Ep 202. Mathew Baynton - Series 19 Ep.2

Hello and welcome to the Taskmaster podcast with me, Ed Gamble.

We are of course in the Taskmaster caravan, hence background noise and ladybirds.

And we are going to be joined by a Taskmaster contestant from this series, Series 19, another great episode.

We are going to be joined by the wonderful Matt Bainton.

So stick around.

We'll be chatting to Matt, all things Taskmaster, his experience as a whole, and the specifics of this episode.

Let's get into it.

Enough waffle from me.

This is Taskmaster Series 19, episode 2, as discussed by Matt Bainton.

Welcome, Matt, to the Taskmaster podcast.

Thank you for having me.

We're very excited to have you here in the caravan.

You were just saying, just before we started recording, that

we like our guests to feel comfortable and excited to be here.

I believe you used the phrase trauma flashback.

Yes, I did.

I thought podcast, you know, it's an audio medium.

I didn't quite bank on the cameras and the, especially this GoPro, which really does.

Yes, a

360 camera.

Yeah.

Which I've seen how it looks, and it's not flattering.

There's quite a sharp.

It just screams, let's make sure we've covered every corner of this place so there is nowhere for a person to hide and keep their dignity.

Yeah, you can't hide.

There will be no dignity maintained.

None.

If indeed you do you feel like the experience of Taskmaster was an undignified experience?

We're here to talk about episode two, aren't we?

Yes.

Well,

swings around the past.

Okay, that's good.

So we've got stuff to look out for in future episodes.

It's a brilliant series so far.

We're all loving it.

You seem like a genuinely good Taskmaster contestant.

You won the first episode of the series.

That's a bizarre

thing.

I kind of came into it thinking maybe I would do alright.

Yeah.

I think because I've watched it a lot, I sort of thought,

I know you need to think laterally, and I know you need to sort of look around, and there might be shortcuts and clues.

But then my experience very quick, I very quickly felt like it had been a disaster.

So it really took me by surprise winning the first episode.

So when you were filming the tasks, straight away you were like, I'm actually bad at this.

I'm terrible.

Immediately,

if you spoke to the lovely Chrissy makeup artist, she would tell you that I came back into that room after every single task and sat on the sofa and put my head in my hands.

I was just like, oh no.

Oh no, I'm that guy.

That is the exact thought I had on my first day.

I can't believe I'm the stupid one on this.

Yeah, that was 100% my feeling.

And I thought, I'll be the one that Greg sort of turns to at the end of the VT and says, I've written something down.

I've written,

you look like someone had escaped the local care home and was wandering around the supermarket.

I was like, that's going to be me.

That's going to be me.

So it amazed me, actually, that

any of them went okay.

What is interesting about this series so far is I think all of you, in a sense, are that person.

That's fucking true.

Everyone has an element of that so far.

I sort of initially misdiagnosed Jason

as

chaotic because he was being so front-footed and American and just like really wanted to go for it.

And then very quickly realised, oh,

he just wants to destroy.

That's all he wants to do.

That's very much the vibe we're getting so far.

Oh, my goodness.

Yeah, he genuinely.

I think at one point in the series he refers to it as a secondary ongoing mission to destroy, destroy, destroy.

I think secondary is

not right.

I think that's his primary mission.

Primary objective.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Had you worked with many of the other contestants or even met them before the show?

I hadn't met any of them.

Wow.

No.

So on that first day of

the team task?

Yeah.

We're going to talk about the first team task here.

Oh, is that in?

Yes.

Yeah.

That was awkward.

Yeah.

I feel like I've seen some awkward ones.

I think this might be the most awkward.

I don't think so.

Really?

I think you were all sociable enough to make sure it wasn't the most awkward.

The most awkward ever, and I don't think this will ever be beaten, is Richard Herring meeting Daisy May Cooper.

I'm trying to remember how that went down.

The one that was in my mind just then was Emma Siddy telling everyone she was in a city.

Siddy.

Yes, so when she was that was poor Babatunde because

Andy was dressed as a cricketer and Emma was dressed as a detective.

They'd never met before, so he didn't know what was going on.

He thought it was possible.

I thought I didn't realise this was fancy dress.

Yeah.

I had the sort of the opposite experience, which is that I assumed I wouldn't be the only one who'd like

gone for an outfit.

Yeah.

Let's talk about the outfit before we get into this episode, Matt, because it's, I'd say, bold.

I think you look fantastic in it.

Quite short shorts.

How did you come to the decision of the outfit?

Were there other things in your mind that you might have gone with?

There are a couple of sort of other contenders.

Yeah.

I knew, as soon as I was asked to do it, I knew I would, yeah,

I'll definitely wear an outfit.

Yes.

I just felt like,

yeah, I've not done much stuff as myself, and I'm usually not quite

wholly comfortable in my own skin.

And I thought, if I wear some sort of an outfit, it will feel like

not a character, but just a permission to be ridiculous.

You're playing an elevated version of yourself, is like a character.

I'm not even sure it's that.

I think it is just literally a sign that says, I'm here to be laughed at.

Yeah, that's good.

Okay, yes, that's good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

And

I thought, I didn't, you know, and then you're trying to come up with something,

and

I kind of thought it'd be funny if it looks like

an attempt to

do something serious in a sporting sense,

an athletic,

given the tasks are all ridiculous.

Yeah.

If you look like you've shown up for a proper sporting event and then you're, you know, painting eggs or whatever it's going to be.

Great.

And it's an instantly funny outfit.

As soon as you appear on the screen in that first episode, episode, huge laugh.

I will say this, it's actually more than I bargained for because I was given the option of going and getting stuff.

And I took the lazy route because they also said, you know, we can source some bits for you if we've got an idea.

And I was like, well,

maybe if I look like I'm sort of running a marathon or doing track and field or something, so.

If you could get me, and I did say, to be fair, I said short shorts because they're funnier than long shorts.

and a vest with a number on it.

And

the vest was too big and the shorts was so much shorter than I.

So, yeah, it's more ridiculous than I necessarily bargained for.

And you are really the only one.

Yeah, absolutely.

Like, Jason is wearing an outfit, and he wears the same outfit in the studio.

Yeah, that's what he wears in life.

Yeah, just the whole time.

That's all he wears the whole time.

He'd have worn that on your podcast, I imagine.

Yeah, he must have done.

Yeah.

But obviously, at the time, I hadn't seen any of this, so I didn't connect that.

That's his thing.

He would wear that all the time.

Is it sort of like a...

I mean, we can ask him, I'm sure we'll be interviewing him at some point for this, but is it like a Steve Jobs thing?

Did he explain the outfit?

You know, Steve Jobs used to only have the same stuff, so he could just, he didn't waste any time deciding what to wear.

And I know Nick Cave talks about like that that's the great thing about is this is my look.

Yeah.

I've just chosen it.

So there's no.

Yeah, so Steve Jobs, Nick Cave and Jason mantzukas

i'd put those three together anyway yeah for sure

let's talk about the prize task on this episode two the snootiest thing

a lovely a lovely open prize task category i think yeah it was quite a tricky one yeah because you know there is no definition of snooty really snooty is a feeling snooty is a vibe i guess so and also it's like

if snooty i suppose is like looking down on

people

Yeah.

And how can that be inherent to a thing?

So like my first thought was things like monocles.

Yeah.

Because they would be worn by someone snooty.

But here's the thing.

I felt like my time in the house had been so disastrous that when the prize tasks were listed for me, I was like...

Okay,

this I can actually think about.

Yeah.

Like, this is the one piece of control I can have, is how much thought and diligence I put into these prize tasks.

So, I thought about them a lot.

I think that's good.

I think that's the sign of a good player.

So, I was like, I don't want to go route one.

I thought monocle, that sort of thing, there'll be other similar things.

And I was, you know, and then I thought, oh, I know someone who went to Eton.

Yeah.

There must be something

redolent of that.

Yeah.

And

so I credit that to him.

The Oppodon's cap from the Eton College wall game.

It's interesting, is it?

Because I think Greg made a really good point that it's almost more snooty from the fact that no one really understands what it is.

Like it's so preventative to anyone who didn't go to Eton

that it's like mythical and confusing.

Absolutely nuts.

And that even if you went, even

if you went there, it's not like a game we regularly play at Eton.

It's a game they play once a year.

That it seems as though basically there's never a winner because the scoring system is so strange that there isn't even really the satisfaction of anyone scoring any points.

It's yeah, it is snootier because of that because you can imagine almost if someone from Eton had that cap, you're going, what's that?

And they're going,

don't you know, dear boy?

Are you sure?

Yeah, well, you wouldn't know, would you?

And there's no way of explaining it, really.

You had to be there at Eton.

No, it was a very, very good very very good submission

and you got you got the five you got the five points for it let's skip to the other end of the scale fatia

what did she oh swiss chocolate swiss chocolate so this is what I mean about snooty is undefinable

but I think it's difficult to I mean if even Alex is mean to Fatia in this instance

saying Swiss chocolate is the snootiest chocolate it's made by Swiss chefs in kitchens yeah even Alex says at one point do you remember that the Swiss chocolate is made in kitchens?

Yeah.

But I think this is a case of Fatia not necessarily thinking this through too much.

Yeah.

I mean, it's posh chocolate, I guess.

Yeah.

But is it even, I'm not sure it is.

I mean, just any chocolate.

You just have to.

The adverts would have you believe.

Yes.

But you can still go into any corner shop and buy some Swiss chocolate, yeah.

And Lynn are the adverts she's referencing, I think.

Yeah.

So it's, yeah, it's not.

It's not snooty at all, is it really?

No, no, let's be honest.

No.

But again, just she's so funny.

Just the way she, I mean, if you'd not, you'd not met Fatty before, obviously.

Had you seen any of Fatty?

No, the first time I met her was when she said to me, what are you wearing, bruv?

Or why are you

so funny?

That was so funny because Rosie was so polite.

And then Fatia turns up and it, because I know Fatia, I'm like.

He's in for a world of pain here.

What are you wearing, bruv?

Straight away.

And you are slightly taken aback by that.

Yeah.

I just sort of looked at the floor.

I think I said I thought it would be.

Yeah, that

I sort of mumble, I thought, sporty something.

Yeah.

I don't even form a full sentence in response.

You don't meet her with her energy

at all.

You'd go,

I just thought it would be a good idea sporting.

But that's, I mean, that's a good example of how quickly

three personalities can be defined within seconds.

Nothing beyond that.

You don't need to see any more to know who the three of us are.

Well, I think that's what's so amazing about this series in particular and what Taskmaster does very well generally.

But I think that first episode, first prize task, you're basically seeing all of your personalities straight away.

Yeah.

And you're all so different.

Yeah.

But yes,

Fatia's an incredible person.

She makes me laugh so much.

I love gigging with Fatia because just backstage, she's always angry about something.

You just let her go off about it.

It's fantastic.

But yes, the bar of Swiss chocolate, not her finest moment.

Rosie brings in a red wine decanter.

Yes.

Again,

her idea of what snooty is.

Yeah.

I feel like.

It's relative, isn't it?

It is relative.

I think she could have made it seem snootier by talking about the specific source of decanter it was, the reason why it's a different shape to other decanters.

Yeah, I guess guess it's the context of like who are you having round for dinner yes

like and in in certain company if if you got out a wine decanter and weren't just pouring from the bottle yeah that would be extraordinarily snooty yeah totally but and if you went to eaton yeah

yeah they're not caring about that just be like hang on you're gonna pour from the bottle yeah

in some instances you should just pour from the bottle you are a wine person, aren't you?

I try to be.

So when is it about whether it needs to breathe?

Yeah, it depends on the amount of oxygen you want to get to it.

Okay.

But can that not just be achieved by

swilling it in a big bottle?

It can be, and that's the idea of the swilling.

But I think in some instances, if it's a very, very old bottle...

you almost don't want to expose it to too much oxygen because it will just collapse.

So you do decanter for not very long.

You're almost decanting it in that sense to get rid of any sediment.

That's where you're holding the phone light under the bottle.

Well, this is if Rosie had said some of these things, I think she might have got more points.

And it's a swan decanter.

You'd use it for lighter wines because there's less surface area.

Yeah, you'd have got five points with the same items.

I think I would have been kicked off the show, to be honest.

Jason really goes for it.

Jason brings in his butler, his butler, and offers his button.

I did as well, not to take anything away from your effort.

I think when you're changing it up and you're bringing someone else into the equation, there's a physical element to it.

I thought that was really good.

It was really, really good.

And I'm very, very surprised it got three.

Wow.

So Stevie's petra.

It was very good.

The portrait of Stevie's tortoise was really fun.

And what I liked about Stevie's was that it was something actually from her life.

She's actually got something from her house and brought it in, which used to happen loads on Taskmaster.

And then it became more of a thought exercise, and it was coming up with the joke to do on the show.

So it was nice to have that sort of old school actually grab something from your house.

And it was a very funny portrait of a tortoise in military uniform.

Yeah.

And led to a great discussion of Jason asking what rank she was and stuff.

I mean, I thought it was mad.

I didn't necessarily think it was Snooty.

No, I didn't.

I mean, I guess the tortoise looks snootier than a normal tortoise.

It looks dignified and military.

Yes.

Yeah, it wasn't snooty, actually, you're right.

Painting of a tortoise.

Painting of a tortoise admiral.

Yeah.

Yeah, not snooty at all.

Not to denigrate it as a, you know.

It's a great portrait, but yeah, it doesn't, you're right, it doesn't necessarily fit in the category.

I think it's one of those things where she was like, I'm bringing this in somehow.

Yeah.

I hope there's a category that I can squeeze it into.

That's probably true.

So, yeah, I mean, Jason's, for me, was the most entertaining and pretty snooty.

Yeah, oh, definitely.

I think that's the five-pointer.

If I were the taskmaster, and I say that in the knowledge that there are some of my offerings later that absolutely

should have got five points.

Okay, good.

Well, we'll keep an eye out for those as we talk more about the series.

It was one point for Fatia, two points for Rosie, three points for Jason, four points for Stevie, and five points for you.

I don't think they've done a tortoise before, so like the neck is very bent at a weird angle and where's the shell.

How do they get her in the uniform?

Americans are so naive, aren't they?

And is that her actual rank?

Task one, commentate on yourself achieving something really tricky, then achieve that really tricky thing.

Most iconic really tricky thing, achieved wins.

You have five minutes to record your commentary, then 15 minutes to achieve that really tricky thing.

Your time starts now.

Very difficult task.

I love it.

I think it's such a good idea.

The idea of commentating on something before you've done it and then having to do that thing I think is so funny.

I love watching other people do it, but the idea of doing it myself stressed me out massively.

It was quite stressful.

And I am, I will say, like, this is one of the few occasions where

I sort of delivered on my promise to myself to think laterally.

Yes.

And was like,

hang on, if I do multiple commentaries, then I've got a backup.

Yeah.

So,

yeah, and my first thought was like

there was an episode of Ghosts where I did keepy uppies with a severed head.

Yeah.

And to prepare for that, I'd spent quite a lot of time working on keepy uppies.

So I'd thought, keepy uppies are a little bit in my locker.

Yeah.

I mean, not by

comparison to anyone who's a football player, absolutely not.

Sure.

But I'd back myself with a football to keep going for a fair.

How did you do it on ghosts then?

Were you actually doing Keepe Uppies with something and then?

I was doing actual Keepi Uppies with a foam version of the head.

Right, okay.

And that was trickier than I bargained for as well because it's not round.

Yeah.

Famously.

Yeah.

But managed to do enough that we could have some footage in there that wasn't just awful, cheated

close-ups of you know

um

so i thought i'll do that and i'll try and i'll try and make it impressive by using a tennis ball see this is not something i've attempted this is when you need to think ahead as to what you think other people might do because i think keep upies with a normal football would have instantly been taughtier than what everyone else did but i hadn't met these guys yeah you know these guys could have incredible secret skills up their locker they didn't up their locker up their locker um they didn't as it turns out yeah but who knows yeah no that's true you were you were trying to you were future-proofing and i respect that um but then you did another commentary for catching the catching the grape in the mouth grape yeah and actually as it happens i thought that was really good i gave myself so little time yeah because i was so i i was so close with the keepy uppies that i thought i'm not going to need that yeah if i just keep going i'm going to get there I'm going to get there.

And then I really didn't.

So I went for the grape.

I had so little time left.

And the thing that I had said,

I think I, I don't know if I said it in the commentary or if I had just made in my head that the only way it will be impressive, I think I said to Alex, if I can get this as high as the house,

that would be iconic.

Yeah.

So that was what was in my head.

And I did throw it very, very high and got it on the second attempt.

I thought it was great, which made it kind of look less tricky.

But I could try and repeat that now for you, and I would not.

Yeah, I think that was that Greg's argument that if it was tricky, you wouldn't have been able to do it on the second attempt?

I think so, yeah.

But I still,

he needed to bring some context into it because there was a big argument in the studio, but certainly with what Rosie and Stevie were doing, that they did what was tricky for them,

not tricky for the populace as a whole.

Because, of course, Rosie, Rosie, I mean,

some of Rosie's stuff that she did, I could not believe it.

The whole thing of this, her as this character, walking to the dome, sniffing the air, vomiting, vomiting, yeah, which made me scream laughing.

In order to

sudden, unnecessary vomiting really makes me laugh.

Yeah.

And then doing, as Greg says, a rudimentary maths sum.

Yeah.

And then vomiting again.

Yeah.

Nine times nine.

I mean,

really funny, but not tricky at all, right?

No.

It's moments like that where, you know,

you're glad that Greg is there as the monster to voice what everyone is thinking because

it would feel...

I wouldn't feel great about...

telling someone they're stupid because they can't do the nine times tables without their fingers.

Yeah,

the sort of finger thing was talked about and the fact that it can't be I loved it, it can't be over nine.

Yeah.

So what a a nine eleven she was like no no no no I can't do it yeah but no one actively said yeah we can all do that because just because we know we know it yeah because we've remembered it yeah and also the 11 times table is is also one of the easiest

so yeah yeah straight away yeah 99

um and well done

just had to prove I could do it uh Stevie uh leapfrogs over Alex and scores a goal scores a goal well she doesn't leapfrog I believe that was brought up as well she doesn't get all the way over.

She lands on his back and

then scores a goal.

Yeah.

An open goal.

An open goal.

Yeah.

So again, according to Stevie, tricky for her,

but I'd say for most people, probably not that tricky.

The more we talk, the more I think if I had just sort of kicked a ball in the air twice,

it would have brought home the five.

Definitely.

But again, you don't know what they're going to be able to do.

I think Jason could have done something else.

But Jason was clearly, even after episode one, so obsessed with getting on the roof.

I think he must have been told because it's a long-held thing in Taskmaster that you're not allowed to get on the roof.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's like one of the only rules.

Yeah.

Were you told that when you arrived and started filming?

Yeah, yeah, and was aware of it from other contestants.

Yes.

And

I think it just because it is something that

it is your first thought.

Yeah, of course, yeah.

In so many situations where you're like, well, what would be mad?

What would be

what would be impressive?

What would look,

yeah.

So obviously obviously Jason's told this day, day one.

Yeah.

He's coming for the first day of it.

He's aware of the backstory of it.

Yeah.

You can't get on the roof.

Everyone else goes, yeah, fine.

Jason's first thought is, I'm going to get on that roof.

Yeah.

But also I think

he is also on his secondary slash primary mission there.

Yeah.

And it was more that he wanted to do something that turned everyone against Alex.

Yeah.

He wanted their studio audience to turn on Alex.

But they didn't because because I think they understand Alex and they understand that there has to be some rules.

But his commentary was, I mean, I think it's partly being American, having that voice, that sort of natural sports commentary authority, and also just being brilliant at improvising.

His commentary was incredible.

And making everyone dress like him so they could

feel like what it is to be great.

That made me laugh so much.

I'd forgotten that.

I wonder if

that just came out and then they had to do it.

I wonder if he was thinking.

No, I think the commentary he just did off the top of his head.

Yeah, and then they did it.

And then they had to do that.

They had to, yes, and him.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's a lot of outfits.

So he must have brought all his clothes with him.

It's a very good point.

Yeah.

Maybe they had to hold it for another day.

Yeah.

Got to get all Jason's clothes over here, fly them over from America.

He gets to the end of his commentary.

They're like, right, well, no, we can't do that today.

Yeah.

Fatia's impressive thing

is

when we get to the point that this is getting four points, you know that there's not been a lot of tricky things done.

Fatia doing a paper plane and flying it through, flying it through the Taskmaster dome.

Particular bit of Fatia's commentary that I really enjoyed.

She's just clearly just improvising and just wanted to get to the end of it.

Was well done, Fatia, she is the best.

I mean, yeah, there's a certain sort of just honesty to that.

Yeah, I think so, yeah.

She's not dressing it up.

Yeah.

I think I remembered that the phrasing of the task was iconic, so I just shouted, that's iconic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

At the end, in the hope that whatever happened out there, the commentary would sort of save it.

Yeah, cover it off.

What most of you did very well was, within the commentary, keeping it to things that you probably could do.

Whereas I think Jason was just getting ahead of himself and saying things that would then have to happen around him.

Yeah, I think that's a good, like, he landed on a game there.

Yeah.

I think, which is probably quite.

All my head was doing was going, oh my god, what can I say that I can realistically live?

Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it was all about like, how high do I set the bar for myself?

Hello.

Yes,

just, you know, there are live ladybirds in the caravan.

I'm just

very,

but it's

quite shy.

What's it saying?

Not saying anything.

Mattia's the best.

Oh, wow.

That's nice.

We've got a Matthew Bainton fan as one of the ladybirds.

No, Fatia, it said Fatius.

Oh, it said Fatia.

It's a Fatia fan.

I think you'll find individually that they've all got different favourites.

It was one point for Jason, two points for Stevie, three points for Rosie, four points for Fatia, and five points for you.

Very strong episode for you so far.

Unbelievable.

Oh, he's getting on top of the hunch.

Manzoukas is...

He's got a ladder.

He's got a ladder, and he's trying to get it onto the roof.

I've said it, so it is happening.

He's starting to scale the roof.

Alex Horn is freaking out.

Never before in Taskmaster history has anybody gotten onto the roof, but American comedian Jason Manzukas is going to be the first person in history.

Oh, Alex Horn is on the phone.

Alex is shutting it down.

Alex is shutting down the most iconic, really tricky thing that's ever been attempted.

Jason Manzukas is now being pulled off at the roof by a bunch of people dressed just like him.

Let's talk about task two.

It is the first team task.

Give Alex exactly 100 marbles on a plate and an egg cup full of tepid water.

One of you must always be sitting down, one of you must always be jumping, and one of you must always be clapping your hands.

You must each change your action every 30 seconds, and no one may hold anything for more than five seconds at a time.

Fastest wins, your time starts when Alex blows his whistle.

This is the sort of task that would send me loopy.

We didn't have many.

There are more complicated ones these days.

I don't think we had anything that stopped like that.

It was pretty complicated.

And

I mean, I thought we'd thrown it as soon as Fatia started walking instead of jumping.

I was just like.

Because it was the first team task, I sort of, there was at least a little part of my brain was like, well, if you express disappointment at that,

that's going to be deeply unlikable.

Deeply unlikable.

You don't know how Fatia is going to react in that scenario.

You can't, because my instinct would have been.

Fucking hell, Fatia, just do what it says on the screen.

Yeah, if I knew her, I think maybe there'd have been a bit of like, you have to jump.

We'll be disqualified.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

There's no point.

I know her, and I wouldn't have said that.

Right, okay.

Well, I guess, yeah, because I knew what I guess.

I've known her a bit now.

Yeah, I probably wouldn't.

It's true.

But then you're sort of like, okay, well, now

we're spending an awful lot of time doing something that I'm pretty sure whatever happens, we're going to be disqualified.

Disqualified straight away.

And it went on for ages.

Also, because she had thrown, but I mean, what a plot twist.

It took ages because she threw the marbles, but if she had not thrown the marbles, you would have had too many marbles.

You would have had too many marbles.

The throwing the marbles thing, just the replay of her throwing the marbles, is so funny.

Just because Alex tells her to put it down, she just throws them all onto the grass.

Gone.

You don't think about those anymore?

No, until you realise.

We do have to.

We need a hundred of those.

We need those.

It's total chaos.

I mean,

I think already in this series, we're seeing how chaotic everyone is.

And when it gets to the point in this task where it cuts to Fatia and she's brushing the grass

and it's normal, and you're like, okay, I can see why she's doing that.

Because someone says, can we get a rake?

Can we get a rake?

Get a rake.

And then it cuts to her with a dustpan and brush, like just gently brushing the grass.

Brushing the smallest corner

of a fairly sizable lawn.

But you're like, okay, we can see how she's got there.

I don't think you're going to follow through and do that throughout the lawn.

Yeah.

But it is because

already this team is you working really hard and really want to get it right.

Details oriented.

Fatia doesn't give a shit.

Yeah.

And Rosie's just all over the place.

Rosie's calling the marbles eggs.

Yeah, but she's having a good time.

She's having a lovely time.

She's happy to be there.

Yeah.

So as an ally, I really felt like Rosie was in my corner.

Sure, she wasn't.

I think you were in your corner by yourself, in all honesty.

It might be true.

It might be true.

I think Rosie's just in everyone's corner.

The fact, I mean, I can't.

But this is Taskmaster.

You've just got to do it

as well as you can, given the circumstances.

And even then, you might end up getting five points.

This is what I learned, yeah, because

you never know what the other people have done.

Well, let's talk about what they did, because it seems like they were quite good.

The edit made it seem quite efficient and doing well and, you know, all doing what they're supposed to, dropping things, sitting down, jumping around.

But it was 101 marbles.

Gutting, gutting for them.

I would have been gutted in their own.

I can't imagine how you eat that.

But I will say this.

As you say, details-oriented.

I think I would have counted the marbles.

Yeah, I think so.

I don't think I'd have presumed it's 100.

Yeah.

No, you know they're going to trip you up with that sort of stuff.

And I would have moved them to a plate.

Yeah.

I mean.

Yeah, but they got away with that.

Greg was like, oh, we'll let them have that.

I'm trying to look ahead here.

Have we, is the wetsuits not.

No.

No.

I'm a details guy.

Yeah.

That's all I'm going to say.

Yeah.

I think the tambourine was unforgivable.

And I think Greg only gave them that because he knew what was coming.

Yeah.

There was 101 marbles.

Let's talk about the physicality of Stevie Martin.

That hop, skip.

Yeah, extraordinary stuff.

Down the drive.

Yeah.

Madness.

Yeah, it's hard to...

I think it's hard to justify.

It's still hard to justify.

I don't need to.

It's hard to comprehend.

It's hard to comprehend.

It's hard.

There's no sort of

reason for that physical sort of decision.

No.

But the only thing I can really put it down to is just kind of enthusiasm.

Total enthusiasm and confusion all at the same time.

Yeah.

About jumping and moving, jumping forward, and somehow the arms get involved.

Just,

yeah,

I don't think she was in control really of what was happening there.

She was taken over by Quentin Blake.

And the invisible skipping rope was such a spot-on observation.

Yeah, yeah.

Just like, yeah.

You could paint it.

You know,

if you were going to commentate on a very tricky thing to do,

and you just did Stevie's jump and said, can you paint in a skipping rope?

Yeah.

It would, no one would have ever thought CGI was involved.

Kind of like, quite haunting, quite scary in a way.

Like, can you imagine a horror film where you were being followed by Stevie doing that?

Yeah.

Really scary.

Yeah.

A bit, I mean, I guess it's a bit like a zombie thing in the sense that, like, at least they're not getting anywhere fast.

Nowhere fast, but they're always there.

If there's lots of, if there's lots of skipping Stevie Martins, you're in trouble.

Yeah.

If they're blocking the the door, if they're all around the windows and stuff.

Unfortunately, it was one point for Stevie and Jason, but it was five points.

Another top score for you in this episode.

For you, Fatia and Rosie.

Beautiful.

What a team.

Wow.

Powerhouse.

And we all know what the absolute highlight of that

was.

I remember doing that and I was like, I'm still really going.

I've sort of never seen another human human move like that.

You want to see it again, though?

Of course I want to see it again.

Go, Scene!

Task three, get the most liquid in this can.

You may not leave the submaravan.

You have 15 minutes.

Your time starts now.

So here we are.

We're at the scene right now talking about

get the most liquid in this can.

So many options, most of which seemed quite frustratingly bad for get the liquid in the can

yeah

i felt like

there i don't know i felt again it was one where i was like there must be a single thing here that will just fill the whole thing

that's what they would have done here

so it's like find the hack yeah and

You can never rely on that in Taskmaster, I don't think

that's the thing.

But there were several several sort of hidden around the place.

I mean, I quite liked it.

I quite like these kind of ones where it's kind of madness, but you're basically just up against the clock.

Trying loads of different things.

Looking everywhere you can.

And in an enclosed space as well.

So you're searching.

It's the escape room vibes of just searching everywhere.

And you can just lean into the chaos and stress of it.

Yeah.

I really enjoyed finding the picker thing up here.

Yeah, that's a good moment when you find it.

Bringing in the pint of whatever it was.

I was

breakfast drink.

Breakfast drink.

Yeah.

So many weird elements where it's just Alex has just been let just let him put breakfast drink if he wants.

Yeah, but the shower seemed very frustrating that was coming through the roof was like dribbling.

Yeah, it dribbled and then

I tried to turn the tap a bit more and the whole thing came off.

Yeah.

And Alex rather unfairly sort of tarnished me as being really destructive.

Yeah.

It was just, I mean, it was being held on by some blue tackles.

Yeah, they did not put it on properly.

Definitely not.

I mean, look, Steve, you mentioned this, but I am thinking if I'm doing that task, the first thing I'm thinking is.

Do I need a wee?

Am I having a piss in it?

Yeah, I don't think I needed one.

I wouldn't put it past me to have done that.

To have done that.

Yeah.

Look, I think I would have done that.

I would have done that.

I think

no one would have been happy about that.

I think I would have.

And there are things I did where, you know, you do them in the moment, and then later on you think, oh, that's.

I was just trying to do the task, and

no bit of my mind was thinking this is TV footage that will exist even after my death.

Great.

So

I would have pissed in the thing.

I would have.

But I didn't need one.

You've got to piss in the thing, really.

I was working out where I would do it and how I would do it and how much I would show.

Yeah, I mean, there is a toilet cubicle there, which is where

the rig for the drain pipe thing outside was.

And I cut my flank on the.

You cut your flank?

I cut one of my flanks.

Well, you had the

flank.

I think it's in the edit that I sort of grazed myself.

And that was bleeding a fair bit.

And it turned out Jason was bleeding on.

He was bleeding as well.

But there was never enough blood to make a real impact on the yeah, and it didn't even occur to me that the

cut in the flank could be gamed in that way.

If it was, you'd be squeezing your flank.

It's like if I'd been like, can I catch an artery somewhere?

Call an ambulance now

because I'm slashing myself up.

Get me a couple of pints of squash because I think I'm going to have to replenish my sugars.

This is it.

This is what we're seeing about you, Matt.

The dedication to Taskmaster.

I mean, I feel like if you're going to do it,

you've got to go for it.

No, I agree with you.

Bleed away.

Bleed away.

I only bled once, actually, I think, when I was...

No, I bled twice filming Taskmaster.

Oh, you win.

Once was in here when I shaved my knees

and another one was on a task that wasn't shown where I was trying to teletape a brick to the door of the caravan.

The unshown tasks.

The unshown tasks.

I think everyone throws themselves into this pretty well.

I mean, it is obviously chaotic.

You know, there's the ice situation, which doesn't feel like a good thing to use, you know, then having to heat the ice up.

Yeah.

There's the bath pearls, which I love Fatia just like popping the bath pearls into the thing.

I don't think I found those.

No, I think it seems to only be Fatia, really, who found the bath pearls.

There's the whole sort of cleaner, the decking cleaner Rube Goldberg machine,

which frustratingly didn't seem to work that well either.

Like, there was just a bit of liquid.

There wasn't much, much, yeah.

But I got what there was.

I think Jason did too, didn't he?

Yeah, I think you guys did it well.

Rosie.

And we both got the breakfast drink.

Yes, you both got the breakfast drink.

I mean, Stevie had a nightmare there.

God, I was just chaos.

I was quite frustrated watching that, actually.

Although there's a moment...

There's a moment where she's going for something.

with the train pipe from the cleaner where you think oh that actually could be amazing

she can knock the bottom knock it down flip it onto the thing, and then immediately there.

But you're going,

that's where it's going to fall apart.

Yeah,

that's one in 100 getting that.

She doesn't even follow through.

I think she finds the picker.

She finds the picker and then tries to do both, and then it's like five seconds left, and then she's like hanging out the window, just already given up, just absolute chaos.

You melt the wax, which I thought was interesting that

you were even trying to melt the wax.

I guess there's a point where you go, I think I've found all the,

I think yeah, what's left to do but melt the wax.

May as well melt the wax.

Yeah, because it's a small caravan.

I think I felt like I found everything I could find.

Yeah.

Hadn't found the bath pearls.

Look, you did a very good job.

You nearly beat Jason.

Jason did very, very well.

Stevie starts a fire, which I think just this...

this series so far honestly i think it is the most chaotic

proud to be part of the most chaotic.

It really feels like it, though.

Yeah.

Like, there's a fire, there's like everyone's all over the place.

There's so much going on.

And I don't know whether that's the tasks or you guys, or most likely a combination of

the tasks themselves.

They invite this sort of chaos, especially.

It's deeply reassuring as well.

Yeah.

Knowing the sort of mess I'd made of so many of these tasks and going into the studio thinking, like, I'm going to watch a bunch of relatively dignified, clever people, and I'm going to just.

How quickly did you realise that wasn't the case?

Fairly quickly, I think.

I'm trying to think back to the first episode.

What was in there?

What was in that first episode?

I can tell you.

I know we did.

The only one I can remember now is the creative task, which isn't a good example.

There was.

Well, the backwards, forwards

task, doing doing something backwards and doing something forwards that's not that wasn't chaos though that was just Plympics yeah Plympics I think P Olympics tells you was that in episode one yeah

yeah Plympics tells you

immediately who everyone is none of these people are sort of

physically competent or

intellectually dignified or some of them just don't care as well

and there was the first task was the jars of vinegar on the back of the hands.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Which again.

Just chaos.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's a tricky one to talk about, though.

Oh, that was fish tank, wasn't it?

Yes, the fish tank.

All very angry.

I mean, you can see why there was no part of me that walked into these first two episodes thinking, I'm going to win here.

Yeah.

Fish tank was disastrous.

Yeah.

Well, and you were so angry about the fish tank.

Yeah.

So angry.

Everyone was a bit angry at the whole fish tank situation, but you and Jason particularly were livid at the time.

Yeah, it really took me by surprise as well.

I don't know how far into the whole experience it was.

Yeah.

But I think I said it in the studio, like, or on the day.

Like, I've watched people

on the show sort of get shirty with Alex about stuff and thought, God,

you know what you signed up for.

What you did.

But there is a point that comes, and probably faster than you think, where you're so

sort of dedicated to trying to do this already stupid thing.

You've had jars of vinegar on the backs of your hands

and you're looking for this fish tank.

I mean, that's stupid enough.

Yes.

And then you find out it's a pun.

Yeah.

It's the fact it's a pun.

It's the fact it's a pun and an annoying one as well.

Yeah.

And it's an old joke as well.

It's, you know, two fish in a tank.

One of them says he's driving this thing.

That is funny.

Yeah.

It was good.

I mean, I didn't laugh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you knew the punchline really, didn't you?

Because it's a fish tank.

I'd never put that together.

Don't think I'd heard the joke.

So, that fish tank task, that wasn't the first task you'd done.

Don't think so, no.

I thought it might be because the whole opening thing is it says go to the lab, and Stevie doesn't know where the lab is.

I don't know where the lab is.

It's a good point.

I think it wasn't the first one.

Maybe it's different for different contestants.

I don't normally.

Normally, I'd say they go.

I think I know which one it was.

And funnily enough, it was in the lab.

So the first ass was in the lab.

If I'm remembering correctly, yeah.

But also, you get a tour when you arrive and you are shown where everywhere is and what it's called.

And crucially, it looks like a lab.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

To be fair to Stevie, it's a science theme.

Yes, yeah, yeah.

But it's still the lab.

Yeah.

It was one point for Stevie, two points for Rosie, three points for Fatia, four points for you, and five points for Jason.

Wait, is wax a liquid?

It is when it's liquid.

Okay, I'm going to set fire to this.

Right.

Start a small fire.

That's going to keep it warm.

Oh, this would be great.

Jesus, right?

It's not worked.

I'll just put it over the sink.

Live task, choose an item from each box and place them on the corresponding half of your table.

You have one minute, your time starts on the whistle.

One at a time, pass the item on your right

to the person on your right, and then the item on your left to the person on your left.

Put one of your items completely inside the other item.

Fastest wins, your time starts on the whistle.

So, this is what I mean.

Even those two initial stages, which are admin before the task starts,

take ages and they're all over the place.

Yeah.

Fatty doesn't want to to go near the balloons.

Yeah, it turned out she had a thing about balloons.

About balloons popping.

Yeah, and I don't think she'd informed the production team because otherwise I don't think they'd have done the 12 balloons in three tasks that she did.

So everyone ends up with, yeah, she says she doesn't want the balloons, but then they're being passed and she's like, no, I'm going to have to pop them.

Just

total chaos.

And then there's Jason obsessed with the fact he's found the code to the safe.

I mean, I would have been.

Yeah.

It's a good thing Jason's mission was destroy, not compete.

Because if that had been me and I'd and I'd been clever enough to have spotted the code and then the reason it didn't work is because Alex forgot to change the batteries.

I'd have walked out.

But I would have been so angry.

And I wouldn't have stopped talking about it as well.

And they would have taken it out of the edit, and then I would have texted Alex and said, why did you say that out of the edit?

People need to know about this, yeah, because it went wrong.

Why aren't you like, why we need to film it again?

We need to film the whole series again.

At least that, I mean, to be fair, they did include that capitulation in the edit, yeah.

But if anything, that's just rubbing salt into the wound.

Yeah, and he still does fine, but I think he would have done better had the safe opened.

And the fact he'd found the code, he was very happy about that.

And then when Alex,

why not just wrap the foil round it?

Which, sure, is a way of doing it.

But I get that instinct of being so focused on completing it in the way that you were supposed to complete it because you found the way.

Yeah, absolutely.

And also, Alex, don't, you know, don't tell me how to do.

Yeah.

And he wouldn't, the only reason he told him because he knew he'd messed up.

There's no one way to do a task, and that, and you, of all people, should know that that's the whole point of the show.

But unfortunately, in that instance, they're only

because he hadn't put the batteries in the safe.

Yes.

It was one point for Rosie, two points for Fatia.

I've got written here in my notes.

Producer's written me some notes.

Fatia did not like this task.

Correct.

I feel like we could put that after quite a few of the tasks in the series.

Yeah.

Jason, three points.

Matthew, you got four points.

And five points for Stevie.

An incredible episode.

23 points for you.

Eight points ahead of Fatia, who was on 15.

And Rosie, Stevie, and Jason all on 13 points, meaning that you...

are in a sizable lead.

We're only episode two, but you are 12 points ahead, which I think is quite unusual.

Yeah.

This early on, but eight episodes.

It's all to play for.

It's all to play for.

Thank you so much for coming on the Taskmaster podcast, Matt.

Thank you for having me.

We always ask our guests to rate their experience on the podcast between one and five points.

Please be honest.

You know, you don't need to say five.

Maybe the ladybirds took off some points.

Maybe they added some points.

I mean, the trauma, the ladybirds I like.

Yeah.

Um, but but the feeling of being

in being placed back in that sort of task space, yeah,

um,

probably didn't relax me, okay.

Um, and for that reason, I'm gonna knock off a point.

That's fair enough, I'm gonna say four because it's actually it has been a lovely chat.

I'll take four, it's been a lovely chat, it's nice weather.

We're sat in the caravan, yeah, it is, it's lovely.

I mean, come on,

come on, we could have real jobs.

Thanks, Matt.

Thanks, Ed.

Thank you so much to Matt for coming into the caravan.

He was excited to be back/slash traumatized.

We'll be back next week.

Channel 4, 9pm

is when you need to watch Taskmaster on a Thursday.

Then, straight after, pop yourself over to your podcast app and listen to this episode 3 next week with the wonderful Sophie Duker.

So come back here.

Join us in the caravan next week for another Taskmaster podcast.