Episode 887 - Chris Locke

Hi, he's Dave Shomka, and he's Graham Clark.

And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Woo!

Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 887 of Stop Podcasting Yourself, a max fun drive episode of the show.

With me as always is a man who encourages you and would love you to be a part of the Max Fun family, Mr.

Dave Shumka.

That's right.

Every year,

we ask you to dig deep and support the show.

And we're going to do that later today.

We're going to tell you all the funky stuff you can get if you support us.

If you can be a member of our family.

Yeah, you get...

filthy, you understand?

Yeah, you're going to get some filthy crap.

But that's for later.

Yeah.

In the meantime, here we have a guest on the show, one of our all-time favorites.

He's so funny.

He's one-third of the Evil Men podcast.

You can catch him in Edmonton in April at the Grindstone Comedy Festival.

It's Chris Locke.

One day in your life, there's only

one.

Because there's one never

see you again.

God, eh?

That was fucking beautiful.

A Canadian anthem that stirs the soul.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That was an anthem no one's going to boo, okay?

Yeah, everybody got to stand up at that point.

That was 5440.

Yeah.

And they're older now.

It's true.

I think they're more like 68, 72.

Nice.

The 40-year-old went farther.

Well, that's fun.

They did have a member of the Matthew Goode band join them later.

Oh, yeah.

And so he, I think, maybe while the members were 54, he might have been 40.

Oh, shit.

When Matthew Goode got in trouble, he'd be like, that wasn't me.

That was Matthew Bad.

Nice.

Can I say, it's not the Grindstone Festival.

It's my own Grindstone Theater Show, April 27th.

Okay.

No, no, though, it makes sense.

What do you call this tour?

It's the

thinking about it, getting it done.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Still going.

Still going.

Chris Locke, still going, tour.

Yeah.

Rolling along.

There was a guy.

No, I'm killing it.

I'm not rolling.

I'm

down.

You're going.

But you know, when people put a tour, they come up with a stupid tour name.

And

I found a shirt by a guy that had played at

the House of Comedy in January.

This was February.

I found a shirt that was signed by him.

It was a bit of merch.

And the tour is called I'll Do It Myself Tour.

So you can tell, like, no agents want to work with him.

I always, yes, that is such a good topic.

I don't know if you guys ever broached it on this podcast, but like, also, bands do it,

like, writers do it.

Like,

it's like, I'm back, like, they'll make an album called, I'm back on my own, screw you.

Like, yeah, yeah.

When you use your own personal anger on a piece of art that you're trying to sell.

Yeah.

But that's what this guy's like, I'll do it myself.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it's so funny because, you know, people only buy that merch when they're drunk.

A band releases

at the end of shows.

Sign it for me.

I'll treasure it for.

And you sign at a vintage story.

Yeah.

I know.

A band will be gone for,

or a guy, like a music singer will be gone for like five, six years or something.

And then they'll be like, they said I couldn't do it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm not gone.

Are you dead?

I'm gone.

I'm not.

Check out my new album, album.

I'm not gone.

I can get it back.

Yeah.

I haven't lost that.

I still got it.

Check out my new album.

You used to like me so much.

What the hell?

Should we get to know us again?

Yeah.

Get to know us.

Chris, I listen to you and your boys every week on the Evil Man podcast.

I know.

That's so nice.

And you send nice messages for behind-the-scenes peek for everybody.

Yeah.

And it's really nice.

Oh, I send all my behind-the-scenes messages to James.

Oh,

I feel like I'm the most like James.

James is the Dave analog on that show.

So that would make me the mic.

I guess I'm the Mike.

Yeah, no one could be Chris.

Nobody's Chris.

Oh, come on.

I thought we were okay.

I guess you're on a different wavelength.

You know what I mean?

I'll say.

Yeah.

He's on his own wavelength.

My own wavelength tour.

2026.

Yeah.

My own wavelength.

Fine.

I got kicked off my old wavelength.

Wavelengthing it myself.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Yeah.

I'm on my own Daveleng.

That's good.

Me and James and Mike have literally a blast laughing together.

For at least a few years now.

And when he says literally a blast, he means it because they do.

There are many small explosions that happen.

Yeah.

Diarrhea.

The

could have done a front word explosion.

Jizz.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Front word.

That's your front word and then backwards standing.

Use your front word.

Oh, my God.

That's

front word.

And you guys, every week you talk about a different evil man, and you guys goof around, and it's so much fun.

I was on the show three weeks ago at this point.

That was so funny.

You guys talked about Eric Clapton.

I gave, here's a little behind the scenes.

I send a list of

five guys.

Some were much more evil and they were like, hmm, let's do Eric Clapton.

Eric Clapton's really funny.

I personally

don't like going too hard.

I like the goofies.

I know.

I kind of want to learn about.

If I am on the show, I don't, I'm like, do I go, am I supposed to be an expert or am I there to learn?

Yeah.

Cause I was like, hmm, what's the deal with Al Capone?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I think we've got like, you know, a smidgen of zero or one reviews on the whole podcast.

And those people for sure are like, I'm not learning,

you know, or these guys think they're funny.

Yeah.

But like, it's okay.

I'm like, anyone who comes and gets disappointed by those two reasons, I'm like, it's okay.

And guys, I got a, we haven't asked in years for reviews.

Go ahead and give us some Apple podcast reviews.

I've learned not to ever look at them.

Yeah, that's the key to a long and healthy life is to never look at any review or comment ever.

Yeah, once in a blue moon, I remember, but usually I try not to.

And I don't check the statistics either.

I think James and Mike do that more.

I'm like, I'm okay.

Such a James.

Can you imagine getting a comment

that actually helps you in your life?

Like a comment where you're like, that is something I could do to structure my act.

They are right about this.

I need to change now.

Thank you, Comet.

We got out of the blue a comment about a guest of a few months ago.

Oh, yeah.

And

like, this person had never written us.

And what did they expect us to write back?

Hey, good job.

Way to say something mean about our friend.

Yeah.

The hell, man.

Just like, can you get inside of the mind of somebody who's like, I got to write this show?

I've never felt the impulse ever to write a complaint.

Like, I don't really

know.

Yeah, I need to keep moving.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, like, what, even if you have like a bad time somewhere, you're just like, I just won't go there.

Like, unless something's dangerous, like, why the fuck did you?

You know what I mean?

We do get a lot of messages.

I don't have Chris Locke on.

He's too dangerous.

He's too dangerous.

Review this.

The review this tour.

I hate everyone who came to this show.

Where were you?

The one and a half star tour.

Review this

next tour.

Oh, I read your review.

Actually, that's not a bad idea of doing the one-star tour and just all you go play venues that all have one-star on you.

Well, that would be fun.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just like see your crowd get food poisoning or something.

It's like one of those rundown bars that everyone likes to do.

Dive bars.

It's kind of like a dive venue tour.

Yeah.

I know a guy who tours diners, drive-ins, and dives.

He does.

Is it dives?

What is it?

Yeah, drivers,

dives-ins, and drives.

Diamonds and pearls.

Yeah, it's Prince.

But I do think Guy Fieri was inspired by Prince.

Sure.

Yeah.

The sexuality?

God,

he is his liquid sex, that Guy Fieri.

I know.

Yeah.

What's your relationship on top, Prince?

Like,

I, this is danger.

This is speaking of reviews, this is danger zone.

Okay.

Okay.

Because he's got massive fans, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I totally love Prince.

Totally think he's the best.

And especially the, but I feel like he didn't keep it up after like 92.

Well,

but I feel like he, his run of hits is massive and insane.

I, uh, I,

because like when I was a kid, the first CD I ever owned the day my dad bought a CD player

It was in 1989.

We got a Batman sound

and

but I knew I had that I I was eight years old But I knew Prince was like a huge iconic 80s star.

Yeah, and then

And then in the 90s he did change he changed his name.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

He

artist formerly known as yeah, and then his music got like the the there was like cream and diamonds and pearls, but then

some I was so frustrated at with everyone my age because they were like oh Prince yeah my name is Prince and I am funky they were like that's his song

he had other songs but it was like is he

I think people my age in my class thought he was a rapper oh weird because that was like you know the same era as can't touch this his iconic of like he was wearing a hat with the chains that was in front of his face and he's singing into a golden gun.

I was like, I remember that being the first image I had of Prince of me, like, fuck.

Well, that's a noodle, yeah.

That's the well-roundedness of his art is pretty awesome, yeah, too.

Like, he was just like

almost like this

John Waters of, you know,

they both had little mustaches.

I think that's what it is, too.

And yeah, but also, like, the whole

camp art brand that they created for themselves

is like so steadfast.

And when you say camp art, you mean like,

you know,

sewing a wallet.

Sewing a wallet.

Sure.

GIMP bracelets.

Yeah.

At a summer camp, you're making your own GIMP mask.

No, no, GIMP, the material.

Yeah, there's like this.

There's this like...

I went to camp in the 80s as a little kid.

Did you?

And they had this stuff called GIMP.

Yeah.

It was like rubbery threads.

Oh, rubbery thread.

That you go through together and make these bracelets.

I could never do it, obviously.

I'm all thumbs, but my kids have like a

rainbow loom, and they make little elastic bracelets.

My girls have that too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yo, make me a bracelet.

Okay, Dad.

Yeah.

Hurry.

I'm going to be late for work.

And then every day you come home, you're like, I lost it.

I got to make another one.

I don't know where it is.

The bigger kids took it from me.

One, I just thought of a Prince anecdote I've never said out loud, but like, this is me.

You've all put this in your diary.

Yeah.

I keep it close to my heart.

I toss internity every night.

So I have to say it, okay?

Okay.

Me and

Mike Palazzo.

That's awesome.

And I think Kathleen Phillips.

And I think.

Who's that?

That's my wife.

That's your wife.

And Maggie Maloney.

And I forget who else.

Maybe even Terrence Palazzo.

I'm not sure.

Who also comes up a lot on Evil Man.

And he's also been on Evil Man.

Mike's best friends are his brothers.

Yeah, they're very funny.

They're big.

They have sideburns competitions.

Yes.

Oh, do they both have sideburns?

I think they made a deal in 2001 at the Cadillac Lounge in Toronto.

Sideburns for life.

There was some.

Yeah, but like, what's that

rock and roll called?

Rockabilly.

Rockabilly, yeah.

Cadillac Lounge was a big Rockabilly hub.

But so we're driving, and one of the producers, we did children's theater, and they did it a lot.

And I joined them for two shows.

I feel like this one was like the gingerbread man or something.

Oh, man, I got a lot of anecdotes about this.

I want to hear all of them.

I'm on every show.

I want to hear six.

But

I was going through, like, you know, you go through waves of phases of your favorites, and I was in the midst of a Prince phase.

And someone was like, put some music on, guys.

It's like, I'm like a music snob who dominates sometimes.

And so I'm like, put my phone on them.

Then I attach it.

And the first song I played was Erotic City by Prince, which I love.

Yeah.

I'm not thinking anything of it, but everyone in the car felt so uncomfortable.

I'm like, what?

Get down with Erotic City.

It's like, erotic city,

and it's like, I guess their penises and their vaginas were moving a little bit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The people in the car.

Yeah.

Were you married?

Turn this off.

Were you married to Kathleen at the time?

No.

But that's maybe.

But we were just together.

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

It was in fucking sane.

Can I swear on this?

Please.

Do nothing but.

It was in fucking sane times.

I dress like this crocodile for the gingerbread man for some reason.

I'm a crocodile who likes to eat the gingerbread man.

Yeah.

And I showed up to,

we did a, God, it's Port Something, Port Hope, I think.

It was Mississauga.

And I showed up

one hour's sleep, super hungover.

And it's kids' theater, children's theater.

Yeah.

Super classic.

I had this green shirt on with a crocodile head over my head.

Yeah.

And I looked out its giant mouth, you know?

Yeah.

Really good costume.

I can picture it.

Kristen Klimzak made that costume, I believe.

Shout out.

Yeah.

And

right before the show, I'm like having an anxiety attack.

I'm super hungover.

And I,

in between scenes,

I...

I fully filled up a water bottle with pith.

And then I go out on stage and I'm like, where's that gingerbread man?

And I've got sweat stains on my green shirt from like a beat of fat, sweaty dog over

piece of crap.

Where are you?

I'm going to eat the gingerbread man.

We can smell him from here.

Everyone's like, scary for real.

Yeah.

So that's really embarrassing.

And then the producer was like livid.

They couldn't believe that I peed in a bottle, but there was no bathroom, nary of bathroom to be found.

This is what would you do?

An elementary school or something?

It was maybe like a, yeah, sort of like, maybe almost, I don't know, some sort of mini theater for kids.

Okay.

Library theaters.

I don't know.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I would use the energy, the have-to-pee energy.

I'd use that.

Channel it into my performance.

But you know, like when you're so hungover, and then also you've just been drinking like coffees.

And I don't know.

It was really hard to hold.

I swear.

How old are you?

You wouldn't have done it otherwise when you did this.

This year.

Good God.

I was like 32.

Really?

Yeah.

That's,

yeah, I feel like when I was around that age, there was a lot of comics I know that ended up going on these like school tours.

They would do like a keynote kind of thing.

Like they were funny, but they would like.

Sort of like,

what do you call it?

When you're like, I'm a warning, like scared straight.

Like, I'm a warning.

Don't become a convenient.

Yeah, don't become a comedian.

Yeah.

It's funny too, because like for people in their 20s, they're like, oh, 32, I'll have it together.

Yeah, right.

No.

Good luck.

It never comes together.

I was at a party.

I've never been better, but

my friend had, and his son was there, and he was like 18, his son, and he was thinking about doing stand-up comic.

And at least five comics in the room were like, don't.

Don't do it.

You'll ruin your life.

Like, don't.

Yeah.

Don't do stand-up.

Like, go have a happy life.

And

forget that

this is an impulse, like, buying a motorcycle.

Like, just don't.

Don't do it.

No, honestly.

What are the big things you need to talk people out of?

Buying a gun, probably is a.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Where were you last night?

We need guns now.

Yeah, we need guns now.

Yeah.

We need to defend our land.

Get off my land.

What would you do?

Shit, these Canadians.

Run!

They're tough.

I've seen hockey brawls.

Elba's up.

Elba's up is the thing we say now.

Oh, man.

I, yeah.

I like this tour, though,

because

I'm in my late 40s now.

Sure.

No.

I have two daughters.

You're 32.

You're still 32.

I'm still 32 in my pants.

All right.

Front explosion, back explosion.

Can I request a sound effect?

Because you do really good sound effects.

Dang, can you go with

the airbrake of a truck?

What's an airbrake when a truck stops and has to turn out the airbrake?

You know what I'm talking about.

All my sound effects come from not having a job and walking around the street for

many, many, like 20 years.

Yeah.

Okay, it's like

perfect.

Oh, man.

I'm more flattered about that than anything I've ever done.

Thank you.

Thank you.

That's so nice.

Yeah.

What's your best sound effect?

We got to go around.

Okay.

I like doing like a

wonk.

I like something like that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, come on, really?

What do I

do a thing?

A thing.

Okay.

You hear stuff all the time.

I know, but I don't, I don't.

Like, I'm going in cold.

I don't know.

You're not a minor

practice.

Are those the

mockingbird?

Might be a mockingbird.

You are a mockingbird.

Yeah.

You know it.

Okay, here are the sounds I make.

You go.

Oh, shit.

I don't know what it is.

Back explosion.

Yeah.

Those are really good.

Those are really good.

What are they?

They're creatures.

That's Coke.

They're drinking Coke.

That's really good.

That's drinking Coke Coca-Cola.

Good.

Erotic City.

So when you were saying the people in the car, you were saying their penises and vaginas were like moving.

Well, you know, sometimes

I don't know the song, so I thought you were like, oh, maybe that's the plot of the song.

In erotic city, all the penises, like the penises, are cars driving around.

Like a Richard Scary thing.

Yeah.

It's like a worm driving around on a penis.

Richard Scary originally wanted it to be a penis.

But they had to talk about it.

The publisher was like, no, no, no.

Yeah, no, it's a worm.

Yeah, just make it an apple.

I do think of that worm often.

The guy wearing a hat?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because it's like

any kind of product you're kind of trying to create, because I somewhat slightly work in the cartoon world now.

You do?

Yeah, in Toronto.

I work in

the

cartoon world.

I do too.

I'm sort of

sound effects.

No, I'm a detective and I go in and I solve cartoon crime.

Yeah.

I kind of fell in love with a cartoon.

That's not who you think.

Who is it?

It's Hollywood from Cool World.

Oh, Cool World.

Is her name Holly Wood?

I don't know.

She would if she could.

Yeah, it said Hollywood if she could.

Why not?

Just do it.

Yeah.

But I think about the Richard Scary Worm a lot in that world because I'm like, we need a running guy that shows up and winks at the audience all the time.

Yeah.

Like the Richard Scary Worm.

Because I love that kind of

creating that sort of like coziness and familiarity of like a world.

Yeah.

And he did it.

He did it.

You know, Dr.

Seuss did it.

Dr.

Seuss, but also there's this, there's this one.

Do those Richard Scary books have plots?

Are they just like, here's a bunch of people with jobs these are this is a good question these are what buildings are in your town and here's

the driver

something had a plot in it but now that you say it I can't remember all I remember is that giant spread of like the town and this is the fire station yeah yeah yeah yeah but there's always like like a a murder that they have to solve at the beginning of every

and it's always a prostitute

sex worker yeah oh yeah Fuck.

Oh, my God.

You say you're pitching cartoons with that kind of thing?

Oh, my God.

Well, adult cartoons, baby.

But you know, you're right.

Sex worker, I deeply apologize.

I genuinely am very happy that Honora won.

I love it.

My wife and I are huge fans of Sean Baker.

We're trying our best.

Yeah.

Shout out to Sean Baker.

You should have him on.

Yeah.

Well, he's always bugging us, and we're like, we got Chris this week, so we can't.

Tangerine.

Tangerine was great.

Yeah.

I love tangerine, and everyone loves Florida Project, but I'm both Kathleen and I are Red Rocket guys, too.

Big time.

That was so good.

I recommendo.

My wife and I are not guys of the same thing.

We have crossover, but we also have our own.

We have very little crossover these days.

Yeah, what would you say?

What's your crossover show or movie?

Like, she will watch everything I don't watch.

Like,

all the.

You have no bonder.

Not anymore.

Like all the HBO stuff, she'll watch all of it except White Lotus, which is the only thing I watch.

Oh my God.

Okay.

That's hard.

Because yeah,

both Kathleen and I, Mike White's our favorite guy.

Yeah.

So like you.

So we're really psyched for everybody.

You guys are overlapped on what you guys like to watch.

Yeah, we like character-driven stuff that's pretty like got like...

You know,

anything that's billed as comedy is not funny, but anything that's kind of

billed as real is like what happened to comedy?

Like, remember, it was like, okay, now what happens?

It's just us.

It's just, we're the only ones left.

We'll do it ourselves.

Fine, we'll do it ourselves, Duart.

I mean, some comedy is still great, I guess.

I don't check it out.

But

Severance is hilarious.

Severance has lost the plot for me, man.

I couldn't do it.

It was too uncomfortable.

I couldn't do it either.

Too bleak.

Too bleak.

And I've worked in that type of atmosphere where it's like fluorescent light.

You know what?

You know who loves that?

Abby.

It's the two reasons that you guys don't like it isn't affecting me.

It's more like I don't care about finding out whatever they're teasing me.

Yeah, that also.

Whatever.

I don't care.

Yeah.

The first season.

It's fully amazing.

But this season, I'm like, what do you want from me?

Yeah, what the hell, man?

None of this is real.

This isn't really happening.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, you can picture the writers being like,

check this out.

And no offense, like, hire me.

I need work.

I'm not smart, but you guys are smarter than me, but it's just, maybe you'll stick the landing.

I guess we're at the last episode tonight.

Oh, is that?

Maybe.

For the listeners, we're at the last episode tonight.

But for you, you've seen it all.

I can't get into.

I'm not going to be York in that movie.

I can't watch.

I don't think I can watch comedy anymore.

I think, like, I've heard people say, this is really funny.

That's really funny.

I only want dramas.

I only want dramas.

I want horror movies.

Those are the two things I want.

I like violence a lot.

Yeah, me too.

What's your favorite current most violent?

Well, I kind of took a break because the tensions are so high in the news that I was like...

The news is already that makes me go silly.

But then when I go silly, I go retro.

Like I found some, like I always go back to the classics, like the Marx Brothers and silly slapstick stuff from the vaudeville era.

But then I found some British stuff.

And I'm British always, but I found some British stuff that I hadn't checked out before.

This show called The Fast Show.

The sketches are.

Have you seen it?

It's so, it's like from a while ago.

From the 90s, I think.

But it's so funny.

It's 100% my sense of humor.

I've never seen it before.

I was like, what?

But yeah, so.

The fast show.

What's the most violent thing?

I don't know.

Yeah.

I mean, you've seen my stand-up.

I'm always blowing my own brains out, killing people.

Yeah, you're big on like artillery.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You're not a stabber.

You're like, let's get over there.

I'll still stab anybody, but

during my show.

Oh, yeah.

A lot of people don't know.

Chris goes on stage with a knife.

For some reason, I can't.

If you're in the first three rows, you will get splashed.

And he said, somebody's coming to hell with me tonight.

There's that one where it was like the first person

sort of killer one that's Canadian.

Black Christmas?

No.

Skinner Marine.

It just came out.

Like,

God, it was something like,

ultra-violent.

You know, like the, you follow the murderer walking through the woods.

No, I haven't seen it.

Damn, it's a hit.

Let me look it up.

You tell me you're gonna look at it.

Are you thinking of Nickel Boys?

What's that?

It was nominated for best picture, and it's in first person.

It's not scary, though.

Is it Nickel Boy?

It's like one of those movies I've only ever heard because of the Oscars.

Yeah.

Never heard anybody say, you know, it was really good.

Nickel Boys.

Oh, I also really loved Nose for Autu, Robert Eggers, Nose for Autu.

Yeah.

I haven't seen it, but I love the original.

Love that scary stuff.

the price of aggressive oh you haven't seen it

oh it's called in a violent nature is what i'm talking about oh yeah i have heard you follow this guy around and he just like mutilates people it's really really fun what do you see in you see it on shutter where do you where do you see it yeah okay yeah shutter is dope there's a movie that uh the guy who made um the substance made called revenge and it's

the guy made.

Now it's their last one.

Oh, and guess what?

Kathleen loves that director, too.

Yeah.

We partied over The Substance and Revenge.

Revenge

was so good.

We watched both movies like this.

Woo!

You guys can't see, but my hands are up and I'm partying.

He's waving them like you just don't care.

Yeah, everyone's getting killed, and we're like, woo!

Hell yeah.

Now, speaking of partying, this.

Partering.

Partering.

Partying.

Partying me.

Today's your birthday.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

He's sharing his birthday with us.

I forgot.

I didn't know that.

I'm hungover, but I forgot.

Yeah.

Thanks for coming.

Yeah, thanks for coming.

And this is from both of us.

Thank you.

This is from both of us.

I've got you.

That kind of chip.

And also, what I think is your favorite type of chip, which is barbecue.

Oh, there you go.

Happy birthday.

It's kettle chips.

Plenty.

Yeah.

This is the most moved I've ever felt.

These are like two children.

Take a picture, please.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Just a second.

I mean, I have never had the yogurt and green onion one, but I think it sounds pretty good.

Now, just have your mouth a bit more agape.

I'm going to cry.

Guys, they gave me kettle brand yogurt and green onion chips and kettle brand backyard barbecue chips.

Backyard barbecue just sounds better than just barbecue, don't you think?

Yeah.

Do not.

You assume normally it's a front yard barbecue, and that's good.

Like people are just going to be walking by, giving you the eye.

Can I come?

Yeah, I put it in the front yard.

Everybody loved it.

Thank you so much.

I'm like moved for real.

I know you love chips.

Yeah, and I got a hotel room.

Oh, it's going to get nuts.

Top five snacks.

Oh, shit.

Okay, top five snacks.

People have called my butt a backyard barbecue.

That's one of the reviews on Russia.

Yeah.

Five stars.

My stars are this guy's back air barbecue.

Yo, they ripped off my butt for a chip flavor.

Okay.

Delicious.

You think I'm getting a scent of that?

Oh, your body's umami.

Oh, yeah.

Umami.

What are your five favorite snacks?

Is it all chips?

You know,

you know.

Are you a crunchy?

Um, Um, okay.

I can throw in a little twist.

Anything Reese's peanut butter.

Sure.

Okay.

You know?

But yeah, it's like sour cream and onion chips, barbecue chips.

Damn, so that's three.

You know what I really like?

But these are like more deep cuts.

I like

like jujubes.

Okay.

I love jujubes.

Graham's a jujube head.

Yeah.

That's a deep cut.

And jelly beans, like the classic candies that you would see on the board of like Candyland.

Thank you for meeting me here, gentlemen.

On the Candyland.

Oh, yeah.

Not like, oh, yeah.

I mean, the plain board of the game Candyland, but also.

There is a boardroom

that is Candyland.

The Candyland Security Council.

Jelly bean sales are up.

As always.

Graham buys jujupes in the bulk section of the grocery store.

Do you like the sour ones?

No, I just like straight ahead, like old-timey jujubes.

I can go sour, but you're right.

Yeah.

Do you classics are the classic?

Yeah.

I have been having

like

I find more and more I'm timing my life of like, okay,

before I go to bed, I'll have something like a jujube or like pretzels, peanut butter pretzels I like a lot.

Yeah.

And then but then I go to bed.

I'm like, I still have so much stuff in my teeth.

So I like, you know I brushing is not gonna do it.

No, you gotta I gotta just time it better.

Yeah, you gotta end wait.

They're the pretzel bites with like peanut butter in them.

Yeah.

Oh my god.

Yeah, I've only had them like once, but they're insane.

Yeah, I'll give you some on the way out.

Oh really?

Yeah.

I'm so happy.

I'll give you a Ziploc bag full of them.

We only have a big tub.

People are literally stopping this podcast right now to jerk off.

Oh, yeah, Jigo got their favorite.

And jerk off.

People jerk off

every episode of Hopkins.

I've been eating jujuz at the same time.

Yeah, my top five snacks, number one, jerking off.

Number two,

ice cream.

Nice.

Yeah, Dave's a big ice cream guy.

Oh, yes.

But I don't know if that's a snack.

No,

it's more like treats, right, guys?

We're going treats.

We're talking about treats.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I know, but like, I do feel a snack is something that you maybe you don't have to like do dishes for afterwards.

Yeah, I and ice cream, you sort of do.

Yeah.

Yeah, and it can be in the sink for a long time, eh?

Soaking.

But like, also

that spoon.

Yeah.

It just gets baked onto the do you guys go peanut butter knife?

Graham doesn't do peanut butter.

I'm allergic to peanut butter.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, so I haven't heard the peanut butter.

I can't do that.

Yeah, sorry.

But you mean just licking it off a knife?

Yeah.

Do you do

that with icing off a knife?

With plain yogurt.

Ah, yogurt knife.

I think we talked about it on Evil Men about

everyone on the show is like natural peanut butter people, and I'm still Kraft.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, Mike, for sure.

Oh, yeah, no, James.

Like, here's the thing.

I will get it every now and then, but we've, but we always have a big, we, we whip through a Jif.

canister.

It's going to explode.

Yeah.

Hurry.

Have you seen the ads for Kraft peanut butter that are like, because it's apparently it's only in Canada.

Kraft Peanut Butter only exists in Canada.

Nice.

Take that, America.

Oh, shit.

We got to move to Kraft.

But Jiff is so good.

Shit.

The commercial.

Well, I think Kraft is getting your money no matter what.

Yeah.

I don't think they're just Canadian.

But there's like a woman goes and has an affair in France and falls in love with a French guy and then opens his covers and they don't have Kraft Peanut Butter, so she moves back to Canada.

Nice.

That's a good ad.

That's funny.

That's a psychotic woman.

Yeah.

I've switched over.

You can just bring a tub over.

I don't

tell the guy.

Can you get this for me?

Yeah, exactly.

I don't have to move.

You can just bring it over, right?

Yeah, I've switched.

I was Corn Flakes guy and I've gone to Corn Squares because ex-Corn Squares, Canadian.

Corn Flakes, American.

And how are you feeling?

Feel good.

Who makes Corn Squares?

Quaker.

Quaker.

So patriotic.

Quaker.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

For our listeners,

if you don't know, or if you're listening to this in the future, we're dead.

We're dead.

We died defending our government.

We're not putting this podcast in a bunker.

We're in a trade war right now, but our American listeners, please continue to listen to our Canadian show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And trade with free trade, you guys and us guys.

Also, to our American friends, pals,

lovers, and listeners.

We didn't do anything.

This is 100% out of nowhere.

Yeah, also rule.

Neither did you.

Yeah.

Yeah, neither did you.

I'm sure most of you know that.

Yeah, because like, isn't it like

70% didn't vote for the

teat of the states as much as this is what they're saying?

Yeah.

We're all parts of big intertwined deals

unilaterally across the globe with many countries.

Now I'm

leeching off the teat.

Oh, what have you been doing?

I've been sneaking over to America and leeching off their teeth.

Well, if there's anyone in this room that's like, gimme that teat, it's me.

No, no, no.

You didn't hear my third favorite snack.

Peanut butter teat.

That teat.

That teeth.

Hell yeah.

Well, anyways, this could come out.

I don't know.

What's going to happen?

Anyway.

What's going to happen?

Nobody knows.

Nobody knows.

Anyway, I'm scared.

Yeah, I'm scared.

I think we're all very scared.

Well, that's what I was going to say, going back to

you talking about the young guy being like, let's become a comedian.

And everyone's like, don't.

Yeah.

A part of it is like,

you know, I booked this tour.

Like, I'm doing BC for two weeks and then

in April,

Alberta for like 10 days maybe, like up around Edmonton.

You're doing Grimesville Theater?

Yeah.

Are you doing Calgary?

Are you just Edmonton?

No, and I would do Calgary if anyone wants to book me.

It was just

this younger comic who's really, really funny and really sweet, Noah Broadur.

Do you know Noah?

I definitely heard this name, yes.

We did a mini little brewery thing in Victoria like two years ago.

He's really, really funny.

He booked this for me.

Him and Simon Glassman.

Oh, cool.

Yeah.

And

so they did all of their area.

But yeah, I haven't.

Yeah, I would love to go back to Calgary if anyone anyone wants to reach out.

It's just that these guys did it for me, so I'm really grateful.

Anybody at CJ92, Rock 107.

Yeah, sure.

Anyone at the Earl 67 restaurant?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Anybody at Burns Tavern?

Sure.

The Sham Liner.

The Beltliner, absolutely.

Of course, the place

that has the Bob Sled.

Oh, yeah, Canada Olympic Park.

Ranchmans.

Ranchman's.

You know, I'm talking

Frank Sisson's Silver Dollar Action Center.

Evan.

Evan Wilson.

What are you doing?

What the hell, man?

Bring me out.

Did you do

what's it called?

The Music Festival, Comedy Festival with me?

Sled Island?

Yeah.

No.

I've done it before.

When I was on it, the guy before me was the guy who created the Proud Boys.

Gavin?

Gavin.

Yeah.

Because he was just off the beach.

Don't be on a first-name basis, please.

Gavin.

Gavy?

But he

bombed.

Why?

He didn't.

I don't know why he was on a stand-up show.

I don't think he was ever a stand-up.

And he went on stage and kind of, I don't know.

Anyways, it was terrible to watch.

But it was when he was still a vice guy.

As a mediocre white guy.

That's a long time ago, then.

It's hard for me to see other mediocre white guys try to

be exceptional.

Yeah.

You're exceptional.

What the hell are you talking about?

Yeah, come on.

You're deep in the cut.

You You got it.

But what I was going to say was

with the, like, I booked these tours before these global tensions,

to put it politely.

And,

you know, I have a house with a wonderful wife and two daughters that basically we all laugh every day and hug each other and say, I love you.

Yeah.

And this is the part about stand-up where it's like, I'm off to war.

You know, like you have to leave that during this insane time of uncertainty.

Yeah.

And your kids are reading the news.

Yeah.

They are.

Well, actually, yeah.

They got to sense something.

Yeah.

My eight-year-old, who's almost nine or nine now when this comes out.

No, not even yet.

Sorry.

Well, when her birthday rolls around, can I recommend chips?

Yeah, chips.

They're the gift that keeps on giving.

They love chips.

They love chips.

Your kids love chips.

Yeah.

What do they like?

Barbecue?

Yeah, ketchup.

They like what I give them.

Yeah.

You'll like your ketchup chips.

Also, you know what's a sick new product?

Cheddar and sour cream.

Ruffles.

Ruffles, sure.

Hell yeah, right?

My kids like the barbecue-flavored Nikki Minaj wrap snacks.

Is that true?

Yeah.

Do you get those?

Yeah, I got them as a crazy one.

They taste like Nicki Minaj?

They taste sweeter than Nicki Minaj.

Yeah, I guess what I was saying wasn't funny, but you know what I mean?

It's like about being a comic where you're like, goodbye.

Yeah, I'll see you when I see you.

Yeah, that part sucks.

Especially like

these are the days where you kind of want to be at home with your loved ones.

It's like Ivan Decker was on the show at the Laugh Gallery, which happens every Thursday at Little Laugh Gallery.

He was saying that the whole thing of being a comedian is just on Thursday being like, I'll be back with $800.

Yes.

Like just five hundred dollars.

I love it.

That's exactly it.

And $800 is pretty good.

It's really good.

For a weekend, that's not too bad.

Me and Sean Cullen were joking all the time about how we get hired for $300

to drive to another town and entertain everyone for an hour.

Like a Hitman, basically.

Yeah.

You just go,

like, $300, go kill this guy.

Yeah.

It's for some reason, like, you can barter, but they're always going to go to $300.

It's just a funny, arbitrary idea of what to pay a comedian.

We'll pay $300.

Yeah.

Every Every open mic was for years $5.

Yes.

And it like

decades.

It was.

What does it cost to get into a show these days?

Like 20.

20.

Even like a

local stand-up show?

Yeah.

But here's the thing.

Last Sabbath was five bucks for almost like 20 years.

I was one of the ones that was putting the pressure on them to boost it.

So now it's 20 bucks, I believe.

But here's the thing.

What happened during the pandemic was can never happen again.

Amateur comics who didn't care about the pandemic took over comedy and

did really bad shows, 35 bucks a ticket.

Right.

Yeah.

And so you're like, what?

I mean,

if there's nothing wrong with being an amateur, go get it.

But it's like, well, if we're putting on like this great show of like heavy hitters all the time, like

it can't be five bucks anymore.

Well, that's it.

Like the Laugh Gallery Forever.

Um, Dylan Reimer, who created the Laugh Gallery initially, he put up um some old uh flyers that he found, and the show used to be two dollars.

Oh my god, two dollars, you're like an Archie comic over here, but you know, when you find an old comic and you're like, what

65 cents for Spider-Man?

exactly but you know what is five dollars is uh supporting this show yes and you get a bunch of bonus content every month you know what yeah same with you

same with you

let's uh why don't we have a little chat about that

well it's time to take a little break because we were getting too excited yeah and

It's time for a little bit of business.

And you know what?

The business we're in?

Podcasting.

Yeah, we are podcasters and it's a technology that takes our thoughts from our mouths to your ears and you appreciate it.

Yeah, and you know what?

If you really appreciate it, we're not saying that you have to, but you maybe want to join up during this Max Fun Drive.

Because

why not?

It's the two weeks a year where we ask you for your support.

And I'm going to tell you how you do it right away.

So you can be like, oh, I got to type this into a computer.

Oh, yeah, Earl Gray Hot would be a

Picardism.

Okay, then.

You go to maximumfund.org/slash join.

And the reason we are asking you to support the show is: hey,

we're not doing this out of the goodness of our hearts, but you can tell our hearts are pretty good.

Yeah, and also, like, our hearts are in it, but we're not,

as Dave said.

This show, we don't have ads.

Nope.

We are 100% supported by you.

Hell yeah.

And we appreciate everyone who already helps us, of course.

Thank you all.

We're doing our best to give you the best show we can and

some of the best bonus content out there.

Some would say we're the Archdukes of Boco.

Oh, I would say we're even higher.

I'd say we're the kings, the kings of Boco.

I would agree.

You know, if you're already

joined up with us, you can upgrade or boost your membership uh and it's you know suffice it to say uh if you don't have the scratch all the episodes are still for free you can get all the episodes it's just this is a little bonus for people that got a little bit of scratch yeah and if you uh already support the show thank you so very much uh

we appreciate you oh so very much

the much the muchest that you can much yeah if you already support the show thank you so much if you would like to to join the other people who support the show well it's very easy you go to maximum fund.org slash join you tell them how much you would like to you send them a message you sell you tell you say i would like to support at five dollars a month ten dollars a month exactly uh and at all these levels you'll get different rewards we'll give you we'll we'll tell you about those later

You go to that website.

You say how much you want to give.

You say which shows you want to support if you listen to five shows and you want to give five dollars each show is going to get a dollar easy peasy your money goes directly to support the shows you like

and like they've said we're going to go through the different levels and and kind of the things that you get but just say If you go at the $5 level, you're going to get all that bonus content.

Yeah, that's really the big thing as far as we're concerned.

We put a lot of effort into our bonus shows.

Yeah.

And you get two a month from us.

Man, we did an entire podcast about Mr.

Bean.

We're doing hot topics, bringing in the hottest topics.

We did one about the Rosie O'Donnell show.

You want to hear that.

Absolutely.

That was in your free feed last week.

So you might even have heard that.

Yeah.

We did one where we did a 90s music quiz with Graham against my wife, Abby, who's also her own person.

And say what the quiz was because it was so good.

Oh, I wasn't it like.

There were a bunch of categories.

Are you talking about the one category that was?

I played a bunch of like techno music from the 90s, and I made Abby and Graham guess whether it was

too unlimited, too unlimited,

CNC Music Factory, Technotronic, Black Box.

There were like eight to choose from, and they got most of them wrong.

Yeah, it's uh, like I think we all knew the music, but we didn't know from whence it came.

But you can listen to all that great stuff if you join at uh five bucks a month.

And uh, if you did, we'd really greatly enjoy it.

Yeah, maximumfund.org/slash join.

So you can pay monthly.

You can prepay.

If monthly isn't your thing, you can be like, I give me the whole year up front.

If you're already a member at the $5 level or the $10 level or whatever, you can upgrade.

And then when you join a higher level, you'll get some cool thank you gifts.

This year we have, at the $10 level, we have a pin.

And if you're a collector, you know that every year our pins are far and away the best out of anything.

one of the kings of Pinco.

We're absolutely the kings of Pinco.

Last year's was

what's a goblin?

Maybe?

I don't remember.

Last year's was possible guest.

Possible guest, yes.

This year is a pin that has one of our famous catchphrases, no friggin' way.

Yeah,

it's a square pin.

It says no friggin' way.

And if you have called in and overheard, chances are you've said this very phrase.

Absolutely.

And this is a way to prove that you are in on the joke and not just repeating things like a parrot.

This is letting you know and the world know.

Hey, so you can get it.

You can join for $5 a month or more

if you'd rather do it all at once.

The prepay option is at your behest.

At your service.

And we're going to get back to the show.

But while it's on your mind right now, head over to maximumfund.org slash join.

We'll see you there.

Dave, what's going on with you, man?

Well, remember yesterday when the biggest thing going on with me was an electric eraser?

Yes.

Not much is going on with me.

But what has been going on more and more lately is my kids sometimes want to sleep in my bed.

They'll be like, I don't feel well.

I can't sleep.

Oh, yeah.

And for years, all right, come in bed.

Yeah.

And then no no one gets any sleep because there's three of us.

And the last few months, you know, my kids will sleep in bed once every couple of weeks.

Sure.

And now what I do is I go sleep in their bed.

Nice.

Yeah.

Turnaround's fair play.

It rules, you get your own little bed to yourself.

The dogs come in and snuggle you.

You wake up at five in the morning with no blankets.

The dogs stole them.

Do you do the gals come to sleep with you some of the times?

No, that would really scare me.

If they like came and were like, we need to sleep with you.

Yeah.

We're scared.

I'm now scared.

Yeah, I'm also scared.

What are you scared of?

What do you mean?

The ravages of age.

But also, like,

I don't know.

Not to go there, but you know.

Do you have a lock on your door?

Yeah.

We don't.

Like on our bedroom door?

Yeah.

No, we don't.

But we only need it for like two minutes every four months.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, no, we don't have a lock on our door.

And yeah,

it's got to be.

I can't even get into it.

It's got to be very late.

We just finished watching

bed check.

We just finished watching Revenge.

Yeah.

Our hands are up in the air.

Got a two-milligram gummy in us.

A couple glasses of wine.

We were listening to erotic city.

It gave us ideas.

Oh, my penis is like the car driving around this erotic city.

Erotic City, move your penis.

The thing is, is

yeah, they can though.

I mean, and

honestly, I'm a bad sleeper sometimes.

So I kind of have a secondary post on the couch in the living room.

Right.

Yeah, that used to be mine as well.

Like when we got, when the dogs were puppies, I would sleep downstairs with them.

So they were in an environment with easy access to the outdoors.

Yeah.

I love sleeping on the couch.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It used to be like a big thing in culture of like, oh, you're on the couch tonight.

Somebody's on the dog.

Oh, no.

I get a TV.

I get a TV.

I get this.

Tubi.

Yeah.

Tubi is limitless.

Endless and limitless.

Yeah.

You can watch Tubi for hours.

Also, you can have a snack and not worry about like, you know, making anybody.

Raisin brand.

Oh, raisin brand is another good snack for like nighttime.

Yeah.

Oh, but is that American though?

Oh no.

What's Canadian?

You might have to find just generic raisin flakes.

You can't.

Great flakes.

You can't completely just make sure

everything you consume is.

Oh, they're going down.

But Graham,

being a tosser turner

is part of your heritage.

He's a tosser.

It's in your heritage.

It's part of my heritage.

Because when we've talked about it before,

you were like, it runs in my family.

It does.

That's wild.

I think.

How many generations back?

Don't know.

I mean, my dad, his dad, my mom, I don't know if her parents did or not.

Me dad's a tosser.

He's a real tosser.

Me granddad's a tosser.

Me grandma's a turner.

Me great-granddad's

Presbyterian.

It's gonna be like

a knob head.

He's a knob.

A bell end.

He's a ya.

What would you call this guy who sleeps fine all night?

Me?

Yeah, Dave.

Do you sleep?

Are you a toss and Turner?

I've gone through phases where it's really bad.

My main thing is, is if I have no schedule, I'm very much a drifter in life.

Yeah.

So all of a sudden, if I have a big job and the call time's like 7 a.m., 9 a.m.

even.

Good luck finding sleep that night.

Yeah.

I've acted in so many,

not, well, whatever.

Like, I've acted many times I've acted, it's been on one hour sleep.

Yeah.

Even that movie I made made like two years ago.

Who's your father?

There's about five full 12-hour days where I was running on one, maybe two hours sleep.

Yeah.

And I, and I'm on camera the whole time for that.

Yeah.

12, 14 hours.

So I've like kind of got used to it, but it's psychotic and I lose my mind every time it happens to me.

So what happens is if something important is happening the next morning, my adrenaline, even if I go to bed at 10,

my adrenaline goes, let's do it now.

Let's go now.

You're like, let's go.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah, yeah.

And so it's like, I'm like already, I'm like ready to do the job.

I did have one of those nights a few weeks ago where I was in my daughter's bed and

she had to be up at school extra early that day.

So I was like, oh, fuck.

I can't.

And like, I woke up literally, I looked at the clock, I don't know,

six times between 4.30 and 4.40.

Yes.

How long has it been?

No, no.

Schedules are the worst.

Yeah.

Schedules are

the mind killer.

Yeah.

It's a mind freak, really, if you think.

Well, you know what?

I guess I said yes, but I think what I disagree with is that.

Because the schedule is normally fine.

But when you change the schedule, that's what does me.

My schedule is loose then.

It does me Edding.

Yeah, he's a yarny.

What's a yarny off that?

That's just like another

mean description.

Sure.

Sleeper.

Sleeper.

Giza.

He likes to sleep.

Gizas.

He's a geez ass.

Granddad's a total geezer.

You going to the Oasis Reunion?

No, I was never a fan.

Never a fan person.

You were going to say I was never invited.

I also was never invited.

That is also true.

Do you like Oasis?

No.

I liked them a lot, but I went to a lot of concerts in my youth and I never considered seeing them.

Were they, I guess they would have been touring?

You could have seen them at some point.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I thought they were the most overrated thing on the planet.

Yeah, that was their charm, though, I think.

Because they pushed it too, right?

Yeah.

Oh, for sure.

We're the best.

But

the songs are solid sing-along

things.

I guess if I had to choose, I was more a blur guy.

Yeah, here's the thing.

You don't have to choose.

You can have both.

You can have it all.

I feel crazy.

Yeah.

Remember, I think it was an interview with, well, one of the two of them, who said their whole thing was just walking around telling everybody they were the best band in the world.

Yeah.

Like, they're just like, you say it enough, somebody will believe it and publish it.

And

I can't do that.

But then also, they're known as the two biggest assholes.

Yeah, which is great.

And they didn't say that, did they?

No, it wasn't what.

No, they said each other.

They said he's the biggest asshole.

No, he's the biggest asshole.

Maybe it is all part of some sort of self-promotion book they read in the 80s.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But it works.

It works.

Call your an asshole.

Fight with your brother.

The thing where they

fought with your brothers, and all you ended up with was a sore ass.

It's true, because they both took Kung Fu and beat the shit out of you.

Is that true?

Yeah, yeah.

I didn't know that.

Yeah.

I was owed it.

I was an older brother.

What's the most brothers that could be in a band together?

How many were in the Beach Boys?

Oh.

Because they're all brothers.

Wilson, Wilson.

Wilson.

Yeah.

Three?

I thought, yeah, three.

At least.

And maybe some cousins.

Yeah.

Al Jardine and Mike Love.

Mike Love.

Al Jardine sounds like Sardine.

That's true.

The Bee Gees.

I wanted to say that all my life.

The Bee Gees had three.

And they also had three.

Yeah.

But they had a five.

And they all died.

There's one alive.

And they had a brother as well.

And he...

was a solo artist, but he died as well.

But did he ever join?

Do the Marx Brothers count as a band?

They sang songs.

Well, Groucho did.

Yeah.

The thing about Groucho is he wouldn't be in a band that would have him as a member.

He's true.

God, delicious.

Well done.

You want to hear a great

is this Groucho?

Time flies like a narrow, fruit flies like a banana.

Yeah, I think that's him.

Hell yeah.

That's

the fun thing about reading like old comedians from that day is their stuff reads really well.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because I think it was, honestly, it was probably like Walter

Kaufman or

S.J.

Perlman.

You know, Morty Rizkind, I think.

They had these like deep cut.

Flemy Risenstuffle.

See, people might.

Hey, Flemmy.

You are related to a vaudeville, right?

Vaudeville comedian.

Yeah, this almost comes up too much now that I feel like people are going to be like, shut up.

No, no, no.

It's fascinating.

Do you know?

Of course I know.

He's gurgles sticking butts.

My great-great-grandfather was gurgles.

Joseph Gurgles?

He created his clown name during World War II.

It's like, where have I heard this before?

Joseph Gurgles.

But it is true.

My great-great-grandfather led

parade through St.

Andrews, New Brunswick at the end of World War II, where they dragged and burned an effigy of Hitler.

Oh, that's awesome.

Yeah.

And I asked my grandmother about it.

Were you there?

Like, because she was like just a little kid.

And she was like, Yeah, I remember hating being mad at him because he was so drunk.

You can see pictures of it from the local paper, and he's dressed like, yeah, he's got a big top hat on and stuff.

Throwing up on the effigies.

You did this.

You deserve this.

All of the evil comes from you, I swear.

I'm going to be tossing and turning tonight.

Yo, Giza.

Yo, Giza.

It sounds like my family members from New Brunswick were pretty wild, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you have any,

like,

you, are you connected to any of them, or you have never talked to any of your currents?

No, like, yeah, whoever's alive, yeah.

But I'd say I'm closest with my mom's side of the family, and that's who that all is.

Yeah.

What was his name again?

Well, my great-great-grandfather was this guy named

Tracy Johnson.

Tracy the Clown.

But

his brother is the more famous one.

His name was Twitter Johnson.

Twitter Johnson.

Yeah.

And he was, and he's, there's an old 1960s, early 60s CBC interview with him, and it's called The Twilight of Twitter Johnson.

You can see it online.

Love this.

And he talks about traveling across the country and down to San Francisco and stuff as a vaudeville clown.

And yeah, he was a Tumblr and he worked for Barnum and Bailey as well.

Oh, really?

Did he ever consider changing his name to X?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Good night.

Yeah.

He would have loved what's going on right now.

He had effigies to burn.

But no, but Real Twitter, originally it's named after him.

Oh, cool.

Nice.

And so is Tumblr.

That's why the logo is a clown.

Anyway, so that's what's going on with me.

What's going on with you?

Oh my God.

Come on.

I feel like I don't want to be so self-absorbed in.

No, there's nothing going on.

Yeah, we just recorded an episode yesterday.

I sleep in my kids' bed sometimes.

That's it.

Well, I wanted to ask,

do your kids ever come and see you in their bed in the morning and then you look at them angrily and go, see?

See, it was no problem.

You can sleep in this bed, no problem.

No.

Haw shoe, haw, shoe.

No, no one sees me.

I'm up before everyone.

You sneak around.

Yes, I'm like.

Do Do you wear boxers or briefs?

Pajamas.

Okay.

I wear boxers, and sometimes I will go downstairs with a t-shirt on and make my morning coffee and toast in my boxer still.

Would you do that?

Yeah.

I mean, I don't have kids, though.

Oh, I don't know.

I remember it being a big thing about growing up,

at least on TV, about kids being horrified at their dad walking around in his underwear.

But I never experienced that.

I come from a long line of pajama wearers.

They're a bit older now, so I put a robe on just to be more boxers or respectful of my children.

Yeah, also, my dad woke up at like five in the morning as well.

So I know what.

I was an early riser.

That's starting to happen to me.

I think it just happens.

Well, where you become an early when you get older.

That's also like my only quiet alone time

where I can do my fiendish plans.

Taxes.

Yeah.

What?

Are you wearing boxers right now?

Or are they just a bad thing?

Okay.

Yes.

I wore boxers in high school.

Then I discovered the boxer brief.

And then in the last few years, I discovered some boxers that I like.

And

it depends on the whole outfit.

Sure.

I like a breeze blowing through.

You know what?

Like a flag.

Can I say something?

The idea of wearing pajamas is insane.

Yeah?

Yeah.

What are you?

Some sort of etching of a Charles Dickens novel?

Yeah, I wear a long shirt and I carry around a candle.

Who was your?

I want to be a pajamas guy, and

I can't do it.

I get too hot.

I really want to.

Yeah.

Who was your guest who thought having siblings was insane?

Tim Gilbert.

Of course it's Tim.

That was the most insane take I've ever heard.

Everyone who has a brother or sister is having sex with them.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That is a hot take.

We are really.

Truly something an only child would devise in their many lonely hours.

Yeah.

His labyrinth of hatred.

Tim is

so funny.

Incredibly, wonderfully insane, and I love him.

Yeah.

We do this thing called two Draculas together.

Yes.

And it's really, it's genuinely psychotic.

You do it like around Halloween.

Yeah.

It's become like that now because, you know, just scheduling.

But it makes it more special.

It's really fun.

He's very funny.

He did a great karaoke album of just him singing.

Yeah, Tim Harris sings the hit.

Yeah.

Is it all songs by women artists?

Probably.

I forget.

But him and his wife sincerely love like pop stars and like that kind of like TMZ world.

Oh, really?

Like, yeah, reality shows and like, what's that?

What do you call it?

The housewives and yeah, like paparazzi stuff.

They like it.

They follow it.

Oh, really?

They like it.

Yeah.

Fun.

I mean, I think they think it's funny.

Yeah.

But

they probably are into like Croy Bierman and Kim Zolson.

Kim Zoxiak, absolutely.

They're a couple that had having some trials and tribulations.

They would know for sure.

They would know them.

They would know for sure.

Yeah, they're always teaching me that stuff.

Yeah.

Well, get to know Croy Berman.

Yeah.

Spelled with K.

Of course.

How else would you spell Croy?

Yeah.

C-R-O-I-X.

Like LaCroix.

LaCroix.

What's his wife's name?

Helen of Croix?

Helen of Croix.

Anyway, that's what's going on with me.

Graham, what's going on with you?

Very little, but here's the thing that

I have as somebody who travels

quite often.

Is this another packing story?

No, this is

if I know I have an afternoon flight, that ruins the whole day.

Yeah, I agree.

Like, if I, it doesn't matter what time I have to get up.

If it's like if I got a 4 p.m.

flight, I'm up the night before.

This is very related

to the, but like, wait, can I just say something?

Okay.

Yeah.

Everyone, everyone.

Everyone, shut up.

Shut up.

No, but you listen to Evil Men.

You know, I'm really bad at hijacking the pacing.

I don't feel that way.

I digress.

Yeah.

This is all in your head.

I'm pretty hungover from last night.

I did that really fun show at Little Mountain Gallery.

And all of a sudden,

I was watching Graham tell the story, and I had that thing happen where I go, oh, I'm actually here right now.

Yeah.

It just hit that I've been doing this podcast.

well

if you're like if you're curious you've been great you've been great thanks yeah i generally will came here look look chips you got chips you got

oh i'm gonna cry okay but you're the same like you don't even forget it you just are like i'm not going to yeah and but it's that feels very much like that sort of

overnight tossing and turning because oh i gotta be up at

and like even if it's late especially if it's late in the day then it ruins the whole day i can't do anything and relax but my parents were visiting, and they can do it.

They're like jazz.

Their flight was like five in the afternoon.

We went and saw a movie before that.

Oh, my God.

I know.

Can you imagine?

Oh, yeah.

Like, we went and saw Paddington 3, and it was great.

Paddington's back with a new adventure.

Those movies are wonderful.

But yeah, like Paddington 2.

You've seen Paddington 2?

Yeah.

You cry.

Prison Break.

Oh, you kidding me?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Impossible not to.

I should watch it.

I need to cry.

Yeah.

And the third one will make you cry too.

It's not as good.

Nothing can be as good.

Yeah.

Sort of a face explosion.

Sort of a front explosion.

Front face explosion.

Top front.

Yeah.

Lower front.

I mean, top.

I mean, a sneeze is the biggest face explosion.

And the most exciting.

Oh, my God.

And a barf is a pretty big face explosion.

That's a huge face explosion.

I would love to.

You know what?

I guess I'm kind of staying by that Scotia theater.

See it downtown.

Yeah.

It's it's a good, it's a good romp.

And, but that's my parents.

They don't care.

This is just all part of the day.

Yeah.

They'll get there when they get there.

So I don't know where I got this from, but it's not genetic.

I know that.

But yeah, when I know I have a flight coming up, I basically stand in a ready karate position until.

I go so early, too.

Yeah.

I sit in that, by that gate.

What's your favorite flight time?

I mean, perfect time for me, like 10.30 in the morning.

I was going to say 11.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm with you guys.

Because it's not too early.

You can still have fun the night before.

You don't have to wake up at the, you know, 5 a.m.

when it's still super dark.

Like you can have a regular paced morning.

What do you mean have fun the night before?

You know,

do some ecstasy.

But you can also do the $30 like big greasy breakfast.

Yeah.

At the whatever, Finn McCool's or at the airport.

There's always an Irish pub.

I don't know, maybe it's Toronto.

There's always Irish pubs in each terminal.

Yeah.

Like by your gates.

But there's a You have a big sausage breakfast.

Yeah.

And you just like, it's fine because you're going to get home around, you know, 1 p.m., 2 p.m., something like that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And so you've got a little day left, but

I was in Toronto Airport.

I went to Roger Moo King's restaurant.

And Twist, I think it's called.

Yeah, and he was in.

Oh, he was there?

No, he was in Basis Base.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah.

He was the guy who liked it.

No way.

Did you go for that reason?

No, I actually just walked past.

You know who was in the airport?

Pennicentelli?

No.

Not the other guy.

When the heck were you last in Toronto?

No, I think last summer I was flying through.

And

what's her name?

The actress who

was

Maxine?

Is that her name?

Pearl?

Oh, Pearl.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Mia Gaw.

Yeah, she was there.

Oh, really?

Who's Maxine?

That's her as well.

Okay.

Yeah.

Who's Maxine?

She was walking.

What's going on in there?

I didn't bother her, though.

She had her child.

That's good.

She has a child.

With Shia LaBeouf.

He was there, too?

No.

Oh, okay.

He wasn't on the scene.

He was there.

His DNA was there.

One time I was doing Sunday service, and Shia LaBeouf and this huge art crew posse that he was hanging out with came by to the show.

Oh, wow.

Hey, we're going to pop in.

It's me and my art crew.

Yeah, ask the other

Sunday service guy.

We're not weird.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah, we're in a trade war.

I know.

But so I have a flight.

I have an option to pick a flight upcoming.

These are my choices.

Okay.

This is for

the debaters.

This is for the debaters.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I have a choice.

They've put it to me.

There's only two flights.

The two options are 5.30 in the morning or 6 o'clock in the evening.

Both bad.

So you don't have to get there for that night then.

Or is it Red Eye?

No, it's.

It's an the evening before.

No, like you'd have to be like it's the first flight of the

what is your wait no but the 630 at night.

6.30 at night.

It's not a red eye.

Is that the same day?

Yes.

Where are you going?

Being to Yellowknife Northwest Territories.

That sounds cool.

Yeah.

Have you been?

No.

That's the one.

It's the one on the checklist that I haven't been to.

I am envious of your travels for debaters.

So fun.

Yeah.

Enjoy it.

Yeah, that's the best.

Is it a direct flight from here?

Yeah.

Huh.

Direct flight, but only two a day.

And I guess because

it's like their non-stop sun season.

Oh, right.

Right, right, right.

You need your own sun up there.

When do you land if you go at 6.30 at night?

Well, we're in this.

Oh, are they in the central time zone?

I think maybe.

Just fast forward, listeners.

You know, I would get, you get home at like 8-ish or 9.

Let's say 9.

You'd be...

Oh, you're talking about leaving there?

No, no.

Yeah, leave leave at 6 p.m.

Leave from there to here.

Yeah.

I don't care anymore.

Which would you pick, though, if you had to?

I would do the 6.30 because I would be up all night worried.

Me too.

So just like hang out, have a nice day and yellow knife.

So I did a 6.30 to here two nights ago.

6.30 p.m.

6.30 a.m.

Sorry.

So yours is 5.30.

Yeah.

A.M.

6.30.

I had to be up at 4 to go.

Yeah, so you'd have to be there.

I'd have to get up.

You're not doing shit.

No.

No.

You're still, yeah, you're like time to go to bed, and you just go to the airport.

Yeah, so for six, right?

That makes sense.

You gotta do that evening.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, that's what I was gonna ask.

It's like, debaters, it's a deep cut.

And this is actually should be the subject of your debate.

What?

Yeah, actually, early fight, late flight.

That's

has anyone done that one?

No, but I like it a lot.

And the comics would have a lot to say about this.

And it's also, here's another thing.

We mentioned red eye.

Red Eye would be better than four in the afternoon, as far as as I'm concerned.

Yes, I would rather like do a late-night flight.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But like six is like, you know, you can have a whole day, but I don't know if I'd be able to relax the whole day knowing that I had a flight.

Yeah, but you'd rather

not be able to relax the whole day than not be able to relax the whole night.

You're right about that, man.

It's going on the debate.

But CBC covers every flight because you're there for

high on the hog at CBC, let me tell you.

But do they give you bad flight options because it's to save money?

No, no, there's not very many flights between Vancouver and Yellowknife.

Yeah, there's no, but I'm saying regularly, because you go all over.

Yeah, regularly, there's just regular options, but places like Yellowknife, yeah, like okay, you know, so they don't, they're not skimping out for you.

No, no,

these are the options, yeah.

And uh, but I've I've decided I'm gonna go with the six.

I'm gonna take your guys' recommendation.

I'm gonna go on the six.

You ever get asked to do a show and then the booker books the flight and then it's like flare?

Yeah.

Like weird early time, maybe a couple connectors.

Yeah.

I'm a human being.

I got a piece of cargo.

I know.

I was like, I pay my own money to be a bit more comfortable.

It's also

broke.

Have you done a show where the booker is who picked you up from the airport, but then doesn't drive you back to the airport for the flight because it's too early?

I've had that happen to me three times.

Yes, and I think we're probably thinking of the same place.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, thanks for the 20 bucks for the cab.

Yeah, exactly.

But come on, man.

Yeah.

No place for the job.

No, you're coming.

Yeah, yeah.

Exactly.

You've made your bed.

What's the deal with these airplane peanuts?

Container.

They're too small.

Yeah.

Anybody want a peanut?

Andre.

Andre, nice.

Before we move on to some overheards, should we probably talk about Max Fun Drive again?

Let's talk about it because it's important.

Exactly.

Okay, folks, we're back with another word about Max Fun Drive 2024.

And, you know, we warned you that this was coming, and we're doing it.

We're making good on our promise.

Yeah.

So if it's not enough that you feel good about supporting the show that you love, there's also something in it for you.

Yeah, exactly.

This isn't just about warm tinglies.

This is about warm thinglies.

Yeah, that's what it's about.

The listener doesn't get to see, but I did a genuine eye roll.

If you support our show, which we beg of you, please do it.

Head over to maximumfun.org/slash join.

Don't make us beg.

Don't make us.

We will.

We absolutely will.

Oh, please.

Would you please?

First of all, if you want to join at $5 a month, I would be as happy as a clown.

Absolutely.

And if you do that, you get all the bonus content.

I think that's the level.

That is the level for me.

If I'm supporting the show, I'm given $5 a month because I know that Dave and Graham give the best bonus content.

It's undeniable how good our bonus content is.

24 episodes at least a year.

When we were doing the Mr.

Bean show, we didn't think people liked it.

So we did those in addition to our 24 episodes a year.

So there's a lot there.

And if you have an activity that you like to do while you're listening to the podcast, you're going to get so much of that done because you got this bonus episode.

Yeah.

Do whatever you like with.

So we've been doing, when we joined the network, we were doing one thing a year.

And these were bonus episodes where we would play a board game with Alicia Tobin.

Yes.

We did an episode of All Overheards.

We did an episode where we.

Isn't there a transcript episode where we, yeah, that original transcript episode where Ryan Beale was reading Paul F.

Tompkins part.

And then we redid that last year.

That's so crazy.

We'll never do it again.

But we are always coming up with hot bonus content.

And

you want it.

You want it.

What do we do?

We do a, frequently we have listeners call in their jingles, their favorite jingles.

It's one of the best.

We do

a countdown of 10 things about.

10 things we love about Al Pacino.

10 things we love about Batman.

10 things we love about Guns N' Roses.

Nighttime.

10 things we love about nighttime.

10 things We Love About Halloween.

This year,

we're doing 10 Things We Love About Can Con.

Canadian content.

Well, what is that?

That's like TV shows and movies.

TV shows, music, movies.

It was all mandated by the government.

If you were going to show American shows, you also had to have some Canadian shows in there, stuff like that.

And you know what?

It made some real stars in this here country.

Yeah, so we did our 10 Things We Love About Can Con this year.

We also have a game where we pieced together episodes of Seinfeld

based on one of the characters' plots.

We try to remember the other three characters' plots.

And sometimes, Dave's more successful at it than I because he's

really

exciting when you start connecting them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

When you're like, okay, but he would have been at that thing.

Yeah.

What does that do?

Yeah, yeah.

So that is at the $5 level, the bonus content.

If you would like, if you're new or upgrading and you join at the $10

per month level, you will get all the bonus content.

Plus, you will get one of 42 enamel pins.

And that's up to you which one you want.

This year, ours is fantastic.

It's a yellow one that says no friggin' way,

which I think you can enjoy.

People can enjoy that even if they don't know the podcast because no friggin' way.

Yeah, yeah, I ain't doing it.

You can put that on your jean jacket.

You could put it on your shoulder bag.

You can put it on your jean vest.

You can put it on your, you know, your jean.

Your jeans.

Sure.

Your jean crupa.

Or you could be like, oh, one of those strange people that put them all over a hat.

You walk around with a big floppy hat with a bunch of pins on it.

You can

go to the Olympics and trade them with other people trading their Olympics pins, and they'll be like, hey, this is regulation.

And by then, you're in the car driving home.

That's at the $10 level.

At the $20 level, you get...

This is for new and upgrading members.

If you're already a member, have I mentioned how much we very much appreciate you?

We love you, okay?

There, I said it.

You thought I was holding off and saying it?

Here you go.

I love you, okay?

And also, by the way, before I get to the $20 a month, the $10 a month, every year we do a little, after Max Fund Drive is over, because these pins are for new and upgrading members, if you're already a member at $10, you're probably thinking, what, I don't get a pin?

Okay, okay, okay.

Settle down, settle down.

What they do at the end, well, I guess what we do, or if you want more than one pin, you can, following the drive, maximum fund puts all of these pins on sale to ten dollar plus a month members with the proceeds going to charity so you you'll get your chance to get multiple pins post drive and your angel wings for uh helping out somebody in need yeah that's right um and then if you're if you got 20 bucks a month to just kind of do whatever you want with join the diamond friendship circle yeah at twenty dollars a month you get the content yeah oh the bonus content's so good man we're recording a couple episodes tomorrow can't wait to do them can't wait to hear them you know uh i can't wait to hear the words that are coming out of my mouth

uh you get the pin but if you are a new

or upgrading member at the 20 level you will also get either a very colorful oh my god look at this towel i know this is fantastic very busy it's a very busy towel and that's the way i like my beach it's It's bright.

It's got, I want to say a unicorn.

It might just be a regulation horse, but it is a real eye catcher.

You can get that or the maximum fun bucket hat, which is much more subdued.

It's got a rocket on it.

It's got a rocket on it.

And then, you know, you know if you're a

bucket hat person or not.

You can, you, you know.

Yeah, you're right.

You're probably like, oh, I'm very handsome and beautiful and every hat looks good on me.

If not, you get the towel.

Yeah, if you look like Gilligan, you know what time it is.

It's tell time.

There's more things you can get at the $35 a month level, the 50 level, and on and on.

All of those are available at maximumfun.org slash join.

But right now, I think while it's on your mind, you got to go.

This is the best time.

This is the best time to do it.

I hate to say what the highway signs say, but click it or tick it.

Yes, click it or tick it.

And it's real easy.

Just go to maximumfund.org/slash join.

And

it's just that easy.

And then you can be part, you can be on the inside of this business.

You know, right now you're just, you're getting the sheen, but one, you're going to see the actual workings of the whole podcast thing.

And

we love it.

We love doing it for you.

We love having you.

And we love your love.

We love that.

You love it.

Okay, back to the show.

Overheard.

Overheard's a segment where we hear things out there, and you know, it's crazy.

Some of the things you hear, they're just wild, and we want to hear them too.

And we always like to start with the guest.

Chris, you have an overheard.

Yeah, I do, but I also like, if anyone remembers me on this show any other time, I'm not good at this.

That's okay.

I walk around with my headphones in all the time blaring pissed jeans at full volume.

So, and not even the band, just the sound effect.

Yeah, it's kind of ASMR to be honest.

A piss hitting denim.

The best sound.

It's a long way to go.

Yeah.

Yeah.

From the penis to the gene to the genus.

From the penis to the genes.

The Rolling Stone story.

So.

I didn't have my headphones in yesterday at a bar, and this is really dumb.

I ordered a Guinness and a salad

sitting at the spar.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So that part's the better part of this story.

Having a Guinness and a salad.

But you know, when you're on the road, you're like,

you know, I got to squeeze in a salad somewhere.

Yeah.

Because it's not happening often.

I usually just squish it all into a condom and swallow it.

Oh, yeah.

So it still counts.

Oh, you bring it with you across the border.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then

you have to get it out and then open it up, find a bowl.

You have to wash the shit off the condom to eat the salad.

Oh, that never occurred to me.

Oh, shit.

Oh,

I just chew up the.

So you're having your.

And then you had like fried chicken, calamari.

Yeah.

And I'm like, give me this cabbage thing.

My body, I just know my body needs it.

Yeah.

There were three people beside me.

Salad was good too.

Guinness was delicious.

But the three people beside me,

I don't know.

It's not that great.

But I just heard

the guy order for all three of them.

He's like,

three Merlot.

And then the girl was like, oh,

I mean, he's like, you don't want that?

And she's like,

sure.

He's like, what do you want?

Like a beer?

And then she was like, no, it's fine.

So I was like.

I'll remember that.

That's a dynamic.

Yeah, and that's a guy really throwing it down.

What do you want, a beer?

Yeah, you're a girl.

You want the Merlot.

Yeah, we're ordering it because of you.

Otherwise, we'd all have three beers.

Yeah, we're ordering it because of Sideways.

It was the drink they all loved.

Everybody loved Merlot.

I will drink Merlot.

He said, I will only drink Merlot.

I'm Thomas Hayden Church.

He's Paul Giamatti, and you're the girl.

Yeah, you're Virginia Madsen and Sandra O.

Yeah, mixed together.

The girls.

David.

Are they going over here?

I guess so.

This is one that is

we were walking to school.

We were walking from our car to the school, and a couple of my daughter's classmates were walking near us.

And there was a girl and a boy, and the girl was saying,

so

today's picture day.

Are you ready for picture day?

And the boy was like, what?

And she was like, no,

it's picture day.

It's the class picture day.

We're all getting our picture taken together.

And the boy was like, no, it's not.

Nope.

No, I wouldn't know about that.

Wait, who do you believe?

And then they asked my daughter,

is it Picture Day?

And she said, it's Picture Day.

Oh, shit.

Oh.

And

then the other girl was like,

yeah, my mom knows it's Picture Day and she has a phone.

Yeah.

That's great.

Picture Day was a lot of pressure because you wanted to wear your favorite shirt.

Well,

Dinja Turtle shirt.

I never remembered it was Picture Day.

Yeah.

You're like this kid.

Yeah.

I plotted out.

I would be like, I got to wear, you know, when I was how old, like 10, probably needed to wear an ALF shirt, you know, ALF

individual picture day differently than Class Picture Day?

Yeah.

Oh.

Because this was Class Picture Day?

This is elementary school, class picture day.

Yeah.

Okay.

And also entire school picture day.

Well, where did they go on the roof or something?

They go on a ladder.

Yeah, nice.

Drone shot.

Yeah.

Yeah, they got drone shots.

Honestly, it should be.

Yeah.

It's every school.

If I was in office, every school would have a drone.

Yeah.

Every elementary school would have their own drone.

And every teacher would have a gun.

Everybody would have a gun.

We'd do drills every day.

Yeah.

And you know what?

Just let people smoke inside.

What the hell?

And there should be fire pits in school they have to jump over like Mario Brother.

Yeah, yeah.

And a coal walk, like where they have to prove that they're brain.

Yeah, yeah.

Tony Robbins.

Tony Robbins should be at the Tony Robbins should be at every school.

You didn't burn your foot.

It's all in your mind.

Yeah.

Stupid.

Through the power of mind, you can walk over this.

Yeah.

These paramedics are throwing.

Through the power of mind if you can put a sword through your lobe.

And if you can put a sword through your lobe, you can learn times tables.

Now,

Lisa, sword through lobe.

Pointing at me, like, oh, yeah, Dave, maybe you can do something.

That's a Dave one.

I cut you off there by accident, though.

No, I'm excited about

creating our own school.

I want to hear a sound effect of a sword hitting a lobe.

Are we thinking earlobe or frontal lobe of your brain?

I was definitely going brain lobe.

I don't waste time with the ear.

It doesn't, it's not quick enough.

Okay, this is a knife going into.

Sorry, yeah, sword going into.

Oh, here's the unsheathing of the sword.

And you can all give it a shot, too.

I don't like just being this only sound like that.

Yeah, no, we'll go around.

Yeah.

Okay, cool.

Shing.

That's nice.

Yeah, that was good.

Okay.

Yeah, so unsheathing.

I guess like puncturing

would be a little sound too.

Yeah.

It would be a pop.

Be like, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Suh?

That would be like...

Yeah.

Yeah, it would have to be like a little.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So there's a thing on the radio station here called ZFX.

Yeah.

Z95.3, and they play like a one-second sound effect, and you you have to guess it.

And

the prize goes up $500 every time someone gets it wrong.

And it goes up.

It's last time it made it up to $95,000.

They have that?

Yeah.

Much money?

Well, Zed?

Yeah, what the hell?

Give it to us anyways.

And then they,

but it's always like,

everyone sounds like opening a drawer.

And so they have to like put up, go to our website first and see what other people have guessed because it's not a drawer.

I know that somebody guessed it was a drawer, but I heard it.

It's a drawer.

It's definitely a drawer.

Yeah, it's a drawer.

And I think last time it was like when you if you get a four pack of uh little yogurt cups and then you take one off.

Oh, you mean like break one off?

Yeah, break one off.

That's a hard snap.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's good.

And then it's our we have a radio station in Toronto that does that too, because my my daughter and my wife were playing that game the other day.

Yeah, we there's a game we play on the way to school called Alphabux, which is they give you 30 seconds and 10 questions that all the answers all start with the same letter and it's like, okay, your letter is M.

This is a thing that shows your reflection.

This is a meatloaf.

Yeah.

This is a loaf of meat.

Mirror.

And then I was talking about it on the show and someone in Australia was like, oh yeah, we have that here.

We call it Alphabux.

What the?

What the hell?

You didn't say you're overheard.

And you also,

you didn't do the sound effect.

Oh, yeah.

Whoa.

Come on.

There's a new king in the crown?

The new king of shwing.

That's hello.

Oh.

Yeah.

I like it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Is that a little explosion?

I did it wrong.

I was trying to do the shing, but I ended up

cutting myself.

And then you put it in your brain and it goes.

Yeah.

Oh.

that sounds like you snorted it.

Snorting swords, snorting swords with Dave Shampka.

Welcome back.

Um, I like it.

Yeah, I liked it too.

Good round the horn, you guys.

Well done.

We're doing great.

Um, my overheard is uh, if you take a certain train line here in Vancouver, you go to waterfront station, there's a walk where everybody walks really slow, so you can't help but be kind of ear-to-ear with everybody.

And uh, so the woman in front of me was responding to something on the other end of the phone and she said yes, yes, you're the bitch

Somebody's like am I the bitch?

Yeah, yeah

This situation though was she the bitch or am I the bitch?

I think I may be the bitch.

Oh, no, you're the bitch.

Okay, you're the bitch this time.

So do I have to write like a nice note?

Yeah, yeah.

What do you do when you're the bitch?

Yeah, does a card store have a card for that?

Sorry for being the bitch.

I was the bitch.

Sometimes you're the bitch.

Today I was the bitch.

Yeah, sometimes you eat the bitch.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sometimes the bitch eats you.

Now we also have overheard sent in to us by people all over the world.

If you want to send one in, send it into spy at maximum fun.org.

This one, this little, I don't know if this is a thing that's circulated on the internet.

I feel like I've seen this before, but this is very, this is keyed up in Dave's interest

world.

This is a G in Cambridge, UK.

This is a secondhand overheard that I got from someone, but immediately make me think of you, that it might still be of use in a period of overhearing drought, which we had about a year ago.

It's a picture or it's a poster on a window of a Dairy Queen that said, we do not flip blizzards upside down.

We are not a participating location.

Oh.

What do you feel about that?

Because I know Dairy Queen's like number one.

Dairy Queen is number one.

They do have a new like dip.

Did you hear my stomach there?

As soon as you said it, listen, I was like, yeah.

Let's do it.

You have a dip variety that's like cookie crumbs.

Like you dip it into this sort of

dark goo, but it's got crumbs in it.

So your stomach is okay with all that stuff.

Oh, yeah.

I'm a big lactose guy.

Yeah.

Very good.

I'm lactose tolerant.

Most guys that get older, I mean, everybody.

Yeah.

Well, not everybody got older.

Kirk Obain didn't, but he definitely had stomach troubles.

He had stomach trouble.

Anyway, my thoughts on this blizzard thing,

the upside down

is just, you know, it's theater.

It's theater, yeah.

But, like, of course, it's not going to fall out.

I know, but it's still, like, you want to see it, right?

But what if.

I want to see it, but what if it is so thin that it's locked out?

Yeah.

And it's not a blizzard.

Well, then that's maybe they should do it just in case.

Yeah, yeah.

Because location maybe is fucking up.

But that's like...

Yeah.

There's a mean guy in charge.

You ever had a McFlurry?

Thumbs down.

Not as good.

They don't do that because it would fall out of the cup.

I don't what they're doing.

I don't know.

I don't know this stuff.

I don't go for it.

Oh, right.

You have lactose.

I don't, but it'll stink later.

So maybe a bit.

You'll know it.

Yeah, but what doesn't?

Seriously?

Indian food.

Indian food comes out

like ice cubes.

This next one comes from Evan W.

And this is

as far as this recording.

I used to work at a bookstore for a while and up near our front desk we had an absolutely enormous

oversized book that is like something like 50 pounds.

It's a works of photographer Annie Leibowitz.

One day while it was open to a picture of Dustin Hoffman and Christopher Wachen, a customer looking at it said to their friend, oh, this must have been taken while he was alive.

As

recording, they are both still alive.

They are both still alive.

Yeah, and that person was wrong, but

no, they were right.

It was taken while he was alive.

That is true.

That is true.

Oh, yeah.

Furthermore, I'm sure every picture in that book is of somebody who was alive.

Yep, Annie Leewowitz took very few pictures of dead people.

Yeah.

Yeah, with a shroud on or whatever.

Or like autopsy pictures.

Wait, they said this must have been taken when he was alive?

Yeah, yeah.

You idiots.

Oh, she did take a few dead pictures for the like young Hollywood issue of Vanity Fair.

Every year.

This last one comes from Dallas, from Urbana, Illinois.

I think I'd like to be a famous photographer.

It's not too late.

It's never too late, Dave.

Never too late.

Just get a snap of somebody famous.

You're on your way.

Yeah.

Maybe I like how a high-paid, high-powered photographer.

Buy, sell.

You don't want that busy schedule.

Yeah, that's true.

No, they come to me.

You don't get out of bed for less than $10,000.

Yeah, and they're like, well, I don't get out of bed for less than $10,000.

Like, well, we'll just both stay in bed.

Yes.

Why don't we fuck?

Are you going to have affectations?

Of course.

Yeah.

Like what?

Cravat.

Cravat.

Maybe a walking stick, something like that.

Those

like

those pants that zip off into shorts.

Oh, yeah.

That was real.

That guy's weird.

This guy's got, yeah, he's fucked up.

Wearing a cravat and zip-off shorts.

This last one comes from Dallas, from Urbana, Illinois.

Or is it Urbana from Dallas, Illinois?

Urbana.

I was talking with my nine-year-old.

Sounds like Keene Birrett

about TV shows, and the show Friends came up.

I told him that we could watch it when he was older, though I wasn't sure how well it would hold up.

He said, is it old?

Are there floppy discs?

Which, honestly,

if you see it in a movie or TV show, you're like, that is a very specific chunk of time, the net with single bullet kind of thing.

Oh, yeah.

Get this floppy disk.

I

barely learned how to handle floppy disks and then they were gone.

Yeah.

I was like, okay.

Well, floppy disks were, there were the smaller ones that were stiff.

But they were also stiff.

They were also called floppy disks.

I didn't like that.

Because you also have a hard disk, but like this floppy, this one is much floppier and this one's much harder.

So So, those hard ones, are they still technically like an analog thing?

Like, what was that?

They

there's like a tape inside.

Yeah, they had like a, I guess, that spun.

I don't know, guys.

Like, I'm too young for this.

I'm a young guy.

And you would have to get a number two pencil and wind the

thing back in.

Wind your buddy.

Well, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls.

Although, please, please now just send us voice memos.

I I got to get a better way of ramping this up.

If you want to send us a voice thing, if you want to call us,

give them the number just in case.

Well, first of all, email us a voice memo, spy at maximumfund.org.

Or,

I mean, if you have a landline and you have a way in at the company that handles our voicemails, go to 1-844-GOTO, dial 1-8-4-4-779-7631.

That's one ugh, SpyPod1.

Like these people have, But these ones are only voice memos.

Hi, Dave Graham and guests.

This is Andy from Flint, Michigan with an overheard.

I was skiing on Super Bowl Sunday and hopped on a ski lift with a couple of strangers and turned to one of them and said, best day of this year for skiing because of the Super Bowl, right?

There was a pause longer than I expected, and finally the guy next to me said, oh yes, Super Bowl.

And then he turned to his friend and spoke in what I am guessing is Russian,

Super Bowl.

And after a pause, the other friend said, Ah, yes, Super Bowl.

And they proceeded to finish their conversation as though I wasn't there.

Off I go.

This guy's giving us a great topic.

Super Bowl.

Let's run with it.

Yeah.

Are you allowed to fake Russian?

Yes.

Okay.

Yeah.

Just checking.

How many guys do you think you tried that line on?

Hey, pretty good day for skiing.

Yeah.

Well,

if you're doing enough runs that day,

you can try it out with a couple different people.

Go back a couple of weeks later.

Who do you guys like in the Oscars tonight?

What do you guys like in the Invictus Games?

They probably thought it was like a ski slope.

Oh, yeah, because you do ski in a bowl.

The Super Bowl.

Yeah.

Ah, there you go.

You might crack the goat.

Are you a skier?

I was when my parents were paying for it.

Yeah.

So I grew up skiing and then I became a man with no money.

It's a rite of passage.

Yeah.

But I went a few years ago again and still got it.

The muscle memory is all there and it was really fun.

Nice.

I love it.

Are snowboarder or a skier?

I did get into snowboarding too as a teen.

Yeah.

I tried.

Too hard.

Oh, we would come here.

We would go to Whistler Blackcomb in the 90s.

Wow.

Nice.

Yeah.

Couldn't do it now.

This is like 300 bucks for a day at the slopes.

Yeah,

it works out better if you get a season's pass, but you gotta keep going.

I remember the old Whistler Village.

Oh, yeah.

And then Blackcombe Village was just new, like the last time I was there, which was like 2000 or something.

I remember the old Whistler Creek side, man.

Really?

The old Boston Pizza and Husky Station?

Shit.

Are you talking about the side with the old metal gondola?

Yeah, man.

You don't.

Really?

of course yeah i rode that i rode all the gons nice i have my hotbox the gondola did you with some friends i did not that i did not do and i was skiing and just it was all bright blue sky sun and fresh powder and literally went off like uh like uh at least an eight-foot drop without even knowing it was coming up stoned after leaving the hot box gondola and just like luckily i had like kid body that just bent with it yeah and like into the powder, but it was like, okay.

I have not been there in

20 years?

Yeah.

I'm trying to be Robin Williams.

Oh, yeah, that's the sound.

Yeah, 2000 was my last time.

Well, let's get back up there.

Let's get the gang back together.

But Ontario has freaking Blue Mountain, dude, and horseshoe.

Well, it's not a fight.

Yeah.

It's so.

Do you like skiing with mud and rocks?

Yeah.

Those are my cronies for mud and rocks.

Okay, next one.

Thank you.

Hi, David Graham.

I'm recording a voice memo, just like you asked.

This is Maddie from Portland, Oregon, and I haven't overheard of the kids say the darndest variety.

I work IT in middle school, and I was in the front office today, and I heard over the radio,

yeah, can you come get Jeremy?

He won't stop saying the word penis.

Oopsie-doo, off I go.

Yeah, once you discover the word penis, it's hard to drop, you know?

It's penis and testicle.

Yeah, there's a kid in my kids' class who's big on the skibbity.

He says skibbity every toilet.

Yeah.

Skibbity toilet riz, that kind of thing.

My six-year-old loves bad words.

Yeah.

She loves.

What's her fave?

Like, probably fart.

Oh, fart's a good one.

And Venus.

Yeah.

Yeah.

My kids, we will like, I'll show them like a video on Instagram.

And then sometimes I'll just keep scrolling to see other funny videos and then there'll be a swear and my kids will repeat the thing but be like, huh, B-word.

They'll like

they self-censor.

They self-censor.

Like, oh, you're my kids.

Yeah, you're your kids.

And here's your final phone call.

Hi, Graham and Dave.

This is Carmen from Toronto.

About two years ago, around Christmas time, I was walking into a no-frills grocery store and outside there were two women standing having a conversation.

And one was asking the other how the shift went.

And the one who worked said,

you know, he was there and we had to

do an x-ray.

And then,

you know, he had

pickle.

It was a pickle up there.

You know, he had a dill pickle up his butt.

Oh, off I go.

Everybody tries it once, you know?

Yeah.

You gotta.

See if that pickles up.

I mean, it's so slippery.

Yeah.

Oops.

And you know what?

The pickle shit?

One of the best.

One of the best.

What pickle would you like up there?

Oh,

kosher.

Kosher, big kosher.

Yeah.

What would you do?

A sweet pickle?

Maybe a corniche on.

A cornache on.

Time guy.

Maybe just some

spoonful of relish.

Everybody experiments with pickles.

Totally normal.

Spoonful of relish goes into your ass.

The most delightful.

Can I say something?

Yeah.

I'm really calmed and

mellowed out by the smooth cadence of Carmen.

Yeah.

It was like, it was really

kind of sounded like

they were under a blanket.

It's like this is a moral situation, but I feel so good.

Yeah.

I have to, of course, mention our sister podcast, Jordan Jesse Go.

Yes.

Every time something goes in your butt,

the slogan they use is without a base, without a trace.

So make sure you have everything as a flared end before you put it up your butt.

Yes.

Yeah.

Good call.

Shit.

Yeah.

So like an Oscar can totally stick that up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Plunger.

There's all sorts of things.

Yeah.

Vuzela, you can stick up there.

And then blow it out your ass.

Now, that brings us to the end of the show.

But before we depart, how about another little chat?

Chat, why don't we just say it right now?

This is the one time a year we ask you to help us out.

Yeah.

Help us out.

This show is...

Did you hear any ads on the show?

Have you heard any ads on the show?

No.

No.

This show is 100% supported.

by the listeners.

You guys always come through for us.

We love you, and it's just an honor.

It's an honor to be with you.

So one last time while it's on your mind, head over to maximumfund.org/slash join, and uh we'll see you there.

We'll see you there, and thanks for supporting the show.

We love you.

Bye,

Chris.

Thank you so much for being our guest.

This is so much fun.

Yeah.

Where can people find you?

You're online.

You're doing shit.

You're so funny.

Where can people find you at Evil Men, which is a weekly podcast?

Check out Evil Men.

Evil Men and me are on Instagram.

I guess that's my home base for the most part for keeping in touch with people.

Yeah.

Yeah, if you're in like Edmonton, that April 27th show, I don't even know if the tickets are listed yet at the Grindstone Theater.

That's going to be a big party.

Yeah, don't buy unlisted tickets because those are probably fake.

Yeah, they're probably,

yeah.

I don't know those guys.

But

anyone who came to my shows here in Vancouver, I love you very much.

I love doing stop podcasting yourself.

You guys are the best.

So thank you so much for having me.

You guys are.

And happy birthday.

Thank you.

Crunch, crunch, crunch on those chips.

I'm excited.

And thank you, everybody out there, for listening.

We love you very much.

And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.