Why Would They Do This? | Reading Reddit Stories

Welcome back to Reddit Stories.

I'm Shane and today's theme is all about embarrassing stories and I'm here with two huge embarrassments, Courtney and Ian.

I was not prepared for that.

Honestly, I wasn't prepared, but fair.

Before we get into this, I've been told, Ian, you have something to tell us.

I do, yeah.

So I was...

I was very inspired by the roommates episode.

Okay.

There's specifically one story in there that was about

someone deleting a Baldur's Gate save.

Yes.

All because of

what was it?

Oh, they ate their beans.

Yeah.

One roommate ate the other roommate's beans.

But they're very nice beans, we've been informed.

What beans were they?

Rancho Gordo beans.

Oh, right.

So I brought a surprise.

Did you make chili with Rancho Gordo beans?

I brought Rancho Gordo beans.

Oh my gosh.

Let's bring it up.

Yugat beans.

Yugat beans.

Yugat beans.

Nice throw.

So if you guys want any specific varietals, let me know.

I got lots of beans.

I gotta be honest, if someone ate these beans,

seeing the quality of them, if someone ate these beans, I think you are legally allowed to kill them.

You know, like if they stole these beans, you got a haul of beans.

I wanted to treat everybody.

Look, they match the marketing, like, matches my jeans.

Whoa, you've been wearing Rancho Gordo pants this whole time.

Everyone is welcome to beans.

Ian, the bean man.

That's uh.

That's what they call me now.

I'm sure that's what one of the wise men wanted to bring, Jesus.

Beans?

I brought some beans.

Frankincense.

The others are like,

dude.

You brought gold.

You brought beans?

I came all the the way from Mexico, dude.

You better appreciate this.

And this time, that's crazy.

It is.

Wow, Ian, thank you.

Lovely.

Thank you.

Holy crap.

The gift of beans.

You're welcome.

Oh, the gift of beans, too.

Okay.

I thought you were about to tell us an embarrassing story.

Yeah, me too.

You just showered us with it.

It was pretty embarrassing that we thought that you would tell an embarrassing story.

You know, I'm a changed man.

Now, all I give is beans.

I don't know if I think the most embarrassing thing, it's not embarrassing because you did it to yourself, but

on Bit City, I don't know if your incredible bit is out yet or not.

But that's about as close as it gets to embarrassing stories.

PBL?

PBL, man.

Once PBL happens, if it's out or not, once you see it, come back to this video and comment.

About PBL.

About PBL.

Yeah.

Okay.

PBL Drizzy.

God.

Holy shit.

Someone should Photoshop that.

Someone will.

PBL Drizzy.

Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah.

Okay, let's get into some embarrassing stories here.

Our first one,

it comes from R Today I Fucked Up.

Whoa.

Today I fucked up by accidentally revealing my students' paternity during a genetics lesson.

Ooh,

okay.

I'm a student supplemental instructor at my university for genetics.

My job basically revolves around reinforcing concepts already taught by the professor as an optional side course.

Earlier this semester while going over parental blood typing I got to explaining how having an AB blood type works as opposed to AO, half A type A, or AA, full A type A, in little genetics Punnett squares.

I asked if anyone knew their parents' blood type to the class and someone raised their hand and told me that his father is AB and his mother is type A and that he is type O, which is impossible.

I went through with the activity for some reason and ended up having to explain to him that the only way this can happen is if his mother is AO and his father was type O, AO, or BO.

He now doesn't know if he's adopted or if his mom cheated on his dad.

After the session, I walked over to the genetics professor's office and confirmed with her that this is impossible and she said she'd be mortified to try to tell him the truth behind that and hoped he was misremembering.

Fast forward to today, a friend of his updated me and said that he confirmed the blood types and has kept it to himself and figured out he wasn't adopted.

I ruined how he sees his mother, and I kind of feel guilty about it.

At least he did well on his exam.

Uh-oh.

That has to be like the lamest way to find out that your mom cheated.

Like through science.

Through science.

Through like some genetics

class.

That's That's kind of nuts now that he knows his mom cheated

and his parents don't know that he knows and his dad maybe doesn't even know.

So his dad, so his real dad is a type O probably or something?

Yeah, or AO.

Yeah.

That's the only possibility.

That's crazy, bro.

That's nuts.

Yeah.

That's devastating.

I just want to know like how that how that question was even posed of being like, hey, mom, just like wondering, like, am I adopted?

Like, why?

Well, because he's, I think they said, a friend of his updated me and said that he confirmed the blood types and has kept it to himself and figured out he wasn't, he figured out he wasn't adopted.

Yeah.

So he knows that he's his mom's son, but that his mom cheated on his.

So he knows that for sure.

But how does he bring that up to his mom?

And will he bring it up to his mom?

I mean.

Yeah, like what are the circumstances?

Do y'all know your blood types?

I believe I'm typo.

I don't know.

I might be like

AB negative or B negative or

sounds like I'm a negative person.

How do you know it's negative?

I just remember there was a negative.

Oh, there was a negative?

Okay.

Yeah.

I think typo is the most common.

I thought typo was universal donor.

Is that AB?

I think O is.

I thought A positive was.

I think O is positive.

We're so far out of biology, man.

Yeah.

Oh, I think it is universal donor, right?

I think all of us,

if we all band our minds together, we can pass a high school biology test.

It just depends on who we listen to when.

We definitely understand blood pretty well.

I have blood.

Do you have blood?

I think so.

Oh, God.

I don't know.

I've never bled.

Whoa.

Nobody has ever struck me.

Oh, God.

I'm just kidding.

What would you do if you found out that your blood didn't match match your dad?

That'd be crazy, man.

I'm pretty sure it...

You know, the way I know, I kind of figured out my blood type before I went and got,

I donated blood, and that's how I eventually.

But I have my grandpa's dog tags from when he was in Vietnam, and it has their blood type on it.

Yeah.

Because, you know,

they'd be.

They'd be negative.

Shock.

They'd be positive.

Sometimes they end blood.

Sometimes

at war, you know, that tends to happen.

At war.

So I guess that.

So I think I'm O positive.

That's pretty positive.

That's a point because your grandpa's name, your grandpa's name is Opa.

Yeah.

I call him my OPA O positive.

That's what's wrong with me.

That's good.

Some comments here.

I have 100% read this exact story before.

Someone said, because it happens a lot more than people realize.

Ooh.

And then someone said, exact same thing happened at my high school.

The curriculum got changed after that.

The kids' parents got divorced.

Someone said, yeah, Mendel's peas seem like a lot safer subject matter now.

Are you going to like learn less

because they're trying to like protect people from finding out that they're not biological?

But it's also though that the students are maybe getting made fun of or bullied.

I just found out that.

That's where I understand in high school, it's like, oh, you don't want to be publicly finding out something.

No, no, no.

That's respecting people's privacy.

In university, though, it's like, hey, you seriously want to be a geneticist?

Like, I'm sorry.

We're not going to take away how we do things for that reason.

You're there because you're paying to be there.

It's a little bit of a different thing.

Absolutely.

To me, and also, like, in university, it doesn't have the same school dynamic as high school.

Yeah, and well, and you're like, everyone's like a lot more adult and a lot more mature in how they handle those things.

And I don't even know.

I actually bullied more in college.

Yeah.

That's amazing.

Didn't you do a semester?

Yeah, a semester.

Yeah, he got actually.

He just bullied so hard.

He bullied.

I'm done.

I'm done, man.

I did my bullying.

He specialized in blood bullying.

Yeah.

So he bullied me.

I go into those genetics classes and be like, all right, which one of you is adopted?

I specialized in blood bullying.

Sounds like a build in Elden Ring.

Last comment here.

Maybe you, today I fucked up more than you think because, in fact, it is possible to be O being one parent AB and the other parent AA or AO.

And OP said, yikes, I didn't know that.

I went to her office to see if there was any wacky genetics that could explain it, but just took it at face value when she said it's impossible.

Should have googled it, I guess, LOL.

That's nerve-wracking if the professor.

Like, multiple people who are being paid to teach this stuff actually were both wrong.

I look, I don't know.

Are you ever going to trust a Reddit person?

Yeah, the rando Reddit.

Reddit person's like, trust me, I know.

I know.

I have no idea.

Regardless, I think the hypothetical of if that was revealed, because I feel like that's a very realistic thing, as someone else said.

It's just like.

I feel like it probably happens more than we think.

No, that's not happening all the time.

Well, what also is crazy is 23andMe,

how much shit that reveals.

It's insane.

What if the student's mom, like maybe the dad couldn't produce?

And she needed, and they got sperm donor.

Very possible.

No cheating.

No foul play.

Yeah, you're very right.

Who knows?

Yeah.

Next story.

Today I fucked up by telling a girl she turned me gay.

Okay.

Hell yeah.

I knew it was real.

Don't you hate it when someone turns you gay?

Hey, man,

you turned me gay.

And I need you to change that back.

Change it back, please.

Change it back.

All right.

This happened a few hours ago, and my husband keeps teasing me about it.

To clarify, I'm a bisexual guy.

There's a Barnes and Noble that I frequent semi-regularly.

There's also a cute girl that works there, Megan, that I had a crush on years ago.

We liked the same books and had a few polite conversations here and there.

One day, I worked up the courage to ask her out, and she gave me her number.

But a few days later, she let me down easily, and I didn't go back to that Barnes and Noble for a while.

After the awkwardness wore off, I would go back and we'd be polite, but there was a bit of tension there.

At least I thought so anyway.

Fast forward a few years and I'm married to my wonderful husband and Megan still works at the Barnes and Noble.

I went with my husband to the Barnes and Noble and Megan was there.

She was busy, so I didn't try to have a conversation with her.

My husband was looking around on the other side of the store and I was in the manga section.

Don't judge.

I round a corner and almost bump into Megan.

I apologize and we both laugh and have small talk and talk about one of the few books Sarah J.

Moss is coming out with in January.

At some point, she notices my ring and says, congratulations, and I say thank you.

And this is how that conversation goes.

She says, I hope she makes you happy.

I hear marriage is tough.

I respond with, he does make me happy.

We've only been married a few weeks, dating for a year, and things have been smooth.

She looks at me confused.

He?

And here's my fuck-up.

I decided to be funny and say, yeah, when you rejected me, I thought I'd have more luck on the guy's side.

And I was right, so thank you for turning me.

I laughed, hoping she'd get the sarcasm in my voice, but she didn't.

She turned red in the face and tears welled up in her eyes.

Then Then she apologized and pretty much ran away into a side room before I could tell her that I was joking.

I wanted to wait for her to come out so I could apologize for the joke, but after 15 minutes, I didn't think she was coming out.

I found my husband and made a hasty retreat to the car and told him what happened.

He laughed and called me a monster jokingly.

I may need to find a new bookstore.

Uh

edit.

This blew up overnight.

Apparently it's already on TikTok.

Hasn't even been a full day.

I wasn't expecting this honestly.

To clarify some things, I am a guy.

I am also 24.

Too many people have said, wait, I thought OP was a girl.

I've seen a lot of emotional damage and D ⁇ D references to psychic damage.

While hilarious, it wasn't my intent to hurt her, just to make light of an old situation that I thought she didn't even think about anymore.

Also, Megan and I never dated.

We talked for a few days, I asked her out to the county fair, and that's when she rejected me.

She said I was the first person to ask her for her number, and she was shocked and nervous and decided to give dating a try, but she wasn't comfortable with dating.

I said, I understand, and I let it go.

I'm not sure if she's dated anyone or if she's asexual.

We're not strangers.

We talk whenever I go in and she's not busy.

She knows my name.

We're not friends, but we're friendly.

The joke may have been inappropriate, but I honestly didn't think of it that way.

I'm honestly not upset about her rejecting me.

It happened five years ago.

And no, we're not asking her for a threesome.

You know who you are.

Okay.

Huh?

I think this is funny.

This is okay, but

it's so funny that he came out to her and then he kept waiting for her to come out,

you you know, of the out of that room.

But it was just funny.

Take a look.

It's funny.

I think, like, man,

if I was by, I feel like I would use that line on so many people.

Like,

be like, yeah, just like, that's crazy.

You turned me gay.

Like, it's such a, it's such a funny, it's such a funny thing.

Like, it's weird that she took it so

poorly.

Yeah, especially because, like,

if I were to, if there was someone that I knew who who we even dated and then they say he I would be like, oh, that's great.

Like I immediately get it.

But the fact that she was like, he,

like, and then got tears in her eyes

feels like some internal feelings toward that are there.

Yeah.

But like

I can understand like if you are not super educated as a woman, you feel that you were just told you're so unattractive that that person is gay now.

Oh.

I think, but that's, that is like, you shouldn't look at it that way.

You should not look at it.

It's not about you at all.

Yeah.

And he said, like, after you rejected me, I thought I'd have more luck on the guy's side.

Like, he's not saying like.

It's weird that he brought up her rejecting him.

Like, that kind of puts her in an awkward, uncomfortable position, uncomfortable position.

He didn't have to say that.

I think even just being like, yeah, you turned me gay.

Like, that's something that, like, Spencer could probably say in this office

today.

Yeah, because I guess it sounded like he was putting the blame on her, which I guess I can understand why she would become emotional about that.

But it's such a ridiculous thing that, like, I don't know.

You would have thought they would have had the rapport at that point.

Yeah, like anyone who knows, it's just like, yeah,

I know you don't turn gay.

Like, I know, like,

you discovered this about yourself.

For sure.

He said himself in the story that he felt tension sometimes after being rejected.

So clearly, like, him making a jab at her rejecting him, that doesn't put a great

babe.

That's true.

And I'm sure that whole thing really kind of took her aback, regardless of her opinions on it.

It's true.

I think,

yeah, we don't know what's going through her head.

We don't know this person that well.

It doesn't seem like he knows her that well

because they just talk at the Barnes and Noble.

So they have that kind of rapport.

We don't know.

where her head's at.

She might be someone with a ton of anxiety or whatever.

Yeah.

We don't know why she's crying.

She could be crying just of like, oh, I hope my rejection didn't like hurt you.

even though i know you're joking it's like yeah i mean it sounds like even dating was something that she's really nervous about giving a try right she is just like a very in general nervous person yeah there could be a lot going on i have a more foundational question what

do people just have a barnes and noble person they just like

not really they just like have a rapport with like this is like a coffee shop yeah i mean if you go to a you go to barnes and noble a lot like you love going to a bookstore like yeah not so much anymore.

I used to, when I was like an unemployed actor and I had nothing to do, I would go to Barnes and Noble a lot just to hang out.

Like, I just like looking at books.

I was buying books all the time.

Yeah.

But I never had a rapport with anyone.

You just never had a dude you just dap up and like just

talk about the next like

Jane Austen novel you guys are excited about.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That next one that's coming out.

Yeah.

I hear she's about to come up with a new one.

Yeah.

But I mean, I think it's if you're, he's a regular there.

I mean, there is like like coffee shops in some of them, maybe like, I don't know.

But I mean, I definitely at one point like was going to a Starbucks to do schoolwork a lot and I had a rapport with the baristas, but I think that's more common.

I think so.

Yeah, that's why I never heard of like a Barnes and Noble like rapport.

There's smaller locations.

But maybe, maybe he just, maybe.

It's not like all the time, but just when he went there, he was interested in her.

So

they did talk.

So he did ask her out.

So then it was like, so maybe he's talking like every couple months he sees her.

It is, yeah, there's an argument to be made that bringing up a rejection from five years prior, regardless, is awkward.

I think overall this is funny, though.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think if they truly had a good rapport and she knew him better, it would have been a better reaction.

Like, yeah, he could have maybe,

depending on if I saw this rapport in person, he could have like gone in a little bit more about his relationship first, being like, yeah, we've been married for five years.

He's so great like this stuff yeah yeah like you know after your rejection like maybe after that but he did it so quickly yeah that it's I don't know she might have just come across she might have just felt like oh you don't like me like not not that I believe your story just oh you actually don't like me right that might have been what it was a little bit um poor lady some comments yeah some comments it was a pretty funny joke obviously she didn't react to it well but I imagine you can clear it up if you see her again.

OP said, I may need some time before I go back

with like a laughing, sweating emoji.

Someone responded, honestly, I wouldn't wait.

Something might have happened to her in the meantime, and she linked your joke with something, and that hurt her.

I would really try to talk to her to understand why she reacted like that.

It might lead to a good friendship if that's something you'd like.

Else, just to clear things up because something clearly didn't work.

Someone else said, probably she's really lonely is my guess.

OP responded, when I asked her for her number, she said I was the first one to ever ask.

So maybe you're right.

Yeah.

I think I have the solution.

I mean, he's having trouble going back to Barnes ⁇ Noble.

He should just get her fired.

Oh my God!

Then, like, problem solved.

Tell her her dad's blood type.

Talk to her manager and be like, I don't think she can read, dude.

I don't think she can read.

No, no.

I think, you know, this happens sometimes.

have experiences where you try to riff with somebody and then it just

oh yeah like it just doesn't work

so i think that's clearly what happened i think there are some instances where you like if it's someone that you genuinely care about their feelings go back and and make sure things are okay

i doesn't sound like they have a rapport where he needs to really like go out of his way.

Like that just feels like there's just certain dynamics that like, it's okay.

Like we're all adults here.

Let's just keep keep it trucking.

We're gonna be all right.

You didn't turn him gay.

Yeah, we don't know that.

Well, he can just go up to her and be like, look,

he can go up to her.

He can go up to her and be like, look, I'm sorry.

I was joking.

You didn't turn me gay.

I'm not gay.

I'm just married to a man and we have sex.

And

we just do it, you know, just because I

said he was bisexual.

More ladies.

I don't think he needs to avoid her.

Yeah.

If I'm him, it's like, don't go out.

I don't think he needs to go out of his way to talk to her, but I think he shouldn't fear going back.

And if he sees her, he can just be like, oh, I'm sorry about that joke, by the way.

And be like, by the way, that was totally.

By the way, I've always been bisexual.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think also, like, there's also just a lot of stigma with bi men.

So she was probably initially thrown off by that.

That true, that too.

And like, was probably just in her head regarding that factor as well.

Yeah.

There's also the

she was like he?

I'm overthinking this.

I'm overthinking this.

I'm just digging into this.

But she's talking about how like, oh, he's the only man to ever ask her out, right?

Or the first person to ever ask her out.

Or just ask for her story.

To ask for a number in general.

And she's like, she's like, doesn't even date.

She was like, oh, I'm thinking about dating.

And then she rejected him.

She seems like she really has a lot of fears there.

But

in this case,

what he told her is, oh,

I'm gay.

And she's probably thinking, oh, so you were never even actually into me, maybe.

I just wonder what's going on there.

It may be.

He didn't tell her he was gay.

He said,

I decided to try it.

Thanks for turning me gay, I guess.

Yeah.

Oh, he did say that?

I thought he said, I just decided to try it now.

Yeah, when you rejected me, I thought I'd have more luck on the guy's side, and I was right.

So thank you for turning me.

So she doesn't know he's by, like, she doesn't, they didn't have a full-on conversation here.

So I'm just thinking, like,

I could see a retroactive, if you ever date someone, and I feel like this is common, where you date someone, and then you later find out, like, oh, they weren't straight or whatever.

And you go, oh, so were they, like, am I attractive?

Am I, were they actually attractive?

For sure.

So it just probably, probably was a lot of information for her.

Yeah, I think I've experienced this where when I was younger, I dated a boy and then he turned out to be gay.

I don't know if you've experienced that, but it's like, and when you're educated on the situation, it's not an insulting thing.

It's really not.

People are just figuring themselves at their own paces.

I think if this story was an I am at the asshole, it's definitely like a no asshole's here.

Totally, totally.

No, I hope at some point he talks to her and they'd just like be like, hey.

Yeah, like if they bump into each other again being like, hey, by the way, like that was supposed to be this.

I'm sorry.

Right.

Like, I'm happy.

I hope you're happy.

Yeah.

And for the record, all the men that I've dated, I knew they were gay.

Okay.

Good to know.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Good to know.

That was really good.

That was a dumb joke.

No, I liked it.

Our next story.

Today I fucked up by drugging the bartender and ruining a wedding.

Jesus.

Okay.

Yeah, so this fuck up happened the summer before COVID, but I think the statute of limitations are up, so I can tell this story.

They're not.

My wife and I went to her colleague's wedding.

I'm not a huge drinker and I didn't really know anyone, so my plan was to grab some sort of cold refreshing beverage and find somewhere to post up and nurse it while I got really stoned and did some people watching.

Which leads me to my drugs.

On the way to the wedding, I stopped at a dispensary and picked up a reusable vape pen thing.

I'm a pretty traditional smoker.

I go to the place and I buy an eighth and smoke it in my ancient bowl over the course of the next month or two.

I'd never had a pen before.

It was just like I'm going to a wedding and want something that won't make me sleepy or mentally handicapped, and the young woman at the counter handed me the thing.

As my wife was driving us over, I tried it out.

I also don't smoke very much at any one time and have a hard time with anything like joints or bongs, etc.

When I do smoke these things, they hit way too hard and I cough like crazy and hate myself.

So I took a very small hit, noticed it hit really hard, and thought, well, that's because you think everything hits too hard.

Bada bing, bada boom, I'm at the reception standing in line to grab some drinks from the bartender and notice the tip jar.

Realizing I don't have any cash, I'm like, dude, do you have Venmo or something?

I know, LOL.

And he's like, ah, don't even worry about it, man.

It's no big deal.

But I'm a service industry vet, so I wanted to find a way to tip him because I know it's going to be a long night and a lot of people won't tip.

So I'm like, all right, man, well, if my wife has some cash, or I'll double back over, but in the meantime, if you party and I show him the pen, he's like, oh, for real?

Hell yeah, dude.

And he proceeds to take an enormous puff on this thing.

Within seconds, he was doubling over and coughing uncontrollably.

It was incredibly loud and in under a minute he was down on his hands and knees behind the bar puking in the grass.

Still, kind of no harm, no foul, until he gets up and puts all of his weight onto a tumbler glass that was sitting on the table he used to help himself up, cutting his hand open so, so badly.

And then something very interesting happened, something that had never happened before.

I started vomiting at the sight of the blood.

So naturally, this is pretty disruptive, and the groom who just so happened to be nearby comes over to see what's going on and fucking faints the second he sees this guy's hand.

Oh no!

Smashing his head on the bar slash table on the way down, his face taking the tablecloth and everything on the table down with it.

This is a rom-com.

Yeah.

Totally unmitigated disaster.

Both of them had to go to the hospital and the bride was understandably super upset and screaming at the caterers.

So I decided, well, it's been a good life and began to march over to explain to her what happened when out of her mouth comes a series of very specific slurs directed at the owner of the catering company.

I didn't get a single word out of my mouth before she said, Fucking sue me, turned on her heel, and told her people to just round her, round their shit up, and go.

Cue major shitstorm.

Everyone is fighting with everyone, and almost all of the guests left.

I told my wife what happened on the drive home, and she said I should call the catering company and apologize, which I did.

And the owner laughed for about 30 seconds on the phone before saying, Well, whatever, fuck that bitch.

Oh, so yeah.

Edit, I actually think it was a wine glass.

Okay, good to know.

This was a Rube Goldberg machine that led to racism.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Or so racism or homophobia.

We're not sure which phobia led to.

So the TLDR is, got my bartender high, bada bang, bada boom.

Slurping.

The bride is racist.

Okay, because so my takeaway is this.

This is a the universe needed a moment.

You know, and this OP happened to be the vehicle, okay?

And I'm just like, as long as the catering company was okay, because that sucks, I wouldn't want the bartender to lose their job, da-da-da-da-da.

Bada bing, bada.

This, bada, bing, bada, boom.

This chain of events exposed the bride for being a POS, sounds like.

And

you know, everything happens for a reason.

Yeah.

I like to think how I'm imagining this is the

groom fell over, hits the table, and then a marble rolls, and then it hits the thing, and it starts to blow up a balloon, that pops and then a race car goes along the track.

That's crazy, bro.

This is nuts, man.

And like there's definitely there's definitely no excuse for slurs.

I want to preface that.

When you hear it,

deliver that message.

I think

it's obviously a very high stress time

and

yeah.

I could see why there would be an explosion of emotions.

I think it went the wrong way.

Yeah, I don't understand why.

Why was she only at the caterers for the bartender getting sick?

And like,

if I were to, like, just throw up and then it caused someone else to, to get her, I'm like, I'm a demon now.

Like, you know, like, it just seems, it just seems like she got mad at this in the wrong direction in the wrong way.

Also, the guy, like, sustained, like, a serious injury.

Yeah.

And you're going to cuss him out?

Like, help the guy.

Yeah, exactly.

No, I understand her emotion.

I understand being devastated and stuff.

It's still like she did kind of in those moments is when you reveal who you are.

Exactly.

But I'm just laughing at this guy's perspective where he sees this whole chain of events happen.

Yeah.

And then he sees it disrupt into chaos.

Yeah.

And then everyone leaves and he's just like,

okay.

Yeah.

All because of a freaking tank of a vape pen.

It's literally that scene from Dumb and Dumber when they accidentally kill the owl.

And they're just like, damn, this party, this party died.

like

yeah bro i ultimately think this comes down to you know the bartender shouldn't have been smoking weed on the job i also think it's a little bit weird that why was op trying so hard to like like guilt yeah like if he if you ask for a venue i think that's really nice of you and then if they're like don't worry about it man like being like okay well if i if my wife has something that's where it can end you don't need to offer drugs to the bartender also the way he offered it was the most fed question ever do you party Do you party, dude?

If you party, let me know.

And then him, I'm surprised that the bartender was like, sick, yeah.

Like,

everybody was fully had a moment to say no.

Like,

wild.

Comments, crazy all of that could have been avoided if you just had a dollar in your pocket.

For real.

For real.

Whenever you're going to a wedding or any event, bring some cash.

Bring cash.

Someone said, OP is a deity of pure chaos.

Use a vape to to nearly kill two men while ruining a wedding.

What a legend.

OP responded, I think I already said it in another comment, but my wife likes to joke around about how I'd be a really good assassin.

Oh my gosh.

Someone said, I was an event bartender in college.

I asked my manager why we were allowed to serve every kind of liquor except for tequila at wedding receptions.

And she told me that a few years back before I started, she worked her first wedding.

Her reception was fine.

People were drunk, but it was average wedding drunk until the best man barrels in and starts mocking the groom for not knowing that he, the best man, banged her, the bride, before the couple got together.

Groom is pissed, the bride hears commotion and comes over and starts accusing the best man of lying.

Best man loses it and decides the best course of action is to punch the bride in the face so hard that she flew into the table behind her.

Bride went to the hospital and I'm assuming he was arrested.

But when the couple came down the next day to leave for their honeymoon, she had two black eyes and a massive bandage on her broken arm.

Oh my goodness.

Yeah, we stopped serving tequila at weddings after that.

What in the world?

Come on.

That's not tequila.

It's just alcohol.

You just hate when people blacklist the person who punched a woman.

Yeah, no, that's a person who's going to prison.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hopefully.

I hate when people make an exception for tequila.

They're like, I remember I was talking to some older lady.

She was like, oh, tequila makes my pants fall off.

I can't have that.

What in the world?

Yeah.

Oh my God.

See, it's like, I would be curious of like what if a bartender or any kind of company could monitor and be like, hey, these nights where we sold more tequila, more bullshit happened, like statistically, just like hospitals, how they, it's statistically proven that like the emergency room is way more crazy on a full moon.

I think because people tend to do shots of tequila, that would be my guess.

There have been studies on what alcohol does is it elevates whatever situation you're in.

So in a lot of places, you know, people are at a quiet pub, like drinking, it's not going to just, it's not going to cause chaos every time.

But yeah it's like what situations are people drinking tequila in yeah as opposed to drinking wine like people get wine drunk but you're in a setting where you're all quiet and you know whatever but people are drinking tequila in situations that are chaotic off weddings and they tend to be prone for that like when we did our family reception we didn't have any hard alcohol just because we were like that's not our vibe that's just not the vibe yeah

um i think liquor in general is dangerous because you get drunk quick yes and so you're not it's not a slow thing.

Yeah.

Here's our next story.

Today I fucked up by putting inane shit as my Venmo memo and having it read out loud in open court.

Huh?

Okay.

Posting for my alt because I'm a whole ass business professional and am mortified by my stupidity.

Today I fucked up by putting stupid inane shit as the memo for my Venmo transactions.

Well, actually these transactions are spread out over two years.

My older brothers and I try to say the most out-of-pocket stuff with our Venmo payments to try to get a laugh.

Everyone does this, right?

It's harmless, it's silly, until you file bankruptcy and have to meet with a trustee in open court who asks about payments made to friends and family.

I answer honestly, yes, I've paid friends and family for various reasons.

I provided my Venmo transaction history to you.

He says, Oh, let me check my records.

So begins a very, very long pause.

I just know he's sifting through the fan favorites, which include but are not limited to, for the discoloration of your butthole flaps,

PP Tom,

for the soiled adult diaper auction, butt plugs and electric shock rods, DVD, black studs, white moms,

your bitch tits, remember that time you shit in the backyard for your mother last night, kissing hands and shaking babies.

I'm bright red, sinking down in my chair.

My lawyer looks at me puzzled.

Clearly, she didn't read these in depth.

Why am I such an immature, stupid fuck?

Oh,

that's crazy.

I would never think of that.

But yeah, like they're private usually.

Yeah, but you have to reveal all of that.

Those are insane.

In a bankruptcy.

Those are insane.

So is he going to have to like actually figure out what those payments actually were?

Yeah.

That's such a pain.

Can you remember like a Venmo you made like two months ago?

Well, if you title them properly, then that's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying.

They only do like

actual transactions like a tattoo or things with like an actual like description but everything else I put like two emojis yeah yeah I feel so dumb like actually saying what it is I'll do like oh I guess maybe I'll do like a food emoji or something yeah like the emojis are always like what it was like it has to do with it but damn that's rough that's bad that this guy's screwed damn I got to get better at my Venmo comedy um some comments honestly they were to my brother I didn't think anyone else would see it.

Fully explains everything.

I agree.

11,000 upvotes on that.

Someone said, could have been worse.

Twice I've had Venmo payments flagged by the Secret Service.

Once sending money to a coworker who covered the bill at a Cuban restaurant in Los Angeles.

Oh, God.

Got flagged as money to Cuba.

Another time, my roommate sent me money for the electric bill and put in Al-Qaeda Dirty Bomb as the comments.

Jeez.

It's funny to me because it's something I could see myself doing

and not realizing it could get me in trouble.

Jesus.

Money to ISIS.

That's what I was thinking.

That was my first thought: I was going to be ISIS.

God, just ISIS.

Someone said, as a bankruptcy attorney, there's no way in hell that I would have kept a straight face in court.

But for what it's worth, we see worse.

Don't sweat it.

Yeah, they see actual bad payments.

Yeah, yeah.

Those, but real.

Damn.

Yeah, I guess it's just tough because don't those descriptions help like whether those were you know dodgy business transactions or not?

Probably depends on the amounts.

Probably.

You know, if they're small amounts, and it's like, okay, we can probably, but if you send, if it's like, if it's, if it's more than 500 bucks and it's like some ridiculous thing, it's like, they're going to probably want to know what that was.

Yeah.

And it's not butt plugs.

Yeah.

Unless it's a lot of them.

Who knows?

Unless he was running a butt plug business.

Right.

He's filing for bankruptcy.

Which is totally fine.

So apparently

someone did some research and clocked that one of the Venmo payments was, remember that time you shit in the backyard?

OP actually had a Reddit post from when that happened.

It was, Today I fucked up by going poo in the backyard in the rain.

Oh my gosh.

That Venmo request was real,

which makes me believe that all the rest are real

as well.

True.

Okay.

All right.

Moving on, this next one, this title rocks.

I'm excited for this one.

Today I fucked up by sitting through my friend's orgy.

Sitting through?

Sitting through my friend's orgy.

And so you fucked up by doing that.

Yeah, I fucked up by sitting through my friend's orgy.

Okay.

Okay.

So yesterday my friends, two couples plus one single guy and I went to brunch to go day drinking.

And we ended up drinking a lot.

It was all-you-can-drink drink mimosas brought out with the big old bottle of champagne and orange juice slash cranberry juice and they really stayed on top of bringing more out.

Whoa.

As a group we typically drink a lot when we do go out on weekends but not so early in the day or at least if we do start early it's way more paced not against the clock of when brunch ends.

We did also eat brunch, but still it was a crazy amount of drinking in a short amount of time.

We ended up back at my friend's place who was way more drunk than I usually see him like on the verge of falling asleep and he was laying down on the couch.

I honestly can't remember what started everything off.

I think it might have just been relatively normal when my friend and his girlfriend started kissing, and the other couple was kissing.

Although, as couples, they've both never been big on public displays, at least in front of me.

The other girl has always been fairly open.

I've heard stories of her getting naked in front of the group, etc., before.

Eventually, the two girls kissed, and then my friend/slash/his girlfriend were making out hot and heavy, and he was feeling her up.

The other girl was kissing her boyfriend while the single guy was fingering her, which led to him eating her out.

Anyway, without going into too many more details.

That escalated.

Without going into too many details here, guys.

Also, just the fifth wheel just be like, shoop.

Like, kind of crazy.

Without going into too many more details, my fuck-up was that I had drank too much to just leave to drive home.

And my car was there, so I couldn't really Uber home and just leave my car without it being a huge ordeal.

And I didn't know what else to do but watch.

At one point,

at one point, the other girl encouraged me to jump in, but I declined, saying my own girlfriend wasn't there to say it was okay or join in herself.

We were supposed to go to the pool to continue partying, so part of me was hoping this would all end and we'd move on to the pool like nothing happened.

But I was just kind of shocked at it all and was watching it all go down drunk in awe and certain points going on my phone.

Oh my god.

At certain points going on, just like, oh my god, don't take your phone on drinking RG.

Just playing Candy Crush.

The way my friend's house is, there was nowhere else to really go that guests would go.

So I couldn't go to a different room and watch TV.

I kind of feel weird about it now.

Like I was a creep in the room or something, even though I waited as long as I thought I needed to, and there was nothing else for me to do, like just walk around randomly outside, drunk, to finally safely leave and drive home.

That's the end?

That's the end.

Bro.

No, no, no, mister.

Yeah.

First of all, I don't believe this story happened,

but I think this is a lie to some degree.

I feel like this is something that I could get myself into.

I definitely, okay.

Actually, I say it's a lie.

I say it's a lie.

I think it's not a lie, but I think this guy is lying to himself as to why he couldn't leave the room.

Like, there was, if you were genuinely

uncomfortable or like, I've never been in an orgy, so I don't know.

But like there,

you can go, they're going into an orgy.

You're allowed to go in another bedroom and sit somewhere if you're uncomfortable or need to, or want to give them privacy.

And you can walk outside.

This is

where I'm going to be able to do that.

Yeah, you can definitely go outside.

I think he was probably enjoying watching.

I think he's making up his excuses and being like, well, I felt like a creep.

It's like, yeah, maybe, but you chose that life.

And he was drunk.

He was very drunk, so his logic's not all all there.

I do think it's a little fucked up that everyone just did this.

Because

it is kind of like a consenting situation.

Very much so.

And when you just start doing that

in front of people, you are kind of like...

With no communication with it.

But they are all super drunk.

Because

from what I've heard

from what people have described,

Orgies, the way that they start and the way they operate is honestly kind of like very

like massive amounts of communication.

Like you need to like set that shit up.

Sign on.

This is a bunch of drunk people who just were doing drunk things.

Yeah.

But

it's a little fucked up.

I feel bad for the guy.

I also am like,

if I'm this guy's girlfriend, I'm going to be extremely uncomfortable.

Yeah, her, him being like, well, she's not here to tell me it's okay to join in.

So you're going to stay and watch.

And I'm still being involved.

And not even text, not even saying that he's texted her or called her.

Exactly.

I'd go.

I can tell you exactly what I would do in this situation.

As soon as it like, before it got to anywhere near where it was, I'd be like, I'm going to step outside and I would call you and I'd be like, I think an orgy is happening in this.

Yeah,

an orgy is beginning.

As soon as two couples start making out, I'm like, this is not the room I should be in.

Like, that is simply...

No, you know what actually proves your point?

Okay, you have your car there.

Call your girlfriend, tell her to Uber there, and you both like leave with your car.

He's not trying.

But he talked about how they thought they were gonna go to the pool later.

So they're not going to the pool.

They're never gonna have money there.

Do you think like every five minutes he's like, he's like, hey guys,

when are we going to the pool?

They're like, I feel like you're just here for the pool leave.

He's sitting there in his swim trunks and floaties on his arms.

I'm ready when you guys are.

Yeah.

I think there's definitely like, yeah, they're like, I'm sure everyone in that room was

consenting.

But the issue is like this guy's girlfriend, she wasn't

looped into this.

Well, let's talk about enthusiastic consent.

Like, you know, like

this OP,

he declined being involved, but like, yeah, and then there was someone who was so drunk that they were falling asleep.

Like, that's true.

It's

a very sketchy situation.

Yeah, yeah.

So, I mean, and it's like, maybe these people were so drunk, and this has never happened before.

And, like, so there was a lot of like weird, wild things going on.

Um, but you know, if we're talking, if this is about OP and we're talking about OP, like,

I think he was trying to like backpedal and explain himself as to why this was all okay.

But like, I definitely would think that the girlfriend would be upset.

Totally.

I think she has every right to be upset.

Yeah, because I think, you know, OP might be a little freak, which is okay.

But like.

He needs to obtain consent for that kind of stuff.

I think it's a very upsetting situation because

even though you didn't physically like take part in it, you're kind of a part of it by sitting.

No, he is a part of it.

Yeah, you're a part of it.

So like he's going to call his partner and be like, hey, so I kind of was part of this thing.

Like it's, it's going to be very uncomfortable.

And I, I, if I'm hurt, I'm probably breaking up with him.

Well, and he, he's, and his explaining to me, just, it just sounds like he's trying to say he had no other choice.

Yeah.

But like, you have, like, because he was saying they had plans that they were going to continue later.

He didn't have a way to get home.

But like,

as an adult, you have a lot of ways to get out of that situation.

And so, yeah,

I think him saying, today I fucked up by sitting through means like he fucked up and doing this kind of to his girlfriend.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, I just think, like, if you really want to get out of a situation, you can get out of a situation.

Right.

And there are kosher ways to be in the situation, as you're saying.

Like, but.

Like, buddy, like, you can go outside.

I'm pretty sure that as these people are having an orgy in the living room, you're allowed to go into the main bedroom and have a little sit.

Like, it's okay.

I'd be leaving, but

you know,

he said maybe he was a little freak.

He wanted to be there, but like, don't lie to yourself, buddy.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, like.

But even if you're a little freak, you need to use communication.

Yeah, yeah.

You're a little freaky.

You need to set this.

This situation needs to be set up.

Yeah.

Because it also the next day amongst these people who are very drunk, it could cause a shitstorm where one of them's like, I actually did not want to do that.

And then it's,

then you were there, and now you're also part of it.

Like, I'm, I think you get out of that situation for safety reasons.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And, like, I do think, like, so was the friend that was so drunk that they were falling asleep, did they wake up and get involved?

Was that it?

That was the fifth wheel.

That was the fifth wheel.

Okay.

It's so funny to be like, what's going on?

What?

I mean, I think if that started happening, I would also wake up.

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, that would sober me up real quick.

Like, comments, orgy going on in front of him, and he's thinking, does this mean we're not going swimming?

Someone said, could have been like a corner man, encouraging, giving water, a towel, maybe some ice to cool down, and some strategy.

Someone said, I remember a time when we went to,

someone said, I remember a time where we went to Niagara Falls, and I went back to the hotel early.

I'm in bed watching Family Guy, and my friend comes in with the girl and goes to the other bed.

I make a joke, and they start fucking.

My other buddy was walking around the hotel waiting for them to finish, and I'm just hanging out in my bed while they're laughing and watching Family Guy.

I was later asked, why didn't you leave?

Simple response, I was there first.

I'm not leaving.

Bro, come on.

Please, then talk about it.

Don't wait.

Like, Jesus Christ, these people,

they will do everything but walk out of a room that people are having sex in.

I mean,

it was Family Guy.

Yeah.

But, like,

that's crazy.

No, it's all messy.

It's all messy.

No, this is, it definitely, but it definitely didn't sound like

what I've heard about orgies that are like more organized.

Like, there's a lot more communication, and it's not like this, like anarchy, like sex anarchy.

It's like people are like communicating and like talking about, like, oh, I want to try this, let's try this.

Like, it's very,

so I don't know.

This all sounded like it was very on the fly, and people just were not thinking clearly.

Yeah, and I mean, like, and I too have never been to an orgy, but I know, but I know at like, you know, parties, sex parties, like you have to obtain consent to watch.

Enthusiastic consent.

Like, if you're gonna, like, you can't can't just show up and just be like

yeah bro, it's weird.

Yeah this is messy as hell.

Anyways moving on from that one.

Today I fucked up by putting tampons in wrong for 10 years.

What?

Huh?

Sideways.

Well

okay.

I feel so embarrassed.

I, a 23-year-old woman, have had my period for more than 10 years now, and I just learned from a Reddit post of all places that you are not supposed to just shove the whole thing, applicator and all, up there and then leave it like that.

Oh no!

I have a biochemistry degree.

I have traveled the world and yet somehow I have never figured this one out.

This is my first and probably last Reddit post because I cannot keep my horror at the fact that I've been keeping pieces of plastic in my vagina for 10 years inside, but I absolutely cannot fathom telling anyone I know about this.

I have always thought that tampons were super uncomfortable for reasons that are now glaringly obvious and mostly used pads, but I love swimming and so I used tampons fairly frequently during the summer.

Oh man.

As best as I can figure, I have used hundreds of tampons in this way.

I have been scouring my brain, but I don't think that anyone ever told me about this despite the multiple wildly uncomfortable health classes I had to take in grade school.

The worst part is that I knew the plastic bit was called the applicator.

I just figured that was because it made putting it in easier and you were just supposed to leave it in.

Thank you Redditors for listening and I can only hope that this horrifying blunder of mine will convince you to explain very clearly to your children how tampons work.

Yeah.

This is why we need sex education.

Yeah, like don't blame yourself.

You don't know what you don't know.

Like

I

was just telling stories the other day about like even though I had three older sisters, I was so undereducated and learned a lot of things way too late.

Or like even when there was opportunities to learn, like the communication around it was so unhealthy and not normal that like you just don't learn shit so I feel I very much feel for this person yeah and shouldn't be so hard on themselves I've seen a lot of Reddit posts by nurses talking about the shocking things they see where people come in pregnant or or just in regards to questions they're asking about sex where it's like wow you really genuinely didn't know.

Like I've I've heard stories where they were like, they thought they couldn't get pregnant if they weren't married.

Like they thought

they thought that it didn't work unless they were married.

Like, like it's shocking.

And it's hard to believe when you are someone who has had any general like education on it or at least in like through time.

But there are people out there who truly are,

it's so kept away from them.

You know, it's like they teach abstinence,

they teach abstinence, and then they're not going to teach you anything else because the whole idea is just don't have sex.

No, and it's so unfortunate that like you don't choose where you're born.

You're placed into a school system that you're like, you are told to trust the people who have the authority over you.

You're supposed to trust what they're teaching you.

And then you are out in the world as an adult doing those things.

And like, it sucks that you have to, as an adult, be vigilant and be like, well, certain things might not have been right.

I need to like.

look into certain things for myself like that sucks to live in a world like that and sometimes you don't even know to look for those things exactly you don't know what you don't know because there's like so much stigma around it that nobody's going to ever talk about it.

Well, and also people are certain they're right.

So they don't think they need to because they're like, oh yeah, I know.

And then even though they don't.

And it's like the shame of like being afraid of asking a question that makes you look stupid.

Like,

I was always, it was so disappointing as a student when teachers would like.

react to a question as if it was stupid.

And like one day I heard a substitute being like, there's no such thing as a stupid question.

And that stuck with me for like till today.

Damn.

Comments on this.

In OP's defense, I've had a ton of instances of going, wait, this isn't how everyone else experiences random thing.

In my case, I thought apples genuinely caused extreme gum, mouth, and throat discomfort to everyone, and I was just a big old baby for not being able to push through it and like apples like everyone else.

At 26 years of age, in a college class, someone overheard me commiserating with someone else about the itch and yelled, Did you know that means you have an allergy?

Why, no, no, I didn't.

In retrospect, it explains a lot, LMAO.

So yeah, fully possible to assume that the normal tampon experience is very slippy and uncomfortable.

My experience with them was really itchy and uncomfortable.

OP never used the tampon instructions as bathroom reading material.

I never thought to try organic tampons.

Both of us have a, oh shit moment embarrassingly late in life that no, most people do not in fact have that experience with tampons.

R-I-P-O-P.

Do you guys have anything like that?

Something that you know?

I know a big one on TikTok was people realizing their air filters, like the filter on the inside was still wrapped in plastic.

Oh, yeah.

Like the home that it ships.

And they take it out and they're like, I've used this thing for two years and it's been wrapped in plastic this whole time.

Yeah.

Not realizing a lot of times with appliances and things, realizing.

Yeah, or like realizing that you can take out a part of an AC unit and like wash it under the sink, let it dry and put it back in.

Yeah.

I didn't know balls were supposed to be on the outside.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Wow, you get to keep inside.

I just hide yours?

Yeah, I've just been keeping them up inside the whole time.

There you go.

You've been talking.

Yeah.

I've told this one before.

I don't know what age I was, but it was like late, later.

Like, I was maybe like eight to ten years old.

And for the

like, I vividly remember as like a child, I thought everyone had a penis.

Oh, yeah, my brother.

Oh, yeah.

I remember my brother had

a poster of Cindy Crawford.

Or wait, is that?

Yeah,

from the 90s.

Her in a swimsuit.

And I remember looking at it and looking at like...

Where's the penis?

Looking at the crotch region being like, that's crazy.

Like, where is her penis?

Like, that's strange that it's, that's odd to me.

So I remember that.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

Other comments, this is why tampons come with instructions.

I'm honestly impressed they still did the job.

Yeah, like, did she go 10 years going like, damn, why don't tampons work for me?

That's what I was wondering.

I guess she figured it worked good enough the first time.

Yeah, maybe, because like the way I'm seeing it is the applicator was used, but then, so it was still like the cotton and then the applicator like this.

So it was just like a like a cork.

Oof.

But like not a very functioning cork.

Yikes.

But that sucks.

Lastly, someone said, if it makes you feel any better, my partner used to just put the tampon horizontal on there, not inside at all.

Oh, just like she was like sitting on a door.

Just lay like just, yeah.

That's funny.

She was also a swimmer, so I don't know how she didn't figure it out, to be honest.

Someone said, like a hot dog.

Yeah, like just sitting on a hot dog.

I think

if you're an athlete, if you're like a really, like if you're a swimmer, if you're like really, really active, you're really late, periods.

So it's very possible that it just was never a problem.

Yeah,

I am now nowadays I'm very obsessed whenever I and I mean there's nothing really comparable to this, but whenever I get anything new or with anything I'm doing, I love to be like research exactly how to do it properly.

Like I do look through instructions on things.

Yeah, sometimes it's just like

sometimes descriptions just aren't specific enough where it's like, even if she knew like to use it, she never saw like something that said like make sure to take the applicator out or something.

Like who knows?

The obvious things that sometimes get

over time too.

Crazy.

All right.

It's time for our last story.

And this title is awesome.

Hell yeah.

Today I fucked up by showing my dick to my wife's grandparents.

Oh boy.

Okay.

Well, what'd they say?

Well, was it an ice dick?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

Well, her grandparents were having an orgy.

Okay.

So my wife and I have a very light-hearted relationship and I like to joke around all the time with her and make her laugh.

I do dumb things all the time to make her roll her eyes and call me an idiot jokingly.

I was outside barbecuing with headphones on while sipping a beer and listening to music.

I look over and see my wife walking outside holding her phone up, obviously recording me or taking a pic.

I instinctively pulled my shorts down and started doing the helicopter.

She immediately looked mortified and turned around quickly and went back inside.

I was very confused at her face, so I finished flipping burgers quickly.

Then went inside to find her with her head in her hands on the couch with her face red.

I asked her what was wrong, and she told me she was video chatting with her grandparents,

which she never did before, and showing them around our home and showing them me barbecuing.

I have never.

I have never met them before and have only seen pictures.

To say I'm embarrassed is an understatement.

Oh my god, but like, did they laugh?

Maybe they have bad vision.

Maybe they didn't know.

Maybe it was bad Wi-Fi since she was coming out.

Maybe the pixels were so low.

Yeah.

The brightness.

I imagine that she just like zoomed in and she was like on the grill zooming in and then like down to the

that is probably the worst way to display a penis to somebody for the first time.

Oh boy.

Just a full-on helicopter.

Wow.

Damn.

Jeez.

Have y'all ever done that?

Shown my

way to barbecue.

Helicopter dick to someone as a display.

Sure, of course.

Yeah.

But not.

That's how you scare away mountain lions.

That's how you scare away.

Hey, bear.

Hey, bear.

Hey, bear.

It's how you get mosquitoes away from the food.

Yeah, they think it's a dragonfly whipping around.

If you're stranded on a lake on a boat, it's how you.

Oh, yeah.

like in the Incredibles when he's

like,

they actually teach this all in sex hat.

Yeah.

This is my favorite thing.

All the valuable ways to use your penis.

Impressive.

Some comments.

Assuming they were video chatting on a phone, they probably couldn't see much anyway.

Hopefully.

Someone said, asserting dominance one meet at a time.

And someone else said, did they approve?

Did they approve?

Did they approve?

That suits our daughter.

I'm assuming because of the wife's reaction that maybe they, the problem is with old people, like maybe they just didn't

it came across like they were just trying to ignore it, you know, but maybe they were genuinely just confused.

Yeah, because sometimes when you're FaceTiming grandparents, they're like not even looking at the screen half the time.

It's just

kind of see their eyes a little bit, and they're like, it takes them like way longer to look at other stuff on the screen.

They're probably there being like, oh, that's nice.

And so that she's, she doesn't realize they maybe had no idea.

Yeah.

And yeah, like maybe the Wi-Fi, the pixels weren't ideal.

Yeah, that's the hope.

She could just tell them she got hacked.

Yeah.

You know, like it was a deep fake.

That was AI.

Yeah, exactly.

Unless you go, oh, okay.

What's AI?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes.

Damn.

Wow.

Okay.

Have you ever done that?

I mean, I guess I haven't, but I guess I know now.

Y'all ever moon shit.

Always, always, before you go to helicopter, always

make sure.

Yeah, say, may I helicopter?

May I helicopter?

Yay.

May I helicopter here.

Well, out of all these, what do you think is the most embarrassing?

Oof.

I would be very embarrassed of my reputation in the orgy story if

people didn't want me watching them and I was just watching them.

I would be embarrassed to be that person.

I think that's the, you know.

I'm not uncomfortable by sex at all, but that would be probably the last situation I'd want to be in out of all these.

Yeah, and then like the bookstore story, I'm like, that's okay.

Like you, you tried to riff, it didn't land.

The tampon thing, I'm like, girl, you and probably 30% of women, like, or anybody with periods.

And then

that last one, honestly, win.

Yeah.

The one that I would want to be around for, I mean, I don't like when people get hurt, but the wedding situation, I mean, there are people who are very uncomfortable when things get tense or when things get crazy.

I'm someone who's like, okay.

Yeah, if you get to just sit back and watch,

like, I would be just like, ooh.

I can't look at people throwing up, so I probably.

No, the throwing up and people getting hurt, I'd be like, oh, shit.

Like, but

the chaos.

Energy and reaction and fighting and explosion.

No, if I was ever at a, I've never, every wedding I've been to has always been great.

I've had very good track record.

But if I was at a wedding where like a fight broke out or like people are yelling at each other, like just yelling, not physical fighting, but just like, oh shit, team dramas happening i would be like this is my favorite wedding i've ever been to i think of all the stories i want to be involved in the orgy one sounds the most fun like to be like to be like hey hey like do you guys need like a dj

like like yo should i put on some gaga yeah like what are you guys feeling right now like maybe some like some like jazz or like i don't know communication would have been ideal

saying anything would have been yeah he's just on his phone being like like in the and like there wasn't even music already going So it was just sex sounds and then like TikToks.

Yeah.

Like going on.

He's on his phone.

He's on his phone.

He's like, do you guys see that break dancer at the Olympic?

Yeah, it's like.

Just trying to show him videos.

Dude, check out this TikTok.

Like, tired of the ads.

I just started reading knock-knock jokes to them.

That'd be funny.

That'd be funny.

Yeah.

That wedding story reminds me of that one time when we were in Sacramento after a shoot, like really early in the Smosh days.

I think it was you, me, Olivia, Keith, and Noah sitting and like eating breakfast or something.

We were flying out or it was after a shoot.

And there was a couple fully fighting at a table nearby and we were all just like quiet and you were like, I think that if a couple chooses to have a fight in public, I'm allowed to watch.

Yeah.

Like we were all just tired and you were like, I'm allowed to watch.

I'm allowed to watch.

Like it is entertainment though.

There are two adults choosing to have a full-on fight in public.

I'm allowed to watch.

No, you have to obtain consent and just walk up to them.

Hey, do you guys mind if I like...

May I helicopter?

Yeah,

yeah,

all right, seems like you guys, dude.

Okay, seems like you guys need something silly.

Um, thank you both for being here.

This was very fun.

Um,

and uh, thank you for watching.

Let us know what other themes and subreddits you'd like to see on the show.

And we'll see you next Saturday.

Bye.

Don't be embarrassed.

Don't be embarrassing.

Don't be embarrassed or embarrassing.

Get some beans.