The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Luis J Gomez - Episode 57

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Speaker 2 all right welcome to the adam friedland show podcast it is june 6th d-day ladies and gentlemen

Speaker 2 75 78

Speaker 2 70 something a couple a long time ago today

Speaker 2 can i try to guess america final you know what d-day is I I'm trying to I'm trying to recall what D-Day is oh really yeah yeah it's something to do with World War II it's World War II it was the day America finally said no to fascism in Europe okay did we land on a beach we landed on a beach with the Canadians and the British that's probably a nice nice little time we landed at Omaha Beach really here at Omaha and the other ones are

Speaker 2 White Sand

Speaker 2 Gold Beach I think is one of them. That sounds beautiful.
That was the one, I think that was the one the Canadians stormed and and they got like fucked up, dude. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because the Germans, in World War II, the Germans, their best weapon, they had a machine gun that fires.

Speaker 2 Still, I think no machine guns fire as fast as that one. The MG-44.

Speaker 2 And, yeah, they got off those boats, and there's like, I mean, it's like a chainsaw that reaches a thousand feet. And just

Speaker 2 mowing down Canadians.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they had literally the South Park edge. That's how they came up with the idea.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but a respect to all of our Lewis is here.

Speaker 2 I'm back in the gym, so I'm now also sort of like a veteran-coded social media guy. I feel like we're both sort of veteran-coded

Speaker 2 social media presences. Yeah.
Whereas we're not really veterans.

Speaker 2 And if there is a veteran that exists, we respect all veterans unless they criticize Donald Trump, in which case they're probably stealing valor. Let's look through all their meds.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they're probably not real veterans if they're criticizing the great Donald Trump. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And we'll attack them.

Speaker 2 We'll go after them and threaten them and report them to the VA for healthcare fraud and just try to destroy their lives in general. But we're going to do it.
Try to get them hooked on drugs.

Speaker 2 I give them the

Speaker 2 first hit-free.

Speaker 2 Like an after-school special.

Speaker 2 I'll go to veterans. Like, do you like Trump? Like, no, I was like, well, here.
There's some heroin. There's a guy like that.

Speaker 2 There's a guy that's gotten popular on Twitter because, or like, he's, he's, he's gained followers since the current excursion into Gaza

Speaker 2 because he's like a former like army ranger who like he just posts videos, combat videos, and he's like, look at everything the IDF is doing wrong.

Speaker 2 And he like criticizes them, criticizes the war and stuff. And then he earned the ire of like one of these like Trump conservative guys who's very much veteran coded.

Speaker 2 And he starts accusing the guy of like stealing valor.

Speaker 2 And saying, oh, look, he's and then immediately, the guy like just immediately stepped in it because

Speaker 2 the first guy just posts his, I guess they give you like a report card when you leave the army that's like, yeah, here's everything you did.

Speaker 2 Here's, he's like, so this is, I have this proof that I'm not lying about any of this. And he's like, yeah, but look, there's a picture where your, your badge is crooked.

Speaker 2 I don't think an army guy would do that. And this guy's like now just doubling down.
He thought he had this guy on a gotcha. Yeah.
And now he's chasing it to the bitter end.

Speaker 2 Meanwhile, he's just like a guy that owns a siding company and has a tribal tattoo. Like he's not a he's not a veteran at all.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's just like a grifter that jumps on. I don't really care if people steal Valor.

Speaker 2 I have no issue with it at all. I used to steal Valor when I was in high school.
Yeah, that's what I mean by this is a veteran-coated.

Speaker 2 You're talking to a future U.S. Army soldier.
Well, I used to work at Hot Topic, and they used to sell at Hot Topic when I was in high school, they sold...

Speaker 2 a Nazi Army jacket. It was a straight up, it was an Army jacket, and it had a German flag on the shoulder.
Yeah, yeah. It just said Hot Topic or corporate.

Speaker 2 And I remember, I was like, that jacket's, on. And I had that jacket.
So it had a swastika. No, no, not a swastika.
And it had an iron cross. And no, it had just a German flag.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but that's not a Nazi flag. That's just...
No, that's what it was, though. I mean, that's what they were going for.

Speaker 2 Well, no, I mean. It was the only flag on anything.

Speaker 2 You don't remember hot topic? The Nazis did not use the current German flag. No, I know it wasn't literally a Nazi, but I'm just saying with the aesthetic of this jacket was Nazi.

Speaker 2 It was right after the

Speaker 2 Columbine.

Speaker 2 That's Deutschophobic. That's Deutsche Pobic.
Deutsche Pobic. Yeah, it's Deutsche Phobic to say.
To just call all Nazis.

Speaker 2 No, now, today, yes, but at the time. I think the most important thing that people miss during World War II is being very careful to separate anti-Nazism from anti-German.

Speaker 2 you know, sentiments.

Speaker 2 I assume that everyone was for the cause in Germany. Wasn't Hitler like loved? He was a beloved character.
He He was like a fun guy. Like, people were really into his shit, dude.

Speaker 2 He was like Shane Gillis back then. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 He could sell out anything, dude. He was fucking...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't really know too much about Hitler, to be honest with you. Really? Well, because

Speaker 2 he has such an iconic look, you know, that you see him and you're like, oh, I get it. You give up on the other side.

Speaker 2 I know everything about this guy.

Speaker 2 The mustache, the haircut, I really, this is not,

Speaker 2 what can you possibly tell me about this guy that I can't assume on my own? I don't really know much about him either.

Speaker 2 You're right.

Speaker 2 I think he's probably pretty misunderstood. I bet you he had a great

Speaker 2 job. I never said Hitler was misunderstood.
That's not a claim that I made. That's not what I said.
No, I'm just saying there's probably positive aspects of him, if we're being honest. Yeah.
Right?

Speaker 2 He had his best day. He had the sweetest thing that he ever did.

Speaker 2 The most romantic moment. There is a criticism of Germans because Germans, there's a German expression for it.
And I think it's

Speaker 2 Pete. You probably know this.
From Nuremberg, there's a German expression expression that means like we didn't know, we had no idea.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's something like that, because the defense was we were just doing our jobs for the soldiers, but then for the regular German civilians, it's like we had no idea.

Speaker 2 They didn't know, they didn't know what was happening.

Speaker 2 If you're a fucking like Berlin urbanite, of course you know what's happening, but there's guys that were like just making like goat milk in the foothills, you know?

Speaker 2 You don't think they knew you don't think they knew

Speaker 2 that I don't think the illiterate goat milkers knew, and they're just there, and then suddenly there's like American soldiers putting you in jail and you're like, what the fuck is America?

Speaker 2 What did I do? And they're like, you killed all the Jews and you're like, what are the Jews? What the fuck are you talking about? What are you talking about? I make hot chocolate.

Speaker 2 I don't understand why me and my big-titted wife make hot chocolate. I don't know how to read.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Like, it is plausible. There probably were a few people that got, that caught some strays that were just trying to live their German field life.

Speaker 2 I saw a couple of videos on Twitter recently of Israeli civilians maybe being like, maybe we won't win this one.

Speaker 2 We'll see based on social media.

Speaker 2 And making videos like, we have no idea. They're not telling us what's going on over there.
It's like, come on. This time it's different.

Speaker 2 You have the same TikTok we all do.

Speaker 2 It's sad. My algorithm, though, doesn't show me any of it.
I turn away from it. As soon as they try to show me dying babies, I start just clicking on Conor McGregor's face, cats,

Speaker 2 anything to get me away from all the hate. I just blind myself to that.
No, mine is all, and it's curated. I edit the videos, it's all just Gaza footage set the cannibal corpse.

Speaker 2 That's all, that's all I'm consuming.

Speaker 2 I put it, I have it playing on the Oculus, and I just, as I, I don't go to my eyes don't close when I sleep. Yeah, yeah, so it's just all of that.

Speaker 2 And then I wake up and I come here and I go, who the fuck left Easy Mac out?

Speaker 2 Who the fuck ate a half a who the fuck eats a couple of bites of an Easy Mac container and leaves it out? So they left it out? No, this is hypothetical.

Speaker 2 This is where I'm at, though, in my life, though.

Speaker 2 I'm like doing keto again. I'm newly single, so I'm trying to get back in shape.
Yeah. And I get crazy, but now I will do that.

Speaker 2 Like, I'm like, dude, I really want to try a bite of macaroni and cheese. So I would take one bite and then just throw it out.
Yeah, I'm back in the gym.

Speaker 2 And then an hour later, go into the garbage and start eating it out of the garbage. I'm doing old man workouts.
I use body wraps. I go in like a mummy and I'm just completely stiff.
Really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 What are you doing? What are you doing in the gym? I get in the squad rack and I do one

Speaker 2 max rep? One maximum?

Speaker 2 850 pounds.

Speaker 2 I go down an inch and then I come back up and then I'm done.

Speaker 2 And then I just spend, I spend the next 45 minutes just mean-mugging people with my flame beanie on while I take off all my wraps. I'm just covered head to toe.
Sometimes I pass out.

Speaker 2 And then I'm just on the floor in the gym for hours and hours and hours.

Speaker 2 Nobody says anything. Nobody cares.

Speaker 2 You're Nick Mullen. You're fucking Mullen.

Speaker 2 I go in the gym, they say, hey, give that guy a wide berth.

Speaker 2 He knows what he's doing.

Speaker 2 You know who that guy is? That guy knows what he's doing. And I'm covered in the German flag.
And I'm like, what? What? What's your problem? It's Germany. It's a country.

Speaker 2 It's a different, yeah, it's a different flag.

Speaker 2 Dude, it really was

Speaker 2 at a time from 97 to 99 at Hot Topic. It was right after Columbine.
I don't know what year it was, but like they would start selling.

Speaker 2 It'd be cool to get a job at Hot Topic Now, and you're in there and costs your first day. Customers come in, you're like, yeah, how about this genocide the Jews are doing over.

Speaker 2 And they're like, what the fuck are you doing? And you're like, oh, I misunderstood the title of the store.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 I was confused as to what this job was. I thought you were selling Hot Topics.
Also, you're completely nude. I'm like, that's another.
I thought you would give me a uniform when I came in.

Speaker 2 I apologize.

Speaker 2 It's my first time. Do you have water?

Speaker 2 I was going to change out the. We do, as you can see, we have the five-gallon things, but the

Speaker 2 fucking,

Speaker 2 we got to swap the. I forgot this, but we need to swap the water.
Can I have one of those five-gallon jugs and drink it directly from there? Yeah,

Speaker 2 Nick Mullen gym style. Yeah, dude, this is the five-gallon.

Speaker 2 I go in with

Speaker 2 a wheelbarrow, I have an outdoor propane tank filled with water every time I go to the gym. And I've got that's how I let my blunts.
I have a full propane tank, and I just fucking

Speaker 2 oh, thanks, dude.

Speaker 2 Dude, he's huge. Those cups might be

Speaker 2 those cups might be a little dirty.

Speaker 2 This one might be clean. There might be spiders in them.
Yeah, but you never know, dude. It's fine.
I don't know. I think you have to keep it.

Speaker 2 Considering some of the freaks they've interviewed on the show, and I think they drink out of that cup. Oh, really? That might have Bob Balaban's sperm on it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Tin Scrum. That's.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just

Speaker 2 young, hot Latino sperm. When do you think he's going to start kill fucking children?

Speaker 2 Is he at that level yet, Tim? No, I think that he got famous

Speaker 2 very quickly, so I think that he's probably afraid to lose it. So I think it's going to be after he loses it.

Speaker 2 I'm telling you, we got to do a podcast where we just speculate on our more successful friends' careers. Yeah.
Where we're telling, here's what they should do.

Speaker 2 We act like we have some kind of insight. Oh, give them some advice? Yeah, even though we failed.

Speaker 2 I asked Shane for a million dollars the other day in a very serious way. He told me how much money he made on just like a couple shows.
I was like, oh, dude, can I still have a million dollars?

Speaker 2 And I was like, in a way, I was like, and he was like, no.

Speaker 2 And like, for me, hold on, you said in a very serious way. I said a very, I wasn't kidding.
I wasn't saying like, oh, like, tongue-in-cheek, like, oh, give me a million dollars.

Speaker 2 But it wasn't like, can you invest a million dollars in this venue? No, no, no, no, no, no. I said, give me one million dollars.
I'll do with it what I want. And he was just like, no, straight up, no.

Speaker 2 And like, one million dollars to him is literally like $1,000 to me.

Speaker 2 And if one of my friends that was in pain came to me and was just serious, was like, hey, dude, can I get $1,000? I swear to God, I'd give it to him. Yeah, but you think about the tax overhead there.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? Well, he would have to do the taxes on that for you. First of all, they tax him on it and you.
No, it's tax-free.

Speaker 2 Isn't it tax-free up to like $29 million? $35,000.

Speaker 2 No, isn't it life-free? It's an individual, I think, an individual gift from one person per year.

Speaker 2 $35,000, yeah.

Speaker 2 I think. I don't know.

Speaker 2 You just read something about it. $29 million over your lifetime, you're allowed to give.
Here's how little money that actually is, right? If Shane, whose net worth now I think is $800 billion,

Speaker 2 I think that's what if we bet that's not a lot of money anymore. No, it's really not.

Speaker 2 It's not a lot of money. You can't really do a lot with $800 billion.
What are you going to do? Become the biggest fig on Twitter?

Speaker 2 Make your own spaceship?

Speaker 2 Did you see there was a space launch? There was a spaceship launch yesterday. They sent three astronauts up in a Boeing, in a Boeing space liner.

Speaker 2 Can you imagine the nuts on those guys who get into a Boeing spaceship right now?

Speaker 2 How many Boeing went down? There's a bunch of them that went down, right? I think like,

Speaker 2 yeah, 12 planes. We were talking about thousands of people dead.
Yeah. The majority of them in like Africa and Malaysia.

Speaker 2 So like it took like it took like nine planes going down before people were like, wait a minute. They even noticed.
8,000 Africans are dead. Is that bad?

Speaker 2 That seems wrong. And then there was an investigation.
There's whistleblowers that came forward. And now Boeing is just killing all of the whistleblowers.
Yeah. They're all dying of like, oh, yeah, he

Speaker 2 just died suddenly out of nowhere. And now they have a spaceship?

Speaker 2 Have you ever known anyone that's died suddenly? I mean, I guess I've known two people in my life that died of brain aneurysms. I guess that kind of counts as dying suddenly.

Speaker 2 But everybody else, it's like there's either a freak accident or cancer. My father, yeah, but he got stabbed to death.
That's sudden. I know it's sudden, but I mean.
It's not like

Speaker 2 very sudden. It's as sudden as it comes.
I mean, the assassination kind of like, yeah, I don't know. It was like natural causes.
He was 38 years old to triathlete.

Speaker 2 His head exploded naturally. No, I don't know.
He was sitting there and he went, ah, like scanners, and it just fucking exploded.

Speaker 2 I guess what I'm asking is, do you know anybody that's been assassinated by Hillary Clinton? No, I don't know.

Speaker 2 Don't they have a gun that can give you a heart attack? A heart attack guy,

Speaker 2 which I would imagine is just a regular gun. If you pulled out a gun and pointed away, I'd go, oh,

Speaker 2 I'd probably die. Maybe.
Yeah, you wouldn't even have to pull the trigger. There's got to be tons of weapons like that.
Like, stop. I've had too many pizzeria pretzel combos.

Speaker 2 I wish, you know, my body can't handle the stress of being

Speaker 2 possibly losing my Ridge wallet

Speaker 2 into a criminal. Dude, the fucking fucking Ridge wallet.
Are they your sponsor? They are. We have a read for them in 50.
They're awesome now. Oh, they're great.

Speaker 2 We've been working with them for so long. You guys, too.
Yeah, well, I know they dropped me. You could just email Sean.

Speaker 2 Well, I would complain because I complained about losing multiple Ridge wallets in the slots where the seatbelt goes in and an Uber.

Speaker 2 You lose everything in there. Everything falls into the fucking space in between.
You can't blame that.

Speaker 2 The Ridge wallet was designed. It's like a coin slot.
It's designed in the same shape. It happens to me in my car all the time because I just carry way too much shit in my pocket.

Speaker 2 The wallet will fall out first in between the chair, and I'm going to go, God damn it. I almost got into an actual driving yet.

Speaker 2 Well, I get it, and I pull it out, and then I put it in the center console, and then my keys immediately afterwards.

Speaker 2 My lighter. The amount of time that I spend

Speaker 2 trying to reach it. And I'll never just put it all together.
And my hand is jammed, and I'm like, dude, I do so much when I drive so dangerously, it's crazy.

Speaker 2 I don't,

Speaker 2 my, my insurance was. I've learned how to shift with my anus, so I don't need to.
I just sit in the middle of the car now.

Speaker 2 And then if things fall out, they fall out under the seats. And you drive sticks, so it's just fucking.

Speaker 2 I'm just moving my hips to shift. It's sort of a Latin style of driving.
Sort of

Speaker 2 like all that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the Ricky Martin. You know, you get in there.
I live in Levita Loca. Yeah, I know.
It's nice. The Fast Nefur is eight, Levita Loca.

Speaker 2 They should bring Ricky Martin into the Fast Nefur.

Speaker 2 Can you imagine that? It's just the credits end, and there's a bunch of like 13-year-old Latino boys just waiting to see

Speaker 2 who they're adding to the movie. He's driving with his left hand.
There's a new guy with his asshole on the shit. This is Ricky Martin.
He's got

Speaker 2 the stick up his ass. Oh, fuck.
Living La Vida, Loca. Can you drive stick? Yeah.
You can. Yeah.
You're a fucking man. I can drive everything.

Speaker 2 You're a real man, dude. I can fly a helicopter.
Woodwork?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I can do woodwork. You can do woodwork.
You can drive stick.

Speaker 2 It's weird because as a kid, especially at two,

Speaker 2 when you get into like adult malehood, is that a word? Male adulthood. I remember being like 20 and I'm like, because my dad can do stuff.
He can build stuff.

Speaker 2 He can like, he's like a master craftsman. He can like build like, you know,

Speaker 2 like he'll have an idea of furniture in his head. I've seen the guy.
It's crazy. He can like.
He can just build build stuff.

Speaker 2 He can hold projects in his head with like fucking like 500 cuts and just like just, okay, just build it. I mean, now you're not going to be able to do it.

Speaker 2 I don't know the first step in building a table. Like the first, I don't even know

Speaker 2 at all.

Speaker 2 Do you carve it out of a tree? Do you have to find a giant tree? He never never showed me any of this stuff. Yeah.
Never, like, never. And I remember being 20, I'm like, well, how do you, like, know?

Speaker 2 And it's like, oh, you just do it. You just go out, go buy shit, buy tools, and teach yourself how to do things.
Yeah, I wish I would have learned how to do like that type of shit.

Speaker 2 You still can. It's not hard.
I probably can. I'm 42 years old.
It's a little late to learn carpentry.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 No, just build something. Start with a small project.
What do you suggest? Give me the project you think I should build.

Speaker 2 Small project. Something utility.

Speaker 2 Not a

Speaker 2 per homemade sauna i don't think that was probably a bad idea on your behalf pete did you know about this

Speaker 2 he tried to build his own sauna almost burnt his house down i didn't try to build my own sauna that's not true

Speaker 2 i i rented when i first moved to new jersey during the pandemic i rented a house it was a little house and i was like i remember as i was leaving this i did not build i did not try to build my own sauna and then here comes the story in which he built tried to build his own sauna no i was about to leave and i was was like, oh, let me look at the garage.

Speaker 2 And then I looked into the garage and in the back of the garage, there was already a pre,

Speaker 2 it was like the beginning of a homemade sauna.

Speaker 2 So they already have the foundation. There's a shed with tools in it.

Speaker 2 There was a closet. A pile of wood.
Yeah, there was a closet. I'm like, all it's missing is fire.

Speaker 2 You can just start a fire and put rocks on top of it, and it's a sauna. It's already started.

Speaker 2 Shit. Dude, I just start a fire and miss it.

Speaker 2 oh fuck no dude it was already pre-constructed

Speaker 2 and i bought a um

Speaker 2 the heating unit for it and then the electricity for the

Speaker 2 the the reason they never finished it was because it wasn't wired correctly

Speaker 2 or whatever whatever it was and i kept on trying i kept on just trying to do it and i kept on just shutting down the power to my house over and over and over again

Speaker 2 and uh yeah but that was it it wasn't that bad i know i had a girl who almost fucking burned down my house she caught me, she went in like my DMs redating, and she caught me like doing pretty mild shit, by the way, for my standards, like just whatever.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 yeah, she fucking cut the cord to my refrigerator while it was still plugged in. Almost killed herself? She almost killed herself doing that.

Speaker 2 That would have been awesome. I didn't really even care about her that much.
I just come home to a dead chick. Yeah.
Like, oh, this is just an inconvenience to me. What a stupid way.
Like, what is it?

Speaker 2 And I drove my keys into the side.

Speaker 2 Like, that's your version of that is like oh I'm gonna make him have to call the landlord yeah she's like well I mean I think she thought she was like really getting me by like cutting off my like food supply oh yeah she's like you fat fuck yeah

Speaker 2 enjoy warm food all right it's gonna be easy mech for you from here on out

Speaker 2 um

Speaker 2 yeah are we at ridge wallet we are not we are not at ridge wallet promoting time sometimes like we'll we'll we'll like rapidly go through stuff and there's something like oh i wanted to touch on that and then i forget it and then it's like it just derails me because then the next like five minutes of conversation, somebody will talk and be like, yeah, right, right, right.

Speaker 2 I'm like, what the fuck was that thing? And then I finally remember it and it's nothing. No.
It's never anything good. I think it had something to do with Nazi Germany.
It's all right. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's okay. Nazi Germany, I feel like.

Speaker 2 Or this space. Have you been to Germany? No.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'd like to go.

Speaker 2 When we started making enough money to travel and stuff. Oh, yeah, I guess it's like, yeah, the tax thing.
Because I really wanted to demonstrate this point. Here's why Shane can't handle it.

Speaker 2 I'll give you a shot. Why he can't just hand me a million dollars.
He can't hand you a million million million million. He can afford the taxes.

Speaker 2 Whatever you're about to say, he could also afford the taxes. Yeah, but you can't afford the taxes.
I can't afford it. He can pay my taxes.

Speaker 2 Asking him for a million dollars is actually asking for like $10 million.

Speaker 2 Because you need a million right off the bat to pay the CPA to figure out the taxes of gifting someone a million dollars. You got to pay the taxes on it, which is $500,000.

Speaker 2 I mean, well, it's like probably $250,000.

Speaker 2 So a quarter million. And that's not a business issue.

Speaker 2 Let me make this clear. clear.
I want a tax-free million. So whatever that means,

Speaker 2 or you could just win for life. If he gives me like two grand a week for life, that's also pretty cool.
It does seem a little...

Speaker 2 I'm happy for Shane, but the disparity in the amount of money he's making, that seems wrong. It seems unfair.
He should be making more money than us. Yeah, twice as much off the bank.

Speaker 2 Right, exactly. I'll give him three times as much.
Three times. But this level of money that he's making.

Speaker 2 No, no, no. We got to stop it.
If he got shot by like a fucking, like somebody. Somebody a Puerto Rican comedian.
Well, some Libyan guy in an airport.

Speaker 2 If you give me $1 million tax-free, I'll kill Shane. I don't have $1 million tax-free.
Tax-free. I don't have that.
I can't do that.

Speaker 2 Well, Shane's going to live and keep on taking off our ticket sales. No.
It's more than the tickets.

Speaker 2 He's got his hands in other pockets now. It's crazy, dude.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 He's like, yeah, I'm sponsored by. And then people that are rich and so because I see it.
I'm sponsored by a hostess now.

Speaker 2 They're giving me $800 billion to eat a Twinkie on camera. I don't even like Twinkies.
Yeah. He's like, Twinkies are gay, dude.
He spits it out. Yeah, yeah.
They just gave me a bonus for that.

Speaker 2 He threw out the first pitch at a Phillies game. You know how much they paid him for that? They paid him for it now.
$500 million.

Speaker 2 I mean it, dude. He said, I'm not doing that until you give me a break.
Not for a penny less. And that's nothing to him.
But it is wild because then you think about Rogan.

Speaker 2 Rogan's encroaching on the amount of money that guy has made off podcasting.

Speaker 2 This is what people make off. People could catch me, though.
If I I was that rich, you could catch me on a day and be like, dude, give me a million tax-free.

Speaker 2 I swear to God, I'd start just giving up millions tax-free.

Speaker 2 If I was Rogan rich, Rogan rich,

Speaker 2 one person per week would get $1 million tax-free. Yeah.
See, the thing is, I know I'll never be that because

Speaker 2 I'm not going to be like, I don't want that, but it's also all those guys that continued working.

Speaker 2 As soon as you were making like $5,000 a month on Cometown, I was like, quick comedy. I'm not doing shit.
You ever see me?

Speaker 2 I'm done.

Speaker 2 You just started touring like a year ago. You've been touring this whole time.
Oh, yeah, of course. You'd be in theaters right now.
Oh, yeah. I've been doing some.

Speaker 2 Well, I don't know if I'd be in theaters, but I certainly have a lot more money. Yeah.
But

Speaker 2 yeah, I just don't. I don't really actually want to do anything.
I know. And then Shane's always like, just keep going.
That's what he says. He's like, you got to just keep going.

Speaker 2 He's like, things, other things happen to other people, and they just don't. He's like, the SNL thing happened, and he kept going.

Speaker 2 If the SNL thing happened to me, well, I guess I would have had to keep going.

Speaker 2 I would have killed myself.

Speaker 2 The second I had enough money to not do anything,

Speaker 2 you would literally.

Speaker 2 That's where my fantasy, I fantasize about retiring. I fantasize about leaving public life all the time.
So that's the thing. If I hit it like one of those guys,

Speaker 2 then I think I would. But then I go, well, no, then what gives me the anxiety about public life, I wouldn't really give a fuck about it anymore if I had that much money.

Speaker 2 If I would genuinely to just buy myself a fucking island, it wouldn't matter. I think I would just, then it would probably even be more fun to create.

Speaker 2 I think being in the middle is like an anxiety inducing sort of position yeah and so hopefully that's an eye-opener to all you fucks that work at the post office or whatever you do so you understand how what it's like to be in the middle

Speaker 2 in the goddamn middle of comedy it sucks dude it sucks there you got to build your own sauna you gotta fucking burn down your house trying to make your own sauna oh shit it's well that's the thing you think it's enough right

Speaker 2 If you would have told me what it is. Because it is annoying because then these cocksuckers, they do complain.

Speaker 2 They're like, these guys, all they got to do is talk for two hours a week and they get millions of dollars. And I'm like, Brady, we're in the same boat.

Speaker 2 I'm complaining about the other guy that does that, that gets billions of dollars. That's crazy, dude.
Hundreds of billions of dollars.

Speaker 2 It's crazy. It's too much.

Speaker 2 It's too much money.

Speaker 2 And it do something cool with it. And every time I see the Matt and Shane podcast, I can't even watch it anymore.
It pisses you off.

Speaker 2 Shane's got all this fucking money, and then they do the podcast with his fucking, just like in the shittiest living room you've ever seen in your entire life.

Speaker 2 Like, I just...

Speaker 2 Despite the shitty

Speaker 2 shitty,

Speaker 2 the shitty struggling

Speaker 2 fireplace.

Speaker 2 It looks like a Chinese restaurant. Oh, fuck.
There's a cat doing this. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Good for them, though. I know.
Good guys. Yeah.
You know, at least it's happening to good guys.

Speaker 2 That's the part that grinds my gut.

Speaker 2 You wish you could hate them. Well, yeah, exactly.
It could be like, you know, it should have for bad people. Yeah, it should be like all the LA comics.

Speaker 2 We all love being like, yeah, fuck LA, they suck. Rich douchebags.
Yeah, yeah. And that's like all of our friends.
We're like, oh, no, maybe they're just talented.

Speaker 2 I even caught myself the other day looking at like, you know, Tim, Shane, all these people doing well, Stob doing well. And I'm like,

Speaker 2 shouldn't a couple of them be black women?

Speaker 2 Like, really work in my own head, just starting, just being like, actually,

Speaker 2 let's hold on now. Let's pump the brakes on this.
Yeah. Perhaps we should change it up, you know, a little bit more.
I mean, why are we also not talking about there being no black people on tires?

Speaker 2 There aren't any black people on tires. I don't think so.
What about the tires?

Speaker 2 Who plays the tires?

Speaker 2 It's LeMaire as a tire.

Speaker 2 Yeah, who plays the tires?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's funny. I always thought it was funny that they made the Michelin man white.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because they probably came up with that mascot back in the 60s, and the first one was just a big pile of shit.

Speaker 2 Wait, what are they like? No, but did they used to dye the tires white? I think that's what it is.

Speaker 2 Fact check that. I think they dyed the tires white for me.
I think car tires were white back if you were like a pimp in the 1920s, but I don't think that they were all white. This is Master Suit.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 There's something about, I read something about the Michelin man and about his color. Interesting.
I did. This is why we're not doing well.

Speaker 2 Because this is all of this kind of stuff was conducive to podcasting like fucking 10 years ago when that kind of information would stay in your head. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So then we all started podcasts and you'd be like, you know where D Cell batteries come from? And then the dumbest men in the entire world were like, this guy's like a genius.

Speaker 2 It was like. This guy knows everything about everything.
It's like, no, I just read some. Podcasting was like the Uncle John's bathroom reader for a while.

Speaker 2 Like, you just find fun facts and discover things, but now everyone just talks about the same shit. Yeah.
On every episode. Man, the phones really killed the bathroom reader industry.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I love the bathroom reader. Yeah.
Just a shit-covered fucking book sitting in front of your toilet, dude. Why would it be shit-covered? That doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 2 Well, I mean, shit particles are flying. Yeah, they are.
Dude, when you flush into another medicine,

Speaker 2 by that same vein, so your toothbrush. You're supposed to put your toothbrush into your medicine cabinet because there's shit particles on your toothbrush.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I've never read that. I didn't know you were supposed to do that.
You're supposed to cover the, you're supposed to close the lid before you flush.

Speaker 2 You're supposed to, like, yeah, you're not supposed to keep your.

Speaker 2 I've seen dogs eat shit out of their own asses. I think we're being a little too precious with the bathroom thing.
You think that we're freaking out about? Actually, king of England. Kings.

Speaker 2 Of the greatest society of all time, Judeo-Christian England.

Speaker 2 The

Speaker 2 In the Judeo-Christian history of the Western Judeo-West of Christianity, the kings of England, which are known to be the most civilized people of all time. The highest level.

Speaker 2 Their thrones would just have a hole cut in it and they would just shit in there.

Speaker 2 They would.

Speaker 2 They would shit into their crown and they would put it on their head. What is it? There's a, then this is another historical fact.
Pete, do you know this one?

Speaker 2 It was like the, the, is it pronounced diet or diet, the congressional

Speaker 2 not the diet was the diet, the diet of worms, but that was a conference where they determined something.

Speaker 2 But then there was another diet where the floor

Speaker 2 was that's what Zach and Miko eats. Yeah.
The diet of worms. Yeah, well, that's why the name's funny.
You learn the diet of worms in school and you're like, haha, that's a funny name.

Speaker 2 But it's that was to determine something.

Speaker 2 And maybe it is just the diet of worms. But

Speaker 2 there was another congressional meeting in like medieval Europe where they brought all of these dignitaries into like a meeting house, like this like cathedral sort of meeting house.

Speaker 2 And they were on like the third floor. And there were so many people there in the table, the floor just gave out.

Speaker 2 And immediately under it, like three stories below, was the cesspit for the, which is where all the shit and piss went. So all of these rich people just died suffocating and shit and piss.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And there was one guy. There was literally one guy who was like, I think.
What do they call that? The aristocrats. Yeah, right.
Literally. And then it was like the king of England or something.

Speaker 2 It wasn't the king of England, but it was another guy who just kind of like hid in like there was just this stone alcove. Yeah.
And he got stuck there.

Speaker 2 It took forever for them to get like a ladder, like a bridge for him to cross. He was just like basically hanging on the ledge for hours.
And he's like, oh, please help me.

Speaker 2 All of my friends have fallen into the fit.

Speaker 2 To the feces. The shit.

Speaker 2 Yeah, however, they said S's back then. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's wild.

Speaker 2 It was called the Aruf Lataine Disaster. Yes.

Speaker 2 The Aruf Lataine disaster of 1184.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Tires were white until 1912 when they started dying. The rubber is naturally white.
Tires were white until 1912, the rebirth of the KKK,

Speaker 2 which I think was actually 1915. Actually, the Michelin man kind of looks like he's wearing a KKK hoodie.
It's got a little bit of a point to his head. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Are there not really, there's no black black people on Tires? That's interesting. I only watched three episodes, and I just went to the moment.

Speaker 2 That must be what the Wall Street Journal meant by the show is a fuck you

Speaker 2 to woke comedy. I can't wait until this stuff is done.
What? Just even the word, just hearing the word woke. Well, everyone's going like, oh, the pendulum's swinging back in the other direction.

Speaker 2 I don't want to even hear that.

Speaker 2 It's literally not. I don't want to hear it.
Well, I mean, if it had, in what way? Is it... Well, they're like, dude,

Speaker 2 the woke shit is over, dude. Comedy's back.
It's like, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 Trump has been out of office for four years, and people that are on the left don't feel the pressure like they have to come after comedians and every piece of art.

Speaker 2 As soon as Trump is back in office, it's going to get crazy again.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Maybe. I don't know.
Maybe. We'll see.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I think people.

Speaker 2 I just don't.

Speaker 2 Like, I'm just tired of everything being framed in this way. It sucks.
There has to be a different conversation to have. Yeah.
No.

Speaker 2 You could just as easily, as a country, be fighting over something different. Yeah.
Well, the whole woke versus non-woke thing is like so, at this point, it's so old.

Speaker 2 It just seems like an old conversation to even have.

Speaker 2 It felt dated even when it started. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So, what is next, I guess, is the question for America. Bridgewallet.
Ridge wallet. Ridgewallet.com slash T-A-F-S or promo code T-A-F-S.

Speaker 2 And that'll get you free shipping or something or some kind of fucking discount. I use a Ridge Ridge wallet.

Speaker 2 Lewis uses one, although he seems to lose his in the seat belt cup in the back of a Toyota camera.

Speaker 2 And it was such an issue for him that he destroyed his relationship with Ridge Wallet over it. I literally lost the sponsorship.
They're like, dude, stop saying that.

Speaker 2 And I was like, dude, it happened like three times. This is what happens when you spend your entire life using wallet chains.

Speaker 2 You don't know how to keep, you don't know how to hold on to any of your items because you had this device that should be for mentally disabled people because you thought it was cool.

Speaker 2 You don't have a leash on your money. I did have a leash on my wallet.

Speaker 2 What was the point of that? It's like somebody would steal your wallet and then you'd be like, not so fast, pal. And then they beat the fuck out of you.
With your own chain, man.

Speaker 2 They'd beat you with your own wallet. Right.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, I think it was, it was just like fashion. It was just an accessory.
I think it was.

Speaker 2 It was like a bracelet. There's no point of having a bracelet, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's

Speaker 2 sorry, Adams. Adams texted me a bunch of uh business stuff.

Speaker 2 What business stuff?

Speaker 2 Just the show. Stuff we got to figure out over the next couple weeks.
Anyways, Ridge Wallet. Um Ridge Wallet is it's uh it's great.
I use it. I love it.
I got the gold one.

Speaker 2 It has the shit where people can't steal your information. Yeah, I don't even know how that works.
The RFID thing, I think it's got that. The RFID thing.
They also have luggage now.

Speaker 2 I'm big on the luggage.

Speaker 2 I was asking them to send it to me, but they haven't.

Speaker 2 No, it's really high quality. It's great shit.
It's good stuff. The backpack I've used for years.
I love the backpack.

Speaker 2 Check it out, guys. Just go to RidgeWallet.com.
We got Father's Day coming up. That's why they're doing this push on the show.
They want to push the Ridge Wallet stuff on Father's Day.

Speaker 2 And I'm telling you, it is a great, it is. I'm a dad.
Your dad's got a shitty old wallet, you know, and it's filled with, he's probably got a blockbuster card in there,

Speaker 2 you know, and he needs a new wallet. Get him the Ridge wallet.
It's good. It's like the perfect, it's the size of a credit card, fits in your front or back pocket.
You know, it's got a clip.

Speaker 2 They got the money clip belt on there sometimes. What do you think your grandfather would say if you gave him a Ridge wallet? The N-word.

Speaker 2 He's like, I'm not a fuck.

Speaker 2 What is this? Is this rap music? Is this shit? Yeah. Is this rap music? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Ah, shit.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to do this poop shit.

Speaker 2 Ah, fuck.

Speaker 2 Those are the good old days.

Speaker 2 Anyways, sorry. Yeah.
Moving on, folks. What else do we got this week? Really, I don't know.
I just read war news all the time. That's it? That's your whole algorithm?

Speaker 2 My sister's cat got caught in a tree yesterday. Oh, really? You know what you can't do? You know who will not come? The fire department.
The fucking fire department. Yeah, they don't really do that.

Speaker 2 They don't do that. They're a cartoon thing.
Yeah, I guess so. How do you know that? What? How do you know that if you ever had

Speaker 2 I would assume that you only know that if you have a cat coordinate tree and you call the fire department and they go, yeah, well, they only do that on cartoons. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 No, you got to get like animal control services or something. And then they have that noose on the thing and then they just yank the cat down by its neck.
No, they don't do that.

Speaker 2 Animal control wouldn't come either. Oh, really? Yeah, I had to.
So

Speaker 2 my... The hose, you use the hose.
Yeah, you spray it out of a tree. Yeah, that's what's a black cat.
So, yeah. Yeah, I uh, no, I, I,

Speaker 2 initially, my

Speaker 2 niece was like crying, and my aunt called me, and she's like, the cat's caught on the tree. The cat's just meowing.
It's on my Instagram, it's what I'm on Instagram store. You can watch it after this.

Speaker 2 And then I climbed up a ladder, and it was a really shaky ladder, and I almost fucking fell down.

Speaker 2 And then eventually, I was like, This is gonna happen. Then I went and read it, and they were like,

Speaker 2 You're a f, your kid's gay. But then I checked it, read it about cats getting born trees.

Speaker 2 And they were like, you're a f ⁇ ing gay.

Speaker 2 Your cat's gay. You're a f ⁇ ing girl.

Speaker 2 And they were like, no, usually just put some food down there. It may take a few days, but the cat will eventually get hungry enough and thirsty enough that its instincts will take it.

Speaker 2 You're just being dramatic, yeah. Yeah.
But they were like, but if there's inclement weather, then you should be concerned. And it was going to be fucking wind and rain last night.

Speaker 2 So I had to call like a tree pruner.

Speaker 2 saw the branch off.

Speaker 2 He literally came with all of his equipment, and he was fucking hanging from the tree at 10 o'clock last night.

Speaker 2 Is that what they're called? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I think they do tree pruning. Yeah, yeah.
Well, yeah, that was on the side of the truck. It said tree pruning.
It is a good job. That's a good job if you like climbing.
That's crazy.

Speaker 2 Watching him go, like, trying to get this cat, and the cat's like going on different branches.

Speaker 2 It was like when you were watching those, like, nature is metal videos where a lion's trying to catch a monkey on the edge of the branch. Yeah, it was wild to watch.
It's got to be weird to be a cat.

Speaker 2 You go up there and you think you're just being a cat, and then you're like, oh, fuck, I'm a thousand feet.

Speaker 2 I'm a thousand feet in the air.

Speaker 2 And I don't know how to get back down. I mean, I think he could probably climb down backwards.
That's how I would do it. I just don't think that their instincts work that way.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's funny, and it's like, this is, it's, it's, it's just, I mean, it's, I don't know, I don't know if you would call it hackneyed because it's, um, it's a real sensation you feel, but like, now I am 35, and every time I have to take a shit, I'm like, something's wrong.

Speaker 2 Oh, you know. Oh, yeah, dude.
I now

Speaker 2 have to do it. This fucking happened last week.
I did the podcast with Racine. Everything's fine.
It's going fine. Then I suddenly have to take a shit, and I'm like, oh,

Speaker 2 yeah. It's not.
It's like something bad. It's not just a shape.
Like, this is something bad. I have AIDS.
I'm panicked. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Not I'm pan, like, I'm sure it'll be fine, but it's just the sensation of needing the shit. It's like fills me with a sense of just impending doom.
Fear and doom. Yeah,

Speaker 2 anything with my body at all. I should have gone to the bathroom earlier.

Speaker 2 If I smoke a vape now, like weed vape, it makes me feel like I got to pee a little bit. It's just a thing that has happened in my older age.

Speaker 2 And now once I'm done peeing, it always feels like I got to pee a little bit more. This is something that happened.
My dick never, ever feels right.

Speaker 2 It's a nightmare. Yeah.
And then every time I'm just assuming that I have AIDS. Yeah.

Speaker 2 When did you stop being afraid of AIDS?

Speaker 2 I don't think I was ever afraid of AIDS. Really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's crazy. Why? The first time I got an AIDS test, I hyperventilated and cried.
No, because I was always

Speaker 2 fucking a guy with AIDS.

Speaker 2 I was like, I mean, I was on the internet as a teenager.

Speaker 2 And the internet back then was all very, very much right-wing. So, like, you know, you'd learn it.

Speaker 2 They also couple drug education with sex education. You have a health class.

Speaker 2 Health class, you're right. And what do they tell you in health class? They tell you that drugs are bad, that if you smoke weed, you're going going to end up a crack addict.

Speaker 2 You know, like that drugs do, but they give you brain damage. You know, weed will give you brain damage, all this stuff.

Speaker 2 And then they also tell you that you can get AIDS if you have sex and all of this stuff, and that straight people can get AIDS.

Speaker 2 They tell you all of this stuff, and then you leave health class, and then you find out drugs are fine. Even the guy who taught the health class probably smokes.
He was high as fuck.

Speaker 2 He probably smokes weed. That's all a lie.
He probably had AIDS.

Speaker 2 It was all created by a racist government to come up with these lies to tell you about drugs and it's like but oh but the other part of the class that's true and it's like well no none of this is i just i'll throw it all out i don't believe in any of this i stopped being afraid of aids when penn and teller did a bullshit episode on it Oh, really?

Speaker 2 Penn and Teller did bullshit on AIDS and they called bullshit on AIDS. I was like, what? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And then they were like, they went over like the percentage, the chance, even if you had sex with a woman who had AIDS, like straight sex. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And it was such a small chance to be able to catch it. I was like, oh, that's it.
No, there was was like a concerted effort to, like,

Speaker 2 that might be why, like, it's very easy to just blame the,

Speaker 2 like, public health authorities for all of this. But, like, so.

Speaker 2 AIDS was first recognized in gay communities. And because it was a gay, the marginalized community, the government didn't give a fuck about doing anything about it.

Speaker 2 Like, Reagan famously kind of laughed after a phone call from, like, I think it was like Rock Hudson was like, hey, listen, buddy,

Speaker 2 we're all dying over here.

Speaker 2 All your old Hollywood pals are dying.

Speaker 2 Reagan was like,

Speaker 2 tough shit, homo. My wife blew everybody.

Speaker 2 That's my age.

Speaker 2 My wife sucked everyone's cock. It's God's answer to what you're doing.
Yeah. So good luck with your, good luck with your butt monkey virus.

Speaker 2 The White House won't be helping with anything.

Speaker 2 And, you know, and then, yeah.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 it was branded as, like, initially they called it grids. It was gay-related immunodeficiency syndrome.
And because it was a gay thing, there was no public funding for it or research.

Speaker 2 And then Larry Kramer wrote all those plays, and that actually probably benefited him more than anything, you know, because

Speaker 2 now he's Mr. AIDS.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 yeah, it was like that was the problem, is it was branded as such. And so at the time, I feel like in the late 80s, early 90s, the correction wasn't to say, oh, homophobia is wrong.

Speaker 2 We should stop being mean to gay people. It's like, no, we should get people to care about AIDS by branding it as a disease for everybody.
Yeah. And so then there was that little boy.

Speaker 2 There was like a little white boy that got AIDS.

Speaker 2 Probably from the church. I don't know.

Speaker 2 He probably was like, oh, it was a blood transfusion. I'm like, yeah, they transfused

Speaker 2 blood all over some guy's cock at church. That's what that was.
He was probably a little gay slut. He was like in gay nightclubs.
Yeah, yeah. No, it was like Ryan White or whatever.

Speaker 2 And then it was like, oh, everyone can get AIDS. And then they branded it as like an everybody.
I remember that. I remember that so clearly.
You were a little younger than me.

Speaker 2 I remember watching it at the time. It was a part of our culture.

Speaker 2 But then that had the reverse effect where it was like, okay, well, now there's insufficient education going towards like younger gay people to tell them like, no, this is very something like...

Speaker 2 very much something to be concerned with and like you know you like you in particular need to use like protection or you know like you should be concerned about AIDS because then it became like an everybody thing when it is something that affects this like one community.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 It would be like if and I'm horr I've gotten so much worse at analogies in my life, but it would be like if like let's say the world didn't care about handicapped people and they don't.

Speaker 2 And then suddenly like we didn't have stairs until the 1980s.

Speaker 2 And they invented stairs and then fucking, you know, like like Christopher Reeves is like calling his friend Ronald Reagan and being like, can you please help me?

Speaker 2 I can't get into my apartment. And he's like, tough shit.

Speaker 2 That's God's answer to horseback riding. That's what you get for riding a horse like a fairy.

Speaker 2 Where's either AIDS? Fancy Prince on your horse.

Speaker 2 Reagan did not like his iPhone

Speaker 2 horse riding. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dude, Reagan's the best president ever. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Ride a horse, well, you deserve it.

Speaker 2 And then they were like, well, what if we convince people that stairs are a problem for everybody? Right.

Speaker 2 And then we're like, oh, okay, we should all

Speaker 2 fucking be careful about it. I don't know.
I'm giving up on this analogy.

Speaker 2 I like this analogy. I like the analogy.
I don't know. But there was like 20 years of them

Speaker 2 saying it the wrong way. And then it took until only, like, it only, I feel like in the last 15 years, they figured out, like, oh, there's a way to say, hey, AIDS mostly affects like

Speaker 2 gay men, you know, so like you guys should use. They still do in like the commercials.

Speaker 2 Like they do, they throw a fucking Chinese girl in there for some reason, and they'll have like a straight couple being like, we're using prep. Yeah, they find the right way, the right balance.

Speaker 2 But it's like nine or ten gay dudes, like really. And as soon as they did that, it was cured.

Speaker 2 Like literally, as soon as they figured out the right way to like brand it, then it was like, oh, a pill that you take, and then you don't have AIDS.

Speaker 2 I feel like also the branding for PrEP should be a little darker than it is. Did you?

Speaker 2 They brand it like it's a Skittles commercial. Do you know much about RFK, Jr.?

Speaker 2 No, just his horrifying voice. Oh, yeah.
I read his book

Speaker 2 probably around the time he announced his campaign. I made the same joke on Rogan, but I was like, I wouldn't listen to his audiobook.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So there I was. Yeah.

Speaker 2 His book is insane. Yeah.
Have you read, do you know anything about it? I listen to audiobooks. It's all about.
Do you mind

Speaker 2 if I say I read a book? Does that bother you, considering I only listen to audiobooks? No. Some people, it really grinds their gears if you say I read a book.
It doesn't grind my gears.

Speaker 2 I'll throw it in somebody's face because it's funny to me. Be like, what do you mean you read it?

Speaker 2 You mean you drove the fucking sheets?

Speaker 2 You mean there was noise in your car when you were driving the sheets?

Speaker 2 I only listen to audiobooks because I have to do it like passively while I'm driving, while I'm in the steam room or the sauna.

Speaker 2 That's kind of what I hate about like movie, like now movie culture is a thing.

Speaker 2 Letterbox has turned it into is everybody's just, I look at, maybe it's just because it's, it's like, it's, what do you call it, when you're looking at something and then you're, you're like, oh, this is everything.

Speaker 2 But maybe it's just from looking at Letterbox. But like people's like attitudes about movies now are fucking insane.
What do you mean? Like it just like

Speaker 2 people think they're doing something by watching a movie and thinking about it. Like being a movie snob is like, no, you're just sitting on your couch, you fucking asshole.

Speaker 2 It's like, it's not, it is the most passive. You're doing what 99% of people do.
Well, it's the most passive form of media possible. Yeah.
You don't have to construct anything in your head.

Speaker 2 You sit there and you're being blasted with sounds and images. And then you're like, oh, what is this? Oh, this must mean something.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm fucking, I'm using my brain to figure out what this means. Yeah, I

Speaker 2 watched a good movie recently. What's that? The Iron Claw.

Speaker 2 The Von Eric story?

Speaker 2 Yeah, who's in that? It's the guy from...

Speaker 2 What the fuck's his name? Zach Efron. Yeah, Zach Efron.
He's great in it, dude. Yeah.
He was great. I really liked it.
It's about the Von Eric curse. You're not a pro wrestling fan, right?

Speaker 2 No, but Zach Efron seems like an extremely chill guy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah.
He's a good-looking dude. Probably.
He's red now. He's become very red.
Red? He's jacked in this movie. He plays a pro wrestler.
Yeah. They're all pro wrestlers.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the story about the curse for the family. Like, all the brothers killed themselves.
Like,

Speaker 2 three of the five brothers killed themselves.

Speaker 2 One of them fucking had a weird accident. I don't think that's a curse.
I think that's just a bad family. It's a bad father.
Yeah, yeah. The curse of having shitty parents.
Yeah, right.

Speaker 2 But. That's funny that they do that.
They just call it a curse. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You can still kill yourself. That's nice.
Me? What do you mean? Yeah, well, because you don't. I don't want to kill myself.
No, you don't have any kids, though. People always say that.

Speaker 2 They're like, oh, Mullen's going to kill himself. No, I'm not.
I'm not going to kill myself. No, I don't think you're going to kill yourself.

Speaker 2 You might disappear to the woods. I'm trying to find a way to exit

Speaker 2 because now I feel like I'm stuck just complaining. Nobody likes that, but then they'll watch.
They like to watch you complain. They'll just watch this fucking bitch complaining.

Speaker 2 Fuck this guy.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, okay, okay.

Speaker 2 I guess. I guess I have to do it.
I guess we're stuck in a death spiral together. No.
Right, right.

Speaker 2 I could see you disappearing one day, just like completely like just gone. Like, where'd Mullen go? Like, we don't know.
That'd be cool. Yeah.
I'd have to learn another language first.

Speaker 2 If you were going to disappear anywhere in the world, where would you go?

Speaker 2 The Hudson Valley.

Speaker 2 You'd go from the Fair North. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Probably.

Speaker 2 Westchester. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, probably Fairfield, Connecticut, I think.

Speaker 2 Disappearing. Yeah.
Too hiking distance away. Right, yeah.
Yeah, I don't know. Probably

Speaker 2 like Great Neck or something.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I don't know.
What about you? Where would you disappear to? Oh, Jamaica. You know I would.
Jamaica. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Jamaica. I've been there ten times.
Ten times. Ten times.
What do you get for that? One of those, the Rasta banana? The big Rasta banana?

Speaker 2 Maybe a hat with the dreadlocks attached. It's crazy that they sell that Rasta banana.
Every amusement park has the Rasta banana.

Speaker 2 If you get fucking like 10 swishes in a row or something, that's like a prize. Yeah.
At every amusement park. You trade in for that.
And that is one of the most racist things I've ever seen.

Speaker 2 Yeah. The prizes at amusement parks are crazy in general.
They're the shittiest quality, like stuffed animals. I remember I won when I was a kid.
I need luxury stuffed animals. No, first of all, soft.

Speaker 2 Dude, all of my stuffed animals were like, like the inside of it was like broken apart styrofoam. Yeah.
You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And I won.

Speaker 2 Your mom just super glued googly eyes to a couch cushion.

Speaker 2 She just handed you a throw pillow. Your own throw pillow from the couch.
It was just a fucking, it was a garbage basketball. It's like, look, it's a bear.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's your friend, Lewis.

Speaker 2 Dude, it was, you know, the game at the carnival where you throw the ball on a wrestling ring and it has to land essentially on a collar?

Speaker 2 And then it's like huge prize. So I won that bear at that.
And then that bear became the bear that I fucked from when I was like nine until I was like 12. Oh, you fucked a bear.
I fucked that bear.

Speaker 2 Is that why you're into MMA now, you think? Yeah, it was practicing. Yeah, yeah.
But no, I slit a hole in between its legs, and I used to put my dick and I used to grind. You would come into the bear.

Speaker 2 Oh, I wasn't coming yet. It was air.

Speaker 2 It was like an airsoft gun. And I would fuck the bear.
I remember I would pull it out and like the little beads of Syrofoam would fall out of it like a cream pie was falling out of it.

Speaker 2 And it was that was kind of hot. I think that's why I like cream pie porn so much now.
Oh, interesting. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, never fucked a bear. You didn't fuck your stuffed animals? No, I never masturbated? I think I just jacked off.
Yeah. You sort of immediately...
That seems like not as intuitive.

Speaker 2 No, it's intuitive. It's your hand.
Maybe this is why you can't do like any kind of physical, like you can't do, like you have no craftsmanship.

Speaker 2 Because you just, you're like, well, I can't use my hands to do anything. I can do slap.
And I must have a bear to nut in.

Speaker 2 That's cool. Where'd it go? It's inside of your hat.

Speaker 2 What if it was, dude? It's right here the whole time. Oh, damn.

Speaker 2 It's inside of your hat. David Blaine.
You would have shit your fucking bear. David Blaine did that to me.
What did he do? He did a card trick and he put a folded-up card under my watch. Really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, his whole time he's doing it, and he's like, actually, why don't you look under your watch? And I'm like, no fucking way, dude. It was under my watch.

Speaker 2 He folded it up into four and someone slid it under the watch.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm doing Coke magic at Skank Fest this year. So we did it during the pandemic last year with Shane and Dan Soder and Zach.
And I was doing shitty magic like that on camera on Zoom.

Speaker 2 And so we're doing a stage show. I've hired a magician named Magic Murray,

Speaker 2 who's recently was canceled from some magic society because he was giving away tricks. So

Speaker 2 you hire a magician for a Skanks Fest, and it just happens to be the magician that

Speaker 2 said the N-word or something.

Speaker 2 How is that possible? Well, no, that's what he would do, is you would write the N-word on a card, and then he would show you, tear it in half.

Speaker 2 No, no, he didn't. It was for giving away tricks on Instagram, just easy, cheap tricks.
Oh, okay. So they were like, you can't perform at this club anymore.
That is a big thing.

Speaker 2 I remember in the 90s, the masked magician, that was a good idea. He was getting death threats.
I mean, it was crazy.

Speaker 2 That would be like if you did, like, they had the masked comedian special on Fox, and it was just a guy that went up and stole everybody's jokes.

Speaker 2 yeah he just went up and did fucking Louis Zach and like yeah Bill Cosby and he had that cool funny but the mask the masked magician was just giving away the secrets

Speaker 2 two kinds of black people and it's just a white man wearing a wearing the yeah the crazy mask no this guy he uh yeah he was for whatever reason so he's teaching me a stage show he's actually doing he's breaking the rules again he's teaching me a stage show and we're training and we're gonna launch it at skank fest And essentially, Shane.

Speaker 2 You should invent magic fighting. Magic fight? What is that? I don't know.
That's what I mean. You want me to invent it? You just came up with a name now.
I have to fill in the rest of the details.

Speaker 2 That's right. Combine your two interests of sleight of hand magic and mixed martial arts.
Magic fight. And come up with magic fighting.

Speaker 2 You have to hide a quarter in the other man's ass. You know, that's how magic tricks actually work.

Speaker 2 I read a book on how to, like, beyond just like learning tricks, like how to invent your own illusions and tricks. And they say, you work backwards.

Speaker 2 You come up with the idea and how you want it it to look and what you want it to be. I think that's how literally everything in the world works.
No, magic. Yeah, okay.
This is how magic works.

Speaker 2 I think that you can apply that statement to anything. It's like, you know, you got to work backwards.
You have an idea for something, there's a problem you want to solve.

Speaker 2 And then so you start with the problem being solved and work backwards from there.

Speaker 2 A famous magician once told me that practice makes perfect. Yeah.
It's exclusive to the magic. Who said that? David Copperfield?

Speaker 2 He was talking about raping young women. Uh-huh.
Yeah. Well,

Speaker 2 we were at 55 minutes, but I will literally shit myself if we don't. I keep doing this.
I have coffee. It's because it's because since I was like, I'm taking the reins with the

Speaker 2 regular episodes, we do it in the morning. Okay.
And I forget to take a dump. But the show, I feel like this is the podcasting has been more fun.
To be able to do it at 9:30, oof.

Speaker 2 I like an early morning podcast. And for reason, fucking all morning shows start at 5 a.m.
because you're fucking delirious. All the time the day happens,

Speaker 2 my anxiety is caught up. I'm stoned.
I'm really high because I'm smoking weed all day.

Speaker 2 I've shit myself completely. I'm covered in shit particles.
Guys, one last plug. I'll be in Spokane at Spokane Comedy Club this weekend.
Come out. I am sure there are a lot of tickets still available.

Speaker 2 And then that's it for me until I think late July.

Speaker 2 I'm on tour right now. I'm touring everywhere.

Speaker 2 I got Point Pleasant coming up. I got Dallas, Fort Worth, Los Angeles.
I'm going to Atlanta for the first time, Cleveland, going everywhere. Just go to Lewisofskanks.com and grab tickets.

Speaker 2 It's a brand new hour. I'm filming a new special in January, it looks like, in England.
So,

Speaker 2 yeah, come out and support and check out my other pods. That sounds fun.
Thanks, guys. Good night.

Speaker 2 Dude, awesome. Yeah, okay.