Alec Baldwin Talks 30 Rock, Fatherhood, Trial

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Well, I mean, I know people will have a name who took the money they made. And it might not have been hundreds of millions of dollars in fees, like Leo or

whoever DiCaprio's probably. But there's people I know who made less money in fees, but they invested that money in acting fees, your fees,

like Sachs.

Oh, fees, like you're paying. You're putting it on a movie.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You make a movie and you get paid.
You know, you do Tom Cruise, you get $50 million. You just say the words, right?

And you get them $50 billion? No, no, no. He does a lot more than that for $50 million.
Do you have Tom Cruise? Do I have Tom's number? Yeah, yeah. I have his sister's number.

You have his sister's number. And if I call her...
Who's she? Who's she? Yeah. She's Tom's sister.
Wow.

Oh, my, every faith and true.

Oh, my God, a fair shoe. Almighty.

Hello and welcome back to the Adam Friedland Show. I'm Adam Friedland.
Guys, big episode today. But before we start, I'm going back on the road.

Emerald City Comedy Club, Seattle, Washington, January 23rd.

Oh, fuck. I did the dates wrong.

Seattle, Washington, January 22nd, 23rd, 24th. I'm with Caleb Pitts, the man that is, he's sick today.

I'm doing five shows. Get tickets at emeraldcitycomedy.com.
There's also a link in the description of this video.

I'd like to thank, first off, as always, our members for supporting us here on youtube.com. You make this show possible.
Members get access to all of our episodes early.

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And you can also support us on Patreon if you'd prefer. The link for that is also in the description.
And by Friedland Family Foundation, I don't mean anyone from my family. You know who you are.

Guys, merch is also available. The AdamFriedland.show.
Check it out. We have a new shirt that says keep calm, listen to the Adam Friedland show.
It's going to be do we?

That's funny that Caleb put it in there. I'm doing another one of those.
Caleb writes it and I react

for the first time. It's a fun game that the people love.
My guest this week is the legendary American actor Alec Baldwin. Mr.

Baldwin is known for many roles over the years, but perhaps his most iconic is his turn as Blake, the chastising associate sent to motivate the poor salesman of Glenn. Oh, was that his name? Blake?

Sent to motivate the salesman of Glenn Gary Clint Ross. His name was Blake.
Did you know that? He didn't seem like a Blake. He was a made-up character.

They just gave him a last name, but I don't think anyone else is. They didn't put in the play.

There's no like dialogue. It's just like a block of text and then he leaves the game.
His name, he's known for his character. Put that coffee down.
The chastising associate motivated,

whatever. It really is a career-defining performance.
One of the film's greatest monologues, the spark of drama that sets everything into motion, but there's too much cussing.

So here's what I would have said if I was him. This is good, Caleb.
I hope you're feeling better, my friend.

Hey, you piece of crap put down your coffee and let's get to work enough lollygagging around here we really need to work and we need to make some sales so let's get this thing started and let's have a great week at work thanks everyone

thanks everyone for your time and if you need anything i'm always available i really appreciate everyone's time and i really i can really see you you guys are trying your hardest Okay,

so let's go do this, guys.

Please enjoy my interview with Alec Baldwin, guys. This is a great one.
I'm very proud of it.

Ladies and gentlemen, American Institution, Alec Baldwin. I can't believe it, folks.
I can't believe it, folks.

I feel it.

I feel...

I feel truly, we had a pre-interview yesterday.

This is where it all ends, my hot hot streak. I'm outclassed and outgunned right now.

Within five seconds, I'm like, it's really him. That's so bizarre.

When you walk around

and you're just kind of allergic to that, you know what I mean? Like, so people will see you on the street and say things to you. Oh, you know what?

You say, calm down. You know what I mean?

No, but you got on the phone. You're like, Friedland.
You're like, yeah, Friedland.

Tell me something. Are you as dry in real life as you are on the television screen? I'm like, it's him.
I feel like Liz Lemon right now. What an honor.
It's charming. Thank you so much.

I'm a massive fan. I think I've researched too much.
I mean, you missed the tinfoil hat, like pins

on a corkboard section, but we were going quite deep. And it goes, and the corruption goes all the way to the top, mind you.
I mean,

this whole thing stinks. Obama, the Illuminati, with that pyramid with the eyeball.

You look carefully at the dark.

Useful Patsy, I would say. No.

No, but it has been fun kind of to just revisit your work and just remind myself, like, kind of anecdotally, the moments of my life that I interacted with it.

And just kind of the... How old are you, if I may ask?

I'm 38 years old. No, okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You look younger.
How familiar are you with this show right now?

I watch your show because the people from my heart said it's always that thing where they're like, well, your podcast would do better if you did other podcasts. This is a talk show, but yeah.

Your talk show.

I'm sorry. Yeah, so talk shows.

Real talk shows. Your podcast would do better if you did more talk shows.

Thank you. So

they said to me that you were hot and your show was hot. Thanks.
And your middle name is hot. One of the hottest guys said that to me.
Yeah, well,

and then so they said to me, come on.

Normally...

I don't do a lot of that because I have kids now. I have a lot of kids.
So I'm kind of busy with other things, right? Yeah. When I leave here, I got to go pick up my kids from school.

Oh, you have like seven of them. I have eight children.
My oldest is

eight now. Well, you lift up a sofa cushion.
There's always a baby under there in my house. So, where do you get the energy?

I don't, actually, it's because I'm half dead from exhaustion. I have my older daughter, Ireland.
She's married, kind of, and has a baby.

And then, and I have a baby and a grandchild that are the same age. Really? Yeah.
That's some freaky shit, right? It's a little

weed? Yeah, something. Are you a weed guy? No, no, but I've taken some gummies from my

horrible insomnia. Do you sleep well?

I took a half of a five milligram and watched Fantastic Mr. Fox with my girlfriend.
And I kept saying, this is so well done. My God, this documentary is amazing.

I've really enjoyed learning about your life. When you speak about film and the theatrical arts,

you kind of seem like you're in love.

From what I understand, like from a very young age. You grew up in Long Island.
Right. Irish Catholic family? Yes.
Your dad let you stay up late and watch movies. Well, he would,

he'd fall asleep. He would come home.
He always had some other, he was a school teacher. He always had some evening functions he did and jobs he did to supplement his income.

And then he'd come home, and my mother was like out of it. So I'd say, well, who's going to let dad in? Like, he didn't have a key to his own house, you know what I mean?

So I would wait for him to come, and he'd go in the kitchen and make a sandwich and come in and have something to drink.

And he'd watch, and he'd look at the New York Times, used to have those really pithy little reviews of movies. So it would say, you know, Ball of Fire.

You know, Barbara Stanberg tells Gary Cooper where he can go.

And my father would go, wow, Ball of Fire, that's a great movie. I said, let's watch it.
He'd say, no, no, you've got to go to bed. I go, let's watch 10 minutes.
This is my game.

And within 10 minutes, he was asleep, and I would watch the whole movie till 1 o'clock in the morning. And what were those movies that you were watching?

Are you a big movie freak? Yeah, I was. Five Graves to Cairo with Francho Tone.
Okay. Yeah.

How Queen was My Valley. The best.

Ball of Fire.

Sorry Wrong Number. Ball of Fire.
Ball of Fire is a comedy with Barbara Stamick, who I love.

The first movie I ever watched on TV all the way through till one in the morning was

Sorry, Wrong Number with Barbara Stamwick and Burt Lancaster. Great thriller.
One of the great thrillers of all time.

But yeah. When I've watched interviews with you, you're like an incredible mimic.
And something I've connected in my mind was like, I imagine like a kid watching TV. Yes.

And then you kind of doing the voices. Did you feel like you were transcending Long Island? Well, I would be there watching a movie and someone would come on.
I remember

watching movies for those of you here who are a little older.

When you watch movies back then, I mean, you had like an Ayurvedic sense of focus.

They were live, right? Well,

you'd watch the movie and there was no button to press. There was no VHS, no VCR, no rewind.
You watched and you got locked in. You like watched and heard everything.

So when James Cagney, you would talk about impersonating people, he would say lines. You'd walk away an hour later and be the guy's in the trunk.
The guy says, you know, open up, open up.

I can't breathe. I need some air.
And Cagney's like, air? You want air? I'll give you air. Boom, boom, boom.
He shoots the trunk of the car. Now I'd walk around.

I was like 10 years old. I'd walk around the whole day going, air? You want air? I'll give you air.
And you just, these lived in your mind all the time.

That was an Austin Powers kid. It worked.
Yeah, it was pretty cool. Everyone at school thought it was cool.

You like Mike Myers? Have you followed his whole career? Yeah, I mean, that's kind of my age. Well, you know, beyond Austin Powers, yeah.
The Love Guru. Yeah.
Maybe.

We love Growers. Shrek remakes and Shrek sequels, more Shrek.
Oh, really? I thought that was the real Shrek. There was Mike Myers?

Mike Myers does, yeah, but those Austin Powers movies. What was the Scottish guy's name? The Scottish movie? Fat Bastard.
Fat Bastard. Thank you.
He did all that. Yeah, Fat Bastard.

This is our age, demo. It was pretty cool.
Do you remember how funny that was for us? When he had to pee for a long time after he got unfrozen? That was a real moment.

I remember taking my parents to that and my mom was like, what? Like, I don't want to go see the second one.

I was like, she was like, it's really a disgusting thing. My kids love that.
They love Zoolander. Yeah, yeah.
They love anything that's nasty. Steeler is really funny.

I mean, I liked, growing up, our generation is Borat, I feel like.

My kids love Borat. Yeah, yeah.
They do.

They want to see Borat.

They want to see the guy's ass on his face, the guy naked.

Oh, the fat guy, yeah, yeah. The fat guy puts his ass on his face.

I'm sorry, I apologize to you.

You know what I love? I love

Sasha Baron Cohen and Sweeney Todd when they do the duel,

the shaving duel, where they both shave the guy. I haven't seen it, but I saw him.

He did

in Lay Miz. Sasha Baron Cohen does Lei Miz.
He does Master of the House, doesn't he? He does. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No. I've never seen that.
You've never seen Lei Mid in the middle of the day.

Did it in some anniversary issue of the show? I think it was a movie with

Anne Hathaway. She plays some, like, a prostitute.
They cut her. He does Master of the House and Layman.
I didn't know that. Is it bullshit if it's no talking? If it's only songs?

That's what me and my girlfriend had an argument about. I was like, keep watching.
She's like, they're not doing sentences. It's just songs.

Well, you got to think about like people who wrote opera, how they tried to keep it interesting. You know, you're not going to sit there and go, I am hungry.

I want to call this food store to deliver my food. Yeah, it's like a bad thing.

Well, everything that's kind of quotidian. That guy Sondheim does that, right? It's like, then I went to the

kind of bullshit. It doesn't have to be a song.
He does it slightly better than that. Just fucking say it, dude.

But I'm saying the idea of an opera, which I attend the opera hit now and then, and everything is sung, and I left to read the screen because I don't speak German or whatever.

And you wonder how they have to do it. Vagger has a lot of good thoughts.
Vagger got some good lines. He has some great

killer lines. Yeah.
Great jokes. If I was a German non-Jew person and they were playing that, it's very emotional.
You could sell a fascism with that music.

I do get a little nervous when I put on Vagger. I must.
No, it's fine. You can listen to that.
I give you my favorite permission.

I'll give you the pass. It's so beautiful.
Tannhauser? Yeah. You're a big classical performer.
Christian Annie Solda is my favorite.

That's your thing, classical.

Yeah, I'm a big nut. I was in L.A.
and I was driving around. I was living out there for a while, going back and forth for 30 years.
I had a home in both places.

And I'm in the car and I put on the local classical station and I just,

I never turned back all I listened I was pretty much classical do you remember what was playing yes Wagner no Richard Wagner Richard Richard Wagner I had a

on the show recently I was like no I said yeah I was I'm afraid to release it I don't think I've ever met a racist I think that was the first racist I've met. Was she a racist on your show? Oh my god.

But I didn't know how to interact with it because it was kind of a woman was yelling at me and I really hate when that happened. She was yelling at you?

I was trying to, yeah, yeah, I was trying to just, I was trying to, I think I said to her, I'm nice. Stop yelling at me.
Whenever women yell, I say the same thing, which is my line always, which is.

They're so mad. Well, a friend of mine taught me this, which was women yell at you, no offense.
But when women yell at you, just say the line, I don't understand.

Really? And they just keep saying it, and then they leave.

They'll say something to you, and you'll go, I don't understand. They don't like it when you ask questions about what they mean.
They really don't like that audience. They say, I don't understand.

They'll be gone in five minutes. They don't like it.

I bet you, like,

Zoron's girl is probably mad at him for working too long

for because he was uh because he was campaigning too much yes you know i think it's you excited about that are you excited about where the city is headed the direction we're headed oh i think he's pretty smart guy yeah i met him i met him i think he's been done the show he's trying no not yet but i he it was really you know that in 92 like um my parents were really excited about clinton right and they had like don't stop thinking about tomorrow the fleet would mag and then it kind of dawned on me that that was the first boomer right?

That was like in national politics. And when I met him, we just both like soccer and hip-hop.
And we're just the lamest guys. But it was like me and Zodon.
Yeah.

Where did you meet him? I met him in Queens.

You mean Mandani? And it's kind of representation. It was kind of Wakanda for me.
It was like, we're both like, you know what I mean? Like, he's a millennial. He's like a, he was a uniquely normal.

The strangest introduction I ever had was I was at the Kennedy Center honors years ago. I used to go pretty frequently and did a couple shows.
For Richard Wagner.

For Wagner giving you the award, yeah.

Wagner's daughter got the award. Oh, yeah.
She accepted.

The thing was that we were there, and

my friend, who passed away, she was a big lobbyist in Washington, Liz Robbins, and we're going through the luncheon.

There's like four different events that you can go to if you're there for the weekend.

So I go down there for the whole weekend that I'm there at this event, and you're saying hi to Richard Gephardt, and you're saying hi to this person, and you're saying hi to this congressman or whatever, whatever, and this

woman senator or whatever. And I don't see over here, and Liz goes, and you know Secretary Kissinger, and I went,

oh, wow. And Henry Kissinger's in front of me.
Hands up. And right prior to that, like within a day or two, his mother had died.

His mother lived up in Harlem, in like a little Jewish section of uptown. And she was a big community activist.
She was very, very well loved there.

And I turned to him and I'm going, here's this guy who is essentially, you know, a war criminal. Yeah, he caught a lot of people.
He was in front of me.

And he's in front of me, and I go,

I'm sorry about your mother. And he leans in and hugs me.
He goes, that's really nice of you. And he was so

ball. So thank you, Samuel, for seeing this.
And I thought to myself, I'm comforting Henry Kissinger. Was he like 5'2 ⁇ , but like rotund? He was a little bit of a pussy.

He got a ton of pussy, you know that? He got more ass.

He does that. That's like a Nixon with the tapes.
Do you like the Nixon tapes?

Do I like the Nixon tapes? I love.

I mean, like. NFL's Nixon I think the writing, I think, okay, from a dramatic arts perspective, I think the writing on Nixon was the best writing.
In terms of, like, this guy is just a fucking.

Oliver Stones movie. No, no, I'm just saying, no, the guy, Richard Nixon.
Like, the best president is Lincoln, right? He's, like, the best.

He did a good job, right? He saved the union, brother. Come on, stop.
But anyway, Nixon was just this loser, and every time he showed up anywhere, they'd be like, oh, it's Richard Nixon.

You know the thing about Pat, right? What about her? When he was trying to like

date her,

she was like, no, you're fucking Richard Nixon. I'm not going to date you.
And he drove them on the table. And then he would chaperone her for like 18 months.

But you see Oliver's movie about Nixon. Right.
With the other guy with it. You see Oliver's movie about Nixon.
And

what's the name? Mao says that to Kissinger.

The interpreter says the chairman wants to know how a fat man like you can have so many girlfriends. Well, he's paying for it probably, though.
No, no.

How many girls? You love power. How many girls you got in your lifetime? Probably over a thousand.
How many women know? That's very good.

You're a movie star. No.

I was busy, man. You're a busy man.
I look at the woman. I got 20 minutes.
No, you don't have 20 minutes. No, no, no.
No, I say the woman. Oh, the woman.
You got more time, right?

Your kid can walk home.

In your memoir, you talk about

when you're a young actor living in New York City, you talk about that you were into prank calls. You and your roommate touched, right? My roommate, I used to do this with my ex-girlfriend.
Did you?

Driving in from Long Island on Sunday nights, we'd be driving on the LIE late at night, and we would leave messages on like corporate voicemails.

So you'd call up and it would say, Travis, human resources, press 26.

And then you'd press 26, and the voice would come on and go, Hi, it's Steve Regan, and they mess me up the tone. And I'd get on and go, oh my God, Steve, last night was so magical.

You were amazing. You left your watch on the night table.
So then you got to go.

Whatever the gag was.

Could you prank call my father?

Here's my pitch. You prank call him as Donald Trump, and you say your son is in big trouble with the administration.

I should be so.

Well, you know what? I can't do these voices. You're going to say you're Trump.

But no, but you say you're Trump, and then right away, your father will know what stupid we're going to do. My dad won't know.

He's going to think that I'm going to Gitmo, and it's going to be so funny. But I think I should say that, like, somebody should say,

not you, of course, somebody should say, a whole thing line for Director Patel. Oh, yeah, Cash.
And I

They wouldn't really know who that was. My dad would have some words for Trump.
I think it's going to be funny. But let's finish the interview first.
You want to do it now? Yeah, it'd be hilarious.

This is going to be a moment of like talking about. It's more proposatory than I thought.
I don't have a phone on me. I mean, well, yeah, say, this is Donald Trump.
I have your son.

No, I'm not going to say I'm Donald Trump. No, just say it's going to be because my dad is.
Say I'm the president? Yeah. He hates Trump.

But if I say I'm Trump, that's going to give it away that it's bullshit. What's his name? Max.
Max? Yeah, Max Freeland.

He's a great guy. Max.
He's Wagner as your fellow. No, he's not.
Come on, dude. We're on the other side.
We're on the hiding side. Okay.

Hold the line for the President of the United States, please.

One moment. Dad, I think it's for you.
Hello?

Hold the line for the President of the United States, please. Hold the line for the President of the United States.

Is this Max? Max, are you there? Max,

I've got a file in front of me that says you're in Vegas. Is that where you are, Max? Vegas.

Who am I talking to? You're talking to the President of the United States, Donald J. Trump.
And I want you to know your son.

I know who you are. Your son is a mess, okay? We've got to get him out of the country.
We're sending him down to Uruguay. Uruguay.

We're going to teach communications at the Uruguayan University of Communications, okay?

We want you to talk to him really quickly. He's only going to be in the country for another three or four hours.

Here he is, Max. Thank you.
Hold on. Taylor to your father, Max.
I'm in big trouble with the administration.

I know.

He's a Brit. He's a Brit.
He's South African.

Yeah, we're Cape Tony and Jews. Dad, I'll talk to you later.
You've been pragmed. South African, they got it right the first time, okay?

You're an idiot, you've been pragged. I knew it was by the best.

Who is still the best Donald Trump?

Oh, you hear that? You're coming for that James Pyrrhic victory. Yeah, okay.
I love you, Dad.

I love you, Dad. Dad, you say I love you back.
Why don't you say I love you back?

I said I love you back, Dad. Oh, okay.
Thanks a lot. Why are you doing this nice, Jesus? He's really turned so nice recently.
Yes. I can't handle that.
Was he not like that when you were young?

No, well,

are you bitter and cynical because of the way he treated you? No, no, no. He's my best friend.
He made me tough. Right.

Because we'd sit there arguing, but it would always be like a compliment, but it would be a criticism. The other day, he's like, just be yourself.
I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about?

Who's that? Myself?

How many kids in your family? Two. I'm the older one.
And who's the other one? Zoe. We have the same birthday.
That's the one that answered the phone. Yeah, yeah, she was in on it.
She was in on it.

Can I ask you

if I could take your phone and could I do a prank call

on Robert De Niro, perhaps?

That's good helping.

Are you getting Hillary Hill?

I don't know if anybody here would have. What about President Clinton? He's a real magic guy.
Hillary Clinton? I mean, Chelsea Clinton? No, no, no. Yeah.

If I gave your number and you pranked called Chelsea Clinton, I would be out of this country in about an hour. I'm telling you, I'm not going to mess anything up with you.

Robert De Niro is going to think this is really funny. De Niro is a very no-nonsense guy.
He's very busy during the day. Is he? He's like that in real life.

He's opening restaurants and hotels around the world, and he's a very successful person. No boo.
No boo. Nobu.

Is that annoying?

He's like, We're

no, you guys, like, dress up in costumes and pretend to be other people, and then he's like a serious businessman.

He's loaded with money, yeah, he's loaded with money. Yeah, but it's like you don't have to, you're fucking robbing.

But while you make, I mean, I know people will have a name who are like, maybe you've heard of them,

Obama, Wagner,

who haven't,

who took the money they made, and it might not have been hundreds of millions of dollars in fees, like Leo or

whatever. Leo who? DeCaprio.

But these guys make a lot of money in fees, but there's people I know who made less money in fees, but they invested that money. What do you mean fees? Like in acting fees, your feed.

Oh, like SAG, yeah. Yeah, well, yeah.

Oh, fees, like you're paying. You're going to make it on a movie.
Yeah.

You make a movie and you get paid. You know, you do Tom Cruise, you get $50 million to do it.
It's the coolest job. Right.
Well, but what I'm saying is that the... You just say the words, right?

And you get them $50 billion?

No, no, no. He does a lot more than that for $50 million.

Do you have Tom Cruise? I'm just a huge person. Do you have Tom's number? Yeah, yeah.
I have a sister's number. You have a sister's number.
But if I call her. Who's she? Who's she? Yeah.

She's Tom's sister. Wow.
She runs a lot of his business accounts.

He's one of my favorites.

But I'm saying is that those people, I know people who've taken less money, they haven't made as much money, but they invested it so wisely. They're rich beyond belief.

If I told you some of them, you'd die. And De Niro is the same way.
He invests in businesses. Who has the most money?

Who has the most money of anybody I've ever met in my life?

I'd have to say one of the Beatles would probably be the most wealthy people. MACA? Can we call him MACA?

Oh, no. No.
Why? You had a falling out with MACA? No. No, no.
I just, I mean, for me, I kind of went underground for a while when I had my issue in New Mexico that I had to deal with. I mean, MACA,

he's he he wrote some of the best best. Well, we're friends.
I mean, we have a lot of music guys here.

This guy over here, Jake, is really close with me. You play, you play, are you? Yeah, yeah.
He jams. Where is he? Me and Maca? Yeah, yeah.
You're buddies with him? Big time. Oh, buddy.

Are you being serious?

I mean, he is,

he's the best. He's like my favorite.
Him and Bob Dylan.

You missed all that because you were listening to violins. I was listening to Strauss.
You were listening to Byron. Strauss.
Strauss. No,

you like Bob Dylan? Oh, yeah, he's the best. What do you love about Bob Dylan?

I go in and out on Bob Dylan.

Oh, I mean, it's every era for different periods of your life. I went heavy Christian

after a terrible breakup. And I was like, I did the, then I realized that, yeah, yeah, I was was like, it's so nice.
What brand of Christianity? The Bob Dylan Christian. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's like a you're a Bob Dylan Christian. Well, he had three Christian albums, and then I was like, what? Maybe God loves you, right? And I was like, we didn't have that for Jews.

Our God is like Trump. He's like, if you don't respect me, I'm going to smite you.
If you make a golden calf, like, I'm going to kill all of you. He's like very insecure.
He's like a bitch. But like,

it's not real. None of this is real.
But, like, I'm like, oh, it's so nice that the Jesus thing that God loves you so much, he'll let your son die. But then I snapped out of it.

How would you define Judaism? What's your definition of it? What makes you

definite? I have a friend of mine that gave me a great definition. You do the thing.

You do the thing and it's boring, but like your grandpa was bored too, but you feel like you're not going to. It's your turn to be bored.
Yeah, it's kind of nice. It's gibberish.
It's like spells.

I don't know. But it's like, you don't want to be the one that drops the one.
Were you raised very observant? I mean, if I do it,

I know

all the words. You know the words.
I did, yeah. I did full Parsha, Hof Torah, and I let

School of Shorts.

You went to Hebrew Scroll?

I was bar Misfit Orthodox because it was free. That's why.

Yeah, my parents.

Yeah, yeah. It was free to go there.
But I don't know. I think it's kind of...

It's just like that's kind of nice. The boredom is kind of, it doesn't make sense.
You don't know what they're saying. But your grandpa, it didn't make sense to him.

And that's kind of why, you know what I mean well no I grew up Catholic so I'm which is well we're cousins

they spoke Latin back then so it was also gibberish but

yeah we both like like hate ourselves and we both think that life is just agony it's we're cousins I mean all of my friends are either Catholic or Jewish or black Catholic Catholicism to me is about redemption yeah yeah yeah you're like you're like no matter how bad you are you have to see that there's a chance they'll be redeemed for what they did oh yeah I stopped the Christian thing when I realized that hell is the meanest thing ever ever.

Can you imagine? Forever? What is it? And if you're a baby and you haven't been baptized yet, what about hell with something that is just your hell? Like a thing you hate, like your own personal hell.

I mean it's sad. Yeah, I think that it's just sad that people die.
Wow, this is getting pretty. It's just sad that

you know you're alive and then it's... Are you afraid to die?

It's the scariest thing ever.

I don't understand. People are like, public speaking is my biggest fear.
I was like, what about fucking dying? Exactly. Forever? What about being thrown thrown out of a plane? What about fucking

narcotics? Yeah, yeah. You ever see those movies where they do that?

When they take the enemy and they bind him up and then they throw him out of the plane? No. You ever see that, like in a drug movie? Oh, like a...

Well, they take a guy, they just don't like Pedro and they throw him out of the plane. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Like, if they're criminals, like part of the body. Or they're just the enemy.
Yeah, yeah.

But those guys are ready to die. You know what? They're like, you know, they're like, Isma died.
You know, like, was that good acting? Okay, can we talk.

Realize, Pedro, you might be kidding. Can we talk a little bit about your...
I've been going back through your filmography and your performances.

It's just like when you appear on a screen, it's like, oh, it's my pal. It's like my old pal.
And this is going to be great. I mean, you could make a real turd watchable.

Pearl Harbor, you're like, you make your parts watchable. And that's one of the shittiest movies of all time.

I mean, I'm serious. Yeah, and it's just like...

I watched Hunter for Reddit October with my dad. This is like a hunky leading man.

Back then, yeah.

From like learning about what transpired afterwards, it wasn't the perception I had of you. I feel like the industry has been like a frustration,

you know, like especially when it came to like reprising your role as Jack Ryan.

Well, they wanted me to sign up with a blank contract. When we start, when we finish, like

you only do this

and you never do anything else. And I had an opportunity, as I wrote in my memoir, to do the streetcar on Broadway, which was a very that was like the opportunity for an actor.
That was it.

I would never have that opportunity again ever. My perception was that they kind of like promised you and drew me out of the plane.
Yeah, yeah.

I mean it's not bad to get replaced by the coolest guy of all time, right?

Imagine if it was Brian Denehy playing Jack Ryan.

It's Han Solo. I mean when I read about that I was like it's just so cynical.
Like it's a you're like an artist, right?

And when you talk about performing and acting, you get so so passionate about it. I want to talk about it.
Well, you realize back then what I learned, what was 89, 90, the movie came out in 90.

And then in the ensuing couple years, the early 90s, I learned that you just really can't rely on anybody, what they say there.

So I just, whenever they'd say blah, blah, blah, to them, go, oh, that's great. I'm never counting on any of it happening.
Yeah.

It's very tough. You just have to have monsters that do it for you.
I have a whole team of ghouls. What was the genesis of this meaning?

Were you like Rupert Pupkin in the basement and your mother's yelling down the stairs? It is a joke. It's a joke that that became a real thing, yeah, yeah.

So it was a joke, and your mom goes, please, it's so annoying. This, no, I was being made fun of.
No, no, yeah, well, I was the I was on a podcast that was for like

I mean, whatever,

guys, I mean, just idiots. He didn't smile, and now I've okay, I was on a podcast for like ugly men, right? Oh, for ugly men, yeah, yeah, just mentally.
Just like the worst,

you know, and it was like a cult status that became very successful. And then one of the

Come Town. We tried, they

yeah.

Anyway,

it got successful. It's very, I don't know.
I was just there pretty much, but

one of the guys left, and then

the other guy's idea was to make by far the least popular nebish-y, kind of like the glasses,

you know, allergies.

We all played a role.

On the show, on

what's it called? Come Town? Yeah, so then. on that show, were you like a leading man compared to them, bro?

No, no, that quasi-moto. So sometimes I was barely even there.

But

yeah,

I think we went a little bit manic and

publicly proclaimed we were going to make a television show. We didn't know what cameras or anything, and then we recreated the Dick Havitt show set.

I have an image of you in a set like this in your basement and your mother, whatever, and you're sitting there, and there's a line you say.

And that line, you're like sitting there, and you go, I'll show them.

Well, no, I mean,

I'm not a scary guy like that. No, no, but it doesn't really be scary.
I think it was just like that a real guests were coming, and then I decided for the first time in my life at 35 to try.

And then I've kind of seen myself progress, and it's given me a sense of self-worth. And

it feels like I'm not fast-forwarding to being dead.

It's just overwork.

Why are you looking at scars? Are you going to punch me? No. I'm going to fucking

fuck you up. I'm going to fuck you up, dude.

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I've been like, I watched the monologue from Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross. I have like so many friends that went to the revival that were like, that was fucking bullshit.

They didn't have put that coffee out. Nope.
It was like, because that was only for the film. Did Mammet write that for you? Yes.
Not for me. He brought it for the film.

And so, like, do you conceive of that as like a moment for you?

I really don't care in terms of, like, I never really watch my own stuff and value it in any way. It's the best acting ever.

Well, no, no, but I'm saying that I called Mammet and I go, you won the Pulitzer Prize for the play. Why did you feel it necessary to add something to it? You won the Pulitzer Prize.

He said, I never believed these guys were criminals. I never believed they could commit a crime.
They didn't have a criminal nature, so I needed another ratchet.

I needed another turn of the screw to make them commit a a crime. And you're going to come in, you're going to tell them, if you don't get this done tonight, it's over.

So he brought me in to do that. And it was really tough because I admired all them and I had to piss in their face all day for three days.

Did it feel real?

I thought Ed Harris was going to punch me in the face. Really? Because that's what I imagined.
In that room, you're with a murderer's row, right?

Do you like, is there a competitive aspect of it? Is it like you don't want to get acted off the screen? Like, did you bring it really? Because like fucking Pacino and Jack Lemon were like the...

The Jack, I admire him.

Well, you just really, I mean, everything you do, you've got to have some motivation. So it's like, I'm there with Foley.
I've said this a million times.

I'm there with Foley, who's the director, and I said, oh, this is tough, man. I mean, I'm just so mean to them.

And Foley said to me, who just died recently, he said, it's like that scene in Patton where he slaps the soldier in the tent.

You call yourself a soldier.

And he goes, this scene is you call yourself a salesman. He said, these guys, you're doing it for their own good.
You're doing it to help them. You're helping them.

I remember sitting there, I was like, Popeye after he ate the spinach. You know what I mean? I remember sitting there going, let's fucking go.

And I'm like, you know, I got out of a chair and I was like,

yeah. And it was ready to kill.

Did they give you your flowers? Was Pacino like, woohah,

you were great? No, he wasn't in the scene. No, no, he wasn't in the scene.
That's right. Jack Lemon say, like, you.
No, Jack Lemon didn't say a word to me. He did his pants, probably.

No, no, they just stayed in the zone. You know what I mean? They were all in that zone all day long, three days.

In my mind, it is a moment in like, it feels like some of the best acting I've ever seen in a film. And you're only, you were probably on set for, what, two days? Yeah, two and a half days.

And you kind of like steal, you steal. The most exciting thing, and that movie was a good example, was, you know, it's the people you work with.

Obviously, the actors are a big part of it, but also the crew. Like, I've always worked with it.
I've been very blessed to work with some of the greatest cinematographers in history.

And Juan Ruiz Anchilla, who was the DP on that film, he was like, you know, Babanko's guy, and he was, I love him. Anyway, Juan Ruiz Anchia, he was going to work with Don McAlpine.

I worked with Toll, John Toll. I worked with, you know,

I'm forgetting now, but Bob Richardson, the legendary Bob Richardson,

the one I did.

Is there ever a time where they are like, they don't speak English, right? Yeah, you know the story. What's the story? Carlo DePalma.
Oh, of course.

That's Carlos. He didn't speak English very well.
We did Woody Allen's movie.

How does Woody communicate with the set? He doesn't talk to him. He's like, just tell him.
They go off and mumble. Just go off his ear.

You put the camera near her,

closer to her.

You did three Woody's? I did three Woody's, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
In transitioning to, like, uh, being a comedic actor, which, like, you have a classical training, right? You studied at NYU and like.

Strasbourg. But it kind of, in some ways, the way I see it is, like, you at the TV, that was the beginning of your education.
That's where you learn. Right? Watching other people.

And it's kind of like you were picking, that that was like the beginning of theater school for you, right? And like, are you the best actor you've ever been right now?

Like, is it something that evolves over time?

Well, I think it's hard to,

I'd rather give a, I'd rather have a smaller role in a great film than have a big role in a mediocre film. Yeah.
You know, the key is, are you making a film with people who...

I said this quote. in a

documentary I did. I said avoiding any kind of relationship or any kind of communication with the director, and not availing yourself of the director's skills.

I said it was like trying to avoid the birth canal when you're being born. You know, it all goes through the director, they're making the film.

So, if you make a film with a good director, you have an increased chance.

I've made films where we knew that if everybody did their job perfectly, every day, the most we could hope for was mediocrity. You know what I mean? It wasn't on the page.
I wanted to go to work.

But when I work with Marty or somebody like that, I'm like, you know, fuck.

That's exciting. I mean, you were in too.
You kind of stole departed, too.

No, you seen Stole.

But I love doing the aviator because I love that period. I love Leo in that role.
Oh, yeah, as Juan.

Exactly.

And his daughter is my neighbor on Long Island. She was Betsy DeVecki.
Pan A. I sat with her.
Betsy DeVecchi said to me, I'll never forget her. She's got fat stacks, no?

No, she's probably big house, no? Yeah.

She's passed away. Oh, I'm sorry.
She had a nice house. Sorry.

May her memory be a blessing. It was some historic home.
But anyway, so a trip, I'm there with her, and she goes, do you think that Mr. Scorsese would like to have my dad's luggage in the film?

And I go,

I don't know. I can call him and ask him.
And she, he had Halliburton luggage, that stainless steel luggage, beautiful luggage, all stamped with the logo of Pan Am on there.

And I remember thinking, my God, it's like.

Sell me this fucking luggage right now. Right.
For a million dollars. I'll give you a million dollars.
Did you tell Marty?

And no, I told Marty and Marty. I was like, no.

That sucks because you were trying to impress him. You were like, Marty, I found the real luggage of the guy.
You realize your research isn't to change the script. I've had that happen.

That's not changing the script. You're like going above and beyond.
You're being a good student. You're like, you're trying to get a good idea.
You're trying to bring what you can.

You're trying to bring it. I mean, it's Martin Squares of it.

Are there directors that you've wanted to fucking just pummel? Like, there have to be. Some of them have to be like manipulative fucking sociopathic people.

I've been in situations where early on, I don't even think they roll the camera.

Like, you're in meetings before, and the guy's obviously not doesn't have anything to say like you just think differently I'm like I don't want to judge people and say mean things about them but there's like one or two cases where I sat there and I said to the producers we get alone in a room and I go get somebody else

I don't want to do that I want to go home yeah because you're naturally manipulating somebody into giving a performance right so there is some sort of

director you gotta have a decent director I did this movie The Cooler and

yeah and Wayne Cranber was the writer director and it was like and

I just loved him. He was really, really, he was into listening to what you had to say.
But in the end, you defer to the fact.

Like, if you read a script and you agree to do the film, you agree to do that script.

You can't come in, which many actors do and try to change things after the fact. You come in, and then you say to them, let's do some alternatives.
We'll do it as written.

Then let's do some improvisations. But always do it as written.
That's what we're obligated to do. We just had Bill Macy, who was also in that movie.
And I say Bill because it's like I'm also famous.

He said, I call him Bill. It's kind of sick.
I made three movies with Bill Mac. Bill H.
Macy.

Yeah, but he was the, you were nominated for the cooler. I did the cooler with him, Ghost to Mississippi, and then I did a State and Maine with Mammoth.

So he took, Mammoth was like his like kind of mentor. Yes.
Yeah. And the way he described his

process was like the least like dick-headed way that acting has ever been described to me, which is that there's no character, there's just an objective. Like, it's, you do your fucking job, right?

And if you you do it. That's the Mammoth School, Mammoth Read book.
Like, did that rub off on you in working with him? No. No.
You don't buy it. You don't buy it.

I've worked with directors, not many, but a couple, where they'd say to me, could you do this

and do this? And I didn't quite understand, but I'd always go, because of time.

You're part of a collaboration where time is urgent. So I'd say to the guy, sure, I go, I'll do that right now.
Let's do another one. I'll do that.

And I'd go right back and do exactly what I did before.

I go, how was that? So what's your process?

Well, if the director is somebody who is, this is the torture of not torture, but the torment of how we work now is that if there's people who are great directors or you think they're onto something, like Wayne, when I worked with him, he wasn't famous.

But when they're onto something, you do what they want to do. Let them lead you.
But then, with other people, you have to be self-directing, which is tough.

You have to decide, well, I think this is what I should do. And guys will walk up to you and go, oh, don't do that, or don't do that.

See, one thing you always do, I know this is we're digressing, but one thing you always try to do is how much of a performer is the character? So in Glenn Garry, that guy was a performer.

He'd gone around the New York real estate world and beyond and

straighten him out.

Motivating him. Yeah, the motivate is their word.

And so whenever you do films and things like that, you have to wonder, is the guy, like I always say the same tired line, which is that Robert Duvall plays Boo Bradley into Kill a Mockingbird.

He doesn't have one line.

And it's one of the most shattering performances you've ever seen in your lifetime.

So, well, acting is physical, acting is emotional, acting is interiority, all these different things. And when you're doing something with a director and they don't get what you're doing,

it's tough. You and Mammoth, and especially in Glen Gary, Glenn Ross, it's so testosterone-driven.
Right. Right? And there's so masculine, those scripts.

It's tough. Yeah, you're in a world where you put on costumes and you pretend to be other people, but

the theatrical arts are not like there's a sensitivity about them.

Well, you can walk You can walk onto the set with Mammoth

and you say to yourself, the films he's directed, that he's written, have been less successful than the scripts he wrote that other people directed.

But that can't influence what you do. You have to go in with people and always say and think the best.
I'm not just saying this to be warm. You know what I mean?

You go in there, you don't want to predict failure. I've made movies where the other actor or actress was someone who I didn't quite understand what they were doing.

And I didn't quite understand why the director wasn't on them. Who was it?

And These Lemon?

We were all funny. She's the opposite.
She's the opposite. She's the funniest person on earth.
Well, she's such a unique person, you know, because she's so funny in that way.

I mean, you realize that when I worked with them, I wasn't funny when I worked with them. Shut the fuck up.

Well, no, no, but I'm being, I mean, I've done some SNL, but the point is this, but I really mean this. I learned not to be funny, but I learned what was funny.

A lot of things you see now on TV, I mean a ton of it, is more cute than funny. And Tina was funny.
I mean, they'd hand me scripts.

We'd do a Wednesday read-through, and they'd hand us the script on a Wednesday morning, and I'd read it in the makeup chair.

And then we'd go up to a lunch conference room, which had cameras to beam us to Burbeck for the executives in California to watch the read-through at 12 noon.

And they'd hand me the script. I'd go see Robert Carlock

for the lunch read-through, and I look at him, I go, are you fucking kidding me?

You want me to do, do you're out of your mind? You want me to do this? Which was, I was like a gay Mexican soap opera star playing against myself, doing the Patty Duke thing.

And he was like, And Karamak always said the same thing. He said, It's a big swing.
It's a big swing.

But we know you can, we have faith in you. We think you can do it.
It's fun, too, right?

I never had more fun in my life.

There's a particular scene which I think your performance is a masterclass in comedic acting, but it's the scene where you take Tracy to meet the NBC therapist, and

you play like 12 different characters. I bust up a shipper rope.

And he starts engaging.

It's just, it is like a perfect scene. I actually just this morning remembered another scene of yours, which I literally made me pee my pants when I was a kid, or like younger.

But in Along Came Polly, when you're pissing next to Ben Stiller, and then you tenderly squeeze his earlier. Yes.
And then you start massaging his back, like after you've been pissing.

And you're his boss, of course. It's just.

I knew she was a dime store. Who were the women I laid eyes on her? Dude,

who had the vision that, like, who knew you were funny? Because you're going to do this. Like, I'm not funny at all.
I'm just an actor. But, like, was it Lorde? Like, did Lord?

I went and did SNL the first time. And what I learned was, unless you're Stallone or Schwarzenegger, where they're going to make up fun of your persona, they're not going to do that.

You got to become one of the company to just pull your pants down and make an ass of yourself. Is it more fun? No, no, no.
Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I loved SNL because you would never.

There's things you do, though, not all of it, but there were things you would do that you would never do anywhere else. Yeah.
To have that experience, you had to do that show. Like Little Canteen Boy?

That's exactly. I don't think it was Little Canteen Boy.
What is it? I think it was Strapping Canteen Boy. No, that was what it was.
Oh, no, no, I was the scout master. He was right.

You know, we used to live in a fucking

better. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, Sampler.
He got more complaints about that sketch than any sketch.

It was pretty funny, honestly.

Do you ever fear that

your perception as a celebrity might overshadow the very reason why you're a celebrity? Well, yeah, you have to be very careful. I tell people all the time who are young, I'm like, don't.

See, the people who are the biggest stars, you know the least about them. Yeah.
And they control them. I would be a ghost.
Yeah.

Because if you go out, if they see you doing things in public and it's not appealing or attractive, it's not going to help you. Like, I mean, I felt like if guys were...

75 feet away with a long lens and they took your picture, I never cared. It was when they got up close and almost hit my wife in the teeth with the the lens of their camera.
I mean, I would get sick.

I was pissed off too. Yeah, I did get.
I mean, I took the bait more than once. But it's not the bait.
They're fucking hitting your wife in the face with a camera. Almost.

Was the first time you got paparazzi like kind of cool? Were you like, dude, I must be sexy. I've hated him from day one.
You hated him day one. But then there's an Italian guy following you around.

He's like, bella, bella, you know, I don't know what they're like.

I've never gotten one. Well, here it's it.

Here it's gone from like a, you see, you're too young to remember, like, here it's gone from like a very, very obscure corner of the entertainment space as a room.

They were off in a little corner and all this kind of salacious gossipy stuff was very, very, very like third or fourth tier. I feel like you didn't know about people's lives.

And now it's an industry.

And now they're going to go and making a fool of famous, wealthy sports figures, music figures, entertainers of whatever, actors, businessmen, Musk, whoever, politicians to humiliate them and embarrass them publicly.

That's a huge industry now. A very big industry.
So they're out there with nets trying to catch something. I feel like I'm lucky that I'm not a punishing guy.

I'm more of a like all psychologically disclosed. Decorate.
You're the long yeah. Yeah, you stare at them.
Do you think that you were characterized as a as like a

tabloid fixture? As a bully. I bullied these photographers.
I went up to one guy. Did you guys ever try to take a picture of your newborn child? Well, one guy walks up.

We're coming out of our building and we're walking down the block and he's walking backwards.

And he's really big.

he's like six four he's tall he's a big guy you know i mean and he doesn't pay attention and he trips and falls and sits on a baby in a stroller that's behind your baby no no somebody else's a woman's coming this way and he's going backwards and he falls onto the and sits on the baby in the stroller and i thought to myself

well i won't say what i've thought you're like it's my fault

no no i'm a i'm a really we should just chop him up now right here i wanted to mention something to you that i've i've felt and i've been it's kind of like been dawned on me since since I was like doing the research for you and it it's going back to what I said is like that your celebrity sometimes

can has overshadowed kind of by reputation is what you mean but it's you use the word celebrity or reputation

public life right

something I've picked up on is like I watched your reality show right and why

Because like I was being thorough, but like it really dawned it the first thought I had was like is this what you have to do these days like in in a moment of extreme like uh personal crisis like I'm weeping in a in a conference room with some publicists and I go what can I do to clean up this massive research and they go you can have seven kids is it but but like what I'm saying is is like for me personally

I've I've like I'm not into like celebrity gossip but when I heard about what happened right it didn't sound real to me where right in New Mexico it didn't sound like a real thing that happened in the real world I think we probably made jokes about it.

It didn't dawn on me until I was doing research for the show. And I really felt like

it would be something that you would carry for the rest of your life. And

it just

kind of dawned on me that people don't perceive public figures as real human beings, perhaps.

I think that in that case,

among countless things I could say was the idea that when my case imploded and was over, and it was over, not because of a statement of a jury or of the cleverness of my lawyers, the judge ended this.

She was thrown out, yeah. The judge terminated the trial.
She thought, this is enough, this is insane.

And when that happened,

a friend of mine, a woman who's an attorney, very famous attorney, she said to me that what bothered her was, she said, once they couldn't get you, it was over.

The case didn't continue. They're not out there looking for the guy that brought the bullets onto the set.
They're not doing that. Once they attempted to frame you and they couldn't do it, it ended.

Which that should be of grave concern to everybody that lives in that community that have just imploded because they didn't succeed at their other. Certainly, but beyond that, like

I've I looked at like the way that it's discussed in popular discourse and on the internet, like I looked at Reddit.

But Reddit's bad. It's bad, but it seems like

people don't process it in a way that

this is clearly something that is not someone's fault. Instead, they kind of, in a very unfair way, assign blame to you.
No, it's not funny. Funny is like, at least like...

Well, a lot of it they try, they think it's funny.

Funny is at least like ironic. I think people that genuinely assign blame for something that's like literally, you know, that you'll carry for the rest of your life.

And it really upset me, especially because I've been like revisiting all your work, that like this, that this thing could overshadow like what is so beloved about you.

Well, I mean, on one hand, you say to yourself, you say, carry for the rest of your life. I don't really carry anything for the rest of my life, meaning, do I feel

overwhelmed and pained by the suffering and the tragedy of what happened? Yes, but do I feel responsible? No.

No, because what happened was, remember, they decided to leapfrog over or pole vault over the whole idea that in the previous several days we were doing the film, we did a protocol that we did the same thing, and nobody came up to me in my shooting in the film.

You don't know what that is. But I just want to say, because you did bring it up, one, two, three, four, five days, no one came up to me and said, hey, let's do it this way.

It was only after the fact that they said, oh, we're supposed to do it this way. But let me just close.
I don't want to. But I don't want to end on a positive matter.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But let me just say this,

that having my kids and having all these children, I'm 67 years old, I got a three-year-old baby. So I got a lot of kids at home, little kids, and they saved my life.

And I'm sure the same is true with you, which is that you get to the point where, I mean, I'm older now, but when you get to the point where you think less about where you get love than where you give love, one of the more frustrating and even painful things in life is you have nobody to give your love to.

You might have a lot of love to give in your heart to people. Your parents are gone, what have you.

And with my kids, it's like I have a lot of love to give and I have all these kids around me all day long. And I'm not really doing, I wasn't doing very much for the last three and a half years.

I was home all the time and they saved me. They saved my life.

To have that exchange of like love energy with these children who are all, you you know and they all make fun of me like I show them pictures of me from old movies and here I am with Michael Keaton

with Michael Keaton

I had a picture of me with Michael Keaton and Gina and me and Beetlejuice and I go that's me that's me there with the you know dark hair and I'm thin oh yeah the the lumberjuice

and they and they and they and they my kids look at there like no no that's they put Michael Keaton there like that's you that's you no Beetlejuice cool guy.

He's a cool guy. What I'm saying is this, is like, you're an artist, right? And you're motivated in your craft.
You still have artistic ambitions, right? A couple.

What would you define?

I want to do a play. I'm working on a play.

I don't want to get into too much detail, but I'm working on a play right now with a writer who I admire, this incredible writer who I've been friends with for years.

My admiration for him is boundless. And he is going to write a one-man show for me.
There'll be ancillary characters, maybe.

But I'm going to play the lead role in this one-man show, which is a real historical survey of the United States post-Cold War.

And it's one figure that we funnel the whole thing through, and he's the prism of the whole thing. Who is it? And I don't want to say.
Hoover.

Right, no Hoover. No, they made Hoover.
I don't want to play Hoover. They made Hoover.
Nixon.

No, no, I. But anyway, I didn't do Nixon.

Can I write Nixon? Not somebody you'd be off the top of your head, you wouldn't feel. Kissinger's got a Possibadon.

The Jew is a natural spy. I can say that.
Times are run by these Jews. Yeah, yeah.
He really, he really, it drove him.

Well, it wasn't anti-Semitic. I mean, this guy was just his entire life, he wouldn't take no for an answer, and he just kept running for crap.
I mean, you know,

the pretty boys stole the election from him, you know.

They may have. Yeah.
When you have a winner.

But he still made it to the top, and he was still kind of alone. You know, that's the thing about him.
And then

they kicked him out. For what? Spying on the other.
I'm not a Republican, but like, spying on the other guys? They have to all be doing that. McGovern needed to be spied on.

Yeah, he lost by a zillion. Let's get back to the exchange of the love energy show.
Okay,

when you're in bed with your girlfriend. Yeah.
And Pat.

Her name is Pat. Nixon, yeah, yeah.

I was going to say,

had I escort you on dates. Yeah.

I just watched her show. You were slammed.
Yeah.

But the thing is, is that, so you're there in the house, and maybe the time, as they say in those, like,

those

Osti Spamanti commercials or whatever it is like, you know, the time is right.

When do you know the time is right? When do you know she, you and she are going to, well, sex or love or whatever. When she lets me.

She says, she signals. Yeah, she's the girl.
That's the rules, right? Is that what it is? You know, I can't, what, what? You know, pin her off. I'm not going to go there.
I'm a gross guy.

I want to have a girl. You follow her.
She leaves. I'm silly.
Yeah, of course. She turns you and she's like, let's go.
I mean, that's the rule. I mean, that's the system.
Is that what you do?

I don't want to, you know, because when you do it, she's like, ugh, I feel disgusted. She don't walk in, you have a drink, and you look at it and go, get your clothes.

You know what the worst thing in the world is?

Is when they're on their period, their boobs are a little bit bigger, and we forget every month, so we're like this, and then you get slapped, and I'm disgusting. And it's like, fuck.
It's a symptom.

The period thing again. It's a symptom.
I fell for it.

God is laughing up there.

She wants you to take control. Touch, take my hand.
No, she's.

No. You go to reach for her in any curve you want to squeeze.
Don't take no further. She just.
Shove her on the bed. Just shove her on the bed.

I don't, I, do you think a woman do you think a woman

do you think like

if I learned how to kill someone with my bare hands, do you think I'd get more respect from my girlfriend?

What is this, a Hitchcock movie? What the fuck is that? I just feel like if as a man I want you to take charge of the movement, I'm going to say, if you don't know what I mean by this,

just take charge.

Women want you to decide where you're going to go to dinner. Can we

pray call her?

Can we pray pray for her? Can we call her right now? Yeah. She doesn't want to be on the show.

She doesn't even know that I'm going to go. She doesn't need my help.
You do.

What am I going to do?

What am I going to force my... I'm going to put her in a ball gown and then

do a waltz. You're going to walk up to her blouse.
You're going to rip it open. Really? I think she'd yell at me for her shirt.

Get a box of shirts. Do it every night.
She stops me from getting hit by a car at least once every two weeks. It's a good system we have.

Take charge. I don't

reservation, you come home, you have sex before anything. Reservation, what the hell do I know from restaurants? Wait, can I go back

to the love thing you were saying? Yeah.

You've lost your parents? Yeah, my parents have died. So yeah, I lost a parent like five years ago.

Who was it? My mother.

It's the best, the twin, the best one. But that's kind of what my major takeaway was.
And you know, it's really corny. Guys, don't just, it's so embarrassing what I'm saying.

It's my boy, dude. But, you know, it's like why all songs are about it.
And like poetry, like most movies are about love.

And I think it's like the first time I ever saw like a point to anything was that our family was all together. And

it kind of, yeah, it gave me a new appreciation. I think a fun experiment for you or anybody, especially because you're so young.
I mean, I'm older. Yeah.
And

my garden is planted here, so to speak.

But for you, it's like, remember, always at least entertain the idea that your private life is exactly different from, completely different from your professional life. What do you mean?

You're a certain way here, and when you go home, you mix a drink, you rip the shirt off, you throw her on the bed.

So I should say, if you say to people on the show that I do that, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you should be who you are that's gotten you here.

Yeah, and she's like, I have cramps and stuff, and then I've already torn all the clothes, and I'm damn right, you know. I'm hard and stuff.
I'm like, then I have to go to the bathroom and jerk her.

You could have left all that out. Let's cut this.
Wait, you don't curse.

you're not a you're not a you don't well I can curse but I'm just trying I don't know I don't I'm just saying that if she has cramps or a headache and then I've done all that then I'm like what the hell at least you tried well yeah but then there's a torn clothes and then I'm like uh I'm not caring about this and then I have a boner and then I have to go to the bathroom and jerk off like a loser

wait can you just Good night everybody

I wanna I wanna just I got time for one more ask me an important question okay doesn't involve your boner or her what the hell what you what

I'm sorry dude I wasn't the hottest guy in the world and I did have sex with a thousand you will be go ahead why do you have a good personality why do you have a personality at all

as like a hot guy with like a that you know like why I had to develop a personality because I thought that I would never find a wife

take their mind off the fact that I think that you were you probably like uh you've probably always been great with the ladies and you developed it makes me

angry. Why is a guy that looks good also funny? It's kind of ours.
I'm not that funny. No, you're funny, bro.

You told me to do that whole thing to my girlfriend. That was hilarious.

I think you should just

take charge. I said, just take charge.

But the last thing I'll say is this, and that is that the more and more you work in this business, and the more and more you care less about the outside, so to speak.

When I was younger, dye my hair, style my hair, the clothes, the this, that, And then eventually I got seven kids, and I thought, I don't have the time for this.

You also had the chess music, too.

Is that what happened? Yeah, that was when chess music was big. When he was a hunk, he had like I had surgery.
I had my skin cancer tickets. Really? I'm sorry about that.
Yeah. Yeah, thank you.

I can't grow chest hair. You don't have any hair? You don't have the low testosterone, probably? You don't have any hair? You don't have any pubic hair? Oh, my balls.
Yeah, yeah, I have a lot.

So when you have a boner, when she won't have sex with you, you have a boner. It's a hairy boner or it's a hairless boner.
Well, you gotta trim her out. It's a dolphin or it's a.

You get an extra inch, probably. It's some shrubbery.
Yeah, yeah.

That's what, okay.

Just one last one. Yes.
Okay,

I have to ask you this, and

what do you make of the allegations that still follow you to this day concerning the boss baby's treatment of employees and the toxic work

environment?

I can't comment on that. My follow-up question is, can a voice actor be held responsible for a cartoon?

I'm really famous.

This is awesome. I will honestly say that I tell people, they go, what's your favorite movie? What do you think is the best movie you ever did? And the answer was Boss Baby.

Boss Baby is the perfect movie. I love Boss Baby.
It's great. I think it's great.
Really?

I thought it's amazing. Better than

what was the company of the Boss Baby?

Tom McGrath was the director. I love Tom McCarthy.
What were they doing, though, at the company where he was the boss? Oh, Baby Corps. Baby Corps.

Wanting people to have babies? It sounds

Wanting to have babies and not pets. They were making people have sex with each other?

Well, that just came with that. That's what the boss baby is about.
I gotta watch that movie. Yeah.
I think I missed it.

Didn't the boss baby have a button under his desk that would lock the door? That's not Lauer. Okay.

Woo!

Bring it in.

All right.

Hey guys, it's Kamal Nanjiani. My new stand-up special, Night Thoughts, is now streaming on Hulu.
I promise you're gonna laugh. I am an immigrant.

Are there any other immigrants here?

Okay, what you can't do is point at someone else.

Night Thoughts is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundled subscribers. Terms apply.
That wasn't my call. If it wasn't my call, terms would not apply, but it's not my call.

Terms apply.