"Craig Robinson"

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celery. All right, we have a special guest here introing the show today.
Right, Craig? Yes. Welcome to the show, everybody.
Wait, hang on a second. Before you go, just welcome to Smartless.
Enjoy your... I don't know.
Okay, so welcome to Smartless.

Okay, that was good.

But again, Craig, it doesn't seem like

you're really welcoming.

How are your kids, Will?

They're really good.

When's the last time you saw them?

What month are we?

Wait, by the way, we're still...

Craig, we're still doing the intro, so just say welcome

to Smartless. Hi, welcome to Smartless.
Smart. Smart.
Smart. Smart.
Smart. Smart.
Hi. There's everybody.
Hi, Sean. Hi, guys.
Sean. How are you today? Listener, Sean is busy doing incredible work in Chicago per a very tough-to-please critic, apparently.
Sean's got a very nice review. That's very nice.
In the Chicago Tribune. We're all excited.
That's very nice. And when do we get to see it? Do you want people coming out to Chicago to see it, or do you want us to wait until New York? It's entirely up to you.
Here's the other thing. You don't even have to see it because here's why.
I want to. I'm not a huge fan of when other friends are like, you've got to see my movie, or you've got to my play you're not that guy so I really truly can I suggest this is there a world where when you're done and you come back home that we just do a dinner with our usual crew and then Sean we have you kind of like a salon we'll have you stand up and just do some choice monologues.
Or you can do the whole thing. Or do the whole thing.
Oh, my God, that would be great. But just privately, so it's just us? I could do like a speed line through.
Speed through would be great, and maybe just, I mean, not too much blocking, like a little bit so we get a sense of the space, obviously. And Will, can I double back to your use of the word salon? Did you throw a salon in there? I sure did.
What does that mean? Well, look it up. I mean, I'm familiar with a salon wall.
A salon wall is the wall with a bunch of pictures all put next to one another that form a larger singular square. Is that right? I think it is.
Well, did you get a haircut? I did. Yeah, you got a body cut, too, and a fat face cut, too., man.
What happened? Are you sick? Somebody slapped off some of the fat from your face. Thank you.
I love it when people say that. You say, thank you so much.
You know what's so crazy? So when I go to the theater, I have to have a COVID test every week, right? Sure. And so still.
And so I missed this one day. So they said, oh, well, you have to just go to one of these like free clinic places.
Okay. So I Google it.
It says you can come in for, you know, just like walk in. You don't have to make an appointment.
So I walk in and I'm not kidding you guys. There's nobody there.
And the woman standing right when you walk in goes, do you have an appointment? No. And she goes, you have to make an appointment.
I go, but it said walk in. She goes, yeah, yeah but you still have to make one so you can go back outside and scan the little digital thing on your phone I go you're joking me right now she goes no I go you want me to walk outside yeah so I walk out I go watch this and I looked at her through the glass through the door never broke eye contact no this sounds like a real Bateman I I know, I know.
I was so angry. I took the picture of the thing and I'm filling it out, just giving her evil looks while I'm filling this out.
I log in all my information. I walk in.
She goes, can I help you? I go, yeah. She wasn't even kidding.
She goes, do you have an appointment? Was it Edie McClurick from Ferris-Juler? I go, wait, this is not happening. This is like a joke.
So she goes, yeah, I have an appointment. She goes, right over here to a line that doesn't exist.
And then this guy at the front desk, he's like, do you have an appointment? I go, yes, I do. He's like, great.
And then he tells me to go, wait, in this other line, there's no line. It's just a thing to go get tested.
How good. And then you go outside and you look up at the, when you finally leave, you look up and you look back at the place and you look at the sign and it says, Kafka COVID tests.
Kafka. Wow.
How have you guys been? What's new? It's been a minute since we've all been hanging out. I know.
I know. You guys were so kind to let us all take a couple weeks off while I was in tech for Tracy tech is when you light the whole play and you have to stand up don't be short don't be testy with Tracy right then like you're exhausted to have to tell her is that what tech is you're like Tracy is technical anyway so thank you guys so that's why we haven't seen each other in a while sorry I just I just want to go, this is a little off topic, but Jake, you've gone back to penis hair.
What? Oh, I know. Remember when Jimmy said the top of your hair, yeah, it looks like the meatus.
That did leave a mark. Yeah, it's, so listener, what happens here? What are you doing? There's a direct part right in the middle.
Well, it's a double cowlick, okay? I'm not upstairs styling that and creating a double cowlick. But, yeah, it is for those familiar with the circumcised.
It does look like a cowlick that twice. Yeah.
Well, I'm assuming what Jimmy meant when he said penis hair. Do you think he was talking about, because, listener, we've got a double cowlick here, right? So we've got a cascade on one side and another one like an M they got it they got it okay so what do you what part of the penis do you think all they gotta do is look at there's a lot of parts let me finish I'm on something really crass here oh boy what part of the penis there's so many parts of the penis that could be this I'm gonna say penis one No, no.
If they look at the art right now to the podcast that they're listening to, they can see what we're talking about. Look, either way, you look like a dickhead.
Here we go, guys. Listen, listen, we've got to get to it because I know it's so bad.
We, I tell you what's so good though is, is our guest today. Boy, they're not going to like this segue right off the.
They're going to like, they're going to like it just fine. They're going to like it just fine because our guest today boy they're not gonna like this segue right off the uh they're gonna like they're gonna like it just fine they're gonna like it just fine because our guest is a very very funny person and uh knows what it's like to uh be very funny all the time and likes to laugh and that's because our our friend our guest today has participated in so many comedic films and tv shows it's almost pointless to name them all.
It's almost funny. But you, you see Jason, you might know him, you might know him from The Office.
Oh. You might know him from what else you might know him from? It's Mr.
Corral. Hang on a second.
Hang on a second. I'm trying to, I'm trying to I'm'm working my way there.
So you might know him from The Office. You might know him from Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
You might know him from Pineapple Express. You might know him from any one of these movies.
You might know him from his new show Killing It on Peacock. And Sean, you just might know him from college because it's none other than Craig Robinson.
Oh my God. Sean.
There he is.

Oh, look at that.

He's got a picture of himself.

He's got a painting of himself behind himself.

Oh, listener, we have a two shot.

Craig Robinson.

Well, listen, first of all,

how crazy is this to be on here with Sean?

So walk us through this a little bit, Craig.

I know, Craig's so sick of me.

Every time I see Craig,

I tell him the same goddamn thing.

He's like, yeah, Sean,

when are you going to drop it? It's enough. But for Tracy, who doesn't know, or other listeners.
New to me. Every time I see Craig, I tell him the same goddamn thing.
He's like, yeah, Sean, when are you going to drop it?

It's enough.

But for Tracy,

who doesn't know,

or their listener.

New to me.

Or these guys.

So, Craig,

well, you tell it if you want.

We went to college together

and we were both piano majors

at Illinois State University.

Well, let him tell it.

Now you're telling it again.

We went to college together

and we were both piano majors

at Illinois State University.

Sean and I.

I mean, down to we were in the same classroom, and Sean was making everybody laugh. Well, likewise.
But especially when we'd be in the back just quiet, not supposed to talk, that was the best. Now, Craig, are you as impressive as Sean is on the keys? Oh, Craig's amazing pianist.
A thousand percent less impressive. Sean is a super genius.
But you are a major. You don't just major in piano playing without being somewhat impressive.
I mean, I do my thing. But no, Sean can sit down and play with an orchestra.
I can sit down and play with a gospel choir. Yeah, there you go.

Still, that's better than I can do. Raise eyebrows.

That's very impressive.

I'm more my ear.

Yeah.

Do you remember that song you wrote?

Someone's fucking my lady.

Someone's fucking my lady.

Fucking my girl.

Remember that song?

Did it doggy style?

Of course.

Wait, wait.

Did you perform that with the, when you used to do the, you and Jerry Minor used to do that thing together? Did you guys, and you would perform that and then it would be revealed that it was him who was fucking your lady? No, no, no. Jerry would be, Jerry's Elle Witherspoon and Chucky.
Yeah. I played Chucky and Jerry and Elle Withers his film be like, you know,

I don't mean to be suspicious, but last night when my woman come home.

So he's assuming somebody's fucking his lady.

So he sings about it.

And I'm like, somebody's fucking your lady.

Somebody's fucking your

girl. And then in the middle

of the song, he's like, Chucky,

I found

a piece of paper in my woman's pants pocket. I'm like, what did it say? He said, it's a phone number.
And I said, call it. And so he's like, it's ringing.
So, you know, it's back and forth. And then the phone rings and I answer the phone.
He's like, are you fucking my leg? Yes, I'm fucking y'all. And, you know, Jerry explained this to me, Jerry Minor.
What's up, brother? he was like he told me. And, you know, Jerry, explain this to me, Jerry Minor.

What's up, brother?

He was like, he told me the concept.

And, you know, we were, it was, I cracked up.

I think it was based on the R. Kelly.

And R. Kelly would have Ron Isley in his videos as Mr.
Big.

So it was kind of based on that.

It was such a genius. But Jerry told me even long before that, he said, I'm going to make you famous.
Here's my Craig Robinson journey, just and then everybody can chime in. So we met in college.
We were music majors in college. Then we started dancing to Janet Jackson in the hallways.
We would dance Rhythm Nation with each other. And then we were in like...
It was never supposed to come out, by the way. We would.
We would. We would.
Five, four, three, two, one. Who do you think led that charge? I'm going to give you one guess.
And then, one of the funniest things, I was in a play called Love for Love by William Kahn. Sure.
No, no. Sure, sure, sure.
It was a restoration comedy, and Craig was my understudy. So in the play, I had like one scene and I had to play the harpsichord.
And as my understudy, he had to wear a powdered wig and like a whole regalia, like the 17th century. It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
I can't believe you remember that. I wrote a song and Craig sang it.
Now, Sean is busy using a lot of this education and talent. Craig, when's the last time you really put your musical degree to work? Oh, two nights ago.
Yeah, you're always playing out, aren't you? Yeah, I play and sing in my comedy act. Yeah? You got very serious when you said that.
It's a serious act. Yeah.
Where is the act currently, and can we go see it? I'll be at the Laugh Factory this evening. Here in Los Angeles? Here in Los Angeles.
Oh, wow. At the Late Show.
So, boom, you're on the list. Just like that.
What time does that start? 9.30. Oh, Jason's, he's two hours into the heavy gummy.
The second gummy, which is. You don't want me behind a wheel, but 9.30.
I'll tell you what. May 4 at the Chubador, Craig Robinson and the Nasty Delicious.
And you will get to see my master's degree. I would love to see that.
And that's my birthday. Come on down.
May the 4 fourth be with you. What's nice? What's the Nasty Delicious? That's a multi-member band? Yes.
There are nine of us. Let me see if I can.
Nine? Yeah, yeah. Because I got the horn section including Reggie Hines, Winston, Winston Bird, and Lakeisha Benjamin.
These are all and then my drummer's Asa Watkins. Sure.
Benji Alonso's my conga player and then David Sampson on guitar and then my brother Chris Robb on key synthesizer and several of us do voice. That's great.
Your actual brother. My actual brother.
Yeah. Yeah.
Now wait, Craig. I'm just going to back up for two seconds.
I also remember you called me at my mom's house in Glen Ellyn, Illinois, when you saw me in a McDonald's commercial, and you were still a teacher, I think. And you're like, how did you do that? I'm like, what? You said, how do you get a commercial? And I was like, what are you talking about? And I was like, you got to get your head shots, you got to make a resume.
And we talked on the phone, I don't know if you remember that. For a long time, I must have been, I don't know, 19 years old, 20 years old, 21.
Something like that. Remember that? Do you remember that, Craig? No.
No. Craig.
That's my favorite part of this story is that Craig doesn't remember. Craig, do you remember teaching anybody? I used to teach.
I taught kindergarten through eighth grade. Come on.
You're in Chicago and Indiana. What? Yeah, I wanted to get into that.
So, Craig, so hang on a second. So let's back up even further, and we're going to get into the teaching.
Yeah. Your mom, was your mom a teacher or is a teacher? She was a teacher.
She taught when young, high school. She was my music teacher.
She was your music teacher. So no wonder you and your brother are both musically inclined.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Our whole house was, you know, pianos, drums, horns, all kind of stuff was in it.
It was like a music hall. That's wild.
Okay, so your mom was a music teacher. So then you grew up with music all around.
And did you guys all, did you jam out like everybody in the family, you and your brother? Jam out. Come on, man.
I thought everybody at Christmas, like I thought every family in the world was like playing and singing harmony until one Christmas I was in L.A. and it was just quiet.
I was like, and I went and got the keyboard out the car and they were like, what? Christmas carols at Christmas? Sean, you keep threatening to play the piano at our Christmas gatherings. It hasn't happened yet.
No. It's not going to happen.
Are you kidding? Yeah. Can we not make your deal or something like that? Is it a deal thing? Yeah, you guys have to make a deal with me.
No. Yeah, I was going to get a party we were all at.
I don't want to hear some Christmas carols. It kind of like stops a party.
No, it doesn't stop the party. Remember one time at Jimmy's house, at Jimmy Burrow's house, you got on the piano.
Yeah. Which was fun.
And Jason, remember that we were all like, oh, Jason, don't, nobody tell Jason, don't invite Jason. I think Amanda was even there too, his wife.
But it was like, don't mention it to Jason. But Will, it stopped the party.
People are like, oh, that's nice. And then everybody goes home when it's done.
When you stop playing piano, then everybody goes home. You're right.
It's like when somebody goes, hey, watch this video. And as soon as you pull a video out and show somebody, everything's over.
I did that last night, and that exact thing happened. Wait, what happened, Craig? I did that.
I put out a video, and I started showing people. Because I'm so proud of this show, this one scene.
And then the lights went off and everybody left home. And you did it on purpose or no? No, no.
I did it not knowing that that's what happens when you show a video. It's true.
It's a conversation ender. We'll be right back.
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Our show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey guys, everybody should have a support system, right? Who's your support system? My support system, as you well know, talk about all the time, is Scotty.
And of course, my two besties, Will and Jason. Whenever I have a problem, an issue, I talk to them about it.
And if they're not available, I will talk to a therapist. And I've been going to therapy for a long time and it's always great.
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Build your support system with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash smart list to get 10 off your first month that's better help help.com slash smart list all right back to the show uh craig so let me so so your mom's a teacher a music teacher you and your brother musically were surrounded by it your whole time.
So then you go to college and major in music with Sean Hayes. And Sean, you had already done Will and Grace by that point, right? I forget the timeline on that.
No, McDonald's. He had been selling McRibs.
He'd done McDonald's as a sitcom? Listen, I'm not paying attention. Exclusive to the McRib campaign, I believe.
I had already done one. McRib, the sitcom.
I want to hear about hungry, young, not knowing anything about the business, Craig. Yeah, exactly.
So he calls Sean and yikes. So that's what I'm getting to.
Take your time. So you go to college, and then what is that moment when you graduate college? Because then you become a music teacher.
How did you make the leap from being a music major at Illinois State? It's such a good question. It's a great question.
To coming out to California and working as an actor. Well, I called Sean's mother's house.
I remember that phone call. Okay, the leap.
Yeah, but to that point, Craig, I had the same question. I can't believe I waited 30 years to ask you, which was, what was that? Exactly what Will just asked.
I remember that phone call. I'm not offended that you don't, but I was like, oh, that's so cool.
Craig wants to get into acting. But what made you want to do that? I was chosen by comedy.
Yeah. Comedy chose.
Or call it bitten by the bug, whatever you want. But I was, I was, in college, I was like, I'm, I'm gonna do stand-up.
I think my father, who was a, like, serious attorney, serious, a corporate attorney, I think he inadvertently sparked it one day because he was like, because I was always so silly. And, you know, he's like, you know, people get paid to be silly like that.
And I was like, excuse me? Comedians. People get paid to do this stuff.
And that was one of the things that sat with me. Then in college, as I'm feeling this comedy, comedians were like superheroes to me.
You could see them, you just couldn't touch them or anything. But then I saw some people doing comedy in college.
And that's what made me go, okay, I'm getting to this. Because there was people I could see and touch and knew.
I'm like, what do you do? You have an act? How do you do that? So then once I graduated, I was full on. Even by that point, I had driven to Chicago and back to go to like the Laugh, the funding firm to see Richard Jennings speak just on a Saturday afternoon or something.
But were you working on stand-up material at that point? At that point in college, I had like a couple of jokes. I would go, Sean, do you remember this? The theater department would have these like Tuesday night, almost like an open mic, but there was no mic.
It was just somebody would come up and... It was called Theater of Ted.
Theater of Ted. And people would just perform whatever.
And I got up the nerve and went up and kind of played the piano, messed around, and told some jokes. And the first joke I think I ever wrote was a poem.
Like sometimes my father, you know, he comforts me. He'll say, stop crying.
And I want to do this poem for you. Stop crying, stop crying right now before I give you something to cry about.
You're making a scene, you know that it's wrong. Just wait till we get home.
And then, you know, we got a little reaction, whatever. And a couple of months, and I start.
So anyway, go to, I graduate, and I immediately, I'm hitting the open mics, I'm going to Second City, and, you know, things kind of progress from there. And at some point, my buddy Owen Smith, who's a big time Hollywood writer now, he goes, he's like, you can probably, you know, get on the sitcom or whatever.
I forget what we talked about, but it was something about made me go, if I go into acting, I want to know what I'm doing. So I started, I went to Act One, I went to Second City, I went to Audition Center.
Then I did, I got Deaf Comedy Jam from doing comedy, what have you. That got me some eyes in Hollywood.
I forced a manager to tell me I need to move to Hollywood. Like, you think I should move here, right? You think I should? You think I should? And I ended up winning this contest.
I won a few contests, but I got a development deal. I went to Montreal and got a development deal.
You went to Just for Laughs? Went to Just for Laughs. Yeah.
And the idea, it was new faces, came back and went on 14 meetings and I'm getting a development deal from one of them. And that's what eventually got me to move to Los Angeles.
Did Sean say anything on that first phone call that was helpful at all? I'm sure he did. Sean was always very positive, very helpful.
Probably. So Craig,, but I'm trying to go along the time because we're all the same age, roughly.
Jason's the oldest here, obviously. 72.
But you, Sean, and I are about the same age. I'm 51.
Sean's 51. Are you 51 as well? I'll be 51 in October.
Okay. So we're all in the same ballpark, and I, you know, whatever, 50 and young, play,, obviously skew way younger and have lots and a big presence on social media.
So obviously in touch with young people too. And if you just reach out and look for my handles and subscribe here.
But the point is this, the point is this, there are a few, subscribe, nothing made me sound older than that. The point is, what are those gaps?

How long were you teaching before you,

because you're doing all this stuff in college,

you realize like, okay, I want to be a stand-up.

Your dad tells you, by the way,

my dad was also a lawyer for many years,

a corporate lawyer, and they were always like,

what are you doing?

Not like, hey, you're silly people that make money.

They're like, stop goofing around and get serious.

But what are you doing from that moment?

You graduate college, you've got it in your mind you want to do comedy you start teaching though uh instead for a while like but while you're teaching or you have a foot out the door exactly the whole time i think um i remember the first year i started teaching uh the teachers were like watch mr holland's opus don't were like, don't get stuck here. So I taught one year in Indiana at Franklin Elementary and then also Edgar's Elementary.
And so one was like in Whiting and then one was in this other part of Indiana. But it was a good 45-minute drive in between.
And it was sweet because two days a week I had like a two-hour break to drive in between schools. And one was like a white school, one was like a black school.
It was amazing. So I taught there for a year.
Then I got into a program called Teachers for Chicago where you get paid to teach and they get you your master's. So I got my master's to teach for Chicago, and then you're supposed to be there for a few years, you know, committed to Chicago.
That's amazing. And your master's was in music? Yes, music education.
Gotcha. That's so cool.
Wow. Talk to me about, was teaching these kids, these young kids, was it lovely on the whole or frustrating? Like I always marvel at the patience that teachers of young, young, young children have.
You know, obviously I love kids, but you spend seven hours with kids trying to teach them X, Y, and Z, trying to figure out how to manage their attention and their focus. When the hand goes up, the mouth goes shut, that kind of thing.
Yeah. How'd you do with that? Did you have, like, this teacher, my youngest daughter, like, they do this little...
There's clap signals to, like, you go quiet when you hear that. Like, did you have...
How did you manage with all that? Oh, yeah, yeah,, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would say like, uh, yo, shut the fuck up.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. That's efficient.
It's clear. That's very clear.
The, uh, I, for the most part, the kids were, were cool. You know, um, then there were, there were a few classes.
Uh, one class was class was like this special ed class, this behavior kind of thing, where they had a security guard and a teacher in there all day until they came to music. So then with them, I had to, like, play the dozens and do your mama jokes and then jump in and be like, so anyway, Beethoven, you know.
Right. You had to kind of hide it a little bit.
That was that. But then, you know, if you were interested enough, they would sit and pay attention.
And then if you weren't. Were there kids, were you able to identify kids who were like really talented and go like, hey? Oh, yeah.
Yeah? For sure. For sure, yeah, yeah.
And could you identify the kids that were the problems, too? Well, I mean, there were kids who just needed a little bit more than others. Yeah.
I needed you. I was a problem.
I needed you. You know, I wouldn't have got kicked out so much.
Yeah. But you turned out great.
Turned out all right. You turned out okay.
There were probably kids that were like, that you probably didn't connect with, like,

on a personality level too, but you had to.

Right? You're like,

this kid. A thousand percent.
Yeah, yeah. Coming in

now, I can't stand this kid. And then you have to act

like, you can't, right?

It's not that I can't stand it. It was just

like, they couldn't stand me. You know,

you're in an authoritative

position. It wasn't,

you know, it just didn't sit well. What's the worst punishment you ever gave to a kid? Worst punishment? I'll send them back to their teacher.
I had them 40 minutes a week, you know? Were you trying any of your material out on these youngsters? Funny question. I did once I started learning, you know, really, I mean, you know, getting into comedy, I was, you know, obviously going to open mics weekly, nightly.

And, yeah, I would practice my stagemanship.

It wasn't necessarily the jokes I would do.

Yeah, you've got a locked-in audience.

They have to be there.

Yeah.

They're not locked in.

They do have to be there.

You learn how to deal with hecklers, too.

A little bit, yeah.

You know, little shitty little eight-year-olds running their mouths.

Jesus, man.

Thank you. Yeah.
They're not locked in. They do have to be there.
You learn how to deal with hecklers, too. A little bit, yeah.
You know, little shitty little eight-year-olds running their mouths. Jesus, man.
Hey, dad of the year, cool that. By the way, Maple gave me a great joke the other day.
She said, this is my 10-year-old. She said, how do you make holy water? I said, how? She goes, you boil the hell out of it.
That's good, actually. You can use that one tonight, Craig.
That's free. That's good.
Tell her, ask her, what kind of car did Jesus drive? What would she say? A Chrysler. That's good.
That's good. We'll be right back after these messages.
You're welcome. No, hang on a second.
So, Craig, how did The Office come about? Because that was... What a question.
You were so... Thank you.
You were so... I loved you on The Office, by the way.
And I've told you, I always think you're a hilarious dude. Thank you, bro.
But I loved you on The Office. Tell me, how did that...
What was that process? Before that, too, I remember driving on the CBS Radford lot, and you were the car behind me or in front of me or something. And I was like, Craig? And you just moved to L.A.? I was like, this is what? You're in L.A.
now? That's so cool. And then you said you were going on an audition, an audition, and then you just popped up on The Office.
It was just so awesome. And you know you know what you told me you were like tell me about all the auditions you went on and how you want to be sitting in the corner with a razor blade you know because it's just denial denial denial you always get so close so yeah i've i've thought about that actually a lot well that sounds like great advice sean that, that you gave Craig.
No, how you would be getting denied

and you'd be like,

that's how you feel.

Like, you just want to...

You're right.

Oh, it's the worst.

Craig, welcome to L.A.

You're going to spend

most of your time

in a corner

with a razor blade.

Good luck.

Oh, thanks, Sean.

Thanks, old friend.

Let me know how it goes.

Tell us you want

to grab a bite.

Wait, so the office is what, 2004 or 2005, something like that? Yes. Let me see.
Yeah, 2005, I think. There goes Mary Lou Arnett.
I know. I'm good with dates.
So was it just like a standard audition process on that or anything colorful about that process of landing that sweet gig? So I went in and, wow, full circle, Greg Daniels and, I don't know, 13 other people sitting there, Greg front and center. And he goes, I saw your video.
You're talking about somebody's fucking my lady. Oh, wow, yeah.
And he's like, it's not getting any funnier than that, which probably should be a vote of confidence, a shot for me to, but for me, I'm like, oh, fuck. Yeah.
Well, if it's not getting any funnier, then this obviously is not going to be funny. Yeah, yeah.
You should have shaken the script pages and said, yeah, not with this shit, you know, and then just walked out. That would have killed.

Jesus.

And, you know, they had us do one of the little monos,

the asides to the camera.

What do they call it?

Confessionals.

And they had us, you know, do that paragraph.

And Deadpan is like, I'm a huge fan of him.

Yeah, that's your thing. You know, like Harvey Korman.

Uh-huh.

Let's go. that paragraph and Deadpan is like I'm a huge fan of yeah that's your thing you know like Harvey Korman Leslie what's Leslie from Police Squad Nielsen Leslie Nielsen yeah those are my cats man so I went in there just like so the office I thought was tailor made for my style yeah so you do that you do that audition, you do that talking head, and you do the deadpan thing for Greg and the 13 people in the room.
You walk out and you think, what? Nailed it. I want to be on the office, or you let it go and just on with my day? You got to let it go and move on.
I didn't know. It was another audition.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
I would throw my script away or my sides away like this. That'll show them.
I'm not gonna think about that at all. And all you do is think about it.
Yeah, but I would always love to say, as I was leaving, good luck with this. In other words, I going to not give myself this part before you not give this to me.

I did it after every audition so bad.

Really?

Oh, God, the arrogance is so gross.

Well, but it was also sort of like,

you know, feigned humility. Like, well, you know,

I'm not assuming I'm going to get this

and in the probability that I do not,

please, good luck with this.

Not a lot of people know this.

Jason also invented pray hands. Yeah, after pray hands.
I started that. Small bow, tiny hands.
Oh, pray hands. The worst is when you put the audition out of your mind, and then, you know, two months later, your mom's like, hey, so what happened with the Spider-Man audition? Did you get that? Right.
My mom's favorite thing to always do is always just to sort of just let me know what A-list directors I should be working with. You know what? You know what? You should do a film with Steven Spielberg.
Like, oh, is that? Okay. Boy, hang on.
Let me write this down. My father would be like, you look like David Allen Gray.
You should do something with him. Call him up.
Just call him up. All right, so, Craig, so, how's your music passion nowadays? Are you, is it still, what's a bigger passion for you? The acting or the music? The music.
It's always going to be the music. Still the music, really? The music is the first love.
So what are you listening to mostly right now? At least what genre of music? Some Chris Robb. Chris Robb.
That's my brother. That's his brother? That's my brother, yeah.
And some Craig Robb. We've been working on something that I don't know if it'll ever come out because I'm the head of it.
But we have several songs about ready to go. What's it sound like mostly? What type is it? Hard rock? The first one is like a kind of smooth R&B.
Smooth. All I want to do is love you, baby.
Sure. So is it safe to say then that you act to pay the bills for your music passion and, like, follow that? Oh, Sean.
Sometimes. Like, I'll do a bunch of comedy shows.
And if I know the band is going to do a show at a House of Blues and only get, you know, 10 grand, I might do a bunch of shows around there to make sure. You know what I'm saying? House of Blues still going? House of Blues still up and around?

Yes.

I thought it closed.

Is it?

Yeah.

You know, I take that back.

I resent my answer.

I don't know.

Okay.

We'll strike it.

We'll strike that.

We'll strike it. I'm sorry you're committed already to yes.

No, no, we can strike it.

Can you re-ask me?

Can you re-ask me?

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Craig, is there a dream project where you want to combine music and a dream film of yours or a dream role? Or musical theater. Sean? Six, seven, eight.
But can you think of anything that Craig could just fall right into, like a beautiful glove? A million things. How about Promises, Promises? I saw that on Broadway.
Did you see it? I did. Yes, that was very sweet of you to come.
I remember that. Do you? It was amazing.
You were amazing. Thank you, thank you.
He was amazing. Would you like to do a run on Broadway? I would love it.
Yeah, absolutely. Really? What about you? Sean, what could you and Craig do together? That's a good idea.
What would be a great two-hander? Stir Crazy, the musical. Yeah.
Wait a minute. Wait, what? Wait, Craig.
That's a really good idea. That's a great idea.
Well, someone's going to steal that right now. You guys have how many weeks before we air this episode to write it? They can't steal it.
They can't steal it. He's already got it.
That's a good idea, Craig. Who holds the rights for that? Craig owns it, and now Sean works for Craig.
Hey, listen. This is a great idea.
I'm here. We're witnesses.
Craig's dad's a lawyer. We're going to get the papers drawn up.
That was fast. That was very fast.
Do you like that idea of going to Broadway and doing eight shows a week and all the rehearsal and all that stuff? I had a taste of it a few years back with Chris Rock. We were doing Pearly, and it wasn't even the musicals.
And it was Chris Rock and, fuck, I wish I could remember everybody's name. Kimberly, a bear, and then some real heavy hit of Broadway people.
And then Bo. What's Bo's brother?

Bridges.

Bo Bridges.

Bo Bridges, yeah.

Bo Bridges was in it too.

So they flew us to New York.

Played my dad too.

And we were there for like, you know, a whole week just rehearsing the shit out of this play.

And then the first day, this big producer comes in.

He also does music.

Can't think of his name.

Big time director was working with us throughout the week. And the last day he came in.
So, you know, first let's see where it was from the beginning to the end. So I wouldn't mind.
I didn't mind. I know it wasn't a, you know, rigorous.
But they didn't, ultimately, they did not end up doing the play. Is that the deal? Yeah, we, I don't know what happened.
I think it was because of COVID. You know what I think it is? And this is, I'm just guessing.
You know what I think it happened? What happened? I think that maybe because you couldn't remember anybody's name. Maybe if you remember some of the names.
It came to me eventually. All the names I thought of just came to me.
It's too late. No, they moved on.
Rick Rubin, is that a? Rick Rubin, sure. It's a pretty big name.
He was a part of it and it did not go forward. Is Rick Rubin in the music industry? And I think Scott Rudin was producing it, and Sam Mendes, I think, was directing, and they did not go forward.
I like the biggest names, and Craig's like, I'm sorry, one more time with your name. So you have not yet tested your stamina in a Broadway run yet.
Is that correct? I have not. I have not.
I have done 14 shows a week

doing comedy, though.

Whoa.

Well, there you go.

That's something.

That's something.

Two shows a night.

That's a lot.

Sean is just coming off.

Sean's starting.

He's embarking.

I know you heard us

yammering on earlier.

He just got unbelievable reviews

there at the Goodman in Chicago.

Like, unbelievable.

And he's being very modest about it.

And I ended up tweeting out his review because I'm just so proud of him because I just love him to death congratulations what are you in? it's a new show called Good Night Oscar hold for applause still holding and still holding so this is about this is about the

movie industry completely

going away

and it only being television

right and just and therefore just the Emmy

Emmy Awards

oh I see goodnight Oscar

there we go oh no

Jason good for you

that's fun

that's a fun joke Jason

so Craig you mentioned

Greg Daniels so you work with Greg on The Office Thank you. That's fun.
No, that's a fun joke, Jason. We need stuff to cut.
So, Craig, you mentioned Greg Daniels. So you work with Greg on The Office and also with Mike Schur on The Office.
Our old friend. And then Mike goes on to do Parks and Rec, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, which you do, with Mike and Dan Gore who created it.
And then you have tremendous success on Brooklyn Nine-Nine, which you do, with Mike and Dan Gore, who created it. And then you have tremendous success on Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and then you and Dan Gore start a new show together that's coming out soon on Peacock.
And Luke Del Chidici. That might already be out, right? Yes, yes.
Called? Killing It. Killing It.
It. So you've reunited with the great Dan Gore, whom I also know from Parson Rec, who's an absolutely hilarious guy.
Agreed. And how did Killing It come about? This is about the singing hitman, yes? Guys.
That's what I thought about. They come so fast, and I just got to share them with you.
And anyway, continue. That's what they say.
That's what the ladies say. Craig, please cut him off.
I had a meeting with Dan. He was like, dude, you know, we love working with you.
And the best part about a lot of the things that you're in, let's figure something out. So Mark Shulman, my manager.
Happy birthday, Mark. It's his birthday today.
Hey, Mark. And, and then Luke Del Tredici.
Did I see it right? Luke. We all got together, you know, and then they kept pitching.
They were pitching these ideas. And like, well, which, you know, and it was a musical idea.
So this idea and this. And then there was this really interesting thing about snake killing in Florida.
Yeah. Where people were killing snakes for money because they're overrun because back in the day, drug dealers would buy them to be, you know, like Scarface would have you, but then they send them out and nothing eats the snakes.
They eat everything. So they need them.
That's the show. You're a snake killer.
That's the show. Come on.
Where'd it go? Hang on a second. The cock is putting up a snake killer hitman.
The cock. This is, yeah, do it for the cock.
By the way, Jason, this is actually not a terrible idea of rebranding for Peacock to Go. Simply as the cock.
The cock. Or maybe it's coming next on the cock.
Oh. No? Coming out.
I think that's good. No, wait.
We got it. Hang on.
We're all around it. Let's just hold on a second here.
We are really close. Streaming.
We are circling. Streaming from the cock.
Yeah. Right? Mm-hmm.
I think we got it. There we have it.
Yep. Okay.
So continuing. So you're literally a snake killer.
Mm-hmm. Come on.
I kill snakes. Yeah.
Craig, that's the pitch. I I start you have the world listening right now I'm giving you one more shot literally killing snakes yeah okay that's what it is I'd watch it I'd watch it wait what time can we find this on it's streaming on the cock it's streaming on the cock it's streaming it's streaming on the cock.
It's streaming on the cock. It's streaming on the cock.
It's streaming on the cock. Okay.
Okay. We got a lot of interesting things coming from the cock this season.
I'm sorry. On the cock stream.
So you're, okay, but listen, come on. Listen.
Wait, I want to talk about, like, what about ladies in your life? Like, are you dating anybody? Anybody special in the Craig Robinson? I'm single AF. Okay.
You're single AF. Should we be on the lookout for you? No, no, no.
I'm happily single. Well, what does that mean? When you say you're happy single, does that mean that you've got it all worked out? You've got, you're swiping on certain nights, you're going out to certain clubs on other nights, certain bars on the nights, and you've got a great routine going.
No dating anything at this point whatsoever. No dating? Zero, yeah.
Why? What's behind that? No distractions. I'm just enjoying.
I'm very, very busy. It's all good.
Because in the past last year or so, women would get mad at me and just be like, break up? That's a whole other podcast. Okay.
They've been, you know, removing themselves from my life, so it's brought me at peace. I'm like, oh, this is nice.
And then so maybe I got to figure out. Did you maybe instead maybe think about why you were upsetting these women and therefore be able to continue dating women? Bro, like I said, it's a whole other podcast.
Don't put it on, Craig. Okay, here, how about I'll tell you this.
One girl hit me, she was like— It's got to be Craig's fault. Why have you never put me in anything but gave me a job? So this is the question.
Uh-oh. Wow.
And I said, well, you don't sing or do comedy or play music. You know she texted back, I'm playing music right now.
Oh, she was just listening to music. I'm playing music right now.
So then she was like, you know what, I'm fine with not speaking with you. Okay.
But then take this other girl who I just met in New York who wrote me a whole show and, like, came to see my show. And I'm like, well, here's somebody I can use on the squad.
This girl's amazing. Sure.
And then what happened? Oh, no, we stayed in touch. Oh, okay, so that's— Not romantically.
Not romantically. So you got her on ice romantically, but— Look, I'm put like this.
I got my eye on somebody, but I'm not, you know.

Okay, okay.

That's fair enough.

That's fair enough.

We're not going to push you.

For sure.

It's fun to have a crush.

Did your mom and dad give you any pressure?

Like, come on, Craig.

Is your mom, like, all over you about settling down?

No.

No?

Living my life.

You're living your life.

You're happy.

Now, is...

Living my life like this gold.

Was dad ever pissed off that you weren't going into corporate law and that you were going into comedy and music instead? No, absolutely. Not pissed that I wasn't going into corporate law, but he saw this as pie in the sky.
Yeah. And I think his quote was, you're going to lose that good job.
Right. And now you've proven him wrong.
And now, does he give it up? Does he say, I was wrong, you were right, good for you? I don't think he'll ever say that. There's always something he's, you know, twisting the needle.
Right, right. They don't know you.
The parents, they know how to do that, don't they? The white people, the black people don't know you that well, huh? People don't really autograph. And then people don't want an autograph.
There's always something to keep going. Right, right.
Well, it keeps you hungry, right? Keep chasing the approval. But I think that that's a parenting style.
I think you're right. It's just like if they give it up, then they think that you're going to get lazy or something.
You know what I mean? So in their mind, it's like even subconsciously, they're like, I'm motivating him. And I feel like I'm doing the opposite and it's wrong.
I'm making a mistake. I'm the problem, like the whole participation award thing.
I think I'm complimenting my kids too quickly for what is sometimes just mediocrity, right? In an unkind view of things. But I'm trying to say, well, that was great.
Keep doing, keep doing more. But am I conditioning them for an unrealistic world where they're going to get applauded for just doing the norm? I think it's a balance, like everything.
I think it's a balance. You've got to praise them and you've got to teach them, right? Craig, when you were teaching these kids, would you give them a pat on the back for a C or would you wait for at least a B? Oh, you got to, no, Sean hit it on the head.
You definitely got to praise them and you got to teach them. I can tell you my niece and nephew, you know, they want to be in the business.
And my niece was like, here, I have an idea. It's a dope, dope idea.

And then she told me the idea and it was like,

there was zero development, put it like that.

And it was, you know, you have to show something.

She said, I'm writing.

And then you got to explain to them, hey,

when you take these scripts in,

you're competing against people who are going to school

for scripts and this, that, and the other.

So it's hard to, because I know some of the stuff

Thank you. these scripts in, you're competing against people who are going to school for scripts and this, that, and the other.

So it's hard to because I know some of the stuff

comes off harsh, but I

do let them know that, or both of them know

that, hey, you can do this.

It's not as easy as

you think it is.

Are you like into the business of the business

at all, Craig, or are you more like a

hands-off, call me when the cake is made? Do you have the deadline app? Yeah, exactly. Exactly.
I like the made cake. I have my hands on some things, but for the most part, like my band and stuff like that, but for the most part.
But the acting thing and the whole Hollywood thing, you're just like, just call me if something comes in. Exactly.
You're not like one to seek out development and put projects together and write that. There's been a couple of things, but yeah, not enough.
It's like somebody say, hey, you play the drums? Look, I can keep a beat, right? But I'm not a drummer. You know what I mean? Got it, got it.
So yeah, I've had had my hand a couple things. For the most part, things will come and, okay, let's see that through.
Yeah. That's a, you know, sorry, just to interrupt for one second.
Jason, any interesting developments in any of the trades this morning? Well, listen, everyone is really monitoring the merger there at the Warner Brothers and Discovery Plus. But no big Hilmers ankle to any projects this morning? No, I mean, listen, Disney's still having trouble with the don't say gay thing and everyone's keeping their eye on that.
They've got a retreat coming up here and so there's a problem with that. Sure, and you get alerts.
You definitely get alerts. Oh, sure.
Well, hang on. I have a, instead of a deadline app, I have a Bateman app.
It just really gives me the highlights of the deadline. Anytime I have anything in the trades, the first person to congratulate me is Jason.
That was a long time ago, Will. Remember when you used to compliment me when I had releases? Used to be a lot of support.
Well, I don't read the trades anymore. I should.
I probably should. I don't either.
So tonight's show is a combination of music and of jokes, yes? Yes. Yes.
I really want to come see it. So May 4th.
I will see that. May 4th at the Troubadour.
Yeah. May 4th at the Troubadour.
That's not hard to remember. I'm so happy the Troubadour is back in action because it feels like it was closed there for a minute.
No? Confirmation? Jason? Anyone? Sean? Not sure, but I think there was a virus that was going around for a little while. The world was close.
I don't think so. No? Let me check deadline.
So Killing It, Craig Robinson is coming out. It's going to be available on the cock, streaming on the cock.
Man, I'm excited to see it. I love everything you do.

You're such a hilarious dude.

And on top of it all,

and it's not,

you can't always say this about everybody.

You're a super nice guy.

And every time I see you,

you're one of those guys

that when you see you're like,

I'm so happy to see Craig Robinson.

Yeah, for sure.

You got a good vibe.

Say the same part of you guys.

Great vibe, dude.

We wish you all the best.

We've taken up way too much of your time. Thanks for joining us, man.
Yeah, thanks for being here, Craig. It's always so fun to see you.
Pleasure was mine, y'all. Appreciate you.
Thank you. Thank you, Craig.
Thank you, pals. Bye, buddy.
Bye. Craig Robinson.
Craig Robinson. Super fun.
I got to see. You keep saying Craig.
No, I didn't. Craig.
Craig Robinson.

Did you say Craig?

Okay.

I mean, my G is C adjacent for sure.

By the way, that reminds me of, I think, a dumb joke I told before.

Definitely tell it again.

My new company, we're working on, mold is big.

So it's called adjacent abatement that we are. That's really tight.
Share that one with Maple. Yeah.
So I got to see the snake killing show. Yeah.
I want to know how they're shaping 30 minutes of entertainment weekly on that. I want to see that.
That's a challenge. Although anybody, if anybody could do it, it's Craig, because he was one of those.
I loved his character, Daryl, on The Office. He was so funny.
He was so straight-faced. He kind of oftentimes felt like the only one who he and our buddy Kraz playing Jim over there, they were the only two who weren't completely insane.
And Jenna, obviously, who played Pam. Now I'm just named three characters.
But he seemed to be the guy who was always like, and he really enjoyed, I love the dynamic between him and Michael Scott because Daryl kind of would egg him on, you know,

Carell's character to do stupid things.

Isn't that, but don't you think it's, I know, I've gone on too much about it.

We both had the exact same major in college,

and we both followed the exact same path.

Isn't that weird?

Is it because there's no money to be made as a classical pianist?

Well, there's that, but I didn't really think about that before when I was young.

Well, great, Jason. You just enraged eight people on the planet.
I'm joking. Eight people.
Of course, there's great money to be made there. Yeah, no, but he always made me laugh.
He made me laugh so hard in college, and we would always hang out and make each other laugh. It's just so wild to see his journey.
It's funny that you guys have been on this journey for so long, kind of together, like adjacent, and you come in and out of each other's lives. And now that you're older, to look back and you both, no, there's no but.
It's just been, you guys have both been really successful, and that's kind of rare. Yeah, it is rare.
We used to walk down the halls and sing the harmony too. I thought you were backing into a bye there.
Sorry. I know.
We used to sing the harmony to More Than Words. Do you remember that song? I'm usually...
I'm not great with those kinds of songs, like pop songs. I'm usually better with Lola.
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