"Dana Carvey"

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Speaker 2 Hi, I'm Will Onnett from Smartless. I'm 31 years of age.
I'm Jason. Hear me out.
You know, when you were on the show,

Speaker 2 were the nerds? These are the question. Come on.
I mean, were you happy or were you sad? I mean, because you didn't get on the show. Hey, guys, come on, let's not fight.
I'm Sean.

Speaker 2 I didn't know where I was.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I'm crazy.
That's where you guys are coming for. Hi, I'm Dana Carvey, and I'm on Smartless.
Smart.

Speaker 2 Sean, what was your meal last night?

Speaker 1 My meal last night was I had chicken salad sandwich and mac and cheese.

Speaker 2 Box mac and cheese. You end up at an 11-year-old's birthday party? What happened?

Speaker 3 Yeah, did the camp counselor just bring that over to you or was it set up that it

Speaker 1 no, but you know, Scotty and I, we actually watched the Chargers Buffalo Bills game. And whenever the Buffalo Bills, wait, whenever the Buffalo Bills play,

Speaker 1 whenever they come on the screen, one of us will always go, Buffalo Bell. I'll help you try to catch them, Carries.

Speaker 3 Oh, man, that sounds like a fun house. What a fun house.

Speaker 2 You guys have a lot of fun. Buffalo Bell.

Speaker 2 Does the Wonder Track, the Wonder Bread, they just come to your house? They just fuck the supermarket. They go straight to the house and just.

Speaker 3 They slow down. They throw the back open.

Speaker 2 They don't even stop.

Speaker 3 No, they don't even stop.

Speaker 2 It's like the iceberg. But what is it?

Speaker 3 So the chicken salad sandwich, did you make the chicken salad?

Speaker 1 It was made. It was pre-made.

Speaker 3 Okay. From where?

Speaker 2 When you say it was made by what, the heavens?

Speaker 1 No, I bought it pre-made.

Speaker 2 Oh, I see, I see.

Speaker 3 Like a tub of it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I didn't know that CVS made chicken salad.

Speaker 3 Did you spoon it out on your Wonder Bread?

Speaker 2 CVS.

Speaker 2 CVS.

Speaker 1 CVS is like a pharmacy.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Oh, you think people don't know what CVS is?

Speaker 3 The mac and cheese.

Speaker 2 Did that came from a box?

Speaker 1 That came from a box.

Speaker 1 But I also had, what else did I have?

Speaker 2 I had brown.

Speaker 3 When's the last time you put something in your face that didn't have preservatives in it?

Speaker 3 And let's keep it clean.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Oh, I had a salad.
I had a little tiny Caesar salad with bread in it.

Speaker 2 Fucking stop the presses. I mean,

Speaker 3 CVS has a salad, bro.

Speaker 3 Whose guest is it today?

Speaker 2 It's my guest. You know what? Let's get to our guest because our guest is way too funny to to not be heard from at this point.

Speaker 2 Our guest,

Speaker 2 we often run into this problem. We start listing off their credits, and then it's like, just, it's too quick.

Speaker 3 I love how Will always freestyles these intros, you know?

Speaker 2 Well, because, you know, I just try to keep it organic, man. I just want to be as freestyle and organic as this person is very funny.

Speaker 3 You have bullet points

Speaker 2 that you like to hit? I do. Okay.

Speaker 2 You might remember him from his role in Halloween 2.

Speaker 2 Sure. You might remember him from the film Tough Guys.

Speaker 3 Is this Jack O'Lantern?

Speaker 2 Do you remember Tough Guys? Jesus.

Speaker 2 Tough Guys.

Speaker 2 Kirk Douglas. No.
Do you remember back in the 80s? Yeah, it was a big film. This

Speaker 2 guy shone in that film. He then went on to, he's not religious, but he's been known to maybe keep track of people going, when and where they go to church.

Speaker 2 He was never elected to office, but you might remember as George Bush. He's got a hilarious podcast with our hilarious friend, David Spade.
Now, I love

Speaker 2 the funniest dudes of all time. I've never met him before.
He's Mr. Dana Carter.
I love Daniel. So utterly,

Speaker 2 Dana Carter.

Speaker 2 Whoa. Let's see.
Welcome. He's going to reveal himself.
Oh, my. There he is.

Speaker 2 There he is.

Speaker 2 Wait,

Speaker 2 anyway, how are you doing, boys? Wait, you're in Bennett's house because I demanded it. What is it?

Speaker 3 Did you guys do a house swap today?

Speaker 2 Yeah, we did a house swap. I demanded to be up there.
This is the first time we've ever done this. Dana's joining us from Bennett's place, which is amazing.
Is this cool? You got an incoming.

Speaker 2 I don't understand.

Speaker 2 Are you guys having a sleepover? We had a slumber party last night. I've never seen Jason this perplexed, even in Ozarks.
I've never seen it. No, I have.
I have.

Speaker 2 Dana, just put a book in front of him, and you'll see the same look. Hey, Tana.

Speaker 2 Anyway, here they are. They're the spotless guys.
They just woke up. They're a little bit sleepy.
Can you believe it? Sean Hayes, Mr.

Speaker 2 Fudd, you know, you got the voice over there, Will Arbette, and of course, Jason Bateman and the brains of the operation.

Speaker 2 That's right.

Speaker 3 You can tell by the glasses.

Speaker 2 I like that it's almost a Regis. That almost sounded like Rege, old school Regis.
It was Regis.

Speaker 2 You know, you one time I remember you said something about when you used to do Regis years ago, and you said, I remember this. I don't know why it's like it.
You said, he's so uncool, he's cool.

Speaker 2 Do you remember saying that? Totally. Like, yeah, 30 years ago.
And it always stuck with me. I always thought that was such a funny comment.
And true. Well, it's Carson Edit, too.
It's earnestness.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You know, that's.

Speaker 3 God, Regis. My God.
I remember when he was on AMLA out here in Los Angeles. This was like what, late 70s, early 80s.

Speaker 2 I, you know, I used to think it was the thing. So he was the father-in-law of a good friend of ours, Mike Schurr.
Mike Shur.

Speaker 2 So I went over one time, Mike and his wife, JJ, were in New York, so they were staying with the Philbins, and we went over to the apartment. Philbins.
And we went and it was like for coffee.

Speaker 2 And Regis came in and he said, Could I get you a coffee, Will? And he was, I was like, wow, this is real.

Speaker 2 He's this old-fashioned show business. And it just

Speaker 2 was so positive. So I do it.
I get to visit him. We actually interviewed William Shatner, and I signed him off as Regis just spontaneously.
And he laughs so hard. Who doesn't like Bill Shatner?

Speaker 2 He's done it all. He's been everywhere.
But now I do creep into Trump because that's how I started Trump with Regis, Robert Smeigel and I talked about that. It's really Regis.

Speaker 2 Trump and Regis have a little bit of an overlap, but then you're in this part. We're going a lot of places, we're doing a lot of things, and they go back and forth.

Speaker 2 And Regis is here, and Trump is there, but they're definitely overlapped. So it's just New York stuff, you know.
It's hysterical. I want to entertain you guys.
I've been listening to your podcast.

Speaker 2 You need to be entertained. You guys work hard.
You are the person to do it. Why do you? Yeah, I love you.
You used to do, I mentioned George Bush, so the first George Bush, and

Speaker 2 you

Speaker 2 kind of deposited a virus into the vernacular of not going to do it, which has become a thing that sometimes almost tortically can't stop saying it.

Speaker 2 Well, I don't know if that's what you guys have all your kind of inside jokes and catchphrases. And I love Sean's

Speaker 2 Hannibal Ector, was it? Yeah.

Speaker 2 What do you have to ask? Yeah,

Speaker 2 I did a movie with Anthony Hopkins once, and we would entertain the crew because he's like Sammy Davis Jr. He was an Impressionist who became the world's greatest actor.
Wow.

Speaker 2 And so he would do different, you know, he'd do James Cagney and I do Jimmy Stewart. And then eventually to entertain the crew, he would do Hannibal Lecter and I would do Garth.

Speaker 2 I can smell weighing on you, goth.

Speaker 2 You know, that kind of thing. Get away, big scary man.

Speaker 2 But as far as extenuating rhythms, I mean, everyone does it. That's what I would do in high school.
You know, so George Bush Sr. on the cue card, it would say N-O-T, not going to do it.

Speaker 2 Like four years before,

Speaker 2 not going to do it. By year four, it was like, nat, N-A, ga, G-A, dot, it, not, gonna, that.

Speaker 2 And they went with it. I was as shocked as you guys.

Speaker 2 I used to do, I used to do an impression of

Speaker 2 what it was not.

Speaker 2 It was you doing George W. Bush,

Speaker 2 but it was, uh, it was Jimmy, what's his name?

Speaker 2 You know, not gonna do it. You know, Jimmy Stewart.

Speaker 2 Jimmy Stewart doing an impression of you doing George Bush. That's all I'm doing.
My friend Giles, I used to do it all the time. I go, not gonna do it.

Speaker 2 I don't know why. And I used to call it, this is Jimmy Stewart doing Dana doing things.

Speaker 2 I smuggled a cassette tape recorder in the mid-70s into the Circle Star Theater near San Francisco so I could tape Rich Little's act because there was no YouTube.

Speaker 2 And from taping that and listening, I just took his Jimmy Stewart.

Speaker 2 And it's somebody that

Speaker 2 you just sort of want to sneak up on. And the thing I like about Jimmy Stewart is then get mad.
I like the angry Jimmy Stewart. Well, you know what you were doing, didn't you?

Speaker 2 Well, you know, I'm not going to play this game anymore. And so that became the reason I'm a comedian because I sucked so bad.
But Jimmy Stewart as a waiter never failed in a biker bar. Never failed.

Speaker 2 It occurs to me that Jimmy Stewart kind of sounds like Mason Adams, the guy who used to do smockers. When you get smuckers, oh my gosh, that's funny.
You get so much smockers. That's right.

Speaker 2 Are you a secret impressionist? I'm not at all. I'm not at all, but that's just a fun voice to do.
No, that's not. I don't even know who it is, but I'm your guest today.
Hi. Hey.

Speaker 2 It's almost Owen Wilson, isn't it? They're right. We could go to Argentina and go surfing if you want.
You know, that'd be fun. I told Owen I would never do his impression on TV, but I'm on a podcast.

Speaker 2 Sorry, Sean, you're next. What did you do? Oh, no, I was just going to say for Sean.

Speaker 1 As I say, Jason and Will actually do like really great accents. And I can't do as good of accents as those.

Speaker 1 So I bet you guys do impressions. I've just never heard of it.
Well, I don't know.

Speaker 2 I do some accents good. How are you? What's your favorite, easiest accent to do? Me?

Speaker 2 Any of you guys.

Speaker 1 Jason whips out a British one. Like, nobody can do it.
And also, like, and also.

Speaker 2 There's so many flavors of British ones. I do that.
You want to be like, yeah, you can go.

Speaker 2 Like, I found myself talking, I'm not joking, this morning, going, because I was watching Tottenham Arsenal in the North London Derby, and I was going, not today, my son. Not today.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, there's nobody here but my dog. The kids are up at their mom's house.
I was like, what am I doing? We've been watching Gary Oldman, we mean me and my wife, on slow horses.

Speaker 2 And then by the end of it, I'm like, you're a bunch of lazy losers, and you don't know what the fuck you're doing. It's kind of a, it's sort of a, it's a light version of Michael Caine.

Speaker 2 But I want to say before I you know, which is if you want to do him, you go down the stairs. You start bloody up here

Speaker 2 and then you walk it right down the stairs.

Speaker 2 Oh God.

Speaker 3 Would Steve Coogan and Rob Bryden do that in the

Speaker 3 what was the name of the film that they do where they go?

Speaker 2 Oh, no, it's the trip. The trip.
Yeah, the trip. And they're sitting at the table.
I learned that impression. I rarely try and actively go, I got to do that guy.

Speaker 2 It was from Steve Coogan's impression, and I actually practiced it. Then I did a prank phone call to J.J.
Abrams. Oh, yeah? Really?

Speaker 2 This is my cocaine here. I heard you make it one of those spaceship shows, and I'd like to put my hat in the rig.

Speaker 2 I know I'm a bit long in the tooth, but maybe this old dinosaur's got one lap left around.

Speaker 3 What's that process like when you want to take on a new impression, you want to see how close you are to something that you would like? Where are you?

Speaker 3 Are you in the bathroom in front of a mirror or are you just

Speaker 3 in the car? Cause you just need to hear it. You don't need to see it?

Speaker 2 If I'm alone at home or in a car, or many times I'll be practicing when I'm hiking. Oh, really? And I'm like, oh, dad, now what you bloody say?

Speaker 2 And then I see a hiker and I have to go, yes, honey, I'm really, I'll be home in a minute. You know, I have to actually cover for my voice.

Speaker 2 I like the idea that there's somebody in West LA who went for a hike and they didn't see anybody. They're like, I think I heard Michael Caine on the hike today.
Or the church lay. I want to say

Speaker 2 connect six degrees of separation. So I was on vacation.
They told me to send an email to Paul McCartney in Casey would go on.

Speaker 2 And I ended up interviewing Paul McCartney from the four seasons in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, because I was there with my family.

Speaker 2 And I listened to you guys talking to Paul because I was looking, where is he on a podcast? So I listened to your podcast to try to get a sense of how to navigate that because it's Paul McCartney.

Speaker 3 And what you found was there couldn't be a nicer, more approachable fella, right?

Speaker 2 I mean, like,

Speaker 3 I was so blown away by how kind he was.

Speaker 2 Here is like, you guys have to be Beatle fans in your age group, right? Well, Sean, I'm to the podcast. So

Speaker 2 I didn't think he wanted to talk about the Beatles, especially. Right.
You know, but then after a while of going around and around, I just brought up Get Back, the documentary. Right.
Then he lit up.

Speaker 2 And then for all of us, the last forensic part of the Beatles is who did what? Because you know, it's kind of like no reply is John Lennon's song, but did Paul write the middle eight, you know?

Speaker 2 So, at one point, I took a chance. I said, Did you, did John ever thank you for your bass lines? Right.
And that lit him up, you know. Yeah.
Well, I was the bass player.

Speaker 2 You know, normally the bass player is like the fat guy. He's the fat guy.
You know, and I'd just say,

Speaker 2 I go, you got a lot better with she's so heavy and dear prudence. Well, I go, go, I just got up the keyboard.
There's never been a more humble genius in his vernacular ever.

Speaker 2 We sat for a plunk, me and John, eyeball to eyeball, and we're just plunking, we're plunking. Next thing you know, we had the white album.

Speaker 2 Did you do him to him at all, too, or no? I did. I did a little bit, but I was so intimidated.

Speaker 2 You know, you just remind me, I think that the accent that you were asking me before, and not to go back, but it just thinking

Speaker 2 to him, which was, which is, I used to always go, Jackie Stewart. And I used to always, to get into it, I'd say, it's an absolutely brutal day for motor car racing.

Speaker 3 I wouldn't go line to get into it.

Speaker 2 So, this past fall, these guys know, I've been doing a lot of stuff with Formula One, and I'm in Singapore at the Formula One race. And I see, and this guy goes, Do you want to meet Jackie Stewart?

Speaker 2 I go, yeah. And we go up and I meet him, and he's walking, he looks fantastic.
And I go, you know, you're using saying, you know, my name is Jackie Stewart. It's a brutal day.

Speaker 2 I go, that's how I would get into doing my Scottish accent. And he goes, oh, is that right? And that was it.
And he kept walking.

Speaker 2 Carrie's like, why are you stopping me?

Speaker 2 I'm Scottish, but that one kind of I tilt away from that a lot. I can do Irish pretty good, but probably too grandiose.
I got a lot of Irish relatives.

Speaker 3 Wait, wait, wait. What's the difference between Scottish and Irish if you were to say that?

Speaker 2 Oh my God.

Speaker 2 Well, that's a good idea. A tough public

Speaker 3 tough day for racing. No, I'm just, well, what would be the sound difference between Scottish and Irish? Tough day for racing.

Speaker 2 An Irishman might say, well, well, it's a tough, a tough day for racing. Yeah, it's a little more loyalty.

Speaker 2 It's a little more loyalty, and a little not as hard on the Paul has a lot of Irish relatives because of the Lilting Liverpool accent, which always sounds like you're asking a question.

Speaker 2 Did you go to this local Canadian? I did go to this store.

Speaker 2 Well, did you go?

Speaker 2 So many Irish moved across to Liverpool. Paul, and if you even Manchester, if you look at the Gallagher brothers from Oasis.

Speaker 2 And then north of that is a town called Blackpool, which is a, this is a good, interesting place to start.

Speaker 2 It's a seaside town and resort town, Blackpool. Next to the water, huh? Great.
Dublin, in Irish, means Blackpool. It's the same thing.
Ha ha. How about that? A lot of extra water.
Yeah, I'm all this.

Speaker 2 You guys might want to read some. You don't need to read shit because you've got me as a friend.
Thanks for that, Will.

Speaker 2 I love the Irish. My wife's Irish relatives.
Her mother's from Dublin. She's 91.
And the relatives came over, and they're so humble, as you know.

Speaker 2 There's just like you go to a grocery store and it's like bread a there's like three items i took them to a supermarket for the first time my wife's aunt and uncle and they go look at all the yogurt it was just like they thought it was

Speaker 2 they go why do you need so many cereals

Speaker 2 i didn't have any response to that it's free market catalyst i have no idea why we need 900 times wait so dana so dana walk me through you so you you do all this you you mentioned that you you go in and you and you recorded rich little

Speaker 2 what was the thing how did you go and make, I always like to understand when people go and make the jump from being a super fan or somebody who's interested, who has the talent for it or listening to it to actually getting paid for what they do.

Speaker 2 What was that jump for you? Was it doing impressions or was it doing stand-up or was it a combo?

Speaker 2 Both.

Speaker 2 I didn't lean on the impressions. I did them, but I did a lot of other stuff too.

Speaker 2 But I was so, it really seemed like trying to be Neil Armstrong for someone from my household, five kids, dad was a high school teacher, 1,500 square feet, one bathroom, that I would be on television.

Speaker 2 And so that upended me a little bit. I did a lot of things.
I was probably a waste of time. But Hollywood started hiring me just as a cute, nice guy.
You know, that's right.

Speaker 2 I mean, you had roles in movies and you were doing stuff before you. They didn't care for me to be funny.
I was doing stand-up in the side, but they offered me one of the boys with Mickey Rooney. Yes.

Speaker 2 And so I did it. It was $7,500 a week.

Speaker 2 It was like

Speaker 2 pennies from heaven. Was it Meg Ryan in that? Was it Meg Ryan in that?

Speaker 2 Meg Ryan was in six episodes, played my girlfriend, I believe,

Speaker 2 Scatman. And of course, was it Megan back then?

Speaker 2 Yeah, you caught that. Okay.
No, but was it? It was Megan. Well, Megsy, by the end.
It's kind of like Anthony Hopkins.

Speaker 2 It was Anthony, Tony, and then it was Hoppy by the time we ended up. You go, Meg Ryan, he goes, Megan.
You go, Mickey Rooney. He's like, Michael Rooney.
Yeah, sure. They were all in it.

Speaker 2 Mickey's Megarooney. Mickey's everything.
Mickey was the craziest person I ever met and had a 35 revolver in his jacket. Wait, what? A 30, 38.

Speaker 2 And he would wave it around. What? They're not going to get me.
Yes. He had a loaded gun.
He goes,

Speaker 2 This script is ca-ca. And then he would throw it across.
No, he was like, You've heard stories about Mickey Rooney, haven't you? No. I mean, not really.
About him right now.

Speaker 2 Yeah, here we go.

Speaker 2 You know who he was, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, of course. So if he said this once, he said it a thousand times, literally every day.

Speaker 2 I was

Speaker 2 just like this. We did it on SNL, and I was writing it with Bonnie and Terry Turner, and I just said what Mickey said in that incredible laugh.
So I didn't write it.

Speaker 2 I was the number one star in the world. You hear me? Bang.

Speaker 2 The world.

Speaker 2 And that's exactly the way he said it a thousand times. Number one star in the world.
Bang. You hear me?

Speaker 2 The world. What is that sound supposed to be? What's he doing? I don't know.
But he was, he was just, he had a gun, Scatman was stone.

Speaker 2 He thought I was gay.

Speaker 2 And I was there with Nathan Lane. So we had to do a threes company thing.
Oh, there you go. Where he had his arm around Nathan.
He looked at me and said, I'm just glad we like girls.

Speaker 1 So he's.

Speaker 2 Wait, what a fucking cast. So it was you, Nathan Lane, Meg Ryan, and Mickey Rooney.
And Scatman Carruthers. And Scatman Caruthers.
Who just was stoned, the nicest guy I've ever met.

Speaker 2 But he was just high all day.

Speaker 2 And my brother came to visit me and he gave us some pot, and it was terrible. So the next trip, I brought him a lid of Santa Cruz Colombian pot.

Speaker 2 Can you believe it? This is like 1981.

Speaker 2 Next morning in the elevator, he says,

Speaker 2 the music was good. Might I get a pound?

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 after the show was...

Speaker 3 We wanted, didn't want to mess around with an ounce.

Speaker 2 No, and it was called music. It was a little bit of

Speaker 2 a

Speaker 2 clear bottle full of vitamins, and he would walk back and forth across the soundstage, chugging them, going, I'm going to 100.

Speaker 2 I'm going to 100. And he would chug the vitamins.
But after the show, my brother and I got him a whole bag. We didn't smoke much weed after this.

Speaker 2 But anyway, a bag of Santa Cruz pod, giant, and brought it to Van Euys, brought it to his house, and he played the ukulele for us for hours.

Speaker 2 No way.

Speaker 2 What's this project called? I got to see this. One of the boys.

Speaker 2 One of the boys,

Speaker 2 the craziest, I wore a sweater. I was the straight man.

Speaker 2 Literally.

Speaker 2 Mickey, we would do impressions together too. He was an impressionist, but he did have a 38 revolver.
And he said, before I got this big break, I was going to go to Sacramento to the prison there.

Speaker 2 There's a serial killer, Juan Corona. I was going to come in as a visitor.
I was going to bring my 38, and I was going to say, you know who I am?

Speaker 2 I'm Mickey Rooney, and I was going to plug him full of holes.

Speaker 2 These are verbatim quotes. That's John Mulaney's favorite thing I've ever told him.

Speaker 2 These are verbatim quotes from Mickey Rooney. and he's one of those old guys who would talk till he ran out of breath.
Incidentally, Judy Garland never, and everything was a non-sequitur.

Speaker 2 Judy Garland never owned a car.

Speaker 2 They bumped her so full of drugs, it killed her. How long has Robert Redford been in the business? 10 years? I've been in the business.
It's like three weeks before his birth.

Speaker 2 I've been in the business 61 years.

Speaker 2 He's the greatest character I've ever met.

Speaker 2 By far. Really, really holding on to his past.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. He was like, I called up Warner Brothers in 1955.
I said, this is Mickey Rooney. I need a job.
They hung up on me. And then he would wander off.

Speaker 2 And he had a new show, a new thing every day.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 And we will be right back.

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Speaker 2 And now, back to the show.

Speaker 1 Wait, Dana.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 1 When I was in high school, you know, Mike Myers was on our show, and I think I said the same thing to him. And he, I said, when I was in high school,

Speaker 1 you know, you were, you were God to me, and God to everybody who was into comedy and sketch and just everything.

Speaker 1 Like, and, and we would go, I remember going to school on a Monday, and everybody in high school would imitate the church lady and

Speaker 1 every single character you guys ever did in Wayne's World, whatever, whatever the characters were. And do you, I always wondered after your incredible stint on SNL, like, I missed you.

Speaker 1 I missed like seeing those.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. I mean, I've seen you, I saw you pop up in a bunch of stuff, but just as far as being a king of sketch comedy, it's almost like, and I know you had a couple

Speaker 1 other like spin-off kind of sketch comedy shows, but do you miss it at all still today? Because there's you're really one of the all-time greats.

Speaker 2 Thank you. Yeah, I'm without it.
Oh,

Speaker 3 You got me to vote for Ross Perot.

Speaker 2 This is the first vote I ever cast.

Speaker 2 Ross Perot is a gift from heaven. That was my Sarah Palin for Tina Faye.

Speaker 2 Corn Michael said, there's someone running, Texas billionaire. He's running for president.
We have some tape. Why don't you go down the hall and, you know, like see if there's anything there?

Speaker 2 You know, I turn it on. The ears are sticking out.
Can I finish? James Brown is already there. Can I finish one time? Are you going to talk over me? Can I finish one time? Here's the deal.

Speaker 2 You can't put a porcupine in a barn, light it on fire, and expect to make licorice.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 That was a gift. George Bush was worked.
That Bill Hartman did Stockdale, right? Oh, yeah. When he tried to ditch him in the woods, you know,

Speaker 2 Stockdale was,

Speaker 2 I was driving as Ross, and I wanted to ditch him after his debate performance. Where are we going? Who am I?

Speaker 2 Phil could do anything. God rest his soul.
I remember Phil used to do in that same election cycle 92. Phil was doing Clinton.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And he would do the thing, and he'd come in and he comes into a McDonald's on a jog, and he starts making analogies and stealing people's food to make his analogy.

Speaker 2 Like, if I take a bite of this, and he's

Speaker 2 and the whole thing was he just wanted to eat everybody's McDonald's.

Speaker 2 Phil could do anything. I mean, I swear to God.
I mean, you guys, I echo what Sean says. You guys were up there for me, too.

Speaker 2 I looked at you guys were on such at such heights that I thought I could never get anywhere near that. You guys are so incredible at what you do.
I still look up to what you guys do because

Speaker 2 you guys did it in this way. This is way before YouTube, and you could have control over it and do all this kind of shit.

Speaker 2 Like, you guys were doing it live on SNL in a way and stuff that nobody else was doing. There's so much derivative shit that came out of that kind of era.

Speaker 2 Well, it might be. I mean, you guys have had all these weird things happen.
Like, I had auditioned for the show twice,

Speaker 2 just didn't get it. Al Franken saw me in San Francisco.
I followed Kennison at the comedy store at midnight, Sam Kennison. I bombed.
I was shocked I got on it. You know, Jim Carrey was auditioning.

Speaker 2 You know, I'm going, okay, I'm not on this show. Got on it.
Then I was told we only had an eight-show pickup for the first time in the history of Saturday Night Live. It wasn't a full 20.

Speaker 2 Hit the ground running, or we're out of here. Right.
And then the church lay was just a fluke. It's something I did in my stand-up.
Oh, we'll try it.

Speaker 2 So the week I did the church lay, the first week I, and I'd never done sketch comedy. I'd only done stand-up.
Wow. So incredible.
So Neil Young calls. Sure.
I do, of course he does.

Speaker 2 And I got to go down. Oh, he leaves long messages, doesn't he, Dana?

Speaker 2 Oh, man. Look at one of my first impressions.
I actually,

Speaker 2 I was at a Neil Young

Speaker 2 concert once. I go, Dana Carvey, backstage.
Dana Carvey, come backstage, concert. And so I went back, and Neil was in his

Speaker 2 bus. making pasta.
Yeah, this is going to kick in a little while. Could you do a little bit of

Speaker 2 So I had this old bit, hacky bit I used to do of Neil Young doing a commercial for McDonald's.

Speaker 3 I'm not proud of it.

Speaker 2 Well, I dreamed I saw the golden arches

Speaker 2 in the yellow haze of the sun.

Speaker 2 I do the whole thing. Ten years later, my kids are in junior high, and a dad comes up to me and goes, Hey man, I got this Neil Young bootleg album.
You're the first track. No way.
Anyway, way.

Speaker 2 But anyway, so Church Lady, I put it in the read-through. It did so-so.

Speaker 2 Neil Young had called the next day. So I had to go down to Madison Square Garden.
He was doing a garage band motif. He told Lauren, I need some kind of angry woman.

Speaker 2 So I went down there and did it that night on Wednesday when they picked the show.

Speaker 2 I came back and found out that Church Lady just barely got on, that my buddy Phil Hartman said, I think we should give it a chance.

Speaker 2 So it was the last sketch in the first show, thinking this isn't going to fly.

Speaker 2 And I'd never done it with the dress. So the minute I said Victoria Jackson was going off and, geez, that's this and that.
And then I just said, well, isn't that special?

Speaker 2 Boom. Boom.
Mic drop. Then all the nerves went away.
You know, so

Speaker 2 in that last slot on SNL, as you know, and you guys know because you've hosted

Speaker 2 that's where they kind of either bury stuff or try stuff that's kind of

Speaker 2 kind of. But that's, but it's

Speaker 2 kind of freeing, right, Dana? You must have felt kind of like, fuck it.

Speaker 2 I was so nervous before I went out there because

Speaker 2 I literally played a pizza parlor in Martinez, California in July.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 I played to four people. Half the audience hated me.
These are the jokes.

Speaker 2 Then this is October 10th. I go out to Lauren's house.
I hang out with Paul McCartney and Chevy Chase.

Speaker 2 I go to Yankees games with Lauren. I live there for like a month.
I go on the show. I'm shy.
I'm terrified. I was swearing at myself in the mirror before this show, you know.
You motherfucker. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just to get rid of the. So then Church Lady moves up first.
I'm in the, I didn't know I was in the cold opening with, so I'm in that.

Speaker 2 I'm doing a alien sketch and then I do chop and broccoli at the end.

Speaker 1 I mean, one of my all-time favorites, chop and broccoli.

Speaker 2 Why that stuck so hard? I don't know, Sean.

Speaker 1 It's so funny. It's so bizarre.

Speaker 2 How do I not know that one? Chopping broccoli, broccoli. He's like a British guy.

Speaker 1 It's the songs called Chopping Broccoli, and he sits at the piano and it just chords like a ballad, like a rock ballad.

Speaker 2 It's chopping broccoli.

Speaker 2 I used to do George Bush doing chopping broccoli, too. Well, can I hear that?

Speaker 2 You know, chopping broccoli.

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 2 it's so bad.

Speaker 2 But the premise of it, Jason, was that he had, which Lorne liked, a guy who had to play his new songs for the record company executives it was Gorney Weaver and Phil Hartman and it was like well I don't know if I've got anything I'll try it and he says he's cold as ice was like a foreigner thing uh-huh and then he's riffing paradise he's making it up and then finally and she's uh she's chopping broccoli and that became just chopping broccoli she chop so that was just that

Speaker 1 like what like jay whatever the idea was it would always come back to he's just chopping broccoli he's just chopping broccoli now i do 10-minute renditions when I do stand-up.

Speaker 2 Oh, you're fast with. Oh, yeah.
I do it with the guitar. I do all of these.

Speaker 2 I would love to see that. But that was the most nervous I'd ever been was before.

Speaker 3 The first, the, the impress, because I, don't, when you audition for Saturday Live, don't you have to have a couple of impressions?

Speaker 3 And if so,

Speaker 3 do you still do the ones that you did originally for your first audition?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, I probably did Jimmy Stewart. I think I did chop and broccoli a little bit.
See, well, what happened was I auditioned in different,

Speaker 2 I didn't want to audition at the comedy store or the improv because I always bombed in those two places. So Lauren Michaels comes around with the show.
They need four new cast members.

Speaker 2 So I was playing a little club on the west side called Igby's, which is a hundred-seater, low-ceiling, hot club. And I played there a lot.

Speaker 2 Rosie O'Donnell was headlining the week that Lauren Michaels was in town. I didn't know her, but I knew the owner.
And I said, ask Rosie if she'll give me a spot on her set,

Speaker 2 and I'm going to bring Lauren Michaels. So Rosie said, yes.
So, then I, there that night, Lauren Michaels is going to see me do stand-up. Wow.
And I

Speaker 2 met Rosie, and she seemed, she seemed like an old soul. She never seemed, she just was like, kind of had that rosy confidence, you know? Yeah.
So I said, maybe I should go on first.

Speaker 2 So, you know, I go on first. So I'm standing in the wings.
Lauren Michaels come to see me. I've been at this 10 years.
I failed at everything I'd done had been canceled or bombed.

Speaker 2 And then Lauren Michaels walks in. Holy shit.
After him, Brandon Tardikoff, the head of NBC at the time.

Speaker 2 Then I'm like, oh, God, he brought the head of the network. Then Cher.

Speaker 2 They came in.

Speaker 2 And so, but I was nervous, but I had 40 minutes instead of five. And I think that's what helped me.
40?

Speaker 2 Yeah, because

Speaker 2 Rosie cleared the decks. You know, I just did the night with her.
And then she got a sitcom out of it. Oh, wow, really? Yeah.
That's incredible.

Speaker 2 So just to jump back and forth a little bit, Dana, so you leave SNL, you go, and you do a sitcom, as we mentioned. Oh, no, sorry, not sitcom, not sitcom, comedy show.

Speaker 2 I did the Dana Carter

Speaker 2 1996

Speaker 2 with

Speaker 2 Steve Carell,

Speaker 2 Stephen Colbert, Louis C.K., Dino Stepanopoulos, Robert Carlock, Carlock,

Speaker 2 John Glazer, John Glazer, my good friend John Glazer.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Louis C.K.
was my head writer. I gave him a writer.
Louis C.K. was your head writer.
Steve Carell was a writer.

Speaker 2 As we mentioned. Performer.
Yeah. Performer.

Speaker 2 Carell. Carell.

Speaker 2 I mean. I call him the two Steves.
Smigel, of course, Smigel. Smigel, yeah, was my co-creator.
Was your co-creator, right? Yeah. So, I mean,

Speaker 2 this is an unbelievable all-star team. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And just, of course, because Showbiz is Bats a thousand, they cancel it.

Speaker 2 Well, there's a story behind that. First of all, let's hear it.
I had two weeks to think about it because I missed Sketch Comedy, and Smigl and I had a great connection on there.

Speaker 2 You know, we did Carson and a lot of different McLaughlin group things together. So, oh, God, I love that.

Speaker 2 Issue one:

Speaker 2 Jason, Jason, Jason, the Argonauts.

Speaker 2 Sean Connery.

Speaker 2 No, that was just rhythmically riding up things. Smile, we just connected rhythmically.
So I decided I want to do it on HBO. I go, you could do 10.
You could still have a life, you know.

Speaker 2 So then I think Bob Iger was in the room. I don't want to blame him.
I like Bob, but they go, come on, do it at ABC. My manager wanted to do it at ABC.
We could do it at ABC. It'd be great.

Speaker 2 You know, the great Brad Gray.

Speaker 2 So then, and, and then Louis and Robert at that point kind of wanted the budget and the money of ABC. And the idea was, oh, you have a Disney face.
You're kind kind of like Carol Burnett.

Speaker 2 You can work in prime time.

Speaker 2 Okay, terrific. Let's do it.
And then they gave me an extra million. You know, okay, people like numbers.
That'll do it. I never cared about the money that much, but like you guys.
But my point is,

Speaker 2 no, but the first show, we were banking shows in New York. We moved to New York because my wife and I didn't want to raise our kids in the Valley, which probably would have been fine.

Speaker 2 So then we bank a sketch that Louis wrote, which was Bill Clinton. I didn't have a good Bill Clinton, but he's like, he's giving his speech to the nation and we can do better and all that.

Speaker 2 And then he opens his shirt and he's got teats like a dog and he's going to breastfeed puppies. So actual live puppies.
And I will feed the nation.

Speaker 2 So I got the chart of the, we were at 16 million when Bill appeared. And it goes like a ball.
We were like at 2 million hanging in. Viewers, you mean? Once you expose a row of teats.
Yeah, the teeth.

Speaker 2 And then we were just the critics lambasted us.

Speaker 3 And so we made it through eight shows and then it became a cult classic so had you been on uh on on uh something that wasn't a mass audience broadcast platform perhaps it would have uh been a little bit more embraced did you find that you were more of a populist audience than yeah there was no netflix there was no anything there was just maybe i guess comedy central or hbo you know yeah i remember that coming out i remember the dana carvey show and and and i was like in my head i was like oh finally somebody gave the guy a shot like it's it just seemed like natural that you would have it hasn't worked you know martin short tried i mean people have tried in prime time

Speaker 2 it's tough isn't it yeah it's got to be the right platform marty do it didn't marty do it with uh

Speaker 2 well he did one recently

Speaker 2 with maya yeah he did one with maya yeah so but there was some brilliant stuff in that some great stuff you met with the a team of writers we had and so josh greenbaum did a documentary that came out a couple of years ago yeah i gotta say i heard about that yeah too funny to fail yeah Isn't there so much content?

Speaker 2 I'm just gonna go on a limb and say it. There's just, we've reached peak content.

Speaker 2 I always say, people talk about content creators. This is a kind of, I don't know if I brought it up.

Speaker 2 It kind of makes me mad because I feel like content is what I put between the walls of my house to insulate, you know, from the cold or the heat. That's, that's content.

Speaker 2 If you call what you do content, just, you're just making filler? Like, okay, thanks.

Speaker 2 Hey, man, I don't make content.

Speaker 3 Something to stuff the pipe with.

Speaker 2 Right. Well, we.
But I'm also not making art. It should be noted.
No, yeah. It's also the audience is the entertainer now.

Speaker 2 It was like you'd have Frank Sinatra on stage or whatever, and the audience would be out there. Now, now the audience is entertainers as well with social media and Instagram.
Yeah, everybody.

Speaker 2 We're all posting. We're all entertaining now.
Warhol said we'd all be famous for 15 minutes. Right.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Now it's like, we'll all be stars.

Speaker 3 Well, speaking of which, I mean, your longevity and relevance has been so sustained for so long.

Speaker 3 Do you, I mean, you can't, you can't can't attribute all that to luck and talent, right? I mean,

Speaker 3 is there a third magic component that you're working with? Because,

Speaker 3 you know,

Speaker 3 I'm with Sean. I prefer a weekly dose of you, but

Speaker 3 you are

Speaker 3 around and fantastic still. And I mean, what's your secret?

Speaker 2 I don't know. I'm a little bit like you, Jason.
I think from what I've heard is I really kind of am a homebody a little bit.

Speaker 2 You know, I've got my keyboards, then my guitar, my lovely wife, and all the cool shows I could watch.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 2 you know, I never, I just do the,

Speaker 2 I mean, what do you guys say to yourself? It's cognitive behavioral therapy, right? No one's thinking of you. Never feel sorry for yourself.

Speaker 2 When I had those few things, bomb and the bomb, the botch bypass, that's a whole other story. And the 90s.
I'm just in your heart. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That thing. So then I had to come out on Letterman and I was feeling really small.
Like

Speaker 2 you had like an operation on the wrong I remember you talking about this on the wrong artery or something right well yeah as as quick as I can yeah I had familial hypoclastremia didn't know it my cholesterol was 400 my LDL was 300 oh my god and I didn't know it so at 42 I started having symptoms they found out I had a blocked LAD but I never had a heart attack big distinction because I was so fit at the time and so then I had someone throw in some stents and I didn't know that sometimes your body doesn't know how to react to a little metal sheath sheath in the artery, surprise.

Speaker 2 So it'll scar tissue up, therefore blocking you again. So I had like six of those.
They had to keep rotor-rotoring and putting new stents in. It was all in this one area of the LAD.

Speaker 2 Usually, people get squeamish and leave the room at this point.

Speaker 2 I'm used to the first diagonal. This is a crossover episode of Hypochondriac, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I love my customer. We'll do a public service after this where I say this thing, this thing is arrested now, in essence, if you follow the protocol.

Speaker 2 Heart disease, you should never be surprised when you're having a heart attack. There's so many things they do now.
But anyway, so then they said, well, we'll do a simple bypass. You keep restenosing.

Speaker 2 These were these old-fashioned stents. So they swung over my mammary arteries, which never block up.
Right. But the surgeon I picked in Northern California was considered the greatest in the world.

Speaker 2 I had a private jet in the air to take me to Cedar Sinai, but I was convinced by well-meaning people to go with this surgeon.

Speaker 2 He ended up, instead of attaching a hose to a big trunk of a tree, he attached it to a healthy diagonal off the other side. So the blockage was still there.

Speaker 2 So when they found it, I was like, holy shit, because by that point, it had so many angioplasties, I was kind of awake. So they rotor-rooted it.
And he goes, you want me to push it a little harder?

Speaker 2 And I go, yeah, let's go for it. So now it's never blocked up again.

Speaker 2 And no one knows why, except my Hindu cardiologist, P.K. Shaw, director of cardiology at Cedars Sinai,

Speaker 2 said a prayer for me at Mother Teresa's tomb. And my 91-year-old mother-in-law, she's probably 60 then, said a prayer for me at a wishing well outside of Dublin.
I'm just putting it out there. Sure.

Speaker 2 And so that happened. And then I went on the protocol.
My cholesterol now, my LDL, which is the real dangerous one,

Speaker 2 is 45. And it was 300.
Amazing. So here I am.

Speaker 3 No changes to your diet at all or a stigma.

Speaker 2 Oh, complete shift on the diet. I know you guys teach Sean about his diet.
I was like that in my 30s. You know, I'd have a big giant turkey sandwich with mayonnaise or macaroni and cheese.

Speaker 2 I was eating kind of like a kid from the 60s or 70s. So anyway, I did change the diet and I just paid more attention to everything and stress.
Are you vegan now or anything like that? No,

Speaker 2 Mediterranean diet has the best results. So I do a lot of

Speaker 2 what part of the Mediterranean Mediterranean diet. I love the Mediterranean.
What you're eating is the Mediterranean diet, right?

Speaker 2 And there's salmon, you know, all that. No, Croatia is the place to go.

Speaker 3 Do you have to watch your heart rate? Like, can you exercise vigorously and all that stuff?

Speaker 2 Yeah, because I never had any heart damage or a heart attack, which is usually people kind of glaze over at this point as well.

Speaker 2 Like, I don't, I really, really have a high V2OMax for my age. I mean, I hike up mountains.
Yeah. Yeah, I don't have

Speaker 2 any governor on that.

Speaker 3 Oh, so you're like bionic now.

Speaker 2 That would be great. Would love to go for a hike for you guys because you go, damn, you weren't lying.

Speaker 3 You know what I saw yesterday?

Speaker 3 Kevin Nealon's got a hiking show.

Speaker 2 He does a little

Speaker 2 chat for me. Oh, I was on that for a while.
Yeah. Pay attention.
Yeah. I was on that show with them.
Yeah, and I just kept accelerating just a little bit on the hill, just more and more.

Speaker 2 So let me understand this. Kevin was another one of my partners in crime on SNL.

Speaker 2 Hansen Frogs. Hans and Franz.
You guys were hilarious. I love that maybe more than anything else as far as what makes me laugh.

Speaker 2 Two wounded idiots who are paranoid and delusional and keep challenging an invisible audience.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and if you think we're not properly pumped, I could take your flab and stretch it in the shape of a rope ladder so you could crawl down back in the sewer. Because that's where Louis lives.

Speaker 2 It's just that that, because I became very fae with that character and ligorious, which made it more fun for me.

Speaker 2 It's really funny.

Speaker 2 So great.

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Speaker 3 All right, back to the show.

Speaker 1 No, you know, I want to talk about, ask about you being a dad because I'm always blown. Like, I have a bunch of your friends are your friends because they make you laugh, right?

Speaker 1 Jason and Will make me laugh so hard. Another friend of mine, Mike, Carrie, makes me laugh.

Speaker 2 Oh, you guys have a great thing going on. Oh, thanks.

Speaker 1 But, you know, and I'm always kind of amazed, like being around Jason in front of his kids or Will in front of his kids.

Speaker 1 Sometimes their kids will laugh at something they say, and most of the time they'll kind of like roll their eyes. And from the outside, I'm like, no, wait, your dad is fucking hysterical.

Speaker 1 Like, I can't imagine being one of your kids. Like, I'm always blown away when kids don't find their famous, funny parents.
They're just tired of the material.

Speaker 2 I'm just, you know, aren't you guys, you're most of the time just regular, right? Most of the time. Yeah.
And then if you get around someone who makes you laugh, like me, David Spade, it's hysterical,

Speaker 2 then that ping-pong effect starts to happen. Right.
But, you know, I'm mostly just regular, and they try to make me laugh, you know. Oh, really? Yeah.

Speaker 3 I love watching my kids' sense of humor develop. Oh, yeah.
You know, like it's really interesting to see

Speaker 3 a human being discover sarcasm and irony, you know? Like, it's just obviously after they learn the language and then they learn like how to like twist and bend stuff and not break it.

Speaker 1 And like, I mean, it's just like Maple's got it down.

Speaker 2 His daughter Maple.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm in love with both of his daughters, but Maple said to me the other day when we were out together, um, all of us, I we were saying goodbye, and she she didn't even get up off the couch to say goodbye.

Speaker 2 She turns to me and she goes, I love you, sweetheart.

Speaker 1 You have a great evening.

Speaker 2 I mean, and she's like, you know,

Speaker 2 11.

Speaker 1 And it was so sarcastic because we were all saying, I love you, goodbye.

Speaker 2 They make such leaps all of a sudden. And I hope you guys wrote them down.
I wish I had. But one night I was putting my son to bed and he's like four.

Speaker 2 And I said, Tom, do you know that I love you? And he goes, it's pretty obvious.

Speaker 2 He's four.

Speaker 2 How did you start doing the podcast with Spade? I love the combo of you and Spade. Yeah.
Yeah. Because you're both fucking naturally

Speaker 2 hilarious, dude. Seeing him up close and it's so lo-fi, but he'll, he'll create a little mini movie in like 30 seconds.
So it's like, hey, I saw that as a boozy suzie. Whoop.
And he's like, I'm like,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 you know, hey,

Speaker 2 you know, and I don't know what I was doing. I got, yeah, it wasn't easy.
It's just so fun to watch

Speaker 2 and riff around with him.

Speaker 2 And I met him before SNL, just at this house in Beachwood Canyon. So I met him, he's like 21, what's up, dude? Hey, buddy.
And everyone always immediately likes David. And I did.

Speaker 2 And then I interacted with, he came to SNL. We were there as bandmates for three, four years.
And then, you know, I was up north raising my kids.

Speaker 2 But every time we see each other, it's like, you guys meet one second. So when I move back down here

Speaker 2 and I live at a place that's walkable, Takoi, I started having dinner with David a lot. And that's where we would go.
And one time we went to some other restaurant.

Speaker 2 Let's just go over there. Because I like to have a conversation.
I don't like to, it's like when I met you, Jason. It's like, oh, Jason Bateman, this is cool.

Speaker 2 And then we were at the Laker game and we're up in the Tess Saranda's box. And it's literally, literally, okay, what? Well, how are you? Yeah, I'm fine.

Speaker 2 What are you doing? You know, so Koi is like, you can talk. But David and I did that.
I did a little off-the-radar podcast. This is try it out called Fantastic.
It's online.

Speaker 2 Where I had a female sidekick and I had relatives on it, like my sister and stuff. And then I would riff and do long form.

Speaker 2 Like Obama was a running part of the podcast. Dana, can I come on today? No, my sister's coming on.
Michelle, I'm not coming on. It says the sister's coming on.
No, leave the egg selling out.

Speaker 2 So I could just riff stuff like that long form. And then I had David on as a guest.
Our manager heard it, our mutual manager, Mark Gervas, and said, you guys got to do a podcast.

Speaker 2 You got to do a podcast. You know, that kind of thing.

Speaker 2 So then we decided to try it. I will try it.
And I'm still not used to this idea. It was kind of fun.

Speaker 2 And I consciously, because I listened to your podcast and I was listening to, I thought it'd be fun to try to do voices and entertain you guys a little bit today. You have, you have, but I, I,

Speaker 2 this idea of me is like, either I kill or I'm fired, you know, or I'm dismissed for most of my career. Like, I've got to destroy it, stand up, and I've got to kill.
It's a lot of pressure.

Speaker 2 And now being authentic and real, funny if it comes up. Yeah.
And just be yourself. Like, I take the headphone, I go, so that was good.
It's like, yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 This is a brand new art form. I mean, everyone would have had these.
All those sketch actors that,

Speaker 2 you know, Shecky Green would have had a podcast or Sid Caesar.

Speaker 2 So it's an incredible new art form.

Speaker 3 Well, but you've just got such a way about you where, I mean, you're so easy to be with and enjoy being around, whether it's in person or watching you on TV or just hearing your voice.

Speaker 3 I mean, don't discount that. I know it doesn't feel like you're doing anything, but

Speaker 3 you're so naturally appealing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, this goes back to like what Jason was saying: what's the missing ingredient? I really think you're so naturally funny, you have no choice in the matter.

Speaker 2 There are certain people who have no choice. You and Farrell and Spade and whomever.
The list is long, but

Speaker 2 you have no choice in it. And that's the reason that you have the longevity.
I think, Jason, to answer your question, is just you're in a good dude. Good dude, but naturally funny, naturally talented.

Speaker 2 And I think the podcast reveals that to a wider audience:

Speaker 2 you don't, you can just kind of do it and you can do it in conversation. And it's not easy to do.
It's a lot harder than people think.

Speaker 2 And there are a lot of people who are funny or present funny or present really good, but that's somebody else doing a lot of work for them. And then they present to actually be that yourself.

Speaker 2 I'm sure it is for you three,

Speaker 2 this art of conversation, what Johnny Carson could do or anybody we admired interviewing in this sort of lo-fi form where it's a conversation as opposed to a straight interview.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we're bad at Wanting it to have energy, needing to overlap like you would at dinner. Spade and I TZ.
I said I was practicing overlapping you during Christmas break.

Speaker 2 My wife would talk, and then I would interrupt her just to stay in shape. But I listened to the podcast.

Speaker 2 Would you have your wife ask really long questions just so you could get it for Jason? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Because sometimes you don't know if you're giving your partner an assist, that they literally have started an opus,

Speaker 2 and then you can tell the steam is out of the, it's, it's a red, I'm not sure they know, are going to land this. So you can't get to that.

Speaker 3 I'd like to give you half the answer I'd like to hear from you and

Speaker 3 then turn you loose.

Speaker 1 Right. Wait, Dana, do you have, are you, are you, other than this, the great podcast with you and Daniel?

Speaker 2 You got another podcast.

Speaker 2 Another, yeah, like an album, basically. It's called The Weird Place.
I do it with my sons. Really? Oh, that's great.
They're very sensitive about the whole Nepo movement.

Speaker 2 So they're thinking of changing their last name, Nepotism. Yeah.
It's so, I mean,

Speaker 2 it's a new concept.

Speaker 2 I mean, what the fuck are we talking about? Hey, I'm a plumber.

Speaker 2 Joey, my son's a plumber. Plums, too.
Cabees. What's rubber chicken? What do you got?

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's what you do after your foot is in the door. Like, you know, I mean, if you can stay in there, that's like, then you got something.
But nobody's going to apologize for having the door ajar.

Speaker 2 Now they're going to start saying, well, you know what? You're too funny for comedy. It's unfair.
All the funny people are taking over comedy, and that's not fair.

Speaker 2 You're not leaving any room for the unfunny people.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're not leaving room for the unfunny people to be in comedy. The AI can write songs.
It could write a screenplay. Can the AI be funny? We actually, for the rest of the day.

Speaker 2 I asked that yesterday. By the way, it can.

Speaker 3 I was actually literally this morning just screwing around with chat

Speaker 3 GPT. Yeah, that's like incredible.

Speaker 2 It's unbelievable. Unbelievable.
That's the next question. Yeah, but is it funny?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it actually is.

Speaker 3 I said, write a thank you note for my friend's party last night. And they wrote it out.
I said, now make it a little bit funny and make it about movies.

Speaker 3 And it was making this jokes about, well, the food should probably only deserve a nomination, but certainly not a win. And it was just like

Speaker 2 in a second. It's amazing.
Make fun of a president.

Speaker 2 George Bush Sr., what if it came out? Nah, I gotta do it. Like it, an appropriate laugh, because he was kind of a robot, too.

Speaker 2 Nah, gotta do it. Dana, you need to sue AI.
No, it sends you on the bottom.

Speaker 2 And you're going to ask, but in a weird twist, you're going to say, AI, write up a lawsuit against yourself.

Speaker 2 Well, the weird place is like a very loose takeoff on the Twilight Zone, where it's anthology, Twilight Zone. And we had one we didn't record where it was the

Speaker 2 J1000. So it was a robot, an AI robot of Jay Leno.
And he's like, yeah, okay, let's go out there. I'll do a set.

Speaker 2 And his handler, his computer guy, goes, kill him tonight.

Speaker 2 So he actually ends up killing the audience

Speaker 2 he actually he stands trial yeah you know i'm you know you know i they he said to kill him so i did you know my compassion chip was uh was a defunct you know i gotta get changed out i didn't have any empathy so i just took them all out you know

Speaker 2 so that's a programming error it's a pro yeah it was a whole futuristic thing but that's that's where we're all going that is hysterical we

Speaker 1 we you never answered the the first, we'll end with this because you never answered the first question, which was how do you, why are you in Bennett, one of our producers' houses?

Speaker 2 Why are you sitting in his house? I'll give these guys. I think I know why.
Can I just say the first part is we tried to have you on the show a while ago, and we had a technical difficulty.

Speaker 2 Dana was the guest that we had who at the last minute we had to pay. But you do a podcast.
This was, I had gotten a new laptop, and I have a technical thing I do with fly, or we call it the wall.

Speaker 2 Do you guys ever call it smart? Yeah, we got a smart coming up. But anyway,

Speaker 2 so we went through the torturous thing, and the patience of the guy

Speaker 2 during the whole pandemic. Okay, let's

Speaker 2 see a red dot on the left. It should be blinking.

Speaker 2 Okay, what do you see? I see a blank screen.

Speaker 2 All right, let's refresh out of that. Do you see that? Let's go to settings.
You see the wheel for settings. It's been the biggest part of our lives.

Speaker 2 And so they did that with me for 45 minutes, and I told them it was like a movie. It was like, ha ha ha, we'll get him on.
And then it was like, okay, let's, let's, it was like Apollo 13.

Speaker 2 Let's see what's going on here. We're going to get it.
Don't worry. Press that.
Do this. I did it around and around and around.
The robot said, no, can't do it.

Speaker 2 And then there was despair and sadness and nervousness toward the end. That's why I said, I'll come over.
I live near here. I said, I'll just come to his house.

Speaker 3 I mean, you came over to Bennett's house to do this.

Speaker 2 You are such a love. It was very close by.
I could have practically walked. How about you didn't? We'll be right back.

Speaker 2 Anyway, so I should say

Speaker 2 you guys have been so, so nice to me. That's what Paul said.
Thanks for all the compliments, which I think he said to you guys. Because you can't help it, gosh, a little bit with Paul McCartney.

Speaker 2 Well, that's how we feel about you, man. Honestly, Dana, you have been such a hilarious dude for so long.
I've been such a massive fan and admirer of you. I never knew this.

Speaker 2 I would have felt so good all these years i feel like i've bitten off your shit so many times i feel like i've made people laugh because of you yeah uh and and i just honestly it's such an honor to you guys are you're a universe you're a you know the smartless guys has become a meme what did the smartless guys do where are the smartlest guys going yeah with you and spade by the way i texted spade the other day about something and and uh And he didn't text me back.

Speaker 2 He just sent me a voice note back. I'm like, motherfucker, take the time to write it out.
That's all he does is the walkie-talkie thing. Hey, buddy.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 come on.

Speaker 2 I was like,

Speaker 2 because you can't type that, you know.

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 spades are great. I'm having fun doing it, but this has been a blast.
I know it's hard. I know what it is to wrap it up.
And like, do we go longer? I know where you guys are at right now. No.

Speaker 2 So all we can go along with people that aren't any good.

Speaker 3 You've given up.

Speaker 1 This might be a two-parter.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'll finish with Dennis Miller. Christ's sakes.
Okay. What are these cats? What are they doing? Tucking into a microphone.
It's called Smart Less.

Speaker 2 Okay, that's an apt title from what I've heard over here.

Speaker 2 All right. You got the guy in the middle with the fluffy hair so thick it looks like a hairpiece.
The pretty old 10-year-old on the right side of my screen. Baseball caps for everybody.

Speaker 2 Okay, anybody wear a suit?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Dennis is. Dana, just before we let you go, did you not used to to do Dennis to him on update? Oh, yeah.
Yeah. That's what I reckon.
You used to go on and up.

Speaker 2 I'd go up and I'd have the wig and do it with him.

Speaker 2 I love his rhythm. I can't.
It's the best.

Speaker 2 Give me a topic and I'll do Dennis talking about it. Any topic.

Speaker 3 Podcast, and there's too many of them.

Speaker 2 Podcasts. Okay, what are we up to? 109 million now? Okay.

Speaker 2 Every kid in the basement with a microphone and a cheap laptop can just start yapping out there,

Speaker 2 looking at those counts. What's he got?

Speaker 2 29 people listening to this pablum?

Speaker 2 All right, okay. What happened to Edward R.
Merle? One guy with talent with a mic. Now you got six million people without a clue, okay?

Speaker 2 Haven't seen this much dysfunction since the dysfunctional convention in Utah, all right?

Speaker 2 It doesn't even have to make sense. It's so good.
It's so good.

Speaker 2 Well, you're great, you're great, it's crazy that you can do that. God, thank you so much for coming on and entertaining us.
You're such a confusing joy, hilarious.

Speaker 2 All right, well, okay, I'll say this: this is because it'll never happen. We'll all have dinner at Koi with Spade, and we'll blow people's minds.
Let's do it. I'm there as much as Spade.

Speaker 2 I'll just leave you with this. I use George Bush Sr.
for anxiety. I make lists with him, and this is not a joke.

Speaker 2 Coming over here, went to the producer's house, producer, Bennett, Will,

Speaker 2 Will Sean over there Jason talent full modicum every area game shows movies television sitcoms American treasures coming at you talking over not a subject long rambles number one

Speaker 2 oh so good that is unbelievable

Speaker 2 calms me calms me down

Speaker 2 calm now All right.

Speaker 1 I love you, Dana Carvey.

Speaker 3 I love you, Dana Carvey.

Speaker 2 I love you, Dana Carvey. Bye, Dana.
Bye.

Speaker 3 Well, that could be all time.

Speaker 2 All time. Could be all time.
Yeah. What a hilarious dude.
I mean,

Speaker 2 and just like this, like this, like this. Like, what's the subject? Give me a thing.
Give me a suggestion. Like in a constant, you know, unbelievable talent.

Speaker 2 And again, you can't fake that. He's back.
He keeps leaving the room and coming back. He's leaving the room.
You can't, you can't, you know, it's what we were talking about. You can't fake it, right?

Speaker 3 It's genuine, and it's, it's just pure energy. I don't think I wasn't that energetic when I was 12.

Speaker 2 I was going to ask him that.

Speaker 1 He's got like these sketch comedy people, like Marty Short or him or whoever it is, they have so much energy all the time.

Speaker 2 It's great. They make great engines.
Like they just all they can run. But you know what?

Speaker 2 I thought was interesting about him was the, I was going to ask about this, is that when he did all those roles as a kid, you know, is when he was younger, and he was an actor first and then he was in sketch comedy and I bet you that's why he was such a star in sketch comedy comedy he'd never done sketch comedy before yeah I know but he was an actor he's one of the he's one of the all-time great sketch comics yeah incredible I love him I love him and I love that idea of like yeah you want to bring up all this stuff and he was talking about like with McCartney like can I bring up the Beatles and can I bring up the songs I want to bring with a guy like him you're like can I I want to bring up church lady and I want to talk about all the great things and be like talking to Sean and not bringing up Candy Crush.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? The things you're good at. Right, exactly.
You're going to be known for. That you're known for.

Speaker 2 You're going to bring up.

Speaker 2 Skittles and Candy Crush.

Speaker 3 I have to believe that a show like the Dana Carvey show would work today because there are stations that would, you know, you throw it on HBO today or Netflix today. And, you know, I.

Speaker 2 Why not? We're on broadcast. You'd think that broadcast would want something like that.

Speaker 3 No, but they have, as you said, they've tried that variety show thing.

Speaker 2 Maya, Maya had her her own, right? I think it was the latest one. With Marty.
With

Speaker 2 Marty, yeah.

Speaker 2 Over at NBC.

Speaker 3 It's just, I don't know why they don't take, why SNL is the only one that has sustained

Speaker 3 is a tribute to Lorne, certainly, but

Speaker 3 I could do with a couple of more.

Speaker 1 I can't believe he has all this energy at his age after having gone through, which you don't know about, Jason.

Speaker 1 You didn't remember that he had.

Speaker 2 What kind of surgery on his heart?

Speaker 2 What kind of surgery was that?

Speaker 2 It was

Speaker 2 by pass!

Speaker 2 Wow!

Speaker 2 That was good. That was good.
Smart.

Speaker 2 Smart.

Speaker 2 Smartless is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Bennett Barbaco, Michael Grant Terry, and Rob Armjarf.

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