Stories That Make Us Want To Quit | Reading Reddit Stories

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Hi, welcome to Smosh Green's Reddit Stories.

I'm Shane, and today's theme is co-workers.

We've got some nightmare co-worker stories, and I'm joined by two coworkers who are

cool.

Yes.

Yeah,

Trevor and Angela are here.

Thank you for joining me.

Thank you for having me.

Thank you for having me.

Yeah.

Even though I know, as your coworker, you didn't decide for me to be here.

Someone higher up did.

Yeah.

I heard actually

through the grapevine that you specifically didn't want me here.

Yeah, I requested for you not to be here, but they were like, no, he's the only one available right now.

And I was like, oh,

out of our 30 cast members,

he's the only one

cast members.

30 casts.

I feel like we have a very unique coworker situation, right?

Being coworkers as like on-camera, like

cast members here at Smosh is such a weird co-worker vibe, right?

I also feel like the word, like I say, I would say, oh, I work with Trevor, I work with Shane, but the word co-worker to me goes back to like my survival jobs, which was like, oh, this is someone I like burn time with while we try to like make money and keep it going.

Yeah, like we're friends in that setting alone.

And then outside of that, I'm like, nah, I don't, I I don't know you.

It's weird that like being friends is kind of part of our job here.

Like our job is to get on camera and like be chill and have fun, which adds like a pressure to it.

Like that's where it's a unique job in that it's like, oh, we have to be cool with each other.

Thank God it works out.

But I will say the bond between coworkers is one of my favorite.

Like and our bond, it doesn't really make sense in that thing, but like our bond, we don't have that.

It doesn't really make sense because everything's fake and I don't really like you guys.

But I mean, like, I'd say,

but like coworkers, Amanda and I did some of these, these caterer characters once for a TikTok I was making.

And her and I, we like both like remembered that, like, do you remember like when you're coworkers with your survival jobs?

You like go through fucking war with them.

Yeah.

And you're like, what's your name again?

Like, you don't even remember each other's names.

I remember her and I remembered that.

Or it's like, I just feel like you like learn each other much faster than a hangout, than like grabbing drinks.

Because you're just like, you're in the thick of it.

There's no time to think.

You're moving like when you're a hostess or a waiter or something like that.

You just got to go.

You're dealing with other people who suck.

So you get used to that.

I feel like I look at my dynamic with like not the actors here, but like crew members where we're, I'm like, we're doing a completely different thing.

But for us, I'm like, oh yeah, that, I guess I get a little bit more of that feeling.

And I'm still friends with everyone the same way as I am with all the cast members.

But it's interesting, but I never worked any jobs like that.

Oh, yeah.

So I never had that real experience of it.

It's like going through the same bullshit with people and you're the only outlet, you know?

It's not like they can call someone invent.

it's like if someone does something stupid like when i worked in the bakery like they would just come like back into the kitchen when i was like making croissants and they'd just be like pissed off and i'm like tell me about it man what's going on what's going on out there in the trenches you were in the bear there is something so specific about the co-worker group text yeah compared to other group texts where you're just like you're just talking mad

you're you're nodding i'm wondering if you're talking shit ollie no kidding yeah ollie we're clocking it um

all right well let's get into some of these stories about what people are doing to their coworkers, with their coworkers, the dynamics of coworkers.

Because I feel like there's a bunch of unwritten rules, like what to do, what not to do.

Like, would you get married and like do a prank on the internet?

Yeah, like, would you do that?

Am I the

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Elite Basketball returns to the Elite Caribbean destination.

It's the 2025 Battle for Atlantis men's tournament happening November 26th to 28th.

Don't miss hometown team St.

Mary's, along with Colorado State, Vanderbilt, Virginia Tech, Western Kentucky, South Florida, VCU, and Wichita State, playing 12 games over three days.

It's basketball at its best, plus everything Atlantis has to offer.

Aqua Venture Water Park, White Sand Beaches, World Class Dining, and more.

Get your tickets and accommodations at battleforatlantis.com.

I34 Male heard about this new live TTRPG experience where players take the stage to try to survive the impossibly dangerous town of Ma Meadows.

As players make decisions, their fates are determined by pulling a wooden block from a block tower.

If the tower falls, they die.

Each of the seven episodes will feature new characters, and while each episode can be enjoyed as a standalone, each story reveals a little more about the mysteries that lie dormant in Mom Meadows.

Episode one and two are already available to stream right now at live.smosh.com.

Episode three and four are a special double feature premiering this week on September 19th and 20th.

Should I get my virtual ticket now?

Yes, OP, you should.

I'm in the first episode, which is pretty cool, and I'll be in the next show on September 20th.

Also, we got Jack Quaid on for episode two.

The cast lineup for these shows is insane.

How do we even get him?

I mean, can I tell them that we got

and

and

I can't?

All right, am I the asshole?

Whatever.

Go to live.swash.com to see all of our ticket packages and stay up to date on future shows.

Back to some Reddit stories.

Our first one's a confession.

I'm fucking two of my coworkers at the same time.

Neither of them know about each other.

Let's fucking go.

All right, so there we go.

Bam.

I feel like not maybe the best move to make, but one someone is doing.

Well, the title basically says it all, but I just got out of a long-term relationship and have suddenly found myself receiving advances from more than a couple people.

Anyways, it just so happens that two of them are my coworkers.

I've been overly clear with both of them that I am single and in no way exclusive, so it's not like there's any cheating going on.

But both of them are technically my supervisors.

So I'm getting preferred hours and easier shifts.

The only thing is neither of them know I'm fucking the other, and they 100% do not get along.

Oh!

Long story short, I might be a bitch, but I am having a great time.

That's awesome.

What the hell?

See, dude, there are so many contexts.

Like, I feel like when you hear a story like this, I gotta know what job they have.

They do, I'm like, what's the funniest version of this?

Yeah.

Masseus?

Yeah.

Masseus?

Like, there are jobs where this is like, yeah man that's just how it is like that flies like and then there are jobs where i'm like this could this is a problem what's a job where you have multiple supervisors like a restaurant and you're working shifts yeah i guess i guess it could be a restaurant funny i'd love it if they were just like an accountant like if that would and it's just three of them

or like a law firm it's the two lawyers and then it's her or him i don't know we are i mean that's so funny it's the paralegal and the two partners yeah it's like all right this is how it goes every new season of better calls Office.

They sue each other.

But preferred hours, yeah.

It's giving like a type of

service or like retail.

Yeah.

Something like that.

I do think this is a big HR violation because it's supervisors and they are clearly showing her.

Everything's a fucking HR.

They're showing her, but

it's also like, it's like, okay, you're having sex with them, but then finding out like, oh, and now they're giving you preferred hours and easier shifts.

I'm like, that's not good.

That feels to me like fireable.

Yeah.

This is going to end badly.

We don't have an update, but it's going to end badly.

I also, it's refreshing to see a Reddit post that's just like, hey, guys, I'm getting away with something.

I have clear communication, but it's awesome.

Sick as hell.

Okay, but who gets fired when everyone finds out?

The supervisor should be the one who get fired.

Yeah.

They are the...

in charge people.

They're the one technically taking it.

I mean, I would think, I would assume.

I had weird service industry jobs.

I didn't have anything like buy the book, like at a restaurant or a retail place.

Are you supposed to not date?

I think the issue is more muddy when it's a supervisor, when it's different levels.

Yeah, but

there's a rule.

It probably varies by company, but the problem is that there's just this uncomfortable thing of like if someone has power over the other person,

then where it gets muddy is like, oh, well, I'll give you an easier shift.

Like, I think what they're avoiding,

what they're trying to protect, is a supervisor going, well, I'll give you an easier shift if you have sex with me.

Yeah, like that's where it's muddy.

And that's why it's kind of like this rule that's there.

It's not like, hey, no, having sex because sex is bad.

Yeah.

But because it's like, we're not.

It's the other way.

They're trying to protect

the people who are not in charge from being taken advantage of.

Also, though, like restaurants are like godless places.

Anything goes in there.

And I can see like if they have two supervisors and it's a restaurant, honestly, the supervisor might not answer to anyone other than like the owner of the restaurant.

Like I can see it just being a thing where they just get in a fight with each other.

And then, I don't know, restaurants are crazy.

No, for sure.

Yeah, it's also a thing with a lot of coworkers, it's kind of just like you don't really hang out outside.

So, one of these two supervisors is going to be like, how's your personal life?

You know what I mean?

It feels like it's either one or the other.

Yeah.

And if they hate each other, yeah, then they're probably not talking too much.

What a dance, though, to pull where I'm like, you're sleeping with two people who you all work together.

You're sleeping with these two people.

So that means you have to meet up with them at different times and you're trying to make them not know about the other.

You're missed doubt firing.

I'm like,

that's just too stressful for me.

I'm like, I could never.

I couldn't handle that.

I couldn't do that.

I'm trying to think if I could.

It seems like a scheduling nightmare.

It's kind of where I'm at.

I'm like, I'm like,

morals be damned.

I'm like,

I can't schedule this.

I can't handle this.

But it also is giving, they say they got out of a big long-term relationship.

She's communicating clearly to them.

Yeah.

She isn't cheating.

She's single.

She's saying, and she's saying, I'm seeing other people.

And I'm like, sometimes you got to heal from a breakup in a really long-term relationship and just kind of see the waters.

Yeah.

She's she's telling them, hey, I'm sleeping with other people.

I'm seeing other people.

But

she's not telling them who the other people she's seeing is their.

other supervisor.

And she's posting on Reddit like, I did it.

Yeah.

Long story short, I might be a bitch, but I'm having a great time.

It's like, that's, hey, that's the punchline to a, or a tagline to a movie.

Yeah.

Comments, usually the company only fucks me.

Nice.

Someone said just a regular Tuesday night in the restaurant industry.

5,000 upvotes.

Someone said OP's life is going to implode fast than the Titan submersible.

I can see why she got divorced.

Wow.

That person's never seen an episode of Vanderbilt.

Yeah.

OP only said they got out of a long-term relationship.

We don't know if it was a divorce.

And honestly,

look, whether you like it or not, I feel like some people do pull this stuff off and they get away with it.

Essentially, it sounds like in the restaurant industry that this is just kind of

a Tuesday.

Yeah.

All of them.

Someone said, the twist, it's a family business.

Kind of a dark twist.

Someone said, at a place I used to work, a girl was juggling two of our coworkers like that.

Neither were her supervisors, though.

The guys found out about each other.

It ended with one of them getting arrested for showing up at her place in the middle of the night with a knife.

Good luck, OP.

Okay.

Reddit loves to be like, you're gonna die.

You're gonna die.

She's like, I have healthy communication.

I've told them both I can't be exclusive.

You're gonna shoot a knife.

You're gonna get stabbed.

You're gonna get stabbed, dude.

Look,

hey.

More power to her.

I have no problem.

I like how there's a comment underneath that just says, damn.

Damn, dude.

Okay.

That's a good comment.

It is a good.

Hey, hey, it's something that really happened.

Damn.

They're just saying, hey, hey, this really happened.

And someone said, damn.

It's refreshing.

The whole thing.

Yeah, a little palette cleanser at the top.

Today.

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Back to the show.

All right.

Our next story comes from Am I the Asshole.

Am I the asshole for snapping at a coworker for being an obnoxious busybody when I dropped my coffee?

Okay.

Last week when I, 35-year-old man, was walking back into work from my break, the lid popped off my large iced coffee and the entire drink spilled in the front doorway of my lab building.

I looked down, sighed, fuck me, because I really needed the caffeine, and started walking to the bathroom to grab some paper towels.

A friend, 24-year-old woman, from my lab was walking in at the same time and she also darted off to grab some paper towels.

But the second that I dropped it, another older woman, 55-year-old woman, from a different lab who was on her way out for the night, started loudly yelling, OP, you need to clean that up, in a condescending tone down a hallway of private offices.

I kind of raised my eyebrow and kept walking to the men's room to grab the paper towels.

But a couple seconds later, when she got to the doorway, she yelled, OP, OP, come back and clean this up right now.

And I turned around and yelled, with fucking what, Kim?

Did you want me to plop down and sit on it?

I'm getting paper towels.

With fucking what?

With fucking what, Kim?

That's awesome.

I don't know why that reminds me of the H-bomber guy.

Sell them to Hoopin,

fucking Aquaman.

It's a thing.

She started yelling back, oh yeah, well, you better be, but I cut her off and loudly said, bye, with a hand wave and all of the energy of fuck right off to hell.

And she went on her way.

This was when my friend popped back out with some paper towels and asked, What the fuck is her problem?

She laughed when I told her about the exchange and said it was wild behavior on her part.

But I still felt pretty embarrassed that I snapped at an older lady and childishly yelled, Bye in a sing-song tone and waved her off.

Am I the asshole?

No.

No.

No, dude.

With fucking what, Kim, is the funniest thing?

Fucking fucking what?

You want me to sit on it?

You want me to sit on it?

God damn it.

Okay.

We're building an alien in here in this lab.

Building an alien.

We're building one.

We found parts of an alien.

Sorry, Kim.

We have to hold curing cancer for another 15 minutes.

Yeah, while I clean up my coffee with my axe.

Okay, I will say this.

I have a personal relationship to this story, not to these people.

Because you work in a lab.

Yes, because I own a lab coat in my sketch bag.

Okay, no,

I spill a lot.

lot and

every it does suck that when you make a mess in front of a bunch of people, you have to leave.

And then you hear like, oh yeah, Angela did that.

She's not here.

But I'm getting shit.

Like, I get it.

I really get this story.

Like, you're like, I'm coming back.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's tough because, yeah, you do have to bounce to get things.

And I have before spilled so much.

And I've had, it's happened to me, I think, twice, where I just kind of take my sweater and I'm like, sorry.

And I use my sleeve because I'm just like, I just want to fix it now.

I feel so bad when you spill something and then someone else starts cleaning it up and they're like, no, no, don't worry about it.

I got it.

And then I'm just standing there and I'm like, I feel like a piece of shit right now.

Don't you feel like a piece of shit if you just stand there and you don't even help?

Yeah, well, no, but it happened recently.

I like spilled my water bottle, but I was at like an event.

Like, it was, I was in a basketball tournament and like production people came over and were like cleaning it up.

And I also had spilled it like all over myself.

So I was kind of cleaning myself up too.

But they're like, no, we got it.

And there were like three people doing it.

And I was just like, I don't know what to do, but I feel really awkward and I appreciate you.

It is a very awkward moment where you're just standing there.

But usually when I feel like when you spill something, there's like a lot of people around.

It just always feels like that's the case.

And so I guess you can loudly announce like, oh my God, I'm going to go get paper towels.

I'm going to get paper towels.

I'm not walking away.

I'm fixing this.

I'm not here, but I'm fixing this.

I'm going to fix this, but in order to fix it, I have to leave really quick.

I love to like imagine the hallway super fucking long.

Like the bathroom's way down there and he's just all the way down the hallway.

With fucking what, Kim?

Yeah, it's it's annoying.

What's annoying about the lady is that she just immediately assumes the worst.

Yeah.

As opposed to going like, oh, like shit, like, oh, you're probably going to the bathroom to like.

Yeah, which is kind of bizarre on her part to be like, would anyone, would any adult make a spill and just leave?

I guess some people would.

Some people would, but it sounds like they know each other.

Not people in a lab.

They know each other.

They know each other's names.

Yeah.

Like it's not some stranger.

And she's like, this again.

Yeah.

No, she just sounds based on the one sentence we have of her.

She sounds like the worst person ever.

No, I'm just kidding.

The verdict was not the asshole.

Comments, not the asshole.

Your coworker was acting like you were a child at the daycare she works at.

She deserved to get told off.

OP responded, that was exactly how she said it.

My friend heard the first part and said it was crazy for her to talk like that to a a grown adult.

Someone responded to that saying, look, honestly, it just sounds like she was at the end of a long shift and assumed you were walking away from your coffee spill forever, leaving it for someone else to clean up.

But frankly, even if it was an honest mistake, she assumed and made an ass out of, well, just herself, really.

10 bucks says she either has a really useless husband or spends a lot of time on Am I the Asshle and constantly thinks the worst of everyone.

Which is what's happening to you.

That's what happens to me.

Yeah.

Yeah, the useless husband.

Oh, no, I meant the second because you read a lot of Reddit.

Yeah, I know.

Oh, okay.

I don't have a husband.

I understand now.

Please, Trevor, speak, just so we can move on.

It's okay.

Trevor, say something.

I got.

Do something!

Dude, yeah, I mean, that's crazy.

I'm going to think about that one for a while.

Yeah, that one's going to stick with me.

Someone said, ugh, I mean, what did she expect you to clean it up with?

Your suit jacket?

How obnoxious.

Not the asshole, and I'm sorry for the loss of your iced coffee.

i'd have probably said worse than that if my caffeine had been snatched that rudely from my lips someone said not the asshole who does that to another adult someone said sometimes you just need to stand up for yourself to these people once for them to back down forever i worked with a similar busybody once and she was responsible for reviewing our admin reports she had a bristly personality and a lot of people made complaints about her rude behavior to management i was walking in one winter morning and she spotted me heading down the corridor toward my desk she ran over and walked behind me telling me about what errors i had made in my paperwork.

This was a normal occurrence and I guess I just hit my limit that day.

I stopped and looked at her and said, Jesus Christ, can I take off my fucking jacket first before we start this shit?

She looked like I had slapped her in the face.

She was the sweetest person ever to me afterwards and would regularly stop by my desk just to chat.

That one interaction changed our whole dynamic.

It seems like a crazy outcome.

to that interaction.

Yeah, that's a crazy switch up.

Yeah.

I think some people just like,

that almost,

that comment makes it feel like maybe that person wasn't trying to be, like, that's just how they operate.

That's the way they work.

So, like, kind of being like, oh, I needed someone to tell me that this was coming off bad to like adjust my behavior.

Because I'm also thinking, like, if you spill, I can't believe I'm still talking about this.

If you spill and then someone's like, I'll get you paper towels.

And then you kind of just stand over your mess for a bit.

And you're like, don't worry, someone's bringing paper towels.

There's not like a great way to handle it.

Like, it's always awkward.

A spill is always awkward.

You're acting like the mess cone.

Yeah, where you're like,

the floor is wet.

That's the worst.

Yeah, when you spill something and you're like, if anyone comes by,

like, you're just shouting, like, hey, watch out for this if you come over here.

Hey, there's a spill over here.

Yeah, a spill sucks.

Anyways,

next story.

Okay, our next one is a confession.

I used to eat my coworkers' apple chips at work, then tell him that I was allergic to apples so he wouldn't accuse me.

Wow.

That's so funny.

This is pretty.

That's so funny.

God damn.

What a brilliant person.

What a brilliant

person.

Yes.

Just to be clear, this wasn't because I was particularly hungry.

It's because my coworker was an absolute asshole.

Yes!

Yes, it's even better!

That's so good.

I don't even enjoy them.

I actually hate eating them.

I don't think apples should be chips.

I do it from malice.

He's like, actually, allergic to apples.

He's still doing it.

He was really creepy towards the girls in the office and always said some pretty weirdly racist shit to our other coworker who was from Mexico.

All right, yeah, man, eat those apple chips.

Yeah, okay.

Eat them.

He was just a crude, horribly annoying person who seemingly took enjoyment out of making everyone around him uncomfortable.

He was like a mix of Todd Packer from the office and Tony Soprano.

He always brought these apple chips into work to eat for lunch, and occasionally I would go in, take the apple chips, and go to the nearby park and eat them for lunch.

He would go around asking everyone if they took the chips and would act all pissed off because he knew someone took them.

Instead of just flat out telling him I'm allergic to apples, I put on a little show.

He was eating his chips two days before I started to take them and I asked if I could have one.

I took one and almost took a bite, then said, these aren't apple-flavored, are they?

And he said they were.

Then I quickly put it back on the plate and went to go wash my hands and I said I was allergic.

What a little show.

Much more believable than me just flat out telling him.

This went on for about two months.

I must have taken his chips like 10 times or so.

That's so awesome.

Wow.

Oh, man.

He's dying.

Yeah, you know, general rule is you don't eat other people's food, but.

Yeah.

They're being creepy and racist.

I think you're allowed.

And like two wrongs don't make a right, but it is kind of funny.

It's extremely funny.

It's also so funny for him.

What did did it say that he kept walking around going did you eat my apple chips did you eat them hey bitch did you eat my apple chips

hey did you eat my apple chips

i guess that's that's my only thought in this is i'm like okay so this guy's awful is he gonna who's he gonna blame first are you actually making life worse for some of the other co-workers okay good thought that's my only thought is like all right you know he's racist you know he's like sexist

are you're not gonna be as you've said you're not going to be his culprit.

Is this going to just make life harder for other coworkers?

Is he going to start being suspicious of them?

Yeah, and you're just washing your hands clean.

And you're fine.

Something to consider.

This is like the most low-stakes form of like vigilante justice.

Yeah.

Like this guy is operating outside of the law, just taking apple chips.

Because it's not even real chips.

Yeah, stupid

chips.

It's like if Robin Hood stole apple chips from rich people.

And everyone went, we actually just want the real chips.

They're just as much chips as potato chips.

So just so you know.

What do you mean by that?

Just like, I feel like we're talking shit on apple chips.

Yeah, but I don't understand those.

They're apples.

They're not chips.

Yeah, but they're potatoes.

They're not chips.

I haven't ever had an apple chip.

I'm so sorry.

One second, Trevor.

So chips

are potato chips, okay?

Right?

Well, chips actually chips, like in Britain, they're like fries.

They call them chips.

Yeah, potatoes.

So, right?

So chips,

yeah.

But

I believe chip is potato.

So putting a little funny hat on it, putting a funny hat on a piece of apples, on a fruit, and being like, here, go play with the boys.

No, you're not a chip.

You're an apple.

Because an apple chip is basically dehydrated fruit.

That's dried fruit.

Is a chip, is a chip, not?

But I think it comes in the shape and texture.

Yeah, it's the shape and texture thing.

Like when you're at a park, those are wood chips.

So if I'm the shape and texture of a bear, that doesn't make me a bear.

Okay, if you are the shape of a bear

and you're not a girl, look, look, I'm not part of the gay community, but I feel like they have.

I feel like they've literally made that distinction.

Quite literally made that distinction.

You made the worst possible comparison.

Like, I think they do that.

I think they say that.

I think they literally say that.

We have to move on.

All right.

Comments, modern problems require modern solutions.

Someone said, How did this help at all with mitigating his shitty behavior?

Yeah.

Someone said, Thank you.

You just reminded me just how much I love apple chips and I need to buy some.

You added that comment.

That's not a real comment.

No.

No one in their right mind would have said, I need to remember to buy apple chips.

You just reminded me just how much I love apple chips and I need to buy some.

They sound delicious.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Okay, can I say something kind of like more serious than the story is?

But like, it is my problem with revenge where I'm like, that's cool.

You're doing this thing to him.

It's cathartic, but I'm like, you're not making the situation better.

He's still racist and sexist and creepy.

Like, is not the goal to try to eliminate that behavior or get rid of him from this office?

And now, now, if all of those are exhausted and there's nothing you can do, yeah, eat his apple chips.

That's funny.

But and I think as an audience, like our initial like, yeah, when we heard he was a bad guy is like our want for justice when we're watching bad things happen and people get away with them.

We go like, oh, like, like, I don't necessarily want harm on him, but I want him to be held accountable.

And if I can't see that, then I'd rather him be minorly inconvenienced as an audience member, but it's not right.

Yeah.

It's not even a matter of like right and wrong.

It's just like it's not doing anything.

Like it's not in the long run going to fix anything.

I think that's how I feel sometimes with Reddit stories.

It's like we love this like vengeance cathartic thing, but I'm like, all right, and then what happens?

Yeah.

And it's like, and now we're back to square one.

And

they're still bad.

And they're still doing their thing.

Well, it is doing something.

It's making me laugh.

It is making us laugh.

Exactly.

That's why I like it in movies and stuff.

Like I like revenge like in a story, but like in real life, it is hard to do.

You're not doing anything.

You're doing it for yourself just to feel some enjoyment.

Slip some notes being like, hey, stop being racist.

Maybe the Apple chips are, it's like a long con plan that eventually he's going to blow up and have it and have a freak out over the Apple chips that's going to lead to him getting fired.

Fair.

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Maybe.

But I also understand, I will say at the end of it all, I understand like watching someone be awful and get away with it.

You're just like, come on.

Like, you want to like equal things out.

So it's like, I'm going to steal his food.

Like, I understand.

I understand where people are coming from.

I'm going to steal his fruit.

Yeah.

Okay.

It's fruit.

When I eat potato chips, I'm like, I'm enjoying this root.

Yeah, go for it, dude.

You sound weird, but do that.

Potato is active.

It's a starch.

Apple chips are weird.

Is this just a starch?

It's not a root vegetable?

Is potato a root vegetable?

I don't know.

I actually don't know.

What is it?

It can't just be, it's not just starch.

It wouldn't grow from a starch.

What is it as a plant?

Oh!

It's a tuber.

It's a tuber.

It's a tuber.

It's a tuber.

Okay, it's a tuber.

What's that?

So I'm going to say,

I'm enjoying this tuber right now as I'm eating tips.

I'm enjoying a tuber.

As I'm eating chips.

I'm stuck in down my tuber.

But we do say potato chips.

Like, that is the long.

So like, I know, but I can't.

Anything is a chip.

I don't know.

I'm going to think on this and have something to say in like 10 to 15 minutes.

You know, this one's going to stick with me.

Yeah.

All right.

Our next story.

This comes from Ask a Manager.

Okay.

My coworker tickled another coworker, and now there is chaos.

Classic.

We're having too much fun.

Classic.

My company has had a relatively informal, somewhat relaxed working environment in the past where colleagues generally got along well and we had a decent time together, even while working hard.

Unfortunately, that balance has recently been upended in the department I work in.

Two weeks ago, my coworker Rachel kicked the power strip under the desk in her cubicle, so she slipped off her heels and crawled under to pop it back in.

The young woman in the cubicle behind her, Monica, had a serious lapse in judgment at this point.

She knelt down and slipped an arm around Rachel's ankles when she was vulnerable and began tickling her feet.

It was an unusual moment, to say the least, and reactions ranged from amusement to mild horror.

Scott.

Scott's disgusted.

Scott's curling up into a ball.

He's like,

I was envisioning like tickling, like, ha ha ha, like, like, whatever, but like, oh, someone was like,

someone's like, yeah!

If you're gonna go to tickle your coworker and the feet are the first thing you go for,

somehow weird.

You're touching someone's bare feet.

Oh my god.

Like if you not, you should never tickle a coworker.

But if the story was like, oh, you came up behind someone you know and like kind of grabbed their midsection or something.

No!

I'm just saying it's like you should never do it, but that's less freaky to me than while someone is on the ground going and grabbing their foot.

yeah this is like oh they're in a vulnerable situation where they're crawling under a desk what if and you're grabbing them like a stephen king monster

holy shit dude

you're under the desk

what if when dina lobbed us she was like got your neck

and here's a love

tickle tickle

If you asked Monica, she would say she only had a light hold to avoid getting kicked during a playful moment that went too far.

If you asked Rachel, she'd say she was rendered largely immobile and humiliated.

I didn't have the best view, but it looked to me as though reality was closer to Rachel's side.

Our manager, Phoebe, rushed in after several seconds of laughing slash shouting to break it up.

It was a good thing she was there because I thought for sure that Rachel was going to slug Monica otherwise.

This person watches friends.

Rachel, Monica, Phoebe.

Okay, cool.

Phoebe walked Monica to HR and we wondered if Monica was done for.

Apparently, they allowed her to remain with the company, but told her she'd be dismissed if she put one toe out of line.

Heh.

That's what it says.

It says, parenthesis, heh.

I don't know the details, but I do know that Rachel was furious that the girl wasn't fired.

Since that point, she has done everything she can to make Monica so unhappy that she feels compelled to quit.

From passive aggressive emails to trying to rally coworkers to petition management to let her go to bringing up the incident, as it's come to be called, at every available opportunity.

As a result, Rachel is becoming difficult to work with, and Monica is becoming a basket case.

It's gotten to the point where yesterday I talked to Monica because I felt sorry for her.

I'd heard her crying in the ladies' room that morning, only to have Rachel snarl at me later for trying to be friendly.

I'm fairly certain that Phoebe knows what's happening, but is hesitant to address the issue with Rachel since she was the original victim.

Phoebe is also rather hands-off in management.

style, so that isn't helping the situation.

The environment is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and our department being split on whether Monica should have been let go from the start hasn't helped.

And I can sense people starting to take sides.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Whoa.

That's crazy.

What a wild situation.

This is...

This is so interesting.

Because

I'm assuming for these managers, for these managers, it's like, this is not a situation you're prepped for.

Like, HR is like, okay, like if someone makes you uncomfortable, like does something like sexual or like flirts with you or something.

Like those are lines, but it's like okay so I was crawling under my desk and she grabbed me and tickled my feet I'm like oh I'm sorry what like oh yeah our coworkers a leprechaun

my co-worker's elm oh my gosh I mean yeah because at the end of the day

I guess with tickling, there is no malintent, right?

Like you don't go to harm.

I need to see this because she's saying it's more like what Rachel said, where she was rendered immobile.

Like, grabbed the feet and was tickling a like.

What the fuck was going on?

The way she described it was like she put one arm around the feet.

So, I'm imagining she's like on the ground and she scoops her arm and then is grabbing

her legs.

She headlocked her legs in the middle.

If this happens to me, I'm fucking losing it.

I'm running out of the building.

Imagine, she's like, hell yeah, brother.

Imagine going home and being like, how's your day at work, honey?

Like, I got tickled.

A lady grabbed my legs

fully.

In what world?

And tickled me.

Do you see someone like, oh, I have to fix the outlet and go, there's my opportunity to grab her by the leg?

That's weird, dude.

I'm going to start threatening people with that.

Like, if Spencer's being asshole, I'm going to be like, bro, I'm going to tickle you.

That's going to make you look so bad.

Pop those shoes off.

I'm gonna tickle your feet.

But it's like you, she had to take her.

It's not a situation where they were like laughing and playing.

It was like, oh, shit, like I knocked off the power.

Let me take off my

heels.

And I'm like, that's a very vulnerable situation.

And I think it's hard for me to picture because we do such silly stuff on the regular here, right?

No, like that.

Well, no, but I'm like, this wasn't a silly situation.

They're not performing.

She's like, I'm crawling under my cubicle.

She's probably not like wearing clothing where she feels comfortable doing that.

And then someone

and is tickling.

I'm like, yeah, it kind of is firable.

Like I'm like,

the more I'm thinking about it, I'm like, yeah, I don't know how you reconcile this without firing them.

How long do you think was the windup on this?

Like she looks over, sees the heels coming off.

And is it like a little like...

You see Rachel foaming at the mouth?

Yeah.

Or is it like she sees and she's like, all right, finally.

Like, I

finally got her.

Monica was the tickler.

Rachel was the one who got tickled.

So Monica was the one who saw the feet and was just like, oh, and like had to tickle.

Okay, you're Monica and your new job interview.

Oh, so I saw you were at Brother and Will's Accounting and you left after two years.

What was that?

Oh, yeah, it was great.

I had a great time there.

I had to left.

It was just this little,

you know, I took some steps that

they disagreed with as a company.

And, you know.

Creatively or?

Yeah, it was a creative.

I don't think you should have been fired.

I think you're doing a great job.

Tickle, tickle.

I tickled a coworker.

So what happened was my friend, she kicked off the power and she had to take off her heels to crawl under her desk, you know, to, to, and so I,

you know, I think in this, in this industry, when we see opportunities, we have to take them.

And so I scooped up her legs with one arm like a sailor and I

tickled them.

You know, like like like macho man Randy Savage.

And, you know, I got her.

And then you know naturally there was some resentment there like how do you ever get hired again if you got fired for tickling you just don't bring that up calling up your previous like the your new company calling up as a reference like yeah so why did why did you end up like parting ways with her she tickled the shit out of somebody

she put someone's legs in a headlock and tickled her you wouldn't believe it she was tickling everyone

i do think i i do think it's one of those situations i don't like to use this unless it's like really clear if if monica was a dude fired, like full on, like, so she needs to be fired the same way and treated the same way because that is a wild.

Yeah.

That's a wild thing to do.

And I think it's because it's tickling.

We're being like, oh, it's tickling.

No, it's grabbing someone else.

It's a lot of like grabbing someone and like holding them.

I'm like, that's kind of like a very forceful move.

It's very invasive.

So very clearly, Monica misread their relationship and friendship.

And it's just some of those things where it's like, hey, man, at work, no matter how friendly you are with someone, there's ground rules, right?

And that's why, like, I'm sure, like, you know, romantic relationships in the workplace and friendships in the workplace, it's like, hey, but you just keep those boundaries.

Yeah.

Just keep it like, hey, we're at work.

We don't do that at work.

Yeah.

Even outside of work, I don't think you grab bodies.

So that's what I want.

I don't think I've ever tickled my friends.

I want to go so far and be like, I think we should stop tickling children when they're born.

So we stop tickling as a whole.

You think tickling should be done with?

Yeah.

I would love for someone in the comments to tell me if their life was improved by tickling because I can't think of anyone who was.

Yeah.

No.

That's a fair

brother used to tickle me until I couldn't breathe and it was really scary.

Tickling, I think, is like that sounds awful.

It is tickling.

Most of the times that I think of tickling, it is a form of bullying when you're a kid.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I do remember tickling my brother and it was hella funny, but

you're like, actually, wait a minute.

Actually, I was funny.

I do remember that.

My brother would scream really high pitch and it's really funny.

TLDR, the ass manager, responded, and here are the main points.

The manager doesn't know if it's a fireable offense, especially if Monica's had no other problems in the past.

There needs to be a serious, you cannot touch a co-worker ever again, and there will not be another warning conversation.

However, Phoebe, the manager, needs to sit down and have a talk with Rachel and say that she understands her feelings, but we have to keep a professional environment.

The reality is, if Monica continues to work there, they can't allow one employee to bully another.

Maybe moving desks will help the situation.

I've got a pitch, not a real one, but I've got a funny one.

If the manager comes in and goes, okay, this situation, this situation's fucked, Monica, what the hell were you doing?

You tickled, you grabbed Rachel and you tickled her, that's not cool.

I just said it would be funny.

Well, it's not cool, but here's the situation.

Rachel,

you're allowed to tickle Monica at some point,

and you do not have to give her warning at any point.

So, Monica, watch your back.

When you least expect it.

I don't know if I'll be able to focus on my word.

Well, you're going to have to try.

Just standing over the cubicle wall, like, looking down.

Like, every now and then, Monica just turns and just across the way, just Rachel's just like

and like lowers down.

She's like,

and then like, like, like,

this is like a nightmare fuel.

But Monica's like in the bathroom, and all of a sudden she just sees like steps like outside the stall, and they just stop, and then they just like move again.

Their big red shoes because it's so hot.

Oh god.

No, that's not a real solution.

Okay, comments.

I can't imagine ever wanting to touch my coworkers bare feet.

Ew.

Someone said Monica should have known better.

Do not touch your coworkers like that.

But management well and truly fucked up this entire thing from top down.

If Rachel ended up leaving soon after, I'd have fully understood.

Someone said, I'm trying to wrap my brain around why anyone would think, even in the most relaxed, casual work environment, that it would be okay to engage in a tickling moment with a coworker.

No matter how casual we're talking.

Yeah, someone said, management really dropped the ball here.

Either fire her, Monica, outright, or apply some authority to manage the situation.

Yeah, it's certainly like their

response makes you not feel safe in that work environment.

Cause like I'm based on like how OP is writing this and like the reactions from coworkers, I'm like, this, I think if I saw this, I'd be like, oh, this was bad.

I think like reading it and hearing tickling, it's hard for me not to associate it with like me as a kid, like with tickling.

I think seeing it would scar me.

I'm like, I think I would not be able to function.

And I'm also thinking about all the insane shit we do here at Smosh, nobody has ever tickled another person here at Smosh.

If it wouldn't be funny,

if it's not flying here, it is not flying in a regular workplace.

I just, yeah, I can't imagine tickling another adult, let alone in the workplace.

Yeah.

I wouldn't be able to look them in the eyes.

Like, I just like.

I think it's like just the word tickle.

Yeah.

For sure.

The finger movement, too.

Like the fact that this is the primary motion for tickle.

It really is like the creepiest things that we, the creepiest thing that we societally like aren't looking down upon enough.

It's kind of fucking creepy.

Yeah.

It is, yeah.

Update.

Five months later.

Whoa.

We get an update on the tickle.

Tickle short.

This is fucking rad.

First and foremost, I want to thank you for taking the time to craft a thoughtful response to my letter.

Monica, the tickler, left the company last week.

I don't know all the details, but I reached out and she said that she and management came to an understanding but wouldn't say more and I didn't push.

She was a middle child in a large family that showed a lot of physical affection and tickling wasn't something vicious or mean as far as she was concerned and it was probably that background that contributed to her lack of judgment.

I won't make excuses for her actions, but I really feel bad for her and hope she finds another position and that she can learn from her mistake instead of being punished for it further.

She is clearly an extrovert and feeling cut off from people and caught in an atmosphere of hostility and isolation really affected her, though how much pressure was from Rachel and how much, if any, came from higher ups, I couldn't say.

I offered to have coffee and catch up and if she takes me up on that, I might have more info in the future.

As for Rachel, once Monica was gone, some of my coworkers expected her to gloat or strut around, but she's been awfully subdued.

She doesn't talk much about anything except work, even inconsequential things.

Perhaps that will change, but it's as if she didn't know how to react once she got what she wanted.

As far as I know, our manager never confronted her, though I won't swear to that.

Things seem to be getting back to normal otherwise.

Our boss brought some treats, and we did a couple of fun group exercises, and people have relaxed a bit.

Still, I'm wary of how quickly things can get deeply uncomfortable.

Thank you again for your time and your advice.

I'm sorry, but the beginning of that is so like Monica the tickler.

It's like Dark Souls.

It's like Molog the bloodthirsty.

It's like Monica the tickler.

Monica, tickler of feet.

Like,

oh, God.

So Rachel was feeling weird when Monica left?

Yeah, it's just kind of like, oh, wow, she's gone.

Like,

because you have to feel, I would assume no matter how justified it is, you have to feel weird that someone got fired for that.

You fired for that.

You kind of feel responsible, but you were just there.

That's hard.

It's also tough.

It's got to be a weird situation when whether she left the company because of the situation or she was fired or whatever,

that it was a one-time situation.

And it just,

because like if someone's doing a pattern behavior, it's like, oh, this is who they are, and they are doing this.

And I

want them gone.

But it's like this one-time thing.

It's got to be like, I would feel, I know, and I'm not saying it's right or wrong.

I would feel guilty.

So I'm like, oh, this one-time slip-up, no matter how wild it was, but still it happened.

It's like, clearly, the workplace cannot get past it.

Yeah.

And then your boss is like, I brought cookies.

I brought cookies.

Oh, man.

What a, it's these situations that just ride the fence on things you've never heard.

It's literally Sesame Street.

It is Sesame Street.

Cookie Monster Elmo.

Cookie Monster Elmo.

It's a treat, right?

He brought a treat or something.

I guess cookies.

Yeah.

Or like cookies.

Slices of apples.

I would love that.

Yeah, as a slice.

The count?

Slice.

Apple slices.

The count.

The count?

The count, dude.

Yeah.

Another one.

Maybe it's an accounting firm.

Our next story also comes from Ask a Manager.

My employees played a horrible prank on a coworker.

What do I do now?

I'm writing seeking advice as to how I, as a manager can handle the aftermath of a joke gone wrong.

The joke never should have been played in the first place, but that ship has sailed.

I managed four reports and two of them made another think $50,000 had gone missing and she was being arrested for stealing it.

My other report was not involved at all.

They went so far as to get one of their wives to pretend to be a police officer there for the arrest.

The one who was accused wept so hard she vomited.

She was adamant she didn't do it and asked to phone someone to go stay with her sick mother while she was in custody.

It was only then she was let in on the joke.

She has not returned since it happened and will not answer calls or letters.

I am furious.

Their joke was unacceptable and if I had known what they were planning, I would have shut it down.

I don't have the power to fire them or I would have already.

I have no clue what they were thinking.

They say it was intended to be hilarious, not mean.

I don't know of any trouble before this and all of my reports seem to get along.

The one they played the joke on has only worked here for a few months and is fresh out of school, while my other three reports have worked here for anywhere between six to nine years and have all been on this team for over five years.

That is so awful.

Hey, we're going to play a prank on you where we ruin your life.

Yeah.

We're going to convince you that your life is ending.

Impersonating a federal officer?

Yeah, that is a crime.

They did commit a crime.

This is...

Hey, what's what we say on every episode where we have a prank?

What is a prank?

What the hell is this?

And what's it for?

Especially because they don't even know them that well.

Like this is not, I'm like, okay, if you did it on like someone you've worked with for five years,

it was a little more like, oh, you understand each other, you understand their sense of humor.

This is someone brand new and you all pulled a prank where this is...

That's so sad.

This is like hazing, you know, and like a real

extreme, awful, like, yeah.

It's also the thing where, you know,

because you think it's real at first, like, okay, so she really legitimately experienced being told that she embezzled fifty thousand dollars and is about to go to jail like that's a real experience she has then she's told it's a prank but in her brain that was still real so she cried so hard she vomited you can't just be like oh ha ha ha you guys got me it's like no your body's still going through that shock yeah no i feel like especially you you gotta have a sense of maybe in the moment figuring out that it's not because I mean they they let it go on long enough that she called someone to take care of her mother.

What so sad stage of this prank?

Yes.

Do you go like ah?

Like what?

When she barfs?

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Or when she starts sobbing that much, I think you have to be like, okay, reading the room here.

Maybe we let her know.

Yeah.

Someone did show up.

The wife showed up for the arrest.

And stealing $50,000, that's a felony.

Like a massive felony.

You're not like talking like a small little crime.

This isn't like, oh, you got a parking ticket.

Haha, psych.

It's like, no, you're going to prison.

Damn.

This isn't funny.

No, most pranks aren't.

We have not read a prank on this show that I thought was funny.

They've all been just, hey, an awful thing is happening to you.

Yeah.

It's just not good.

Like, what the fuck?

That means me like, oh my God, I can't imagine.

Because it seems like, yeah, this is like her first job.

Yeah.

Kind of in this industry, whatever, like very new.

Yeah.

Probably very excited to be, you know.

I'd rather have someone rip off my cowboy boots and tickle my feet than be told that I've stolen $50,000 and the police are here to arrest me.

But honestly, at the end of the day,

if you fucking even make a joke about it,

if you reach your hand out, I...

Trevor, don't!

Oh, no!

Oh, no!

Oh, they're falling off!

But I'll say, about the tickling and about this, it's not mutually fun for both parties.

It's only fun for one.

Yeah.

It's not fun.

But like, why are you getting enjoyment out of this?

Like, why are you getting enjoyment out of like telling someone their life is over?

How bored do you have to be at your freaking life to make someone cry so hard they vomit?

It's a new one.

In the name of fun.

It's a person you don't know that well, too.

Yeah.

Go home.

Comments.

I got a book.

Comments.

Yeah, I got the part where she was pleading for time to make arrangements for someone to take care of her mom and just lost it.

There aren't enough adjectives in the dictionary to cover this one, but I agree with everyone that's been used in this thread.

This was vicious, heartless, sociopathic torture.

Someone said, impersonating a police officer is a Class A misdemeanor in my state.

In some states, it's a felony.

Either way, the fake officer could be subject to fines, jail time, or both.

Wonder if your team member's wife has some spare time, a lot of cash, and a good lawyer, because your former employee has at least two of those things.

But Someone replied to that saying, but the employee can't prosecute anyone for impersonation of an officer.

All she can do is make a police report.

But most jurisdictions I know would not prosecute someone for this.

Someone said, every time I think an office prank story can't be topped, there's a new letter.

I used to think the guy who locked a coworker on a balcony was the worst.

This is like 1,000 times meaner than that.

I hope the OP can get rid of these people and figure out how to do the right thing by the harmed employee.

Horrible.

The OP that's writing this as a manager said they don't have the ability to fire these people, but they certainly have the ability to talk to someone who has the ability to fire them or figure out something because this is so bad that this employee is going to be scarred forever.

Update.

One day later.

The incident had happened almost three weeks before I sent in my question.

Because there was speculation on the possible dynamics in several of the comments, all three persons involved, both pranksters and the prankie, are women.

The pranksters are both in their late 20s, and the prankie is in her mid-30s.

One of the pranksters is the same ethnicity as me, Chinese American, and the other prankster and the prankie are both white.

One of the pranksters is gay, the other prankster and the prankie are not.

As far as I am aware, myself and the three of them are all the same religion, Anglican.

A lot of information.

Here's our addresses and our social security numbers.

Clearly in the previous red thread, people were probably asking for like, is there cause for discrimination?

Like, what's the dynamics?

Got it.

So clearly, that's not seeming to be pointing towards that.

The only difference is Prankie is new, slightly older.

Other people have been working there for years.

My other report was on a two-week vacation at the time, and he had no knowledge of or part in the prank.

There were no other witnesses besides my three reports.

The wife who said they were a police officer there to arrest the employee was not wearing any kind of uniform, and she didn't enter the building.

She was standing by her navy blue car outside the building on the public street.

The pranksters gestured to her out the window when they told the pranky she was police, and she gestured for the prankie to come outside.

She never spoke to the prankie.

So this prank happened in the office.

They had someone's wife drove to their place of work to just stand outside.

The amount of effort.

Like, get a hobby.

How does not a single person like sit down for a second and be like,

is this a good idea?

Yeah.

We don't have to do this.

Yeah.

Our day, we could have a normal ass day.

Like, what if instead of driving to my workplace, we got, I don't know, ice cream or something.

Dude, ice cream sounds awesome.

Your wife has a day off.

Your wife is chilling.

Like lightning.

Having her drive to your place of work to stand there.

Yeah.

Since she never dressed as or told anyone she was an officer, there is no way she can be charged with impersonation.

The officers at the real police station I went to, the lawyer I spoke to about this, and the company lawyer looked at me like I had two heads when I brought up impersonation charges.

They all agreed what happened was awful, but the wife of the prankster did nothing illegal, and the prankster pointing at her once and saying she was an officer also is not illegal.

The prankie was also never handcuffed, touched, taken anywhere, or stopped from leaving.

So no crime was committed there, as per per the police and the lawyers.

My reports don't have access to money to steal, making the theft allegation part of the prank baffling.

But I understand why the prankie was scared given how new she was to our workplace.

We don't deal with money in our work.

We work in the compensation and benefits section of HR.

We tell employees what benefits and other compensations they are entitled to.

They work at HR.

They work in HR, which does add a layer to this.

We do not have any parts in administering these benefits and we don't work with the books, accounts, or payroll.

All of that is done out of a different office.

My boss, the executive director, and our legal division know what happened.

Multiple voicemails and letters to the prankie from me, the director, and legal have gone unanswered, and the letters were marked as return to sender.

Her LinkedIn profile shows the job she had before and when she was in school, the school she went to, and a current job that is with another company.

The company I work for is not mentioned on her profile anywhere, and anyone from the company who tries to reach out is not responded to.

I have accepted she wants to be left alone, and the company lawyer advised all contact attempts to cease.

The executive director's idea of disciplining my reports was to give them a talking to slash lecture and to send a memo division-wide saying no pranks of any kind are permitted at work, without giving context since no one else knows what happened.

I am going to resign.

I wasn't sure at first, but the more I found out about what happened, the more angry I got.

I was also angry about not being able to fire the pranksters.

I promised my other report a good reference if he ever needs it because he didn't do anything.

I was not sure about resigning without another job offer, but my girlfriend told me I would feel better if I did and we could make it work on her income until I found one.

So I've made the decision to leave.

I appreciate your answer to my question, Allison.

I am grateful to you and see I am not wrong to be angry at what happened.

Thanks so much.

Wow.

Wow, so bad.

They're like, I'm going.

But it is also, you see something that bad happen and you see no action taken.

You're like, like, well, I'm not safe here.

Like if something bad happens to me at this job, I'm on my own.

So I should get out of here.

Especially the people that report to you.

You now have to like tell these people what to do and like work with them on a regular basis.

And it's like, you just know that they're awful, like that they just did this awful thing and you're never going to be able to look at them without thinking of that.

Right.

Oof.

Wow.

I'm glad OP is even taking care of themselves.

Like it just, like,

yeah, in an environment like that's not good for you.

No.

Well, dang, that's it.

No more updates.

Okay, time for our final story.

Ooh, and this comes from malicious compliance,

which I love.

I love some malicious compliance.

It's the best.

You demanded my entire team be at the office for the 4th of July.

Fine.

Enjoy paying for the office party.

Hell yeah.

Okay.

A little warning up front.

If you haven't eaten, this story is going to make you hungry.

I haven't eaten.

I haven't eaten.

I've eaten.

Lunch is after this.

I was going to say, what a crazy thing to read right before lunch.

So, this starts on Monday, the 13th of June, as I receive an email from a VP not over in my department, our bad VP.

I am told that my team will be required on the 4th.

I politely tell them, no, that our team has been scheduled this day off, and people already have plans.

My team is the IT team, and as many of you know, the IT team gets shafted every time it can get shafted by any company.

So over the course of the week, I let my team know what is happening.

I let them know I have been reaching out to hire-ups to fix it.

I also tell them that if their plans are ruined, I will make it right at work.

Over the course of three meetings, it starts to look like things will not go my way.

In response, I sent an email to the CEO of the company.

All of my hire-ups knew I was going to do this and said I should do this as he is very family-oriented.

and that he would not allow anyone to work on a national holiday.

Well, he is on vacation in the Bahamas until the 6th, but his assistant informed me he would look at this after he gets back.

Repeatedly slams head into desk.

So I tell everyone that it will be work from home and that we will be setting my cell phone as priority in the call routing, meaning I would get most of the calls.

To be honest, I was expecting almost zero calls, especially since I was asked to send out a notification that IT support would cover the 4th of July.

I never sent that email out.

A day later, I was given another outrage.

I was told in an email that my employees would be required to be at the office and no one was allowed to work from home.

They would be checking the door badge ins to verify we were at the office.

I asked why in an email and they said that they wanted to make sure no one was playing video games at work.

We normally work from home about two-thirds of the week and video game playing is a normal occurrence at work.

Hell yeah.

Us too.

Hey, been there.

So I walked into the person's office after a very long conversation where she was losing the logic war with me.

She told me that it's just IT.

You guys don't have lives.

That's

the vice president.

She said that?

The vice president told him it's just IT.

You guys don't have lives.

What?

No, I am not kidding you.

This is exactly what they told me.

I reported this to my VP who said, I will take care of this.

It likely won't be until after the fourth, so get creative.

I know this man well.

We have worked together a long time and get creative is code for corporate fuckery.

I asked the person.

He's like, light it up.

I asked the person requiring us to be at the office if they cared if we had an office party.

They said no, as long as it did not interfere with the call flow.

They even suggested using my new company card to pay for it.

Go wild.

Pro tip, never tell me to go wild.

At this point, it was Tuesday the 21st.

I let everyone know what's up, but that I have something planned.

I asked who had things planned for that day.

Two people told me they were planning to shoot off fireworks with their family, but the rest were planning barbecues with friends.

I write up an email to the VP over my department and the bad VP.

I tell them all that I let everyone know.

We all were expected to work until 8 p.m.

Monday.

Per the conversation with the bad VP, I will be having an office party as a sort of sorry to the guys and gals who got shafted by this decision.

The bad VP replied again.

Thank you for your understanding.

Also, yes, I would expect an office party if I had to work on the 4th of July as well.

Go fuck yourself.

So go wild and enjoy your time.

Use your new company credit card if you need to cover a few expenses.

Also, I should not have to remind you or anyone else, no fireworks or alcohol on company property.

So now it is time to tell you about my office.

See, a while back, the IT team was moved from the main corp office and into a smaller building by itself.

It has a nice gaming break room, a decent-sized gym, and a full-on drink bar.

Soft drinks, mind you, no alcohol at work.

Out back is a big patio that crosses county lines as soon as you cross a small creek, a creek that just so happens to have a footbridge over it leading to an empty field.

I start making phone calls.

Perfect for fireworks.

Perfect.

Monday, June the 25th.

I call everyone into an hour early meeting that morning.

I explained to them all that I will be making it right.

I asked everyone to invite their friends and family to the office.

No supplies will need to be brought by anyone.

I tell them that this will be non-alcoholic but that I will be planning something for everyone.

I told them to expect all food to be provided and they don't need to bring anything unless they want to bring some fireworks, i.e.

they won't have to spend a dime.

The fourth comes and the entire day we did absolutely no work.

No tickets, no calls came in.

Well, seven calls did come in, but from the same person, the bad VP.

She was calling to make sure we were manning the phones.

All of us were playing video games or watching movies.

6 p.m.

rolls around and everyone was told that the food was ready.

People were expecting hot dogs, hamburgers, maybe a bratwurst or two.

What they got was a full-on barbecue feast with pizza and other foods.

There was smoked brisket, spare ribs, smoked sausage, smoked turkey, both kinds of tater salad, coleslaw, green beans with bacon and onion, potatoes augraten.

Yes, the original potato chip.

Pizza from two different places, excellent hamburgers, and bratwurst hot dogs.

On the dessert side was cake, very good cookies, four different kinds of pie, and about two pounds of fudge.

Families and friends started showing up at around 6 to 6.15-ish.

Some brought alcohol, but I told them they would need to leave that in their cars as I was not that crazy.

Some were not too happy about that, but agreed as it was free dinner for random strangers.

So let me set the scene for you.

I am out there with all calls routed to my cell phone, and everyone is just having a a good time.

We have a ton of people there just enjoying the fun night, chatting about random stuff, eating the food, and occasionally lighting off some sparklers or throwing firecrackers into the stream.

It's not stocked and only one foot deep.

My VP, not the bad VP, mind you, showed up with his family and brought some water balloons for the kids and man-children.

Around 8.30-ish, it's getting dark and people want to shoot off more than the simple sparklers and fireworks we had been using.

The VP over the IT department had everyone cross the footbridge, over county line and off-company property, mind you, and we set up a big wooden board using it as our launch pad.

We fired off what we had for an hour or two and sort of just hung out for a little while.

At around this time people were tired and ready to go home.

I told people to take home leftovers within reason.

We all clocked out at 8 and no one left until about 1030 p.m.

The bad VP did call once more while we were out back at the party.

It was 7.50 and she called asking for a status update.

My exact words were, well, you were the only one to call us today.

The rest of us are on the back back patio enjoying the 4th of July shindig.

She simply acted like my boss and said, as long as no alcohol or fireworks are on company property, I do not care.

We ate roughly half of the food catered.

The rest was taken home.

A small group volunteered to stay behind to clean up, including my VP.

We had a funny conversation about how this will make waves with the bosses, but he said he had my back and asked how much this cost.

I just gave him a sideways look, which made him laugh.

Tuesday morning, I submitted the expense report to my VP.

This email would inevitably make its way over to the bad VP and up the chain to the CIO of the company.

It would be a bad idea to give out the exact cost of the party, mind you, but I can tell you that because of this 4th of July party, new rules were put into place.

Any expenses of over $4,000 or more must be approved by the direct supervisor, VP over the department, and the full expense report must be sent to the financial department for review after the fact.

$4,000, pretty good.

That's pretty good.

Hint, the party cost over $6,000.

Holy shit.

And no alcohol?

The barbecue was the most expensive part.

I did not order from a low- or mid-tier place.

The place I order from has consistently been on the top 10 in the DFW listing for the last 30 years.

That is Dallas, Fort Worth.

Oh,

it's Texas Barbecue.

This is Texas BBQ.

I ate at that place so much I made friends with the owner.

The best barbecue I've ever had.

The pies and cakes were custom-made by a bakery, and the cookies were made by a boutique cookie place.

I had 10, 12 packs of Coke, Coke Zero, Dr.

Pepper, Dr.

Pepper Zero, Pepsi, and Pepsi Zero.

I bought five pepperoni, five sausage, five cheese, two Hawaiian, 55 hot tacos, 55 hot dogs, and three cheeseburger pizzas from one place and nearly the same number from another place, excluding the cheeseburger ones I subbed out those for a different specialty pizza from the other place.

The burgers were from an excellent burger place that did catering.

I know that owner well.

He brought his kids for the night of fun after he heard what was going to be happening.

He was also the one who brought the brat dogs as he recently added those to his menu.

This was the most expensive office party in the history of the company.

The only things more expensive than this were some business meetings that the CEO rented private rooms in high-end restaurants for.

As for the CEO, he was outraged.

Not at the cost of the party, mind you.

He knew that the party would not have been necessary if people had been allowed to go home.

He was outraged that IT was the only group required to work on that day.

When I submitted the log showing how we received no real phone calls, no service requests, and that we basically watched movies/slash played video games during our shift, he had heard enough.

He apparently sent out a scathing email about work-life balance and the importance of our holidays to every upper management.

It was kind of funny as people wanted me to get in trouble for what I did, but the reality is other departments have done similar things in the past, just not on the scale that IT did it.

The bad VP was admonished quite effectively and sent me an apology email.

I forwarded it to the team with a strong hint to not reply.

Then my VP let the CIO and the CEO know what the bad VP said.

You guys don't have lives.

The bad VP did actually confirm she said it in a meeting with her EVP.

It did not go over well.

I have never heard people yelling in an office meeting like that before.

The CEO of the company came to her office and yelled at her.

Not sure if she was fired, but she is not at work today.

In Active Directory, she does not have the down arrow of death, so not 100% what happened to her.

I know she lost whatever clout she had at this company with her attitude.

If anything more happens, I will update.

But so far, it looks like the fallout from this is that I caused a new rule to be put in place about how much you are allowed to spend at one time.

The bad VP may or may not be let go/slash forced to resign.

I know she got yelled at.

Strangely, there is now no longer any pushback for my bid to get everyone back to working from home.

Edit, please stop asking me where the restaurants are.

I'm not doxing you.

Oh my god, outstanding work.

Outstanding.

That was a book.

Yeah.

And you killed Bobby.

Wait, so that kind of worked out well on all fronts.

Perfectly, yeah.

That was, yeah, that was spectacular.

Kind of like zero consequences for that, which is pretty awesome.

This,

I mean, this does walk that revenge line we were talking about, right?

Where you're like, there is this revenge line.

This is malicious compliance is this weird thing where it's like, all right, you're telling us to do, this I kind of have no problem with because I'm like, you're, we're

just that, this VP, clearly like this is just fun for her that she gets to have power over people.

Yeah, the fact that she's calling seven times just to be like you're at work You guys are at work like something insane.

Why do you care so much?

Checking the badge check-in like the logic

like she's freaking out because she knows what she did was wrong.

And she needs to make sure they're there for a reason.

This is a power trip.

I don't know any other explanation other than that.

This is a power trip.

Yes.

Like you're calling at 750 p.m.

to get a status report just to make sure they're still at work when you know they've received no calls that day.

I'm like, you just wanted to send them on.

I'm like, what barbecue are you at, lady?

But no, like, I'm like, oh, if I'm losing my 4th of July, we're throwing a fucking party.

Like, we're taking, we're, we're following the rules.

This is being resourceful.

Yeah.

Six grand.

Incredible.

Over six grand on the food

and drinks alone.

No alcohol.

I know, that's a lot of fun.

Alcohol is where you like rack your prices up.

Yeah, the menu sounded a little bit like a Mr.

Beast video.

Yeah.

100 pizzas.

No.

50.

Truly silly levels.

It must have been a rager.

Yeah.

There had to have been so many people there, though, because I mean, how many, did it say how many people were like in the department?

There's like.

I don't know, but they have their own building.

Yeah, they have their own building and like a bunch of friends and family being invited.

Even the chefs bringing in their kids.

Come on.

The fact that restaurants were like, whoa, we're going to this party.

And then only eating half the food.

Yeah.

Like that, they had to have been so Oh, Texas barbecue.

And like, what are you doing this July 4th?

I'm hanging out with a bunch of IT people.

They party hard.

Yeah.

And there's not even alcohol there.

Yeah.

And it's going to be a rager.

There's Pepsi Zero, Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Coke Zero, Vanilla Coke.

Comments, can I work for you?

This is fucking magical.

Someone said, everyone wants a day off to spend time with friends and family relaxing.

I'm in IT and spend most of my time on the computer at work and at home.

I still had the 4th of July off and spent the day hiking and just enjoying life to its fullest.

Everyone deserves to be treated with respect, full stop.

We all have lives outside of work.

Just because I enjoy video games doesn't make my time worth less than someone who enjoys watching football.

OP, mad respect for how you handled that.

Someone said, this is how to be a manager.

Have your team's back.

I just wrote in my annual review how much it means to me that my manager takes my physical and mental health seriously.

Tell him I can be reached by phone on vacation.

No, you cannot.

Direct anyone who bugs you to me.

Feeling burnt out from debugging assembly code and binary data files for most of the day, maybe you should take a walk for the rest of the day.

It's not good to be sitting too long, you know.

It genuinely makes me feel okay to say yes to new projects and to keep pushing and expanding my expertise.

I love my job and my manager is a huge part of that.

Yeah, I mean the VP is a bad VP, not because they're just being a bad person, but also

they cost the company money and they're absolutely killing like motivation.

Like they're doing bad things by business standards too.

Yeah.

And telling telling you like, oh, IT people don't have lives.

Like, that's a crazy thing.

What do you expect to happen?

Yeah.

What do you expect to happen there?

Your IT department is one that you need to like be on their A game.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Our IT team rocks.

We have two people, Lopati and Tim.

They're the shit.

Yeah.

If they stopped working here, nothing would happen.

The building would blow up.

There is a bomb that they have to keep diffusing every day.

My favorite is when Tim's on set and you're like, oh, there's a slideshow in the programming.

Hell yeah, there's going to be a transformer in this one.

Yeah, IT departments are huge for what we do.

Anyways, that's it.

Crazy group stories.

Dude,

we should throw a $6,000 party.

No.

Okay.

I won't do it without alcohol.

I don't care how much barbecue there is.

There's no alcohol.

Not really a meat party.

For Texas barbecue, I don't need alcohol.

If you tell me there's going to be a bunch of Texas barbecue somewhere, I'm like, I'll show up.

See, I'm like,

have you had like genuine Texas barbecue?

I think so.

Oh, dude,

it's a game changer.

Really?

It is a full game changer.

I luckily, the last time I had Texas barbecue, I was in Austin and I was with mythical chef Josh.

Yeah.

And

he was crazy day.

He ordered.

everything on the menu.

And he like, of course, like he orders everything.

We eat everything.

And then he's also like, oh yeah, the chef is letting us come back and check out the barbecue.

Yeah, we like walked into the pit.

Yeah, Yeah, it was so cool.

This big tank just in there.

It was amazing.

It's so cool.

No, it's truly like unlike anything.

Yeah.

It's the best.

That beef cheek.

Oh, my God.

You're eating things you've never heard of before.

That beef cheek.

Beef cheek.

That beef cheek barbecue.

You're just having stuff that you're like, I guess I'm going to eat this, and it's delicious.

Oh, wow.

I can't explain it.

Tickle me fancied.

Yeah.

I'm not going to tickle you.

Tickle me fancied.

We're not going to tickle each other, but.

Let's go to lunch, yeah?

Yeah, I am ready for lunch now i am hungry and i think i want to coke zero dude i could go for a little pepsi max right now whoa max what's pepsi max all right crystal pepsis for everyone crystal pepsi um thank you both for being here Thanks for having us.

Yeah.

Thanks for being good coworkers.

Yeah, thanks.

And now I know that I'm not supposed to tickle my coworkers.

So this was educational.

I'm glad this happened.

I'm glad we did this episode.

Because I've thought about it.

So I'm glad

it was really close a couple times.

Yeah.

Well, it's not going to happen now.

So don't worry.

Don't stress.

Thank you all for watching.

Be kind to your coworkers.

And we'll see you next Saturday.

All right.

Goodbye.

You're juggling a lot.

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