"Bill Maher"

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Speaker 1 Quickest intro ever. Go.
Hey, this is Jason. Hey, this is Sean Hayes.
Hey, it's Will.

Speaker 1 And this is Smartless. Let's try that again.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Hey, Jason here. Hey, Sean here.
Hey, it's Will here. And then producers.

Speaker 1 Sorry, we're going quick because the producers, they wanted a what? They wanted to release it. So let's get onto it.
Yeah. Go, go, go, go, go.

Speaker 1 Smartlist. Quicker, please.

Speaker 1 Hey, listener, you are listening to the quickest intro for Smartlist yet. Hi, listener.
It's Sean. Jason.
Hi, it's Will. Hi, it's Will.
And And it's Martless. This is a show we do.

Speaker 1 It's called Smartlist. It's a podcast.

Speaker 1 That was already too long. That's already too long.

Speaker 1 Here we go. Hey, ready, here we go.
Hey, listener, my name is Sean. Jason here.
Will. And this is a podcast that we do where we talk to people about stuff.
Ready? It's called Smartless.

Speaker 1 And here we go. Oh, my God.
Unbelievable. Hey, listener, you're about to hear the quickest intro for Smartless yet.
It's Smartless. It's Smartless.
And I'm. No.
Almost.

Speaker 1 Hey, listener, you're about to hear the quickest intro for Smartless yet. I'm Jason.
Sean. Will.
Smartless. Nice.

Speaker 1 I just want to use a whole take.

Speaker 1 Smart.

Speaker 1 Smart.

Speaker 1 Hey, guys. It's been a while.
We haven't seen each other in like a week. I know.
How have you been?

Speaker 1 I think it was just a day or so ago, wasn't it? Oh, wasn't it? Was it really? Was it? No, it was like a week ago. It was at the weekend, I'm pretty sure.

Speaker 1 Oh, so maybe that was like four or five days ago. What's today?

Speaker 1 Today's Tuesday. Today's Tuesday.
Well, you know, my day off, my days off are Mondays, and Scotty and I went to the Field Museum here in Chicago, which is, you know, you go see.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's where all the old fields are.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 Jason's being funny. Fields of dreams.
No, you do, you go, this, like, the dinosaur stuff and you learn about, and you see how the earth started, like it's from the very beginning.

Speaker 1 And it was like, it's really cool to see the dinosaur bones up close.

Speaker 1 You don't believe the evolution garbage, do you? No.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 So you're, so you're looking at. So the dinosaur stuff.
And I was like, and I always wonder, like, are those the actual bones? They can't be, right? Right.

Speaker 1 So then they have those guys with the picture, with the, with the cameras that come up to you like at amusement parks, right? Where they take your picture and they're like,

Speaker 1 we're going to charge you. And I was like, I just held up my phone.
I was like, I'll just take my own photo. Rude.
Right. You know, these guys got to make a living too, Sean.
I know.

Speaker 1 Jason just turned 53. Three.
Yeah. Three.
Not just. And

Speaker 1 Amanda said that

Speaker 1 they still get,

Speaker 1 they still get frisky, but she refers to him as dinosaur bone.

Speaker 1 yeah meaning um

Speaker 1 uh i don't know but um you know that's a it's not a bad question or observation sean thank you i'm gonna go with it for a minute here and about the real bones you mean yeah because so they do go through the archaeologists they go through there and they pick and they sweep and they brush and they they pull them out and then what do they do with them they probably have to encase them and complete them in some form right and so the real stuff is probably underneath some sort of sheath of plastic that is meant to look like a bone, right?

Speaker 1 Right, but here's my thing. Why rope the area off if it's not the real bones?

Speaker 1 Because it makes it feel like it's real and a little bit more of an ooh and an ah effect. I know.
I don't know. Will, anything? Don't you find that stuff interesting?

Speaker 1 Will doesn't even want to play with this nonsense. Okay.
He's.

Speaker 1 It's so, to be honest. You don't like museums.
You don't like museums. Please don't lie.
Just listening. Listening.
Please don't lie. And no more.

Speaker 1 Museum here is like, it's the conjecture, it's conjecture junction. You know, it's just like, I think that, maybe that, just look it up for fuck's sake.
I know, I gotta look it up.

Speaker 1 Hey, you know what else, Sean? The folks behind the glass in the, what do you call it? The, the, um, what do you call it? Behind the glass where they have the sort of the

Speaker 1 pictures of the animals. It's a real set.
Oh, like a diorama? Right. They're not real either.
Wait, what? Yeah, the guy with the heavy brow, not breathing. No, but

Speaker 1 they did have these animals behind the glass. And the moment I walked in, I said to Scotty, I'm like, is that like the real thing that they just stuffed it from, like, you know, 200 BC?

Speaker 1 Also a decent question. Well, why are you cranky today? I don't know.
I don't know. I'm hungry.
Uh-oh, you want to pause and go grab a bar? It's dinner time. It's not dinner time.
Oh, now

Speaker 1 Sean's going to start getting it. You know, listener, Sean's making us jump through impossible hoops

Speaker 1 to continue bringing you

Speaker 1 the joy and the ear candy that is Smartless. We're recording this at 5 p.m.
Are you

Speaker 1 working with it? Who works at 5 p.m.?

Speaker 1 Not me. Everybody.
Oh.

Speaker 1 Usually it's a nice morning thing when we've got our attitude, our energy, our rest.

Speaker 1 By the way, we can do mornings riddled with guilt about it.

Speaker 1 Oh, don't.

Speaker 1 You're an easy target.

Speaker 1 Let's get to the guest, yes. I'm so excited that you guys are going to be.
Nothing more about museums?

Speaker 1 First of all, I've never heard somebody describe themselves as so excited with less excitement.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. What about our guest? No, about yourself.
About yourself. I'm so excited to.
No, I'm so excited. No, this guy,

Speaker 1 I can't wait to just get a... Is it somebody with more intelligence than us that can shine a light on the bottom? Or more intelligence on the bones?

Speaker 1 That's the other thing, too. I got to say that that's the other thing, too, is that I sometimes get nervous about we go down these holes

Speaker 1 about info before we know who the guest is. And I'm like, this person thinks we're fucking idiots.
Yeah, that's why they're here. Well, that ship has sailed.
That's why they're here because

Speaker 1 there's no threat coming up. Yeah, there is.

Speaker 1 So listen, I'm super excited. I've been a fan of this guy for a very, very, very long time.
He's had two very popular shows, back to back, where the first one ran from 1993 to 2002. That's nine years.

Speaker 1 And then the next one, which ran from 2003 to present day, which is almost 20 years. Kelsey Grammar?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 He's asked me on his show a couple of times, but like a tiny, tiny coward, I was too scared because Newsflash, I'm not the brightest bulb, and I feared people might just start to pick up on that.

Speaker 1 He started his career as a stand-up and an actor, but thank God he tossed out the actor part. Otherwise, I wouldn't know where to get my news of the week from.

Speaker 1 Guys, it's the super funny, super smart Bill Maher. Hello.
Oh, Bill Maher. Christ, Bill can tell us about bones and stuff.
Yes. Bill's super smart.
Yeah, but not about bones. Come on.
Bill,

Speaker 1 are the folks in the diorama real?

Speaker 1 They're not real, are they? No, but I have fond memories of my childhood making dioramas. That was a whole thing.
I wonder if kids even know what that word is or do they do that anymore?

Speaker 1 Or can you do it on your phone? I needed help.

Speaker 1 I used to make those little things all the time. Yeah.
With the little people inside and you hang them on a street. I wish I saved them.
I could have sold them on eBay now for great money.

Speaker 1 Bill, I want to say to you, first of all, thank you for coming on. And as you know, I've emailed you through the years.
We've chatted through the years. I'm just, I hold you in the highest regard.

Speaker 1 I have never, ever missed one episode of Real Time with Bill Marshall. And I appreciate that.
And I love you. That's pretty close to my record.

Speaker 1 I mean, I am truly a fan of all you guys. You nice man.
I like Sean the best. Yeah, I don't blame you a lot.

Speaker 1 And we also had dinner once. Yes, we did.
Yes. We had a date.
I loved it. Was it at Koi? Was it at Koi? Was it at Koi? No, it was not at Koi.
It was at Chinjin. No, it was at Piccolino.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's it. Yeah.
Right? Oh, the little place on Robertson, Robertson. You wore green.
I wore red. Ah, yes.
I remember it well. Now, come on, Sean.
You can sing that one.

Speaker 1 You're a master of the musical theater. Come on.

Speaker 1 No, now, this show, Smartless, is the opposite of real time in that we ask the most mundane, dumbest questions we can possibly think of. And here's one now.

Speaker 1 I've always wanted to ask you this, but as someone who's as bright as you are, as incredibly quick-witted as you are how did you end up in the world of political commentary when you could have pursued other political avenues what drew you to politics and build a life around your career around politics well yeah i was drawn to a career in show business not a career in politics and of course i don't have a career in politics but politics as as the uh fodder uh

Speaker 1 you know, the clay I was working with, I think, comes from my childhood. My father was a newsman,

Speaker 1 radio news.

Speaker 1 So yeah, my father was in news. So we talked about that.
It was in my household. It was just part of what seeped into me.
You know,

Speaker 1 that was my household. I don't think that was the typical household.
So I always knew what was going on politically. I always read the newspaper even as a teenager.
Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 What part of the world was that, Bill? Where did you grow up? That was the part called New Jersey. Okay.

Speaker 1 So then it it was always an interest for you and then did it just sort of naturally find its way into your

Speaker 1 comedy?

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, I mean, when you're first doing stand-up,

Speaker 1 of course, you know, you will say anything to get a laugh.

Speaker 1 You know, laughter is oxygen when you're on stage and you're like a fish flopping on the dock, you know, gasping for air. So anything that will get a laugh, you will say, and I did, and we all did.

Speaker 1 But I slowly gravitated. I mean, my act now, I have a special coming out of IHBO my 13th come if you can believe it and I'm only 40.

Speaker 1 Congratulations that's awesome do you have a date on that yet I think that's April 15th that that drops as the kids say sure but you know it's there's there's a good amount of politics in it and there's a lot of stuff in it that's not political because as I mean I'm a stand-up first I'm always drawn to that and I'm always drawn as you can see from this conversation I'm always going to try to wheel it into something a little more substantive that's just my nature.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm so glad you do. So I feel like I'm fucking up your show.
No, no, no. No, no, no, but that's okay.

Speaker 1 Like, I guess that explains a lot because what you know, what you've done in sort of, dare I say, the late night space, if you will, and just indulge me for a second, is that you've kind of taken what a lot of people did.

Speaker 1 You know, you had these guys and a lot of amazing, you know, funny guys that we all looked up to, whether it's Letterman or Carson or whatever, and they would have moments where they'd touch on the news and what was going on.

Speaker 1 You took that slice and

Speaker 1 you grew it. And that became, as you said, the fodder for

Speaker 1 all your stuff.

Speaker 1 And that certainly struck a chord with people because people were like, yeah,

Speaker 1 I want to talk more about that shit. I want to make fun of it.
I want to talk about the absurdity of it. I want to talk about it in serious ways.

Speaker 1 And I want to engage these people on either side of the age of... of the aisle in ways that is not confrontational, but certainly stripped down and feels like, fuck the bullshit.

Speaker 1 Just talk to me for real, for once. Give me a fucking break.
What I love is the give me a fucking break aspect of your show.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, I mean, I was, when I was in the clubs and starting out, I wanted to be more Johnny Carson. We all did.
We wanted to host that kind of, you know, broad vaudevillion variety show.

Speaker 1 But as I got older, I was like, no, I don't want to talk to, you know, fucking sitcom players. No offense to the people here.
Hi.

Speaker 1 Why would we?

Speaker 1 No, I mean, my show is not, my show is not a celebrity driven show, unless you think Andrew Sullivan, you know, and the governor of Montana are celebrities.

Speaker 1 You know, it's a political, it's mostly, I mean, we do have celebrities on,

Speaker 1 but informed ones. Yeah.
Yeah. Informed ones, or, you know, just ones.
We, you know, Steve Martin and Martin Short did it last year. Howard Stern has done it at the top as a one-on-one interview.

Speaker 1 Any of you guys could do it if you wanted to, but I know you

Speaker 1 that's fine too.

Speaker 1 but um you know it's mostly for people who want to understand what happened during the last week and have someone explain to them with their perspective you know it's great um hey bill how do you stay educated you you you're so courageous that you have you know you you could have these idiots on if you wanted dummies like us uh but you don't you have you have people that are incredibly well well informed and you go up against them at times if you don't agree with them and to do do that in an intelligent way which you have done for god knows how many years um you need to be incredibly well informed where do you find the time to do that um yeah where do you

Speaker 1 oh yeah bill please tell these two guys about the marvels of reading

Speaker 1 yeah first of all you guys can stop with the false modesty though we're just stupid guys you're not you're very bright guys you have to be very successful very successful we'd like to be brighter in some other areas i certainly would love to be brighter uh in politics like you are but where do you

Speaker 1 apply your I'm so stupid act. You're not stupid.
No one thinks you're stupid.

Speaker 1 But as far as keeping up, you know, it is a bit of, what's a challenge nowadays is to read anything where you think, oh, okay, that's the full story.

Speaker 1 My problem with media is that everybody's in their own little silo now. If I see something on MSNBC, and I Fox, I don't really ever watch Fox, but if I do, I know it's only half the story.

Speaker 1 It's like, oh, okay, there's something I know you're not telling me me because it doesn't feed into your narrative because the media is about, it's not about truth anymore.

Speaker 1 It's about this is our narrative. So is what you're telling me true? Well, it's probably partly true, but I'd have to really work hard to find out the full story.

Speaker 1 That's what pisses me off about the media. Then you got to read two or three articles to make sure it's fully vetted, or I'm sure you're fully staffed and all that.

Speaker 1 Right. You cannot trust anybody to give you the full story.
Very few, anyway.

Speaker 1 You know, there's, I just, by the way, just recently, not even before I knew you were doing this, I re-watched your first appearance on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, and it was fantastic.

Speaker 1 And even then, you didn't shy away from everything that we started talking about, politics, sex, religion, whatever it is.

Speaker 1 And I love that joke that you said. Did you say sexy religion? Because what's your sexy religion? What's your sex? What do you think is the sexiest religion?

Speaker 1 Let's go around the horn. No, that's a good question.
We'll go around the horn. We'll go around the horn.
What do you think is the sexiest religion?

Speaker 1 And we will be right back.

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Speaker 1 And now, back to the show.

Speaker 1 Hey, Bill, if you're going to do a show that wasn't about politics, what other subject captures your fancy? Say Showtunes. Say Showtunes.

Speaker 1 No, I started a podcast. I don't know when this is airing.

Speaker 1 It may have started. Oh, yeah, it's called Club Random.
Club Random. Club Random.
Tell us about what it is.

Speaker 1 Well, it's funny because what you just said, the last, I would say, I don't know, four or five years, people have been saying to me, like we were out to dinner or something, and they'd be like, you should do a podcast.

Speaker 1 And I'd say, what are you talking about? I have a show. Why would I do a podcast? And they're like, because we just had this dinner and, you know, you were so interesting on all these topics.

Speaker 1 And they're not things that you talk about on your show. You know, we were talking about sex and romance and bliss and that and health and all these other things.

Speaker 1 And I'd like to hear you talk about that. So I was like, yeah, sure.
And then it got to be kind of a drumbeat. So I finally went, oh, maybe I am being thick about this.
And I have this place here.

Speaker 1 Right. And there's a property.
There's a little funky old clubhouse on it. I shot there when we were doing the show real time when we were doing it during the pandemic.

Speaker 1 That's where we shot the interviews. And it's kind of a, you know, it's got a pool table and a bar.
It's really kind of cool.

Speaker 1 And we kind of, at some point, it became club random and made it kind of into a club. And we get your no bullshit approach to many, many subjects and topics.
Yeah, good. Yeah.
So I can just sit, yeah.

Speaker 1 So I can just sit down and talk with people one-on-one. I mean, my show is mostly a panel show.
It's either me straight to camera or it's a panel. There's not a lot.

Speaker 1 There's one at the top, but it's brief and it's very often somebody like a governor or somebody, you know, a little more formal. You do great with those, though.
Those are awesome.

Speaker 1 You guys would be good on this. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Come over to Club Random. Will, it's across the fuckers.
I know, I know.

Speaker 1 It's so close. By the way, and it would be less political than this is because this is not political.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you, speaking of Club Random in your podcast, where does Jimmy Valally fit? The great Jimmy Valally fit into all of this.

Speaker 1 You know, we all love jimmy vali well you know he's my best friend for 40 years yeah is that true you know yeah we go to hawaii every year together for no needs to love me

Speaker 1 yeah that's great oh yeah um and i know he is the axis of uh

Speaker 1 wonderful as far as arrested development goes which one of my favorite shows of all time and of course i'm sure that's why you two guys are so close as big as all those years it's certainly not why sean hangs out with us you know he's never seen an episode no right But I mean, that show was genius, and you guys were genius on it.

Speaker 1 I mean, really, that's one of my faves. I can watch them over and again, they're so dense, they're so dense.
Have you met Mitch? Have you must have met Mitch Hurt? Yes, of course, he knows me.

Speaker 1 I have because Jimmy has these salons in his backyard, especially when the pandemic was going on and we could only sit outside. And I gave him that name.
I said, You should call it a salon.

Speaker 1 And we would have people. Mitch was always there.
I know Mitch was there.

Speaker 1 Those two guys, two of the greatest guys in the world. I don't know.
Like, I always picture you just reading constantly. I can't picture you sitting watching.

Speaker 1 Like, do you watch a lot of shows and movies and stuff where you're like, I'd rather read. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Watching TV, first of all, TV, the kids today don't understand how wonderful and amazing and vital TV is. Some of them don't even have them.
They watch the thing, whatever they watch on their phone.

Speaker 1 I have a big ass, nice, gorgeous TV at the end of my bed. The end of my day is always watching TV.

Speaker 1 I must watch tv at the end of the day for at least an hour at least mindless stuff no some yes well some not not um not disturbing i once watched an episode of the sopranos where uh joey pants beat the shit out of a hooker and i couldn't sleep that whole night it was terrible so nothing like that but so you'll you will you watch like reality tv like i have a i have a very bad attention span so i'll like watch 20 minutes of five different things

Speaker 1 but then but that's what I'm saying like where then but that's what I'm gonna say like what if we were to hang out at your house from five because it's not late uh to

Speaker 1 10 o'clock at night and your attention span where does it go to if it's not watching something like that do you go read then or do you like Let me give you my schedule.

Speaker 1 During the week, when real time is in production,

Speaker 1 I work every night. I never go out during the week.
I'm working on the show every night. I mean, that is either reading or writing.

Speaker 1 Monday is a heavy writing night.

Speaker 1 Thursday, the night before the show. It takes a lot of hours to put that show together.
It takes like 20 hours just to put the final editorial together, which is about, you know, six to eight minutes.

Speaker 1 But, you know,

Speaker 1 so I like that. I like working.
Now, we do the podcast Wednesday

Speaker 1 after like a six to eight

Speaker 1 because I like it dark and club random. Sure.
There's a night feel. Nobody likes to go to a daytime club.
That's the only thing about it. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 When they try Saint Tropay and it's like a a daytime club. No, fuck off with the daytime champagne.
Unless you've stayed up all night. I guess that's different.
Of course, that's the exception.

Speaker 1 Have you ever been to a Las Vegas

Speaker 1 pool party in the day? No, no. No? No.
No. You do have a lot of kids.
Well, okay. It's like they have these pool parties, all the hotels, where the people, and you can tell, it's like noon.

Speaker 1 They haven't been to sleep yet. They're standing in the pool.
It's 110 degrees, no sunscreen. The guys have been on steroids, you know, because they're big, muscly men.

Speaker 1 I mean, they have drunk a boatload of liquor.

Speaker 1 They probably, you know, snorted Coke off somebody's ass, threw a dirty $20 bill, and they're fine. Stop worrying about COVID, okay?

Speaker 1 Now,

Speaker 1 I got out of the party game right before bottle service started.

Speaker 1 Can you walk me through bottle service and how that caught on?

Speaker 1 And tell me if I have this right the only way to book a table at a club is if you commit to bottle service which is a bottle of uh really nice vodka i'm so can i just say i'm so fucking glad we're recording this keep going five five grand gets you the bottle of pop of vodka four glasses and a bucket of ice and you can have the booth is that is that is that about right well jason i also have not been in clubs except my own club random uh for many many years and that's april 15th uh is that april 15th no that's the special that's my hbo standup special sorry i get so confused the uh

Speaker 1 the the podcast may already be on by the time sorry you still bill you still have to walk jason through what a club what a club is no no no bottle bottle service in particular service i know what number service is yes i mean it's not that it's not that complicated it's they're trying to get you to spend a lot of money to buy a good who would ever say yes to spend five thousand dollars on a bottle of vodka and and a tons of tons of douchebags in clubs who want to impress girls with their daddy's money but how is it five grand you would think five hundred would be about the ceiling they went to five grand no

Speaker 1 at a minimum

Speaker 1 no it's guys who have fleeced sovereign wealth funds and they're living over here going to college there's that many of them right there's so many trust fund babies out here in in California, in Los Angeles.

Speaker 1 If you ever go out, and again, I don't go out to places like that and have them for many, many years, but

Speaker 1 it's all that. It's all these kids who could not possibly have that kind of money at that age,

Speaker 1 except

Speaker 1 it's their daddy's money and they're spending it free. Do you like Vegas, Bill? Do you like playing there? Do you like

Speaker 1 when you go? I do not gamble, but I play it. I've been at the Mirage for about the last five years, about six times a year.
I love that. It's a great room.
It's a great hotel.

Speaker 1 The audience, I went from hating the audience because when I first played Las Vegas, I was an opening actor. I opened for Diana Ross

Speaker 1 in 1982, and it was painful. First of all, that was like the Deadball era in Vegas.
It was

Speaker 1 like the end of the rat pack. Like Sinatra was there, but he was 80.
And

Speaker 1 there was no nightclubs. It was just not fun.
And they didn't know who I was. I'm just some poor schmuck standing in front of the crowd for 20 minutes waiting while they filed in for Diana Ross.

Speaker 1 And now it's like the hippest crowd in the country. Yes.
Wow. It's it part of it is it's a big, it's a city in itself now, Las Vegas.
It's a fairly big city.

Speaker 1 So you can draw a good percentage of the crowd from locals, but also just like, that's who's going to go see me. I mean, Vegas, I mean, there's plenty of other options.

Speaker 1 They could see fucking magic or a dolphin or some shit if they wanted to.

Speaker 1 But if they're coming to my show, they want that.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I would play it twice as much if I could. How come you don't gamble? Was there a bad situation?

Speaker 1 That's why I don't do it anymore. But do you just was never attracted to it or did you get hurt? I mean, it's just, they call it gambling.
They should just call it losing money slowly. Yeah.
But why?

Speaker 1 I'm with you, but I hate losing money.

Speaker 1 Again, I need you to walk me through this. How is it so hard? It's basically a 50-50 proposition on most bets.
No. I mean, no,

Speaker 1 of course it's not. But you can sit in the sports You could sit in the sports book, it's 50-50.
It's not. Nothing is 50-50.
Come on. That's why the house is making money.

Speaker 1 Here's why I think the house makes money.

Speaker 1 The reason the house makes money is because everybody leaves to go to Vegas with a committed amount of money they're willing to lose, and they don't leave the table until they lose that money.

Speaker 1 If you think about what you're willing to win and leave when you hit that number, then you'd make money. That's my thing.
The reason they make money is because the odds are slightly in their favor.

Speaker 1 And if you have millions and millions of bets, even if it's 51.49, over time, you're going to make a fortune and other people are going to lose their house. That's why I think it's depressing.

Speaker 1 You say you love playing Vegas. I'm like, it's so depressing to go there.
I see people losing everything they have. Well, wait a second.
Wait a second.

Speaker 1 Sean, I've been to Vegas with you before and you're like fucking splitting aces and again and again. And all of a sudden you've got $3,500 on a hand and you're like, hit it, hit it all.

Speaker 1 This is true. This is true.
You want to to talk fucking depressing. Have you ever been to Atlantic City and you see people just go and they win at the roulette table?

Speaker 1 Roulette in Vegas, everybody's having a blast and they're all hugging each other. It's like a commercial, right? And everybody's hooting, hollering, high-fiving.

Speaker 1 In Atlantic City, it's like everybody, they win and they're like, phew,

Speaker 1 because fucking, I can't take another week, you know, being on the bargain.

Speaker 1 Bill,

Speaker 1 you mentioned, you said Deadball. That was a reference to baseball.
Yes, you're a big baseball fan? I feel like, yes. Yes, I was a minority owner of the Mets up until last year

Speaker 1 for 10 years.

Speaker 1 That's cool.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but it's much nicer now because I don't have to worry about the finances. Like, you know, it was horrible during the pandemic because we didn't play the first hundred games of 2020.

Speaker 1 And then when we did play the last 60, there was no one in the stands buying hot dogs.

Speaker 1 How did, sorry, how did that come about you getting an opportunity to get a piece of it? And then how did it come about you divesting?

Speaker 1 Well, I read about it in the paper. It was a front page story in the New York Times in 2011.
The Mets were in great financial trouble, and they were selling, it said 40% of the team.

Speaker 1 They were looking for about eight or 10 investors, and it said how much it might cost. And I was like, huh.

Speaker 1 I don't have alimony or kids or stupid hobbies. I don't collect cars or motorcycles or paintings or jewelry or hookers or cocaine.

Speaker 1 I've actually saved my pennies and I could actually buy, I could actually do this. But I was like sure that there were going to be a thousand people richer than me who'd be online first.
No.

Speaker 1 I was like just there, a month later. The Mets had such a stink on them at the time.
And I was like, well, you know what? Sports.

Speaker 1 teams never go down in value, especially the baseball franchise in New York. Right.
So what did you do? Did you just sell it? Did you sell it last year? Well,

Speaker 1 Steve Cohen, now the richest owner in baseball,

Speaker 1 he came in and bought the whole team. So he bought it from the majority owners, the Wilpons, and then he bought out all the minority owners.
We didn't have a choice, and I didn't want a choice.

Speaker 1 I was so glad to be out of it because, again, now I can just be a fan. I don't have to worry about their labor problems or events having a losing year and losing money.

Speaker 1 Did you make a little bit or did you lose a lot? Oh, I made a lot. Oh, great.

Speaker 1 But even with what I lost during the pandemic, because again, I knew that a team,

Speaker 1 this is the National League franchise in New York. They're not making anymore.

Speaker 1 And baseball is so woven into people's, you know, my father and I went to the first game and that you're never going to be able to put a value on that. But teams just always go up.

Speaker 1 So I think what the Mets were valued at when I bought in was like $750 million, which was way low. And then they sold for like $2.4 billion or something.
Wow. After how many many years like 10.

Speaker 1 wow and did seinfeld buy a piece of it too he's a big med yeah

Speaker 1 he didn't want it he didn't want it no he should have he's way richer than me yeah now did you have voting rights could you could you like email the the gm and say draft this guy no but i no but i was invited to the owner's meetings i went to one it was so boring it was a lot about parking and hot dogs and you know it was just it was like it's like oh god i wish i'd parking hot dogs yeah it was it was really boring did you ever just for a goof try to try to recommend some shitty idea about a mascot or something just to see if you get a reaction?

Speaker 1 No, no. No, I didn't want to.
No, I didn't want to piss them off. It was great.
I had a parking spot. You know, you'd go in the special entrance.
You know, you had a box. It was fun.

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Speaker 1 all right back to the show hey Bill now speak speaking of parking hot dogs you have a lady in your life what's going on

Speaker 1 mom

Speaker 1 told you I don't want to talk about that

Speaker 1 no I I but I was going to ask the same thing and we you don't have to answer it if you don't want but just as we all are getting older is any of that changing at all in your brain?

Speaker 1 Where you're just like, maybe,

Speaker 1 maybe there is something to settling down or something, or absolutely not. I'll certainly be happy to answer that in the abstract.
There's nothing to settling down. For me, it's a very personal thing.

Speaker 1 Some people like to be settled and some people like to be married and some people don't. And I'm one of those people who don't.
And, you know, I feel like that's just personal.

Speaker 1 Whatever concessions that you make for being married, i assume when people keep doing it there must be some compensating reasons that make it all worthwhile not to have sex

Speaker 1 when you talk

Speaker 1 when you talk about

Speaker 1 i can't fucking think of what it is but i'm sure there must be one yeah when you talk though about you're saying about getting how it doesn't get easier and stuff what are the things that you think about now that are like bum you out about getting older i i agree with you by the way i i am feeling that thing of i i I care less and less what people think.

Speaker 1 And honestly, and these guys know I could give a shit about a lot of stuff and I have a bad attitude a lot of the time. Boy.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Take a chill pill, man. No, man.
No. I refuse.

Speaker 1 No, I mean, look,

Speaker 1 thankfully, I can do everything I always did pretty much the same. So that has not caught up with me yet.
But I am under no illusion that that is next.

Speaker 1 I can't be. I mean, I can still play basketball.
I, but like, will that be happening when I'm 80? I don't know.

Speaker 1 And of course, the other thing about aging that's tough is that you just, I mean, let's be honest, you just look worse.

Speaker 1 I mean, you can, you know, you, you can look good for your age, but you can, you know, it's just, it's the corruption of the flesh. It's just going to happen.
You look great, though.

Speaker 1 I would say you look better now than you did 20 years ago. And then when you put your glasses on, which you were sort of cutely sheepish about at the beginning of this season, you looked fantastic.

Speaker 1 You wear glasses.

Speaker 1 Those are good looking glasses. Well, I appreciate that because it was a,

Speaker 1 speaking of aging, that's a great thing to bring up because

Speaker 1 Even though I understand and a lot of people said, oh, I like the glasses, for me, there was something about it psychologically.

Speaker 1 I had been on TV for 28 years without glasses and somehow that fucked with my head in a giant way.

Speaker 1 It was like this concession that I, because I'm telling you, for two years, I really couldn't see the prompter.

Speaker 1 If I hadn't written a lot of the material myself or at least rewrote it, I probably couldn't have gotten through it and I wouldn't have to use big font?

Speaker 1 No, because then you can't get enough writing on the thing. So you have to deal with the normal size font.

Speaker 1 But I was just, and in rehearsal, I'd be like, and they, I'm sure they were laughing at me behind the cameras because I was just struggling and I finally had, and I've had three LASIKs, so I couldn't go back to that.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 I had one and loved it. I've had two.
So I had to break down and do the glasses. Were there a couple of years where you were like, just come closer and go wider.
Go come closer and just go wider.

Speaker 1 That's just like, we can't get any closer, Bill. Yeah, that was it.
I did everything I could to forestall it. And then when it happened, it just was something psychological with me.

Speaker 1 It was like the end of an era. This is, you've passed this milestone.
You are officially now. And of course, it happened right when I was like officially a senior citizen,

Speaker 1 65.

Speaker 1 So, you know, I I mean, you're 65. You look fucking great.
Yeah, you're 66.

Speaker 1 66. Good for you, man.
Yeah. Jesus.
Now, tell me, you know, you know, these guys know I like to dig in about workout regimens and diet and stuff.

Speaker 1 I'll bet you're pretty disciplined about exercising and what you put in your face. Beyond disciplined.

Speaker 1 That is one thing you have to do if you want to live the kind of club random life I live. You know, you're not, you're not going to.
Not to be confused with the special on April 15th.

Speaker 1 No, that's exactly.

Speaker 1 Yes. But I've never been a foodie, so it's good because.
Yeah, but you like to smoke and it gets real snacky late at night. How do you get past that?

Speaker 1 Well, first of all, I think people think I smoke way more pot than I do. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't smoke every day. Never have, never want to.

Speaker 1 That's too much.

Speaker 1 This is controversial already.

Speaker 1 No, I mean, when you smoke that much, it doesn't work. And I want it to work.

Speaker 1 I need pot. I'll admit that.
I need pot

Speaker 1 for

Speaker 1 some very vital things that I do that I really don't want to do without it. So I save it.
Cheats and chong movies. What? Cheats and chong movies.
You can't watch those sober. I need it for that.

Speaker 1 I feel that. No, see, that's something I would never do is get online and watch a movie.
No, a lot of people do.

Speaker 1 I use it for like more uplifting things, more important things. Like driving

Speaker 1 quickly.

Speaker 1 I always have people, Bill, I always have people who go like, oh man, this, did you see that movie? Blah, blah, blah. And go, no, yeah, this fucking grand.
I go, were you high? They go, yeah.

Speaker 1 And they go, I don't want to hear your fucking opinion.

Speaker 1 I don't want to hear your opinion.

Speaker 1 Oh, Bill Maher, we don't want to take up any more of your time. I mean, we do.
Come on, that's it. We're just getting juicy with the word high.
I know.

Speaker 1 You know, when it goes by fast, Bill, it means it was good. Yeah, that's true.
I think. I mean, I would be crestfallen if I thought three guys who I admire as much as you, I let down in any way.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're the sweetest.

Speaker 1 I love you to death. I think you're dead.
You overdelivered. You over-delivered.
All right. Well, I'll know that's true if you invite me back.
Yes, for sure. All right.
We could do a two-parter.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's how I'll know if that. Well, maybe we'll just come over to Club Rando.
I would love that. I could spend an hour talking about religion with you because

Speaker 1 I sent you an email after

Speaker 1 this and it just

Speaker 1 totally enlightened me. And you've done great things on religion.
And And you've also played both Larry and Jerry Lewis. So, you know, all the Jews.
You can't only play Jews.

Speaker 1 In comics.

Speaker 1 By the way, playing another one in this play. You're piano playing Jew.
Who are you piano playing Jew? I'm playing Oscar Levant in a play out here in Chicago. Oscar Levant.
Now, refresh my memory.

Speaker 1 Exactly. I know the name.
Pianist. Oh, he will for eight shows a week.
He'll be refreshing your memory at the Steppenwolf Theater. The Goodman.
Goodman. The Goodman.
He was a pianist, right?

Speaker 1 He was one of Jack Parr's favorite guests and also a pianist and a drug addict and everything else. Sounds like we're saying penis.
I don't know. Piano dance.

Speaker 1 And on that note, thank you, Billy.

Speaker 1 You are so sweet to show up. Bill, thanks, guys.
Congratulations. Thanks so much, Bill.

Speaker 1 We'll see you at Club Random. All right.
Thank you. Thank you.
Bye, buddy. See you, Bill.
Okay.

Speaker 1 He's

Speaker 1 that Bill Maher, right? Yeah. The guy is just a big brain.

Speaker 1 He makes me think.

Speaker 1 Oh, speaking of think. And you know what? Speaking of thinking, have you guys tried the new think bars?

Speaker 1 But just think bars in general

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Speaker 1 The kind that are the 20 grams of protein. I have no sugar.

Speaker 1 Those are my favorite. Can I ask you a question before you go any further? Can I ask you a question? And I want you to be honest.
Bill Maher is quite the brain. Listen, I want to ask you a question.

Speaker 1 You need to be honest with me. Okay.
Did you just run out of think bars? I did. Well,

Speaker 1 I'm definitely low on think bars because I have at least one think bar a day. Because when I think about it,

Speaker 1 you know, health is something you should think about. And then what the best thing to do is to package something that says the word think on it

Speaker 1 because then there's a link there. So when you think.

Speaker 1 Do you think Bill eats those? Boy, he looks like, I mean, his body, it looks like he's in great shape. He is in great shape.
He's in great shape.

Speaker 1 And he said he's, what, 65, in his 60s. He even said, but he looked like...

Speaker 1 Your memory is terrible. He just said it.
How old old are you? You might need a think bars.

Speaker 1 I mean, I mean, he's probably having the peanut butter ones. Oh, God.
Oh, my God. This is unbelievable.
All right, but wait. But wait a minute.
Here's what I love about Bill.

Speaker 1 And then, and then we can go back to the think bars. No, I cannot go back to it.
Okay, then we don't think of it. I'd like to go.
Maybe we can talk about cryptocurrency. I'd love some.

Speaker 1 I'm fresh out of crypto.

Speaker 1 So. Jason, how am I going to get crypto on my NetJets? NetJets, the best way to take your phone.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and listen, and JetEdge also,

Speaker 1 actually.

Speaker 1 And you know what they serve on those jets? Our chips ahoy. And chips ahoy are really.

Speaker 1 Hey, really reach for the stars, Sean.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 I do want to say JetEdge is actually pretty great.

Speaker 1 I remember on it, Jason, I think we were on a JetEdge flight, and it was, first of all, it was just, you know, price per hour was amazing, and it was great, and the service was incredible.

Speaker 1 And I remember looking and thinking, like, this has gone so smoothly, so quickly. And I quickly, I look at my Rolex, and it tells the time so precisely.
And And I think to myself, is it right?

Speaker 1 I've crossed how many time zones and the time is so precise. But what's so great when we landed, I got right into my Porsche.
Yeah. And I drove so fast home.
Yeah, you did. Unbelievable.
Safely.

Speaker 1 You got safely home. All right.
What about how Sean goes?

Speaker 1 What if Sean says? And then I got home and I just remember just getting home and thinking, like, all these Twizzlers for me.

Speaker 1 It's Christmas over.

Speaker 1 Wait, I do want to say this about Bill before we

Speaker 1 stand, Bill, before we leave, is that I love that, and I mentioned it during the show.

Speaker 1 I love that he really is truly one of those guys who has his own show, who explores both sides of any argument always, and to me, is fair about both sides. Well, here's the thing.

Speaker 1 He's not scared of, let me just say this. He is a guy who is, who has an opinion on a lot of stuff, and he says it.
And I think that, you know,

Speaker 1 part of it is, I don't know if sometimes he says it to instigate conversation because that's kind of what he does, but also he's willing to at least engage on topics that a lot of people don't want to engage on.

Speaker 1 Right, on both sides, too. So I think that would officially make him buy

Speaker 1 curious

Speaker 1 at the very least.

Speaker 1 Biological. By the way, Jet Edge, what a way to travel.
And just to close the loop on Jet Edge.

Speaker 1 Honestly, take your choice. I mean, whether you're going wide body or mid-Hazy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if you're going to go mid-Haiti. It's so much easier if you're bi-coastal.
Guys, I got to roll X.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I should roll X too, Dayton, because I got to go to Daytona pretty soon. Yeah.
Role X, Daytona. The best way.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, listen.
Yeah. Listen, you can choose to do it the old-fashioned way, or you can also think of, you know, do it the, we can be modern and buy crypto.
Buy crypto now.

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