Shayne's Favorite Reddit Stories | Reading Reddit Stories

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Hello and welcome to Reddit Stories.

Today is my birthday.

As of this episode airing, it is my birthday.

And all the stories that we're going to read are stories that I have submitted to our producers over the past few months.

Every now and then, as I'm scrolling through Reddit, I will find a crazy story.

I'll send it their way and be like, hey, we should read this sometime.

So they've accumulated those and we're going to read a few of them here today.

I don't know which ones.

Okay.

You know, some of them I send to them and I'm like, hey, I don't know if we should read this or not.

It's crazy.

So if one is really crazy, don't be mad at me.

Okay, you can be mad at me.

But joining me today on my birthday, Tommy and Spencer.

Hello, fellow Virgo.

Hello.

That's right.

That's right.

We're just like Beyonce.

Beyonce, Zendaya, Kiki Palmer.

Yes.

That's Abu Lee Miller, Sophie.

Abby Miller.

Crazy.

Wow.

Pretty cool.

I only know one cancer.

His name is Tom Cruise.

That's...

Sweet share a birthday.

Pretty cool.

That's awesome.

I was going to say leukemia, but, you know.

Woof.

Hey,

let's get to these stories.

Hey, let's tell these stories.

All right.

So we're going to have a variety of stuff today.

There's not really a theme outside of my picks.

All right, let's hop into these.

Great.

Here we go.

What if you could jump into Reddit stories like Mario paintings?

That'd be so cool.

That'd be sick.

Let's jump into this.

Oh, am I the asshole?

Like, I can't find the red coins here.

All right.

First story.

Am I the asshole for offering sex and then rejecting it because my boyfriend wanted to finish his game first?

This is a chosen dilemma right here.

So, me and my boyfriend have been together since we were 20 for seven years now.

The sex has become less frequent, and that mostly has to do with my own sex drive becoming less and less.

Lately, we've been talking about this a lot because it's really starting to frustrate him.

The sex was down to about once a month at some point.

We talked about it, and he explained that he only wants to have sex with me if I also want it 100%.

This just doesn't happen.

Good guy.

This just doesn't happen very often for me.

So we made an agreement that if I was not at 100% but I wasn't not in the mood, I would try to make more of an effort.

Yesterday, I was driving home from work and I had the mindset to surprise him.

So after dinner, I left the living room and got all dressed up.

He rather likes lingerie, so I put on some stockings, high heels, mini skirt, and corset.

I also put on some nice makeup and was excited that I was about to make him very happy.

When I walked into the living room, he looked very happy and excited when he saw me, but explained that he just started a raid with his clan members on RuneScape.

His what members?

Shut the fuck up.

When I walked into the living room, he looked very happy and excited when he saw me, but explained that he had just started a raid with his clan members on RuneScape.

I don't know the exact name of the raid, but he always calls this one the difficult spider lady for me, so I understand which one it is.

Who is Trevor, bro?

Can someone text Trevor?

Can someone text Trevor and be like, who is the difficult spider lady in

runes?

I feel like a simple Google search might even get the answer.

Yeah, but it'd be funny.

But it's funnier for me.

It's funnier for Trevor.

For me, so I understand which one it is.

He said that he didn't want to ruin the raid for his raid members and told me it would take him about 10 to 15 minutes.

That's not that long.

I walked into the bedroom alone and a little sad because I felt like he chose his game over me, especially when I put in this much effort to create a nice evening for him and cater to his needs.

Long story short, I got cold and upset and crawled into bed.

When he wanted to join me 20 minutes later, I really wasn't in the mood anymore and said that he lost his shot this night.

I feel like I ruined his night when I was trying to make it better.

Am I the asshole?

So there was no official verdict on this one, just so you know.

I have my thought because I've obviously read this before.

My ultimate take on this is I'm like, I think this is very much like a probably, this is like a very relationship dilemma.

Yeah, this is a complicated relationship I don't think this is like

if I was a friend of theirs I wouldn't be like it's not let's not make this about who's the asshole and who's not right like let's make this about

I think it's funny I do think it's a little funny it is it is kind of funny it is it is a funny situation this feels like a sitcom situation like something on New Girl or something

so can I be vulnerable yeah

I feel like I almost like sometimes am scared like when I'm dating someone it's like what if they want want to surprise me with sex?

Really?

And like, it's like,

what do you do when like, you know, because that is such a kind of a trope where it's like, oh, like, you know, I'm like the, the, you know, it's typically, you know, I'm treading on dangerous ground, but like in movies and stuff, like the woman will be like, oh, I'm going to get dressed up and like surprise my partner.

It's like, what, like, what if, what if you're not in the mood?

Yeah.

And to me, it's like, you know, I would feel really bad.

I would feel really bad for them.

And it's like, it seems like what she went through is exactly what I'd be afraid of them going through, which is like, you know, you'd feel a little rejected.

You'd feel a little

you put yourself out there.

Absolutely.

I think her feelings are completely valid.

I think her feelings are valid.

Feelings are valid.

I think her feelings are valid.

I think this is something they need to just talk about.

Yes.

I don't think it's a matter of like, oh, I was in the wrong, you're in the wrong.

I think it's like, hey, what happened there?

What's going on?

I feel like 15 minutes isn't a long time.

No, but I also get that the anticipation of her share.

Like, she's fully there and she's very vulnerable.

She's like, she comes out, she walks out, and is like, here is all of me.

And he's excited.

She's admitting, like, he was excited, but he's like, can it take?

He's like, one sec, one sec, one second.

And she's like, oh, shit, this is a good thing.

It definitely is a little devastating.

It would shoot the momentum down for sure.

But the tough thing, too, is he had no idea this was about to happen.

Right.

So it's like no one's at fault.

It just didn't play out the way.

Exactly.

And obviously, what I, there's,

there's a lot of research and books on this type of thing.

But, you know, some people have a reactive sexuality, some people don't.

It sounds like,

I feel like almost, they don't sound like they're in a bad spot, but I feel like they both could either read up on stuff with sexuality or see a sex therapist to like get ahead of this

being a worse situation to learn about their communication styles.

I've never heard that term reactive sexuality.

Yeah, reactive sexuality is when people don't like, she's talking about like, I don't have a sex drive.

It's like, you do, it's that you may not feel sexual until it's like, yeah, until it's kind of like you need to react to it.

There's a more in-depth situation to it than just like, oh, I need something sexual to happen to feel it.

And it's what it also is, is that some people are very environmental with their sexuality.

So they need to be in the right situation.

I get on the Reddit stage.

Woof.

I know.

Start humping stuff.

I know.

It's a lot.

We had to settle.

You're actually velcroed to the couch.

Yeah.

Keep turning it.

I've got a sprayer in the back here.

Keep you in order.

Trevor, I got an update from Trevor.

Trevor said, yeah.

Update.

Update from Trevor.

He's like, oh, the one that takes two minutes to beat?

The difficult spider lady.

Yeah, that would be Verzik Vitour, the final boss of the Theater of Blood.

Why do you ask?

We just texted Trevor.

He got us back.

We're all cartoon people here, apparently.

Yeah.

We'd be like, Tommy, what's that Charlie XEX blah, blah, blah?

It's called

Roller Coaster Car.

Eyes Rollback.

Roller Coaster Car.

Is that a real song?

No, but it's a good thing.

It basically is.

It basically is.

I'll be a little vulnerable.

The reason I talk about this is because I was just listening to a book, a non-fiction book on sexuality, because I like psychology books.

And it's this book called Come As You Are.

And it's about,

that's the title of the book.

I was like, all right, guys, you can't laugh, but

you're not allowed to laugh.

You're legally not allowed to laugh.

um but in it she this this expert talks about how everyone has accelerators and brakes and that's like some people have more sensitive brakes some people have more sensitive accelerators but she says what's damaging is over time people start to go like oh i just have no sex drive it's like no your brakes are probably on like the situation's not right and you're not clocking what's preventing you from feeling it or

it's really fascinating but i think I think what's also could potentially be a problem is he's saying,

I don't want to have sex unless you want it 100%.

That puts a ton of pressure on it.

That does put a lot of pressure.

That's probably going to make her sex desire to go back.

She's like, oh, shoot, I need to.

It's kind of what you're talking about.

It's like, there's a lot of pressure here, and that's making it more difficult.

There's a lot of pressure on the Reddit stage.

That's why you get all.

Yeah, that's good.

It gets scared.

All these cameras?

Last thing I'll say about it, because there's a funny story in this book where she's a therapist and she's talking to this couple and they're like, yeah, we like, I have no desire or whatever.

And there's kind of a lot of pressure on it.

And she goes, okay, you guys, I'm making a mandate.

You guys cannot have sex for the next three months.

And then she's like, you're not allowed.

And then they ended up having sex because the pressure was so off that they then suddenly.

Whoa.

And I'm like, that's fascinating.

So that's what I mean.

Like, there's only this couple.

But I think this couple would benefit from reading up on this stuff because I think they.

Shane's like, y'all should try reading.

Have you read a book?

No, but that's that's like that's really

I See I can talk about that kind of stuff all day Do Reddit stories call in sex there is our sex and it's a well, yeah

But I mean Reddit stories sex edition sex.

I've pitched this before

you're sitting there you're sitting in the room like guys what if we did sex guys what if we did

And it's that it's that Antonio Bander's

stories

now the fact that there is just our sex is is really funny.

Yeah, and it's every day there's another story about a threesome going wrong.

Yeah.

It's insane.

All right, some comments on this.

You should have told him you had a surprise for him and not do anything instead of letting him get started on something.

It also does kind of suck that waiting 20 minutes is such a deal breaker.

He was clearly excited, but he'd made a commitment to other people he needed to wrap up first.

3.9,000 upvotes.

3.9,000 people are like.

Yeah, I definitely see it.

Like, it's fair that if you surprise someone, it may not be the ideal situation.

Right.

But I also understand her feeling.

Someone said, here's the thing non-gamers don't get about online groups.

Oh, shit.

Here's the thing.

So we have a follow-up from Trevor.

Okay.

Listen, here's what's going on.

Here's what non-gamers don't understand.

He didn't choose the game over you.

He was simply already committed to a group of people, and canceling probably meant ruining their session.

It doesn't matter that 1,000 gamers are yelling, you're the asshole, but have no clue on how desire works.

She felt the urge, and the response killed that to a point she didn't want to have sex anymore.

It's not rational, it's fully hormonal, and instincts talking.

They need to work out a better way to get that desire, maybe even going outside their bonds, doing some

menage,

doing some menage, buying some crazy toys, watching porn, etc.

Anyone saying you've been denying him for a for month after month does not have a chance at a healthy relationship because they're blaming the effect/slash the result and not the cause/slash the actual problem.

Wait, what is a menage?

Menage étrois?

But it's a three-way.

Oh, really?

I didn't know that.

I thought a menage étrois was a three-way.

I didn't, I thought like it was like a.

They're just abbreviating.

Oh.

Can you abbreviate it?

Because I would think

three-way lingo.

I thought menage would be like a separate

word.

Nikki?

Yeah.

Minage translates to households.

So like menage à trois is like a house of three.

Oh.

Oh.

So menage is a house.

So nikki minaj's name is nikki house

the boots

nikki house the boots um

i i i think before they try a bunch of crazy shit they should it's like bro have you tried fucking someone else yeah

but yeah i i there i'm sure there were a ton of comments of people ragging on her being like you're denying him sex it's like no like he has the right idea of like i don't want to do this if you don't want to um but i think they should be talking and like learning about themselves and self-reflecting on what they're into.

When they're into something, it's like why, you know?

Right.

Anyways,

moving on.

I just comment look inward.

Look inward.

Hey, take a peep inside.

Okay,

this next story comes from the Too Hot Takes subreddit.

Shout out to Too Hot Takes, they rock.

This one I found, and I clocked it because,

you know,

it's relatable to a sense.

You'll understand.

Did you point out me when you said that?

No, I put it out, Spencer.

Okay.

You'll understand.

You'll understand.

It's about.

You'll understand.

And I'll understand.

My penis

is big.

I have a huge penis.

Okay, it really is Boys' Day today, isn't it?

Here we go.

Here we go.

My boyfriend has started becoming more and more insecure about my height, and it's starting to drive me crazy.

Ha ha

throw away and for context I'm a 22 year old woman and he's a 22 23 year old man.

We're both about 5'8.

I'm slightly shorter so maybe he's 5'8 and a half.

I'm tall for a girl.

I was a shooting guard on the basketball team during my first three years of college.

He knew this going into the relationship.

You knew how tall I was.

You knew.

When we kissed you standing up next to our rulers.

Next to our rulers.

We've been together.

Put your ass against the

and we're going to kiss.

We've been together for seven months.

The first six months were smooth sailing.

However, last month we went to.

I started dunking on him.

I got the H-O-R and the S.

However, last month we went to a more posh slash bougie party and I wore heels.

Of course,

I ended up being taller than him by a decent bit.

So instead of telling me how pretty he thought I looked, the first thing he pointed out was, wow, you look way too tall in those.

Do you get Bigfoot?

He even asked if I had a shorter pair of heels and then finally gave it up.

I found that really weird and out of character about him.

But that was only the start.

Ever since that day, he has bugged me at least four times a week to assure that I feel protected around him.

Literally yesterday he asked if I'd love him more if he was above six foot.

Whenever we take side-by-side pics, he gets on his tippy toes to make it seem like he's much taller than me.

I do that with Tommy.

I crack my knees out when I stand next to you, so I'm on the ground.

He also randomly tries to lift me up,

which he can with ease since he's strong, and it catches me off guard every time.

Bro, that gave me the ick.

I know.

He tries straightening his back to the point where he looks weird.

He's bought into some weird narrative that I see him as less of a man because he's not four inches taller.

I've told him multiple times that I don't care about his height, otherwise I wouldn't have gotten with him.

No matter how many I love yous, I'll throw at him, and I I mean all of them.

He just can't stop talking about this issue.

Guys, what do I do?

He's been acting so immature about this.

Cut your feet off.

Yeah.

I think she has to cut her feet off.

She's going to have to make some sacrifices.

Yeah.

I selected this because I've never understood this insecurity.

The only times I've ever felt insecure about, it's not like an insecurity, it's just like a, oh, damn.

It's like when I was on dating apps and stuff and there are a lot of people who are like oh I won't date someone under like a certain height but once I was in my entire life whenever I'm I've been dating someone I then don't really care like I don't care if they're taller than me no I think the only times I felt like a little insecure about it are dating apps when it's like when it feels like a statistic because it's like it's listed like a like a sports statistic

uh and then at airports when you got to take your shoes off for some reason everyone just feels like a foot taller than me at the airport.

I don't know what it is.

Interesting.

Like at the...

Yeah, like when you're going through security, I'm like.

They put you in the tube and tell you to put your hands up.

Why is everyone a navy?

Jake Suley.

But I could never fathom

telling someone to not wear heels because they...

No, and to me, like, at this age, well, I mean,

unfortunately, sorry, i've been saying unfortunately a lot uh smash just kind of made everything a little funny to me so like now if like you know if my partner's like way taller than me it's like uh-huh

it's like jokes on you

i just don't think about it but um

some some short guys i guess really get hung up on it like really don't like it um but if a genie came up to you Tom, you're excluded from this conversation.

How tall are you?

Basically 6'1 when my hair's doing doing its thing.

If someone's like, hey, here's six inches for free.

Not free?

Let me rephrase that better.

I will make you grow six inches for free.

I'll be like, what?

Okay,

you're back in the game.

Just talk to salute.

No, someone's like, dude, I can make you half a foot taller for, let's say, $1,000.

Oh.

I mean, okay.

Anyone would do that.

Okay, but yeah, but that's that's like, there's a lot of, it's like.

I'm just asking, bro.

I'm asking the question.

I'll make your six-pack a little more visible for $1,000.

I'll make a question.

I'll make your butt fatter for $1,000.

I'm like, I'll do all these, man.

Taking out loans.

Like, I would do, there's a lot of, yeah.

But it's not like I'm like desperate for that.

If I get three wishes from a genie, that's not probably going to be one of my wishes.

But what if they were like, hey, give me $1,000 or I'll make you three inches shorter?

Okay, yeah.

I guess.

Okay, let me pitch this.

This is, this is, this is weird.

Welcome to my Reddit stories.

Let me pitch this.

Okay, you guys are obviously secure, well-rounded, healthy, and the brain guys mostly.

Have you guys seen the surgeries that they do where they like break the shins or whatever and they stretch the legs out?

It takes like a year to like get it and recover.

How much money would you have to get paid to do that surgery?

I would never, I don't think I would ever do it.

I don't think I would ever do it because I think that would,

you're going to be fucked up.

Like that's going to be fucked up.

And I'm like, honestly, like post 50, 60, like, I'm not going to care about my height at that point.

And I, but I will be feeling that shit.

I just, I'm like, I'm way more worried about that.

I care so much more about my health and like,

you know.

No, bullshit.

I don't need it.

Yeah.

If someone were to pay me to do it.

That's what I'm saying.

Yeah, I mean not much I mean I would also have to see a mock-up like what are my proportions gonna be you're gonna look very similar same shins huge.

Yeah, no, you're gonna look a little crazy, but if maybe maybe I've got short shins

I don't know where I carry I don't know where I carry my height.

That's true.

I would need to look at a naked picture of myself and then be like there would be like this will be longer the first time according to an article makeup.

Yeah, length length length Leg lengthening surgery can cost around $75,000 and is roughly a four-hour operation and also probably a shit ton of recovery.

They crank it.

Yeah.

They go in and they crank it.

Have you not heard about this?

I would never do this.

You have braces on your legs for like months.

And as soon as it heals, they go crank, crank, and it stretches your bones out.

And then it heals again and they do it over and over again until you're taller.

The things men do.

You kind of have to like relearn how to walk.

Yep.

Yeah.

No, not doing that.

Anyways, comments.

We're freaking freaking our crew out.

This is great This is the thing This is this is the thing you you get that surgery because it's like oh I want to be more attractive But it's like then you have to tell people that you got that surgery and I'm like

five five seven but you never got that surgery or six foot but you got that surgery What what do you think people would rather pick I think the kind of people that might be going for someone because of height might care a little less Maybe yeah, but I just also think these guys are going for the wrong people yeah exactly I what I liked is I did see one of those posts where a guy had done that and and the comment on it was just like you're five seven forever dude like it's just like sorry dude you're still five seven like you're there's not five seven you're five seven we should do it we should do like a pit vlog where we we we have stilts on all day and where it's like what what's it like

okay did anyone write that anyone write that down i didn't i didn't hear any pen scribbling

some comments on this post he knew this going into the relationship Well, at least you didn't just suddenly reveal yourself to be 5'8.

That would have been dishonest.

She's just like,

I will show you my true form.

My husband is 5'6 on a tall day.

I'm really petite, but I remember when we were young, I've known him my whole life.

He had a long-term relationship with a gorgeous girl who was quite a bit taller than him.

I think maybe she's 5'9 or so.

Honestly, I think that made him more desirable to a lot of beautiful women, and most of his relationships have been with stunning women who are his height or taller.

That just means he's secure and he likes beautiful women.

This is about me.

I'm lucky he picked me.

Shorty, who is much more average with looks, he could have chosen anyone.

Lastly, someone said, This is the type of guy who has a great girlfriend, gets insecure about his height.

He then lets his insecurities cause issues, and the girl dumps him.

Then the guy complains about not being able to get a girlfriend because of his height.

The cycle continues.

Someone responded to that, saying, For me, it was that he thought I was too pretty for him, and all pretty girls cheat and are mean.

So he cheated and was mean to me first because obviously I already was awful, right?

Is Is there a word for this, LOL?

Yeah, L-O-L.

Right.

I do think that the insecurity is so much worse than any physical trait.

So this guy is blowing it.

He's fumbling the bag.

Yeah.

Sadly.

And he's short.

And he's...

He's also short.

Yeah.

And the actual dating experiences

never really comes up.

Yeah,

it's definitely like in my entire life, there's been so many people who don't give a shit.

It's not a thing in the gay world.

There's just too many people.

Tall ass.

There's just so many people.

I've dated people taller than me and shorter than me.

And it's all fun.

Six inches free.

Where?

Oh, boom.

All right.

Three inches are free.

And I want it now.

They're my six inches and I want it now.

Okay.

Okay, our next story is another Am I the Asshole post.

Am I the asshole for firing my best man for proposing at my wedding?

Oh,

guy, come on.

That's cringe, bro.

Let's do this.

This is a 30-year-old man.

My wedding was supposed to be the happiest day of my life.

My wife, who's 28, and I spent months planning every every detail.

And it turned out perfect, almost.

My best man, let's call him John, a 32-year-old man, has been my closest friend since childhood.

Naturally, I asked him to be my best man, and he accepted with excitement.

The ceremony was beautiful, and the reception was even better.

Everything was going smoothly until the speeches.

John got up to give his best man speech.

At first, it was full of the usual jokes and heartfelt stories, which everyone enjoyed.

But then, out of nowhere, he turned to his girlfriend, who's 25, and started talking about about their relationship.

Before I knew it, he was down on one knee proposing to her right there in the middle of my reception.

The room went silent.

I could feel my wife's hand squeezing mine tighter and tighter.

John's girlfriend said yes, and everyone started clapping and cheering, but I was fuming.

I felt like my special day had been hijacked.

Instead of celebrating our marriage, everyone was now focused on John and his fiancé.

After the initial shock wore off, I confronted John and told him he was out of line.

He He said he thought it would be a great surprise and assumed I would be happy for him.

I told him he was selfish and inconsiderate, and I ended up kicking him out of the reception.

Now, some of our mutual friends are saying I overreacted and that I should have let it slide for the sake of our friendship.

My wife fully supports my decision, but I'm starting to wonder if I was too harsh.

Am I the asshole for firing my best man and kicking him out of my wedding for proposing during my reception?

I don't think so, man.

I don't know, but he shouldn't be proposing at someone else's wedding.

It's their day.

It's their wedding.

I sent this one in because I was just like, the absolute audacity is crazy.

That's like

during your best man speech, the whole purpose of your best man speech is to literally

talk about this couple and you made it about yourself and you put it front and center.

I don't know what this guy's worried about.

If he feels this way and his wife feels the same way, I'm like, then you guys are good.

It was your wedding.

You could kick someone out because you don't like them all of a sudden.

It's your wedding.

You're allowed to do that.

You're disturbing the wedding.

If someone was like,

whoa, in the middle of your wedding, I'd be like, get the fuck out of my wedding.

I don't know what that was.

I don't think I've ever understood.

Okay.

I don't think I've ever understood the idea of proposing at someone else's wedding.

So I'm like, you really want that to be part of your story with your partner.

I guess if it's like maybe some really tight-knit families where they would like celebrate this kind of thing, I'm like, okay.

But this, where it's like your friend's wedding, I'm like,

yeah.

I don't know.

At the very least, run it by the bride and groom.

If you're going to be doing anything weird.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

And proposing is weird.

Proposing is weird.

Yeah.

I guess the idea is that you're at a party.

I'm allergic to stupid.

I guess the idea is that you're already already at a big event with like everyone's there, all your friends, there's music, it's a positive atmosphere.

So it's an idea to take advantage of that and propose while you're in the right situation there.

I just think it's really shitty because everyone knows like the whole idea of a wedding is about the bride and groom.

It's literally their day.

So to even have,

to plan that in advance and do it is really shitty.

I don't know if I would clap if I was in that situation.

Not out of being like, mmm, I think I would feel like,

what?

I would feel pissed on the behalf of the bride.

Oh, totally.

I'd be like, is this a prank?

Right.

Yeah, it would make me feel icky.

Totally.

Especially if

I saw that the bride and groom were there, like, I'd be like, oh, shit.

A bunch of comments.

If he thought you'd be happy, why didn't he take two seconds beforehand to clear it with you?

Not the asshole, don't propose at other people's weddings.

That's true.

Oh, I thought you'd be happy.

It's like, then tell me.

Right.

Someone else said, lots of things you maybe shouldn't do at any wedding.

I watched the groom get up to make his toast, and he did, and then spent what seemed like forever tearing into his parents.

300 guests were all trying to figure out the same thing.

How do we make it stop?

It was probably only two minutes, but it felt like 20.

It was 25 years ago, and I've never forgotten it.

I'll bet 299 other people haven't either.

Lastly, someone said, yep, I absolutely get where people think it's a good idea because if you share a friend group or a family, then everybody you know will be there for your proposal.

It sounds like a decent idea, except it just changes the vibe of the day, as it then turns the rest of the day into congratulating the newly engaged instead of being all about the newly married couple.

Yep, super selfish to do without an okay from both the people getting married.

It's like the one time you should be allowed to be so selfish.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

That is literally the whole purpose of it.

Absolutely.

Insane.

Insane shit.

He did the right thing.

I think he did the right thing by kicking him out.

For sure.

It's like, that's over.

It does suck.

That's his like childhood best friend.

And so that's probably the end of that.

I wonder how the woman being proposed to felt.

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I mean, she said yes.

She's probably scared.

It's tough.

It's hard for me to relate to.

It's a situation I don't think I ever would have ended up in.

No.

Sorry, not to be this guy, but could be me.

Couldn't be me.

I feel like if it happened to me, I would,

in the best improv way that I can, be like,

yes, and we just recreated how you guys proposed to each other in the park.

Right.

We love you guys.

Yay, get back to this beach, honey.

I would

be happy to see this.

It would even be uncomfortable, even if he didn't propose, it's uncomfortable for him to talk about his own relationship with his girlfriend.

It's just like, what are you doing?

Like, talk about the bride and groom.

Don't talk about anything else, really.

Awkward.

Awkward.

Awkward as hell.

Next story.

These are great pics, by the way.

Thank you.

Yeah, they're just like concise, like, good ones.

This next one's crazy.

Okay.

This comes from Best of Redditor Updates.

I, a 25-year-old woman, discovered my boyfriend, a 28-year-old man, of three years is cheating.

Tonight is the biggest night of his life.

Help me.

This is a good Hitman level.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

I won't go into all the gory details of our relationship.

We were in love, and well, I still love him.

But I found out clearly he does not.

I discovered proof that he has been cheating on me for a while in the form of small home movies of them.

I don't know the girl, and from the looks of their conversations, yep, went ahead and post-discovery snooped, she has no idea I exist.

Tonight is the biggest night of my boyfriend's life.

He's receiving a state award at a big dinner with a few hundred people attending, from his mom and dad to councilmen and all of that.

In fact, the only reason.

In fact, the only reason I discovered this transgression is because I've been putting together a little video for him to enjoy some of the key moments of his life.

You know, typical sappy shit.

I'm burdened with a lot of power right now, and I don't know if I have it in me to do the right thing, or if I even know the right thing.

I'm blinded with tears of rage and sadness and betrayal, but at the same time, I love him, have loved him, and do I really want to do this?

The relationship is over, no doubt about it.

I am not a woman who will take her man cheating on her.

Certainly not.

That's not the issue.

The issue is, there are cutesy selfies of the two of them, a lot of them, only shared between the two of them.

Nothing lewd, there's plenty of that on camera though.

Do I sneak one in the snap reel as a way of letting him know that I know?

Or do do I simply confront him after his moment in the sun passes?

I'm not going to pick up everything and leave without cutting contact.

That's not my style and it wouldn't make me feel good, just very sad.

Do I do the bitchy thing for once in my life?

To anyone looking at the snap reel, it would just look like a picture of him and a friend.

But to him and to me, it would be a private message, an outing.

Help me, Reddit.

I don't know what to do this time.

Help me, help me, Reddit.

Help me, Obi-Wan.

Because the rest of the people there won't know,

this makes it.

Because initially, I was like, I don't know, it feels a little too much.

I think we were picturing her splice in Fight Club, like fucking clips of that.

She's not talking about anything lewd.

She's talking about literally just a photo of him and her, just like, so people are going to think, oh, it's some.

And the next, and the next picture is her crossing her arms, like,

yeah.

And then it's just text saying, I know.

How insane, if she does it, is that moment for him?

Crazy.

You're there in like this high stakes.

You're probably nervous about, like, oh my God, I'm in front of all these people.

And then you see that.

And then you look over, and she's there, just like.

Yep.

She's not going to be keeping her cool, dude.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, it's going to come up and go.

She's going to be sobbing in the back.

He's going to look over.

She's going to go, oh!

Oh, my God.

I mean, my.

What would you do?

My unsolicited advice would be: tell him before,

ruin the night ahead of time.

That's a good point.

And not in a big way, like, you know, because I don't think, like, you know, that could be,

I don't know, like, I don't want to say dangerous, but that feels like.

I do think my takes a lot of times are not necessarily on what's the right or wrong thing, but like what's going to make your life easier.

Right.

And it's like sometimes doing an extreme thing can cause an extreme reaction.

Yep.

Especially if you're a woman, you have a guy.

Men are, they do dangerous shit sometimes.

So it's like, you get what you put out there.

Her plan sounds pretty fucking cool.

Right.

I am eager to.

It would be satisfying in the moment.

Yes.

That's for sure.

Oh, it's a movie moment.

Right.

But do you want your life to be a movie or do you want your life to be a life?

Exactly.

That's a good, that's a good point.

Raid that down.

Okay, comments.

Nah, you know what?

If there's really nothing that anyone would pick up on other than the two of you, you slip that photo into the slideshow.

Make eye contact with him when the photo appears on screen.

Then, when it's over, you stand up and walk out.

It ain't the high road, but nobody needs to walk the high road all the time.

OP responded, I chuckled.

I think the only reason I would do this is to make eye contact with him so that he knows I know.

But I'm not sure I have the guts to do that.

I'm not exactly Olivia Pope,

character from Scandal.

Yes.

And how to get away with murder.

I didn't realize those are in the same universe.

Oh.

Are they in the What'serface verse?

The Shonda

verse?

Shonda Rhymes-a-verse?

I don't know.

Shonda Lane.

I knew, I was like,

theme park opening this summer.

Bro, acting like everyone I know wouldn't drop everything to go to Shonda Lane.

I would be there in a heartbeat.

Yeah.

The Grey's Anatomy Dark Ride.

It never ends.

White winners

for days.

Update.

Whoa!

We're going to find out what happens.

I want a soundboard for this.

Can we do an episode with the soundboard?

That would be awesome.

Because

the live stream with Chance and Angelo

and Arasha, where they were playing that game about cheating, and Chance just kept hitting the TikTok boom sound effect.

I'm down.

The people who listen to this while going to bed are going to hate it.

Okay.

Well, it's been a month and a half since this all went down.

I have gotten so many requests for an update, and I never intended to actually give one.

Honestly, because I was afraid of the fallout, depending on what I ended up doing.

So what did I do?

I did the immature, vengeful thing, and I don't regret it.

I took a few photos of the two of them, tasteful photos that gave off no indication other than she might be a childhood friend.

I slipped them into the snap reel and I spoke kindly of him at the podium and then after my turn was finished, I walked out.

I drove home feeling calm and in control.

20 minutes later, the text started.

Where did I go?

What did I know?

Where did I find the photos?

Was there more in store for him?

I texted him, I know you've been fucking her, but there are no more photos.

There weren't any, and of course, I left it at that.

He didn't come home that night, or the next.

The next day, he called me back to ask if we could meet and talk in a public location.

I agreed to meet him at Starbucks.

I arrived early, waited for him.

He showed up a few minutes late and took the seat across from me.

He started right off with the excuses, how it just happened, and he regrets it fully.

She doesn't mean anything to him, and that she looked like a girl he had a crush on in high school, and he was powerless against his teenage self.

Right.

I didn't interrupt him.

She's like, oh, okay.

She's like, oh, let's go to frap.

Let's go frap and go home.

I didn't interrupt him, just let him have his time.

When he was done and looking at me for a sign of what might happen next, all I could say was, so where did you stay the past few nights?

Her house.

And what did you do?

He wouldn't answer.

There hadn't been any doubt in my mind.

Really, I didn't know.

But there was only one bed.

I knew I was leaving him.

He talked over himself, apologizing, begging for forgiveness, saying he'd change.

I told him that I didn't want him to have to change himself.

That if who he was naturally was someone who cheated on his girlfriend, then that's not someone I wanted to be with.

He said that he was thinking of proposing to me, and all I could say after that was, good thing I found out before.

Fast forward to a few weeks later, he's moved out and I am doing well.

We have cut off contact.

People ask me about him all the time, and I just let them know he left me for a girl who looked like his high school crush.

So that's the end.

We are broken up.

We are never, ever, ever getting back together.

I don't feel any regret of how I handled it.

Like one commenter said, there's no need to take the high road all the time.

Yeah, she rides up in the middle.

Well, I guess it didn't make a difference, huh?

No, it all seemed to work out.

You should have shot him with like a crossbow.

Yeah.

At Starbucks.

A vanilla bean crossbow.

Yeah.

It's crazy, man.

When people cheat,

almost the worst part to me when people cheat is when they then think they try to spin it away where it's like, well, we're going to be okay, right?

It's just like, now you're insulting their intelligence.

Like, if you cheat,

and then you don't admit it, but then you get caught,

you might as well just be like, all right, well, I guess we're done.

This isn't like.

You got me.

Hey.

Cut this out.

Shane's been doing like little Trump impressions all day, and I've like caught it.

I've caught it in my system.

She looks like my high school crisis.

Okay.

This also,

this is like an affair.

This is like a multi-year

like this is.

Yes, it's horrendous.

And like the confidence he had to have all this photo footage and stuff.

It's wrong no matter what, but it hurts more when it's like, damn, and you didn't even feel you needed to hide it.

Like, there's such an insult to your intelligence in it that that sucks

Well good for her I guess oh good for her

Comments what a cowardly piece of shit good on you girl for leaving his cheating ass and now he's her problem Lastly, someone said ah this was so satisfying to read that you put the photos in and then left you go girl.

I am sorry that he was such an awful guy Can't believe he tried to pull this after saying he had stayed at her house for two nights He said that he was thinking of proposing to me and all I could all I could say after was was good thing I found out before perfect reply from you.

What a scumbag he is.

Also, good job on being honest with those who have to ask about where he is.

I hope all goes well in the future for you, OP.

Also, I love you.

Also, I'm in love with you.

Yeah, crazy shit.

Wow.

This next story is crazier.

Uh-oh.

In a different way.

Oh.

I found this story, and I was like.

Is this the one Emily warned me about?

Yes.

I'm excited.

Here's our next story, and this one's a doozy.

I'm going to read the title, and then you will understand the trigger warning that will follow it.

The title of this,

this story comes from Our Teenagers Plus Our Copypasta.

The title of this,

My Hamster Exploded.

There it is.

Trigger warning, if you don't want to hear about

an animal getting hurt in any sort of capacity.

Or potentially exploding.

Or exploding.

Skip this one to the next story.

So I took the hamster and I went.

This story was written by Shrek.

Right.

Okay.

That's a great reference.

I forgot about this one.

I sent this forever ago.

Shane's in bed reading it.

It's like my hamster exploded.

Boy, oy, oy, oy.

Okay.

I've been crying in my room for two hours now.

I was making some salad dressing in the kitchen with my pet hamster, Manny.

I let him roam around.

My sister and her friends were also in there doing something.

I spilled a bottle of vinegar, so I left to get a towel, and when I came back, Manny was drinking it.

I didn't think anything of it, so I let him help me clean it up.

All of a sudden, Manny starts acting really weird.

He's normally very full of energy, but he was just sitting still.

Everyone gathered.

Everyone gathered around him to try to figure out what was wrong.

There's a circle of people going, oh no.

Manny?

Suddenly we hear a fizzing, a fizzling noise coming from inside Manny, and he starts expanding.

He let out a final squeak and bursted.

Bubbles and blood went everywhere.

My sister and her friend started screaming and crying.

I ran and got my dad, and he cleaned it up.

We looked in the pantry, and apparently, Manny got into the baking soda and ate a bunch of it.

He became a volcano.

He volcanoed himself.

I think I'm traumatized now.

You think?

Okay, the only thing I can give people is: I think

I'm fairly certain this is fake.

However, but it's insane.

Is Is that the end of the story?

I think that's the end of the story.

I'm like, okay, he got into some baking soda and then drank some vinegar.

It's that scene from Big Trouble Little China where the guy.

Yeah, he's like.

I think it's a fake story, but it's

wacky.

Hamsters are known to die in crazy ways.

No, all rodents

I have heard,

there's no good way for them to go.

It's like literally a lot of the time, it's just like, oh, their heart exploded.

Yeah.

Right.

Or they're like, because like some rodents, you know how their teeth like grow out this way?

Sometimes the teeth just decide to grow the opposite way and just smush their brain.

Rodents are fucked.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's a tough life out there.

It's hard.

It's a tough life.

It's rough out there for a little rat.

Yeah, yeah.

A couple comments on this.

Why can't hamsters ever have a normal fucking death?

Why is it always some out-of-pocket shit, dude?

Yep.

Someone else said, I'm torn between, damn, that sucks, and I'm sorry that happened, to great story, dude.

You keep baking soda soda on the floor and a hamster isn't going to expand his stomach will burst and you won't know what's wrong without an autopsy he's not a freaking balloon lastly someone said this is simultaneously the funniest and most heartbreaking thing I've seen all year yeah the the the events don't play out like it's definitely a loony tip

I think it's a fake story but it's it's a funny fake story

coming in coming into it and be like dad my my hamster exploded My hamster exploded everywhere in the room.

No, the idea of the hamster being like,

yeah, and exploding.

No, he's right.

The hamster would die, and then you'd be like, what happened?

So, what happened?

All right.

You want to explain

what's going on here?

Wow.

Yeah, so there's that one.

Moving on.

What if the hamster faked its own death?

Whoa.

Okay.

Okay.

This next story.

This next story is also crazy.

This comes from the marriage subreddit and Am I the asshole?

Pregnant wife's sister offered to sleep with me.

Nice.

So O.P.'s wife is pregnant, and her sister offered to sleep with him.

What happens next will surprise you.

Yeah.

My wife, who's 24.

Shut up.

My pregnant wife exploded.

Okay.

My wife, who's 24, and and I, 24 man,

have been together for three years and married for about six months now.

We found out that we are going to be parents and we are both very excited.

We told our families over the weekend and everyone was happy for us.

This morning, I got a text from my wife's sister, who's 21, saying that she knows that women can get emotionally and physically abusive and can put a stop to intimacy during pregnancy, and that she is willing to help me out anytime sexually or emotionally during and after the pregnancy.

Obviously, I have no interest in anyone other than my wife, but how do I tell her what her sister offered?

My wife has always been there for her sister, and they have always been super close.

Her sister was the maid of honor at our wedding.

I don't want my wife to lose that bond, and it would destroy her if she found out that her sister was willing to betray her like that.

At the same time, her sister is a snake and is willing to ruin our marriage and the life of

her soon-to-be nephew-niece for what I'm guessing is a childish crush on me.

My first priority is my wife and unborn child, and anyone else can go to hell.

How do do I approach this situation?

There's literally no good outcome.

I can tell my wife tonight, she will be absolutely devastated.

I will always be there for her, and I know her parents will be on her side, but losing a 20-year bond with her own sibling while in such a vulnerable state sounds terrible.

How can I possibly tell my wife that the sister she loved and looked after for so many years wanted to sleep with her husband while she was pregnant?

If I don't tell her soon and tell her later, she may lose her trust in me.

If I don't tell her at all, my wife will be close with someone who clearly does not care for her and could easily betray her again in the future.

Exactly.

He's going to betray you.

He has no choice but to tell her.

He has to tell her right now.

But what a crazy thing to have to tell you.

I know, and that sucks, but it's like, hey, it's the truth.

And the sister texted him.

So he could just be like, yeah, so the crazy, here's the crazy thing that I was going to say.

Before he kind of laid it all out for me at the end, I was like, dude, just don't even respond.

Just like, I'm just going to say that.

Well, don't respond.

No, well, yeah, but like, but also like, just kind of like, almost like ignore it.

But then he laid it out for me and I was like, oh, yeah no I see like if this is this could become like dangerous I would have to I've luckily never been in a situation remotely like this

but

I would have to like I would have to tell my partner if if I was like out at a party and someone was like, hey, you're cute, I'd be like, thanks.

And I'd walk away and I'd be like, this lady told me I was cute.

Like, I'd have to.

I'd feel weird not communicating something like that, you know?

But that's me.

And I'm extreme with it.

But this, you can't, because this is a crazy secret.

To like find out like a year or something.

Yeah, that's like.

Oh, my sister offered to sleep with you and you didn't tell me.

Dude, maybe, I'm hoping he misread the text.

Yeah.

She was like, oh, if you need help lifting stuff.

You know, in a sexual way.

In a sexual way.

Yeah, what if he just fully misread the text?

That'd be good, I guess.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's like, oh, do you need any help while your wife's pregnant?

He's like, dude, she wants to fuck me.

I realize this, you know what I'm bummed about?

I'm going to let you know now.

I realize there's no update on this.

So we don't know.

I'm sure he told his wife, and hopefully he just handled it off of Reddit.

But

some comments.

Would your wife ever have told her to do it to see how you reacted?

He responded, I highly doubt it.

Someone else said, you tell her, your sister sent me this this morning.

Do not keep it from her.

Someone else said, this, OP, you better tell her first.

If this comes out, the sister will twist things and it will be difficult for her to discern the truth.

She'll make you the bad guy.

Someone said, Agree, this situation calls for a preemptive strike.

Lastly, someone said, It's dramatic as hell.

That's a Reddit response.

Someone said, I feel like that's going to be what she does anyway if it comes out.

Some young women play stupid games where they try to set up their friends' boyfriends to see if they cheat, like a loyalty test.

So I can absolutely imagine a 21-year-old girl doing this for real or using this as an excuse.

I did it myself back in the day.

We did have a loyalty test in recent Reddit stories where a girl.

I thought they were going to say in real life.

In real life, yeah.

No.

Where a girl asked her friend to wear white to her wedding.

And then when she actually did wear white to her wedding, she was like, I can't believe you did this.

She's like, you told me to wear this dress.

She's like, it was a friendship test.

And you failed.

I don't understand the concept of that.

I do that down games videos.

I'm like, hey, wear this wardrobe.

And when people do it, I'm like, why'd you wear that?

I'm like, Shane, wear green in this green screen.

Yeah.

You show up wearing green.

I'm like, Shane, why did you do that?

You'll be like, hey, Trevor, be really bad in this video.

And then you're like, why were you, why did you play the game poorly?

You're getting straight left and right.

I'm making fun of him because of Chain Together.

Was he bad?

No, he was good.

Who was bad?

We were all

in our moments.

Yeah.

But we were all good.

It was all fun.

That's been out for like a month now, probably by this point.

Yeah.

There's Chain Together 2.

Lastly, someone said,

hey, anyone reading this who thinks loyalty tests are a good idea, please stay single.

You are not ready for a relationship, and it's not fair for you to rope someone into your emotional dysfunction.

I think the jump to thinking this is a loyalty test is a little crazy.

I mean, I'm not saying it's impossible because we have read stories where it has happened, but the idea of

telling like your sister or telling a friend to like hit on your partner to see their reaction.

I think if you're at that point, you need to have a serious.

You have problems.

You have problems.

I mean, but was it like the the sister put her up to it?

I mean it could have just been like a weird also this is my first time ever hearing the phrase loyalty test.

That was a loyalty test.

And that was a loyalty.

It was a loyalty test and failed you failed.

You know, maybe the sister was just like, I don't like the vibes in this guy.

I'm going to offer to sleep with him.

Because like to me, that's just as far-fetched as legitimately just offering to sleep with.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like.

Yeah.

It's a crazy thing.

The fact that she texted it too is pretty nuts.

She also said she knows that women can get emotionally and physically abusive and can put a stop to intimacy during pregnancy and that she is willing to help me out anytime sexually or emotionally during and after the pregnancy.

There's something going on.

There's a lot of layers to this.

What book did she read?

Yeah.

The pregnant Come as You Arts.

Whoa, that was good.

There it is.

Or it's fake, which is always a possibility.

Oh, that's always something you can look at.

That's always a possibility on Reddit.

She's like, I don't have a sister.

My My sister's been dead for 15 years.

She exploded.

Guys, it's time for our final story.

It's time for a legend that people have been asking for since this show started.

Oh, shit.

If this video doesn't trend because of this,

I'm going to be mad.

I don't think Reddit Stories has ever trended.

Really?

No.

That's Red Story.

Dude, you guys got to put Poop.

Whoa, sorry.

You know what?

I know the legend.

Do you know the legend?

Is this Poop Knife?

This is Poop Knife.

Wow.

I know this one, too.

Yeah, this is a legendary story.

This is probably, this is arguably like the most famous Reddit story.

This is Poop Knife.

And if you've not heard about it, buckle up.

This comes from our confession and our Museum of Reddit because it is such an old post.

I was 22 years old when I learned that not every family has a poop knife.

Who here in this room, raise your hand if you have not heard this story or you've not read this story.

Okay.

Wow.

Okay, here we go.

Get ready, y'all.

My family poops big.

Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap.

If anyone has laid a mega poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush.

It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you.

Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife.

It was an old rusty kitchen knife that had hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose.

It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out, hey, can you get me the poop knife?

I thought it was standard kit.

You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife.

Fast forward to 22, it's been a day or two between poops, and I'm over at my friend's house.

My friend was the local dealer and always had guests over.

Look at a dealer of what?

Poop knives.

Poop knives.

Because you can't buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour.

I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd.

I look down and see that it's a sideways one, so I crack the door.

Fuck!

What the fistina?

Well, it's a sideways one.

It's a sideways one, dude.

So I crack the door.

I crack the door and call out for my friend.

He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife.

My what?

Your poop knife, I say.

I need to use it, please.

Please, please, please.

What the fuck is a poop knife?

Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name.

A fecal cleaver, a dung divider, a guano glaive.

I explain what it is I want and why I want it.

He starts giggling, then laughing, then lots of people start laughing.

It turns out the music stopped and everyone heard my my pleas.

The record scratch.

Everyone heard my pleas through the door.

It also turns out that none of them had poop knives.

It was just my fucked up family with their fucked up bowels.

Fuck my life.

I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time.

It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife.

Thankfully.

Thankfully she didn't cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes.

Let her cook.

She will be getting her own utility knife now.

To stab him with, I hope.

Yeah.

Dude.

This is awful.

It's probably been like a good

three or four years since I've reheard this story.

It's so fucking good.

It's so funny.

Every time.

I have never heard, I know the tale, but I've never heard the story.

You can buy, there's like joke versions of a poop knife on the internet from like after this story.

Unbelievable.

Yeah.

Well,

we are getting sideways.

How are we getting sideways?

I don't know.

Do we have like a piggy bank slot down there?

It's coming out full sideways.

What's happening?

Dude.

But it's like coming out like that.

Well,

I think he means it goes down and it goes.

I'm aware of what he means.

I'm just shocked at how frequent.

What?

It's so vile.

It's like that's when everything went sideways.

Stupid.

This is awful.

No, bro.

Like, I like.

Like, maybe TMI.

I don't think I've ever taken a shit so big, it just wouldn't flush.

The toilet has broken on me before, but it wasn't my fault.

Yeah, I.

Look.

So you think.

Yeah.

I can say here, I'm being vulnerable.

No, I have not either.

Hey, I'm going to be vulnerable.

I'm super normal.

I guess it's a real thing.

I mean,

some people out there, they poop big, you know?

I poop big.

I play hard.

I poop big.

There is that.

Have you ever seen that famous photo of the like nurse running down the hallway with the like the you know, it's like the whatever the bucket thing they have in hospital beds?

And it's just the biggest turd you've ever seen in your life.

It's I haven't heard the word turd in years.

I know, this is also

also.

I feel like I also have to say that I've all my poops flushed since you two admitted to it, and I've been silent.

So

I feel like I have to also say that when this video comes out, they're like, Tommy's silence is deafening.

Tommy Silence is sideways.

Tommy Silence.

Oh, God.

Bro, the amount of times Ian has made poop knife jokes over the years, it's a lot.

Seriously.

It's such an Ian story.

It is such an Ian story.

Not because he would do it.

It's just like something about it.

It's just like, oh, this is so easy.

What I think frustrates me about this, what I hate about him, but

I don't hate this guy for having a poop knife.

I hate him for not keeping it in the bathroom.

No, that's crazy.

Exactly.

That's where I'm like, the fuck are you doing?

Like, you're talking about a plunger, the toilet brush and stuff.

I'm like, things you keep in your bathroom, but your poop knife you keep so far away you have to call someone to go get the knife that you're gonna use to cut your shit.

It's gotta be in the most fucking backwoods ass fucking hanging on a nail in the laundry room.

Like, are you kidding me?

No, this is Resident Evil 7.

Yeah.

A couple comments.

For some reason, I thought you were gonna say you cut it while it was still coming out of your ass like a pasta shaper.

Someone said, cut the shit.

This can't be real.

Someone said, what the heck do y'all eat?

Lastly, someone said, today I learned my husband needs a poop knife.

What the fuck?

I like how at the end of our stories, we have like a little discussion thing where Emily will put like a discussion point, like, talk about this, or like,

what do you think about this?

She just wrote, This is insane.

Yeah, yeah,

and it is insane.

And it is insane.

It's fully crazy.

Wow.

Wow.

Finally, read it.

That's.

That's.

Whoa.

And there's been an update.

He's dead.

He pooped too hard and he died.

He poops big.

If only Elvis had a poop knife.

Yeah.

I mean, he needed to put it up and swirl it around a little bit.

He died of constipation.

That's the.

Oh, my God.

We can cut that.

He needed serious mental and physical help.

God.

This is just.

Hey, it's boys' days.

I know!

I know.

Hey, we

big,

we poop big.

And Shane and I, normal poopers.

I don't know about you.

You don't know about Tommy.

I know you made a statement.

Your statement came a little late, okay?

Felt like you felt obligated to say something.

You thought it was performative?

Yeah.

It was a little performative, bro.

Oh, my God.

Thank you both for being here.

This was a wild ride.

This was crazy.

This was fun.

Good picks.

Big picks.

Thanks.

Um, and thank you for watching.

Comment down below if you have a poop knife.

Yeah, let us know if you have one, if you feel like you need one.

I've got like a Vustof in there.

What?

It's that really nice knife brand.

It was kind of a joke.

It's like they sell it like Williams Zonoma or Sur le Table.

Oh,

yeah.

I would pay you 20 bucks to go to a Sur Le Tab and ask if they have poop knives.

Do you have poop knives?

Right onto the cutting board.

Okay,

thank you all for watching, and we'll see you next Saturday.

Bye.

Bye.

Goodbye.

Thank you so much for playing my game.

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