Oh, what ought to be?

Speaker 1 Some people refer to it as a toiletry bag or a shaving kit. Dop kit.
It was anybody?

Speaker 1 Germany, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And what about it?

Speaker 1 This is all we're trying to root out the Germans. He's right there.
Get him. We're right there.

Speaker 1 Dopkit! Dopkit! Now is the same word. Dopkit!

Speaker 1 His son is pounding him right now. Do you see?

Speaker 1 No, it was a guy who was a leathersmith in Germany, and he came up with a toilet bag and it began the Dopkit. Was his last name Dopp? Doppelt.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Does that sound right to you, sir? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, of course it does. The German?

Speaker 1 I wanted to ask you this before. Who is your favorite historically SNL performer? No, historically.

Speaker 1 Like, so you can go like before you, like when you were a kid that you watched and you were like, I love what that person does.

Speaker 1 Other than Gilda.

Speaker 1 Other than Gilda and Jim Belushi.

Speaker 1 Or John.

Speaker 1 Or John.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Eddie Murphy, pretty funny. Tough to beat.

Speaker 1 I feel like it all kind of happened in various increments. Right.

Speaker 1 For me, it was Dan Aykroyd the first time I started because I just thought, oh, that guy, who is this other guy? What? Dan Aykroyd. No, I thought you said somebody else.
Have you seen him?

Speaker 1 I thought you said a second person. No.
Under your breath.

Speaker 1 You have, this is. This is about to.
I was about to. But you have a beef with Sean.

Speaker 1 A little bit.

Speaker 1 No, you guys have been fighting for years.

Speaker 1 Tell them about your fight. Don't make me pull up the emails.
I mean, they're scathing.

Speaker 1 I emailed Will today. Sean hosted once, and we just got off on the wrong place.

Speaker 1 He just came in all sassy.

Speaker 1 I think we talked about this on the podcast maybe before, so forgive me, but one of the hardest times I ever laughed in my entire life was when we hosted, and you came out, and you didn't tell us in a schedule between you and Jimmy Fallon that you came out with a little tiny phone.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Jeffries.

Speaker 1 Jeffries. Jeffreys.
God, that was so funny.

Speaker 1 And wait, what was the other thing you did? Oh, you came out on a scooter, which you didn't do in rehearsal. Did we not have the...
No,

Speaker 1 it was like...

Speaker 1 It was a little jazzy. Yeah, the electric.
Oh, my God, it was so funny.

Speaker 1 There was no reason. Will.

Speaker 1 It's so funny.

Speaker 1 Dan Aykroyd.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Eddie Murphy. Yeah.
And Phil Hartman, maybe. Yeah, Phil Hartman.

Speaker 1 The great,

Speaker 1 the great Phil Hartman.

Speaker 1 Phil Murray. Let's not forget about Bill Murray.
Bill Murray. But you know what?

Speaker 1 You don't disparage any other cast members, but those guys.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.
She's the ones I hate. Yeah, she's in my bottom three.
Okay, bottom three.

Speaker 1 You guys,

Speaker 1 you go first.

Speaker 1 I don't have anything. But wait, do you like, you know what's so funny about because

Speaker 1 it's kind of like when

Speaker 1 you have a teacher in school and you see them out at the grocery store and you're like, oh my god, it's so bizarre to like, I didn't see you as a real person.

Speaker 1 I didn't see you as doing anything else than teaching like in that room. And so for me, I always see, like, you've done so many movies and they've been so successful.

Speaker 1 And everything you do, every appearance you do, you're always so unbelievably funny. I always like picture, like, what does he do, like, on a day? Like, what are you doing now other than doing this?

Speaker 1 Like, what do you do when you're not movie to movie? It's terribly boring. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What does a boring day look like in your life?

Speaker 1 Take one of my children to school. Just the one.
The other one is learning at home. They don't deserve to learn.

Speaker 1 They don't deserve me.

Speaker 1 We draw straws at the beginning of the school year.

Speaker 1 We have what's called the private school tuition bucket. And we only got enough money for one kid.
By the way, he has stallions, by the way.

Speaker 1 Our kids go to school somewhere near one another, and everyone's in love with his kids. Like,

Speaker 1 these are mothers.

Speaker 1 One of my boys maybe sort of knows your daughter. Hey, man.

Speaker 1 Through friends.

Speaker 1 So you see where I'm going with this.

Speaker 1 My daughter's bedroom walls are filled with the young feral. No, I'm kidding.

Speaker 1 But yeah, no, they nice, nice gene pool there.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 1 So, boring day.

Speaker 1 Not so much my wife. I have a feeling it is similar to my boring day, probably close to your boring day too, and yours as well.

Speaker 1 Try to exercise and say, a little drop-off, a little exercise,

Speaker 1 work in some lunch.

Speaker 1 What's your lunch look like? No, but I mean

Speaker 1 what's yours? Quiet.

Speaker 1 And you know about his unhealthy relationship with food. Go ahead.
No, but I bet he, I think you are a healthy eater. I don't know what I'm basing that on.
I mean sort of, yeah.

Speaker 1 I think you're basing it on the nice fit of the suit. Well, I used to see, but I also used to see Will out jogging.
We used to be in a similar jogging loop. So you like, you enjoy a healthy body.

Speaker 1 So you're putting good fuel in that body?

Speaker 1 A lot of laughter during healthy body, though.

Speaker 1 By the way, can I thank him for all of us that he's so willing and generous to show his body in almost everything he does?

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 the crumb cake hairdo on the chest is just

Speaker 1 two and a half hours of makeup.

Speaker 1 That's so good.

Speaker 1 I'm like a Kendall. You're like a sword.
You know, I am just shaved out like a channel swimmer. Yeah, channel, exactly.

Speaker 1 That's just a chest and belly plate you put on? I remember sitting at a screening preview of some movie where I was shirtless, literally behind an audience member who went, oh boy.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Here we go again.

Speaker 1 It's so. That and the other.

Speaker 1 I remember going to, sneaking into a movie to see it on opening weekend when there used to be opening weekends and listening to one kid go, he's got a lazy eye.

Speaker 1 Look at him, he's got a lazy eye. I want him like, I'm sitting right behind you.

Speaker 1 I sat right behind.

Speaker 1 He's got a lazy eye.

Speaker 1 Do I? Do I have a lazy eye?

Speaker 1 I sat right behind Ron Howard and this wonderful film that he directed at a screening for like 12 people. It was the first time a screening.

Speaker 1 And right when it was done, he turned around and I go and he he goes, Oh, hey, Sean. I go, hey, is the picture locked? I have a lot of thoughts.

Speaker 1 Did he go? Oh, he was like not having me at all.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, it was his favorite. I was sitting next to somebody in a movie theater, packed movie theater for a very, very good movie.

Speaker 1 You all sold out. So it wasn't an empty seat in the house.
And I'm sitting in a back row, sitting next to somebody. And

Speaker 1 we haven't looked at each other. They don't know who I am.
And a trailer comes on for a comedy that I have. The trailer was not that great.

Speaker 1 Not one laugh through the whole trailer trailer ends and then then there's the silence as it goes black and then another trailer's about it but during that silence this this this guy thought it'd be funny he'd go no thanks

Speaker 1 and then

Speaker 1 like it echoed and I was sitting there I'm thinking well that was pretty good but wouldn't it be better if I just tapped him right now

Speaker 1 yeah because like I think my face was like the last face on the trailer like he's gonna know he's gonna regular

Speaker 1 And I did. You did? You did it.

Speaker 1 I tapped him on the shoulder.

Speaker 1 No, at first I squared up to him so that I knew as soon as he turned to be looking right at that, I tapped him, he looked right at me, and I go, not for you.

Speaker 1 But then we were buddies, and we were laughing the whole way through the next show. Nobody delivers that shittiness better than you.
I swear to God, it's the fucking bastard.

Speaker 1 It's so funny. But he killed it.
He got a huge laugh with the no thanks.

Speaker 1 But have you ever had those? Do you ever have those people? Have you had at a premiere of something,

Speaker 1 people come up, this happened to me, parents of someone who worked on the film, dad grabs them by the shoulder, he's like, I don't care what they say, I loved it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I was going to say,

Speaker 1 oh,

Speaker 1 what did people say? And they're already saying it? Yeah. It's not even in the theater.

Speaker 1 I've had friends.

Speaker 1 Like specifically like friends that you grow up with, and then you go back to your hometown, like go back to Toronto. I had a few friends go like, got that that last one, huh? Not very good.

Speaker 1 As if, like, hey, we're inside, and I can say to you that what you do for a living sucked.

Speaker 1 And you're like, Yeah, I guess. I mean, we haven't agreed on it, but I guess now we have.
So

Speaker 1 I had this friend come back after a show I did, the Promises, Promises on Broadway.

Speaker 1 Everybody up. Everyone up? Promises, Promises.
Promises, Promises.

Speaker 1 Take a bow, Sean. Amazing.

Speaker 1 Take a bow.

Speaker 1 Do what?

Speaker 1 What have you thought?

Speaker 1 Can you do one song from it up a little bit? No, and this person came up. I didn't know this person very well, and they said, one sees such a performance and one can only say, Sean Hayes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's sort of bittersweet. Yeah, I love those.
It hurts. No, it's not so bad.
It's fine.

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Speaker 1 And now, back to the show.

Speaker 1 Now, Will,

Speaker 1 speaking of acting, what uh-oh.

Speaker 1 What do you say? We all do a cold reading of a scene from the OC

Speaker 1 Sean, you'll play Luke. I play who? Sean, you're playing Luke.

Speaker 1 Jason, you will be Seth. Okay.
You're going to be Seth.

Speaker 1 We're all playing. And they're all highlighted.
Each of our lines are highlighted.

Speaker 1 You're going to play the part.

Speaker 1 You're playing Marissa. None of this is prepared.
I'm Marissa.

Speaker 1 Who are you? I'm Ryan. Okay, Ryan.
Wait a minute. Yes.
Wait a minute. I have to say.

Speaker 1 By the way, yes, what Jason just said. You were fucking crazy.
Like, this is...

Speaker 1 I just thought of this today.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 can we just say thank you?

Speaker 1 Nobody ever comes on prepared.

Speaker 1 This is incredible.

Speaker 1 He's got index cards he hasn't even gotten to yet. He's trying to make you guys laugh.
Hey, I'm playing Marissa. Okay.

Speaker 1 So you don't have to thank him, but this is everyone. This obviously is a cold read.

Speaker 1 Everyone familiar with the show OC, the great OC.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 What was the song the OC? Anybody?

Speaker 1 Oh, sing for the. California, Here We Come, and the band.

Speaker 1 California.

Speaker 1 Sing for real, Will. Sing for real.

Speaker 1 I would, but I can't remember what I was going to do. That one.

Speaker 1 All right, let's get to it. Okay, we're going to sing it on.

Speaker 1 You got a fucking dinner date? Good. It is unbelievable.

Speaker 1 But Russia will be a little bit more dangerous. Okay, we are interior diner day.
In a casual little restaurant by the water, Seth, Ryan, and Marissa eat a meal. Okay, that's your setup.

Speaker 1 Here comes the dialogue.

Speaker 1 Say, guys, I've been thinking about a plan. You know,

Speaker 1 right now, this could very well be the first stop on our pancake tour of America.

Speaker 1 Hey,

Speaker 1 like on the road. Like a woman.
You're Marissa.

Speaker 1 Matt says, I got this, you guys.

Speaker 1 That's offensive.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 Is it offensive because you think you sound plenty like a girl? First of all, first of all, I'm not auditioning for you.

Speaker 1 Hey, like on the road. There you go.
Yeah, that's good. That's my favorite book.
Mine, too.

Speaker 1 So here's the deal. Yep.
My mom had this boyfriend. He hired me to work construction last summer.

Speaker 1 But then they broke up. He moved away to Austin.

Speaker 1 In Texas?

Speaker 1 Said if I was ever out there

Speaker 1 to look him up. So.
Well, I mean, well, that's dot, dot, dot, really kind of far.

Speaker 1 We were thinking like,

Speaker 1 Long Beach or something so we could all hang out. I'll need to get a couple of days' work so I can get a little bit of travel money.
Well, I mean,

Speaker 1 we can get you money.

Speaker 1 Ryan looks away, uncomfortable. Marissa and Seth seem to get the point.

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, you know, I guess in a way you're kind of lucky. You get to move to a whole new place, start over, be whoever you want to be.
That's really not so bad.

Speaker 1 Luke, Luke and a couple other guys walk in, banging on the door, banging the door on purpose and being rude and noisy in general.

Speaker 1 Hey, putts.

Speaker 1 What's it take to get a menu around here?

Speaker 1 It's great. It's great.

Speaker 1 Don't, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's great.

Speaker 1 Okay, I'll handle it.

Speaker 1 And it does say Marissa stands out. Oh, thank you.

Speaker 1 That's all right. That's all right.
I'll handle it.

Speaker 1 And ruin your popularity? You know what?

Speaker 1 Why don't you guys just sneak out back?

Speaker 1 Marissa gets up and heads for Luke's table.

Speaker 1 And ruin your popularity. What's going on with you two?

Speaker 1 Hey.

Speaker 1 Oh, sorry, Marissa kisses Luke on the cheek and then takes a seat with him.

Speaker 1 And then takes a seat with him.

Speaker 1 And then takes a seat with him. And then takes a seat with him.

Speaker 1 There we go.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 1 I mean, you want the job or not? Okay, ready?

Speaker 1 Luke says,

Speaker 1 how is the manicure?

Speaker 1 Oh, it was great.

Speaker 1 While Marissa distracts, Ryan and Seth quickly leave their booth and head for a hallway toward a back exit.

Speaker 1 Marissa notices Seth and Ryan walking through and keeps talking, distracting Luke and the guys.

Speaker 1 So, what did you guys do today?

Speaker 1 Seth and Ryan try to hurry up, but Luke notices them. Hi, hey, guys.

Speaker 1 How are you guys doing? You look, you like the food here too? Pretty awesome.

Speaker 1 Here comes. Say it, it, Sean.

Speaker 1 Shut up, queer.

Speaker 1 Writing still holds up. It still holds up.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Seth says, well, at least I don't shave my chest. Nice.

Speaker 1 Luke gets up.

Speaker 1 Thank God.

Speaker 1 What'd you say?

Speaker 1 Luke, come on.

Speaker 1 I was just saying you look nice in a sweater vest. It was a compliment.
Luke gets up in Seth's face. All right, bring it.

Speaker 1 We got it on its feet real quick, by the way. We're just workshopping this.
You want me to break you, Cohen?

Speaker 1 How did I miss this episode? This show seems great.

Speaker 1 Just six pages left, guys.

Speaker 1 We're almost there. You guys have been so patient.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 So then Luke says,

Speaker 1 no way, look who's back. Here he comes.
Oh, wait.

Speaker 1 Q, Luke.

Speaker 1 God damn it. No way.
Look who's back. You know, you're a little far from eight mile.

Speaker 1 Luke, don't.

Speaker 1 What are you? What are you, like spokesperson for Geeks of America or something? Nice.

Speaker 1 That's a sick person. They all laugh.
They all laugh. Oh, Ryan laughs.
Here comes big finish. You know what I like about rich kids?

Speaker 1 Ryan punches Luke in the face, hard enough to throw it back onto the table.

Speaker 1 Nothing.

Speaker 1 Seth says, that was awesome. awesome.

Speaker 1 Your asses, you're dead.

Speaker 1 That's it. See?

Speaker 1 Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'm sorry. I mean, after a rough beginning...

Speaker 1 Wow. After a rough beginning, Arnett killed it.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 1 Will Farrell, I have a dumb fan question.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's a really dumb question. Here we go from these two idiots.
Oh, boy. Where, what is your favorite movie that you worked on? What's a favorite role?

Speaker 1 What is something that you love to do that really sticks out to you?

Speaker 1 You can't tell his favorite.

Speaker 1 We love his movies, right? We love Will's movies.

Speaker 1 But what was the one that you just had the most incredible experience? You were proud of the result? All of that kind of stuff.

Speaker 1 Well, Aides of Glory.

Speaker 1 Blades of Glory, darring Will. Will.

Speaker 1 Do you guys know how you really pronounce his last name?

Speaker 1 The witch? Arn.

Speaker 1 Arnett. Arnett.
It's actually, he's drawn.

Speaker 1 In Canada, he's Arnett. Not Arnett.
It's true. He moved down here and he started elongating it.
What's the second reason? Is that true? Yeah.

Speaker 1 He knows that because my parents... Your parents.
My parents,

Speaker 1 my mom and dad are always like, no, it's Will Arnett.

Speaker 1 Willie. Willie, whoa, Willie Arnett.
I didn't know that. Guys, this

Speaker 1 changes everything. Can I borrow your shades? Can I borrow your your shades? Can I borrow your shades? Can I borrow your shades?

Speaker 1 This changes everything. So, wait, wait, if your mom and dad introduced themselves to somebody, they would say, I am

Speaker 1 Mr. or Mrs.
Arnett.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. Now they say Arnett because they want to get the bump from being my parents.
Yeah. Oh, got it.
That makes sense. Right, I'm just being.

Speaker 1 They want the juice. No, but they do say, they do.
My dad says, yeah, Jim Arnett. Wow.
Yeah, we've talked about it. So he's been living a professional lie this whole time.

Speaker 1 It's true. It's true.
So my question.

Speaker 1 Favorite? Yeah, man.

Speaker 1 Which one makes you laugh the most? And it doesn't have to be about you. It could be somebody else in it.

Speaker 1 The one.

Speaker 1 Which one?

Speaker 1 I heard Elf, I heard Kicking and Screaming. I heard old school.
I heard.

Speaker 1 Zoolander was pretty ridiculous.

Speaker 1 The one that makes me laugh the most

Speaker 1 is

Speaker 1 I can't do the best. I was trying to think of something really obscure.

Speaker 1 What's your view?

Speaker 1 I would say, in terms of overall, if I had to pick one, it's Anchorman. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just because.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 We love Anchorman.

Speaker 1 What was your show called again? What was the what? What was your show?

Speaker 1 My TV show? No, your Broadway show. Promises, Promises.

Speaker 1 There was

Speaker 1 a thundering standing ovation for Promises Promises. Yes, it's true.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Not so much for Acherman. Not so much for Anchorman.
But

Speaker 1 that was like we were playing with the house's money.

Speaker 1 It was like, why are they letting us make it? Will, when you went and pitched that movie to,

Speaker 1 what's his name? Husband, wife team, where the producers is. Yes.

Speaker 1 Walter Parks? Yeah, right, right, right. And Will, apparently, this is legendary stuff.
Will walked in.

Speaker 1 He was wearing a huge, they were trying to get the money to make Anchorman, and you and McKay went in. Well, we had to go in for a lot.
We knew it was not looking good. Yeah.

Speaker 1 People just were not

Speaker 1 getting the idea. And so we're like, let's just go and mess around in a pitcher.
Fuck around. And you had a huge foam cowboy hat.
Yes.

Speaker 1 And in the middle,

Speaker 1 Will's across from all the parts who's making the decision to make it, and there are people who are talking, and Will stared him down and then just interrupted and said, I think I'm falling in love with you.

Speaker 1 Will also came, we had an engagement party years ago, and Will showed up wearing a hat that said, I'm number one

Speaker 1 to my

Speaker 1 and you also used to, you had a hat, the Patriots hat 19 and 0. 19 and 0.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That you wore to to Boston to Amy's parents to Amy's parents' house Yeah, after they had just lost the Super Bowl to go 18 and one

Speaker 1 you know they make those hats in case they win they make the hats so the team can put them on and if they don't win they destroy them or they send them to like some other part of the world where they can use the hats and so I have people say that about our merchandise, but yeah.

Speaker 1 Yes, yeah. So it said Patriots perfect season 19 and oh

Speaker 1 and a buddy of mine got me one and I wore it up to Boston Thanksgiving dinner.

Speaker 1 And I think Amy's dad was like, Will, not funny. Take that hat off.
Dude, that is not fucking funny.

Speaker 1 Look at this guy, fucking choker, huh? From Canada.

Speaker 1 Hilarious dude, Ashley. Bill Pohler, hilarious dude.

Speaker 1 I love that you found a 19-0 Patriots.

Speaker 1 I know, that's crazy. I think I still have it somewhere, too.
You know? So the. I lost the I'm number one hat.
Did you? I don't know what happened.

Speaker 1 It was a great one. But the, the, so on SNL, where you can pick a character, write a character, and it only has to last three, four, five pages.

Speaker 1 So if it doesn't work, you never have to do it again. If it does work, you can repeat that character

Speaker 1 next week.

Speaker 1 With a film, you have to go make this full commitment into oftentimes a brand new character. Is that more scary for you that, like, well, I can't change it now.

Speaker 1 I got to do 120 pages of this character over the course of a few months. Like, is it, how do you like the stakes of those two things

Speaker 1 we're laughing you want to you're blowing up you're burning you are burning to look at that this is your next interview

Speaker 1 we've gone over emoji thumbs up can't beat that

Speaker 1 you can't beat that is it nerve-wracking uh-oh he's gone

Speaker 1 i you know ignorance is bliss

Speaker 1 I don't you don't think about it. Yeah, for better or for worse.
Charge ahead. Same stakes of doing one that lasts for one sketch versus a whole movie.
You're either picking up the debris later or

Speaker 1 somehow you land on your feet and you're like, oh, that worked. Let me ask you this.

Speaker 1 Have you ever done a film where you come in on the first day and you're doing one of these incredible characters that you do and you pull it off, you take huge swings, you always pull it off.

Speaker 1 Am I wrong? I'm right.

Speaker 1 Have you ever had a director that doesn't have a great sense of humor that might go, huh? Can I talk to you for a second?

Speaker 1 And on the very first day, they don't get it and they want you to make a big change. Has that ever happened?

Speaker 1 Luckily, that has not happened. Yeah, I've fared pretty well in that department.

Speaker 1 But I have had those moments and we might have talked about it when we did the podcast. I don't remember yesterday.
A year ago.

Speaker 1 When did we do that? Almost two years ago. Almost years ago.
Wow. So many gummies between then and now.
Oh, I'm sure. So many.

Speaker 1 I got six in me right now. But that was the experience.

Speaker 1 Well, the two Dopkits. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Dopkits.

Speaker 1 Uh-oh. Sorry.

Speaker 1 Get more Dopkits. Go to self-freshen up cocaine Dopkit.

Speaker 1 Running low.

Speaker 1 But that was kind of the experience on ELF in the sense that I had just finished doing Saturday Live where a lot of that stuff pushed the envelope.

Speaker 1 Here I was doing this PG family Christmas movie running around New York City in my yellow tights

Speaker 1 sitting in my little

Speaker 1 not even a not even a

Speaker 1 my half banger trailer in front of the the little electric heater

Speaker 1 and just looking in the mirror going

Speaker 1 so it was you that had the self-doubt it wasn't fabro this could be it huh i was just like this could be it

Speaker 1 Well, that's a good point instead.

Speaker 1 That's a big swing. It's a tight second to It's a Wonderful Life is the best Christmas movie ever.
Yes, right?

Speaker 1 But that's a great point. So it's a big swing.
You're doing this character of L, and you have, that's the thing, is you have no fucking idea if it's going to work where people are going to laugh.

Speaker 1 But did you feel pressure from being on this being your first movie? And did you feel like all eyes on you? Let's see if this guy's got it. Well, a little bit.

Speaker 1 And like I said,

Speaker 1 it was an old, like old school was in the can, but it hadn't come out yet. Oh, really?

Speaker 1 So it was just like... Or my sister, Tracy, in the can means

Speaker 1 just for people who don't know what in the can means. In the can means shot, but not yet released.
That's right.

Speaker 1 And I don't want to say that because I don't want to make you mad because I know about your hair trigger

Speaker 1 temper.

Speaker 1 But Tracy almost got more applause than Akerman.

Speaker 1 Don't think it didn't. Don't fuck

Speaker 1 Don't, don't, fucking don't do it.

Speaker 1 I am going on such a bender tonight.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna run around those monuments with a spear gun,

Speaker 1 fueled on cocaine, screaming Trace's name.

Speaker 1 When you used to be addicted to day-old seafood, remember?

Speaker 1 Don't get me going.

Speaker 1 Day-old lobster. Day-old lobster.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I get it.

Speaker 1 But yeah, so old school was in the... Yeah, yeah, so yeah, that was just such a huge.

Speaker 1 James Kahn, Jimmy Kahn, who was fantastic, and we were so lucky to get him,

Speaker 1 another moment at a premiere, a comment, he was like,

Speaker 1 great job. I got to tell you.
Because he didn't think so during. He said, I thought every day you were way over the top.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 you could see it on his face in the movie, but it works for the character. And so I think he literally was like, what is this guy doing?

Speaker 1 He probably fired his agent six times during that shoot.

Speaker 1 But yeah, so that was like prime example of,

Speaker 1 it's all about process. Don't try to judge it too much.
Just keep plowing ahead because you could look at it later and be like, oh, that was working the whole time.

Speaker 1 Well, your commitment is just, we're so lucky. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Let's thank Will Farrell, everybody.

Speaker 1 Thanks, you guys.

Speaker 1 Thanks to the ball.

Speaker 1 Thank you, guys.

Speaker 1 Feedback.

Speaker 1 I want to give you some feedback.

Speaker 1 Right this way, William. Do I leave? Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Which way do I go? Just right out, just right out the side, but this one.

Speaker 1 Will fall!

Speaker 1 Will fill!

Speaker 1 Will ferrell! Will ferrell!

Speaker 1 He's already on the button!

Speaker 1 He's already on the spot. Look at the string on the back.
He's doing the cigarette butt. And he left this cigarette butt.
He left the cigarette butt. You guys got Will Farrell.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 How?

Speaker 1 Nice job.

Speaker 1 I just thought, I thought for our first show, I wanted to have somebody who's a friend of the show. And

Speaker 1 he was the first person that we actually interviewed. It wasn't our first broadcast, but the first guy that we interviewed.
And I just wanted to have it to be like a friendly, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Make it be like a home game. Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1 I mean, I meant what I said. Like, I'm such a, like everybody is, such a massive fan.

Speaker 1 He's never not funny on a talk show appearance, on a movie, on a TV show, on anything. He's so prepared.
By the way, and he came.

Speaker 1 Oh, but this is hilarious. She's holding us.
Oh, my God. Let's have that.
Holding us. She's got a bunch of buys for us.
This is incredibly helpful right now.

Speaker 1 Because this is, we need to start thinking up how we're going to get out of here.

Speaker 1 And let's see here.

Speaker 1 Let's...

Speaker 1 Well, I'll tell you what. So you guys take a look, and I'll take a look.

Speaker 1 I was going to talk with some more nice things about well, but no, no, no, no, I know, but you can upload this and then back. Put it right there so that the audience can't see.
Huh.

Speaker 1 And they don't know. This is really cheating, though.

Speaker 1 It's called the Endless Goodbyes. I feel like if we use one of these two, we could get sued.
Oh, good point. Good point.

Speaker 1 So anyway, so he shows up. I was going to say, I was going to say he's never not funny, everything he does, and the commitment.

Speaker 1 The fact that he brought us these scripts, like he worked on scripts to do for us tonight, and then all of the other bits that he came out with, like that work.

Speaker 1 Like, you have to write that and think about that. So nice.
He's always prepared and the nicest guy in the world. Super.

Speaker 1 He, um.

Speaker 1 Super, super funny. You know,

Speaker 1 when we did Blades of Glory, the first thing we...

Speaker 1 No, no, no. No, no, no.
And

Speaker 1 it was like the first big movie that I did coming out of Arrested Development. And Will.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 1 And Will.

Speaker 1 Oh, wait, really quick. Who went to the premiere of that?

Speaker 1 Of Arrested? No, of Blades of Glory. I didn't.

Speaker 1 You did?

Speaker 1 Were you there? I was there for you. Oh, you weren't.

Speaker 1 Jason got mad for real again today about the fact that Sean and I have vacationed together a few times. But we love you.
Really? Yeah, you're invited.

Speaker 1 You're invited.

Speaker 1 We're invited.

Speaker 1 But what I was going to say is, like, you know, of course Will is hilarious and he's, like you said, super well prepared, always has a funny bit, always does something that you wouldn't think of special yeah really special interesting but on top of it he's the senior he's the guy you know he's already making these incredibly funny great movies and I known him for a few years but getting on the set where that's his milieu if you will like that's where and he was so gracious to everybody in the cast and me by being you know he he was just always very generous well that's the sign of a big superstar yeah like you can't be an asshole yeah I mean you know if you have to treat everybody equal just work hard and be nice.

Speaker 1 I have that up in my office. Just work hard and be nice.

Speaker 1 And one day,

Speaker 1 one day you're going to do it.

Speaker 1 And we can't wait.

Speaker 1 We really can't.

Speaker 1 This is big.

Speaker 1 I love you. Yeah, I love you.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're the one who saw it. Thank you.

Speaker 1 That was a funny script. It's really funny.
We love Sean 2.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're checking these out?

Speaker 1 I'm not going to look at those.

Speaker 1 That's a great question. We're not going to take any more questions from the audience

Speaker 1 other than, have you still, have you watched the rest of the development yet? Sure.

Speaker 1 What character does he play? Yeah. He played, remember I call it Job? No, no, no, I call it Gob.
Gob. But I call it Gob.
But it is what?

Speaker 1 It's Job, yeah. And?

Speaker 1 wait, no, you are.

Speaker 1 Well, give me the first letter of your name. No, no, no, no.
Just first letter. What is this? Wordle? Sam?

Speaker 1 Wordle.

Speaker 1 Can we talk about Wordle? Oh, let's do it.

Speaker 1 And one of the other things is our big joke is like, oh, great. Yeah, send us your screen grabs of Wordle.
And also tell us what you think about the Beatles documentary. But

Speaker 1 I can't wait.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 how is your work situation like succession? It's not. But here, so we did Wordle for the first time yesterday on the plane.

Speaker 1 And so, of course, we were making fun of it. We hadn't done it.
And, of course, it's great. And then today, today, Jay goes,

Speaker 1 all right, I can't wait for the next one. We're like, no, it's only once a day.
But it's only once a day?

Speaker 1 How does that happen? But everybody gets the same word? Is that right? So how are you not, like, seeing that on Twitter at the top of the day? I don't, how is this catching on?

Speaker 1 Because people have other stuff to do. Yeah.

Speaker 1 By the way, all these buys are, thank you for the effort. They're all useless.
They're not, they're all,

Speaker 1 they're not like.

Speaker 1 Oh, I guess some of them do work. No, that one's good.
That one's pretty good. You know what? Yeah, that one is good.
You know what I, one of my favorite. Oh, here we go.

Speaker 1 This is, now that's Sean right there. He's about to do his bye.

Speaker 1 We always have to pull him back to the brink.

Speaker 1 Good. You know what? It's going to be the worst.

Speaker 1 You know what? One of my favorite characters that Will

Speaker 1 Will Will Farrell played. It was in Talladega Knights.
What was his name called?

Speaker 1 Ricky Babai.

Speaker 1 Babe.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you, Washington, D.C. Thank you.

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