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Welcome back to Reddit Stories.

I'm Shane.

And today, it's the classic Am I the Asshole posts that we all love and hate.

I am joined by Olivia and Amanda.

Hello.

Hello.

Hi.

How are you both doing?

Fantastic.

I'm doing really good.

We're hungry.

I'm hungry.

Just keep talking about food.

Yeah.

It's a mistake.

It's early.

It's early in the morning right now.

Yes, it is.

You are just glowing.

Yeah, you are glowing.

You are glowing.

Thank you.

I actually,

I got some last week.

But you know what I did try this morning?

I plunged my face in like a bowl of ice water.

It wasn't like super cold, but it was like a little bit.

Oh, that is good.

That's so good for you.

Because it's good for your nervous system.

It's good for your nervous system.

I just did it to kind of wake up and I was like, all right.

Whoa.

Wow.

Anyways.

Are we ready for some stories?

Yes.

Here we go.

Our first story from from Am I the Asshole?

Am I the asshole for not telling my boss about his boogers every day?

Boogers?

About his boogers.

Oh, boy.

This is so asinine, but here we are.

My boss and I have client-facing positions, so we talk to people face-to-face every day.

My boss is also 6'4, and I'm 5'5, so I'm constantly looking up to talk to him.

I'm not sure if it's because of the allergies or what, but every single day, he has boogers in his nose that are clearly visible.

And every single day I tell him you have boogers in your nose I try to tell him before he sees anyone else because no one wants that embarrassing situation this has been going on for weeks every single day without fail this is where I may be the asshole I decided to stop telling him he's a grown man in his 30s and I started to feel like his mom having to tell him to blow his freaking nose every once in a while he's aware this happens every day it's not new I feel like he needs to start taking preventative measures or at least look in a mirror at some point on Friday I didn't tell him and he had a meeting Apparently, the other person, he knows personally, jokingly handed him a tissue and didn't make a big deal out of it, but he was super upset with me for not giving him a heads up.

Like I said, I get it.

It's an embarrassing thing that happened, but my job description does not include check boss nose every day for bears in the cave.

I was venting to my spouse who told me he can see where it would get annoying, but I needed to be a decent person and let him know.

I have been for weeks, but at what point is the booger havers' responsibility to handle their own own hygiene?

Edit to add, my boss wasn't checking the last few days because since you stopped telling me, I figured I didn't have them anymore, which makes no sense.

He obviously never checked.

Why is he putting that all on the other person?

I guess to a certain degree of like, this guy should be a little more self-conscious.

And it's bats in the cave.

It's bats in the cave.

I was like, bears in the cave.

Yeah, it's bats in the cave.

What are you saying?

I've never heard that.

If you had bears in the cave, you need assistance.

Do I have any bears?

You have bears in the cave, you need to go to the bathroom.

Yeah, you need to.

Hello.

Whoa.

Yeah, if someone told me that once, or even like two days in a row, I'd be like, I'd be checking every single day.

I'd be like, yeah, so what's going on?

Yeah.

But I'm very self-conscious about that stuff.

Oh, yeah.

I'm aware.

I love picking my nose.

It's truly like.

Very satisfying.

It's the most, well, yesterday, not to talk about me right now, but yesterday I was like having a really intense conversation with Sam and I was just standing in the kitchen just like going so deep in there and it was like such an intense conversation and and and and then I'm like embarrassed now by no you're not embarrassed.

Well

Sam loves you.

He does but the conversation we're having was so like serious and I was just like going in there like

yeah

but anyways I'm I love picking my nose.

I don't know why your maybe your boss should find enjoyment in just digging in those caves.

Just get in there.

Get in there.

That's

going to be released.

Especially after doing it for so long.

But to have the expectation of like, you're the person who needs to tell me that is crazy.

Just being so upset.

Yeah, I would not expect that.

I am also...

Do you think you're, I think you both are probably pretty good at letting people know if they have like

something in their nose or like something in their teeth.

I can't look at them in the face without telling them.

And so then I feel like you are very, like, I get so awkward and weird about it.

Like, because I feel weird telling people that, like,

I feel like

I do it, but I definitely am like, it's awkward.

You kind of just have to pull off the band-aid and go, you have something on your face, and then be like, all right, it's awkward.

If you say it just so straight away, it's never awkward.

Exactly.

Just go like, oh, you got something in your teeth.

The worst

part is if you wait.

Because you're like,

I have waited because I'm like, I don't know how this person's going to take it.

You know how sometimes you're like, this person might not take this well.

Yes.

Like, it's going to be my fault somehow.

And then you wait, and then they're like, even more upset They're like dude I had something I remember I was serving a table and I had lipstick all over my teeth and I talked to this table for like

10 minutes about like life and like LA and one of them just moved here and I was like yeah and I was outside it was a little hot and I came back and my friend was like dude, what happened?

Did you eat lipstick?

And I was like, that table didn't say anything and they were like, oh, bummer.

And now I like don't respect them.

I know.

I think you should tell, especially if it's your friend, you need to tell them.

Oh, yeah, for sure.

Or you do this other thing, which I don't recommend.

Oh, no.

I don't recommend this, because it's bad.

But you just keep staring.

No.

Olivia?

Olivia, no.

No, but then, and then you, and then you start to realize, like, oh, maybe there's something in my nose or my teeth, but you just keep staring when there's.

What?

Don't do it.

Don't do it.

Don't do it.

And this is worse, too, where you you go I mean this is fine no you can do this but sometimes you do this and then people go oh and you're like no I had an itch oh god I feel like you Amanda if you were in this woman's situation you would eventually tell this boss like hey I'm done every day this is happening you need to check on this oh I absolutely would have I would have been like hey it is not in my job description to tell you that you have bats in the cave.

Dude, you got to work on it.

I'm not going to tell you.

But maybe they're sick.

Well, she's saying maybe it's allergies.

Maybe they're constantly sick.

They're just a permanent cold.

The verdict was not the asshole.

Some comments.

Oh my God, that is so gross.

Not the asshole at all.

I have a hard time even telling a friend that, though I know I should.

Maybe suggest he buy a compact mirror to check himself before meetings.

LMAO, that is so crazy and gross.

Someone said, not the asshole, but you sort of have designated yourself as the booger checker for doing this so much for so long, LMAO.

After the third time, I would just accept that he is a booger man now and not say anything.

LMAO.

A lot of people fucking just dying laughing right now.

Not the asshole.

If a grown-ass man can't wipe his boogers, that is on him, not you.

If he wants to make you his personal booger checker, you need a raise.

Dude, boogers is not the right word.

I really hate it.

Yeah, stop struggling.

Yeah, the word booger.

What else could you call that?

There's no good word for it.

Snot.

Snot.

They're all disgusting.

A boog.

A boog.

A boog.

A little boog.

You got a little boog in your little nose, fool.

I'm really grossed out by boogers, so.

You are?

Yeah.

Like, not horribly so, but I'm just like,

I'm not that grossed out by it.

I do sometimes go in there.

Oh, I get in there.

Like I said.

Yeah, for sure.

Okay, next story.

Great.

This comes from Am I the Asshole.

Am I the asshole for wanting to sleep in comfortable pajamas at my boyfriend's house?

Okay.

So last night was my 24-year-old woman first sleepover with my new boyfriend, who's 29, of two months.

He bought me a gift of lingerie.

It is beautiful, but not comfortable.

I think of this particular lingerie as the sort of thing you only wear for five minutes at a time when your partner takes it off.

Ha ha.

Which is essentially what happened.

I wore the lingerie for him, he took it off, we were intimate, it was lovely.

But then the trouble started when we were ready to sleep.

I went to put on the pajamas I packed, which is men's boxers.

I bought it specifically for pajamas.

It wasn't an X's or anything.

And a t-shirt I got from the beach.

This is the sort of thing I always wear to sleep, and I didn't think it should be any different with my boyfriend.

But he asked why I didn't put the lingerie back on.

Did I not like it?

I said that I loved it, but it was a bit scratchy to actually sleep in.

He said, what the hell was my outfit?

Why was I dressed like a man?

I said, I always sleep in stuff like this, except when it's cold, I wear footy pajamas.

He said, that's fine when I'm alone, but when I'm with him, it makes him feel sick to his stomach to see me dressed like a man.

So I caved and put the lingerie back on.

I'm now lying awake because the lingerie is scratching my nethers.

He is my first boyfriend I could actually seep over with.

I've been single since high school, so I admit I don't really know the etiquette.

Am I the asshole?

What is happening?

What is actually...

I'm unwell.

What are we discussing?

This is so...

What year is it?

Freaked up.

This is so freaked up.

Nobody wears lingerie to bed.

Yeah.

No one's like, dude, dude, dude, dude.

Okay, bedtime.

No.

No one does that.

Nobody does that.

This guy is a piece of shit, especially like after, after they got intimate, he's still like...

Put it back on?

Are you guys like that?

I'm like...

He sounds a little homophobic.

Well, yeah, he doesn't like your dress.

Like, you're dressed like a man.

Yeah.

Oh, like, what the fuck?

It's just like, dude.

I'm really upset.

I want to...

This person, you are so stupid.

You are literally stupid.

And you should be ashamed of yourself.

Why don't you put on the lingerie if you like it so much?

That is so true.

I would love to see a man put on lingerie and go to bed.

Go to bed.

It takes forever to put on.

What are we discussing?

You are, if you're wearing a thong to sleep, good night.

Good night.

Good luck.

Good night.

Well, not good night.

Good luck.

Good luck.

Good luck to you.

You don't wear thongs, and you well, some people wear bras to bed.

That's fine.

That's fine.

It's uncomfortable.

Well, the point is when you're going to bed, you want to wear what's comfortable.

Exactly.

That's the whole point.

You're trying to be as comfortable as possible for sleeping.

How long have they been dating?

Did they show you two months?

Oh, I'm really upset.

He's out of here.

Yeah.

Fucking socks.

This is intense.

Yeah, this is really cool.

I don't like this at all.

My

etiquette.

This is weird.

Put it back on.

I feel bad for her because she's like,

this is the first time I've slept over at someone's house.

She's like, I've been single since high school.

She's 24.

So

I understand she probably is just like, oh my gosh, I'm with someone.

This is like,

this is so great.

I'm with someone, but it's like, it's not worth it.

It's not worth it.

This guy is going to get so much.

How is she going to fart in this relationship?

He sounds very controlling.

He sounds, well, he's objectifying the shit out of her.

He has no idea how women actually operate.

I don't know.

He wants her to be attractive all the time.

But he's going to be asleep.

Yeah.

It's just like, dude, you're going to bed.

Like, all it's about is comfort now.

You're not going to even see her because your eyes are closed.

I just don't like any part of this at all.

No, it's sad.

He's 29.

Oh, God.

Acting this way.

Oh, no.

It's bad.

That's really bad.

I have so much to say, but I won't.

Correct.

It's all in my life.

Side opinion.

This definitely depends on the relationship.

I mean, everyone operates different.

Two months, like the first time sleeping over at his place, buying her a set of lingerie feels kind of weird.

A little too early.

Yeah, I'm like, first time sleeping over at his place, and he's buying you a lingerie set.

No.

That just feels like a little too

full-on focused on the sexual

and not like, oh, let's like have a good like chill time right now.

Yeah, I feel like buying lingerie is like a very vulnerable special thing.

Yes.

And two months in,

feels a little like.

I think it's way too fast.

But it does,

this guy is giving, like,

he's very much thinking of like what the internet and what media has told him.

Like, yeah.

I'm being a man.

Yes.

I don't know.

It's very,

it's very toxic.

It's very like movie.

Like, this is what you saw in a movie, that this guy did that.

The pressure he's already putting on her is ridiculous.

The comments,

not the asshole, if he's against you sleeping in a shirt and boxers because of aesthetics, what the hell else would he control?

Maybe he should sleep in lingerie for one night and rethink his asshole opinion.

Sleepwear isn't meant to be sexy.

OP responded, I wish he would just try the lingerie on to see what it feels like, but maybe that wouldn't be fair because he is male and has a different situation in that region than me.

But the lingerie digs into me really bad because it's a bodysuit type and I'm tall.

They make these for average height women.

And he said that the reason it doesn't fit is because I'm too fat for it.

Whoa!

Missed out on that!

I probably should have included that in the first post, maybe.

It is a size large and I'm more of an XL, but I think my proportions would be that of an average height size L.

I don't think I'm fat.

I'm more curvy slash chubby.

And I thought that was his type because his ex-wife has a similar body type.

Oh, it's already done.

Oh, it's done.

That's done.

Dude.

Not the asshole.

He is controlling and manipulating you into doing what he wants because you feel bad.

Take that shit off and put on the comfy clothes.

If his masculinity is that fragile, then you need to run from this boy child.

Two months in, call her fat?

I mean, never call them fat, ever, but like two months in.

Like just the first time.

Damn, bro.

This guy's just immediately the worst human.

I think it's like, yes, never, but if he's that comfortable saying that now, how much worse is he going to be?

OP responded to that one saying, ha ha, that is what I did.

If he says a bad word to me about it tomorrow, I am not going to sleep over again and consider breaking up.

She should just break up with me.

I break up 100%.

I would have been fucking out of there.

It fucking sucks.

I will say, though, I always say like, I would have been out of there, but it's really overwhelming when this happens to you because.

We want to be like, oh, she should have left.

But I do think it's really hard in the moment because you're like, I've invested two months.

My My friends and family kind of know about this person.

I'm embarrassed that he said this because I didn't expect him to say that.

Right.

So many things.

I also relate to her where I was single until like around her age as well.

And

the fear of being single starts to become so great that you'll tolerate

anything from someone just to be with someone.

It's really

you do start to believe like, well, I'm never going to be with anyone.

Yeah, so if this is the best that I can get Let's let's go It's never that it's not the case.

It's not the case It's also truly like I look back I'm like oh, it's it would have been better to be single sometimes we have to give people grace and oh totally like I'm I'm speaking to myself because I'm like oh girl get out of there, but I'm just like wait a second give grace.

It's really disheartening and a bit shocking when someone calls you fat when you're in a vulnerable place sleeping over their place.

It's not even her home.

Right.

Update.

Oh my god.

A few people asked me to update them with my boyfriend's reaction when he wakes up, but since my post was deleted for Rule 8, I figured I should post the update over here so this one doesn't get deleted too.

After reading everyone's responses, I decided it's over between the two of us, whether he tries to apologize for the stunt he pulled or not.

So a few hours after I posted, I woke up to the sound of my boyfriend quietly sobbing.

I roll over toward him and he's like, why can't you do this one thing for me?

All I want is for my woman to look like a woman because I'm not gay.

Okay.

What?

I think he needs to sleep with a man and get it over with.

I told him that I'm done, and he started throwing a tantrum like a two-year-old.

I didn't even bother to listen to it.

I had gathered my stuff together before I went to sleep, so I just picked up my backpack and left.

Went home, picked up beer, pizza, and ice cream on the way, put on some cartoons, and was chilling all afternoon.

Then my friend who works at Spencer's texted me.

Spencer's.

I've got some gifts for you.

Yeah.

Apparently, my ex had come in and tried to return the lingerie.

Obviously, they could only give him store credit because it was out of the box, and he started throwing yet another childish tantrum.

He had to be escorted out of the store by a mall cop.

Thanks to y'all, I dodged a bullet with this man, baby.

He obviously has some serious issues, and I don't think I'm the right person to help with them.

I just really feel bad for his kids and his ex-wife, who are stuck with him.

Oh, my God.

He's 29?

Skyhardt's kids?

Why are you buying laundry at Spencer's?

I thought it had like gifts.

I thought that too.

I thought it had all the lamps.

Yeah, I thought it had a lot of lamps.

I haven't been to a Spencer's GIFs in forever.

I didn't know they were still around.

I didn't think they existed either.

It makes me think that this lingerie is super uncomfortable.

It's probably really cheap.

I mean, I don't know.

This guy clearly is super insecure.

Yeah.

And he's taking it all out on.

But, like, what's going on with this whole like...

That's a really intense thing to wake up and he's crying and he's just like so scared.

Well, I mean, I think a lot of dudes, what it really boils down to, they're so afraid of being gay at all or even being perceived as being gay.

It's like their greatest fear.

That's like the ultimate homophobia for a lot of men.

And so

they let it turn him into a monster.

Okay.

Instead of just like not caring.

Yeah.

It's too far gone for this.

This guy, honestly.

This actually makes me feel very, very bad for his family and him yeah i mean there there's a there's a core of it where i feel bad for him right because that that comes from a place of severe insecurity insecure but if he's not gonna try to do anything about it and and acknowledge that it's his problem yeah yeah he's gonna take it out on other people then asshole yep

correct

well i'm glad she got out yeah she got some beer some pizza oh i love that i love that for her too she was like peace out buddy pretty sick okay next story okay It's a good title.

Am I the asshole for wearing a white dress to my friend's wedding?

Oh.

Dude, this.

Why?

Why would you do that?

That's like the one rule.

It's the one rule.

And don't wear something close to it.

Champagne is kind of white.

Oh.

Ivory is literally white.

Do not do that.

Cream.

Cream is basically white.

It is white.

Gray?

Why?

Why would you wear it?

When did gray look good at a wedding?

That's true.

Okay.

All right, here we go.

I, a 20-year-old woman, met my friend Charlotte, who's 21, when I moved into my college dorm in August of 2020.

We got along well, shared ideas for how we wanted to divide space and keep things clean slash organized, and had similar interests.

Within a month, we were studying and hanging out together, and I considered her a good friend.

I also met her now-husband, Josh, 22.

They seemed like a cute and loving couple, and I was very happy when they got engaged Christmas of 2020 after 3.5 years together.

Charlotte has spent the last 18 months planning this wedding down to the last detail.

I won't say she's obsessive, but it's been intense and I've tried to help her as best I can with making appointments, managing stress, etc.

I also gave her $250 to help pay for the wedding.

Her family can only afford part of it, which isn't included in the wedding gift I'm going to give her.

A month before the wedding, I was still trying to decide exactly what to wear.

I wanted something nice because Charlotte said she would have a photographer, videographer, and wedding painter.

I knew Charlotte had a vision for her wedding and I wanted her as in control as possible for all the details of her special day, so I asked her which dress out of the three I'd narrowed it down to that I should wear.

She asked if I would actually pull out all my dresses, so I did.

She ended up narrowing it down to one of my picks, along with a dress I had put firmly in the no-pile for being white.

It was a wedding after all.

She told me both dresses were lovely, but that she prefers the white one.

I asked if she was sure and she said yes, and even picked out a pair of pink and white heels from her closet to go with my dress.

I figured that was that.

Fast forward to last week I showed up in the dress about a half an hour before the ceremony.

I got some weird looks, but no one said anything.

In hindsight, this is when I should have realized something wasn't right.

When Charlotte comes out of her dressing room for some last-minute pictures, she looks shocked to see me and then she starts turning red.

She pulls me aside and starts going off on me immediately about wearing the dress to her wedding.

I'm stunned.

I ask her what the problem is because she picked the dress out and she told me it was a friendship test and that if we were real friends, then I wouldn't have worn a white dress or her shoes to her wedding.

I started laughing because I honestly thought it was a joke and she screamed at me that I ruined her fucking wedding and to get the fuck out.

I flat out told her she was crazy and left, not wanting to fight anymore and not knowing how to deal with what happened.

I grabbed my wedding gift for them on the way out.

My phone has been flooded with texts, voicemails, and social media notifications from her, her friends, and her family about what an asshole I am.

But I honestly don't see what I did wrong.

Am I really the asshole here?

Edit.

Someone made a comment about how if the bride is wearing white, I should at least be prepared for the weird glances.

The bride didn't even wear white.

That was another non-traditional thing she did.

She wore blue.

Can I just say something?

Is she colorblind?

Well,

white, I don't think it'd be a problem.

No, she did it as a friendship test, which I've never Ex I don't think I've ever experienced a friendship test a friendship test.

I have oh no, I'm not friends with them anymore.

Yeah, that's some weird shit Because you're being a good friend by being like well you told me to do this and I'm like you imagine if she showed up and was like I knew it was a test You're so right.

I'm wearing black and it's just like thank you for what Thank you for not listening to me in the right way.

What a psychopath.

Yeah, it's some weird shit

so weird but also like

Okay, yes friendship test friend bride very weird behavior from her, but also

Why would you even let white be an option to be well?

She had it.

She had it in the no pile.

She had it in the no pile.

Okay.

She had it in the no pile, but her friend was like, oh this dress, wear this one.

And let me get you some matching shoes for it.

That's what's tricky is like, she's the bride.

So she's also being like, I really want you to wear this.

So she's like, oh, you know, it's in the no pile.

Okay.

My understanding as far as as weddings go is like if the bride says they want something

that you're doing that even if it's like that is so wrong it's so weird also she completely embarrassed her yeah

and your friend like gave you money and supported you through your like why are you this is some weird shit this is so weird weird turn um the verdict is not the asshole yeah comments not the asshole i was super ready to say you're the asshole right but this chick picked out the dress as a friendship test That's absolutely bananas.

She's an attention-seeking psycho, and I'd say stay as far away from her and any of her flying monkeys as possible.

If there are any mutuals you don't want to give up without a fight, maybe make a statement about what she did and how inappropriate her actions were to trick you.

Someone else said, not the asshole.

If you had worn a different dress, the psycho bride would have said, you're the asshole because you didn't wear the dress she picked.

This was a setup for you to fail the friendship test either way.

OP, don't look back.

Lastly, someone said, not the asshole.

While I would otherwise say it's a no-brainer not to wear white to someone else's else's wedding, the fact that she picked the dress means she chose to play mind games, knowing they could potentially ruin her fucking wedding, play stupid games, win stupid prizes, she should have just communicated like a grown-up.

Like, for what purpose,

for what purpose did this get?

I don't understand how some people operate.

Well, she gave her a clear sign, and now she's hopefully out of that friendship.

I know.

This is very clear that they should not be friends.

I mean, like, also,

good luck with your wedding, marriage.

I don't know.

You seem pretty unstable and weird.

Yeah, this is a wife test.

Yeah.

Yeah, this is a wife test.

Whatever that looks like.

If I was the husband or

the

partner and seeing that, I'd be like,

you're doing what?

He probably didn't see it.

He probably has no idea.

And then she was probably like, oh, yeah, it's crazy.

She showed up in white.

Yeah, I wonder what she's telling everyone.

Okay, wait.

Also, okay, hold on.

Just to

play DevOps advocate.

Okay.

Just saying, I don't think this girl did anything wrong, but what if there's a whole long history of

backstory?

There's a lot, maybe, maybe the,

maybe the girl's like, dude, you've done this so many times.

Maybe this is the official, like, the way that I, the only

way that I can see you for who you really are, I guess.

I don't know.

Maybe there's been a lot of history.

You're probably right.

There could be a lot of history, and she doesn't know how to deal with it.

And she's going to do some weird test thing like this to

prove something.

I don't know.

I'm just I'm just saying.

Yeah, I mean for sure, but like the base,

even the lead up to do a friendship test and lie and say, wear this, I didn't want you to listen to me.

I'm like, that's weird no matter what.

Right, right.

And

maybe there was stuff that maybe they're both weird and have been doing this, but all we have is that.

I feel like there's history.

I think, oh, I think there's a ton of history and maybe they do friendship tests on each other.

Yeah.

There's a lot of stories we read where I'm like, oh, you're best friends.

Oh, you guys were never friends.

No.

But I will say, wedding stuff is so tricky and complicated to do, to test people, like it's just already a stressful thing and there's a lot of expectations and a lot of big feelings.

And to test someone on your wedding day, like, why would you even want that stress on yourself?

Yeah.

Well,

we're going to get some more details because we have an update.

What?

Okay.

Okay, it's been a crazy few days since I posted that.

I had to wait until I was home to read all the comments and they just kept pouring in.

Thank you to everyone who gave me feedback as to why they thought I was or was not the asshole.

I texted Charlotte the day after making the post, sometime around 4 p.m., and told her she had 48 hours to tell her friends and family the truth and get them to stop sending me hateful messages or I'd tell them the truth myself.

She told me I had no proof and that no one would believe me.

I should have just gone ahead and posted proof, but I wanted things to be ended as diplomatically and non-dramatically as possible.

I called her husband around lunchtime two days later to see if he could talk some sense into her, and that's when things got weird.

I had him on speaker and was recording the convo for extra evidence in case he knew about the dress thing.

At this point, I didn't know if he did or didn't.

It turns out he did, but when I tried to convince him to talk Charlotte down, he tried to talk me down, saying I need to let it go and just admit I was wrong so everyone can move on.

He said, Charlotte can be a little dramatic.

You know that.

She loves attention.

She'll forgive you if you apologize.

I told him I didn't do anything wrong, but he said, I know, but just suck it up and apologize anyway.

That's what I do.

Uh-huh.

I told him I wasn't going to apologize and that they only had a few hours left before I told the truth for them.

And then he offered to sleep with me as an apology.

What?

What?

Oh, this man doesn't have any freedom.

He has no freedom.

Wait, wait, wait.

He's gonna sleep with her?

How is that an apology?

All right.

Yeah.

All right, listen.

Look,

I'll let you have sex with me.

What the?

That's an apology.

All right, come on over.

Jump on the bed.

Let's do this.

Just come on.

I told him to F off and hung up.

Okay, now we're getting into the middle of the morning.

Oh, there's some freaky shit.

What the hell's going on here?

There's some freaky shit.

I waited out the remaining bit of those 48 hours, and then I took to Facebook and posted screenshots of that conversation, plus the couple of times I checked in with her about the dress by text featuring date, time, stamps.

I also added the recording of her husband hitting on me.

Hitting on you, honey.

It was more than hitting on you.

That was Friday evening.

Now it's Monday morning, and I've had to block Charlotte, her husband, and a few of their friends and family who still support them and are cross with me about trying to ruin their marriage.

Most people have reached out to apologize, but I'm honestly just thankful this is all over.

Hoping my social circle can go back to normal after this and that this will turn into another funny story I can tell friends in the future.

Edit, just a note because a lot of people have brought up the $250.

No, I haven't gotten it back, but I did send her and her husband a Venmo request for the money back.

I'd also like to make it clear to those arguing about it, I didn't give Charlotte the money because she asked for it.

I donated it of my own volition because I knew she still had part of the wedding left to pay for and I wanted to take a tiny bit of stress off of her in that area since I could afford to.

Her family wasn't covering three-fourths because it was too expensive.

It's because they believe when you get married, you should cover some of the costs yourself as a recognition of the kind of commitment you're making.

Charlotte and Joss weren't struggling to afford things.

I just wanted to be a good friend because we'd become so close and she was with me through a couple of very hard things these past two years.

It hurts a lot to have lost her as a friend.

She had become the sister I'd always wanted growing up and it really feels like I lost a family member here.

Yeah, but you're walking away from something real weird.

It's happening.

The husband, what the hell?

I'll sleep with you.

All right, I'll give it up.

Like, what are we discussing?

I, I, no, who are these people?

I don't know.

This is what I think is going,

him

saying that.

I think Charlotte knows her husband is like not really on her side and maybe knows that he's into OP.

And so she just probably has had this like

boiling disdain maybe.

Oh, maybe that's the history.

That's a theory.

Yeah.

That's a theory.

Because for him to just outright be like, I'll sleep with you is like, okay, so he's really into you.

And I, if, I don't know, I think

she might be aware.

I think they bring other people in the bedroom.

Yeah.

And there's like some really deep like history there.

There's something.

There's something going on with this because it's it that those are some weird things thrown at you.

This is very, very weird.

It's weird.

It does not feel like it's of this earth.

Yes.

It feels like another universe, planet

type of thing.

I have never heard something so insane in my life.

This is insane.

I know.

I've never had

the option to be like, I'm so sorry, I'll sleep with you.

Like, to make it up to you, I'll sleep with you.

It's like, oh, hold on.

Who are you?

Like, are you, who are you?

Why would I say yes?

Who are you?

She dodged a bullet.

Could you imagine?

But I'm just still friends with them.

I'm confused because she's like, this person has been like a family member, like a sister.

I know, man.

So,

how did it get to this point?

There must be so much

other things that we just don't know about this.

Yeah, no, the husband's comment makes me like, what's going on here?

Yes.

Yes.

Second friendship test.

Sucks.

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Oh my god.

No.

That's what I was saying.

Another friendship test.

Literally, they could be that fucked up for the husband to say, I'll sleep with you.

And what if she was like, okay.

And then Charlotte's like, and that's another friendship test that you failed.

It's like, what?

That actually, that makes sense because nothing else makes sense.

Nothing makes sense.

Why are there so many tests?

Why?

Why are we going to school?

Why are we in school?

Get over it.

Be grown.

Up.

Be grown.

Up.

Be grown up.

The only thing that op

i think went a little overboard is in a lot of states it is illegal to record someone and then post it they're not from california that's for sure yeah so but maybe they're in a state where they're allowed i do think that's i mean he was crazy for what he said that's the craziest shit that that happened in this but

like she really did

like

Go above and beyond to she knew what she was doing there.

I mean this friend is already insane.

Like, I can't say I'm sitting here upset at what she did.

It's already so messy that it's like, all right, you're hopping in the mess yourself.

But

wild.

It is one of those, it's like I said earlier, where I'm like, were you guys actually friends?

Like, you're saying you were there for each other at hard times, but you both are.

You guys are trying to kill each other now.

Yeah, there's way more to this story.

This feels like...

What would happen like the mean girl sequel sequel.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like when they're really grown up.

Yeah.

open relationship

wild don't know what i was gonna do after that but

imagine like one of us just like read like just started posting this on facebook look i gotta be honest that's what facebook is if i saw that post and it was someone i knew even remotely oh i'd be all in oh i'd be listening i'd be like wow he's crazy let me text him i think

i think they need to be casted for like real housewives in salt lake city or something true true that's you're right.

This is some reality TV.

This is reality TV.

What the fuck was that?

Dude, that was so fucking shit.

That was fucking weird.

Some people are insane.

Like, this almost feels like a lie.

Like, it feels like she's lying about it.

Because they're in their early 20s.

I learned throughout my 20s, sometimes in life, stuff just happens to you.

You're thrust into like weird situations that you can't avoid.

But I have learned that there are a lot of people who love to just fuck shit up.

No, it's where I'm like, your wedding could have been great.

You decided to make it fucking crazy.

Are they from England?

I don't know.

Just cross with me.

Moving on.

Okay.

Am I the asshole for refusing to lie about my job to impress my girlfriend's parents?

I, a 28-year-old man, have been dating my girlfriend Sarah, who's 26, for about a year, and things have been going great between us.

However, recently Sarah asked me to do something that's made me very uncomfortable.

We're planning to meet her parents for the first time next next week, and she asked me to lie about my job.

I'm a graphic designer, and I love what I do.

It's a fulfilling career that allows me to be creative and work on a variety of interesting projects.

But Sarah thinks that her parents will look down on my job because it's not as high-paying or prestigious as some other professions.

Sarah comes from a family of professionals.

Her father is a lawyer, and her mother is a doctor.

She's worried that they won't take me seriously or approve of our relationship if they know what I really do.

So she asked me to tell them that I'm a lawyer.

She even went as far as to coach me on some legal jargon and gave me a brief background story to go along with the lie.

I refused because I don't want to start a relationship with her parents based on a lie.

I told her that if they can't accept me for who I am, then it's better they know the truth now rather than later.

Sarah got really upset and said that I was being stubborn and unreasonable.

She thinks that I'm making this a bigger deal than it needs to be and that I'm not understanding how important her parents' approval is to her.

She's been distant and cold since our argument, and it's making me question whether I'm in the wrong here.

On one hand, I understand that she wants her parents to like me and support our relationship, but on the other hand, I feel like asking me to lie about something as fundamental as my job is crossing a line.

It's not just a white lie, it's a significant part of who I am and what I do.

So, am I the asshole for refusing to lie about my job to impress my girlfriend's parents?

No, no, not only are you not the asshole, it's not gonna work.

No, girlfriend.

How designer is sick, it's super sick, but her dad's a lawyer.

You're not gonna pull off off pretending to be a lawyer no that is so intense there's so much like you can learn some basic jargon in a minute that's that's the equivalent in my eyes of being like hey uh my parents can speak spanish so you need to pretend you speak spanish yeah she's just like okay

let me pull up duolingo really quick and learn like a phrase it's like no you're not gonna pull that off

it's gonna take them it's gonna take them a couple questions to prove you're not a lawyer like literally just watch catch me if you can yeah

do you concur I concur.

Wow.

And that's also sad.

It's really sad.

Graphic designer is a great job.

No, it sounds like it's a her problem.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, that's.

She's got family issues that she needs to deal with.

Yeah.

Exactly.

And maybe she should just date someone who is a lawyer.

She's a lawyer.

So she can make her family, she can make her parents happy.

Which is like, who is going to be with you?

Your parents or your partner?

Yeah.

I know.

Like, what?

It's a her problem.

Yeah, she's going to feel so much better if she,

as intense as these parents probably are, she's going to feel so much better if she doesn't need their approval on this.

And she goes, no, this is who I'm with.

Yep.

Right.

Or maybe that could be a big revelation in their family dynamic.

It's like, oh, like, I thought you were going to be upset, but hey, like.

It might be a situation where they're not.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm proud of him.

That he is.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

That's the correct thing.

Also, your graphic designer, cool as hell.

Yeah.

Comments, not the asshole.

If her dad is a lawyer and you say you are a lawyer, the first thing he will do on the following morning is look you up in the big book, the bar directory, and lawyer finder.

And guess what?

You aren't in it.

You are then either a liar or a fraud, neither of which is going to impress him.

Nope.

Someone else said, I'm sorry, but that's an absolute red flag.

You should rethink your entire relationship with her.

Someone said, not the asshole.

She's essentially saying you aren't good enough.

Walk away now.

Let her find her hot shot lawyer boyfriend.

So true.

What does she do?

I don't know.

Maybe we'll find out.

Great.

We have an update.

They're married.

So I finally confronted Sarah about everything, and it did not go well.

I told her I felt she was embarrassed of me and ashamed of my job.

She went absolutely ballistic, asking me who the hell was filling my head with this garbage.

I couldn't tell her I posted about it on Reddit, so I said a friend made me realize it.

She went even crazier, saying I betrayed her trust by sharing personal stuff with friends.

I can only imagine how she'll react when she finds out 312,000 people viewed it on Reddit.

She insisted I was being an asshole and and that if I wanted to meet her parents, I had to go along with her story.

I refused, saying I wouldn't lie to them and was fine with not meeting them at all.

I told her she didn't respect me or what I do and was ashamed of me.

I even said if she wanted to be like this, maybe I didn't want to be with her anymore.

She started crying, calling me selfish, and saying I didn't know anything.

Then she dropped a bombshell.

She told me the reason she's in low contact with her parents is because they're extremely controlling and manipulative.

They have sky-high expectations and even after she became an adult, they would threaten to stop paying for her college if she didn't obey them.

Once she got her degree, she moved away, which pissed them off, and they cut her off and took her trust fund.

She's an only child, and her only chance of getting back in their good graces and getting her inheritance is to win them over.

She told me that her parents would rather get buried with all their money than give it to her if she didn't win their approval.

Sarah even admitted she was going to lie about her job and my background too.

She said her parents would think I'm a gold digger if they knew I wasn't rich and would never give her any money.

She revealed she was going to lie about me coming from an old money family that they couldn't trace back.

Lying about my job wasn't enough.

She said she had to lie about my background too because the job just ticked one box and me being from an old money family was just as important.

She said she didn't tell me this earlier because she thought I'd break up with her over this and she hoped she'd be able to convince me without revealing everything.

At this point, I didn't know what to say.

After reading all these comments on Reddit, I wasn't even sure if if what she was saying was true anymore.

I told her I didn't care about the inheritance.

If she and her parents can't accept me for who I am, then maybe this isn't right for me.

She started crying again, calling me a selfish bastard and saying she did all this for me and our future together.

She envisioned a happy family, a home, children, and everything.

I was really shaken, mad, and hurt, so I packed a few pairs of clothes and moved out to stay at a friend's place.

Now I have no idea what to do next.

Oh my god.

This is put all the pressure of generations on this one.

Yeah.

This is recent, so that's the last update.

But

it feels like their foundational values do not align.

No,

look,

he is absolutely not the asshole.

He's doing the right thing.

I see,

because if

it's like as rich as it sounds, like

she thinks...

Get in there, go along.

She thinks like this is this is like, oh, millions of dollars are on the line.

She's not even doing it because she loves her parents.

And like, she's just like, I want that money.

Yeah, which I'm like, I understand.

I do, I do see that motivation where it's like, holy shit, if, like, let's both lie, because she's lying about herself too.

Yeah, but

this sounds like hell.

They'll always be in control, and now they'll be in control of him as well.

Yeah.

This sounds like hell.

And you know what I like about him is it just sounds like he doesn't really care about money.

He doesn't care about the money.

That's what he's doing.

Like, he's like, cool, millions of dollars that you can inherit.

I'm out.

I'm out.

Like, I care more about the truth.

Yeah.

I care more about that.

Yeah, also, how is he selfish?

And bastard?

Wow.

Yeah,

she's saying he's selfish because he refuses to lie for her, but that's...

I do, I do.

A part of me feels for her because I do think that there are certain parents who put so much pressure on their child.

And then their child, like, is just survival mode.

Yes, I witnessed that a lot as an actor.

I'm sure you witnessed it too with the child actors, the amount of pressure that's put on them.

That's a different kind of pressure, but I mean it's similar because they need her to be like a doctor, lawyer, super smart.

And she's only 26.

It's so unfair.

But he needs to just get out because that's not his problem.

And she should be with someone who is down to do this project with her.

Yeah, it's a project.

Also, she's going going to try to lie and say he comes from an old money family.

Like, I don't even know if I've met many old money people.

You can't, that's hard to fake.

Like, they're a different kind of person.

Oh, yeah.

Like, I couldn't, I'd have to study up for a year to pretend to be like that.

That's on a different level.

Yeah.

I think Liv is right.

Like, she needs to find someone who is down to do this project with her because that's what it is.

Yeah.

It's not a partnership.

It's a literal project to get inherited.

I think she would be happier forfeiting this money, like as much money as it is, and being able to like free her own self.

She is going to be in a hellish like

mindscape for the rest of her life.

Unless she can handle it and unless she's like, you know what, the money is worth it for me.

It's not sounding like it's good though.

Right.

Like, okay, like, let's say she is with someone and they're down to do this, and then they get like millions and millions of dollars, and then they can just like cut ties with the family, and then they go and they live their lives.

That's so true.

They could do that, but I just think that this guy is not

for this guy.

Not for this guy.

She could go and be deceitful and do that.

And, you know, I'll submit for it.

I'll tape for it.

Oh, oh, I don't know.

She should be able to do that.

I'll tape for it.

Self-tapes.

Yeah.

Hi, I'm Olivia from PiFor and based in Los Angeles.

I'm reading for your future husband.

You know what he should do?

You know what he should do?

He should go meet the parents.

And when the parents are like, hey, you're a graphic designer, you're not good enough.

He's like, all right, you're right.

I'll sleep with you as an apology.

I'm so sorry about that.

I'll sleep with you.

Also, my wife Charlotte is going to watch.

Yeah.

And here's the lingerie that I got for you from Spencer.

I'm going to sleep in it.

All right.

Moving on.

Hopefully, there's another update on that one, but that one's recent as of reading it right now.

Okay, here is our next story.

Am I the asshole for inviting a clown to my wedding and putting him in the pictures?

That is awesome.

That is so sick.

You know what I would do?

Oh my God, before we read this story,

this is genius.

I wish I had done this.

You invite a clown, you put him in some photos, you get photos, you get the exact same photos with just like friends and family, and then you get photos with the clown in it, right?

You wait like 20, 30 years.

You have grandchildren.

You've had those photos of just the family and friends up all around your house, right?

Then one day you swap them with the ones with the clown.

And then your grandchild's like, what?

What's that clown?

And you're like, what clown?

And you just ruin their life.

This is too long of a game.

You planned it for decades to ruin your grandchild's life.

This is too long of a game.

And then when they come back to show

the other grandchildren, you've swapped them back and they're like the clown.

And they're like, what clown?

And the clown's gone.

I love that.

And the wife is just like, stop.

Dude, I love that.

You should do this.

You have to do this.

But 30 years is a long time to get satisfied.

You wait, you wait.

You wait.

Oh, that's great.

God.

Please do it, Shane.

Well, I didn't, we did, Courtney and I didn't get a clown at our wedding.

Do more pictures.

I am so upset.

Oh, God.

Damn.

Ugh.

All right.

Am I the asshole for inviting a clown to my wedding and putting him in the pictures?

Throw away a count because of obvious reasons.

Okay.

I, a 29-year-old woman, married my hubby, a 31-year-old man, a few months ago.

Neither of us were particularly interested in spending a boatload of money on a wedding no one would actually enjoy, so we were casual.

The wedding was in the party room of a pizza place we love.

It's in a recently renovated 19th-century factory, so it's cool-looking.

And we decided to let our friends and family bring their army of small children because pizza.

To entertain the kids, we decided to have a few carnival-themed games and snacks available, and we hired a clown, a 23-year-old guy, to do balloon animals.

I know this clown, he's He's a friend of my cousin's who has good clown credentials.

I know that's all real.

It's just funny to like.

So funny.

I know this clown.

I know this clown.

Hey, does anyone know this clown?

I know this clown.

I know this clown.

He's got credentials.

Yeah, he's got clown credentials.

What are your clown credentials?

He just pulls out confetti.

He's like,

Yeah, let me get my credentials out.

They're like,

Good tracks.

I know this clown.

Let me see your card.

God.

We could do so much with this.

This is so good.

So much.

I'm just remembering that for the 100th Try Not to Laugh, we got a clown on and it was my dream.

It was so good.

It killed me.

So good.

All right.

Where do I go?

Yeah, he was like,

all right.

No, after we were done filming, there was just clown, like, just kind of chilling.

Just like,

all right.

He's like, now you're, that's the funniest part.

Yeah.

Okay, okay.

I know this clown.

He's a friend of my cousins who has good clown credentials.

He was great with the kids.

We had the bright idea to invite the clown to be in some of our wedding photos as well.

Anyhow, I noticed my mother-in-law in her 60s had been kind of distant since the wedding, but I didn't realize that she was pissed at us until she came to dinner last night.

We got the wedding photos and picked our favorite, which is the two of us looking at each other dramatically with the clown standing next to us holding a big, fake, squeaky hammer like he was about to bonk my husband's head.

We got it framed and put it up in the house.

house.

What?

When my mother-in-law saw the photo, she lost it.

She blamed me for embarrassing her and continuing to rub it in her face with the clown photos and that I should have put my foot down and made sure her son had a classy wedding and not the clown show you put on.

My husband told his mom to leave, but I'm honestly kind of shaken.

The feedback from other family and friends has been positive and I've had a good relationship with my mother-in-law thus far.

So this was a surprise.

I know a lot of people say that the wedding is for the family, not the couple, which isn't something I took seriously until now.

and I'm wondering if I should have considered my mother-in-law's feelings more when putting together the party so am I the asshole for my clown show wedding okay hear me out all she needs to do is put back on the outfit go to a cute little garden and take a couple photos because it's it it is for the couple but the mothers matter like you just need a you just need a couple things the mothers matter do not

I mean I think the clown is hilarious, but like the moms matter.

You gotta do something.

That's what I think.

Just to like keep the peace.

Because if I were the mother and my child did that, I'd be like,

funny, but also this sucks because now this is just a forever memory of it.

My son, yeah, she doesn't have a pic.

I get it.

She doesn't have a picture of her son without a fucking clown bonking his head with a hammer.

What I will defend them, though, is like, what I think, I think it's like, okay, this is who they are.

Yes.

This is what makes them happy yes and like it's so much personality that those are the types of photos where 50 years later you actually whereas like you know

everyone goes through this whereas you're you're a kid you're looking through old family photos of relatives who have passed away or just when they were far younger and they all look the same because everybody's doing the same thing and that's cool that's fine yeah but when you see something interesting and different and quirky

it's like actually what makes you go like oh this is who they were so i think it's kind of sad that the mother-in-law is like kind of not embracing, like, this is what her son wanted, too.

Oh, I think they killed it.

I think, but I also know what you mean of just like, hey, moms can be intense around weddings.

Like, do your thing.

You know, maintaining a good relationship with your mother-in-law is often impossible for people, but

if there is anything you can do, like you'll just make your life a concession to

so much better if you consider.

Because I had my mom, my own mom, and my mother-in-law, I could feel like, oh, wait, am I missing something?

There's tension.

What's happening?

And it's like they wanted a job to do.

Yeah.

And they wanted something special that was just for them.

And it's like, just

do it.

Like, have your thing, have the clown.

I think that's hilarious and so great.

But like, have something.

Yeah.

Just make your life so much fucking easier.

Also, like, it's just nice.

I think this is also just, I love my mom so much and I would never want to make her feel upset or like bummed out and like her, you know, in their position, like, oh my God, my only, my child is getting married.

This is a forever thing.

Like, just make them happy.

Like, exactly.

Mothers, they do so much already.

Like, especially mother-in-laws.

Yeah.

They can make your life.

Keep the peace.

Keep the peace.

I see that.

I do think it's hilarious though.

It's so funny.

Like, I'm so glad they did that.

That's fucking hilarious.

And just maybe just one.

I think it is.

I will say, like, in my life,

it's like, okay, I know who I am.

I know what I want.

But there are the times when you have family get-togethers or things similar to this where it's like, all right, let's get one for mom.

Exactly.

Like, I do understand that mindset of like, our mom's going to want this, so let's do this for her.

Yeah.

Just like one.

And it's like, it's annoying, but it's like, let's do it.

And maybe she doesn't have a sense of humor.

And some people don't.

And like, maybe the clown really upset her.

Yeah.

It's like, bang, yeah.

Like,

yeah, exactly.

Weddings are so tricky, but the best advice I got was like, give people a job and make the mothers feel really important.

Yes.

Give them special tasks.

And, and also, because like I wanted to.

I wanted to.

It's so special to have them.

But like my, the mothers in my wedding, they walked down the aisle.

Right.

They had their own aisle moment with their own flowers.

Yeah.

And like I organized their dresses.

and it I'm so glad because they were glowing right they were like I'm a part of this totally but and and having said all that this person's not an asshole though no not an asshole at all you're talking about just like hey to make your life easier you could do this no they're not an asshole you don't owe the mother-in-law but you could do this to make things calm well it's just like this is probably gonna bother her yeah it's like that's all I'm thinking about

her yeah it's like sometimes it's like all right what do I need to do to just make my life easier for the next decades?

Yeah.

Not the asshole, though.

Like,

people need to have weddings that are about the couple, not the asshole.

It's just like, so you're not sitting in bed thinking about it.

I get that.

The comments here, not the asshole.

A wedding is ultimately a celebration and how you choose to celebrate is really up to the couple.

If you want a carnival for a wedding, then go nuts.

Now that being said, clowns are a divisive form of entertainment.

They can make a lot of people uncomfortable and their style of entertainment can be invasive.

I think you and hubby just need to let the situation cool down a bit and then have a conversation about how this was what you collectively wanted for your day.

She's entitled to have not liked it, but it was special and fun for you two.

OP said thank you.

And understandable, apart from the photos of the three of us, we did have him stay off to the side with the kids who wanted to hang with him.

So it wasn't like he was cutting the cake with us, but I have also watched a lot of true crime documentaries so I can understand people's mixed feelings.

Imagine him?

He's cutting the cake.

They're serving each other and he's just in there going like, bonk, bonk bonk.

Someone said,

not the asshole.

It was your wedding.

As long as you and your spouse were happy, then it all is good.

Regarding your mother-in-law, I'm confused as to why she would be embarrassed.

If you had photos of her with the clown and she was uncomfortable with that, then it would be a kindness to not have those photos on display.

Do you have more traditional photos that show you and your husband without the clown and photos of you with mother-in-law and other family without the clown?

The OP responds, thank you.

The only pictures the clown was in were just me, just with me and my husband, and we have plenty of photos of just the two of us the family photos the family photos are all clown-free We've shared those with her and on our social media

But admittedly the clown photos are our favorites and what What we featured on our own pages for the most part a lot of her friends have reached reacted to those the reactions have been positive to our faces, but maybe they're talking crap elsewhere Okay, so she they do have photos

they did the right thing.

They have their photos there's and now it's just like, okay, mother-in-law, now you need to back up.

Yeah.

Lastly, someone said, clowns are not my cup of tea, but far be it from me to tell strangers what kind of wedding reception they should have.

Mother-in-law was probably daydreaming about a really romantic reception for her son's wedding, but it wasn't her reception.

It was yours and your groom's, not the asshole.

Not the asshole.

And also, they got all the photos.

They have all the photos.

So it just seems like.

Now I can just laugh at the phone.

It just seems like the mother-in-law is mad about everything.

Honestly, I think that's another part, another layer is their friends, right?

It's not just about the mom and the mother-in-law, but their own friends.

We're like,

I can't believe you let your dogs da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

Just like, oh, so that's really

clown for kids or them?

Yeah.

It's a different generation of yesterday.

Yes, yes.

It's true.

But not the asshole.

Yeah.

All right, here's our last story.

Am I the asshole for getting my roommate to hook up with my ex to get my favorite coffee mug back?

Hey.

What are these stories?

Hey, man, I have a mission.

I'm going to need you to have sex.

All these people.

All right, dude, I'll do it.

All these people having sex for like something.

What insane situation?

I need you to hook up with my ex, bro.

All right, dude.

Just go over and get the mug.

Against my will.

Yeah, against my will.

Here we go.

Dude, just have the friend go, my friend wants the mug back.

And then he's like, well, you're going to have to sleep with me for that.

How are you going to get paid?

Could you go ask my ex for my coffee mug back?

Like, I think I'm probably going to have to sleep with her in order to do that.

Yeah.

It's crazy.

Like, I'm going to have to use my body

to do what's right.

Like, what?

Just get the fucking mug.

Okay.

okay.

I collect coffee mugs shaped as cool things.

That's cool.

What does that mean?

Well, you know, there's like the toilet bowl, coffee mug, and stuff like that.

I love to drink out of the toilet bowl.

Yeah, there's the one that looks like a camera lens.

This is not for me.

Okay.

Well, it's for this guy.

I collect coffee mugs shaped as cool things.

Anyways, I dated a guy for a year that brought me back this mug from the States shaped like a shark.

The handle was a fin, semi-expensive mug.

I looked into buying another one.

I love sharks more than anything, so this was the perfect gift.

This mug was so perfect that I would never use it for coffee because coffee wasn't worthy of this mug.

Oh my god.

When we broke up, despite my love for the shark mug, I put it in the box of stuff you give back to your ex, thinking it would bring back too many memories.

Now, a year later, I'm happily with someone else and these memories are no longer.

I basically just want my favorite mug back.

My roommate, who is newly single, is on Tinder, happened to match with my ex.

I explained the mug story and now we've made it it a mission for her to go over there, hook up with him, and take the mug in the morning.

To be fair, he's only looking for the hookup as he has stated in his profile, so no emotional sabotage.

Edit.

To be fair, she was already planning on hooking up with him anyways.

I just told her to comment on the mug.

If she saw it to be funny, she said she would just get it back.

Okay.

Okay, title's a little.

So the comments are interesting.

People are saying, you're the asshole, but this is so funny that I don't care.

Someone said, you're the asshole, but who cares?

Hilarious and keep on keeping on.

This is like a Seinfeld episode.

Someone said, you're the asshole, so you're pimping your friend for a mug?

Nice.

Now, she's not saying

that.

The title says, forgetting my roommate to hook up with my ex to get my favorite coffee mug bag.

No, your friend was going to hook up with your ex, and you're adding a little side quest to it.

You're saying, while you're hooking up with my ex,

get my shark mug because that's the only one in the world that she can possibly have.

No, this is also if coffee's not good for it.

What are you gonna put in there?

What are you gonna put in there?

Yeah, is there an update about that?

There is an update

Here we go.

Oh my god, she's like sex was bad got the mug

I Know you all desperately wanted this edit.

He's invited her over to check out his new place when he's done moving with a wink at the end of course So progress unpack kitchen essentials and chill anyone update number two.

Oh the ex and my roommate are still talking but now my ex's roommate has also matched with her on Tinder and is asking her to come over.

Same house.

Wait.

This plot twist is fucking unreal.

Okay, so she's gonna have to sleep with both of them

to get that.

She's like, oh, he's like, hey, she's like, all right, I guess.

She's gonna show up and she'd be like, which one of your rooms is closer to the kitchen?

Yeah.

Well, I'm already like,

first of all, I know this is not the prompt, but like your friend hooking up with your ex is already like kind of like a sensitive thing.

But she clearly doesn't care.

She doesn't care.

And then now it's like the roommate?

That's crazy.

To match with both.

Both.

And to talk with her.

This roommate's just having a blast.

The girl.

Oh, she's.

She gets to go over and do like Mission Impossible.

Boop, boop, boop.

This is my best friend, Kim Cattrall from Sex and Sea.

This is my best friend, Kim Possible.

Literally.

Edit number update number three.

Whoa!

Operation Shark Rescue is currently currently a go.

Wish me luck, Reddit.

Who is she sleeping with?

Wait, what does she mean, wish me luck?

She's not going anywhere.

I know.

She's just

the woman in the chair.

Right, exactly.

She's like, I've got, okay, I've got intact.

Which one is she going to sleep with?

I don't know.

Final update.

She's got access to the house.

Yeah.

Final update.

Okay.

She's going to sleep with the roommate, the ex, and the dark.

The mother-in-law from the other story.

She's like, you're not a clown, right?

She's like, no.

She's like, come on in.

She's going to fuck the clown.

The clown's like, bad, they bonk me in the head with a hammer, right?

No.

She comes back home with just a bunch of shit.

She's just like, I got a bunch of stuff.

It was a crazy day.

All right.

Hello again, Reddit, and thank you for coming with me on Operation Shark Mug.

The roommate did in fact sleep with my ex.

The roommate did in fact see the mug, and she also did not.

take it back.

The sex was inevitable.

I thought all was lost in Operation Sharkbug.

My dreams dreams crushed to say the least, game over.

But then, I recently went to a wedding in which my ex attended as a close friend.

Him and I made conversation about the roommate, about the mug, and eventually I came clean about the plan.

Yeah, that's right.

I'm not a total dickhead after all.

He told me that it was a hilarious plan, but that he had to be honest with me.

The shark mug, you see, was too important to use as well.

So the fate of the shark mug is his fucking toothbrush holder.

He sent me picture evidence later that evening, and I told him I deserved it for the plan I hatched.

End of the day, it was a good laugh for all.

The end.

Here's what I'm upset about.

The shark mug is now to hold a nasty ass toothbrush.

It won't have coffee or tooth.

What are you supposed to use it as?

That's all that I'm pissed about.

Also, I'm.

How cute would it be if they got back together?

And he's like, and then she put her toothbrush in there.

The shark mug, and they were like, that's cute.

Yeah.

He's like, I'm going to get you.

And she's like, no.

She's with someone else now she said this is actually hilarious this is funny this is really funny and sweet and i i love that she admitted that to him yeah yeah also like just get another one and he just laughed the fact that they were both good humored about it i'm like oh so you could have texted him all along right yeah right but it's fun to have a little plan with your girlfriend what happened to the roommate who also matched with her and now he's just chilling and he doesn't even get to use the shark mug

I wish she just casually was like, and then, so he's dead.

Yeah.

And anyways.

And then that guy,

but anyways.

What happened?

Like, he died that night.

The clown.

The clown.

The clown's like, bunk you off the head.

Terrible.

Oh, my God.

These were some weird ones today.

They're funny.

They were funny.

It's a funny one.

It makes me go, okay, humanity is still funny.

Yeah.

Yes.

And they're not taking themselves too seriously.

And humanity is still fucked up.

Right.

Humanity is still fucked up and funny.

And funny.

But also funny sometimes.

But also funny.

I'm going to do all these friendship tests on you guys now.

No.

Don't.

I don't want a friendship test.

I really don't want a friendship test.

That's terrible.

Yeah, that's the worst.

The moment someone says that was the test, they're like, the second you want to test your friends,

question whether you should be friends with them or not.

Like, why are you doing that?

Here's the thing, though.

I will do a test sometimes on my husband because he forgets everything at a table.

He'll literally will leave like a restaurant and it'll be keys, wallet, phone, just there.

And so I used to grab them for him because I was like oh we're gonna get all the way to the car and he's gonna go oh where's my so I do do tests you're like so how

I get up and I go I know that they're there and I'm not gonna tell them and you go you walk all the way to the car no I walk like to the next booth and then I go you forgot your phone and then he's like oh thanks

That's the only test that I are the tests improving the situation no not at all he forgets them and then I go I go what the hell I'm trying to do this test he goes well I know if I forget it you'll just get it I'm like I you'll check my boogers.

That I won't do.

I'll pick them and eat them for him.

God damn it.

Okay.

Sorry.

Thank you both for being here.

Oh, you're welcome.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

And thank you for watching.

Let us know what other types of subreddits you'd like to see.

And we'll see you next Saturday.

See you next Saturday, guys.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Wonk.

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I don't know what to do.

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When impossible odors get stuck in, rinse it out.