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and
We just sort of started.
Yeah, it just there's no I've heard
our boy Matt Pavage is here disparaging the professionalism of the show.
Yeah, dude, in the New York comedy scene.
I thought everybody was friends with each other.
Everybody loves this friends.
And they're definitely happy with the amount of money we make for the amount of effort we put in.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's the main takeaway.
Everything's deserved.
And boy, are they right.
As many because the old guys couldn't contain it, we were making like $2,000.
We were barely making any money.
Rich boss is like, fuck those fucking faggots.
How dare they?
I've got kids.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah.
Welcome to to the motherfucking dojo, man.
Thank you.
Thank you for having me.
Of course, dude.
This is the most successful comedy podcast.
What was it?
In the world.
2003, funniest person in New York.
2003.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The first thing
I was already
like lightning in a bottle.
Mayor Giuliani gave you a key to the city.
Yeah.
Then we have to throw the first pitch at the Mets man.
Wow.
No lockdown rules for you either.
Yeah, he's super fast.
No vax card required.
No have a special golf card here.
No vax required.
Yeah.
It's just him, all the hot seeds, just hanging out.
They don't need it.
Yeah, dude.
My friend has a friends of the NYPD bumper sticker on his car.
Damn.
That's embarrassing.
I don't think he...
No, he's not friends with them.
He's just.
Is it the fraternal order of police?
Yeah, whatever.
He just drives drunk all the time.
Just put it on.
Yeah, but then that's on your car.
Yeah.
Yeah, but who cares?
I don't know, man.
I don't want that.
You just get pulled over by a drunk guy.
Yeah.
Has his own lights.
He's like, hey, asshole.
What the fuck is your problem?
Give me a hundred bucks.
We should try pulling over cops with our own lights.
See what happens.
Citizens arrest.
Citizens arrested.
You know, I haven't did a checkup on.
Is there that podcast lady who did the fuck the police podcast?
Oh, yeah.
Like two summers ago.
And yeah, was drinking and doing.
Did you hear this story?
No.
There's some lady.
It's one of the most tragic stories i've ever seen there's a lady who lives in long island but drives into like fucking east new york every wednesday to do to podcast to podcast so she has to
do overhead on a podcast studio where they're like you know like do your own podcast and it's basically just a facebook live yeah but they've like made her pay money money
money intelligence productions incorporated whatever the studio space is newer solutions yeah so she goes there and then her podcast oh you know it's during like the riots or the protests and stuff.
So she's like, fuck the police, fuck their families, or whatever.
Like, this is the episode where she's saying all that and just drinking on camera on Facebook Live.
Okay.
Like, fuck the police, fuck all that.
And then driving home to Long Island
after getting scammed into doing a podcast by whoever owns this studio.
For no one.
She runs over a cop, but then it's like a cop that's like
the one good cop.
Yeah, just some skills.
Some Greek guy that's like teaching children accordion.
Yeah.
Really?
It literally was.
Yeah, he's like, he just helps people get out of parking tickets.
It's like the one cop you don't want to run over.
She runs over him and then goes on a high-speed chase or whatever.
Holy shit.
And eventually they got her.
And there's like, there's just a video in the local news or whatever of her being arraigned and then like coming out of the jail and being put in a cop car and she's crying.
She's like, I'm really sorry.
And then the reporter, like, what are you sorry for?
She's like, for killing him.
And they're like, what were you doing?
She's like, I have a podcast.
And then the door slams shut.
shut.
And we plug the podcast.
I hope she plugs.
She didn't even get to plug it, dude.
She's like, I was doing my podcast, dog.
Yeah.
But just one of the...
You said you followed up with her?
I haven't.
I haven't.
I haven't done a check-in on that.
That's a wild tale.
That's a top story from podcasting issues.
She's getting a different type of foot long.
That's so true.
What kind of lesbian rape happens in jail?
It's like a bus driver type Latina.
Yeah, you know.
She just holds you down and licks licks your pussy.
Yeah, with Adam's haircut.
I thought you complimented my haircut 30 minutes.
No, he said you looked like Rachel Maddow.
Okay, well,
which is true.
And you have her energy, too, by the way.
A little bit.
Yeah.
It's because I'm so thorough.
Yeah.
So well researched.
I never really get to the point.
And I love munching bucks.
Munching.
I don't, yeah, I guess I've never thought about what kind of prison rape happens in women's jails.
Well, what happened in Orange is the New Black, right?
That was a
historical piece.
Yeah, but I guess that's true.
There's not a lot to beat off to, but you can catch a couple.
You can catch a couple titties.
Yeah, for sure.
Okay.
Donna from
that 70s show.
Who I beat off to quite a bit on that 70s show.
I did a lot of beating off to whoever was on WB.
That jacking off show.
That jacking off show.
That was a nickname for it.
Well, there was an era
on Friends.
They didn't wear bras bras for like four seasons, and I jacked off to plenty of those episodes.
Yeah, yeah.
You can see Courtney Cox's nipples.
Do your family couldn't afford HBO?
Because we couldn't.
We didn't have cable.
Yeah,
you could beat off
television.
Yeah, dude.
It's a different kind of poor.
Yeah.
Beating off the network TV.
I had a VHS tape that I said it before, but I had recorded all the late-night call now infomercials.
Hell yeah.
And then, yeah, I would just pop that in.
Did you jack off to them asking you to call in?
And half of it is just like static and blue.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know,
stopping the tape.
There's this show Love After Lock Lockup.
It's about people on the outside falling in love with people on the inside, like writing letters and like waiting for them to get out.
This guy is like waiting for this chick to get out.
And he's like, he's like, but the one problem is, is that her girl, she's got a girlfriend.
And then the girlfriend...
In jail?
In jail.
And then the girlfriend gets out.
Oh, no.
And she's then still obviously in love with the girlfriend.
Yeah, so she's trying to like orchestrate threesomes and it's still like hurting his feelings because
they're having a much better time.
But he's like he's like a like a Latino gentleman.
There's a line Mr.
Peanut.
Yeah, like Mr.
Peanut.
You think he's Latino?
I'd assume so.
Interesting.
Yeah.
There's a line where he says,
he said, oh, she's nothing but a thug.
He calls her a thug.
and it's, it's pretty good.
Is he hot?
Yeah, he looks good.
Yeah.
Oh, he's sexy.
Yeah, and he's got.
This girl's just a lesbian.
Girl's bi.
She's falling in love with this other girl.
Damn.
But I like how that was the one problem, was that she had a telephone, not the fact that she was.
She's like, yeah, it's just fucking hard.
The whole show is about people.
What was she in jail for?
For loving too much.
I think for being biased.
Yeah, which should be a crime.
I think transporting mechanism
or something.
Bi women should be on a watch list.
They are criminals mostly.
Buy women?
I would say.
Not a watch list, but a smash list.
Smash list, that's true.
They're also on my smash list, don't get me wrong, but they should be in jail.
Buy men, on the other hand.
Now, those are some of the things.
They should just be on a list of gay guys.
Yeah, that's not even a list.
Just go ahead and cross the top off where it says bye guys.
Cross it off.
Put gay.
Oh, fuck.
Anyway, what kind of network TV were you guys beating off to?
Nick answered, Adam.
I
tried for a long time.
Pornstar.
You're jagging off to his Adam's Apple?
No, they would have like, they would just...
They would have like porn stars on it.
Yeah.
Oh, that's true, but that's not basic.
That's basic cable.
It's not network, dude.
But you're right, the Sibian, the blurred-out Sibian definitely jacked off to Sibyl.
I tried really hard to jack off to the L-word.
The story about the lesbian Los Angeles community.
Yes.
And
there's a lot of just drama and gossip and about 30 seconds per episode of
breasts.
I feel like that's every show.
I watch a couple of these HBO shows now, and it's making me feel like puritanical almost.
No, no, they're bringing back shows you could beat off to.
But it's like, it's why.
It's just like they're high schoolers and it's a pregnant woman getting her pussy eaten by a trans girl.
Sounds awesome.
Yeah, but that's...
Sign me up.
How big are a tits?
If she's pregnant, they're probably awesome.
I don't get what the story is.
I don't understand what
she's hot.
She's a trans cutie.
Okay.
Wait, is this really
happening?
I don't know about the pregnant.
I didn't see that episode.
But the
Sidney Sweeney.
Oh, yeah, we've covered it.
This season, they are showing them maybe every episode.
That's awesome.
Well, it's just kind of like the Lakers with LeBron.
HBO.
Just know what you got.
You got your workhorse.
100%.
Sidney Sweeney's tits are the reason that people are tuning in.
They have.
I watched the entire episode of that show, Euphoria, and I have no idea.
I couldn't tell you a single thing that happened.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I have no idea.
It's just a bisexual A24 lighting and then
people like
texting their ex-boyfriend and then fucking the ex-boyfriend's friend.
It's actually a pretty good show.
But now, hold on, there's another text.
I watched an incredible interview with one of the actors on the show.
He's the drug dealer guy.
Oh, yeah, I like him.
And he must have been hammered.
He He was hiccuping during the interview.
And then it's like Sinokio.
Yeah.
And then they ask him, they're like, do you take your work home with you?
And he's like,
what do you mean by that?
Do I actually...
And they're like, you know, do you stay in character when you go home?
And he just goes,
yeah.
The character is just him.
I know.
The interviewer goes, it's like Good Morning America?
It was one of those internet, I don't know who the interviewer was.
The hot sauce show.
No.
I wish it was the hot sauce.
That's crazy that that's so successful.
It's so successful.
That's like the kind of idea a person with Down syndrome would have.
They're like, we eat wings, and then I ask,
ask Billie Eilis what type of shoes she likes.
And you look, and it's like 80 million fucking views.
And then a bunch of, presumably, other people with Down syndrome are like, I also like those shoes.
Yeah, everyone's like, he's such a good interviewer he asks questions I'm like I think that guy stinks he's just got really lucky with the fucking hot ones guy the hot ones guy this guy's boring as shit he sucks monotone he has TV shows now that's hilarious he's got no sauce whatsoever
fuck that guy if you're listening suck our fucking dicks whatever his name is don't order his hot sauces because they're not good oh yeah really oh he's a charlatan as well i don't know i think my girlfriend ordered the hot sauces because she really likes that show
sounds like she really likes that guy.
Oh, dude.
She's about to fuck that guy.
Damn.
How mad would you be if she fucked the guy for the hot ones?
I would literally, literally anyone else.
I would be so confused by that.
I was like, I thought you loved me.
A hot sauce?
She's like, but he's famous.
It's like, it doesn't even count.
You're like, what?
He's like, this is a really good pussy.
He's pouring different hot sauces on her pussy while he's eating.
He's like,
habanero mushroom.
He's like, ah, it hurts.
And he's like, I know.
I know, bitch.
You don't have to tell me.
You think you're the first bitch I've eaten hot sauce off of pussy?
Did you ask me your questions on these fucking you?
My friend told me a story
about a girl talking about fucking Drake, right?
And so he's like, that's the Instagram Instagram thing.
This fucking guy.
Where is the spreadsheet?
I hadn't heard it.
Oh, my God.
The lying copying spreadsheet.
Your friend told you that story?
Ona told me on the phone yesterday.
That was a huge meme.
I didn't know.
All right, sorry.
It's also, too, like, clearly one of the fakest stories I've ever heard.
Oh, that's insane.
He put hot sauce in a condom.
Again,
another story concocted by the Down syndrome community.
The lying Jewish Down syndrome community.
That's so awesome that you said your friend told me.
How did you know that story?
I don't know.
This crazy story about these two towers.
My friend told me the story of this guy from Apprentice became the president.
That's so sick, Adam.
Your friend told you that.
Well,
speaking of Sidney Sweeney's, speaking of Sidney Sweeney.
Oh, changing the side.
Interesting.
Speaking of Sidney Sweeney's Sidney Sweetener.
We weren't.
We were speaking about stories your friend told us.
The mango, man.
She's got the best pair, right?
Sure.
But maybe
top two pair.
The other one is the true detective.
Alexander Didario, of course.
But HBO pulled a wild one, and they made the show The White Lotus, and they put
the four best titties on it.
You don't see them at all?
The four bags of the apocalypse.
Yeah, listen.
It's just a lot of power on one screen.
I haven't seen White Lotus.
Do you see any other tits?
Probably not.
No.
Wow, ridiculous.
But it is a very good show.
It's another one of these things.
They're in high school, and they fuck each other.
No, no, it's about a resort.
They already did that.
It's called Degrassi the Next Generation.
It's much better.
You are Degrassi.
Four is Degrassi.
Like A24 is Degrassi.
I hate that.
Yeah.
I want a shot on a camcorder and it's ACT.
They cast actual eight-year-olds that are like, I got raped at the chess club.
They're like, well, there's nothing we can do about that, Teddy.
I'm sorry.
You're just going to have to bury it somewhere deep inside yourself.
I got raped outside of school.
I got raped in my ooze.
I got raped in my ooze by the soccer coach.
The soccer coach.
Have you ever watched The Grass of the Next Generation, man?
No.
It's a fucking
amazing.
I remember, I know Aubrey Drake Graham was in it.
Everyone knows that.
That's a meme.
We all know.
Oh, he didn't claim his friend told him.
He just says he knows it.
So your friend told you about Drake Grace.
If you had just said I saw it on the internet.
I didn't see it on the internet.
I missed it.
Shut up, dude.
You're fucking lying.
I shan't.
I shan't.
You're lying right now.
I'm literally not lying.
Jonah.
Where did you think Jonah got this information?
You thought Jonah knew the girl Drake fucked?
I don't know.
He heard it from someone else.
The internet.
He doesn't know Drake.
I know.
I'm not implying that Jonah is best friends with Drake.
Well, then he almost certainly found out about Jonah.
Let's call Jonah right now.
Let's call him right now.
We don't have to call.
Jonah's not on trial here.
You are.
He can attest to the fact that we were on the phone, and I was like, oh, I did not know that.
Still.
I guess that does really nothing for you.
Really does absolutely nothing for your stance.
But he would love to be on the show.
Okay, well, maybe.
No, we're not calling him.
He'll never be on the show.
Anyway, sorry to be rude, Matt.
We never got to what you beat off to on network television.
So my mom was super religious.
Oh, wow, really?
Pepping off of your mom.
No.
So the Virgin Mary, there's the only picture of a woman you had in your mom.
Gun outfits, kitties out,
cross.
Accentuating your cleavage.
Rosary beats between the
painting a very vivid picture.
God damn it.
Oh, my God.
I got to go to the bathroom.
To shit again.
No, to masturbate.
No, and we were also like poor.
So my mom used to make up that she didn't want us to watch.
We didn't have to do it.
It would cost money.
Because it'll cost money.
But she would say it was for for God, right?
Oh, for God.
So, I actually have, like, a whole
black hole of no information on, like, pop culture.
Interesting.
Like, from like the mid-90s.
Yeah.
And, like, my whole life, people would be like, you remember that?
And I'm just like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right.
You were lying.
You were the kid that lied about watching South Park.
Yeah, no, I did that too.
And then you show up, you're like, did anyone watch a new episode of Viper?
People are like, what are you talking about?
So beating off pickings were slim, it sounds like,
in the Pavage household.
Very, very slim.
Did you find a porn in the woods or something?
No.
You grew up here, though, too, right?
Yeah.
I found porn in my dad used to rent the upstairs houses, like apartments in his house, and there was some porn in the bathroom there.
Nice.
That's cool.
Yeah, that's cool.
And I definitely beat off to that.
Was it like from the tenant, or was it like your dad put it out as a good landlord?
Like when you go to, it was like,
like, look, we got.
It's like, you got
bathroom porn.
I love that he had it in the bathroom.
Like, I was just shitting and beating off as it was his plan.
Like, look, as a youth, did I have to beat off of the bathroom?
Of course.
Yeah.
I took a lot of Greek magazines, which showed titties pretty liberally, and I would pretend I was reading them.
You love the bathroom.
And I was jacking off while shitting in there.
Because growing up in England, you just got titties in the newspaper every day.
Yeah, pretty silly.
Pretty cool.
Did you guys jerk off before you had comm?
Yeah, of course.
100%, yes.
Yeah.
And it was a much more powerful orgasm.
Yeah.
From my recollection.
And then that first time you calmed, you're just like, what the fuck?
I think it's broken.
I was so stoked.
I was pissed.
Because I knew that
all my friends could do that.
And now I was one of the guys.
Yeah, because this Adam didn't have come until he was 24.
I was a little bit of a late bloomer.
Adam had hairless nuts in grad school.
He was in law school.
No puges.
He comes out like a puff from a glade plug
that's not true
no that you know that i'm a heavy heavy shooter no it's no you're definitely not a heavy shooter don't even pretend you're
gonna call do you want to call yeah i do my paris we're gonna call
we're gonna call his lifeline
just waste your lifeline
told him i come a lot tell regis i bust fast and a much
this guy's fucking gay
hey this guy's a fag hey Dad.
Hey, Dad.
Million dollar question.
Hey, Dad.
It's your son.
I'm with Regis Philip.
It's your son who
comes buckets.
Does Regis look cute?
Can you give him my phone now?
I walked into that one.
Ask him if he wants to do a show called Who Wants to Be My Boyfriend.
And the answer is.
I really walked in on that one.
He's a good man.
He's made a lot of sacrifices for his family.
Tell Regis said hello.
I'm wearing his tie right now.
I'm wearing a very shiny tie.
I know those ties were brutal.
I love them shits, dude.
I was just like walking around fat as shit, 11 years old at church.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, with the shiny ass tie.
Big knot.
Big knot.
Yeah.
Full Windsor.
Yeah.
That was awesome, dude.
I love the shiny tie era.
I had a Jerry Garcia tie.
And a Donald Trump collection tie.
I had the Donald Trump collection as well.
Yeah.
Damn, dude, what kind of religion?
We're talking Catholic.
I grew up Greek Orthodox, but Greek people don't really give a fuck about church.
Yeah, my mom switched it up.
She switched it up?
Yeah.
Wow.
She joined a cult?
Kind of.
Yeah.
Nice.
That's right.
That's pretty cool.
So we're talking, that sounds like a nice mix of religion and mental illness.
I don't want to say that about my mom.
Sure, sure, sure.
She's a lovely lady.
But,
you know, yeah,
she's susceptible to
so you were going to different churches?
All different types of churches.
We went to like fun, evangelical, like gospel, guitar, guitar, drums.
Yeah, nice.
Oh, badass.
Harry Potter is the devil.
We have to throw out all of our Harry Potter first edition
that we got from fucking Great Britain from my aunt.
That would be worth lots of money.
We have to burn them in a fire.
That fucking sucks.
Oh, that's good because she hates trans people.
That's true.
It's flipped around now.
So it was good.
The church was right.
It is satanic.
It is actually satanic.
Yeah.
And then we'd go to like
Catholic church, which we loved because we called it like fast food church because it's only like 15 minutes long.
Oh, really?
Compared to like these evangelical churches that were like three and a half hours long.
Damn.
Yeah, then you have to go to saturation.
There's too much church.
So much church.
And then there's a potluck, and you have a youth group before that, and after that.
What's a potluck?
You know, I still don't know what a potluck is.
Everyone brings food.
Yeah.
But then do you gamble for it?
You're right.
The luck aspect is misleading.
I've always imagined like a casserole cake walk.
Yeah, no.
Like bingo with beans and cheese.
Everybody's a winner, baby, at the potluck.
Everyone's a winner at the podlock.
Especially the fat cook.
Oh, yeah.
So people would be like, what did Martha make this week?
Hell yeah.
Damn, just wearing that nun outfit, titties out, slaving over a hot stove.
God damn, I'm fine.
Goddamn.
damn it.
Brought to you by every podcast I do on this.
Don't tell her about this one.
She's just in the kitchen with her tinnies out, like, what?
What are they saying about me?
Just on the bottom is just chilly.
Just chilly drying on the bottom of her desk.
Texting you.
God damn it.
Why did you tell them about the true story?
The true outfit I used to wear all the time.
My true clothes that I love wearing.
That you would masturbate through
without coming.
Without coming.
By the way.
And that story, folks, is brought to you by DietSmoke.com.
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Now, the first question you're going to ask is: what the fuck?
What the ever-loving fuck.
What in God's ass is Delta 8
THC gummies?
And that's a good question.
And the truth is, nobody even really knows.
We don't know.
It's basically.
They say it's not weed, but let's be honest here.
It's pretty much weed.
It's the weed that the Delta Force uses.
Yeah, exactly.
It's the shit the government has.
The operators have.
For years, Delta Force had these.
Regular weed has Delta 9 THC.
This is Delta 8 THC, so it's just one less THC.
Which is almost basically the same amount.
Right, exactly.
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And yes, apparently it's from hemp, not weed.
I really don't.
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Delta ATB.
That's how you know something is really motherfucking legal when you have to say the exact little fucking
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Wow.
They're mad at heart.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Yeah.
So
that's especially true with drug addiction.
I don't know about you, but I love waiting longer for some bullshit that I bought off the podcast.
What is Delta ATHC?
We already answered that.
What is hemp and no one cares?
No one gives a fuck what's going on.
Is Delta ATHC legal?
Who gives a fuck?
Yeah.
Do you really fucking care if it's legal, the person listening?
This is how this section goes.
You don't fucking care.
You just know you can get edibles off the fucking internet.
So do it.
Is Delta ATHC legal?
Short answer, yes.
And then there's another paragraph after that.
We won't bore you.
We won't bore you with the bullshit details.
The point is, here's some fucking edibles you can buy off the fucking internet that they claim get you a little less high than regular weed.
But as a guy who takes them all the time, it's basically the same shit.
And they taste good.
They come in blue, raspberry, or watermelon.
That's right.
You can tell they're targeting a very specific.
No, you can't tell that necessarily.
Okay.
What do you mean?
How many gummies should I take?
If this is your first time using THC, start with half a gummy.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Eat the entire package.
Unless you're a bitch.
If you're a bitch, do what they say and take half a gummy.
gummy yeah but if you've got big fat nuts or a nice wet pussy you eat that whole fucking thing this isn't your first rodeo you should be fine starting with a whole gummy can take up to an hour to experience the full effects of diet so smoke so start slow
start slow end slow that's right you know
and so what's that promo code nick i said it already it's come town it's come town well said it we said twice are you uh are you a weed guy at all man are you totally sobs what are we doing yeah i'm off the sauce off the sauce completely sober i still smoke cigarettes which is probably the worst one yeah but it's cool you should switch to vaping this has ruined my life i i went to vaping and i was vaping so much that my girlfriend said go back to cigarettes
that's what happened to me
to say it's like yeah it's feels like smoking a whole card and a cigarette it was the first thing i did in the morning and the last thing i did before i went yeah yeah no i bring it in the bed now yeah i wake up
and rip it yeah i used to win you used to not be able to do that because you'd burn down an entire city block exactly but you can do that with vapor.
We all saw this.
And you can do it with Diet Smoke.
You can do it with Delta 8.
Here's a great question.
Will Delta H show up on a drug test?
And the answer is absolutely.
Yeah, 100%.
It definitely is, motherfuckers.
So that's what we're saying.
You're basically buying wheat through a loophole.
These are very Lionel Hunts.
There's no way for drug tests to tell the difference.
It says that.
So, yeah, it's the fault of the drug test.
Yeah.
Anyway, look, fuck Diet Smoke.
Regularly drug tested, we recommend against Delta 8.
How old do you have to be to purchase Diet Smoke?
There is currently no federal age restriction on Delta 8,
but Diet Smoke is only available to those that are 21 years old.
And they're really going to check really hard.
Win.
They're really going to win.
Let's just see how hard it is.
I want the blue raspberry,
the $34,
prescription 100% legal, and we're going to go three jars.
Three jars.
They've got a subscribe and save options.
You get 10% off.
We're going to do one time.
Let's just say we're doing a one-time purchase.
Added the cart.
We'll go to the cart and view cart.
Subtotal $81.
We're going to apply coupon code.
Come town.
Let's see what it does.
Let's see what that gets you.
Apply.
Wow.
And that brings it down to $69.
Oh, nice.
Love that.
There we go.
And it thinks we're shipping to Florida, so we're going to say fucking
New York.
New York.
Yes.
I can go down to Florida and pick it up.
Take a trip.
Yeah, dude.
You know I love Miami.
I do love Miami.
Best city.
Okay, proceed to check out.
Proceed to check out.
And
they're billing a dress.
Looks like they're not even asking at any point.
It doesn't even ask.
That doesn't even come up.
It doesn't even.
Not even a checkbox.
For sure, it'd be a checkbox.
But don't do that.
Even though technically there is no federal restriction.
The wink-ass motherfucking wink.
Wink wink.
They're stand-up guys.
They want 21-year-old, mature people.
They've got a lot of great stuff in there.
You can even follow them on Instagram.
You can see pictures of this guy.
That's the content I want.
What's his name?
This guy that clearly definitely is a type of customer.
Yeah, Diet Motherfucking Smoke.
But anyway, whatever.
Promo code come town.
More importantly, come see me in Las Vegas this weekend.
Sacramento next weekend,
Houston, Austin, Dallas, San Francisco, Vancouver through March, St.
Louis, Chicago, Burlington, Vermont, Charlotte, Nashville, Atlanta.
Your boy is all over the place through April.
The Prince of Pleasure tour, the pleasure continues, folks.
Brought to you by Stavi.biz.
Brought to you by DietSmoke.com.
I'm sponsored by DietSmoke.com.
And so, what exactly is Delta 8?
Delta 8 is simply
a slightly less potent TFC.
The THC that you're probably most familiar with is Delta 9.
It's my career.
And while both
natural to the cannabis plant,
Diet Smoke extracts a Delta 8 from hemp.
You're impacting.
Some might call this a loophole.
I call it the secret recipe to get him a smooth steakhole.
Adam, did you have something you wanted to say?
My girlfriend's pregnant.
I need this.
I didn't mean to say that on the show.
Folks, you can see me, Adam Friedland, on the Prince of Pleasure tour.
That's my tour.
Keep doing this, BitNick.
Okay.
You fucking want to say you're doing my fucking thing.
You can come see me on this.
Fuck you.
You can come see me on the Adam Xerox tour.
On the King of Pleasure tours.
You wish, bitch.
You don't even know what pleasure is.
Me?
You've never felt pleasure.
I am a man strictly devoted to pleasure.
No, you wish.
That's why you fucking eat like four little fucking whole grain couscouses.
And I smile.
You eat a neutrograin bar with a fork and knife.
Okay, all right.
You put three quarters of it.
If you are in the refrigerator.
You don't know gluttony.
You don't like getting random pussy.
That's not, your life is not about pleasure.
Don't even, you've never ballooned up to close to 325 pounds.
You know what, Stuff?
A random pussy is not as pleasurable as pussy from a girl you love.
Okay.
So enjoy that.
Enjoy that and enjoy your fucking, enjoy your fucking.
Folks, you can see me on the bigger and the
bigger and blackerer tour.
If you're in Chicago, the letter.
Getting a smoothie.
Wow, Chicago?
Chicago?
I'm going to Chicago.
Somebody's copying.
Well, you're going after me.
So
that's.
I've already been there two times.
Well, I've been there.
March 11th and 12th.
Don't go February 11th.
February 11th and 12th is the best.
Come on,
legal high.
I'm going to stop.
I smoke.
I'm going to stop.
It's legal
in most states.
Please, just stop.
And it's non-prescription.
Please.
Just check.
You can.
Diet Smoke's website to see if they ship their delicious gummies to your state.
Now you're probably asking for some.
Andy, can I be.
I tried to get you to do your plugs, please.
But you had to mock the Prince of Pleasure tour.
Okay.
And now this is what you're not the name of the tour.
This is what you get.
I just thought it was a cool name.
The dog has been let out of the chain.
This is what you get.
I let the chain loose, brother.
The dog going to bark.
Please, please.
Okay, please, because for my career,
quick.
You have 30 seconds, and then we're going to talk about match breaks.
You can see me on the original Queens of Comedy tour with Monique.
Stop it!
Just get the plug.
Go, just do it.
You've got to get rusty on my plug.
No, I'm not.
We're trying to consolidate plug time.
You're not consolidating anything.
It's a better experience for the listener.
I guarantee you.
I'll isolate the tracks.
I'll isolate the tracks, but one-on-one channel one.
And now you have to snitch.
Now you have to try and get my plugs fucked up.
If you listen to this at home, I respected your plug.
I respected your plug.
If you're listening at home and you want to hear Adam's plugs, switch your headphones to your right ear only.
Go.
And if you'd like to hear about what diet, does diet smoke really get you high?
Then we'll do the left channel.
Please.
Please.
Hurry up.
Go.
You can see me.
I'm starting now.
You can see me.
Of course.
If you are.
How high you get.
Just power through, dude.
With diet.
Give me your fucking plugs.
I'll do your plugs.
I'll show you how professional.
I'll show you how professional.
I want to do my plugs.
It makes me feel nice.
All right, do them.
Okay.
If you are in Chicago.
Somewhere between
the CBD.
Just do it.
Remember
when he used to tell people my my tickets were free?
And he would sing the Fraser theme song?
He did that.
Yes, you have to just power through.
After your plug.
You have to power through.
He's fucked up plenty of things.
All the shows, Colman.
Tickets are free.
You remind everybody about that.
If you are in Chicago, Illinois, the 11th or 12th of February, I'm at the Lincoln Lodge.
And the tickets are free.
The 17th of
the 17th
of February.
I will be at Caroline.
Good night, everybody.
Come on.
Let's do the fucking talk.
Let's do the fucking talk.
You got to find the pockets.
You got to find the pockets to do the plugs.
You got to find the pockets.
This is not on me.
Moon over Palmer.
Listen, I've earned the respect to do my plugs after years of getting them interrupted.
You're new to the game, all right?
You're the fucking you guy at the plugs game.
Okay.
So get them in it.
Get them in the pockets.
Just let me in the game.
Hurry up.
Talk now.
If you are in Chicago, Illinois, on the 11th and and 12th, you can see the game.
And you're looking for
HC Delta 8 gummies.
If you are in Chicago, Illinois, and you are, I will be at the Lincoln Live.
Too wordy.
Hurry up.
Chicago, February 11th and 12th.
Fucking Carolines, the next weekend.
Carolines, February 17th.
And then the next day, I am at Hideout Comedy in Boston, the 18th and 19th.
Lovely.
And
March 11th to 14th, Carolines, Boston Comedy Club.
March, January 2nd.
It's fine.
You're done.
Funny moms will be returning the 21st and 28th of February as well if you're in New York.
I will not be here.
Stav will be zooming in from
the West Coast.
Okay, but.
Nick and Adam will be there.
Nick and Adam.
Let's be honest, probably just Adam.
No, don't say that either.
You're killing my sales.
It will be me and Monique at Funny Moms on the 21st and 28th.
The comedy legend Mo apostrophe.
I saw a dude stand up once.
I said more like Grownique.
Yeah,
because she grew from being fat.
No.
Grown.
Grown.
Oh, sorry.
Like, oh,
that's your name now.
Grownique Xerox.
Grown Eek Xerox Machine.
The cheese faggot.
The cheese faggot.
Chicago the 11th.
Grownik Xerox, the cheese faggots.
Ladies and gentlemen, the faggot who eats cheese.
And
starting out.
When CBD isn't enough.
And traditional THC is too much.
How much coffee did they give you?
It's incredible.
Dude, we really love Delta
Smokes.
They're really cool.
Make sure that he does not get to the movie.
Anyway.
Go see Adam.
Go see Adam in Chicago, February 11th to 12th.
Next weekend, he's in Carolines, then Boston.
You want to buy tickets?
And then after that, end of February, Funny Moms is back, folks.
That's how it's done, Adam.
That was good stuff.
Okay.
You're a professional, and I admire you as a colleague.
I still look up to you.
Thank you.
And you should.
Particularly at my nuts.
I'm nude, and
you're someone who inspires me every day.
Yeah, thank you.
Beautiful.
Thank you.
That's correct.
Anyway, Matt, you got a fucking, let's talk about what you got going on.
You just released a fucking album.
I did.
It's my first one.
The Rocks Brothers.
It feels good.
It's called Wednesdays at Bellevue.
Hell yeah.
It was very fun to do.
Were you in Bellevue?
Yeah, a couple times.
For the brain or
for mental health.
No, I'm mentally ill.
Nice.
Yes.
Yeah, I'm bipolar one.
Awesome.
I got that real.
Did they have better retro, the electro one too?
They didn't do electro to me, but there was a couple people in there that were doing electro, and I was curious.
And I was like, what about that ketamine therapy?
Don't you guys do ketamine?
Apparently, electro works better than ketamine.
Yeah.
Yeah, but it's not as fun.
Yeah, but the electro one's fun, dude.
They turn you into Frankenstein.
That would be pretty cool.
Your hair is just
up all the time.
You look like Sylvester the Cat
being tricked into putting his finger in the
light bulb in your mouth like Uncle Fester.
The people that used to come back from electrotherapy were in wheelchairs and did not look like it was very funny.
Oh, shit.
That sucks.
I mean, I'm not saying it doesn't work.
Did they shit themselves?
I have no idea.
I didn't ask too many questions.
I think it does work.
That's why they still do it.
Yeah.
So you literally just zap a motherfucker's brain and hope some shit happens?
Yeah, I don't know the science behind it,
but they looked like they had been through a war.
Damn.
That's wild.
Yeah, nice.
And would they put you on with a conversation?
A lot of them have actually been through a war.
That's true.
When in fact, a lot of them are veterans.
Damn.
So, did you get ketamine?
I didn't get the ketamine drip.
Imagine you go to Iraq, right?
You avoid all the PTSD.
You're there for four years, and then you get home and your wife's gained 250 pounds.
You just have a psychotic break.
You're like, what happened to all that good pussy?
Ah!
I was fucking boys in Afghanistan for four years.
When I come home to this,
oh my God.
Everyone said, just stick to goats.
I should have listened.
This is God's comeuppance for me for becoming an Afghan pedophile.
Can I just close my eyes and pretend I'm in a moon bounce molesting children?
This isn't.
Listen, when in Kabul,
damn, dude, What kind of shit they have you on?
They just gave me a bunch of meds, tried to calm me down.
I've only been in there for manic episodes.
Okay.
So
I'm buzzing.
It's pretty high.
Yeah.
Nice.
So they're just trying to get me back down.
You ever
paint a whole house while that shit happens or anything wild like that?
I've done some dumb shit.
I've never painted a whole house.
I made a whole rap album and almost.
Hell yeah.
Can we play that on the show?
But that's the kind of shit you don't want to medicate away.
The rap album stays.
No.
Cutting your e-book.
No,
it was just the N-word over and over again.
Yeah,
a rap album.
I know what it is.
That's literally Kanye's process: he's bipolar.
He goes off the meds, he makes an album in a week and a half, and then he goes back on the meds.
Yeah, I know.
I've literally screamed, I have superpowers.
You've heard the Rogan interview with
the whole thing.
Because they say language is words, but what if it was ideas?
Joe Rogan's like, what do you mean by that?
He's like, I don't know.
I don't know, Joe.
I don't have to.
That's the thing, is there's an expectation to answer questions, but what if there's just what if questions are answers?
You're like on Jeopardy.
That interview set back mental health advocacy 20 years ago.
No, it didn't.
No, it didn't, though.
It's the opposite.
Visibility.
Not only is it visibility, but he's like...
But he's saying he's not mentally ill.
I mean, he is.
Joe Rogan's like, yeah, I would have just told you to do some kettlebell swings.
Yeah.
And Kanye's like, Yeah, you're right.
I should have just exercised.
It was insane.
What are you talking about?
It's so bad.
I think that's good.
Yeah, I think that's good.
Well, you're talking to an unmedicated mentally ill person.
That's this podcast.
This podcast is sort of like that rap album, but over five years
in a lot of ways.
What was your best
top bar?
What was your best bar?
You say that I'm whack at rap.
I'm the antithesis.
I'm a son you for life.
Oh, very lyrical.
Photosynthesis.
There we go.
Yeah, that's bipolar disorder
none of that makes sense
i'm a sun you for life photosynthesis
i like that
sun you for life show like the sun s-o-n-s-un- yeah it's a
it's a lyrical word i was genius yeah so you would say your main influences were cool modey nas
yeah i'm from queens so
real quick though we want to talk about
already yeah the whole show is ads we're kind of like four more minutes right no we don't no for 20 minutes 40 minutes.
All right, fuck it.
Let's do it.
Adam, do you have any plugs?
I will be killing myself.
Well, I don't want to interrupt that.
Let's just all stay very still
and see if he does it.
If you are at the George Washington Bridge.
Yeah.
Dude, don't fuck up traffic.
Yeah.
That's a funny bridge.
That's a funny bridge to kill yourself.
Fuck up traffic.
I'll be in the river.
Nah, that would fuck up traffic.
You got to kill yourself on the Pulaski bridge.
Oh, yeah.
On the one in Greenpoint?
That's barely a bridge?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The one that you just walk over?
You wouldn't even die.
Yeah, you wouldn't even die if you jumped off that.
We got a new sponsor
for the show.
First time ever.
Bird dogs.
And we're fucking pumped.
I am personally pumped because I've had bird dogs wrapped around my little nutsack for years.
Now, we picked them up as a sponsor.
And at first, they said, well, we don't want you doing the reads until we send you the stuff.
And it's like you think we'd take any of the fucking shit you think we'd give a fuck the other reads are for like like probably lithium yeah
offshore gambling yeah offshore gambling fucking we lie almost all the time cryptocurrency that's lets you like hide your child pornography in your wallet
give us money we'll say it's good we'll say it's good but then this is the rare time like yeah we don't want to do it if you guys think the product is whack we love the pro i love the product but i told them stav already wears the the client.
Now, I was skeptical because I thought it was just shorts, and it's fucking winter.
Right.
And I've already paired down my short shorts.
I throw out all my shorts every winter because I'm like, there's no way I make it in another six months.
It's not going to happen.
And God forbid I do.
What are you going to do?
Hang yourself in shorts?
Right.
Like, no, I did it because it's adult swim.
Shorts are a living man's
attire.
Yeah, but
they sent this stuff and they got these pants and I feel like I'm on Star Trek.
Yeah, they look awesome.
I've never dabbled with the pants.
I've always been a shortsman.
The pants fucking rule.
Those are joggers, right, if I'm correct?
I don't know what they are.
I think they're just like mixed-race Zoomer pants.
I think that's
what they say.
That's what they're called on the website.
Mixed race, frizzy,
broccoli hair
Zoomer pants.
But
I feel like Luke Skywalker is a little bit more.
You do feel like you're in the future when you wear those.
I'm like,
are you in your fucking, are are you in Ben harassing sand people today?
All right, be home for dinner.
That's the look.
I love the shorts personally.
I've gotten,
I have lost and gained 60 pounds three times over in these shorts, folks.
And they've adapted to my body at every stage.
I have gamed all day.
I've done squats.
I've gone on runs.
I've gone on very
short walks that put me just as out of breath at a different point in my life.
They're very versatile.
You don't need underwear to wear them.
I like that.
You know what I'm saying?
Keep my underwear.
I don't have to be doing fucking laundry all the time.
Yeah, you go to the website and it's a bunch of guys wearing the shorts doing Brazilian jiu-jitsu with each other.
But it doesn't look like they know what they're doing.
And this guy's staring at the other guy's ass and wearing a Star Wars shirt.
It feels like he's horny for his ass.
So I think
it's shorts for gay nerds.
Is that from the copy that they said?
Fat podcasters or gay nerds?
Those are the two demographics.
Which sounds disparaging, but when you consider who listens to this show.
That is 100% of the demographics.
Yeah, we didn't have to say the podcast was successful.
Yeah, bird dogs.
That sounds like cool guys that take over the mountain and
steal the snowboarders' girlfriends with their expensive skis.
No.
Not at all.
These are gay gay nerd pants
for people who are lying to themselves about their waist size.
And it's not that you don't need to wear underwear with them.
It's that we already know you don't wear underwear
because you either have just given up and have accepted that there's going to be shit stains on your pants.
Right.
That you're going to shit through the underwear.
Right.
Think of these as a way.
to real pain.
They've already accomplished.
These are the methadone.
You can get off the crack of your shitted in sweatpants.
They're big kids' pull-ups.
If you're 33 years old and still being potty trained for the second time in life,
and you're telling everyone you were in a car actually.
Well, there is no shame in that, though.
There is no shame whatsoever.
Let me stigmatize it.
Let me find these pants.
I guess these are the pants I'm wearing.
Again, it's two men on a mini-bike, and one of them's holding the other one.
And these are going to nerd up.
Yeah, that's cute.
They are joggers.
You were right.
They're very nice.
I was going to compliment them.
Would you like a pair?
We have a stack of them.
These are called the Wayne Rogretskies.
Oh, I like that.
That's fine.
Do you think they get away with that?
Gabe Bruce,
Tiger Woods, but it's a W-O-U-L-D-S.
So those are pants that you can fuck a Waffle House waitress in.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And they come with or without the liner.
Ah.
Wow.
How about the ones you're wearing now?
Liner?
I think they have a liner.
I don't know.
I didn't check.
Well, check.
Can you see your penis if you pull them out?
I just.
There's a liner.
I guess that's a nice navy blue liner in here.
Khaki pants.
You know what what I need?
Pants with built-in underwear.
Said nobody ever.
They say that?
That's what it says on here.
Isn't that kind of their business model?
Well, I guess they also offer pants.
Wouldn't it be cheeky?
I see, I see.
Yeah, yeah.
Cheeky.
Jeff Pisos, Ernie Muss, the Bruce Waynes.
Well, that's sucks.
These stopped being puns.
Now it's just a guy that doesn't know how to spell.
The Michael Gordons.
pants.
But they are, I'm telling you.
They look awesome.
I mean, I've never fucked with the pants.
I'm ready to fuck with them now.
Bird dogs, if you're listening, why don't you send this over a couple of direct cells?
These guys look like they're wearing the pants to work.
A child's 16 as well.
Yeah.
Yeah, if you make pants for little girls.
They do this.
They show you the duck.
Oh, these are guys wearing them to work.
But I think these more if you're unemployed, these seem like a much better
sort of fit.
Because I'm feeling never work again vibes.
Yeah, they look comfy.
We should give these to homeless people.
Absolutely.
In fact, I think I'm going to have a little email, a little Microsoft Zoom session with the head of advertising there and say, you know what,
we need to swap out all the Avoraks for bird dogs on New York City's homeless population.
Think about it.
What do people want to look like?
Bums.
The homeless.
They want to look like homeless people.
Like a cool, relaxed bum.
Yeah.
Like one that's...
That definitely is it.
I feel like that is what fucking fashion is now.
It's like everyone's wearing a bunch of fucking layers.
I'm sick of that.
I'm tired of it.
I'm going to wear it.
Fashion is khakis.
It's khaki shorts from our friends Bird Dogs, and it's a fucking Hawaiian shirt.
And the promo code is cum, by the way.
Is it?
Yeah.
That's awesome.
They just went with cum.
Good on that.
You can check out their Instagram or you can just go to their stories.
It's a lot easier than.
What do you get with the promo code?
I don't know.
They just told me the promo code.
Probably a little sum.
let's just we'll probably get a discount we'll see here we'll just go we'll add the pants that I'm wearing and it's twice as expensive and with liner
and then check out this is the way this is the way to do it this is the way to check what you get let's see you get
CUM let's see it so it goes from 109 I don't think they added the promo code okay it's not added yet
so you can't it does not appear let's say 20 let's say 20 who gives a fuck by the time this air
is literally in two days.
Yeah, we got time.
Someone send an email quick.
Yeah.
Get these motherfuckers.
We call the ad buyer right now on the show.
On the show, put them on the show.
What's up, you fucking piece of shit?
Where the fuck is our promo code, motherfucker?
Yo, these are fun, huh?
These are for Stavi, for sure.
I have those.
I have those that exact pair in a 2XL.
Yo, we're calling you from the White Excellence podcast.
Your promo code is not working.
Absolutely not.
And we are about to get pissed off.
All right.
From Bird Dogs.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Here's the email they got.
So it looks like it is coming.
It is
the promo code.
So, you know, folks, you probably get a nice amount off or something free or free shipping or some bullshit.
Just fucking buy the pencil.
Hey, this is the problem.
I'm telling you, try one.
If you you don't like it, Adam will refund you personally.
He will.
He will Venmo you.
Folks, these are probably.
What's that Venmo, Adam?
Why don't you let everybody know?
My Venmo?
Your personal Venmo.
It is at Stop E.
No, it is.
Or send an invoice to his home address, which is.
Should I do it?
No.
Shallow Shalatai.
I live.
I live in.
Say something funny.
It's better be funny.
It better be a joke.
I live in a joke.
And it better be funny.
I live in a home for battered women.
Okay.
Not that good.
Not that good, Adam.
Look,
I live in.
Let's just go to the bathroom.
Don't try to get
in a man's ass.
Just go to Bird Dogs and buy the pants.
I live in a man's ass.
There we go.
How did you get access to that?
Craig's List.
Craig's List, yeah.
That's awesome.
Orthodox Jewish guy showed it to me.
Pretty cheap.
Doesn't have a bathroom, or I guess the whole thing is a bathroom.
The whole thing's a bathroom.
You just shit on the floor, and then the guy shits it out.
Pretty cool.
I was once at a party with an Orthodox Jewish man who was living a double life.
Whoa.
Yeah, yeah.
It was fucking cool.
That's sick.
So he was just at the party hanging out.
Yeah, he's like, oh, I met these girls at this Russian bathhouse, and they invited me to do it.
I see a ton of them at the baths.
Yeah.
And that's where they get pussy?
Yeah, like staring at girls' tits.
It didn't seem like
you're not allowed to go.
I mean, you aren't allowed to go, and girls are in bikinis and stuff.
Oh, they're in bikinis.
I see.
Yeah, and he was like, Yeah, I have nine children, and I didn't even meet my wife until the day of our marriage, and I'm very unhappy, so now I smoke weed and do as many drugs as I can.
Get pussy on the sneak?
Yeah, that's awesome.
What's his job?
I guess you don't know.
I think he was a jeweler.
Oh, hell yeah.
What's so funny about that, Nick?
What the fuck do you mean by the way about that?
He was a jeweler slash landlord.
That's a job.
He pays his taxes.
Does he?
Yeah, that's the job.
Does he?
Do you know that?
I'll look into it and let you know.
That's so awesome.
I'll look into it with my comments.
What was the party?
What was the part?
Where were you?
It was like a small house party.
Interesting.
Was he in the whole get-up or no?
Yeah.
He was in the whole get-up.
Were the girls that he met hot girls?
They were pretty attractive, yeah.
Hell yeah.
My man's got the sauce.
Was he like a good-looking guy?
Yeah, I mean, he wasn't like hideous.
Yeah, and I feel like if you're not hideous, you're good-looking as a guy.
Totally, that is true.
Or sometimes, if you're hideous, and yeah, then it goes the other way.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know,
interesting.
Good for him.
Wow, in the full, he didn't even do a costume change.
I would have assumed that.
You gotta go back.
You gotta go back to the wife, you know?
He had the curlies and shit.
Everything, man.
That's sick, dude.
They took the curls.
Imagine getting your shit, getting your getting
your your dick sucked and the girl just reaches up and pulls on your curlies that's gotta feel awesome yeah
that sounds incredible or you're getting your ass eaten and she's tugging the curlies from the back
a lot of those guys um in their double lives are into uh ladies that have penises interesting yeah because once you break the taboo who gives a fuck that's that's the thing when you make just any pussy bad well I'm not saying girls with penises are bad but you once you break the law yes you you are.
But once you break the fucking, once you break the fucking, like,
if you make it so strict, then it's like, yeah, these motherfuckers will do any wild shit.
They don't give a fuck.
Because even looking at a woman's
thighs, you might as well be getting fucked in the ass by a guy.
It's the Rum Springer logic.
It's the Rum Springer logic.
Yeah.
That's sick.
I'm glad those guys are getting...
I mean, but...
Fucking one of those guys must be brutal.
I feel like they have some of the worst smelling asses, probably.
Hygiene's not a big thing.
Okay.
right?
I don't know, Stop.
I'm serious.
Don't you fucking.
What are you?
Now you're a Hosseid, now you're fucking.
I don't know.
I haven't smelled their asses.
You know what I'm saying?
I know that they're human beings and that.
Well,
it's not fair to judge an entire group.
Yes, it is.
Next, Top.
You know what I'm saying?
I feel like they smell.
You've never hit a train with a ripe Hosseid?
I ran a train with a couple of them.
And we all know where that train went.
A different kind of shower.
It is funny to imagine that the reason they smell bad is because they're like, I don't know about the shower.
Yeah, that's really.
I don't know.
Yeah, sure.
Fool me once.
Sure, sure.
Well, they didn't really fool them.
Fool me once.
But yeah.
Fool me twice.
So you would think, you think there stands on the bottom?
Maybe you just fool me one and a half times.
Maybe you'll fool me once.
I fool you once.
That seems better.
Makes more sense.
As a dog, it's a better deal.
Me one and a half times.
Oh, fuck, dude.
God damn.
That's awesome.
I've never met anybody living a double life, I don't think.
Really?
I think you're sitting next to one right now.
Nick?
Yeah.
Yeah, but we all know.
That's true.
I am a secret agent.
That's barely.
Yeah.
I work for the government.
Yeah.
That's what you meant by that.
Testing out flavors of cock.
Yeah.
You're a government cock
flavor tester.
Yes, sir.
Anything for America.
You're at Gitmo testing out the cock.
Mm-hmm.
Because you can, they've, you can, there's a pheromone of a guilty man.
You can sneak a dirty bomb in a cock.
He's like the zero darker dark thirty.
Hurt locker
bomb diffuser of the dick diffuser?
Of dangerous He's got to suck it off and make sure it doesn't go off.
Explosive ordnance disposal.
Nice.
You got to get rid of all that explosive ordnance.
That was a good-ass movie.
Yeah.
Hurtlocker was sick.
I've never been a fan of Jeremy Renner's face.
Just never liked it.
But he was great.
He kind of looks like Greta Thunberg.
A little bit.
He looks like a pug, too.
He's got a...
They both have that kind of pincushion face.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Yeah.
Pincushion.
Like a big, like a little
it's very round.
It's very round, and it looks like you could put needles in it.
It's fucked up that they tried to make him Jason Bourne.
He can't.
He doesn't have the fucking sauce.
No way.
He does not have the Matt Damon swag.
They also made him the Oracle in the Matrix, which was weird.
Jeremy Renner.
Yeah, after the first lady died, they just said Jeremy Renner is the Oracle.
I missed that.
I didn't realize it was that.
You ain't the one, don't you know?
That's it.
Don't you know.
Milwaukee?
No.
Don't you know?
Hear me.
Hear me.
You ain't the one.
Really?
Because I saw that movie and I thought it was just a different black lady.
But you're telling me that was.
He's a great actor.
That was Jeremy Renner in black.
Jeremy Renner.
I don't appreciate his range.
Also, Matt, where can we find your album?
It's on iTunes and Spotify.
Go get that shit.
It's on iPhone.
Which one do you get the most for streaming?
Napster, probably?
Napster, yeah.
Yeah, check it out on Napster.
Or buying it would be the problem.
Buy that shit.
Buy it on iTunes.
Buy it on iTunes.
It's hot.
A very reasonable price.
Yeah.
And what's called Cruising Bellevue, right?
Yeah, sucking dick at Bellevue.
The Matt Savage story.
Wednesdays and Bellevue.
Wednesdays at Bellevue.
What I would do is I'd pin them down and just convince them that the rape was a fever dream from the Electroshock therapist.
Right.
That's smart.
I would come in full clown makeup.
I'd be like, this is fake.
My penis would already be half hard.
Nick, you ever think about popping in over at Bellevue, man?
No.
Isn't it still fucked?
Bellevue is the one, which is the one that's like all like, looks like a haunted house.
I don't know.
It's like a part of Bellevue, I think.
There's an old building on like Third Avenue that was like, maybe it's if you're naughty, they tend you to.
It's decommissioned, but they just left it there and it's like covered in weeds and it's like an old instrument.
That's the if you're insane and goth, they'd send you there.
Yeah, that'd be cool.
Did you uh, did you ever get pussy off of one of them crazy girls you were there?
No, girl interrupted, you were just Adam doing his plugs, yeah.
I didn't, but there was a couple in there that was definitely uh uh fucking
oh, wow, really?
Yeah, just or at least the guy told me he did.
I don't know, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But
can you trust him?
That's what I'm saying.
But she also said it.
Oh, interesting.
Yeah, she was,
she had like postpartum, and she came into the room, and we were doing a rap cipher.
Oh, yeah.
That's it.
That shit is a fact.
I'm sad because I had a baby.
And then she's.
I'm sad because I had a baby.
I need medicine.
I don't get the attention I got.
She got a rapper dick when I was pregnant.
I need to go to the I don't know if the other guy was white.
He was oh, he was.
All right.
All right.
Well, that concludes this week.
You can check out Cruising Bellevue on NASA.
Purchase it wherever.
Thank you for Power Records.
Thanks for having me.
Thanks for coming, Matt.
Always a pleasure.
Yeah, good to see you.
Good to see you.
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