Ep. 282 – I can show u my ass

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But, guys, I've never seen a Mongolian cashmere sweater for under $350.

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That's quince.com/slash T-A-F-S. Free shipping and 365-day returns.

Speaker 1 Quince.com slash T-A-F-S.

Speaker 1 Oh, let's get ready to mumble. Let's get ready to have sanks.

Speaker 1 Let's get ready to fuck that Jim Tooze guy. No, no, come on.
Come on.

Speaker 1 No, come on, Tig. We don't need to put that on Jim again.
Why?

Speaker 1 Cruising Joe. We don't need a new

Speaker 1 fresh round of people harassing. The return of Cruising Joe, or Joe, for that matter.

Speaker 1 That used to be the Joie du Vivre of the show. Joie de Vivre.

Speaker 1 The cilantro of the show. The cilantro.
Where do you go stand on some of the show? You know what I think happened last time? Positive. You know what I think? Remember how this did happen?

Speaker 1 When the thing fucked up, yeah. I think, because it would say.

Speaker 1 So I think the master level was zeroed out.

Speaker 1 Even though the dial was up here, the shit was down here.

Speaker 1 So after 10 minutes of it not recording anything, it shuts off. That's a little tech tip today.
Little tech tip. For Cometown, episode 282.

Speaker 1 And if you're wondering, hilarious. 282.

Speaker 1 Somebody sent me some gay ass email that was like, yo, you got to fix the episode numbers because they're in my gay app that I use.

Speaker 1 Guess what? No, we don't. No, we don't.
That sounds like a you problem.

Speaker 1 But I'm happy to be here, boys. I'm energized off this Gawad special I had for lunch.

Speaker 1 We got the whole team on deck. It's fall.
Honestly, when we thrive. Yeah, because fall is good for all of us.
Not just on the show, but in my life.

Speaker 1 In my life, yeah, in life. Real talk, this show has not been funny in a year.
And the last bit that I had fun with personally was the Nightmare Before Christmas thing.

Speaker 1 I liked saying movies for penis. I was like, penis thing.
And

Speaker 1 Nightmare Before Christmas may have been May of last year. I don't remember yet.
I don't remember that bit at all.

Speaker 1 Where Jax Ellington goes in the woods and there's a tree.

Speaker 1 And it's getting your dick sucked before Christmas.

Speaker 1 And maybe

Speaker 1 does he get your dick chopped off?

Speaker 1 No, it sucks his dick and then he gets it follows the plot of, okay, it's time for a

Speaker 1 bit, bit rewind. Bit rewind.
Bit rewind. So, okay, so I was thinking, I was laughing the other day, I was thinking about, you know, Nightmare Before Christmas.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Jack Skellington, he goes in the woods and he has all the trees with the holidays on it. Yep.

Speaker 1 So there's like that Easter egg one, and I don't know if there's a Hanukkah one or not. I don't think so.
There better be.

Speaker 1 Well, that would be. Can you imagine how much worse that would have been if Jack Skellton was like, there's eight days and it celebrates.

Speaker 1 And the fucking Halloween people are like, why don't we just kill ourselves?

Speaker 1 But we already have a vampire. Hanukkah.
Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 1 But we're already liars that have a vampire, Jack.

Speaker 1 How is that different than Halloween? We already have a movie producer that molests children. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's one of the Halloween guys.

Speaker 1 If you squint in the back of the camera. Yeah, Mr.
Boogie Boogie is just Harvey Weinstein.

Speaker 1 Ooh, my penis is filled with bugs and it's got a zipper on it. I haven't seen that movie in a while since.
I honestly don't really fully remember. You know, I thought I didn't like Tim Burton.

Speaker 1 And then I think about it, and there's a lot of Tim Burton movies I like.

Speaker 1 I kind of just don't like

Speaker 1 Tim Burton-style bitches. I don't, yeah, exactly.
Yeah. Hella Bonham?

Speaker 1 No, hot topic style.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the Adam-style women. No, no, that's not even fair to call them that because his type of bitch is a hell of bonham carter.
No, I'm talking about like cultural girls that like

Speaker 1 fan girls. That makes sense.
Yeah, they are some of the most. Although, listen, I'll get my dick sucked with some black lipstick on.
No, it's not the aesthetic. I have it on.

Speaker 1 It's not the the aesthetic.

Speaker 1 It's the cultural participation in something.

Speaker 1 Like people that go see Rocky Horror Pictures Show. Yeah.
That kind of thing.

Speaker 1 So Jack Skellington goes out in the woods. Right.

Speaker 1 And he sees the trees. And there's one of them.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That, you know, it's a Christmas tree, the Easter egg. What are some of the, was there a flag? I don't remember.
I don't remember it.

Speaker 1 Let's look it up. Let's pull it up.
Just to give this bit a little.

Speaker 1 I can't get that wrong. Contextu I get that there's a Christmas tree, but why would there be an Easter tree? They have a Kwanzaa tree? Because each tree represents a different holiday.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but Christmas is the only one with a tree.

Speaker 1 But the tree is painted on the tree.

Speaker 1 Why would other things have trees? Or Christmas.

Speaker 1 You're saying a tree symbol was painted on the tree. A Christmas tree symbol.
Yeah. And then an Easter egg is too much.
That's meta. Okay, so here you go.
Here's the ones they have.

Speaker 1 So it's the holiday doors, a nightmare before Christmas. There's the pumpkin one, which he comes from, the Easter egg, the Christmas tree, Valentine's Day.
This looks like birthday.

Speaker 1 That's not a fucking holiday.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, I mean,

Speaker 1 they didn't really think this through before. Yeah, this isn't holding up the scrutiny at all.

Speaker 1 We should go back to watching that video that Adam pulled up on his phone where Howard Stern does politically incorrect, but it's Beetlejuice.

Speaker 1 Gary.

Speaker 1 Gary the Retard. Gary the Retard and the guy from the KKK.
Yeah. That's a really good episode.
That was a great episode. Yeah.
Plus Bill Maher. Plus Bill Maher.
So five retards.

Speaker 1 In my book. Got his ass.

Speaker 1 Five.

Speaker 1 What are you reading about? So it's Valentine's Day of the Heart Tree. This is St.
Patrick's Day, the four-leaf clover. St.
Patrick's Day. Easter egg.
Independence Day is a firecracker.

Speaker 1 There's the jack-o'-lanterns. It's Thanksgiving turkey, and there's a Christmas tree.
Oh, so they don't have any.

Speaker 1 It's weird because in the movie, he doesn't come out of the Halloween door. He wanders into the forest.

Speaker 1 So if he had gone into the Halloween door, he would have become himself. They should have let Charlie Kaufman write Nightmare Before Christmas.
Yeah. Where Jack Skellington becomes himself.
Yep.

Speaker 1 And then it's still the Halloween town, but he's played by that tall, bald guy from Manhunter. Oh, that actor.
The bad guy. The baddie.
Something Toomes, isn't his name?

Speaker 1 Tom Noonan. Jim Tooms.
Tom Noonan. Jim Tooms.
It's not Jim Toomes.

Speaker 1 He's like, yeah,

Speaker 1 I guess I just came from Halloween. And Jack Skeleton's like, Jim, is that you? Jim, nice cock.
Nice penis. Nice penis, Jimmy.
Nice penis, Billy. This is sucking.

Speaker 1 Oh, did you guys see that fucking video of that guy who's just doing this fucking gay ass impression of Robin Williams? And people were like, this is unbelievable. No, I didn't see it.

Speaker 1 He has to play the. And it's just this guy doing this fucking, like, schmaltzy-ass impression of Robin Williams.

Speaker 1 And people were fucking sending it to his daughter Like it's like come on man. This fucking just like people like this is so good.

Speaker 1 You have to see this just some fucking theater kid doing over the top like over the Robin Williams was over the top, but it was like he's him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, to pretend to do that kind of shit just looked like dog shit this guy Jamie Costa. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Let's listen to it. I'm fucking gay.
Let's make fun of this guy.

Speaker 1 It was fucking stupid looking, man. When you're at night and you close your eyes and all kinds of images happen happen, and it's really bizarre.

Speaker 2 It's hard to believe that's actor Jamie Costa portraying the late, great Robin Williams.

Speaker 2 The YouTube video, which has already garnered over a million views, chronicles when the Morgan mini star found out his beloved friend John Belushi had died.

Speaker 1 Told you I was with him.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 John's not dead. I was with him last night.
I don't know who you were.

Speaker 1 I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1 Fuck, this is terrible. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Keep playing. Keep playing.
Adams has a crush.

Speaker 1 I don't even know if he's a kid.

Speaker 1 I don't even know what he's doing.

Speaker 1 I haven't decided.

Speaker 1 Adam wants a fuck. Wait, wait, this is funny.
He's finding out John Belushi's dead. Adam and the gay guy.
Sitting in the tree. F-U-C-K-G-A-Y.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 No one reacts to their friend dying. If you told me Adam died, I'd be like, come on.
I'm about to think I fucked up. No,

Speaker 1 he died.

Speaker 1 Damn. That's true.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 no one has reacted. Oh, I have to fuck that.

Speaker 1 But not like that. I mean, it's just fucking horrible.
I can't even see the video, but yeah. Well, just take our word for it.
It's bad.

Speaker 1 I better go over to his apartment and console his girlfriend.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. That's what you would do.
Yeah, back to you.

Speaker 1 A slight smile, everyone.

Speaker 1 A sleazy little smile with his eyes unfocused. I hope that he's thinking of something sexual in the back of his head.

Speaker 1 I hope his girlfriend's all right.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go over there and check on him. I've got like a big scroll with wax all over it, and some guy dressed up like in Victorian clothes.

Speaker 1 I'm like, I'm sorry, but it says right here in his will. Yeah.

Speaker 1 In blood.

Speaker 1 In blood. The pussy shall be given.
Thou dibseth on thine pussy.

Speaker 1 The lord of my bits.

Speaker 1 Jim Belushi

Speaker 1 got married to John Belushi's girlfriend. What?

Speaker 1 Is that real? No. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, that's not real. They're also brothers.
You guys aren't brothers. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Brothers in arms. That was a stinky motherfucker.

Speaker 1 There was

Speaker 2 fans were blown away with

Speaker 2 you.

Speaker 1 An overdose. How about an underdose? You don't do enough drugs, you forget that you're gay.

Speaker 1 You can't get your dick out to have gay sex. It goes under.

Speaker 1 It goes underneath your bones. How about an overdose? You don't do enough.
You don't overdo drugs. Your dick goes underneath your bones.

Speaker 1 How about a coma dose?

Speaker 1 Over toast.

Speaker 1 Overtose. Bread on toast.
Toast on butter. Butter.
Butter believe. That's a fat black bitch right across the street.
Look at at her. You're missing her.
She's gone already. I fucked her, by the way.

Speaker 1 That fat black lady that walked by. I think she hooks her the DM.

Speaker 1 I wonder what that would be like. Go there.
I'm trying to get a new license. A new license?

Speaker 1 Cracker. That's really good, dude.
Yeah, no, hold on. You should play Brock Williams.
I should. Yeah, that's what upsets me.
This is fucking crazy.

Speaker 1 They got Jim Belusi and Jackson. Jim died.
John Dyde. I'm gay.
What's next?

Speaker 1 Jolando Belushi?

Speaker 1 That is such a good question.

Speaker 1 Is Jolando Belushi next? What's next?

Speaker 1 He's like,

Speaker 1 how you doing? Willie, I'm here at Animal House.

Speaker 1 Slick top. We're all out here on the black top.
Couple of brothers.

Speaker 1 Playing ball and animal, the real kind of animal house. Monkey house.

Speaker 1 Robin, you're going a little too far with Monkey House. Jolando Belushi.

Speaker 1 Jolando Belushi. What's next? Whatever happened to Margarine?

Speaker 1 That's awesome. Yeah, that's a good question.
Now it's vegan. Yeah.
I'm vegan Robin Williams. It's me, Vegan Williams.

Speaker 1 Vegan and Serena Williams. Okay, there we go.
One of us is black and the other is a bunch of fucking vegetables.

Speaker 1 Vegan is Serena Williams.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's something. It's a bunch of vegetables that talk like Robinson.
A bunch of vegetables telling it's veggie tails. Remember that? When they tried to make the Bible even vegetal?

Speaker 1 They're like, oh, two things kids hate, the Bible and vegetables. That is true.
Let's pair them up. What's next? Being molested and getting your Halloween candy eaten by your fat mom?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Kids do hate that.

Speaker 1 That's the next thing

Speaker 1 is your fat father sticking his dick in your pussy while he's eating all your Halloween candy.

Speaker 1 That's what I think of when I think of Veggie Tales.

Speaker 1 Well, thank you very much for this self-tape.

Speaker 1 We're going to keep you in mind for the next time. People are going.
It's garnered over a million views already. Why was it on the news? What news show was it?

Speaker 1 The Come Town Impression of Robin Williams.

Speaker 1 And people are sending it to his daughter. No, do not do that.
Come on. That's fucked up, dude.
Jim Belushi's dead. What if he was bread? What if he was bread Belushi?

Speaker 1 What if he was bread Belushi and you made a sandwich out of him? And you sucked his cock. His cock was a little baguette that you sucked.
And you sucked his. You put your buddha instead of a baguette.

Speaker 1 A French guy put his dick in the basket and rode the bicycle into a fat woman's ass.

Speaker 1 What if he did that? What if that was what was happening? What if that happened in France? And his name's Gelando Belushi. Jolando did it.
Jolando, get your ass back in the house.

Speaker 1 That's awesome, man.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that video fucking pissed. That guy was doing a horrific job.
Yeah. Like, just a shitty impression people think is good acting.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, you know what's good acting? Fucking Joe Pesci being old as shit. Like you're an Irishman.
Yeah. And being like, it is what it is.
It is what it is.

Speaker 1 But he's sad and he's executing a guy with those words.

Speaker 2 With one tweeting, I'm at a loss for words of how extraordinary this is.

Speaker 2 Jamie Costa encapsulates the essence of Robin Williams so perfectly that his fan footage for a proposed biopic is a clear sign that

Speaker 1 anytime anyone on Twitter has a viral tweet that says this movie needs to happen, rest assured it is the gayest, worst idea for the movie. Oh, man.

Speaker 1 Do you remember that viral tweet that there was like, okay, an update to Home Alone. Now,

Speaker 1 fucking Kevin is old and he's living in the West Village with his husband, Dan Lee.

Speaker 1 And the mom has been kidnapped and they're kidnapped at an old church. And it's like, what the fuck is this idea? It doesn't make any sense.
Yeah. They did redo Home Alone and it looks like shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, the original one fucking sucks.
The original one's, you know, whatever. I haven't seen it because I'm not a fucking baby, but I liked it when I was a kid.

Speaker 1 Well, I didn't watch baby movies as a kid. I watched Heat and fucking...
No. Yeah.
No, you didn't. Yes.
You watched even Airplane. You watched Gayer shit.
I watched Airplane and Heat.

Speaker 1 I did watch Airplane as a little kid. I used to watch Airplane like three or four times.
Yeah, I watched Airplane a lot, actually. You would end, you'd be like, damn, let's roll it back.

Speaker 1 Play it again. I used to love watching a VHS tape wind back.

Speaker 1 And you'd like watch the last two hours of your life and how quickly it went back. And you like, in reverse, you're like, I remember that.
I remember that.

Speaker 1 I remember all this shit.

Speaker 1 Do you guys have a

Speaker 1 rewinder?

Speaker 1 That felt awesome. Yeah, I just used the VCR, but my grandparents had one.
You just hit the window. No, no, there's like a dedicated rewinder.
There's this thing, the separate thing that rewinds it.

Speaker 1 It was fucking sick. My grandpa.
Did it go faster? Yeah, it went much faster. My grandpa had one that looked like a 57 Chevy.
Yes. It was like a car.

Speaker 1 I didn't have that one.

Speaker 1 We had a regular one. And Adam split.
Come on, man. I see you about to hate on a rewinder.

Speaker 1 You have to take my joy thinking about the rewinder. No, if it went faster, that's cool.
It went much faster. But you can't see everything in reverse.
That's the only thing. It's not about that.

Speaker 1 It's about that. Here we go.
Solid X, VHS, 1957, Red Chevy Cassette Rewinder. That looks awesome.
Oh, it was literally looking like

Speaker 1 $69.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's worth every fucking penny, if you ask me.
That shit was cool.

Speaker 1 Yeah, my grandpa also had a phone that looked like a boat. That's cool.
Awesome. That's cool.
And things look like different things.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like lips phones. The duck phone from Jersey Shore.
That's pretty cool. Quite.
An iconic phone. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Damn. I might need to run that.
The burger phone from, I believe, Juno.

Speaker 1 Didn't that bitch have a burger phone? I don't remember.

Speaker 1 I didn't see that movie. Michael Sarah.
Oh, that was a pretty good movie. I'm not interested in what women have to say.
That's a good point. I believe Michael Sarah got pussy from Elliot Page.

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 1 Elliot. Oh, yeah.
Elliot is Juno.

Speaker 1 I watched the

Speaker 1 sick fucking film. And when it would ring, it would be like, bee!

Speaker 1 Dude,

Speaker 1 I'm about to steal your grandpa's swag. That's awesome.
Actually, that would go good in here, dude. I think this went the way of the yard sale.
Huh? I think this went the way of the yard sale.

Speaker 1 The tragic yard sale. Although,

Speaker 1 this is unrelated, but I like that. That's a nice phone.
A little mahogany motherfucker. Yeah.
A little cherrywood phone. Cherrywood.
You listening to the phone podcast.

Speaker 1 I do want. Yeah, you got a landline.
I want a landline, too. It's a nice look.
Yeah. Landline's great.
I'll call my grandma on that. That's awesome.

Speaker 1 She doesn't know who I am.

Speaker 1 We're inside, you fucking bitch.

Speaker 1 I see

Speaker 1 Don't try and trace this number.

Speaker 1 We've got our sniper trained on you right now. I've got to keep you on the line for 30 seconds so I can trace your location.
We've trained his penis. Here it is.

Speaker 1 Idiot. You're supposed to

Speaker 1 trace the phone call.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

Speaker 1 We had him on the phone, but we had him and you lost him. And you used it to trace his penis? I'm sorry.
I thought you said you wanted me to trace his penis. How did you even see his penis?

Speaker 1 That's part of my job. I'm a penis tracer.
I was guessing. If you wanted a phone tracer, well, why are you wearing headphones? I just like them.
I like listening to music while I look a cock.

Speaker 1 I was listening to Beethoven.

Speaker 1 He's just drawing a penis, shading it. I'm like, wait, what are you doing? He's like, my job.
Well, I'm finishing the job. Here it is, sir.
We trace his penis.

Speaker 1 It's pretty big. It's bigger than you'd think.
You idiot.

Speaker 1 This is the 17th time this has happened.

Speaker 1 I don't understand. Are we going to get our son back? Unfortunately, he's probably already dead.
But here's what the guy is. Considering the size of this penis, I mean, look at this thing.

Speaker 1 Imagine us going into an eight-year-old. This thing's rammed your son's ass to smithereens.
Well, to be fair, sir, it's not the scale. It's several times larger than it would be.

Speaker 1 I just wanted to show the detail work, should we find him? Oh, so he's got a chance. I'm sorry, Mrs.
McGonagall. We have great news.
Your son is alive, but probably just violently raped.

Speaker 1 Just regular, gaily raped. He's been raped for sure, but he's alive.

Speaker 1 Oh, thank God.

Speaker 1 Ah, fuck.

Speaker 1 He's calling again. I'll get my pencil.
No!

Speaker 1 I'll get my pencil out. For the last time, no.

Speaker 1 My aunt supplies are already back in the van.

Speaker 1 In my penis-shaped van that says the penis tracer. Call now on the side.

Speaker 1 My giant novelty penis van that the whole front end is made out of rubber and it bounces around hitting other cars.

Speaker 1 And there's dog ears on it. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 What else? I had something else I wanted to talk about. Oh, Adam, how do you feel about your beloved Las Vegas Raiders and the racism of

Speaker 1 the head coach? The way I feel about the racism, I look at it negatively. Okay.
The way I feel about the team's bounce back from the racism, our resolve,

Speaker 1 fantastic. Did you see the shit he was saying? Ebony and Ivory coming together as one

Speaker 1 beneath the banner of the silver and black. Can't get enough.
He just calls Goodell a faggot, right? He said he's a no-football, no football. He called him a pussy and a faggot, I believe.

Speaker 1 And I think they were, I think they were just like,

Speaker 1 I don't know how they got nudes of some of the cheerleaders.

Speaker 1 Guess what? Time it is.

Speaker 1 What time?

Speaker 1 We got a special news update from Adam. Who wants to tell you about how you can save 20%

Speaker 1 off at

Speaker 1 Fuckley's?

Speaker 1 Fuckley's.com. At bluechew.com.

Speaker 1 Well, it's more than get your fucking shine box. He called him a faggot and a clueless anti-football fan.
For our fans around the world, we're talking about

Speaker 1 the coach of the Las Vegas Raiders, John Groot. And then he said that Goodell should not have pressured Jeff Fisher to draft queers.

Speaker 1 Oh, Michael Sam? Michael Sam, yeah. I forgot about that guy.
But the Raiders have a gay guy on their team now,

Speaker 1 Carl Nassib. That's right.
So,

Speaker 1 so

Speaker 1 there you go. So, that's interesting.
So, anyway,

Speaker 1 this is the Nick. This copy seems okay.
We'll just use this one. Nick is in the bathroom now.

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Speaker 1 Stop, do they ask to see your penis when you went? They did ask to see my. They actually, I had to put my penis in one of those pneumatic tubes.
Yeah. And the doctor smelled like Sam at the bank.

Speaker 1 The doctor was like, oh. And the doctor was smelling the air.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? That's what that noise meant. He said, oh.

Speaker 1 Oh, because it's cute.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

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Speaker 1 So we also want to thank everyone. The whole team wants to thank everyone that comes to see me live.
I'd like to thank each of them individually.

Speaker 1 So this weekend, I'm going to be in Madison, Wisconsin. Eric Albertson.

Speaker 1 Thank you for coming. Quiet Down during my plugs out.
James Costa, the Impressionist from the Robin Williams. Thank you for being Stav's number one fan.
He's my number one fan.

Speaker 1 So I'm going to be in Madison, Wisconsin this weekend. And then the weekend after that, I'm in Detroit and Columbus.
And then I do the

Speaker 1 New York Comedy Festival at Gotham. I'm going to be

Speaker 1 on that's November 10th. Get your tickets.
Those are going fast. That's the one stop of the Prince of Pleasure tour in New York City.
And then we got New Orleans that weekend, the 13th.

Speaker 1 And then I'm in Tampa after that. And then Boston after that.
And also, so please come out and see me. I'm going to be announcing dates for 2022 soon.

Speaker 1 We got the calendar coming soon, the 2022 calendar. And also, if you're a basketball fan, it's basketball season.
I do a basketball pod with Sam Morrell called Pod Don't Lie.

Speaker 1 Go ahead and fucking dip your little nuts in that. We're doing our big season previews this week.
We did the Eastern Conference last week, and we're doing the Western Conference later today, actually.

Speaker 1 So go check that out. Pod Don't Lie.
So a couple more facts about Jamie Costa. He was born in Charleston, South Carolina.
He's five foot six. Oh, he's taller.
He's shorter than us.

Speaker 1 His parents are named Milton and Beth Costa.

Speaker 1 Wow. Bet you didn't know that, guys.
Beth cost $100 to fuck her pussy. Yeah, that's right.
Any other details about Jamie Costa? This Colin Powell shit is so funny.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, Colin Powell. They said that it was the cancer, Nick.
It was the cancer that weakened his immune system.

Speaker 1 So what's the point of getting the vaccine? What's James... Well, I mean, he's a fucking oldest shit it helps yeah but isn't that what the vaccine is to protect people that are like vulnerable

Speaker 1 it fucking helps people not die motherfucker but he died okay he fucking died fine an old guy with cancer who got it died but that's who the vaccine is supposed to protect no it's supposed to make it so that most people don't fucking end up but most people don't die from covid it affects old people and people that are immunocompromised a lot of people go to the fucking hospital and you just fucking don't like i'm not scared of being in the getting in the hospital now if I get it.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm just

Speaker 1 badass that he died because I was always against the Iraq war.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I heard Colin Powell died, and the first thing I said was, Fricky, fuck yes.

Speaker 1 Frick, fuck yes.

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 1 now he's in hell with Henry Kissinger. Nah, Henry Hitler.
What? Henry's still alive. What?

Speaker 1 Oh, he was. Costa was apparently in Jurassic World Exodus.
Well, okay. Okay, so he's a big shot actor.
He's a big hot shot actor. He wasn't just some guy making a video.
Oh, he's done

Speaker 1 his first. He became widely known for capturing the likeness and spirit of Robin Williams, who had died earlier that year.
So this is his second go.

Speaker 1 So he just did impressions of Robin Williams doing impressions. He's also done some television work.
He was on Caught on Camera with Nick Cannon.

Speaker 1 Season two, episode three, if you guys want to check that out. That sounds awesome.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 what else is in the news? Colin Powell's dead? Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 Yep. Because the vaccine didn't work for him.

Speaker 1 We'll say it that way.

Speaker 1 For him, the vaccine asshole. But no, but I mean,

Speaker 1 the vaccine did not prevent him from dying of COVID. So people shouldn't get vaccinated.
I did not say that. I'm just saying.
Well, that's what you're fucking implying. I'm not implying anything.

Speaker 1 I'm just saying for some people, like Colin Powell, the vaccine does nothing. Yeah.

Speaker 1 certain people, members of society. If you're old and you have pre-existing conditions, there's a possibility that the vaccine will do nothing.

Speaker 1 Yes, there is a possibility that it might not work.

Speaker 1 There's also a possibility that you're gay.

Speaker 1 That's true.

Speaker 1 That is, there is a possibility.

Speaker 1 And you could say it's a small possibility, but you would also say it's a small possibility that, you know, you'd say that Colin Powell is sort of an anomaly, right? I guess, dude.

Speaker 1 What is this big fucking vaccine debate club? I'll get somewhere with this. So you'd say that's an anomaly.
That's a rarity. Go ahead.
Yes.

Speaker 1 And you'd say, and you already admit that there is a possibility that you're gay. Yes, I admit that.
Would you say that there are similar odds?

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 So ipso facto

Speaker 1 Colin Powell dying. Let's hear him out.
A small percentage, the same probability as Stav being gay, proves Stav estimates is the same probability, but I don't think it's similar is gay.

Speaker 1 I don't think it proves because it's the same odds, and everybody knows numbers hit on the same day. That's not how it works,

Speaker 1 it's probably too Nick. Plays the numbers all the time.
I play the numbers all the time. They call me the Scratch Off King.

Speaker 1 That is what they call it.

Speaker 1 He loves playing the numbers.

Speaker 1 He loves playing with a guy's penis.

Speaker 1 I love playing the ponies.

Speaker 1 The ponies cocks. Colin Powell.
This Colin Powell impression by some gay drama kid is

Speaker 1 the internet don't like this.

Speaker 1 It's when he found out that Jim Belushi's dead.

Speaker 1 But I just had gay sex.

Speaker 1 I just got fucking COVID from him by sucking his dick.

Speaker 1 Here's another question I want to know about.

Speaker 1 We know it spreads airborne-wise, but is it possible to get COVID from gay sex?

Speaker 1 I think it literally is. There was an outbreak in

Speaker 1 Fryer Island or some Shanfire Island. And why the fuck aren't we talking about that?

Speaker 1 Because it's homophobic, to bring that up.

Speaker 1 Well, because gay men,

Speaker 1 if they don't drink a little bit of cum every once in a while, they'll go crazy. They go crazy.
So they have to hurt. It's like a Dracula.
Exactly. Right.
Where

Speaker 1 they can only sustain on their own cum for so long.

Speaker 1 But if you've seen the movie Twilight, the good Draculas, they only suck animals' bloods.

Speaker 1 So the good gay guys only suck animals They're all off and shit like that.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So they don't have to hunt down.
Oh, that's kind of like... They don't have to hunt down straight men, you know? Yeah.
They don't have to hunt down.

Speaker 1 Exactly. They don't have to hunt down innocent straight men.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like remember an interview with the vampire where fucking Lagrange or whatever the fuck his name is is

Speaker 1 drinking rats and he's weak because he needs some good human yeah because that's the good shit.

Speaker 1 Damn, I got a hankering for some barbecue. When we're up at the cabin, we got to find a little barbecue, like a woodland barbecue place.
You think they got that? No, probably not. That won't happen.

Speaker 1 We're just going to do cocaine and play Catan again. I'm not doing cocaine this time.
Brother. I'm not.
We'll see. I'm not.
I'm too fat for cocaine.

Speaker 1 No, I broke my either be fat or do cocaine rule last time.

Speaker 1 I think that's a good rule. They got to use this mRNA technology to make people immune to the harms of cocaine.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That would be a break. They're talking about using this shit to cure cancer.
Fuck that. You got to die at some point.
Yep.

Speaker 1 What they need to do is create mRNA vaccines that make it so that you can just blast fentanyl directly into your frontal lobe. Yeah.
Just jam it in there.

Speaker 1 Not only that, but just also mRNRA vaccines that you can just be like fully fucking transitioned in like an hour. That'd be awesome.
To a different gender? Yeah, and then come back, you know.

Speaker 1 Oh, you can come back. I'd love to play just a little

Speaker 1 table. A little breakfast at Tiffany.
A little C, but what if you get stuck? Breakfast is Tiffany's. Breakfast as Tiffany.

Speaker 1 You guys both become girls, and I become the Chinese neighbor.

Speaker 1 And we're all juiced up. And we're like, all right, Nick, time to take the antidote.
And you know, this is Gal Raider. You're like, me, no, Reiki.
And then we go to the doctor's office.

Speaker 1 He's like, oh, he didn't take the first pill.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's just doing that.

Speaker 1 That's just him.

Speaker 1 Oh, Miss Agoraidri.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm analog, motherfucker. I don't need no damn vaccine.
I got natural immunity to. To not being Chinese.

Speaker 1 I do think it'd be cool to be someone that transitions. I would be transitioning.

Speaker 1 I would be able to end my life if I could trick a local news station somewhere in this country into having me on as somebody with long COVID symptoms.

Speaker 1 And I show up for the interview and I got my fucking eyes taped back. Or something.
Just get a little bit in there.

Speaker 1 A little like,

Speaker 1 I thought I did not after, you know, I was sick.

Speaker 1 Or you could start talking Chinese like you have Tourette's. Yes.
You could be talking regular, and then you're like, don't fang down, you know, and then you're like, oh, sorry.

Speaker 1 Just part of the COVID. Yeah, I think some woman already did that.
Because women pretend. I also don't know.
No, woman pretended. Is long COVID real? No, it's only.

Speaker 1 Because instinctually, I was like, this is Chinese. It's not real.

Speaker 1 Women say that they have COVID for a year after they got COVID. Really? They're like,

Speaker 1 it won't go away. It's one of those diseases women need where they need a blanket they need a fainting couch yeah

Speaker 1 like uh what was the one you said before

Speaker 1 something myalgia fibromgalia fibromyalgia yeah what is that it's fake another woman disease it's fake it's like chronic fatigue

Speaker 1 they're only a three a couple real diseases you know erectile dysfunction erectile dysfunction being bald black male pattern baldness

Speaker 1 uh-huh yeah black lung Getting a heart attack. Heart disease.
Back acne.

Speaker 1 Acne.

Speaker 1 Beating your wife. Yeah.
Getting angry.

Speaker 1 CTE. Yep.
CT is definitely in there. Yeah.
Imposter syndrome.

Speaker 1 Imposter syndrome.

Speaker 1 The fellas' diseases.

Speaker 1 You know, for the boys. Being bisexual.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's.

Speaker 1 I don't think you're cured of that.

Speaker 1 It's a disease. Pick one or the other.
Pick a side.

Speaker 1 That's what I always say.

Speaker 1 And then they're doing boosters for all of them now. Did that happen? Ooh, we got the Moderna booster on deck? I think so.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 First of all, they either need to get rid of the FDA or the CDC.

Speaker 1 But there's one. And NIH.
That could all be one thing. I agree.
That's too many fucking little words. Well, FDA is like.
You got Fauci, and then you got this other bitch, Joanne Jolonsky, or whatever.

Speaker 1 Is she doing you bitch on deck? The CDC bitch that came in in with Biden. What's her name? She always looks like she looks like she's learning how to read every time.
I have no idea.

Speaker 1 Janelle. Bro, once I got the fucking vax, I stopped paying all goddamn attention.
Yeah, I mean, I only read Chinese state media, so I don't really, I kind of get sort of a

Speaker 1 but I'll get I'll get that third boost up. I love that one guy that dunks on America.

Speaker 1 Chen Weiwei

Speaker 1 calls women like a bitch and stuff. Yeah, he's a that's awesome.
That guy's cool. Lifetime bitch.

Speaker 1 That's what he said. Lifetime bitch.

Speaker 1 Yeah, let me get that fucking boosterino and let me, you know.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to live my life any different.

Speaker 1 I'm still, I've been on the road this whole damn time.

Speaker 1 Well, I'll tell you which one doesn't need a booster. Sinofarm.
What's Sinofarm? The Chinese vaccine. Oh, really? Yeah, they made the virus.
They made the vaccine. I'm the same way.
You mix and match.

Speaker 1 Look at my shit. Look at my TV.
What does it say on the front? Sony. Okay, now look at the amp.
What does it say? Sony. Look at the speaker.
What does it say? It's all Sony, bro. That's right.

Speaker 1 He's a company man. I'm a company.
How do we get Sinapharm? Stay on brand. You got to go out there.
Well, what you do is you DM Chen Weiwa and you say, bro, love your shit. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I also think that woman's a bitch. Can I please

Speaker 1 hook it up, and then you take a secret little trip.

Speaker 1 Secret little trip to fucking Beijing.

Speaker 1 I would love to go to China.

Speaker 1 Oh, you can't go. I know.
They won't have me. You just got to register as a foreign agent with the State Department, and then you can do whatever the fuck you want.

Speaker 1 Can you travel right now to China and shit? Yeah. If you're a fucking intelligence asset, I am, dude.
Not like me.

Speaker 1 I'm very intelligent.

Speaker 1 I'm going over there to try the different types of Chinese pussy and catalog it. I think that's what I'm going to do after the show.
Be a spook. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Spook. Do you have law enforcement for

Speaker 1 the mossad? No, no. Yeah, yeah, that's true.
You can go.

Speaker 1 You get in there easy. Then you get your foot in your door.
No, no. Once you're mossad, you can transfer over to CIA.
I just don't want to hang out with those people, you know? That's true.

Speaker 1 They are fucking annoying. They're annoying.
There we go. The wealthiest 10% of Americans own a record, 89% of all U.S.
stocks. It's so funny that, like,

Speaker 1 for the rest of your life, you're just going to hear about how rich rich people are. Yeah.
And nothing's going to be done about it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 People just sort of suspect. Is there a way to steal a little bit from them? A new study says rich people are bad.
And you're like, yeah, they are bad. That's good for me, not being the bad.

Speaker 1 You know who we should fucking find? Because Bezos' ex-wife married some regular teacher. Did she? Oh, yeah.
You don't know this? She already, she ready?

Speaker 1 Yeah, some guy got the fucking bag off Jeffrey. Salute to him.
Jeffrey, the

Speaker 1 giraffe from Toys Really? No, Jeffrey Bezos. He did what? Oh, they got divorced.
They got divorced and she married like just a regular kid. She just got married like that already? Yeah, dude.

Speaker 1 So, what I'm saying is,

Speaker 1 what I'm saying is, this guy's new to having half a billion or whatever.

Speaker 1 He's in his elementary school teacher. Huh? Is it a teacher? He's a teacher of someone in school.

Speaker 1 Just some regular motherfucker. Just a regular guy.
I mean, like an ancient, like

Speaker 1 a Chinese master. Not like a

Speaker 1 Zen.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, not like the guy from Kill Bill with the long white goatee. Are you sure? I think so.
Could he be slowly sliding a sword into her pussy? Oh, he's also bald. He's also.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what do you say? Like, Steve, you're really fucked up, man. Yeah, no, you could have been shit up.
I'm not sure what he's doing.

Speaker 1 McKenzie is hot.

Speaker 1 Mackenzie Bezos. McKenzie looks good.
I guess, does she have a unique thing? If I type in Jeff Bezos, my phone just shows me the amount of money he's worth. I didn't type in anything else.

Speaker 1 That's the top of the phone. It just says $131 billion.

Speaker 1 Dan Jewett, he seems like a good guy, honestly.

Speaker 1 Dan Jewish. Dan Jewish.
Yeah, he's just some regular fucking guy.

Speaker 1 How'd they meet? I don't know. Hopefully he was.
Her children go to the school. Wow.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Dan.

Speaker 1 He's teaching your kids and fucking your bitch, Jeff. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 You're going to let that happen, Jeff. So anyway, my point is we could probably rob him because he's new to being rich.
What the fuck is wrong with his face? Does he have Bell's palsy?

Speaker 1 He's got a weird eye thing, and I think he's getting like fillers. Who pays us? Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. What are fillers?

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 what are you fellas doing down there? Fillers of the store. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why are these fellers hanging laundering in front of the store? We should call the plus on them.

Speaker 1 You fill up his ass with those type of guys. Look how ugly they both used to be.
Yeah, I mean, McKenzie could still get it in a certain light. I love Mackenzie, dude.

Speaker 1 McKenzie's tough looking, but Jeff was a real

Speaker 1 teeth doing a little nightmare dance. Yeah.
She's all dead, bro. She got fixed.
She got her shit fixed up, though. She got all that shit fixed.
I can't wait to get my face fixed.

Speaker 1 What are you going to do?

Speaker 1 Cheek boots. I'm going to have my fucking, all the skin removed here, so I'm just like a skeleton.

Speaker 1 And then you sharpen all my teeth. That's awesome.
And then a metal jaw, like apocalypse.

Speaker 1 That's fucking sick, dude. I'm going to get the fucking Kumal Nanjiani jaw.
Yeah, me too.

Speaker 1 No, I'm doing it. No, but I'm also.

Speaker 1 You don't have the heft, the personal heft, to pull it off. Yeah, but wouldn't it be funny on my body to see that big of a jaw?

Speaker 1 You can't now you Google X-Men Apocalypse, all his gay shift in the movies. Yeah, and say, here we go.
The classic. The classic blue lip guy.

Speaker 1 Yo, the new fucking Batman trailer, did you see that shit? With the Pattinson? That actually looks pretty good. I'm sure it's good, dude.
I'm hyped on it. I'm back in, dude.
I'm a Pattinson fan.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. I like him.
Yeah, he's a strange bloke. IGN, X-Men filmmakers explain apocalypse and his powers.
Imagine reading an article like that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, this is a. Apocalypse is just like super strong and big as shit, right? Who cares? Yeah.

Speaker 1 We got blue lips. We look the same.
Yeah, you guys look exactly the same. You got a cool voice.
I'm going to get my eyeball. My corneas injected with red.
Red shit. Yeah.
Yeah, red, red-ass iron.

Speaker 1 I already got black fucking irises. You do? So that would be cool.
Yeah, you could look like the guy from

Speaker 1 Limbiscuit. West Borland.
West Borland.

Speaker 1 Dude, that'd be sick if you look like that.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Just one of those dicks.

Speaker 1 Should I get lip fillers? Mm-hmm. Just have my, you know, my lips even bigger.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm just thinking what your face needs.

Speaker 1 Your eyes, when you take your glasses off, are horrible. Why you say it so you are disgusting? There's something weird when you take your eyes come off.

Speaker 1 Because like your glass come off and you just, it's like Mole Man, where your eyes are so little. Well, okay.
For the

Speaker 1 listeners at home. I found Westboro's Twitter handles Ghost Insane 3.
That's not really this. And he's got seven followers.

Speaker 1 That's it.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah. Wow.
Yep, yep, yep. He's like, it's me, guys.

Speaker 1 I swear to God, it's me. You need some for your underneath your eyes, is what I was going to say.
What do you mean? No, but peop I think girls like a a guy with like deep set eyes. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 No, I think they do. I think they do.
I think it makes them look like

Speaker 1 mysterious.

Speaker 1 I think when you're

Speaker 1 glasses come off, you look fucked up. At least when you're tired.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It really looks when I'm sleeping.

Speaker 1 I don't know, man. Something about it just gives me the heebie-jeebies.
Come on.

Speaker 1 I'm being honest, dude. I'm carried away, dude.

Speaker 1 I think you get a lot of stuff.

Speaker 1 Pull them off. Okay, wow.
Looks like we struck a nerve, huh? Pull them off again. Let's see the eyes without the glasses.
No, come on. Let's pull them off.

Speaker 1 Pull them off.

Speaker 1 No, we're not. I'll give a fair reaction.

Speaker 1 Ah!

Speaker 1 I mean, it is bad, dude. You're what?

Speaker 1 I'm not saying you're a bad-looking guy.

Speaker 1 You're a cute guy with your glasses. I'm self-conscious.
Because they're all dark. Dang, I mean, self-conscious.
You've got dark circles around your whole eyes. It's not even under your eyes.

Speaker 1 It's around your entire eyes. So you look like you're in pain.
They're not deep set. You look like you're in pain.
I look like I'm.

Speaker 1 Honestly, you look like

Speaker 1 lover's eyes.

Speaker 1 No, you don't. Yeah, they look like Michael Keaton Beetlejuice.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 People love Michael Keaton.

Speaker 1 I'm just being honest with you. Hey, it's me, Adam.
I'm a fucking. What's wrong with it? I think I look kind of nice.
I'm a podcast.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 it's not nice. You sound fucked up.
I think I look kind of nice.

Speaker 1 It's showtime. I don't think you look nice.
You look great with the glasses on. Thank you.
You said great? Oh, fine. I'm just trying to.
That's nice. That's really nice.

Speaker 1 You look okay with the glasses on. Why'd you, Nate Nate, backpack?

Speaker 1 I will be honest, there's something where I'm like, why does it fucking piss? Like, some pisses me off when you take your glasses off. Yeah, why?

Speaker 1 Because that's how it looks when people that you know with glasses on aren't wearing glasses. No, that's not how I look at it.
That's like a natural phenomenon. That's not how I look at all.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? Do I look different with my glasses off, Nick? You look more Chinese. You look the same.
You look more Chinese. Okay.

Speaker 1 I look relatively cheap.

Speaker 1 Someone's feelings are hurt right now. And that was not my intention, Adam.
I was just telling you, you're ugly as fuck with your glasses off. And I think that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 Well, that just means that for real, ugly as fuck. Huh? That just means like you're for real, ugly as fuck.
You have to wear a mask.

Speaker 1 Well, we're talking about what do we want to do with plastic surgery. And I said something with your fucked-up eyes.
What do we got here? Gina Davis. Whose breasts are these? Gina Davis.

Speaker 1 Gina Davis' breasts. Oh, and her pussy, too.
Nice. Who's your pussy?

Speaker 1 All right, man. I'm sorry, Adam.

Speaker 1 Now, what should I do? I don't have to apologize. I'm going to bless you surgery 300 times.
Okay, wow.

Speaker 1 This is clearly that I've hurt your feelings because you've never gone at me five times in a row with a fat jacket. Five times in a row.
What do you mean, fat as a jump? It was literally.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, three. Two.
Two. At least three.
We'll rewind the tape.

Speaker 1 And by the way,

Speaker 1 I think you look good. Thanks, dude.
I think you look good, fat as shit.

Speaker 1 Okay, four. There we go.
I said said you look good, disgustingly fat as shit. Revoltingly fat as shit.
Wow. I think that looks good.
Revolting.

Speaker 1 I'm being honest with you, right?

Speaker 1 I'm being a good friend and letting you know your shortcomings so you can work on it.

Speaker 1 Let me know

Speaker 1 in front of our friends. Well, I've better listened to the show.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Those are incredible.
I Googled Gina Davis News. I mean, those two.

Speaker 1 No, we're not showing you.

Speaker 1 Mimi Rogers has

Speaker 1 one of the nicest pairs of all time. Oh, it's almost time for Adam to do his job.
Oh, it is. Adam? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Why don't you talk about Ridge Wallet for a little bit?

Speaker 1 Ridge Wallet has asked me. It's about Midge Wallet, and it's for whores.
Okay, or Midgets. I said that.
I thought you were going to say small people.

Speaker 1 Midge. How you doing, Midge? Hey, Midge.
Hey, Midge. I'd love to fuck a lady.
Why don't you give me here and give me a widge on my Smith? Which Midge short for

Speaker 1 Margaret. Margaret.
Really? Yeah, Maggie.

Speaker 1 Marge, Maggie, but Midge?

Speaker 1 Margaret is for all the Margaret has the best. A bitch named Margaret always has the best

Speaker 1 kind of steady, easy horse. There's no cut.

Speaker 1 Take a Margaret to a diner. Call her Peggy, Midge.
Well, I don't know about Peg. Peg, Peggy.
Peggy's short for Margaret. What? Yeah.
How? I don't know.

Speaker 1 Where's the P?

Speaker 1 That's crazy. I know.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait. It's like Dick is short for Richard.
Wouldn't it make sense for it to be like Pamela or something like that? Peg is short for Margaret. How? Because I think it's some Irish bullshit.

Speaker 1 Richard and Dick,

Speaker 1 the CH

Speaker 1 Pam is

Speaker 1 what? Peg is Margaret?

Speaker 1 Interesting. I mean, Midge, Marge, Maggie, Mags.

Speaker 1 I'm not seeing it in the stats. You can even go Mary if you wanted to with Margaret if you wanted to.
Adam, you better fucking get on your dick.

Speaker 1 Get on your dick?

Speaker 1 Is

Speaker 1 Pam, or what is it, Kim?

Speaker 1 Peg

Speaker 1 short

Speaker 1 for Margaret, for Elizabeth with a damn thing. Yeah, Peggy is a female first name, often Crotel de Peg, derived from Maggie, a diminutive version of the name Margaret.
Maggie. I like Maggie.

Speaker 1 That's cute. Margaret the Maggie.
Yeah, Maggie, Maggie. They're all Margaret.
Margaret, Margarita.

Speaker 1 Margarita. Peggy.
That's a bitch you take to a motel

Speaker 1 and kill yourself in the motel.

Speaker 1 While she's trying to figure out how she's showering, she's trying to figure out how to use the ice machine. You fucking put a gun in your mouth.

Speaker 1 She can't get home because she doesn't know how to drive stick.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Interesting. Huh.

Speaker 1 So, okay, Maggie, Madge, Daisy, for some reason. I don't know how they got it.
That's what I mean, dude.

Speaker 1 Margaret, Marge, Margot, Margie, Marjorie, Meg, Megan. They got all the good stuff.
Gretchen? What the fuck? Weekend with a bitch. Margaret goes to Gretchen? Rita? Drunken weekend with a bitch.

Speaker 1 That's true. That's awesome.
That might be the best nickname name of all. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't know what else beats it. I mean, you would think Richard because of Dick and Ricky and.

Speaker 1 So in 2013, father and son team Daniel and Paul Kane launched the Ridge wallet on Kickstarter. And now it sits in the front pockets of over a million men and women worldwide.
The two have

Speaker 1 since Rita.

Speaker 1 You know what? What?

Speaker 1 You're really good at your job. Seriously.
I'm talking to you. You're doing a great job.
Thanks. Thanks.
And I have to praise. You can't compliment ourselves.

Speaker 1 Well, you know, you're fucking in your feelings. I said your eyes are fucked up.
No, I wasn't your guy feeling it. You got shitty eyes.
I wasn't taking it out on everybody else.

Speaker 1 And I want to say. The two have since recruited.
And maybe I went a step too far, so I want to overcorrect. I think that was disgusting.
The first time in his life, he's taken too many steps.

Speaker 1 Okay, I've taken a lot. I used to be the 20,000-step bastard.
Thank you very much.

Speaker 1 The The two have since recruited a small, close-knit team to execute on their vision of creating quality, functional projects. Products.
Sorry. At Ridge Wallet, they prefer to do more with less.

Speaker 1 It's not just a remark on resourcefulness. It's a call to maximize your life by minimizing what you bring along because you don't need everything and be prepared for anything.

Speaker 1 They're streamlining daily life through quality products and redefining the energy, everyday essentials. That's awesome.

Speaker 1 Like wallets, backpacks, and chargers with minimalist designs that don't sacrifice the function.

Speaker 1 By eliminating access and building to performance grade, they turn the items you carry into tools for better living. Wow.
Yeah. That's really impressive, actually.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 yeah, we love ours. We love the rich.
And they don't have just wallets, they got bags. Nick, what's the promo code? It's Come Town or Come Town 20.

Speaker 1 It's Come Town or Come Town 20.

Speaker 1 It's Come Town or Come Town 20. Fuck you.
I think it's Come Town, but try either way. I think Ridge might actually not have a promo code.
Well, either way.

Speaker 1 They just want us to advertise their shit, which, you know, I fuck with. We're fans of the product.
These are products that we use every day. Oh, you know what? There was.

Speaker 1 Because remember, we went there. We did this.
We did this before. Yeah, it's Come Town, I think.
It's Come Town.

Speaker 1 So if you put in the promo code Come Town or Come Town 20,

Speaker 1 I think it's Come Town. You'll get 20% off, probably.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Or something. And they have great products.

Speaker 1 The fucking bag.

Speaker 1 Why don't you tell us how good the duffel bag is, Nick? I don't know. I haven't used it.
Oh, you don't know. Oh, it's just been sitting in a closet.
It's not sitting in a closet.

Speaker 1 I told you I had a use for it.

Speaker 1 What? Some stuff is in it? Let's just say it's buried somewhere.

Speaker 1 What do you keep inside?

Speaker 1 Well, I'm sure the duffel bag is good, and I wish I could give you guys a bunch of things. I got a lot of plans in this world that you don't need to know about.
You're better off.

Speaker 1 But somebody needed two bags, one of which he doesn't even really use. One of them will one day save your life.

Speaker 1 We'll see about that.

Speaker 1 Or avenge it. Whoa, I don't want to.

Speaker 1 I don't want it to be avenged. What do you have?

Speaker 1 I don't want to die. I'm not saying anymore.
The duffel bag has a use.

Speaker 1 Really? Because last time I said this, you said you gave it to a homeless guy. So it seems like you're full of dog shit, actually.

Speaker 1 I'm filled with my own shit made out of human food. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Well, folks, that's that. And go to Ridgewater.com.
They got a great line of products. They have nine.
I'm sorry, I still don't understand here. What is the premise? That you should, you should.

Speaker 1 I got the small bag.

Speaker 1 I got the small bag. You two got big-size bags.
You got the small bag, but you also got the knife. You got fucking the two phones.
You got a lot of tools. You got all the other shit.

Speaker 1 You got a lot of tools.

Speaker 1 Because you missed one pocket. The bag is the same fucking size.
It's not the same size. It's a much bigger bag.
It's not the same bag. It's a much bigger bag with a lot more fucking use.

Speaker 1 It's not a much bigger bag. No, it's got to be.
Thank you, Adam. I put my laptop in the bag that I got.
I use it. And then you get to do more stuff.
I was also there. Mine only takes a laptop.

Speaker 1 I was there at the beginning of the Ridge Wallet saga. And you also got the gold wallet for yourself.
You didn't want the gold wallet. Well, but you wanted it.
I know, and I saw it too.

Speaker 1 And you were like, ah. You only want something because I have it.
No, I don't want it. I'm just saying you got premium stuff.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay, you're right.
That's a good point. I had no use for the gold thing.
That is pretty useful. So I said, here you go, Nick.
Have the gold thing. You have no use for a duffel bag.

Speaker 1 The duffel bag. I have plenty of use for a duffel bag.
The duffel bag holds all of the merchandise. It is part of.

Speaker 1 We gave away all the merchandise. No,

Speaker 1 there's a shit ton of wallets in that fucking bag.

Speaker 1 How about this? I'll take them both. I'll take them all.
Nick gives them a bad thing. Actually, honestly,

Speaker 1 I was about to donate the duffel bag anyways,

Speaker 1 and I think I'm going to give it to Adam.

Speaker 1 And this is the best part. This is the best part of his eyes.
I've made it clear I want the duffel bag. I know, but his eyes, you remember, I thought.

Speaker 1 For months, I've been talking about how I want this duffel bag.

Speaker 1 It matches his eyes. Give me the duffel bag.
It's empty.

Speaker 1 I will give you that. That's true.
It does match his weird eyes. The sad thing is that I got my eyes from my mother who okay, all right.

Speaker 1 Now

Speaker 1 my fucking sister. Can I just say I told you though? You reminded me of the love of my life.
I told you. You reminded me of my first love.

Speaker 1 The second Adam's mom's diagnosed, I said he's going to use this to get that duffel pass

Speaker 1 in the future. Three years ago.
I said he's going to

Speaker 1 be a fan of the future. You're going to flimp this.
And the thing is, he just started this. His initial thing was just to call me disgustingly fat seven times.
And now,

Speaker 1 it was seven.

Speaker 1 It was seven.

Speaker 1 And now it finally dawned on him to guilt me because he knows how to really get to it. I said, I think Adam said,

Speaker 1 Adam's publicly saying, I'm so sad. And I said, look, watch that.
He is at home ecstatic about this diagnosis because he knows what it means.

Speaker 1 You were already going to give him the duffel bag. You were in this scenario.
You just said you were going to give it to him. Because of his eyes.
It's fine, dude. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 I've made it clear the duffel bag would mean a lot, but that's okay. I wasn't making fat jokes at you.
Yes, you were. I said, I like that you are revoltingly fat.
Okay, there it is.

Speaker 1 You're revoltingly more.

Speaker 1 There it is again. And by the way, your mom

Speaker 1 was a lot cuter than you think it was. John's revolting.
And her eyes were a lot better. I wouldn't dispute that.
Her eyes were a lot better.

Speaker 1 And it's kind of fucked up of you to bring her into this with your fucked up eyes.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 it's fucked up for you to remind me.

Speaker 1 Rest in peace to an angel, but your eyes are fucked up. All right.

Speaker 1 So go to ridgewallet.com and use promo code ComeTown.

Speaker 1 And we'd like to apologize to the Ridgewallet Corporation for arguing during their ad reading. This show is about friendship.
It's not about owning. But you know what? Sometimes friends have healthy

Speaker 1 or honest with each other and other friends lash out. So that's kind of a natural thing.
I would never lash. I would never lash.
I've never lashed a day in my life.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 If you remember, when the Jews were slaves in Egypt, we were lashed by the taskmasters. That is true.
I'm the one who's like, I would love that, dude.

Speaker 1 To just be like some kind of giant god with a jackal head whipping a bunch of Jewish people. I don't think it was the gods doing it to the Jews.

Speaker 1 They had 12 foot gods.

Speaker 1 So you think it was like Christian Jewish gods?

Speaker 1 I'm all two-dimensional with a whip

Speaker 1 until they make my fucking triangle house.

Speaker 1 Make that fucking triangle, bitch. That would be sick if it was.
I want a big-ass triangle to live in. If it was like Abrahamic god versus fucking like the Egyptian gods.
What are some of their names?

Speaker 1 I think that there was Toth.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Isn't that one of them? Ra, Osiris, Ra.
Ra. Yeah.
Isis was one, wasn't it?

Speaker 1 Isis. Yeah.
Osiris was skater. Skater, so the one who the one, the god of shredding, the god of big-ass

Speaker 1 puffy ass shoes. Morpheus.
Morpheus. Morpheus.
Cypher. Tank.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Joey Pantliano. Yeah, Joe Pantliano.
Trinity.

Speaker 1 Trinity. Joey Pants.
Neo.

Speaker 1 Whoever that dyke was. The Oracle School.

Speaker 1 The Dike that only says no like this.

Speaker 1 Not like this. And then she dies.
Will Smith's wife. Welcome to the body.
Jane and Pinkett. Bian Venito Amiami.

Speaker 1 I had Will Annium. I had the C D.
It was a great CD, dude.

Speaker 1 Oh, come on, dude. Disgusting.
With the cats in my asshole in the silver spoon, shoved with my ass trying to get the cat out.

Speaker 1 You coughed at your own part.

Speaker 1 Dude, what the hell, Adam? This is the ice thing I've seen. I just don't want to see you make yourself sick.

Speaker 1 Let's make yourself sick. I apologize.
You know what? I apologize for that. I'm not asking for the apology.
Because clearly,

Speaker 1 this whole podcast has been about shitting on you, basically. And I've never seen you this hurt than right now, and I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 I was hurt many times, but on the inside.

Speaker 1 But now I've been talking to my therapist. All right, and I have to retract.
Do you feel it hurt on the inside? I retract. Show it on the outside.
Maybe start showing it on the outside. That's fair.

Speaker 1 That's fair. And you know what? That's affecting me because, as a friend, I'm reading your signals.
You have to give me that at least. That's true.
I am reading your signals.

Speaker 1 There was no way of you to have known until this time. Exactly.

Speaker 1 I thought you liked it, dude. I did.
And from now on, this is a big turning point in the podcast. This is a whole new thing.

Speaker 1 A whole new fucking world. Nick's still gay, but that's true.

Speaker 1 Beyond that, we're going to change our ways. How dare you even try to come with me with your fucking pedophile eyes, dude? Stop at pedophile eyes.

Speaker 1 That's not a real thing. Yeah, it is.

Speaker 1 They don't have a specific type of eyes. Your Beetlejuice-ass pedophile eyes.

Speaker 1 I am not laughing at that

Speaker 1 because I respike to my friend Adam.

Speaker 1 Wow. Well, what a great time

Speaker 1 look familiar panda eyes it's a pedophile slang for child sodomy no it's not and Adam has those eyes well how do you know the slang maybe because you're on the inside and no I got lucky

Speaker 1 no no no no no these this happens to children that get

Speaker 1 fucked by pedophiles okay so you're bringing up my my

Speaker 1 so actually Adam wait hold on this is disgusting it's a pedophile slang for child sodomy when a child is forcibly sodomized, their eyes can welt to black circles due to the blunt trauma involved.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ. Oh, that's cool.
They have their own slang?

Speaker 1 Making their eyes look like that of a panda. God, that's so fucking hurtful.
There's a Facebook group called Stand Up, Speak Out, warning distress. This is my favorite thing.

Speaker 1 It's like middle-aged people are like, I speak out against child abuse on the internet. It's like,

Speaker 1 who's

Speaker 1 going to happen? Anti-pedophiles. Did they find that?

Speaker 1 They're probably people that were molested. Did they find Brian Laundry yet? I don't think so.
It'd be funny if now Dog the Bounty Hunter goes missing also. Fuck.

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude.

Speaker 1 He can't be stopped. It's a warning.

Speaker 1 Laundry will not go lightly into the night. Dude, I'm glad for this guy.

Speaker 1 He's really

Speaker 1 written this out. He's making white guys look pretty fucking cool.

Speaker 1 Good at camping.

Speaker 1 Stop. You and him are probably the most famous bald men in the world.
I'm not bald. I have hair.

Speaker 1 I don't know what you're talking about. Brian Laundrie lookalike ambushed by feds at gunpoint.

Speaker 1 Here's the thing. If you're some kind of bald beard faggot, don't go hiking this week.

Speaker 1 Anyway. And I know you live for that.
Because Brian Laundry, the thing about that. Those guys love hiking.

Speaker 1 The thing about Brian Laundrie is that everyone's met this guy a million times at shitty parties where people are playing beer pong way too late into their 20s. Yep.

Speaker 1 That they're filled with these kind of guys

Speaker 1 that are like going their whole year is going driving the Bonnaroo.

Speaker 1 Look at this guy. He looks nothing like him.
He looks nothing like him. He's just that type of guy.
Honestly,

Speaker 1 if you told me that was him, I would say, yeah, it is. I don't know what he looks like.
Wait, so the feds just ambushed this guy?

Speaker 1 They got a hot tent.

Speaker 1 This is how shitty the fucking FBI is. Look at this part.
This guy says,

Speaker 1 the agent... Oh, fuck, I paused.
Did he say, I'm sorry? Well, the agent inspected the side of his head and said, you have a notch in the upper part of your inner ear, just like him.

Speaker 1 So now we're doing ear, inner ear analysis.

Speaker 1 Because everyone knows that people's ear anatomy is so wildly distinct that everybody has different ridges inside their ear.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck. I have to shit, but I couldn't shit earlier because somebody, I won't say who,

Speaker 1 took an incredibly stinky shit. Yeah, but we're not going to say who.
We're not going to say who it was.

Speaker 1 But somebody,

Speaker 1 and I can say who. Here's a guy's name, Severin Beckwith.

Speaker 1 That's the guy's name. Yeah, he's a bald beard hiking guy.
Severin Beckwith. Yeah, this guy had a bunch of people.
Was he on a hike when he got ambushed?

Speaker 1 Like, these guys, they do nothing but eat cliff bars, go in the woods, and fuck some saggy-titted bitch that smells bad.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they wear like those waffle.

Speaker 1 Henleys, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Or Life is Good t-shirts. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Remember that brand? And they do also play guitar parts. They play guitars and they love it.
Those are definitely. And they love this podcast.

Speaker 1 I don't know, do they? I think so. I guess a good amount of them do.

Speaker 1 I guess I'm just going to go home and shit now because somebody

Speaker 1 took a bad shit in here, and I smelled a couple of my farts. They're bad.
I don't want to disrespect the house with two bad shits in a row.

Speaker 1 Yeah, following the marshal's advice, Beckwith shaved his beard.

Speaker 1 So look, these motherfuckers, they're so bad at their job. Yeah.
They're just going to go fucking harass somebody. This guy's not even fucking bald.

Speaker 1 He's not bald. No.

Speaker 1 Also, you don't think fucking. He looks nothing like this guy.
The fucking U.S. Marshals, they did their job wrong, and they're like, you need to change your appearance.

Speaker 1 Laundrie's not getting haircuts in the wilderness. The other thing is, you don't think he could shave his beard?

Speaker 1 Like, they're not looking for a guy that looks like him, but was he fucking? I know, I just said, don't go hiking. Right.
I said to them, maybe don't go hiking right now. No, no, go hiking.

Speaker 1 But I'm trying to protect you.

Speaker 1 These cocksuckers, they're going to

Speaker 1 shove a gun in your face and make you shave your face. Bullshit, dude.

Speaker 1 I can't believe the authorities told him to shave. And as a Muslim myself,

Speaker 1 that's double offensive.

Speaker 1 Yeah, add that to it, you piece of shit.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck. I can't believe it, man.

Speaker 1 How do people know he's still in the country?

Speaker 1 What if he just got on?

Speaker 1 He might have gone, dude. He might have, you know.

Speaker 1 What if he just fucking hopped the Rio Grande? It's possible.

Speaker 1 What is that? It's a guy who also, another look-alike, but he also doesn't really look like that guy. It's just a guy with a bald head.

Speaker 1 But honestly, again.

Speaker 1 If you told me that was him, I would say yes, it is.

Speaker 1 It'd be sick if Brian Laundrie was pulling all the strings and did have a bunch of lookalikes like saddam hussein you know decoy yes yes yes it'd be sick if he was actually maybe he's in the desert with a little fan blue

Speaker 1 woman who pioneered the fbi's behavioral science unit it's like anyone can just get a job at the fbi being like oh yes i'm in a uh i'm a cum pattern analysis expert i'm an empath i can tell that it

Speaker 1 exactly what he was thinking by the pattern of ejaculate on on the bed. And he's staying at the Motel 6, and you should barge in there with guns and shoot whoever's.

Speaker 1 The first person'll be, he'll be. I can tell by the viscosity of his jizz, he'll be dangerous.
That's who did it. And don't knock.
That's, yeah, no knock. No knock.

Speaker 1 And maybe do like a, maybe do like one of those

Speaker 1 right-wing Hispanic guys this time. Yeah.
Because I feel like that'll balance. Yeah.
That'll probably put us in the clear. One of those Puerto Rican guys that voted for Trump.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Maybe one of those. And then we'll dust, we'll clap our hands off, and we're done for the day.
We did it, boys. Wait, what is this? And then it's back to the mosque to create fake 9-11

Speaker 1 fucking 19 and blame it on a retarded guy. Do we still care about Muslims? No.
Are they still harassing Muslims?

Speaker 1 After the Capitol riot, it's like

Speaker 1 now you can just go for anyone. Yeah.
Like these fucking parents, the PTS, whatever.

Speaker 1 Well, when they went for the Muslims, you said nothing. Don't get me started.
But now.

Speaker 1 No, don't, folks, because we've already done, I think, a full two minutes over an hour. Oh, my gosh.
That's free. Would you like to do the honors? Wow, seven and a half minutes.
What would I push?

Speaker 1 The green or red? The stop button. Stop.