"Jimmy Fallon"

Hello, friends. Jason here.

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Hey, Will. Hi.
How do you pronounce C-H-O-W-D-E-R? The word? Yeah, not the letters.

Chowder. How do you, what do you say? Chowder.
C-H-O-W-D-E-R. Yeah.
Chowder. I'm sorry.
Are we reading the same, because... Okay, hang on.
You're right. I'm totally right.
Let me look it up. Let me, let me, C-H-O-W-D-A-D-E-R.
Yeah. Like as in clam.

Chowder.

So chowder.

Let's see.

Chowder.

Yeah, there's an R.

Thank you, Jason.

That was Jason.

Chowder.

Yeah, no, Jason, we heard you.

Chowder.

So we're saying the same word, right?

Yeah, so.

Chowder.

So we're saying the same word, right?

Chowder.

Well, let's discuss this later.

Yeah.

Welcome to an all-new Smart List.

Smartless.

Smart.

Smart.

Smart.

Smart.

Smart.

Smart.

Oh, there's Sunshine.

Oh, hi, Sunshine.

Everyone's hatless today. Hey, you guys going to go play golf today? Yeah.
Mini golf or big golf? No, no, no. Adult golf.
We're going to play adult golf. Now, see, Will wore his golf shirt to the broadcast today.
I took mine off because I didn't want to get any heat from you guys. So I'm in a little sweatshirt here.
You know why? Because I'm not worried about that kind of shit, dude, because I'm comfortable with who I am.

Wait till you see my polyester shirt today.

Lots of stripes.

Is that true?

Accents on the collar.

Yeah, I could wear it.

What kind of stripes are they?

Are they...

They're horizontal.

They're fattening stripes.

Oh, dude.

I mean, you're not

doing yourself any favors

and you're not stopping

the chatter with that.

You think I should

go to verticals?

Well, I'm just saying,

how do you feel

about the chatter?

Have you heard

about the chatter?

Yeah.

There's been a ton of...

Yeah, is there some talk?

Well, there's a lot, how do you feel about the chatter? Have you heard about the chatter? Yeah. There's been a ton of...
Yeah, is there some talk? Well, there's been a bit of chatter. I just need to stop eating, stop eating after six.
I think I'd be okay. What did you do this weekend, Jason? Oh.
My neck. Jesus Christ.
Wow. It feels so accusatory.
What did you do this week? No, I was very, because Will and I went to.

Sean and I did two, we did back-to-back dinner parties.

Yeah, we were just wondering where you were. With your wife and without you.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah, wait, where was I?

Well, Sunday night I went to the Ram game at SoFi Stadium.

And then Saturday night, oh, I had to babysit Saturday night because Amanda had a girls' night.

And so we couldn't go where you guys were. How was where I missed? Was it fun? Fantastic.
Really fun. I'll bet.
Really fun. And Sean, you know, we talk a lot about Tracy.
Sean got to hang out with my sister two nights in a row. My sister Shanley.
She's fantastic. Shanley.
Shanley. Yeah, I love her.
Immediate connection. Yeah, I know.
She loves Sean, too. A voice as low as yours almost, Will.
Almost, I know. Really cool.
She wanted me to tell you, Sean, that for a little while, she was the voice of Jarlsberg cheese in the tri-state area. True story.
Yeah, no, she mentioned that to me. True story.
She mentioned that to me. Yeah, of course.
Did she ever want to get into acting? No, that was it. The one and done.
No, she just wanted to get into Jarlsberg cheese. I mean, that was good.
Topped out at Jarlsberg. That'll do it.
You know. She got some cheese.
She's all good. So voiceover runs in the family, huh? She did it for a minute.
My dad claims that if anything happens to me, that he'll take over my gigs. He's got a low voice, which is by the way, kind of a shitty thing to say to your son.
Like that's what you're thinking about if something happens to me. When you die, son, it's not, don't worry, I'll take care of your sons.
It's I'll take your gig. Yeah.
I'll take your gigs. Yeah.
Yeah, that makes sense. Does he have a low voice like you? No.
He does. Jim Arnett's got a low.
Jim Arnett's a good guy, though. I'll tell you what.
We haven't given him a minute. You say that like you're trying to counter what you've heard people saying about him.
Chatter. There's chatter about that.
No, you know what? He's the most equitable guy I know. He's a very.
What a lovely thing to say about your father. What a sweetheart you are.
It runs deep. It runs deep.
It's true. Listen, we got to get to our guests because we have a really...
We got a hot ticket guest hiding behind something blurry. And we got a guy here.
This is... We got a guy.
You both... I think no.
And I think that as I intro him, it's going to give it away pretty quick. He's from the New York area.
He's from the New York State region. Andrew Dice Clay.
He's got a size 13 shoe, according to him. He once got in a bar brawl with Vince Vaughn.
He was in Band of Brothers. Let me see if this helps.
His ear was pierced by Harrison Ford. What? He's got his own Ben & Jerry's ice cream.

Um, he once pulled an all-nighter with David Wells,

who then went out and pitched a no-hitter the next day.

Is this James Fallon?

Sean, you're right.

No, no, no.

It's James Fallon.

It's Jimmy Fallon.

Oh, my God.

Jimmy Fallon.

Woo-hoo!

It is so great to be here on the show.

NBC's done research, shouldn't they?

But the Alan! Woo-hoo! It is so great to be here on this show.

NBC's done research, and they found out the funniest thing is smartless.

And so last night I was in a laboratory, and it mixed with my vocal cords.

So I sound like this now, and NBC loves it.

It's the new voice of The Tonight Show.

And I look kind of a little bit like Sean and Jason put together, maybe, with it. Yeah.
And don't even really sound like Will. By the way, I love it.
Was the impression close? It was pretty close. Yeah.
And you do good impressions. Yeah, you do good impressions.
For reals. Yeah, mind-blowing impressions.
What's your best impersonation? You know, it's so funny because it dates me, but I used to do John Travolta from Grease. Yeah.
That was my best one. Did you audition with that for SNL? Yeah.
Because don't you have to do one? How does it go? Well, hang on. We'll let him hear.
He's warming up. Yeah, yeah.
Just feel it. You want me to come in? Yeah.
I usually close with Travolta. All right, you want me to open? Come in hot.
It's like, Sam, did you, I swear to God, I can't even believe this thing. I mean, what's going on, right? Sam, I can't believe, like, I'm in high school.
These are what kids look like in high school. Like, we're all 40-year-old kids.
Like, do you guys get the new copy of AARP magazine? I got to get my prostate checked, so I can't believe this. It's like, we're all high school kids.
That's very good. Wait, that's hilarious.
Wait, Will, who did you say Jimmy Fallon got in a bar brawl with? Vince Vaughn. No, I don't know that story.
Tell me that. I don't know that.
All right, so it was with me and Vince on the same side. Oh, all right.
Because I was going to say, that's a tough fight to win. Because Bateman almost got in a fight with Vince Vaughn years ago.
That's a true story, and I had to break him up.

No, I would have run away from that.

Yeah, he's a big dude.

He's a tough dude.

He's a tough dude.

So we went out.

He was hosting SNL, and we went to a bar with everybody, like the cast,

and we were drinking, and we went to Hurley's Bar,

which is not even here anymore.

I think now it's a Magnolia Bakery.

And we went into this bar, and I'm at the urinal next to Vince, and he goes, hey, Jimmy, Will is in the stall. Let's just kick open the door and just fool around and just surprise.
Ferrell. Ferrell.
Will Ferrell, yeah. So I go, oh, hilarious.
Go for it. So Vince turns around, kicks the stall open, kicks it, and it's not Will Ferrellrell.
Oh my gosh. Just some dude.
You mother, dude, they started throwing. I'm zipping up my zipper.
I'm like, what the, dude, we just started throwing punches. It was crazy.
Everyone got split up. I go, what in the world? And Will was just outside on his phone.
He was not in the stall. Just saying, my bad.
Yeah, we got thrown out of the bar, and I think we went to another one.

We went to another bar to talk about it.

What do you think?

Imagine if you did that today,

it would be just over.

Yeah, double cancellation.

It wouldn't even be page six.

It would be the cover of the post, right?

It would be the cover of the post, for sure.

Are you kidding?

They're waiting for that.

Jimmy.

Wait a second, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy.

So many millions of questions. First of all, you're an all-time hilarious guy.
You're one of those dudes, man. You just always have made me laugh.
I think you're super, super funny. And you kind of burst onto the scene.
You came onto SNL. How old were you when you started on SNL? Five years old.
Wow. You were five years old.
A child, yeah. Is that the youngest cast member ever? Yeah.
I was on, I think Eddie Murphy

was the youngest. I think he was like 18 or something.

No way. I was 23 when I got

SNL. That's crazy.
23.

And then how long after starting

SNL did you get on

Weekend Update? That was

probably, I stayed for six

seasons, so I'd probably stay three

or four seasons later. And I didn't want to stay past three seasons.
I wanted to leave the show on good terms. And where did you want to go? What ideally was going to be the next step? I don't know.
Straight actor? Yeah, I think movies was in my brain. I want to be, yeah, I thought in my head, Volusia.
Wait, you only did six seasons of SNL? Yeah. Wow, it seems longer.
I know, it does. In a great way.
In a great way. Chevy only did one season.
No way. And Marty Short did one.
Wow. Marty only did one, too, huh? Yeah.
Only one. Now, where does the passion for acting in movies sit for you? I mean, you must be completely satisfied with the upgrade that you've made to the career you've had since.
I mean, you've got yourself a nice routine.

I love it, yeah.

I love this.

I didn't even know this was an option, to be honest.

So I wouldn't even dream for Tonight Show hosting.

I didn't know this was a possibility.

So this is great.

I get to do bits every day and dress up and act.

I could do, every day is a new, different, fun thing.

Jimmy, how do you know you made it? Is it the aquarium? In the background. He's got an aquarium in the background.
Are you in Lauren's office? Is that Lauren's? Yeah, I'm renting out Lauren's. It's like an Airbnb.
It's called Offy B&B. And you share someone's office.
You look online. You'd be surprised.
There's so many offices. And do they have just a futon or a pullout? Yeah, yeah.
There's a Murphy bed that I didn't... If it could only tell stories, you know what I'm saying? From the 70s.
Oh my gosh. But yeah, I'm in Lauren's office.
He's not here. Figured, well, you know, Saturday night he comes in late.
He doesn't really come in during the day, so I just take it over. I'm not gonna use it.
You might as well take it. Why? Why use it when there's other places to use? You know, Danny and Steve, they would use other places.
I'll go over to Danny's or I'll go to Steve's. Maybe Paul's.
Guess which Paul? Paul Schafer. Guess which Paul? Wrong.
Paul Simon. Wrong.
It's McCartney. Anyway, let's play Guess Which Paul.
That's so funny. I love your show, by the way.
I know this show isn't about you guys, obviously, but it really is. I've heard about it.
I heard how funny it is. I go, I got to listen to this thing.
It is unbelievably addictive. And I love your show.
I love the way you guys are interested in people and have a conversation and a flow, and it's fun. And I'm doing it now, and I'm actually telling everybody, it is real, and it's so good.
I also know when there's guests that want to get out of there, and they're like, yeah, we got to go. You know that feeling.
Yeah, let's just do another commercial for something. And the commercial is funnier than the guest.
But I actually was listening to you, and I love this conversation so much, and I'm wearing my AirPods.

I forget who the guest was, but you guys are so funny.

And my AirPod fell out of my ear.

I think I have a loose ear hole.

And it just fell out of my ear, and I didn't go back to pick it up.

I left the AirPod in the street.

What?

Is that true?

Those aren't cheap.

I know, but traffic was coming.

Someone recognized me.

Yeah, how do you deal with that? You're incredibly high high profile what are you doing crossing the street in new york do you do you get do you get stopped left and right you don't pay somebody across the street for you what's going on i do that as well but you know they're the ones wearing my fitbit and all that stuff so i can like oh got my steps in like hey now how how good are you with you know because everyone's got a camera phone. Are you pretty good about stopping and taking pictures or do you have a line

that gets you past it all?

I take pictures of everybody. I don't care.

Yeah. Yeah he does.
I've seen

Jimmy in action. He's very

you are truly a person, a guy

of the people. You give a lot of time to people.

People stop you on a picture you're like yeah yeah yeah.

You're like every time. And Sean's very much

the same way. I do that.
You should see he does 30, 40 selfies a day. I actually ask to want a picture you're like yeah you're like every time and Sean's very much the same way I do that you should see he does 30 40 selfies a day I actually ask to have a picture even if they're walking the other direction hey hey hey you didn't get your picture trying to hurt my feelings you didn't get your are you trying to hurt my feelings that's funny I remember when I was in Lorne's office and Conan had just announced that he's leaving late night.

And I want to say, this is true, but I want to say in six years he was taking over The Tonight Show.

Like it was something weird like that.

Like in six years I'm taking over.

So Lauren was, and I was leaving SNL.

And Lauren goes, would you have interest in hosting late night?

Taking over for Conan.

And I was like, maybe, not really.

I mean, I don't know.

I think I'm just going to do movies.

And Tina Fey was there, and she's like,

you'd be fantastic.

Are you kidding me?

You talk to everybody.

You talk to people on the street.

You just stop.

You go to bars.

You're Irish.

You're chatty.

This is totally a good job.

And then six years later, my movie career in the dumper. Dumper? Yeah, sure.
Will had three callbacks for the voice of Dumper. And, um...
Hey, everybody, it's May Dumper. Well, that's not right, because this is the voice of Dumper.
I've torn something. By the way, my 11-year-old last night, Abel, says to me, he and Archie and I were talking, and he goes, we're talking about middle school, and he goes, out of the blue, he kind of thinks for a second, and he goes, middle school sucks.
Hi, that's my best friend Gordon. He's kind of a dork, and so am I.
And this is the story of my kind of terrible life. Like, he did an intro for a fake movie about a middle schooler.
Unprompted, just sitting in the back seat. Unprompted, out of the blue.
It was so funny. I was like, what are you? Was Abel, who sat behind the desk when he was a baby at my show? That's Archie.
I got a picture of Archie at the old late night with Jimmy, and I'm under the desk holding Archie's, what, maybe a year? Yeah, baby. Yeah, total baby, and I'm holding him in place, and Jimmy's sitting in the guest chair laughing, and Archie's in the host behind the desk in Jimmy's chair.
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And now, back to the show. Hey, Jimmy, let me ask you something.
Do you feel like, because you work more than anybody, there's got to be some be some days you're just like i cannot do this like

how do you get through those rough days at this point i think i'm over i mean you just you don't get sick i mean i'm i actually it's just i i look forward to it i actually still enjoy it yeah i'm still at the years where i i'm actually curious and i know that every day will be a little different something will be it's actually perfect for me yeah perfect for my brain because it's not the same people and what's the schedule do you take is there a a pattern that you take off every single month or is it um it changes you know it's like uh but i think we probably do 200 something shows a year that's part of that's the country here's what blows my mind uh when when when will and grace did that reboot and i don't know 2017 or something, you were kind enough to have us on your show,

and we did this huge musical number.

And this is what blew my mind.

We showed up, and you walked onto the stage,

and you were like, great, everybody ready?

Great, let's do it.

And you knew it in one rehearsal.

You're like, got it.

Everybody good?

Great.

And I was like, how can he, how does your brain work

where you do one run-through of a huge fucking thing, and're like great got it on to the next it's unbelievable to watch i think that one too i think we probably rehearsed maybe before you guys got there just to make sure because you were that was a big get for us still but that was a fun bit too well it should be it was it was a big deal but we did love it but you know we like to swings. And, you know, I think from Saturday Night Live, you just know that when the light turns on, you got to do it.
And the show goes on. But your brain must be like in that mode of like just one step ahead of everybody that you're working around just so you can stay on your toes and think about what's coming next.
I mean, you must have, your brain must be trained to think that way, yeah? I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. That's it, me either.
I was listening either. Let me ask you this.
Is there an opposite that you have to go to to balance it out? Like, do you ever get super quiet for a day or two? Like, what do the weekends look like? Yeah, I mean, weekends are kids, you know, lots of, I have two little girls now, it's like, so,

but yeah, anytime, I mean, my

favorite thing to do is do nothing at all

and just not, I love

hanging out with my wife and, you know,

that was a good call.

And,

so I,

By the way, it'd be so great, like an anniversary dinner

and like you guys, just the two of you, you look up

and you're just kind of eating, having a nice glass of wine and you look up across the the light candle and you just go, hey, I just wanted to say this was a good call. It's not too far from what happens, but I do like that.
Quiet is my favorite. I can do that, and I'm very happy doing nothing.
I'm not an adventurous, really crazy. I have to be out all the time.
I don't really like more than four people at a dinner. Yeah, right.
That's a good rule. What about the kids? Do they give you room for that, or are they always like, let's go, Dave, let's go, let's go, let's go.
Funny face, get on the floor, on your knees, let's play. Yeah, yeah, I let the nannies raise them.
I haven't seen my kids in three years,

but they send me pictures and stuff, and they're well-fed.

Oh, that sounds nice.

And there's FaceTime.

Yeah, and they're learning some new type of jujitsu.

It's like a new thing.

Are they here in the country?

Sorry, are they actually in the U.S.?

What do you call the country?

Okay, good.

Continental. Continental U.S.
Continental U.S. We're going to...
Yeah. No.
Okay, no. That's what you're saying.
Are they in any of the territories? Well, if you have a risk board, I can show you exactly where they are. Who's tonight's guest? Tonight's guest is a...
We're doing a fun bit tonight. We didn't tell anyone.
But tonight's guest is Will Ferrell. But the real truth is Jimmy Kimmel's guest tonight is Ryan Reynolds.
But we're doing a trick and Ryan Reynolds is coming on my show and Will is going on Jimmy Kimmel. You guys.
I mean, as they come out? Yeah. So no one knows.
No one knows that Ryan's coming out. And Rudd is doing Colbert? Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Rudd is And Gal Gadot is doing Corden.
Wait, Jason, how do you know all of that? Jason doesn't know what he's talking about. By the way, Jimmy's looking up on the board.
He's like, yeah, Rudd. He's got Rudd's schedule on the wall.
Yeah. I do have Rudd.
Rudd is coming out with Will, weirdly, soon. Next week.
Isn't that weird? Huh. This might be a really interesting tidbit or a really boring one.
Cue these guys. No, nothing.
We'll wait. So I'm doing a play that opens in Chicago called Goodnight Oscar.
And I play Oscar Levant. Oscar Levant was George Gershwin's best friend.
And Oscar ended up in insane asylums, and it's this crazy story, addicted to prescription pills and amazing pianist and super funny and one of the Tonight Show's

frequent guests because he was so funny.

And the play takes place

and Oscar gets

a pass to come from the Insane Asylum

to appear with Jack Parr on the Tonight Show

and then as soon as the segment's

over he has to go back to the Insane Asylum.

It's loosely based on a true incident

but I don't know if you've ever seen Oscar

on the Tonight Show but he's hilarious.

No, I've never seen this or even heard the story. He did the appearance and then went back to the asylum? Yeah, yeah.
Oh my. And who are you playing? I play Oscar Levant.
The asylum? Oh, you do? I play the asylum. And is that scene in the play? Yeah, the whole play takes place backstage of The Tonight Show and then on The Tonight Show.

No way.

Who plays Jack Parr?

Maybe somebody, but we don't know yet.

Oh, you're in final.

You can't speak about it because this is a high-profile person.

I can do it.

Well, hang on.

I mean, we have to come in and read for the...

But I'm sure we could get you...

Read for it?

What are you talking about?

I'm pretty much sure I do it every night.

I mean, I could probably do it.

But let me say, but the point of me saying all that, isn't it crazy that you are part of such a gigantic legacy? I know people, I know you've thought of it and then people commented on it all the time, but it's wild to know you and to know that you have succeeded all of these huge, iconic hosts of this institution and now you are one of them. Yeah, the Tonight Show, Jimmy, did you ever, Sean brings up a great point.
Oh, thanks. The Tonight Show is the, well, you always bring up good points, and that's why you're the host of the year.
Yeah. But it is the gold standard, right? I mean, it's the Tonight Show is the first one.
Do you remember, did you have a moment where you, like, I don't know,

went into a room by yourself or went to a park and went, like,

or looked in the mirror and went, holy shit, I'm hosting the Tonight Show?

How many hosts have there been?

Are you fifth, fourth?

Yeah, something like that.

I think it's, yeah, it's Steve Allen, Jack Parr.

Johnny.

Then Johnny.

Then Jay.

Conan.

Jay.

Yeah. Awful.
Terrible. And then, yeah, sorry, yeah.
So, yeah, six. Six hosts.
Conan. Jay.

Awful.

Terrible.

And then me.

Yeah, sorry.

Yeah, six hosts.

Wow.

It is amazing.

Honestly, I never thought I would do any of this stuff.

I never thought I'd be on Siren Live. Smartless?

Smartless.

Oh.

Smartless.

That's good.

You know?

Never thought I'd be on Smartless.

Still not sure if this is going to make any of it.

None of this is going to be on.

You're going to have a new publicist tomorrow.

I'll tell you that much.

Yeah. That's the first call after this, I'll bet you, right?

But I did, you know,

SNL was like a big, that was all I

ever wanted to do. That's all I dreamt about

whenever I cut a birthday cake and

closed my eyes whenever I threw a coin in a fountain.

Come on. That's not true.

That's true. That's amazing.

And that was it. And then once I got there, I go,

huh, like now what do I do?

Well, then once I got there, I go, huh, like now what do I do?

And then.

Well, then can I ask, when you did your audition, I would imagine there's already huge nerves for that. But given that you were praying for it since you were just a little baby, how did you even get through the audition?

Were you not just paralyzed?

You auditioned twice, right, Jimmy?

Is that right?

Yeah.

Yeah, I auditioned once at this comic strip here in New York City at a comedy club. I went on stage for three minutes, tried to get into my John Travolta impression.
Didn't work. And I go, that year, they hired Tracy Morgan that year.
So we weren't really running the same categories. So that was good for them.
But I was totally depressed. And I was like, well, that was my shot.
But then I went back. I actually moved to L.A.
for two years. And I was taking acting lessons.
But not really, but I was paying for acting lessons. And I did this thing.
I took this acting class, and I read somewhere that James Dean didn't ever get on stage and practice and really do acting classes, so I would never participate with the class. I would just sit there and watch, because that's what James Dean did, like thinking I was James Dean.
Yeah, sure. And then I studied with the Groundlings.
I started working with those guys. And then, yeah, before I got the Groundlings,

I got the call to audition again for Siren Live.

And this time I did an impression.

I did a bunch of impressions.

I did Adam Sandler.

And this was at the time when no one was doing Adam Sandler.

He just left the cast.

And so I did him.

And I remember as I was getting, you're right backstage on SNL, you're actually in 8H, Studio 8H in New York, where they make Siren Live. I remember I took pictures of the elevator, because they had NBC carpeting in the elevator.
I was like, if I never come back here, I want to show my kids I was in the building. And I was so excited, and they came, the guy puts hair and makeup, they go, hey, just let you know, you're Jimmy, right? They go, yeah, they go, Lauren doesn't really laugh, so don't let that throw you.
I go, sure, that's fine. And then I went over to, this guy's putting my microphone on, and he's like, here's your mic.
He's like, hey, Jimmy, good luck, but just let you know, Lauren doesn't really laugh, so don't let that throw you. I go, okay.
And then I go over, they're about to announce me, and the producer goes, or whoever's bringing me up,

maybe it was Marcy Klein, and she goes,

just to let you know, Lauren's not a big laugher,

so don't laugh.

I go, what is this guy's problem?

He's in the comedy business.

He should laugh more.

So anyways, I go on stage, and I do my impression.

I did Adam Sandler, and I was like,

and Lauren started laughing. He started laughing, and he put his head in his hands, and he was laughing hard.
Oh, that's great. And I go, even if I didn't get the show, I made Lauren Michaels laugh, and I was like, the rest of it was slow motion, and I left, and I just felt like I did a great job.
That's so funny. That's great.
Yeah, it was great. Then I got the call maybe, I want to say, it was a month later or something.
No way. Yeah, they made me wait, yeah.
So you must have thought that you didn't get it by that point. Yeah, I didn't think I got it.
Actually, I was in L.A. I went back to L.A.
thinking I didn't get it and then Lorne came to L.A. He has an office in the Paramount lot, which is beautiful.
I love that lot. It's so much history and it's so cool.
And I went to his office and he said, Jimmy, do you wear wigs? And I go, no, I just kind of do this to my hair. He's like, no, no, I don't mean that.
He goes, just because we want you for the show. And then I was like, wow.
And I was like, I promise to make you proud. I was like, I can't wait to do this.
I was so excited. Wear wigs.
I'll fucking make wigs if you put me on the show. But he said to me, you know, he goes, then he started talking about the lot and everything.
I go, I love it. You know, he goes, Paramount is a great lot.
He's like, you know, sometimes you can leave it. You'll see like someone from Star Trek having a coffee break or something.
And as we were walking, there was a Klingon having a smoke break. There was a guy dressed as a Klingon.
Yeah. Yeah.
It was pretty funny to see a guy in the pool, yeah. I would kill to do a season on Saturday Night Live.
Will, Sean, how about you guys? Let's do it. Wouldn't that not be a dream? Yeah, let's do it.
Let's do a season on this. Just one.
Just one. And you know what?

I'm not going to be even featured.

I'm going to be, I'm going to be, I'm going to go straight to full cast.

I just think that would just be such a dream.

Let's make our goal to not make Lauren laugh.

And I'm going to host every week.

You guys have hosted, right?

These guys have.

I haven't, no.

I did a good bit with Sean.

Remember, we did our Jeffrey's bit.

God, that was funny.

I was crying laughing.

Yeah. Me too.
What was the bit? We should do a new segment called Talk About the Bit. Oh, yeah.
All right, Talk About the Bit. We'll make a whole new podcast out of that.
Go ahead, Jimmy. I went to this.
It was based on a store. I went to Barney's here in New York, and I walked in.
I was getting a suit, and this guy was like, you're in the wrong store. And I was like, I just want to get a, I need to get a suit or a tuxedo for something.
He goes, right, you should go maybe to the second floor. It's like athletic wear.
I go, no, no, no, I belong on this floor. This is like suits, like Gucci and Hugo Boss, whatever it was there.
And he goes, right, right, you're not on the right floor. Just go check out athletics or go down.
I was like, this is the worst experience. So I wanted to write a sketch about a store where they don't want customers in there.
And weirdly enough, they were opening a store downtown called Jeffrey or Jeffrey's or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, on 14th Street.
Yeah, very snooty. So Matt Piedmont and I wrote this sketch called Jeffrey.
And Sean and I were the workers at Jeffrey's. And yeah, we didn't want anyone there.
And then Will was the manager, right? Will was the manager. And I think what may crack us up so hard is he had, he came in, he rode in on a scooter.
Yeah. Right? I don't think he rehearsed that.
So that was a surprise. And then he opened a cell phone that was the size of my pinky.
The new thing is a tiny cell phone. He used a loop that we look at rings with.
Like a monocle? Yeah, like a monocle thing to look at his cell phone. That's the only way he could read his emails.
Like one of those jewelers loop thing. And he lost it.
And I laughed so hard. Dude, he's so funny.
That might have been the one. Did he levitate on that one? Did he have a jet pack on that one? No, no, no, no.
He had one where he was like, all right, guys, I got to go to Milan. Donatello Versace is calling me.
And he had to leave and he had a harness on. And he had just run a marathon So he had all, he was cut up, all his crotch and his legs and everything was all cut up, his nipples from running a marathon.
This is what happens when people run a marathon. And I remember him being in such pain, being lifted up out of that sketch.
And once it was out of the camera frame, like him wincing, like, ooh, like it was like right, the harness was right in his crotch and yanking him up and like bye guys i have to go to milan and they pulled him up yanked him up and once he was his feet were out of the camera frame i could see his face like oh gosh but i love that dude that dude is unbelievable man will and unbelievable he he is just the great i was so lucky i got to work with the best people it was like like, everyone was so nice and fun and great at improv. And it was just, I was so, I lucked out.
Now, speaking of the marathon, do you do any of that kind of stuff? Do you do any of that? You know, we're all of a certain age. So are you trying to stay ahead of things and keep yourself out of the box? Yeah, I don't know what to do.
I would not do a marathon, I don't think. I'd rather just root for people.
But I think a treadmill, you know, I have one. Do you get on it ever? It doesn't sound like you have much of a relationship with it.
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All right, back to the show. Jimmy, speaking of marathons, do you have any kind of ambition to match or beat Carson of doing it 30 years? The Tonight Show? I mean, what am I at now? Do it, do it, Jimmy.
Just do it. Just do it.
He's just challenging. What are you at? How many years? Are you guys daring me? Yeah, take the challenge.
Beat Carson. How many years? I'll do that stuff, man.
I don't beat Carson. All right, let me try.
Let me try to beat Carson. Just try a little bit.
All right, let me try. I don't want...
I don't really beat Carson. You watch.
I'll do it first. I'll do it first.
Okay, you go. You go, you go.

All right, let me do it.

Let me just take it just to taste.

Let me do it.

You know what, Jason?

I think the kid's got something.

Jimmy, go ahead.

Be Carson.

I think I'm doing it six years or seven years now.

So that's 23 more years?

Yeah.

Good math.

Wow.

Thank you.

So that would be 60 years old for me.

I could probably do it. Wait a second.
What? 60 years old? I'm 40. Oh, sorry.
70 years old. I'm not good at math.
Sorry, kids. Still rolling.
No, kids are listening to this, right? Are you kidding? Kids listen to our show to learn about math, Jimmy. What? Yes.
Don't you know that? What? Yeah. Yeah, it's not a bit.
It's insane. Hey, speaking of math, Jimmy, that's my jam.
That's my jam. What is that? Talk about this.
What are we talking about here? When I say that's my jam, what does that mean to you? What is it? All the mini music games we play in The Tonight Show, but just upped and made it more prime time. Oh, oh, okay.
Sorry, I got wrong information. I thought it was you.
You were traveling through Provence trying different jellies and stuff. I thought that you were, because somebody had sent me.
A teaser. That's my jam.
That is something else I've done. I thought it was a sequel to That's Nacho Cheese.
That's my jam. Have you guys started listening to Christmas music yet? Jimmy, what's crazy is that that song that you guys did on SNL, that has become like a Christmas staple.
Yeah. Or whatever, I'm doing it wrong.
Yeah. Wait, Jimmy, how did that happen? That is so funny and so odd.
Tell Tracy what you're talking about. Yeah.
There's a song that we did with Horatio and Catan and Tracy Morgan called Christmas Time is Here. And Horatio wrote it.
But basically, someone sent me a tiny guitar for Christmas. My agent, I think.
And it was this tiny little guitar they called a backpacker. Like I would ever backpack with a guitar.
I don't know when you need it. When you're on the treadmill, probably.
Exactly. So I'm having the back, so they had this tiny guitar and Horatio was just laughing at it and he was like, what can we do with this thing? So he just started playing like And then I had this keyboard in my office that had pre-recorded drum beats on it and loops.
And so I just started playing the loops, and then he would improvise music, and then we just started writing the song. And then we did it too many times.
We did it probably like 10 times or something. And I was sick of it by the end.
But the first few were great. But then Julian from The Strokes.
Casablankas. Casablankas.
He goes, dude, I love love that song i want to do a cover of it and so he did a cover of that song it's amazing and it was on the radio and actually it was on tv it was on a commercial i didn't know that really yeah yeah it's like a commercial so you guys were just kind of screwing around and made the song up and that's how it happened i mean yeah but we have no connection to that. Whoever gets money for it, it's not us.
Even though you wrote it? Oh, I thought you wrote it. I did.
I just don't know. On SNL, it just got blurry those years.
When you write the thing. So you never got paid when they sold it to Toyota.
You never saw a dime? No. Listen, who's your attorney? I'm going to jot this down.
I want to talk to you after the show, because we're going take these fuckers down. I'm taking down.
Thank you. This is going to be a class act.
No, no, no. Everybody's getting named in this.
We're making friends everywhere. Who's the funniest person to you? Who makes you laugh more than anybody? I don't like to pick favorites on that stuff, but...
I know. One of them.
Will Ferrell. Will Ferrell's always great.
I agree. I'll second that.
He says yes before we even send him a script. He's like, yeah, I'll do it.
I go, but have you dressed like little Debbie? He's like, I don't care. Let's do it.
That's great. And what about do your kids come to The Tonight Show and watch dad work? And are they like, wow, this is amazing or no? No, they came once when they were babies because I just figured it would be cool for them to see the show.
And they wanted to see Timberlake. And that was like, that was it.
No, they don't come. But they watch every now and then.
That picture of Archie that I have from you sitting, sitting at the desk with you sitting next to him, I just sold this NFT for $36 million. Wow.
Just to let you, yeah, yeah, because I owned it. Nobody gets a piece because that's when I sold the Christmas song to Toyota.
They said, you get to own all of this. I can't believe you're getting all of my royalties.
It's unbelievable. That's how NFTs work.
Welcome to Ethereum, buddy. It's all the blockchain.
I mean, I know what I'm talking about. You really do.
Wait, wait, wait. Do your kids have any sense of what you do? Because you live in such an adult world, it's late night TV and comedy.
Do they have any sense of that at all? Now and then they'll be like, they'll be like, you're Jimmy Fallon or something. And I, yeah, yeah.
Mr. Fallon to you.
I go, I'm your dad, you know, yeah, Mr. Fallon to you.
But they go, yeah. And then my youngest daughter, she goes, you're famous.
I go, I go, yeah, she goes, but not that famous. Who said that? I mean, someone...
Who taught you that? What kid in school, I want to find the brat in your class that said i'm not that famous guess what more famous than her dad yes but honestly i mean you you you are so high profile you must every time you guys go out as a family there must be at least one time when somebody stops you and so how do you answer that question from your kids when they say, how does that guy know you? Yeah, I think they've said it a couple times, like you know everybody or something. They just think I'm friends with everybody.
You're like, yeah, I work at Meineke. You know what I mean? I got lots of customers.
People come in all the time to get their car. Yeah, work at the Jiffy Lou.
Whoa. By the way, I had my...

Oh!

This is a true story.

This little girl somewhere in North Carolina,

she had a Will Arnett-themed birthday party.

It was on Twitter, and I retweeted it,

and I said the kids are all right.

And she...

So this girl, she had this party,

birthday party.

She'd wear T-shirts with my face on and stuff like that.

So first thing, I showed it to my kids. I go,

check this out last night at dinner. And they both go,

oh yeah, nothing.

Right? So that was the first thing. Secondly,

then when you read the story, and I had a bunch of friends send me, they kept saying,

and this little girl had her friends, and

her friends have no idea who Will Arnett

is. I mean, they said that at least five times

in the article, how nobody knew who the hell

I was. And I was like, hey man, you need to say that? You don't have to write that.
You don't need to write that. The headline is that she did it.
She did it. That's it.
That's so cool. We don't need to go through how many people knew who I am.
I'd love one of those t-shirts. Yeah.
Yeah, I want one of those t-shirts, too, now. I'm going to get them made.
I'm going to get them made. I'm having this girl on the podcast.
We're going to have her on the podcast. She sounds like a smart kid.
It's so weird. I just made my camera blurry.
Is this true? How did that happen? You got autofocus on it. It's an acting thing.
No, it's my face. That's your face doing that? My face can be blurry if I want to.
No one knows this. No one has this acting talent.
I can make my face look blurry if I want to. And it's tricky for directors.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because you control

because they're like,

do directors ever go

stop doing that?

Look at me.

The fish tank's blurry.

I'm blurry.

Everything in this picture,

I know you can't see

when you're listening

to the podcast.

You have a camera

that has focus on it though?

I mean like,

mine,

everything's in focus.

Look at that.

My hand's in focus

so is my face.

He's got an auxiliary camera.

There you go.

It's not coming out of the computer. He's got another camera mounted.
Oh, there it goes. Now it's.
There it is. You need a new AC.
All in the eyes. All in the eyes.
Uta Hagen. Jimmy, I was thinking about you, Jason, and me had dinner.
Sorry, Sean. You had already gone back to L.A.
This summer, kind of close to the end of the summer for us. It was our last night on the East Coast.
It was fun. It was so much fun.
We had so many laughs. And I always feel like every time I see you, we always start laughing.
We end up like kind of at the end of the table just doing bits and screaming. The three of us were fucking around.
And then just like, and then there are like 10 other people. We're like, oh, yeah, yeah, there's the other people.
But we just end up fucking around the whole time. So good.
I don't even remember who else was there. I know.
They're going to love that. No, no, no.
That's not true. You know.
No, we know who's there. We know who they are.
We're not saying, you know. Yeah, yeah.
We just ignored them. We just ignored them.
That's what you're saying. Yeah, you were rude.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I was rude because there were some heavy hitters at that dinner. There was a big, right? There was some big heavy hitters.
And the big topic the three of us were talking about was get your ass on the podcast i'm glad this finally happened i know long overdue yeah long overdue but i i just i'm such a fan of all three of you guys and uh it couldn't be funnier and i you you when you realize how big this show is and what it does for people and you're making so many people laugh and it's these times when people are going through so much anxiety and all this stuff really you're really helping people so I really not just me saying this everyone loves you guys I mean and Sean is the best but wait Jesus that's a known thing no we gotta go really you should have just closed the computer right after that you just slam it just shut it down. You just slam it.
We could do something different and actually talk about Jimmy in front of him, and then he could do the sign-off, our famous sign-off with us. Let's do it.
Let's do it. Okay, Jimmy, hang on.
So this is going to be awkward. So, guys, how great was that, having Jimmy on the show? So great.
Oh, so good. I love him.
I can't believe the trajectory of success that he's had from when he was 23 years old. I can't believe he started when he was 23.
I know. The greatest.
I know, and I've been wanting to have him on for a while. We couldn't make his deal.
We couldn't make his dates. He's a very busy guy.
He does the show. So we've been, this has been a long time coming, and it's one of those ones.
I knew that you were going to maybe do the show. I knew he was going to do it maybe even when we saw him, that it was a possibility.
So I was just excited that he was on the show today. Yeah.
Every time, I feel like every time I see him, he always makes me laugh. Never, ever doesn't make me laugh.
Here's the other thing I'll say about him. He's like the, Sean, and you'll attest to this, such a talented guy in the real old school sense of the word.
Really funny, very musical, good actor. Yes, not a lot of the people can do, there's like three people in the world that can do what he does.
Yeah, like look at Jason. Jason has half of those, like half of one of those things.
Jason hasn't said anything. No.
Jason, what do you like about Jimmy? Talk about. I like that he can sing and he can dance and he can laugh and he can cry.
He's got a great wife and a great life and he's nice to people. He takes pictures with the public.
And you know what? He pretty much ends his show the same way we end it. By saying...
Sean, Sean. By saying...
See, Jimmy. At this moment, usually on the...
I know it's by or something. Yeah, we all try to think up somehow to wiggle in the word by into it.
But I've been giving Sean shit because he's been trying to land it so much early. Sean's just trying to get out of it so much earlier in an inorganic way.
Well, no, but Jason, by the way, this is very awkward for me to hear the post-interview talk. Yeah.
But Jason really nailed it more than you guys. Thank you.
Jason didn't say anything. Yeah, well, I just, I sit on the sidelines.
He said, I have a great wife. I have a great life.
Rhyme. I laugh, and I also cry, and I also, bye.
Oh. Bye.
Oh, my gosh. We're going to punch that up.
We're going to punch it up. Can you? Yeah, no, no, we're going to punch it up.
Yeah, we're going to punch that up. You want me to do it one more time? Sure.
Hold the bye. You got to do the bye.
Bye. Would you also buy coastal, maybe? Will you use that one? We have used that one, and I will say, just because we're still rolling.
Yeah, you know, Jason always makes it, like, personal, but in this way, he's always talking about Ryan Reynolds. He was like, you're a little angel who came into your life.
Stop talking about other dudes' wives. Yeah, she's a great lady.
Shut the fuck up. It's really creepy.
Stop saying she's got such a great wife. I'm going to punch you in half an hour when I see you.
It was a good call. What did he call it? He does have a great, you do happen to have a great wife.
Of all three of you, Jason really nailed it. Because I have a great wife, a great life.
I do like to laugh. And I sometimes cry.
And I always, bye. Bye.
See you, dude. Love you guys.
Love you too. That's a first.
That's perfect the greatest Say hi to that nice wife of yours You say hi to your wife Back to you guys Thank you Bye buddy This is the after credits wrap up That he doesn't even know about We have we have to have our own wrap up too, you know? You know, I have an admission. The other night I'm trying to fall asleep.
You know, you try to think of things when you're falling asleep. How can I fall asleep? I started thinking about different buys.
And I could think about what things ride by, you know? And I came up with five or six things, but I didn't have a pad of paper next to me,

and I've forgotten them all now.

What was the gummy load?

What was the gummy load?

Was it heavy?

It was about 50 or 60 grams, bro.

What the fuck?

Are you an animal?

I don't know.

I don't do that stuff, Will.

Come on now.

Wow.

So that Jimmy Fallon,

is he not fantastic? He is great. He is just a pillar.
Always great. Just a real treasure.
Will, thank you for bringing him to our show. That was so much fun.
He's so great. And also, can I just say, I just want to let everybody know that Jimmy's new show, That's My Jam, is going to air January 3rd, 2022, in its regular time slot, 9 p.m.
on Mondays. Yeah.
There was a lot of good laughs today. Thank you for that.
A lot of good ones. I can hear you guys thinking.
No, I'm not. We got it.
We're going to cut in the other one. We're going to cut in the other one.
We are. No, no, but it wasn't any good.
Because he said, I laugh, I cry, and I always buy what?

You got to have, the buys got to have to do with something. If thinking about this stuff is going to make me sick, I can almost taste the bio.

Beautiful.

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Hey, friends. Jason here.
We're so excited the Smart Less has officially joined the SiriusXM family. We can't wait to announce new surprise guests who we know that you'll love.
If you want to be the first to hear new episodes ad-free and a whole week early, Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts Plus on Apple Podcasts or visit SiriusXM.com slash podcasts plus to start your free trial today. Hey folks, it's Will Arnett.
Or maybe it's Jason Bateman. Honestly, you guys can't tell a difference.
Can you? Listen, if you love Smartless, and let's be real, you do, then it's time to dress like it. We got t-shirts, we got hats, we got hoodies, all the things you need to say.
I have excellent taste in podcasts and the casual wear. So go to SiriusXMStore.com slash Smartless, grab some Smartless merch, and look as good as Sean thinks he does.
Just use code SCANDALABRA for 25% off. That's SCANDALABRA, S-C-A-N-D-A-L-A-B-R-A for 25% off at SiriusXMstore.com slash smartless.