Ep. 292 – one more year

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Speaker 1 Cunt.

Speaker 1 Welcome to the Cunt. The Cunt Show.
Welcome to the Thunder Cunt. That's a good name.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck. We got Hard Dick William.
Mad Dick Willie. Big Dick Bill.
Mad

Speaker 1 Mad. You've heard of Mad Max Fury Road.
How about Mad Penis

Speaker 1 Fury

Speaker 1 Road? Fury Road. That is also the original Mad Max.
Right. Mad Penis.
Mad Penis, yeah. There's Thunder.
Thunder Penis. Thunder Penis.
Or Penis Max. Penis Max.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's awesome. We should just do this.

Speaker 1 It's Christmas or whatever the fuck day it is right now.

Speaker 1 It's Santa Claus Day as it's known in Canada. I'll tell you right the fuck now.
Yeah, I think it's a matter of time.

Speaker 1 I think it's already been Christmas. What's Boxing Day? I think it's the 29th.
Does he put you in boxes? Yeah. What's that a holiday for? Fucking cats? You get a Canadian guy.

Speaker 1 They sit around a bunch of Canadians acting like fucking feline. Humanly feline.
That's right. This ain't ancient Egypt.
And you're like, oh, is that a cardboard box, eh? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Maybe I'll go in there and piss out of my vagina. Let steam come out of my vagina so people know who's boxing.
Exactly. And for Boxing Day, you tape your little penis to the middle of your ball sack.

Speaker 1 So it looks like a box. And you piss down it, down the middle, like it's pussy cheeks.
Yeah. and i don't know if you know that about

Speaker 1 they will are we recording we're recording yeah

Speaker 1 i don't know if you've uh if you've checked in on the show in a couple days

Speaker 1 this is where we're at now

Speaker 1 i don't know what you chapo fellas are up to but come town has evolved

Speaker 1 into an anti-canada check check check check check check check check why can't i hear

Speaker 1 i feel like i sound weird well you sound good yeah You sound hot, dude. I sound hot.
I'm getting fucking corny. Check, check.
Ooh, Adam's coming through with the Pironi. Yeah.
My man's sipping.

Speaker 1 Sipping on.

Speaker 1 Sorry, I'm a little late on this one, but Mad Max Fury Chode. Of course, yeah.
Yes, that's

Speaker 1 a little too smart.

Speaker 1 It works a little too well.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? What do you want to say? It rhymes to.

Speaker 1 I'm scared. The rhyme's scaling me.
Yeah. It's rhymes.
Joey Chode.

Speaker 1 Adam's drinking a Stella R-word. No, Peroni.
Stella R. Oh, Peroni.

Speaker 1 Penis. Pinoni.
Peroni.

Speaker 1 Normally, I don't drink imports, you know. Normally, I'm a Made in America kind of guy.
Yeah. But we'll make an exception.
Sometimes I make an exception.

Speaker 1 You're a macro brew lager. Adam Perr own

Speaker 1 a man's penis from his ass. He perr owns it.
He owns it. Yes, he does.
He peruses the penis aisle. Peruse.

Speaker 1 Peruse peroni. At the grocery store.
Yes, sir. A trader penis.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 I thought he prefers a sort of a hoppy eye penis egg. Yes, he does.
Yeah, India penis. Indian penis ale.

Speaker 1 In a major way.

Speaker 1 I have a new drink for you.

Speaker 1 Hello. That I've made for myself.
Can I send it to you? I've made you a new drink.

Speaker 1 It's a sweet for sweetie girl. It is a penis ale.

Speaker 1 It is my new extra-stout penis ale. That's awesome.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Genus? The penis. Yes.

Speaker 1 That's so true. Yeah.
Penis stelle life. Penis for your health.
And it's a parrot perched on somebody's cock.

Speaker 1 It's a little

Speaker 1 Guinness parrot perched on somebody's cock.

Speaker 1 I would love to have the

Speaker 1 main beer of Guyreland.

Speaker 1 It is. Guy.
Because they are on some gay shit over there. I can't hear you.
In Ireland?

Speaker 1 You can't hear yourself? No, it's just

Speaker 1 kind of fuzzy or something. You sound regular in my headphones.
All right, that's fine. Hey, who cares? It sounds good in in my candidates?

Speaker 1 Is this the last episode of the year? The last year of the year, we're lurching towards the end.

Speaker 1 I always enjoy to be with the cumboys in the cum house.

Speaker 1 Let's come together at the end of the year. Oh, you got to come to home.
Now it's our

Speaker 1 second year of doing this.

Speaker 1 And there's no end in sight, Will.

Speaker 1 We've decided we're going to just start taking vacations. Yeah, this podcast recording is.

Speaker 1 We want 2022 to be the last year.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we're done. We all want to move on to literally nothing.

Speaker 1 We just want to get a head start on quitting and slowly losing relevance yeah

Speaker 1 and uh so we're gonna just do a lot of cabins

Speaker 1 blow all the money on vacations and then just i think it'd be really funny if this show is making like just doing dog shit nothing yeah that would be so awesome

Speaker 1 like just fucking

Speaker 1 knowing people are like yeah you should do

Speaker 1 stop doing it and we've been there's like nine every day you guys should book passage to like liverpool in the uk on like the queen mary and record a whole bunch of episodes just about the week-long crossing of the atlantic wow that's how long it takes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, ew, dude. Who the fuck would go by boat? Well, no, I mean, it's like super luxurious.
That's actually, yeah, oh, yeah. It's like it's a coincidence.
You're treating it like royalty.

Speaker 1 I was talking about pirate ships several weeks ago. You were.
Oh, yeah. And I said in October or something.
We should have dueling, or wait, that was castles. That was it.
Castles.

Speaker 1 But that's like a pirate ship. It's a pirate ship that doesn't go anywhere.
It's a pirate ship that doesn't go anywhere. They're both types of Legos.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 The best kinds of Legos.

Speaker 1 I like the spaceship Legos a lot because, you know, it's like sort of a more

Speaker 1 that shit's translucent.

Speaker 1 The little castle, though? The castle and the pirate ship are fucking awesome. But am I thinking of Legos or is there like a different type of guy?

Speaker 1 Or it was like that castle thing and there's fucking castle. Well, you could be thinking of the Playmobile.
Maybe. There's a Playmobile castle as well.
The castle was so fucking sick.

Speaker 1 Playmobile is gay because you don't make any.

Speaker 1 That's true. They cook castle.

Speaker 1 Let me make sure what I'm thinking is in the Playmobile because I'm about to be pissed off if it is.

Speaker 1 Playmobiles for mentally retarded. Playmobile pirate.

Speaker 1 That's not just me saying that. I think that was part of the.
Playmobile. It was like Scandinavian.
They're like, oh, it's if you're slower.

Speaker 1 It's a slower little boy who needs a...

Speaker 1 He can't do the Legos.

Speaker 1 No, this isn't it. Well, maybe it isn't.
I don't fucking know.

Speaker 1 Oh, hell yeah. No, it's the Playmobile.
Yeah, you're thinking of the game. And that shit is cool.
It's not. I'm not a fucking nerd that needs to do homework to have fun.
What do you mean?

Speaker 1 Homework is building shit. Building shit is homework.
It's a type of homework. That's why you're firing your imagination.

Speaker 1 It's male. That's why you have a female mind.
I don't know. Yeah, it's a guy thing.
I'm a man that enjoys pleasure, and I don't want to fucking have to jump through hoops to get to it.

Speaker 1 Even as a youth, I knew that. Nagging at your boyfriend? No, that's not pleasurable.
If you had said sucking his gorgeous golden brown cock, golden brown. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I've been thinking about this. Lights.
Excuse me. He's Latino.
Christopher Latino. He's after a Latino.

Speaker 1 No, not the girl one. You know I didn't mean the girl one.

Speaker 1 You know I meant the one for guys. So I just searched Playmobile with the images and that's what comes up.
No. First result.
This is fucked up.

Speaker 1 This is the media.

Speaker 1 That's Stav's phone, too. It's all these.

Speaker 1 No, it's not.

Speaker 1 That's Nick's phone. Here's you on your little ladder.
I can't see. Playing with your dolls.
You're not even showing me. In showing your phone.
No, I like the gray-silver fucking boys one, dude.

Speaker 1 And you know what? I don't even give a fuck because this happens to me all the time. I am exonerated by history.
No. No.

Speaker 1 By the audience. Because right now we're in a little closed loop system.

Speaker 1 And it's just you motherfuckers and your opinions versus me. But I got the people behind me.
So

Speaker 1 you go like running to them. You're like,

Speaker 1 I can't believe what they're doing. No, I'm just saying on a day, like math, I was the only one who knew what the mean and the average was.
You found the castle, the Playmobile Castle, the software.

Speaker 1 Oh, that does look like a castle. It's not that one.
I already said it's not that one.

Speaker 1 It's not the one for little girls. It's a princess castle.

Speaker 1 You can braid your hair and put it out the window and wait for a brave knight to climb up and rescue you. You guys are full of dog shit right now.
We found the castle. You didn't.
This is my family.

Speaker 1 Check this fucking awesome shit out. And maybe he puts the Playmobile guy up his ass? Yeah, I don't put the Playmobile guy up my ass.
He puts it up his ass.

Speaker 1 No, you would stick eight Lego men together by their head to make a human centipede and put that up your ass.

Speaker 1 See, that's the kind of geisha you can get up to with Legos.

Speaker 1 I don't feel the need to play God on such a molecular level.

Speaker 1 I like to fucking move the guys around,

Speaker 1 fight each other. I don't have to create them.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So anyway, I just like to have a good time.
Fight about what? Who has more boyfriends?

Speaker 1 No, that's not

Speaker 1 at all.

Speaker 1 Who's the most popular girl? Stav's childhood fancy. Okay, you just keep picking ones with girls that made her for girls.

Speaker 1 And I'm not even sure it was Playmobile, but I know there was a castle I used to fucking play with that was fucking sick as shit. Uh-huh.
Maybe it was Playmobile. Playmobile Girl.

Speaker 1 I never had Playmobile Girl. We're going to search Playmobile Girl.
Or be Playmobile Pirate. Hold on.
Stop.

Speaker 1 Why didn't you have Legos? Like every other boy? I had Legos too, but I. Oh, looks.

Speaker 1 Look here. More of Stav's Pedagogy.
That's so fucking weird. We have more of Stav's Toys.
No, that's Doll. Fairyland.
Gookey Feed Luna. You're honestly misrepresenting me in a major way right now.

Speaker 1 Did you play? You played with Girls Toys.

Speaker 1 Stop got the Greek immigrant American Girl Edition. Yeah, I did.
It's also kind of the same. I got the name of Andreka.
What? Stay-puffed marshmallow man.

Speaker 1 Actually, I did have the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man. It was a good one, Will.
You had it? Oh, yeah, the toy. What was it? Was it part of the Ghostbusters? The Ghostbusters action figure figure.

Speaker 1 Like squishy or what? Yeah, it was like a sort of like big.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it came with the action figure, but it was a little bit bigger. It had some squish to it.

Speaker 1 That's cool. I think that's cool, Will.
Thank you. I do, too.

Speaker 1 Now we're going to see. Maybe my shit was Fisher Price.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Here we go. I put in gay toys.
And here's some more stuff. That's not shit that I'm interested in, so I don't know why we're having this discussion.

Speaker 1 Gay toys is not a kind of thing I would be interested in. So you don't want this.
That's you.

Speaker 1 That looks good, actually. What is that? I think that's a thing that jacks you off.

Speaker 1 I don't know. You put your cock in it and it jacks you off.
What it looks like. Auto-blow, the top 10 best gay sex toys in 2020.
Wire gay. I think I'm like this.
Wire a gay guy.

Speaker 1 That looks like a gay guy. That looks like a weird paycheck.
Yeah, wire gay guy. I don't seem anything gay about that.
It just seems like a robot. I would like an auto-blow, too.

Speaker 1 It seems like a robot that will pull your dick. Why is that a gay guy? I love Auto-Blow because it makes it sound like something that Chrysler invented in 1947.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think my shit was Fisher Prince. 1947 Imperial.

Speaker 1 Autoblow. Robert McNamara, when he was an executive at Ford, made autoblow.
Three standards. It was standard on all American air conditioned

Speaker 1 internal circulation and autoblow. It sucks your dick.
That'd be so fucking awesome. While you drive.
Hey, Elon, how about you get on that shit, you fucking piece of shit? Elon Buss.

Speaker 1 He makes cars that suck your dick.

Speaker 1 And then I'd be behind him. Yeah.
But not right now. He's a fucking bitch, as far as I'm concerned.

Speaker 1 Tez slut. Tez slat.
Tezlut.

Speaker 1 But yeah, we're fucking.

Speaker 1 We've had the full cabinet experience. My body hurts.
Yeah, I've had too much salt. I've had, yeah, my farce smelled horrible.
Let me ask you something.

Speaker 1 Why does your body hurt? Would you describe me as a smooth operator? Um,

Speaker 1 in what instant, in what situation? Yeah, I guess. I'm just trying to figure out if that song's about me or not.
It's about you, yeah. Was it a Sade song? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, that's about my dick. No, I think it's about me.
I just remembered that the Sade song is about my dick. Uh-huh.
Because you know how I'm uncircumcised? It's smoother. And it doesn't go back.

Speaker 1 So I have a full smooth cock. Yeah.
The whole cock is smooth. There's just a little bit of TED at the top.
We said goodbye to Ian today. I was talking to him outside.
He's like.

Speaker 1 Yeah, thanks for having me. It was a great time.
People love when I'm on. Yeah, he was saying that he should say.
He was like, I'm one of the favorites. Yeah.
Well, I think we told him that. I know.

Speaker 1 It's a problem.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can't build Ian up too much. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I remember thinking, like, he's like Legos himself.
Yeah. You build him up too much, and then

Speaker 1 you have to put him in your ass.

Speaker 1 The fans are already aware that I lost the game of Battleship to Ian. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's pathetic. We didn't mention that.
We wanted to protect you. He's got a lot of experience with sailors.

Speaker 1 What a fucking boring game. Can you believe that? That was entertaining as a kid.
But the fuck got a lot of stuff.

Speaker 1 In the 90s, 80s, 90s, they went crazy with board games. It just had a lot of equipment that went with them.

Speaker 1 But the games themselves sucked.

Speaker 1 They had sweet commercials, though. Don't wink Daddy.

Speaker 1 Don't Wink Daddy was like a really longer version of tic-tac-toe.

Speaker 1 That's all it is.

Speaker 1 And you just go back and forth, and it's just essentially you're just guessing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it sucks. But they had sweet commercials.
Yeah, the commercials were cool.

Speaker 1 It made it seem like you were

Speaker 1 fighting the Battle of Midway or something. You just suck in USS Arizona.
The coolest commercial was the Crossfire. Yeah.
Yeah. Crossfire.
You'll get caught in the crossfire. Crossfire.
Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 Interracial friends. I don't know.
I have no idea what the game is or how it operates. It's like you shoot ball bearings at each other on a little horse.

Speaker 1 You can shoot a gun at your friend. Crossfire.
No, that song was fucking sick. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Damn. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I never played the game yourself. Oh, here we go.
go playmobile special plus for the extra retard that's not the kind of shit i was into it's a whole

Speaker 1 it's i'm playing with little black horse girl i already said i was a fisher i think i was a frisher price kid and we're talking about

Speaker 1 made by fisher price i don't know

Speaker 1 i'm not i'm not keeping tabs on everything but the point is you can all three i was under the impression that playmobile was like scandinavian

Speaker 1 Oh, so I'm being fucking attacked yet again for being a fucking international guy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 For being the kind of guy that was.

Speaker 1 I'm being cultured in this. Yeah, I'm cultured, bro.
What kind of toys were popular in Greece? Like mud and stuff? Relax.

Speaker 1 Relax South Africa.

Speaker 1 Yeah, South Africa is all just wire sculptures of like a guy playing soccer or a motorcycle. Yeah, that's cool.

Speaker 1 I do have some of those wire sculptures. I know you do.

Speaker 1 I got my finger on the pulse, dude.

Speaker 1 I had a wire motorcycle that my grandma brought me. And don't you ever fucking disrespect me and blump me in with Albania.
Oh, yeah. Because that's the kind of shit toys they had.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's what they're doing. I already told you, motherfuckers, I had the electric shit that got stolen.
Oh, yeah. I had a better toy than all of you fuckers.
Maybe I will.

Speaker 1 You ever have the electric car? No, he's a city kid, though.

Speaker 1 He has nowhere to park it.

Speaker 1 Parking was a nightmare.

Speaker 1 He's hallucinated.

Speaker 1 I was fucking five years old.

Speaker 1 I wasn't fat until we've been over this. I wasn't fat until I was stolen.
He didn't understand that the breathing tube wasn't a straw.

Speaker 1 I don't don't need a breathing tube now.

Speaker 1 Why would I have needed one when I was five? You don't need a breathing tube. No, I'm breathing right now.
I'm in a room right now, and I can get the breathing machine. That's at night.

Speaker 1 When I drive my fucking car, I'm wide awake. I don't need a fucking car.
I thought you're supposed to wear your CPAP in the car. Yeah, when driving, just in case I doze off.

Speaker 1 And I was very healthy as a youth. Thank you very much.

Speaker 1 I was a cute little picture of health. But, you know? Yeah, every child is.
They're children. I know.
That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 Unless they're a sick kid. Unless they're a sick kid.
Unless they have cancer or something. Yeah.
And those kids don't count. They shouldn't make toys for those kids.
Yeah, they don't get toys.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're kind of sour in the mood. My friend Nate.

Speaker 1 Well, they're already meeting musicians and basketball players. Yeah, my friend.
My friend Nate. They're fucking porn stars.

Speaker 1 Remember the Bat Kid? Lisa Ann's tits rubbed in their face? That'll be awesome. Make-o-wish is the coolest thing in the world.
Remember the Bat Kid? Remember when that was how things went? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Everyone treated that kid like Batman or something.
I guarantee you, if Bat Kid happened now, people would be like, oh, because he's white. Yeah.
Maybe. That's right, Nick.

Speaker 1 What do his tweets look like? Yeah, let's find the bad kids.

Speaker 1 But the bad kid's got it.

Speaker 1 He's got a TikTok where he calls the Joker the N-word.

Speaker 1 And it's like, he's got to go. Bad kid, five years later, Miles Scott is cancer-free.
Oh, hello. Mother? Fuck.

Speaker 1 He's a liar. He's a liar, is what they're saying.
This is a Ferris Bueller situation. He got the whole city to throw a parade for him.
Yeah. My friend Nate

Speaker 1 had, when he was a little kid, he had ball cancer. They chopped his shit off Lance Armstrong.
He had that as a kid. Yeah.
Wow. From dosing? Yeah, he was ripped as a fucking dead.

Speaker 1 He was ripped as a little fucking chubby Jew, 10-year-old. But yeah, and he asked for like, he was like, I want, he was like, do you want to make a wish? Like, what do you want your makeup wish to be?

Speaker 1 And he was like, can I just get like a full recording studio? And they literally, they literally, he played guitar.

Speaker 1 They gave him a sick new guitar, and they got him like a little recording studio in his parents' basement. Wow.
Anytime I hear about recording studios, like private recording studios, I think that.

Speaker 1 Do you remember when Gawker profiled that guy on Death Row?

Speaker 1 Like 10 years ago? And he was like, you know,

Speaker 1 he's like, I'm a human being. They like humanized this guy on death row.
And everyone was calling for his case to be looked at and going or something.

Speaker 1 And then only after. I wonder where this is going.

Speaker 1 Only after they published a thing, the brother of the guy he viciously murdered was like, yeah, my brother was letting him like record music for free in his studio and one day he slit my brother's throat jesus christ stole speakers out of the goddamn out of the recording studio wow to be like wow maybe some of the people in death row are bad

Speaker 1 you believe in the death penalty no i don't at all but you also shouldn't like the argument against the death penalty isn't that everyone on death row is innocent it's that it's fucking barbaric yes yeah

Speaker 1 but they were weren't making that argument they were just saying he's a good guy yeah but i even then it it's

Speaker 1 the problem is you run into exactly that trap. Right.
You shouldn't look at the fucking crimes at all. You should say, on principle, you shouldn't fucking execute anybody.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 That's true. Because

Speaker 1 there's always going to be an instant. Somebody will come up with a crime that on an emotional level will justify the death penalty.
For sure.

Speaker 1 You just have to just be convicted about it and say no death penalty. That's

Speaker 1 same. I agree, dude.

Speaker 1 I'm for it. Let me do it with John.
Really? Let me go to Texas.

Speaker 1 Just fucking shoot a bunch of guys that can't read in the head.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Texas.

Speaker 1 It's not a firing squad. Shoot a bunch of guys that got

Speaker 1 Utah. See, that, see, personally, I'm against the death penalty.
But

Speaker 1 I would choose to. If you're any crime, I would want the death penalty

Speaker 1 by firing.

Speaker 1 I open somebody's mail fucking against the wall. I would love that.

Speaker 1 As long as they still do the cigarette. Cigarette?

Speaker 1 Would you go with a blindfold or just a cigarette? Blindfold, for sure. You gotta go blindfold.
And you gotta go, do it, you motherfuckers. Do it.
What are you doing for? Do it. Take the shot.

Speaker 1 Take the shot. Take the shot.

Speaker 1 And then they all shoot and they miss. Or did you just scream, I'm gay.

Speaker 1 I'm gay. Yeah, what if you said a really funny joke? You know, make him crack the joke like that.

Speaker 1 Or like Tim Allen. Apparently, that's how he

Speaker 1 got out all the time how he avoided rape in prison is by doing Elmer Fudd impressions.

Speaker 1 Apparently, it's the funniest kind of

Speaker 1 thing. Which I only read on a forum like 15 seconds ago.
Run with it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know what I read on a forum? No.

Speaker 1 You didn't. I didn't?

Speaker 1 Whatever you're about to say, you didn't.

Speaker 1 Well, it's your first isn't that good? No, what I read on a forum is that you should buy

Speaker 1 either dick pills. Oh, yeah, you're absolutely right.

Speaker 1 That's more of a 15 seconds from now, isn't it? Oh, I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. I'm just trying to keep us in line, you know.

Speaker 1 Man, I also read your dick of small, by the way.

Speaker 1 The beep of truth.

Speaker 1 We just had it installed, everyone.

Speaker 1 It's different than the N-word beep.

Speaker 1 The truth detector.

Speaker 1 The beep of truth.

Speaker 1 Actually, no, we have another 10 minutes. Really? This is a very

Speaker 1 rare instance in which we only have one friend this week. The one friend that I read about on a forum.
That's all right. We got hard dick Williams.
Check this smooth operator. I'm not a hairy.

Speaker 1 You are smooth. And I'm a pretty smooth guy myself.
Yeah, you look like a four-year-old girl. Yeah, I don't make him.
I don't naturally produce chest hair other than a couple strays around.

Speaker 1 Nah, you look like an otter, dude. What do you mean, an otter? If I had to fuck a guy, it would look like it would be hairless like you.
Thanks.

Speaker 1 Your face is really ruining it for a minute. Why?

Speaker 1 Maybe we can cut your head off. Your body's not bad.
I got a little glimpse of your stomach. I'm like, okay.
Yeah, I have a tough. Your face is tough, dude.

Speaker 1 See, it's a little bit of hair that's on your face. I just some of the stuff is really turning me off

Speaker 1 big time.

Speaker 1 If you had a cuter face and you're wearing some eyeliner, if I could change something about my face, like maybe

Speaker 1 overhaul. Like what? I would say soup to nuts, except you keep that bottom lip, you know I'm saying thanks, dude.
I'll bust on that, but maybe they just get

Speaker 1 fillers on the top just to match up. Fillers on the top, fillers underneath your eyes for sure.
We've been over this. Your shit is too soft.
I'm going to look like a glasses on.

Speaker 1 This man looks horrible.

Speaker 1 Then shave, I would say cheekbone feminization. Yeah.
Shave it down a little bit. Okay.
More angular face. Yeah.
I mean, obviously.

Speaker 1 Do I have to say it? What? The nose? Nose job, of course.

Speaker 1 Without crossing.

Speaker 1 How small should I be? You know what? I like a woman with a big nose, but I need it. Yours is too wide, so I would sharpen it.
Sharpen my nose.

Speaker 1 It was sort of like a sort of a Michelle Pfeiffer like the music. Like the bridge.

Speaker 1 I would make the width, the the bridge a little fucking smaller, like a little pointier. Cross, you're saying? Yeah, like a little pointier nose.

Speaker 1 Not as fat.

Speaker 1 The bottom, the bulb? Bottom's too bulbous. The bridge of guys.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 But other than that, man. He meets with Gary Oldman on a bridge at night.
And we get you on SpaceX. See you in that movie? Who's Tom Hanks? Tom Hanks, yeah.
It's a good movie.

Speaker 1 Do you guys agree with what I said about Adam's face? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we've got to get you on E for sure.
On E? Ecstasy.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 Ecstasy.

Speaker 1 I would love to be on the channel E.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Just doing the celebrity news.
Yeah. And color contacts.
Yeah. Color contacts? Dude, I have green eyes.

Speaker 1 They remind me of you too much.

Speaker 1 Oh. Okay.
So when I'm face fucking yourself. So when you want, like, I don't want to

Speaker 1 glimpse into the old. Wes Borland from Limp Biscuit, like black eyes.
Yeah. Just full

Speaker 1 black eyes. You're my little fuck robot.

Speaker 1 My fuck little, my little they, them fuck otter that I just absolutely fuck your mouth to smithereens.

Speaker 1 To smithereens. Yeah.
Fucked asunder.

Speaker 1 To get my mouth fucked to smithereens.

Speaker 1 Oh my.

Speaker 1 That's what you get for taking your hoodie off. That's true.
You look hot, dude. It's not my fault.
I'm just sitting in the middle of the morning. We've been in the cabin.
We've been in the cabin.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 It's funny because when this started, I said, how long would you have to be in jail before you fucked a guy? Yeah, it's been a long time. And you said, I don't know.
It's been a a while.

Speaker 1 It would have to be a while.

Speaker 1 You've been in the cabin long enough that, like,

Speaker 1 I was like normally one of those guys when you're in the camera.

Speaker 1 It was being around Ian for four hours.

Speaker 1 It's true. You were one of those guys, like, Adam's in the lifeboat, and he starts looking like a big turkey leg or a big hamburger, but he's looking like a little cat girl to you, you know,

Speaker 1 blackout contacts. Blackout contacts tights in a maid uniform.

Speaker 1 Hell yeah.

Speaker 1 He's trying to get his Twitch channel off the ground. He's sitting in a fucking

Speaker 1 in an inflatable pool and it's in his fucking den. Twitch streaming? Yeah.
Talking about socialism.

Speaker 1 Yeah, hell yeah.

Speaker 1 You should turn into like an ascetic Twitch streamer.

Speaker 1 Like Hassan? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Have your own thing. I'll have to go sign up at the CIA first, right? That's true.

Speaker 1 He's an asset. Just like Hassan did.
Speaking of assets, how good was the... We just ran through the Bourne trilogy.
Yeah. It was a real

Speaker 1 and I watched all three of the me, Adam, and Bourneacy. Nick was in the mix for the first one and a half, weren't you? Yeah, I watched the first one in its entirety.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, and it went for a dinner. They were really good movies.
Went for dinner.

Speaker 1 Came back with a ribeye. Ribeye for the house.
Thank you, my friend. Some more truffle fries.
Yeah, my stomach feels horrific.

Speaker 1 I've been shitting in a mean case. Some horrendous stuff.
I want to kill myself.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Stop.
You becoming an asset, though? I'm becoming an asset. You're going to be Project

Speaker 1 Black Briar. I'm Black Briar, dude.

Speaker 1 I didn't see, by the way, I didn't see a single plus-size asset. No.

Speaker 1 The born family of Philip Lizzo is on

Speaker 1 IS. Lizzo is CIA.
I think so.

Speaker 1 And Lil Nasak's for sure.

Speaker 1 He is for sure, yeah.

Speaker 1 He is part of the conspiracy to make all black gay gay gay gay gay girl the gay Jewish mafia. Make all black men gay.
And we, unfortunately, guys, we wanted to watch the breaking

Speaker 1 that the Jews are created. Of course.

Speaker 1 Who else? To emasculate. I watched a really, really good documentary in high school.
One of my friends sent me a

Speaker 1 Facebook video where

Speaker 1 it made, and now look, it didn't outright accuse anyone of anything, but it made some interesting connection to missing black children and Jewish people that own McDonald's.

Speaker 1 What they said.

Speaker 1 But when you mean like the Jewish people that own McDonald's, you mean like a franchise? Yes.

Speaker 1 It's not Ray Krogg you're talking about here. We're just, look, a lot of missing black children, and then a lot of really cheap McNuggets.
They blame it on the fucking Irish with that clown.

Speaker 1 That's right.

Speaker 1 That's right. Shit, the name.
So just think twice when you have a McChicken.

Speaker 1 You don't know

Speaker 1 who's serving it. Well, what that is, is a human meat.
Oh, that's the

Speaker 1 theory. That's the connection.
Oh, I thought it was that they were attracting kids with their good prices. No, no, no.
They were snatching up black children, grinding them down into pink shoes.

Speaker 1 Oh, so it was kind of a blood live.

Speaker 1 Exactly. yeah.

Speaker 1 The documentary is called The Dollar Menu.

Speaker 1 Yeah, my friend, my friend, I don't want to say his name, but he has some interesting

Speaker 1 Nubian philosophies.

Speaker 1 I love that shit, dude. He's the best.
Yeah, because it's real creativity. Yeah.
That's pure art. He also, he was really...
Conspiracy. He was really skinny, and

Speaker 1 he had a girlfriend who, number one, he would just walk around showing people him getting his dick sucked. But then then he had to go for the...
Was that one of his other documentaries? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's not on the interest.

Speaker 1 The truth. Check out this.
Documentary.

Speaker 1 The truth about have I gotten my dick sucked or not. He would, he, he claimed to, and his girlfriend,

Speaker 1 she

Speaker 1 corroborated this, that he would do the scarecrow, one of his favorite sex moves. Because he was about, he was a very

Speaker 1 drug her. No, no, he was just putting her drug.

Speaker 1 She was very sturdy. She was a very sturdy gal.
She was solid. She's very solid.

Speaker 1 Certainly, you could say that. And he was about literally 110 pounds.
Nice.

Speaker 1 And he would get on her shoulders and fuck her mouth like he would be sitting. From the front.
From the front. Oh, that's.

Speaker 1 And he would just put his hand in the middle. The HR Geiger.

Speaker 1 And he would just scare her. That is so romantic.

Speaker 1 I can't think of something more romantic. We already did that, though.
The gay face hugger and alien, where it's just a paralyzed.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's great.

Speaker 1 I'm reporting

Speaker 1 a documentary of his high school. I'm doing a report talk

Speaker 1 on the sex lives of the students at Baltimore Polytechnic. You're blowing the whistle around circa 2008.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying? You're putting yourself at risk. I'm sorry, 2006.
Yeah, they're going to kill you, dude. 2005.
I don't give a fuck, dude. Yeah, but he's a journalist.

Speaker 1 Call me Julian from motherfucking Assange, dude. Yeah.
About to get pussy from Pamela Anderson.

Speaker 1 Stops living in the Ecuadorian

Speaker 1 embassy because he said some kid he went to high school with did the dirty Sanchez. The scarecrow, thank you very much.

Speaker 1 But no one ever did the dirty Sanchez. That's one of those fake ones for sure.
Oh, but whereas the scarecrow is. The scarecrow, I believe.

Speaker 1 What was he holding on to? Yeah, like, how was he going to get

Speaker 1 a tremendous amount of balance? I think pull-up bar. He did a lot of pull-ups.
But he was holding on to a pull-up bar. He was holding on to a pull-up bar.
Yeah, I would assume so.

Speaker 1 I believe this guy, okay? Believe men. And

Speaker 1 I believe my friend, I won't say his name, who claimed to do the scarecrow.

Speaker 1 He was a wild boy. This from growing up?

Speaker 1 I met him from high school. From high school.

Speaker 1 Before I get into it,

Speaker 1 this is also the friend that thinks that McDonald's is abducting black children and turning them into McDougas. Well, he just pointed, he just

Speaker 1 remember when they switched to all of them. They were posting it? Yeah,

Speaker 1 they never told you what they were switching from. That's true.
That's true. I'm just saying you're supposed to be.

Speaker 1 I seem to remember a rumor that Arizona iced tea was meant to sterilize black people. Yeah.
Hell yeah. I think it just is doing true.
It's delicious.

Speaker 1 I love that shit. I mean, they were like 99 cents and they were like more sugar than you could possibly

Speaker 1 consume. Oh, dude.
One of those and Andy Cap's hot fries.

Speaker 1 A couple fucking shark shark gummies. You ever fuck with those? No.
You're good.

Speaker 1 The fucking grocery store, the corner store around me would just like get just break open family value packs and just sell those. Oh, see.
You know what I'm saying? Nice. Yeah.
Loose. Loosey.

Speaker 1 You should sell looseies of gummies for sure. You would just get like a loosey fruit snack.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was awesome.

Speaker 1 There's 10 cents. Can I have a gummy bear?

Speaker 1 The guy got choked out by the NYPD for doing that? Yeah, he did. For selling those? I do think that place was a crack front.
Really? Albodegas are. Yeah, yeah.
Especially in Baltimore.

Speaker 1 But anyway, fuck, my head is killing me, dude. Is it? I've had the right amount of sodium this week.
Yeah. I'll tell you that, Martha.
I'm glad the eating is over. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 We have three more days, but I'm going to take it easy. I can't do that.
Yeah. Yeah.
Maybe we go to the goat farm tomorrow.

Speaker 1 Goat farm? I mean, you guys

Speaker 1 before you drive back? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Can you touch the goats?

Speaker 1 I think sometimes they get close enough you can pat them on the head, but they are behind a semi-electrified fence. But there's a lot of

Speaker 1 semi-from the fence. Well, I mean, you can, well, it's electrified, so it won't kill you, but it'll give you a little bit of electricity.
It'll give you a semi-jolt.

Speaker 1 There's something for everybody.

Speaker 1 You got goats for Adam to have sex with,

Speaker 1 goats for Stav to eat. I would love to grill up a goat.
You guys ever had goat? Yeah, it's um you gotta cook it slow and low. You know, it's a bit it can be very uh tough.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I I don't like goats. You know what makes it easier to fuck with a goat is kratom from

Speaker 1 forgetsuperleaf.com.

Speaker 1 I heard that kratom is a uh uh a stimulant uh narcotic plant from the Arabian Southeast Asia. The Arabian Peninsula,

Speaker 1 which is technically Southeast Asia, depending on where you start measuring it. Some people say, yeah.

Speaker 1 I count it. If I go Asia and then I go southeast,

Speaker 1 sort of, you got to hold a little English count. You can get there.
If you go to the furthest east part, or you go furthest west,

Speaker 1 western part of Asia. Yeah.
And then you go southeast from there,

Speaker 1 you're in the Arabian Peninsula. Nice.
That's a cool name. The Arabian Peninsula.

Speaker 1 It's got penis. It's got Arab in there.
Arab is in there. Arab is strong.
That's a great word. Those are two of my favorite words.
Arab money. Which you can get at

Speaker 1 getsuperleaf.com. So the URL is a lot of fun.
Brought to you by Adam.

Speaker 1 And Adam, why don't you go ahead and tell the folks at home a little bit about this awesome product? Kratom is a leaf. It's a gift from Jaw that gives your whole body energy.

Speaker 1 But for some people, it's like coffee free. N-word g.

Speaker 1 N-word. Mm-hmm.
G. Yep.
But for some people, it's like

Speaker 1 it's like coffee. How's that for a fucking joke? That's pretty good.
Yeah. Has anyone ever thought of that? That's really good.
That's the stuff you got to tune in for.

Speaker 1 But for some people, it's like coffee for your cock or vagina.

Speaker 1 Really? That's what it says. It's like pouring boiling hot coffee all over your dick or person.
Okay.

Speaker 1 It feels as good as terrifying. It feels as good as pouring a pot of coffee right on your cock.

Speaker 1 The coffee is really good. These guys write some really good copy for us.
Hey, hey, hey, we wrote it. It's written just for me.
They specifically asked me not to make fun of the copy.

Speaker 1 Aging millennial? New aches and pains? I mean, fuck. Geriatric Millennial.
That's what they're calling them. It seems like they're jumping the gun on geriatric.
I think so.

Speaker 1 Do you remember when AOL would send you like CD-ROMs in the mail? Do you remember dial-up internet? Oh, yeah. Chances are your dick and back don't work out.
That's right, and they don't.

Speaker 1 Try this Indonesian dirt.

Speaker 1 So here's the thing, folks.

Speaker 1 Cause Indonesia to suck my dick.

Speaker 1 Kratom is

Speaker 1 a secret supplement that influencers don't want to drink. It's a big secret.
And why are they all hoarding it for themselves? Sounds like some other people that hoard other things for themselves.

Speaker 1 Influencers are hoarding all the Kratom.

Speaker 1 Yep. All right.
Anyway, it's a great pre-workout supplement. It helps you write jokes.
It's a super leaf. It's a cousin of coffee.
I don't call it COVID. I call it influenza.

Speaker 1 A coffee in comparison to this crap is just brown water. That's fucking cool, dude.

Speaker 1 It comes in a tea of powder and capsules that you can put anywhere. And they have another thing, right? You can put them in your pocket, your backpack, and your suitcase.

Speaker 1 Let's take our sweet ass time. What about your rape for on-the-go? What about your Kulo? You could put them right up your Kulo Dulo

Speaker 1 Miami

Speaker 1 Blizzard. I love Tula.
I don't know. Have you heard the story that Scott Steve?

Speaker 1 We were talking about Make-A-Wish Kids.

Speaker 1 the one who had a, well, actually, it wasn't the Make-A-Wish kid. It was the recording studio? He was a Make-A-Wish kid.
Okay, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 If I was a Make-A-Wish kid, my wish would be to make a beat with Scott Storge. Yes, me too.

Speaker 1 My wish would be to fly into Miami, have him pick me up on a yacht.

Speaker 1 Apparently, he used to go to TGI Fridays on his yacht.

Speaker 1 That's so sick. It would be his primary mode of locomotion.
That's so sick.

Speaker 1 Yeah, go on the lot, make a beat with him, and then do a Miami Blizzard, which is a thing where he used to line up 10 porn stars in a row

Speaker 1 and have them expose their genitalia and anuses. Okay.
And then blow cocaine or ecstasy. It sounds like TMI Fridays.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did you say TGI Fridays? I think I said TGI Fridays. I was barely paying attention.
Wait, what happens at this? At the end of this?

Speaker 1 He said there was an incredibly famous female singer on his boat once.

Speaker 1 And she said, he said, do you want to do Coke? And she says, I don't do it in my nose. I do it in my Culo.
Awesome.

Speaker 1 And so then him and his boys started doing this thing called the Miami Blizzard, where they would blow drugs into

Speaker 1 a woman's.

Speaker 1 Miami Blizzard is where it's nine guys. They hold one guy down and they all come in his ass.

Speaker 1 No, I think before they straighten it out. I think it's more than a moment.
They hand him back to his husband. They turn him upside down and the cum stays out.
No, I think it was a straighter thing.

Speaker 1 To show.

Speaker 1 No, that's the Miami Snow Globe where they shake him up after the cum rattles around.

Speaker 1 Dairy Queen Blizzard. That's a Dairy Queen Blizzard.
Stop knows what I'm talking about. I got you, brother.
I'm here for you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I used to get, when I worked at Dairy Queen, I would get yelled at for not turning the Blizzard upside down by customers. It is cool that.

Speaker 1 What do you want? I'm on OxyCon.

Speaker 1 They turn it upside down. I would have been pissed.
And you said the spoon is in. I'm like, excuse me.
I believe there's a final part to the

Speaker 1 fat guy yelled at me because we used to have like dollar cone day on Monday. It's a fucking dollar for a shitty saucer or ice cream cone.

Speaker 1 And the guy was like, can I get the dollar cone? And I gave it to him. And he's like staring at me for a second.
He's like, you know, I really don't have to patronize this business.

Speaker 1 And wouldn't you care to say, like, please or thank you?

Speaker 1 You really do. But you're buying ice cream for a dollar.
You definitely need a dollar. You definitely do need to patronize this business.

Speaker 1 For some dumbass teenager, this place is owned by weird Chinese guys.

Speaker 1 You can't complain to them.

Speaker 1 Those are the guys that would say your name with an A at the end of the day. They would.
They would say my name. They'd be like, oh, Nico, you live for work.
And I was like, weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 What did you call me? Excuse me.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Just cultural differences often cause hilarious

Speaker 1 mix-ups and stuff. Which you can find out more about.
Which you can find out more at getsuperleaf.com slash come town.

Speaker 1 Listen, everyone's got residual COVID blues, and Super Speciosa can pull you out of your rut.

Speaker 1 And it says, Give us an example. Well, do we have any examples of being pulled out of a rut? Yeah, I was in a pretty bad mood, and I did a bunch of blow, which is like Kratom.
Yeah, I guess so.

Speaker 1 And then I felt okay for maybe an hour or two. Yeah, yeah, that's happening to me.

Speaker 1 Then I felt pretty bad, and guess what? I needed to go to sleep. Kratom.
Kratom. Yeah, that's awesome.

Speaker 1 Anyway, super speciosa. Kratom helps you live with yourself.

Speaker 1 The kratom is. At least it'll help you get through a couple hours.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You can't make any long-term promises. And then you go back and revisit the demons and then take more Kratom.
But here's the folk. I mean,

Speaker 1 here's the folks. If it's the drug of choice of people that are either sold into gender-bending sex slavery or forced to kickbox for a living,

Speaker 1 then it's got to be good enough for you. Absolutely.
Some fucking loser that lives with their parents in life. It's a kid.
It's not getting pussy at all.

Speaker 1 Here's the thing.

Speaker 1 Your life is somehow not as bad as theirs, even though you tried. Right.
You tried.

Speaker 1 A guy whose hands are permanently fisted from being forced into combat sports at age three.

Speaker 1 If that's what he chooses,

Speaker 1 then I guarantee you it can help you deal with the pain of not having more than 50 Twitch streamers.

Speaker 1 Try having the aches and pains when you've had baseball bats broken over your shins for a week straight.

Speaker 1 So here's the deal, guys. Super Specioso wants you to come again with unlimited use of their 20% off promo code.
The promo code is Cometown. you go to superleaf.com slash Cometown

Speaker 1 for 20% off your entire order. That's getsuperleaf.com slash Cometown, promo code ComeTown for 20% off.
That's fucking sick. And look, I just wanted to make you be aware.

Speaker 1 Even though Patreon.com slash Patreon.com slash if you're dissatisfied with the quality of the show. They're really, the bonuses are really good.

Speaker 1 You can at least get 20% of the amount of the last couple of bonuses we've done are tremendous, people are saying. Critics are saying that they're critically acclaimed.
Critics are not saying that.

Speaker 1 But they they are psyching myself. The critics are not saying that.

Speaker 1 Sign up at your own risk. We've submitted a lot of the most recent Patreon episodes to festivals.
We took the Peabody Awards. We got a Cannes, and we got a MacArthur G.

Speaker 1 We're actually in the latest Vulture roundup of podcasts you have to listen to.

Speaker 1 It's us two raped girls. Yep.

Speaker 1 Fat Hour,

Speaker 1 which I'm also on, by the way.

Speaker 1 That's my spin-off. I was getting a lot of burn these days.

Speaker 1 Africans watching Signs for

Speaker 1 the Speaker. That is crazy.

Speaker 1 Why would George do this? I would love to do that.

Speaker 1 Why the hell? George, he comes in, he'll fuck them. He complains.
He complains about his life.

Speaker 1 And then it is up to Kerma to come in and very excited and restore the energy of Jerry's apartment.

Speaker 1 That's true. I would love that.

Speaker 1 That's hilarious. I would fuck Elaine.
I would have sex with her. To be honest with you, Elaine could get it.

Speaker 1 I want to say real fast, folks, please come see me do stand-up comedy.

Speaker 1 The Prince of Pleasure tour, the pleasure continues in 2022. We're coming to San Diego.
We're coming to fucking Vancouver. We're coming to Austin.

Speaker 1 Dallas. And before, just so that

Speaker 1 also, we're still talking about Super Leaf. We're still, yeah, we've taken a little break together.
We're taking a break, I know, but just in case someone's listening, because I'm not going to do it.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. There's another thing we have to say.
Well, let me just, real quick, also just say, you know, like I said, Vancouver, fucking San Diego, Austin, Chicago, Dallas.

Speaker 1 Where the fuck else am I going? San Francisco, Sacramento. Look up.
Stopvi.biz slash tour. I don't know exactly the exact dates, but it's coming, baby.
So I'd love to see their San Francisco.

Speaker 1 I think I said that. And the Oscar Meyer Chic Mobile.
I will be taking the Oscar Meyer penis mobile across country.

Speaker 1 I want one of those so bad. You can make it happen, bro.
When this becomes a vacation podcast, we've got to get one. We got to rent one.

Speaker 1 Last year we did the cabin, and while we were there, and these motherfuckers, they told me not to do it because I would have done it. I found a John Madden bus for sale in Yonkers.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah. And I was like,

Speaker 1 we were going to cut it. $5,000.

Speaker 1 $5,000 for a John Madden bus. For the same type of bus.

Speaker 1 Not as fully decked out with his, like, you know, 20 deep buses. But I could do all that.

Speaker 1 It would be like when the Simpsons rebuilt fucking Flanders' house on this.

Speaker 1 Sparks and tiny rooms.

Speaker 1 That was a, yeah, we were looking into, for a while, getting a space in a lot that had an electric hookup. The weird room.
So that we could exclusively record the podcast on the side of a bus.

Speaker 1 And then when we wanted to go on the road, we'd take it.

Speaker 1 And then we kind of like, yeah, we'd retrofit to Marfa video too. That'd be fun.
Yeah, spend a week out in Marfa. Do the next nine years of this show.
In Marfa, Texas. Marfa.
Yeah, all right.

Speaker 1 How about you barfa all over my dick and balls?

Speaker 1 Because you're deep through.

Speaker 1 I would barf all over your dick and balls because it'd be so disgusting.

Speaker 1 DietSmoke.com is small. Yeah, you want to also go to dietsmoke.com.

Speaker 1 They smell, they sell. They sell basically marijuana.
Hey, for hosts, feel free to riff the introduction.

Speaker 1 The message we're trying to convey is that sometimes you can't or don't always want to get super high. Diet Smoke delivers a balanced medium high.
Oh, it's Mids. This is Mids.

Speaker 1 I've been saying this for a while.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's very exciting. Time to smoke Mids again.
I would love. Mids are back in a big way.
You can't find mids. Our product is a highly functional THC that comes in a form of a delicious gummy.

Speaker 1 So these are gummies. So these are good.

Speaker 1 You don't have to smoke it out of a Coke can anymore. Yeah.
No, baby. Okay, you don't have to make an apple.
You don't have to do shit. So get that diet smoke and get that super specific.

Speaker 1 What exactly is Delta 8? Delta 8 is simply a slightly less. It's like a cold shower.
Less potent. I think I've eaten too much.
Dude, you got to get a cold shower. I love it.

Speaker 1 I'm telling you, cold shower right now. I think you're going to have like a, like, where are you feeling it? Your chest?

Speaker 1 Yeah, probably

Speaker 1 just kind of indigestion. Your ass.

Speaker 1 My ass. My ass is bubbling up.
No, I need to. I'm getting the meat sweats.
Because here's the thing. I wasn't going to have any more food today, and then they come back.

Speaker 1 My beautiful friend Nicholas comes back with a ribbon.

Speaker 1 I never know what's enabling and what is.

Speaker 1 Nah, dude, you're all good this week. That's fine, dude.
This is a week of pure debauchery. I saw that ribeye, and I said there's only one guy in the world that'd get a ribeye for me.

Speaker 1 You know, this is kind of like a band, you know. We're like going to record the album.
Right. We're going to record.
You hear stories about

Speaker 1 that exile on Main Street.

Speaker 1 They went to the south of France. They went to the south of France because they were in trouble for tax stuff.
What do you think of this, Will?

Speaker 1 We were thinking maybe in New York we started getting like luxury suites and awesome hotels. Yeah.
And just recording like 12 episodes of the day. Like a place where

Speaker 1 we're like a place where like Weinstein would meet.

Speaker 1 And friends just come in and out, record an hour.

Speaker 1 What we really need is to take over the hosting duties for Wheel of Fortune. Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1 Because I said we've got to do a Wheel of Fortune style, but what I want is just to, because you know how that guy does it.

Speaker 1 They do Pat Sajak? Pat Sajak, they do all of Wheel of Fortune in like for the entire year. Oh, like in a very short amount of time.
Yeah, right. Six weeks.
Wow. And then he fucks off.

Speaker 1 I would suck cock for that schedule. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then he just goes back to Twitter and

Speaker 1 let me call it Wheel Time with Bill Maher. That's an awesome

Speaker 1 name. Yeah, Bill Maher's Van Dwight.

Speaker 1 That'd be bad. You can see his tits a little bit.
No, but,

Speaker 1 okay, what were we talking about? I forgot. Anyway, so

Speaker 1 the Bourne movies. Oh, really good shit.
Really good shit. Oh, yeah, Nick, you weren't here yesterday, but...
Yes, I was.

Speaker 1 No, when Ian was asking us to watch this Michael Brown documentary. It was awesome.
He was like, yeah, guys, it's really sad. Yeah, it's a really sad story.

Speaker 1 He's like, no, he's like, it's really interesting. Like, it was made by Article 2.
DietSmoke.com promoted. Diet Smoke.

Speaker 1 Okay, yeah. Yeah, we don't have to.
We don't have to get into it. Oh, that's cool.
Whatever that sound is.

Speaker 1 What the fuck?

Speaker 1 That's awesome.

Speaker 1 That's fucking sick.

Speaker 1 What is that? I don't know. It's the fucking ghost.
But I like it. Dude, there's a fucking ghost in this house.
There is. There is a ghost in this house.

Speaker 1 I wasn't on board, but when I saw the flag taken down and rolled up outside the house, and there's a weird knock on the door. Six age.
There's lights outside.

Speaker 1 Maybe it was one of the cows from across the street. That's probably what it was.

Speaker 1 That was just me coming by to see what you guys are on.

Speaker 1 It was methane from the cows.

Speaker 1 I'm scared. Let's see.
You guys are watching all the boring movies. Why are you scared of ghosts? I'm scared of the ghosts.
I'm going to get to the bottom of that. I don't know.

Speaker 1 It might do something malicious towards us. Why would it be malicious? I don't know.
Kill me. Why would it be bodily harm? Do ghosts kill people ever? Even in harm? They sort of scare them.

Speaker 1 They just, yeah, they're like, I don't like being scared. Sort of, you know,

Speaker 1 represents sort of a reflection of trauma and reports.

Speaker 1 they do like

Speaker 1 a gaslighting.

Speaker 1 They drive you nuts. They make you kill yourself, basically.
Interesting. It's like having a boyfriend, I guess.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, but I don't even get any cock.

Speaker 1 You guys are watching the Born movies today. I tried to entreat you to come over to my house.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 I unloaded half a cord of firewood and then moved them again because I put them in a place my mom was like, no,

Speaker 1 you put them in the wrong place. So that's a good move

Speaker 1 Wow. It's a good workout, though.

Speaker 1 You made dinner for yourself. I made dinner for my mom, and I helped her with storm windows as well.

Speaker 1 I don't know if this comes out with Chad, but Will is the best cook I know. He's just a very good cook.
Out of the five people I know,

Speaker 1 he got busy with a little. And here's the thing: I told you this off, Mike, but when I meet your mother, I want to be in a nice sweater.

Speaker 1 I want to be feeling good. You know what I mean? You want to be that kind of guy or Stav's been in latex body paint the entire time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, you had met her one time before, but you were in sort of like a track suit.

Speaker 1 But it wasn't hat. You know what I'm saying? A real sit-down formal affair.
I want to have a, I want to, you know,

Speaker 1 I want to be a good guest. You need to seek permission to court, you know,

Speaker 1 proper channels. And we've talked about this.
Worst case scenario, I'd be your stepdad. Well, like I said, like it's not wrong.
You know, sort of a best case scenario.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Best case scenario for me is.
I've been raised. I'm financially independent.
It's not like you could tell me to do anything. Well, I would discipline you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I would discipline you for a bit. I'm very good.
I'm a very good son. You are a good business.

Speaker 1 I would spank you.

Speaker 1 Is that a promise? Is that a threat or a promise? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I watched a bunch of Star Trek The Next Generation. Hello.
Oh, nine of us here. Which episode? Okay, so we got the one where Barclay is crazy.
Adam's ass where the walls were blown out.

Speaker 1 I had a reference to you guys won't be.

Speaker 1 I don't think that's an episode. Adam's ass where the walls were blown out.
But it's nice that Star Wars came up. A baby Star Trek.

Speaker 1 Stav, his ass open. Yeah.
Stav his ass open.

Speaker 1 Adam's ass when the walls were blown. It was the one where...
What does it mean?

Speaker 1 The one where Barclay is afraid of being teleported and there are like worms in the transporter buffer. And then there's one where Deanna Troy,

Speaker 1 there's some diplomat that she's into and then he mind fucks her and makes her into an old woman or something. Whoa, that's fucked up.

Speaker 1 You can't fucking wrinkle. Well, that's here.

Speaker 1 It's the best. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It gives you

Speaker 1 that warm feeling whenever I put it on. For anyone that's confused.
because you're drunk

Speaker 1 because you're drunk out of your mind

Speaker 1 i would never adulterate the uh the

Speaker 1 experience with alcohol i love the the even the just the set design with a kratom or delta a we're done

Speaker 1 you know they got in star trek they have the cardassians right

Speaker 1 yeah the kardashians and uh i don't know if you heard this but um

Speaker 1 you know it's late december but recent news is that pete davidson is now dating Kim Kardashian. Now they're engaged.
By this point, they'll be engaged. They're probably engaged at this point.

Speaker 1 Cardassians are only on Deep Space Nine, though, right?

Speaker 1 They're referenced on Next Generation or seen maybe once or twice. Interesting.
It'll become a big part of the big part of the U.S. Is there a new Star Trek?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 well, there's a couple new Star Trek. I've been McCard and Star Trek 2019.
I didn't watch a single episode of the Scott Bakula one. No, me neither.
I've never seen Enterprise. Yeah.
Enterprise.

Speaker 1 It's rental cars.

Speaker 1 Enterprise.

Speaker 1 Star Trek

Speaker 1 is the latest

Speaker 1 Deep Space.

Speaker 1 Wow. Deep Space Nine.
Why would they name it that? Deep Space.

Speaker 1 Star Trek. Why would they name it? That's such a fucked up name.
And who can forget Star

Speaker 1 the

Speaker 1 Generation?

Speaker 1 I don't know about all those names. How about Deep Space?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's good.

Speaker 1 Or he said a Deep Space Nine, it's

Speaker 1 I love this.

Speaker 1 The beep is great. And it's nice that it works as the beep of truth as well.
Yeah. Yeah.
Which it did earlier in this episode.

Speaker 1 I just have very simple things in life. Yeah.
One of them being this button.

Speaker 1 Can I test the beep of truth? Yeah, yeah. Stop played with dolls as a child.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 Looks like it needs to be calibrated.

Speaker 1 Nice. Yeah, it's new.
It's fucked up technology.

Speaker 1 I'm actually reading the manual. It can only be truthful once per episode.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 it already used it up once with Nick.

Speaker 1 That doesn't prove anything. It does prove it.
No, that just means only the first time. I'm reading the manual.

Speaker 1 It's only truthful the first time once per episode. Stav knows how to read.
I have a question.

Speaker 1 Well, it's off the Fritz now.

Speaker 1 Now you have to pick which one is true. I said it was the first one.
Nope. I said it was the first one.
You don't know how to read. I have a question.
This might be. I don't know.
No, hold on.

Speaker 1 I got him there. That's checkmate.
You don't have me in shit. I read the manual.
I can tell you. I said

Speaker 1 only the first one.

Speaker 1 Only the first one in the Beep of Truth per episode is guaranteed to be right. So you don't know how to read.

Speaker 1 Only the first one is guaranteed to be right. Some of the other ones might be right.
No, you don't know how to read. I do know how to read.

Speaker 1 I'm the one with the manual. You can ban him from Chappo for this.
If you wish, dude. This is the kind of behavior.
You have him on. Everybody loves him, but he's just abusing us with lies.

Speaker 1 I'm doing logic. That's the thing.
You let me go on, Chapo. Now I learned debate tactic.

Speaker 1 You're going to have him on your show. You should know that he's toxic.
Yeah, he is talking.

Speaker 1 I go on Chapo and I learn stuff, and I come back here. He's feeding you guys with logic and facts like Ben Shapiro.

Speaker 1 Stop's a freaking baboomer.

Speaker 1 What is Ben Shapiro doing now? He hasn't had a controversy in a while.

Speaker 1 He's getting ahead. He's fucking his sister.
He's doing the scarecrow. I would love to fuck his sister.
I bet you he's. I've been doing the scarecrow to my sister.

Speaker 1 He's turning me straight. His sister is married to like

Speaker 1 one of the gayest, clearly gay. One of the gayest men I've ever seen in my life.
I want to save Abby. I want to be like, listen, I'm a slightly less gay Jewish man.

Speaker 1 I told you, I dated a girl that had a deaf sister that was married to a gay guy, so she couldn't hear his voice.

Speaker 1 The perfect guy.

Speaker 1 That shit, it was one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life. Wow.
He's like, that's great strategy.

Speaker 1 He's a fucking genius. The perfect beard.
He's a genius.

Speaker 1 And everyone's signing, like, he sounds gay. I got it, right? He sounds gay as she.

Speaker 1 I love this. This is gay.
Yeah, yeah. You guys can guess what it was.

Speaker 1 But yeah.

Speaker 1 It was like a YouTube video. It was like Abby and her husband review movies from

Speaker 1 their little family den. And the movie they were reviewing was Jackie Brown.
Nice movie.

Speaker 1 I love that movie. I want to guess whether they gave it a positive or negative review.

Speaker 1 And like, yeah, her husband was just like, he was just like, like, I didn't get it. It was weird.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Yeah. He wasn't even

Speaker 1 attracted to Max Cherry.

Speaker 1 He was hot in that.

Speaker 1 You saw that Ben Shapiro tweet where he said there was unprompted. He said Boy Meets World was his favorite show.
That was awesome. Yeah, it's pretty cool.
That is awesome. I wonder why.

Speaker 1 Once again, history bends to our will. That's right.

Speaker 1 He got molested. He got molested by Ness.
Did you know this? Wait, no, what? We uncovered that story. We broke the story up as well.

Speaker 1 Adventure Piro as a young boy,

Speaker 1 he would do the homework from Boy Meets World that was assigned to him. Because he wanted to meet Mr.
Feeney. And he would send it into the show.

Speaker 1 And they thought he was such a super fan, he went in and he was raped by Mr. Feeney.
Yeah, everyone. Mr.
Shapiro.

Speaker 1 Allegedly. Well, yeah, allegedly.
Allegedly.

Speaker 1 Let's just say it's just 100%. 100%.

Speaker 1 Allegedly, but you know. Allegedly,

Speaker 1 we have it on good authority.

Speaker 1 A source close to the principles. Yeah.
Mr. Shapiro.
That's a pretty good way to put it.

Speaker 1 See, you got me watching Born. You got me fucking going on Chapo.
I'm too smart for you two motherfuckers. That's why I love all this anti-vaccine stuff because

Speaker 1 they concentrate on that too much. It's about the CIA.
It's one of the smartest movies. You see

Speaker 1 the different types of plans that people have. Dude, how's it going? And how Jason is one step apart.
How sick would it be to have

Speaker 1 a little box that you could open up that's just got $50,000 in it and like

Speaker 1 six passports. Oh, yeah, a gun, a handgun with a silence.
That sounds like the coolest thing. That's like you got like just like at like random, at random banks.

Speaker 1 That's what spoke deposit boxes all over the world. That's what spoke posts should have, is those like Instagram services for men that have like a little jigger and like a

Speaker 1 this should just be a thing. Every month you get like six different passports and some stolen hearts.

Speaker 1 A fucking thumb drive with like crypto on it.

Speaker 1 An ounce of cocaine. Yeah, that would be fucking sick.
And a list of names. It sucks.
And then a red pen. You could just never be Jason.

Speaker 1 You can't even be a homicide detective, which I think everybody kind of wants to do that for a week. Yeah.
We should abolish the police.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm sure. But for a week, what if you're Hermann Bosch? Okay, well, yeah, we can be like, oh, my God.
If you were Harry Bosch,

Speaker 1 you know what I mean? Yeah, but

Speaker 1 not everyone has the ability to put justice first above. I mean, for victims that have been forgotten about.

Speaker 1 I might have to watch Bosch. He's so crazy.
I'm going to have to start my day off watching television again. I love Bosch.
Getting angry.

Speaker 1 I'm sick of starting your day off by watching Toview.

Speaker 1 I did. I was so sick.
Yeah, I used to watch The View. That's awesome.
Nick used to start the day off like my grandma used to keep you in shape. Yeah, Wendy Williams.

Speaker 1 I've never watched a full episode. Wendy Williams is great.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 She's just a piece of shit. What was that thing where

Speaker 1 she announced to her audience that one of her Instagram haters just died? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, even though. The best part about Wendy Williams is she had a stroke live on TV.
And she kept going. For anybody else, that would be like a come to Jesus moment.

Speaker 1 She was like, change her ways and stop being a bitch. I don't know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the next day she's shitting on, you know, she's like, Brianna looks fucking fat, doesn't she?

Speaker 1 If Saab had a stroke on the show, we'd just like the next day just do the show again. That would make the show better.
Do you understand any sign to get out? I'm taking.

Speaker 1 If I have a stroke, if anything bad even sort of happens, I'm out. A ghost haunts me.
Oh, the ghost, guys. After that ghost scared me so much, I had to quit the show.
Yeah. Stroke, I'm gone for sure.

Speaker 1 What's open door policy when you're on disability? Come on, Chopa.

Speaker 1 Our listeners fucking love you, man. They'll love you even more.
Your voice is sort of funny. Exactly.
When I got my, yeah, I'll be talking about it. You sound like the guy from The Simpsons.

Speaker 1 No, you're going to sound like The Simpson. That's guy.
Julia Child. Wait, which guy from The Simpsons? You're that guy at The Simpsons.
Oh, he's the guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The major D.

Speaker 1 I had a stroke. I had a stroke.
Can I see your pussy, please? I started doing Keeping Up Appearances again. It's the best show of all time.
Yeah, it really is.

Speaker 1 It was like my family show. We'd watch it up together.
Will, are you appearances build? I'm not sure. You should watch that afternoon.
You got it. Come over.
I got the whole thing on DVD.

Speaker 1 I have it because I share an Amazon with my dad. He's on my Amazon.
He was watching some higher

Speaker 1 subscribers. I was watching

Speaker 1 a thing called Brit Box for him.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, it's a Britcom, right? Or what is that? British sync coming.

Speaker 1 Hyacinth Bucket is like one of the like a television character in the tier of like Archie Bonnie. Costanza.
Yeah. Oh, wow, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, she's like one of the, yeah.

Speaker 1 One of the, yeah, some of the best TV shows. She's just a delusional psycho.

Speaker 1 She's amazing. Patricia Rutledge is hyacinth, but

Speaker 1 I don't recognize her.

Speaker 1 This woman from like, she, she's from like a working-class family, and her whole life is devoted to like putting on airs and graces. Yeah.
I got you.

Speaker 1 Her last name is Bucket, and she like opens, she picks up the phone like the book. Yeah, she's just a house.
She's just a bitch. She's just like a bitch to everybody.

Speaker 1 She's got white trash

Speaker 1 brother-in-law she hates. Yeah, she's always like berating her husband for like

Speaker 1 stretching his legs too far while walking in the street. Yeah, she's just fully abusive.
A real battle axe. Fully abusive to her husband.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 but it's really well done. Yeah, it's from the era of like

Speaker 1 faulty towers. Faulty Towers is one of my favorite shows of the whole thing.

Speaker 1 It's better than Faulty Towers. Because Faulty Tower

Speaker 1 Towers Keeping Up Appearances used to come on before Faulty Towers. And as a kid, I would watch Keeping Up Appearance.
Is Faulty Towers the one in like a mall? Yeah, it's like a department.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. No, no.
Faulty Towers is a bed and breakfast. It's a hotel.

Speaker 1 What's the department?

Speaker 1 Are you being served? That one is the one I have. I used to fuck with that.
Faulty Towers actually.

Speaker 1 Faulty Towers is a John Cleese, and it's like, you know, made like two series, only about 12 episodes. Yeah, it's pretty funny.
It was one of my favorite shows.

Speaker 1 I don't think I've ever actually seen that.

Speaker 1 He runs the world's shittiest bed. Yeah, he runs the world's shittiest hotel, and they're all these like doddering British people.

Speaker 1 It's just like he's a constant, like he's he owns the hotel, and it's just like he's a constant war with his guests.

Speaker 1 We're just like winding him up, or he's winding them up, and like he just hates everyone in this business. You know what I kind of want to do?

Speaker 1 I want to have a show that's about producing and doing the world's shittiest podcast. Yeah, and we quit this, and then we do that, yeah, we do that.
We just have a show.

Speaker 1 We play all the characters, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 That would actually be a lot of fun. This show has kind of been like a springtime for Hitler, kind of.
Oh, it's 100% the producers. I'm Hitler.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're having me on, you know, so

Speaker 1 tank some spew subscriptions.

Speaker 1 I've got wonderful news.

Speaker 1 What's that? Where's your.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you right now. Oh, okay.