Lizzy McAlpine - Staying

You're listening to Song Exploder, where musicians take apart their songs and piece by piece tell the story of how they were made.

I'm Rishi Kesh Hirway.

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Lizzie McAlpine released her first album in 2020 and her second album in 2022.

And between the two, she's had a lot of success.

One of her songs, Ceilings, was a viral TikTok hit that's been streamed over half a billion times.

So you might think with all that success, you'd want to keep working in a way that's been working.

But while Lizzie was making her third album, Older, after almost a year into the process of recording, she threw the whole thing out.

She brought in a new band and started over with a totally different

I talked to her about the song Staying from her new album.

Coming up, you'll hear her original voice memos, as well as the first version she made in the studio, and then how it really came to life once she reimagined it.

on lying

and sweating at night

Hold me until someone sends me a sign

My name is Lizzie McAlpine

It was nighttime when I wrote staying.

I was sitting in my room in my apartment.

I was thinking about this relationship that I had in college.

It lasted for a month and a half.

And then for the next four-ish years, we were just on and off.

At this point, it was over, but I was still like processing and reflecting.

I mean, this whole album is about one relationship.

And every song is a huge part of that story, but staying was a big one.

I had been listening to a lot of the Japanese house.

I was listening to the one song off of their new album, One for Sorrow, Two for Joni Jones.

I was just so inspired by that song because it felt like it was just a run-on sentence.

There was no verse chorus, bridge chorus.

Like it was so free and just felt like we were just hearing a diary entry.

Like sometimes I'll hear a song and immediately have to pause the song and go to my guitar and write.

And that's what happened with this.

I have voice memos of me just playing the chords and like trying to figure out the words, and I didn't really want to think about it too much.

I just let the words come out of me.

This relationship in particular was definitely different from every other one that I've ever had just because we started dating right after I had just like gotten my heart broken for the first time.

So I was just searching for anything to grab onto.

And then he appeared and I was like, okay, cool.

And then after a month and a half, he broke up with me and I was devastated.

He broke up with me because he told me that I was too sad.

Classic.

I know.

That's kind of a wild thing to say to someone.

And then I took that with me.

And then every time after that, that we would come back together.

I think that always lived inside of me.

But for the next four years, I kept going back.

And whenever we would come back together, I think that he always wanted it to continue and be more.

And I never did.

I would come back because I knew he would be there.

And then I would leave.

And the cycle would repeat over and over again.

Eventually, I could say to myself, like, I know I'm only going back because it's comfortable and I know he'll be there.

But every time he would, he would go along with it.

And every time I would be like, how are you just okay with this?

And how am I okay with doing this to you?

I don't really feel like I hear that perspective a lot, but that was my experience.

So that was what I was going to write about.

What happens when

you love me dry?

I give myself

to help you get by.

I keep on lying

and sweating at night.

Hold me until someone sends me a sign.

There was like this outro bridge section.

Maybe I would be okay

if I let this go forever.

Send it into space and watch the planets turn.

But around this time, I was working with the first producer that I worked with, and we worked for like nine months.

This was like towards the end of our time working together.

And he was like, we don't really need this end section.

And so we cut that out.

But we did like record the song.

Or we tried to.

Initially, we recorded the guitar chords on like an organ.

Whisper to me, baby.

I'm too far gone to care.

I wish I could have said what I meant when it was right there.

And it was initially supposed to be like a really short interlude, and there was going to be like a long organ outro.

Yeah, it was fine.

I mean, I remember thinking, like, this is okay,

but it's kind of boring.

We were kind of just doing it how I've always made an album, which is like piece by piece, bringing in musicians here and there every other day.

And like, it worked for me for my first two albums, but I also listen back to those albums now and I hear how perfected they were, and it just felt sterile.

I mean, it didn't feel human enough.

Something about this third album didn't feel like it fit that way of doing things.

These songs were so real.

Like, I wasn't hiding behind like a metaphor or like you had to like decipher what the real meaning of the song is.

It just felt like the vibes of the songs and the lyrics weren't really matching up to the production.

I just kind of felt like deep down it was not working and I was going to make a change and I was going to find the people that it would work with.

So I took like a month and went in search of new collaborators.

And I was feeling really disheartened because I wasn't sure if anyone would ever understand the sound that I was trying to go for.

Then I went to the Ryan Beatty show.

I literally just went as a fan and his band was just like fantastic.

I was like, I need this.

Like I need these people in particular.

The different people who are backing up Ryan Beatty.

They're their own entity, you know.

I mean, I did find them through Ryan, but they're just a band.

So I got connected to Mason, who's like the leader of the group, and he was like so down, and everyone else was down.

So I played them the original version, and I was like, I know that I want to change this, I just don't know

how.

So I left the door open for them to experiment, and we just re-recorded like at the Pedal Steel players' house.

It was just one tiny little room and a control room.

Whisper to me, baby.

I'm too far gone to care.

I wish I could have said what I meant when it was right there.

I recorded with the original producer in like real studios and I never really loved that vibe.

I like an intimate like home studio.

We could all be in one room playing together and figuring things out and it just felt better.

Taylor Mackles playing piano And we didn't record anything to click, so that we didn't have a metronome or anything, because I wanted to feel the music.

And you know I'm gonna leave

those vocals were very important to me.

They needed to feel intimate enough.

So, when I recorded the vocals, I really put myself into the headspace of where I was in the moment that I was thinking about when I was writing the lyrics.

And that feels like the only way to do it is to put myself back into that headspace.

And it's hard, but it really helps the vocals shine, which is worth it to me.

What happens when

you love me dry?

I give myself

to help

you get by.

So when we got to the end of the song, there was just a consensus of adding the full band.

It kind of just happened organically.

Sam KS plays drums.

Tyler Knuffer Knuffer plays pedal steel.

Ryan Richter plays guitar.

Libro played bass.

Mason also played acoustic guitar on this.

So they were all jamming.

And I was like, guys, I'm going to add the outro section back in that the old producer had said I should cut.

Maybe I would be okay

if I let this go

forever.

Send it in space and watch the planets turn.

I think when the band enters, we're just cruising.

It's a little more hopeful and less like depressing than the beginning of the song.

It was just so easy to imagine those lyrics over top of it, and I didn't want the song to end.

Maybe I will someday

let this go

forever.

We did add a bunch of mellotron and keys with Taylor, and there's one specifically after the line, Send It Into Space and Watch the Planets Turn, where Taylor does this like

It pans from right to left it's like a circle almost like a planet spinning you know

hold me until i find

the

bridge section was really just about someday if I decided that I was strong enough to let this relationship go and be by myself, maybe like I actually would be okay.

And I know that I'm strong enough and I know that I could do it, but I'm not ready yet.

It just felt like important to add back in because it was me saying to myself, like, you will be okay if you do this, which I have done already in this present moment.

I have done it and I am okay.

This song so much encapsulates the relationship.

I I mean, all these songs are about this relationship, but this one felt like I hit the heart of it.

We just had a weird connection that just like kept bringing us back together.

I have not had that with anyone else, and I don't want to have that with anyone else because it was horrible for both of us, and I learned a lot from it.

I feel like a completely different person than I was when I started writing this album three years ago.

I have now reached a point where I have grown and changed and learned so much.

I have forgiven him and he's forgiven me and everything is okay.

And I actually had lunch with him right before this.

So

he's listening to the whole album.

He thinks it's great.

Ever since we recorded it with the band and it got the new vibe, It has been one of my favorites.

It just feels like I took back this song and made it my own again.

It feels really cathartic.

Coming up, you'll hear how all of these ideas and elements came together in the final song.

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This episode is brought to you by the new film Splitsville.

It's a comedy about relationships and the messiness that comes with them, and it stars Dakota Johnson and Adria Arjona.

It premiered at Cannes, where it got rave reviews, and it's distributed by Neon.

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And now, here's Staying by Lizzie McAlpine in its entirety.

Whisper to me, baby.

I'm too far gone to care.

I wish I could have said what I meant when it was right there.

Now I'm laying in bed with you,

and you're falling asleep.

How can you look so peaceful?

And you know I'm gonna leave

What happens when

you love me dry?

I give myself

to help

you get by

I keep on lying

and sweating at night

Hold me until someone sends me the signal.

Maybe I would be okay

if I let this go

forever.

Standing in space and watch the planet start.

Maybe I will someday

let this go

forever.

Hold me until I find find the

To learn more, visit songexploder.net.

You'll find links to buy or stream staying.

This episode was produced by Craig Ely, Theo Balcombe, Kathleen Smith, Mary Dolan, and myself.

The episode artwork is by Carlos Lerma, and I made the show's theme music and logo.

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I'm Rishi Kesh Hirway.

Thanks for listening.

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