EP.238 - ADAM AND JOE LIVE @ ROYAL FESTIVAL HALL

Podcasts,

please welcome your host for the Adam Buxton Podcast Live.

It's Adam Buxton Podcast Live.

How you doing?

Good to see you.

Thank you so much for coming along.

I added one more podcast to the giant podcast bin.

Now you have plucked that podcast out and started listening.

I took my microphone and found some human folk.

Then I recorded all the noises while we spoke.

My name is Adam Buxton, I'm a man.

I want you to enjoy this, that's the plan.

Hey,

how are you doing, podcasts?

Adam Buxton here.

That's the sound of myself and my dog friend Rosie trotting along

at a fair lick on a Norfolk farm track on a grey, slightly less aggressively cold Christmas Eve.

I thought I'd say a regular hello from the farm track before we get back to the Royal Festival Hall for the main podcast.

But welcome to episode 238.

And if you're listening on Christmas Day or Festive Area Central, then Mary Santa Times in your face.

I hope you're doing well wherever you are.

Now I'm assuming you know roughly what you're in for.

This is me and writer-director Joe Cornish, Attack the Block, Kid Who Would Be King, Lockwood and Co., upcoming projects he refuses to tell me about.

And you're going to hear us on stage in London's beautiful Royal Festival Festival Hall back towards the beginning of this month.

And we were in front of a sold-out crowd of roughly 2,700 humans.

Two shows we did that night.

Joe makes a reference to the hall's capacity later, so I thought you might like to know what it was.

And it was lovely to see Joe, always good to see him.

We've been friends since we were about 14.

Now we're middle-aged guys with kids.

We don't see each other as often as we would like.

So it's always nice to have an excuse to get together.

Now, I did say a few weeks back on the podcast that we were considering recording additional Christmas waffle face-to-face for this episode, but in the end, we had such a fun time on stage that we've kept it at that for this year.

Next year,

I don't know what we'll do.

Oh, look, it's the Christmas bells drifting across the fields.

Anyway, before we return to the Royal Festival Hall, a couple of things I just wanted to say.

First of all, if you're one of the people who sometimes says to me, Buckles, I just feel so guilty that you work so hard on the podcast and then just give it away for free.

Please, can I send you some cash to salve my aching conscience?

To those people I would say, no, look, hey, don't worry.

That's why I've got adverts.

However, if you are in a position to part with some cash, I would consider it a personal favour if you donated some of it to St.

Mungo's.

Homelessness and rough sleeping are, sad to say, at their highest levels since records began.

Rough sleeping alone has increased by 27% in the last year.

One thing we can do is help some of the people who are helping those affected.

And there are many hard-working organisations doing that, but I'm going to ask you to support St.

Mungo's.

Their frontline response has an immediate impact on people's lives.

Your donation could provide someone who is sleeping rough with advice, access to emergency accommodation, a hot meal, whatever they need.

Your donation will help keep St.

Mungo's teams on the frontline doing a job that desperately needs to be done.

I have made a donation if you're able to do so as well.

Please go to mungoes.org/slash Buxton.

There's a link in the description next to the one where you can pre-order my book.

If you can't click both,

pre-order the book.

Now, I'm joking, just do the St.

Mungo's one.

Content warning.

Now, there is a content warning in the live show, which you'll hear in just a second, but I just want to make it clear here as well that this episode is not really intended for young children.

There's one or two briefly smutty and revolting bits.

There's quite a lot of bad language, including the C word, and I'm afraid I don't mean Christ.

But I did want to say: if you are the parents of Ivy, who sent in a made-up joke, or Zadie, who had a lovely egg corn, your contributions are in this podcast.

I've put them just after the adverts and before my goodbye at the end of the podcast.

In case you want to locate them and play them to the kids without suddenly stepping on an F-bomb.

As for the rest of you,

I'm afraid you can expect the usual mature brackets immature content.

Right now, let's return to the Royal Festival Hall, where my ironical reference to some terminology I heard quite a bit on various podcasts before the American election is met with silence by the audience.

Here we go.

Okay, everybody's in.

Welcome, low information and low propensity podcasts.

It's great to have you out here.

I thought I was going to get a bit more of a titter for that line, but that's okay.

It got what it deserved.

I need to do do a bit of housekeeping before we get going.

A brief warning, content warning.

This presentation may contain smut filth dirt, first world problems definitely fake news, artificial intelligence a little bit, real stupidity, words, phrases, attitudes and men that are aging badly.

Please bear that in mind.

I'm 55.

Any 55 year olds in the house?

Raise your hand if you are over 55.

Okay, now raise your hand if you sleep through the night.

Not so many.

Let's meet someone who is even older than me.

He's nearly 56.

In fact, his birthday is coming up.

He shares a birthday time very close to Jesus Christ.

He is another JC.

Please welcome Joe Cornish.

there he is

actual Jaycorn

hi hi hi hi hi

you him

you guys that guy

how are you do you sleep through the night Jaycorn did I sleep through the night do you I did yeah I slept from about

midnight till five then I woke up with a major bowel event

and then I sent my daughter to school and then I slept from I watched an episode of Fraser

and then I slept from about nine till about eleven you went back to bed yeah yeah yeah

because it's a show day and I'm gonna be up late I love it I love it

it was so nice and I slept so well going back to bed I didn't realize that was an option

now Jaycorn we have to sing the introductory jingle.

Well, we've had the introductory jingle.

Now we sing the jingle that goes before the main body of the show.

That is the Ramble Chat Jingle.

Are you familiar with this podcast?

Yeah, because I've written the lyrics on an envelope.

And no, I love it very much.

You should know them off by heart.

Ramble chat, let's have a ramble chat.

That one.

I'm just not in an intellectual frame of mind when I listen to them.

It's so emotional for me.

It's driven by the heart.

Now, podcasts, will you help...

This is going to be a little bit like a kid's pantone, right?

But you'll just have to let yourself go with that.

Will you join us in singing the Ramble Chat Jingle?

This is a special version of it, which is going to be played on the piano.

It's a beautiful arrangement originally by podcast Ben Cooper.

Tonight, performed by Christoph Bauschinger.

Let's hear it for Christoph.

And Christoph Bauschinger is a brilliant composer.

He's worked on films such as Paddington, Paddington 2, The Kid Who Would Be King, Lockwood and Co., as well as a brilliant music editor.

He's a superb composer and pianist.

Christoph Berschinger.

Christoph

is Joe's musical collaborator for tonight's Song Wars battle as well.

And I have my own musical collaborator.

We've reached a certain age.

We've got younger people to do all the hard stuff for us.

My one is called Kid Clava.

I don't think he is in the house right now, but we are going to sing Ramble Chat right now.

Christophe, are you ready to hit those ivories?

All right, get tinkling.

Highbrow.

Ramble chat, let's have a ramble chat.

We'll focus first on this, then concentrate on that.

Come on, let's do the fat and have a ramble chat.

Put on your conversation coat and find your talking hat.

blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah.

Wow.

Very good.

Thank you, Christophe Bauschinger.

Very good, very good, very good.

That sounded like a really bizarre monastic order.

Somewhere in Scotland?

Well, we thought we needed to raise the game, seeing as we are here at the Royal Festive Hall Hall.

Yes.

Where the Queen once stood a Laura Laura in here, she doesn't like it when it gets tacky.

What?

Don't like it when it gets really tacky in here.

So

nice when you've got a lovely penis man.

The penis man.

The penis man.

The penis man.

If you weren't a penis, what kind of penis in it will you buy a laura?

That is an impression of the queen.

It's been an exciting year for podcasts, right?

Yes.

As a sort of thing, they've exploded, right?

Haven't they?

I thought they exploded a while back.

No, I've noticed that.

Are they still exploding?

The top five in the podcast charts is all the rest is, right?

Goal hanger.

Yeah, so big corporations have come in and they've started to push the brave little rebel podcasts a little further down the charts.

Are you talking about buckles?

Yes.

Am I being squeezed down the bottom of the bottom?

Only by these

lineker-backed behemoths.

Yes.

And live podcasts do seem to be very popular, right?

The Restis Politics

played like Wembley, did they, or something?

Or the O2 or something?

Madison Square Garden, they did, sold out 10 nights there.

The Rest is Entertainment did the Royal Albert Hall last night.

I'll have you know, the capacity of the Royal Albert Hall

is less than two shows at the Royal Festival Hall.

Yeah.

But I just.

In your face, Osmonds.

I just wondered: like, are live podcasts better than the normal like podcasts?

What is it that people love about live podcasts?

Well, some of you might have seen that before the show, I was out in the lobby just vox popping people to find out why they're so passionate about live podcasts.

Thank you very much

for anybody who spoke to me.

Here's some of what I learned.

Hello, sir.

I'm just asking people people what they love about live podcasts.

Oh, well, yes, I love live podcasts.

I just love people, two people,

don't have to be famous, could be anybody, just on stage talking about anything, really, just making it up.

Just

any old bollocks, I love it.

Yes, Adam and Joe actually aren't my favourites because they prepare too much material, which I don't like.

I prefer it when people just chat randomly about, say, food or politics or the world of entertainment.

I don't like prepared material.

I find it cringy.

Cringy.

Let's just hear a couple more.

I don't really like the intimacy of normal podcasts, the sort of way the people are like in your ears like they're your friends.

I find it creepy and invasive.

I prefer a big auditorium with hundreds of people in it much better.

I like how in a live podcast the presenters are less relaxed and more nervous and anxious.

I prefer that.

Just a final one.

One of the things I like about live podcasts is that the atmosphere is more tense, so less funny things get laughs out of a sort of sense of collective anxiety.

I like listening to live podcasts because when they say the catchphrases,

everybody cheers and laughs because they recognize the catchphrase.

Stephen!

My wife!

Hey, we've got another catchphrase tonight, right?

Because last Christmas, you were talking about the rest is politics, and you were talking about Rory Stewart's habit of saying very good in order to round off a section of the podcast.

Yes, if it's been a complicated, heated Alastair Campbell rant about Netanyahu, at the end of it, rather than taking it further, he just goes, very good.

And moves on to the next thing.

Yeah, and I hadn't really heard that whilst listening to that podcast, but after last year, I really started to notice it.

And I started noticing that my partner, my lady wife, does it.

So every time she said it, I'd just go immediately as a sort of reflex action, very good, back to her.

She didn't like it at all.

She gave me a really dirty look.

But as you can see, we've collected a couple of very goods, and Adam's got them on his sampler that we're going to use tonight just to punctuate the podcast.

So if something goes really well, you might hear a.

Very good.

something's even better.

Very good, break it, break it, break it.

That'll wear thin in about 10 minutes.

Very good, very good.

Break it, break it, break it.

No!

You're a nice guy!

Is that Christian?

Seriously, man, you and me, we're fucking done professionally.

Now, Jaycorn, I've done a special song for you.

This is the first of a number of musical numbers.

It's Christmas time.

Christmas is all about music, and this show is going to be packed with great, great music.

This is a short song.

Less than a minute, I think.

Thank God.

Oh.

And it's about one of our favorite new young, beautiful movie stars.

Call me by your name.

Today is going to be a Chalamer Day.

I'm going to have a Timothy, Chalamay Day.

Dance with little women in a Chanel Spray.

Gonna have a Chalamay Day.

I'm going to the beach with a pipe in my nose.

Do a swipey leg dance in the dunes.

Then put on my shades and pretend to be baubles and sing some protest tunes.

Yes, Chalamet Day, Chalamay Day.

Gonna have a Timothy, Chalamet Day.

I'm gonna go bonkers and have several Willy Wonkers.

Gonna have a Chalamay Day.

Gonna have Chalamet day!

Thanks very much.

Wow.

You love Chalamet, yes?

Yeah, everybody loves Chalamet, right?

What's not to love about Chalamet?

From his first appearance in Interstellar, he was in stuff before that, but that's the first time I remember seeing him as the little kid in Interstellar.

And then he's just rocketed to sexy stardom, hasn't he?

Keeps on rocketing.

How old is he now?

15.

Yeah.

And now he is in this film about Bobbles.

Bob Dylan, for those of you who don't know about music.

And

it's called A Complete Unknown.

Now, you don't actually know that much about Bobbles, do you, John?

No, that's well titled for someone like me.

Yeah.

I don't have any Bob Dylan records.

Do you not?

No, no, no, I don't know.

You know, I know the famous stuff, but I don't know anything about him.

Is anybody with me?

Ooh, cool.

Indifferent to bobbles.

Not because I got anything against him, but just I never thought he had a very good voice.

Oh.

Cliche.

Well, he wouldn't do well on the X Factor, would he?

He can't really do runs.

He can do all the runs.

He just doesn't want to.

But anyway, he's in A Complete Unknown, this film about Bobbles.

It's directed by James Mangold.

Have you come across Mangold in your film work?

Not personally, no.

No.

I've seen his films though.

Mangold.

That's

did he do the last Indiana Jones?

Say again.

Did he do the last Indiana Jones?

He did Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny.

That was really good.

Good to see Indiana Jones back in action.

He did Logan.

That was good.

That was good.

Girl Interrupted, back in the day.

And he did walk the line, most relevantly to this.

King of the biopics, the music biopics.

Biopic.

Biopics.

You know what I'm saying?

Biopics.

Medical procedure.

Yeah.

Which in some ways is.

Biopia is a, yes, it's a medical condition.

It's a narrowing of truth and meaning

in order to win awards.

But no, this is a biopic, and apparently Mangold is also working on a Star Wars prequel, Jaycorn.

I think everybody is working on a Star Wars prequel.

Is there anybody here who isn't currently working on a Star Wars prequel?

No, there you go.

This one is set 2,500 years before the first film.

Really?

And it's about the origins of the Force.

Because I'd been wondering, like, all through the films, I was like, when is someone going to tell me more about the origins of the Force?

What I really want is a film about a real estate company in Moss Isley.

What's life like for them?

Even you talking about it on this level, I've tuned out

a complete unknown though.

The hardcore podcasts will be listening to this on Christmas Day and maybe later on they'll be going to the cinema to see this film that people say is amazing.

Like the previews are incredibly positive.

Everyone says Timothy is gonna just shovel up all the awards and munch them.

And the film is set in the early 1960s.

19-year-old Bob Dylan arrives in New York with his guitar and revolutionary talent.

he's destined to change the course of American music.

But it's a very authentic film.

Like, they are really going hard on the authenticity for this from the EPKs that I've watched.

Does anyone call them EPKs anymore?

We'll have to check with Marina Hyde.

But in this film, Timothy

sings 40 Bob Dylan songs.

He does all the singing.

Fucking hell, how long is it?

It's really long.

I mean, that's if they're three minutes long, that's 180 minutes just for the songs.

Yeah.

It's very long.

He sings 40 Bob Dylan songs.

All the microphones and recording gear in the film are authentic to the period.

Timothy stayed in character during the shooting to keep the performance authentic.

Oh, God.

Anyone wanting Timothy to come to the set, and if they made the mistake of saying, Mr.

Chalamet, we're ready for you, he wouldn't reply.

Timothy, who?

I don't know who you're talking about, man.

I'm Bobbles.

If you want me to do something, use my name.

Call me by my name.

That's what he says.

He mixes in all the old films that he's done as well.

I'm sick of little women running around.

You're making me feel wonka, really wonka.

That's what it was like.

It was authentic, but it's appropriate because he is a giant.

He's a legend, Bobbles.

Did you ever, I'm assuming the answer is no, but did you ever read Bob Dylan's Dylan's The Philosophy of Modern Song?

No.

It's very good.

It's genuinely good, yeah.

It's brilliant.

He writes about some of his favorite songs, most of which are from the 1800s.

And he writes brilliantly and talks about what he loves about the song and just sometimes just goes off on random tangents.

It's really brilliant stuff.

But one criticism was that so many of the choices were from the ancient times.

There's a volume two that is coming out, and I just listened to the audio book.

Joe.

Yeah, I'm listening.

I'm listening.

And I wanted to play you a little snatch

because luckily he's bringing it more up to date

in volume two.

And here's an exclusive clip for you podcasts.

Blue Double D by Eiffel65.

Released in 1998.

One day you woke up and noticed something different about the world.

What happened to the spectrum?

Now everything, your house, your car, your clothes, your lady friend, even your thoughts and your words, are blue.

You got to get out of this blue, hooey.

You can't take it.

It's not that you don't like blue.

It's fine in the sky, in the Indian Ocean, or when Picasso had a period of it.

But you've got to have the other colors too, or you'll become a spiritual monster.

This song is a monochrome monolith, an auto-tune rhapsody in Azure, with a lyric commonly misheard as I'm blue and I'm in need of a guy, or I'm blue, if I was green, I would die.

In fact, Italian musician Jeffrey Jay articulates a timeless existential agony with the words, I'm blue, dabba dee, dabba die, dabba dee daba die,

dabba dee, daba die,

and Daba Dabba Die

Daba Daba Da Daba Daba Da Daba Daba Die

Daba Daba Die

Very good

Very good pretty good pretty good

all right now let's move on to a segment and this is going back to old six music days

It's good to be with people who appreciate made-up jokes.

What is a made-up joke, J.Corn?

Well a made-up joke is a joke that we think has never been told before.

So you've got to stay away from cheese puns, ant-related puns, obvious punnery that you might get in a cracker.

So, usually, made-up jokes are quite tortured, and the best made-up jokes require contextualization that is seven to eight times longer than the joke itself.

So, thank you to everybody who answered Adam's call in his last couple of podcasts to send in made-up jokes.

We got a lot of them, and we put them through a sphincter tight filter to get the most impactful made-up jokes out.

It's a horrible analogy.

Have you got a tortured one to start with there, or would you like to go to the next one?

Well, having said all that,

do you want me to start?

Yeah.

Okay.

This is from Charlie MacDonald.

Dear Count Buccula and Cornington Crescent.

Ooh, I like that.

I don't think you ever had Cornington Crescent before.

That's a very good thing.

I'd like to live there.

I thought of this terrible made-up joke about 15 years ago whilst listening to your wonderful show, but I never sent it in.

Wind.

But this is good.

He's been haunted by this joke for 15 years.

I think I'm being haunted by it now, too.

Okay.

Question.

Have you heard that Sarah Jessica Parker

has bought some old puppets from the Sooty Show to store her underwear in?

Yeah, yeah, I did.

I did hear about that, yeah.

Yeah.

She likes to keep her bras in the sweep puppet, her pants in the siu puppet, and her socks in the sooty.

Then there's the explanation from Charlie MacDonald.

Brackets, socks in the sooty

sounds a bit like sex in the city.

That is good.

That's a very convoluted word.

Anyway, I love you both very much.

Bye.

Thank you, Charlie MacDonald.

this isn't so much convoluted as just sort of i don't know about this one ada nelson aged 15 in folkestone two people at a funeral one of them asks did you enjoy the service the other says yeah it was a great service he will surely be missed the other says actually he's being cremated so i think he's going to be smoke

oh

beautiful from a 15 year old that's pretty good that is going to be a successful adult with a firm grip on the morbidness of life.

Love it.

Here's a short one that I thought you might appreciate, Joe.

This is from Tom.

Dear Count Buccules and Joe Cornball's Cornish, why can't you fast-forward a cat?

Because they're always on pause.

I mean, I did Google it.

I didn't get any hits.

It's on the edge there, though, isn't it?

I'll take that one.

All right, Tom, you snuck through there that you shouldn't.

I mean, this one is on the same level from Joe

Southard, South Heard.

I don't know.

46 from Brillin, Buckinghamshire.

Hi there, I have a made-up joke for you.

A man goes to the doctors and says, I've got red flowers growing out of the end of my penis.

Doctor, Poppycock.

It's punchy.

That's good.

I googled that, and that was a very long googling session.

All right.

Now, how do you feel about some egg corns, Joe?

Very good.

I love egg corns.

Alright.

Now I have to sing the egg corn jingle because I don't have it on my keyboard.

It's to the tune of popcorn, appropriately enough.

Take a phrase and mash it up.

Now you're in the egg corn club.

Egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg, egg corn.

There you go.

There you go.

What more do we need?

Raise your hand if you don't know what an egg corn is.

No.

Everyone knows what an egg corn is it's a misheard uh phrase or word and uh it's slight it's subtly different from a monde green some people get them confused a mondegreen tends to be a misheard lyric classic one being excuse me while i kiss this guy instead of excuse me while i kiss this guy by jimi hendrix that's a mondegreen we're just talking about egg corns you know it's a gibbon i know Yeah, I know.

That kind of thing.

Have you got one there you want to start with?

So here's a good one, I think, from Emma.

She says, ho, ho, ho, Adam and Joey.

I'm a primary school teacher at a school in London, so naturally, all the children I teach are lefty liberal labour supporters.

At least, they're very good at regurgitating whatever their lefty liberal labor supporter parents say to them.

Once, to keep my year two class quiet for five minutes, I put News Round on.

And Boris Johnson appeared on the screen.

Instead of watching quietly, one of the girls immediately jumped up out of her chair, put her hand on her head, and shouted, Oh no, not John Bonson!

Q five minutes of brutal Bonson bashing from 37-year-olds instead of the intended peace and quiet.

The former Tory leader has been known by this affectionate egg corn among me and my lefty Liberal pals ever since Merry Christmas, I love you, by Emma.

Very good.

John Bonson.

John Bonson, not to be confused with John Ronson.

John Ronson.

But Joe had confused

John Bonson with John Ronson.

And

people never forgave him.

He was cast out of polite society

and never employed again.

Very good.

Here's another nice child-based one, though.

And this is from Rufus, who is a quartermaster.

Do you know who the quartermasters are, Joe?

Well, like, is it on a ship, some sort of person on a sailing boat or ship?

No, they're people who listen to the whole of my podcast and don't stop.

Shit, sorry.

Don't stop listening.

I don't know if you're listening in the last quarter when the numbers drop off quite massively.

Thank you for the years of great podcasts.

Always magnificent listening.

Thank you very much, Rufus.

I wanted to share an egg corn from my childhood.

As a toddler, my father would, after drying me off post-bath, wrap me up in a towel and lift me up by bunching the four corners together.

I suddenly got really emotional.

My dad did this to me as well.

Did you never have this?

God, I read this one out.

It didn't occur to me that it was in any way emotional.

But suddenly reading it out, I just had a flashback of being wrapped up and lifted up by bunching the four corners together.

and suspending me under his hand, shouting, Air C rescue!

Carrying me around the house and depositing me on my bed.

I loved it so much, I would request this service daily,

asking my father if he could Air C rescue me.

My toddler brain, evidently having heard Air C, rescue.

Needless to say, he would always oblige, and I have now extended the same service to my daughter.

Oh, See rescue me.

Don't you do the Air C rescue?

I don't know

if my parents did, I don't remember.

We used to do

like get into sleeping bags, be carried around in sleeping bags, like you're in Santa's Sam.

Yes.

Like rubbish.

Yeah.

Yeah, we had it with bin bags.

Yeah.

That's right.

They did it once and left me out with the bins.

Air C Rescue Me.

I remember Louis Theroux told me that he used to say a similar thing to his dad because his dad would talk about doing interviews and Louis said, will you do an interview?

That's good.

Okay.

Oh, here we go.

We are two sisters, Miranda and Ellie.

We are watching your 9 p.m.

recording on the 4th of December with our dad Robert.

Are you here?

Hey!

All right, here we go.

You know what's coming.

Our mum told us about an event she attended that was so busy, everyone was there, and there was Staning Ramonly.

Miranda replied, Who the hell is Stanley Ramonly?

She thought, and continued to believe afterwards, that so many people were at the event, everyone was there, even Stanley Ramonley.

It seemed odd that Stanley was so often in crowded places.

I'm sure our dad would be so proud that he raised such intelligent daughters, now aged 29 and 31, and not at all rolling his eyes, fighting the urge to say, What is wrong with you?

Thanks, Miranda and Elliot.

That's a great one.

Stanley Ramonley.

Stanley Ramoneley.

From the Ramonlies.

My favorite band.

Now,

this is not really an egg corn.

It's sort of egg corn adjacent because it was a slight misunderstanding.

But I was

on the train earlier this year with my beautiful wife on the Eurostar.

And you know my hat?

My docker cap.

This is the white docker cap.

Usually I would be, this is a festive version.

Usually I would be wearing the green docker cap.

You've almost completed your transformation into Jean Renault.

Yes.

I like to think.

Anyway, I was talking to Sam Campbell, the comedian, earlier this year on the podcast, and he mentioned my hat.

He mentioned that he was surprised and a little disparaging about my hat.

I just picked up from him that he didn't really rate my hat.

Your hat has no brim.

I was shocked when I saw you wearing it.

Yeah, were you?

Because I've only seen like sort of.

I don't know.

I just have seen them.

I've seen them around, but on different kinds of guys.

This doesn't sound good.

I've seen them on like yeah, I don't know.

Yeah, I was just I was shocked.

And I started to get insecure about it.

And then a few weeks later we were on the train and there the guy with the drinks trolley came down and he was a very animated Spanish man and very chummy and slightly over familiar but in a fun way.

Hey guys, hello, how you doing?

Okay, let's get a drink here.

Okay, how you doing sir?

You're going somewhere nice, wonderful, great.

This is what Spanish people are like.

And

but I was, you know, I was in a good mood.

We're on a break for a couple of days.

I was bantering along with him.

And then at one point, he leans over my wife and

leans towards me and he says,

You look like a cunt in that hat.

Makes sense?

Which I thought was too much.

And I said, excuse me.

What did you say?

And then he leaned in and he said, I said, you look like Eric Cantona.

But I swear I thought he said,

you look like Cantonana.

That's how my mind works.

Yeah.

Do you think you look...

Which do you think you look like?

If you were to say,

from the gut.

It's got a little strap at the back.

It's like a baseball cap without the visor.

Show the audience the back, because I thought it was a fisherman's cap.

It's got one of those things.

It's got an adjustable bit at the back.

This one is slightly too large for me.

I can tuck my ears in.

It just looks like

an un-unfurled condom.

Very good.

Now we're roughly halfway through the podcast.

I think it's going really great.

The conversation's flowing like it would between a geezer and his mate.

Alright mate.

Hello geezer.

I'm pleased to see you.

Ooh, there's so much chemistry.

It's like a science lab of talking.

I'm interested in what you said.

Thank you.

There's fun chat and there's deep chat.

It's like Chris Evans is meeting Stephen Hawking.

Hey, how you doing podcasts?

Sorry, it's me back on the farm track again.

I'll get you back to the Royal Festival Hall shortly.

But I wanted to do just another very brief charity shout out, this time for Music for All.

They're a UK charity helping disadvantaged music makers experience the joys and far-reaching benefits of making music.

I do believe that music is one of the best things in the world with genuinely mysterious and magical powers for good.

I guess on some level, Music for All believe that too.

So, if you can help with the donation, there's a link in the description.

Thanks.

Okay.

Here's a bit of Zaivid in jingle form to get us back to the Royal Festival Hall.

It's a compulsion that leads you to explore that bleeding edge all the time.

Yeah, just to

curiosity's sake,

looking at the idiosyncrasies of things.

A mountain

or

a tree

is the manifestation of forces that we are not capable of dealing with.

I'm very drunk in this.

Are you ready for another My Wife story?

My wife.

Yes, definitely.

She plays a supporting role in this one again, really.

She wasn't absolutely heavily featured in the last one.

But

we went out for a meal at a fancy restaurant.

Someone had given us a voucher.

And it was one of those places where there's quite a few courses,

like 10 or something.

And each course comes with a little card that they put down in front of you.

and the card has the story of how the dish came about.

And not only are you given the card, but the card is read out by the server.

And the servers rotate, not just one server, you get all the whole cast of the restaurant come around and read the stories.

And then at one point, we got the actual chef.

who came up with a whole menu.

He came out for one dish.

And the dish was a brioche bun,

but it had like a glazed dome nutty brown glazed dome but there was two of them can you picture that like a double dome brioche bun

and so he sits down he doesn't sit down he sort of kneels down not on the table not on the table no god for that he's kneeling down me and my wife were smiling

nodding saying okay what's the story behind this one and he says This one came about in the lockdown.

And like many people, I was baking, I was making sourdough.

And my young daughter, toddler at the time, she was out, it was a hot day, one of those hot lockdown days, first lockdown.

And she was running around, and I saw her little

buttocks.

And the sight of her little toddler buttocks inspired this dish.

And I call it bum bread.

And I was appalled.

Bumbread.

And you know, it was supposed to be just a bit of fun midway through the meal, but I didn't think that was okay.

Bum bun fun.

Toddler bun bum fun.

Was there anything in it?

Like a filling.

Yeah.

So So it could have gone one of two ways.

Nutella.

Rancid Mints.

Or

Maltese.

If you're lucky, revels.

They're just easier to deal with.

Revels would have been perfect.

But even if it's something nice, even if it's not rancid mints, even if it's nutella or something, you don't wanna bury your face in the bum bread with having the nutella, or do you?

You didn't lick a little take a little sample.

No, good.

You just took a a good old bite.

Just gave it a pinch.

And then a pinch.

No, I was too appalled, I think.

You could have other like um other child-based toddler-based foods.

Toddler-based food.

Like what if the waiter came in with sort of a little a little vomit splash of yoghurt on his shoulder?

Like when you're holding a baby and they're sick on your shoulder.

And you'd have to lick it off his shoulder.

One by one.

Or he has it on both shoulders and

my wife on one shoulder, me on the other,

licking away.

What about when a kid, like when a child has so much snot in their nostril that it literally fills the whole nostril and it's just a sort of meniscus of solid green snot.

So you could serve a pistachio mousse

in a test tube with a spoon.

Two test tubes.

Two test tubes with a spoon that's a bit too big to fit in the top.

I mean, how are you going to get it out?

You could suck it out, right?

That's what mums do.

Is it?

Yes.

In the olden days.

I've never seen it done,

but I...

Honestly, I hear tell.

They absolutely love them kids, those mums.

They're getting alarmed up in the side seats.

There are some panicking mums.

Mums, do you suck the snot out of your kids' noses?

Yes.

She says.

Like sort of snake venom.

And then

how else are you going to get the snot out of the kids' nose?

Everyone knows you blow hard on the anus

and it shoots out.

You have to block the other nostril.

Everybody knows that.

Very good.

I do it.

She does it.

She does it.

She does it.

She does it to.

You do it to kids that are nothing to do with you.

Don't you?

If you spot one in the street, you're like, excuse me.

Do you?

And then you spit it out like a tough cowboy

with a with some

tobacco.

Thanks.

Bye.

It's time for songs.

Wars, the war of the songs.

a couple of tunes by a couple of prongs.

Which will you vote for?

Which one is the best?

We're putting our songs to the listener test.

So check it out.

Now you don't actually have to vote.

But we have come up with two brand new songs.

How long is yours?

It is two minutes 30, I think.

How long's yours?

2.36.

Oh.

It seems longer.

longer.

Now, what's the theme, Joe?

You see?

Well, the theme this year is tribute songs to one another.

And we didn't have a particularly in-depth conversation about this before we did it.

I think I just sent Adam a text saying, hey, why don't I do a tribute song to you?

Sure.

And you do a tribute song to me.

You might even have just thumbs up the text.

Definitely.

And then that was it.

There's been no further communication on the subject.

I was like, yeah, good.

Jobs are good.

No problem.

Let's stay up our own asses.

Let's go further up.

Who knows what we'll find, what treasures we will find.

Musical polyps.

Well, would you like to

expose your musical polyp first?

Sure.

This is just called Adam Tribute Song, and it was written in conjunction with the marvellous Christoph Bauschinger, who you met earlier.

And yeah, this is called Adam Tribute Song.

It's a sort of Jamiroquai-style funk track.

Yeah.

Jamiroquoi was.

Not enough people referencing Jamiraquoi.

He'd be disappointed with this, I think.

But, um, and it gets quite deep.

You know how my songs tend to get a little bit sincere?

Oh, dear.

It's 1984.

I'm walking through my school.

I see a kid in front of me, looks kind of cool.

Silky pudding bowl, bulletproof briefcase.

He's got a cheeky little smile on his face.

We both like the Thompson twins.

There's an instant attraction.

I ask him what his name is, and he says I'm Adam Buxton.

Physics, maths, and chemistry don't mean a thing to him and me.

Who cares if I get D's and E's when I got a friend like Bercules?

You're my funny little furry friend.

A love like ours will never end.

His dad's a travel journalist who gets free shit to travel with.

He's got a Sony camera kit.

He says that we can borrow it.

We make stupid videos.

Ten years later, what do you know?

We got our own TV show.

The Adam and Joe Show.

For the following five years, it's glue cons and cuddly bears.

But we had no idea about the pressure we would share.

We used to be two silly kids, having fun for the hell of it.

Now we've both joined at the hip.

That's not a normal relationship.

Sometimes you got a little bit annoyed with my masterpieces made with toys.

Sometimes the atmosphere could get off sick.

I call you a cop, you call me a dick.

It's 2024, the years went by so fast.

You've got a batch of beer and a popular podcast.

You've got a wife and kids, a whipped cross called Rosie.

Performing kids and writing books, you're cuddly and cozy.

What happened to the both of the books, the Tippix leather jacket?

The angry man who tried to drink, smoke packet after packet.

Maybe it's the letting go of being Adam from Land Joe.

So you could be the bucket niece that you were always meant to be.

The kind of competition we have through.

It was bad bad for me, it was bad for you.

But now your nightmares are all come true.

You're competing with Louis the Rue.

There you go.

Very good.

I mean,

thank you.

That song references bother boots and a Tipex leather jacket.

Yeah.

An angry man who's who,

I can't remember what the words are, but you did used to wear a leather jacket with Tipex.

It wasn't Tipex, it was just paint.

It was

white paper.

And like big boots.

Yes.

Yeah.

Big Dr.

Martins.

Yeah, you look good, man.

You look sort of Lou Reed-ish.

Angry art Lou Reed.

Yeah, thank you very much.

Well, I've gone a similar route.

Wow, that was our whole evolution as a duo in there.

And you acknowledged some of the tensions.

I'm acknowledging some of the tensions in

my book.

Are you?

Yeah, my book's coming out next year, and I write a lot more about you and me.

Oh, about you and me?

Yeah, I thought you said there's a lot more about you than me,

which would have been disturbing.

No, that would have been a good one.

That's good.

Are you going to send it to me first, like you did the last one?

Or will this one be a

cornball's bomb?

No,

I don't want to fall out with you.

So, I'll send you the stuff.

Okay.

I mean, I'll tell you, I'll give you a heads up.

There's a transcription of an argument that we had at XFM.

Oh, really?

But you've got what for real?

Yeah.

Well, that was off-air.

It was off-air, but when I got home that day, I wrote it in my diary.

Oh, my gosh.

And I found it, and I thought, pop that in the book.

Anyway, so this is my song for Joe, and this one is called Cornballs

in school amongst the fools.

One guy seemed kind of cool.

And I thought the way he saw the world was groovy.

With a bucket full of scorn and balls that popped with corn, he acted like the star of his own movie.

And that was Cornballs, aka Jaycorn.

Jaycorn could be sent to death.

Jaycorn could be mean.

You could see it in his choice of fill him.

Au voiles enfant left him misty-eyed.

But he also liked the ones where nuts would torture folks and kill him.

I thought, serve me up some cornballs, serve me up a pack.

Sweet and salty, that's my favorite style.

As long as they got cornballs, I'll keep on coming back.

I need something to munch to make me smile

he liked Thomas Dolbit he liked prefat sprout

full fat coke and marlborites and Sasquatch

but chief amongst his dreams was to smear the silver screens with the magic bullshit cooking in his brain patch

He cooked up his cornballs, he stuffed them in their eyes

Even though some people said no, thank you.

He said, shut up, just have them cornballs, you will realize.

They're good for you, so take them more, I'll spank you.

Time to take a J-corn break, and then we'll put the song to bed.

Back in the day, Joey likes to smoke.

He rolled a doobie like no other.

But now he's straight like Michael McDonald.

He's a father and a former doobie brother.

He's getting grayer, but hey, he's an industry player.

And he keeps on growing, not showing no signs of really slowing.

No one knowing where he's going next.

Expect the unexpected.

Just keep on ordering them cornballs.

They've improved my life.

They made me laugh and gave me a career.

There's times I've loved those cornballs more than my actual wife.

But not since we've been married.

I'd like to make that clear.

Kid Clava was my musical collaborator there.

I urge you, if you're interested in great music, to go and seek out his Instagram where he posts all sorts of musical adventures.

He's very talented.

He is my Christoph Bauschinger.

And I'm very grateful indeed to Kid Clava.

So yeah, that was my take on our relationship.

And as I say, I do write about it in the book.

I'm excited.

I'm going to definitely be your number one reader.

Well, I want you to.

How do you feel though about the XFM thing, for example?

Love it.

Yeah?

Yeah, I love it.

To be straight with you, haven't finished the book.

It's not technically finished, but it's nearly finished.

And I think it's going to be good once I've sent it to Cornballs and got him to sign off on it.

It should be out in May next year.

Yes.

Yes, please.

Yep.

Yes.

Do you want a viewing recommendation?

Oh, yeah.

Go on, give us a viewing recommendation.

So, one of the best things I've seen this year was on Netflix.

It was a series called Surviving Death.

And it's a supernatural show about near-death experiences and mediums and signs from beyond that those who have passed are still alive.

And it had an extraordinary medium on it, a woman from Holland, who apparently is world renowned and in the documentary she got a group of people who wanted to communicate with people beyond the grave and they went into this room in this mansion somewhere in england closed all the curtains breathed very deeply.

This incredible medium, she was strapped to a chair so she couldn't cheat or anything.

And then she entered into a profound and amazing supernatural trance.

And the first person she contacted on the other side was her spirit guide, who was a Native American called Silver Cloud.

So I'm going to play you a clip and this is her contacting Silver Cloud.

Good evening friends.

Good evening.

It is as always a delight and a privilege to be able to join you and to unite both worlds as one.

My world realizes the importance of this evening to get the message across.

Incredible.

Silver Cloud, Native American who passed many years ago, very great respect for him.

And now, Silver Cloud then contacts another extraordinary spirit guide.

And this is, as Adam and said, all real.

You can watch this for yourself.

Silver Cloud contacts a, I think, a Victorian street urchin called Tommy,

who is the second spirit guide.

And this might freak you out.

This is chilling.

Here's Tommy.

Tommy is Tommy.

Hi, guys.

Hi, Tommy.

It's so different to be in another place, you know.

I can hear Tommy?

Yes.

Tommy.

Are you?

Yes.

Yes.

That's what I like to hear.

Now, you might think that sounds like a puppet show at a children's party.

Hi, guys.

But you would be wrong, because that's a genuine dead Victorian urchin

communing with the other side, Netflix.

And here, do you want to hear Tommy Boy now reading someone's?

I don't know what the fuck it's called.

Reading their dead person.

Here we go.

What's your name, sir?

Would you understand your grandfather, Andrew?

He says you like fish, you eat them, and you sell them.

Yes.

Yes.

And do you like cars?

Yeah.

Did you have a very ugly green one?

So thank you all for speaking.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Amazing.

Green car.

Green car and fish.

Okay, listen.

We're very privileged today because that very medium has agreed to do a live reading

from Holland for one of you.

Oh, wow.

I know.

So I'm going to select just Phil for a second.

Okay.

This is exciting.

I actually watched the first episode of Surviving Death.

I watched the near-death one.

It's quite good, the first episode.

Sir, why don't you come up, please?

Ladies and gentlemen, round of applause for this gentleman, please.

What is your name, sir?

Frank Buxton.

Frank, this is spooky already.

Here we are.

This is my eldest son, in case you're unaware.

He's what's known as a plant.

How rude.

Okay, so let's see whether.

He's a beautiful plant, though.

Her name's Nicole.

Let's see whether Nicole is there live from Holland.

Let's see whether she has contacted Silver Cloud.

Good evening,

Joe.

Tommy is ready to come through.

Are you ready, Frank?

Yes, yes, yes.

Deep breath.

Deep breath.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Hi, guys.

It's so great to be here at the Royal Festival Hall.

I see a young man in front of me.

What is your name, young man?

Frank.

I am feeling a very strong presence in your life.

Does the name Adam mean anything to you?

Yes.

I have him here with me.

He is short and hairy and insecure.

Is this something you understand?

Yes.

He's telling me that your bedroom is disorganized and generally a bit of a dump.

Is this something that you recognize?

Yes.

Sometimes he feels you are a little bit snobby about popular culture, movies, and music he likes that you think are a bit cheap.

Is this something you understand?

Yeah.

But he wants you to know that he loves you, so thank you, Papa.

Wow.

He wants you to.

Shut up, Tommy.

Ladies and gentlemen, Frank Buxton.

Thank you, Frank.

That was worth coming from Norwich for, wasn't it, Frank?

You didn't have anything on tonight, did you?

Very good.

Holy Moses, that was incredible, by the way, Joe.

Yeah, that was spooky, wasn't it?

It was spooky.

How did she know all that stuff?

How did she know?

And Adam's not even dead.

That's the thing that makes no sense to me.

Made-up jokes, made-up jokes, made-up jokes, party.

Have you got another couple of jokes?

I've got one for you here.

Look, this is quite class.

This is from Mark Errington.

He calls us big bucks and sweet corn.

I was glad to hear the leafy green vegetable and psychoanalysis event was cancelled.

See, that's a good tortured setup.

The leafy green vegetable and psychoanalysis event.

Yeah, that's classic made-up joke setup there.

I was glad to hear the leafy green vegetable and psychoanalysis event was cancelled.

All of it's important in that sentence.

I'm holding space for it all

in my head.

Yes, he was glad to hear it.

I guess you could call it Charden Freud.

Leafy, green, vegetable, and psychoanalysis event was cancelled, and he was glad to hear it.

Somebody went, no!

Over there, as if they'd been hit in the middle.

Thank you, Mark.

Mark Errington.

Okay, here's one from Kate.

She says, Dear Adam and Joe, I made up this joke about 12 years ago, but haven't been brave or punctual enough to send it to you until now.

I've told it to a few people and would say it's mostly met with blank stares.

I think that's more the fault of the other person because I find it so funny, I often can't make it through without cracking up.

She's building this shit up, isn't she?

Very good.

That might be partly down to doing the accent.

Bold letters.

It's very important that you read this in a thick Welsh accent.

I think that's on the offensive list now, isn't it?

My father grew up in Wales.

My aunt and uncle are from Wales, Lanethli.

So I'm allowed.

It's a dangerous one because it drifts very easily into the Indian subcontinent.

Oh, now I really want to get through this.

I am not Welsh, and neither is the subject of the joke.

But it will not work otherwise.

Enjoy brackets, and sorry, here we go.

Oh, Jesus.

What do the 90s.

I'm doing this in a sort of lady voice because we had a teacher at school called Brunwyn Barr.

And that's the last up-close interaction I had with a Welsh person

with a heavy accent.

I'm so sorry.

What do...

Oh, fucking hell, what's that?

What do the...

This is terrible.

You read it.

Come on, mate.

You read it.

I was enjoying that.

Do a thick Welsh accent.

Listen.

I wanted to hear you get cancelled.

What do the 90s band who wrote unbelievable wear to keep warm in the winter?

EMFs.

EMFs.

EMFs.

EMFs.

Talk about a mountain out of a mold.

That's like the one to do the perfect Norwich accent.

If you want to say,

now what is it?

If you want to say oil of you lay in the perfect Norwich accent, you say I love you, Lee.

I love you, Lee.

No.

Oh, no, no, it's the other way around.

If you want to say, I love you, Lee, in the perfect Norwich accent,

you say, oil of you lay.

Listen, it's exciting to be at our last

show, isn't it?

You were here.

Very good.

Do you want to hear another really convoluted one?

Yes, please.

Hi, Dr.

Buckles.

EMS.

Here is a joke I made up several years ago, which combines Star Wars,

live aid,

and contract law.

I've been meaning to send it to you for years, but keep forgetting, here it is.

I like that these joke people store them up for decades.

Like some sort of illness.

What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say to one of the organizers of Live Aid, which was being held on Tatooine, when they asked him how to get out of their contractual obligations to pay the performers and

various contractors when the event had to be cancelled due to an unexpected sandstorm?

Fucking hell.

That's a lot of information to hold in your head.

Ready for the punchline?

Use the force majeure.

Oh, yeah.

The force majeure, majeure, majeure.

That's from Ollie in Taiwan.

And

he's explained what force majeure is in very dry terms.

Yes.

Wow, that was good and tortured.

Here's one last one from me.

This is from Owen Gentleben from Brighton.

Where do crazy fruits shop?

I don't know.

Insanesberries.

Insanesberries.

Inspiries, I was going to say.

Insanesberries.

Insane spurries.

Insanesberries.

Insane sperries.

Insanesberries.

That's properly good.

Jeez, Owen Gentleben.

That's really good.

Tight, can you be where I am

Now we're going to go home quite soon.

But before we do, it's time for one more slice of delicious festive nostalgia pie, Yum.

And this one is a song, this is an old song, and it was written by our friend Zach Sandler.

And we contributed lyrics and dusted it off when we did the Adam and Joe Joe Show series two.

And it's about Robert De Niro.

And we thought we would sing it for you tonight.

And we're resisting the temptation of updating the lyrics because you could have done some stuff about De Niro and Trump, right?

Yeah, he's very angry about Trump, isn't he?

He really hates Trump, though.

There's some good videos of him just

shouting at people in New York just before the election.

And then guys with MAGA hats going over, going, You suck!

You washed up, De Niro!

That last movie was way too long.

Some of the plots in your movies, they're convoluted.

You're repeating yourself, it's sad.

The gangster motif is tired.

Good points.

Well made.

Okay, let's give this a go.

Here we go.

His name is Bobby.

He's a lovely per Perswan

And a very good actor

Once upon a time in America

Houston, Houston, Houston, Houston, Angelica He's a super actor and a very lovely guy

With a cheeky smile and a mole under one eye His name is Bobby

De Niro

He's a lovely Perswan

and a very good actor

He was in Godfather 2 but not Godfather 3 Are you, are you, are you looking at me?

He could teach Kevin Bacon a thing or two

Looking, looking looking at me, are you?

His name is Bobby

Bobby De Miro

He's a lovely per swan

and a very good actor

He played Jake Lamotte in the film of Raging Bull He ate, he ate, he ate, he ate till he was full.

He did some comedy in a film with Shawnee Benn.

He will never, never, never try that again.

His name was Bobby,

Bobby Le Miro.

Ah, he's a lovely per swan

and a very good actor.

But when he is not acting,

it is said he is boring.

But I do not believe this.

It is you that is boring

in midnight.

Run, he showed to us a light and acting style.

Proving he could swear a lot, but also make you smile.

This world is full of bad men, but Bobby still repeats.

One day a rain will come to wash this cum off all the streets.

His name is Bobby, ooh, Bobby Didn't it all

swan?

Ooh, and a very good catpole.

His name is Bobby Moo.

Bobby Lindiro.

He's a lovely pear swamp.

I'm the very good cat.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Thanks for coming along tonight.

Very nice to see you all.

Thanks for listening to the podcast.

They're leaving, but

most of you guys made it right the way through.

Thank you very much.

And thanks most of all to Joe Cornish.

Thank you.

Thank you, Adam.

For being my brother.

Merry Christmas.

I'm coming back.

See you next year.

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Continue.

My name is Ivy.

I'm eight years old, and I made up a joke last year that my mum and dad forgot to send you.

This is it.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Kung Fu.

Kung Fu.

Hiya!

That's good.

Hi-ya!

I love it, Ivy.

That's a brilliant joke.

Thank you so much for sending it in.

Very good.

This is from John and Zadie.

Hi, Adam and Joe.

Very excited to hear your Christmas podcast this year.

Hoping you can include this achingly adorable egg corn by my three-year-old daughter, Zadie.

When out trick-or-treating for Halloween this year, Zadie would stride up to the door and proudly say, Tickle feet!

Thinking about it, this could have been a clue for her particular brand of trick-or-treat, but at the time, it just sounded very cute and brought lots of laughs and bonus sweets to her trickle treating posse John and Zadie tickle feet oh that's nice sweet I mean you shouldn't tickle kids all right then darling

it's not is not the response you would be looking for

Hey,

welcome back, podcats.

Thanks to Ivy and Zadie there for that great made-up joke and egg corn.

And thank you very much indeed to everybody who submitted bits and pieces for this year's podcast.

I'm really sorry that we only get to read out such a small proportion of those, but they were all great.

We read them all and it was really fun to do so.

So thanks so much.

Addendum.

Hello, it's Christmas Day.

And I've got my Christmas voice on.

I went to bed quite late last night.

I was watching a documentary about Bjork with my son who'd never heard of Bjork.

That was Christmasy.

It was magical.

Imagine discovering Bjork for the first time.

It was the South Bank Show episode.

It's on YouTube.

I'll put a link in the description.

Along with a link to an uplifting film recommendation, which I forgot to include yesterday when I was editing the podcast.

And this one is from Johnny Sweet, actor, comedian, writer.

He's going to be a guest on the podcast next year.

And this year I read a book that he wrote called The Kelleby Code, which is a novel, a darkly comedic thriller that follows Edward Jevons, a lower-middle-class man who becomes entangled with an aristocratic Oxford circle, leading to a series of manipulations and murders as he attempts to transcend class barriers and fit in with his affluent friends.

Anyway, it's very good, beautifully written, funny, exciting.

I recommend it.

Good audiobook read by Jack Davenport.

Anyway, that's his book.

He didn't ask me to do this, by the way, but I did ask him for an uplifting movie pic a week or two ago, and he was kind enough to send me this voice message.

Hello Adam, Johnny Sweet here.

My reliably comforting film is Cliffhanger.

Weirdly, it's not a great film.

You could even argue it's not even a good film.

But I like it.

It's about Sylvester Stallone who's going to save his best friend Hal who's been kidnapped by John Lithgow whose bank robbery went wrong somehow at the top of the mountain.

Should know the details.

Sorry about that.

It's very silly.

It's almost so silly, it's relaxing.

I think that's why I like it.

It's completely unembarrassed of itself, unencumbered by taste and quality.

Sylvester Sloane did a pass of the script as he was wont to do, and so you do get some real old-school zingers.

This is Hal, his friend, talking to one of the henchmen.

He goes, Delmar, from me to you, you're an asshole.

Delmar, yeah?

And you're a loud-mouthed punk slag who's about to die.

So it does what it says on the tin.

You might not have time for this, so feel free to cut this out.

But I also

really like

the idea of the director's cut.

There was a director's cut that Sylvester Sloan said went down very badly to begin with with audiences because they thought some of these stunt scenes would just stretch incredulity.

And he explained that, you know, most people can leap a ravine of about 12 feet.

But the problem with the director's cut, he he said, quote, the stunts have me leaping maybe 300 feet or more.

That's like a different genre of film altogether.

So I hope you give it a watch and I hope you like it.

I will be watching it in the round of Christmas.

Bye.

Thanks very much, Johnny Sweet.

As I said, he's going to be a guest on the podcast next year.

I love Johnny Sweet.

He's great and I'm looking forward to waffling with him and I'm very grateful to him for that recommendation.

Cliffhanger, yes, I had seen it.

Went back and watched it with the whole family the other night.

Double thumbs up.

We had a great time.

I think Johnny described it very well.

1993 action thriller directed by Rennie Harlan.

It is very stupid and it's sort of Christmassy because it's all snowy.

Some good climbing stuff there as well.

Apparently there's a reboot in production according to the internet with Lily James and Pierce Brosnan leading the cast.

Thanks very much, Johnny, for that recommendation.

Right now I'm going to return you to the outro I recorded yesterday, and this is a great bit.

This is where I said thanks also to everybody who helped put those Royal Festival Hall shows together.

And it's a dry line, but I think I did something pretty special with it.

See what you think.

Thanks also to everyone who helped put those Royal Festival Hall shows together.

It was really good fun to do them.

We had a great time there.

A few specific thank yous to Becca Brys for her sound mixing.

Thanks, Becca.

Thanks so much once again to Kid Clarver, who I mentioned, my musical collaborator on my song for Joe.

Good fun working with him.

And we've done some other bits and pieces this year as well, actually, that might see the light of day next year.

I'll let you know when they happen.

But there's a link to Kid Clarver's Instagram page where you can explore some of the stuff he does.

He is a super talented singer, songwriter, multi-instrumentalist, and sort of computer whiz.

Thanks also to Joe's musical collaborator, Christoph Bauschinger.

Thanks to Frank for getting a night off work, coming all the way to the Royal Festival Hall just to sit on stage and say yes four times.

Thanks very much to our live podcast crew that night, Richard, Mike, Anna Lisa.

Thanks to Aaron and Fede and all the team at the Royal Festival Hall, all the tech people who were so friendly and efficient.

Thanks once again to Jay Korn for all his hard work and coming out and suddenly doing a big live show while he's hard at work writing.

Cheers, Joe.

Thanks so much to Seamus Murphy Mitchell for all his invaluable production support and very hard work this year.

But as well as them, I'm also grateful to you for coming back and listening and being open-minded with the podcast and

making me feel that I can plow my own furrow and you'll be there.

Thanks so much.

Come here, let's have a Christmas hug.

Hey,

good to see you.

You're looking so festive.

Hopefully, I'll get to see some of you next year, which might be quite busy for me.

I have this book coming out, which I think is going to be called I Love You Bai.

There's a link in the description for pre-orders.

It's got stuff about me and Joe making the transition from being childhood friends to working together on TV in the 90s and then on the radio and in podcasting.

Stuff about my mum in there.

Family stuff, marriage stuff,

music stuff.

Sounds great, Buckles.

What kind of tone are we looking at?

I'd say mainly funny, but it gets poignant.

So, if you're a porn fan,

it's Christmas.

Actually, it's Christmas even if you're not.

And I'll probably do a few live shows to support it around the summer, but I'll let you know how that goes.

I may even be doing some live music shows next year.

Because my album is finally coming out.

I think probably

towards the autumn.

But you can rest assured I'll be banging on about that before it finally emerges.

As far as the podcast goes, I'll be back in the new year.

Not sure exactly when.

February, March.

Hopefully you'll see when a new episode plops through.

If you're subscribed, that is.

If only there was some kind of song.

that could encourage people to both respond favorably to this podcast and subscribe to it.

Anyway, look, I hope the rest of your festive break is as stress-free as it can possibly be.

And I wish you and us all the best for whatever 2025 throws at us.

Go carefully.

And for what it's worth, me and Rosie, do you mind me speaking for you, Rosie?

No, go on, it's Christmas.

Thank you very much.

We love you.

Bye!

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