"Maya Rudolph"

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Speaker 1 Hello, welcome to Smartlist. I am Jason Bateman, one of the less smart hosts.
Even less smart is Will Arnett, and truly dumb is Sean Hayes.

Speaker 1 We each have invited, well, one of us invites a guest per week. The other two don't know who that person is.
Some of it's going to be funny. Hopefully, you won't cry.

Speaker 1 And hopefully, you learn a little something. So, let's get started.
Smart

Speaker 1 Liz.

Speaker 1 Smart

Speaker 1 Less.

Speaker 1 Smart.

Speaker 1 Well, here's the sad part. You have Chumbawumba on your thing ready to go, and it's not a joke.
No, it's a ringtone. It's probably he's getting a call, I think.

Speaker 1 I've been going so Chumbawumba heavy heavy lately on the, I keep going like mid-conversation, Alessandra will say something, and I'll just go, you know, the thing about me is

Speaker 1 I get knocked down,

Speaker 1 but I get up again. And she's like,

Speaker 1 but between that and my 10-year love affair with figuring out who let the dogs out. Right.

Speaker 1 Oh, but what about that, that, that, what's the, that crap-ass band? Well, actually, I've never heard their music, but their goddamn name, uh, Bonnie Vera. Bony Ver.
Yeah. Bony Vera.

Speaker 1 First first of all bony ver is a great band so is it what hang on b-o-n-e-y and then and then v-ar or something like that yeah that's what it is you idiot what's a bony bear like what would there be like sat bear

Speaker 1 it's

Speaker 1 wait what song do they sing and why what is it b-o-n and then uh space I v E R. Oh, he likes it because it's French and he's like, I can speak French.
It's not French. He's from fucking Wisconsin.

Speaker 1 And it's this guy, Justin Vernon, and my friend Chris Messina, who works with the band.

Speaker 1 Oh, then they're great. I don't know where our guest is,

Speaker 1 but I guarantee you that they like Boni Vera. I have this.
How much do you want to bet?

Speaker 1 How much do you bet?

Speaker 1 Do you want to do a real bet?

Speaker 1 $100 Canadian dollars. Sean, you know who this is, so you can't chime in.
$100 Canadian dollars right now. Great.
So it's a $5 bet? Is that what you're saying? You know what, dude?

Speaker 1 That's so insulting. That's so insulting to me and to all my Canadian brethren who I'm going to publish, I'm going to put your address online.

Speaker 1 Oh, right on right on well just give her wait can I tell you guys something that I was Scotty and I were watching hey were you just changing your diaper what did you just pull out from your pants

Speaker 1 why do you wear a pashbina as a diaper

Speaker 1 because it was what it was cold now it's hot I was watching field of dreams last night I've never seen the movie

Speaker 1 Okay, hold for applause. What are you doing? Okay.

Speaker 1 No, it was really good. But I mean, it's kind of a long way to go to tell a story about playing catch with your dad.
But I get it, it was sweet.

Speaker 1 You know, Scotty's like, you know, these people won Academy Awards, or I don't know, they were nominated or something.

Speaker 1 And then we started having this conversation about who would we conjure up from the past that, like, if you could, who would that be for you guys? Who would be, who would it be if?

Speaker 1 Hey, listen, Jason played catch with his dad at home, and by his dad, I mean the security guy at Fox. And by catch, I mean smoking butts behind stage five.
But look,

Speaker 1 yeah, oh, God. All right, well, we'll get to that later.

Speaker 1 Sean, who are you so rudely keeping waiting? Yeah. On our little podcast today, we have a gorgeous woman inside and out who we all know, we're all friends with.
Really? And we all love.

Speaker 1 She is a light, guys. Her lineage is filled with all kinds of famous people.
I'm trying to build even the slightest bit of anticipation because you're going to know who it is.

Speaker 1 Let me try it with this one, this random thing. She graduated college with a degree in photography.
Can you guess who that is? Annie Leibowitz. That's it.

Speaker 1 She's a staple in the history of American comedy. Will be remembered forever for her many contributions in film and television.

Speaker 1 She's trending so goddamn hard on social media right now because of her impression of Kamala Harris. It's Maya Rudolph.
Oh, what?

Speaker 1 Look at this.

Speaker 1 Pop the cook.

Speaker 1 Pop the cook.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 I was trying to sing Bonnie Vear.

Speaker 1 And the Stockson Little Something and the Super Super.

Speaker 1 Okay, so wait, right? How good is Bonnie Vear? Well, Bonnie Vear is great.

Speaker 2 I listened to the whole thing and I felt bad for Bateman because he sounded old.

Speaker 1 I know, didn't he? And now you look at him, he looks old.

Speaker 1 That's fucked up. So they're less gross than the name.

Speaker 2 They're a person, I think, right?

Speaker 2 Isn't it a person? Justin.

Speaker 1 It's Justin Vernon. Pretty much.
And he has other guys who are in the band as well. Sean Carey, who plays, but they're good friends of mine.
They're great guys and they make great music.

Speaker 1 Hi, Maya Rudolph. Hi, Maya Rudolph.
Hi, guys. Thank you for the day.
Hi, Maya.

Speaker 2 Sorry for the mood lighting. I'm in a cave.
It's the only quiet place at my house.

Speaker 1 No, I was going to say thank you for the mood lighting. I'm going to join you.

Speaker 2 It's a wank fest.

Speaker 1 Welcome, welcome to my jack shack. Yeah, he was talking about that the other day, how he bounced that name off of you.
Do you remember I used to say that to you?

Speaker 2 Did you finally build your jack-shack?

Speaker 1 He's in it right now. Look at him.
I can't see him. He's got a smile and a guru.

Speaker 2 And no pantalones.

Speaker 1 Now, Maya, the reason you're looking for quiet is because there are six, 17 kids, 18 kids over there, right? 18.

Speaker 1 18.

Speaker 2 I like to pop them out.

Speaker 2 There is nothing elastic about my lower region.

Speaker 2 Nothing. It's basically like when you get a grocery bag

Speaker 2 and something has spilled and then everything just falls out of the bottom.

Speaker 1 So the bottom got too saturated. Yeah.
And now it's useless to you. So kids are falling out daily.

Speaker 2 Falling out daily.

Speaker 1 Do your kids love that description of how they came out of the world?

Speaker 2 My son, well, my son thinks that he came out of my butt because he saw like a birth video. So we like to keep it that way.

Speaker 1 My son said the other day,

Speaker 1 little Abel said the other day, he was in the backseat, Archie and I were arguing about the genesis of, this is terrible parenting, of grand theft auto games and which one came first in GTA 5.

Speaker 1 And Abel's in the back saying, go, hey, Abe, real quick, could you Wikipedia? And he cuts me off and he goes, how babies are made? You got it.

Speaker 1 He's got that on his favorites. It's just a one, one button.
You know, Maya, your husband did describe having a bunch of kids running around the house. He says it's so great, use a better word.

Speaker 1 It's like having a fire burning in each room. It's all warm and cozy.
He said that. He said that? Well, he's a bit of a poet.

Speaker 2 I thought he was going to tell the

Speaker 2 Jim Gaffigan joke about how it's like, because Jim Gaffigan has five, right? And I think his joke was, having a fifth kid is like swimming in a pool and you're drowning and someone hands you a baby.

Speaker 2 But it's a bit overwhelming.

Speaker 2 I have to say that being in quarantine with four kids. is great because I would be very depressed if I was not very busy.
It would be a lot more quiet and depressing.

Speaker 1 Look at Sean.

Speaker 2 Yeah, look at Sean.

Speaker 1 I just got up. Sean is so low right now.

Speaker 1 He'd have to rally to die. That's how low he is.

Speaker 2 How many books is your computer on right now?

Speaker 2 Is your computer on it?

Speaker 1 My computer is actually on a stand right now. But I like to say the books behind me on the shelf, I've read every single one of those jackets.
Nice. Nice.

Speaker 1 Who do you say that to? To Scotty?

Speaker 1 I say it it to anybody who listened.

Speaker 2 He says it to all the living members of Chumbawumba.

Speaker 1 Maya, are those kids old enough to help out around the house or are they just asking you to help them find things to do? Because that is the only reason Jason had children. Right.

Speaker 1 I just, I can't keep them entertained.

Speaker 2 Do you have any teenagers yet?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I got a 13-year-old and an eight-year-old.

Speaker 2 The problem with the teen part is I feel really badly for them because they want to be social,

Speaker 2 but then I don't want them to be on their fucking devices all day long.

Speaker 1 But then you got to talk to them. If they're off the device, then you have to talk to them.

Speaker 2 It's killing me. And I also feel.

Speaker 1 The lesser of the two evils is just a thicker data plan, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Oh, I thought you meant dad plan.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Let's let Bateman keep talking. Let him hang himself.
Keep going, dude. What is it?

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 one teenager or two teenagers?

Speaker 2 I have one teenager. She's 14.

Speaker 1 The others are?

Speaker 2 I have no idea. No,

Speaker 2 10, 9, and 7. Almost 11, 9, and 7.

Speaker 1 Is the 14-year-old

Speaker 1 a nightmare? Has she found her sass yet at 14?

Speaker 2 No, she's not a nightmare. She's the opposite.
So I feel really bad because she's a Pearl Reason.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I love her.
Don't show off, Sean.

Speaker 1 You know, we all have Google.

Speaker 2 Sean is godparent to all of my children.

Speaker 1 Is that true? No. Yeah, and like my dad, I've never shown up for them.

Speaker 1 Are you guys godparents to anybody? No.

Speaker 2 I am. I don't even, I don't know what that means.
What does it mean?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know either because I think I I said. Well, we are.
We're actually very active godparents, me and Scotty to Jonah and Sammy, Carrie Aisley's children. You are? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so,

Speaker 1 and we're very active, and legally, it's just somebody in the highly unlikely and hopeful never-happening case where something happens to them. We are the legal guardians.
Right.

Speaker 1 I don't think that's always the case.

Speaker 2 It's not a religious thing.

Speaker 1 It used to be a religious thing that you, and I think now it's much more of a just sort of a custom thing that you do.

Speaker 1 And Baben, listen, should we be godparents to each other's kids just out of the way? no, so no, we're all set. I'm good.
You want to send over the paperwork? Yeah, yeah, no.

Speaker 1 Amanda's got it handled, bro. We're all good.
How about a question for Maya? You don't even know what's for dinner. Maya's actually the godparent to Scotty.

Speaker 2 I am.

Speaker 1 Does she powder and swaddle him? Yes, I do. Maya, I have to say a couple things.
One is...

Speaker 2 I love you too.

Speaker 1 I do. I really do love you, and I miss you.
And I feel like I never see you. I don't love you too.

Speaker 2 I don't ever see you. I know.

Speaker 1 It's wrong. But

Speaker 1 first of all, I have to say the thing that we all know, but not everybody knows, which is that your mom is Minnie Ripperton, who sang Loving You.

Speaker 2 I was so surprised that you threw in the lineage thing.

Speaker 1 These dudes are like, who? What? Yeah, I don't even know Bonnie Barrett. Come on.

Speaker 1 Your grandfather owned all the Wendy's in like Florida or something?

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 1 Isn't that crazy? Hang on.

Speaker 2 Sidney Rudolph.

Speaker 1 Free burgers for life?

Speaker 2 So supposedly my grandfather and his brother were these big-time business boys back in the day, and he came up with this idea for a company called Trip Charge, and where it was like you could get a card and charge it when you were on a trip.

Speaker 2 This was before the credit card was invented. And it was such a great idea that he sold the idea to Diner's Club.
Way to go, Sid Rawls.

Speaker 1 Is Diner's Club still around?

Speaker 2 I don't know, but I guess he straight up gave him the idea for the credit card.

Speaker 1 So Diner's Club was just for restaurants? Is that what it was?

Speaker 2 that's a great question i don't know i don't know if it was like a traveler's check situation for going in i remember those traveler's checks

Speaker 1 carte blanche remember carte blanche was a thing carte blanche it's similar as did like diner's club i thought it was like oh carte blanche and you just say it i like i like speaking of the rudolphs how is your dad He's good.

Speaker 2 Are you asking about my sweet dad? Isn't my dad the best?

Speaker 1 He's so sweet.

Speaker 2 He's that guy my whole life that people ask me about. I just got another one today.

Speaker 2 Look at Bateman. Bateman's like, I don't know your dad.

Speaker 2 Why don't I get to meet your dad?

Speaker 1 Her dad is such a cool guy, and you would be well served. This is like the Bonnie Ver thing.
You would be well served to take that scowl off your face. That's my rest face now.
I have a heavy brow.

Speaker 1 I need a lift.

Speaker 1 But I am talking a lot about this. I constantly look like I've just said, what did you say? Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's my rest face. Yeah.
Mine, too.

Speaker 1 Are you just coming to terms with me? Just to get to regular,

Speaker 1 I have to pretend I've just said, oh, I see.

Speaker 1 That's what I have.

Speaker 1 That lifts things up to where center is.

Speaker 2 I think it's from years of being funny and years of emoting, and now your skin is relaxing into itself.

Speaker 2 I have developed really gnarly eye bags, and I think it's from years of rubber face.

Speaker 1 Me too, Maya. Maybe you and I can find a doctor that can just cinch us up in all the places, eyes and vaginas.
Yeah. That's probably somebody in the valley somewhere.

Speaker 2 They're kind of similar.

Speaker 1 They're similar areas.

Speaker 2 Put eyes and vaginas done here.

Speaker 1 That's like shamkooch and shampoo. Shampooch and shamcooch.
That was Ali's. Shampooch and shampoo.
Shampooch and in the back you get shampooch.

Speaker 1 Here's a very dark, dark story.

Speaker 1 But hang on, before you get into this, I do want to say this. I want to say.

Speaker 2 But I went on a date with Ali.

Speaker 1 You went on a date with Ali?

Speaker 2 Wait, this is I went on a date with Ali in New York, and he took me to see Puppetry of the Penis. Do you remember that show?

Speaker 1 Wait, yes, I saw it in England. It was terrible.
Wait, Ali, who's Ali?

Speaker 2 Ali Farnakian.

Speaker 1 Ali Farnakian.

Speaker 1 He's a funny guy. He's the guy who came up with Shampooch and Shampooch, no married with a couple kids.
And we used to pass.

Speaker 2 And both named Shampooch and Shampoo.

Speaker 1 And we used to pass puppetry of the penis all the time on the way home on 7th Avenue.

Speaker 1 And then we used to also, Amy and I used to always pass, and we'd always say to each other that my favorite title for a play ever was, I love you, you're perfect. Now change.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. I saw puppetry of the penis.
I thought it was going to be like this brilliant thing. It was just guys playing with dicks on stuff.
It was so painful and awful looking.

Speaker 2 A lot of stretching of skin.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Wait, so there was actual frontal nudity all the way through it? Yeah.
Really? Are they cut or uncut?

Speaker 2 They were, well, they're Australian, so.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So uncut, yeah.
Uncut. So snooders.

Speaker 1 Wait, what? It's a snooter, right?

Speaker 2 It's called a snooter?

Speaker 1 I believe so.

Speaker 1 I've never still has its little turtleneck.

Speaker 2 I'm a disgusting foul person, and I've never heard that term.

Speaker 1 What about aardvark? We school them aardvark.

Speaker 2 Yeah, sure.

Speaker 1 Aardvark is standard. I love the idea that Bateman goes in to get a facelift and the doctor says, no, just do the surprise face more.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And could you take care of my snuts?

Speaker 2 How many snutters do you have?

Speaker 1 I've got three penises.

Speaker 1 Sean, I cut you off 10 minutes ago. You cut me off 10 years ago, but that's okay.

Speaker 1 You know, I was just going to tell a story about my mom who passed away like two or three years ago. God rest her soul.
Best mom in the whole wide world. Darkest sense of humor.

Speaker 1 That's why it's okay okay to tell this story. She would even laugh at this.

Speaker 1 And so when she was two years old, she had cancer and they removed her eye, the entire eye out of her socket. I knew that.

Speaker 1 And it wasn't until she passed away that I found her old medical records from when she was a kid and realized and learned that they took skin from around her vagina to reshape her eye socket, which was kind of astonishing back then.

Speaker 1 But, you know, I shared the story with a friend of mine and he said, wait a minute, you're just telling me this now. The whole time I knew her, I could have fucked her in the eye.

Speaker 1 I thought you were going to say to her, everybody looked like a cunt. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 It's brilliant.

Speaker 1 That's better than everything I was working on.

Speaker 1 I had tear duct stuff and.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Maya, I'm so sorry.

Speaker 2 This is an X-rated show, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, we're going to cut that out. So listen,

Speaker 2 God, that's really funny.

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Speaker 1 So, I want to ask you seriously back to Minnie, your mom. Your dad produced that record from your mom, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 they wrote a bunch of songs together and stuff.

Speaker 1 So, another common question, I'm sorry, but I think you and your.

Speaker 2 Did I get laid? Yes, I did.

Speaker 1 Did I get laid?

Speaker 1 But did you, because you have a great singing voice, too. Did you ever want to do albums and all that and sing and perform? Like that?

Speaker 2 I think the performing part, yes, but the singing part, I knew very early on that I did not have the vocal range of my mother.

Speaker 1 Well, because you were surrounded by music the whole time.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm musical, but I don't, but I don't have that kind of a voice. I mean, when the standard is like a seven-octave range, you're sort of like, I'm good, but I like, I like making music.

Speaker 2 I do like making music. I think now that I'm almost 50, I'll probably start publicly making music now that I'm not as afraid as I used to be.

Speaker 1 How does one start? Is it like you start with jingles or yeah, you know, like you write songs about lettuce, you're like, here we come, light and free, cold and crispy. That's the way it should be.

Speaker 2 Crispy too, that's right, Bateman.

Speaker 1 Swallow it down, firm yourself. Brand lettuce, the crispier.

Speaker 1 Maya, do any of your kids want to do, like, open their mouths and make sounds that sound like music?

Speaker 2 They're very, they all seem to want to be filmmakers, so that's definitely happening.

Speaker 1 Because your husband, or your partner is Paul Thomas.

Speaker 2 All of the above. He's all of those things.
And, you know, and they have iMovie, so they make a lot of movies all the time, which is pretty damn cute.

Speaker 1 All four of them. Oh, that's great.
Truly?

Speaker 1 When Archie was born, the night he was born was a Saturday night. And, of course, Amy didn't make the show that night.

Speaker 2 We were supposed to do a Bronx beat that night. We were supposed to do it.

Speaker 1 You were talking about Amy Poehler from Saturday Night Live as your ex-wife host.

Speaker 2 Don't forget, well, your OB died.

Speaker 1 Our OB died the day before. So the day that

Speaker 1 you're supposed to go. So it was the first time Ham was hosting SNL.
Do you remember? So Ham was hosting, and I was went to pick up Amy. They were shooting John Hamm.

Speaker 1 I love that Sean. Sean is like an audio chiron.
Oh, well, and you know what? And here's the thing. By the way, I have to jump in.

Speaker 1 So my sister and all her friends live in Wisconsin, and they listen to these podcasts, and she's like, I don't know what they're talking about half the time. They're throwing about names.

Speaker 1 So, that's why I'm plugging in all these names because they're what my advice to your sister is move. Okay.

Speaker 1 So, anyway, anyway, that's fair enough. That's fair enough.
So, John Hamm, first time he's hosting. So, we go and we're supposed to go to this doctor's appointment, and the OB dies.

Speaker 1 He dies that day. Are you being serious? That's crazy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so he was old. He was old.

Speaker 1 He was very old.

Speaker 1 Why was she seeing a guy on his death's doorstep? Did she get a deal on him or something like that? You feel like you get an OB OBGYN that's got a few more years. It's a little more vibrant.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So, anyway, so we go in.

Speaker 2 Sometimes you want the best.

Speaker 2 You go to the quality.

Speaker 1 This guy had delivered. This is not a bit.

Speaker 1 The big thing was he had delivered Sophia Lorenz baby. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Whatever. And we were like, that was great in 1920.
Beautiful baby. That was a beautiful girl.

Speaker 1 What a baby. But then apparently he forgot about it.
But anyway, look.

Speaker 1 So, so, anyway, we go in and Archie is born and we turn on the show that night and he's a couple hours old and Maya sang a song.

Speaker 2 Oh yeah, Keenan and I, Keenan and I sang a song for little baby Archie.

Speaker 1 Really? Live? Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, that's so nice. Wow.

Speaker 2 I'm nice sometimes, Sean. I really am.

Speaker 1 Well, that's not coming through. Uh-oh, sorry.
You are the nicest. I love you to death.
You know that.

Speaker 2 I know I love you too.

Speaker 1 I want to ask you some more stuff, but can I go to SNL, which I know you're probably sick of talking about, or maybe you're not. But I...

Speaker 1 I'm cool. I hosted your first year of SNL.
I was a host during your first year.

Speaker 2 Oh, I remember.

Speaker 1 And even then, I was like, as I was hosting, I was like, who is this master of comedy? This girl, I just, I'm who I'm falling in love with so quickly without as much as a date.

Speaker 2 I remember the facts of life sketch

Speaker 2 so well that you put up, and it was, Mrs.

Speaker 1 Garrett stuck a carrot

Speaker 1 up her butt. And that's why her hair so red keeps singing.

Speaker 2 These are the facts of life.

Speaker 1 I can't believe you remember that.

Speaker 1 That is insane.

Speaker 2 Because I couldn't stop singing it afterwards.

Speaker 1 Missing Garrett stuck a carrot up a butt. And that's why her hair so red keeps singing.

Speaker 1 But it's got, it's got. Wait, it's got.

Speaker 1 It's got a bunch of facts of life.

Speaker 1 These are the facts of life. It was.

Speaker 1 Who wrote that lyric?

Speaker 1 Me and Reina got super stoned, and Raina's a friend of mine and wrote this entire song called The Facts of Life. And it went through.

Speaker 1 Raina's a friend of Sean's, who's a cook, and who's a very good friend of Sean's. Sorry, keep going.

Speaker 1 That's for Wisconsin. Yeah, go ahead.
Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 All right, so wait, so back to SNL.

Speaker 1 So when you were there, and I know everybody asked this, but for anybody who's not, who's never been part of the institution of comedy, you know, that creates legends like you are now.

Speaker 1 And yes, you are. Thank you, Sean.
You're welcome, Maya.

Speaker 2 No one said anything.

Speaker 1 Everyone always asks this question.

Speaker 1 I did want to cut him off again because I feel like he might land the plane at some point during the fucking podcast. But I did want to say, Maya, you are comedy royalty to me.

Speaker 1 And if anyone was listening to anything I've said over the last. 20 years, I reference you all the time.
We talked about

Speaker 1 a certain level of sophistication in comedy i will say like maya rudolph and people go oh i get it no i'm i swear to go if you're only saying this for me being here today i do appreciate it it's so true maya you know how i feel i i you are you are one of the comedy legends of history for true people get it it's a very uh efficient economical way to say oh you would like some smart laughs got it yeah wow that's a pretty um large compliment.

Speaker 2 Thank you, my friend. It is absolutely strange.

Speaker 1 But I think that what Jason's getting to, not only are you known for that, but I will say that as somebody who has worked with you a bunch over the years, and Sean can attest to this too, and the three of us did work together as well, there is nobody who's quicker or faster or better in the moment and can eke out, make anything funny, even if the scene is terrible and you want to throw it out and then find it in the trash and throw it out again because it's so bad.

Speaker 1 You have the ability to make every, you bring just,

Speaker 1 you always bring bring the element, and this is, I think, the real, the sort of the trademark of somebody is really funny. You always bring in the element of surprise.

Speaker 1 I never know what you're going to do. And it's so, every time it's so awesome.
I always feel it's exciting doing a scene with you.

Speaker 2 This is why getting old is great, because we all remember things a lot less than what really happened. So your memories, all of your memories of our time together are so worthless.

Speaker 1 With the humility and the deflection.

Speaker 1 I love it.

Speaker 1 This is part of the intelligence.

Speaker 2 It's nice, But honestly, it is nice to appreciate.

Speaker 2 I will get honest for a moment. It's nice to appreciate each other as we age.

Speaker 2 It's nice to have like, it's nice to have had fun together because like my thing, once I started having kids and having to go to work, I realized like, oh, I have to actually like.

Speaker 2 what I'm doing today or I'm going to want to kill myself

Speaker 2 because it's so depressing when you hate your job and you've left your beautiful babies at home. So all the time that I've spent with you guys and out in the world and doing things,

Speaker 2 I cherish those times because all I did was laugh my ass.

Speaker 1 So hard.

Speaker 1 I remember there's this one scene that you and I were in in the show called Up All Night

Speaker 1 that Will was also in with Christina Applegate. Sure.

Speaker 1 And those are my reference points, Will. And

Speaker 1 what network was it on? Just people don't know. This was about the Coke addicts, right?

Speaker 1 So, and Maya, there was this scene where it wasn't quite there yet with just the rehearsal and the writing and us acting. And we just were trying to.

Speaker 2 And I kept saying, is it in?

Speaker 1 Yeah, right. And I said, I said, I said, if you can't feel it by now, it's never going to be.
And you, and we crafted the scene in such a way that we finally got it there.

Speaker 1 And then when we shot it, you made, like to Will's point, you made it so funny, I couldn't breathe laughing. And it wasn't a lot of fun.

Speaker 2 How was it that Halloween thing where we were supposed to be dead or something? We were pretending to be dead.

Speaker 1 God, I laughed. Gotcha.
But okay, so here's the thing. But now you've accomplished something that.

Speaker 2 God, you really did your homework, Sean. What's happening?

Speaker 1 This is the obligation of the host, of the person who invites the guests. They need to be the adult.
They need to have the questions.

Speaker 1 And then the other two idiots get to just throw bombs from the sidelines. So that's me and Willie.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 it's comforting, isn't it? It's welcome. But like to your point.
If you tighten it up, it is.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 okay, listen, listen to me. Now, you've accomplished something, and now I'm going to compliment these other two jerks.
You've accomplished something that even Jason will have accomplished.

Speaker 1 And I wanted to talk about this. You all came onto the scene as actors who excel in comedy, and that's kind of what made you famous in the world.

Speaker 1 And you all have expanded your repertoire and kind of like crushing the dramatic work as well. Like I even told Jason on Ozark, it's the best work I've ever seen him do.

Speaker 1 It's he's incredible on the show. And when he cries, I cry.
Very nice of you.

Speaker 2 Thank you. Look, his face hasn't changed.

Speaker 1 But you both, you've both excelled at the drama work, too.

Speaker 1 And I know that's hard to accomplish, but what's really hard to accomplish, and you guys have all done it, which is to hold on to a sense of where you came from and acknowledging your comedic roots.

Speaker 1 Because I feel that a lot of people who are famous because of comedy immediately take themselves too seriously and then lose themselves in the journey to prove that they're more than that.

Speaker 1 And in doing so, sometimes they fail. I mean,

Speaker 2 do you know what I mean? I think so.

Speaker 1 I was guilty of that first season of Ozark. I had the head writer, showrunner, cut out all the comedy that he'd put.

Speaker 1 It wasn't a ton of comedy, but there were some things that were going to, and I was like,

Speaker 1 so like,

Speaker 1 people have to know that

Speaker 1 this is a drama, you know, and they're going to think that there's a, it's a comedy because I'm in it. It is a drama.

Speaker 1 Well, exactly. But like a great writer does, throws in moments of levity to, you know, and so I got less precious about that in the second season.

Speaker 1 And I, and people really like that about his writing and the third season as well. So I got and that was the second season is when they stopped calling you precious on set, right?

Speaker 1 Yep, yeah, yeah, that was the end of that. Yeah, figured out what was causing it and put an end to it.
I was going to say, I mean, you guys all know.

Speaker 1 I mean, comedy is just infinitely more difficult than drama over time.

Speaker 1 To be consistently, you know,

Speaker 1 funny, it's much harder than well, dying is easy. Comedy is hard.
I mean, I have to teach him all these old things. Did you just come up with that?

Speaker 1 Holy shit.

Speaker 2 I mean, Jesus shit. He'll give you an award.

Speaker 1 Unreal.

Speaker 1 Write it down real quick. You're sitting at a desk.
Oh, I did. That's why I just read it off my page.

Speaker 2 The truth is that, yeah,

Speaker 2 I mean, what you're saying, Will, is what I feel is like, you know, at a certain point you realize how

Speaker 2 also the comedy and the drama is few and far between, and you realize how... serious and depressed you really are as a comedian

Speaker 2 internally. And then like, it's all kind of part and parcel the same thing.
So all the little funny bits make the serious stuff real. And it's all kind of.

Speaker 1 I like that movie you did with Krasinski where you guys were, it was funny.

Speaker 1 Dramatic moments. John Krasinski from the office.
Jesus.

Speaker 2 He was on the office.

Speaker 1 He was on the office, Wisconsin.

Speaker 1 Sam Mendis directed, yeah? And Sam Mendis directed.

Speaker 1 And you guys, that was a great, and I, I said this when we made our little show Flake that not a lot of people saw that was on Netflix, but I used to say people say, is it a comedy or drama?

Speaker 1 I'm like, I don't know. When I wake up in the morning, you don't go like, today's going to be a comedy day.
Exactly. Or today's going to be a drama day.

Speaker 2 I wanted it to feel like a representation of what a life experience is i mean other than like mel brooks's house i don't know that most comedy households are always funny right no they're probably real quiet they're probably really dark yeah for sure

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Speaker 1 Now, Maya, with all the years of experience that you have and the clear understanding, obviously, of the nuance of comedy as well as drama, do you have any desire to write anything long form or direct anything long form and kind of be the person that navigates all that stuff?

Speaker 2 Directing, no. Directing, I absolutely don't ever want to do.
And I think it's the amount of responsibility that's required that makes me feel

Speaker 2 like itchy and hot.

Speaker 2 Like knowing that I have to make sure you've got this covered. And it's like being the host of a party and making sure everybody's happy.
Like

Speaker 2 I don't think that's in my nature and I'm okay with that. That's why I live with a director.
I don't want to be one. But I honestly enjoy the producerial side of giving my opinion, putting my time in.

Speaker 2 I mean, I feel like I'm going to be a forever writer in the way that I sort of just like haphazardly became a writer at SNL because they just make you write. You don't have a choice.

Speaker 2 And no one really says, hey, you're a writer. Now you're just like, I'm writing my sketches.
I don't have a choice. And it's really the only way to survive.

Speaker 2 So I think create, I'll continue to create what i do but the directing part i like to i like to sit down and eat my lunch you know i don't i'd like to be a guest at the party not yeah it's so stressful and i love when people love doing it and i love to be a part of that but i feel like there was a point in my life where i thought like i'm gonna do this and i'm gonna do that and then once i started realizing i don't I'm not good at everything and that's okay.

Speaker 2 I'm sort of like, yeah, there's no, there's no shame in that game.

Speaker 1 My recollection of Maya on About Night is this like, we'd be shooting, shooting all day, and be like lunch, and then her dressing room was next to mine, and then like the knock on the door, and be like, are we still shooting that scene after lunch?

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm done with that.

Speaker 1 I'd be feeling the same way. I'd be like, I don't know.
We both had little kids and I'm like, I don't know.

Speaker 2 I was nursing. Remember, I was nursing at the, like, right, like the baby was in the room.
I was pumping and I was sweating all the time.

Speaker 1 Jack who was just born.

Speaker 2 It was Jack. Yeah.

Speaker 1 he just turned nine i want to ask you a serious question i don't know if i'm going to get through it with my co-hosts but here we go okay and you hang on let me get the stopwatch and go

Speaker 1 um your mom so sadly passed away when you were younger i think you were six seven eight years old something like that in the wheelhouse yes yeah in that wheelhouse and so And you're such an incredible mom as I've seen firsthand.

Speaker 1 And it always seems like your children comes first, which is the correct thing to do and before anything else. And you're always present and it's what every kid wants.

Speaker 1 But does any part of you, when you were starting to have kids, like, and it's, it's, did you have one of those real human fears of, oh my God, what if what happened to me happens to my children and I'm not around?

Speaker 1 Is that going to happen?

Speaker 2 And oh, I'm still not sure that I'm doing this correctly. And I get weirded out all the time that I'm.
48 and my mom was only 31 when she died. And I'm like, now what?

Speaker 2 How did I get to be older than my mother? It's so crazy. Like,

Speaker 2 I don't, I don't know how the hell we're all adults to begin with, let alone responsible for other people and in relationships and families. It's crazy.

Speaker 1 What's your perfect ratio?

Speaker 1 Your perfect ratio of work to parenting. Like,

Speaker 1 what are you doing today aside from this? Like, do you, do you.

Speaker 2 That's a great question. I appreciate that question.
I'm going to do a little voiceover work later on this afternoon.

Speaker 2 Who are you working for? I'm working for a wonderful production called Bless the Hearts by our friend Emily Spivey.

Speaker 2 Bless the

Speaker 1 blessed.

Speaker 1 God bless her. Oh, bless the hearts.

Speaker 1 Are they looking for any new characters?

Speaker 2 It was really good.

Speaker 1 Damn.

Speaker 2 It was sexy, but also a little bit scary.

Speaker 1 Who would this guy?

Speaker 2 And a little bit sad, like a little bit like...

Speaker 1 Well, you know what?

Speaker 1 Because he's had a few, even though it's Wednesday.

Speaker 1 He said he wouldn't, but he didn't.

Speaker 2 I thought he was constipated.

Speaker 2 Oh, he had a few. He sounds like he needs water.

Speaker 1 When ain't nobody was looking, he had a few. Or he's a self-asphyxiator there in the jack-shack.
Oh, boy.

Speaker 2 You know what's funny? I did write, in the time that we've been on this, I did write a theme song for the Jack Shack, and it's called Jack Shack, Shaggin It Up,

Speaker 1 Jack Shack, you can shack it. Jack Shack, Shaggin' It Up, Jack Shack,

Speaker 1 shagging it up, shack. Get your jack on.

Speaker 1 I love the end of the end.

Speaker 1 Shagging it up, shack. I wish we had an animated portion of this show.

Speaker 1 It'd be so good.

Speaker 1 Maya used to do this character. We were going to do a video, and I was going to be this.
Pop the cork, pop the cork, and I was DJ Metro. It's a French rapper.

Speaker 1 And it's just Maya, and she's in just like, she's in Centro Pay, and she's in, you know, Italy.

Speaker 2 I like to celebrate.

Speaker 1 we would just say like london pop the cook dubai

Speaker 2 israel i want to see you doing all these characters every week again damn it what what i know i should answer your question because you bring something up which is that i i do every once in a while go god i should do that show or i should when we were asking about creating and stuff like oh yeah i should create this show and then i'm like what am i saying?

Speaker 2 Then I'll never be home. I can't do that.

Speaker 2 But I'm lucky enough to have a lot of talented friends, and I'll do like a little bit here and a little bit there.

Speaker 2 And that.

Speaker 1 And that's plenty for you.

Speaker 2 That's an it's plenty. Sometimes I spread myself too thin, and then every once in a while I'll say, no, now I'm ready to get back in the saddle and do it.
But I also like to go home sometimes.

Speaker 1 Have you been courageous enough to play with the idea of an empty nest at some point, sometime deep, deep in the future? I say that because I have. And it just, as much as I am,

Speaker 1 I love to be out and working. I love my kids.
I love that they are here. And I think I'm going to be a mess when they go to college.
For sure. You have that times too, right?

Speaker 1 Because I got two kids, you've got four.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And like when you know that, like when one of the kids isn't home and they're at a friend's house or something, you feel like, there's no one here.

Speaker 1 The house is so quiet.

Speaker 2 And it's just strange. Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know what I'm going to do. But maybe that's a good time to, you know, move back to New York and start all over again.
Yeah, there you go.

Speaker 2 Go see Puppetry of the Penis with Ali.

Speaker 1 Yeah, just do some sort of a sequel to Puppetry of the Penis. What would that be called?

Speaker 1 I want to go back to the question I had about

Speaker 1 30 minutes ago.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Sean,

Speaker 1 definitely tee up another real question. Go ahead.

Speaker 1 What's number two?

Speaker 1 I want to know because I want to know these things.

Speaker 1 I know you do. And you know what, by the way? Yeah.
Good for you.

Speaker 2 Thanks, guys. I know.
It's very responsible. I feel like

Speaker 2 you brought me in and you're like, I have to ask her real questions or she's.

Speaker 1 Yeah, otherwise it's like

Speaker 1 they're just bits, which I love. I don't care.

Speaker 2 You don't have to ask me anything real. Listen, you can ask me anything you want.

Speaker 1 I love it. And so I want to know how you feel about me.
No, I want to know.

Speaker 1 I want to know, like, because way back 30 minutes ago when I was talking about Saturday Night Live and how

Speaker 1 you've helped create that institution that it is. Everybody wants to know, what was it like? getting the gig that you always dreamed of getting.
Like, what was it like the first week?

Speaker 1 Is it like the first week of school?

Speaker 2 and were you nervous and like how did you navigate around that that was crazy because i came in at the end of the 25th season and

Speaker 2 i had this really lame situation where i listened to like a bad manager i was so young and she said don't audition the new contracts are really binding and i went oh okay like a fucking idiot and so i did an audition and then long story short i was lucky enough that they asked me to come and do the last three shows so i did it was more like trial by fire but it was the end of the season.

Speaker 2 So everyone knew each other already. It was, it was like, it was like joining a school year with three weeks left.

Speaker 2 So like I didn't know anybody and everybody knew where to sit and the cafeteria kind of feeling. Like it just felt really bad and scary.

Speaker 1 I didn't know that. You did not audition.

Speaker 1 No. So you were you a part of the writing staff and they wanted to put you on then on camera?

Speaker 2 No, it was really confusing. It wasn't clear.
They brought me and Zach Galifanakis

Speaker 2 and I think it was Jerry Minor. I think we were the three people that they brought out for these this three-week trial period, but Zach and I didn't know what was going on.

Speaker 2 Zach said they brought me, he had auditioned, and then he said, like, they brought me out,

Speaker 2 but they were just auditioning him as a writer. And he was really like, I don't know what's happening.

Speaker 2 We were a little bit confused.

Speaker 1 Did Zach do the show?

Speaker 2 He wrote for three weeks. He and I shared an office and we were both like scratching our heads.
I didn't know that either.

Speaker 1 What are we doing?

Speaker 1 See, you assholes, it's good I ask questions like that. It is good.
You know what, Sean? Great question. Great.

Speaker 2 Great question, Sean.

Speaker 1 Can you string two together?

Speaker 1 Well, that seems like it's very difficult.

Speaker 1 I can't believe we've gotten to 30 minutes in and we haven't asked you whether you're excited or dreading the whole Kamala Harris for the next probably 12 years.

Speaker 2 Can I just say, wouldn't that be a nice problem to have instead of this fucking shit pile of shit of shit mountain that we're living in?

Speaker 1 We just had her on the show. You did? Literally the day before it was announced that she was on the ticket with Buddha.

Speaker 2 She's pretty fantastic.

Speaker 1 She's awesome. She's amazing.

Speaker 2 There's nothing there that isn't cool. It's like, hey, do you want to play a cool superhero? Like, yeah, sure.
I'm good. Like,

Speaker 2 you know this. You know, you get to be Batman.
It's fun. It's fun to be a cool person.
It's what am I going to do?

Speaker 1 I kind of know what I'm known for, Batman. Oh, you're talking about Will?

Speaker 1 Yeah. But once the, as Will calls it, the hoax virus goes away, you're going to have to fly back and forth to

Speaker 1 New York all the time. Are you going to be happy about that?

Speaker 1 That could get burdensome.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I really am, I think I'm a little bit in denial of

Speaker 2 what is happening in the world and what's going to happen. I mean, is there going to be a live show?

Speaker 1 Doesn't matter. You know what's going to happen.
Maya, let's not play this game. We both

Speaker 2 play hard to get.

Speaker 1 You don't have to start wiggling when you you say that Maya

Speaker 2 I still have my exercise tank on I haven't exercised yet

Speaker 1 I haven't showered yet

Speaker 1 I need to take a shower you don't want any of this

Speaker 2 do you guys want Chinese chicken salads for lunch everybody everybody

Speaker 1 Everybody's Chinese chicken salads? Let's get Chin Chin.

Speaker 1 I want Chin Chin. Is Chin Chin still around?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I get it all the time, and it's so fattening, I call it double chins. Chin Chin is still the best.

Speaker 2 Just the Chinese chicken salad. I don't think I've ever had anything else.

Speaker 1 Disgusted. But you know that the conversation that's happening right now is, so Maya will come and do this show.
She'll come Saturday, and then she'll come the next Saturday, and so Maya will come.

Speaker 1 That's Will's attempt at Lorne Michaels' impression, everybody. Wisconsin, Wisconsin.
Jesus, Sean, they don't need to know. Not everybody needs to know everything.

Speaker 2 Lauren Michaels is my forever boss. I just decided the other day, like, he's my forever boss.
He'll always be my boss. He'll be my friend.

Speaker 2 But no matter whether I ever work there again, he'll always be my forever boss.

Speaker 1 Mia, Mia Rudolph, has been incredible.

Speaker 2 It's Mia Randolph.

Speaker 1 Here comes question three. Get ready.
No, this is no more questions. I was going to wrap it up because I know you have kids to take care of.

Speaker 1 You mean diapers to change? Yachty.

Speaker 1 No, there's no more in diapers, right? You're done with diapers.

Speaker 2 I'm done with diapers. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I can't thank you enough for being here, and we love you very, very, very much. I love you very much.
My time was way too short.

Speaker 1 And even though we don't get to speak that often, I think about you all the time.

Speaker 2 Really? Like all the time?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Hey, hey, guys.

Speaker 2 That was so convincing.

Speaker 1 That was so convincing. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit. I do.
I really do. I think about you all the time.

Speaker 2 You're always such a, you're always such a sweet little cookie puss.

Speaker 1 Can you sing the Jack Shaq shot one more time? Is that our sign-off? Jack Shaq, shunging it up.

Speaker 1 Jack Shaq is totally crispy. Jack Shaq, 100%.

Speaker 1 100% Jack Shaq. And then Shaq.

Speaker 1 It's totally crispy.

Speaker 1 It's totally crispy.

Speaker 2 Think about it.

Speaker 1 It could be.

Speaker 1 Box of used socks sold separately. I was going to say this should be a sock sponsor to that.

Speaker 1 Maya, super, super nice of you.

Speaker 2 That was really fun, you guys. It's nice to see you.

Speaker 2 It makes this one of those days where when I'm dying and I'm laying there shriveled up, I'm going to think about today, and I'm going to have a big smile on my face.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 look at that.

Speaker 1 Love you, Maya. You're the best.
You're the best.

Speaker 1 You're the best, man.

Speaker 1 You're the best. Thank you, Maya.
Bye, Jack. Enjoy the rest of your day.
So nice to see you all.

Speaker 1 Bye. See you later.
Bye. Bye.
Tongues included.

Speaker 1 She winged that song, and it's going to be in my head for the rest of the day. Jack Shack.
We were working on

Speaker 1 Up All Night, whatever, 10 years ago. And she said,

Speaker 1 what did you do this week? And I said, I spent most of the weekend at my Jack-Shack.

Speaker 1 And she was so enamored. She loved that idea.
She thought it was the grossest expression. And she used to bring it up all the time.
She's like, how's your jack-shack?

Speaker 1 Hey, is your jack-shack taken this weekend?

Speaker 1 I got it on Airbnb now. Yeah, good.

Speaker 1 Anyway, I love her. We love her.
I'm so glad. By the way, she's the kind of guest that we have on that we can just completely be ourselves and fuck around, and it's so fun.

Speaker 1 She could guest host the show with us at any time

Speaker 1 because she's so funny and so and we love her and know when she's got such an ease and comfort and she's just everything about her is the fucking best. I love hanging out with myself.

Speaker 1 When I hosted Kimmel a couple years ago and here we go. Yep.

Speaker 1 And the ratings ratings spiked. The point is this.
I don't even know if sweeps are a thing, but I know it was a big deal to Jimmy. And it got him a new contract.

Speaker 1 I don't even know how I started on this story. But the point is,

Speaker 1 I needed a guest. And I said, remember, Jimmy's son was in the hospital and stuff.
And last minute I went in there and I said, I needed a guest.

Speaker 1 I was like, who can you count on in a pinch to come in and be funny and available? And available. And Maya happened to drive by at that moment.

Speaker 1 No, and I called Maya because, yeah, because she's incredibly funny and quick, and she saved my ass. She made me look good.
Yeah, she's always, she's always there.

Speaker 1 Jason, have you ever worked with her? Yeah, she was on SNL the one time I hosted way back when, but I would love to. And I was serious.

Speaker 1 I have talked about her a lot in anything that I have half a say in. I've always wanted to more and more and more.

Speaker 1 I don't like what the kids are doing to her life and my ability to see her on camera more often.

Speaker 1 So I'd love to talk to her about that. Maybe finding another place for those kids to live would be

Speaker 1 best for me.

Speaker 1 You should call Dave Becky and put a light of fire under his ass, you know.

Speaker 1 Well, but maybe Dave could babysit the kids and book her on a couple more things. That'd be great.
Dave Becky is her manager. Thank you.
Jesus. Thanks, Sean.
Thanks, Sean.

Speaker 1 That's my Wisconsin accent.

Speaker 1 Hey, thanks. Hey, guys, don't worry about it.
I got it all sorted out. I just heard Sean said that Dave Becky's her manager, okay? Yeah, no, Sean just straightened it out.

Speaker 1 He's straightened it out for us out here, okay?

Speaker 1 Don't worry, Dave. I guess he's some kind of Hollywood manager.

Speaker 1 Anyway, great guest. I love her.
I love you guys. Bye.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Sean. Bye.

Speaker 1 Smart.

Speaker 1 Smart.

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Speaker 1 How about I grab some cough drops? This is not just a quick trip to Walgreens.

Speaker 2 I'm fine, honey.

Speaker 1 Well, just in case. You know what they say.
Tis the season. This is Help Staying Healthy Through the Holidays.
Walgreens.