Dating Dos And Don'ts | Reading Reddit Stories

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Hello and welcome to Reddit Stories.

I'm Shane and today's theme is all about dating.

And I'm here with two people who I believe have been on a date before.

Not with each other, but with,

they have been on a first date at some point in their life.

Take it back.

Take it back.

Take it back.

I will take it back.

Welcome.

Thank you both for being here.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you for having us.

I mean, you could consider this a date, maybe.

Yeah, this is kind of a date, a Reddit date.

Yeah.

How would you feel if

you went on a date with someone and they're like, hey, can I just read some Reddit stories for the next hour and a half?

How would you feel?

I'd set myself on fire.

No.

Okay.

Okay.

I guess I wouldn't mind.

I would maybe be like, okay, you're like a little bulldozing right now.

Sure.

But I guess it's like nice that...

They would be taking initiative and being like an idea.

True.

If that was a first date, I'd be like, I'm sorry, I'm deleting your number.

If Raven did that to me now, I'd be like, that sounds awesome.

That's a relationship.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But we're talking about.

We get it.

We're talking about dating.

Now, we are all people in relationships.

Yes.

Yes.

Correct.

But how do we feel that, how do you guys feel you were at dating?

Like, do you think you're good at dating?

I think so.

Yeah.

I think so.

I mean,

if dating is the game, then having a relationship is winning.

Fair.

Am I right see i think i sucked at dating i i was never good at dating i i dreaded it always you think you just like got nervous i got i would get super nervous like so nervous on first dates that i would like be like shaking before like i'd be like oh my god oh yeah yeah um i was so in my head uh i think it was a lot of just the anxiety I think it's similar to like acting where I was like, I'm so worried about how I'm portraying myself that I was so in my head that I would often,

after a couple dates, be like, I don't even know this person.

I'm so in my head about how I'm coming across that I have not really been like hanging out with this person.

Yeah.

So I was really bad at it.

I was bad at it in multiple ways, not in just like, oh, I'm awkward.

I was bad at like actually getting to know people on dates.

Interesting.

Which is why like my, you know, my current relationship, my wife, it's like we were friends.

And so like, I didn't go through that

aspect.

Yeah.

So, it kind of snuck in.

Do you think you're good at dating?

Oof.

I didn't start dating until I moved to Los Angeles, and it was pretty much exclusively through dating apps.

And so, I've got some pretty insane stories of like one-date bumble dates or like one-date hinge dates that are just like,

what was I doing?

Like, I look back on that time, like, however, it was like a year and a half of me, like, trying to do it and just being like, what was I doing?

Yeah.

Um, but I didn't really have to date much, I feel like.

I don't know.

I don't know if I'd be good at it.

A lot of people nowadays talk about like dating currently in the modern era is worse than it's ever been.

Oh, yeah.

Like it's gotten so much harder, which is strange because like the internet is trying to like so much social media, but I think it's made it all worse.

Yeah, I mean, there's so many different attitudes these days about how we're supposed to treat each other.

And I think from both sides of a relationship, I think it's gotten really twisted with social media because there's so many people giving advice

and a lot of people who are very easily persuaded into thinking this advice is a correct advice and just kind of hopping on that bandwagon and being like, oh yeah, what they're saying is true and what they're saying is true.

And it's like, if you scroll through TikTok, like on dating advice, I think like the top, the first 10 would just continue to contradict each other.

That's very interesting.

Yeah, because because of the internet, we have a bunch of different like subcultures subcultures in regards to dating now.

And I think what we see a lot on Reddit stories is a lot of dudes who have certain mindsets on how women should treat them and how a relationship should work, where clearly a lot of women are like, that is not the case.

Yeah.

And so a lot of times they don't realize until a couple dates in of like, oh, we are, we have very different POVs.

Yeah.

I think the other way around too, like fairly on the other end, I see a lot of women being like, if he wanted to, he would.

Like he should be planning a picnic every single day and you're like what yeah these extreme like we're living in fantasies very much a lot of people like there's not a lot of humility and acceptance yeah which is very necessary in dating I feel like

well let's hop into these yeah shall we

this one was posted yesterday whoa it's from

it was posted on am I the asshole

am I the asshole for telling a guy the real reason I wasn't dating him was that he was an extremely picky picky eater.

This was written about me.

Are you a picky eater?

I'm a very picky eater.

I don't think I knew that.

I'm pretty picky overall, I think.

Okay.

But let's see if this guy is me.

All right.

Let's see.

Here's the situation.

I'm a 28-year-old woman.

I met this guy, Jake, a 30-year-old man, on a dating app.

He seemed like a good match, funny, smart, and we had some common interests.

After a couple weeks of texting, we decided to meet up for dinner.

For context, I'm a sous chef, and I come from a culture where food is a huge part of my life.

Sharing meals and trying new dishes are essential to me, not just because of my job, but because it's part of how I connect with others.

Our first date was at a nice Italian restaurant, and that's when I first noticed something was off.

Jake spent a ridiculous amount of time asking the waiter about every single dish.

When it was finally time to order, he settled on plain pasta with butter.

No sauce, no toppings, just noodles and butter.

It struck me as odd, but I shrugged it off, thinking maybe he just wasn't feeling adventurous that night.

Then went out again, then we went out again, and I suggested sushi.

Jake made a face and said he doesn't eat seafood or anything that's uncooked.

So we ended up at a diner instead.

Once again, he interrogated the waiter about every item on the menu before finally ordering a plain cheeseburger with nothing on it.

Just meat, cheese, and bread.

This was starting to become a pattern.

Over the next few dates, it became clear that Jake was extremely picky, not because of allergies or a medical condition like Arfid, but simply because he refused to try anything unfamiliar.

He avoided sauces, spices, vegetables, basically anything that wasn't super basic.

Every meal turned into a challenge, and he even made faces or comments about dishes I enjoyed, which started to feel disrespectful considering my background.

The breaking point came when I invited Jake to a potluck dinner hosted by one of my colleagues.

It was a big event with lots of homemade dishes from various cultures, exactly the kind of thing I love.

When we arrived, Jake immediately looked uncomfortable.

As we moved through the buffet line, he barely put anything on his plate.

He kept making comments like, this looks weird, or I don't trust food that has too many ingredients.

I was embarrassed, especially since these were my colleagues and friends who had spent a lot of time preparing these dishes.

Jake picked at his food and eventually whispered to me that he was going to leave and grab some fries from a fast food place nearby because he couldn't eat this stuff.

He left the potluck early, leaving me to make excuses for his absence.

That was when I realized this wasn't going to work.

Food is such a significant part of my life and my culture, and I need someone who can share that with me.

So I decided to end things with Jake.

To avoid hurting his feelings, I told him it was because I wasn't ready for a serious relationship right now.

But Jake wouldn't let it go.

He kept texting and calling, insisting that he deserved to know the real reason.

After a week of him pestering me, I finally told him the truth, that his extremely picky eating habits were a major issue for me, and I couldn't see a future where food wasn't a constant point of tension.

Jake was livid.

He accused me of being shallow and said it was ridiculous to end things over something as trivial as food.

He told me I was making a big mistake and that I was missing out on a great relationship over something that shouldn't even matter.

Now I'm left wondering, was I the asshole for telling him the real reason I didn't want to date him?

Okay, so this is so, such an early post that there's no verdict yet on this one.

Right.

But I have some obvious feelings about this.

For sure.

Number one is like in those first few dates,

you're allowed to not date someone for kind of any reason.

Yeah.

You know, I mean

a lot of times I feel like people go on a couple dates and they go, I'm just not feeling it.

Yeah.

They could be great.

I'm just not feeling it.

And that's okay.

Yeah.

Owe no one anything early on.

But I also think what she's talking about is an absolute massive deal breaker.

There's, you know, people are allowed to be picky.

They're allowed to have any eating habits.

But I do think those should be something that kind of link up.

If it matters to you, it should link up at least.

Yeah.

This feels really multi-layered because of kind of where it went with the story.

I'm not Jake.

This definitely is not me.

This is extreme.

It's very extreme.

Like, yes, the pasta with just like plain butter and just like a plain cheeseburger with nothing on it.

I also understand.

I think that can be frustrating, especially for someone who is in the culinary field.

I think that's also normal too to get annoyed with like interrogating the waiter and also just like, I think when it started to cross the line was like him imposing that on her.

Yeah.

With him being like, that's weird.

And I can't eat any of this stuff and stuff like that.

Like it's not so much of just like.

This is a thing.

This is my thing.

Like I'm dealing with this or like I have to do me.

It suddenly became like, I'm also judging you for eating all of these things.

When they were going through the line, he's like, this looks weird and stuff.

I'm like, now you're being disrespectful.

Right.

There are people out there I know, like they have, they have issues with texture.

They, whatever.

Like there's, you are allowed to make your own decisions about what you eat.

Yeah.

But there's a way to be honest with people be like hey i this is me right this is how i am yeah exactly yeah you're right he's kind of blaming others and putting it on them totally totally um and then and then i it just ultimately gets to a completely different place with like spencer and courtney and i were just talking about this yesterday too at lunch like we were just talking about the aspect of like how

a lot of the times it's men but but people overall like they can't deal with rejection so much so that they end up turning it around and being like, it's your fault.

And actually all of my feelings are valid and reasonable.

And I'm going to now blame you for this feeling that I am uncomfortable with.

And it's almost like this is a testament.

to how terrible the relationship would have been to see how he dealt with her being like, this is something I'm not comfortable with.

And he immediately started arguing.

Like that's her immediate red flag of like, okay, I made the right choice.

It originally started about your picky eating.

And now it has become something completely different.

I don't like that he kept texting and calling, insisting that he deserved to know the real reason.

Like, after a couple of dates, I don't think you do.

Scary tap.

They're not going to tell you, you need to move on.

Yeah.

Thumbs up the message and go.

Yeah.

Yeah, it just did feel like weirdly disrespectful.

And also, like, yeah, like, I don't know, disrespectful.

of like other cultures and cuisines.

Like when she said that like people from all over the world are like making different foods, like her coworkers and stuff.

And for him to to like be walking down a line likely in front of these people and being like, oh, that's weird.

Like I would never, I can't imagine doing that.

It just feels insane.

No, that's really disrespectful to say.

He's a 30-year-old man.

I would hope by now, like,

like I said, his preferences and stuff is fine, but to say that out loud in front of people who cooked it.

is really

messed up.

That disrespectful tendency is going to carry over into other parts of his life.

That's not a contained thing there.

Exactly.

I feel like I always

am so conscious of

having that happen that it's almost like I feel like the weird one.

I feel like the one with the nuisance of having certain things that I don't want to eat and things like that, that I try to make it a very secretive thing.

I'm not trying to go around being like, oh, I don't like that and I don't like that.

It's more just like, oh, no, I'm good with that.

Like just very quickly, just doing my own thing, not trying to bother anybody about it.

I think what I get at this point, and I think I know it only from experience of being around people who know food so well, is that, you know,

we get accustomed to our palate and what we're used to growing up and whatever we're eating as a kid.

That

it's actually interesting to me when I try foods where I'm like, oh, this is from a culture that's so different from anything I experienced that my mouth is like not used to this.

I remember when it was the first time I tried natto?

Yeah.

And I was just like, I have never experienced this in my life.

I'm like, I understand that this isn't bad.

Yeah.

My mouth is just like, I don't know what this is.

I can't handle it.

But I kind of like trying to push through that and then trying to figure out like being like, this, I know this is good.

There are people out there who say it's great.

So I'm like, I know it can be, and I want to figure it out.

And I've, I feel like I've managed to do that, but I'm also crazy.

Yeah.

You know what, though?

I think with food too,

it almost can

be a parallel to the type of personality that you have.

Like, again, I definitely would identify as being a picky eater, but something that I'm genuinely trying to work on is expanding my palate and exploring more foods and trying new things.

And it's incredibly exciting for me when that does happen.

Like, I do love trying new foods.

And if it does work, it's such a great feeling to be like, wow, I used to really dislike that food.

And I'm really proud of myself for like opening up and pushing past that.

It's amazing how much the idea of a food can affect how it tastes.

Yeah.

I feel like.

Uh-huh.

Bunch of comments here.

It's one thing to enjoy plain foods, but to make sour puss faces and pout at a party is embarrassing.

Yeah.

Someone else said, you're a chef and he told you food was unimportant.

Then he called your professional career and one of your core passions trivial.

Do not waste time on this chicken nugget eating man child.

Lastly, someone said, this is about much more than food preferences.

He was rude over your food choices that didn't impact him, didn't respect your rejection, hounded you for an explanation, then threw a bro flake fit over your honesty before claiming you were missing out on a great relationship with him.

No matter what the reason, the above is straight from the emotionally immature, contemptuous, and manipulative person's guide to being a douchebag.

Even if your reasoning wasn't something that really mattered to you, you should block him for all that and be glad he showed you his true colors early on.

Not the asshole.

Not the asshole.

He called something you love and you do for work trivial.

You're fundamentally incompatible.

I mean, Trevor, this would be a deal-breaker for you, I'm assuming.

Yeah, no, it would be.

This is a very big extreme, and I think like the disrespectful part of it is like what really like gets to me.

Like he obviously doesn't respect food in the way that she does, but like, I mean, I would say Raven isn't a picky eater by...

any means, but there are ingredients or things that she doesn't like as much.

And like there have been times that I've cooked a meal and it's like may have been heavy on one of those things.

And she's like, hey, like, I really appreciate you cooking this.

And it's totally, it's not bad at all, but it just isn't my favorite.

And like, that's very respectful.

And I'm like, okay, I know like not to do that thing or use that ingredient anymore.

But like, this is just the complete opposite of like, I'm not going to try.

And I'm going to actively like mock you for wanting to eat that thing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then get rageful when you reject me because of it.

Right.

I think all red flags boil down to disrespect.

It's like, is this person disrespecting me?

That's just what it comes down to every time.

Like if you boil every single thing down on these Reddit stories, it's always, well, he was disrespectful.

And if they're that disrespectful that early on,

you should weigh whether that is enough for you.

Listen, the real question is, which fast food place did he stop at to get those fries?

That's true.

Because that

is

what would make or break the relationship.

Very true.

That's also crazy that you can't just wait till the end of the thing to get some fries.

Like, you can't wait an extra hour, hour and a half, whatever it is.

No,

a lot of crap.

That behavior is ridiculous.

Anyways.

Yeah.

Moving on.

This one comes from Today I fucked up.

Today I fucked up by playing Baldur's Gate 3 with my girlfriend.

Classic case.

Oh no.

Classic case.

Uh-oh.

He got turned on.

Okay.

A little over a month ago, my partner and I were itching for a new co-op game to sink our teeth into.

We had heard a lot about Baldur's Gate 3 and decided to give it a shot.

It took a bit to get hooked due to the turn-based combat, but once we got into it, we haven't let it go.

We finished our first playthrough roughly two weeks ago and neither of us got to romance the characters we wanted.

We decided to boot up a second playthrough to focus on romancing our preferred companions this time around.

I chose Carlac.

She chose Astarion.

Do you know these characters?

No, I'm incredibly lost.

Karlac is a giant demon woman.

Tiefling, but like, for someone who doesn't know DD, like she looks like a giant like red, like, red like human with like big horns.

She's really tough.

She's quirky and sweet, but

locked it.

And then Astarion is...

Twink vampire.

Twink vampire.

Got it.

Say no.

Very smooth, very

sarcastic, funny, but very sexual.

Is he tall?

He's not super tall.

He's a rogue.

He's not one of the big...

dudes in the game.

Okay, got it.

But the point of this game, I will say on this front,

there's a little something for everyone.

They really made sure to make a spread out of characters of like, you're going to want to fuck one of these people.

Yeah.

Challenge.

Probably more than one.

Probably more than one.

All right, we got to play this game.

I chose Carlac.

She chose Astarian.

My partner can't seem to get Astarian to want to romance her due to their conflicting interests, whereas this time around, Carlac was all over me.

For some insight into our relationship, touch and words of affirmation are my love language.

My girlfriend's a little more reserved and casual.

Hearing Carlak's character announce her feelings to me was something I would have never expected.

It honestly threw us both for a loop.

We're laughing and having a great time until I select a dialogue option for, I love you, and her character responds, I love you too, before going on a tangent about her feelings.

My girl jokingly rubs her hands across my crotch before noticing I'm rock hard.

At this moment, she gets quiet and eventually asks to stop playing.

I try to see what's up and she's questioning why I got so turned on.

I explained to her how affectionate I am and hearing that rebounded,

even from a video game, caught me off guard and turned me on.

I told her she's the only person I want and I love heart dynamic, but sometimes it's nice to hear those things.

She ended up sleeping on the couch and we haven't really spoken about this since last night.

But I feel like this won't be the last I hear about this.

Oh my God.

Dude.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Dude, the same thing happened to me and Raven, but playing Fortnite.

So he's a banana.

Listen, I'm rock hard right now.

That's so crazy.

That is insane.

Okay, but it's like she kind of wanted him to get there anyway.

She was initiating it, right?

I think that's a really, yeah, I guess this is just something that's obvious when you think about it a lot.

But for her, maybe it's just something that has never,

I just think it's ridiculous.

The realm of fantasy is there.

Like, you know people read like like like sexy fantasy books people are watching movies where there's romance and stuff like it's not real life you're playing into fantasy so like I don't know what she's feeling I guess it's the follow-up that he was like oh it's this is the nice love language thing that she's not doing yes so it's I get that there's the hurt of like, hey, you haven't communicated something that clearly very much affects you and matters to you.

And you haven't brought up to me, I'm not doing it.

So she might feel like, oh, I'm not doing a good job.

Yes, it's definitely something deeper.

I think you're totally right.

It's like the idea of something else, I guess,

inspiring

such.

physical outcomes, I suppose, can be a little hurtful.

But like you said, you know,

it can obviously happen in any form.

I've heard it can also happen on like random occasions.

You can show up to work and that can happen, you know?

Sir, so I've heard.

So I've heard.

I've heard.

So I've heard, not that I have a boner right now.

I like to think that the level of stiffness was also part of it.

Because he described himself as rock hard.

Like, what if he was just half-jubbing a little bit?

Like, do you think she would have been as mad?

no that's true no this has got to be this has got to be something she never saw before she was like where did that come from yeah i mean i wish there was more on this uh and maybe there is but um

you know i i'm curious we don't know exactly what she's super upset about

you know she she kind of just she said

um

she was questioning why he got so turned on.

I explained to her, I explained to her how affectionate I am and hearing that rebounded even from a video game caught me off guard and turned me on.

So I think he kind of just told her, like, hey, you're not that affectionate towards me.

Yes.

And I think that might be what it is, as opposed to, oh, and it, it doesn't sound like it's, I'm upset you got turned on by this video game.

I'm upset at what you just said after that.

I think you're completely accurate, Shane.

I think, I, I think that that's totally it.

It does, it's not what it seems like, it's what it really is on the inside that she feels like it is something deeper.

It's that you are are rejecting me and you're telling me that I'm not doing something for you.

This feels to me like something that like they're gonna laugh about very soon.

Because like a guy took a little surprise trip to boner land.

Like it's not like the Arthur Morgan thing where it's an actively like he was hiding it.

He was like going and like he was doing something in secret and like like it happened and it's they're probably gonna have a conversation about it and it's probably just gonna blow over.

Some comments.

Someone said, I obviously don't know how to enjoy video games properly.

Someone else said, sexual arousal does not equal cheating and I will die die on this hill.

Yeah.

Baldis Gate 3 is a very sexy game at times, not to mention the Carlac romance would align with your love languages.

In any case, I think your girlfriend could use some more reassurance.

That said, she also needs to address her jealousy issues and where they are coming from.

Emotions are valid, but it's up to each of us, girlfriends included, to process them ourselves and not use them to punish others, especially our partner.

Lastly, someone said, Your girlfriend has massive insecurities.

If she makes you feel bad for getting hard from a game, she needs to grow up.

Opie responded, we've all got insecurities.

It's completely normal.

She wasn't mad about it being a video, more so upset about what turned me on.

We talk about our love languages a lot.

She's more of a playful tickle and poke person, where I'm more direct.

It's not something she's experienced, and she has a hard time providing it, as it's an area of discomfort for her.

I am aware of this and hold absolutely nothing against her.

I think that was just the first time we were able to sit down and hear what makes me tick, and it was just at a really awkward moment.

This definitely isn't going to harm our relationship, and it'll be something we laugh about sooner than later.

Lastly, someone said, have same problem with Minesweeper.

Oh my God.

Yeah.

I didn't read this as her being jealous.

I read this as her being upset.

I don't know about what.

If she's jealous of Carlak, I think that's ridiculous.

Right.

Then it's maybe it speaks a little bit more to like insecure.

Yeah, to like be so, to be so upset for so long that you sleep on the couch is insane.

Yeah.

But

I wasn't reading it that way.

Update.

Oh shit.

Wow.

So, as some of you have seen from my post history, we have been together for nearly three years now.

With our share of drama, I initially posted this because I thought it was funny.

But from a lot of comments, I'm seeing that I've been a little blind to a lot of things.

I tried speaking to my partner this morning about concerns which initially did not go so well.

She apologized shortly after we both arrived at work, and we spoke in more detail on our lunch breaks.

She's not blind to her actions, nor am I to mine.

We made a commitment to try harder, show more enthusiasm and commitment, and for now that's all I have to say.

I love this girl and intend to marry her one day, but we are people at the end of the day, meaning we both come with our flaws.

I don't believe in giving up on people and will stick through until the end.

Please do not bash her as she is an amazing mother and partner.

And yeah, sometimes the communication is whack, but we are working on this together.

Wow.

Okay, yeah.

So it does sound like it wasn't a jealousy thing.

It was she was upset that she thought, oh, I'm not doing this right.

Right.

I think it's, I think when, you know, when we hear these these stories or when other people that are coming across it, like read it, it's almost easy to take it to the most extreme and be like, oh, this is the entire relationship and it always has been, you know?

Yeah.

But obviously nobody knows a relationship except for the two people that are in it.

Right.

And clearly the context was dropped along the way when he shared it in a post.

And you read it, people read it, and it's, it just kind of

read it.

And it, and it gets lost a little bit.

is that why they call it reddit

no

anyways uh

no i i think there was also one more thing that really uh resonated with me in that as well of like the fact that they were like able to communicate and really like share their feelings and stuff like that and the point was you know that her feelings are valid but feelings are always valid but not always reasonable.

Yeah.

And I think that is maybe where the gap was.

And it sounds like she is completely forthcoming with that.

She is like, I reacted.

This is why I felt like that.

The feelings, again, they made sense in the moment.

But my logic of maybe why I was feeling that.

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Probably didn't

land as well.

Next story comes from relationship advice.

I, a 28-year-old woman, received the dreaded, hey girl, text after two and a half years with my boyfriend, who's 29.

Now what?

Uh, is that does that mean like a cheating situation?

I'm assuming like hey girl, your partner.

Oh,

yeah.

Okay, my boyfriend who's 29 and I, a 28-year-old woman, have been together roughly two and a half years, living together for the past year.

Yesterday, I received the dreaded hey girl message on Instagram, and I'm so insanely confused and just unsure what to do with myself.

Details of what happened.

The other morning, he got a follow-up request on Instagram from a girl I believe believe he's been with in the past and immediately slid into her DMs 100% flirtatiously.

They switched to text, exchanged nudes, then had random casual chit-chat continued for the rest of the evening.

At 6 a.m.

the next morning, he fessed up to her that he had a girlfriend and it was a mistake.

He didn't know what he was thinking and that he was sorry.

This girl then found me on Instagram and immediately sent me all the screenshots and apologized for not knowing.

This all happened yesterday morning and now I am stuck in a constant state of flip-flopping between anger, frustration, sadness, and numbness.

When I I found out, I immediately confronted him and we spent hours talking, arguing, and crying.

He says he's never done it before and immediately regretted it, which is apparent, but I just don't know what to do from here.

I've always told him I only have two deal breakers.

You put your hands on me or dick in someone else and it's over.

But it just doesn't feel fair to blow up my life and end everything out of nowhere like this.

At the moment, we are taking it day by day.

Where do we go from here?

Push through, throw it all out the window, help.

Wolf.

Okay,

so let me just make sure he slid into her DMs 100% flirtatiously they switched to text exchanged nudes then had random casual chit-chat continued for the rest of the evening

at 6 a.m.

the next morning he fessed up to her saying I have a girlfriend it was a mistake.

Okay so this happened to me.

What?

What?

Yeah.

Except I was okay.

Okay.

So this happened like years ago, but it was on my birthday a few years ago.

And this guy that I knew for years, who was a few years older than me,

like late around like 1 or 2 a.m.

started texting me.

And it was like, all of like the words were like, you know, scrambled.

He was very, obviously drunk.

And he basically, and he was in a relationship.

And he fully was just like, I'm in love with you.

Like, I'm very attracted to you.

Like.

all of this stuff.

And I immediately responded just being like, I'm not interested.

Like, I know that you're in a relationship.

Like, I completely like turned him down.

And he persisted in the text.

Like, it was very, very adamant.

And then the next morning, I logged on and him and his girlfriend got engaged.

And I slid into her DMs and I said, hey, girl.

There's something you need to know.

And I sent her the entire thread.

I was like, here's everything.

Like, take a look.

And she was like, thanks for telling me.

Like, don't worry.

Like, we've talked about it.

Like, I, like, we're going to deal with this.

It's like, it's totally fine.

No worries.

And they are married.

They are still together.

So.

The

night before you propose.

to your girlfriend, you get plastered and tell a different person that you're in love with them

and then go on and still get married.

That's crazy.

Isn't that wild?

That's God.

That's crazy.

Yeah.

Holy shit.

This was like at least four or five years ago.

Yeah.

Like I was in college.

Isn't that crazy?

I'll show you guys photos.

That's insane, dude.

Oh, yeah.

That's fucking crazy.

Well, hey, I'm glad you sent those messages.

Oh, oh my God.

Even though they stayed together, like, that's, I I do think that's the right thing to do.

Especially when you see they're engaged, it's like, okay.

No, definitely so.

I remember texting all of my friends too, like in our friend group.

And I was like, you guys are never going to believe what just happened.

Again, like, I don't know if he like remembers it or whatever, but pretty sure I still have the entire thread.

That's crazy.

So

100 likes and I'll drop it.

Holy shit.

Shit.

Yeah.

This video gets one like.

And this guy didn't even sound like he was drunk.

No.

This story.

He's fully, and you know, it's not just one decision.

It's a, it's a bunch of decisions he made.

He made decisions for hours on end.

Totally.

It also seemed like a snap thing.

It wasn't like something where it was like, yeah, I've been like talking to this person as a friend for a while.

It was like he got a follow across and he's like, time to slide in.

Like it wasn't anything that took like deliberating on his part.

Yeah.

This is, you know, she's debating on whether she should break up with him or not.

She's like, oh, should I throw my whole life out the window?

I'm like,

you guys don't have kids.

You're not married.

Like, you're not throwing your whole life out the window.

No.

He threw everything out the window.

I've talked about it before.

I know cheating is a really hot topic, like with people.

Like it's, people have really strong stances on it.

I know I have a strong stance on it.

Like, for me, I've always said that if something like this were to happen, I'm like,

it's not even just a thing where I'm like, here's my moral rule and I'm, I'm out because I've deemed it bad.

I'm like, I don't think I can move on.

I think my trust is broken and its relationships are built on trust.

And I know I won't be able to have it.

Even if

you will never do it again, I don't know that.

The rest of our relationship is now a gamble where I have seen proof that you can do this thing.

So

it's kind of hard.

I, you know, in studies in psychology and like reports from therapists, there have been cases where affairs and cheating happen and people can work through it.

But it is a lot of work.

And the thing that I've heard that I agree with is like the relationship is still over.

You have to start a new relationship now.

It's going to be a new, a brand new thing.

You kind of have to restart it.

But the only situations where I feel like I see that, where I would, the only times where I would ever

be on that side is if it's like, you've been married a long time, you have kids, and like it truly is, like, can be like, oh, it was a one-time mistake.

I still, if I put myself in those shoes, I'm like, I don't think I can, but

in regards to other people making that decision, you know, it's, it is ultimately their life and their relationship, and they're allowed to make that choice.

If someone makes that choice, it's like, all right, like

you can do that.

Yeah.

But I,

I don't don't know.

I think that early on, I think within the first three years, I'm just like,

they're going to do it again.

I have a hard time believing they won't.

I have a few friends, actually, that have had similar experiences.

I have a friend that stayed with

her boyfriend after he cheated the first time.

And

their relationship after that was

not even a relationship.

I mean, like, they had set rules, like not being around, not being on their phones around each other.

And, like, at that point, when you start, like, having to, like, police each other about, like, basic things that you should be able to trust, like, at that point, it's like,

what, what's the point?

You know?

And that's the whole thing with, like, if there's no trust, you're screwed.

Right.

I do think, you know, there's the whole like cheaters are going to cheat type type of thing.

And like,

and it's, I do think it's kind of true unless that person, because that's something inside.

You know, I don't think when, if someone cheats on you, it's because of you, like, at least not in many situations.

Yeah.

I do think it's like there's a deep insecurity there that's, that's causing them to do this.

And if they're not really putting in a lot of work, if they're not going to therapy, if they're not really cracking that egg open and figuring out why they're making the decisions they're making in life, then you can't expect them to not make that decision again.

You know, it's such an extreme, it's an extreme thing to do

to break loyalty, to break a promise of that level that

you can't just say, oh, I won't do it again.

I'm like, no, there's because there's something, clearly you don't have self-control over it.

So I can't trust you, you know.

I feel like I also, I do have empathy for the idea of wanting to stay.

Like, I understand, like, yes, there's no kids or like marriage involved or anything like that, but I've said it before, like, to break up with someone, to end a relationship for a lot of people, like, that is the biggest tragedy.

That is just like, what am I going to do without this person?

Especially when your partner.

when your relationship is like like an A, you know?

When it's like you're leaning on each other and the thing that's keeping you guys together is this relationship.

And that's kind of the foundation of the relationship because if you have a stronger one that's maybe more of an H, then you guys are both standing up and you're able to trust each other, to move past certain things like this.

If there's that idea of codependence, if there's this idea of like, without my partner, what am I?

Sometimes it's a little harder to be able to walk away, even when they cross cross the line of infidelity.

I feel like a hot take is if the only, if a major reason you're in a relationship is your fear of being single, you need to be single.

You need to work through that.

Yeah.

Because a relationship is never going to work if that's why you're in it.

Because then you'll put up with whatever.

Exactly.

Some comments.

It sounds like you should reflect on how important your deal breakers are to you.

I know it feels like you're blowing up your life if you end things with him, but the alternative is risking undermining your own fundamental values and demonstrating that your hardline standards can be brushed off.

What I'd strongly recommend is taking this time to consider for yourself, is there anything that can be said or done by him, you, or both of you that would help you rebuild trust?

Relationships require trust and trust is a very personal thing that varies from person to person.

Figuring out whether there's even a possible path forward would be a place to start.

Someone said, exchanged nudes?

Honey, that is a deal breaker.

He cannot be trusted.

This was not a lapse in judgment.

It was an intentional ask.

Grab your dignity and end the relationship.

Do not listen to his pleas, and you deserve so much more.

Lastly, someone said, Is he guilty about what he did or just sad he got caught?

Consider.

She told you, not him.

Whoa.

He would have lied forever,

which means that, too, you can't trust him when he says it's never happened before.

Seriously, if the tables were turned, would he have stayed or dumped you for cheating?

You can either blow up your life now or wait to catch him cheating after he's properly tied you down.

Your call.

That's very true.

That part.

She did tell him.

So

I,

as of the story, it's like, and if I'm her, I don't know if, would he have continued this?

I would think yes.

Especially to get to a place where your life would be blown up and more people, like kids, for example, would be affected as well.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think it's just hard to like when

I'm sure so many people can relate to being in a previous relationship where now you can look back and be like what was i doing or like i can't believe i stayed and stuff like that and it's like you got to grant yourself the grace of you didn't know you know it's it's so uh it's it's it's retrospect you can't look back and and almost consider that yeah i think that's also a thing with like and i'm trying to rack my brain for like what's a cheating situation where i'd possibly stay but like if you're not hearing it from them, it's just like,

it's just so awful.

Like, you can't move on from that.

And it's also the matter of putting myself in his shoes.

It's like, okay, so he thought he could do this and

that you would still be willing to stay with him.

Like even by pleaing and stuff, he thinks there's a world, there's some realm where you will move on and he can actually be scot-free from this.

Like, I'm like, it's just disrespectful.

But he knew.

Like, he knew, right?

She said that she had already said at the beginning, these are my boundaries, and yet he crossed it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That this one feels pretty cut and dry.

Yeah.

And it just seemed pretty easy for him to do.

Like it did.

Like it seemed, yeah, like it was like he was able to do it.

He felt and he's like, all right, I'm done.

And he, and he just felt like he was going to lie about it and he was okay with that.

Yeah, I try to keep my mind open to there are so many different types of situations in the world.

There's a lot of ways that things can play out.

As far as the stories we've read here, there's rarely, I don't think there's been a cheating story where I'm like, well, no, they can work past this.

I'm always like, yeah.

It's probably better to move on.

Exchanging nudes.

No, it's so, it's so much.

It's so much.

Yeah.

Now, if it was Baldur's Gate.

Yeah.

If it's Carlak.

Show me the dick.

Our final story comes from the subreddit relationships and was also posted onto Best of redditor updates whoa thank god a year ago i a 27 year old woman broke up with my lying boyfriend a 27 year old man today i found out that everyone else was lying and he was being truthful oh no

i think i submitted this story what i found this story oh i remember sending it to you guys i'm already sad this story is crazy

a year ago i was about to move in with my first serious boyfriend josh with whom whom I was head over heels in love, when one of my closest friends said that Josh had shown them a nude photo of me on his phone when he was drunk during a party.

Five or six more of my friends corroborated the story and told me that Josh also talked in extreme detail about our sex life when showing the photo.

It was sickeningly detailed.

This did not sound at all like Josh.

When I asked him what the f ⁇ k was going on, he denied everything.

He eventually got very angry and started calling all of my friends liars.

At one point, he showed up at my place while some of them were visiting and things got a little physical.

It was really a very strange turn of events in my life.

Josh seemed so worked up and all of my close friends were calling him a liar.

Josh had taken photos of me on his phone, which I know was stupid, but heated the moment and everything.

So I trusted my friends and I broke up with Josh.

It was heart-wrenching.

Josh begged me to believe him.

He started tearing up, nearly punched the wall, and left angrily.

I was really grossed out at the time and felt super conflicted.

A few months later, I started dating one of the friends, Alex, who had had told me about Josh showing everyone the photo.

All of my friends were pushing me to date Alex at the time.

We didn't really sync and it didn't go past a few months, but we remained friends of sorts.

So today, another friend sent me a message that said he just wanted to get something off his chest.

The story about Josh wasn't true, and they were really trying to get me to date Alex.

So they made up that story about Josh.

After talking to a few of the other people, including Alex, it's all come out that they were lying.

It was this fucking orchestrated bullshit event that totally changed my life forever.

Apparently, they hated Josh and thought he was bad for me and an asshole.

That was my fucking decision.

I'm shaking right now.

I cried in the office bathroom for about two hours afterwards.

I loved Josh so much.

We were planning a life together, and I've been friends with that group since high school.

What the fuck?

I guess I'm supposed to stop talking to my friends, right?

I cannot possibly come back from this and still talk to them, right?

This basically nukes my group of friends, but how could I even look at them again?

Also, I need closure with Josh.

Can Can I call him?

Should I call him?

Should I unblock him on Facebook and message him?

What do I do?

Oh, honey.

That's a nightmare.

Oh, my God.

That's a nightmare situation.

Like,

you know, because it's one of those things.

When I was reading this the first time, I remember being like, oh my god, that's insane.

I wish she hadn't believed them.

But I'm like, if six of your friends corroborate a story,

I would say you're you're stupid for not believing six people yeah um

so it's got to be that that's like a life-altering thing to have six people orchestrate something like that against you because it it ruins it would ruin me forever yeah i'd never trust anyone again no yeah oh yeah yeah i mean the The first and most obvious answer is that they're not your friends.

No.

Never ever, ever talk to them again.

Yeah.

So very clearly, that is,

that's definitely going to affect so much because, again, it's, it's similar to the story where she was like, this is going to blow up my life.

Like, it's obviously going to hurt to lose your, your network, your community that you have built, these six close friends from high school to have them turn on you.

But it's unfortunately so clear that they are not your friends.

They can never be a part of your life again.

How devastating is that to lose a group of friends like that?

Devastating.

No, you're right.

Yeah.

But that's so much worse than a breakup, I think.

Something similar-ish happened to me when I was in high school.

What?

What the fuck?

Trevor messaged me on my birthday.

Look, I'm really drunk right now.

Oh, God.

No, I will get our lack.

Anyways, check out the scene.

They're all connected.

No, it wasn't completely the same, but I had a group of friends and there was one person in the group of friends that was lying to everybody else about me and things that I was doing.

And so then I kind of slowly got pushed out and not invited to things.

And then I didn't find out until like a year afterward what that person was saying about me.

And so like for Josh, Josh's name, I kind of can sort of feel not obviously not as extreme, but I like that feeling for him has got to be so awful to be like, no, I was telling the truth the whole time.

And like, I had so much shitty, so many shitty things happen to me because of that and be helpless to do anything.

It's so menacing.

I don't get people who do that.

Like to lie,

just to just lie about someone on that level is so wild to me.

I I mean talk about narcissism It's just like it's like my life matters more and and my outcomes my experiences the way that I want my life to play out and everybody else is just my little pawns that I get to convince and and tell lies to and then people end up getting hurt in the process and they just don't even consider it.

I mean like even the friend group like even after they broke up one friend reached out and was like, hey, just got to get this off my chest.

Are you kidding?

Yeah.

Like, how, how do you live like that?

That's, that's really gross.

And it's, it sucks that they were all in on it.

Like, that's, I've never heard of that.

I've definitely heard a lot of situations about what you went through.

Yeah.

And it always blows my mind that people do that.

And it's, it's got to be so hurtful that all the friends believed them.

Yeah.

And all of them being okay

with.

Yeah, just ruining someone's like life or just completely throwing someone's life off the rails and making them feel awful

just because like oh we wanted you to date our other friend and we didn't really like this guy and you're willing to just like

fuck that person up for life like yeah insane trust issues so if you're her so so she believed her friends yeah as I probably would have too.

She blocked him on Facebook.

She's probably got him blocked everywhere.

It's been months.

She dated this other guy and it didn't work out after.

So I don't know how long it's been, but we know it's been a few months at least.

What would you you do i i would reach out to josh yeah i i think i would i would i would i i think i would rush to reach out to josh i think i would message them like i would send them a message somewhere i'm not gonna go person to person because i think i'd be like i now knowing i'm like i know you probably don't want to even see me again right but i would send them a message being like hey I found out that that was all fake.

They all planned this.

Yeah.

I am so, I don't think I would, I think what I would feel is disrespectful is thinking that I can get back with them.

I think I would just be like, hey, I am so sorry this all happened.

This was so unfair.

I can't believe this.

I believed them because I thought they were my friends, but I was wrong.

This was all orchestrated.

I'm so sorry.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then if they message back and we talk, but I certainly wouldn't in that those first messages be like, can we get back?

Or like, can we get back or something like that?

That has to like naturally, organically

resurface, if, if possible.

But

that's actually a really great point, too, is that like Josh is definitely messed up as well.

Of course, like, this, uh, this woman who like has lost her friends and is going to have trust issues.

Like, it's, it's like, again, Josh and in that person who was just kind of the one who wasn't believed.

Like,

that, that is also just like, I mean, he said it like he, he punched a wall and left.

Like,

it is the most frustrating thing in the world to be telling the truth and no one believes you.

Have you ever played Among Us?

I mean, come on.

Straight up.

And to be fair, she's not saying that she's trying to get back with him.

She's just like, I just want closure with Josh.

Yeah.

She just wants to.

So let's see what she does because we have an update.

Woo!

Even though everyone seemed to think this was a terrible idea, I sent Josh an email on Friday.

I copied it here.

Josh, I don't know if you are still connected to anyone on Facebook, but if you are, you probably already know why I am sending this.

And I know it is totally unfair and selfish to contact you, but I cannot imagine going through the rest of my life without apologizing.

So before I say a bunch of embarrassing things, more than anything, I want to say that I am sorry I did not trust you.

I am sorry I let other people decide our relationship.

I am sorry for what I put you through.

But I figured this might be my only chance to say this, so here comes the really lame, embarrassing stuff.

I spent the past day thinking about the past year where i would be if i had believed you what my life would be like would we be engaged would we be married i'm not over you i want to try again i'm not asking you to marry me but if you ever find yourself uh thirsty i would love to buy you a beverage of your choice i want to talk to you again i miss everything about our relationship i miss you getting annoyed when i stole your french fries i miss fighting with you over money i miss making you breakfast i miss I miss watching the office with you over and over and over.

I miss you.

My information is still the same.

I would not blame you if you ignored and deleted this.

Just know that I know I am really sorry.

What do you think about that message?

I liked it.

I liked it.

Yeah.

I think that,

yeah, I mean, I guess maybe it could have been like a little bit,

well, I don't know.

I mean, if I'm in that position, like I'm emotional, like I'm everything just got flipped upside down.

Like, I understand where she's coming from.

She's going through it.

Like, I just, I'm really, really sorry.

Yeah.

And, like,

I think she chose her words carefully, except for when she said thirsty.

Hey, yeah.

Are you thirsty?

Yeah, no, I was like, is she really about to go there?

But with everything else,

I thought it was actually appropriate.

Okay.

So I sent it and tried to take my mind off of it.

Just writing it and sending it was extremely cathartic.

I spent Saturday morning sitting around watching old movies when someone rang my doorbell.

Assuming it was Amazon, I ignored it and waited for the delivery driver to leave so that I could sneak out and grab the package.

I was in my robe.

After a minute or two, I walked over to the door and looked through the hole.

It was Josh.

Obviously, my heart leapt into my throat.

I had been compulsively checking my phone for a response, but I was not expecting something like that.

Everything in my house, including me, was pretty disheveled.

I cracked the door, smiled, said hi, and told him that I had to get dressed really quick.

What a terrible interaction.

So I ran around my place, throwing shit into corners, pulled my hair back, found something to wear, and went back to the door.

He said, I'm here for that beverage.

I only had OJ and water, which was also pretty embarrassing, but Josh stuck around anyways.

He didn't ask too many questions really.

I started to talk about the nude photo incident, but he said he didn't really care to talk about it.

We both know all of the details now.

The conversation eventually grew a bit aimless and we were just talking like old times.

It was wonderful.

He asked if I was hungry.

I wasn't really, but of course I said I was.

We went to a nearby burger place that we used to go to all the time.

He did ask whether or not I had dated Alex.

He didn't seem to be upset by my answer.

I asked him if he had dated anyone.

He had a six-month relationship in the interim.

She sounded great, but I didn't pry.

When we got back to my place, Josh asked what I was doing for the rest of the day.

I don't have plans.

We spent the rest of the day together, then the night.

It's totally stupid to move that fast, but I'm not going to spend much time worrying about it.

I'm feeling happy.

We spent part of Sunday together too, then Tuesday and Wednesday.

We discussed what we were doing.

Two single people dating each other was the consensus.

Exclusive?

Yes.

I think the world of him and I will always regret what happened.

No matter what, though, I'm extremely happy I sent the letter to him.

It's interesting to think that if he had actually done what everyone accused him of and then I took him back, I would probably have trust issues.

Now, obviously, I trust him to the core.

He could tell me the world was flat and I'd have trouble questioning him.

Okay.

Don't go there.

Don't.

We're back, baby.

Just a weird thought I've been having.

So that's the story.

We are together again.

Will it work out?

I hope so.

No matter what, things are better today than they were last week.

Nice.

Woo!

Wow.

Yeah, wild shit.

So it was a year in between.

I,

you know,

it's like, if I'm him,

I think I'm able to forgive her because I would be like, yeah, I know you, of course you believed six in.

Totally.

This is

such an unlikely event.

And that's just such...

an amazing quality of Josh that he is able to have that understanding instead of

just leading with like, well, you hurt me and you didn't trust me and you didn't do this and you didn't do that.

Like it's, it sounds like he also read that letter with Ernest and was just like,

I feel the same way.

I know that we have this connection.

And it sounds like they're going to have this unbreakable bound.

Yeah.

And after a year apart.

after this event, it only took, like, she sent the message and like he was immediately over there and then they're just back.

So so they does sound like they have a very strong connection um i am thinking about the absolute devastation of alex of him knowing like oh so like you did date alex for a little bit not not not mad at her but just being like just being like that slimy son of a bitch like they planned this whole thing so he could basically steal your girlfriend and it almost worked but like it's also got to be nice that it's like oh but it didn't work out yeah even when she believed this story I think Josh is like secure.

Totally.

He is like, it's fine.

But it's also got to just, it's.

Staying a little bit.

Of course.

Just like, but.

But hopefully Alex is upset now, you know?

Hopefully Alex.

I thought they aired his ass out on TikTok.

Yeah.

Get him.

No, I mean, how stupid does that friend group?

I mean, they obviously only told her after it didn't work out with Alex.

They had to be like, wow, we really broke up a relationship.

for a relationship that didn't work out.

Like, it's like, yeah, you guys are dumbasses.

They're only ever going to have each other, you know.

Um, they straight up Game of Thrones him.

They tried to Ned Stark this dude,

like, straight up.

They orchestrated a conspiracy against him and tried to have him murdered.

Oh my god.

And it almost worked.

I'm really glad, though.

The whole time, I was like, I want him to, like, if I was in his shoes, I hope I would be mature enough to be like, hey, I totally understand.

I like to think I would, but like, for him to just be like,

I understand that six people lied to you and manipulated you, and it was completely normal for you to believe them.

Yeah.

And I'm willing to get past it because I really care about you.

I think that's, I think where it would be murkier is if it was one person who told a lie and they believed.

But that, you know, this is, this is her whole world who told her a thing.

And it's like, yeah, you can't, you can understand that.

And to show up with that line too, like, I'll take that beverage.

Josh has got gay.

Cool, man.

Josh is.

Pretty cool.

What I was also prepared for, that would have been devastating is if he was now in a relationship, which was very likely.

He was in one

for six months and it didn't work out.

No, this was meant to be.

But like, imagine.

Yeah.

Imagine he'd moved on.

This all worked out very well, but they threaded the needle.

I feel like I kind of spoiled it, it got spoiled a little bit because then I remembered that this is on like the best of Reddit updates.

So I was like, oh, he's totally coming back.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Dude, this gave me trust issues.

Like, I like, I'm so scared now.

Like, what if people in my life, there are multiple people in my life telling me something, what if they're lying now?

I can't believe that that many people would lie to someone they care about.

Yeah.

It's okay.

I'm going to be okay.

It's all right.

Are you guys telling the truth?

Trev.

Trev, you already got trust issues.

You're going to lie to me.

Trevor, we're flying in.

I'm going to go to Jeopardy right now.

Anyways.

That is the scariest thing you've ever said.

Will you look over the Beopardy boards here and I'm just going to whip out a little bit?

I'm

Oh my God.

End it.

End the video.

Anyways, I feel like we talked about dating a little bit.

We talked about so many other things as well.

Yeah, we got it.

But dating encompasses everything.

Yeah.

It's about people.

I feel like this made me want to talk more about dating with you guys too.

Like, I feel like I want to continue to pick your brains about these conversations because not only does it encompass a lot, but I think it also tells you so much about other people.

Well, thank you both for being here.

This was really great.

Thank you for having us.

Of course.

Appreciate it.

Anytime.

Yeah.

And thank you all for watching.

Let us know what other themes and subreddits you want us to cover on this show.

And we will see you next Saturday.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

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