Episode 924 - Abdul Aziz

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark.
And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo!

Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 924 of Stop Podcast Yourself. My name is Graham Clark.

And with me, as always, is a man who will get to it, but boy, oh boy, we brim into the head, to the top, all the way to the top of the place with Gifts Galore, Mr. Dave Shumka.

Yeah, we'll get to this. We're brimming to the all the way to the top, to the head, to the hip, to the hip.

With gifts galore.

And if you know, if you listen to the podcast regularly enough, you know who's the man behind the gifts, the gift bearer. You return

guest to Stop by, guys yourself. It's Abdul

Ezzis. Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas.

Well, let's get to know us. Yeah.

Get to know us. Now, the reason we're getting to know us so early is because we have a full table.
And if you go to our Instagram, you'll see what's going on on this table right now.

Abdul,

last time Abdul was here. Yeah.

Hi. Thanks for joining.
Yeah, thank you for joining us.

Also, you have the last season of your podcast about lore is happening at the end of next week. Next week.
Next week.

Congratulations. Yeah, thank you.
Yes, we got to get that plug out of the way. Got it.
It's done. Yeah, we're not going to talk about it anymore.

Last time he was here, he famously brought us an edible arrangement, an edible arrangement. And not edibles, like, wow, we're getting real relaxed and high.
I kind of felt that way, though.

Eating too many of them? Yeah, it was in, it was

like, this is Indicar sativa. And he was like, it's cantaloupe.
Sir, this is a Wendy's. And sir, that is cantaloupe.

And he also brought us like 12 bottles of

12 bottles of Prime because I wanted you guys to have your pick of flavors. Yeah.
I'm surprised

Prime's done, right? Or is it? Is it still around? 12 bottles of Prime, 11 Mr. Beast Festables,

10 photos of Luke. Is Luke his name?

Luke and Devin, are those the names? The Prime Boys? The Prime Boys.

He's brought us another edible arrangement. This one, they got your name wrong.
Do you see it here? I did. I see it.
I saw that as it. Abe Duel as it is.
Abdul. Okay.

That's Abdul with an extra E in there.

That's my alternate idea. Now, what is your...
So, thank you. Yeah.
We're going to devour these.

You're going to hear us open it up and crinkle the paper. And look at all these chocolate-covered straws.
Did we get to know us? Yeah.

Get to know us. Okay.
Good.

But we're going to do that. What is your relationship with edible arrangements? We asked you this last time, I'm sure.

I'm sponsored by Edible Arrangement. Just like in general, you're just sponsored? I know.
Here's the thing is last time

it was very last minute. I did want to get you guys a host gift that was nice.
Yeah.

So

I looked around. Do you call it a host gift or a guest gift? I think it's a host gift when you bring a gift to someone's house for hosting you.
And it's for us, the host. We are the host.

You are the host. And would you agree we're the host with the most? I would say so, having seen you.

So the last time I was like, I kind of left it to the last minute. An edible arrangement was all I could get.

This time I did want to

go bigger. Yeah.
And I was trying to get you guys one of those like Tower of Cream Puff pyramids. Oh, yes.

Do we know what that is?

You see them like, are they like macarons or something?

I think they're cream puffs, and it's called a croquen bouche. It's something that you see at like weddings or fancy parties.
Yeah, you got to keep that refrigerated, though, because of the cream.

Yeah. So I would have had to pick it up fresh.
And I called every bakery in the lower mainland and none of them could do it in time.

We don't do pyramids of them. We only do

pentagrams. We're working on Nataj Mahal one.

So I did have to revert to the edible arrangement. Okay.
And what was the

like, what kind of notice do they need to get, prepare a thing like this? Day of. Wow.
Yeah.

Where do they... Do you go down to them? Yep.
I picked it up at the one on Arbutis. Oh, it's at 2779 Arbutis Street.

And for people who haven't seen this before, it looks like a flower arrangement, but it's pieces of fruit. It's got strawberries, two types of melon.

You got yourself some pineapple, and then the most erotic food of all.

Chocolate covers strawberries.

What you said.

Where are they? I didn't know that they're at 2779 Arbuta Street. Oh, they're on Arbuta Street.
That's not a bad one. Yeah.
Just like five minutes away from here.

So do you just order this today and get it? I ordered it last night. Oh, you can do same-day orders.
Love it. Yeah.
And if you use the checkout code Abdul Abdul,

you can get 15% off.

That's good. That's not bad at all.
Does it have a card on it? Oh, no, there is. There's a discount thing on the back.

10%, 20% off. Oh, my God.
10%. Actually, the holiday cheer 10 is the code for 10% off.
And holiday cheer 20 is. And that's valid in Canada until 1231.25.

I can't believe we don't have an edible arrangement

sponsorship. Well, here you go.
You say, Edible arrangement. Always special.

You have to say a tagline at the end. Yeah.

Yeah. yeah and you have to say edible arrangement yum yum in my tummy yeah give it to me in my mouth put it in my face

daddy

so you want to use the discount code daddy yeah

edible arrangement

oh what a fun funeral

we put the fun in funeral

If you had to, right out of the gates, if you had to plan a food or at least a lunch situation for your funeral, what are we talking? What are we talking about sandwiches?

Are we talking some sort of like

an edible arrangement? Lunch situation? No, my funeral is an all-nighter. Oh, shit.
Yeah, we're not doing daytime funy. Is that are we talking about a rave or something?

Yep. Where they're doing the DJ booth off of your casket kind of thing? Uh-huh.
Okay.

And instead of food, everyone will be given a pacifier. Oh, nice.

He was so young.

And cool.

But he waited until death to show how much he loves that speech. Yeah.

It was a secret.

What about you? Food at your funeral. Funeral? I would do a salad bowl full of malt teasers.
Nice.

And you?

Have you got to know us?

No, let's get to know us. Okay.

Get to know us.

I don't know. I think I'm kind of convinced by this edible arrangement, but the thing you were talking about with the cream sounds pretty good as well.

So I'd maybe have a couple of those kicking around. Candy bowls for the kids, a wedding cake that you cut and then smear into my face.

Open casket, or do they have to go? Open casket.

They put you on a chair and lift you up like a Jewish wedding.

I want to do everything.

Kiss me under the whistle toe.

They dress you up like Santa Claus and push you down a chimney. I want to run from a ball.
I want to have a tomato thrown at me. It's just no weekend at Bernie's.

Oh, man. Have you seen The Weekend at Bernie's pictures? No.

Oh, they're good. What are they? Part one.
What? You just referenced them.

The movies? I know what the movies are, but I don't know what the picture specific. Oh, you mean the film? The film.
When you say that. I thought you meant photographs.

As in, I ought to be in pictures. Okay.

They're sort of like 24 pictures a second. Yeah.

And so have you. Have you seen the movies? I haven't.
I just know them as a cultural touch point. Because the first one I saw in the movie theater.
Did you?

I believe it was the summer I fell in love with film. Oh, nice.
What else do you see that summer? I want to say it was 1989. And if so, then it was Batman.
Batman. It was Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.

Whoa. It was Ghostbusters 2.
Mammoth year. It was the Abyss.
Holy shit. Gorilla's in the Mists.

Or if it was 90, then it was the second year I fell in love with film. And it was Dick Tracy and Arachnophobia.
Now,

but it's a guy dies and his two

employees

have to pretend he's still alive, so they put sunglasses on him. Because they're committing fraud, but in order for them to make it work, he has to be seen by people at this resort.
I see.

Because if they find out he's dead, everything's null and void. Right.
But they can pretend for one weekend that

he's still alive. Should we get to know us?

And then in the second one, I haven't seen the second one, but it starts right after the end of the first one. And there's suddenly a voodoo curse that...

Yeah, they got a voodoo priest to resurrect him. And every time there's music playing, he starts walking around.
But he doesn't talk or anything. He's just still like a pop-up.

That's such a classic 90s movie thing where the first one is played pretty straight. And then the second one, they're like, yeah, but magic also exists.
Yeah.

The second, like, there's, or it's like, yeah, we had this other script and we're just going to repurpose it and make it a Bernie's part of the Bernieverse.

There was one,

there's two of them, Mannequin and Mannequin 2.

Have you ever heard of Mannequin? I don't believe I have. There's a young Kim Cottrell.
Yamon Kipiedo said array facebook in Doug Latin, he quotes. Uji, Sophis, hooray! What is that?

It's Kim Cattrell. From...
Oh, you scatting. She's not scatting.
She's quoting a poem.

But she's a mannequin who comes to life,

which is just magical or whatever. And then the second one, it's like it's been carved and it's an ancient statue from somewhere and it's cursed.
Oh. It's not Kim Contraria.

She did not come back for the sequel. Was Tom Hanks the guy in that? No.
No, it was Ant. What's his name? Andrew McCarthy? Andrew McCarthy.
No, was it? Yep. Wasn't he also

winging at Bernie's?

Yeah, I think he's both. It happened in the Bernieverse.

It might have been Bernie adjacent.

The crinkling you're hearing is us opening

this thing.

Case listeners were wondering what that sounded. It's me being.
I'm salivating it. Just they can't wait.
I've been looking at it through the whole pod.

Is this bigger than last time? It is.

I'm going to go straight for a strawberry

covered in chocolate. It's very erotic.
Do it erotically.

Yeah. Drag it up and down my

jawbone. Dave, you have to stop.

Here you go.

Full access.

Okay, yeah. You gotta go.
Gotta go chocolate strawberry. I should have brought.

The only napkins I have are glasses cleaning cloths.

Microfiber. Nice.

Graham brought his own napkin.

Always have a napkin in my pocket. Well, last time you got covered in chocolate.

As I learned. Are you not having any fruit? I can't eat fruit because I'm still doing keto.
So, this is actually all you're getting.

This is the fruit you wish you could be having. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is this is the like, yeah, this. I get to watch you guys eat it.
Oh, sure. Yeah.
Um, what's uh going on keto-wise?

Um,

the it's a lot of steaks, a lot of avocado, a lot of nuts, high fatty nuts. Uh,

doing a lot of fasts.

How often? I'll

Most of the time, almost always, I'm doing a fast. Like, how long does a fast last for? It can be different amounts of time.
The last one I did was seven days. Really? Wait, what does that mean?

No food? No food for seven days.

Liquids? Like, yeah, I have to drink liquid or else I would die. But like, no calories at all? Yeah, no calories.
I guess I, because I was also, I was drinking bone broth while I was doing that.

And then.

There's calories in that. There's calories in that.
So that's where most of the calories were coming from. Okay, so that's what a fast looks like.
Yes.

But do you like, do you lose a shit ton of weight? Yes. Really? Yeah.
Yeah.

Maybe that's why I should try fasting. That seems like it'll sound like a direct way to.
I'm doing intermittent fasting. Yeah.
Between

intermittent

fasting.

I put on some mittens.

And anything I can hold with them, I can eat. Only the thing.
But if I can't eat, if it slips out of my mittens, I can't eat it.

you're eating a lot of whole cantaloupe

well we're gonna this is delicious yeah i think we should maybe take it away

what do you think yeah i'm gonna bring it upstairs we'll be right back have we gotten to know us yeah we will after this

get to know us Okay, here we go. Back to the grind.
All right.

So our guest today is Abdul Aziz. He loves fruit.

Not eating it, but just giving it out. I'm a generous guy.

Abdul, welcome to the show. Thank you for having me.

We were talking before the show. You have a

Dungeons and Dragons style podcast. I do.
It's called The Dice Boys. The Dice Boys.

It's called,

we have two now. One is called Spout Lore.
One is called Spout Lore, and the other one is called Maul Brats.

So Maul Bratz is like kind of like if Disney's recess and Gangs of New York were mushed together. Oh my God.
Tell me you're a 90s kid without telling me you're a 90s kid.

And it's just like, it's like a fun, these kids are like kind of gangs of kids committing crimes in like basically the fantasy version.

Here's the joke.

Everybody, get ready. Here it comes.
Oh my God.

Maul Bratz. Here, okay.
Gangs of New York fries. No, that's not bad.
Oh, wow. That's really good.
Yeah, I know. It's a joke that I wrote.

So they live in the mall or this is just day-to-day. They live in the mall.
In the mall, okay. And they kind of, they have territory.

It is basically Gangs of New York, but it's set in the West Edmonton Mall. What is your,

what was your childhood mall? My childhood mall was Lime Ridge Mall in Hamilton. And what was the, uh, was this a mall where you spent time or was it just like you went with mom and dad?

I went with mom and dad. It was the best one.
Yeah. It was

the best one because it was like so self-contained and it was easy to navigate.

What do you get as a kid?

Is this a place you go grab clothes? Is this just a place to go to the food court? No, it's a clothes.

I would go to stitches. Do you guys know stitches?

You know stitches? We got stitches.

What was stitches? It was like clothes for teens. Yeah, but it was also like sort of discount off-brand shit that was

bad. I definitely went to Stitches.

It was like winners for boys.

Because Winners is not winners for boys. No, Winners is for parents.
Yeah, it's for moms. That's right.
Yeah. But you could get a cool poster or a clock with your favorite cartoon on it.

Did you get that from

Disney's recess, Gangs of New York, that kind of thing? I bought a pair of underwear that had Kiss on it. So you can buy, you can find just about anything.
It's kind of like a hot topic almost.

It's kind of what would you say to somebody who's not in Canada? What is Winners? Kind of like a dollar store. Winners is TJ Maxx.
TJ Maxx.

Yeah.

Hot Topic. Graham and I did a bonus episode where we ended up going to the website for Spencer's gifts.
Spencer's gifts, yeah. And I'd say 90% of the shirts that you can buy there are cum related.

Yeah.

Like

not the best outfit to wear to the wedding, but you know, to the funeral.

To my funeral. Funeral, it's fine.
Yeah.

Everyone needs a laugh at the funeral. Yeah.
Everyone invited to my funeral will be given a $30 gift card to Spencer's gift to buy his shirt.

And then another $60 for a dildo.

Yeah, did they sell? They sell penis-related. Yes.

Yes. Well, yes, penis.
Yes, of course.

Penis forward.

So you would go, would you get a whole new outfit for the fall school debut?

I would. From Stitches? Yes.
So, and it was my

parents didn't know anything about fashion. Okay.
And neither did I. Okay.
So I would just get something that I thought probably other kids would think is cool. And then on the

first day. You're an old wool cardigan.
On the first day of school, I showed up across the park.

A kid yelled, Those pants are from Stitches. Oh, no.
Oh, my daddy, screwed me.

Oh, man, I ran away so fast. Yeah.

There was a place in Calgary called Byway, and that was like, I was also curious, but it was by curious.

But it was the, if you were seen wearing any article that was identical

from there, you were. What made it so these pants, these Stitches pants so identifiable? I guess they were like,

so they were Echo brand pants where like the Echo logo was like across the button down the leg. Okay, yeah.

And I saw those and I was like,

this is my Echo

KO.

Yeah, I think so. Like Mark.
Is it a Rhino as a logo, or am I thinking of some other? I think it is a rhino. Yeah.
These are you were basically wearing rave pants. Kind of.
Okay. Yeah.
Kind of.

Who You didn't

your Christopher Walken.

Okay. Here we go.
Dave and Abdul are going to do their annual Christopher Walken impression off.

Before the show, Abdul kept saying things that

rang 80% Christopher, no, 40% Christopher Walken to me. And then I would repeat them and they were 10% Christopher Walken.
So how about

I give you each a sentence, a different sentence, and you have to say it in the Christopher Walken voice. Oh, absolutely.
Okay.

Yours is: hello. Do you know where my boat is?

Hello? Do you know where my boat is?

Fuck. Not too bad.
I watched it at the end. Hello.
Hello. Do you know where?

Do you know where boat is? Don't you know where boat is?

Okay, Dave.

I've got to hurry. I've got a wedding to go to.
I've

perfect. Out of the gate.
I've

got to hurry. I

got a wedding or whatnot.

Really turned into a cartoon at the end of there.

I don't know who wins. I don't know who wins.
I guess the listener. Yeah, that's true.
Yeah.

But go to work, you guys. Really good.
Can you give us another one?

Yeah. Yeah.
Okay.

Yours is.

Do you have any size nine shoes left?

I feel like this might be the thing that ends my comedy career.

Dream, do you do any impressions? Also, at Duel, do you?

Yeah, I do, Jack Nicholson. Hey, hate that, Diana.
Hey,

get out of my way, Nurse Cratchit.

See, that was good. Is her name? No, Ratchet.
Ratchet. But

he was being silly in my impressions. Yeah, Bob Cratchit.

Bob Cratchit's daughter.

And I can do De Niro.

Yeah. Hey, hey,

what do you, who might you be talking to? Get away from these gangs of New York.

Dave, you can do a lot of them.

Can you do, oh, geez, Johnny Carson. You do Johnny Carson? Whale.

That's good. That's good.

Whale Nancy? Yeah. Oh, Oh, yeah, now do Ronald Reagan.

Really big shoe.

And now do Artola.

De Blaine. I don't know.
These are all old-timey ones.

Fantasy Island? I guess.

Well, this was fun. Yeah, well, we all go our separate ways.

Do you actually have a voice that I do for the podcast? No. Okay.
A voice that you have. Well, yeah.
Sure. That seems like a good

path to go down. For to be like, to be a game master, like to run the games, which is not what I do.
I just play characters in the game. You have to be very good at voices.

So our GM Sean is like amazing at it. He could do, you could do all the voices.
And it's like, he really brings

me a little troll. Oh, my God.

Makes me a big troll. Now I'll be an L in the room.
Really big troll.

Elfenomics.

But I just play characters. So I have two characters, one for each podcast.
I play Tacoma Doe, which is just my voice but roughed up. He sounds like this, Tacoma Doe.
That's good.

And the other character that I do is an eight-year-old, well, a little elect pudgy eight-year-old kid who's just pays on me at eight years old. And his name is Fenton Beasley.

He sounds like this. Hey, Fenton Beasley here.
Go fuck yourself.

What? What did I do?

You were an adult in my vicinity. So that is my fault.
Those are the two voices, though. Okay.
Yeah.

So variations on Abdul. On me, yeah.
Yeah. Which I like.
I think I like that as like a way to do voices, the different shades of LGBTI. Yes.

Have you ever seen one of those headshots from like probably the 80s where it was a bunch of pictures of a guy with a tennis racket and then a guy like looking like the devil.

And it was like, these are the 10 emotions I can do. Oh.
Yeah.

tennis devil tennis

i feel kind of tennis today yeah me too oh boy um without my water where'd my water

might have been and i might have taken a sip all right well

this one's blue now

i'm sorry oh well uh well you i noticed that we you didn't just bring us an edible arrangement there's

something in the else in the middle of the table and gift bags. Yeah.
One of the gift bags has jolly old St. Nick.
Yeah. One has grapes and leaves.

And then the third I can't make out, but, oh, more grapes and leaves. These are wine-style bags.
Yeah, and I wanted to get you guys. They're wine-style.
Oh, my God.

We'll be right back.

Yeah, I wanted to get you guys something that I thought you would actually enjoy just in case you didn't like the edible arrangement. We loved it.
We loved it.

It's being devoured by my family right now. You guys don't need these.

No, no, no. Here, these are one for each of you.
Okay. And then this is to share.
Okay.

each. Are these the same thing that we're going to pull up? Yes.
Okay. Yeah.

Oh. Oh, well, that's just nice.
Yeah.

Oh, what?

It's Scotch. I'm so surprised.

That's amazing.

And

does Jake Paul have anything to do with this? No, no, no. It's just dice scotch.
Oh, it's just. Oh,

well, then thank you. Yeah, that's amazing.
Yeah, so much. What's this in here? So those are custom dice that is part of the merch for the podcast.
Oh, yeah. Dice merch.

Because you guys were asking how the game works. And it's like, you have to play it with these like polyhedral dice.
Yeah,

I didn't know they would be so polyhedral. Oh, and look at them.
They're all like, uh, they got like little strands of green in them that are all shiny. Yes.

So when I was on last, you were asking like what the mechanics are. And it's like, you have to roll one of these like eight kinds of dice to determine whether eight kinds of dice.

You heard about this? You heard about this eight types of dice?

There's these eight kinds of dice.

Hey, have you heard about this? Hey, have you heard about these dice?

Turns out.

And so here's what I'm looking at. This one,

this looks like the

big, the most polyhedral.

This is a dodecahedron. Yeah, 20-sided die.

And these are in like a beautiful jewelry style. I guess dodeca would be 12.
Yes.

20? Yep. And then this guy's a weird one.
What's this? That one is, I I think, an eight-sided die. But it's a weird shape.
Oh, no, it's a 10. It's a 10-sided die.
Yeah. 10.
What's the maximum?

20 is the max. What's the maximum theoretically?

I think, I don't think there's any. So all of the, any die that is multi-sided is a platonic solid.
And I don't think there's an upper limit. I'm going to put it in that home.

Let me do it.

That's what we call being friend zoned.

Hey, Graham, do me a platonic solid and

wipe your rubber

i'm gonna wipe your butt as robert dinner

what went on down here

there's a more platonic liquid than a solid

uh i love it thank you so much yeah um thank you actually

beautiful beautiful gifts and we'll just do a quick round of uh

dungeons and dragons and graham uh uh you're being attacked by a uh

big pterodactyl. And

how do you want to get away from them? How do you want to get away from them? I want to try and negotiate with them. Okay.
Yeah. Roll a D20.
Yeah. Okay, D20.

Oh, wait. You got a 19.
That's good. Well, that's pretty good.

What do you say to the pterodactyl? Hey, man. We're closer to each other than we are far away.
Kiss me.

Please, please.

I've been a platonic solid far too long.

And I'll roll a D12. And oh, I got Eminem and his friends.
Nice.

Is that what they were called? Yeah. 12 of them, eh?

And one of them was,

what was his name? Obi Trice. Obi Trice.

There was a big guy. I can't remember his name.
There was a guy who just had like a human name, like Michael Johnson or something.

No, it was Lloyd Banks. Was Lloyd Banks? Lloyd Banks, I think, yeah.
Do you know D12? No, I have no idea. It was Eminem's like, rap group.
Yeah. Holy shit.
It was Eminem. It was Andrew McCarthy.

It was

Bernie.

Yeah.

But he had a whole crew, and they kind of like

all the he dogs and winked at all the she-dogs, and the town never knew such a hullabaloo.

Was this before he ate mild out of Detroit or was it after? Detroit? Okay. Well, I think.
And he was just bringing his buddies along Adam Sandler style. That's nice.

Like, you're the guys I started with. Everybody coming out.
Yeah.

But did they exist as a crew before?

Had they made music together before he got famous?

It's possible. Anything's possible.
Their hit song was Purple Pills. Oh, I was thinking of

my band.

Oh, I just remember blue and yellow and purple pills. But then it was edited for the radio.

Purple Hills. Oh, sure.

Yeah.

The pills have eyes.

Now, there's another third bag. There's a third bag.
There's a third bag.

No, we're going to share this. This one is to show.
Oh, nice. This is Alise.

And it's, if you don't know what it is, it looks like Barbasol. It's very blue.

This is French vodka, cherry, and ginger.

What's the percentage on this? Yeah. The proof.
This is only 14.9% alcohol. That's not bad.
Yeah. Should we try it? I feel like, yes.
Yeah. I feel like also, yes.

I feel like kind kind of looks a blue freezy. That's what I'm hoping it does.
It does have that vibe. I'm still drinking coffee.
Can we do it maybe in the back half of the show? Oh, sure.

In the coffee, dude. Oh, yeah, sure.

Irish up my coffee with this

French vodka. Yeah.

A blend of passion fruit, French vodka, cherry, and ginger. What a weird order of things.
Yeah. Passion fruit.
I'll go ahead and say it. I don't know what passion fruit tastes like.

I know the flavor that they put in things that are passion fruit. I don't think I've ever had a passion fruit.
My favorite NRC flavor is passion fruit. What? What?

Damn it. I said something weird.

What's NRC?

So NRC is... Oh,

it's like a vitamin C powder. Oh, yeah.
I love that stuff. Yeah.
I'm an emergency guy. Oh, yeah.
I can't have it. You wait.

You can't have it. Why? Because it got sugar in it.
Oh, okay. Yeah.
Oh, that's where I get most of my sugar.

And you eat eat absolutely no sugar. No sugar.
That's amazing. I haven't had sugar in years.
Yeah.

Would you eat a fruit? Like, would you? I can't eat a fruit. You won't eat a fruit.
You won't even eat. So you can't.
Wait.

You can't have passion. So you, it's not just added sugar.
You just can't have any sugar. I can't have any kind of sugar.
You can't, or you won't. I won't.

But I did it because I think the first time I did the podcast, I was quite pre-diabetic. Oh.

I'm quite pre-diabetic. Now? Well, pre-pre.
Yeah, I'm pretty, like, so pre-diabetic.

I mean, I might be diabetic. I'm not a diabetic at all.
I eat a ton of sugar and feel bad all at the

be so diabetic.

I lost a foot somehow.

It was in a bear crap. That's not diabetes.

Another thing that

is. So you can't have this.

No, I also have never drank alcohol, so I can't really partake in. I can't partake in any of the gifts I brought you today.
Not a drop. Not a drop.
Whole life. Not ever in my whole life.
Wow.

Because I did it. Because my parents were Muslim.
Yeah. Still are.
Yeah. Praise be to Allah.

The big man upstairs. Yeah.

There's no God but God. And

Muhammad is his prophet.

Some would say. Yeah, some would say.
Yeah. That

on a snowy winter's eve, Muhammad comes out of the woods.

And you drew a picture of this, didn't you? I did. It's going to be on the stop podcast of yourself, Instagram.
Yeah, yeah, if you want to, just go right over there and check it out.

But they, so it's like, they, it's like very staunchly, no alcohol is allowed in Islam. So I went through all of high school not drinking alcohol.

And then afterwards, when I stopped kind of being as Muslim, I never started drinking alcohol because I was afraid I would tell everyone all of my secrets.

It does, it does have that effect.

Yeah. So, and that's why I've still never had it.
Yeah. Yeah.
Never will? I don't think so. At this point, why? Yeah.
You know, like, why even dip a dough? I've got way too many secrets. Yeah.

That's why I don't want to get hypnotized. Yeah.
I don't want to be like, then they're like, tell me the combination. I'm like, to what?

I don't have anything. What's the last? Do you, do you know, do you have any combinations at the moment? I got other than your phone.
Do you have any physical locks that you

a briefcase, a locker? I don't have.

Any locker I have is a key key lock.

Yeah, sure. You? Do you have any common? We have a lock that we sometimes use if we go swimming and need to use lockers.
But the community centers mostly just will rent you one.

You know it off the top of your head? No. Okay.
It's on my phone. Nice.
But I hope I don't lock my phone in the locker.

Or your phone dies. Yeah.
Yeah. I also just hope my phone doesn't die in general.
Yeah. The uh, when I got one in high school, they came with a

phone that I held in my locker that was guarded by a lot.

Uh, they uh printed the combo on the back of it. I just left that on year-round.
What are they gonna take? Take my bio book? I don't give a shit. Yeah, it's not even mine.
It's on loan from school.

Yeah.

What am I gonna learn about? What are they? What am I afraid? They're gonna learn too much about biology?

I did go to school with young Frankenstein

young Frankenstein or Franken young Frankenstein's monster no it was young

what was it what's his name Victor Vic

I knew him as Vic yeah who I was thinking about

the movie Spaceballs

there's a sequel coming up sure yeah and how they were all there were things that were like based on Star Wars some of the things were some of the things it was like Did you even see Star Wars?

I don't think he ever saw Star Wars. Well, he knew Yoda and Yodur.
He knew Yodurt. He knew Pizza the Hut.
Pizza the Hut.

The Joan Rivers one looked a lot like C-3PO.

Have you ever seen this film? I did. I intentionally watched it, but I think I saw it too.

Nobody forced you with those things that keep your eyelids open.

The Clockwork Orange setup. Yeah, no, it wasn't one of those.

But you didn't. I think I saw it too late.
I didn't really like it. And I also hadn't seen Star Wars.

I hadn't seen Star Wars either, but I knew, I mean, Star Wars has, I guess, always been a giant part of the culture, except maybe there was like a

early 90s gap where it was like, yeah, had a

needed to be resurgenced.

But I was thinking about it and I was like, okay, so yogurt is Yoda.

Beats of the Hut. Where did he come up with?

He's Emperor Scroob.

And later

I was like, it's Brooks backwards.

I figured it out.

Nice.

Also, Mel Brooks plays at least three characters. And

he directed it? He wrote it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Apparently the guy that's in the movie where they're combing the desert and somebody says, how's it going? And he said, we ain't found shit.

He's going to be in the second one as well. Oh, good.

That guy's getting a little

late in life, a little skill. Oh, that's pretty nice for him.
I like that. yeah um i don't know i mean

geez there's so many things i i expect from it but i loved it yeah i know yeah people uh bad mouth it because who do i don't know people who

who like uh blazing saddles more

there's people like there was definitely a drop-off with mel brooks's creative output. What?

And people say some people say it happened there and some people say it happened later. Yeah.

I like Dracula Den loving it.

I don't remember. Robin Hood Men and Tite.
Yeah, I don't think I like that. I don't think I liked that movie when I was a kid.
Maybe because I loved Robin Hood Men and Tite so much that I don't

Robin Hood Prince of Thieves. Yes.
Yeah.

Now, one other thing is you have been doing a house exchange where you go abroad, you live in for a month. In another country.
Yeah. Yeah.
And you were in London? I was in London.

Your review of London. My review of London, greatest city in the world.
Okay. So cool.
Yeah. It's the best, it's the coolest city to live in.
It's the oldest English-speaking city in the world. Yeah.

All the museums are free. How long ago did they start speaking English?

I feel like

a thousand years ago. Yeah.
I'd say probably more recent.

The 60s, maybe? Yeah, maybe it was freaking 60s. Yeah, it was the Beatles that modernized it into English.
It's a.

Well, who are the Normans? What were they doing? They were French. When they invaded in 1066? Yes.
How'd you guys know that? Well,

it's a big date.

It's like kind of what England started, I think. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. The day they put up the sign.

Welcome to. Welcome to England.
Now under French management. Get on the other side of the road, govners.

So you exchange houses with.

Is it like direct? Like the person whose house you're in comes to your house? Yes. So there's two ways to do it.
It's like, it's this website, homeexchange.com. And you can.

And you can use code Abdul. Abdul.

Abdul Abdul to get 10% off your free home exchange.

But that's what it is. It's like you don't pay anything and you live in their house for a month and they live in your house for a month.
How does the website make money?

I don't actually

know

that it does. Oh, no, it does.
Because you can, if someone's house is vacant, but they don't want to come to your house, you can pay with what's called guest points, which is basically just money.

You have to buy points on the website, and then you pay them guest points, and then they can spend those guest points to go with some artists. Spencer's gift box.
Yeah.

You can buy a dildo from Spencer's Gifts.

What was the house like that you went to? So we went to London twice. Okay.
So we stayed in Islington, which is in North London once for like a month.

And then the second time we also went for a month and we stayed in in South London.

Solo. Solo.
Okay, let's just take a quick. Can we all do a British accent? Dave, go.

Oh, girl, power.

It's tea time, isn't it? That's really good. And you? Oh,

shit.

I think I'm maybe almost in Chinese.

Fuck.

I love the wrap-up to it.

So you had fun in Swingy London. I love it.

So my whole thing would be like,

like, how is it? I guess it

could anyone get screwed over? Can you be like, yeah, come stay at my house. And then your house sucks.
And you get to stay at their palatial.

I mean,

it can happen,

but you can see pictures of their house. You end up like, like, doing a couple of Zoom calls with them beforehand.
So you sort of know if they're weirdos or not. And you can see the reviews also.

So it's like, and there's also like a mutually assured destruction thing because they're going to be at your house as well. Oh, sure.
Yeah. So it's usually pretty good.

So we had a little toilet incident.

All right. Don't you dare.
Don't you dare.

I,

yeah, I did a house exchange with Lily Lily Allen and David Harper. And what happened? Well, I thought he had a dojo, but it turns out he had a pussy palace.
Oh, shit.

She's really, she really took it to the limit with making fun of him with an album.

That should be a musical because, you know, it's got the storylines there. And they were.
What were these people? No, I've never heard of this. Lily Allen, a singer from Britain.
Okay.

Was married to, have you ever seen Stranger Things? Yes. The sheriff.
Oh, right. Yeah.
Okay.

So they split, and it's very acrimonious. And she wrote a whole album about

how

Stranger Things sucks. Yeah.

It was good in the first season.

She was, yeah, most of the albums are about how she misses Barb from season one.

And then they had like

kind of an arrangement, an open thing, and he

broke the rules. broke the rules.
He had his own apartment somewhere that was used for, and I think that was something she did not know about. Yeah,

it was a pussy palace, and she thought it was a dojo.

Is that the lyrics of the song? Okay.

But, you know, hey, babe, I'm going to just buy a dojo on the other side of town. Don't come over.
You're never allowed to see it. I'll show you photos.
And he just downloads photos of a dojo.

Yeah, I just got paid for season four of Stranger Things. I'm going to go to the

Dojo exchange.

But it was a real, you know, it was a real warning to

any man that's dating a singer or any kind of, you could write a movie about your breakup. You could do all sorts of things and broadcast it out there.
So just, you know what? Just be cool, man.

Stop being a shithead. You know what I mean? That was being the up and up.

Was it for me?

I'm going to be a shithead forever.

Dave, what's going on with you? Oh, my God. Guys.

Well,

have we gotten to know us yet?

Do we do well?

Weird. Here's what's going on.
So I have these two dogs. Yeah.
I've got a little dog named Monster and a bigger dog named Irma. Yeah.
And Monster is,

they're both maniacs. Yeah, they are both maniacs.
Yeah.

And but Monster, like, they love to stare out the window and bark at everyone who goes by. Yeah.
But Monster also has a love of fetching.

Okay. He loves to,

like, we have some of these rubber balls and he just loves them and we have to like put them away and he'll just, he knows where we put them and he'll just stand next to them.

So he's a little detective. Mm-hmm.
Yeah.

And Abby has seen, well, I guess we've both seen these videos of.

These machines that you can put a ball in and then the machine throws the ball. Oh, yeah.
This is perfect. Yeah.

This is the future we were promised: is that there would be robots walking dogs and playing with dogs, so we just can catch them on the downside where they're already tired. Yeah, you just pet them.

And

there's so many videos, and like sometimes people will put a camera in the machine, and so the dogs like eyes are bugging out, waiting for the ball to get thrown.

And then they

chase it. And

but so Abby got one of these, and it is

the

idea is that is this kind of like a batting cage for a dog? It's kind of a batting cage, or like I

was telling my daughter, I was like, oh, we should play tennis. We could get that ball machine.
Oh, yeah. And she was like, oh, like the one the dog has?

Would you do that as humans? I guess so.

To your crazy eyes, we already do that.

Every time I hide the tennis racket, Dad goes,

he knows where we hit it.

He can remember somehow.

But

it's because of my snout. I'm so good at sniffing right now.
I'm very good at sniffing stuff.

So we got this thing, and

we showed it to him. We threw the ball in.
He immediately loved it. And this is in your backyard?

This is in the living room. Oh, in the living room.
It's not like only for inside or I don't know. You could bring it to the park, park, maybe.

It starts in the living room and throws it to the kitchen. Nice.
Nice. And then he slides on the floor and

knocks chairs out of the way. This is only monster cares about it.
Irma doesn't fetch. Fair.

I'm more team Irma, you know? No fetching. Yeah.
That's shit. Yeah.

And so,

but the bad side is he hasn't figured out he can do it himself. Oh,

he needs one of us to take this gross ball out of his mouth and put it into the machine. And show him now you go.

Well, I don't. Yeah, like, he'll never get it.
Oh, you don't? Okay. He'll never understand it.

His brain is the size of a peanut. It's made a chore for you.
It's a chore.

That part is fine. Yeah.

But it is,

yeah, it's not ideal. Like, the ideal thing would be that robot world of.

You know, he puts it in, he chases it, he picks it up. He goes, puts it in, chases it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get home from the 12-hour shift, and he's exhausted.
The podcast minds. Yep.

Guys, I'm putting on the air conditioner. Oh, yeah, yeah, I got a little sweaty.
I think it's because we're just excited about this. Alise.
Alise. Alize.

Alise. Alise.
You will come over and drink some blue liquid with me.

There was a woman last night at the show sitting in the front row and she's from Paris. And I was just asking her about

what you thought of Vancouver. And she was just like, it's fine.
And I was like, you're from Paris. She's like, yeah, it's the best city in the world.
I was like, well,

you just schooled me.

It kind of, that's the thing is like, I, going to these other cities, because we went to, we've gone to London now. We went to Montreal.
Rimmel, get the London look. Nice.
Yeah.

We went to a small town in the English countryside called Brockweir, which is amazing. Okay.

And we went to Oxford.

And there's like so much, so much like culture in these places because they are like all like minimum a thousand years old. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Except for Montreal, which is, I think, like 400.

Still. Yeah.
You know, Vancouver is what?

40.

I mean, the founding? Yeah. It is 1886.
It was 19. 1886.

By Gassy Jack. And he

should have been.

It also might.

There were people here before that. Yes, that is correct.

Yeah, Cassie Jack didn't invent fake.

Yeah.

So he's playing with a ball.

He's having a time of his life. Yeah.
And it's

the

little claws on the ground is

like that. Well, no, it's a scramble, a constant scramble.

I'm going to hit the wall. He hits the wall all the time.

At least sometimes he hits the couch and that's soft.

But

yeah, we're not there yet. We're hoping to get to the point where he can do it himself.
Do you

like have you ever seen the videos where the dog has all the buttons to press?

Do you think that's real? Or do you think the dog just knows treat from this combo of things? Yeah, I think that's... I think that's the connection in their brain.
Right. Yeah.

So they're not actually thinking, I'm hungry. Press the button that says I'm hungry.
Have you seen the ones that are like, you know, like so many buttons on this? And they'll go sad.

Oh, why are you sad?

Economy.

They're always going for that economy, budge.

How do you fix the economy? Different progressive taxation system.

This dog's got some good ideas.

So Monster's got a new

monster's got a brand new bag. And Irma's just, she's chill.
She doesn't care about any of those things. She's never chill, but yeah, she's fine.
Yeah.

What's Irma's thing? Irma's thing is she just wants to lick your face and then she wants to like get enter your skin. She wants to

want to Ed Geen, you say a little bit. She wants to live inside your body.
Oh, like an alien from alien. Yeah, exactly.
She's like an alien from alien or like species from species.

Is she like Bernie from bernie she's sort of like bernie from uh

sesame street what from bernie and art

we got a bernie and art that go do it uh ai put it together i want to see it um

the uh uh

species was natasha hens

yeah it was canadian i went she's canadian yeah i it was have you ever seen no i haven't uh they have these aliens that their faces look like a butt because it's like

down the middle and then like juicy on either side i haven't seen it either. Well, if that description didn't wet your appetite,

I guess that's sort of what Natasha Henstridge looks like.

Face looks like a butt.

Is she a French Canadian?

I don't know.

Henstridge. Henstridge.
I'd say no. Okay.
Henstridge sounds like a name of somebody that was in your class in grade six. A last name? Yeah.
Yeah. Ryan Henstridge.
Ryan Henstridge. Yeah.
Oh my God.

He came. I heard Ryan Henstridge felt up a girl.

He drank Alice at a party

in the bathtub. Ryan Henstridge called you out for your stitches pants.

Fucking Henstridge.

Anyway, not much is going on with me. The dog is constantly scrambling up, round, upstairs.

But I gave specific instructions. to put the machine away while we're recording.
Fair. That's good.
But he is just like, from from the moment he wakes up, he's like, let's do it.

Can he be distracted by food or is he just like on a mission? They're not really food-motivated, my dogs, which makes training them very hard. Yeah.
Yeah.

Yeah.

What do they respond to? Dave, I swear to God, if you do another fucking walk-in thing, I'm going to stop talking.

Yeah, these dogs, they are.

Because

when you're going around,

you find the dogs are

playing by themselves.

That's a really good one. Thank you, you guys.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.

It's like being in the room with Kevin Pollock.

I feel like I'm in a fat boy slim music video

where he famously does a talk.

Yeah, I love that video. It's so cool.
Flying around. That's when music videos were at their zenith.

It was guys that all went on to have movie directing careers.

And

now I don't know. I don't know if music videos.
I don't watch. I don't know who's making them.
I don't know who's Rascal Flats. Is Rascal Flats directing a bunch now?

There used to be a pipeline where the music video, if it was popular, you would get a lot of play on MTV, right?

But now there isn't the same thing. Yeah.

Apparently, YouTube is the biggest music streaming site, bigger than any like Spotify or I believe that. But

I don't know that the popularity of like the I don't know if people I don't know what the visual aspect is. No.

Do you know if I don't know if I told this story on the podcast before, but like how YouTube got created, why it got created? As a joke.

It was during the famous, infamous halftime show with Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson. Oh.
With the well

wardrobe malfunction,

he was like, I can't see it. It's not like I don't know where I can find it.
It's not anywhere. It's not on TV.
I don't know.

So they were like, there should be a site that people upload these things so that you can see them whenever

YouTube was born.

Thank you, Justin Timberlake or Janet Jackson. Who do we thank for that? The costume design.
Yeah.

That wasn't an accident. I don't know what it was.

She had that pasty on.

Like she was planning on it. Like they were planning on it.

He threw her under the bus. He really did.

But he even said, I'm going to have you naked by the end of this. That's true.
He did. Yeah, he warned.
He warned the audience.

That's a weird song to sing at the Super Bowl because, like, aren't they like, oh, it has to be squeaky clean for the Super Bowl? No, that's after that. It had to be squeaky clean.

Oh, they were like, okay, we're not inviting.

Like, after that, they literally had...

Bruce Springsteen and Tom Petty. Like, they only had

Burton Ernie. Yeah.

Two-life crew.

No, No, I won't back down.

That's good. That was me trying to do Bert and Ernie doing.

Which one? And a different voice. I don't know.

I don't know, Dave. I would say Ernie's the easier one to do.
Let's hear it. Hey, Bert.

Pretty good.

Hey, Bert.

That's good. That was really good.
Yeah. That's awesome.
Yeah.

No. Ernie.
How does he sound? That's Ernie. He's mad all the time.
Ernie.

He kind of sounds like, I guess, sort of an eight-year-old Abdulaziz.

Hey, Vetted Beasley here.

Were you stuffed up as an eight-year-old? Yeah, I was really stuffed up. I had polyps.
Oh, no. Yeah.
Where? In my nose. Okay.

And they, so that's why I sounded like a cartoon character the entirety of my childhood. What happened to them? I think they just like went away.
They, when I did a housing exchange.

Oh, yeah, they did a home exchange with another kid's nose.

Some British kid is really mad right now.

I go, I'll catch taste with chips. I'll go crap a fucked.

To all our English listeners. We're just having fun.
Yeah, we're just having fun. We're just, you know,

also to Christopher Walker. We're just having fun.
We're just having fun.

Whoa, Dracula Walker. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It did turn into a venue dracula.

I want to suck up people. blood.

What's going on with you?

So

in our neighborhood, there's a movie theater. And

the park theater. And it went out of business.
But almost as soon as it went out of business, the didn't go out of business.

It closed down. It got closed down.
And

the woman, Karine Lee, who runs the Rio, is taking it over. Oh, wow.
So it's going to be still a movie theater. It's not going to to be demoed or whatever.
That's awesome. Yeah.

So that was like within 24 hours. It's really awesome.
It is pretty awesome. Yeah.
So I was walking by the park theater at like night, my wife, Sally, and I, and

I saw the door of it, and it looked weird. It looked like it was ajar.
And I was like, huh, it seems like a weird time of day. When is a door not a door? When is a raven not like a writing disc?

Nevermore. Why do we walk on parkways and drive

on walkway? Park on walkway.

God damn it.

Why do we impersonate walk-ins and walk on impersonators?

So walking by, I was like, that kind of doesn't, it just doesn't look right. So I went and just opened it and it was completely dark in there.
So there's no like I was.

Was this a Phantom of the Opera?

I'll get to it.

But I opened it, and it was completely dark in there. So I just kind of yelled hello a couple times.
Hello. Nobody was.
Hello. Hello.
Somebody in there is here.

Well, I am going to come in. Come in.
Come in. Come in.

So I yelled hello a few times. And then

the bolt was out. So I couldn't just close it.

It was stuck.

Needed a key in order to turn it. So then I texted Corine.

You know her. I know her from many years at the Rio

and said,

your doors open of the theater. And she's like, oh my God, I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Very neighborly of you. Well, I feel like I didn't want somebody to go in there and set up camp.
Yeah.

Steal all the seats. Yeah.

But build another theater across the street. I'd be fine with that.

Competing theaters? I'm fine with it. Competition is good.
Yeah. And so

I called her and then she came and she was like, do you guys mind coming in with me? Because we didn't know if somebody was in there stealing things. Yeah.
And you guys are great at self-defense.

Yeah. Because you have that dojo across town.
That's right. As far as I've been telling everybody, yes.

But I, so we went in, but it was like she had to go to the far end of the theater to turn on the lights in the lobby. It was the most, I'm in a horror movie.
Yeah. What am I doing? Don't go in there.

Yeah, exactly. We're in there with our phones.

And I mean, everything is gone in there except the seats and all the fire extinguishers. Okay.

Oh, so so it had been cleaned out yeah yeah oh no no no no by the previous by the previous owner oh yes yeah yeah good so cineplex took the took the projector they took the popcorn machine yep they took it like there's still the counter but yeah everything's gone yeah there really isn't much else like is there a screen still or do they there's a screen yeah still got the screen yeah but the projector's the big one yeah so we went over the whole building looking to see if anybody was in there and uh it was so scary and then at one point she went off and she's like i'm gonna turn on the light she turned it on it was like blink blink blink blink blink blink blink just like it would be

and then you hear clink clink clink come out to play

um so we walked all around it inspected every room every corner Nobody in there.

It was somebody who had been locking up the doors and just like pushed them the wrong way and they landed the wrong way. Oh, okay.
But there's the one thing that I thought was kind of neat:

you know, the marquee letters? Yeah. They're pretty big.

Oh, yeah. Like

they're like 8x10, kind of.

They're wider than you think. They're like a piece of paper.
Yeah. It's like a pizza.
Yeah.

It's like an 8x10 pizza. Yeah.

But, anyways, the park's fine, everybody.

Oh, you're a hero. I guess I'm kind of the greatest hero of all time.
You're the hero that we need. That's right.
Not that. That you don't deserve.

the uh

yeah, when did she say when it's opening? Uh, she didn't say when it's open, they got to get a projector first, so that's a job one.

Can't they just uh use the one like an overhead projector from a high school with the transparency, yes, yeah, with the role of transparency.

All right, so then what happens next in the Batman movie is

you just draw it. I had a um,

I had a college professor who uh used them, Oh, yeah.

And that's how old I am. Want to feel old?

I am quite old.

Tell me you're a Gen Xer without telling me you're a Gen Xer.

I'm sort of on the cusp. Yeah.
Yeah, we're cuspiers.

You're millennial. I'm millennial.
Yeah. Yeah.
But we had a, I had a professor who was just like kind of a sloppy guy.

His shirt was always kind of untucked. Like he wore a suit, but like

maybe he had 10 ears, so he didn't have to really. Yeah, his like collar was always like ruffled.
He just lost all of his money in the stock market. And he was kind of,

I guess, he was kind of gross.

It sounds kind of gross. And he, one time,

a big like piece of saliva came out of his mouth and landed on the overhead projector and he didn't notice and it was there the whole time.

You saw it on the wall.

Oh, man. But yeah, the park theater's still there.
It's going to be showing movies whenever they get the thing that makes movies possible. And they need the popcorn machine.
Yeah, they really,

she said that they didn't have to do that. They just did it.
Like they could have just left all the stuff. Yeah, it meant nothing to them.
Yeah.

But they decided to clean the place out.

Are they going to serve alcohol there like they do at the Rio? I don't know, but I hope so because it's, oh boy, oh boy. I'm looking for a cheap place in town to get well.

I guess it won't be cheap at a movie theater. Yeah,

you live pretty close. You could probably just get drunk at home and run over.

I'm just trying to find somewhere to unload a bunch of Alise

that I bulk ordered from France without even tasting it. Can you believe it? Can you believe what I did?

See,

I thought it was blue icy syrup. It does look like icy syrup.
I can't wait to try it.

Well, should we move on to Overheards/slash trying the L is A? Yeah, it was going to be blitz.

Hello. Hello, I'm calling on behalf of the Beef and Dairy Network podcast.
Oh, no, I'm sorry. No sales calls.
Goodbye.

It's a multi-award-winning podcast featuring guests such as Ted Danson, Nick Offerman, Josie Long. I don't know what a Josie Long is.

And anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time, and even worse, my mother's time.
She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old.

She's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, get your shoes on.
Yes, the orthopaedic ones. I don't want to have to carry you home again, do I?

Right, well, if you were looking for a podcast. Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, Mother.
This is a musical theatre, not a Parisian bordello. Simply go to maximumfun.org.

I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy 4 as we speak. Mother! Mother, not that hat! Have you been looking for a new podcast all about nerdy pop culture? Well, I have just the thing for you.

Secret Histories of Nerd Mysteries.

Secret Histories of Nerd Mysteries is a weekly pop culture history podcast hosted by me, host Austin. And me, host Brenda.

We've already tackled mysteries such as what happened to the puppets from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, is Snoopy Mexican, and why do people hate Barney so much?

From theme parks to cartoons to 80s, 90s, and 2000s nostalgia, we tackle it all. Check us out every Tuesday on maximumfun.org and wherever you get podcasts.

Overheard.

Overheard, a segment of the show where we're going to. Ram, shut up.

What's going on? What happened?

Before we do that, it's time for my favorite segment on the show, drinking Aliza. Do the same song.

Two, three, four. Hey, we're drinking Alizay.
It's almost every day, but it's not. Perfect.
Welcome to Alise.

From now on, we're going to drink an Alizé every episode. Now, before we get into this.
I will fund that, by the way.

You were saying something about our. Last time you were on, maybe? Yes.
Last time I was on,

I have to give you guys props because you guys improvised this

Jason versus

Statham versus Statham

RPG idea that then after I left, I worked with our GM, Sean, and we turned it into a one-page role-playing game

that fully just works. And what we can definitely say about this is we definitely remember.

But it's the premise is basically what you guys did, where you pick a statham from a statham movie. Everyone picks like a different one.
Chevcelios. Chevcelios.
So then the transporter.

Those are the only two I know.

Oh, Hobbs or Shaw.

Hobbs and Shaw. The beekeeper.
Yeah. Yeah.
The mechanic. The mechanic, yeah.
And your power is related to whatever the movie is. So you can control bees if you're the beekeeper.

It's basically whatever you can specify if you're the mechanic.

You can transport

cargo. Yeah.

So now we've got a bubb, also, you told us before the show that

last time you were on, you gave out your phone number. Yeah, 250-588-8798.

Yeah, that's the number here listed on your. 250-588-8798.
Yeah, that's on your. Is my credit card number on there, too? From Edible Arrangements? Yeah, read it out.

4502-3189.

Zip, zap, zooy.

Now, this,

once you open it, got to be refrigerated. Okay, so this is Alise.
It's bright blue.

Well,

you know what? We haven't photographed it. And this is also Alise.
It's called Blue Passion. So it's a particular Alize.

Now, this is Blue Passion Alize.

Have you taken a whiff of it? No.

Oh, it's very. Oh, my God.
It's so blue. Sweet.
Oh, yeah.

It is.

Now, I have brought these two glasses. One is yellow, one is red.
I'm wondering if the glasses will, like, if this will look

maybe this will turn purple.

Is that enough? Sure. It's kind of green.

Oh, yeah, yours is totally green. Yours is kind of purple.
Yeah. Nice, nice, nice.
Well, let's take a little pick of these

for the Graham.

You guys are so good about your socials. We don't take enough pictures.

We forget every other week.

All right. To

Abdul. abdul to abdul abdul here you go thank you and he's drinking my water

yeah very sweet that is what they're like this would be

what a like a 15 year old

yes child i was gonna say girl but anyone would what is it what is it though like what is the

i don't know what passion fruit is so like

Maybe it's passion fruit. Maybe it's passion fruit.
But I also, while I was upstairs getting these glasses, I did have another chunk of strawberries. So I'm mostly tasting that.

It was next to the sour puss.

Oh, sure.

It's in the same category. I'll call it for teens.
Yeah.

Yeah.

So, yeah, like if you see

kids go into debt coming on our show,

you got a loan from the cover.

You got a grant to.

I do have a grant for gifts on podcasts. Yeah.
Oh, good. Well, congratulations, first and foremost.

Now, Abdul, the segment is called Overheards. Graham, tell us about it.
Let me tell you. We love to hear.
Thank you.

You're welcome. Thank you.
And let's get ripped. I mean, it does feel like you could.
It feels like I already have a hangover.

We hear things. You hear things.
We want to hear what things you've heard. And we always like to start with the guest.
Abdul, do you have an overheard? I hear things.

Now that is Stephen Hawking.

Go on, Abdul. It was actually Bonsai Buddy.

My overheard.

Who's Bonsai Buddy? Bonsai Buddy was a, it was a, like a voice to, or text to speech. Oh, okay.
Um, bot

that existed in like the late 90s, early 2000s. Wow, okay.

And you would download it onto your computer and then just type text into it and a little purple

gorilla would just speak it in a robot voice.

And I miss the late 90s computer. I know, it's so fun.
And it would also give your parents' computer just shitloads of virus.

But my overheard

is courtesy of

this,

this happened when I was, my wife was pregnant. Hey, congratulations.
Yeah, thank you. It was a few years ago.

And we went to

like our doctor for like one of the regular checkups, but she was out of town, so she had like a locum.

Now you use that word all the time, right? Locum.

It's a locum pocum. Yeah.
In front of a movie with Bette Middler in it. Sure, yeah.
Locum if you got him.

But it was like, it's just like a doctor that's subbing in for her. Okay.

And he was, I, he was. Who male locum? He was, it was a, it was a man, and it was a boy.

I walked in. It looked like he was an 18-year-old Yugoslavian boy.
He had Alizay just on the. Yeah.

That's the fireball whiskey.

Who are you trying to get crazy with, S.A.? Don't you know I'm Locum?

Nice.

And he did the checkup. And we asked him so many questions.
And he had no answers for us. Oh, okay.

And then, but at the, but he did at the end of the appointment go while he was like listening to the stomach with the stethoscope, go, in my country, we use big cone.

Oh, my God.

And I was just like, can we get like a different guy, maybe? Yeah.

Like a cone, like a director in the 30s would use? Yeah, like, or like, what are those ear, those listening ones? Like, what is, what is that called? I don't remember.

But

what is that? Did you ask what cone meant?

No,

I was really concerned.

An ear trumpet as well.

Oh, yeah. Was it an ear trumpet? Yeah, it was that.

It was the big director's coat.

And I was like, yeah, but

is the baby going to flip? Because Khalil was breached at the time. And I was like, that was the thing I was worried about.

It doesn't sound like he's flipping at the moment.

But I can't tell because I don't have a big cone right now.

In my country, the only flipping is nadi agomoni.

So

this Aliza hits hard. It does, eh?

It's,

you know, it's like you say, it's kind of, it's going to be an instant hangover. By 5 p.m., I'm going to be wrecked.
Uh-huh.

Well, that's great. That's fantastic.
And I haven't overheard as well. And I'm going to go now.

I went to, so

I don't go to McDonald's often, but when I do, it's because they have a weird meal. And the last one you went to, I think, was Shia Twain.
The Shania Twain meal.

I still have these

commemorative boots keychain right there.

But I saw that right now they have the triple pickle chicken crisp. Oh, yeah.

So, well, you're going to have to tell me what it is.

Well, I mean, you can imagine it. It's a McChicken with...
It's not a McChicken.

It's their bigger chicken patty. The McCrisp, apparently.
The McCrisp. Chicken McCrisp.

And it is, well, I actually didn't know either, but I just saw an ad for it.

Sorry, Chicken Pickle McCrispy. Okay.

And

it's got a lot of pickles on it, and it's got these pickle potato chips on it.

And what else can you tell me about it?

A crispy chicken patty, shredded lettuce, soft potato bun, crispy dill pickle seasoned cucumbers, our classic pickles, and a generous spread of all-new creamy dill pickle sauce. Okay.

Jesus.

What's your feeling on pickles in general? Do you love them?

I like them. Yeah, I like them too.
I love them. You know, you love them?

They're fun to eat. Yeah.
They're weird. Yeah.
They are weird. I like that about them.
Where do they fit in your diet?

I can eat them just on their own because it's just cucumber, which I is part of my diet. And then it's

salt.

It's salt water. Yeah.
Delicious. Delicious.
Yeah.

What makes them sour? I think it's the salt. It's the brine, isn't it? But where does the brine come from? Where is salt?

Water? The ocean? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

That sour, sour ocean of ours.

Is that a different thing? Is that vinegar?

I think it's got to be like vinegar and salt, right?

I haven't pickled that. I've pickled onions.

Oh, yeah. What was the

vinegar? Yeah. Maple syrup.
Oh. Salt.
Yeah. Wow.
And

water.

How was it? Sounds good. Good.
They pickle real fast. You don't have to you know, you pickle them in a day.
Did you do tiny onions? Or no.

Okay.

Asked and answered.

No, I didn't. No.

No.

No.

Tiny onions. Oh, my God.
If you think that's annoying, then you're annoyed.

No, they were just big red onions, chopping real small. Oh, nice.
Okay. That's what that kind of.
Not like pickled little

guys that you get at a bar. Yeah, I know what you're thinking.
Yeah.

But yeah. yeah, so anyway, I got this pickle sandwich.
Actually, Abby's parents are here and I told them, hey, I'm going to get some McDonald's. And they were like, oh, what are you getting?

I'm going to get the pickle McCrispy.

And Abby's mom was like, I'm going to get that too. And I was like, no, it's a joke thing that I'm getting.

And I got it, and it was.

You know what? Really disappointing. Not pickly enough.

Because that's like, that's the thing they're pushing.

Yeah, I want it to be like if it was too pickly, they could be like, what do you expect? And the McDonald's pickles aren't, they're not, they're little round. They're little round chips.
Yeah.

And then there's also two other pickly things. But it was just not, it was just kind of a letdown.
But anyway, my overheard is that I was at McDonald's and I ordered

my food. And there was a guy waiting there.
He thought he was going to get my food. He was a DoorDash driver.

and he was like is that mine and they're like no that's that's uh this this guy's and he said uh just uh delivering for door trash

yeah you gotta joke about it yeah this is gonna ruin you yeah you gotta you gotta joke about being a member of the precariat class

go on

it's like a new kind of class of society where it's like your social status and standing is as precarious as possible Oh, sure. Yeah.

Proletariat precariat.

Love it. Yeah.

Yeah. No, it does.

I don't know how they do it. Yeah.
Yeah. It does, it doesn't seem worth it.

But it seems like, it seems like a silly thing that got out of hand. You know what I mean? Like if somebody said, like, why don't we do like a pickle, huge pickle burger? Yeah.

You know? Don't they, wasn't there in Japan it was just pickles? I think we're talking about two separate things. What are you talking about? I'm talking about DoorDash drivers.

I'm talking about triple McCrispy. Pickle McCrispy.

I was talking about both things.

I was engaging in your separate conversations.

It's true. It's true.
I just,

hey, man, who hit is fucking me up.

Yeah, what is this? 14%?

Oh, boy.

You haven't overheard. I do.
And it was,

I went and saw a movie yesterday afternoon. I went and saw it.
I went and saw a movie called The Deer Hunter, and I was in it.

He's like a French guy in that. Yeah.

He's sort of his character from

the Continental. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

My overheard is I went and saw a movie

yesterday afternoon. It's an indie documentary called The Librarians.

And it's,

I like going to a movie in the middle of the day because it feels like playing hooky. Yeah.
Yeah, like it's just sweeter than going at the end of the night. You feel like like Don Draper.

Yeah, that's true.

But I.

Was it packed? It

cheek to jail.

It was much the crowd that you would suspect would be at a movie about librarians.

Did you shush anyone? I did.

Because there were old ladies that just started talking. Really? Yeah.

They started having a conversation. Because it was one person whispering and then a third person jumped in.
I was like, no, no, no, no. Like, I'm turning around.
No, no.

You shushed them and you said, Look at me. I'm the librarian now.

But the lady behind us said, Wow, I haven't been to a movie in 15 years.

And her friend just said, You're in for a treat.

How do you not see a movie for 15 years? Yeah. That's insanity.
And this is the one you see.

If you only see one movie every 15 years, I just got out of the hospital yesterday. Yeah.

I got hit on the head with a a big projector reel.

15 years ago. I was working as a projectionist at an old-timey movie theme.

You're in for a treat.

Anyways, I love going to movies. Yeah, me too.
You guys are going to see Wicked 2? Yep.

Have you seen the Wicked franchise? I haven't seen any of them. The first one is really good.
Yeah. Yeah.
Cool. Catchy songs.
But I was watching it in the theater in the last 20 minutes.

I was like, hmm, they're not going to resolve all this stuff. There's going to be a whole other chapter here.
But that was known. Yeah.

There's some movies where it's like,

oh, this, I wasn't told this was part of a thing. That was the Fast and the Furious, the last one I watched.
Oh, yeah. And it's this, it bombed, so they're not going to make a sequel.
What?

So that ending just literally like a car jumping in the air, like... Fast and the Furious will return.
Holy shit. Yeah.
That's crazy. I mean, maybe Vin Diesel will get the cash together and do like...

I feel like... He's He's grouped.

He also like self-funded like his first few movies, which were all like based on D ⁇ D campaigns that he had done.

Really? Boiler room was? No, it was the one where he had the weird eyes. I know.
Okay, so. Pitch Black.
Is that what it was? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then everything within that saga.

Now, we also have Overheard sent in to us by people all over. You want to send one in? You can send it into SBY at maximumfund.org.
This first one comes from Allison from Somerville, Maine. Alizay?

Can you change it to Alizae?

Would you for us? Yeah.

This is one person to another in the grocery store. Did I ever tell you I was considering changing my name to Spider until I met you and Spider, and I couldn't do it because they were too cool?

That's

the red weird. Yeah.
Until I met you and Spider. Hmm.
I read it differently when I put this in the email. Well, you know what, Allison?

You're out of the club. Yeah.

I considered changing my name to Aliza. Yeah,

until I met you and Spider.

If you could change your name to a cool, like, 80s tough guy.

Mr. T.

Yeah. No, I mean, like, in terms of spider, snakes, corpus.
Oh, okay. The thing that I thought was Rex Flexman.
Rex Flexman, that's good. Attorney at large.

Not at law? No. Yeah, he's on the run.
He's huge, too.

He's a bodybuilder attorney that is on the run.

Now, there's your show. Yeah.
That's your show right there. Yeah.

There's a cameo from the Six Million Dollar Man. Oh, shit.

Now, you'd have never seen that show. No, but I saw Lee Majors in the

Zach Elfanakis snowboarding. Snowboarding movie.

Right. We all saw that.
It was so good.

Zach's pretty good in it. He's really funny.
He can't not be funny.

He's so funny.

It was like, I think that movie made me start snowboarding and also start comedy. Did you actually start snowboarding? Wow.
Yeah. Out cold, I believe it was.
Yeah. Are you good at snowboarding?

I'm pretty good at it. Nice.
There's another facet of you that you do not know. Do you do tricks?

I can do a few tricks. There was like two years where I would drive up to Tromblant from Hamilton, which is like a 10-hour drive every weekend to go snowboarding.
And then

would that turn into a night boarding? Because it takes so long to get there?

I would leave Saturday night and get there Sunday morning and then ski all day.

And then I would hang out with the Carlton Ski Incidentalboard Club afterwards at this bar called Caribou that had $2 beers. And it was a disaster.
You didn't drink. I didn't drink.

So I just saw everything.

Just some people like Quiggly just becoming...

Absolutely destroyed after a day of snowboarding nonstop just drinking $2 beer.

This next one comes from Sam from Victoria. My 10-year-old was getting over being sick and was just getting her voice back, but it was kind of rough and gravelly.

She said, I love when my voice is like this. It sounds like I have red hair.

I've Batman, I have a red hair.

Batman's a redhead. Everybody knows.

Swear to me.

Your wife, Red Hair? Yep. She's.
Does she talk like that? Yep.

Hey, honey. One day I hope to meet this lady.

Oh, she could come over and pick me up anytime.

You have enough allies. She might need you.
Thank you.

This last one is from Allie in Calgary. Allie's eh? That is it.

I was teaching a grade eight math class about the order of operations. Okay, bed mass.

Yeah.

Yeah. What are the operations? Brackets, exponents, exponents, division, multiplication, addition, subtraction.
Nice.

And sometimes why.

At the end of the day, I found a crumpled-up piece of paper on the floor with this equation written on it.

It's a really good equation.

Limpsy squared.

It is, the equation is Jesse plus ugly minus basketball eeks will touch himself at night.

We got to get this guy a basketball. We got to get that guy on the podcast, whoever wrote that.

Oh, that kid rules.

He's like a beautiful mind meets like...

Goodwill hunting. Goodwill hunting.

It's the coolest guy I've ever met.

I just love. That would be great if Goodwill Hunting just wrote something like Jill Skarsgaard plus Wiener equals slippery.
Somebody fucked up the equation that we had written most of it. God damn it.

This was years of work, you asshole. 10-minute movie.

The guy who's just dumb. He just drives away.
Boston Red Sox plus beer equals good Sunday.

Do you like apples? Very much. The end.

In addition to overheards that are written, and we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, hey, that's your prerogative.

Or send us a voice memo. Do it like this.

Record your voice memo on your phone and then send it to spy at maximumfund.org or leave a voicemail at 1-844-779-7631. That's one.
Ugh. Spypod one, like these people have.

Hi, Dave Graham. And possible guest.
This is Tom in Toronto.

Not long ago, I was sitting on a stoop in

shit. I forgot where I was.
Oh, God. I just lost my train of thought.

I looked at my cat. God damn it.

I was sitting on a stoop

on Bloor Street in Toronto with a friend. And we just heard just a snippet of people talking when they walked by.
And it was two guys. And one said to the other, well, we're smoking crack.

And the other said, well, yeah, it's the anniversary. And it's the guys starting to clap people.

And that was it. These were two, like, very well put together guys.

So that's it.

Ah, God.

Sorry. Off I go.

Feel free to just end your call at the punchline.

Yeah, you smoke crack for the anniversary. Sure.
The anniversary of

Guy Fox Day. It's Guy Fox Day.
Sure.

You might try crack. There's no sugar in it.
Yeah, it's keto. Oh, it's keto.
Yep. Shit.
It's not booze. It's not booze.
You can have it? I can have it.

It won't tell me, make me reveal all of my secrets. It's like, I always like hearing about the very religious workarounds on these things.
Oh, yeah.

Like with the crack thing, I imagine they would get somebody who's not religious to smoke it and just blow it into the air

in front of people. And they're like, Well, we're not smoking it, we're just breathing in the air.
If you have the Pope smoke it and breathe it into your mouth, it's consecrated. So

it counts as the breath of Christ.

What is that called when people like breathe? Is it weed smoke in other people's mouths, each other's mouths? Yeah, I think so. What's that called? Hot? Yeah, it's called hot.

Yeah, what is it called?

What do I Google

mouthing?

What?

No, never mind.

Oh, I looked up something else. A French inhale.

That's where the smoke goes out and then you breathe it back in. You breathe it out your mouth and into your nose.
Whoa, holy shit. Also known as an Irish waterfall.

It's because you'd have to do circular breathing. You'd have to breathe in and out of it.
Yeah, they do it. You have to do a didgeridoo.
I can't.

You know what I say? Diggery don't.

Exhale.

Exhale smoke into other mouth. You're fighting.
Shotgunning. Oh, really?

I thought. The art of shotgunning.
Best practices.

It's a worksafe BC site that you're looking at. But shotgunning already has a couple...
Different, right? Different meanings.

The shotgunning weed smoke, the ultimate high, this is from hippystoners.com.

The ultimate high.

These are all, all, this is cool.

Toke like a pro, how to inhale weed properly.

How to inhale weed properly, best methods and common mistakes. This is from zamnesia.com.

Toke like a pro, how to inhale weed properly. How to inhale weed like a pro.
Eight tips to toke it right.

Understanding shotgun smoking, a guide to shotgunning weed.

Okay, guys. Okay, thehippiepipe.com.

And your next phone call.

Hey, Dave and Graham, this is Spencer from Toronto. I was just picking up my daughter's

gymnastics class. And there was a boy who's maybe about, what was he, like six or seven? I don't know.
And his grandmother was picking him up.

And he was telling his grandmother, hey,

me and my friends today at school, we were playing Boot Fight. And the grandmother said,

what is that? And the boy said that he just like takes his boots off and they throw them in each other's faces. And the grandmother said she didn't believe that.

And then you started talking about 6-7. Anyway,

off I go. 3,000 kills.

Dad?

If you didn't catch that at the end,

started talking about 6-7. Anyway,

off I go.

No one.

You're being weird.

Yeah, we recommend actually not sending a silver herds in front of your children. It's known to be studies have shown it's pretty damaging.

Yeah, and also, like, you know, wait till they're a little bit older to explain podcasts to them, right? To have the talk. Yeah.
Yeah.

So it's just three guys with beards in a room. Yeah.
Yeah.

Well, talk concluded. And it it destroyed U.S.
politics. Yeah.

Hey, do you know? Okay. Do you know how old?

This might be well known, but do you know how old Theo Vaughn's dad was? Oh, he was like a super old dude. Yeah, so Theo Vaughn is your age and my age, Graham.

His dad, if his dad was alive today, would be 113 years old. Whoa, strong calm.
So mathematically, he was in his 70s? Mathematically, he would have been 68. 68.

He'd pull in numbers like an Al Pacino or a Robert De Niro. Hey.

Hey, huh.

I got a wife. You know who else had

children at an old age is

Mick Jagger.

Is he in the room with us right now? Down in him.

Also, I think Larry King,

Poughkeepsie, are on the air.

And I believe maybe Tony Randall.

Very right.

Final phone call. Dave Graham, guest.

This is Kit in Ohio calling in with an overheard, which I would like to preface with the fact that I kind of had deja vu when I heard it, as though someone else may have called in with a very similar overheard, but I swear I heard this one with my own ears.

I was at a minor league hockey game last night, and a child behind me was about four.

I didn't hear any of what led into her saying this, but I just heard her very exasperatedly say, sharing is just not one of my strengths.

Doodles.

Oh, man.

I love it when kids are overly candid about their own shortcomings.

I just don't see sharing happening for me.

You know what? I hate it.

And you may see this equation I wrote earlier. Yeah.

Well, thanks everyone for sending in those overheads. Thanks, Kit.
Kit, that's a friend of the show, Kit, who was on our bonus episode about going on Jeopardy. Jeopardy.

We're culture vultures over here. Yeah.

Now that brings us to the end of the podcast. Abdul, where can people find out about you, the last season of Spoutlore, the new seasonable arrangement? Edible drink, edible arrangements.

Let us know.

I would say if you want more of my kind of humor,

we have two podcasts out.

One is Mall Bratz, which is in its second season.

Mall Brats. Maul Bratz.
Mall Bratz. And the other one is Spout Lore, which is next week ending its 13th season.
13th season, wow. And going into its final season, season 14.

Both of them are like D ⁇ D type podcasts, but we're very light on the rules. Is the 14th season going to pay off everything? All the theories people have? Yes.
In a big way. Okay.
Everything.

It's not going to be bullshit.

They were dead the whole time. It better not be.
God damn it, Dave.

They were in purgatory.

We're also going to tie up all the loose ends from Lost that never got.

Oh, nice. Oh, I've been waiting.

Well, thank you very much, Abdul. Thank you for being our guest.
Thank you for having me.

Thank you for teaching me the word locum.

And thank you for listening.

May all your Alizays be Glenn Fittich slash

fruit baskets. Come on back next week for another episode of Stock Podcast Your Soul.

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