Ep. 272 – Cum Town New Faces

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Speaker 2 I gotta listen to my own voice. Yeah.
It's kind of nice. It's not bad.
It's not bad. And we're live.
I don't know if there's enough. I like it.

Speaker 2 We're going right now. We're live.
Oh, shit. Yeah.
You don't like listening to your own voice? Absolutely not. I think you got a nice sounding voice, Steve.
You did. All right.
All right.

Speaker 2 Yeah. How do you answer the phone? Real quick.
I'll just tell

Speaker 2 the other fellows are on vacation, so we're here with Dash's friends,

Speaker 2 Stephen and Alex,

Speaker 2 to talk about

Speaker 2 maybe a different perspective on the Adam-Dash breakup that we haven't heard on this show.

Speaker 2 An outsider perspective.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute. We can talk about how we're going to get these two lovebirds back together for the final season.

Speaker 2 For the final season of Brooklyn Podcast

Speaker 2 Empire.

Speaker 2 Oh, man.

Speaker 2 This is what nobody knew they didn't want. Yeah,

Speaker 2 you got to hold the mic. Like right by your mouth.
Here's a trick.

Speaker 2 You just drop it on your chin. So is this Adam's mic? This is like I'm like sucking Adam's mic.
Yeah, you're sucking on it.

Speaker 2 But yeah,

Speaker 2 you can touch your nose to

Speaker 2 the replacement Jew and I'm the replacement fat Greek guy. Yeah, the replacement guy with like blood sugar issues.

Speaker 2 That's the internet. The replacement sickle cell

Speaker 2 host. Stav is in Greece, I think.
Which is

Speaker 2 where's Adam? He's in France? I don't know. Yeah, I think he went to Paris.

Speaker 2 Having a romantic vacation. After his he already went on a romantic vacation.
Yeah, he's been he's like he's always on trips. He's very jet-set.
And he loves. I'm not happy for him.
I'm happy for him.

Speaker 2 I'm happy for him, too.

Speaker 2 I'm also disgusted.

Speaker 2 if i'm being quite honest because they're so in love uh no just just going on vacation all the time

Speaker 2 you know not not taking care of chores

Speaker 2 i mean i didn't i haven't seen you in weeks because of

Speaker 2 uh partially because of chores i think the last time i talked to you about actually trying to get you to come out you were doing chores yeah no i love doing chores what you have to do to hang out with nick these days is be awake at like 6 a.m

Speaker 2 and like willing to

Speaker 2 walk to the city. Yeah, 6 a.m.
to 10 p.m. Walking to the city, hitting people up on a whim.
I hate making plans. I do too.
No, no, it's very, very bad, actually. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I think that there's been, I've blown off several people in the last week just because we had planned to get together before. Right.

Speaker 2 And then gone out and done things, like today, for example, doing something. And I had plans to do something else, but this was spontaneous.
and it was like, this is easy. I wanted to be this now

Speaker 2 than to like anticipate seeing somebody. That gets me in trouble with women all the time because they'll be like,

Speaker 2 well, what are you doing next weekend?

Speaker 2 That's horrible.

Speaker 2 Don't ask me that question.

Speaker 2 What did I say about fucking asking me things ever about anything?

Speaker 2 God damn it. That's a horrible way to start.
That's a horrible way to start. It's like you're trying to cause fucking problems in this relationship.

Speaker 2 It's you being a bitch just like your fucking mom, and that's why your dad had to cheat. That's why your dad had to fucking cheat on your mom.
Just getting more and more specific. Yeah.

Speaker 2 With my mom. Why did I tell him?

Speaker 2 Why did I tell you anything? And I knew everybody said I should not be in a sexual relationship with my half-sister.

Speaker 2 And I listened to you. I said, you know what? Maybe she's right.
Maybe this fucking mongoloid is right that we can make it work. So I saw it old last night.

Speaker 2 I haven't seen it yet. Wait, you went to the theater? I did.
I haven't because I've been waiting to see it with Sean, but I haven't. I went with Will Manneker.
You guys know Will?

Speaker 2 I've met Will, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, it was Will's birthday, so I went with

Speaker 2 him and his bitch.

Speaker 2 Shout out to

Speaker 2 Will and his bitch.

Speaker 2 No, I had a good time with that. Was it cool? The rocks make them a little bit.
The movie's terrible. It's really fucking bad.
Fuck.

Speaker 2 Because it's like, I guess you watch his movies and throughout his career, he's just left off one more piece of the thing that initially made him good.

Speaker 2 And now it's like... That's kind of.
The plot is not only lazy, it doesn't make any fucking sense. It's stupid.
It's just a bad idea.

Speaker 2 It's roundly terrible in every regard.

Speaker 2 How do you say his name? Shamalong?

Speaker 2 Now that we're out of Afghanistan,

Speaker 2 I don't need to know how to say his name.

Speaker 2 We're fucking out. I don't know his people.

Speaker 2 I like the happening.

Speaker 2 Is that what it's called?

Speaker 2 Mark Wahlberg, yeah, the bushels and shit. The visit.
The visit's the real winner. That's a good one.
That looks very good, yeah. He's fun.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I also don't.
Oh, but you know what? I said that, and it's like with the the the fucking the McElroy uh uh the

Speaker 2 split. Split, yeah.
That one, that's a fun one. Yeah, I fuck with those ones.
Yeah, yeah. And then Glass.
Glass. With Bruce Willis.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 We're gonna list them all. That's my fucking guy.

Speaker 2 So maybe it's just this one that's particularly sad. And then the village was kind of sad.
And and then fucking with Lady in the Waters, cool.

Speaker 2 I saw that in theaters, and I remember people laughing at just the opening credits. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean his movies are funny. At the beginning of the happening, a bunch of people fall from, start killing themselves and shit.
That shit's fucking sick. Never saw it.
You should watch it.

Speaker 2 Mark Wahlberg's fucking hilarious in that movie.

Speaker 2 He's like a horrible actor.

Speaker 2 And like he plays a science teacher and you know when he opens his mouth. What's his new one? He's like anything about science.
He's Forrest Gump. Oh shit.
Or like he walks across the country.

Speaker 2 I think he's got a new one coming up. Oh, no, you're right.
You're right. You're right.
I don't know. Forrest Gump 2.
Forrest Gump.

Speaker 2 There was supposed to be a Forrest Gump 2, actually.

Speaker 2 That was all emotional. We've covered it on the show, so I feel bad for...
Oh, really? Well, I don't feel bad. Alex and I haven't heard it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 This is why I brought you guys on. For the record, yeah.
I don't listen to this.

Speaker 2 You can play the greatest hits. No, we don't listen to this shit.

Speaker 2 Don't listen to this hits. This is bullshit.
We're here because this is my friend and not because I'm a fucking fan.

Speaker 2 Anybody who's listening to this, I know a selection of boys, of children who listen to this shit. Somebody's like, hey,

Speaker 2 I'm 31 years old, pal.

Speaker 2 I'm not a fucking boy. That's weird.

Speaker 2 I have a key holder position to fucking get him stop.

Speaker 2 You recently had to start becoming a fan to even just hear his voice. Well, because, yeah,

Speaker 2 he wouldn't hang out with us. I didn't mean to call you out.
No, no, no, no, no. That's okay.
I had to go to Brad. Nick's a bitch.
Nick's a bitch and wouldn't hang out with us. Well, I had to go

Speaker 2 tell anybody, but I had to go get the fucking Sinovac. I don't trust the

Speaker 2 Pfizer.

Speaker 2 I think that's very interesting about you. You just dropped it.

Speaker 2 Your vaccination

Speaker 2 deal. Yeah, I want to go into the corner.
Your vaccination intrigue is very... I think that it's extremely interesting.

Speaker 2 That's a big bomb

Speaker 2 on this episode. Chet Hanks is

Speaker 2 anti-COVID vaccine. Great video.
Yeah. He should have done, as I said earlier, he should have done that in the Jamaican voice.
Yeah. I never really paid attention.
That seemed like another annoying

Speaker 2 thing that.

Speaker 2 And in Blackface.

Speaker 2 I never paid attention to the Chet Hanks. Well, there's not much to pay attention to.
Chet Hayes? Wasn't it a Chet Hayes? I think that's his rapper name. Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 But I mean, there's not much to pay attention to. Does he rap? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 There's not much to pay attention to.

Speaker 2 I honestly thought he was just a wigger and people were calling him a rapper because they assumed that he rapped.

Speaker 2 Because you could probably do that. You could probably just get away with that.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 I'm a rapper.

Speaker 2 I'm Tom Hanks' son, and I'm a rapper, and just never produce any music. And the media wouldn't check.
They would just keep referring to him as rapper Chet Hanks without producing a single song ever.

Speaker 2 She'd be like, yeah, no, I mean, it's a part of my rap culture that I talk like this.

Speaker 2 I mean, I know a few white rappers who don't release any music. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's like some of my closest friends in this city. Yeah.
Which is an embarrassing nigga.

Speaker 2 Well, it is. I mean, I feel like

Speaker 2 I guess, yeah, it has to exist because the worst, the worst, the most egregious of that is people that are like writers. Right.
People that identify as writers.

Speaker 2 What would have you written

Speaker 2 for even yourself? This is a new thing. They're like nothing.

Speaker 2 They're like, absolutely nothing. I've never written anything, actually.

Speaker 2 It's just what I want to do.

Speaker 2 Which more things should be like. I guess I do that with like science.

Speaker 2 I guess I'm like a scientist. I can stay in the your life.

Speaker 2 You're never on your roof with a kite and a key tied to it. Never.
I'm just going to China to take the sin of farm vaccine.

Speaker 2 Where did you get it? What's that? Where'd you get your vaccine? I went to China. No.
Yeah. No, you didn't.
When's the last time you saw him? Shut up. No, yeah, I got a flight.

Speaker 2 It's like, you know, the State Department frowns upon you. Okay, actually, if you're going to fully convince me that you went to China right now, don't fucking bullshit me.
No, yeah, I did.

Speaker 2 I went to China to get the Chinese vaccine. Kiss my ass.
What?

Speaker 2 I don't believe it. It's better.
I don't believe. It's your thing.
Look. I don't believe they made the virus.

Speaker 2 They leaked the virus. Both of you, motherfuckers.
They see your fucking face. That's why Steven asked, when's the last time you saw him?

Speaker 2 Yeah, everything is made in fucking China now.

Speaker 2 Why would I trust an American vaccine?

Speaker 2 You didn't go to China. I went to China.

Speaker 2 It's like in

Speaker 2 Man on the Moon.

Speaker 2 You're telling me you got to go to the channel.

Speaker 2 When's the last time I saw you? I need to actually.

Speaker 2 I don't know. Probably not that long ago.
Only like two weeks. Because I stopped hanging out when I was like, I gotta not be on drugs constantly.
I don't know why you're saying that.

Speaker 2 I've never done drugs. Oh, yeah.
Well, I was. I was coming.
You associate that with us. I was like, what's up? I'm fucked up.
I would come hang out. I'm like, I'm fucking.

Speaker 2 It's crazy how we hit it. I'm trapped.
It's crazy how we'd be hanging out just over and you just show up fucked up. Fucked up, gay.

Speaker 2 You'd kick through the door like the fucking hole. I'm on poppers and ketamine.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I just got done listening to Red Scare, and now I'm ready to do more drugs and get and lecture people on vaccines while not taking my PrEP pills.

Speaker 2 That was wise. You see, there was in Provincetown during Bear Week, there's a bunch of people that are vaccinated that got like

Speaker 2 a week. Go back a second.

Speaker 2 What's Bear Week? Bear Week is like

Speaker 2 for the folks that don't know what it is.

Speaker 2 What's Bear Week? None of the folks all of these fools know what bear week. Some people haven't been to Provincetown.

Speaker 2 Well, they went, so there was in Pete Town, they had bear week, and then like something like 74% of the people there got COVID or something, and they were all vaccinated, or 74%, I don't know what the fuck it is.

Speaker 2 But people are like, all these days, and then there's like this media panic that defend the vaccines, you know, so like, oh, well, they're still effective, they're not serious cases, but because it's like,

Speaker 2 you know, it's just like all liberal media, they can't be like, yeah, it's because they're fucking fat and they're all HIV positive.

Speaker 2 Of course, they got breakthrough cases. These people's bodies are held together with fucking White Castle burgers and treptiles.
This is

Speaker 2 not the best transition for me, but I'm shocked that I didn't get COVID badly. I had a very unhappy year and

Speaker 2 I should have died probably. Well, they're saying the Delta variant now is what's getting it's getting us now, our cohort, the 30s to 40s.
That's who's dying.

Speaker 2 And I don't know if it's because it like changed or they just already killed all the old people.

Speaker 2 I think maybe it's changed. Maybe it's getting stronger.
We should go into quarantine again.

Speaker 2 It's not going to happen. We should go into lockdown again.
See, this quarantine's actually great if you're one of these like fucking fans. If you're like a stop-start drug addict, it's fucking

Speaker 2 six months. You're like, I'm getting in shape.
I'm taking care of myself. Are you kidding me? And then you get out of quarantine.
It's the best shit. I'm doing drugs all day, every day.

Speaker 2 Actually, though, quarantine was like I'm not even kidding with you. My life has not been better.
Yeah, like that was the best year of my life.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I initially was worried about all that because it's like, okay, well, this is gonna fuck over people that lose their jobs, but right, right, just you just keep printing money.

Speaker 2 You fucking figure shit. Some shit, the government can continue to print money forever.
And then, what people don't understand, too, it's like this is gonna sound very fucking

Speaker 2 but it's like you know, like the like the like the shitty thing about about being poor, it's that not having money doesn't kill you, you know?

Speaker 2 So it's like, you're gonna fucking you're gonna fucking figure this shit out. I mean, like, this is also the first year I've ever had money in my life.
Some money in my life, you know?

Speaker 2 I'm just like, oh, damn, wow, I really thought this was gonna solve my problems.

Speaker 2 You know, what actually solved my problems was the world stopping, having unlimited alone time without anybody fucking riding my ass, and then just, like, hanging out with people that I like exclusively and not doing anything else.

Speaker 2 It's fantastic. Yeah, I mean, I've what's up?

Speaker 2 No, nothing. Go ahead.
No, you had something

Speaker 2 to say.

Speaker 2 A friend of mine once told me that, like, they'll,

Speaker 2 if you spend money on like luxuries,

Speaker 2 you will, like, kind of change your lifestyle to fit that, like, your budget, right?

Speaker 2 And, like, I just did that with drugs

Speaker 2 and like

Speaker 2 bought so many, and the budget never went, like, I always had more money. Yeah.
Like, I don't know how that happened. I don't know how that happens either.

Speaker 2 Patreon is how it happens.

Speaker 2 It's patreon.com.

Speaker 2 You can sign up. No, they just kept printing money this year.
I didn't. Did you guys

Speaker 2 see a PPP? Yeah, it saved my life. I honestly, like,

Speaker 2 what did? PPP.

Speaker 2 PP. PP.
I got to get a beer.

Speaker 2 Well, like, just like

Speaker 2 we gotta quit the show.

Speaker 2 14 minutes. We pissed him off.
All the mockery of Adam for not doing his job.

Speaker 2 You can't last 15 minutes

Speaker 2 in Mr. Friedland's shoes.
What do you think we have in coffee?

Speaker 2 In Mr. Friedland's shoes.
I'm going to come back hot.

Speaker 2 Do you think Adam's shooting himself in Paris?

Speaker 2 It'd be funny if that happened there. I think it would go a little something

Speaker 2 like this. And then I have a video I put together.

Speaker 2 I play the video of. Did it stink in here? No.
That's the thing about Adam is he lacks.

Speaker 2 He's not even masculine enough to have his shit smell bad.

Speaker 2 It literally was imperceptible. He just shit himself and his pants were all brown.
That's so fucking gross. And he was like, I'm sorry.
That's very good. That's very good.
Wow.

Speaker 2 Wow, that sounds... Oh, you're having two beers.

Speaker 2 I think one's for me.

Speaker 2 I would love to have a beer. I just brought one for you, Nick.
We can turn this into

Speaker 2 just like a

Speaker 2 free lapse ever so free. Yeah, you got the vaccine and he starts drinking.
Well, this will be, it's already kind of a diagnosis murder.

Speaker 2 I was going to say, I was going to make some joke where the show deteriorates in quality, but after four years,

Speaker 2 it's really not.

Speaker 2 At this point,

Speaker 2 how this usually goes, where are we at? 16 minutes? I usually sort of zone out

Speaker 2 and then Stav will talk about a thing he does while fingering or

Speaker 2 you know what a type of fingering or he talks about his sex a lot yeah yeah yeah yeah

Speaker 2 does he

Speaker 2 find to be disgusting

Speaker 2 to be honest with you i find it to be degenerate he doesn't have he doesn't have a girlfriend no i think he's just enjoying

Speaker 2 enjoying you know the

Speaker 2 the lifestyle

Speaker 2 bachelor yeah bachelor lifestyle lifestyle oh shit you know he said he was going to when i met him uh he He said he was going to Salt Lake. Yeah, he's on tour.

Speaker 2 He's on tour after he gets back from Greece. They should do a bachelor with stop.
That'd be funny.

Speaker 2 I I wanted to be I wanted to be a black bachelor. Did they have one already? Yeah, but I feel like I could do it better.

Speaker 2 Just because like my relationship with my father is fucked up. They need to have a Thai lady boy bachelor.

Speaker 2 It's a bunch of women competing for

Speaker 2 like somebody that looks like straight out of a nail salon. But they got like a fucking just h hog.

Speaker 2 They're in like a little pencil skirt. Well, I mean, yeah, actually,

Speaker 2 like a football, like a little bit of a ball. Just pretending like a nerf ball hanging out.
Yeah. Oh, shit.
Okay, thank you all for coming to the.

Speaker 2 You will each get a rose, and one of you will not get a rose.

Speaker 2 We're going to go around the room, and you're going to say what you rub about TT.

Speaker 2 I think that TT is smart and she's so capable.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 TT's just smiling, the fucking dick's just bleaching.

Speaker 2 There's fucking 27-inch dick just like, girl, just pulling the pencil skirt down, trying to hide it. That right there, that right there.

Speaker 2 That right there is what I listened to one episode of this fucking show because I hadn't seen Dick in fucking three weeks. And I thought about him doing a fucking impression.

Speaker 2 And I like dropped my keys, like trying to get into my apartment. I was like, fuck, where is that fucking piece of shit? Yeah, I was in China.
Fuck you. Getting the vaccine with my soul brothers.

Speaker 2 That's right. Me and my Chinese friends.
I'll get this shot. You listen to that Jackie Chan album.
Yeah, that album's sick. We played the whole thing on the show.
Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, fuck.

Speaker 2 Outside of us driving. That was a good day when we drove.
That was a nice day, yeah.

Speaker 2 Driving around Chinatown.

Speaker 2 This is like that. Is this interesting for people to listen to? I don't know.
I don't give a fuck. I guess.

Speaker 2 How this works is we cruise right through. You don't respect the viewer?

Speaker 2 Hey, I respect him as much as anybody else. What I hate is having any kind of fucking job or obligation whatsoever.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I don't want to hear anything more about you should be grateful

Speaker 2 because I'm not going to.

Speaker 2 And you can take it away from me. And I won't care.

Speaker 2 I will continue to be as lazy at every single station in life, no matter what.

Speaker 2 And I will never be grateful for that. You guys do have the worst fucking fans.

Speaker 2 I don't know who I'm going to piss off by saying this right now, but it's like we'll be somewhere, and somebody starts sucking Adam's dick. And don't get me wrong, I love Adam.

Speaker 2 He's been a great friend to me. I love Adam, but like, just like fandom is really embarrassing.
Yeah, especially being an Adam fan.

Speaker 2 You know? Imagine, like,

Speaker 2 just in your room, putting up, like, a poster of Adam Friedland above your bed and being like, yeah, I really like Adam.

Speaker 2 He shit himself this week.

Speaker 2 That was his big bid, is accidentally shitting himself. I did that.
Yeah. I'm going to shit myself now.

Speaker 2 Like, actually, though, you know that you know that some of these things.

Speaker 2 This story you told, sorry, but

Speaker 2 what you want about him going to the New York Comedy Club?

Speaker 2 Shit.

Speaker 2 He probably does. I mean, to a certain extent,

Speaker 2 it's the joke to kind of shit on Adam, but

Speaker 2 I do it when he's here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Also, it's like I don't shit on Adam. I love Adam.
I know. I love Adam too, but Adam is very.
He's a new one.

Speaker 2 He's easy to shit on. But also, literally,

Speaker 2 the past about him going to going on. That story was just objectively funny.
I don't think so. Weren't you that? It was objectively funny.
I had to tell you. No, No, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 We were at the bar and downstairs. There's like a comedy

Speaker 2 sport. What do you call it? A comedy club.
Yeah, yeah. I'm not into comedy.
Have you ever been there before? I've never been down there. New York Comedy Club? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 it was like midnight on a Saturday night, and we were hanging out. And Adam's kind of guilty to me because I've never seen him do comedy.
And I was like,

Speaker 2 I don't know who posed it, but he's like, I could go down there and

Speaker 2 do a set.

Speaker 2 And I was like, you should. I will watch it tonight if you bump somebody and

Speaker 2 and uh go up on go up on stage

Speaker 2 and he's like all right yeah i'll do it so he goes downstairs and he's gone for like 45 minutes like trying to talk the host into into letting him into bumping somebody else oh my god and he's gone for so long keep in mind adam does not work in your comedy oh my god he's not like a regular comic there

Speaker 2 he's trying to act like jerry seinfeld or something no

Speaker 2 and then he's like i guess arguing with them being like at the show no

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 He said they knew about him.

Speaker 2 Oh, he said they knew about him? That's what he said.

Speaker 2 He was the only witness. Yeah, they knew who he was, and then they said, no, you can't bump anybody.

Speaker 2 Holy shit.

Speaker 2 How long ago did this happen? It was like a week ago. No, two weeks ago.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 I was going to say, I was going to say, like, last week. Everything feels so weird.
He really should. Yeah, he really should have.
He's a very, I mean, you do.

Speaker 2 One of the nice things, sweet dudes, sweetheart, angel. But it is so funny when somebody...
I mean, I guess this happens a lot when it's like your most reliable,

Speaker 2 like, just like trusting friends are just like fucking corny shit. You're saying that about Adam right now.
So corny. He knows how I feel.
I've not. I don't think that Adam.
I've never... I love you.

Speaker 2 You're not going to listen. He's not going to listen to this shit.
Oh, he will. Fuck you.
He will.

Speaker 2 He's going to find out that you guys are on and he's going to listen. Like, fucking.
He's going to be in his bunker listening. Yeah.

Speaker 2 On vacation. I love you, Adam.
It's all love. That's all.
I don't fucking give a shit. I love everybody except for come town fans.

Speaker 2 You guys do be making fools of yourselves. That's embarrassing.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 speaking of making a fool out of yourself, old, the new M-Nights. Yeah,

Speaker 2 we didn't finish that.

Speaker 2 Real piece of shit.

Speaker 2 I saw that Annette movie. Annette? Do you know what that is? I didn't know what it was until I went.
Was it like Death and Annette? I went with Nasha. It's that Leo's Cracks movie.
It's the new

Speaker 2 Cracks movie, which is funny too, because it's going to be... It's much like when Claire Denis made that fucking A24 movie.

Speaker 2 I was trying to see it, but all the screens were sold out because everybody loves Adam Driver.

Speaker 2 You've got this, it's a musical with music from Sparks, and there's this weird, like, people think Sparks are still good.

Speaker 2 They haven't done anything like that. Tell us worthwhile.
Tell us about Annette for

Speaker 2 hopefully. You want to do like 60 seconds? Hopefully, 40 minutes.
That would be great.

Speaker 2 Talk us through the plot. Yeah.
Let's hear about Annette.

Speaker 2 Explain it to me, and then I'll misunderstand it to comedic effect. You got to understand something.
When I watch a movie, I'm zoning out for most of it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So if you ever bring up a movie to me, I've seen it. Is that so? Yeah, I don't remember any of these things.

Speaker 2 And that goes along. Do you remember liking it?

Speaker 2 No, I was bored, but yeah, it came around.

Speaker 2 Is it pretty at least?

Speaker 2 No. Really?

Speaker 2 I don't know who shoots his movies now.

Speaker 2 Let's go back to old. How about you like that one? Huh? Did you like that one? No, he didn't.

Speaker 2 A24, what's that stand for?

Speaker 2 It's just a budget. It's just a fucking letter and a fucking couple of numbers.
Yes. What the heck is that?

Speaker 2 They should call it fucking gay 24, yeah. Gay 24.
Because it doesn't make any sense. It's wrong.

Speaker 2 It's bad. Cometown fans probably also huge A24 fans.

Speaker 2 Well, maybe.

Speaker 2 A24 makes like everything now. It's like half of all movies.
Because they killed Harvey Wine. Yeah, Steve.
Minari, I think, was the last thing I saw. I don't know.
That was an A24 movie. I don't know.

Speaker 2 I've lost track. I haven't fucking been keeping up.
Minari, I saw right when the quarantine ended.

Speaker 2 I didn't like it. What's this? Green Knight? Is that a 224? Oh, yeah, yeah.
What's Green Knight? It's an A24. With the dude from

Speaker 2 Slum Dog Millionaire. I love branding these things.

Speaker 2 M Night Shale Gon.

Speaker 2 M Night Lash.

Speaker 2 M Night Sham Lagan. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I would love if they did that on Access Hollywood. They're like, old, the latest

Speaker 2 from M MNART show.

Speaker 2 Anyways.

Speaker 2 How do you say?

Speaker 2 It's about an island with an experimental beach that makes people old. Who's hosting Access Hollywood, though? I don't know.
I'm thinking of Sandy Kenyon, the guy that reviews movies in the cabs.

Speaker 2 That guy. I just came back from the movies, and my dick is hard.

Speaker 2 You know that guy, right? I have no idea what we're talking about. You're in the cab.
The video comes on. It's Sandy Kenyon, and he's seen whatever the latest movie is.

Speaker 2 And he just tells you one or two things about it. It's like when I talk about movies.
I can't believe that people pay this motherfucker to do that. Anyways, so this is midnight shopping.

Speaker 2 I can't think of one thing that's just as ridiculous. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, shit.

Speaker 2 No, the movie, it kind of fucks you up because

Speaker 2 you should spoil the ending right now because people say you can't there's literally no way to spoil that that should start happening more like but with his movie specifically everyone gets like up and they get up

Speaker 2 there don't say the ending

Speaker 2 there's no there's no that's the thing is you can't spoil this is how shitty the movie is is that it's like you know exactly what it is the entire time they get oh they're on a mysterious vacation to an island and the beach makes them old and there's someone like yeah that's in the trailer but is there like something at the end of the day somebody watching them get older the fucking police find out that they're like killing people on the beach i guess the thing is that they're doing it the age, they give them experimental medicine and then they see if the medicine works because time moves faster.

Speaker 2 I think it's so sad when people care about spoilers. Yeah, like that they actually care.

Speaker 2 It's also funny to think about it's also funny to just like think that these people wrote this movie and you're watching a trailer something that like this ridiculous and you think you're watching the trailer and you're thinking to yourself, wow, there's probably a really tightly sealed, concise ending to this piece of shit.

Speaker 2 This should be a movie. It's called Cold, and it's a beach, but it makes your pussy cold.

Speaker 2 So these guys are going there, and they're fucking their wife, and they're like, something's wrong.

Speaker 2 And then it's a bunch of actors on the beach being like, my wife's pussy was cold also.

Speaker 2 My wife's pussy was frigid. There's got to be something in the rocks that's making their pussy cold.
Other than they have frost-bitten dead. What's that? Why is there a camera on top of the hill?

Speaker 2 Do you think, are they watching us with that camera? Is our cameras in old? Yeah, there's a camera and the they're like watching them and it's for an experiment. That sounds so bad.

Speaker 2 It's fucking people get mad when they when they're it's like lost.

Speaker 2 I get I didn't watch lost. No, I mean I didn't watch it either, but it's like that's the id like an island where weird stuff happens.
But then it's like how everything is like escape room.

Speaker 2 You ever seen that blue lagoon? Uh-uh. With like Brookshields? Isn't that what they're doing? Oh shit, with the young ass.
Is that what it is, right?

Speaker 2 Like hot young Brookshields? I don't know. I don't even know that I can say that.
I think she's underage in that movie.

Speaker 2 A movie called Mold, where it makes her pussy have mold in it.

Speaker 2 And then the Chinese guy's like, yeah, there's mold in my wife's pussy also.

Speaker 2 The Chinese guy? Yeah, he's one of the characters in the movie.

Speaker 2 Yeah. They go to the beach.

Speaker 2 It's like a European couple.

Speaker 2 And they got two kids.

Speaker 2 This would kind of fuck me up. And I might get in trouble for saying this.

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah, so there's kids in the movie, and they age rather quickly.

Speaker 2 So there's a scene where their 10-year-old daughter look up

Speaker 2 and she's just dummy thick.

Speaker 2 The dog's like hot. But the actress is 21, but she's supposed to be 10.

Speaker 2 So you're watching the movie and they have a little bit of a movie. And she's acting like a little kid.
Well, she's got this ill-fitting bathing suit on.

Speaker 2 And you're like, I'm supposed to not just jack off in the middle of a fucking movie at the end.

Speaker 2 You expect me

Speaker 2 to not

Speaker 2 be off.

Speaker 2 You expect me to not Google this actress's age and

Speaker 2 I'm not supposed to find that. He dies into like young people.
Young people

Speaker 2 like wrap his head around.

Speaker 2 Wait, but she is older.

Speaker 2 He fumbles his phone out of his pocket in the theater, starts Googling to make sure that she's of age during production. I was wondering, maybe Stephen, you can edit this for me.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 The scene from Cape Fear where the family's in the movie theater and Max Katie is laughing. Smoking a cigar.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. But just then you edit into that.
The movie they're watching is the scene in I Am Sam where Sean Penn's trying to make the drinks at Starbucks.

Speaker 2 I actually haven't seen I Am Sam. Oh, really? You have to watch it.

Speaker 2 I was watching the Vinny Cool.

Speaker 2 Everybody who doesn't know, Steven looks like

Speaker 2 Steven looks like Sean Penn. Like Sean Penn.
But Getty Lee kind of Sean Penn. But real quick, we should mention that you want to go to getsuperleaf.com slash Cometown

Speaker 2 and use promo code Cometown. And Speciosa is pronounced Speciosa.

Speaker 2 And Kratom is pronounced Kray Tom. That's what I do.
Do you have any of that on you?

Speaker 2 I do. They have to tell me how to pronounce things in the ad copy because I don't know how to read.

Speaker 2 I'll do some of that on air if it helps your bottom line. Oh, it does, certainly.
So

Speaker 2 the scenario is the riff. Oh.

Speaker 2 Can I give Stephen some Kratom? Yeah, give me some. I will.
I got to find it. It's in the camera.
Yeah, we'll work that out in a minute. You can finish your.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Kratom gives your whole body energy, but for some people, it's like coffee for your cock or your vagina.

Speaker 2 It's hot on air, folks. Yeah, it doesn't say that.
If you're tired, it does say that. Really? Literally, I it says.

Speaker 2 How often you forget your cock or your

Speaker 2 what the fuck? They send me this stuff and there's a way to do it. They're like, don't read the copy, but you know, like, this is what

Speaker 2 we want you to say or whatever. It says cock and vagina.
I know, because I was doing a bad job just talking about my experience because it made it sound too depressing.

Speaker 2 Oh, man. I was like, Kratom is good.

Speaker 2 If you're alone, if you want to kill yourself,

Speaker 2 this will keep you a bunch of Kratom. So they sent you yourself away.

Speaker 2 You watch all of Degrassi, The Next Generation, by yourself. Then they sent you newcomers.

Speaker 2 Who are they kidding? That's exactly their fucking audience.

Speaker 2 It's good for pain relief. That's true.

Speaker 2 It's like a little like, it's like putting a Percocet in the coffee, which I don't know, again, I don't know if you're allowed to say that.

Speaker 2 The withdrawal is great.

Speaker 2 You're going to love the withdrawal, folks.

Speaker 2 Medically, it's not, but that's the kind of feeling.

Speaker 2 It's like a little

Speaker 2 like a baby speedball. Like a speedball you'd give to your newborn.
Do it every day for a couple weeks. Just stop.
You don't know what's in these fucking vaccines when you're taking those.

Speaker 2 So you might as well take Kratom.

Speaker 2 I can't promise it'll stop.

Speaker 2 I flew to China to get the

Speaker 2 Sinoform vaccine. I told you.

Speaker 2 I did.

Speaker 2 I flew on Chinese airline.

Speaker 2 The planes all crashing into each other in the sky. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 You fly in front. Now I go.

Speaker 2 It's a Chinese airline.

Speaker 2 The only airline with the planes have fucking horns.

Speaker 2 If you're jerking off and developing a wrist injury, and you need a little extra push to get to come town. Super speciosis cratem.
Yeah, yeah. Hawk honk.

Speaker 2 Yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah, now I go. You go, now then, my turn.

Speaker 2 Come easy and hard with Kratom. Kratom is the secret supplement that influencers don't want you to know about where they're

Speaker 2 hoarding it for themselves. It's a great pre-workout supplement.

Speaker 2 I'll co-sign on that. That is nice.
Do a little kratom and lift weights. You've done that? Yeah, because it's like

Speaker 2 my fucking joints hurt constantly. It's good for pain relief.
Yeah. Can I come here and work out? Yeah, if you want.
Fuck it. I like it in here.

Speaker 2 This is like the first time we've ever bothered coming over and paying Nick a physicist.

Speaker 2 That's because here's the thing: if when a bitch comes over here,

Speaker 2 I'll make them put a

Speaker 2 paper towel down. I make them put a paper towel down.
You gotta see it. That way

Speaker 2 their pheromones don't get on my shit. Gesturing on the couch with your hands.

Speaker 2 Next to his cat with no name.

Speaker 2 It's great. When a bitch

Speaker 2 inviting somebody to come sit down,

Speaker 2 I don't let her get her

Speaker 2 pheromones on my shit, so that doesn't ruin the energy.

Speaker 2 The vibe in here. The feng shui.
Kratom comes in.

Speaker 2 I have a question with the feng shui in here. Yeah.

Speaker 2 The plants you got here.

Speaker 2 Eucalyptus. Eucalyptus.
When did you add those? Like, you went to a store. Yeah.
I've had them. You bought them.
Yeah. And then you put them in.
You make it sound like you live in a fucking dungeon.

Speaker 2 When you get eucalyptus in glass pots. It's very nice in here.

Speaker 2 It is nice. It's very nice.
It's a nice dungeon. For guys.
It's a nice place for guys. It's very nice.
That's why women are very cozy in it. Women come on.

Speaker 2 They got to be in the kennel. I got a special kennel.

Speaker 2 And then you describe also sleeping on the couch, too. And this couch is very good.
It's actually kind of shitty to sleep on. Really?

Speaker 2 But I'll tell you what, what makes it better is doing Kratom all night.

Speaker 2 Rewatching Thief.

Speaker 2 Super special is Kratom.

Speaker 2 I ate a bunch of this Kratom. Nobody's doubting what you're about to say.
I ate a bunch of this Kratom, and I watched fucking the Assassin.

Speaker 2 Well, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Faggard Robert Ford

Speaker 2 probably three or four times, which I might watch that again this week. That might be.
I've never seen it. I saw it when it came out, and it did nothing for me.

Speaker 2 And then re-watching it again this year, it's like

Speaker 2 it might be worse.

Speaker 2 No, no, the assassination of Jesse James. Fuck that movie.
You overrated fucking movie.

Speaker 2 I think it's underrated.

Speaker 2 You don't like it? I don't know what it is. It was the last ever shot.

Speaker 2 I've seen it several times.

Speaker 2 And it's like, it's one of those things where people like, oh, it's one of those movies where everyone's like,

Speaker 2 you gotta watch it. It's a massive movie.
Do people say that? So many people.

Speaker 2 There's like literally a sect of people who are like so deeply like ride for that movie.

Speaker 2 But this might be like a fucking camera guy bullshit thing because it's I don't care about the fucking cinematography. I don't know.

Speaker 2 Like all aspects of it. It's just it's one of those movies that I'm just like, I don't fucking give a shit.
Yeah. I don't give a shit.

Speaker 2 Every batch of Super Speciosa has a QR code to scan and view the exact lab certificates. That's pretty cool.
Imagine if you could do that with people. With people?

Speaker 2 You hold your camera up and it's like 96%, you know, only a matter of,

Speaker 2 you know, 28%.

Speaker 2 Only a matter of

Speaker 2 time. Yeah, you would have a field day with that.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I would love that, dude. Yeah.

Speaker 2 To have like a robotic. Well, that's what fucking then we can switch to my vision.
It's like scanning. Yeah,

Speaker 2 75%

Speaker 2 28%

Speaker 2 saute stage. Isn't that what fucking dating apps do, though? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Terminator, but he's racist this time.

Speaker 2 They killed a racing machines to go back in time.

Speaker 2 And kill all the Jews.

Speaker 2 And then there's like some guys are like, one guy's like, maybe we should just vaporize.

Speaker 2 He still checks all their different robots.

Speaker 2 They're Jewish or not. Their robots robots are from the future.
Maybe they're on to something.

Speaker 2 Maybe we'll let this isn't Nazis. It's cleanup.
It's robots from the future. Maybe they have a better idea.
If you're not completely satisfied, Super Speciosa will give you your money back.

Speaker 2 So you go to Super Leaf.

Speaker 2 They want you to come again with unlimited use of their 20% off promo code, promo code Come Town. Go to get superleaf.com slash come town for 20% off your entire order.

Speaker 2 So you can just buy it and then just just get a refund?

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 basically. That's how almost anything works.
I used to do that a lot as a teenager. I would just fucking complain to customer service devices and get free.

Speaker 2 I mean, that's like the whole hustle of being broke.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You can do that with Amazon.

Speaker 2 You can do it.

Speaker 2 I did that last week. Everybody's doing it.

Speaker 2 Everyone's just. But I don't even shop at Amazon.
I used to be able to

Speaker 2 ConAgra and get like free. I remember distinctly not working one time when I was a teenager because I tried to call like Utz, I think.

Speaker 2 And I guess they're at the time, I don't know if it's different now, but they're like corporate headquarters. There's only like six people working there.
And I was like, yeah, I like cut my hand.

Speaker 2 I want a barrel of pretzels. That's what I'm thinking.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I have like a bag of

Speaker 2 bag of Utz chips because I was like, I was like, oh, you cut your hand.

Speaker 2 I cut my hand opening the pretzel barrel. And this is pretty.
I'm bleeding pretty bad here.

Speaker 2 And they were like,

Speaker 2 okay. And I was like, well, is there like a customer service department? They're like,

Speaker 2 or a customer relations department. And they're like,

Speaker 2 hold on. And then I got transferred to somebody else and they were like, yeah, this is Pam.

Speaker 2 I'm like, well, yeah, I cut my hand opening the pretzels. And she was like,

Speaker 2 so? So what the fuck was that? I'm like, can I have free pretzels? You want more of the thing that hurts you. I'll be careful this time.
They were like, no.

Speaker 2 Oh, no. And I was like,

Speaker 2 okay. Because usually it works.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 How many

Speaker 2 different companies did you have to do? No, of course they

Speaker 2 ended up finally doing it to us. Like, this guy, like,

Speaker 2 I mean, in actuality, probably no more than like five. But, yeah.

Speaker 2 If you call up, you call up, like, Orville Redenbacher.

Speaker 2 Tell them that the popcorn bag caught on fire in the microwave.

Speaker 2 You get free microwave popcorn.

Speaker 2 Okay, you know. This is the kind of stuff.
This is how Elon Musk got to where he is.

Speaker 2 If you want to be, this is a Ballers and Dealmakers podcast.

Speaker 2 I wonder what percentage of the listeners of this show

Speaker 2 believe words coming out of Nick's mouth. It is true.
You can. That one I know for a fact.
Call up. Call up.

Speaker 2 It is true. This is how Elon Musk got started.
That's true. If you want

Speaker 2 Amazon and say, I want to speak to Elon Musk.

Speaker 2 And don't take no for an answer. If they tell you that that's a different company,

Speaker 2 you say, suck my dick, I'm going to fucking kill you. And that is a real threat.
That is a real internet.

Speaker 2 You say suck my dick, I'm gonna go to one of your confections. I call the FBI, they fucking know me.
I work undercover.

Speaker 2 Ever hear a 9-11?

Speaker 2 That was my team. That was my team.
The SEAL team, SEAL Team 9-11.

Speaker 2 Do you have any advice on trying to get

Speaker 2 free

Speaker 2 Wi-Fi or bills? They have free Wi-Fi in the city, don't they? Okay, fine. I've heard that, but if you want to try to...

Speaker 2 Do you have any idea how to get free Wi-Fi, yes, they have that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I've heard about that, but they have free Wi-Fi in the city.

Speaker 2 Leia and them have like something. Yeah, I can't remember the name of it.
He gets everything for free. I guess I'd forgotten about that one, but like, you know, Leia somehow is living

Speaker 2 like your utility bill like Con Edison. I have no idea.
All right, just chilling.

Speaker 2 I don't want to finish that on. Leia's living a fake.
Leia's like, seems to be the type of person who has figured out how to just kind of get everything in her life for like

Speaker 2 for like a pretty like with like reasonable to little as like little amount of work as possible, which I really admire. Yeah, like Donald, a deal man.

Speaker 2 Like Donald Trump. I feel like there was supposed to be a criticism of him that people would be like, he's not a billionaire.
He's actually, he has no money at all.

Speaker 2 And it's like, well, then he is a good deal. If he's somehow the president and there's a million buildings with his name on it.
And he doesn't have any money. Yeah.
Like, how do I do that?

Speaker 2 That sounds like literally a do I class hero? Yeah, how do I become that guy?

Speaker 2 I want it to be just as broke as they're like, oh, these poor people like little buildings, even though he's $80 million in debt. Yeah,

Speaker 2 he'll be $80 million in debt, no problem. Gaming the system.
If I get to live like Donald Trump, Cuomo's out, very funny. Yeah, Pierce Sniff.
Very funny. He does it.
Did you see that?

Speaker 2 They had like a party in Union Square last night, but it was all just like guys.

Speaker 2 It was all like celebrating. Celebrating.
I saw this today. Like Staten Island people.

Speaker 2 They were doing like an anti-mat or vaccine mandate thing at City Hall, and they went there and interviewed people, and it's all just Tim Dylan in a wig over and over again.

Speaker 2 It's all just fucking like,

Speaker 2 we had our firefighters, who died in 9-11, and now you're saying that their families got to take a vaccine.

Speaker 2 Get the fuck out of here. What does that even mean? I don't know.
It doesn't mean that. A lady actually said that's a direct call for one of them.

Speaker 2 She goes, and now they want, I got two words.

Speaker 2 This lady says, she goes, I got two words for Bill de Blasio. Go screw yourself.

Speaker 2 And it's like everything that she has to stop herself from saying, go fuck yourself to the news. Go screw.
Also, that it's two words.

Speaker 2 The only numbers that people from Staten Island know are 9-11.

Speaker 2 There's only two numbers that can count.

Speaker 2 Have you ever spent time on Staten Island? Yeah. I quite like it.

Speaker 2 I used to go to Staten Island Yankees games. Oh, nice.
It's really nice over there. I'm like,

Speaker 2 I'd probably be all crazy and fucked up and protective of it if I lived over there, too. If you like Staten Island.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 The hills are nice. I like that stupid mall.
Weird cultural output from Staten Island. Very weird.
Rutang Clan, PK.

Speaker 2 That's where it ends, right?

Speaker 2 That's a list. No, these are

Speaker 2 hang out inconvenient jokesters. What the fuck is the name? Impractical jokes.

Speaker 2 truthers. I have like Alzheimer's now, actually.

Speaker 2 That's what I'm trying to get at. That's how I feel.
I don't remember.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but it's beyond not remembering. I'm like, fucking, I'm like, what's that place called? Sometimes you guys do.

Speaker 2 You both do this to think about it. It's called O'Daniels.

Speaker 2 I'm thinking of McDonald's. As a young person.
I have no memory. Sometimes you guys will look at me and I'll be looking you guys in the eyes and I'm like, are you still here? Nothing's going on.

Speaker 2 Are you there?

Speaker 2 I'm like, you guys are dead.

Speaker 2 You guys are dying.

Speaker 2 We're only like six years older than you.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm a lot older than him. And it'll happen fucking overnight.

Speaker 2 If you continue down the path that I've shown you. Oh, shit.

Speaker 2 By the way, do you have any booze in the house? You only have protein though. No, he doesn't.
No, no booze in the house, just eggs and sweet.

Speaker 2 I didn't know if you kept some for all the guests you have, even though you're doing it. I thought about doing that.
I thought about getting that. Like, nice little look.
You know what I was kind of

Speaker 2 doing? Throwing out this TV, getting an old console television, retrofitting it, and having just a console television. That would be.

Speaker 2 I fully support that idea. And then in the cabinet, you build a bar.
I fully support that idea. Like a TV you can get drunk out of.
I fully support that idea. I'm not even fucking around.

Speaker 2 If you do that shit, I'll fucking be over here.

Speaker 2 Fucking, that's so fun.

Speaker 2 That's so fucking fun. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I love that shit. That does us no good right now.
It doesn't win like a hose system that hangs from the ceiling

Speaker 2 with like sprite remix in it. And it goes in every room.

Speaker 2 And you can pull it down and just

Speaker 2 you get a a little and it's on one of those like it's on one of those like swivels so you can kind of like pass it around yeah

Speaker 2 nobody at home sees what's going on right here there's really cute what me petting the cat yeah the cat with no name it's like cuddling very good cat very good cat she loves you she loves you she's very good but she has no choice nick she loves i'll kill her otherwise

Speaker 2 i'm the only one that knows how to work the food she's really sweet it's just it's adorable what i'm seeing right now yeah it's really nice i've heard you talk about this cat in passing wow

Speaker 2 um

Speaker 2 pig the new that shit sucked oh did it it sucked damn i thought you were doing i thought you were doing another vagina joke about old no i was gonna see it i said i don't know what pig's about but the obvious one

Speaker 2 to go with pig it's fucking portland people what is it what's the movie it's like fucking portland like portland whatever it's just no whatever fucking people in portland are listening to this like fuck you It's just like fucking, it's like foodie shit.

Speaker 2 I want to do a movie like Stillwater, but it's about like a conservative father that has to go undercover in Antifa to get his son's penis back.

Speaker 2 It's like hardcore. Wait, what happened to his penis? But it's like, well, his son's like, I'm getting my penis cut off and to show the cops who's boss.

Speaker 2 I'm going to, I'm going to save George Floyd by getting my penis cut off. And

Speaker 2 George C. Scott's the dad.

Speaker 2 It's hardcore. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He's like, yeah, I'm a fucking Antifa guy.

Speaker 2 Antifa. I'm Antifa.

Speaker 2 Are you cutting dicks off around here?

Speaker 2 Let me ask you something. You know where they keep the dicks after they cut them off? I'm looking for one.
Looks kind of like this.

Speaker 2 It looks like this, but younger.

Speaker 2 Imagine a younger version of this dick. This is what I'm looking at this one off, bro.

Speaker 2 Have you seen it? It was my daughter's penis. I'm trying to get it back.

Speaker 2 This is the end of the movie. I got your dick.
I'm taking you back to Wisconsin.

Speaker 2 I don't want to go back to Wisconsin. I'm staying here in Chaz.

Speaker 2 Where I'm a General Issimo in the autonomous army of Portland.

Speaker 2 Are they still doing that? Chas. I don't know.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's not happening anymore.
There's probably like

Speaker 2 six angry dudes somewhere saying, we got to keep Chaz alive. Yeah, that that still was one of the funniest things that Robinson.
Of course. They started, because I've said it before.

Speaker 2 Well, remember, we've never, we remember, remember the week that fucking people started protesting last year? Yeah, I remember when that happened.

Speaker 2 We were fucking at Stevens and me, Steven, and Hunter.

Speaker 2 Steven and I bonding over like, like, breakup depression. That's never happened to me.

Speaker 2 Playing a game called Truth or Consequence. This has never happened to me.
in his living room and like crying. Truth or Consequences.
Never happened to me.

Speaker 2 What is that? It's like Truth or Dare, but it's like

Speaker 2 you ask the question, either you tell the truth or there will be consequences. That was not me.

Speaker 2 And we're playing this game where we're getting fucked up. Obliterated, crying.
Hunter's like looking at us like, what are you going? That sounds like a really fun night. Oh, it was fantastic.

Speaker 2 It was fucking incredible. The guys hanging out, crying.
It's incredible. Playing our own special, our own game that we made up.

Speaker 2 We were playing our own card game that that we made up.

Speaker 2 And we're crying.

Speaker 2 And the average age at this hang is 41 years old.

Speaker 2 We wake up the next morning. We wake up the next morning.
We wake up the next morning to a series of texts of the fucking protests.

Speaker 2 And I was like, damn, no. Yeah.
I think when I truly dropped out

Speaker 2 the tears off of my face. When I truly dropped out of society was when the pandemic started, and I was biking around, and I went through

Speaker 2 affluent area of Williamsburg, which is like by the water, where it's all just like Germans, like rich German children and like rich Spanish people.

Speaker 2 And they're all clapping at five o'clock for the essential workers. And I was like, this fucking sucks.

Speaker 2 Just like somebody was blasting New York, New York out their window.

Speaker 2 And God. Yeah, really just nauseating.
Actually, yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, they have to clap before

Speaker 2 the workers. No, that was like.
It's all New York. Okay, like now when I say this, though, it's like, it's like, oh, like, I loved quarantine and all this shit.
It's like those aspects of it.

Speaker 2 The protesting,

Speaker 2 I fucking hated.

Speaker 2 I hated every single person. Every like NYU fucking kid I know being like, oh, yeah, Black Lives Matter.
I'm like, you don't fucking give a shit.

Speaker 2 Black Lives Matter. Yeah.
Yeah, that's why you were bullying that black girl at the party the other day who like looked at you the wrong way or some shit. How dare you

Speaker 2 and then the and then the like the like the clapping

Speaker 2 yeah the five o'clock or what was it? Yeah, five o'clock three a.m. It's like five seven

Speaker 2 that shit was it wasn't happening in bedstead. Yeah, no, you but you could hear it for you could hear it.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 There was one street that had going on. There was no one they did it for like another two years.
They did it for like another five years. They're still doing it.

Speaker 2 In Staten Island, I'm going to move to Staten Island. I'm going to get up at 3 a.m.
to clap for the garbage man.

Speaker 2 That's the real fucking hero.

Speaker 2 The only ones left.

Speaker 2 It's so funny how, like, culturally, that's so important. Just being a garbage man.

Speaker 2 Those are like prized jobs. My drug dealer was a garbage man.
Really? Oh, shit.

Speaker 2 Was, and now he's a drug dealer. He's no longer with us.
Oh, R.I.P. Yeah,

Speaker 2 because the Department of Sanitation has their own cops, too. Yeah.
And there's nothing. Really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Department of Sanitation cops, and those guys mean business. This is adorable.
The cat. The cat's still in the cat.
She wants to be on the podcast. Meow, meow, meow.

Speaker 2 She'd be more interesting than me. Say something.

Speaker 2 The visuals are way.

Speaker 2 Say something. This is an example where radio doesn't really, you know.
Yeah. I mean,

Speaker 2 doesn't translate. Actually.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like what? Like most radio shows now, they have, like, a video component, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's like Joe Rogan and stuff. He's in a lot of trouble this week for

Speaker 2 saying the vaccines cause Down syndrome.

Speaker 2 I might be misrepresenting what he said.

Speaker 2 But the substance of it is there, is that if you get vaccinated, it'll cause Down syndrome and it'll be.

Speaker 2 In your office.

Speaker 2 And not only should, and look, I'm all for freedom of speech, but Joe Rogan should be sodomized in prison for those things that he said, and he shouldn't be allowed to say them.

Speaker 2 Canceling doesn't exist.

Speaker 2 But I am lying about what Joe Rogan said,

Speaker 2 drawing attention to it in the hopes that he'll lose his job.

Speaker 2 But if that happens,

Speaker 2 there's no one-to-one

Speaker 2 relationship between what I did and what happened.

Speaker 2 Oh, man.

Speaker 2 Another show I've never listened to. You know, I dated a girl that would put it on all the time.
Because I don't listen to any podcast. But,

Speaker 2 like, it would just be on while we were going to sleep.

Speaker 2 What you want to do is date a girl that you put it in, Nick. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's true. I've never done that.
They keep tricking me, these women. They make me date on them.
Put the Joe Rogan show on. They tell me they're all waiting for marriage.

Speaker 2 And then I come to find out that they fucked everyone that I know.

Speaker 2 And every time they get me with that trick,

Speaker 2 yeah.

Speaker 2 I hate when you're seeing a girl and you find out that she's not a virgin.

Speaker 2 It makes me want to kill them, honestly. Yeah, that's the worst shit in the world.
It makes me want to take a little

Speaker 2 ball peen hammer

Speaker 2 and just while they're sleeping, just cave in the front of their skull. After they tell you you play it cool.
Yeah. And then they go to sleep.
Oh, yeah, I don't care about that at all.

Speaker 2 I'm one of these new type of guys.

Speaker 2 After you throw your

Speaker 2 doilie away that you play. put it on your

Speaker 2 FIFA guys, so I don't really care about that kind of stuff.

Speaker 2 Hello hardware store. I'd like you to deliver a hammer to my house, please.

Speaker 2 I'm a general contractor. Understood.
And

Speaker 2 my name's

Speaker 2 Richard. Understood, Richard.
And I'm paying cash, untraceable cash

Speaker 2 for the hammer that I need to do construction with

Speaker 2 in the middle of the night. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And that's how you get away with murder. Uh-huh.

Speaker 2 This seems like a good episode. Huh? This seems like a good episode.
You know, to be honest with you, this is about average.

Speaker 2 This is about...

Speaker 2 This is like just about how this show goes. I can't believe.
I cannot believe this is how you guys make money. Yeah.

Speaker 2 This is fucking fucked up. Why? Just because I see...

Speaker 2 Do you know how much I have to do? You know what? You know what?

Speaker 2 You know what, to be fair, to be fair? It's not even like. It's not even.

Speaker 2 Again, I'm not shitting on Adam. I'm not shitting on Adam.
200 years ago, you could just, you would

Speaker 2 like, you would just have a fucking giant farm.

Speaker 2 You had slaves that did everything. Uh-huh.
And you didn't have to do shit

Speaker 2 except, you know, try to. Which is also crazy and cool.
It's cool. And crazy.

Speaker 2 Which is why I say it. It's like, I see, like, I hang out with Adam.

Speaker 2 I see him more than you. Yeah.
And we're like, we're walking around doing our thing. And

Speaker 2 I'm like, bitching to him about some shit going on in my life.

Speaker 2 And he's like, oh, like, there'll be like a day out of the week where he's like, yeah, I can't meet up today. I got to work.
Does he call it that? He calls it working. I don't.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yes, yes.
And I'm just like, okay.

Speaker 2 And I think about this, and I think about it. And I went to go see you guys' show or whatever.
And I was like, like, oh, it was nice. It was nice to see you guys do what you do or whatever.

Speaker 2 Not you, because you're in fucking China, apparently. Yeah, I was in China.
Uh-huh.

Speaker 2 Honestly, shout out to Chen Weihua, who set it all up.

Speaker 2 And here

Speaker 2 we're,

Speaker 2 I'm like doing this right now, and it pisses me off, and now I have to kick having it. I got to be honest, like, doing the, I'm...
I'm terrible at this, and I haven't newfound respect for you guys.

Speaker 2 I think it is actual work. No, it's not work.
working.

Speaker 2 To be good at it, I think is actual work. To be good at it, yeah,

Speaker 2 the thing that's nice about broadcasting is talking on my phone.

Speaker 2 You can have like a fucking dog shit bad average. We can do

Speaker 2 a million bad episodes. Yeah.
And then

Speaker 2 every once in a while,

Speaker 2 there's one that is at least an hour long.

Speaker 2 And then that's where

Speaker 2 the putting, the proofs on my. How long are we at right now? Huh? We're almost done.
Oh, wow. We're almost done here.
Guys, if you really, to make it, if you're saying, what the fuck is this?

Speaker 2 Where's Stavi, baby? Where's Stavi, baby? Oh, you're talking to

Speaker 2 the audience. If they're saying, if they're, if they're,

Speaker 2 where's, you can go to Patreon. They're like,

Speaker 2 they can pay for it. They're

Speaker 2 draws. Spatreon.com.
Not only, it's $5 a month, there's a backlog of three years of this bullshit. Oh, my God.
And you get an extra episode every weekend. You can also go to come.town and buy a shirt

Speaker 2 to have delivered to your mom's house.

Speaker 2 Where do you ship those out? Do you have the stocks?

Speaker 2 The shop is in Albany.

Speaker 2 So they print everything. I used to do it myself, but

Speaker 2 too many fans. No, it was just, I mean, it was brutal.
I was like,

Speaker 2 I would release something and I'd have to do like a limited order. Yeah.
But I would order like 1,500 shirts. And, I mean, I guess it's good.
It's a stupid thing to complain about.

Speaker 2 But I put them up for sale and they'd sell out immediately. And then I would have to take literally waking up at like 5 a.m.

Speaker 2 And then printing out like

Speaker 2 packing and shooting. So that's the work of it.

Speaker 2 Well, when I did it.

Speaker 2 That was the work of it all. Yeah.
And then it would be like bell to bell every day for like...

Speaker 2 like two weeks straight, which is fine, you know, because it's making money. And then it's not, if you own, if you don't have a boss, it doesn't really feel like work.

Speaker 2 Sure. Yeah.
It's just the most adorable thing to catch up with. I think whenever I'm doing anything, I feel like I'm working.

Speaker 2 I think right now my life is

Speaker 2 cool because I think I like what I do genuinely. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But,

Speaker 2 you know, work is terrible.

Speaker 2 Work is terrible. I mean,

Speaker 2 as much as I have been cheating on your fans, that is sick that you can post a fucking t-shirt.

Speaker 2 What do you have against them?

Speaker 2 um nothing

Speaker 2 they just think they're seamant

Speaker 2 anything against anybody

Speaker 2 you know it's funny I say that and I really I have no idea I just assume there was only one guy that we ever really spent any time with and

Speaker 2 he was like a really like I genuinely a very like cool person

Speaker 2 and they died of fucking cancer so I'm assuming that that was that was the only one

Speaker 2 and then the rest of them. That's so funny.
And it should have been the rest of them that got cancer. Is that funny?

Speaker 2 I know one fan of yours. He's a great guy.
Who? A friend of mine. Who? Is it Mark Hamill?

Speaker 2 He's a doctor.

Speaker 2 Dan, if you're listening. Oh, Dan.
How you doing? How are you doing? Dan's.

Speaker 2 Did you mean Dan?

Speaker 2 Did you mean Dan? Breast implants. He's a breast implant.
Yeah. He's fucking sick.
Yeah, he's great. We like that.
He's funny.

Speaker 2 It's weird that

Speaker 2 that's all you do if you're a titty. Because Because it seems like something that regular doctors would do on the side just to pay off their like

Speaker 2 to pay off like

Speaker 2 the doctor works. Yeah.
Doctors just got the side doctor hustles. I would do that shit.
Yeah. If I was a doctor, I'd be doing like.

Speaker 2 If you knew how the general shit worked, you'd just go and be like, yeah, I'll do a surgery.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You'd go on on your day off to do a boob a boob surgery. You know what was crazy that

Speaker 2 Asian women used to get.

Speaker 2 Asian women used to get eyelid surgery back in the late 80s, early 90s. Do you remember that?

Speaker 2 I wasn't a

Speaker 2 what did you say?

Speaker 2 That was the thing, is I remember that as a kid. I would hear about it.

Speaker 2 People getting eyelid surgery? I never saw anyone actually.

Speaker 2 What happens to your eyelids? Well, they give them

Speaker 2 white people

Speaker 2 so that they can be on the news. Oh.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I missed it. So they can be on the news.
Are there like prominent news broadcasters who got that surgery?

Speaker 2 Well, I'm trying, I'm going to look it up now.

Speaker 2 Because there's got to be like

Speaker 2 dateline hosts who had that surgery or some shit.

Speaker 2 Well, I'm going to get now, but I feel like culture's finally come the other way. Because I've often said...
You're going to get Asianized. Yeah,

Speaker 2 I would never trade at any race, but now Korean,

Speaker 2 maybe.

Speaker 2 I want to be ethnically Korean with Chinese nationality. Why is that?

Speaker 2 Well, first of all,

Speaker 2 the West is lost. It's going over the East.
China's going to be the superpower. Look at what the West is.
Literally, within Asia, Korea is number one.

Speaker 2 So you go Korean ethnicity, it'll be a Han nationalist, be a Han Han nationalism, sympathetic Korean communist in China.

Speaker 2 And that's,

Speaker 2 as they say, there's the ticket.

Speaker 2 You don't have to laugh.

Speaker 2 That's the sweet song.

Speaker 2 I I found it. Here we go.
You don't have to laugh.

Speaker 2 Yes, yes, yeah, yeah. Hell yeah.

Speaker 2 I knew that shit.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and

Speaker 2 I always knew that. You see what I mean when I say so you can be on the news? It's wild because

Speaker 2 it's wild because her face before

Speaker 2 looks dramatically different. Yeah.
Better? In 2007, Tyra Banks invited Lit. Oh, no comment.
I just suddenly remember the Tyra Banks show.

Speaker 2 I I wish they would have been. She's a wild motherfucker.
Her show is hilarious. Her show is crazy.
Like, crazier than

Speaker 2 because Tyra Banks is

Speaker 2 like a sociopath. She's a fucking horrific person.

Speaker 2 You watch America's Next Time Model? I watched the first season. It's a crazy show.
But I got out of reality television. After Jersey Shore, I was like, I can't do this anymore.

Speaker 2 You ever watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians? No, never. Oh, so fun.

Speaker 2 Never saw it. I like it.

Speaker 2 Banks invited Liz, the Chinese-American woman, on our show, to talk about her double eyelid surgery. Banks accused her guest of ethnic tweaking to make herself look wide-eyed and Caucasian.

Speaker 2 Wait, despite Liz's surprise,

Speaker 2 they call us wide-eyed? Despite Liz's progression, it merely prevents her eyes from drooping.

Speaker 2 Then there is the infamous story of John

Speaker 2 in the 90s, the Chinese-American television personality who

Speaker 2 underwent double eyelid surgery after boss said she'd never make it as a top news anchor because her eyes made her look too disinterested.

Speaker 2 And because she was Chinese. I was disinterested as shit.
Because her eyes made her look easy. But people just think I was disinterested.
And

Speaker 2 because she's Chinese. I don't think that

Speaker 2 should have been a part of the movie broadcast news. Right, right, right, right.

Speaker 2 Because Albert Brooks.

Speaker 2 But maybe you could make your eyes less Chinese.

Speaker 2 That's actually

Speaker 2 maybe help your look a great

Speaker 2 plot line for that. Lots of people have different kinds of eyes.
You have one Jewish impression.

Speaker 2 No, that's Albert Brooks. That's what he sounds like.

Speaker 2 But I think you have beautiful eyes. It could just be beautiful or.

Speaker 2 Asian people don't look disinterested, though. Yeah, they don't.
Then for the next one, I feel like I think Island looks particularly interesting. They look suspicious.

Speaker 2 Suspicious. Suspiciously.
Suspicious. Well, boys, it's been a real one.

Speaker 2 You don't want to keep going.

Speaker 2 I feel like we're just getting into the groove. That's what you got to say at the end.
Yeah, you're getting into the groove.

Speaker 2 I just need to piss. I have to piss you.

Speaker 2 That's why the show, yeah, we could do.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you, every week we could do the show for six hours, but I got to piss.

Speaker 2 I want to do the longest show. Adam has to

Speaker 2 record for the longest. Adam has to get ready for the work next week.

Speaker 2 He's prepare himself for his.

Speaker 2 You're the boss, man. You're the boss, man.
But I think you guys, we'll be back with regularly scheduled

Speaker 2 regularly pre-recorded episodes from a month and a half ago next week. And then the show will resume its normal sexual programming,

Speaker 2 sexualized programming on September,

Speaker 2 whatever the first weekend, fucking September. It's been an absolute pleasure.
Thanks for having me. Thanks for doing it, guys.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 we'll go to smoke segments. Welcome back from China.
Audios.