Ep. 310 – Hello speaking

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Quince.com slash TAFS.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Fuck you.

Speaker 1 Um.

Speaker 1 How'd you do that? Do you work?

Speaker 1 Oh, I think the mic rubbed against my jeans.

Speaker 1 Oh, sick, dude.

Speaker 1 Wow, you're scratching?

Speaker 1 Wow. That's real hip-hop.

Speaker 1 Fuck it.

Speaker 1 Pretty cool shit.

Speaker 1 That's what I get while I'm wearing my. Are we recording? Yeah.
Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 Guys, we have a special. Well, you can hear about it on the premium episode at patreon.com slash cometown.
Well, that's not out yet.

Speaker 1 I know, it's coming out next, but if you're listening to this, you want to find out what the way this we always record the premiums first because we want to get we want to make sure that we uh you know the episode with energy because a lot of people are like man this show's gotten really bad but if you go on patreon.com slash come town it's about as good as it was maybe a year ago or no i think it's about the golden era i think golden age well whatever you personally define the golden era as check out patreon.com slash come town if you haven't there's three years or sorry six years worth of premium episodes.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ. Yeah.
I'm 30. We're in our 30s.
I just turned 35, dude. Yeah, that is fucked up.

Speaker 1 Fuck.

Speaker 1 Anyways, you can go back and listen to

Speaker 1 the Jussant era.

Speaker 1 And, you know, we're young men. We got

Speaker 1 our whole dicks ahead of us.

Speaker 1 And, you know, three years. Check it out.
A lot of episodes on there. That's good.
I also want to plug I will be in Raleigh coming up. If you go to either Twitter

Speaker 1 slash NYC Guido voice,

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure there's a young lady that manages all that for me now. So I don't even.
Oh, you get a woman of color to do it for you? Yeah, I just figured I'd create a job.

Speaker 1 I got a woman of color managing

Speaker 1 on my social media. So I really don't have to do anything all day except read free books on the Kindle.

Speaker 1 That's great. Yeah.
Which, you know, people can say, you've changed. You know, you're old now.
Yeah. Yes.
You're 100% correct. Yeah, you're supposed to change.
You're supposed to change.

Speaker 1 You're supposed to mature. What the fuck do you want?

Speaker 1 You want me out here like I was at 26, skateboarding, just fucking hanging out in Bushwick, skateboarding, just like getting massive amounts of pussy. We all remember me.
Cool skater guy. Oh my God.

Speaker 1 Really cool. X games, Nick.
Social butterfly, just going to parties every night.

Speaker 1 You used to have so many friends.

Speaker 1 I was just such a cool guy. You were really a man about town.
Dude. It's really, it's like, because I feel like that's the other thing, dude.
Everybody changes. Wait, can we call stuff? Yeah, we will.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ. Sorry, I cut you off.
We try and, you know.

Speaker 1 All right, yeah, I'll just call stuff. No, no, no.
No, you're right.

Speaker 1 I didn't mean to cut you off. You are.
I didn't mean to cut you off, dude. I don't want a Neil Young situation right now.
No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no.
I respect you.

Speaker 1 we will do you're my favorite comedian and my best friend we will absolutely do it your way

Speaker 1 we got to call stop because he's got coronavirus we explained that on the premium episode this week but he can't come in

Speaker 1 because he's got a quarantine because he is sick with coronavirus he sounds like

Speaker 2 Hello, my dick is hard.

Speaker 1 Yo, sorry, it's a little bit late. We started the episode and I was like going on like, I was like literally right in the middle of a good riff.
No, come on, dude.

Speaker 1 And Adam's like, wait, wait, can we call Stav? Well, because

Speaker 1 I wanted the three of us to be in love with him, how fucking dare you?

Speaker 2 You just, honestly, you just committed the two cardinal sins against me and Nick. Nick interrupting his rift, me making me do this podcast more than I have to do.

Speaker 1 Right, exactly. And the only reason I was riffing, literally the only reason is like, you know, it'd be nice to stop if I can eat up how delighted he'd be to hear that four minutes are gone.

Speaker 1 You know

Speaker 1 You know what I can't wait to do, guys? Literally, right in the middle of it. Wait a minute.
I said, can we call Stav? I wanted him to hear this great shit.

Speaker 1 Wait, you know what? I don't need to hear it.

Speaker 2 I can

Speaker 2 catch me up later. In fact, Adam, when are you going to learn? He does the riff without me.
Then we spend another five minutes doing the riff.

Speaker 1 He could do the riff again.

Speaker 2 And then we get double the fucking mileage out of it.

Speaker 1 I'm

Speaker 1 still.

Speaker 2 It's been five, what is it, six years? When are you you going to do?

Speaker 1 We've been on this podcast for 15 years. Do you want to talk about your project you're starting once this ends? Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 No, I'm just mean it because I'm not going to shit on it, but it would be funny to riff out how that would go.

Speaker 1 So you're going to shit on it. No, we're not going to shit on it.
I mean, what do you mean, shut up, dude? You have a thing.

Speaker 2 He's got a project of... turning his penis into a pussy?

Speaker 1 No, no, he's not. Okay, all right.
He's got to talk about if you want to talk about the project.

Speaker 1 He's got a quote-unquote project he's working on. Okay.
If the big project is another podcast, just doing more.

Speaker 1 That's not true, his own Patreon and just doing this.

Speaker 1 Can I say what it is? Okay, can I say what it is without you making fun of it? Yeah, okay, we shouldn't do this.

Speaker 2 Honestly, I'm trying to protect you, Adam. Don't do it.

Speaker 1 Okay, please don't reveal it. No, no, no, no, okay.
Just give me a chance. Let me elevate a pitch.
Okay,

Speaker 1 you guys are executives at Netflix. I'm going to give you my pitch, okay?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 After this podcast is over,

Speaker 1 goal is to bridge the divide between the Israelis and Palestinians through humor.

Speaker 2 You know what? I changed my mind. That's a beautiful plan.

Speaker 1 I'm going to do a show in the Janine refugee camp.

Speaker 1 Are you saying,

Speaker 2 are you going to put clown wigs and clown noses on fighter helicopters

Speaker 2 as you're shelling?

Speaker 1 You're not going to be on the podcast. What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 You're just going to produce, you're producing it, you're like booking people, you're not actually going to be on this podcast that's supposed to bring people together.

Speaker 1 No, Nick, what I'm going to do is I'm going to bomb so hard on both sides of the fence that it's going to bring them together.

Speaker 2 They're going to hate you so much that they're going to forget their differences.

Speaker 1 I don't understand why it wouldn't go exactly how you'd expect is that the Israeli army would just use your podcast to blast into Gaza to torture people.

Speaker 1 Oh, like

Speaker 1 Zero Dark 30?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Instead of Def Leppard over and over again in a black shit.

Speaker 1 They're playing your podcast over and over again.

Speaker 2 And some guy's like, please, I just want to see my kids.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's a movie called Zero Original Jokes.

Speaker 1 That's good. That's good.

Speaker 1 It starts off with,

Speaker 1 what's his name? Jason Clark? Who?

Speaker 1 The actor in the beginning of Zero Dark 30. I don't remember what you got.
I haven't seen that movie. Is that movie just like like the cold open is a guy just fucking like waterboarding somebody?

Speaker 1 I only saw it once, but one of my number ones is in that movie, Jessica.

Speaker 2 What do you mean, one of your number? You got to really fucking stop.

Speaker 1 What are you talking about?

Speaker 2 You really try and redcon your whole fucking life.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 To pretend you've always liked girls that look like Jessica Jessica.

Speaker 1 You know what's crazy, man?

Speaker 1 This was just, this is exactly where the riff was going before he.

Speaker 1 No. He's like, can we call stop?

Speaker 1 I just missed stuff. It's coronavirus.
I want to hang out with him. Middle-aged guys, middle-aged guys retconning themselves.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's what we're talking about.

Speaker 1 You just live your whole life as a fucking loser, and then you hit

Speaker 1 too old. I haven't been a loser.
You get too old to be cool, and you were like, damn, I was cool. I was.
I was cool.

Speaker 1 Dude, shut the fuck up, Nick. During COVID, you got into manga and anime

Speaker 1 at 35.

Speaker 1 Dude,

Speaker 1 awesome. Yeah, that shit would be cool.
I wish I could. I wish I had the attention spent.
I wish I had the intellectual capacity to understand Attack on Titan.

Speaker 2 No, that one's kind of fucking boring.

Speaker 2 My roommate showed me that shit. The same shit kept happening.
Here's my problem with anime. There's 800 fucking episodes that all could be chopped down.
Make it four seasons.

Speaker 2 But instead, it's like eight fucking, it's like 14 seasons. It's all fucking 60 episodes.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 this girl made me watch it. She was like, she was like, if,

Speaker 1 if you don't like this, then like, there's, like, there, like, this shit ain't happening. That's a deal breaker.
Whoa. So

Speaker 1 she made me watch it. And she's like, if we watch this first episode and you don't like, if you're not, like, mind is not blown.

Speaker 1 And then we watch it, and it's about like, okay, there's this gay ass little village

Speaker 1 and they're cut off from the world because they're surrounded by giants. And the little boy wants to be a soldier.

Speaker 1 And then the giants breach the wall and kill his whole family right you know and it's like if that is not the most like boring

Speaker 1 listen I'll here's the thing

Speaker 2 it's generic generic but

Speaker 2 I'm down for that I'm down for a nice listen we talked about this actually we will talk about this on Sunday's episode

Speaker 2 I like it I love revenge revenge is one of my favorite fucking genres yes that's fine let him become but you're right it is like the the go-to

Speaker 2 you know, plot point of every one of those

Speaker 2 fucking, like, you know, it's like it's Star Wars. It's, you know, whatever the fuck you want to say.
That's every show.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's just, there's no real emotional depth to that. I mean, it's like, it's, oh, your mom got killed by giants, and now you got it.
And I'm sure the giants mean something.

Speaker 1 Right, right, right.

Speaker 2 There must be some metaphor, whatever the fuck.

Speaker 2 At the surface level, you don't respect me enough as a viewer of your shit to not, like, serve me some like you know sentimental garbage you know and here's the other thing I watched a bunch of that show it just takes too long like it's like one whole season before they fight a fucking giant and you don't any they're trained and the giants are fucking a year like nude and you don't see their penis you don't see their pussies you don't see their penis you don't want to fuck the giants they're not like sexy big giantesses they're like they got weird fucked up like smiles

Speaker 1 the only anime i ever liked was the cool devices series what's that what's that? They're different.

Speaker 1 I think they're unrelated, but each one,

Speaker 1 the only overlapping theme is that a woman is raped by

Speaker 1 some kind of monster. A blender.
Yeah, a blender. Oh, like a steampunk rap.

Speaker 2 Those are the cool devices.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like a tentacle raping sort of machine.

Speaker 2 A printer rapes her. Yeah, right.

Speaker 1 A lamp rapes her. It's like cool devices.
That, it's like, obviously, okay,

Speaker 1 that takes the revenge thing to a much further level. You can't relate to being raped by a toaster that's also an octopus.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'd like to watch that and try not to come, you know?

Speaker 2 Right, of course.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't last 30 seconds.

Speaker 2 Obviously, the OGs we've talked about.

Speaker 1 Cool devices.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Cool Devices is a series of hentai pornographic videos released as

Speaker 1 OVA.

Speaker 1 The series consists of 11 mainly unrelated episodes referred to as Operations.

Speaker 1 And is most noted for its very extreme sexual content most of which centers on BDSM and similar fetish themes wow as well as its high production values

Speaker 2 my I told you guys a story about how my mom because we loved Dragon Ball Z obviously and my mom wanted to be cool and bought my brother like rented from the library because that's where we got all our fucking this is a this is a poor life hack everyone knows about this I would hope where you can get free movies from the library public library.

Speaker 2 You don't have to go to Blockbuster. Anyway, my mom would always get us movies and shit.

Speaker 2 And she picked up my brother, what she thought, like, we watched Dragon Ball Z and then we also watched that. I don't know if you guys know Run and Warriors.
That one was sick.

Speaker 2 And then she just got him, just it looked like you know, just some

Speaker 2 just looked like anime or whatever. And it was straight up fucking, I don't even know why they had it in the library.
It was straight up and I. And my brother's like fucking nine years old.

Speaker 1 They had that at the library?

Speaker 2 Yes, dude. And my brother's like nine or ten, and he thought he was just going to watch like, you know, some cool fucking, you know, guy with superpowers or whatever.

Speaker 2 And it's literally like a guy fucking, like, it's not quite beautiful machines or whatever the fuck yours is, but it's, it's, it was like a guy fucking some like young.

Speaker 2 And it's always like, it's almost always child porn.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is, this is, this is the sample cool devices episode. This is the kind of anime I'm into.
Operation 8, Slave Warrior, Maya 1.

Speaker 1 The first of a two-episode story arc and based on from a manga series of the same name, so it has a literary underpinning.

Speaker 1 This episode begins the story of Maya Misutani, an average Japanese college student who is transported to an alternate dimension and inadvertently fulfills a prophecy.

Speaker 1 Maya is transported to another world where she meets two lizard-like creatures who use trickery to convince her to take off all of her clothes.

Speaker 2 What's it called? Devices?

Speaker 1 Cool Devices, Operation 8, Slave Warrior Maya.

Speaker 2 Okay, I'm just going to do a little research myself.

Speaker 1 The lizards trick her into taking off her clothes, and she's sold into slavery to Lord Estelagar and is using experiments to turn her into a sex slave.

Speaker 1 She escapes and evades recapture by using a hidden power within herself to slaughter her opponents. This display of power gets the attention of two warring human and alien factions.

Speaker 1 Maya is recaptured, subjected to more sexual experiments.

Speaker 2 Damn, they got my bitch Maya back in the zone

Speaker 2 in the fuck palace.

Speaker 1 And then she's transformed into a hermaphrodite.

Speaker 2 No, they give her a con?

Speaker 1 She's transferred a hermaphrodite, and then she's

Speaker 1 transferred into a dominatrix, or she's transferred to a dominatrix, who is given instructions to break her will and turn her into a sex slave.

Speaker 1 Keep in mind, she's been now three different iterations of sex slaves.

Speaker 2 Dude, I'm watching this actually on

Speaker 1 Hulu.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry, H-A-H-O.ML.

Speaker 1 You know how Netflix, their stock price dropped like 60% overnight? What if they're like, we're getting rid of password sharing? And also, we're putting the cool devices series on the main page.

Speaker 1 They got to put a hand to it. We're going full.

Speaker 2 Dude, she's getting her fucking pussy popped by some guy with iron hands right now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, in captivity, Maya meets another slave, Lena, who is not used for sex, and then in parentheses, until the end of the episode.

Speaker 2 Damn, honestly, this bitch is kind of good. She's kind of hot, honestly.
I'm looking, I'm watching this. A robot's got pussy juice all over his head.
I love this.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so it's a robot that's finger-popping her, checking her out. Yeah, and she's being raped, and she's so wet.

Speaker 2 She's dripping because she's like, stop. But her pussy loves it.

Speaker 1 They escape, but they are quickly caught. Lena is punished through sexual intercourse.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, the Dominatrix implants a parasitic alien mass into Maya's uterus through her mechanically stretched vagina to lower her inhibitions

Speaker 1 and forces her to copylate with Lena.

Speaker 2 Dude, they got her hooked up.

Speaker 2 There's a tube in her pussy, and the little lizards are like, hey, my bad, we just saw that you were a nice piece of pussy pie, and we know we could get a

Speaker 2 nice, they're just like, our bad, you were just going to be expensive. And now they're tugging on the metal that's in her pussy right now.
They're just hanging out. They're not even sexually doing it.

Speaker 2 They're just like, oh, this is kind of nice. This is a nice machine.

Speaker 1 Are you trying not to come right now, Sav?

Speaker 2 You know, I'm really not that aroused by this. I also did beat off this morning, maybe three hours ago, as soon as I woke up.
I was very horny this morning, so I did jack off.

Speaker 2 I was, uh, I had a very specific, vivid

Speaker 2 memory of two different girls I fucked, and I was like, you know what, this is cool. My brain has kind of made this a mashup.
I'm just going to go au nature. I'm just going to beat off.

Speaker 1 Did you text them to ask their permission to jack off to that memory?

Speaker 1 To ask for their consent?

Speaker 2 No, but I, you know what?

Speaker 1 It sounds a little rapey vibes to me.

Speaker 2 I'm about to tell, I'm actually, listen, I'll be texting them as soon as fucking COVID, I get a negative test.

Speaker 1 I forgot, I just remembered I forgot to fucking add cool devices to my letterbox. My letterbox account.

Speaker 1 They have porn on letterbox now.

Speaker 1 Cool devices.

Speaker 2 Dude, they really are just. What?

Speaker 1 I can't add. How is everybody going to know that I watched a movie?

Speaker 2 Dude, what is going on here?

Speaker 1 Everybody's going to think I didn't, like, that I'm not like a cool guy who's seen mad movies.

Speaker 2 If I can't, I got to be on it. Yeah.
If I can't have cool devices, yeah, they're not going to know you're a cinephile. Yeah.
Damn, dude, this bitch straight up has a sword.

Speaker 2 And she's slicing these fuckers up, dude. Honestly, she hasn't.
She got a finger popped by the robot to check her pussy out, but I haven't seen her get fucked fully yet.

Speaker 2 So I'm just kind of going through this kind of

Speaker 2 mecha suit.

Speaker 1 I know it's a cartoon, but I don't like hearing about women being being mistreated like this.

Speaker 2 Oh, she's back.

Speaker 2 They got the thing in her pussy again.

Speaker 2 Dude, Japan is awesome. When was this made? Probably like.
1996, actually.

Speaker 1 I'm looking at it right now.

Speaker 2 Oh, no.

Speaker 2 They got things tied up to her fucking tits now, too. She's got the whole thing going.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. I see the cot.
Her pussy.

Speaker 2 Her clit is growing into a cot.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, dude. She's got the power.
She's got huge tits. They're making her tits bigger, and they're making her clit.

Speaker 2 Honestly, not that big of a dick, honestly. It's kind of like a regular-sized cock.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 I'm reading.

Speaker 2 Oh, never mind. I spoke too soon.
The cock is turning huge.

Speaker 1 I'm sure. Oh, and it's coming now.
I'm sure it is. You know what?

Speaker 2 It didn't turn huge. It just busted.

Speaker 1 I'm reading a Japanese person's description of this, and it's much better.

Speaker 1 Maya is like a combination between She-Ra and Prince Adam, where she starts out as a plain and simple young woman who might still be in her late school years and just in time, ready for graduate.

Speaker 1 She eventually becomes the most powerful woman in the universe. Another

Speaker 1 she's Hillary Clinton, right? Another pun, LMAO, which I don't know, maybe a Tom Meyer-style pun there.

Speaker 1 When she finds that mysterious sword she pulled out after getting herself sucked in by a magical portal inside the bad guy's castle, beats me why the heck it would be locked inside, awaiting for the hero while she was held prisoner there.

Speaker 1 This is one of those scenes that will continue to confuse us for years to come

Speaker 1 since we won't know anyways.

Speaker 1 Here are some of the screenshots of Maya's cool transformation. Does her look scream She-Ra or He-Man or all of our fans out here?

Speaker 2 Oh, now they got her. They got her cock in like a little.

Speaker 2 I'm on episode. This is a two-parter.
They have her cock in like a little plastic or little glass device. I think

Speaker 2 shielding it.

Speaker 2 Interesting.

Speaker 2 And they've turned her nipples an even brighter shade of pink.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 okay.

Speaker 2 Now a woman is fucking her. Maybe that's why they gave her a cock.

Speaker 1 You're crazy.

Speaker 1 This shit was banned in Canada.

Speaker 1 This is what drove Jordan Peterson insane.

Speaker 1 She's like, I've been waiting for years for the eighth installment on cool devices.

Speaker 2 What happens to Maya's pussy and cool devices?

Speaker 1 This is my understanding of the yin-yang symbol.

Speaker 1 This is Dow. This is the third way is to be raped.

Speaker 2 Guys, you're going to want to go to Patreon.com. Oh, wait, her pussy, her cock disappeared.

Speaker 1 Patreon.com slash come town to understand the context of that riff.

Speaker 2 Yep. Yep.
Oh, now she's eating. Now there's an evil red-haired lady eating Maya's pussy.
Damn. And she seems to really be enjoying it.

Speaker 1 Oh, now her.

Speaker 2 So I don't get what's going on. I think

Speaker 2 they kind of share a cock, or they kind of, one can take the cock off the other one. It's kind of like an,

Speaker 2 or maybe when she's in distress, her cock appears because right now

Speaker 2 she's just getting finger-popped to getting her pussy eaten. That's crazy.
There's no cock.

Speaker 1 This is just Japanese schizophrenia.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is what the

Speaker 1 sexless Japanese guy and you develop schizophrenia. This is what your mind produces.

Speaker 1 I'll never forget when we went into that. I just saw a story that said DB.

Speaker 2 Oh, oh, dude.

Speaker 2 Her clit is turning into a cock. This is awesome.
While she's getting her clit. So basically, the evil lady is pulling a cock out of her clit.

Speaker 2 Wow, very interesting stuff. I'm sorry to interrupt.

Speaker 1 I just wanted to. Oh, that's all right, Donald.
I'll just say when we. You know, interruption happens sometimes.
It's not bad.

Speaker 2 Well, you know, if there's a reason, if you know, if you're watching something, if it's time sensitive.

Speaker 1 It's not the end of the world. Yeah, it's also too, if, like,

Speaker 1 if you do it once in a blue moon and it's not every single day constantly always

Speaker 2 now

Speaker 2 she's getting jacked off and getting her tits rubbed by a woman

Speaker 2 This is the best show I've ever seen in my life.

Speaker 1 I wish girls were like that in real life, huh?

Speaker 2 I know. I wish girls had awesome tits and big juicy cocks.

Speaker 1 Sounds like the perfect woman.

Speaker 1 Best of both worlds.

Speaker 1 Complete anime DVD cool devices one through 11

Speaker 1 on Amazon. You love box sets.
$199.

Speaker 2 $199. That's a fucking

Speaker 1 steal.

Speaker 1 In this economy,

Speaker 1 you take away factor for inflation. This would have been $20 last year.
So

Speaker 1 this is, well, folks, this is Mullin's Deal of the Century.

Speaker 1 So check it out.

Speaker 1 You're going to want to make sure you first subscribe to patreon.com slash Come Town. Sign up for that.

Speaker 2 And then with your leftover $200, go to Amazon and pick up the complete anime DVD cool devices operations one through exactly and if you have any money left consider purchasing a gun and doing a political assassination of Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito that's something to consider we're not saying do it but that would be better think about it all right

Speaker 1 what happened consider doing that we talked about it Sunday this is the problem with us recording out of order but you know the Supreme Court yeah we didn't hold on I'm gonna I'm gonna challenge that we didn't actually talk about it no we went deep briefly mentioned it.

Speaker 2 So now... No, dude, we did a full legal,

Speaker 2 because Adam, as we all know, was a Supreme Court.

Speaker 1 I'm an

Speaker 1 anti-abortion. Well, I'm saying we could also do that now.

Speaker 2 Right. That's true.
Yeah, you know? Yeah, so the fucking Supreme Court did some shit, and now you can't get abortions.

Speaker 2 Or maybe you, I don't know.

Speaker 1 The Supreme Cunt.

Speaker 2 The Supreme Cunt. The Supreme Serving Cunt.

Speaker 2 Which I love as a phrase, by the way, serving cunt. I didn't get into that last one.

Speaker 2 You mentioned serving cunt on Sunday's episode, Adam.

Speaker 2 And I gotta say, that's one of my favorite phrases.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 So, yeah.

Speaker 1 I believe what it means is that a trans woman is so feminine that she passes as having

Speaker 1 they also say that's fish.

Speaker 2 But it's been it's been co-opted to just now you just look good if you serve cunts.

Speaker 1 Yeah, now it's me and the rest of the Karens took it.

Speaker 2 So you, like, Adam, for example, if you were wearing, like, you know, beige, uh, like, chinos

Speaker 2 and, like, uh,

Speaker 2 I don't know, like some kind of oversized Japanese raincoat and

Speaker 2 loafers that an old man should wear, you and your friend, you and you and your friends would be like, Adam, you're serving cunt right now

Speaker 2 as an example. That's cunt.

Speaker 2 But anyway, yeah, go ahead. Did you have some thoughts you wanted to say about the matter now?

Speaker 1 You know, it's funny, I'm looking at this now. Kumiko Nishihara played Slave Girl, Slave Warrior by him.

Speaker 1 And to be like, so you go to her profile, and it says she's a Japanese voice actress.

Speaker 1 So this bitch is like in Japan, you're like, you're like, hey, you're like Garfield, you know, like your Barney's friend.

Speaker 1 And then you're going, and then you're taking your lunch break, and then you're heading back to the office to record six hours of you being raped

Speaker 2 by a mecha mecha lizard.

Speaker 1 Like, okay, I'll take a tour.

Speaker 1 Okay, now.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 very good. Tekatri.

Speaker 2 Now we want to hear what it sounds like when your clit is turning into a big juicy cock.

Speaker 2 Yeah, does she have to also put her pussy up to the microphone and make the gushy sound?

Speaker 1 No, she has to make it real.

Speaker 2 Or do you think there's separate

Speaker 2 pussy voice actresses that are like pussies?

Speaker 1 No, they're like Foley artists. They're like guys that are like,

Speaker 1 yeah, they're like putting their fingers in mayonnaise

Speaker 1 to make it sound like Gushy pussy.

Speaker 2 They're making mac and cheese.

Speaker 1 They're finding wet leaves. The Halloween, like, you know, this was his guts.
Oh, yeah, these are his eyes.

Speaker 2 Yep, they're peeling grapes

Speaker 2 and stepping on them. That would probably sound like Gushy Pussy.

Speaker 1 Slave Warrior Maya.

Speaker 1 Dude, this is so funny. This bitch, she's just like,

Speaker 1 at the premiere of The Simpsons movie.

Speaker 2 Was she?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Bio Net Worth Age Dating Wiki. Who's she dating?

Speaker 1 I have not. That voice actress lady.

Speaker 1 I'm going to move.

Speaker 2 You know a woman voices Goku in Japan.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 2 That, like, I guess it's virtuous to have a high-ass pitched voice. So heroes often sound like bitches.

Speaker 2 And evil guys have cool, sinister, deep voices?

Speaker 1 Damn, that's the opposite of where it is here.

Speaker 1 The hero is supposed to have a deep voice, and the villain's a homo.

Speaker 2 A homosexual, yeah.

Speaker 1 We're going to steal the magic.

Speaker 1 Steal it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, James Adome has a great bit about how every Disney villain villain is gay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, it's true. Every villain of all time is gay.

Speaker 1 Pick anything. I don't think that's true.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 the Emperor

Speaker 1 Fag.

Speaker 2 Which Emperor?

Speaker 1 And the Star Wars. True.
Palpatine? Yoda's a fag.

Speaker 2 Palpatine seems like he could rape children, though, of all kinds.

Speaker 1 That's a type of gay, I guess.

Speaker 2 So somebody's supporting the Don't Say gay bill or whatever it is.

Speaker 1 I'll support the don't call me gay bill.

Speaker 1 I'm more of a libertarian than that, though. You can say whatever you want, but if you call me gay, you're going to jail, pal.
You're going to fire.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that is libertarian, actually.

Speaker 1 That's very libertarian of you. You call me gay, guess what?

Speaker 1 I'm going to stand my ground. You're doing a hard time.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You call me gay or you make me tell you how old my girlfriend is, you're going to have a problem, pal.

Speaker 1 I think we should give teachers the right to shoot any student that talks about LGBTQ stuff in school.

Speaker 1 The teachers should be armed.

Speaker 2 Is that your compromise?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think teachers should be armed.

Speaker 1 And if a student brings up, the teachers aren't allowed to teach that stuff, but if a student brings it up, then she's allowed to, in defense of the other children, to shoot them.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 if you want to, privately at home, you want to groom your children to be LGBTQ,

Speaker 1 I'm going to do a cool bit now where I'm like how many letters what's the next LGB LG

Speaker 1 LGBTMO LGB bacon lettuce to me yeah

Speaker 1 LGBTI how many letters do these fucking homos need L M N O P I remember when it was just H O M O That's right.

Speaker 1 I remember when those were the only fucking letters they had and they you know fucking if you want to do that in the privacy of your home I guess what I also have a problem with that but

Speaker 1 when I'm complaining about the schools, I'm going to pretend it's just the schools I got a problem with.

Speaker 1 If you want to be gay in the privacy of your home, go for it until we've made it. For right now.
For right now. Until this law gets until this one's done.

Speaker 1 And then, guess who's coming and knocking?

Speaker 1 Guess who's about to stand their ground in your house?

Speaker 1 I'm going to fucking knock on the door, walk in, and if you ask me to leave,

Speaker 1 blam up libertarian style. Yeah, or whatever.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 Politics now is just killing people you don't like. I think that's you want the people you don't like should go to jail

Speaker 2 or they should be assassinated.

Speaker 1 They should be assassinated, you should be killed. They shouldn't have a job or any way to, they shouldn't have health care.

Speaker 1 And the people you do like, well, they better be fucking all

Speaker 1 their P's and Q's.

Speaker 1 They better be on their LGB P's and Q's.

Speaker 1 Oh, I think

Speaker 1 we have to talk about a fun product. I think you got to suck my dick.

Speaker 1 Come on, Nick.

Speaker 2 I'm not in the room right now, so I can't really gauge it, but I do think Nick's right, Adam.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we're talking about the Ridge wallet. And no stop, I didn't say the fridge wallet.
Hey, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 Wow, but that would be pretty cool. Imagine that, a wallet with little spaces for a couple of nices, pieces.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you can have a little fucking Diet Coke in there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it opens it up.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's got the little door. There's a light.
You know, your money,

Speaker 1 your money is stored kind of laterally on shelves.

Speaker 2 It's cold. The money's cold, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Actually, you know what? I would walk around with that.

Speaker 1 If Ridge Wallet made a miniature fridge, then you could open up a little door and there's little tiny sodas and like little lunchables in there.

Speaker 1 In fact, if they made an entire Victorian dollhouse filled with, you know, stuff, and you, you know, I would would buy that wallet.

Speaker 2 Absolutely. I would buy it as well.

Speaker 1 A Victorian dollhouse filled with miniatures. Adam is.

Speaker 1 I'm on the website for real. Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 No, you're not. Uh-huh.
You know what I mean? You're not. No, you're not.

Speaker 2 We know you're not.

Speaker 1 Unbeknownst to the galaxy, Palpatine's spirit lives on. He secretly masterminds the first order.

Speaker 1 I instinctually went to his Wikipedia page to see if it says that he's gay.

Speaker 1 Uh-huh.

Speaker 2 Oh, I let I let

Speaker 2 Slave Warrior Maya keep going, and now it looks like she's sucking. I can't tell.
I think she's sucking her own cock, and she can't stop. The taste is so delicious to her that she's addicted to it.

Speaker 2 So maybe they gave her a dick to train her to suck other cock. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just the theory. Anyway, go on.

Speaker 1 I really feel like Hantai could ruin people because imagine you're jacking off to this all the time and you've never had sex at all. Yeah, a regular pussy could never do it for you.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you can't turn into it. And then you're what?

Speaker 1 You're just going to fucking none of this is happening.

Speaker 1 None of it. You're like,

Speaker 1 where's the machine? Yeah. Where's the cool device? It takes me to another dimension and gets me like drunk off pussy juice and rips my skin off.

Speaker 2 Right. I will say, from what I can tell, there's not that many machines.
I think it's a little bit of a misleading title.

Speaker 2 Or device. There's not that many devices.

Speaker 1 Not anyway. That's fucked up.

Speaker 2 That is neither here nor there. What's what is it? You know what's a really great device?

Speaker 1 The Ridge Wallet.

Speaker 1 And their entire line of products, which includes everyday carry products as well, which sounds like a gun, but it's not. They have key cases, pens, knives, phone cases.

Speaker 1 They have travel bags, commuter packs, packable bags, weekenders, duffles. Let's not get into the argument again about the backpack stop.

Speaker 1 These are slim.

Speaker 2 I forgot about it until you brought it up.

Speaker 1 These are slim, expandable, low-profile. This is what

Speaker 1 the modern gentleman uses. Not a big fat wallet like your grandfather with a pocket constitution in it.
This is minimalist design. I love it.
You can get Ridge Wallet in various different formats.

Speaker 1 Aluminum, titanium, carbon fiber, premium. There's a gold one, I believe.
Right? Wow. We're looking at this featured on here.
Is that so? For $150,

Speaker 1 they have the Victorian Dollhouse basement floor. Not on Ridge Wallet, but somewhere else.
No, this is on Ridge Wallet's website.

Speaker 1 Enhance Your Child's Victorian Dollhouse with the basement floor extension. Stairs connect the basement floor to the entrance on the first floor.

Speaker 1 Children or adults can continue their imaginative play with additional space for dolls, furniture, and stuffed friends. And you want to check that out at ridgewallet.com.

Speaker 2 I had no idea they were doing so much.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no,

Speaker 1 it's mainly wallets, men's apparel stuff, and then

Speaker 1 Victorian dollhouse. Victorian dollhouse.
For boys. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Of course.

Speaker 1 It's not just for girls. Of course, for boys.
I'm going to move to the Bay Area and start a startup where it's a Victorian dollhouse for boys company.

Speaker 1 But every piece, everything in the dollhouse has a canonical address. So

Speaker 1 every dollhouse in the world, you can know what other dollhouses are doing.

Speaker 1 And I produce nothing, but I get hundreds of millions of dollars in VC startups. In investor money.
Yeah. And then I and then I just take the money and leave.

Speaker 2 That's a great idea.

Speaker 1 And then, and that's that's that's how I understand. That's what I think hard work means in America.

Speaker 1 That's my understanding of being a hard worker that respects the cultures and values and doesn't ask for my student loan repayment.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 I I should have read the contract.

Speaker 1 Exactly. That's on me.
And now it's on me to work hard and pay that money off. And I need to do that by

Speaker 1 participating in this giant Ponzi scheme

Speaker 1 with my high-tech dollhouse for boys plan.

Speaker 2 And you know what?

Speaker 1 Ridgewall.com.

Speaker 2 At ridgewall.com.

Speaker 2 And I think that's a fucking beautiful idea.

Speaker 1 Here's the thing, guys.

Speaker 1 You go to ridgewall.com. You read, they have over 50,000 five-star reviews on their website.
You read each and every one of those.

Speaker 1 Make sure that you're ready to go buy an RFID blocking front pocket wallet.

Speaker 1 And once you've come to a conclusion as a responsible, logical consumer, you check out,

Speaker 1 you put in promo code. Is there promo code?

Speaker 1 Yeah, either Come Town or Come Town 20. You put in promo code either Come Town or Come Town 20 at checkout.
You can suck me down at Ridgewallet.penis.

Speaker 2 Suck Nick Down at Ridgewallet.

Speaker 1 go online and suck me down at the website

Speaker 1 this is the number one rated wallet in the world that's so fucking true is victoria's secret supposed to be queen victoria

Speaker 2 i think it's a bitch named victor i don't think was a queen victoria which one was wasn't one of them uh never got cock in her life

Speaker 2 or was that elizabeth with the original elizabeth Yeah, that was the original Elizabeth.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 2 Queen Victoria definitely had, you you know queen Victoria is an ugly bitch, dude. I'm on her Wikipedia right now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she looked like shit.

Speaker 1 Well, they all look,

Speaker 1 they all look so she was cousins with this bitch looks horrific. She's cousins with Tsar Nicholas and King Leopold.

Speaker 1 All the royals around that time were cousins with each other. Yeah, so that's why Queen Victoria looks like this bitch looks like the penguin, she looks like King George.

Speaker 2 She straight up looks like Danny DeVito

Speaker 2 with a sharper nose. This bitch has a sharp nose.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, dude. Ew.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. These motherfuckers thought they were better than everyone.
That's so funny, dude. Being a king is hysterical.

Speaker 1 They were better, dude, that palaces.

Speaker 2 I know. But, you know, they look like shit.
If you were a queen, you should be able to fucking have big titties, these fucking sexy shit. Or, you know, whatever.
Know how to do affairs of the state.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 But it's got to be one or the other.

Speaker 1 If we had a queen.

Speaker 2 And this bitch, I don't think did either one.

Speaker 1 If we had a queen. Maybe she did.
Stop. You ever see George V and Nicholas II? I'm sure you've seen that.
I don't think I have. Look at King George V, then look at Tsar Nicholas II.

Speaker 2 Okay, I'm looking at George V.

Speaker 1 Is that the guy who quit before? Oh my god, he looks fucking exactly like yeah, they're the same guy.

Speaker 1 All of these motherfuckers,

Speaker 1 they're all like brothers and sisters of each other. Yeah, they're German.
And

Speaker 2 they all just got fucking little kingdoms.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, that's

Speaker 1 like the Age of Empires ended because all these motherfuckers made millions of people die to settle their petty familial disputes. Damn, I want to play Age of Empires.

Speaker 2 Dude, it's good. I downloaded it.

Speaker 1 You've been playing?

Speaker 2 Dude, COVID has turned me into... Like, I've never been a computer guy, right? We all know that.
We didn't have the internet since I was a fucking...

Speaker 2 Like, we got entered into my house when I was like 13 or 12. It was fucking dial-up, right? So I wasn't really not on the internet heavy at any point in my life.

Speaker 2 But because I had COVID and somehow George, my roommate, didn't I've been staying either in the office or in my room. I don't go to the common areas.

Speaker 2 So I've been doing a lot of like hanging out at the computer. Bro, I downloaded Age of Empires.
I was getting high as fuck. I was watching movies on the computer.
I was just having lunches here.

Speaker 2 It was like, I get, I totally understand

Speaker 2 a big fat internet loser lifestyle.

Speaker 1 You want to do on the computer is go to ridgewallet.com and check it out.

Speaker 2 And I was on ridgewallet.com for hours on end, looking at all the wonderful products and thinking, wow, once I catch negative for COVID and I have places to be and money and credit cards to hold, I'm putting my shit in a fucking awesome fucking carbon fiber ass ridge wallet or something.

Speaker 2 I'm getting a speckled, I'm getting forged ember, an aluminum infused carbon finish.

Speaker 2 That's what I'm getting.

Speaker 1 I'm getting the real tree camo one.

Speaker 2 You can't pull that off.

Speaker 1 Yes, I can, dude.

Speaker 2 You don't have camo in you.

Speaker 1 I have like a gummo kind of vibe. No, you don't.
You're a fucking gummy. No.
You're a piece of shit. No, you're a piece of shit.

Speaker 1 No, actually, you're the piece of shit. You actually have hummo and hummo on my nuts.
Like a hum job.

Speaker 2 You hum on my nuts.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Which I never understood why they called giving head a hummer.

Speaker 1 Because it's

Speaker 1 like the coolest car.

Speaker 2 That's not, but they get getting your dick sucked existed way before the hummer did.

Speaker 1 I make

Speaker 2 by thousands of years.

Speaker 1 I make girls hum hum when I'm getting sucked.

Speaker 2 No, you don't.

Speaker 1 Yeah, make them human Israeli national anthem.

Speaker 2 Okay, so go to ridgewallet.com, promo code COMTON or something, or maybe there's no promo code.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Didn't you say you bought a prostitute on birthright? No. A Russian prostitute?

Speaker 1 He did. He did.
He did. No, I did.
That's so funny. I didn't go on birthright.

Speaker 1 I didn't go on birthright. Did you go to birthright?

Speaker 1 He literally did, bro. Didn't go on birthright.
Probably the most fascist thing you can do is go on birthright. Jesus Christ, Nick.
You're a piece of shit.

Speaker 1 Freaking on that. You're a piece of shit.

Speaker 2 I'm here to support you, but you did go on birthright. And if it wasn't technically birthright, it was something that was basically the same thing.

Speaker 1 I went to a strip club in Tel Aviv.

Speaker 2 Didn't you have to take like little classes about how pure and perfect Israel was or something?

Speaker 1 No, I mean, we had, listen, we all wore similar uniforms to the Nazi youth, and we did marches every morning, but it's not the same thing. We all wore khaki short shorts and khaki shirts and

Speaker 1 did goose-stepping or whatever it's called. Anyways, going on birthright's got to be one of the most fascist things you can do.
Yeah, absolutely. To do that,

Speaker 1 bro. To do that, and then be like, ah, this isn't enough.
I got to buy a sex slave also. I didn't do that.

Speaker 1 Hold on, hold on. I've talked about this on the show before.
I went to a strip club in Tel Aviv when I was 18 years old.

Speaker 2 Why were you in Israel, Adam?

Speaker 1 To get pussy because regular girls weren't going to fuck me.

Speaker 2 But why did you go to Israel?

Speaker 1 Because I did a gap year in Israel. I've talked about this at great length.
Well, you can make me defend being hated. No, no, but you're over here being hateful.

Speaker 1 Wow, I didn't have the right opinions when I was 18 years old. Hold on.
So hold on.

Speaker 1 I know. First of all, you want to excuse that, but then in the same breath, turn around and say that people are responsible for their student loans and they should have understood the contracts.
What?

Speaker 1 No, I don't know. Just to be clear.

Speaker 1 Nick, I have to.

Speaker 1 You didn't go to college. You went on a whole rant.

Speaker 1 I graduated $70,000 in debt. And you went on a whole rant about how you worked very hard on Come Down to pay off the shit.

Speaker 2 And everyone should have to work even harder than you.

Speaker 1 That's not true. That's not true.
You say that all the time.

Speaker 2 Anytime it comes up and we're all hanging out with our friends that have debt, you say,

Speaker 2 I didn't work this hard. being the third guy on a podcast

Speaker 2 to see other people get their fucking loans forgiven, just like that.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't know that. We were on the golf course.
I was there because one of the retarded children I take care of works there, and I had to bring him to work as a caddy. You were there

Speaker 2 with me. Yeah, you were there putting cigarettes out on one of the other retarded children.

Speaker 1 On one of the other retarded children.

Speaker 2 Because he gave you the three-iron instead of the three.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but with your friends Eric Prince and

Speaker 1 Jared Kushner. Jared Kushner.
Thank you for reminding me of your friends that

Speaker 1 confirming that it happened. Well, they're my friends.
And

Speaker 1 you said, I think this afternoon I shall get myself a Palestinian sex slave.

Speaker 1 And then after,

Speaker 1 I'm going to purchase some student loan debt.

Speaker 1 And instead of forgiving it, I'm going to pursue it with extreme prejudice.

Speaker 1 And you use your off-mic voice. You're using your official voice.
You're doing my cool voice. My cool voice that I actually use.
That is what you sound like. That is my cool southern dandy voice.

Speaker 1 I believe I will purchase some black medical debt and pursue it with extreme prejudice.

Speaker 1 Listen,

Speaker 1 I believe this afternoon I shall enjoy myself the fine sweetness, almost almost

Speaker 1 like a sweet summer berry.

Speaker 1 Black medical debt,

Speaker 1 black cancer. The profits.

Speaker 1 The profits of black chemotherapy.

Speaker 1 Listen, I've said this before, and I'm not embarrassed to say it.

Speaker 1 I was heavily invested.

Speaker 1 Oh, COVID.

Speaker 1 I was heavily.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm glad you're feeling better.

Speaker 1 I was heavily invested.

Speaker 1 As a bar mitzvah gift, my grandfather gave me an incredibly,

Speaker 1 I guess it amounts to one to two percent of the mobile home industry in this country.

Speaker 2 And then because you did such a good job reading the Torah.

Speaker 1 And then when Bernie ran against Hillary, I realized that it wouldn't get me, I couldn't get pussy unless I sold it.

Speaker 2 So, right, right. Because you didn't want to be a landlord anyway.

Speaker 1 Dude, life is a life is a highway, man. You gotta, you can't, you, listen, I, you can't be like, don't flip-flop, you know, you gotta learn.
You gotta learn. You gotta learn.
You got to learn, man.

Speaker 2 You got to fucking learn.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes. I was a Zionist Hitler youth as a child.
Yes, of course.

Speaker 2 But what's important is that you guys go to ridgewall.com. And also, what's also important is that you come on see me and my friends do stand-up comedy.

Speaker 2 My date's coming up here for the end of this tour. Washington, D.C.
next week. All shows are sold out, but we're trying to add maybe a Thursday or a Sunday show.
Then I'm going to be in San Diego.

Speaker 2 We just added another Thursday. All the shows are sold out.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 Philadelphia.

Speaker 2 Oh, and then, of course, the fucking,

Speaker 2 fuck, I have to add this to my calendar. I don't remember when it is.
But I'm at Providence. I'm at the Comedy Connection because I couldn't go due to having coronavirus.

Speaker 2 So I will be there in Providence. All tickets.
It was sold out.

Speaker 2 All tickets is scheduled from this weekend. Now it's going to be on June 9th through the 12th.

Speaker 2 And then I'm going to be in Philadelphia June 16th through the 18th. And much more importantly, go to my YouTube channel, Stopmer's Halkis, Stavi Baby.

Speaker 2 I will be releasing my special. It's very close.
The editor is taking forever. I want to fucking shoot this guy with a gun, but we're so close.

Speaker 2 I think, I don't want to give a date yet, but I'm pretty positive it will be the last.

Speaker 2 One of the last two weekends in May. Cross your fingers.
Subscribe to the YouTube channel. It's coming out on YouTube.
I just want people to see it. That's that.
Those are my plugs.

Speaker 2 Fellas, where are you going to be?

Speaker 1 Guys, I'm sure.

Speaker 2 I believe you're in Boston this weekend.

Speaker 1 I'm in Boston this weekend. I'm in Raleigh in May and then Portland and then

Speaker 1 Carolina on Broadway and then Chicago. Great plug.
I'll be going to Helium. And I'll be in Chicago.
I think now I'm adding Buffalo at the beginning of July, then Chicago.

Speaker 1 Then after that, I'll be in Indianapolis and then

Speaker 1 Phoenix. Yeah, so this is going to be a busy summer.
I'll be all over.

Speaker 2 The road dog, the moldog road dog.

Speaker 1 And guys, next, I swear to God, we've been having some supply chain issues, but next week I will be dropping my

Speaker 1 fashion line, my merchandise. Second of all, I'm announcing West Coast dates in the next couple of weeks.

Speaker 1 And also, if you're in the New York City area, we have funny moms every Monday, except for the first Monday of the month that come on everybody at 8 p.m. They've been great recently.

Speaker 1 So come get sucked, as Stop Ross would say.

Speaker 1 Go dick sucked. Get your little dick sucked.

Speaker 1 Yes, sir. What else?

Speaker 2 Do we have another read or just one read for this one?

Speaker 1 There was just one for this one.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's a real shame because we would have been gliding to the end.

Speaker 1 Our sponsors have a lot of. Well, but hold on.

Speaker 1 You have to understand that just because there was one read means we did it in 30 minutes.

Speaker 2 Oh, true, true, true.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 truth be told, we got 10 more minutes. Woo!

Speaker 2 That's huge.

Speaker 1 That's really big.

Speaker 1 Anyways, that's awesome. Where were we? So Adam on the golf course.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 he's wearing

Speaker 1 the severed hands of African children, his shoes.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 He has the rigamortis, so they're like claw-shaped, so they make them...

Speaker 1 He's standing at about 5'10 with these platform.

Speaker 2 Oh, he's using them kind of as high heels.

Speaker 1 He's using them as high heels. He's wearing these

Speaker 1 sort of African hand high heels. One of those.

Speaker 2 I've never seen those shoes. Those sound evil and despising them.

Speaker 1 They are. They're like, so one of the first hand is like a limp

Speaker 1 in the front. This is one of the front.
And behind that, imagine a hand like setting up to shoot a pool cube.

Speaker 2 Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 And they're sewn together to create sort of this sinister kind of gay. Never happened.

Speaker 2 But gay in two different ways.

Speaker 1 Gay, high heels.

Speaker 2 You're gay.

Speaker 1 The hands feel you're wearing them gay.

Speaker 1 The hands have nail polish. They have nail polish.
Then there's two, the strap on the top is two hands doing like the shy emoji finger touching thing. Yes.
And that's how it claps.

Speaker 1 He's wearing the severed. It's four.
Each shoe is four severed hands off African shoes.

Speaker 1 With French manicure. You're saying, this is in Minecraft.
This is parody. No, this is not true.
This This is Adam on the

Speaker 1 golf course. This is not true.
The retarded adult that I take care of out of the goodness of my heart works.

Speaker 1 Yeah, your slave. Your slave.
How's he my slave? He doesn't do anything. Because you don't pay him.

Speaker 1 No, I don't pay him to do it. But what does he do? I don't pay him to do what? I drive.

Speaker 1 He fills your heart with laughter and love. No, I do that myself.
No,

Speaker 1 he gives you a lot of love. If there's anything, if there's anything, you can say what anything you want.
I'm holding a retriever. You can say what anything you want about me.

Speaker 1 But one thing that is 100% true that everyone will agree with is

Speaker 1 filled with laughter and love.

Speaker 1 I bring joy to the world weekly on this show. By weekly.
Buy weekly.

Speaker 1 Because it's a hard world out there, and guys like me are the reason that retards like that can get to their job at the Trump golf course where you

Speaker 1 prance around in your gay little slave hand shoes.

Speaker 2 Right, right, right. Yes, sir.

Speaker 1 And talk about buying up black medical debt

Speaker 1 for fun

Speaker 2 because it reminds you of a summer boysenberry dripping with the juices dripping down.

Speaker 1 You know, it's bad debt. You know, you'll never collect on it, but the idea of desperate black people owing you something and you having power over them just delights you to someone.

Speaker 1 I just do it so worth buying. No, I do it so I feel more comfortable listening to hip-hop music.

Speaker 1 Makes sense. Name one.
Name one hip-hop song.

Speaker 1 The real Slim Shady Minim.

Speaker 2 Okay, name another one.

Speaker 1 Min M

Speaker 1 Pretty Fly for a Jedi.

Speaker 2 Come on. We say you have to, all you have to do was name MM songs.

Speaker 1 Name MM songs. Or take it.

Speaker 1 You don't even have to have a diversity in there because you could have gone in a much funnier direction.

Speaker 1 Is that as it continues, eventually you're just

Speaker 1 fucking like Engelbert, Humperdink or

Speaker 1 give me another chance.

Speaker 2 It's over, man.

Speaker 1 No, it's too late.

Speaker 1 It's too late. Time to recover by buying up more black medical debt.
I will.

Speaker 2 Now, guys, you know, one thing that is, and look, I got to say, I'm having a great time over the phone, and

Speaker 2 I think fans of the show will be horrified to figure out there's a new way that we've figured out to literally phone the episodes in.

Speaker 2 And I'm having a great time with this.

Speaker 2 I think the next thing is we got to get two of us on the phone and one of us with the real one. And then eventually, all three of us, we're just recording a phone call at some point.

Speaker 1 Well, what we should do is, what we should do is

Speaker 1 here's how the show ends: is you have to, no more free episodes. You got to sign up for the Patreon.
And then when you sign up for the Patreon, all you get is a lottery ticket every week.

Speaker 1 And if you're the winner,

Speaker 1 then we will call you. If you answer, the show's over.

Speaker 1 If you don't answer,

Speaker 1 we will leave a one-hour voicemail

Speaker 1 just for you. And that's a special episode, yeah.
So that's fucking and you can choose to upload that if you want. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, you can't. Easily we'll fucking DMCA you

Speaker 1 if you even dare DMCA LBTQ. How many goddamn letters you supposed to need?

Speaker 2 How many fucking letters these motherfuckers need, man? DMCA.

Speaker 1 I only need one. What's next?

Speaker 1 D-I-C-K, S-U-C-K? I'd like to, pal.

Speaker 1 I want to.

Speaker 1 I dream about it. That sounds cool to me.
That'd be great.

Speaker 2 What I was going to say, though, is one problem with us being separated by distance is that we haven't

Speaker 2 got a chance to talk about what we were going to have for lunch.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 2 And you guys already ate lunch, so I would love if you formed me.

Speaker 1 I'm thinking small ball here because what we can now do is have three separate conversations about our different lunch choices.

Speaker 1 That's huge. Now we don't have to agree on anything.
So Stav, you had oatmeal earlier. What do you think of breakfast?

Speaker 2 I had oatmeal for breakfast. I'm thinking sushi, something fresh, something light.

Speaker 1 Fresh fish.

Speaker 2 Maybe a three-lunch, maybe a three-roll combo. You know, that's a classic.

Speaker 1 Oh, maki-roll.

Speaker 2 One of the classic lunches that there are.

Speaker 2 The problem is my favorite spot in the story, and I won't say the name,

Speaker 2 they don't do a three-roll combo. They do like a little box set, but it's like, you know, man, the the bento.
I really, I don't want bento. I want three, I want three rolls.

Speaker 2 So I might just have to, I might just have to bite the bullet and just pay full price for the rolls.

Speaker 1 Yeah, get them all a cart. Dude, I think I might be done with Japanese food.
I feel like I just kind of like.

Speaker 2 No, don't say that.

Speaker 1 I haven't had really good Japanese food in forever.

Speaker 1 Because sometimes

Speaker 1 once you have really good Japanese, you know what?

Speaker 1 I'm really the only place in New York I can eat is the Dago hand roll place.

Speaker 1 In the Fulton Fulton Market. Yeah, the Decal Market.
That place is good.

Speaker 2 Nick, once you do some West Coast dates, there's such good fucking sushi over there. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You do some Seattle. Even L.A.
has incredible sushi.

Speaker 2 You just got to get out more, pal.

Speaker 1 Good railroads, too. They have good railroads.
Yeah, and they have

Speaker 1 palm ass burritos, too.

Speaker 1 Dank ass burritos.

Speaker 2 Vancouver had some great sushi in Vancouver while I was out there.

Speaker 1 Trains really have a fraught history.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? That is true. They've had a wild rebrand in the last 10 years of being like, no, we're just for our autistic people.
Yeah, it's true. Oh, really? Really, trains?

Speaker 1 That's your thing? Is autistic people.

Speaker 2 That's the rare PR campaign Jews have lost. Because trains have been rehabilitated.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 I can't stand this shit. You know what really pisses me off?

Speaker 1 Somehow in the last 15 years, it literally became okay to just be a Nazi.

Speaker 1 That would just be a thing people are accused of. And then before, maybe it's died down a bit, but leading up to Trump, you could be like, yeah, I'm a fascist Nazi.

Speaker 1 And then people would have to be like, well, he's got different opinions.

Speaker 1 You know, it's like, I don't want to ruin my family over politics. But,

Speaker 1 but,

Speaker 1 for whatever reason, just Hitler's mustache cannot be rehabilitated.

Speaker 1 It's a fucking, it's a mustache that many people have had, which honestly, just for, as a matter of convenience, I would like to have myself.

Speaker 1 I feel like I would look good with a Hitler mustache, absent the fucking, you know, the connotations that it implies.

Speaker 2 Charlie Chaplin. Why can't we say it's a Charlie Chaplin?

Speaker 1 Dude, I'd look slick.

Speaker 1 I'd look slick.

Speaker 2 I actually, I don't want to, I don't want to step on the, I don't want to, you know, obviously I'm not accusing you of anything, no Adam Ree here, but I have a bit about how

Speaker 2 it's crazy. It's crazy that neo-Nazis won't wear a Hitler mustache, but they'll just put a swastika on their forehead.

Speaker 2 That's sort of the job.

Speaker 1 I haven't seen that bit.

Speaker 2 I'm not accusing you of anything. I'm just letting you know.

Speaker 1 What do you mean?

Speaker 2 I don't want you to think I, if I post it or I do it on stage, I don't want you to think I'm not.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 that sounds different to me, too, even.

Speaker 1 Okay, okay. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just letting you know. Well, I'm glad you got a lot of people.
I'm just saying.

Speaker 1 Well, hold on. Me and Stop both have a clear track record of writing our own jokes, performing our own jokes.
We can agree on a moment of parallel thinking.

Speaker 1 Quite honestly, if you're somebody that is looking at the world and you're mostly thinking, what can I get out of this?

Speaker 1 If you're a deep thinker, if I can't, then so you're just going to try and take shots. What? A little shot-taking.
You fucking piece of shit.

Speaker 1 You're going to have to make a couple of phone calls to Blue Cross, Blue Shield, and say, Give me your Takeisha files. You know, I don't have health insurance.
I know, yeah. Neither do a lot of your,

Speaker 1 for lack of a better word, victims.

Speaker 1 Oh, the medical. For lack of a better word.
I forgot that.

Speaker 1 He searched. He tried to find a medical.

Speaker 1 I tried to be generous.

Speaker 1 I appreciate the effort. I appreciate the effort.

Speaker 1 You're a good guy, dude.

Speaker 2 I'm thinking salmon avocado roll. I'm thinking spicy tuna roll.
I'm thinking white tuna roll. And then maybe a little sweet potato roll, wild card.

Speaker 1 Nice. You know what I would like?

Speaker 1 I was thinking about this the other day.

Speaker 1 A sushi rice, seaweed on the outside, in the middle, a little piece of pumpkin pie and some Reese's peasies. Well, that'd be nice.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's your kind of sushi.

Speaker 1 And it's, yeah, spooky Japanese. That'd be cool.
Yeah. Yeah.
I like that a lot. Sushi from hell.

Speaker 2 That's fucking awesome.

Speaker 1 A Reese's cup is kind of, kind of a sushi to some extent.

Speaker 2 The peanut butter is the fish and the chocolate is the rice. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. If you can imagine it.

Speaker 2 You know I dream to imagine every day.

Speaker 1 I know that's something that you would like.

Speaker 1 You know I love that, dude. I kind of got a hankering for Halloween candy now.
I like referring to all candy as Halloween candy just means eating too much candy. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 you're wearing a gimp mask.

Speaker 1 Well, it also

Speaker 1 looks like this, too.

Speaker 2 Right. That's nice because

Speaker 2 you can look at the candy and you're not mad because it's smaller than your penis.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You take out a Snickers, it's got a little dick vein, but you take a king size, you're feeling really bad about yourself. It is true.

Speaker 2 If it's Halloween, if it's Halloween candy, you can enjoy it and you can say, ha ha, my dick is bigger than you, candy bar.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Snickers does have like a vascular cock vibe about it.
Absolutely. I haven't considered that.

Speaker 2 You have.

Speaker 1 No, I have in your subconscious. I've never thought about the dick vein, but I do like that they got like tread marks on the bottom as a kid.
I always pretended I was eating a tire. Like a tire, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's cool. I was like, and then I'd see cars, and I'd be like, damn, I want to eat that tire.

Speaker 1 That's what I think. Anyways, folks, patreon.com/come town.
Check out the, you know, whatever, the rest of this or the beginning of this.

Speaker 2 I got to say, I love doing these call-in shows.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's been fun.

Speaker 2 I'm thinking we're going to just, you know, maybe switch to maybe half call-ins.

Speaker 1 Honestly,

Speaker 1 you know, we'll see. It'll work nicely.
We'll see, because the audio quality sounds about the same. It's easier.

Speaker 1 It's easier to pay attention when it's like, because, you know, it's supposed to be consumed in an audio-only format. When you're hanging out in person, it's very easy to just say and do nothing.

Speaker 1 Oh, I get lost in Sophrus's eyes. When it's a phone call, it's like, yeah, you got to be, you know, it's the phone.

Speaker 2 Honestly, I'm paying way more attention

Speaker 2 than I would be in person. So something to think about.
Maybe, you know, when I'm on the road, maybe we do this instead of fucking banking eight episodes next week.

Speaker 2 Maybe we bank six and save two for ourselves.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we'll do that. And then also, too, the final stage is instead of Adam being here or on the phone, we just have him write letters.
And we read Adam's letters to the show.

Speaker 1 Adam can write a letter. That's awesome.
And we can read Adam's letter throughout the show. Oh, that'd be nice.
That's a great idea. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And look, I'm even, I'm even, I'm willing to, you know, maybe I can get a, well, who knows?

Speaker 2 Let's not get crazy. I was going to say maybe I can get a better microphone.

Speaker 1 I'm not doing that. No way.

Speaker 1 Honestly,

Speaker 1 I'll tell you what, there's no reason to because the better microphone, the bottleneck is the production once this, once this goes into like,

Speaker 1 you know, like an editing software or something that I'm supposed to know how to use, which I never will. I see.
And you know what?

Speaker 1 In the past, when I cared more, people were like, just fucking hire somebody to do it. I did, and it was just as bad, and people complained.
So

Speaker 1 yeah, there's no reason to buy something nice. What might be, what would be good is

Speaker 1 either another board or maybe like, you know,

Speaker 1 like a way where if I'm remote.

Speaker 2 Now I see that. Yes.

Speaker 1 I'm remote or, you know, vice versa or something.

Speaker 2 I love that. Another board is a great idea.
I have a board on my computer if I'm doing it from home, actually.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, this setup is super easy. You just plug the phone directly into the board.
I don't know why we didn't do this before. This is a good way to have guests, too.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 This is a great way to have guests. Didn't we do it with that one guy who publishes a bunch of gay books?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Douglas Brain.

Speaker 1 Douglas Give Me Brain. Dickless Brain, I think it's

Speaker 1 Brain.

Speaker 1 Of Zero Inches books. Zero Inches books.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think that guy's name is

Speaker 1 Dickless Brain.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what was that book he was even trying to promote about? I can't even remember. I don't remember.

Speaker 2 He was a cool guy. I don't fucking, you know, who cares?

Speaker 1 Late capitalism.

Speaker 1 God damn it. I got a shit.
Dickless Brain, you're always welcome back on the show. People go to zerobooks.com, check out their latest.

Speaker 1 I'm sure it's something about, you know, some Chinese lady saying that we need health care.

Speaker 2 That's cool. I agree with that Chinese lady.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I agree with it too, but I don't need to read a goddamn book about it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I already know that. I don't understand.
Yeah, I don't understand. I don't get the idea where you're supposed to sit around reading books of opinions you already have.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I got the opinion, Chief.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I'm good.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, I'm going to go play Age of Empires in order social.

Speaker 1 Like most Brooklyn podcasters, I decided to be a socialist socialist once I saw how much money Chapo was making.

Speaker 1 I started my own podcast. It's the same thing.
I became

Speaker 2 much, much

Speaker 1 more. Much shittier, less informed.
I became a shittier comic. I forgot why I even moved to New York.
I decided that the reason that happened is because I'm better than all the other comedians.

Speaker 1 I'm actually better than them.

Speaker 1 Anybody that's successful is successful not because of their talent. That doesn't exist at all because they're chuds and they're pandering chud grifters.
Even though I'm me,

Speaker 1 who did not vote until 2018 and never cared at all in their entire lives, I'm the one I'm persecuted.

Speaker 1 And so check me out. I'll be on tour with

Speaker 1 crazy talent. All right.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Thanks a lot, guys. All right, buddy.
I have to pee.