"Jimmy Kimmel"

Hello, friends. Jason here.
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Hey there, Will Arnett here. Welcome to SmartList, our podcast where Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, and I, each week, one of us brings a guest that the other two don't know about.

And this week is no exception. We get real into it.
Most of the time, we just mess around with each other and then the guest has to be embarrassed.

So let's get right to the podcast. I have a t-shirt on today that says Camaro.
And you know that that's a car, right? That's not like a brand of olive oil or something. Oh, okay.
Camaro. It's a domestic car.
Okay. Made in the United States.
Yeah. Who of the three of us was the last person to drive through a McDonald's Burger King type of thing? Sean, not yesterday.
He didn't drive through yesterday, but I know that he had fast food yesterday. Oh, you go in and you sit down.
You bring your own placemat and stuff like that? No. Make a night of it? Could you imagine? Scotty, get dressed.
Yeah, we're going out. Where did you go? I went to Burger Lounge because I like their burgers.
That's not fast food. Oh, I didn't know you were going to Burger Lounge.
That's so good. I love that place.
Isn't it the best? No, fast food, I probably go once every couple months. Really? And where's your go-to?

McDonald's.

Uh-huh.

And what do you get?

I get a Big Mac, no pickle, six-piece McNagget, sweet and sour sauce, a small fry, and maybe a root beer.

And that's just for one person?

And that's just for me.

Wait, what dipping sauce do you do with the… This is fascinating.

I do sweet and sour.

Sure you do.

Wait, Jason, tell me that you don't do fast food. I don't do fast food.
Ever. I haven't had fast food in years, but it doesn't mean I wouldn't if we were to hang out.
Yeah, let's do it. Well, you go to the Dodgers game and you eat a hot dog.
Oh, yeah, I have Dodger dogs. I don't know if that counts.
That's actually... You do have Dodger dogs.
I do have Dodger. Well, I have the veggie dogs.
God, I'm so... I hate myself.
Listen, today we're going to try something a little bit different. All right? We usually have a guest that will educate us about their field, but today we are going to explore more of the human condition.
Our guest today has lived a very eclectic life that has taken him through the dangerous seas of the South Pacific and the complicated world of Washington, D.C. He has wrestled the powerful forces of the health care industry, written a children's book.
He's inspired millions and also infuriated thousands. He has never learned to swim, but he is one of our country's greatest fishermen.
He suffers from narcolepsy, but his work exists mostly at night. Ladies and gentlemen, Will and Sean, you know him from such films as Delinquents Derby, Brad's Status, and of course 2015's The Heyday of Insensitive Bastards.
I want you to please give a very warm, smartless welcome to Mr. James Christian Kimmel.
Oh, wow. Yes.
Hi, guys. That was an unbelievable misdirect.
Yeah, that was a really good intro. It was.
I am a pretty good swimmer, but other than that, everything was right right that's the one untruth in there you really can't swim by the way no i i can swim he's a great swimmer all right i've been listening to this podcast by the way i've listened to all the episodes and i apologize i love it i really do i i enjoy it really i am not typically a person who listens to podcasts because I do not have the time to do it.

I mainly listen for the AutoZone commercials.

And I like the mental health commercials where you guys suddenly get real serious right in the middle of a funny conversation. You don't have enough around with that.

And I love that we actually bundled the mental health spot against the become a lord spot where you can buy a square foot of land. And those ran back to back.
I am actually signed up for that too. I am now lord lady of Kimmel.
So you bought two squares, a lord and a lady square? Yeah, why not? I mean, what the heck? Yeah. All right.
So is the narcolepsy true? It is true. Honestly.
Yeah. You suffer from narcolepsy and you take a one pill for and you don't have to worry about falling asleep when you're at a red light.
Wait, that's when you just fall asleep at a random time? Yeah. My doctor diagnosed it.
I have fallen asleep at red lights. I was once yelled at by a police officer at a red light.
The police officer suddenly used that speaker and said, are you awake enough to operate that motor vehicle? And I looked over and said, I am now. For years, I took a pill every day called Provigil.
And then I decided to stop taking it. And now I just drink a lot of coffee.
And so there's no risk of when you're tooling down the road with Molly and the kids in the back, you just nodding off and taking the family into a light post. It's more difficult when I'm alone.
Because Molly will keep you up. The kids will keep you up when you're driving.
I will say I love having narcolepsy. I wouldn't trade it if I had the chance because I fall asleep within four minutes.
I lay down and I am out. And my wife hates it.
I have the opposite problem. Well, it's because of the crazy McDonald's menu order that you have.
Constantly. Insane.
That's healthy at 50, right? It's healthy anytime. All right.
So with the caveat that the only professional interviewer on this is Jimmy, um, here come my crappy questions.

Um,

okay.

I've,

I've combed,

I've combed through your,

uh,

and by the way,

this for,

for Jason to comb through something,

he hasn't,

he's admitted many times he hasn't combed through his own hair since he was

11.

So for him to comb through anything is big.

You really are becoming Teen Wolf.

Oh God.

Um,

okay. So, uh, you were raised Catholic and as a child was also an altar boy.
Is that correct? Yeah, I was. That is correct.
All right. Let's jump right into religion.
Okay. How big is religion in your life? Is it big, small, or medium? Well, it is.
I definitely am a religious person. I believe in the Lord Jesus Christ.
I don't force it on others. It's somewhere below, like, I guess it would go like pizza, the Mets.
Yep. The Thalicists.
I don't know. It might even be below tacos.
I'm not sure. I was an altar boy for seven years, far, far too long.
I was starting to grow breasts. I was still an altar boy.
How old were you when religion entered your life? Was it like from birth, right? Your parents? Yeah, I mean, I was baptized. So I guess right at that very moment, a few days after my birth.
And how many siblings? I have two siblings, a brother and a sister. I'm the oldest.
I grew up mostly in Las Vegas. I had a priest there named Father Bill, with whom I'm still very friendly.
And one night at dinner when, this was years ago when the Catholic church was experiencing a lot of controversy as a result of all these molestations. He didn't get up to Canada, I guess.
But yeah, well, we had some trouble. And at dinner one night in Las Vegas with a large group of friends, I loudly and angrily demanded to know why Father Bill had never molested me.
I wasn't good enough for you. But he wants you on his podcast.
All right. I'm moving on to the next thing I found in my dirty comb.
You're a real prankster, it sounds like here. There's several stunts on air, including one that led to an $8,000 loss in advertising.
Do you have any recollection of what that might be? What is that? When I was on the radio, yeah uh-huh yep this was during the me and him show on kzo key and you glanced at my wikipedia page is what happened i just did a comb over of it i've known you for how long by the way speaking of wikipedia how many hours have we spent together will you tell these guys in our listener one of my favorite thing you ever did regarding wikipedia what you did to our friend justin thoreau do you remember that i did one to john krasinski where i um i wrote i wrote that his family um they were the founders and owners of craisins uh you know the cranberry raisins and that's it's called craisins because of krasrasinski. And he removed that like before I was even finished typing it.

He went on and removed it.

And what did I do to Justin?

I forget what I wrote on his.

You wrote and you buried it like halfway through.

So you'd really have to get in there to see it.

But you wrote, and Mr. Thau uh cries when he ejaculates yeah that's probably still up it lasts no no it only lasted about an hour so we did this on his birthday i think remember when we screenshotted it and sent it to him and said happy birthday um and the most interesting thing about that is you know i know you're not supposed to do that.
You're not supposed to screw with Wikipedia. It's a sacred text.
And you're also not supposed to write on your own Wikipedia page. But as I recall, we were sitting at that table, and I tried to change something on Jen Aniston's page as a joke, and it would not allow it.
It actually, like— She's got a lock on it? There's something, I don't know. A Secret Service showed up at your house.
It was weird. And then it was interesting to see which celebrities get locked and which don't.
Oh, really? I think it puts you in a second tier, yeah. Uh-huh.
I think there's ads out there soliciting changes on mine. All right.
So now, so that was a hijinks during your radio world. And then there was this, this transition.
Yeah. I got fired from every radio station, including that one.
And that's why I got fired from that station. I don't think it was a prank.
I think I, you know what I did? I wrote one of these eighties parody songs about the owner of the Seattleattle mariners and the mariners were not happy and they canceled their advertising and then the ad agency which handled mcdonald's interestingly canceled mcdonald's advertising and eight thousand dollars sounds like you know it sounds like a joke like they lost eight thousand dollars in advertising sounds like nothing but at the time it was the week was about half my annual salary. And the salespeople at the radio station were none too pleased.
No. But surprisingly, television came for you.
And you pushed it off and pushed it off, said, no, thank you, no, thank you. But eventually, you did say yes to win Ben Stein's money.
Why did you say yes there as your first television show? And what were like one or two of the things that you were like, that's not for me? You know, I never imagined I'd be in television. I was a radio disc jockey and my dream was to do morning radio in a major market like LA or Chicago or whatever.
That's really what I wanted to do. Like the wacky dudes that are like, hey, good morning to drive time.
The morning dinner. Yeah.
Not like that, but I was on Kevin and Bean's show on K-Rock for five years here in LA. And while I was on that show, I would get calls from TV producers asking me to audition for things.
And they were almost always dumb things that I knew weren't going to work. So if there was any upfront money, I probably would have gone for some of these jobs.
But I remember one show was it was called Pop Quiz. And basically you had to determine which stories about celebrities were real and which were not real.
And I realized very quickly that because the show taped like six months in advance, show would make no sense when it went on air and there was really no way to verify whether the stories were real in the first place and that the show would never would not sell and would be a disaster so my first thing i wanted to make sure it was good and in fact um when a guy named michael davies pitched me win ben stein's money i didn't know who Ben Stein was. And he said he's the guy in Ferris Bueller's Day Off who says, Bueller, Bueller.
And he explained the premise of the show. You were like, I'm in.
That's exactly. I was.
Bueller guy, I'm in. I did say that.
I really did. I said, that's a funny title.
And the game itself sounds like fun. And then I'm sure you were shocked like us to learn about his actual legitimacy well yeah sure i mean you know that he wrote for nixon he's a law professor all of these things and um and he knows a lot of things so he was hard to beat and he and i just happen to have very good chemistry and that was my first television do you still talk to him at all we email about once a week yeah come on that's really yeah sometimes more do you think he'd rather play win jimmy kimmel's money now probably he's doing pretty well for himself but he you know what i actually haven't heard from him for a few weeks because what he watches the show maybe you should drive around the house he watches the show every night and i haven't been doing the show this summer so there's less commentary on what's going on in the show.
Maybe you should drive around the house. He watches the show every night and I haven't been doing the show this summer.
So there's less commentary on what's going on in the show. Are you missing it right now, given all that's going on? Although I guess there's never a moment when nothing's going on.
But what is that like when you take a little break, you know, stuff happens and you do you come up with like a bit you'd like to do or a joke you'd like to tell and then you get frustrated that oh damn it we're not on tonight yeah there are moments where you see like melania not grabbing donald's hand or mike pence making some ridiculous speech or uh you know steve bannon perhaps getting arrested exactly as arrested development began that you think oh i could make something of this but ultimately it's more fun to do nothing right yeah gotcha right all right so from ben stein's money we went to the man show um could you do the man show today oh yes really it would be 10 times as popular of course i could it would be well what network would it be on and well we'd have no advertisers but um but you know I don't think there'd be streaming. I don't think even any of the streaming services would be, well, what network would it be on? Well, we'd have no advertisers, but, you know, I don't think.

There'd be streaming.

I don't think even any of the streaming services would be interested in the show,

but I think you'd be able to figure out a platform for a show like that.

Yeah.

I bet you they would pick it up, right?

Somebody definitely would.

You'd put it out on YouTube and it would like.

Yeah.

You know how people are.

It's like the less corporate America wants you to see something, the more you want to see something. Right.
Yeah. Of course, it's a show that at the time, Adam Krola and I, we quit that show.
You know, we were sick of doing the show. We realized that the audience was not necessarily getting what we wanted them to get from it.
And I remember really when we looked at each other and knew the show was over, Adam was talking about some dickhead dad of a friend he had when he was a kid. And he was using this as an example of what a not interesting, funny person the dad was.
He goes, this kid's dad, he always said to me, opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one.
And the audience laughed as if that was the first time they heard that. And we looked at each other like, we got to get the fuck out of here.
Now, so I apologize that I did see the show, but it's been a while. I forget.
Basically, it was unapologetic misogyny, but meant to be sort of satirical, a la the Stephen Colbert report sort of mocking way. Well, yeah.
I mean, it was blurrier than that. It was just like, I don't know.
It was more like, I think Al Bundy would be a character that would be closer to what we're doing.

It was just like a celebration of all the stupid shit guys do and like. And also we used Oprah kind of as our touchstone.
I mean, at the time, my ex-wife was watching Oprah every day and then yelling at me when I got home from work for things she'd seen on Oprah. And this is Oprah before it was kind of a, you know, a celebrity vehicle, you know, where Julia Roberts would be on talking about gardening.
This was like when, you know, like your husband's on the down low kind of Oprah. And so I kind of had enough of that.
And I went into a meeting with some producers who wanted me to do a daytime talk show for women and i knew that not even my wife liked me and that that would not fly and um carol and i'd been doing radio together and we decided to do the opposite of of that show and it was on for a while wasn't it it was on for four seasons with us and then they kept doing it for another season with Joe Rogan and Doug Stanhope. Took over as the host of that show.
Oh, shit. Yeah.
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Exclusions apply. So when I see you like hosting the Emmys again this year, which I can't wait for, and see how that's going to go virtually, right? Yeah.
And doing that, doing Millionaire, doing your show, because your show is such a grind, I can't imagine. And I know you've heard me say this to you a million times and other people say, how do you do that every single day? You have to, it just seems like such a mountain to climb every day.
You call Jimmy every day and say that. Yeah, I do.
How are you still alive? Again, I watched last night. How did you do it last night? With a continental accent.
And he's like, fuck, man, I'm taking this really personally. How are you? Hey, it's Sean again.
I just saw... You should kill yourself with this schedule.
But because it's such a grind, because you're always out there, do you still get a rush to do the hosting gigs? It seems like you so love working. Is that true? Or is it just like a...
No rush. No, I love don't, right? I don't.
If it goes great, I'm like, okay, good. That's dumb.
I asked you this the other day. And again, I think I may have blacked out during your answer.
So remind me, you've got to definitely take a little bit of a private... You're way too humble to do it outwardly.
But inside, you must smell the roses about where you are, what you've done. I mean, we just kind of went through a little bit of your of your early career.
I mean, you are absolutely at the at the top of your mountain. You haven't done any sort of gymnastics to your personnel.
Like you've stayed who you are and you are at the top of what you do. There's got to be some kind of a rush with that.
Yes. I mean, you should be very proud.
I'm sure you are. I definitely am aware of how fortunate I am.
I, you know, I was, I was a radio guy, as I mentioned, and a lot of my friends who, you know, people who hired me to work with them are, you know, they're not doing anything now that business dried up. And I am so lucky that I happen to be doing radio in Los Angeles where television producers contacted me and to have, have some, you know, because if I'd been doing the same thing in Detroit, you know, I, I don't know what I'd be doing right now.
I really have no idea. Maybe I would be working at an ad agency or something, but the radio business is a tough one.
And it is weird to, when we, when you do look at a Wikipedia page and to see these things and to go like, wow, I've done a lot of, of stuff. Um, it's humbling for sure.
And I don't take it for granted. And I do know how lucky I am.
And I do think that luck plays a huge part in all of this. And I think, you know.
For sure. Look at Sean.
Yeah, look at me. But let me say this.
Jimmy, I've said this to you before. You know, I remember we did a sketch once for your show, or maybe it was for the Emmys or something.
Oh, for our post-Oscar show. Post-Oscar show with the Batman, and you had Ben Affleck, and then you had Henry Cavill and whatever, and then I came on, and then they were like, no, you're not Batman and whatever.
I was in it too, fuckface. I wasn't.
Yep. Dude, I don't know.
I was a superhero. No, that was a different bit Jason that was for his family for like a Christmas anyway so this was for major broadcast post Oscar show huge ratings Ivanka is the best Brady wants the dater sorry I just got lost anyway but you were acting and you were playing like this sort of dumb guy.
Like you didn't know what was going on and you were trying to... And I said to you at the time, I don't know if you remember, there were a lot of actors.
I was like, you were the best actor on that set. You were the best in the scene.
Did you ever... And I really for real mean this.
Did you ever think... Did you want to become like more of a...
Did you ever think, fuck, I should have have done sketch i should have gone to snl or i wanted to was that something that you ever wanted to do because or no no not at all okay so next question i have some a follow-up question yeah okay it is not something i wanted to do it's not something that i i feel like i'm good at i appreciate you saying that i think will that was probably the only time I bothered to actually learn my lines before we shot. I almost never, I marvel at the idea that other people know their lines.
I will write a script myself and then I can't remember what I'm supposed to say. I did a TV, I did a local TV thing in Seattle when I was starting out.
It was one of these things where they get the disc jockeys to host the Friday night horror movie. And I watched it back.
I looked at it and I made a very honest assessment of myself. I decided I am terrible on television.
I should not be on television. And I really better make this radio thing work.
And I'm not, I'm not joking. I really

did. I looked at it and I said, okay, I'm bad at that.
And I can't do that. And so I should just figure out how to do this radio thing.
And it never like, you know, being in drama, I was in drama in high school. I took one semester, I know in college rather, I took a semester of acting in college and um the teacher pulled me outside and threatened to have me expelled from Arizona State University.
And I'm not kidding. She pulled me outside and I was – it's funny.
More than anything, I was interested that she could do that. She said, you're making the other students uncomfortable because I was just making fun of everybody the whole time yeah and uh you are making them insecure and you are um a detriment to this class and perhaps you should join a sketch comedy group or something because you are funny but this is not appropriate and i was like really you can she said and i you know i i can have you thrown out of the school and i said you could do that she's? She's like, yeah.
I was like, oh, how about that?

Well, you know what?

That's so similar.

One time Jason was doing the heart-to-heart

movie of the week and the SAG came on set

and they threatened to have him kicked out of SAG.

Isn't that a true story?

I had to give them my card for four weeks.

By the way, I do want to get back to Jimmy.

I want to say one thing, which was you asked him,

you said, do you ever get excited or whatever?

Do you ever get a charge or a thrill or some bullshit? said rush rush do you ever get a rush um great band but and i will say great band getty lee um anyway canadian but what i wanted to say was i wanted to ask you i know you might not get a rush and you kind of laughed like rush um and i know it's your job but when you hosted the oscars that time that there was the big snafu at the end when uh warren beaty read the wrong thing and then yeah all that whole thing and then you brought those people you brought those people you're right i did enjoy into the theater and i could see in the moment you were so enjoying it i couldn't wait to talk to you about it because you were so filled with glee happened? When things go wrong. Tell me what happened.
He opened the side door. So wait, but Warren Beatty got the wrong envelope.
Is that what happened? Yeah, he said La La Land, but it was Moonlight, right? Moonlight, yeah. Do you not remember that? So, yeah, but what were the mechanics of it? He got the wrong envelope? Just the show collapsed.
There was mass confusion. Nobody knew what to do.
He read the wrong best picture. Anyway, that's not the...
We didn't know what happened. Hey, man, you're killing me.
No, but no, he... There were like 11 minutes of just pure confusion and...
It was tremendous. Yeah.
The best part about it was I was sitting at a table. I was at that Vanity Fair party, and I was sitting at a table with Mick Jagger, of course.
Sure. And laughing with Mick Jagger, who I don't know at all and have not spoken to since, obviously, about what was going on.
And the whole time I'm just watching, it really started with the moment you let those people on the street, he opened the side door and he brought a tour in. They had no idea and he brought them into the theater.
And then watching all the people in the front kind of pretending to be cool with it, they're not and they're bummed that you're kind of ruining their big party but also but simultaneously know smart enough to know that they're on camera so they don't want to reveal how pissed off they are and it's such fucking bullshit as you know and then and watching you experience it and knowing in the split second that you're enjoying exactly that dynamic was so fucking great and then it went all the way to the end with the mishap with the name that you love you love mayhem i will tell you this is something i don't think i've ever explained to anyone but every time i do an award show or a big show like that you know everything's written and we work hard and try to make sure everything is as good as it can possibly be. But I always allow myself one moment in which we just roll the dice and we have no idea.
It could be a complete disaster. It could be great.
There's an unknown element because I think when you have that, it makes the show more interesting. And everyone who complains that the Oscars or whatever, these people who complain that like, oh, it's too, it's boring, it's long, it's whatever and then you throw something like that into the mix and they're like, well, that shouldn't have been in there.
You know, they want it both ways. But I do like that.
No one enjoys the feeling of bombing more than I do because I almost feel like I'm watching a prank happen to me. Yeah.
And I do get a thrill out of it. Who was the comic that would go out there and bomb on purpose? There was a stand-up that did that.
And I just thought that was just so bold. Oh, Brody.
Brody Stevens. Yeah, Brody Stevens.
And it just makes the audience uncomfortable. And like that's basically performance art.
Yeah. I mean, I just think it's— Galifianakis is the same way, too.
He loves to bomb, and he loves to be— You have a similar sensibility. I think all you guys do, and I think it's part of the deal, most people that we know that we like are people who love it when the joke's on them.
Right. Because it's fucking funny.
All it has to do with security, right? You don't give a shit. Well, it's also understanding the basics of comedy, which is that it's all vulnerability, right? I do care.
I definitely give a shit and, you know, whatever, but there's just something very funny to me about being in the middle of a situation that is not going well. And I even, I'll take that into my, my regular life.
You know, I, I, I look ahead so that I can look back. I know that this is going to be funny when i tell it to someone and it makes the bad experiences easier that gets us to this year's uh emmys um can can can we talk a little bit about uh because i'll bet you this will air right before that and jason yes is nominated twice that's right i have not checked.
Three times. I think best show, best director, best actor.
Oh, is it three? Is this news? Wait, the nominations are out? No, guys. Now listen, Jimmy, this is going to be a very atypical year for the Emmys in that it will be— Someone's going to die.
It will be— That's the roll of the dice. So it will'll be on television but that will be beamed from computers much like your show is uh every night right or any any television show is right now i mean it will be beamed from computers but if you think about it all television shows are right this will take place in uh in a big theater uh-huh um i'm not sure if i'm supposed to say okay what theater uh but it will and we won't necessarily have an audience okay and um well because all i imagined when i read that this is going to happen the emmys virtually is how embarrassing it might be to have everybody on the zoom who had nominated and then the winner and then does everybody click off? I don't know.
How does that work? You just click stop video? Yeah. Leave meeting? Leave meeting.
I hope so. I mean, it would be bad if they just stayed on the losers the whole time, but you could do that when you're in a studio audience too.
You do kind of stay with the winner i think that's

right but so with with what you were saying about really what the honestly the serious adult work that happens to make sure that the product is good for the audience where you guys work so hard to make sure everything is is is pleasurably predictable and it's all buttoned up but then you let it kind of wobble a little bit sometimes how much can you build a predictable broadcast of this year's Emmys when I would assume so much is up in the air as far as literally the mechanics of it all? Is it all pretty clear to you guys, or are you kind of still kind of figuring it out? It's about 67% clear. We know that we're going to give out the awards.
We know that there's going to be a monologue. There won't be a ton of energy in the room.

We know that's going to be, you know, that end of the Oscars where everyone was silent and confused.

That's going to go on for three hours.

I can't wait for that.

That's going to be my favorite part.

So the runtime will be the same?

The runtime will be the same.

You know how, like, baseball pipes in fake crowd noise now? Yeah, we watch baseball. Name another sport.
Well, what about the DNC and the RNC will have aired by now? So it's kind of the same type of effort, right? They're all trying to figure out how to do this without a big room and a big audience. Are you getting any ideas from the DNC? Yeah, I think mostly the ideas are what not to do.
Not that they haven't put together a pretty good show. I think they have.
But there are a lot of really deathly silent moments on that show. And I don't think – but that's politics.
You can get away with that. I don't think I'll be able to get away with that.
So I think, Jason, are you going to go, Jason, are you going to get dressed up in a tux at home with Amanda next to you? Yeah, I have no idea. It's, it's actually, it's all in, in real time conversations right now.
And I think it's a combination of us, the nominees waiting to hear from Jimmy, the show about what they want. And then Jimmy the show, is waiting to see what the talent is all comfortable with.
It's a really interesting thing that the community is trying to figure out right now. And there's a good spirit to it.
I'd hope that if you do wear the tux on the top, that you'll keep the pajama bottoms on the bottom. Yeah, that's what we're thinking.
Just waist up, dress up, waist up. That's all you need.
It's a good slogan for this year's show. Dress up, waste up.
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All right, so speaking of entertaining shows for the audience, you had a great show in Texas. It was just you and one other incredible politician that you referred to as Blobfish.
Oh, yeah. So Blobfish wanted to kick your ass at a basketball game.
His name's Ted Cruz. Yeah.
You got very close to beating him, but ultimately did not win. That lost 11 to 9.
And I remember that you couldn't walk for a week after that back home here. Yeah, there was a big mistake.
That reminds me a lot, Jason. Didn't you say that camping trick with Leif, you couldn't walk for a Sorry, keep going.
The walking was fine the sitting was tough i uh i think that the mistake that i made was not having no fouls we decided there'd be no fouls called because in my head i was imagining him calling fouls on everything and it just being like just boring and going on forever so i said let's just have no fouls and i I thought that we would play in a reasonable way, but I should have known that Ted Cruz was not going to play in a normal way because he doesn't do anything normal. And I mean, it was practically like he would put me, and I'm not exaggerating.
Like if you were to watch the Raw video, he would put me in a bear hug while I was dribbling. I mean, it was just like we even playing basketball now what's going on that must have taken forever what's he like as a person he's a nice enough guy what's he like is he a hugger is he a good hugger he's a friendly enough guy and uh you know we raised money for charity and the whole thing was a positive overall but But I would liked to have won that game and uh i was uh ashamed of myself i you know i made the mistake of trying to really become a good basketball player the week before the game so when i was you know when when i got there i was already in bad shape physically and when i left i was in worse shape physically what stiffened up on you i forget was it your back or your legs afterwards um nothing really i i i tore some

something in my, uh, like, uh, pelvis. So your pelvis stiffened up.
Yep. Copy.
So any chance of, I'm just trying to keep it rolling along here. What about, what about a rematch on that? Um, Let's get a rematch going and let's televise it and let's raise money for um some sort of uh political race in texas well here's the thing the reason that i did it is because uh obviously i wanted beto to win that that and i knew that uh that was unlikely and that ted cruz had a big lead But I, somewhere in the back of my head, I thought, if I can get him to throw up on television during this game, this is going to be a devastating visual, and perhaps it is just the Hail Mary that we need to win that seat.
Do you think he got close? I got close, but, uh, Jimmy loves chaos. And then the best example that that's such a perfect of, I totally believe that.
Yeah. So all the great humor that's on your show, the incredible writing staff, congratulations again for another nomination.
Now at the top of the heap there, uh, you've fallen in love with, uh, one of those top writers over there, Molly McNerney. And you've married her.
You have procreated with her. Yeah.
So tell us what it is like to work with your wife, the complications of that, the pluses, the minuses. And try not to talk yourself into a divorce right now.
But see if you can wiggle in some problems. Jason wants to know, what's it like to like your wife? Go ahead.
I'm fascinated. Well, I think it's great.
I honestly don't, there are no negatives as far as working together goes. It's, we have the same vacation schedule.
I feel like, like I'll do sometimes I'll, I will sometimes dream a joke or think of something in the middle of the night. And then what I do is – because I cannot hold it in.
I will – I won't say I make noise, but I won't be as quiet as I normally am until I can see that she is stirring. And then once she just happens to be awake, I'll tell her what I thought.
And part of it in my deep in my skull, I think that I go like, well, this is her job. So, you know, it is okay for me to, to do this.
Like that's how I rationalize it. So you're doing pitch sessions in the middle of the night.
Cause you can't wait till the morning. Sue you for overtime.
overtime yeah or just write it down like somebody does with dreams i found that when i write things down in the middle of the night i have no idea what they say the next day i i i cannot i can't even they don't even look like letters they're it's just pure nonsense you can articulate it to your wife and it it drives me, she remembers, yeah, it drives me crazy

when I think something was really

funny and I write it down and then I cannot

for the life of me figure out what it was the next day.

And then you narcoleptic right back to bed and she's

up working on the joke. Exactly.

I go right back to sleep

and then she's like, what is going on in my life?

That's perfect. Sean, you told me

the other week that you woke up

and you wrote something down and then you read it in the morning and it was just simply said do you like whipped cream and then and then in the middle of the night i sleepwalked to trader joe's and bought 10 cans of whipped cream i just did whipping hits all night to get back to bed whipped it good um all right we've taken enough of your time're incredible. I only have another three hours, by the way.
I'm very busy right now. Are you doing it? You're not doing it? When are you back on the show? I'll be back Monday after the Emmys.
Which are when? Which are, what, September 21st? Well, if this is airing right now, we'll all know when they are. But, yeah, right around there.
Jimmy, because I'm not going to have you for at least another week, I just wanted to take a second to say thank you. I just had the incredible opportunity of guest hosting your show during this guest host kind of revolving door.
Thank you for doing it. And it was super, super, super fun, and it was really, truly an honor to share the same space that you occupy.
And thank you for participating

in our little project with Norman Lear.

Yes, that's right.

Live in front of a studio audience.

That was a blast.

The thing you won the Emmy for last year?

Yes, and we are nominated again this year.

Mazel.

Are you going to do more of those?

I would like to, yeah.

We have to get a live studio audience back first,

but it would be fun to do more of them.

It was a lot of fun to do. Yeah.
Jimmymy we i am i hope you guys continue doing this uh podcast because it's a lot of fun this is the last probably our last one yeah i uh i i really just like hearing you guys bust each other's balls that's i don't think you need the guests i think the guests are optional i think you should do should do some episodes without guests. Look at how much we learned, though.
You know? What did we really learn, though? Not much. We learned.
What did we learn? We learned. I learned about your narcolepsy.
We learned that radio is dead. We learned that radio is dead.
We learned all the things that we would have learned if there was no Wikipedia. Right.
Now, will you go 9-9 right now after this is over?

To sleep?

Yeah.

It's 1 o'clock in the afternoon.

Yeah, it's 1.20.

No, I'm going to stay up till dark tonight.

All right.

Jimmy, we love you crazy.

We love your wife.

We love your kids, your show, everything.

Thanks, dude.

And love your generosity for saying yes to coming and talking with us. Thank you.
Thank you. I enjoyed it.
Take care. Night-night.
Night-night. Good night.
Night-night, apple pie. Love you.
Bye. Bye.
Bye, buddy. Bye.
How lucky are we that we are buddies with that guy? Love him. I just, you know, I have less friends.
The older I get, the less friends I have, as I'm sure that that's not unique to me. You know, people get busy with their families and their careers and whatnot.
Like when I was a kid, I used to have like 40 friends, but now I've got like you two and maybe three others. And Jimmy's one of those.
And it, uh, I feel like I don't need anymore i've got uh quality uh folks like you guys uh he's a good likewise he's such a great yeah i feel the same way and he's he's uh yeah i i do as you know i do very little socializing um and or texting or text i get a lot of flack for that emailing i know and or phone calls what i do it's like you guys's like you guys or Jimmy and you guys, like that's it. I just don't do it.
And it's important. But at least when I do do it, I get to do it with quality folks, I will say.
Yeah, and Jimmy's one of those. Yeah, it's pretty admirable.
He works as hard as he does and works with his being a dad as much as he does and husband and still has time to do a podcast every once in a while. Yeah.
And I think he's super successful and super accessible because he's just make, he's unapologetic about who he is and his, and his beliefs and his opinions. And I think people are drawn to that.
And I am one of you guys said, uh, and it's true that he's certainly in the time I've known him, but he's just always stays the same. He is the same guy.
He's such a genuine authentic guy. He's one of those few and we know what it's like and we know a lot of people in this town and a lot of people who do what we do and that's not always the case.
A lot of people who are perceived as one way by the public and then who they really are is completely different and there are lots of instances that we know of that we've all talked about who are like that or people are like no way that person's a dick they seem so nice jimmy is one of those people who is just so genuinely who he is there's no switch that he throws when he's in front of the camera he's exactly the same guy so comfortable in his skin which is and so surprising to hear that he you know was originally when he first saw himself on television you told us that story was like oh no i'm i look uncomfortable i i don't like the way i look or i'm not comfortable it's amazing that he is like that's for me as a viewer that's why i'm attracted to right you know watching his show and especially at that time of night where you don't want any nonsense. You want somebody, you want to welcome them into your house if they put you at ease.
And he's always at ease with himself and it's infectious. Yeah, I think people would be surprised to learn like Will, when they meet you in person, that that's not your real skin.
Yeah, or hair. I'm not comfortable not comfortable in my real skin yeah that's why i don't show them my real skin right yeah or the wires the wires and everything that keeps it together but you know what when you've had as much work done as i have which is and i'll admit it extensive um you know you've it takes a lot of it's a lot of rubber bands and scotch tape over here, you know, just to, you know, show me.
And you've lived through two world wars. Sure.
I've been around a minute. I've been around a minute.
Don't look a day over 40. Unbelievable.
I remember, you know, when I, I guest hosted his show back when, um, he took a leave, uh, right after Billy was born. and I remember just, we don't even need to have this on the show, but I just remember being so thinking about what a great guy is as I was hosting this show and saying, Jimmy's not here because his son Billy's in the hospital.
And then immediately starting to well up as I'm delivering the fucking monologue in front of the audience. And I'm like, he's such a fucking great guy who deserves only great things.
And he's such a wonderful person and love him so much. And you just think like, you know.
This is a good lesson about you want to read the monologue through first. No, I like to wing it.
Yeah. I like to wing it.
Cold reading the monologue while we're rolling is not a good idea. Yeah, you know what? My president does that, and he's the president.
So... That takes us right to...
Goodbye! Smart. Less.
Smart. Less.
Hey, friends. Jason here.
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