Ep. 266 – bathroom break

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Speaker 2 Well, once again, we had a fun little back and forth. Really nice, early bid, and it's gone.
It's gone. The first 45 seconds were fucked up, which actually not even fucked up.
I could have just

Speaker 2 continued going and mixed all this down at the end, but

Speaker 2 then the file would have been... That cost us money now.
Yeah. And you know me.

Speaker 2 That's a

Speaker 2 business. But it was a reporter.
Yeah. As a reporter, I'm saying I'm here with a big fat guy.
No, you were. First of all,

Speaker 2 it had nothing to do with being a fat guy.

Speaker 2 We're here at Epcot Center. You are changing it.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Adam. Yeah.
Just for the reason.

Speaker 2 Just for truth. I don't think you're lying to me.

Speaker 2 Mr.

Speaker 2 Five line. Maybe it's $6 million now is

Speaker 2 accusing me of

Speaker 2 $6 million. Thank you.
Stop, bro. And I'm with you on that one, Adam.
Oh my God.

Speaker 2 You know how people say that this guy's a Holocaust revisionist? Yeah. But he's like, actually, we're seven million.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 He's bartering. Yeah.
Maybe we should.

Speaker 2 He's trying to get another million tacked on to the final tally.

Speaker 2 I don't really know what purpose that would serve. To get more reparations from Germany.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but the reporters, you know, just doing like, I'm here.

Speaker 2 It was one of the classic kind of.

Speaker 2 It would have been one of the biggest most classic bits. Just a nice way.

Speaker 2 It would be one of the biggest classic bits, but just reporting. Just a nice piece of business.
Just

Speaker 2 a nice solid way to start off in five seconds. Adam,

Speaker 2 here's a little

Speaker 2 behind the curtains sort of thing is often we'll finish a show and Adam will just start immediately laughing about the one thing he said and being like, dude, that's one of the funniest things that we've ever done.

Speaker 2 Well, I meant to

Speaker 2 compliment his.

Speaker 2 I never said that. Right, but to be fair, he had nothing to do with this particular thing.

Speaker 2 I didn't say anything about it.

Speaker 2 The episode airs, and

Speaker 2 Adam will sit at home on YouTube just googling variations of Adam's bagel story. Yeah, right.
Adam's story about being 13 and seeing a girl and

Speaker 2 being ashamed of sex stuff at the bagel store in Israel. I don't know if that's the best story on the show.
The bagel store in Israel. I didn't say anything.
Adam, I was getting a bagel.

Speaker 2 And there was a girl, and I could see her nipples through her shirt. And I had to go into the bathroom to text

Speaker 2 my cousin, my Jewish.

Speaker 2 Then we went to synagogue.

Speaker 2 That sounds like a pretty good story to be able to say. This is a classic.
This is the synagogue. We went and we got some.
And then the girl was at synagogue, and it turns out she was my cousin.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Yep.
And I got my dick sucked.

Speaker 2 And I was 13, and I was Jewish. And she was seven, by the way.
She was,

Speaker 2 but it was in Israel. There's no laws.

Speaker 2 The fucking Outback, dude.

Speaker 2 No rules, just right.

Speaker 2 The Outbank. The Outbank.

Speaker 2 Boy, welcome to the Outbank of Israel. We're sniping toddlers that have water guns in their hands.
Outbank steak ass. Outbanks.

Speaker 2 Farnest Israeli food. We've got kangaroo hummus.

Speaker 2 No rules. No tipping.
Just right.

Speaker 2 Well, that

Speaker 2 reached a pretty predictable conclusion.

Speaker 2 Still good. Predictable in terms of hilarious.

Speaker 2 Still good all the same. No, no, I meant that too.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Outbink steakiest.

Speaker 2 Outbink steakiest.

Speaker 2 We're expanding.

Speaker 2 Every week, there's a new restaurant further into what used to be Palestinian Palestinian territory.

Speaker 2 We're opening a new location in the Golan Heights.

Speaker 2 What's another part of Palestine?

Speaker 2 Well, I think the whole thing is Palestine, but that's just me. No, you're just...
That's just me as the good kind of thing. No.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 No, you don't.

Speaker 2 The no can really shift to being a Baltimore guy. I say nor.
Narr. Norr.
Thank you, Adam. Thank you for keeping me on track.
Yeah, that's all right. Narr.
If we're doing Australian, you know. Narr.

Speaker 2 You gamed?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 let's just go ahead and we'll walk through the whole thing. So,

Speaker 2 you got the Out Bank, and what kind of animals they got there? They got a kangaroo that's got a change purse. Right.
And you know what? I'll say this. It's more like a rat.
I.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's like a big rat. It's a fucked up rat.

Speaker 2 I'm imagining myself as Chuck E. Cheese.
From a couple of weeks ago, which I've spent, I don't know if I made it, I made it clear, but my version of the Chuck E. Cheese outfit, there's no head.

Speaker 2 It's my own head. I like that a lot.
I've balded at this point. So I've got like a shitty comb over it.
Yes. And I'm painted gray, and there's a fake snout.
A fake like ratty snout. Oh, nice.

Speaker 2 Just a nose that you like put on one. Yeah, I put on that front.
Fake band in the back. Yeah, fake ratty ears that hang that have like

Speaker 2 i like that a lot bite marks in them and that's that's it's and by the way it's body paint so you can see your cock is just gray no i still have the rest of the suit on no no no your body it's bot it's gray spray body paint from the you can see your dick and balls and they're just painted no the bottom of the suit has to be all fat and you with big rat legs in the tail well you've gotten fat yeah but not fat enough to to it would have to be all at the bottom down where my legs are

Speaker 2 it would have to be a big thing like a big ball sack maybe i have elephantiasis of the balls. I like that.
And then it's like a big rat belly.

Speaker 2 And I have, maybe I'm just actually a rat. You've turned into a rat.

Speaker 2 And yes. You've turned into some kind of mythical half-hat.

Speaker 2 Back to Jewish outback station. See, and I'll say, I, here's how naive I am.
Not naive, but I was running it. I thought we were going West Bank, not just the bank that Jews.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I was confused about that too, but I didn't want to do a fact check kind of. No, it's either way.

Speaker 2 But that's actually what's beautiful about it. okay it's

Speaker 2 kind of a catch-all it's verse as a volatile happy it gets fucking fucked in the ass it gets it it fucks in the ass yeah i hit i kind of always have hated dual puns like two-way puns what do you mean like something like that where it's like the bank because you're going out bank but then which direction do you go from there it splits off right there's two different paths for dual to choose your own adventure well no because it it's there's an implied non-specificity there even though it may seem like elegant and complex it's it's sort of dissonant.

Speaker 2 Well, you need to understand.

Speaker 2 You need to understand that there's elegance in the unknown. What's lazy is you.

Speaker 2 Somebody that doesn't say you've brought nothing to the Jewish Outback Steakhouse.

Speaker 2 That doesn't make sense. No, you went into a Chuck E.
Cheese thing. I revisited the Chuck E.
Cheese. You said let's.

Speaker 2 Because in my mind, we're at the strip mall that has both an Outback Steakhouse and a Chuck E. Cheese.
And I'm going into all the stores

Speaker 2 saying, how could this be more Jewish?

Speaker 2 All right. You're doing the work.
I get it. Radio Shekel.

Speaker 2 They got that there. Okay, now we're doing a mole.
They got a Barnes and Noble. Yep.
Yeah. And it's.

Speaker 2 What's

Speaker 2 Shofar NZ and Noble?

Speaker 2 Shofar and Zen Noble.

Speaker 2 And they sell those trumpets. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Jafar is in Noble.

Speaker 2 And it's Jafar.

Speaker 2 You guys don't deserve the Shofar, I gotta be honest with you. Why?

Speaker 2 It's fucking too cool.

Speaker 2 I mean, anyone could buy one.

Speaker 2 You get your own Shofar. Shouldn't shouldn't be a part of your religion.
It should be a part of a cool old like mystic religion with fucking wizards and shit. I don't know.

Speaker 2 We're the people of the book, you know. When's the last time a Jew did a real magic trick with miracles?

Speaker 2 Jesus?

Speaker 2 It's been a while.

Speaker 2 Oh, with miracles? No one's actually a machine. Container store, but it's like

Speaker 2 one of the containers from a shipping container. Like a box car.

Speaker 2 That they're doing sex trafficking and stuff like that. That's that kind of container store.
How about that? Is that still a Jewish thing? Yeah, you know, because of the trains and stuff.

Speaker 2 A little bit of a stretch, I have to admit. All right, all right, all right.
But I'm thinking about other things that are in the shopping center in my mind.

Speaker 2 I get it. I just think it should have a more direct tie to it.

Speaker 2 A Panera bread.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 A complanera bread. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I'll go with that one. That one makes more sense to me than a shipping container store.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 The Jamba Jews.

Speaker 2 Okay, that's a dunk right there. Jamba.
And what does Jamba mean? I think it's a good job. I'm pretty sure it's racist.

Speaker 2 So it's a bunch of Jamba Jews. It's just a bunch of Jews in blackface.

Speaker 2 It's a bunch of Jews in blackface with loincloths. It's like a Lenny Kravitz type of thing.
What do you mean?

Speaker 2 Okay. All right.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 And you buy them there? I don't know.

Speaker 2 We're taking a stroll down the street. We're going to take a stroll down the stream.
Because I've become so pissed at Adam that we've had to leave.

Speaker 2 Chuck E. Cheese.
No, we weren't in Chuck E. We were at the Outback Steakhouse.
Outbank Steakhouse. Outbank Steakhouse.
We didn't have to leave that.

Speaker 2 We went to Chuck E. Cheese for a second, and you got mad.
You got mad. You were like, I thought we were at Outback Steakhouse.
Well, you just said it out.

Speaker 2 It's because you're not even paying attention to where we are.

Speaker 2 I've been laser focused. I've been really trying to come him on Adam.
No, I have. Adam, it's okay to admit you made a mistake.
Yeah, maybe laser-cut diamonds, maybe.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because of the Jewish involvement. But you sell them for

Speaker 2 the real price. They're lab-grown diamonds.
Oh, they're fair. But you say they're De Beers.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's nice. I mean, it's better for the, you know,

Speaker 2 better for the world. You should be charging lower, though.
What do you mean?

Speaker 2 Lab-grown, not the same. I hear it's just as good.

Speaker 2 I'm uh disrupting the wedding industrial complex. You're dis sucking.
You're dick-sucking. These are bullish.
The Stavros penis complex.

Speaker 2 Which includes my penis, my balls, and the top part of my asshole, other otherwise known as the gooch.

Speaker 2 Or I guess the bottom part.

Speaker 2 That's the Stavros penis industrial complex.

Speaker 2 And you're sucking. You're dis suck dick sucking it.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 And you're really having a good time. You're you're throating me, and then you're taking your tongue from the tip of my dick all the way to my gooch, almost to my asshole.
With

Speaker 2 all the penis is in my mouth still? No. You're taking a break.

Speaker 2 You're spitting on it and jacking it off

Speaker 2 while you're licking my balls. The home beepo is there, right? Yeah.
And the beep refers to the sound that the ATM makes when you enter your pin code.

Speaker 2 Oh, I thought you were going to go with the slur thing, but okay.

Speaker 2 Jews don't really say slurs that much. Yeah.
I'll give you that. We don't say them in public, but that's that's true.
In private.

Speaker 2 Do you guys have, is there Jewish confession?

Speaker 2 No, we keep secrets until the day we die. Instead of a limited two, they have a limited 1.75.

Speaker 2 It's a little bit less.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I like that. Yeah.
It's cheaper.

Speaker 2 Let's see. What are some other stores? In the mall? Auntie Ann's.
What kind of stuff? Ross dressed for Rossberg dress for even less. For even less.
Yeah. Auntie Anne Franks.

Speaker 2 Auntie Anne Franks, there we go.

Speaker 2 You have to sneak into a little closet to get pretzels. Pretzel.

Speaker 2 Marshules.

Speaker 2 Marshules.

Speaker 2 Marshulies.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 How can we get Shlomo in the mix?

Speaker 2 Let's do the rare

Speaker 2 Shlomo Depot.

Speaker 2 We already did Home Depot. Shlom Depot.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, he did Home Depot. I forgot.
So you haven't been paying attention. I'm kind of curious, though.

Speaker 2 It's a store built completely around the beep sound of an ATM.

Speaker 2 What gets sold there? What does it look like in there?

Speaker 2 We're not going into any of the stores. We're just seeing the.
We're doing what they call in the intelligence community world building.

Speaker 2 And by intelligence community, I mean people that are smart enough to play tabletop games. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Some of the smartest people. I don't mean CIA.

Speaker 2 We need another tabletop game

Speaker 2 to replace. Well that's one of the stores is

Speaker 2 the Wizards of the Coast is there and they have tabletop games.

Speaker 2 And the Wizard is

Speaker 2 a mole. Maybe the

Speaker 2 what's Wizards of the Coast? Is that a real store?

Speaker 2 I think it's a store for Nerds. It's a store, yeah, they own it.
I wouldn't know. It's a store that

Speaker 2 I would go to the pushback. It's a company that owns the Magic the Gathering store.
Oh, that's what it is. Or Magic the Gathering Game, and I think they had retail installations and whatever.

Speaker 2 I did that. See, I would never know that because of my dick being too fat, on account of that.

Speaker 2 Not being a fucking loser.

Speaker 2 Wizards of the Cost.

Speaker 2 There we go. There you go.
Alright. I like that a lot, actually.
Because that's what a rabbi is, basically.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you got that.

Speaker 2 They do. Are there any rabbis that have a pointy hat?

Speaker 2 No, I mean they wear skull caps, I guess.

Speaker 2 And then they got that big furry round thing. Yeah, that's true.
That's kind of a wizard hat. And then the Blues Brothers kind of one.
Those are all the styles.

Speaker 2 The Blues Brother ones, they can get close.

Speaker 2 It's not very pointy.

Speaker 2 It's funny how close the cowboy hat is to the wizard hat.

Speaker 2 And if you wear like a wizard hat, you look stupid.

Speaker 2 But if you wear like a cowboy hat, people think you're like the coolest guy in the world. What's a wizard hat? It's like a dunce cap, it's like a cone, no?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, it's like a witch hat, but that doesn't look like a cowboy hat. They look what are you talking about?

Speaker 2 A cowboy hat has like a dip in the middle, it doesn't point, it just has the dimple, it doesn't have a point on it. Oh, I guess a witch hat has a brim, too.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 I guess points hate. I'm not sure we're wearing a witch's hat, the point guy, that'd be a cool look, man.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's a style,

Speaker 2 it's like a New York City fashion style. Yeah, it's just a pointy hat.

Speaker 2 There have to be ways that we kind of become,

Speaker 2 you know, find our own thing. Yeah.
Well, the Lower East Side gay black guys, they kind of stole Carmen San Diego. They did.

Speaker 2 They absolutely did. Yeah, it's annoying.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And they're mad about that? Yeah, you're going to bring it back? Yeah.

Speaker 2 It was an idea of mine that they probably wouldn't. A good dark wing duck? Yeah.

Speaker 2 But, you know what? I gave it to them.

Speaker 2 Because of

Speaker 2 Pride Month.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because you were at Pride Month. Damn,

Speaker 2 I would fuck this lady. Yeah, I agree with that.

Speaker 2 I typed in witch hat, and the first result is a woman. And

Speaker 2 now we're going to run through these real quick and let you guys know if we'd have sex with the women in the picture.

Speaker 2 There's a lot of just hats.

Speaker 2 Oh, man. Look at this guy.

Speaker 2 This guy sucks. Hell yeah.
See, the wizard hat, it sucks because it's... But that's not quite a wizard hat.
It's not a witch hat. This is more of like a fucking...

Speaker 2 That's a fedora version of a witch hat. I don't like that.
Harlow wide-brim hat. Yeah, fuck that.
But you know what? I'll say it's not just the gay lower east side black guys.

Speaker 2 It's really all black guys.

Speaker 2 What, they all dress like Carmen San Diego now? That hat is in the mix for, I would say, the majority of the people. Well, Pharrell kind of like...
Pharrell's definitely. Pharrell started it.

Speaker 2 Well, no, but that's a different hat.

Speaker 2 What the fuck is I've been hearing like a resurgence of Pharrell and Bruno Mars just around people listening to it, which always struck me as like music for people with Down syndrome.

Speaker 2 I don't think that's true about Pharrell. You could say that maybe about Bruno Mars.

Speaker 2 I don't think that about him either. Really? Yeah.
I think he's got

Speaker 2 this, dude.

Speaker 2 This big wide

Speaker 2 oatmeal guy hat from a store called Lack of Color.

Speaker 2 Which

Speaker 2 do they have any models wearing it?

Speaker 2 I'd fuck her. Yeah, I'd fuck her too.
She looks like she's got a nice little fat putsy area.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You can press down on it while you fuck her. Yeah, I can't.
Well, the zoom in on the face.

Speaker 2 Let's go to contacts. Yeah, contacts.

Speaker 2 I would have sex with the.

Speaker 2 Can we contact the company and ask them if they have any pictures of the model's breasts?

Speaker 2 Do you have any?

Speaker 2 Do you have any pictures of the model's breast or what her pussy area looks like?

Speaker 2 Human may concern. I'd like to see the area directly.

Speaker 2 You don't have to show me her actual pussy. Oh, look, we're getting even.
Oh, there we go. That's close, actually.

Speaker 2 More of her pussy here.

Speaker 2 Huh. Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 Ooh. Yeah.
Are these all the same woman? It's the same dumb bitch. Interesting.

Speaker 2 Let's see if the booster shop. Don't miss out.
Oh, wait, hold on. From from Purine.
Maybe we can. Purine.
Maybe this is.

Speaker 2 My dick is Purine.

Speaker 2 Search Web.

Speaker 2 Heinrich Purine. Maybe we can find Purine pussy.
Search that.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's the photographer.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, we can go. Maybe he has a picture of her and he's tagged her.
He's a picture.

Speaker 2 This looks very simple. This doesn't look like her.

Speaker 2 That's a different blonde bitch.

Speaker 2 I think you might have. I might have found this woman.

Speaker 2 Let's click on the one where you kind of see her pussy. You have to compare the pussy area.
Computer in hand.

Speaker 2 I think this might be it. I think you're not wrong, actually.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't know how to say her name here.

Speaker 2 Natasha. I guess it's...
What's that? Go down to the one where you can kind of see your tits a little bit.

Speaker 2 Natasha. Right kind of this one.
Oh, this one area. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she's got a nice little pair of titties.

Speaker 2 Anyways, I guess she's.

Speaker 2 She looks like she lives in whatever the red flag. Sweden? Is that Sweden? I think it's Finland.
Let's see her. No, Finland's blue and yellow.

Speaker 2 That's Sweden. I think it's Denmark.

Speaker 2 Blue and white is Finland. I think it's Denmark.
Denmark's red and white. It is red.
Nailed. You didn't nail it.
I nailed it. You said Sweden, then you said...
No, I fucking nailed it.

Speaker 2 My final guess was Denmark.

Speaker 2 Because we ran through and already eliminated all the other. No, we didn't.
No one thought it was Finland, but your dumbass.

Speaker 2 Adam said Finland. Adam can't even see.
He never said Finland. Adam's not going to see the pictures of the girls.

Speaker 2 Because they're checking. I'm operating one.
I'm not going to be able to do it.

Speaker 2 Anyways, if you're Natasha from Finland, just know. She's she's from Denmark, you fucking idiot.
I wanted to get a matching witch's hat with you and suck your fat pussy area.

Speaker 2 I bet you honestly, I do think she has a fat pussy. Watch this.
This gets back to me. Like fatter than you'd think.

Speaker 2 This is gonna get back to this woman, and what I'm saying is going to be the highest crime in Finland.

Speaker 2 And I'm gonna be extradited to Finland to serve time for

Speaker 2 soliciting a pussy snack

Speaker 2 from the Queen of Finland.

Speaker 2 Yeah, hell yeah. Yeah.
She looks better on her Instagram than she.

Speaker 2 Actually, I don't think that was the same woman modeling the hat.

Speaker 2 You don't say. I don't think so.
She's fodder than that lady.

Speaker 2 Well, what am I gonna do?

Speaker 2 See, that's a different bitch, my friend. Well, whatever.
If you want to email any woman and just tell her.

Speaker 2 Tell her, come town. Do you know some bitch from Denmark with fat tits and a kind of...
Clicking on the...

Speaker 2 Oh. Wait, hold on.
Let's see if we'll look at the comments. Somebody's like, do you know who this bitch is yeah and they're like yes or this is her phone number

Speaker 2 you should text her she'll probably want right on instagram yeah she's having sex with guys from instagram coming

Speaker 2 if you wanted to check in

Speaker 2 oh well adam how you feeling i know you had a little fucking cn

Speaker 2 you don't need to know about the girl i took a girl's about me i took a nut case peptobiz and i'm feeling better peptogismal no it wasn't jizz it was a peptojiz it was come with with some pink food dye in it.

Speaker 2 That's not what it was. Peptojmol.
It took a little chizz colour.

Speaker 2 It made me feel better. Pepto tastes awesome.
It tastes like bubble dough. It tastes great, like a minty bubble dough.
I love it, dude.

Speaker 2 Why don't other things taste like that? It's a great question. Great flavor.
Shout out to them. And this is all off of a piece of pizza.
Your stomach was fucked up.

Speaker 2 No, I had pizza last night, and then I had a from the table pizza this morning before I could. Oh, you had overnight overnight pizza.
I had overnight pizza. On the bus.
You shouldn't be having dairy.

Speaker 2 Wow. Yeah, this is boring for the audience.
Wow, dude. You fucked them up.

Speaker 2 Very dramatic. Dude, I remember being like 20, and I could just eat anything.
Sorry. I could just eat Chinese food left out overnight.
I had that kind of confidence this morning for no reason.

Speaker 2 No, you're an old man. You're from the street.
My stomach's back, dude. I ate a shit ton of spicy ass Indian food the other day.
I was like, this is going to kill me, but I don't even fucking care.

Speaker 2 Quarantine's over. Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 2 Time to shit my bridges dude i love india so like you know restaurants are packed now because everything's like open back up but i went and i got indian food and indian restaurants are exactly the same as they were which is like you go in there's always literally absolutely no one there right it looks like somebody's living there there's a guy who's always there's two there's two guys that there's always two guys there they're both wearing like fucking like business man yeah like concierge outfits like the world's worst com over

Speaker 2 and then the waiter comes over and they like whisper to to you.

Speaker 2 I will get you. What that

Speaker 2 wait, yes, very good, please. Yes, very good.

Speaker 2 That's like a big part of the Indian rats. It's like, are you worried that someone will hear us? Yeah.
Why are you. Are we allowed to be here? Why the fuck are you whispering?

Speaker 2 Yeah, because he's a fucking horny, dude. Yeah.

Speaker 2 If he talks at full volume, he's going to bust. He's being sent.
I raise my voice, my penis. Well, raise with that.

Speaker 2 Who's busy on my penis or whisper?

Speaker 2 If I yell, my penis will ejaculate. And the woman you have come with, I can see her breast.

Speaker 2 And my penis is sleeping. And I don't want to

Speaker 2 wake you.

Speaker 2 Please tell the woman you are with not to look me in the eyes again. My penis is sadly.
I can only hold my penis off for so long.

Speaker 2 I had to sing wheels on the bus to my penis to make it go to sleep.

Speaker 2 I'm going to go back into the back and give my penis a little warm milk so that it gets sleepy again. What w what would you like to eat?

Speaker 2 Please do not have the woman speak if she can write her order down. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Slide. Write her order and slide down.

Speaker 2 And then there's always like there's like silverware on the wall as decorations. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 Remember the fucking sh uh Indian Buffet in Baltimore? Yeah. I don't remember the way it looked.
I just remember being blown away by how shitty it was. It was shitty, but it was a good time, man.

Speaker 2 I was a funny day. I was going to be there all the time.
It was a funny day. Funny day.
Good day. Yeah.
The audacity to charge me full price for the buffet.

Speaker 2 And there's nothing in the buffet, and then I wasn't allowed to go get second.

Speaker 2 Yeah, dude. I feel like I just loaded up just instinctually because that's how I handled the buffet to begin with.
But you only get to the point. I go to small plates.
Oh, yeah. You go topas.

Speaker 2 Yeah. well, I like to have that.

Speaker 2 I feel like I get my worth if I've had multiple trips. I respect that.
The buffet for me is making multiple trips. Yeah.
Well, listen, the secret is you can do both. You fucking load up.

Speaker 2 Dude, we got to go to Chinese buffet. Now the quarantine's over and New York's back,

Speaker 2 we got to drive outside of New York City to go to some supper.

Speaker 2 To get Chinese buffets. Dude,

Speaker 2 I saw

Speaker 2 just some lady sitting down inside of a bulletproof Chinese restaurant own having like low mane. I was so jealous.
Wow. I want that fucking thing.

Speaker 2 Adam eats blow mane. Yeah.
What's that, man? These blows, man. You suck.

Speaker 2 You sucking a picture of you sucking a guy's cock. I eat a picture? Yeah, that's blow mane.
You eat a picture. But you've done it also, by the way.
You've blown guys and you look at guys.

Speaker 2 You eat pictures of people blowing each other. I thought you had a picture of me.

Speaker 2 When there's no cock, you get fucking sad. So you fucking point out pictures of guys sucking each other's cocks.

Speaker 2 He's got a chew on it like it's bubble gum. He's got a portrait of a man's penis.
He's got headshots of some guy's penis that he eats.

Speaker 2 They're like dunker roots. He rolls them up and he dips them in cum.

Speaker 2 And they're called kumaroos and they serve it at the outset. And the Al Bank steakhass? Al-Bankshaw.
Oh, that's Chinese. Yeah, you would think that.

Speaker 2 A blowman.

Speaker 2 There's a lot of. First of all, we've been to Australia.
We know how fucking heavily influenced it is by Asia. You would think that.
And you would think that. You would think that.

Speaker 2 That great Thai food there. If anybody would think that, it would be you.

Speaker 2 Damn, the Thai food was off the fucking hook.

Speaker 2 Adam only eats guy food. Yeah, that's good.

Speaker 2 Some guy named Tom. Some suck Tom.
A guy named Tom's penis.

Speaker 2 That's also on the menu. Guy food is just food.
It's what the f it's food for. No, it's for guy.
Men, guys, guys. That's how you trick people into eating cock with you.
No, that's not true.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you tried to trick me that way. Gay guys don't even eat penises.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you do, though. It's not proper gay.
I'm just some sort of cannibal for

Speaker 2 all right. We don't have to.

Speaker 2 Look, man, you don't have to try and explain. You know I've had a bad stomach today.
You know my defenses are down. You know, it's like

Speaker 2 you know, you're taking advantage of me, a sick man. That's true.
I had table pizza.

Speaker 2 It's fine.

Speaker 2 Oh, Oh, sorry, I got distracted by something on my phone. I believe we were calling Adam a fan.

Speaker 2 I believe we were calling our associates. That's true.

Speaker 2 Lord of the Dance is what they would call him

Speaker 2 back in his River Dance days. Oh, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Back when

Speaker 2 a lot of people know this, but River Dance was actually, it was made by Israel to make Ireland look bad. Yeah.
Oh, really? Yeah. They're like, we need at least one country to look gayer than us.

Speaker 2 That guy, Michael, flatly. Dude, it's funny.
It's like, Ireland had one shot.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? For like a hundred years, they were like,

Speaker 2 we really shouldn't let Ireland participate in Western culture at all.

Speaker 2 What about the cranberries? They had one shot. Dick Small.

Speaker 2 I'm gay. And they were like,

Speaker 2 we've been waiting for this forever.

Speaker 2 It's like, look at this.

Speaker 2 And we were like, all right,

Speaker 2 we'll check in in 2100. The year

Speaker 2 We'll give you another century to figure out something. Oh, yeah.
They're almost as bad as the Native Americans. All right.
Bro, don't get your agenda over here, man. Fucking agenda.

Speaker 2 Your anti-Native Americans are agenda. First peoples.

Speaker 2 I'm trying to get sucked off by

Speaker 2 squawk

Speaker 2 sucks off squash. Can we talk about doing a gland acknowledgement?

Speaker 2 She's a girl. Should we talk about doing a gland acknowledgement? They don't have girls.
We didn't, but I like that. Okay, that's funny.

Speaker 2 They do have girls. Seb accidentally admitted he was gay.
Was a gland acknowledgement worth it?

Speaker 2 You do gland acknowledgements. I get sucked off by Chief Sucks.
Let's not forget who eats a picture of a man's penis.

Speaker 2 Who loves Blow Main, which is a man's penis,

Speaker 2 or either that or a picture of you sucking a man's penis.

Speaker 2 That's the difference between northern and southern Chinese because it's gay Chinese penis. There's a Shanghai's blow main and then also the Guangzhou

Speaker 2 Fuzhou fucking

Speaker 2 blow mane and you fucking both of them.

Speaker 2 You like both of them. Yeah, well, I'm a man of the world.
Yeah, you're going to be a rest. You go to the Zhen famous foods and you're like, excuse me, do you have the picture of a man's penis style?

Speaker 2 What do you call that? Dan Dan noodle?

Speaker 2 Is that what Dan Dan noodle is? That's you sucking two guys named Dan off in the west.

Speaker 2 It's where Adam, Adam, no, one of them is fucking Adam in the ass and the other one's fucking him in the mouth and Adam rocks back and forth like a rocking horse almost

Speaker 2 in between the two. I like that.

Speaker 2 You'd be a fun ride at Disney World

Speaker 2 is like, you know, the pirate ship that goes back and forth. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it's Adam on all fours, and there's a dick at the top of one. That's awesome.
And then another one of these. One

Speaker 2 in his mouth. Yeah, and he just rocks back and forth going into each one of them.

Speaker 2 That's a good

Speaker 2 thing. Children ride on his back.
I don't know if people would want to.

Speaker 2 It's the come town amusement park. That's awesome.
We should build that. We should have an amusement park.
Where would we do it?

Speaker 2 Where can we get enough land? It's just, you know, the Six Flags rides where they put like $8 billion into the line aspect of the ride. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 We go in this place and it's just like Batman being like, Adam's stolen all the calm in Gotham City.

Speaker 2 He's planning on drinking it. They got all the TVs.

Speaker 2 That was like Diamond Played Steel everywhere. Like Adam and women's makeup.
and like, you'll never get the

Speaker 2 you'll never get the comeback Batman,

Speaker 2 and it's still Batman-themed. Yeah, of course,

Speaker 2 that's a that's the weirdest part about Six Flags is half of it's like it's Batman and Bugs Bunny,

Speaker 2 yeah.

Speaker 2 Welcome, because Disney had all this other shit, and Warner Brothers isn't really kind of centralized around Warner Brothers.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they're like, Welcome to the Wayans Brothers porky pig ride,

Speaker 2 and I guess CNN, maybe.

Speaker 2 The Anderson Cooper Pharaoh.

Speaker 2 Yeah, oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 You can do the Wolf Blitzer get pussy experience. That would be sick.
Because you know, my man. You know, Wolf was cleaning up after 9-11.
You know, my man. Yeah.

Speaker 2 We got to talk about Super Organics here. Oh, like.
Super Speciosa. It's a Kraton.
Let's talk. And let's also talk about the Prince of Pleasure tour that is now launched tickets.

Speaker 2 Go to stavi.biz and buy those. And also, if you're, I'm coming everywhere.
And if you're in New York this week, tomorrow, go to the Bellhouse Pantheon. I have a great show.

Speaker 2 Me, Sam Murrell, David Cross, Marie Faustin, Larry Owens, great show. You're going to want to fucking get tickets to that, folks.

Speaker 2 But if you're not in New York and you're not going to any of the many cities that I'm going on tour, what you're going to want to do is fucking drink or smoke or super organic.

Speaker 2 Or take a pill of kratom. Yeah, or put our friend.
Or powder or some fucking shit.

Speaker 2 You're going to want to do that from our friends. Luzy over at Super Especiosa.
Isn't that right, Nick? Yeah, Super Speciosa.

Speaker 2 At getsuperloop.com/slash Come Town. Yes.
Now, there's the. You're definitely going to want to do this.

Speaker 2 There's something that, you know, they're saying that this stuff is like coffee for your dick. For your cock, it wakes it up like you wouldn't believe.

Speaker 2 They're saying it's, if your dick, it doesn't work.

Speaker 2 I don't know if you can. I don't know what that means.
It's like a cup of coffee for your Pricadel. Well, it's kind of like a cup of coffee for everything.
That's right. You're cocky.

Speaker 2 I feel like coffee probably makes it harder for my dick to work. Yeah.
That's why I need to offset it. With some super leaf.
With some super leaf. Kratom.
Right. I don't know.

Speaker 2 I guess it's like, yeah, they say it's energizing. I think it depends on you.
Or maybe it's just the kind that I had. Because they sent me a bunch.

Speaker 2 And that yours chilled you out? Well, I don't. I don't.
You know me. I hate learning.
Sure. Yeah.
So they're like, there's three kinds. And I was like, I don't want to hear it, pal.

Speaker 2 I'm just shoveling it into my mouth.

Speaker 2 I never learned. Anytime you start off with those three things, I'm not learning it.
No, thanks. I learned two of the things.
Stoplights, red, green, got that. I don't know what the fuck yellow.

Speaker 2 Whatever I want during yellow. Yellow is, that doesn't, it really is stupid that yellow even exists.
Yep.

Speaker 2 It's what? It's the transpect for yellow. They're like, ooh, I think I'm a girl and a boy.
I'm the fancy. I can only be here for a minute.
I have to go out with my girls. It's genderqueer.

Speaker 2 I only have a couple of seconds to spend with you while I let red and green do all the work in society while being

Speaker 2 the Chinese trans color. Kind of like the me of the and this is all you can.
That's true. You're no, you're more like the stop.
You're more like red. No.
Nick is stop. You're go.
I'm go.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm yellow. Go, go, go.

Speaker 2 No, you're something else. Yeah.
Nick is like, stop.

Speaker 2 I don't like that. You know, Sav is like, just go, you know,

Speaker 2 pussy, food. Yeah, yeah.
That's true. That's true.
You got me there. Me? That's two things I love to say.

Speaker 2 I'm connecting the two. You're not that, to be clear, but I am not.
I'm the

Speaker 2 one. In terms of go, in terms of pussy and food, whatever you just said, and going, yes, that's me.
A lot of people say.

Speaker 2 You're like the walk sign or the don't walk sign or something that's not even involved in the driving or something.

Speaker 2 You're like a sign they put it up in a preschool that's like everyone do a single file line to go to the bathroom. Oh, you know what I am?

Speaker 2 I'm the train thing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's me. That's the circle.
That's me.

Speaker 2 Adam, you're probably like...

Speaker 2 Do you know what you are? You're the sign that's the road narrowing sign? Because it kind of always looked like a big vagina to me when I was a kid.

Speaker 2 That's what Adam is.

Speaker 2 Stop, you can continue being the green light. I'd like to be the green light.
It's fun to to be the green light. I think the traffic light analogy is

Speaker 2 cleaner because it's not three and we're three.

Speaker 2 It's really not clean. It doesn't make any sense.
Okay. Yeah, this is Adam.
That does look kind of like a... Although, you know what? It's also curvy.
It looks kind of like a a woman you want to fuck.

Speaker 2 Well, if you imagine that's the asshole and that's the pussy. Yeah.
When I was a kid, that's how I always thought. See the asshole.

Speaker 2 These are the legs. So the legs are split open.
That's the pussy. That's the bottom of the butt cheeks.
I see. Yeah, I like that.

Speaker 2 I like that. I think I could be something else, also, though.
What do you mean? You don't want to be green anymore? That's not good. I could be green, but everyone loves green.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Green was a compliment.

Speaker 2 Don't fucking act like you said it like

Speaker 2 Comtown. Yeah.
Yeah. You want to go to that.
His creative allows you to chill out enough to have these kind of

Speaker 2 chill out and energy. Oh, you know, here's Adam.
Here's the detour song. That's true.
That is you. That's all man.

Speaker 2 Or maybe

Speaker 2 yield, the yield sign.

Speaker 2 I'm warning big, get pussy areas.

Speaker 2 I remember as a kid,

Speaker 2 as a kid, so yield signs were

Speaker 2 I'm the welcome sign to Hershey Park. That's me, dude.

Speaker 2 You're about to have some chocolate and have a good time. You're about to have a nice day.
Welcome to Hershey Park. So the yield signs are always red.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then occasionally, I remember you would see a yellow yield sign.

Speaker 2 And as a kid, that was like, that was a rare, that was a good thing. Yeah, rare little treat for you.
Yeah, I was like, man, I love that. I don't remember the yellow yield sign.
It's fucking free.

Speaker 2 No, I'm not a free. I love that.

Speaker 2 Well, you know, I used to teach defensive driving. So if you go to what website?

Speaker 2 Get superleaf.com

Speaker 2 slash come town. Use the code come town.
You can get 20% off. No, they got all these shit.
You get a bunch of shit. So from Southeast Asia, it's legal as shipping the office.
Clean. clean.

Speaker 2 It's very good if you're trying to withdraw from heroin.

Speaker 2 We've heard. We can't say that legally.
That seems to be what people mostly use it for.

Speaker 2 But it's just good. I remember one time, years ago, a friend of mine's like, you got to try this stuff.
It's good shit.

Speaker 2 And this is a guy that did a bunch of drugs in the past. And he said, you know what? This is fucking good stuff.
I don't need to do drugs. I have this.
And it's not drugs.

Speaker 2 He's a nice, he's a good guy. Yeah.

Speaker 2 A touring musician. Well, I hear the thing.
If you're good at controlling yourself, then it's probably great.

Speaker 2 First thing in the morning, you get a little drink your little cup of Kratom instead of a cup of coffee because

Speaker 2 it does wake you up, but it chills you out. It's kind of like I've heard it compared to mixing a cup of coffee with a Percocet.
That sounds awesome.

Speaker 2 And if you can't, listen,

Speaker 2 if you can't get Super Leaf, maybe just put a little Percocet in a cup of coffee.

Speaker 2 This stuff is

Speaker 2 pretty good. It's clean.
They test their shit.

Speaker 2 They got the Kratom Association of America. Yeah, the American Kennel Association awarded it the best in show.

Speaker 2 Best in show. In terms of fake drugs.
At the Westminster Show. They're narrowly beating out CBD.

Speaker 2 At the Westminster, which CBD, they also, I think these guys have that.

Speaker 2 But we were mainly talking about.

Speaker 2 But we're mainly talking about the Kratom. They got this new shit now.

Speaker 2 Also, the corner store of my neighborhood just sells. Delta 8, yeah, yeah.
Well, they sell Delta 8, but but they were like, we also have just complete weed.

Speaker 2 Like, I've never been in there before. He's never seen me.
I'm not even, I was looking for a fucking diet, Dr. Pepper.

Speaker 2 And he's like, yeah, we just have weed.

Speaker 2 Delta 8 edibles are straight up. You're just high.
It's from fucking marijuana.

Speaker 2 It's not like K2 scary. Dude, no, it's literally edibles, and you get fucked up.
And you go to get superleaf.com. But yeah, go to get super leaf.

Speaker 2 If you don't have access, and look, we're lucky. We live in the greatest city in the world where you can get drugs illegally at your fucking bodega.
That's right.

Speaker 2 But for you fucking humps in the middle of the country. Oh, it's good for pain relief.
That's what they do.

Speaker 2 I don't really have pain.

Speaker 2 Well, you're asshole. Yeah, it says aging millennial and you're new to aches and pains.

Speaker 2 First of all, I've

Speaker 2 you sh

Speaker 2 if you're new to pain in your thirty mid-thirties,

Speaker 2 then uh you haven't you haven't uh

Speaker 2 really experienced anything. You haven't experienced heartache and loss.

Speaker 2 Grow up.

Speaker 2 Yeah, if you hurt your back, pull a muscle from all the fucking unwind with a glass of kratom tea. Cool.

Speaker 2 You know what? I will say, I will push back. I don't like the idea of

Speaker 2 just,

Speaker 2 you know, it's like you just, you put, I put it in a little mason jar

Speaker 2 and I do it shot style.

Speaker 2 And I downloaded powder. And I'll tell you this, no matter where you get this stuff, it tastes like fucking dog shit yeah it really does

Speaker 2 it's uh really it does not yeah because it's a plant that's like a dried-out plant

Speaker 2 even plants that are supposed to taste good taste like fucking shit that's true I don't know I think the marriage

Speaker 2 huh what about cocoa yeah what about mint mint tastes

Speaker 2 all right well then dry out a bunch of mint grind it up and put it in the cup and see if you like that see if you like that Adam all right

Speaker 2 that's true see if you like that super specio.

Speaker 2 That sounds awesome. Isn't that what mint is? Kratom is the secret supplement that influencers don't want you to know about.
Why are they hoarding it for themselves?

Speaker 2 It's a great pre-workout supplement, it helps you write jokes. Yeah.

Speaker 2 We took a plant. Oh, it's a cousin of coffee.
I didn't realize plants can have cousins. Yeah, they do.

Speaker 2 Which is very funny. Yeah.
To imagine that a plant's like, yeah,

Speaker 2 my wife's brother fucked

Speaker 2 a bee.

Speaker 2 Yeah, a bee sucked my wife's brother's cock and spit it into that lady's pussy over there.

Speaker 2 They call it the birds and the bees, but it's really the plants and the bees. Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 2 Bees are just dipping them, taking a bath in flower cum. Yeah.
Yeah, they're fucking plowers.

Speaker 2 Fucking freaks.

Speaker 2 It comes in tea, powder, and capsules that you can put anywhere. Your pockets, your backpack, your suitcase.
They're great for the go. Your ass, your pussy.

Speaker 2 Everyone's got residual COVID blues. True.
Super speciosa can pull you out of your rut.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, I did

Speaker 2 at the beginning of the year. I didn't really have, I don't know what we call it residual COVID blues, but everything was on hold, and the year clicked over.
And

Speaker 2 it's like, all right, now Biden's president. And

Speaker 2 I mean, it's just the same bullshit.

Speaker 2 I did have to,

Speaker 2 I did need supplements

Speaker 2 to not kill yourself to not just start drinking again right which you know I'm proud of you it's been a while kratom can help improve your mood deliver energy and reduce pain helps people feel better and also uses to relieve stress and take the edge off every batch it's like beating off every batch of super special has a QR code to scan and view the exact lab certificates that's awesome that's pretty cool dude more shit should have that I agree people should have a QR code on the back of their neck that you can just hold your phone up and it tells you their exact race, their 23 and V Reserve.

Speaker 2 And how much pussy or dick they've got. How ran through they are.
Yeah. You know?

Speaker 2 How fresh is that pussy? I want to know with a QR code. Super Speciosa wants you to come again with unlimited use of their 20% off promo code.
Wow. Come town.
That's not one time.

Speaker 2 Get superleaf.com slash come town for 20% off your entire order. That's get superleaf.com slash come town promo code come town.

Speaker 2 That's 20% off your order.

Speaker 2 It's huge, and you can also check out come.town, a different website that has t-shirts for sale, a lot of things, newly restocked.

Speaker 2 We got some new designs hidden the store as soon as they can manage to go a single month without things running out of stock.

Speaker 2 Stavi.biz, we got t-shirts now, you know?

Speaker 2 Why Nick, why, why, why only put money in Nick's pocket? Make sure it goes to me, too. Are my t-shirts as good? No.
Nick is a better. He draws better.
Mine are more universal.

Speaker 2 They don't just say Stavros Halkius. Okay.

Speaker 2 You don't have to take fucking shots. I was complimenting your t-shirts.
Maybe you could say. No, your t-shirts do have nicer art.
No, no, no. They're just pictures of you.
Don't walk it back now.

Speaker 2 It's pictures of you. Don't walk it back now.
It's pictures of you. And I said, look, are they as good as Nick's? No, but buy some for me anyway.
If you want a Stavros shirt, go to Stavros.

Speaker 2 Well, Well, I also, we got into the political arena, and I created a shirt that says, Capitalism Can Suck My Little Ass Dick. Does it say that? Yeah.
Okay, all right. That's a universal thing.

Speaker 2 So that's a universal fool.

Speaker 2 You know, if you have a little dick, you know, maybe you just got into theory.

Speaker 2 You know what I'm saying? You're one of these fucking guys. Just fucking buy the shirt.
I'm selling a shirt that says, I love New York, but the heart is the logo from the band Him.

Speaker 2 That's God.

Speaker 2 I like that. I him New York.
I him, New York. Yeah, that's a good one.
See?

Speaker 2 So, you know, go over there. And then also, here's just a list of cities I'll be in.
And go to stabby.biz slash tour if you want to see me.

Speaker 2 Portland, Seattle, Salt Lake City, Denver, Minneapolis, San Antonio, Cleveland, Phoenix, Madison, Detroit, Columbus, Tampa, Boston,

Speaker 2 and maybe a couple more. But that's where I'll be through the end of the year starting in mid-August.
So I'm excited to see you little fuckaroonies on the road.

Speaker 2 And as always, folks, patreon.com slash come town. You can get the entire archive.

Speaker 2 bonus episodes.

Speaker 2 That's where Adam gets to Adam. That's where Adam gets to the next step.
Unfortunately, Adam thought of monetizing the podcast. That was my idea.
Yeah, it was.

Speaker 2 And so Adam collects $90,000 a month from the show. Well, we were tied up in litigation for a while.

Speaker 2 And then Adam knows all that. I had a favorable thing.
Adam,

Speaker 2 the lawyer is the natural cousin of the podcasting podcast. I don't know what you mean by that, but

Speaker 2 the lawyer and the third

Speaker 2 guy on the podcast. I'll trust the other one.
Yeah, that's the thing about it.

Speaker 2 I'm the train, the ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, stops at the green light, and Adam, some sort of parasitic vine growing up the side of the utility pole with a little shitty worm on the top of it controlling.

Speaker 2 So you've got a worm controlling the vine. It's got a worm with a little dick, by the way.
Oh, right.

Speaker 2 That's telling the plants what to do. How to suck resources from the two sides of the street.

Speaker 2 How to rot, how to dry rot the utility pool that carries the electricity to the hard-working sides so am i the vine or the worm you're the both you're both you're the worm and the vine it's a symbiosis yeah okay but you're the worm mostly to be clear that you control the vine i wish this i wish we were you know you ever feel like you were born in the wrong era no imagine 8 000 years ago we could just be doing this but in the middle of town and then people are like and then tell us where tell us how the gods made the mountains and we're like well adams and his warm friends.

Speaker 2 Tell us of the gods and how they made the rivers and mountains. Well, the rivers came out of Adam's ass.
They were calm originally. He got fucked in the ass by the sun.

Speaker 2 And they're like, well, we need to write this down. Where's the only man in town that knows how to write? And Adam's like, I'm the Jew.

Speaker 2 They're like, write this down. You came out of your ass.
And that changed everything to sound cool.

Speaker 2 And they're like, there was a... But we don't find out for a generation.
Because you can't read. We can't read.
We're too busy getting pussy and farming. Yeah.
Smart man wrote the book.

Speaker 2 That's me. I mean, you guys wrote it.
I just changed it a little bit. You edited.
Yeah, I edited it the book.

Speaker 2 Honestly, the fact that fucking Aunt Frank's dad was like, oh, maybe I could sell this fucking thing.

Speaker 2 Make it look funny.

Speaker 2 I think two birds are having sex.

Speaker 2 It's not. She's not coming back.
Look, look, look, look, look, look, look.

Speaker 1 They're fucking.

Speaker 2 They're fucking. You missed it.
Nobody cares.

Speaker 1 Wait, look, two birds are fucking.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 wow.

Speaker 2 Dude, that bird is horny, dude. It's just fucking sweet.

Speaker 2 That was kind of a one-pump. I guess that's why they call it the birds and the bees.
Yeah. See, I thought birds laid eggs and then the male bird came on them.

Speaker 2 No, that's like

Speaker 2 her back and did one pump.

Speaker 2 He did pump her, but she was screaming. She was begging for it.
She was fluttering. Yeah, that's pretty cool.
Damn. That's pretty cool.

Speaker 2 That kind of got me horny, dude. Yeah.

Speaker 2 What gets me horny is

Speaker 2 Guy's cock? Guys, no. Pre-coming.

Speaker 2 The first taste of pre-come while you're sucking a guy's cock. Big long Mongolian trumpets blaring.
What are those?

Speaker 2 Yeah. That gets me horny.

Speaker 2 Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. You know, there's a horde coming to fuck your ass.
Damn, I would love to be that sign.

Speaker 2 Just putting my fucking arm down, being like, do not disrespect the trend.

Speaker 2 Don't you fucking dare get to stop.

Speaker 2 My friend's about to be here.

Speaker 2 Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Be like, what's up, dude? Train.
Yeah, I got this. I got it, buddy.
Dude, it's so good to see you. We got to chill.

Speaker 2 I got this. We taking fucking car parts for Mexico.
That's awesome, dude. Bad rules.

Speaker 2 Dude, I'll see you on the way back. I'll see you.
I'll see you when you head back to Mexico. I'll hold it down here.

Speaker 2 It's kind of a longer process. They're in the tree now.
I'll be holding it down here in Wakita. Yep.
Wakanda? Wakita.

Speaker 2 Juaquita.

Speaker 2 I feel like it's pretty special. I've never seen two birds fuck before.
It's the only time in our entire lives. Now you just want to talk about this because you saw it first.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 this is the only thing we can talk about. It's the one thing you brought to the show.
I have been since I went away to Costa Rica. We're paying a little bit more attention to nature.
Too wild.

Speaker 2 That's something that I learned. You reconnected? Sounds like Costa Rica when you talk about this.
I'm not boasting. I'm just telling you guys about how I'm boasting.
You love boasting.

Speaker 2 On my vacation. What other kind of realizations did you have? Realizations? Yeah, you said you're...

Speaker 2 Stav, do you feel like you ever have squealizations? Yeah. No, why would I have? I don't know.
Because it's like a pig.

Speaker 2 Something that I don't get. A, I don't get it.
B, I don't know why that would apply to me.

Speaker 2 So, no.

Speaker 2 yeah it's just a picture of like

Speaker 2 like stop a cartoon stav in an elementary school

Speaker 2 and he's like pointing to his head and it's on like the like you know the bulletin board that they have yeah yeah it's just like like fucking like a worm like you telling kids to read okay and then stop's the pig and it says get oinkspired get oinkspired yeah and he's pointing to his head that's good and then the worm is and then

Speaker 2 and then and then the students have to watch

Speaker 2 an hour and 30-minute documentary about the train sign and how it's the most important sign.

Speaker 2 You must always respect it.

Speaker 2 No, no. No one respects the train sign.
Everyone does. Everyone takes a piss on it.
No. Imagine.
Everyone says, fuck this sign. People don't respect it at all.

Speaker 2 What they respect is the train. The train sign is bullshit.
They respect nothing. People don't want to die from the train.
No one gives a fuck about the gay ass sign. They respect the sign.

Speaker 2 The sign is the gay little hype man of the train. Respect the game.
And the sign is actually

Speaker 2 necessary. And it doesn't understand that without the train, it's nobody.
I think it's time to rewatch final sign. Yeah, exactly.
Final destiny. The arm is part of the sign.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 the sign is the sign. The arm is the thing that's.
No, Adam, come on. We had him here, and you got to fucking ruin it with semantics.

Speaker 2 The train is the fucking.

Speaker 2 What are you fucking talking about? The arm? No one would need the sign if it didn't have the arm and it has the arm. Why do you got to give them? The arm is not part of the signal.

Speaker 2 Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. But the point is.
Guess what just came by? The logic train. Ding, ding is the bell.
Ding, ding, ding, is the logic ding. The bell is gay.

Speaker 2 The sign is gay. The only thing that's cool is the fucking train.
The logic train, and

Speaker 2 it just was derailed by a pig. Started.
First of all, no.

Speaker 2 The pig is riding the train, giving the sign the finger. And it's about to get pussy from a hotter pig.

Speaker 2 Pigs don't ride on trains. Yeah, this one does.

Speaker 2 This is not a regular pig. This is a boss hog.

Speaker 2 Pigs are police officers? No, no, this is the boss hall.

Speaker 2 This is the boss hog. Sometimes they drive a semi.
This is the boss hog. That's it.
Pigs are never fucking pigs. It's taking the train to get pussy in Mexico where the car parks come from.

Speaker 2 Just to prove you're right. Because there's hotter fucking pigs.

Speaker 2 I'm going to look this up right now. The boss hog is going to get exotic types of pig pussy.
Conductor, because I guarantee you, no one's ever. I don't know.
I don't know what that is.

Speaker 2 The boss hog's not the conductor. He's riding the train that people respect and giving the finger to the gay little sign.
And the worm is. And the worm is riding the face.

Speaker 2 He's getting eaten by the friend. No, no, no, no.
He's kind of his ratatouille-style friend.

Speaker 2 And it's like, you got to ride from a train. I got to ride from my pig friend.

Speaker 2 Actually,

Speaker 2 Boss Hog for real is like

Speaker 2 the cop in Dukes of Hazard.

Speaker 2 And guess what happens constantly? The Dukes of Hazard jump over a train track and Boss Hog is stopped by the sign.

Speaker 2 The sign is not what stops him, it's the train that stops him. He doesn't care about the sign, the sign is fucking gay.
Once again,

Speaker 2 and also, we're talking about a real hog, not the fucking character from Dukes of Hazard. We're talking about the hero, a fearsome hog,

Speaker 2 no, a fearsome fucking warthog that gets pussy in the wild. That's who we're talking about.

Speaker 2 I don't even know what we don't need to be fucking.

Speaker 2 wait a minute why you're not throwing there

Speaker 2 50 miles an hour

Speaker 2 we need to be stopping this

Speaker 2 we need we do not need to be watching this

Speaker 2 I don't even know what this is man

Speaker 2 I think it's a clip

Speaker 2 that's less than two minutes from here

Speaker 2 well you know what I'm not watching this

Speaker 2 I looked up boss Deuce of Hazzard boss hog and then had a picture of Burt Reynolds with Ariel Winter. And now I'm looking to picture some Ariel Winter with a big-ass team.

Speaker 2 You know what? Yeah, you can see, Adam. There you go.
Oh, cool.

Speaker 2 Hey, look, there it goes now.

Speaker 2 I'm going to look up Ariel. You're going to get mad at me, but I have to pee.
No, I'm looking up now. Alright, look at Titty's a movie.
A movie where a chimpanzee is a doctor. God damn.

Speaker 2 Are these real? No, this has to be a deep fake.

Speaker 2 God damn, these are fucking big-ass tears. Is Virgil Texas in jail? Yeah, he's in jail.

Speaker 2 He's in jail. Look at this movie, Spy Mate.
He's in groom jail. When the fuck is this? You ever see this?

Speaker 2 Where a monkey is an FBI engine? No,

Speaker 2 I think that was after the Dunstan checks in craze.

Speaker 2 They got some nice fakes of Ariel Winter with their tits out.

Speaker 2 Like, I know this is fake, but I got no qualms with it. Oh, man.
That's perfect.

Speaker 2 That's what you call right up my goddamn alley.

Speaker 2 Oh man.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, pretty cool stuff. What?

Speaker 2 No. What kind of show? What the show is not over? We're still looking at breasts for you.
You appeared like we weren't on air. Is the show over? We're on air.
We're just looking at breasts.

Speaker 2 We're live.

Speaker 2 We're live here on location with a fat man that's afraid of a train sign. Not afraid of the train sign.

Speaker 2 Controlling a plane. Train sign is for fucking losers.

Speaker 2 No, dude.

Speaker 2 Oh, shit.

Speaker 2 I did not mean to look at a leaked picture of Ariel Winter, which appears to be getting fucked, but

Speaker 2 I am now currently, it seems, looking at it. And I didn't mean to.

Speaker 2 But I'm, you know, damn, these are huge tits.

Speaker 2 Anyway.

Speaker 2 Anyway, I don't have my phone on me, so.

Speaker 2 This is a picture of me fucking Adam in the ass.

Speaker 2 Why do you think

Speaker 2 the fucking train sign is so fucking gay? The train sign rules. Yeah, so fucking gay.
Why would you want to be that? Ding, ding, ding, ding. Why would I? Ding, ding, ding, ding, I'm fucking gay.

Speaker 2 That's not what it sounds like. You know what I am? No.
You know what I am?

Speaker 2 Meanwhile, the boss hogs like, I'm lost. I'm going to get a little bit of a gun.
As soon as it's a green stop sign, you're like, oh, I just want to get out of everybody's way.

Speaker 2 Everybody wants to sign up. I'm not a green, dude.
I'm the boss hog. I'm a green sign.
I said I'm the welcome to Hershey Park sign, by the way. And I'm definitely a welcome sign.
I changed my mind.

Speaker 2 Because everyone's having a good time when they see me. Everyone's having a nice time around me.
You know, I changed my mind. What are you?

Speaker 2 I'm the sign that says, put your towels here in the ladies' locker room.

Speaker 2 I'm the sign that says, towels go here. So you're fucking ladies.

Speaker 2 I see ladies.

Speaker 2 I'm just a sign.

Speaker 2 I didn't put my sign. That should be a girl.
I'm just a sign. That sign should be for girls.
Nope. So, you know what? You're right.
Because because whoever's my job, they wouldn't have to be a girl.

Speaker 2 You're a girl.

Speaker 2 You're a girl. Well, I get to check out a hot chicks all day.
But you have a pussy now. In a locker room.
You have a pussy now.

Speaker 2 No, I have a sign. Yeah, you're a sign with a pussy.
What up?

Speaker 2 I picked a really cool sign just now. You could have been.

Speaker 2 What are you watching? It's a video of different train signs.

Speaker 2 Yeah, sounds pretty fucking stupid to me.

Speaker 2 The train is the only fearsome thing there. With Verizon Fios, you can make your new home work even better for you.
The stress isn't that good. Oh, look, I could be like this interracial gay couple.

Speaker 2 Easy. That's the only way I know how to buy the internet is if I

Speaker 2 see myself represented in the commercials. Yeah, I know.

Speaker 2 Hello again, Rail fans.

Speaker 3 A question that I've been getting

Speaker 3 frequently recently for some reason is about railroad grade crossing signals. Automatic signal activations.
How do they work? How does the signal know when the train is there?

Speaker 3 How does it know when the train is gone? Well, I'm going to give you the simple answer to this because, frankly, it's the only one.

Speaker 2 All right, shut up, you fucking shitty dude. Just get to me.
That guy's doing my job. No, he's not.

Speaker 2 I was crossing U.S.

Speaker 3 I want to hear the when the train passes into the detector circuit, the wheels shunt the two rails and begin changing the impedance of a coded circuit in the track.

Speaker 3 The electronics in the signal box trigger the crossing lights and bells.

Speaker 3 As the train gets closer, the impedance keeps changing, letting the software in the signal box know that the train is coming toward the crossing and to keep flashing and ringing.

Speaker 2 Here comes Q453 working. Here comes my co-worker and friend that we see each other outside of work sometimes.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the sign is kind of like the Stevie. It's absolutely.
You're absolutely the Stevie of the train. Yeah, the Stevie of the training.
Yeah. The train is Kenny Powers.
The train's 100% Kenny Powers.

Speaker 2 And the boss hogs hanging out with Kenny Powers, doing drugs, about to get pussy. No.
Riding Kenny Powers to get pussy from the business.

Speaker 2 If you stopped before the crossing the motion detector would sense that the track impedance stopped changing and after a what a great noise

Speaker 2 what do you mean freak I can't wait to get my curly ass boss hog dick just fucking saturated with pig pussy juice while you're fucking waving to the train that doesn't respect you no I can't wait for you to die of a heart attack well it's not gonna happen dude it's not gonna happen I can't wait for you to get convicted of child pornography no I can't wait for you, boss hog, to go to jail for the crimes you've committed against.

Speaker 2 I am not the boss hog.

Speaker 2 Maybe you're both the things you guys have said because you're thinking of boss hog from Dukes of Hazzard, who I guess is a pedophile that's going to have a heart attack.

Speaker 2 I'm in the ladies' locker room minding my own damned. Me, I'm a fucking animal.
I'm the boss hog of the forest, and I ride the train to get pussy from pigs in Mexico.

Speaker 2 You're not, you are that train, you're minding your, or you're that sign, but you're a girl. We've been through all of this

Speaker 2 and I clearly come out on top and that's all that needs to be said I'm a cool Why don't we move on

Speaker 2 and talk about the free Britney conservatorship Controversy and how we're all pro-Britney Spears here I'm pro the father because you're pro the father I trust the courts you trust the courts and until the courts say otherwise That's the way I'm gonna go I say free Britney bitch personally I haven't really been paying attention well I don't know what's happening either but I'm always gonna side with this person who I've jacked off to more in a dispute yeah that's just kind of how that's kind of how I'm built well that's kind of my philosophy well I'm honest enough to admit that I was probably not able to jack off at the time of her the peak of her celebrity what are you talking about she was famous when we were like fourth grade dude no no what do you are you out of your mind I'm not out of my mind Britney Spears

Speaker 2 with the audience Britney Spears first single

Speaker 2 what was it called the one where she dressed like Hit Me Baby one more time

Speaker 2 we were in elementary school.

Speaker 2 Comes out in 1998. Yeah, we were in elementary school.
10 years old. Yeah.
What about the one?

Speaker 2 What about the one where she's in the fucking red pad leather suit?

Speaker 2 What's that one called? I don't know. I was having sex by then.
No, you weren't. Yeah, I was.
Don't lie to yourself. Yes, I was.
Britney Spears red jumpsuit. Oops, I did it again, of course.

Speaker 2 How could I forget? Oops, I should my pants. That comes out in 2000.

Speaker 2 Oops, I should shit did my pants.

Speaker 2 That is good. That is good.
That is good.

Speaker 2 2000, I'm 12. I'm messed inside my pants.

Speaker 2 It would be incredibly unfortunate to shit your pants and wear that red jumpsuit. I mean, where's the shit going? That would be incredibly uncomfortable.
All the way down to your ankles.

Speaker 2 They make special suits for children with fragile X syndrome because I like it. What's fragile X?

Speaker 2 It's a congenital mental retardation disease.

Speaker 2 But they love, one of the symptoms is they love playing with their own shit. Really? So they make these suits for the kids that are like they just seal at the neck and the ankles and the

Speaker 2 owner. They just like fill up like with shit like a water balloon so they can't

Speaker 2 get their shit. It's like a full body diaper, basically.
Did you just make that up? No, look it up. It kind of looks like the kid from

Speaker 2 Big Daddy.

Speaker 2 Prominent broad forehead, large ears, long face.

Speaker 2 Astav, would you ever be in in a movie called Pig Fatty?

Speaker 2 I guess it depends on the role.

Speaker 2 I guess it depends what the role is. That was pretty good.

Speaker 2 I don't think it was.

Speaker 2 What about instead of Fragile X Syndrome, it's Static X Syndrome.

Speaker 2 It's like that band, Static X. Do you remember them?

Speaker 2 Okay, never mind. Yeah.
See what happens when I don't yes and the joke on the bottom. Yeah, toileting issues in Fragile X.
Don't forget who fucking makes the laughs happen around here, Adam.

Speaker 2 Next time you say that was pretty good. Because I could have fucking backed you up with that horrible fucking little joke.
Well, it was horrible. If that got a little laugh, you know what?

Speaker 2 If that got a little laugh from me, and I said, yeah, that's it. It wasn't a real laugh.
I don't want the real laugh. I don't want the joke.
I want you to keep me on it. That's what you think.

Speaker 2 That's what a real friend does.

Speaker 2 You want me to keep you honest? You're not going to like how this podcast goes for you, pal. All right, keep me honest.

Speaker 2 Starting now, we're keeping me honest. Okay?

Speaker 2 Starting now, we're never going to lie. My job is to lube up the fucking pod, all right?

Speaker 2 And don't forget who greases the fucking wheels around here. The next time you say pig fatty was a good one, okay? That's all I'm saying.
It was just

Speaker 2 next time,

Speaker 2 just remember how the fucking

Speaker 2 fucking laughs roll around around. I'm trying to look this up now.

Speaker 2 It looks like I may have completely made up that thing about yeah, it's I think that isn't that what Doug Fluti's kid has, or is it just regular? I don't know, child

Speaker 2 playing

Speaker 2 with own feces

Speaker 2 suit

Speaker 2 oops, I sucked on your dick,

Speaker 2 it tasted bad.

Speaker 2 I fucking

Speaker 2 preventative

Speaker 2 preventative

Speaker 2 suit. They make it

Speaker 2 oh, it's autism.

Speaker 2 Fecal smearing and how to help reduce this in children with autism from specialkids.company.com that's the name of the website. Fecal smearing or poo smearing is a topic that can no longer be ignored.

Speaker 2 It's uncomfortable. It can't be ignored.

Speaker 2 For a while, it was ignored. This is already going to be funny, but let's crank it up a notch.

Speaker 2 It's uncomfortable for most people

Speaker 2 to talk about, and happens more often than we want to acknowledge.

Speaker 2 Specialkids.company helps you to make this behavior of the past or at least minimize its impact.

Speaker 2 Interesting. Tips on how to deal with fecal smearing in children with autism.

Speaker 2 What should be in your cleaning kit? We've made a short list. Rubber gloves, cleaning clothes, toilet paper, bucket.
Dude, this is brutal. Imagine having a kid with autism.

Speaker 2 You come home and they're like, I painted.

Speaker 2 The walls are covered. God.

Speaker 2 Life could be just so shitty.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know?

Speaker 2 Absolutely, dude. That's your fucking kid.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 In the old days, there used to be a way to fucking handle old yellow shit.

Speaker 2 You kill yourself. You kill yourself, of course.

Speaker 2 You leave the kid a nice big pile of chocolates, and then you fucking take a nice fucking, find a nice big rock and jump off it. Yeah, you disrespect the train sign.

Speaker 2 The train sign's like, whoa, pal, where are you going? You're like, I'm killing myself. My son keeps staring at me.
You can't do shit about it, by the way. You're your fucking gay-ass little son.

Speaker 2 No, the sign's like, I got you. No, the signs are.

Speaker 2 The sign's like, no, no, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. You go ahead and you can.
Listen to me. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

Speaker 2 People are like, stop that guy. I'm like, leave him alone.
Ding is ding, ding. The train is coming.
When we listen to the train sign, how about this? Let's listen to a different sound.

Speaker 2 No, do not play. You know what it's going to be.
It's going to be an oink sound.

Speaker 2 So I'm taking the power away from you. No.
Like Eminem from.

Speaker 2 Like Eminem from me. He's like, yeah, I am in a trailer park.
My mom is a sign of paper. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 That's what I'm doing. That's what I do.
I do that every episode.

Speaker 2 You're right. I am.
I'm Jay.

Speaker 2 I am.

Speaker 2 What is this? Pigs squealing. Okay, great.

Speaker 2 This doesn't even offend me because I don't sound like that. Come on, drop them like you mean it.
They're too fat for you.

Speaker 2 And yeah, the pigs are agile, by the way.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 that's not me.

Speaker 2 Doesn't do me no never mind. That's you.
It's not me. I feel like that guy was being mean to you.
No, no, I feel bad for the pig now. That's the kind of shit you fucking just.
That guy was harassing.

Speaker 2 You know what I'd love to do? I'd love to take that guy. I think take that guy and kidnap him and his daughter.
Take him down to a basement and then watch him

Speaker 2 force him to watch as I spend a week killing his daughter with a razor blade and a salt shaker. Yeah.
I don't know. That's what he deserves for bothering that pig.
That's what he gets.

Speaker 2 For bothering that pig.

Speaker 2 I'd really love to check. You're vacillating wildly between pro- and anti-pigs.
What I'd do is

Speaker 2 I'd tie that guy to a chair, take his.

Speaker 2 This is what a boss hog call. See, if I'm doing this.

Speaker 2 No, this is not even a real pig. This is a man making pigs.
Boss hog call.

Speaker 2 Wait, that's a guy imitating a pig? That's a guy imitating a pig. Whereas I played a video of a real pig.
I thought we said we weren't lying on this show. I didn't lie.

Speaker 2 You said that that was a boss hog. That's what he was doing a boss hog call.
That was a man sound. Well, I don't have time to pull up a fucking real boss.
Ooh, this looks like a good video.

Speaker 2 Cop begs for her life after fugitive pulls out gun.

Speaker 2 Is it a related video?

Speaker 2 I think that's just your algorithm.

Speaker 2 This would probably be saddest.

Speaker 5 Hey, everyone, welcome to Forward. We are a new kind of doctor's office that's doing primary care differently.

Speaker 2 Imagine doing an ad for this video.

Speaker 4 A police officer walking down a dark road. She's checking out a suspicious vehicle with out-of-state plates.
Hello. In this police body cam video, she questions the driver behind the wheel.

Speaker 5 What do you do in parks back here? Just telling me I'm mad. Do you happen to have a driver's license on you that I could see?

Speaker 4 He seems nervous, fumbling for the license.

Speaker 5 It's suspicious that you're back here this is doesn't normally happen the guy tells her he doesn't have a license i just have to make sure you know you don't have any warrants or anything which i'm sure you don't what officer brianna tedesco doesn't know is that the man is a fugitive wanted for murder he gave her a fake name of james duncan they're not finding a dl uh driver's license record for james

Speaker 2 can you try dunkin donuts yeah yeah can you try dunking my nuts in your mouth

Speaker 4 that's when all hell breaks loose

Speaker 4 He pulls a gun on the officer.

Speaker 4 She begs for her life.

Speaker 2 Jesus fucking Christ.

Speaker 2 They struggle for 20 seconds.

Speaker 4 From another angle, you can see the backup unit. As Officer Tedesco struggles, her backup opens fire.

Speaker 2 He killed both of them.

Speaker 4 His real name, Kenneth Martell. And he was wanted in Pennsylvania.

Speaker 2 Damn. That was a real sound.
I'm a real person. It did sound a lot like the pig, though, to be fair.
Yeah, it did sound a lot like a big thing.

Speaker 2 Those two videos sounded a lot alike. And I didn't like either of them.
It didn't sound as funny as the name. Well, hold on.
Here's what we're going to do, guys.

Speaker 2 We're going to calm down. We're going to forget that that woman's a human being.
Yeah, that's funny.

Speaker 2 And we're going to say to ourselves, fuck around, find that.

Speaker 2 We're going to remove

Speaker 2 because she's part of a system.

Speaker 2 Okay. Yep.
All right. And you know what? When you're doing that, go to stavi.biz.

Speaker 2 If you have a problem with that, maybe you can look up

Speaker 2 the history of the United States. Is that true? Because there's a lot more worse stuff there than in the video that I think is good.

Speaker 2 I think it's good. But she's a cop.

Speaker 2 And I think it's very funny. I thought, yeah, I thought you're the

Speaker 2 number one. I went down to the border and we showed this video, and I said, we need more of this.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 they said, well, what is this? And I said, I think it's I think it's a Tupac music video. Tupac music video.

Speaker 2 It's an intro to All Eyes On Me. It's a m uh mi it's a music video for my favorite mu musical rappist,

Speaker 2 Tupac.

Speaker 2 Tupac Shakur.

Speaker 2 I still would smash Kamala, though, to be fair. A lot of people, they say, Kamala, now that you're vice president, are you giving up the pussy to the

Speaker 2 are you giving up pussy to the fourth caller? Right. Today's hundredth caller.
And I said, yes, two tickets. You call up 98 Rock.
Call up 98 Rock.

Speaker 2 I want two tickets. Get two tickets from the side.
I want Caesar and

Speaker 2 I want to go see Theory of a Dead Man

Speaker 2 and Meriwether Post Prabhu and get a piece of pussy from the vice president.

Speaker 2 That's not a bad afternoon.

Speaker 2 You call up.

Speaker 2 There would be some power to get fucking the vice president. Oh, my God.
Doug? I'm so envious of him. Tug.
No, not Doug. I'm saying I fuck her.
I'm just saying that's his life. That's weird.

Speaker 2 We're talking about fucking Kamala Harris. And Adam's mind is like, what would it be like to be a man? What do you mean? Doug is like a man fucker, whatever he wants to do.
Who the fuck is Doug?

Speaker 2 You're fucking

Speaker 2 like,

Speaker 2 that's what's going on in this guy's head. No, that's not what I'm thinking.

Speaker 2 And then he's imagining being Chatty May in. I wish I was a little boy.
I'm imagining the guy. I'm imagining the guy that gets to smash.
Oh, Patty, your dick is bigger than mine mine is.

Speaker 2 How do you do that so good? Oh, Patty. How did you do that so good?

Speaker 2 Because you're gay. Patty, why is my dick so small? Is it because I was circumcised?

Speaker 2 Doug, Doug, you're fat. You're fad.

Speaker 2 My boyfriend Doug's a fad.

Speaker 2 I'm telling everyone at school that Doug's penis wouldn't get hard. Does he ever get Patty Mayonnaise's cheeks? They get married.

Speaker 2 They spend the rest of their lives together. I don't know that.
That's fucking lame. I'm going around the school telling everyone Doug's a fag.
Oh, is that Roger? Yep.

Speaker 2 You're mean.

Speaker 2 I'm green, and my dick is big.

Speaker 2 I got a big, green dick. That's so true, R.E.
Roger.

Speaker 2 Oh, fuck. You know, Roger's first name.

Speaker 2 What does the friend say? Honk, honk. He does like a noise.
Skeeter? Yeah, he does like a honk. I don't even know.
What does Skeeter sound like? I don't remember. Skeeter, Doug.

Speaker 2 Yeah, proof that Skeeter Valentine was black. That's the first video.

Speaker 2 Alright, we'll just skip ahead here.

Speaker 2 We'll just skip ahead here, I said.

Speaker 2 Alright, there's just music in this video.

Speaker 2 The Skeeter teaches you how to dance. Hey, Doug, here we go.
Here's Hall Corner. 998, 999, 1,000.
You have done it. I love you.

Speaker 2 Just fucking just get to people speaking. What is with the Doug fans?

Speaker 2 Adam's like, uh,

Speaker 2 a man's penis.

Speaker 2 Oh, I love the smell of a man's penis.

Speaker 2 Delicious. Delicious.
Can you put it in my mouth?

Speaker 2 Anyways, what we're talking talking about. How did we get to that? That's what Adam's thinking about when we're talking about having sex with Kamala.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, because he said, Doug, it must be awesome to be Doug. You know, I went down to the border and I told them

Speaker 2 who I won't have sex with, who I will not have sex with,

Speaker 2 is a man boy obsessed with the show Doug

Speaker 2 when I'm trying to give pod pot pussy to his podcast host.

Speaker 2 When his co-hosts on the podcast that he's friends with.

Speaker 2 That's fucking true. Everybody, they keep asking me where where's Kamala? Where's Kamala? Why isn't she here?

Speaker 2 Why isn't she here giving out a pussy to the White House?

Speaker 2 She's down there at the pussy getting fucked by our disturbance and opening.

Speaker 2 She's down there giving pussy to the podcast, guys.

Speaker 2 We have Matt and Shane here at the White House next week, and we're doing a dick measuring contest.

Speaker 2 We're having Matt and Shane put their dicks together and then have Hunter stand next to them to

Speaker 2 see if their powers combined can even come close to the size of Hunter's cock

Speaker 2 that's awesome, man. That would be cool.
They killed this dog, Champ. Yeah, oh, yeah,

Speaker 2 RIP to him. Champ got got for being too fucking rowdy.
Yeah, for biting too many penises around the White House. Oh, fuck.
All right. I got a piss.
It's time to end the show.

Speaker 2 It's time to go do a bunch of fucking drugs

Speaker 2 at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. It's time to do cocaine by myself in my apartment.

Speaker 2 What if, you know? That'd be.