They Think They Deserve This | Reading Reddit Stories

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Hello and welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories.

I'm Shane and today's theme is entitled.

Entitled People.

And I am joined today by two people who are entitled to a lot of money from a lawsuit.

Let's watch it.

Turn it up.

Can you turn it up a little bit?

Yeah, let's watch this tonight.

Turn it up just a touch.

Put the saturations down.

Can we pop that a bit?

Yeah.

Wait, I've seen this guy before.

Thanks.

Just change the channel.

It just goes to Smosh Games.

I'm here with Tommy Tommy and Arasha.

Hello.

He's so comfortable right here.

I have a comfortable shoulder.

What can I say?

I really don't want to leave, but I'm going to.

Good.

Sorry.

Good.

No, I didn't mean it.

Wow.

Entitled people are everywhere, and they suck.

I think it's actually one of my pet peeves.

Really?

Entitled people.

Yeah.

I mean, I feel like I...

The way I think I actually want to draw this in with a recent example, I think we were just talking about this.

When you sit in the wrong seat in the movie theater.

Yes.

And you don't move when somebody calls you out.

Oh, you have to move.

You have to move.

I just recently went, there were two people in my seat, or there were two people in me and Fabian's seats, and we were like, excuse me, those are our seats.

And they went, yep, those are our seats.

They're like, yeah, but they're ours now.

Uh-huh.

The amount of times that I reserve seats at a movie theater and I go and someone is in that seat, I think it happens more than 50% of the time.

I hate it.

It's wild.

Yeah.

And my problem is that I'm sometimes the opposite of entitled where I show up and they're in my seat and I'm like, well, I guess they got to

forget.

I'll go get dinner.

And then I go and I sit just somewhere else.

And then you're the guy on the seat.

But there's nothing more that gives you more anxiety than when you know you're not sitting in your seat and you're waiting for the movie to start.

And I'm like, okay, the trailers are going.

I should be good.

But I'm always amazed at how late some people show up to a movie.

Exactly.

They'll show up 15 minutes into the movie.

I have friends that show up.

Yes.

They're like, oh, the movie, it's like the movie at 9 p.m.

at AMC.

And they're like, we'll leave around 9.30.

And I'm like, we'll leave around 9.30?

I don't get it because tickets are like 50 bucks nowadays.

I know.

Well, not if you live at AMC and CAM.

So they're just, they don't care.

No, I don't care.

They're going with the hanging.

I'm spending 35 and I'm missing the beginning of the exposition.

I will be leaving at 9.30.

Thank you.

That will be me.

I would do that.

Really?

There are like 35 minutes of trailers.

There's a lot of trailers, but don't you hate it when you miss like the first five minutes of a movie?

Sometimes it's the most important part.

No, no, yes.

I will get there on time.

And I like sitting and being ready and not having to think.

It is.

Just sitting around on my phone and being like, oh, I'm already out.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yes.

But it's the people that take the seats that are entitled and I'm done with them.

Okay.

Okay.

They do it on airplanes too.

They do.

I'm started.

All right, let's hop into these entitled stories.

This first one comes from the subreddit Self.

It's called self.

People just tell stories about themselves.

Get over it.

Wow, human beings talking about themselves?

Shut up.

All right.

People in the ER got mad because a guy with a ruptured spleen skipped the line.

I work as a nurse in the emergency department, which, if you've never been in one, is a beautiful chaos factory full of pain, drama, and at least one person every night who thinks emergency means I had a weird sneeze eight days ago and WebMD said I might die.

Anyway, this shift's highlight was a man brought in by ambulance after a serious car accident.

He had abdominal trauma, signs of internal bleeding, and a crushed spleen.

This is not a wait patiently situation.

He needed immediate intervention and transfer to a trauma center.

So we did what we do.

We moved him ahead of the queue, stabilized him, and got him where he needed to go.

Cue multiple people in the waiting room getting mad.

It's funny because we have the room with several copies of this, and I doubt any of those brutes ever paid attention to it.

One woman actually stood up and said, excuse me, we've been waiting for two hours and he just got here.

I kid you not.

She was here for a mosquito bite.

Another guy.

Sorry.

Another guy, shoulder pain from a fall like two weeks ago, I think, starts loudly talking to others about how unfair the system is.

We're trying to literally keep a man alive and I'm standing there listening to someone complain because their back's been kind of sore since Tuesday.

This isn't Starbucks.

There is no line.

It's not first come, first served.

It's who might die first.

And if you're mad because you got leapfrogged by a patient who came in via ambulance with a shredded organ, maybe the ER isn't the place for your mild shoulder vibes.

Some days I think we should just hang a giant sign that says, you don't want to go next.

Ooh.

Wow.

I have heard about this.

I have family members who are in the healthcare system and I've obviously talked to people and I've heard about this type of stuff all the time.

Yeah.

And I've also watched shows where like this is very much a theme of it.

Totally.

Wow.

I mean, okay.

I just want to say like right off the bat

It is it is a valid point to be upset with the system and to feel like in a moment like okay I need care right now.

I'm not getting that care.

Like that there's there's there's truth in that for sure.

But it's clear that the entitlement is the inability to see that somebody clearly needs it more than you right now.

And you can't put that necessarily to the side.

The system does need to change,

but this situation played out how it had to.

And also being frustrated is okay.

Like waiting for hours sucks.

Yeah.

Like that sucks.

It's okay to be mad.

But how you take that anger out is a big thing.

I mean, we've talked about like the airport is a big one, right?

Like airports suck.

We all hate waiting at airports, but taking it out at the the person at the terminal, not going to do anything for you.

Only going to make your life harder.

And everybody else is dealing with the same bullshit, too.

Totally.

But yeah, if you're in an emergency room, you see someone come in on a stretcher.

It's like, hey, man, use your eyes.

Yeah.

Like that guy is dying.

Right.

Just be a patient.

Yeah.

Entitled shit is so exhausting because

I mean, I feel like all human beings, and like you, you zoom in and you zoom out.

All of our organs are a bunch of cells that for some reason we're like, you and me and you and me and you and me, we're going to digest this meat and turn it into this.

And they all work together.

And if you zoom out, this planet Earth we're on, we're all these little cells all together.

And we should all work together and consider ourselves one and the same.

And we don't fucking do that.

No.

And

shit, that shit sucks because of it.

Exactly.

And if we all just were like, oh my God, that's me, you're me, this is all.

We all have to work together.

You know, aliens that are fucking humongous come and look at our little ball and go, oh, look at all these little things going, we, we, we, we, we, we, it should, if it all flowed together, we'd be in a much better society.

Anyway, I have a lot of angry opinions about how humans think about each other.

Definitely, yeah.

Well, there's a lack of community.

Like, every it's all so individual.

Like, everyone's their own little island.

And it's like, well, I only care about myself.

It's like, there's a guy dying.

Right.

Like, you don't care.

This is also a fellow human.

It's also a deeply American issue.

I mean, it's elsewhere as well.

But, like, there are other cultures on earth that have more of a community mindset and work for the job.

I mean, and you have to wonder, like, back in like the ancient world when you had like a small community, someone dying was like, oh shit, our chances.

Like, that's that, we need that person.

The guy that picked the berries is dead.

We have no berries for years now because

berry man.

Berries and cream guy died.

We needed him for the berries and cream in the village.

Yes, it's cannon.

But nowadays, there's just, there's so many of us.

And yeah, we all live in our own worlds.

Like technology has isolated us.

So it's easy to be entitled and to just not and to lack empathy.

I mean that's what this really is.

It's like hey man you have a mosquito bite like I it's okay to be scared.

You know there's a lot of things that can be scary that don't seem like that but you're in the emergency room everyone else here is also fearing for their lives in some way.

Right.

It's like if you're in the what'd you say?

No you go.

No you go.

Okay.

If you're in the emergency room and your mosquito bite sends you into shock and you're on the floor seizing they're gonna take you in immediately.

Yeah.

Right.

So, you know, they're doing their best.

Like they are truly doing their best.

No, it's exactly that.

It's taking something that, again,

in your eyes, in your reality, is perhaps big and making it like the most important thing for everybody else around you.

Yeah.

And being like,

I am incredibly important right now.

My mosquito bite, you need to help me.

Otherwise, I can't go to work tomorrow.

Right.

Work.

Right.

I can't go to work tomorrow because it's going to be itchy.

See, I...

Similar to what we were talking about with like the movie theater, like when I, I'm very fortunate that I've not had many major health things going on But still when I have and I show up I try to not be like a big deal.

Yeah.

I'm trying to just show and be like hey I got this thing going on I one time cut the tip of my finger off

cooking and I I had to walk to an urgent care and like I It was it wasn't that bad.

Like the tip of my finger was cut off, but I was bleeding everywhere.

And so like I did have blood all over my shirt.

And I like walked in just with the paper towel, like holding it.

Hi.

And I just walk in.

I just go, hey,

I cut the tip of my finger off, but like, you know, and I was like prepared to just like sit and wait.

And they saw like blood everywhere.

And they're like, all right, yeah, get back.

But the last thing I'll say that pisses me off with this type of stuff is we're talking about like being frustrated with systems.

And it's so true.

I am frustrated at our healthcare system, but taking it out on the nurse is not going to change shit.

It's kind of like when movies come out and people are really mad at the decisions or the storytelling of the movie and they go to the actors' Instagrams

and send hate their way.

I'm like, you know, the actor had nothing to do with

all of this.

They auditioned and they read the lines that were given to them.

Totally.

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Some comments here.

Every time I've had a long wait in the ER, even in severe pain, I've thought, well, this is probably good.

It means they're pretty confident I'm not going to die right now.

There you go.

Someone else said, on the flip side of this, I have a severe seafood allergy.

We went out to eat at a place that served fried crab and didn't know it i told my husband i was having an asthma attack and my inhaler wasn't working the only option at 10 p.m was the er but i was having breathing problems so i kind of reluctantly went the intake nurse asked me a few questions got to when did it start i said we were just leaving dinner she said do you have food allergies i said yes they immediately took me back when they were wheeling me from the front desk back and there were people in the waiting room i thought oh no ended up being there for two days.

Someone else said crazed that people can live as adults and not understand that ER treats people based on severity and not by arrival order.

Yep.

Someone else said guaranteed most of them in the ER didn't even need to be there.

Most ERs are full of people that haven't a clue what emergency means.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's scary though, because like, I don't know.

Health is complicated and like we don't know what's scary and what's not.

And I mean, also, I mean, like that person just went in thinking maybe not a huge deal and then was there for two.

So it's like, it's always better to be safe than sorry when it comes to health and emergencies.

Yeah.

But still.

I'm never going to like, I would never shame someone for going to the emergency room or a doctor for anything.

No.

Right?

Like, even if in my head I'm like, I think that's ridiculous, but go check it out.

Because it's better to just be safe.

It's a mindset.

It's better.

All right.

Our next story.

This comes from Am I the Asshole.

Am I the asshole for telling my wife she is not worthy of what she's asking for for her push present?

Okay.

I'm assuming that's a baby pop story.

Oh.

Baby pop.

Oh.

Go on.

What's that?

Like when you.

Oh.

Was that a graphic?

When you pop out a baby, you get a present.

You're popping the baby out.

Okay.

That's what I'm guessing.

All right.

That there's a huge boulder in the backyard.

Go on.

Push it.

You were saying?

This is my wife, Sisyphus.

She'll deal with this thing.

My wife and I have been together for five years.

She's pregnant.

with our first right now.

A few days ago, she sent me a TikTok video of a woman over one of those extremist podcasts talking about deserving some kind of a push present.

First, I didn't even know what what that meant, but then I looked it up.

It's basically a thank you gift to the woman who brought your child into the world.

This concept is and still seems very strange to me.

I understand seeking appreciation from your husband for what women go through during pregnancy and childbirth, but it's the materialistic part that gave me the ick.

The woman on the TikTok went on and on about how it's a body for a body, which meant the man would have to get a permanent tattoo on his lower body, give her a house and a car as a gift exclusively to her.

I felt that those expectations are very entitled, honestly a little vindictive, envious, permanent tattoo part, and very over-the-top for my taste.

The decision to bring a child into the world is both partners' decision.

My wife in our case is not forced to be a mom or be pregnant, as she wants to be a parent too.

I simply replied to the TikTok with laughing emojis and moved on, thinking it was the end of it and probably thought she meant to send that TikTok as a satire, like, oh, look how dumb this woman is, thinking she deserves all this.

She was in the other room when I reacted to the video, so she comes to me and tells me that she doesn't expect a tattoo and a house exclusively for her, but she wants me to dip into my personal savings to get her a car exclusively for her.

I looked at her, almost shocked, and began laughing.

I thought my wife and I had similar views on how extremist people can be, and I was wrong.

I thought she was joking, and I pressed her if she was actually serious.

She got very annoyed that I thought she was joking and probably imitating the entitled woman on the reel, and she flatly said that she expects a real push present.

I said that her gift is the gift of parenthood and the realized outcome of a healthy baby.

And materially speaking, I'll probably give her a Mother's Day card, a day out, or some jewelry she wants, under $700, but nothing more.

I said if she really wants an extra car, it'll be our car, not just hers.

She pressed more and said how it isn't enough for what she will go through.

She kept pushing and pushing and asked me if I think she's not worthy enough.

I told her she is worthy as my partner and the mother of my child, but she has to be realistic and realize that none of us, individually speaking, is worthy of what she's asking for.

That she has to manage her expectations because I don't see why she feels she deserves that.

It came out wrong, but I didn't mean to dismiss her as a person.

She isn't speaking to me and is crying, arguing about it.

I heard her criticizing me to her sister on the phone, but under no circumstances would I ever consider gifting her a car.

I feel bad she is hurting right now, but I don't feel bad for giving her a reality check.

Wow.

Okay, okay.

Oh boy.

Okay, yeah.

I feel like the first, first of all, this is something kind of a side note, but I've noticed on TikTok that hot takes are such a form of content that people are milking more and more.

And takes just have to keep getting more and more extreme.

Exactly.

Like if you want to get, the point is not to actually give advice to people.

The point is to get attention.

So the take has to be extreme and they're just getting more and more extreme.

So I feel like taking advice on TikTok is just never the move.

It's not at all.

It's going to be the most extreme version of anything.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

It's also going to tie into what TikTok and like the world of influencers and content creation is, which is a form of consumerism.

And a lot of the TikToks that you will see is like,

I just saw like boo baskets for Halloween or like Easter baskets for Easter, right?

Or like push presents for pregnancies.

Like there's so many things that I feel like are now being like

titled something like kind of cutie.

So it's like, oh, we're all doing it.

Oh my God, are you and your boyfriend not doing that?

Like that sucks for you.

And so then this woman, it seems like, saw that and was like, well, I want my husband to love me and I am obviously doing something that's huge.

Then this is what I need to send him in order for him to step up and do that.

It's like all a part of that like, if he wanted to, he would stuff.

And it's like, that's not the case.

One person is making this up and making it seem like everybody is a part of it and one person is excluded from it.

So you have to join in on the community.

Right.

Yeah.

I also feel like as a side note too, in a relationship, like a big expense like a car is definitely a joint dispense.

It's a mutual thing, yeah.

There's so many ways to give gifts to each other in an individual way, but a car is something you both need to.

choose together.

Right.

And a car being solely one person's in a relationship.

Like when you're married and have kids,

it feels like silly.

It's weird.

Like, there is the kind of the understanding of, like, oh, this is the car that you drive more of the time, maybe, but totally.

Still, once they have kids, it's like, hey, man, you guys, there's going to be a lot going on.

There's not going to be much time to like make those decisions or think in those ways.

Yeah.

It's, it's interesting to bring in like the topic of entitlement in this story because it is such a tricky thing, right?

Because

being pregnant and delivering a baby is a huge, totally huge thing.

Physically, you are also going to grow.

Like you go through so many changes, obviously emotionally, all of these huge, huge things.

It's big.

I think where it's so interesting to me is that like we want to feel like we are doing a really big thing as well.

And so weirdly a sense of entitlement comes upon us.

Even though we are wanting to do this thing, wanting to become a parent and wanting to get pregnant, we almost attach the sense of entitlement to be like, oh yeah, I am actually really big for doing that.

And I'm actually brave, and I deserve something because I'm willing to do that.

That is true, though.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, like, the man doesn't have to go through any physical changes.

Yeah.

Women have to go through the changes or people, you know, who give birth.

I don't want to label them that way.

And so it does kind of come to then the man to just support in whatever way

the person carrying the baby needs.

But when it becomes material goods, that's when it's like, what?

Right.

The basis of this story did not shock me at all.

I mean, I was like, oh yeah, a gift for giving birth.

Like, yeah, like, that's, I would hope that someone who goes through childbirth

gets a lot of appreciation and a lot of attention and gets sent tons of stuff from their friends and family.

I would assume that's normal.

Yeah.

This is taking it just into a weird, unfortunately, this went into a weird TikTok route.

Right.

That's, this became a trend this became a different thing and that's where it it it like went to another level yeah and that's where it became silly to me it became a little calculated even right because you're right support appreciation like something to i don't want to say like even it but but something for the for the partner to be able to be like this is what i'm providing but to then be like okay well this is what you need to give me in order to make it balance right that's where it gets a little like well yeah because because at the same time, one could probably critique a little bit of how he's writing this of being very much like, oh, this is both of us.

Like we're both doing this thing.

It's like, dude, she's pregnant.

Like this is going to be agonizing.

It could potentially be days of childbirth.

Like she deserves something.

Yeah.

But I don't think it's coming from a place of like, I want you to care about me.

Right.

She wants stuff.

And that's where it's like, all right.

Totally.

I think the tattoo is what's interesting to me too.

Look, like I said, TikTok, you got to come up with some crazy shit to get attention.

Like, that's what it's about.

Yeah.

That's what it's about, man.

And all of us, no matter what your interest is, we've all seen it on TikTok.

Whatever your given hobby or viewpoint on the world, you've seen the most extreme take on it where you go, okay, we need to slow down.

Yeah.

Do you even believe this?

Because I don't think they do.

They're just saying stuff nowadays.

Yeah, they're just trying to get the

viewership.

And that, yeah.

I don't understand the lower tattoo thing.

So it's get a permanent tattoo on the lower half of your body?

Yeah, or like, was it lower half of your like?

Or something that will like change your body.

Change your body permanently, kind of.

I think it's all these things, though.

Like, I think my issue with it is it's all these,

it's all these things to symbolize something that you hope that he already understands.

Right.

Right?

It's like, you need to get this tattoo so that your body's changed because my body's changed.

It's like, or.

The hope is this person loves you

and understands what's happening and will continue to love you.

Yeah, it's almost as if it was a decision of who was going to get pregnant and she was like, I'll take it all.

I'll do it.

But I better get a Prius.

The verdict was not the asshole.

Comments, damn, I was thinking of some roses or maybe a necklace with the baby's birthstone.

Someone said, both of my push presents were pendants with the kids' birthstones and I didn't even ask for it, though they are very much cherished.

The world is becoming weird with all of these excessive expectations.

Someone said, not the the asshole.

Influencers are literally ruining people.

My present after successful deliveries was my husband knowing that he's a rotten cook, so he bought groceries and enlisted our loved ones to fill our freezer with heat and eat meals.

He also chopped ingredients for them and cleaned up their kitchens.

He started this project about a month before the due date of our first born, skipping his gym time so that it was a very sweet surprise.

Lastly, someone said, not the asshole.

The concept of giving a gift to the mother after labor doesn't shock me, to be honest.

Just a small gesture to show appreciation and make mama feel good and a bit better after the ordeal.

But it depends on the couple and financial conditions.

Flowers, jewelries, other gifts, et cetera.

Pricing varies depending on your comfort.

But asking for a house, car, and a tattoo, WTF, is extreme.

And unless you're nasty rich, it's unreasonable.

I do feel like once, because I think this is their first child, I don't have any kids, but I know plenty of people who do.

I feel like the best gift and what is expected and what should be needed from him, like,

from day one is like, you have a ton of work to do.

Invest in.

Absolutely.

The car is not going to matter.

Yeah.

You're not going to be thinking about a car.

You're not going to be driving it.

Like after two days, the car is going to be the last thing you're going to do.

You're going day by day.

You're going to be like, please.

You know, what's actually so interesting to me because this is, I feel like this is happening in real time as well.

I don't know that I had ever considered even getting something material after I would hypothetically give birth.

In my head,

I would always think, like, oh, I just want to be nurtured and taken care of and supported in that way.

And after hearing this story, like now it feels like there's something planted in my head of being like, oh, do I deserve something material?

Like it's working.

Like I obviously am not going to be like, I need a house, I need a car, I need a tattoo.

But in my head, I'm just kind of like, huh, maybe that would be nice.

And it's like, I don't, I don't know that I actually believe that.

It's more just like hearing that other people are being treated that way.

Again, it makes me feel like that like exclusion thing of like, oh, is that what other couples are doing?

Is that what other families are doing?

Is that what other women are receiving?

Should I be doing that too?

Yeah, that's that's in the work of this, yeah.

I mean, that's what social media and technology and our society does: it splits us up into individuals, and then it can tell you a message and go, This is what everyone's doing.

Yep, and you don't have a community to know.

Easily go, Are we all doing this?

Like, yeah, right.

That's that's the whole purpose of it.

Genius, I know.

Hey, it's genius.

It's is it evil?

Yes, but it's genius, incredibly

Man.

Wow.

Genius?

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Back to the show.

All right.

Push present.

Our next story comes from entitled Parents.

I've seen so many posts from this subreddit over the years, and it is awful.

Yeah, it's going to make me mad.

Yeah.

Here we go.

Karen threatens to get me arrested for gardening my garden.

Not Karen.

Title says it all.

Because the groundhog had no shadow, spring came early, so I had decided to weed the garden strip that borders mine and Karen's property.

There's a fence between the garden and her house.

While doing so, I get rid of some of my day lilies that are on my property.

I finish, return to my house, and continue my day until I hear a shriek from the the side of my house.

I rush over because I'm scared someone got hurt.

And Karen, who just got home from work, asks me why I got rid of her lilies.

I say that they were my lilies and that I was making space for tomatoes, cucumbers, and carrots.

She then calls the police because I had destroyed her property.

The police come and basically tell her to go inside and shut up because it's pretty clear whose flowers they were.

Karen.

Karen.

Karen, you idiot.

Karen.

Update.

Oh,

I'm going to get right into it.

Immediately.

I think we need more.

Karen.

This is an update to a previous post of mine, but I feel like this is big enough to warrant its own post.

In my previous post, I explained that a woman flipped out over the fact that I had taken daylilies out of my garden in preparation for some vegetables and such I was going to plant.

In the comments, some had suggested that I put a camera facing the garden in case Karen decides that the tomatoes look like they're on her side of the property line.

My aunt, who's not entitled, was switching from Arlo to Ring Home Security, so she sent sent me those they arrived the morning of the fire So no video that aside I did not expect Karen to do this yesterday Karen got mega drunk like multiple cases of beer drunk.

Whoa, I don't know what she was drinking, but she had obviously had a lot and this put her anger over the edge about the loss of my lilies She went with wood and fire starter to my neighbor's house, the one on the opposite side of her house than mine, and lit their their bins on fire.

This spread to their porch and their entire home was alight.

I'm a light sleeper and living in a cul-de-sac, was woken up by the orange haze floating through my windows.

I called 911, the whole shebang, witness report and everything.

And as I went out with the 911 operator on the phone, this shitbag gives a confession.

After a while, and as the fire department shows up, she realizes her mistakes.

One, she lit a house on fire.

And two, she lit the wrong house on fire.

She's being charged with arson and the like and everyone got out.

There's a mother, father, and two kids who are high schoolers.

It still feels surreal.

Oh my God.

Holy

crap.

She's one of the Karen.

She is a Karen.

Whoa, I think you go past Karen.

Karen's, I mean, actually, to be fair, Karen's do put people's life at risk a lot.

I guess that kind of does make you a Karen.

But this is full-on arson.

And I don't know.

That's attempted murder, arguably, right?

Light a house on fire with people in it.

Oh my god.

And lit the wrong house on fire.

Now, how do you mess up which house you light on fire?

Multiple cases of beer.

Yeah.

You've ever been seven beers in?

She comes out the porch and she's like, fuck, where are my lilies?

I can't see them anymore.

And she goes one way or the other.

When I'm seven beers in, I don't know what's left and what's derecha.

That was awesome, Briggs.

That was awesome.

I think I said left or left.

I think you did.

Which is the joke.

The rich is right.

It's right?

Isquierva.

Ah, okay.

A la i squierta.

There we go.

I'm glad everyone is okay.

Yes, thank you.

But Karen's behind bars.

They lost their house.

I would assume their insurance would pay for this because there's video proof of someone lighting their house on fire.

Thank goodness.

Whoa.

Her life is over.

Karen's in jail, I'm assuming.

Karen's going to go to fire.

She's behind bars.

Comments, I am sorry.

Did I read this correctly?

She lit a house on fire as retribution.

I am done with the internet for today.

Thank you.

Someone else said, How insane do you have to be to light someone's house on fire over flowers?

You have an entire yard.

Plant your own lilies.

Lastly, someone said, well, that took a sharp left turn from the sedate discussion of property lines and plant law that I was expecting.

Whew, that's

crazy.

I just think, like, I've heard so many stories about like wild neighbors.

And I think some, like, frankly, some like old people just spend too much time by themselves and they just like drive faster and go like wild.

Yeah.

And then

this happens.

Well, you don't have a life to go live.

You sit and you think.

Yeah.

And you're just in your own head and you spiral downward and you go fucking crazy.

And you don't consider real world consequences.

You're just like, all that I have to do is win this battle.

But then the cops show up and you're like, oh yeah, I am a human being.

You live in the world.

And you mix in 12 beers into that situation.

Right.

Is that the most entitled person?

Or is that, because was that entitlement?

Or was that just

pure rage?

Well,

they weren't even her flowers to begin with.

So she's not.

She was entitled to someone else's property.

Yeah.

But that, yes.

And that doesn't really make sense inherently.

I think she believes.

She believes, I think, maybe like because the lilies are in her line of sight and because of...

Everything the light touches

is yours.

She's like, I see those.

That's in my backyard.

Those are mine.

Those are mine.

And when they're cut down, I didn't want them to be cut down.

So therefore, I have say over which house deserves to stay up.

So is Kate from John and Kate plus 8 Mufasa in this story?

Yes.

The most in the wildest move that Karen could have done is

when OP walks out and sees the house on fire, the neighbor's house on fire, and Karen, Karen should have turned and just been like, look what you made me do.

yes and then you would have thought about that forever oh yeah I want I do want the image of a Karen in full silhouette with a like a raging fire behind her I feel like that would be a really well it's kind of that meme photo of the girl smiling yeah

but she's like really drunk too yeah just

I ooh

imagine like coming to from drinking so much oh my god and finding out you lit a house on fire.

You're done.

You've never blacked out before.

So I

It's like why I don't like to ever get drunk because you're like,

what did you do?

Oh, yeah.

That's so terrifying.

Talk about a hangover.

Yeah, man.

For real.

All right, our next story comes from relationship advice.

Yay!

I want drama.

Oh, no.

And I love love.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

It's a question.

The title is a question.

No.

Can you ask someone to lose weight for your wedding?

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

My friend, a 33-year-old woman, is a personal trainer and just got engaged to another personal trainer.

All of their friends were met through the gym they both work at.

I have known her since we were both five.

I am not a personal trainer.

I am a U.S.

size 10, so I'm not obese, but I'm definitely on the fatter side.

I'm very comfortable with who I am, and my doctor is too.

Well, tonight she called me with the best news.

Her fiancé and her are putting together together a great workout and meal plan together for me.

They figure if I drop 20 to 30 pounds, the wedding pictures will be more symmetric.

She was.

She was so that's

Jesus Christ.

Okay, thought it was going to be a little more nuanced, so we're fine.

She was so happy and excited, like she was doing me a favor.

I wasn't even sure what to say, so I just hung up and haven't responded.

I'm completely flabbergasted.

This isn't a situation where I constantly bitch about my weight and then get mad when someone offers to help.

I've never asked for help.

I've never mentioned wanting to lose weight.

They both just kind of took it upon themselves to help me.

Obviously, I'm going to opt out of being her maid of honor, but at this point, I'm not even sure I want to go now.

Why would anyone think this was okay?

I honestly have no idea how to discuss this with her.

I feel like it's much more her fiancé's idea than hers.

I, I, no.

My first reaction is they both called you that she's owning that plan too.

Yeah, absolutely the hell not.

I thought it was going to be something else, like a little more vague, like, I don't know, in like terms of like the relationship between each other or something, but this is just flat out, absolutely inappropriate.

Zero reason to do this.

Okay, symmetrical, bring her plus one who's another regular person.

And then put on the other side of the picture

crossfitters.

Right.

Exactly.

And also, why do you fucking care about that?

For your wedding photos?

Symmetry?

Yeah, but it's your wedding.

Just be happy you're loved and have people around you love you.

Exactly.

Don't try to like shape them.

My god.

It's wild to me.

We've seen this a couple times of people not only caring about how they look for their own wedding, but how everyone else needs to look.

Yep.

I'm like, why are you so obsessed with this?

Not your job.

Like there are other, they are other people living their lives like they're at your wedding.

Yeah.

But they are who they are.

Let them be.

There's a thing that happens that I've noticed when you're like, and I guess I notice it more like in the gay world.

We've all seen the pictures of like the gaggle of gays at the beach and they all look fucking identical and they're all ripped and that's all they fucking care about.

Yeah.

And they're probably rich too, so I don't know how, anyway, I'm a little jealous, but not actually.

But not actually.

And it's like if

a regular person becomes a part of that, they wouldn't be like allowed in.

So there's something about like, well, I've worked really hard in a psychotic way that I only focus about this.

So I want this person to do it.

And so then you get in this weird, broken mindset that you lose humanity.

No, I mean, fitness and health is like your own personal journey.

Absolutely.

And you're allowed to do whatever you want.

Like, you're allowed to be obsessed with it.

You're allowed to want to be like perfect in your own world, but to care about other people's journey because some people don't care.

Yeah.

They are fully happy and fine.

I would say it is almost never appropriate to give somebody else advice or insight unless they ask

about about their body, their appetite, their diet, their workout routines.

Exactly.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

No, I think you're 100% on the money with that.

Oh, God.

It does frustrate me a lot with the fitness world to how so many of them think like that everyone's motivation and just viewpoint is the same as theirs.

It's like, well, this works for me, so it should work for you.

Right.

And you should be happy with this because I'm happy with this.

It's like, you know, other people live differently.

Like that's another person.

And have different opinions on what is attractive and what is suitable and desirable for them.

Like that's also a spectrum for different people.

People are into different things.

They want to express and show themselves differently.

They want to live a different life.

Like it's that's what the entitlement is, is that I have figured it out and I know the right way to look and therefore you need to look like me.

Yeah, because OP is saying like, I've always been happy.

I've never said anything.

If OP leading up to this, and I don't think this would be appropriate still, but if OP had been like, oh, I'm going to feel so insecure because you guys all look so good.

I'm so insecure.

That's going to suck, whatever.

Then if this happened, but even then, I would say, unless you're directly asking for it, it's not appropriate.

Yeah.

Ooh, God, I'm with her of not wanting to go.

Yeah, I was

uncomfortable, ma'am.

That means if you're there,

they're thinking about your body.

It's now unfortunately opened this box of like, oh, okay, like you guys are, like, it's okay to be hyper-focused on your own body, but you're hyper-focused on me.

Yeah.

Oh, God.

Which is like, and it's from

and it's also them saying the symmetry thing, it's like, oh, it's not even, you don't even care about, you're not coming from a place of caring about my health or something.

Right.

This is purely a looks thing.

She's a number in a picture.

Yeah.

Like, yeah.

Wow, I am, I'm, it's objectified.

And then what else?

What else was picked apart for symmetry, too?

You know, did is that how we pick our friends?

Did we go across and look at skin tones?

Well, I'm only friends with you because you're beautiful and smart.

Well, that's okay because I asked you to.

I asked you to.

That was a perfect.

I was like, Dean, can you uncomfort?

That was great.

Some comments on this.

Call her back and tell her you thought about her symmetry issue and have decided you can just be in the center of every picture to make it even.

No weight loss needed.

Someone else said, What the actual fuck?

No, that's not okay.

A real friend would never ask that of you either.

Lastly, someone said, Hey, friend, I'll do you one better.

This is my total weight XXX.

You can just subtract that number from your wedding party.

Ooh.

Yeah, I don't, I do not think I would go.

There's like, what?

So mean.

And just like an insecurity that has not been there for this person is now planted by these other people who were supposed to be, sorry, she was going to be maid of honor.

This was your best friend getting married who out of nowhere was like, hey, guess what, bestie?

Meal plan for you.

It would make me think like, so has our whole friendship been like tainted by this thing?

Yeah.

Spooky.

Exactly.

It's like the blindfold comes off and it's like, oh, this is who you are.

Yeah.

Oh, damn.

Wow.

Update.

Oh, oh.

So wow, that post blew up.

I ended up deleting it because my friend lost business over it.

Good.

She had told a few of her close clients her plan when it blew up and ended up on Facebook via different news outlets.

They were able to put two and two together.

They decided they didn't want her to be their PT any longer.

That was never ever my intention.

Although I feel bad, play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

Anyways, she and I talked at length.

She admitted her true motivation was having before pictures, my wedding photos, and after pictures, her wedding, of a normal mom transformed into a fit mom.

She was also planning on having crop-top dresses.

After three pregnancies, my abs are quite separated, and she wanted to help.

She realized her motivations were selfish.

She knew I would decline.

So she had hoped, presented it this way, I would do it for her.

But yeah, her concern was never my health.

She admitted that multiple times.

To address a few things, $2,500 plane tickets were for a family of five.

I've also never hinted at wanting to lose weight.

She knows I'm very comfortable with who I am.

Also, my doctor is very happy with where I stand.

I received many very strange messages and comments telling me my doctor is lying to me.

I can assure you, my doctor would make a lot more money telling me I was fat and needing to run extra tests.

So he's not going to lie about my health.

That's about the exact opposite of what a doctor does.

My husband is not a sexist pig for saying he wanted to show me off at a nude beach.

He's my biggest supporter.

He just meant that I don't need to hide and I am beautiful the way I am.

I'm guessing there's

comments.

There's probably a lot of comments in the previous post giving more information.

Yeah.

So she probably talked about her doctor and her husband wanting her to go to a nude beach.

That's awesome.

Hell yeah.

Rock on, man.

Lastly, she says the fiancé wasn't behind this, but he's pissed that I wouldn't just do it for her.

He literally said, tell her anything over a size four is disgusting in the background when I spoke to her.

So good luck with your winner there.

After we spoke, I have decided that I'm just going to go to the wedding and I'm not going to be in the wedding.

My family will stay home.

She feels terrible, but we've been friends for almost 30 years.

I'm also not going to fly out for her showers and bachelorette, which I would have done otherwise.

This really put our friendship in perspective for me.

She had stepped back a little since she got serious with her fiancé and I didn't realize the extent of it.

He has some strong views on hating anyone over a size four, and I realize she slowly picked these up as well.

I have no idea what the friendship will hold after this, but I still want to be there to cheer her on for her wedding.

But I don't have to be immersed in every aspect.

I am

flabbergasted.

I am truly disturbed at what the fiancé thinks.

A lot of people think that.

That is actually crazy to feel so bold.

and say something like that.

And all the other people too that are weighing in about the doctor lying or the doctor like not being truthful.

Like, I just, like, why do you think you know another person's body, especially a stranger on Reddit?

Absolutely.

Like, you do not know what is happening for them.

That's a lot of

answers.

Yeah.

Just to go purely off of like this, the number, like the size,

that is baffling to me.

Kids at home, be careful who you pick to be your partner because you will adapt some of their stuff because you'll be with them more than anyone else.

So be careful.

Don't think you can just overlook it.

Right.

And there is, you know, there is enjoying and having a hobby out of being healthy and stuff, but this is so superficial.

Yep.

It's like, hey, man, like things happen in life.

And also you're going to age.

Like be careful with this person because at some point, if they're so objectifying of everything, you're not going to meet their standard because it's going to be impossible at some point.

What happens if the wife gets you know, God forbid, an accident and she can't work out for three years?

Yeah.

It's no.

Does he find her disgusting and throw the marriage away?

Like, probably.

Early needs to check.

That sounds like she's marrying.

Wow.

Wow.

Horrible people.

Horrible story.

Horrible.

Horrible people.

Really horrible people.

Next story.

This one comes from Petty Revenge.

Okay.

Thank goodness.

I do love some revenge.

And petty?

I'm petty.

Petty Revenge is usually my favorite.

There is Petty Revenge, there is Pro Revenge, and there is a nuclear revenge subreddit.

Entitled Parker parked in my driveway, so I blocked them in and got drunk all weekend.

That's baller move right there.

Yeah, I love that.

A couple cases of beer.

Kind of obsessed with that.

Friday night, I came home from work to find someone on our block was having a large party and someone decided they were entitled to park in my driveway.

Keep in mind, my driveway is a single car width lined with a retaining wall on both sides and a garage at the end.

Essentially impossible for a tow truck to to come pull them out without property damage.

Seeing this and the lack of street parking, I took this as a cue to park right behind them in my driveway.

Now a few hours go by, and their entitled Parker is now knocking at my door, demanding I move my car so she can leave.

Seeing as they were demanding, I informed them that I had been drinking and would not move my car.

Smart.

So smart.

The entitled Parker then decides to call the police to get them to force me to move.

When the police knocked on my door, I was sure to grab a beer from the fridge before I answered to talk to the officer.

I had informed him that after I got home, I was unwinding and had been drinking and was in no shape to drive.

At this point, their hands were tied because they couldn't tow her car out.

I'm in no shape to drive, and I'm legally parked in my driveway.

I ended up telling the entitled Parker that since it's a long weekend, I would be on a weekend-long bender and they could move my car after I go to work on Tuesday.

Incredibly impressive.

That is

impressive as hell.

That's the most impressive use of getting drunk I think I've ever heard.

Oh, I am so proud.

Yeah.

Good job.

Good job, man.

Wow.

That's dope.

Oh, my God.

The entitled Parker.

Oh, that's brutal.

But I can't imagine parking in just a random driveway.

Are you kidding me?

A single driveway, no less.

Like,

what is your plan there?

Yeah.

I don't know, man.

People get in cars and then they change.

They do.

It's like a full moon for werewolves.

They do.

It's nuts.

Man, driving's changed you, man.

Yeah.

That pre has changed you, dude.

This is emboldening me to what, because I, in my apartment complex,

there's a bunch of spots.

And then there's, I guess, because I was like the last to move in at one point.

Then there's one spot by the dumpster.

And so I park there, which is great.

Yeah.

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And

people who are like just, you know, shopping around in the area will just come and park in my spot.

Yeah.

And I've, I've been really good because I'll come home and I'll be like,

and I'll go I can park on the street next door.

It's fine.

And like take a breath.

But now I'm like, what if I just go

pop it in and be like, I'm sorry.

That's my spot and you were in it.

I think you should.

I'm like, that sounds fun.

Wait, you so should.

Because I could call and tow them.

But then if I do that, they know where I park.

So they could come back and key my car or something.

I think that's my thing is

living in LA, but living anywhere is like when people are like, oh, you should get revenge in this way.

I'm like, like, I can.

I don't know if that person

is a murderer.

You never know.

Right.

And it's not fair, but I'm always like, hey, people sometimes murder people.

You got to pick your battles.

Exactly.

I'm not picking that battle.

But it sounds fun.

And like, this guy's confident.

It looked like it worked out fine.

You could just like get their car towed a bunch and keep parking on the street, you know?

So that way, like,

they'll never see my car.

But then I'm, but then I've given up my parking spot for one moment of revenge But it'll be delicious It'll be delicious

It would be really yummy

They come out and they're like ah you're just like

standing there right there in their face

But you don't know where my car is parked You don't know who I am like time to go to the store about a mile walk

Comments the absolute fucking entitled audacity to park in someone else's driveway without permission.

I would have taken an Uber to work on Tuesday just as an extra fuck you someone said I too live across from an elementary school and the number of people who park directly in front of or in my driveway is staggering i also happen to get home from work while school is getting out so on more than one occasion i have blocked every single person trying to enter or exit the school pickup line while the one a-hole parent in my driveway goes it'll just take a second can you do a loop

Someone says, hello, police.

I trespassed on someone's private property by parking my vehicle up their driveway, and now they've parked behind me and won't let me out.

I'm the victim here.

I demand you come and punish them.

Nice work, OP.

I applaud your pettiness.

Yeah, driving entitlement is like a whole nothing.

It's really bad.

Yeah.

It's really bad.

It's terrible.

I want to go to a petty zoo, and I want to walk around and hear a bunch of people's awesome petty revenge stories.

Yeah.

And they will be in a cage.

So, anyways, one time.

Yeah, I'm going to just throw crumbs at them from outside.

I'm like, that was good.

Good work.

Good work.

Thank you.

Update.

Oh, yes.

I did not expect this to blow up like it did.

After the first few sightings of Entitled Parker, it was a relatively peaceful weekend, and I did a lot of diagnostic tests on liver performance.

I contemplated the idea of working from home on Tuesday, but ultimately decided that I had enough fun with this and went to work.

My neighbors said they saw the entitled Parker sheepishly come around 8 a.m.

to retrieve their car and went without incident.

All in all, I think EP probably learned a valuable lesson to park only where legally allowed.

Although they probably had a headache of being without a car for the weekend, it ultimately was likely a better outcome than having the car towed and impounded, which is notoriously hard to go and retrieve in my area, especially on a holiday weekend.

That's true.

Yeah.

He saved them money.

So it was a favor, actually.

Because towing them, that's a lot of money and it has to be cash.

And it hopefully seems like she learned her lesson because she hope.

I just don't think people like that learn lessons.

I think, unfortunately, like part of my reason I, with revenge, I don't do it because I'm like, is it cathartic?

Sure.

But I'm like, is it worth the trouble?

And then it's, do I believe people change?

No.

Often, no.

Yeah.

My instinct is no.

Do people change?

Yes, of course they do.

But when someone's already willing to do something of this nature, I'm like, their ego is going to go, well, I'm going to do it again.

Yeah.

I don't think that's a part of me.

It's almost like they're more likely to do it again.

Now they're mad.

I can already see her like over the weekend without her car telling Arba friends, like, guess what this fucking guy has done to me.

And they're all probably like, I can't believe he did that.

Fuck that guy.

Yeah.

No, you're a running movie.

Who does he think he is?

Drinking all week.

Let's drink a couple cases of beer and light a house on fire.

Our last story comes from relationship advice.

Say,

this is a 21-year-old woman.

My boyfriend, who's 22, gets so jealous over his brother's 26-year-old man, girlfriend, 28-year-old woman, that he cries until he vomits.

Interested to see what that means.

Yes.

Yes.

And why.

My boyfriend, Jake, and I are high school sweethearts and share an apartment with his brother, Finn.

Finn has been seeing a woman named Bonnie for the past three months.

They met over Tinder and with certain restrictions lifted, we're finally getting to spend some time with her in real life.

This is in 2020.

She's a really great person and she and Finn are stupidly into each other.

Like accidentally finishing each other's sentences in love, staring at each other with big gooey eyes in love.

It's kind of gross, but kind of sweet.

A couple of days ago, I noticed that Jake's been acting weird.

He's been a lot quieter and a bit colder to me, going to bed early, getting up late.

I tried to kiss him and he turned away.

Yesterday, when Finn was out, I asked what was up with him.

He started off kind of hostile, but when I said that I was really feeling hurt, he blew up.

Summarized, he told me that he was rethinking our entire relationship after listening to his brother talk about Bonnie.

He said that Bonnie asked for Finn's preference when she cut her hair and didn't get bangs when he said he thought they looked stupid when I got a pixie without asking Jake what he'd think first.

He said that Bonnie gave Finn a blowjob every night before bed and one every morning when he he woke up.

When I don't really like oral, giving or receiving, he said I never offered to give him massages or pack his lunch.

For clarification, I do things for him all the time, but we've never been lovey-dovey.

We don't even celebrate Valentine's Day, his suggestion.

We both always agreed it was stupid and unrealistic.

In fact, we always used to make fun of people for being sappy and definitely gave Finn hell for a bit over being so gooey.

He was crying by the end of it, saying that he felt sick over missing out on someone who would love him that much.

I said I loved him, but he didn't want to hear it.

He started gagging and threw up a little bit because he was crying so hard.

That's hilarious.

That's really funny.

That's really funny.

I didn't know what else to do, so I got him some water and went to bed.

I went to work early and I've been hanging out at a coffee shop, but I have to go home soon.

I have no idea where to go from here or what to say to him.

I don't even know if we're still together.

Help, just with all of this shit.

Oh my god.

That's crazy.

Can I just say?

Why don't you blow me?

That's the

best.

Can I just say I hate when people put like numbers to blow jobs like that in these stories?

I hate when it's like, well, his wife blows him every single hour.

Also,

is the girlfriend fucking Princess Bubblegum?

No one?

Finn and Jake?

Hello?

yeah, okay.

I like the Pendleton Ward.

It's along Reddit.

I was thinking, I was thinking.

I was exactly where she got the names.

Yeah, that's really funny.

That's so funny.

No, but I think that that's disgusting

to just kind of compare things together.

It's super disgusting.

Yeah.

And no point of this is he thinking, like, oh, I could be a better boyfriend to you.

It's just entire jobs.

It's just more blow jobs.

Yeah, exactly.

Who wants a poll present?

This is such an extreme, extra,

extreme version of this.

Because I was going to say, too, like on a much more like chill level of like understanding, hey, they're in their first three months.

Yeah.

And

I'm assuming they've been together, they're high school sweethearts and they're in their...

early 20s.

So they've been together for at least four years.

Yeah.

So it's like, hey, man, like relationships change over time.

Totally.

A long-term relationship is not going to be as ooey gooey sappy

as it was in the beginning, the honeymoon phase.

Yeah, exactly.

But this is so extreme.

I mean, this dude is pathetic.

Comments, in a million years, I would never be able to look at my partner again if they said something like this to me.

I'd be out the door for good.

Someone said, and then started crying so much they threw up.

No, thank you.

That kind of entitlement and immaturity is a boner killer.

Someone said, your boyfriend is 22 and expects you to pack his lunch.

You don't love him because you don't pack his lunch and give him blowjobs all the time.

Go to a friend or family member's house and really think about this before proceeding.

If you spend time apart, he may notice all the things you do for him.

Personally, I would have laughed and left because crying over this is embarrassing.

Someone said, Does he ever pack your lunch?

Ask your opinion on his hair, stare into your eyes lovingly, or does he just want, want, want without being willing to give?

Yeah,

that's a really funny part we didn't touch on either.

That he was like, well, she asks him if she can get bangs.

Yeah.

Like, what?

Give him a cantaloupe with a hole in it.

That's lunch and the lunch.

Holy shit, man.

And honestly, it's kind of the haircut.

It's kind of the haircut.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, toss a toupee on it.

Like, there you go.

At the end of the day,

put it on top, cut around.

You got it all.

The fact that he just started puking after he cried.

No, it's so pathetic.

Like, all these demands, but then he's like,

dude, you know that he was like, like, unstable like

and then he she packs his lunch and she blocks him in the woods

dear god

the fact that she is not immediately walking out the door is like dude come on yeah whoa oh my god

okay whoa i just also like i mean this is so this is so silly and stupid but like yeah you just can't compare relationships too.

It's like relationships are so unique and they, they, as they should be, because like you're an individual unique person.

You need to find that person that matches you on so many levels.

Um, yeah, and people, people, like, every relationship in its own, like you're saying, it is different.

And the only people that are going to know it are the two people that are in it.

Yeah.

Like that kind of bond, maybe, maybe it is that you are like continuing this somewhat honeymoon phase for your entire relationship.

Maybe that's just who the two of you are.

Sure.

Some people, not physically or emotionally affectionate, but it's just like I fuck with that person.

They're going to be around me a lot.

Exactly.

That's that.

I think my theory is they've been together since high school.

I think

it's been her first relationship.

She is not clocked how immature this guy is because he's not looking for a relationship.

He's looking for an accessory.

And yeah.

Update.

Uh-oh.

Sorry.

Yeah.

Uh-oh.

Sorry, I didn't respond to anyone's comments.

I went home after posting, and by the time I logged back on to Reddit, the post had been locked.

A few of you asked for the update, so here it is.

I'm single.

Yeah.

Get it.

Yeah.

I came home and Jake was gone.

Finn was there and asked if I could sit down for a bit.

He wouldn't give me the exact details, but said that he and Jake had talked while I was out.

He also showed me a few text messages to prove it.

Apparently, Finn had never shared any details with his brother, but Jake Jake had been able to hear them moan through the walls when Bonnie stayed over.

It wasn't a bro talk or anything after all.

Just the man I thought I was going to marry listening to his brother have sex through the walls.

Neat.

When Finn got home from work, Jake tried joking about it and made comments about Bonnie's race.

Finn kicked him out and now Jake is going to be staying with their parents so I have to pay his share of the rent too because Finn refuses to let him in and Jake refuses to come back.

Double neat.

A few people had questions, so here we go.

Did Jake ever mention wanting romantic gestures?

No, we actually got together because we were the only goths in school.

We bonded over being against

in chains, big, but black.

Yeah, yeah.

Sorry, so many sentences in this are killing me.

There's nothing wrong with being goth.

It's just funny that it's like we got together because we were the only goths.

It just keeps reframing the image I see, and it's incredible.

I'm going to

We actually got together because we were the only goths in school.

Amazing.

We bonded over being against lovey-dovey stuff like that.

We grew out of the edgy phase, but yeah, he always was firm.

He hated Valentine's Day and women who needed roses or gifts to feel loved.

Has he ever done anything like this before?

Now that I think about it, yeah.

He's thrown tantrums before, but never like this.

Things like stores running out of his favorite items always made him really emotional.

Why don't you like Oral?

A bad incident involving Jake's braces left me with some scarring down there.

Oh my gosh.

No, no more lore.

I don't need any more lore.

The lore is wild on this one.

I'm done with the lore.

Ow!

The lore keeps coming.

I feel sorry for Bonnie.

I don't want to know any more details about their relationship, but they seem happy.

They work at the same high-intensity job.

Think physical trainers or OT.

So she packs meal-prepped bento boxes for him and herself.

Finn buys her flowers, fixes her car, goes over when spiders get into her apartment.

Like I said, they're cute.

This is fake.

Listen, man, that's your right to believe it.

I think it's fake, and I'm the one that has to figure out how to ship 200 Funko Pops to my ex.

So there you go.

He's coming.

God damn.

Aww.

I'm imagining him now crying, puking, 200 Funko Pops right down to the ceiling.

Why won't you blow me?

I'm adding the braces even though they're gone.

Oh,

look, I work at Smush.

I don't judge people for having Funko Pops.

It's just, it's just

ingredients together.

Oh, that's got to be,

I hate to say, we haven't talked about this in a long time.

This is kind of legendary status.

Like, it's so funny.

This is really good.

This is so funny.

I'm so glad she's single.

Yeah.

But this is legendary status.

Oh, my God.

Every layer of this story, this is one of my favorite Reddit stories we've ever read.

Yeah.

From her having fake names of being Finn Jake

to him crying duking to the braces to

the gungo pop.

Oh my gosh.

Oh my god.

And it has the awful blowjob negotiation in it.

Oh.

This had a little bit of everything.

Unfortunately, yeah.

It really did.

Oh, wow.

It's like a delicious flan at the end of a meal.

Oh.

God.

Is a flan made up of lots of different things?

Not really.

No, I'm just saying it was a delightful end to our journey today.

I guess.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wow.

That was awesome.

Yeah, I'm going to be thinking about that.

I need to process that one for a while.

Well.

Okay, should we change the channel?

Yeah.

I think I'm done with Reddit stories.

Hi, welcome to Smoshmouth.

I'm sure.

Oh, shit.

No, no, no, no.

The rerods are on.

Well,

this has been wild.

Thank you both for being here.

Thank you.

You know what?

You're entitled to everything.

Oh.

Oh, you're entitled to the world.

I've decided.

And I'll take it.

Thank you so much.

That's actually incredibly sweet.

There you go.

And thank you all for watching.

And thanks to those who came to the Just for Laughs live show yesterday.

We have another one today.

We always appreciate people coming to our live shows.

We want to keep doing them.

We're having a blast.

And anyways, for those of you watching at home, we'll see you next Saturday.

Goodbye.

Do you like waving goodbye like this?

What's going on with your pinky?

What is that?

I'm waving goodbye.

Shut up.

What do you mean?

What are you talking about?

It just looks like...

Get out of here.

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