School Is In Session | Reading Reddit Stories

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Hello and welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories.

I'm Shane and today's theme is back to school and you might look around here and see that the set looks a little different today and that's because we are already into our week of summer games.

Woo!

That's right.

And I'm joined by two friends, two classmates,

Damien and Angela.

Well, Damien, technically, you're the superintendent.

I'm the superintendent.

They offered me normal intendant and I was like, make it better or I walk.

And the Smosh met me halfway.

Super.

Pretty awesome.

Yeah.

So we haven't started them in real life, but as of this being uploaded, we're into the games.

And I don't know who's winning or who's losing.

Hopefully we're winning.

Hopefully we're fucking winning.

Right now.

Yeah.

We're winning.

We're winning.

I will say, I believe in both of you, but because you're both on the same team in this Reddit area and I'm supposed to be unbiased, I have to heavily favor the other team just to make it a little bit balanced for this episode.

Okay.

Is Is what I'll probably do.

So the pancakes today are at the cafeteria.

Oh.

And they're gross.

School morning lunch, you know, like breakfast.

Ugh.

Oh my God.

I saw your famous clip finally.

Oh, the fist bomb.

I nip it.

I died.

I was so new to Smosh then, too.

I died.

That was so wild.

Rewatching it, I forgot how long it hangs for.

I haven't talked to you since I saw it.

He was like, this is Damien's moment.

And I was like, what do you mean?

Like, Like, what is this gonna be?

Yeah.

It's exquisite.

I hope you understand me a little bit better now with that lore and knowing, oh god, that's awesome.

Yeah.

That's hey, see that?

How easy that was?

If you're interested in watching some of the games, the summer games that have been out already, go check out the Smash Games channel.

This channel, this past week's uploads are all summer games.

So it's good stuff.

Good stuff.

All right, so we have some back to school stories.

Oh.

So they're gonna be all over the place, but they're gonna be about school.

Just the natural instinct in me when September comes around me to go, ugh.

And I'm like, Angela, you're an adult.

Like, it's fine.

Sunday nights, too, I'm like,

I gotta do my homework.

It's also my birthday month.

And, you know, like, I feel like having September as a birthday month kind of sucked.

Here's a Green Day song for both of y'all that I think you're gonna fucking love.

Yeah.

It's pretty cold in here, and I might do something we've never seen.

There's been a blanket next to me this whole time.

It's very September of you to have bunker blankets.

It's just, the AC is going right on me.

So I'm like, should I just do this?

You know what?

It's Reddit Stories Baby Girl.

So it's Reddit Stories and I'm a Little Baby Girl.

This actually works very well.

Our first story comes from Our Confession.

We have a confession here.

Just our Our Confession.

I faked playing my instrument in the school band all throughout middle school.

Okay.

This is funny because

our episode of Smoshmouth that was on Monday, we talked about how I was in band when I was in middle school.

And I did talk about how a lot of the concerts, I'd be like, you know what, I'm going to sit this song out.

And you just sit there and you pretend because I'm just like, I don't want to make some squeaks.

I can just sit here and pretend and you can get away with it.

Just some inside baseball.

We filmed that like a few hours ago.

Yeah.

So that's crazy.

And you didn't know this was coming.

I did not know this was coming.

I read these for the first time.

Didn't hear me.

So I did that in middle school.

This is a common thing.

Now he did it throughout all of middle school.

I didn't even know there was a solo or something.

I can't wait.

I think a lot of those middle school ones, they don't have like solos.

They don't have like different parts.

You kind of as a band, you just play the whole thing.

So you can kind of just like trust that the people around you are gonna play loud enough.

I don't know.

I have an experience like this that I'll talk about later, but you can only go so far.

Okay, here we go.

In middle school, my mom forced me to join the school band.

I never had any music lessons or played an instrument before that, so I felt really dumb because all the other kids took lessons and knew how to play their instruments.

I don't know how this happened, but I somehow was able to join and ended up being the only French horn player.

I faked playing it the entire time.

I would literally just put my mouth on it and click random buttons without actually blowing any air out.

And the funniest part is when we went to the state band competition, the judges gave me a shout out at the end for a lively and skilled performance.

So either I was super convincing or all of those judges were full of shit too.

After the competition, my teacher and classmates praised me for getting a shout out and everyone thought I was a great French horn player.

Thank God I never had to do a solo because there's no way I could have pulled that off.

Oh, that's it?

This is, yeah.

This is extreme though.

He didn't even know how to play it.

Yeah, you're the only one though.

I knew how to play it.

I knew how to play the saxophone.

He was just like, I just was like, if I actually really like go for it here, I'm worried it's going to squeak.

But I knew all the notes.

I knew all the stuff.

But there were other saxophone players, right?

There was two others.

Then how are you the only French horn player in this situation?

Everyone's like, I heard it.

It was great.

That's how useless of an instrument it is.

Oh.

No, French horn plays.

The French horn players in the comments was like, fuck you.

The Baron players are like, ha ha ha.

The French horn players in the comments pretending to comment.

do this.

No, okay, first of all, what I'm obsessed with with this story is complimenting a musician for being lively when playing.

No one's ever like, hey, that piano player's moping is really lively.

Live

really getting us back into it.

It's all about the hips.

I think in America we call them freedom horns.

Yeah.

That means though, he must have been really selling it in the back.

Being like, he's standing up.

He's like...

For them to be like, hey, you, Steve, you're killing it back there.

Hey, hey, kid, I think you got a shot in Hollywood.

Do you think everybody knew and were just like, they're like, there's got to be a reason.

He's got like a lung issue.

And they're like, you did really good.

You did really good, buddy.

Like, hey.

I like the lore revealed that the judges are also pretending to be judges.

And they just go, that guy's moving.

I'll say you're a good musician.

They're just sitting there playing tic-tac-toe on their notes.

And they're like, oh, wow.

You got it.

Yeah.

So what was your story?

Okay, so I really relate to this, and I think a lot of people do.

Like the fact that you did that as well.

I did that a little bit.

I played the flute for a brief stint, and it was like I was just hanging on, right?

And you're just kind of like, whatever.

But in

college, or was it college?

I actually don't know if it was college or high school.

We had to learn how to sight sing, and that's really fucking hard.

I mean, all instruments and reading music is just hard, but for some reason, I was like, I'll be able to figure this out.

And I always just kind of like sing a note.

So if we're both sight singing,

like I was always a second behind because I was never, and I'd always like kind of look at it, but just be listening to whoever's right next to me.

So funny,

but but then they make you go down the line.

And because I was gonna say, like, any good music program is gonna make sure everyone can hold their own weight and do it alone.

Um, that's in the like whiplash, too.

And like, I will never get being like,

uh,

like, I'm just gonna jump in the pool.

You're just gonna do all the notes and one of the notes.

My question is like,

when he's like, everybody else had lessons, is that the norm that like you don't learn how to play your own instrument?

You have to come in sort of knowing what you're doing?

Because I never did band.

Different programs are all, they're all different.

It's different by school, I think.

So when I was in band,

I think for the first couple of years, I would go and it would be like just the Saxon players.

And we would just play.

And then like, that was in elementary school.

You're usually grouped by instrument.

So you just learn together and all play a C or all play a D and you learn it on the thing.

Interesting.

But then it also depends on like arts funding.

Hate to get political, but

if you're not funding the arts, then I guess you have to come in and BYO

bring your own understanding.

Biow.

Bayou.

Yeah.

When we had the like.

When we had this, the saxophone practice, you'd have to play.

Like you'd have, you can't get away with it.

But then we'd have full band practice, or especially when we get to our concerts and we're in the auditorium in front of all of our parents.

That's where sometimes I would know the specific parts and songs where I'm like, I've squeaked every time.

Yeah.

I've gotten to this point.

I'm just going to not do it.

Yeah.

Where I played really lightly.

The thing that's so weird to me about this, though, is like, if this is a program where most kids are taking lessons in order to understand the instrument, then the mom has to know that, like, you know, she forced him to do this.

So she has to know that if he's learning at school in her mind, mind, he would have to practice at home, right?

Like she never hears any French-worn practice at home ever.

Like this is just, I don't know.

Yeah, I know.

It still happens to me, honestly, to this day.

With Star Kid, they'll give you your vocal parts and sometimes they'll be like, just the altos.

And then sometimes they'll be like, someone's not singing right here.

And I was like,

yeah, we got a

we got to strengthen our part.

We really do.

It's hard.

I think it's Jake.

We got to kill him.

In the comments, someone said, did they not do a tryout assessment each semester/slash year?

Did the conductor never go down the line or have you play solo?

If not, what is going on in music?

Well, maybe we're not paying our conductors.

Yeah.

OP responded, saying, my instructor didn't seem to care that much about the band.

She was the same instructor for chorus and show choir and was definitely more into that.

And she never had us individually do our parts.

She'd just have us all play together and only stop us to individually play if she heard something was off.

Sometimes she'd have the bigger sections play without the other sections to hear them.

But for the sections with one to two players, she'd never have us do it individually.

We went over very basic music theory and for our final exams, we took a written test.

I still never learned to play the French horn, but I've gone on to learn the piano guitar and become a classically trained vocalist.

When I'm not at my day job, I'm part of a musical theater club.

And I promise I'm not lip-syncing, LOL.

Same.

Wow, that's cool.

So they were like, actually, you know what?

I'm going to start playing other instruments.

Yeah.

That sucks a lot.

And Angela, you're right about the like not paying teacher thing.

Like a part of me wants to be like, oh, it sucks the teacher didn't care.

But at the same time, I'm like, you want to teach three different groups of kids every instrument and singing and then also performance singing?

Like, uh-uh.

She takes a huge hit of her vape.

She goes, I think the French horn sounds fine.

I'm laughing at like her not caring about band, but she loves show choir.

So it's like band practice then.

She's like, all right, guys, like great, great work, everyone.

All right, see you later.

And as they're leaving, show choir comes in.

You see her just like, what's up, guys?

Come on in.

Just like loves.

She just flipping watches gale every day.

Yeah.

She's like, this sounds great.

No, I was listening to our cast recording of Dear Van Hansen, and I think it's going to be great.

Someone else said, LOL, I did the same thing in middle school.

Only one other saxophone player ever found out I never played during concerts or practices.

I think it's very relatable and happens everywhere.

Oh, totally.

Lastly, someone said maybe the judges just hate the French horn and thought it sounded so great because it was missing.

Wow.

Makes you think.

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From pantry staples to wellness essentials and garden-ready seeds, everything we offer is rooted in real nutrition, transparency, and trust.

Join a community that believes in better naturally.

Visit Azure Standard.com today and discover a simpler, healthier way to shop for the things that matter most.

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Back to the show.

All right, our next story comes from Petty Revenge.

Ooh,

love this.

College roommate ate my food, so I sold their books.

Oh.

Oh.

Uh-oh.

Oh,

dreadful.

A roommate ate your food?

I've never heard of that.

Did you eat his food?

No.

No, I just, it's a common.

Oh, I thought it was a bit because you guys are roommates.

Actually, no, Damien never did that.

Why would you immediately go to that?

Why would you think that he didn't eat it?

Why would you?

Because I'm sitting now with two old roommates.

Why would you?

I'm not that old.

And

sometimes it comes out.

I'm so my back doesn't even hurt.

In 2010, while I was in college, I lived in off-campus housing with a male roommate who frequently had friends over, which did not bother me, but their lack of common decency really frustrated me.

One week, I purchased a significant amount of groceries for myself.

I had to go home for the weekend due to an emergency.

Once I returned, all of my groceries were gone.

After addressing the issue with my roommate, he assured me it wouldn't happen again, but unfortunately, it continued to occur.

This one time, my mother made me chicken and spinach.

He asked me who made the chicken.

I told him my mom.

He said it was really good.

I never gave him permission to eat my food.

I started storing most of my food in my room.

The breaking point came when my mother prepared a delicious meal of salmon, broccoli, and sweet potatoes for me.

I left the food in the fridge while I went to campus to help make meals for the homeless.

I should have packed him a sandwich.

Once I returned, I found my roommate's friends enjoying my mother's cooking and praising it.

Feeling disrespected, I took matters into my own hands.

While my roommate was in class, I entered his room, collected all of his books and clickers, and sold them to a resale bookstore on campus.

After that, he never touched my shit.

Truth is that I would have never had an issue with sharing if he asked and saved me some of my food.

They never asked, and they always ate everything.

Additional information, we never had a conversation about what happened, but he stopped eating my food, so I'm sure he knew I took his books.

I don't think I got more than $100 for the books and clickers, but the money was not the motive.

Clickers, we used to use this back in the day for attendance and pop quiz.

It's like a remote connected to your student ID.

I'm a little ticked off.

Yeah?

What are you thinking?

Those are his books.

I don't know.

At UCLA, books were so

like they're so expensive, so stupid.

You have to wait in so many lines to get them.

I'm like, get, you can get new yams, new mom's yams.

You can get a new mom.

Your dad's big mom.

Or like, eat his food.

Don't go for his education, man.

You're saying go for an eye for an eye.

Like,

it doesn't sound like they have any food.

The roommate's eating all of her food.

And

the roommate's friends are eating all of her food and bragging about it.

No, no, no, no, no.

I have to say, that sucks.

That's rude.

That's fair.

That sucks.

It's a dick move.

It's bullying.

It's like really entitled.

But I do get what you're saying about like, yeah, you take your petty revenge, whatever.

It's just a weird like left turn.

It's not like, well, I'm going to make you food that like we've heard stories where it's like, I made food that was way too spicy and that'll teach them.

This one's like, well, I'm going to take your bed and throw it in a river.

It's a conversation of, is she elevating it?

Cause, and now it's like, in the middle of the-

But also, that's their food.

You're right.

No, there's no one.

My thinking is always this.

And I, and I know some people disagree because some people view it of like, no, you get your revenge.

Yeah.

Right.

I never thought that way.

I still don't don't think that way, especially with roommates, because I'm like, you live with this person.

They have access to all your shit.

If you want to elevate it,

you can, or get your revenge, you can, but now

they're probably going to go for their strike now.

Yeah.

And now they hate you because now you've established your enemies.

I'm like, you grab their books.

What are they going to grab my wallet next?

Like, you're upping the gate.

That would be where I'm thinking.

I'm not thinking a matter of what they deserve.

I'm thinking a matter of like my own safety and stuff.

Already they disrespect me.

They clearly don't care about me.

Yes.

Are they the types that are going to go all out?

And some de-escalation of revenge is kind of funny.

Like if you did something really small and lame,

like or like something, like, just like something stupid, just like get into it.

Yeah, release a bunch of bugs in his room.

That's awful.

Or, like, you know, just like, just like, just like kill him.

Just hit him.

Just do a little kill.

Just like a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of kill.

College roommates is such a weird time because people are in their own insular little bubble, growing up, however they grow up in their own house, generally not seeing how anyone else lives, what anyone else's food rules are, like living style is.

And then you live together and it's immediately like, you do what?

You do what?

I know.

Like, I, I, like, in my family, it was like, hey, you throw out lunch meat after five or six days because it's not good in the fridge after that.

And when I said that, like, one day when living with people, three other people turn around, they're like, what?

Only five or six days.

And someone's like, two weeks is fine.

And then someone's like, it's like, who's right?

I don't know, but still, like, everybody's like, no, this is the way it is because that's how I grew up.

Sounds like it's like a spoiled little man, baby.

I think there's a lot of spoiled people who, once they have roommates, they grew up their whole life just being able to, they were just provided for so much that they're just like, yeah, everything that's in the house, I eat.

You know what's weird to me too is like, usually when you hear stories like this, it's like, oh, my roommate ate all my chips.

All his friends came over and like, do you have any snacks?

It's like, yeah, we have chips.

I can't imagine being someone's friend being like, do you have any food?

And it's like, yeah, we have some delicious salmon and broccoli with sweet potatoes.

It's like, that's an entire ass meal.

Let's go.

Like, for four people, let's do it.

I'd be, if I went over to, say, I went over to your house and you had roommates, and you were like, oh, I have this delicious, delicious meal.

I'm like, oh, cool.

And we're eating it.

And then your roommate gets home and they go, hey, where's the,

like, where's that meal I have?

And it's like, oh, who cooked it?

It's like, my mom.

And you're like, delicious.

I'd be like,

I need to leave.

Like, we just committed a crime.

Like, how are you?

I don't actually live here.

You gotta come.

You have like a candlelit dinner and you're like, we gotta go.

We have to get out.

Uh-oh, the owner showed up.

We gotta leave.

If in college someone offered me like sweet potatoes and chicken made from their mom, I'd be like, do you have like a PBR?

And like maybe like a Toys Lord?

Like a vegetable.

Do you have top ramen and maybe a Coke?

Yeah.

I've been surviving off that.

And then going, this doesn't belong to you.

Dude,

but like we've all met these people that are this entitled.

It's like mind-blowing when you're when you're face to face with them.

You're like, wait, how do you not care?

Yeah, yeah.

It's shocking.

I'm curious what the comments will say.

Someone said, I had a similar situation that I've definitely mentioned on Reddit before.

I bought a huge bag of rice at the local Asian grocery store, like 50 pounds, because I was broke as hell, but it's a lot cheaper to buy it that way.

I caught my roommate giving some random person a significant portion of my rice one day.

I said, hey, what the fuck?

That's my rice, not yours.

You can't give away like one-fifth of it without asking.

He said, but you have so much of it.

Yeah, because I'm rationing it out for the rest of the year, you idiot.

He thought of himself as a musician and had a lot of musical instruments in his room.

So later that week, I gave away some of his guitars to various people in that dorm.

He was very angry, but my response was simply, but you have so many of them.

Rice for guitars?

It's a fun story, but he's dead now.

Don't go skiing at night, y'all.

Or I'll get you.

Whoa, what do you mean?

All of these stories have hard left earns.

See, I got it.

This is why, though, like, these types of comments are why I'm like, hey, like, I don't fuck with people

because, like, you never know who's just a murderer, like, in the making.

I'm like, I don't think you killed him, but I think you will, you could kill someone.

Yeah.

He gave away a fifth of my rice, so I um, I sold his dog.

Like, it's just like, anyway, don't ski at night.

I'm like, all right, man.

Cool.

Like, great.

You stole my pork rinds?

I took your skin.

The way he's telling that story, I'm like, I understand that he took a fifth of your rice and gave it to someone.

You seem like you're happy he's dead.

Like, damn.

It's also so ominous to end everything with something completely about something else and be like, anyway, don't hydroplane when it's snowing.

It was the ice.

Someone said, I would have sold his info on the internet.

I don't play about my mom's food, but that's just me.

OP said,

that was what pushed me over the edge.

It was literally my favorite dish, and they ate everything.

LOL.

I guess this is the petty revenge, Reddit.

Like, people are going to be here.

People are here for revenge.

They love revenge.

Someone said, college roommates suck.

I had two that were eating my food and refused to clean up their messes.

One roommate constantly left bowls of his leftover milk from cereal, cereal he never purchased, in the sink until the milk went rancid.

The other roommate and I started putting those bowls full of milk under his bed.

His room literally...

Oh my god.

His room really smells.

We kept one bowl each and would immediately clean it and hide it in our rooms.

Okay, that's...

That is more in line of like revenge that I think is fair.

I'm like, he's leaving this out.

It's rancid.

It smells bad for everyone.

You're just taking what he's doing.

You're making the consequences of his actions affect him more than everyone else.

That to me is like, that's

why do you do that in this person's situation?

Where it's like, you took my mom's salmon, I'm taking it back from you.

Vomit.

My only thought with this is I'm just like, okay, well, you're moving out now, right?

Yeah.

They're moving out.

Like, you can't live together.

You declare war.

You absolutely declared war, and some people are out of their mind.

Yeah.

That's just where my head goes.

100%.

It's where you have to like abandon the idea of like fairness sometimes, where it's like, oh man, they still have like one over on me and I want to get them back, but I don't know.

It's like, sometimes you can just be like, like, it sucks they took my thing.

I'd rather not get stabbed in the middle of the night.

But that takes a lot of growth.

It does.

I think that's.

Because we're old now.

That's how I've, I feel like that's how I've always been, though.

I'm, I'm the type that if someone wrongs me, now a roommate is so tough, right?

But if someone wrongs me, my initial thought is not, how do I get back at them?

My initial thought is, how do I get removed, how do I remove them from my life or I remove myself from their sphere as quickly as possible.

That's you taking care of yourself.

But there are some people that when you are so deeply hurt, you like your body's reaction for some reason is to also hurt.

Like it's just this like

fucked up part with this.

It's the desire for catharsis, right?

And I understand that's a very valid thing.

I think where I also go though, and what I would ask anyone who's like seeking revenge or is like, I'm going to do this, I'm like, what is the outcome you desire?

That's great.

Right?

Because the whole purpose, I think, deep down with revenge is that you want to teach them a lesson.

You want them to stop.

Yeah.

Now, I guess they are saying in this that they haven't touched their food since truth is i i but so all we know is that actually it luckily worked out but i'm like for me nine times out of ten doing something like that is gonna culminate in horrible yeah it's like bringing a gun to a knife fight or whatever yeah yeah it's why even like on the road especially in la i'm like oh i don't I don't flip people off.

I don't do, no matter how wrong someone is, I'm not escalating it because I'm like, people have guns.

Yeah.

People be having.

I've been like chased in a car before by a guy that's like the next meeting like

oh yeah me too.

It's crazy shit.

Yeah.

Well

next story.

Oh, there's a third.

Thank goodness.

I took off the blanket because it's now a little bit warmer in here and I feel good.

So you can really see the full Hollywood hot dog.

We're winning.

The better team.

Yeah, we win.

We are winning right now.

And this is like a manifestation.

It's going to be so embarrassing if we are horribly losing by this point.

Chance single-handedly is like the golden boy crushing us.

Or if we have a massive falling out, you and me.

Yeah, we'll look back at this footage and be like, remember they used to talk?

Wow.

And then they became hot dogs.

A falling out when we were on the same team.

That's brutal.

I can see it happening.

It's actually more likely.

It's a lot of games videos already.

Yeah, it's true.

Next story.

This comes from Today I Fucked Up.

Today I fucked up by holding a grudge for 29 years against a kid at school school who called me Carrot Boy.

People really come packing with these titles.

Now OP is saying that he messed up

by holding a grudge for 29 years.

All right.

The names including my own have been modified to false names.

About 29 years ago, I was in the third grade.

I took one of those carrot packs out of my lunchbox, the kind that came with a little cup of ranch dressing.

All of a sudden, this kid, Balthazar, said, hey everyone, look, Tim is a carrot boy.

Everyone at the whole lunch table started to laugh.

I couldn't believe it.

For some reason, that incident really stuck with me.

Nobody really brought it up again, but I became self-conscious in elementary school for eating carrots.

Later, I lost that self-consciousness, but all through school and into adulthood, I always thought of that and built it up in my head as this big, disrespectful insult to me.

Whenever I eat carrots, the memory pops up, basically involuntarily.

Whenever I see carrots, I remember Balthazar going, hey, everyone, look, Tim is a carrot boy, and hear the laughter.

What you should know is that I am from a small town, and although I left, a lot of the kids I knew are still there.

I saw that over the holidays, there was an impromptu high school reunion event scheduled.

I decided to show up.

I haven't seen these people regularly in a long time.

Well, who should be there, but Balthazar?

All of a sudden, the old anger welled up in me.

I don't know what I was thinking.

It seems so ridiculous now, but I saw a big tray of carrots meant for everyone at the buffet table, and I picked up the entire tray and carried it to Balthi's table.

I started eating carrots angrily.

Everyone at the table and surrounding tables were staring at me.

I then said, guess I'm still a carrot boy, huh?

I almost immediately realized my fuck-up when everyone looked at me like I was insane and they had no idea what I was referencing.

So I awkwardly asked Baltho and the other people around if they remembered him calling me a carrot boy in the third grade.

And nobody did.

So I was like, this did happen.

You really did call me a carrot carrot boy.

And he was like, uh, okay,

sorry, man.

Somebody next to me put their hand on my arm and whispered to me, Are you okay?

As if I was having a mental breakdown or something.

I was so embarrassed that I just got up and left.

Multiple people have texted me asking me if I'm all right and why did I do that?

And did I really hold a grudge for some innocuous, silly remark that a third grader made almost 30 years ago?

When it was put to me like that, I realized maybe I was the one being weird.

Balthazar wasn't like a bully or something.

Aside from that one insult, he never did anything else to me and in high school was kind of known as being a do-gooder.

I had built it up as this major incident but nobody else even remembered it.

I was horrified to find that several people from the reunion unfriended me on Facebook and I saw photos of the event and somebody had tagged me in the background as Carrot Boy and none other than Balthazar responded to the post asking the poster to remove the tag, even though several other people had replied with laugh emojis.

now i feel like i have made a huge fool of myself and can never show myself in this town again well maybe that's okay i don't like the town anyways but i am so embarrassed i can hardly sleep and it has been a few weeks since the incident oh god another 30 years are gonna pass and he's gonna meet up with him and he's gonna be like hey i want to talk about that high school

this is a gem

the entire first half i imagined like him writing in a thunderstorm at midnight like the raven style like it was then that he called me Carrot Boy, and I remember.

It didn't even become a nickname.

It didn't even stick.

No, it was the one incident.

He's 37 or 38 right now.

And that Carrot Boy comment, which means the rest of his school years were a breeze.

If Carrot Boy from third grade is what stands out to you, then you made it through high school without anything that much worse.

That's a crazy point.

You did puberty and just drove right on by.

Nothing else, nothing else stuck?

Carrot Boy, it's not even that bad.

No, and also, like, to his credit, you know,

eight-year-olds, nine-year-olds, that's not even a good joke for them to laugh at.

Like, the whole class laughing at it, Carrot Boy, that sucks.

Like, that does suck.

A little disappointing.

What's honestly remarkable to me about this story is the fact that he made himself Carrot Boy at the end.

That he got tasked

in a post that sometimes

the things that we keep,

we decide stay with us.

Yeah, that's all I've got.

Right?

Like, he he became carrot boy he he did the carrots at the reunion as an adult as a boy he was like i am carrot boy no one said he was carrot boy besides him i even think it would be wild to like

be at the trait with somebody and be like well i guess you expect me to eat all these huh the fact that he brought it over to the table like he really spent 29 years as carrot boy in his mind but also i also get it like it's it's it's wild the things that stick with you right that you like bring up your friends and you're like remember that happened?

And they're like, no.

Like me and my brother all the time, I'll remember some of the most embarrassing shit.

He's like, I don't remember that at all.

And it's like, oh, it sticks with you longer.

It does.

It does.

No, that's fair.

So it's very.

But it's like at a certain point going, okay, like putting it into the context of like, well, they're not going to remember that.

That's from third grade.

Yeah.

Like it affected me.

It's a core memory for me, but that doesn't mean it's a core memory for them.

But like, it's a core memory for me, right?

And I have no control over it because I felt humiliated.

But I do have control control the rest of my life, and I don't want it to be a core memory anymore.

Like, I don't have to bring it into these new spaces.

Yeah.

Therapy is expensive, but 29 years, you can maybe find, scrape together some change for one session at some point in there.

So carrot boy.

So carrot boy.

I also, what's funny is around fourth grade, fifth grade, I have a carrot-related story

where, you know, I was a little bit of a goofer in my day.

Well, you're kidding.

Angela, if you can believe it, as I live and breathe, I was a goofer.

Okay.

And I had these little carrot sticks, right?

And I put one sort of where my teeth go.

And you guys know the animal, the walrus.

I've heard of it.

So I was sort of like a carrot walrus.

And it was, it slayed.

And then this girl, I'll change her name for posterity.

Balthasina.

Balthasina came up and went

and hit both carrots and it kind of hurt my gums a little bit.

Okay.

And you want to know the crazy thing is I didn't think about that from then until now.

It was only that day and then only right now.

And it's just that easy.

That girl that bumped him up, Kate Hudson.

And she turned out to be Kate Hudson.

Yeah.

No, I mean, I cannot knock this person for like this sticking with him, right?

Because stuff like from your childhood sticks.

Stuff sticks.

Like, like, I core memory in middle school, it might have been elementary school or middle school, there was a dance, and like a dance circle formed, and just kids were hopping into it.

And I remember I got booed out of it.

And like, to this day, I'm like, I won't dance.

No!

She is the saddest thing.

It's all so deeply funny.

I'm trying to keep going, oh, I'm not because I'm going.

Shane, this is going to sound like an insult, and I mean it as the highest compliment.

You turned out

so well.

You turned out so well for all the things of like, yeah, I got themeball dancing.

I was homeschooled.

Like, your life is awesome.

You did great.

And there were all these things going on.

Cut to, cut to us on a Disney show where at

the end of the first episode, they're like, all right, now here's the part where you all dance.

I also got made fun of for dancing in elementary school.

Like there was a day where everybody had to dance this song and people were like, look what Damien's doing.

And I stopped.

And to just dance,

I think it's a very base level insult dudes throw at each other in elementary school.

No, I.

Like, boys are just like, oh, you're dancing, you're dumb.

I think learning to dance is humiliating no matter the gender.

When you're young, I remember we used to play Big Booty in my, like, like, in theater class, and I was humiliated to play.

Was there dancing in Big Booty?

It was like a, it was a, it was a version of it that you would dance, but thinking of someone getting booed out.

Yeah, that sucks a lot.

It was, it was pretty rough.

So sorry.

Pretty rough, damn, dude.

And then like, what if you went back to your reunion?

You're like, how about this, huh?

And everyone's like, what?

Did you do a full like foot loose routine?

Yeah.

And they're all like, sick?

It's like, all right.

Like,

it's like a youtuber now

i think that's the uh goldbergs kit

um

uh okay comments that's some self-fulfilling prophecy shit

10 000 upvotes someone said i have hard secondhand cringe someone said um I picked up the entire tray and carried it to Balthy's table.

Oh my god, he's going to dump the carrots on his classmates.

I started eating carrots angrily.

Question marks?

And then he realized he was no longer a carrot boy, wipes tear, but a carrot man.

I will say that this, the self-fulfilling prophecy thing is true of like the things that hold on, you hold on to, you will become.

You bring it into the room.

You will become.

It wasn't there and you brought it in.

That's like Greek tragedy level of like, this is the prophecy and because you know about it, it's going to happen.

It's actually very much like it's true.

It's like Oedipus.

It's like

he was punished for what he's going to do in the future and he was punished by being abandoned as a baby.

And that's what leads to him doing all that stuff in the future.

First Oedipus reference in a Reddit story.

It's not even about the mom stuff.

That's actually kind of shocking that Oedipus has not been brought up before in Reddit story.

I was going to say this.

Redipus.

Redipus.

James with the

Redipus.

With

Redipus.

It sounds like a Spencer.

Dare I say Redipus?

It's actually very much like an acting thing where

in like scenes that like I've had coaches be like, Yeah, whatever you're thinking about is what we're gonna see.

Yeah, yeah, it's like it's true.

Like, if you're if you're uncomfortable or something, it's like we're just gonna see that.

Like, you have to focus on what you want us to see and what you'll become.

Yep.

But hey, I mean, not to toot my own horn, but uh, I'm the fist bump guy.

Don't

don't.

And this is my carrot man moment.

I really wasn't the fist bump guy.

Are you okay?

Am I taking up too much?

No, not at all.

I just move a lot.

I move a lot, too.

Keep up.

Okay.

Oh,

that's somewhere.

Edibis.

Oboose.

Our next story.

Today I messed up by nailing my crush with a football and making the whole school hate me.

This came from nine years ago.

Ooh.

I was in PE today, playing football with the boys' class.

The girls' class was on the side of the field, warming up to run laps.

Only one girl caught my attention, though, my crush, leaning on the chain link fence.

As usual, she was too cool to be there.

Fuck yeah.

Smoking a cigarette, legs all the way down to the ground.

As I half-assedly played the game, I decided I'd get her attention by tossing the football nearby her, then coolly saying hi when I went to retrieve it.

Maybe that would blossom into a conversation later.

I was so excited.

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Well, the moment I got that ball, I sent it flying in her direction with all my strength.

Oh shit, I realized too late.

I forgot to make that look like an accident.

Also, that throw was way too close.

Fuck, it's going to hit her.

She noticed, too.

Directly in the ball's path with no time to run, she covered her face.

It nailed her in the groin.

Everyone went silent as she collapsed to the grass in a ball.

They stared at her, then at me.

They did not look happy.

I was overloaded with horror between my instant pariah status and the ghastly fate of this poor girl's womanhood.

fuck this.

I took off sprinting right to the junior parking lot.

PE is the last class of the day, so I jumped in my car and got the fuck out of there.

Coward!

I was sobbing when I got home.

My mother asked me why, and I told her that I stopped at Taco Bell on the way home and got jalapenos in my eye.

Coward!

Weird!

Okay, I throw it, it hits her, she's on the ground crying, I go, I like you.

Better shot.

I double down and I go, oh, I am a crush on you.

I fucked up.

It's the knowledge that you get as an adult that whenever someone's like, what would you tell your teenage self?

It's like nothing.

You have to learn the lessons you learn.

I take that back.

It would be just like, just go talk to someone.

Just go say like, hey, I think you're cute.

Like, how's it going?

And if they're not interested, you go away.

And that's how it goes.

But the fact that it's like, okay, you go over here and I'll throw this to you.

And then I'll pretend to trip and I'll look up and be like, oops, can I kiss you?

Like, just say, it's so stupid.

But this is the logic we pull in high school.

And also what so many people pull in their 30s.

I was going to say, and why'd you look at me when you said that?

I know.

You know what I'm talking about?

When somebody needs all your food is a roommate?

You know what it's like.

What?

When somebody needs all your food is a roommate, you know what it's like.

I did that kind of shit even in college.

I'd be like, oh, we're meeting here.

I feel like you think when you have crushes that you have to do, like you have to just create a bunch of meet-cutes and organic stuff instead of just doing anything.

I think everything in media tells us that that's how it should go.

Like you can't just like have a desire go up to somebody and like talk to them.

You just have to be like, oops, that ball fell.

You know what it is?

It's because we fear that it's boring, right?

Like direct communication seems boring.

Because it's not, it's not movie-like.

It's not TV show-like.

It's just like, oh, you're just going up and you're just saying, hey, I'm like, would you ever want to hang out?

Also, there's like a bad rep around just trying.

Absolutely, especially when you're young.

Just trying anything and doing it and not like falling accidentally into this and going, hey, what's up?

And the more directly you put yourself out there, the more directly it's asking someone out, the more

cemented their rejection is, right?

Because if it's just throwing out hints and they kind of shoot away, you can tell yourself like, oh, well, you know, it's whatever, and you're not hurt.

Yeah.

But if you go and you say, hey, I'm interested in you and they go, I'm not interested in you.

It's like, oh, and now I know that for real.

I've had great interactions with people when I've just been like forthright where it's just like, hey, I think you're really attractive and I'm interested in you.

Would you like to go, you know, do this something sometime?

And like, not like I've never been rejected before, but I'm saying if the person is at all interested, that's very like, oh my God, it's so refreshing.

Like, you're, that was really direct.

And I was like, thank you.

Yep.

That's,

it's sometimes called like the tiz riz, where you're just like,

it is, where you're just like, this is how I feel.

And then someone's like, oh, shit.

Like, cool.

Nice.

Throwing the ball at her is so funny.

It's very funny.

And I mean, like, that's a great opener for a conversation.

You just walk over and you'd be like, you didn't catch it.

Girl, keep up.

Oh, my God, are you okay?

I saw that that guy threw that at you.

That was me.

I did that.

I was aiming for it.

Well, it looks like you need a little lesson on how to catch.

Why don't we hang?

Comments.

So I jumped in my car.

Damn, up until that point, I was picturing you in like eighth grade.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You were driving a car.

I did so too, especially PE.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Someone said, she might have forgiven you for hitting her with the ball, but not for running away.

Dude, you're screwed.

Someone said, lol, I hit my crush twice with a football and soccer ball totally by accident.

Both times the ball hit her in the head.

It was terrible when it occurred, but she is now my girlfriend.

So all is good.

Just make sure to apologize to her.

Someone said, My very concussed girlfriend.

Someone said, 2029, married to her with two kids, placing that bet now.

That's possible.

It's probably too soon.

In the field.

He ran away.

Yeah.

He ran away and then did this weird Taco Bell lie that doesn't really

lie to your mom.

I think what's most important is that your mom doesn't respect you anymore.

I went through the drive-thru and I got jalapenos and I put them all over my eyes and I came back.

It's like, you don't even know how to eat Taco Bell?

Give me your license.

You can't drive.

She's like, hon.

Jalapenos are an extra 49 cents and we have them at home.

You don't know how to use your money anymore.

You lose your carbulus.

You lose your car.

Oh my God.

I got hit in the face with the tennis ball once by my best friend, and I watched it happen.

We were trying to collect the tennis balls after playing, and so he liked to hit it back toward me.

I just watched.

I was like, oh shit, it's coming right from my face.

And the teeth hit me right in the mouth.

Yeah.

You don't make it through school without getting just rocked.

I was walking.

Hey, UCLA.

It was an awful day.

I had a really hot tri latte in my hand, and a frisbee hit me so big.

And I, when I tell you,

I

was

so upset.

I said, who the fuck are you two little children boys playing frisbee while we all had schoolwork?

I was stressed.

I was mad.

My tri latte went flying.

Sure.

Did it hit the tri latte or did it?

It hit my face.

And I just...

I think the impact is probably enough that you're like in shock.

You drop it.

You're like, whoa, we're just like hanging out.

I was like, it's not a Saturday, you dumb two fucks.

It's a Tuesday.

And we all have school.

I was so pissed.

Getting hit by a frisbee is rough.

Eye Carl.

That's hard.

Would you mind where it was like eyebrow or like what was like right here?

You're like yelling at your flats?

No, it was like right here.

I like to think that you were yelling and then you started crying.

You were like, how dare you?

No, I started crying and I was like,

I'm fine.

It's okay.

And then I started walking and I was talking to them.

I left them and I was still talking to them.

Do you realize that's those kids' like stand-by-me moment?

They're gonna meet up 20 years from now and be like, remember when we hit that girl?

That girl looks strat.

Remember when we ruined her life?

Yeah, before that, you didn't even like theater.

You get hit and you're just like, ugh, and your whole life is different.

It's like, just hits your brain just the right way.

You're like, I thought there's Star Kid.

That's so funny.

Damn.

That's awful.

My friends and I, realizing this is crazy.

We used to just throw rocks at each other.

Bored as crazy, huh?

It was Arizona, and there was just like rocks everywhere, and we were bored, so we're just throwing rocks at each other.

We're not like devils.

We're throwing like rocks at each other.

When I say again, I did get rocked.

I got rocked in the fucking forehead by one of these frogs.

You turned out so well for every circumstance in your your life.

Like, yeah, we each other with rocks, so I was home school, we got made fun for dancing, and you're like the most well-adjusted person I've ever met.

You also drowned?

Yeah, I drowned.

Twice.

The elements got me.

Yeah, we used to throw rocks.

We just throw water.

That's all we had.

So we'd throw rocks at each other.

Thank God kids have the internet now.

Actually, yeah.

That was loaded.

We throw different kinds of rocks now.

Dwayne Johnson, get on up here.

We throw up boats at each other.

Yeah, back to Reddit.

Yeah.

All right, our next story comes from Am I the Asshole.

Am I the asshole for telling my daughter that life isn't high school and if it was, she would be the loser now?

Calling your daughter a loser is rough.

Guys, let's hear them out.

Let's hear them out.

Sounds like one of those tough love conversations that you're like, this will set them straight and you're like, you're going to give them a complex.

Okay.

My daughter is 24.

Kelly.

Get it fixed.

And my younger daughter is 23, Sarah.

They both had very different high school experiences.

Kelly was very social and in different sports.

Sarah was very academic and had a small group of friends.

I'm so sorry.

Can you go back to which one's which again?

So Kelly is the 24-year-old daughter.

Sarah is the 23-year-old daughter.

Okay, cool, thank you.

Okay.

Kelly was the one who was popular and very social and did different sports in high school.

Kelly got a sports scholarship for college, but soon dropped out of college after she failed multiple classes.

She basically partied and did her sport and nothing else.

Sarah went on to finish her degree and is doing well in life.

Kelly has a jealousy issue, and I have talked with her before about it.

She is never happy when Sarah has an accomplishment.

Today, Sarah told us that she is going on a cruise for her vacation this year.

Kelly always wanted to go on a cruise and couldn't afford it with her waiter job.

In the car, she blew up saying that Sarah was a loser in high school, so it isn't fair that she has all this now.

She went on for a bit when I had enough.

I told her that life isn't like high school, and if it was, she was the loser now.

This started an argument, and she called me a bitch.

Yeah, it feels like everybody's kind of wrong.

I don't know their dynamic, and I know, you know, you should never call your kid something like that because it really could stick with them.

But at the same time, you know, if you see them like

not doing what they even wanted with their life and, you know, putting down their sibling for, you know, doing all the quote-unquote right things, like, it's like you have to snap out of this complex like no matter how much you love someone sometimes there is this aspect of like hey snap out of it like I don't know what the right way to do it is

telling someone who's having a lot of anxiety to calm down and you're like how much is this helping you know yeah it's also the context of a parent

yeah because I'm like a friend if like if you had a friend and your friend was like yeah well you're the you're right you're the loser now it's like that's a different context a parent calling their child a loser

but it was the other child calling that other child a loser too.

Yeah,

she was doing it.

It's not necessarily an eye for eye thing and I don't know what it's like to be a parent.

And like, again, I've had some conversations that have stuck with me, you know, from parents.

And, you know, I know my sister does.

I feel like a lot of people do.

And I still feel like overall my parents did a pretty damn good job.

So

one of those things can really stick with you.

But if someone is really like in total burnout mode and they're calling someone else a loser, it's like, oh, is this what the thing is?

Is this what's holding you back?

Is that you still think you deserve these other things without working for it?

Well, then

here's the reality.

She does need a reality check.

Yes.

Right?

Because she's sitting there going, like, well, she doesn't deserve a good life because she wasn't cool in high school.

Saying she's the loser now because she's a waiter is wrong.

That is not cool, but it's.

Yeah.

Because it's like, I don't think that's fair to say she's a loser.

She's a loser because of how she's treating her sister.

That's what I think she's a son.

She's not a loser.

But to say you're a loser now because of your job and your living situation isn't cool.

But we don't have that context.

She didn't say why she said.

We don't know why.

She's saying, I told her that

life isn't like high school.

And if it was, she was the loser now.

I mean, that still could be because of her attitude being like, I'm mad when people get good things.

It's just, it's,

I don't know.

But

it's definitely wild.

logic the sister is using of like you're still it's like you're 24 and you're still in high school like it's been it's been over six six years like

move on yeah um

but the verdict was not the asshole um

interesting yeah i mean i it's also tough i'm not a parent either so it's like i'm i'm thinking of this from my perspective where i'm like oh i'm thinking about people i know who are like this yeah but i'm thinking more from a peer situation where i'm like would i call them a loser yeah but i'm like it feels different from like when you're saying it to someone your own age, but if like you have a kid

and you call your kid a loser, there's like inherently from the big jump, there's a power dynamic with your parents and there's like a want for approval.

I think like, yeah,

you calling me a loser versus like my parents, there is a level of like, oh, I let him down.

And as my friend, you're just like identifying me being.

acting like a loser rather than like your parent being like you lo like that's rough yeah i'm thinking sorry go ahead i was gonna say the only difference i see because you are i i agree with you 100 the only difference I see is specifically because she was saying, my sister doesn't deserve these things because no one liked her in high school.

Meanwhile, the sister did all the, you know, all these steps to earn the things that she has.

And that's never a guarantee.

But like the fact that she is putting down her sister saying she does not deserve these things is what would maybe, I'm not a parent, but would maybe make me go like, okay, like, let's lock in.

Right.

Loser is not the right word.

Yeah, I think it's the, how hard she's going on her daughter is not necessarily my problem.

Like, I think she could say a lot of things in my eyes that I wouldn't have a problem with, like, being like, hey, your attitude is embarrassing.

Your jealousy is embarrassing.

Like, the fact that you think you deserve something in life because of your high school experience

is entitled and embarrassing.

Like, I'm like, you are acting pathetic right now.

Like, all those things.

But just calling someone a loser for their life is just so, that's so deep.

That's so rough.

Like it's in one of those in some of those ways that I'm like, as we go back to the earlier thing, I'm like, what results are you going to get from that?

Is that going to just make it worse?

Yeah.

Like, is she going to hate her life even more?

Because what you want is for her to like wake up and not think this way and not treat her sister horribly.

But maybe it did work.

I don't know.

Several comments go back and forth with like, is it not the asshole or is it everyone sucks here?

The big deciding factor is that Kelly is a 24-year-old adult, but she is still a daughter.

That's kind of where I'm getting hung up on.

I don't know.

Like I said, in most situations that I can think of in my personal life, this wouldn't be a problem

as much.

But, you know, it's the parent child.

It's a dynamic one that I don't know.

I would never talk to my cats like that.

No.

Oh, well, I do.

How did you get their number?

Oh, your cats.

Yeah.

It's just, so.

I was a little bit of a goof back in the day.

I'm kind of bringing it back for the school episode.

Someone said, not the asshole.

Kelly is obviously behaving like a complete brat, and I can only imagine how frustrated you must be.

But I can guarantee that Kelly is going to remember her mother calling her a loser for the rest of her life.

That's the sort of thing you just don't forget.

My siblings can call me a loser, and it's a water off a duck's back.

Let my mom or dad say that, and I would be devastated.

Some things just hit differently coming from a parent.

It's so real.

Yeah.

That's just, yeah.

My mom takes a deep breath at a weird time and it hits a different one.

Sure.

Like it's like it's just fancy.

And already Kelly, what she's saying is awful.

We know that Kelly is so insecure about herself and life.

Continuing that comment, there was probably a more constructive way for you to respond to Kelly.

If I were you, I would definitely sit her down and have a conversation.

Something expressing how you don't view her as a loser, but you worry about the way she views herself and the overt jealousy/slash resentment she has towards her sister.

Remind her that if she's so unhappy with her life, it's on her to fix it.

And hating on her sister isn't going to solve anything.

It's cheesy.

But tell her that resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

Mainly though, you just want to convey that you don't consider her a loser.

Someone else said, everyone sucks here.

I 100% agree with what you told your daughter, but you missed a huge opportunity to ask her what her plans are to improve her life today.

It was a perfect opportunity to push her towards college slash trade slash business ownership.

We live in a time where college is not the only path to success.

Even though your daughter is an an adult, as a parent, I hope you're pushing her to find a path that will allow her to fulfill her goals.

Kelly obviously is the asshole for her jealousy, being stuck in high school and calling you a bitch.

I agree with that.

Yeah.

I would agree.

It's also one of those things where like we get the luxury of reading it in the future.

You know, that was not the right thing to call her.

That was not the right way to do it.

Yes, you should sit her down now.

But like in that moment, like letting it build up, like the kettle just starts to whistle a little bit and you're just like, no, no, no, my sister's a loser.

It doesn't deserve.

That's that moment of just like, hey, guess what?

I'm angry now.

And

it's a bummer because I'm sure she probably would want to take it back.

I feel like it's a caveat that we never really cover on this show of like, calling someone an asshole doesn't mean that I'm like, you're a bad person.

I'm like, oh, you're the asshole in this situation.

But that just kind of means like, oh, like.

It's kind of like you have the right of way.

A little bit like, oh, you're being an asshole.

Your morals and who you are at your core is asshole.

That's not what we're saying.

We say, am I the asshole?

You're just being like, am I the one that did

the mistake here?

Because like, if you give, yeah, like, there's, am I the devil?

And then we're like, okay, you're saying that you're a bad person.

But then with like, am I the asshole?

We are kind of just being like, yeah, maybe don't do that again.

Yeah, dick move.

There's so many situations where we've deemed someone the asshole where I'm like, but I don't think you're a bad person by any means.

I don't even think what you did is necessarily a bad thing.

I think it's like the saying of, am I the asshole in this situation?

Right.

It's like, yes,

if someone was wearing the hat in this scene, it's you.

Yeah, absolutely.

Someone said, not the asshole.

While it's never a good call to call your child a loser, you are using the word she used for her sister and in a conditional manner.

So I'll give that a pass.

I think it's probably closer to the truth that Sarah was never a loser.

She was just playing a different game.

She did what she was interested in, had close friends, and probably never wanted to be popular.

Research has shown that siblings intentionally differentiate themselves from each other.

I had five siblings and we were all very different.

My closest brother, only 14 months older, was on the chess club in high school.

I could never beat him at home, so I never joined.

In this case, since Kelly was older and liked sports, Sarah could never be as good as Kelly in sports.

So she chose to focus on classwork.

Kelly was a favorite with the coaches and Sarah with the teachers.

That's really fascinating.

Yeah, no, that...

Maybe it's like early competitive vibes where there's like only two of you and you're like, you're kind of like stepping into your first steps of like being like originality and you're like i remember when my brother my brother played guitar i played piano and when i picked up the guitar he was like no this doesn't make sense you can't you can't play that too and i thought that he thought that we all thought that it was just like no we have our separate things that's true i don't know why that's interesting um i also feel like another thing i'd like to add is in this world today that we live in where everything is uh bullshit uh i i think it's like no 24 year old is a loser like for what they're doing like you know it's just so hard like i'm in my my 30s, and I'm like, this is, it's okay if even in your 30s, you haven't figured it out because it's just so fucking hard to find those paths nowadays.

That it's why she's a loser is because she's being so toxic.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I think they're like, it was in, it was in a different Reddit stories that I watched with y'all.

I think it was like restaurant stories, but it was like Tommy brought up the point, or maybe it was chance, it was like, they're career waiters.

Like, it's not a loser thing to be a waiter.

Like, my sister

dropped out of school for a while, like, worked as a waiter, and then like came back to school to finish her degree now has her master's degree but was like working as a waiter for a lot of that time and like it's a very viable way to do things and now with the job market we should be so lucky to be able to be a waiter like if you don't have a job so like that is not the loser thing it's her putting her sister down based off of a high school status which is already to borrow your word bullshit and holding on to high school is embarrassing at a certain age.

Like it gets embarrassing.

It's like you got to move on from that.

And you'll be the next carrot boy.

Yeah.

Boom.

And we're back.

And we're back.

And we're back.

Okay.

Our next story.

Another today

I messed up.

These are relatable to me more than any of the other categories.

Well, because you mess up all the time.

Fuck you.

Not the oh.

I got moved out of a dance circle.

I can't say whatever.

And you can.

Am I the asshole for saying my friend messes up when she really does all the time?

I'm telling the truth.

You walked towards that frisbee.

You walked into it.

Today I messed up by accidentally revealing my Reddit to one of my high school students.

That's rough.

That's rough.

You cannot reveal that you're a Redditor.

Embarrassing.

During my second year at my current school, I, a 25-year-old man, was teaching a cover lesson.

Normally, during a cover lesson, I'm a lot more relaxed since the work is usually simple and the kids know it's just trying to fill the hour.

I got chatting with a couple of students about Reddit and talked about a post I'd made which I thought was a fairly ambiguous and buried and totally safe for work anyway.

The students I was talking to were two lads, both around 14 or 15 and both pretty nice kids, who I have a good relationship with.

Little did I know, one of them would go all super sleuth and track down the post.

It must have taken him ages since the post was at least four months old at this point and my username contained nothing related to anything I could be identified by.

A couple of days later, I see one of the lads on the corridor and he says, what would you do if you were a girl for a day, sir?

At first, I have no idea what he's talking about, but but then his smirk helps the horror melt into my brain.

A day or two previous, I had rather immaturely answered that question on Ask Reddit with finger blast myself into oblivion.

After a mad dash across the school to the staff room, which is the only place in the school that I get signal, my Reddit account was no more.

Dude.

So he was talking about a post he'd made on his Reddit account.

Yeah.

They went and found his Reddit account, where you can not only see the posts you made, but all the replies,

all the replies you do to everything else.

And he had answered the question: What would you do if you were a woman for a day?

And he said, finger blast himself into oblivion.

This is a teacher

of teenage students.

That's a huge mistake.

I don't want to lie.

I also, I want to, I want to.

You can laugh.

It's bits.

I'm not laughing back here.

Oh,

Art did do a good job with the set.

You're right.

We're looking at it.

Fingerblast

into oblivion.

What in the name of oblivion is that?

I would finger blast myself to Morrow Wind.

Nerds out there.

When he said, like, yeah, little did I know this 15-year-old would be super sleuth, buddy, we live in a different age.

I can't imagine going to school in this day and age with digital footprints being that big where you could find your teacher in a second.

And you could find anything they've ever done in a second.

Like,

could you imagine if we were teachers?

Oh, God.

They'd be able to find the most

cringe shit of me.

Can't.

Yeah.

What?

I just want to get it.

You can't.

You can't.

Like, it's just like,

it is wild to live in a world where everything's online.

So you could just find your teacher or your therapist or like, you could find anybody out there and be like, this is what you posted back then.

I almost feel like, though, we've, we, It's so much for us.

It's so much that we're kind of vulnerable.

Like, we can't be harmed because we've embarrassed ourselves in every kind of way.

No, you're right.

Here's what I think is embarrassing about this over what we do.

What part of this is embarrassing?

Is that it was anonymous.

Yeah, and then he had anonymously answered this question.

He didn't say this publicly.

He said this in private.

Yeah.

And then they found like that in the privacy of his home by himself, he wrote this.

That's exactly the point.

And that's what's rough.

It's different than if they found a video of him hanging out with his friends and he said that.

And he was like, I don't know, when was 9-11?

And it was like,

he was on camera.

he knew.

Let's do it right now.

You did not know the song.

Yeah, exactly.

But like, this is, this is, I can't, I can't get over the finger of oxygen.

It's a very funny answer.

For your teacher to say.

Yeah.

What do you do now?

Because even though he's like, oh, I deleted the account, it's like, okay, well, the kid knows.

Almost guarantee you we screenshotted it.

Oh, yeah.

Well, that's why I think we've talked about this before on episodes where we're like, gosh, are there HRs at schools?

because like it's just such that's like a walking HR violation like that one woman who found out that those boys were like watching her

oh my god yeah and she was like in the bathtub like it's just

it's those it's weird I don't know how teachers can really have called the superintendent how do you do that like how do you get on like how do you how do you honestly get on a dating app

like even if you like just anything online like how do you put yourself out there in a vulnerable way at all?

I think it's a matter of like keeping those boundaries, you know, and it's hard too because like I'm sure if you see your students every day, it's almost like seeing a coworker every day in a weird way, but it's not.

So I was watching like the most recent Reddit stories that came out at the time of filming this, and there was the one with the teacher that was like, yeah, it turns out my husband's been cheating with this other person and multiple other people.

He likes redheads.

And now I have to tell all my students that like the man I love and have been gushing about, you know, why aren't I talking about him anymore?

Why aren't his pictures up?

And I have to tell them, I'm like, yeah,

and that's awful, but like,

maybe you shouldn't have any part of your personal life with your students in the first place.

I don't, it's got to be a hard line to walk.

It's a tough job.

Yeah.

I had a lot of actor teachers, like actions.

Acting coaches.

No, but I just mean like I was in LA, like a lot of my math teachers were like also actors.

And like, I remember like our one teacher was like our science teacher.

Like we saw an episode of like CSI with her on there.

It was good.

And we like

laughed at her so hard like letter like we were like where's Mrs.

Blah blah blah in the episode of CSI

well when you're a kid it's also when you're a kid it's weird to see like your um authority figures being human yes it's like that

quote where it's like seeing a teacher outside is like seeing a dog on its hind legs where it's like I don't know

you do things yeah

it's weird I remember seeing a martial arts teacher because I took a karate for like most of my youth I remember seeing one of those teachers at Blockbuster and I was just like, my brain was like fried.

I was like, I don't,

you're not in your gi.

Yeah.

I think she actually was.

I think she's got some

silly stuff.

Well then very easy to swap.

It's like why aren't you renting a kung fu movie?

Yeah.

It's like, this doesn't make sense.

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Our final story comes from Today I Messed Up

again.

Today I messed up by telling my kid to throat punch his bully at school.

So did it just like stumble out of your mouth?

Actual fuck-up happened yesterday at the dinner table after school.

After effects of my fuck-up have me currently at the ER getting my son checked out for anaphylactic shock.

He's stuck the shrimp down his throat.

Yeah.

Yesterday, my kid came home and was obviously upset.

So I asked him what was wrong.

He's eight, so he still talks to me about this stuff.

He proceeds to tell me that at lunch, another kid in his class is bullying him about his peanut allergy, saying that he's faking his allergy and that he's going to wipe some peanut butter on him to prove that he is faking.

My kid says to him that he isn't faking and that he could die just from touching peanut butter.

Another kid said he didn't care and that he wanted him to die anyway.

At this point, my kid said that he told the teacher and the lunchroom monitor who both know about this allergy, and they were able to intervene.

yesterday.

I had a long talk with my kid about doing the right thing and telling the teacher and not letting this other kid make him lash out.

Then we talked about the hard part.

Now, I'm sure I'm going to generate some hate with some people here with what I told him next, and that's fine.

We are allowed to have differing opinions, but I'm not apologizing to anyone for teaching my kid to stand up and defend himself.

After we talked about doing the right thing and doing everything you can to avoid a bad situation, I told him that sometimes you have to do the wrong thing to protect yourself, and that should always be the absolute last resort.

When he asked what I meant, I told him that, kid, as long as the bully is only taunting him with words, then he should always walk away.

But if he ever did try to put peanut butter on you, then you hit him as hard as you can with the side of your hand in the throat.

Kind of like a throat chop.

Then you stop unless the bully keeps trying.

Fast forward to this very afternoon, and I get a call from the principal of the school saying that my son assaulted another student and needed to be picked up.

I asked what happened, and of course, they won't talk about it over the phone, but I smiled a little bit because I already knew.

I get to school and I see my kid sitting in the office tears streaming down his face so I walk in and the principal tries talking to me but I blow right past her and ask my kid what happened.

He says the bully had peanut butter on his fingers and he was threatening to wipe it on his face.

Then my kid said that he did what I told him to do and hit the kid in the throat because he wiped peanut butter on his arm.

I looked at his arm that was pretty swollen up and asked him if he was having trouble breathing.

Kid said he was fine, just a little shaky.

At this point, the principal interrupts with her, Mr.

So-and-so, we can't just have kids hitting other children just because they had a little peanut butter wiped on them.

Kids do this kind of thing.

We're going to have to suspend him for a few days.

It's obvious to me that principal is clueless about the peanut allergy, so I cut her off and asked my kid if he told the bully to stop before he hit the other kid.

He said, yes, I yelled at him several times that I'm allergic to peanut butter and told him to stop, and he just kept acting like he was going to wipe it on me.

Now the principal has a shocked look on her face.

I asked to see the video from the cafeteria, and sure as shit, my kid can be seen and heard screaming and trying to back away from his bully.

At the point where it looks like the bully grabs my kid's arm, my kid yells at the top of his little lungs, I told you to stop.

Then he grabs the bully by the arm, pulls him towards himself and executes the best clothesline I've ever seen anyone do and floors this kid.

Then my kid sits down and starts crying in the middle of the cafeteria.

At this point, I told the principal that if my kid isn't allowed back at school tomorrow, I was consulting with a lawyer about the attempted murder of my son.

I also said that assuming he didn't have any other ill effects from this, I would be fine not pressing charges against the school and the bully since it looks like he may have already learned his lesson.

Since I didn't get a response and it's been about a half an hour since the peanut butter was wiped on my kid's arm, I picked him up and left to take him to the ER to get checked out.

About 10 minutes ago, I got a call from the school board superintendent saying that the school board has decided to let my kid come back to school tomorrow.

Edit number one, kid has a clean bill of health from the hospital.

Swelling is starting to go down after some epinephrine.

Edit number two, kid got cookies and cream ice cream.

Edit number three, I've been invited to a meeting with the school board Thursday afternoon.

We'll update afterwards.

Did the principal and them just not review the footage?

I guess they're not thinking to do that.

So you haven't been to public school, Shane.

I guess that's true.

I went to elementary school and stuff, but

wow, like just to like call him in and be like, yeah.

And then he asked for the footage.

Then they watch it and then the principal's like, oh.

They do like a football sidelines playback.

Yes, they do the 30 for 30.

There you see the kid.

And then we saw the best clothesline we've ever seen in our lives.

You got an arm on that kid.

A scout for

like, your kid's the real deal.

He was the next linebacker.

The height difference was like,

and you're like, that's Heisman right there.

I mean.

This is loaded.

I mean, hey, the kid tried to murder him.

Yeah, that is, people talk about peanut allergies like, yeah, serious, be careful.

But like, if someone's doing that, that is attempted murder and it doesn't matter if you're eight years old or not like kids can really hurt other kids totally if the teachers weren't doing anything about it if if if he was screaming at the top of his lungs like you know violence is a last resort and i maybe wouldn't have personally been like yeah just punch his throat that one specific spot that's kind of hard to reach like it's that's a specific way to be like this is the one move you know but like oh my god it's like when hamilton tells his kid go do a uh uh challenge him to a duel

and then he challenges him to a duel and there's spoiler alert.

Hamilton spoilers.

If you haven't seen the show or history.

Sorry, you were saying?

No, I'm just saying, like, violence is not the answer generally, but like, that is defending your life.

Right.

A kid did say, like, I don't, I'm going to, a kid basically threatened his life.

Yeah, like, oh, I forgot about the kid that said, I want to kill you.

Yeah.

And he also told the kid, like, if you wipe it on me, I'm going to die.

And he's like, nuh-uh.

And it's like, it doesn't matter at that point.

Like, it's like, if you, you know, release the arrow from the bow and arrow straight at my brain, I'm going to die.

Nuh-uh.

Like, it doesn't matter.

You've got to.

Yeah, another kid said he didn't care and that he wanted him to die anyways.

Oh, my God.

If I hear that stage, you see, you see,

I'm in the corner.

A frisbee comes flying out of the door.

Hits that kid right in the face.

And I'm like.

Because what he, he.

brought up all the things before.

He's like, you got to talk, you got to find all the ways not to have this happen.

scream find

in life like as a i'm not a parent but as a parent i feel like you're you're setting your kid up for like how life works it's like in life you can't just resort to violence or else you will uh end up in prison or or like just sued or just horrible situations life is unfair and you have to play your cards right and he's like here's all these cards and once your hand is out and then they're coming at you with peanut butter yeah the last the last move is the throat chop do you think you tell your kid just for sakes of conversation just for the sake of conversation?

Do you think you tell your kid to run away

or run to a teacher?

That's what he said.

He said, that's what he said.

If you can get away, if like, use your words, run away.

And if you can't get a teacher there.

You absolutely can't.

If you're in this situation, you gotta do this.

And I'm not being like, he should have done that.

I just, I'm like, how much, like, is it, this is why I can't even imagine parenting.

It's like, do you like instill fight or flight?

Like, what is better?

Is running away or is fight?

Like, it's so layered.

And like.

I think also realistically in life there's sit there's situations where both yeah right like that's what's complicated yeah like it's just like when kid with kids like you deal with situations that you just hope you don't deal with as much as an adult but like kids are vicious like and it is good to like show your kid that you could stand up for yourself I think it's just like a scary territory to get into it is because there isn't necessarily a right answer and I think when it be when it comes to consequences fight usually has a lot more like no one's gonna be like well he proved he was the stronger kid.

You did it.

Like, there's always going to be something that comes with it.

But when it comes to protecting your life or the lives of someone you know, like,

it's just, yeah.

It's tough.

It's a tough reality.

Comments, 10 out of 10 response, your kid's life was legit in danger.

That's the only way to defend himself after screaming and demanding to be left alone.

Yeah, he could have died.

No hate here.

Personally, I would be proud of my son and probably reward him for defeating himself.

Personally,

this guy is bullying me at school and he's just looking in the mirror.

Time to defeat my last enemy, myself.

Personally, I would be proud of my son and probably reward him for defending himself.

Someone said, teacher here, I'm missing the part where you fucked up.

OP left a comment saying, honestly, I'm proud of him.

I just don't know how to tell him without glorifying the fact that it had to come down to violence.

Yeah.

Not that I disagree with what he did.

I just don't want that to be the point of this whole thing.

Yeah.

I agree with that.

And it's like,

you don't want to teach like that's how you solve things because all the worst people we know,

that's their core belief, right?

It's like, oh, if I come into a roadblock, I hit people.

Or for your early processing brain to feel like it stopped when I did this.

So I will do this when I ever feel that way.

Where it's like, you have to remember, that kid's got to learn or everyone's got to learn that there's like, that was the last

like

I think that's the way to do it.

Like, you're not glorifying that you did it.

It's just like, hey, I want to reaffirm that you did the right thing at that point because you tried everything else first.

And I'm like, you know, my parents put me in karate as a kid so that I could learn how to defend myself.

And that was kind of the point where it's like, hey, if you ever had to, you at least know in your mind that you maybe can and have a better shot at that than just being like, well, I don't know what to do.

Yeah.

But it's for sure.

For sure.

This is like one of those, it should be rare that it's like, it should come down to like, you're in a corner and they are grabbing you and they have peanut butter.

I like that the teacher piped up in there and was like, I don't see a problem.

Someone replied to OP saying you could phrase it something like, I saw the video footage of what happened.

You were really brave, stood up to the bully and tried to resolve things peacefully.

You only resorted to hitting him when it was absolutely necessary and I'm proud of you for showing such restraint while you were scared.

Put the emphasis on the behavioral pattern of restraint rather than the actual fighting part.

I agree with that.

And I'd say praise him for being like, you hit him and then you stopped.

Yeah.

And that's what you're supposed to do.

Like you stop as soon as the danger is gone.

I'd say maybe don't sit down and cry after you got to hit a pose of some kind.

Yeah, just like you got to hit a taunt.

You got to be like, huh, you surely don't think you can defeat me.

Round two

goes to Benjamin.

And then you got to be like, carrot boy.

That's hip-hop.

And then you take the peanut butter and go,

I'm not allergic.

I'll see you in hell, motherfucker.

Which one of us breathes again first?

The kids on the ground are just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Yeah, motherfucker.

Okay.

Update.

Update.

Two days later, just left the meeting, which wasn't with the school board as I was led to believe on the phone.

It was with the principal and a legal representative from the school board.

I had a lawyer with me prior to this meeting, and we discussed what I wanted out of this meeting.

My main concerns were making sure that there was a procedure in place to keep allergens away from my child, ensuring that this child has no ability to assault my child again.

I also wanted to know how it was that the principal wasn't informed or aware of my child's allergy prior to trying to tell me that he was going to be suspended.

Lawyers talked legal stuff for a little bit while I listened and the principal listened.

Eventually, my turn to talk came and I simply explained points one and two above.

I also asked why the principal didn't take time to assess the whole situation.

The explanation I got was that she was told by the monitor that it was almond butter, not peanut butter, by the monitor, so she really didn't look further into it, which I can understand her point, but it doesn't make things any better from my perspective.

So, cut and dry stuff first.

The bully child has been moved to a different school.

Unfortunately, I don't have any legal recourse to find out which school he has been moved to, and frankly, don't care.

Cafeteria monitor has been fired.

I didn't hear this at the meeting, but my son's teacher called last night after school and told me.

I asked why, and I was told that she was distracted by her phone when all of the commotion started, which explains why this was allowed to progress in the first place based on the recommendation of a friend thanks ax and many of you via private message i requested and was accommodated with an allergy-free table at our school and i'm being told every other school in the district will be implementing one as well where children with known allergies will eat lunch at and anyone who eats with them will have their lunches inspected by a teacher and a monitor to ensure no allergens are present.

Now the weird stuff.

The kid probably did wipe almond butter on my son.

The kid's parents found out through a mutual friend where we lived and showed up at my house last night.

The bully kid was very apologetic to me and asked if he could apologize to my son, which I said yes, of course to.

I invited parents and son into the living room and this child started crying and said he didn't mean to hurt my son.

My son started crying as well and said he didn't want to hit him and he apologized as well.

Then the parents asked Bully Child to explain what happened.

So apparently this kid likes peanut butter and almond butter and has almond butter on a sandwich and a little pack of peanut butter in his lunch for crackers.

Bully Child thought it would be funny to continue the tormenting from the previous day and said something about putting peanut butter on my son and put a little bit on his fingers to make him think it was peanut butter.

Then he wiped them off afterwards and got some of the almond butter from his sandwich and that's what was on his hands when he grabbed my son's arms.

I can only guess that there was a little peanut residue left on the bully's hands when he grabbed my son, which explains the subdued swelling reaction.

I asked the kid if he knew what a peanut allergy actually does to a person, which to the other parents' credit, they had actually made him read WebMD about it.

And he explained the whole inability to breathe and some other things his mind grasped onto.

So I took the opportunity to show this young man the EpiPen needle.

We have one that we've had to use previously just for show and tell purposes.

That you have to stick a person with it in an anaphylactic shock scenario.

Then I gave him the trainer unit and showed him where it goes and how to press the button.

Yes, I told him it was the trainer unit, but I really thought hard about not telling him.

I ultimately decided against that because that wouldn't make me any better than the bully kid in front of me.

When the button activated, I think he jumped about 15 feet in the air and he was obviously scared.

Parents apologized again, as did the bully kid.

I told all of them I was satisfied that a lesson was learned here and I wouldn't be pursuing any additional charges against the kid or his parents.

Yeah, I know you can roast me for it with down votes.

As the parents and bully kid are leaving, my son runs right past us and gives the bully a hug and tells him that he hopes he isn't in too much trouble.

I love this kid.

So sweet.

I was asked to sign a non-disclosure agreement, which I, of course, declined.

I want my options open to me in case something like this happens again.

Until then, I'm letting this die.

Well,

I think that's a great, I think once you have that pressing charges, like,

I don't know, I guess I don't,

this is a personal opinion, but...

in our country, like the desire to sue, I think, only makes, has made things worse.

Often, sometimes it's justified, but most of the time it's like, what are you doing?

I've only seen situations that make sense.

There was one recently where like like an aunt broke her arm because of like a 10-year-old nephew and is suing the 10-year-old nephew.

And everybody was like, that's awful.

But the point was the insurance, the payments were so much that like because they had insurance, she had to sue so that insurance would pay her and not the family.

If you're in desperate need of money because of a situation that's caused, I guess, but like this, in this situation,

I don't think.

But I mean, this is best case scenario.

I got to say, I'm shocked.

Yeah.

Because typically you'd expect a bully to not have parents who are down for teaching a lesson.

Usually it's like, oh, and we're going to find out why you're a bully.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But

no,

I would feel like my head goes to, oh shit, the parents.

Yeah, you never know.

Yeah.

Like that's what's so scared.

I got my house and showed up.

I'm like, that's not what I thought.

Because he also said, now the weird stuff.

Every part of this, he's been like, I know you guys are going to be mad at me, but I taught my son self-defense.

And everyone's like, yeah.

And then he's like, you know, hate me if you want, downvote me, but I'm not gonna sue the nice family.

I'm like, what do you think?

Like, I think

now the weird stuff.

They came over and the bully learned a lesson.

They hugged, and I thought it was kind of cool.

And everything worked out.

It's like, that's weird.

We don't hug in my family.

Probably just them showing up, but here's what I'm going to end this episode with.

That ended very sweet.

Summer games.

Not going to end that way.

That's the truth.

It's going to end with drama.

The superintendent from that last story didn't even show up to that meeting.

I'm going to be showing up and making sure y'all meet with some drama.

Hell yeah.

All right, thanks for watching.

Check out Summer Games on the Pit and Games channels.

It's going for another week.

You gotta keep watching.

All right, we'll see you next Saturday.

Bye.

Bye.

Happy birthday if it's your birthday.

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That's not crazy.

That's ambitious.

At American Public University, we respect the hustle and we're built for it.

Our flexible online master's programs are made for real life because big dreams deserve a real path.

At APU, the bigger your ambition, the better we fit.

Learn more about our 40-plus career relevant master's degrees and certificates at apu.apus.edu.