Relationship Dilemmas That Make You Think | Reading Reddit Stories

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Welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories.

I'm Shane, and today's theme, relationships, a classic one.

And I'm joined with two people who love relationships.

Angela and Tommy.

Burby Deany Meow.

I'm the guitar.

And that's a relationship.

Thank you both for being here.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Wow.

How's your relationship?

How's your rug?

I mean, I could say good.

It's just funny funny when it's like, how's your relationship?

You know what?

That's why I stopped.

That's why I immediately went.

No, don't ask that.

Let's not do that.

Let's not do that.

How many of these stories do you think the solution is just going to be, oh, just talk to them?

No, it's going to be just communication.

Communication is going to be.

I can say 100% of them.

Just talk to them.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, you can.

Break up right now.

It's breakup, or talk to them.

And if you can't talk to them, if that's not the option, you got to break up.

Go.

It is kind of a...

There you go.

There's two options usually.

it's a you should have communicated or you should be communicating ex-communicated oh yeah

all right let's hop into this first story ready to hop this comes from relationship advice how do i a 20 year old man tell my partner a 20 year old woman that her brain rot is making her less attractive That's awesome.

I think this type of humor can be funny once in a while, and I understand that it's a part of the culture of people our age.

However, her vocabulary is full of just straight-up brain rot to the point where it doesn't feel like just a joke anymore.

Everything was endearing during the honeymoon phase, so I used to frequently joke back to her.

But now it's hard to find sigma or hawk to a attractive, you know?

It has gotten to the point where I cannot have a single conversation with her in person or over text where this type of language is not involved.

I know this sounds so idiotic, but it genuinely turns me off when I try to have a normal mature conversation, but she responds with just brain rot.

The thing is, she can be serious when needed, and occasionally we'll have a good conversation.

These are the moments that I look forward to, where I don't feel like I'm talking to an immature high school boy stuck in the body of an attractive woman.

It's beginning to affect our sex life, as I'm finding it hard to get turned on by her.

She's beginning to notice my lack of enthusiasm and feels insecure about it.

I feel guilty for feeling this way, as she shows me nothing but love and support.

I love her so much, but this is the one thing that I cannot get over.

I just don't know how to approach this subject with her because I don't want to hurt her feelings or make her feel self-conscious around me.

I always try to reassure her when she's insecure.

So I feel terrible bringing this up to her for fear of making her more insecure.

She's a genuinely sweet, funny person, but the brain rot has gotten to be just too much for an adult.

Can I ask

for the people at home, for me, what is technically brain rot?

Brain rot is probably using a lot of memes, meme culture.

It's like lingo that's like from TikTok.

Just referencing stuff.

Mostly.

And when we were in middle school, when it was just like movie quotes.

Sure.

I think it'd be like saying my wife all the time.

Yeah, yeah.

Where you're like, you're just referencing content.

I mean, there's been brain rot.

You could argue there's been brain rot for a long time.

Like as a millennial, it's like if back in the day after sex, you were like, YOLO.

Yeah.

Right.

And then you're like blinking and lost the game.

Yeah.

Right.

Sure.

So just like cringe shit.

It's cringe.

It's cringe.

Yeah.

It's cringy.

Yeah.

And it's being, it sounds like she's being ironic all the time.

I was ironic about this until I wasn't.

That's the problem.

That's the problem.

That's the problem with

irony.

Irony.

Oh, that's why I always sing, it's a small sleepover.

It's fucking best.

And now I'm starting to love the song so much with submissive and breathing both, too.

I know

our audience has seen us joke about things ironically to a point where they are like, all right, we get it.

Yeah.

We're done.

We're done here.

Yeah.

100%.

And And I understand it.

And I think what he's really saying here is like, hey, I want you to be serious with me a little more.

It sounds like she's joking all the time.

Yes.

And it's fun to joke.

Like in a relationship, it's so great to be joking non-stop, but you need to have those moments where you genuinely connect.

And it sounds like she's, it sounds like she handles being maybe uncomfortable with this.

By being, yeah, by doubling down.

Exactly.

Yeah, by just, but it's an easy thing to just throw out there.

It is exhausting to be in a relationship with someone who's like, I'm funny.

because then you're like a perpetual audience member.

Yeah.

There's just so like, there were times where I was like,

I was like, I'm so sorry, I'm not being genuine.

Yeah.

So it's rough sometimes.

I think this is extremely, not necessarily with brain rock, but just like the joking partner.

Yes.

Right.

I think it's a very common trope.

I've heard.

about this a lot here in LA, where there's a lot of entertainers, a lot of comedians who they use it as a crutch.

And even deep into the relationship, they just cannot be serious.

They have to always be joking because that's how they handle anything.

It also creates a nice distance between your emotions.

I also have some friends that are only jokes.

And it's just, it's not even a relationship where I'm like, oh, we don't talk deep.

We just

do bits.

And those are great too.

But like, sometimes I think for your like, your primary relationship, it's hard if it's just Joke City.

Some people like that, though.

Yeah.

But if it sounds like, yeah, I think you are on the money with saying that it isn't about what she's joking.

It's not the brain rot.

It's the deflection.

The joking.

Exactly.

Yeah.

So we don't have an update, but we do have an edit that they include.

And they go, sorry for my overusage of brain rot, lol, make that nine times.

I am referring to common terms frequently used on TikTok/slash other social media platforms.

Example: XYZ happened, her.

You've got to be rizzing me.

That's it.

I think he's dating Trevor.

They continue, I understand the humor and I also use it from time to time, but I think it's hard not to get tired of something after excessive usage.

I will have a conversation with her about it soon and I realize my fault in this for not communicating clearly to her.

Guess I was just concerned about making her feel less than and damaging her self-esteem.

Thank you all for the advice.

I will do better.

There's a way to communicate things that isn't hurtful.

It's not about saying like, I don't like this thing.

It's like, hey, like, I'd really like us to have more moments where we connect and talk.

Or you can say, like, I I need this from you.

Like, I need more serious moments from you, not, I don't like how unserious you are.

You know?

Right.

Pivot it to, like, a, if you love me, you do this for me.

Yeah.

And say it like that, please.

A bunch of comments.

For anyone who doesn't know the term brain rot after reading it nearly a dozen times, it's like walking around all day in the 90s saying, Waza,

Baba Booy, a show wing.

ETA.

You really delivered those too.

ETA because this is cracking me up, LOL.

Here's some context.

Hey, how's it going?

What's up?

Nice to meet you.

I'm John.

Baba Booey.

Oh, the dress that girl is wearing is so pretty.

I imagine this gets old pretty fast.

I'm sorry, man.

You shouldn't have left that comment.

That was bad.

No, it's very real, though.

Yes.

Someone else said, instead of a swear jar, make a skivety jar.

LOL.

Just tell her brain rot makes you cringe.

Be clear, it's the words themselves, not her.

Someone else said, looks disappear over time, but conversations conversations will go on forever.

It's important to at least be on the same level because that's where you guys are headed for the rest of your life.

That's crazy.

That's crazy to think that

there's going to be a retirement home someday with a bunch of 80-year-olds being like, Skibbity,

Skibbity, Residence.

What's up?

Show me to me, Rachel.

Show me to me, Rachel, please.

Oh, God.

OP said in response to a deleted comment, when we talk, I'd ask her about her day and ask follow-up questions.

However, when I talk about anything, she'd just respond with, that's so skibbity or sigma or something along those lines.

It's funny and cute when we're having lighthearted conversations, but it feels a bit superficial when I want to have deeper conversations with her.

I guess I'm just bothered by her lack of effort in our conversations.

Someone said, tell her this specifically.

I think that's how it is.

How about that?

How about that?

You found it.

Yep.

You found it.

There it is.

Be honest.

I also am like, I get this with a 20-year-old.

Like a 20-year-old who's still uncomfortable, who's still like, because a relationship is a scary thing, especially if, like, this might be one of her first, like, like, long-term relationships.

Like, it's like, she's, she's just sitting there, like, scared to go further, scared to be vulnerable.

Like, this is a way to

block that.

And we're all 20.

So, and we're all 20 years.

You know what it's like?

We're just about to enter the realness of it.

I know.

Yeah.

We're just about to hit on a stride.

We're on the precipice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Exactly.

Still, I'm just like, so 22.

Look at me, my God.

My God.

Oh, wait.

I'm so sorry.

I had a take.

I want to say that.

Oh, yeah.

I'm starting to think this.

I don't know if I'm ready to like really hard launch this thought, but I've been floating in my head that trends are always embarrassing.

Yeah.

Fashion trends, trend trends.

Like anytime I see a picture of myself in high school, following a trend very well and I know I looked amazing then.

It's embarrassing now.

So, I'm like, I'm starting to think, like, if I want to dress on trend, I get a little scared.

When you see like brides from the 80s dressing on trend for the 80s, you're like, that sucks.

You have that now all the time.

My mom was in a huge headpiece.

Like, shouldn't have been in that.

What's tough now is that with the internet, trends move so much faster than these.

Yes, right?

Like, it's hard to explain to like younger people, but I'm like, Numa Numa was big for like a year.

Yeah.

Right?

Like like keyboard cat was a thing for a while.

But nowadays, a thing is a thing for like a day.

It literally moves on and if you're quoting that the day after, you're cringe.

You're cringe.

It moves too fast nowadays.

It's kind of always we're like, we're almost in like the post-meme era where it's cringe from the beginning because of the speed of it all.

Like saying any of it, you look dumb.

But it's also whatever.

I mean,

it's also fun because it's cringe, and it's fun because it doesn't matter.

Yeah, I like the ooh cat.

I like the ooi aw cat, all the different songs with the ooe.

That makes me a boomer, and that's fine.

That's fine.

I like the ooi aw cat.

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All Mazda current inventory is unaffected by new tariffs.

See your local Mazda dealer for details.

$7,500 electric vehicle lease cash offer expires at the end of September.

Don't miss out!

$7,500 lease customer cash good toward 2025 CX70 PHEV and CX90 PHEV when leasing through Mazda Financial Services.

Lease customer cash can be combined with other public offers, including lease incentive offers.

Lease customer cash cannot be combined with APR or other customer cash offers.

Lease customer cash is not redeemable as cash or cash back option.

Lease customer cash is only available on approved credit.

Not all customers will qualify for credit approval or offer.

Limit one discount per customer per vehicle.

Lease customer cash offer only available in the United States regardless of buyer's residency.

Void reprohibited.

Apply within the lease structure as a capital cost reduction.

Lease customer cash is only available on participating Mazda dealer's current inventory, which is subject to availability.

Offer ends 9:30-2025, and you must take delivery prior to expiration of offer.

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All right.

Our next story.

This comes from True Off My Chest.

I'm that one who decided to stay with my cheating wife with conditions.

Okay.

Interesting.

People familiar with relationship subreddits have probably seen posts where the cheating partner offers all kinds of shit in return for reconciling.

Well, I'm one of those who ended up accepting those things.

The quick backstory is that I became suspicious when going out with coworkers went from like five times a year to five times a month or more.

One day when she texted me that she was going to an afterwork event, I went to the car park at her job and put the dog GPS collar in the trunk.

She drove to an apartment building.

I checked all the names on the door and then compared them to names on her LinkedIn, and sure enough, she had a co-worker who lived there.

Won't bore you with all the details, but she ended up confessing after I confronted her that night when she got home.

A lot of crying, screaming, pleading.

It didn't mean anything, yada yada.

Then she went and stayed with her parents.

I was set on divorce at first, but every day she gave me the, we can fix this, I'll do anything speech, and that's how it started to grow on me.

That was over three years ago.

In exchange for not filing for divorce for the first 12 months, the following rules are in place.

Buckle up.

Wait, hold on.

Okay.

Thank you.

Pull a lever.

Buckle up.

Oh, a helmet.

You have a helmet on this roller coaster?

I got Darth Vader over here.

Holy shit.

Here are the following rules.

Postnup, if she filed or if I filed after the 12 months, I would get first dibs on the house, still 50-50.

There would be no alimony, and we would keep any personal assets.

2.

No kids.

I didn't want kids before this.

She was more back and forth.

3.

Our old joint bank account is now my bank account.

It's still being used in the same way, as in we both put money in and then use it for larger purchases, groceries, gas insurance, etc., but falls to me in case of divorce as per the postnump.

She can still use it with a spending limit.

4.

She needs to find a new job and cut off any old co-workers.

5.

Cut off one of her friends who knew about the affair.

6.

Open relationship on my end.

Only used this a total of three times.

The last time was over a year ago.

Fucking hate dating.

7.

STD tests.

One initial for both, every month for her.

For me, only if I slept with someone else.

However, we don't plan to do these anymore.

It was just a pain.

8.

Location on her phone.

9.

No going out alone without my consent.

10.

No alcohol.

She used to have a problem with day drinking.

This wasn't really a factor in her affair.

I just took the opportunity to be rid of it.

11.

No complaining about the rules or postnup.

Obviously, it's a bit more detailed than that, but those are the major points.

Questions I can imagine getting.

Are you happy?

Yeah, I would say so.

I still get pissed when I think about it sometimes, but it fades just as quick.

It was much harder in the beginning.

Is she happy?

She says she is and that she doesn't regret it.

Doesn't regret it?

Doesn't regret getting back with him with the rules is what I'm assuming.

Do Do you feel controlling?

Yep.

Do you still have sex?

Yes.

I would say we average about the same as before I discovered her cheating.

Okay.

It took a long time for us to start having sex again, though.

Did you go to couples counseling?

Two sessions.

Done.

That dude.

Graduated.

Two sessions.

That dude didn't like me very much.

Smiley face.

She went to a therapist by herself for a while.

Pretty much no one knows about all this except you.

So it's nice to write it out.

Have a nice day.

I'm shocked that I could hear a story that starts with, my partner cheated on me.

And I could end the story by hating you more than I think.

Holy shit.

Like this guy's going to be like, and I will not be enabling comments on this post.

Yep.

Like he doesn't want to hear anything.

The fact that he tried to beat us to it with the question.

I understand in after like infidelity of like, there's a lot to gain back trust.

The start of this, I was all like, yes.

Okay, yeah.

Correct.

Like, oh, you're going to set up some rules, some boundaries.

Then the bank account came in.

That it was like,

several of these had nothing to do really with.

This is all about gaining back trust.

The one about leaving your friend, that friend group from that office and that friend that knew about it, I can understand a little bit of that.

Like, but to act like it's a requirement rather than like a, like,

here, help me help, help me heal.

Yes.

These things will help rather than like, these are the rules.

The way they're going about this is all wrong, right?

Like, absolutely.

And, and I do think, I do think conquering, like, if you're going to try to move past infidelity, which is extremely hard, right?

I do think you need a professional involved.

Absolutely.

I would think I would need one.

No different than if you're writing out a postnop, like, you need a lawyer involved.

If you're trying to set up boundaries for how your relationship can heal from one of the most damaging things that can happen to it, you need a relationship expert who is outside of your relationship.

Yeah, and both parties need to also like be fully honest and agreeing that this is going to work.

This does not seem

like this, this seems horrible.

It feels like he is abusing the shame and guilt that she is feeling and manipulating that to then have full control of her.

And so his insecurities could be silenced and he has her basically on his strength.

I don't love love so many aspects of this, right?

I don't love, well, for one, it's open on my end.

I've used it three times.

I don't trust this person.

This is a unreliable narrator.

I don't love that he's like two sessions in regards to the counselor, two sessions.

That dude didn't like me very much.

Smiley face.

I'm like, you're not.

Like,

you're happy about it and how are you doing?

And like,

I fully understand.

I understand the suspicion and when you're in a place of distrust, what you'll go to.

He put a tracker on her car.

There's just this, the lengths this guy is immediately going to

is,

these are red flags.

And I think there are times in life when people get the excuse when someone does something wrong, and they definitely did something wrong, but that doesn't give you permission.

to be a monster

and be like, well, I'm allowed to because this person wronged me.

It's like, okay, people can wrong you.

You still need to be like,

what's your end goal here?

Right.

Is kind of where I'm thinking.

And the answer to infidelity is not the other person gets to do it, also.

Yeah, like, I understand how some people go, like, well, this is how it'll equal out.

It's like, but you're

just making, you're making it double.

Like,

it's done.

Right.

Unless it's Brad Pitt.

That's my mom.

Comments.

Another question, do you really see yourself staying in this marriage?

OP responded, well, I've stayed so far, smiling face.

Fuck yourself.

Jesus, for real.

Yeah, that has 246 down votes.

So

the audience does not like him.

Good.

Hard to do, like, if you get cheated on, it's easy to write a post out where people would be like, on your side.

Right.

Someone said, sounds miserable.

I would 1,000% rather be alone than this circus.

You're cracked, man.

Got all this figured out to what?

Grow old with someone that doesn't love you and you have to police?

Fuck that.

OP responded, I don't really have to do anything, to be honest.

It's not like I sit and watch her location all day.

And I can always get a divorce if I feel like it.

159 down votes.

Go away.

Go away and get out.

Just go.

Someone said turning the joint into your own personal account, that wasn't even necessary, dude.

Daylight robbery.

Give her the amount she contributed back.

OP said that was very much necessary.

It's insurance and a divorce cushion for me.

I think cheaters should pay, so why not literally?

91 down votes.

Someone replied to that saying, good question.

Why not literally?

How much does cheating cost?

$5, $500K?

You'll have to enlighten me on the monetary value of cheating.

Does having the bank account all to yourself make you feel any better?

If yes, then maybe you should have just let your wife know the sum of money she has to pay you in order to make cheating feel better.

We have a small edit slash update here.

Yeah, yeah, I know our lives seem dark and depressing based on the above.

I get it.

I'm a horrible person.

But we also go on dates, travel the world, buy each other flowers, cuddle, have friends, play sports, etc., etc.

Without evil, there can be no good.

So it must be good to be evil sometimes.

Satan.

Sorry, that was a quote from Satan.

That was a quote from Satan.

So he is Satan.

He is quoting Satan.

He is quoting Satan, which has me wondering if he's Satan.

It's giving Satan.

It's giving Satan.

By the way, this is Satan from South Park.

I was going to say, where is Satan on the record?

I hope this is fake.

I hope this is a guy who just loves to, like, rile people up.

I hope it's rage bait.

Yeah.

It could be a person who was cheated on and is now living a fantasy online of all this stuff.

But I also know like,

unfortunately in relationships, like things get really unbalanced, really toxic stuff happens.

And this is a very and I also like I feel for her because shame, I do believe shame and guilt will could blind you in scenarios where you're like, I messed up.

I deserve this.

And that's not true.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You can get manipulated that way.

I'm so curious what's going on in this relationship before

she was cheating and stuff.

I'm not going to say there's an excuse for cheating, but like this could be a very bad relationship where she is scared and doesn't feel she can get out.

100%.

So she's like going behind his back rather than communicating openly because it sounds like this guy doesn't want to communicate and he just has restrictions.

Moving on from that guy, who sucks.

So many times I wanted to say post-nup clarity,

but I didn't say it.

And you're welcome.

Next story.

Brain Brainwrack.

Our next story comes from Am I the Asshole.

Am I the asshole for embarrassing my husband after he kept pretending not to hear me?

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

My husband, who's 34, has this super annoying habit.

If he's on his phone, watching TV or just not in the mood to respond, he pretends he doesn't hear me.

I'll ask him something and he'll just sit there completely ignoring me, even though I know he can hear me.

I've called him out on it before and he always says, oh, I just didn't hear you.

But it happens way too often often to be accidental.

So last weekend, we were at a family gathering and it happened again.

I was trying to get his attention while he was scrolling on his phone and he completely ignored me.

I even said his name three times.

Nothing.

So instead of getting mad, I decided to test something.

I casually said, hey babe, there's cake in the kitchen.

Suddenly, he snapped his head up and went, what kind of cake?

I just looked at him and said, Oh, so you can hear me.

His mom laughed, his sister smirked, and my husband turned red and got all huffy, saying I was trying to embarrass him on purpose.

Now he's annoyed and says I was being passive-aggressive instead of just talking to him about it privately.

I told him I've tried talking to him about it and he always denies doing it.

Am I the asshole for calling him out like that in front of his family?

Okay, that wasn't a call-out.

She was like, oh, is this an episode of Everyone Loves Rainbow?

I was going to say, this is

sitcom level.

Man, yeah.

She's not the asshole.

Like, no, not a one.

It's not a chance.

Come on.

Oh, so you can hear me.

Right.

There's no cake.

That's right.

But what do you need to do?

Boom.

Yeah.

So you can't hear me.

He goes, what?

I mean, but brothers.

Okay.

Look, I'm not going to defend this guy, but I will say.

But I will say.

Sometimes chicks are annoying.

Is that what you were going to say?

Is that what you were going to say?

And you do it like a shit.

Is that what you were gonna say?

But sometimes.

But sometimes.

I was gonna say, there are words, no different than like when you're near your dog and you say treat or walk, and the dog's just like, oh yeah.

It's like, hey, like there are some words.

Like, yeah.

Like, there are some words that someone, like, I have, like in crowds, my hearing can kind of suck, but I could be in a crowd and if I'll hear like a trigger word like out there, like someone will mention a show I'm watching or someone will just say something exciting and I'll just be like, what?

Like, oh, they're mentioning that thing I like.

Trying to think of an example, but I don't know.

No, it happens at lunch all the time.

I'll hear someone talking about a musical and I'm like, be present with the conversation you're in, Angela.

You'll hear across the room.

What y'all talking about?

Across the room, someone will be like, yeah, Avenue Q, and you're like, what?

Oh, man.

Like, do you think before she, you know, called him out, did a little sitcom call out, do you think he's actually like not listening to her?

It depends on how long they've been married and stuff.

Like, some people do really, like, when they're like invested on their phone, like, they do kind of get in a trance.

Right.

Like, people get in a almost trance-like state.

And so maybe their name, like, if he's used to her, like, talking to him, like, he's, he is unfortunately filtering it out.

I don't think that's good.

I think he should absolutely be more mindful of his partner.

But

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know this guy.

I'd kind of have to see it happen.

Right.

And you can catch it tonight at 5 p.m.

on TVS.

Right after Big Bang Theory.

Because

I've definitely seen people get lost in a trance in their phone.

And I've had it happen where I'm talking to them and then I'm like, oh, wait,

they're not.

paying attention.

When my dad was first losing his hearing, he's not completely, you know, he wears hearing aids.

But when he was first like losing his hearing, there was times where it'd be like, Tom,

Tom, Tom, and he'd be like, huh?

Yeah, that means you think my grandpa, we caught him.

When he figured out how to connect his hearing aids to his phone,

he would, like at dinner, and he's just on Facebook watching videos.

Yep.

And it's just connected.

And he's like,

they're not working today or whatever.

And we're like, yes, they fucking are.

Yeah.

So he would turn them off on purpose so he could enjoy his meal.

And we were like,

bitch.

And then my grandmother goes, he's turning off his hearing aids.

I see what you're doing, John.

You're turning off.

He's like,

that's amazing.

Brilliant.

Yeah, I mean, it could be selective hearing.

Comments, you embarrassed me on purpose.

No, I showed that you are purposely acting in a way that is detrimental to a relationship.

That your family laughed at you shows that they all agree.

Someone else said, yep, the way the mom and sister reacted gave me the impression that they've been on the the receiving end of this little habit of his too.

So this was probably a case of catharsis by proxy for them.

Someone said, do the same to him, especially when he's asking for sex.

I think his hearing issues will get all cleared up.

Someone said, oh, my dear OP, do it again and again and again till he realizes that being dismissive and gaslighting you is not going to fly.

OP said, I plan to do just that if he keeps this up.

Has 1,000 upvotes.

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Yeah, I mean, sure.

Of this level, I mean, I think it's if she's really bothered by it and viewing it as a real disrespect, it's like, hey, like, you're not being present with me.

I don't feel heard.

Like, right.

It could be, this is one of those small issues that can grow into a bigger issue if you, yeah.

For real.

Like, you can play little games and make jokes and test him, or you can, like, really be like, hey, this is a problem.

And your sitcom can turn into a 45-minute hour spin-off.

Because 60 minutes comes on after.

Sick, dude.

Yeah.

That's awesome.

Wasn't what I was going for, but loved that.

Dateline when she killed him.

No, I got it.

I got it.

I was going like into a drama, into like the good wife.

Oh,

yeah, for sure.

That was awesome, you two.

And then it gets, and then it gets late.

You let it get later, you change the channel.

It's Nick at night.

Yeah.

George Lopez comes on.

Then it's funny again.

Then it's Jerry Springer.

Yeah, it's Jerry.

Oh, you get to Jerry Springer.

Then it's fun again.

Yeah.

And then we're at Saturday Morning Cartoons.

Yeah.

Jesus God.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Then Sonic comes on.

Next story.

Okay.

Am I the asshole for charging my partner rent for living in the house I own?

This is marked WLW, woman-loving woman.

Fellow potential assholes, first, thanks for any honest advice you can provide.

A bit of background.

My girlfriend and I have been dating, not married, for three years.

She's three years older than me and has two degrees, master's and bachelor's, from two prestigious universities, compared to my one bachelor's from a state college.

We started dating at the tail end of our college careers, back when we both had mediocre jobs.

When I began my first adult gig, I felt a shift in our relationship as if she was envious about how quickly I was able to advance.

Needless to say, I ended up leveraging my contacts and helped her get a similar position with way better pay than what she was making before.

As I continued advancing in my role, I was given significant salary bonuses.

And when I brought in more money, she'd casually make remarks like, now you can be my sugar mama.

Now you can pay for dinner.

I can't wait to be a stay-at-home mom.

And the kicker, you have to stop living in the mindset that what's yours is yours and that includes finances.

Every single time, I'd follow up with my own comments along the lines of, I'm not into that.

Our relationship should be equal 50-50.

Or maybe you can begin applying for promotions or positions that will pay more.

Her classic answer, I like my job too much to do that.

Side note, in my opinion, that's a bullshit answer and shows me that she does not want to apply herself or put in her own work to get a better paying job.

But you be the judge of that.

Prior to the home purchase, we sat down and discussed where we both stood financially and how the home buying scenario would play out.

We quickly realized a few things.

One, she did not have a significant savings.

Two, she did not have the best credit.

And three, she had overwhelming debt that I never knew about till this conversation.

After moments of bickering, I made an executive decision to go in on the home by myself and mentioned that in doing so, she would have to pay me rent in exchange.

She agreed.

Fast forward to present day.

The home was purchased and we moved in a week ago.

It's in my name only.

Mortgage is $2,100 a month.

I asked that she pay $900 in rent.

Last night during our date, she expressed how frustrated she was at me, said that me asking her to pay rent caught her off guard, and that paying rent to live in our home irked her.

I was shocked, felt instantly uncomfortable, then drew back on the conversation we had when she agreed to pay rent.

In short, her rationale was this.

I don't believe in paying rent in a house I don't own.

And we are partners.

Maybe one day we will be life partners.

It shouldn't have to be about money all the time.

Ugh, help.

I feel like she's manipulating the situation, but I also understand where she is coming from.

Am I the asshole?

Oh boy, that is complicated.

That's so, okay.

All right.

I should say the verdict is not the asshole.

And I...

I don't, I'm not immediately jumping to like, you're an asshole.

Yeah.

My take is kind of not like, are you the asshole or not the asshole?

I'm like, that's one of those kind of decisions where I'm like, I understand where you're coming from.

Do you want this relationship to work out?

Like, is this relationship going to work out in this type of thing?

This is not a healthy environment.

Are you fighting for the best case scenario of your relationship?

Exactly.

Like, this is not, if you're in a situation where you don't trust your partner financially on that degree,

like you're not in a situation to be long-term partners.

I'm not on anyone's side.

I'm just trying to figure this out.

You bought the house.

Yeah.

But you obviously there's like a down payment.

You're still buying the house if there's a mortgage that you're paying.

Right.

So she's not paying rent.

She's helping buy the house.

Yes.

Right.

Yes.

Yes, that she is.

So

by paying off the mortgage, she is investing.

in the whole house.

Yes.

Yes.

She's paying her rent and she's paying her close to half.

If the mortgage payment is $2,800, she's paying damn near basically half of it.

And yeah, over time, it's like, oh, thank you for helping me buy this house.

If the relationship doesn't work out, it's like, that's tough.

All I'm seeing is that I'm like, I don't really care who's right and wrong.

This is a situation where resentment is, of course, going to get built up.

Both ways.

Both ways.

Both ways, absolutely.

And so I'm just like, I don't think this is going to work.

Right.

They're like, you should, oh, she's not applying herself.

That was like,

that feels like not part of this conversation.

That feels like a different thing that you're thinking.

OP's partner agreed to this situation, right?

Right.

Of course, they agree.

I think they're,

I'm not sure how they are putting this because it's like, OP is, this is buying her house.

She is buying her house.

The rent situation is, it's just a situation that's going to cause resentment.

Like, because over time, if she does and then they break up, it's like, all right, I

buy your house.

Now it is also rent, but it's like, I don't know.

This is not a, this doesn't feel like a partnership.

This feels like you're roommates now.

And it's, right.

It's, I don't know.

It's just, uh,

and then it's like, I want you to be my sugar mama, but then like, no, I don't want that.

But then it's like, you don't want to pay rent anymore.

Am I right on that's what she said?

The girlfriend doesn't want to pay rent anymore.

Or she's being like fussy about it, I guess.

That way, like,

the girlfriend is saying the quiet part out loud.

Like, it's, there is a lot of, like,

I don't know.

There's a lot of.

There's so, this is so.

This is layered.

This is layered.

It's like, and it's all about power dynamics a little bit.

Like at the end of the day, yeah, at the end of the day, like love is love.

Love is love.

That's lovely.

Thank you.

But like money is such a specific thing that gets in the like it's a power thing and it

always has a space at the table, unfortunately.

And that's just like what we live in.

Yeah.

And it affects stuff.

It's a huge thing.

And you know, there's, there's, we talk about like romantic trust all the time, right?

it's like you got to trust your partner But it's like financial trust is a whole other massive as equally as important situation and we have a situation where I'm like oh I think you guys sound like you have a great relationship You don't financially trust each other.

No, and that's not sustainable and that ultimately is trust.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Like trust is trust love is love.

There you go.

I looked at you again.

I know

So

people have completely different views and values in regards to money similar to like every other aspect of relationships.

And it sounds like they have completely different values and they skated over that.

Yeah, they avoided it until there's a house involved.

Until it became you have to deal with it.

She believes everything should be 50-50.

Her partner clearly doesn't view it that way.

And like there is not one right or wrong way.

It even gets into culturally sometimes people

believe one thing.

They just have to agree.

It's just actually then treating each other equally is the hard part.

I think their communication sounds really bad because the girlfriend is constantly making all these jokes of like, you're going to be my sugar mom and now you can pay for dinner like saying all these jokes.

But I'm like, are you guys really having an actual conversation of what is real in this relationship because when you don't and then you're making all these jokes it's like sometimes jokes feel a little real when there's too many of them all the time yep uh

so like i said the verdict was not the asshole i definitely can agree with that uh comments not the asshole she made it sound like jokes but she's been telling you all along that she expects you to support her financially so i don't know why you seem surprised that she would renege you on your paying to live there.

Also, she was hiding debt while pushing you toward joint finances.

That is a pretty significant problem.

If you don't want to be her ATM for the rest of your lives, you should reconsider the entire relationship.

I will say,

I've talked about how I think cheating is in regards to a lot of things.

Hiding severe debt with a partner that you were going to like,

that is like a kind of cheating to me.

And that's...

Lying.

Yeah.

Someone said, not the asshole.

In my opinion, there is no good reason why someone with a stable income should not contribute towards paying for their share of the house they live in you don't have joint funds you're not married and yet she won't even cover anything towards it you're paying for her to live there you're being more than generous i don't know the situation with the groceries or furnishing the home the house but that still wouldn't change my answer seems like she's clearly using you lastly someone said info how big is the house bedrooms bathrooms and how does what you're charging her compare to rent prices in your area Did you and your girlfriend try and buy this house together and realize finances wouldn't work?

Or did you realize that early on, on, find this house and buy it on your own?

The reason I see this getting kinda into everyone sucks here territory is if she's paying a larger portion of the mortgage than she would as a strict tenant, especially if she didn't have any say in the house and what rent figures would look like for her.

The biggest issue with these types of situations is when people sit on the fence and blur lines.

She absolutely should be paying rent, no question.

But I do think it's tricky figuring out a fair amount and that's why there needs to be a clear discussion about the future of the house as the relationship grows.

Even outside of this issue, it's probably a good idea to talk more about each of your opinions on how bills should be split.

Plenty of couples do a strict 50-50, but plenty others split it proportional to income.

I think that comment summed up exactly what I was trying to figure out.

And I think I didn't know how I felt.

What I was trying to figure out about this story,

and I think that summed it up well, is that there doesn't seem to be a plan in place for the future.

It's just like, yes, this is fair.

part aspects of this seem fair, but it just also feels murky.

Yeah.

Also that commenter, this is Reddit, not a textbook.

They could have written that a little more dumb for me.

I know.

That's just a note.

I'm stupid.

That's just a note.

I don't understand.

This situation just feels so real.

This is such a like...

You can't make that up.

There's not a lot of black and white with it.

This is like a very, very real, like, above my pay grade issue that, like, this is, like, frankly, I'm like, you need to talk to a real therapist about this.

Like, this is, because these are real issues that people face every day.

And financial stuff splits up relationships constantly because it is tricky.

And because, like, you are in a situation where she's absolutely in the right.

And it's like, your partner sees money so differently than you.

And, like, you got to work that out.

That's tough.

I, yeah.

Wow.

Interesting.

I'm very curious for takes in the comments.

OP did not respond to any comments,

but I'm sure they hopefully took a lot of that advice.

Damn.

Yeah.

Wow.

Wow.

That's a fascinating one.

Yeah.

All right.

Our next story.

Am I the asshole for saying yes to my boyfriend's public proposal and then turning him down in private?

Oh,

there we go.

Yeah, you know.

Another real one.

Oh.

Yikes.

Oh, cuddle, cuddle up.

So this is a 26-year-old woman.

So my boyfriend, who's 28, and I have been dating for about three years.

Things have been good, but I've been clear that I'm not ready for marriage just yet.

I've told him I need more time to feel comfortable with such a big step.

Well, a few weeks ago, we went to a big party hosted by his family for his dad's 60th.

I noticed that he was acting a little nervous but didn't think much of it.

Then, during the event, he got everyone's attention, got down on one knee, and proposed to me in front of all his friends and family.

I was completely caught off guard and panicked.

Now, I've heard stories about how rejecting someone in public can humiliate them, and I really didn't want to do that to him, especially in front of everyone he cares about.

So I said yes in the moment, everyone cheered, and he looked so happy.

I felt horrible for misleading him, but I didn't know what else to do.

After the party, on the car ride home, I told him privately and explained that while I love him, I'm not ready to get married yet, and that I only said yes to avoid embarrassing him in front of everyone.

I thought being honest in private was the best thing to do.

He got really upset and said I'd humiliated him even more because now he has to go back and tell everyone that we're not actually engaged.

He said I should have just said no at the party if that's how I felt.

I feel terrible that I've hurt him and put him in this position, but I also feel like he put me on the spot in front of everyone without considering my feelings.

We've yet to tell his family or anyone, and they keep calling and texting to give their congrats, which is upsetting him even more.

And I'm seeing videos his friends posted online of him getting on one knee, so it's pretty public now.

So Reddit, am I the asshole?

Should I have just said no in public or was I right to spare him the embarrassment in the moment?

Okay,

he put himself in that position.

Yeah.

From not

all my friends who have gotten engaged have had so many conversations.

Are we getting married?

Let's get engaged.

Great.

And then it just becomes, how will I surprise you with me proposing to you because we're already

deciding to get married?

Yes, but it's also, I think, especially with a moment that that is a huge moment in your life, like an engagement.

I think it's important to like, like, know what your partner wants or doesn't want.

And if you're not even, like, it's just good to know, like, oh, like,

yeah.

But it sounds like she didn't even want an engagement that way.

She just wasn't ready for that.

Which means they were not even communicating at the base level what this is.

This is like, put your seatbelt on, talk it out.

Right.

This is your future.

Yeah.

And we should be clear that at the beginning of this, she writes, things have been good, but I've been clear that I'm not ready for marriage just yet.

She, so they have had relationship talks, and she has said, I'm not ready for marriage.

So, you know, because as you said, like every couple who like gets married, at least that we know, usually like basically agrees they're going to get married.

And then it's like, okay, now the proposal.

Now it goes on how to do it.

The proposal is a surprise.

And some people even talk about like what they would want.

Yeah, some people don't want it like that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But they have had the talks and she says, I'm not ready.

What is hard about this this that I think it goes back to like the specifics of like you should really get even in the weeds with this is like in the in the age of social media There is no going back like yeah, everyone takes out their phone immediately like I think the person who is getting proposed to needs to consent to having people around at that proposal Yeah and like because if you're not ready for that and you want to have a crucial conversation that would have been the time but everyone's phones are immediately

and you know here's the thing she was being considerate of him probably in that way where he's embarrassed that there's this, there's this video of him proposing to her going around everywhere.

But videos of people getting denied a proposal go very viral.

Yeah.

And he would have been mad at her for that.

Right.

He was going to get upset either way.

He was just

she was, there was no situation where she's getting out of this.

I'm trying to think of what I would do because you say yes, you're humiliating him.

You say no, you're humiliating him.

So like you say yes, you take it back, you're humiliating him.

You say no and you're humiliating him.

So I'd be like, if you did that, I'd be like,

oh my God, oh my God, wait.

I have to go to the bathroom.

Come with me.

I'm in a barf.

So you get out of the zone.

I don't want to do this.

We can't do this on camera.

All right.

I'd be like, come to the bathroom with me or something.

But that requires, you are an improviser.

Yeah.

Most people are not.

You're so like, I'm just trying to think, yeah, how do you get him out of the room and everyone disarm without freaking him out?

Yeah.

It was never going to to be easy.

She was doomed.

Intimidating to do it with his family.

This guy set himself up.

He didn't set her up.

Or he just wasn't really thinking and he kind of shut down because he knew.

A lot of people, I think, are scared that

to actually critically think about it because then they're going to have honest thoughts.

So they shut down and they go, oh, let's do it.

It's ultimately such a red flag that they've had conversations and she said, I'm not ready for marriage.

And he didn't pay attention or completely disregarded it to this level.

And then brought it back.

That's major.

She also could have maybe not made it clear that she's not ready for marriage, but at the very least, we know from her writing that she is not telling him she wants to get married.

Exactly.

And if you don't have that,

then end of story.

Not the asshole.

He asked you publicly when you'd been clear that you're not ready for marriage yet.

You were nice by not embarrassing him.

Someone said, not the asshole.

Also, he hijacked his father's birthday and made it about him and you.

Not cool.

Someone else said, not the asshole.

This could have been written by me.

If you see him as a future husband, then I'd recommend just having a long engagement instead of ending the engagement usually ending an engagement means the whole relationship is over and him having to explain that you're not engaged but still together will raise a lot of questions not to mention it'll be a black mark against you in the eyes of his family and friends if however you don't see yourself marrying him at all then call it quits now if he wants marriage if you don't want it or don't want it with him then you have different ideas of the future if you're not on board with ever marrying him then it's just cruel to stay in a relationship with him.

I told my now husband a few days after the engagement that while I absolutely saw myself marrying him, I wasn't ready yet now, and I told him I wanted a long engagement.

He understood and we were engaged for nine years before we eventually got married.

We've now been married for seven years and have two kids.

OP responded to this saying, I guess you're right.

I didn't want to admit it because I love him but there are a few internal reasons why I hesitate to marry him.

First, my parents do not really approve of him and I know I'm a grown woman, I shouldn't care what they think, blah blah blah.

And to be honest, they've sort of come around to him, but marriage is a big step and I don't want to hear the whole I don't want to see you make a decision you're going to regret talk also I'm only admitting this because Reddit is anonymous but I kind of want him to get his life together just a little bit before we get married he doesn't have a stable job yet and I don't want to be that naggy girlfriend but I just want us to be financially stable before we tie the knot and possibly bring kids into the world we could survive with my salary as a vet but Maybe it's selfish of me, but I would like to see him contribute a bit more to the pot as well so it doesn't feel like my money, but more our money.

I don't know, maybe that's my own problem, though.

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I think that's very reasonable.

That's incredible.

You're also allowed to just be like, I'm just not ready yet.

I don't feel ready to marry this person.

But finances are an absolutely huge thing for people, and there's nothing wrong with that.

I was going to pitch long engagement earlier, but I wasn't sure if it was kosher.

Yeah, that's completely.

Sounds like they're okay besides him doing this red flag moment and then and then just kind of like you know not really getting it all together just yet.

But like outside of that, it seems like it might be okay.

So yeah, maybe just more time needs to pass.

For sure.

She's doing the thing that happens a lot with these posts where she's like, I'm admitting this because this is an anonymous forum and I'm sharing all these honest thoughts.

It's like, you need to share these honest thoughts with him.

Yeah.

Like you do need to tell him, like, these are my reasons why I'm not ready for marriage.

Because if you don't share that, they might not change.

You can't expect change if you're not talking about it.

Right.

Oof.

Well, I don't think it's horrible.

No.

But it's interesting.

Yeah.

Our next one.

Am I the asshole?

My girlfriend got mad that I didn't defend her, but she was clearly in the wrong.

These are stories where I'm like, dude.

This is great.

Woo!

Let me know.

Had dinner with my girlfriend and some friends last night, and it got awkward fast.

One of my friends called her out on something pretty mild, basically just saying she was being kind of rude to the waiter.

She had an attitude the whole night, rolling her eyes and being snappy.

I wasn't about to jump in and defend that, so I just kind of sat there.

After we left, she went off on me, saying I should have had her back no matter what.

I told her I'm not going to blindly defend someone when they're actually wrong, and now she's pissed, calling me disloyal.

My take is, if you're being rude, you should own it, not expect people to cover for you.

But she says partners should be a team no matter what.

Am I the asshole for not backing her up?

Uh oh boy.

I thought I wasn't sure what being wrong was gonna mean but being rude to a waiter is rude to a waiter is so hard for me

as someone who has been that waiter no I can't stand someone being rude to a waiter dude that's like a that's a that's a red flag I can't get past I've I've been pitched the like you know we need to be a team no matter what and that's it's like That is a blanket statement, which covers things that it shouldn't cover is usually like the tactic of that statement, you know?

Sometimes wrong people say we have to be a team no matter what yeah sometimes people who are manipulative say we need to be a team no matter what that's fully what like a criminal in a movie says like a mob boss says that you're right before it tells you that's the departed literally and it's like i don't know if teamwork is always right good like you want to have your partner's back

like you know you want to support your partner you want to you know you know work together you know yes of course but when it's like oh you were just

evil

you just quoted Satan.

Then like, I can't.

Yeah.

There has to be like reasonable human morals that are a part of that statement.

And don't you want honesty from your partner?

Right.

Like, that's the team.

That's the team.

It's sharpening each other.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And being like, hey, bad look, bud, with respect and good communication.

But like,

I still love you.

Nothing's wrong with bad luck.

I have.

best friends that I love for to death and they're two sisters.

And it's fun though.

It's funny though, because sometimes when we get into arguments, they will always have each other's backs.

And it's hard for me because I'm like, no matter what,

you guys are going to gang up on me.

You're going to fight against people.

I hate that.

And they don't intentionally do that.

They love me so much, but it's just like having each other's backs sometimes isn't, doesn't breed like a great environment.

Because I mean, and they love me and it's fine, but growing up in high school, it was like insane because then you'd go against the family.

And you're like, oh, no.

and I don't think anybody wants to just blindly be followed like that or blindly agree I mean this person apparently yeah I just don't think it's a good look most of them most of the worst things that have ever happened in history come from like a group of people who are like well we're not gonna call each other out on anything that's wrong and we're all gonna stand in unison no that's that's that is how bad things happen and like how they have the wife that look the other way or whatever also she's talking about him being disloyal and not being a team member to him it's like you're not really being a team member when you're being an asshole in public like next to to your partner.

Like,

you're being inconsiderate to the waiter.

You're also being inconsiderate to just everyone.

You're putting everyone in an awkward position.

True, exactly.

So fuck you.

Yeah.

Hell yeah.

Be on my boat.

I'm going to sink it, but be on it.

The verdict was not official, but majority says not the asshole.

Okay.

Yeah.

Comments, not the asshole.

Supporting your partner doesn't mean blindly defending bad behavior.

If she was being rude, it's reasonable not to take her side.

A real partnership includes holding each other accountable, not just covering for each other no matter what.

OP said, this is what I told her, but she doesn't seem to understand.

Someone said, in my opinion, not the asshole.

If she's always rude to wait staff and those in the service industry, I'd personally walk away from the relationship.

If it's just a one-off, everyone has a bad day.

I don't view that as mild, and I would bring it up just like your friends did.

Lastly, someone said, not the asshole.

I generally agree with backing up your partner in public and correcting them in private, but since she was being rude to someone who was just doing their job, you did the right thing by not defending her.

She can't expect not to be held accountable for her behavior.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I thought this was situation was going to be so different, but.

Same.

No, rude to a waiter is like stereotypical.

It's instant.

That's stereotypical asshole behavior, man.

You can't do that.

You can't do that.

You can't.

For those of you at home, it's almost never the waiter's fault.

The kitchen, maybe, for example, maybe the printer is malfunctioning and the

mac and cheese didn't make it to the back.

Then it's no one's fault.

These people are working hard.

And I love you.

That last part didn't have to do with the message.

Well, damn.

Yeah.

I guess a debate now is,

should he have called her out there at the table?

That I can understand.

Or was he in the right to wait until they're in private?

I will get behind if someone doesn't want to be called out in public.

That's a vulnerable space to be in, especially as a couple.

I used to, with my ex-boyfriend, I used to be like, I don't like to fight in front of people.

It makes me uncomfortable.

And that's a boundary for me.

Like, if we want to talk and talk about something going on under the hood, I don't want to do it in front of people.

It's just, and that's a boundary.

That's a personal boundary.

Yeah.

I'm someone who's, I've said this, I'm afraid of confrontation, but I try to find ways of like, how can I like throw something out there without, like, if I'm, I don't really think I've been in this situation before, but if I'm at a table with people and someone's being rude to a waiter, depends on how rude, right?

Like maybe just mild rudeness where I'm like, okay, they're just in a bad mood and they're treating everyone this way.

But I might,

I might try to throw something out of just like, oh man, it seems like they're understaffed today.

Like, just throw something out there to be like, hey, like.

Hey, maybe it's not the one.

Let's consider other options here.

Yeah.

I think for me, it would be about how they're being rude to the waiter.

Yeah.

Because if they're being consistently rude to this waiter,

I would then be like, I need to stop this from continuing.

You know, it's like, okay.

We're going to interact with them probably five more times tonight.

So let's be nice.

You know, then I would probably be like, hey, we can talk about this later, but like, be nice.

I don't, I'm luckily not friends with anyone who's rude to wait staff.

Same.

I don't like that.

Also, like, so many of my friends have been with wait staff.

That's the thing, is like, especially in LA, everyone asks.

Yeah.

So I can't really fathom it.

Right.

If I was with someone who was, they'd be kind of a stranger to me.

Exactly.

And that's a little bit of a scarier situation.

But.

Oh, also,

if you befriend your waiter, you often get free things or a discount

or an enjoyable experience.

I've typically found that by just being chill and not doing what so many people do, things will work out.

Yes, yes.

It's those like little finger trap things, right?

Like the more that you get upset, the more that's like, it's like, hey, things are not going to happen for you.

It's the same with like airports.

When it's like, yeah, if you yell at them enough, maybe they'll get their spare airplane out.

But it's like,

there's an old tweet that's like, that's like, oh, they keep their spare airplanes back there if you yell at them

you yell at a low-level

so one time one time Courtney and I were at a restaurant and um we were we were not being like oh we weren't like being overtly nice.

We were just chill we were just being

by

sure like she at one point was like I'm so sorry things are taking so long and it's like things were not taking long.

But we were just like, oh yeah, it's no problem.

We're just hanging out like whatever.

And I think there was a table clearly where they were being assholes.

And maybe she was doing this as a means of maybe, I don't know, in retrospect.

But she like kept coming by, just being like, thank you guys so much for being so nice.

And we kept being like, oh yeah, whatever.

Like, we're chilling.

And then she, at one point, it was just like, what, what are you guys drinking?

And we're just like, oh, we're drinking this.

And then she literally just brings shots to us.

And she's like, hey, let's do shots like together.

And I'm like, we're like,

that's table skate.

She's fucking me up.

And then she's shot.

And then later, and then she's like, you guys want dessert?

And we're just like, oh, I think we're good.

Like, whatever.

And then she brings this huge fucking sun date to us.

And we're just like, okay,

like, cool.

That feels like a fun table sentence.

And

I wondered, what I'm saying is, I wonder if the table that was being assholes was nearby enough that she was just like, party.

But we were just like, hey, we're just chilling.

Like, she kept thanking us.

And I'm like, we're not being nice.

We're just treating you like a human.

But that's rare.

It's a bare minimum at this point.

It's awful.

Yeah, it's wild.

Anyways.

So our last story comes from relationship advice.

This is written by, OP is a 21-year-old woman.

That's our age.

Drunkenly.

A little bit older.

Drunkenly kissed a lifelong friend, 22-year-old man, at a party and he told me he loved me.

How do I approach this?

Ooh.

Ooh.

Oh my God.

Jokingly kissed?

Drunkenly kissed.

Drunkenly.

It's like,

I love you.

Okay.

I mean, the title is pretty much it.

James and I have been friends since second grade.

We have shared practically everything with each other, been there for each other when no one else was.

We tell each other, I love you pretty often.

He is my family.

I don't drink much, ever, and James had begged me to come with him to his friend's apartment for drinks and games.

I decided to let loose, bad move on my part, and drank too much.

He had a bit to drink as well, but not nearly as much.

He saw I was warm and loopy, so he took me out for some fresh air.

Honestly, this bit is pretty fuzzy.

I just remember laughing and going to kiss his cheek like I would my mother, but it didn't end that way.

I missed and kind of hit the corner of his mouth, and he took that as an invitation to really kiss me.

We kind of made out, and

then he told me he loved me, and I told him I loved him too, because that's what we always say.

But he responded with something like, no, like, I am in love with you.

And then I puked in a bush and he took me home.

Still quite embarrassed.

Superstar.

Still quite embarrassed about it.

It has been a couple days and neither of us has brought it up.

I am kind of confused about my feelings.

I haven't really been in love before, but I do love him and have always considered him my person.

Am I being obtuse?

How can I bring the topic up with him?

Because I do want to discuss it once I figure myself out.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

So she's, she's not like absolutely saying I'm not into him.

She's just like, I got to figure this out.

Right.

I got to figure this out.

Yeah.

So then maybe she goes, I blacked out.

What happened?

No.

No.

That's a lie.

That's a lie.

You shouldn't do that.

You shouldn't do that.

Don't do that.

Don't do that.

What?

Oh, gosh, this is a tough spot to be in.

Man, these stories are just so real dilemmas.

I think if she just says, hey, like,

I'm pretty sure we made out last night or whatever night ago.

I think we should take some time to think about it.

And just, you know, let it cook in our bodies.

And then let's talk about it in like, you know, three months.

I think you could, in a very delicate and respectful way, just be like, hey, like I clocked all that.

Like the context was pretty wild.

We were drinking.

Like I think I need to like sit on it with a sober mind.

Right.

Yes, exactly.

And be like, it's just, we weren't grounded in reality.

We were drugged up.

Like, you know, like we were on alcohol.

And if I think if I'm him and I'm in the situation where you drink a little bit too much too, it sounds like,

I would probably be like, yeah,

don't take what I said.

Like,

I drank way too much.

That was a lot.

I don't know what was coming over me, but I'll think, let's take some time to think about this.

Because then you can kind of like bring it back down to a grounded level and be like, would we want to like hang out sometime?

Do you want to go on a date sometime?

Like, you can kind of like, instead of being like, I'm in love with you, you can be like, hey, let's just see.

Like, are we interested?

Yeah, yeah.

There's a way for this to recover if it needs to be just friends.

They have the ability.

Yeah.

I think so.

Yeah.

Comments.

He took care of you when you were drunk.

Maybe it could work.

You're both young, but it could be the greatest thing for you both.

Good luck.

OP said, it feels like a lot to put on the line for maybe, so I'm struggling with that, but thanks for your support.

Someone said, he almost guaranteed has had a crush on you for a long time, but sounds scared to say it.

You sound unsure, but maybe open.

What I can say from my own perspective is give it a try.

The friendship likely won't last if there is a romance doing, and one of you will end up resenting the other or getting jealous when they start dating other people, and the friendship will fizzle out or become a shell of what it is now.

On the other hand, you may get a relationship with someone you already know and trust if you try to go for the romance.

OP responded, I am slowly realizing that I am at the point of no return.

This perspective is genuinely helpful.

Makes me feel a little less dread.

Someone said, I say you guys do a real kiss sober.

You'll know if it's there or not.

It most likely is for him.

I can tell you that by just being a dude and what you wrote.

See if it is for you.

If it is, good luck.

If it isn't, be honest with him and hopefully you can make the friendship work and he can move on and stop wondering.

And my advice is based on only if you've wondered about it yourself.

If you 100% without a shred of a doubt, know you are only into him as a friend and wouldn't want anything more, don't do what I said.

If you've wondered but have been afraid to ruin the friendship, do what I said.

Y'all gotta know or not, life's too fucking short.

OP said, I won't lie and say I am not curious.

I was pretty inebriated, but I was definitely into it.

I guess I just lost all inhibitions.

But I am not sure the alcohol was the only reason.

I just worry worry about leading him on or giving him false hope.

I care about him so much, I can't imagine hurting him like that.

I'm not worried about my love life.

I am just worried about forever altering our relationship.

It affects people we love too.

Our families are friends.

Our mothers get brunch together every other week.

Maybe I'm just putting too much pressure on this, but it really feels like a big deal.

Seriously, thank you for this advice, though.

I do see now that something will inevitably change.

Kind of stupid to try and hold off the inevitable.

It's not stupid, it's just

change is scary, but this feels like it's got to happen.

Either you got to get shit off, shit, or get out to pay.

Yeah, it definitely needs to be worked out.

Also, there's something to be said about like a relationship that's lasted that long, a relationship like a friendship, you know, like that's lasted that long.

If, you know,

this, like, you have a stronger ability to recover if it's like someone gets let down, as long as you have like a, you know, a healthy adult.

communication thing going on where it's like like if you have a if they do date and then it's like you know what this isn't really what i want then you have like a nice breakup where you just you know like talk about it and like you know maybe someone's hurt but like you have that structure that you can lean back on right so it's like it also it kind of makes sense their age to me a little bit because I remember believing that relationships like things in life change, but relationships don't.

Like you're my best friend for life and nothing's going to change that.

And then people move away and you're like, nothing's changing.

We're still best friends.

And I think like growing older, no matter what, relationships change.

but like things are gonna variables are gonna come into your life that are gonna alter relationships yes and if it's his feelings or a job or moving or anything like that or their parents it just feels like no matter what this was coming so you you can't like drag your feet you gotta just like and there's also the thing of like hey if you guys are really solid friends like

It's okay to try something and see if you guys can still be friends afterwards.

If he's a good person and you're a good person,

it'll probably it could be okay.

I also think like it might just be a lot of fear coming up that's in the way.

And that's why sometimes people like to drink to just silence that and just let your gut do it, whatever.

Yeah.

Which is a scary situation to be in because sometimes fear, I don't know.

It just feels like she's living in the what if, what if.

She's also saying like, oh, I'm afraid to dip my toes in the water.

It's like, you guys have already jumped in.

Like.

It's already there.

Yeah.

But your pants.

You can't.

I totally

had this situation a little bit in college where it was just like, I don't want to shit where I eat.

I don't want to like date people around and like sometimes you just get close to people and feelings happen and you can't really be like well we got to go back yeah yeah

update

I knew it they're in love they have to be they're in love and they have to be you think it worked out and a half children there's no way don't ask about the half

don't ask about the half dumped on ABC yeah oh I'm dying to know please be in love if they're not I'm gonna never believe in love it's a lot on the line

we'll see this will determine everything.

Someone mentioned something about an update.

I'm not sure if this is how it is meant to be done, so I don't know if anyone will ever see this, but this is how I am doing it.

So we talked and I was honest.

I have been way overthinking this and really just confusing myself more and more.

I came to terms with the fact that I was truly very into the kiss and enjoyed the thought of kissing him even more when I was sober.

So I told him that.

But I also told him how nervous I have been about our relationship because I have thought of him as someone who will be in my life forever since sixth grade, and I have never been lucky in love.

The thought of us parting ways because our relationship goes south makes me feel legitimately ill, and I told him that too.

I started off with the talking because he knew it was coming and I could tell he was incredibly nervous.

But he seemed to loosen up as I continued.

He actually smiled a little.

After I finished my speech, he said, can I say something cheesy but true?

And I naturally replied with yes.

He told me that he has loved me since middle school and that he never thought it would get this far.

I am still utterly shocked by this.

I seriously have never known.

I was getting all flustered and shy because of a man I have literally shared everything with, which is bonkers.

When I am with him, I am the most unapologetic version of myself, but he had me blushing.

That pretty much solidified it for me.

The only thing left to discuss was how to move forward, and he took the initiative and asked what it was that I wanted to do about this.

I had been thinking about this for a day or so since unraveling how I felt about him.

I suggested that we go on a real date, not just a hangout, if he would be okay with that.

I understand that at this point, he is much deeper into this than I am, so I don't want to do anything anything to hurt him.

But committing super hard would be a lie on my end, and this feels necessary to explore.

Honestly, it is a possibility that he could find out that I was better in his head or something.

Anyway, he agreed, and we are giving it a shot.

I am very happy, and he seems to be as well.

He was absolutely grinning once I offered up the date idea.

He was tickled that I asked him out.

It was very cute.

So, thank you to everyone for your suggestions and support.

It was surprisingly helpful.

This post was more like a diary entry than anything else, and reading it back is kind of cringe, but I am grateful nonetheless.

If anyone is reading this, have a great day.

You too!

It exists!

And at the end she says this is going to be totally sigma.

So

very smart person.

The way that she was like, you know, I don't want to lead mom.

I need to do these kinds of steps.

And it's like, wow,

how about that?

Yeah, very, very good.

Wow.

Love's real.

That was awesome.

Honestly, love is real.

That's so good tonight now.

That was awesome.

Yeah.

I'm glad we ended on that note.

Yeah.

They can deal with their finances later.

Yeah, absolutely.

This was one of the most interesting episodes I think we've ever had.

Yeah, this was the most complicated, like, gray area stories.

Yeah, I'm going to be thinking about these a lot, and I'm really curious about the comments on this one.

I'm so curious people's takes on so much of this because these are really like

real, like everyday issues that people face.

These are human stories.

These are human stories we're telling.

It's an open dialogue that we're having between human and human to figure out what matters most.

That's how the godfather starts.

Thank you both for being here.

Thank you.

This is awesome.

This is really cool.

And thank you for watching.

Let us know what other themes and subreddits you want us to cover on this show.

We'll see you next Saturday.

Bye.

Bye.

Hope your waffles were yummy.

Ooh, waffles this time.

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