Ep. 266 – bathroom break

As the weather cools, I'm swapping in pieces that actually get the job done.

Warm, durable, and built to last.

And Quince delivers every time with wardrobe staples that carry you through the season.

Quince has the kind of fall staples that you'll actually want to wear on repeat, like a hundred percent Mongolian cashmere from just sixty dollars, classic fit denim, and real leather and wool outerwear that looks sharp and holds up.

I've got my eye on their suede trucker jacket.

It's perfect for layering and it looks really casual but put together.

But partnering directly with ethical factories and top artisans, Quince cuts out the middleman to deliver premium quality at half the cost of similar brands.

Quince items have become part of my go-to wardrobe lately.

In fact, a lot of people who recently cut me out of their lives have tried to weasel their way back in.

And I think it has something to do with the quality of Quince products that I have draped around my gorgeous body.

But guess what?

You should never judge a book by its cover.

But sometimes a book's cover can look fucking good, especially when it's wearing Mongolian cashmere from just $60, paired with classic fit denim and real leather and wool outerwear.

I would read that.

So layer up this fall with pieces that feel as good as they look.

Go to quince.com/slash T-A-F-S for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

Now available in Canada, too.

That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash t-a-f-s.

Free shipping at 365-day returns.

Quince.com slash tabs.

Looking for an exceptional driving experience?

Find it behind the wheel of a Mercedes-Benz SUV.

Experience the power, precision, and intelligence of an iconic Mercedes-Benz SUV at your local Mercedes-Benz dealer today.

Well, once again, we had a fun little back and forth.

Really nice, early bid, and it's gone.

It's gone.

The first 45 seconds were fucked up, which actually not even fucked up.

I could have just

continued going and mixed all this down at the end, but

then the file would have been...

That cost us money now.

And you know me.

Remember

business.

But it was a reporter.

Yeah.

As a reporter, I'm saying I'm here with a big fat guy.

First of all,

it had nothing to do with being a fat guy.

We're here at Epcot Center.

You are changing it.

Thank you, Adam.

Yeah.

Just for the request.

Just for truth.

I don't think

that Mr.

Five line.

Maybe it's $6 million now is accusing me of

$6 million.

Thank you.

Stop, bro.

And I'm with you on that one, Adam.

Oh my God.

You know how people say that this guy's a Holocaust revisionist?

Yeah.

But he's like, who actually was $7 million?

Yeah.

He's bartering.

Yeah.

Maybe he was.

He's trying to get another million tacked on to the final tally.

I don't really know what purpose that would serve.

Do you get more reparations from Germany?

But yeah, but the reporters, you know, just doing like, I'm here.

It was one of the classic kind of.

It would have been one of the biggest, most classic bits.

Just a nice one.

One of the biggest classic bits, but just

a nice piece of business.

Just

a nice, solid way to start off in five seconds.

Adam,

his little

behind the curtains sort of thing is often we'll finish a show and Adam will just start immediately laughing about the one thing he said and being like, dude, that's one of the funniest things that we've ever done.

Well, I meant it.

I won't compliment his.

I never said that.

Right, but to be fair, he had nothing to do with this person.

I didn't say anything about it.

And then he goes home.

I was waiting to chime in.

The episode seemed like you guys were running with it.

I let you run with it.

And the episode airs, and

Adam will sit at home on YouTube just googling variations of Adam's bagel story.

Yeah.

Adam's story about being 13 and seeing a girl

and being ashamed of sex stuff at the bagel store in Israel.

I don't know.

The best story on the show.

Bagel store in Israel.

I didn't say that.

Adam, I was getting a bagel.

YouTube commenters may have seen it.

And there was a girl, and I could see her nipples through her shirt, and I had to go into the bathroom to text

my cousin, my Jewish.

Then we went to synagogue.

That sounds like a pretty good story to be able to do that.

This is the classic.

Synagogue, we went and we got some fun.

And then the girl was at synagogue, and it turns out she was my cousin.

Oh, my God.

Yep.

And I got my dick sucked.

And I was 13, and I was Jewish.

And she was seven, by the way.

But it was in Israel.

There's no laws in the world.

It is in Israel.

The fucking Outback, dude.

No rules is right.

The Outbank.

The Outbank.

Boy.

Welcome to the Outbank of Israel.

We're snarping toddlers

that have water guns in their hands.

Outbank steakhouse.

Outbank steakhouse.

Finest Israeli food.

We've got kangaroo hummus.

No rules.

No tipping.

Just right.

Well, that

reached a pretty predictable conclusion.

Still good.

Predictable in terms of hilarious.

Yeah.

Still good all the time.

No, no, I meant that too.

Yeah.

Outbank steakhouse.

Outbank steakies.

Outbank steak.

We're expanding.

Every week there's a new restaurant further into what used to be Palestinian territory.

We're opening a new location in the Golan Heights.

What's another part of Palestine?

Well, I think the whole thing is Palestine, but that's just me.

No, you're just...

That's just me as the good kind of of no.

No.

No, you don't.

The no can really shift to being a Baltimore guy.

I say nor.

Thank you, Adam.

Thank you for keeping me on track.

Yeah, sorry.

Narr.

If we're doing Australian, you know.

Narr.

You don't.

So

let's just go ahead and we'll walk through the whole thing.

So

you got the Out Bank, and what kind of animals they got there?

They got a kangaroo that's got a change purse.

right?

And you know what?

I'll say that it's more like a rat.

I

yeah.

It looks like a big rat.

It's a fucked up rat.

I'm imagining myself as Chuck E.

Cheese from a couple weeks ago, which I've spent, I don't know if I made it, I made it clear, but my version of the Chuck E.

Cheese outfit, there's no head.

It's my own head.

I like that a lot.

I've balded at this point, so I've got like a shitty comb over it.

Yes.

And I'm painted gray, and there's a fake snout, a fake like ratty snout.

Oh, nice, just a nose that you like put on with the

rubber band in the back.

Yeah, fake ratty ears that hang that have like

that a lot.

Bite marks in them.

And that's that's

and by the way, it's body paint, so you can see your cock is just gray.

No, I still have the rest of the suit on.

No, no, no.

It's gray spray body paint.

And you can see your dick and balls, and they're just painted gray.

No, the bottom of the suit has to be all fat.

And you.

With big rat legs in the tail.

Well, you've gotten fat.

Yeah, but not fat enough to...

It would have to be all at the bottom down where my legs are.

It would have to be

a big ball sack.

Maybe I have elephantiasis of the balls.

Yeah, I like that.

And then it's like a big rat belly.

And I have, maybe I'm just actually a rat.

You've turned into a rat.

And yes.

You've turned into some kind of mythical half-flat.

Back to Jewish outback station.

See, and I'll say, I, here's how naive I am.

Not naive, but I was running it.

I thought we were going West Bank, not just the bank that you were.

Yeah, I was confused about that too, but I didn't want to do a fact check kind of thing.

No, it's either way.

But that's actually what's beautiful about it.

Okay.

It's an

kind of a catch-all.

It's verse as a joke.

It's a versatile happy thing.

It gets fucking fucked in the ass.

It fucks in the ass.

I kind of always have hated dual puns.

Like two-way puns.

What do you mean?

Like something like that, where it's like the bank, because you're going out bank, but then which direction do you go from there?

It splits off.

Right.

There's two different paths for it to be able to.

You want to choose your own adventure.

Well, no, because there's an implied non-specificity there.

Even though it may seem like elegant and complex,

it's sort of dissonant.

Well, you need to understand.

You need to understand that there's elegance in the unknown.

What's lazy is you.

Is it somebody that doesn't say you've brought nothing to the Jewish Outback Steakhouse?

Well, we only have

touch on that.

That doesn't make sense.

No, you went into a Chuck and Cheese thing.

I revisited the Chuck E Cheese.

You said let's because, in my mind, we're at the strip mall that has both an Outback steakhouse and a Chuck E.

Cheese.

And I'm going into all the stores.

Okay.

Saying, How could this be more Jewish?

All right.

You're doing the work.

I get it.

Radio Shekel.

They got that there.

Okay, now we're doing a mole.

They got a Barnes and Noble.

Yep.

Yeah.

And it's

Shofar and Zen Noble.

Shofar nzen noble.

And they sell those trumpets.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Jafar is in noble.

And it's jafar.

You guys don't deserve the shofar, I gotta be honest with you.

Why?

It's fucking too cool.

I mean, anyone could buy one.

Just get your own shofar.

Shouldn't be a part of your religion.

It should be a part of a cool old, like, mystic religion with fucking wizards and shit.

I don't know.

We're the people of the book, you know.

When's the last time a Jew did a real magic trick with miracles?

Jesus?

It's been a while.

Oh, with miracles?

No one's actually.

Container store, but it's like a

one of the containers from a shipping container.

Like a box car.

That they're doing sex trafficking and stuff like that.

That's that kind of container store.

How about that?

Is that still a Jewish thing?

Yeah, you know, because of the trains and stuff.

A little bit of a stretch, I have to admit.

All right, all right, all right.

But I'm thinking about the things that are in the shopping center in my mind.

I get it.

I just think it should have a more direct tie to

a Panera bread.

Yeah.

A complanera bread.

Okay.

Okay.

I'll go with that one.

That one makes more sense to me than

shipping container store.

Yeah.

The Jamba Jews.

Okay, that's a dunk right there.

Jamba.

And what does Jamba mean?

I think it's like a Jamaican job.

I'm pretty sure it's racist.

So it's a bunch of Jamba Jews.

It's just a a bunch of Jews.

It's a bunch of Jews in Blackface with loincloth.

It's like a Lenny Kravitz type of thing.

What do you mean?

Okay, all right.

Okay.

And you buy them there?

I don't know.

We're taking a control down the street.

We're taking a control down the street.

Because I've become so pissed at Adam that we've had to leave Chuck E.

Cheese.

No, we weren't in Chuck Echees.

We were at the Outback Steakhouse.

Outbank Steakhouse.

Outbank Steakhouse.

We didn't have to leave that.

We went to Chuck E.

Cheese for a second, and you got mad.

You got mad.

You were like, I was over at Outback Steakhouse.

Well, you just said it.

Just because you're not even paying attention to where we are.

I've been laser focused.

I've been really trying to pick him on Adam.

No, I have.

Adam, it's okay to admit you made a mistake.

Yeah, maybe laser cut diamonds, maybe.

Yeah, because of the Jewish involvement.

But you sell them for

the real price.

They're lab-grown diamonds.

Oh, they're fair.

But you say they're De Beers.

Oh, that's nice.

I mean, it's better for the, you know,

better for the world.

You should be charging lower though.

What do you mean?

Lab grown, not the same.

I hear it's just as good.

I'm uh disrupting the wedding industrial complex.

You're just sucking.

You're dick-sucking.

These are blue.

These are penis complex.

Which includes my penis, my balls, and the top part of my asshole, otherw otherwise known as the gooch.

Or I guess the bottom part.

That's the stavros Penis Industrial Complex.

And

you're

dick sucking it.

Okay.

And you're really having a good time.

You're throating me, and then you're taking your tongue from the tip of my dick all the way to my Gooch, almost to my asshole.

With

all the penis is in my mouth still?

No.

You're taking a break.

You're spitting on it and jacking it off while you're licking my balls.

The home beepo is there, right?

Yeah.

And the beep refers to the sound that the ATM makes when you you enter your PIN code.

Oh, I thought you were going to go with the slur thing, but okay, ATM.

Jesus don't really say slurs that much.

Yeah.

I'll give you that.

We don't say them in public, but that's true.

In private.

Do you guys, is there Jewish confession?

No, we keep secrets until the day we die.

Instead of a limited two, they have a limited 1.75.

Oh, because it's less.

It's a little bit less.

Yeah, I like that.

Yeah.

It's cheaper.

Let's see.

What are some other stores?

In the mall.

Auntie Ann's, what kind of stuff?

Ross, dress for Rossberg, dress for even less.

For even less.

Yeah.

Auntie Anne Franks.

Auntie Anne Franks, there we go.

And you have to sneak into a little closet to get pretzels.

Pretzel.

Marshules.

Marshules.

Yeah.

Dressed for Marshuli's.

Yeah.

How can we we get Shlomo in the mix?

Let's do the rare

Shlomo Depot.

We already did Home Depot.

Shlom Depot.

Oh, yeah, he did Home Depot.

I forgot.

See, I haven't been paying attention.

I'm kind of curious, though.

It's a store built completely around the beep sound of an ATM.

What gets sold there?

What does it look like in there?

We're not going into any of the stores.

We're just seeing the things.

We're doing what they call in the intelligence community world building.

And by intelligence community, I mean people that are smart enough to play tabletop games.

Yeah, oh, yeah.

Some of the smartest people.

I don't mean CIA.

We need another tabletop game

to replace.

Well, that's one of the stores:

the Wizards of the Coast is there, and they have tabletop games.

And the Wizard is

a moial?

Maybe the

What's Wizards of the Coast?

Is that a real store?

I think it's a store for nerds.

It's a store, yeah, they own it.

I wouldn't know.

It's a store that they would go to the pussy.

It's a company that owns the Magic the Gathering store.

Oh, that's what it is.

Or Magic the Gathering game, and I think they had retail installations and whatnot.

I did that.

See, as I would never know that because of my dick being too fat, on account of that.

Not being a fucking loser.

Wizards of the Cost.

There we go.

There you go.

Alright.

I like that a lot, actually.

That's what a rabbi is, basically.

Yeah, you got that.

Are there any rabbis that have a pointy hat?

No, I mean, they wear skull caps, I guess.

And then they got that big, furry, round thing.

Yeah, that's true.

That's kind of a wizard hat.

And then the Blues Brothers kind of one.

Those are all the styles.

The Blues Brothers ones, they can get close.

It's not very pointy.

I'm going to just Google searching.

It's funny how close the cowboy hat is to the wizard hat.

More than if you wear like a wizard hat, you look stupid.

But if you wear like a cowboy hat, people think you're like the coolest guy in the world.

What's a wizard hat?

It's like a dunce cap.

It's like a cone, no?

Yeah, I mean, it's like a witch hat.

But that doesn't look like a cowboy hat.

What are you talking about?

The cowboy hat has like a dip in the middle.

It doesn't have a point.

It just has the dimple.

It doesn't have a point on it.

Oh, I guess a witch hat has a brim, too.

Yeah.

I guess points take.

I'm not sure we're wearing a witch's hat.

The point guy?

That'd be a cool look, man.

Yeah, it's a style.

It's like a New York City fashion style.

Yeah, this is a pointy hat.

There have to be ways that we kind of become,

you know, find our own thing.

Yeah.

Well, the Lower East Side gay black guys, they kind of stole Carmen San Diego.

They did.

They absolutely did.

Yeah, it's annoying.

Yeah.

And they're mad about that?

Yeah, you're going to bring it back?

Yeah.

It was an idea of mine that they probably did.

A good darkwing duck?

Yeah.

But, you know what?

I gave it to them

because of

Pride Month.

Yeah, because you were at Pride Month.

Damn,

I would fuck this lady.

Yeah, I agree with that.

I typed in which hat, and the first result is a woman.

And now

we're going to run through these real quick and let you guys know if we'd have sex with the women in the picture.

There's a lot of just hats.

Oh, man.

Look at this guy.

This guy sucks.

Hell yeah.

See, the wizard hat, it sucks because it's...

But that's not quite a wizard.

It's not a witch hat.

This is more of like a fucking...

That's a Fedora version of a witch hat.

I don't like that one.

Harlow wide-brim hat.

Yeah, fuck that.

But you know what?

I'll say it's not just the gay lower east side black guys.

It's really all black guys.

What, they all dress like Carmen San Diego?

That hat is in the mix for, I would say, the majority majority of the world.

Well, Pharrell kind of like Pharrell's death.

Pharrell started.

Well, no, but that's a different hat.

What the fuck?

I've been hearing like a resurgence of Pharrell and Bruno Mars just around people listening to it, which always struck me as like music for people with Down syndrome.

I don't think that's true about Pharrell.

You could say that maybe about Bruno Mars.

I think that about him either.

Really?

Yeah.

I think he's got a

dude.

This big wide

oatmeal guy hat from a store called Lack of Color.

Which

do they have any models wearing it?

Yeah, I'd fuck her too.

She looks like she's got a nice little fat pussy area.

Yeah.

You can press down on it while you fuck her.

Yeah, I can't.

Well, the zoom in on the face.

Anyway, let's go to contacts.

Yeah, contacts, see what's.

I would have sex with the.

Can we contact the company and ask them if they have any pictures of the model's breast?

Do you pictures of the model's breast or what her pussy area looks like?

A human may concern.

I'd like to see the area direct.

You don't have to show me her actual pussy.

Oh, look, we're getting.

Oh, there we go.

That's close, actually.

More of a pussy here.

Huh.

Oh,

okay.

Ooh.

Yeah.

Are these all the same woman?

It's the same dumb bitch.

Interesting.

Let's see of the booster shop.

Don't miss out.

Oh, wait, hold on.

From from Purine.

Maybe we can.

Purine.

maybe this is uh my dick is purine

search web

Heinrich purine maybe we can find uh purine pussy search that

oh, it's a fit.

That's the photographer

Yeah, well we can go maybe he has a picture of her and he's tagged her piece of picture.

This looks this looks very

That's a different blonde bitch.

I think you might have might have found this woman.

Let's see the let's click on the one where where you kind of see her pussy.

We have to compare the pussy area.

Computer in hand.

I think this might be it.

I think you're not wrong, actually.

Yeah.

I don't know how to say her name here.

Natasha.

I guess it's.

What's that?

Go down to the one where you can kind of see your tits a little bit.

Natasha.

Right kind of this one.

Oh, this area.

Yeah.

Yeah, she's got a nice little pair of titties.

Anyways, I guess she's

she looks like she lives in whatever the red flag.

Sweden?

Is that Sweden?

I think it's Finland.

Let's see her.

No, Finland's blue and yellow.

That's Sweden.

I think it's Denmark.

Blue and white is Finland.

I think it's Denmark.

Denmark's red and white.

Nail Mark.

You didn't nail it.

I nailed it.

You said Sweden, then you said...

No, I fucking nailed it.

My final guess was Denmark.

Because we ran through and already eliminated all the others.

No, we didn't.

No one thought it was Finland, but your dumbass.

Adam said Finland.

Adam can't even see.

He never said said Finland.

Adam's not even seeing the pictures of the girls.

You guys are checking.

I'm operating the chemistry.

Anyways, if you're Natasha from Finland, just know.

She's from Denmark, you fucking idiot.

I'm wanting to get a matching witch's hat with you and suck your fat pussy area.

I bet you, honestly, I do think she has a fat pussy area.

Watch this.

This gets back to her.

Like, fatter than you'd think.

This is going to get back to this woman, and what I'm saying is going to be the highest crime in Finland.

And I'm going to be extradited to Finland to serve time for

soliciting a pussy snack from the queen of fingers.

Yeah, hell yeah.

Yeah.

She looked better on her Instagram than she.

Actually, I don't think that was the same woman modeling the hat.

You don't say.

I don't think so.

She's fodder than that lady.

Well, what am I doing?

What am I doing?

See, that's a different bitch, my friend.

Well, whatever.

If you want to email any woman and just tell her.

Tell her, come town.

Do you know some bitch from Denmark with fat tits and a kind of...

Just clicking on the

look at the comments.

Somebody's like, do you know who this bitch is?

Yeah.

And they're like, yes,

this is her phone number.

You should text her.

She'll probably want to know her.

Her phone, Instagram.

Yeah, she's having sex with guys from Instagram coming.

If you wanted to check in.

Adam, how are you feeling?

I know you had a little bit of a drink.

Fucking CN of the girl.

You don't need to know about the girl.

The girl's about me.

I took a nick.

It's about Pepto Biz, and I'm feeling better.

A Pepto Gizmol?

No, it wasn't jizz.

It was a Peptoxygy biz.

It was cum with some pink food dye in it.

That's not what it was.

Peptojmol.

It was a little chew with some food in it.

It made me feel better.

Pepto tastes awesome.

It tastes like bubble dough.

It tastes great, like a minty bubble dough.

I love it, dude.

Why don't other things taste like that?

That's a great question.

Great flavor.

Shout out to them.

And this is all off of a piece of pizza.

Your stomach was fucked up.

No, I had pizza last night, and then I had a from the table pizza this morning before I came to the pizza.

Oh, you had overnight pizza.

I had overnight pizza.

On the bus.

You shouldn't be having dairy.

Wow.

Yeah, this is boring for the audience.

Wow, dude.

You fucked them up.

Very dramatic.

Dude, I remember being like 20, and I could just eat anything.

Sorry.

I could just eat Chinese food left out overnight.

I had that kind of confidence this morning for no reason.

No, you're an old man.

You're fucking a little bit more.

My stomach's back, dude.

I ate a shit ton of spicy ass Indian food the other day.

I was like, this is going to kill me, but I don't even fucking care.

Nice.

Quarantine's over.

Yeah, that's right.

Time to ship my breeches.

Dude, I love Indian.

So, like, you know, restaurants are packed now because everything's like open back up.

But I went and I got Indian food, and Indian restaurants are exactly the same as they were, which is like you go in, there's always literally absolutely no one there.

Right.

It looks like somebody's living room.

There's a guy who's like,

there's two guys that there's always always two guys there they're both wearing like fucking like businessman yeah like concierge outfits like the world's worst combo

and then the waiter comes over and they like whisper to you or he's like what do you like

i would get you

but yes very good please yes very good

it's like a big part of the indian rat it's like are you worried that someone will hear us yeah why are you are we allowed to be here or not why the fuck are you whispering whispering?

Because he's a fucking horny, dude.

Yeah, yeah.

If he talks at full volume, he's going to bust.

He's being sorry.

I will raise my voice.

My penis will raise with it.

I have to whisper my penis off.

If I yell, my penis will ejaculate.

And the woman you have come with, I can see her breast.

And my penis is sleeping.

And I don't want to wait.

Please tell the woman you're with not to look me in the eyes again.

I can only hold my penis off for so long.

I had two swing wheels on the bus to my penis to make it go to sleep.

I'm going to go back into the buck and give my penis a little warm milk so that it gets sleepy again.

What would you like to eat?

Please do not have the woman speak if she can write her order down.

Yeah.

Slide.

Write her order and slide down.

And then there's always like, there's like silverware on the wall as decorations.

Remember the fucking Indian Buffet in Baltimore?

Yeah.

I don't remember the way it looked.

I just remember being blown away by how shitty it was.

It was shitty, but it was a good time, man.

I was funny.

I was just sitting there all the time.

That was a funny day.

Funny day.

Good day.

Yeah.

The audacity to charge me full price for the buffet.

And there's nothing in the buffet, and then I wasn't allowed to go get second.

Yeah, dude.

I feel like I just loaded up just instinctually because that's how I handled a buffet to begin with.

But you only go to words.

I go to small plates.

Oh, yeah.

You go Tapas.

Yeah.

Well, I like to have.

I respect that.

I feel like I get my worth if I've had multiple trips.

I respect that.

The buffet for me is making multiple trips.

Yeah.

Well, listen, the secret is how you can do both.

Fucking load up.

Dude, we got to go to Chinese buffet.

Now the quarantine's over and New York's back.

We got to drive outside of New York City to go to some suburbs.

I got to get some Chinese food.

To get Chinese buffets.

Dude, I saw a fucking, I saw like just some lady sitting down inside of a bulletproof Chinese restaurant having her having like low mane.

I was so jealous.

Wow.

I want that.

Adam eats Blow Main.

Yeah.

What's that, man?

He's Blow's Man.

I eat you sucking a picture of you sucking a guy's cock.

I eat a picture?

Yeah, that's Blow Main.

You eat a picture.

But you've done it also, by the way.

You've blown guys and

pictures of people blowing each other.

I thought you had a picture of me.

When there's no cock, you get fucking sad.

So you fucking point out pictures of guys sucking each other's cocks.

He's got a little eight by shoe on it like it's bubble gum.

He's got a portrait of a man's penis.

He's got headshots of some guy's penis that he eats.

They're like gunkaroos.

He rolls them up and he dips them in cum.

And they're called kumaroos and they serve it at the outbank.

They serve the outbank steakhouse?

Outbanks.

Yeah, you would think that.

A blow man.

There's a lot of.

First of all, we've been to Australia.

We know how fucking heavily influenced it is by Asia.

You would think that.

And you would think that.

You would think that.

I great Thai food.

If anybody would think that, it would be you.

Damn, the Thai food was off the fucking hook.

Animal eats guy food.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Bad guy.

Guy CU.

Some guy named Tom.

Someone sucked Tom's Cena.

A guy named Tom's penis.

That's also on the menu.

Guy food is just food.

It's food for men, guys, guys.

That's how you trick people into eating cock with you.

No, that's not true.

You tried to trick me that way.

Gay guys don't even eat penises.

Yeah, you do, though.

It's not proper gay.

I'm just some sort of cannibal.

Alright, we don't have to.

Look, man.

You don't have to try and explain.

You know I've had a bad stomach today.

You know my defenses are down.

You know it's like,

you know, you're taking advantage of me, a sick man.

That's true.

I had table pizza.

It's fine.

Oh, sorry, I got distracted by something on my phone.

I believe we were calling Adam a fan.

I believe we were calling our associates.

That's true.

Lord of the Dance is what they would call him back in the back in his River Dance days.

Oh, yeah.

Back when...

A lot of people know this, but River was actually, it was made by Israel to make Ireland look bad.

Yeah.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

They're like, we need at least one country to look gayer than us.

That guy, Michael, Flatland.

Dude, it's funny.

It's like, Ireland had one shot.

What do you mean?

For like a hundred years, they were like,

we really shouldn't let Ireland participate in Western culture at all.

What about the cranberries?

They had one shot.

My dick small.

I'm gay.

And they were like, they were like, we've been waiting for for this forever.

It's like, look at this.

And we were like, all right,

we'll check in in 2100.

The year of 2010.

We'll give you another century to figure out something.

Oh, yeah.

They're almost as bad as the Native Americans.

All right.

Bro, don't get with your agenda.

Your fucking agenda.

Your anti-Native Americans agenda.

First peoples.

I'm trying to get sucked off by

chief

sucks off.

Should we talk about doing a gland acknowledgement?

She's a girl shit.

Did we talk about doing a gland acknowledgement?

They don't have girls.

He didn't, but I like that.

Okay, that's funny.

They do have girls.

Job accidentally admitted he was gay, but the gland acknowledgement was worth it.

You do gland acknowledgements.

I get sucked off by Chief Sucksoff.

Let's not forget who eats a picture of a man's penis.

Who loves Blow Main, which is a man's penis.

Or either that or a picture of you sucking a man's penis.

That's the difference between northern and southern Chinese cuisine, gay Chinese puises.

There's a Shanghai's blow mane, and then also the Guangzhou

Fuzhou fucking

blow mane, and you fucking

like both of them.

You like both of them.

Yeah, well, I'm a man of the world.

Yeah, you go into the business.

You go to the Shen famous foods, and you're like,

excuse me, do you have the picture of a man's penis style?

What do you call that?

Dan Dan noodle?

Is that what Dan Dan noodle is?

That's you sucking two guys named named Dan off in the west time.

Yeah, it's where Adam, Adam, no, it's Adam.

One of them is fucking Adam in the ass, and the other one's fucking him in the mouth, and Adam rocks back and forth like a rocking horse almost

in between the two.

I like that.

It'd be a fun ride at Disney World.

It's like, you know, the pirate ship that goes back and forth.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's Adam on all fours, and there's a dick at the top of the line.

That's awesome.

And then another one on the ass.

Once in his ass, once in his mouth.

Yeah, and he just rocks back and forth forth going into each one of them.

That's a good

children ride on his back.

I don't know if people would want it.

It's the come town amusement park.

That's awesome.

We should build that.

We should have an amusement park.

Where would we do it?

Where can we get enough land?

It's just, you know, the Six Flags rides where they put like $8 billion into the line aspect of the ride?

Yeah, yeah.

We go in this place, and it's just like Batman being like, I'm stolen all all the calm and gotham city.

He's planning on drinking it.

They got all the TVs.

That was like diamond plate steel everywhere.

Like Adam and women's makeup.

You'll never get the comeback, Batman.

And it's still Batman-themed.

Yeah, of course.

That's the weirdest part about Six Flags.

It's half, it's like, it's Batman and Bugs Bunny.

And fucking welcome.

Because Disney had all this other shit, and Warner Brothers isn't really kind of centralized centralized around one thing.

Yeah, they're like, welcome to the Wayans Brothers Porky Pig.

And I guess CNN, maybe?

The Anderson Cooper Ferris.

Yeah, oh, yeah.

You can do the Wolf Blitzer get pussy experience.

That would be sick.

Because you know, my man.

You know, Wolf was cleaning up after 9-11.

You know, my man.

Yeah, we got to talk about Super Organics here.

Super Speciosa.

It's a a crate on the table.

And let's also talk about the Prince of Pleasure tour that is now launched.

Tickets.

Go to stavi.biz and buy those.

And also, if you're...

I'm coming everywhere.

And if you're in New York this week, tomorrow, go to the Bellhouse Pantheon.

I have a great show.

Me, Sam Murrell, David Cross, Marie Faustin, Larry Owens, great show.

You're going to want to fucking get tickets to that, folks.

But if you're not in New York and you're not going to any of the many cities that I'm going on tour, what you're going to want to do is fucking drink or smoke or super organic.

Or take a pill of kratom.

Yeah, or put it in our

powder or some fucking shit.

You're going to want to do that from our friends.

Luzy over at Super Especiosa.

Isn't that right, Nick?

Yeah, Super Especiosa.

At getsuperleaf.com slash Come Town.

Now, there's

definitely going to want to do this.

There's something that, you know, they're saying that this stuff is like coffee for your dick.

For your cock, it wakes it up like you wouldn't believe.

They're saying it's, it's, if your dick, it doesn't work.

I don't know if you can.

I don't know what that means.

It's like a cup of coffee for your prick a del.

Well, it's kind of like a cup of coffee for everything.

That's right.

Your cock is a fish.

I feel like coffee probably makes it harder for my dick to work.

Yeah.

That's why I need to offset it.

With some super leaf.

With some super leaf.

Kratom.

Right.

I don't know.

I guess it's like, yeah, they say it's energizing.

I think it depends on you.

Or maybe it's just the kind that I had.

Because they sent me a bunch and I and that yours chilled you out.

Well, I don't, I don't, you know, me, I hate learning.

Sure.

Yeah.

So they're like, there's three kinds.

And I was like, I don't want to hear it, pal.

I'm just shoveling it into my mouth.

I are.

I never learn.

Anytime you start off with those three things, I'm not learning it.

No, thanks.

I learned two of the things.

Stoplights, red, green, got that.

I don't know what the fuck yellow.

Yellow is, that doesn't.

It really is stupid that yellow even exists.

Yep,

it's what it's the trans

no respect for yellow.

They're like, ooh, I think I'm a girl and a boy.

I'm the fancy.

I can only be here for a minute.

I have to go out with my girls.

It's genderqueer.

I only have a couple of seconds to spend with you while I let red and green do all the work in society while being

the Chinese trans color.

Kind of like the me of the and this is all you can do.

That's true.

No, you're more like the stop.

You're more like red.

No.

Nick is stop.

You're go.

I'm go.

Yeah, I'm yellow.

Go, go, go.

No, you're something else.

Yeah.

Nick is like, stop.

I don't like that.

You know, stop is like, just go, you know,

pussy food.

Yeah, yeah.

That's true.

That's true.

You got me there.

Me?

That's two things I love about it.

I'm connecting the two.

You're not that, to be clear, but I am not.

I'm the brain.

You're not yellow.

In terms of go, in terms of pussy and food, whatever you just said, and going, yes, that's me.

A lot of people say that.

You're like the walk sign or the don't walk sign or something that's not even involved in the driving.

You're like a sign they put it up in a preschool that's like ev everyone do a single file line to go to the bathroom.

Oh, you know what I am?

I'm the train thing.

The ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

Yeah, that's me.

In the circle.

That's me.

Adam, you're probably like.

Do you know what you are?

You're the sign that's the road narrowing sign because it kind of it always looked like a big vagina to me when I was a kid

that's what Adam is Stav you can continue being the green light I'd like to be the green light it's fun to be the green light I think the traffic light analogy is no cleaner because it's not three and we're three but it's really not clean it doesn't make any sense all right okay yeah this is Adam that does look kind of like although you know what it's also curvy looks kind of like a woman you want to fuck well if you imagine that's the asshole and that's the pussy yeah when I was a kid that's how I always thought you were.

See the asshole?

These are the legs.

So the legs are split open.

That's the pussy.

That's the bottom of the butt cheeks.

I see.

Yeah.

I like that.

I like that.

I think I could be something else also, though.

What do you mean?

You don't want to be green anymore?

That's not good.

I could be green, but...

Everyone loves green.

Yeah.

Green was a compliment.

Don't fucking don't act like you said it like it gets you.

Like comtown.com slash come town.

Yeah, yeah, you want to go to that.

Is Kratom allows you to chill out enough to have these kind of awesome.

Chill out and energy.

Oh, you know what here's Adam?

Here's the detour sign.

That's true.

That is you.

That's on me.

Or maybe

yield, the yield sign.

I'm warning big, get pussy areas.

I remember as a kid.

As a kid,

yield signs were...

I'm the welcome sign to Hershey Park.

That's me, dude.

You're about to have some chocolate and have a good time.

You're about to have a nice day.

Welcome to Hershey Park.

So the yield signs are always red.

Yeah.

And then occasionally, I remember you would see a yellow yield sign.

And as a kid, that was like, that was a rare, that was a little rare little treat for you.

Yeah, I was like, man, I love that.

I don't remember the yellow yield sign.

Fucking free.

No, I'm not a free.

I love that.

Well, you know, I used to teach defensive driving.

So if you go to what website?

Get superleaf.com

slash come town use code come town you can get 20

no they got they got all these

so from southeast asia it's legal it's shipping the offense clean

it's uh it's very good if you're trying to uh withdraw from heroin

um

we've heard we can't say that legally that seems to be what people mostly use it for

it's but it's just good i remember one time years ago a friend of mine's like you got to try this stuff it's good shit.

It's just.

And this is a guy that did a bunch of drugs in the past.

And he said, you know what?

This is fucking good stuff.

I don't need to do drugs.

I have this.

And it's not drugs.

He's a good guy.

Yeah.

A touring musician.

Well, here's the thing.

If you're good at controlling yourself, then it's probably great.

The first thing in the morning, you get a little drink your little cup of kratom instead of a cup of coffee because

it does wake you up, but it chills you out.

It's kind of like I've heard it compared to mixing a cup of coffee with a Percocet.

That sounds awesome.

And if you you can't, listen, if you can't get Super Leaf, maybe just put a little Percocet in a cup of coffee.

This stuff is

pretty good.

It's clean.

They test their shit.

They got the Kratom Association of America.

Yeah, the American Kennel Association awarded it the best in show.

Best in show.

In terms of fake drugs.

At the Westminster.

Narrowly beating out CBD and

CBD, they also, I think these guys have that.

But we were mainly talking about

they do, but we're mainly talking about the Kratom.

They got this new shit now.

Also, the corner store of my neighborhood just sells weeds.

Delta 8, yeah, yeah.

Well, they sell Delta 8, but they were like, we also have just complete weed.

Like, I've never been in there before.

He's never seen me.

I'm not even.

I was looking for a fucking diet, Dr.

Pepper.

And he's like, yeah, we just have weed.

Delta 8 edibles are straight up.

You're just high.

It's fucking marijuana as far as it's not.

It's not like K2 scary.

Dude, no, it's literally edibles, and you get fucked up.

And you go to get superleaf.com.

But yeah, go to get super leaf.

If you don't have access, and look, we're lucky.

We live in the greatest city in the world where you can get drugs illegally at your fucking bodega.

That's right.

But for you fucking humps in the middle of the country.

Oh, it's good for pain relief.

That's what they are.

I don't really have pain.

Well, you're asshole.

Yeah, it says aging millennial and you're new to aches and pains.

First of all,

if you're new to pain in your 30s, mid-30s,

then

you haven't really experienced a pain.

You haven't experienced heartache and loss.

Yeah.

Grow up.

Yeah, if you hurt your back, pull a muscle from all the fucking unwind with a glass of Kratom tea.

Cool.

You know what?

I will say, I will push back.

I don't like the idea of

just,

you know, it's like you just, you put, I put it in a little mason jar

and I do it shot style and I down it just because

and I'll tell you this no matter where you get this stuff it tastes like fucking dog shit yeah it really does

it's uh really it does not yeah because it's a plant that's like a dried out plant

even plants that are supposed to taste good taste like fucking shit that's true I don't know I think the marine

huh what about cocoa yeah what about mint mint tastes Mint tastes awesome.

All right, well, then dry out a bunch of mint, grind it up, and put it in a cup and see if you like that.

See if you like that, Adam.

All right.

That's true.

See if you like that.

Super specios.

Kratom.

That sounds awesome.

Isn't that what mint tastes?

Kratom is the secret supplement that influencers don't want you to know about.

Why are they hoarding it for themselves?

It's a great pre-workout supplement.

It helps you write jokes.

Yeah.

We took a coffee.

Oh, it's a cousin of coffee.

I didn't realize plants can have cousins.

Yeah, they do.

Which is very funny

to imagine that a plant's like, yeah,

my wife's brother fucked

a bee.

Yeah, a bee sucked my wife's brother's cock and spit it into that lady's pussy over there.

As they say, they call it the birds and the bees, but it's really the plants and the bees.

Yeah, that's right.

The bees are just dipping them, taking a bath in flower cum.

Yeah.

Yeah, they're fucking flowers.

Fucking freaks.

It comes in tea, powder, and capsules that you can put anywhere.

Your pockets, your backpack, your suitcase.

They're great for them to go.

Your ass, your pussy.

Everyone's got residual COVID blues.

True.

Super Spatiosa can pull you out of your rut.

Yeah, I mean, I did

at the beginning of the year.

I didn't really have.

I don't even call it residual COVID blues, but everything was on hold and then the year clicked over and it's like, all right, now Biden's president and uh

nothing i mean it's just the same bullshit

i did have to

i did need

supplements yeah to not kill yourself to not just start drinking again right which you know i'm proud of you it's been a while kratom can help improve your mood deliver energy and reduce pain Helps people feel better.

It also uses to relieve stress and take the edge off.

Every batch is.

It's like beating off.

Every batch of Super Speciosa has a QR code to scan and view the exact lab certificates.

That's awesome.

That's pretty cool, dude.

More shit should have that.

I agree.

People should have a QR code on the back of their neck that you can just hold your phone up and it tells you their exact race, their 23 and B results.

And

how much pussy or dick they've gotten.

How ran through they are.

Yeah.

You know?

How fresh is that pussy?

I want to know where the QR code is.

Super Speciosa wants you to come again with unlimited use of their 20% off promo code.

Wow.

Come town.

That's not one time.

Get Getsuperleaf.com slash Come Town for 20% off your entire order.

That's get superleaf.com slash Come Town.

Promo code Come Town.

That's 20% off your order.

It's huge, and you can also check out Come.town, a different website that has t-shirts for sale, a lot of things, newly restocked.

We got some new designs hidden in store as soon as they can manage to go a single month without things running out of stock.

Oh, and

I still Oh, yeah.

Stavi.biz, we got t-shirts now, you know?

Why only put money in Nick's pocket?

Make sure it goes to me, too.

Are my t-shirts as good?

No.

Nick is a better.

He draws better.

Mine are more universal.

They don't just say Stavros Halcius.

Okay.

I just don't have to take fucking shots.

I was complimenting your t-shirts.

Maybe you could say.

No, your t-shirts do have nicer art.

No, no, no.

They're just pictures of it.

Don't walk it back now.

It's pictures of you.

Don't walk it back now.

It's pictures of you.

And I said, look, are they as good as Knicks?

No, but buy some for me anyway.

If you want a Stavro shirt, go to Stavros.

Well, I also, we got into the political arena and I created a shirt that says, capitalism can suck my little ass dick.

Does it say that?

Yeah.

Okay, all right, that's a universal.

So that's a universal cool.

You know, if you have a little dick.

You know, maybe you just got into theory.

You know what I'm saying?

You're one of these fucking guys.

Just fucking buy the shirt.

I'm selling a shirt that says, I love New York, but the heart is the logo from the band Him.

That's good.

I like that.

I him New York.

I him New York.

That's a good one.

See?

So, you know, go over there.

And then also, here's just a list of cities I'll be in.

And go to stabby.biz slash tour if you want to see me.

Portland, Seattle, Salt Lake City, Denver, Minneapolis, San Antonio, Cleveland, Phoenix, Madison, Detroit, Columbus, Tampa, Boston,

and maybe a couple more.

But that's where I'll be through the end of the year starting in in mid-August.

So I'm excited to see you little fuckaroonies on the road.

And as always, folks, patreon.com slash come town.

You can get the entire archive

bonus episodes.

That's where Adam gets to the bottom.

That's where Adam goes to the bottom.

Unfortunately, Adam thought of monetizing the podcast.

That was my idea.

Yeah, it was.

And so Adam collects $90,000 a month from the show.

Well, we were tied up in litigation for a while.

And then Adam knows all that.

I had a favorable thing.

Adam,

the lawyer is the natural cousin of the podcasting podcast.

I don't know what you mean by that, but

the lawyer and the third

guy on the podcast.

I'll trust the...

I'll trust the other thing about it.

I'm the train.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

Stops the green light.

And Adam's some sort of parasitic vine growing up the side of the utility pole with a little shitty worm on the top of it controlling everything.

Some kind of worm controlling the vine worm with a little dick by the way right

that's telling the plants what to do how to suck resources from the two sides how to rot how to dry rot the utility pole that carries the electricity to the hardworking sides so am i the vine or the worm you're the both you're both you're the worm and the vine it's a symbiosis yeah okay but you're the worm mostly to be clear that you control the vine i wish this i wish we were you know you ever feel like you were born in the wrong era

no imagine 8,000 years ago, we could just be doing this, but in the middle of town, and then people are like, and then

tell us how the gods made the mountains.

And I'm like, well, Adam's and his warm friends.

Tell us of the gods and how they made the rivers and mountains.

Well, the rivers came out of Adam's ass.

They were come

originally.

He got fucked in the ass by the sun.

And they're like, well, we need to write this down.

We're the only man in town that knows how to write.

And Adam's like, I'm the Jew.

They're like, Write this down.

And you came out of your ass.

And everything sounds cool.

Yeah.

And they're like, there was a

we don't find out for a generation because you can't read.

We can't read.

We're too busy getting pussy and farming.

Yeah.

Smart man wrote the book.

That's me.

I mean, you guys wrote it.

I just changed it a little bit.

You edited it.

Yeah, I edited the book.

Honestly, the fact that fucking and Frank's dad was like,

maybe I could sell this fucking thing.

Make a little funny thing.

I think two birds are having sex.

It's not.

She's not coming back like that.

Look, look, look, look, look, look.

They're fucking.

They're fucking.

You missed it.

Nobody cares.

Wait, look, two birds are fucking.

Oh,

wow.

Dude, that bird is horny, dude.

It's just fucking straight.

That was kind of a one-pump.

I guess that's why they call it the birds and the bees.

Yeah.

See, I thought birds laid eggs and then the male bird came on them.

No, that's like a bad one.

She jumped on her back and did one pump.

He did pump her, but she was screaming.

She was begging for her.

She was fluttering.

Yeah, that's pretty cool.

Damn.

That's pretty cool.

That kind of got me horny, dude.

Yeah.

You know what gets me horny is

Guy's cock.

Guys, no.

Man, pre-comb.

It does be a good thing.

The first taste of pre-come while you're sucking a guy's cock.

Long Mongolian trumpets blaring.

What are those?

Yeah.

That gets me horny.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

You know, there's a horde coming to fuck your ass.

Damn, I would love to be that sign.

Just putting my fucking arm down, being like, do not disrespect the train.

Don't you fucking dare.

Get to stop.

My friend's about to be here.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

Be like, what's up, dude?

Train.

Yeah, I got this.

I got it, buddy.

Dude, it's so good to see you.

We got to chill.

I got this.

We taking fucking car parts from Mexico.

That's awesome, dude.

Bad rules.

Dude, I'll see you on the way back.

I'll see you when you head back to Mexico.

I'll hold it down here.

It's kind of a longer process.

They're in the tree now.

I'll be holding it down here in Wakita.

Yep.

Wakanda?

Wakita.

Juaquita.

I feel like it's pretty special.

I've never seen two birds fuck before.

It's the only time in our entire lives.

Now, you just want to talk about this because you saw it first.

Yeah, well,

this is the only thing we can talk about.

It's the one thing you brought to the show.

I have been since I went away to Costa Rica.

We've been

paying a little bit more attention to nature.

It's a wild.

That's something that I learned.

You reconnected?

Sounds like Costa Rica when you talk about this.

I'm not boasting.

I'm just telling you guys about how boasting.

You love boasting.

On my vacation.

What other kind of realizations did you have?

Realizations?

Yeah, you said you're.

Stop.

Do you feel like you ever have squealizations?

Yeah.

No, why would I have?

I don't know.

Because it's like a pig.

I don't get it.

A, I don't get it.

B, I don't know why that would apply to me.

So no.

Yeah, it's just a picture of like

sta a cartoon stav in an elementary school.

Mm-hmm.

And he's like pointing to his head and it's on like the like, you know, the bulletin board that they have.

Yeah, yeah.

It's just like

like fucking like a worm like you telling kids to read.

Okay.

And then stav's the pig and it says get oinkspired.

Get oinkspired?

Yeah, and he's pointing to his head.

That's good.

And then the worm is

the book worm.

And then the students have to watch

an hour and 30-minute documentary about the train sign and how it's the most important sign.

And how you must always respect it.

No, no.

No one respects the train sign.

Everyone does.

Everyone takes a piss on it.

No.

Imagine.

Everyone says, fuck this sign.

People don't respect it at all.

What they respect is the train.

The train sign is bullshit.

They respect not people.

People don't want to die from the train.

No one gives a fuck about the gay ass sign.

The sign is the gay little hype man of the train.

The sign is actually

necessary.

And it doesn't understand that without the train, it's nobody.

I think it's time to rewatch You Don't Eat Old Sign.

Yeah.

Exactly.

Final Destiny.

The arm is part of the sign.

You think that's the only thing that's not the same?

No,

the sign is the sign.

The arm is the thing that's fine.

No, Adam, come on.

We had him here, and you got to fucking ruin it with semantics.

The train is the fucking.

What are you fucking talking about?

The arm?

No one would need the sign if it didn't have the arm and it has the arm.

Why do you got to give them?

The arm is not part of the sign.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

But the point is.

Guess what just came by?

The logic train.

Ding, ding is the bell.

Ding, ding, ding, logic train.

The bell is gay, the sign is gay.

The only thing that's cool is the fucking train.

The logic train, and it just

was derailed by a pig.

Starbucks.

No.

The pig

The pig is riding the train, giving the sign the finger.

And it's about to get pussy from a hotter pig with big higher.

Yeah, this one does.

This is not a regular pig.

This is a boss hog.

Pigs are police officers?

No, no, this is the boss hog.

This is the police officer?

This is the boss hog.

Sometimes they drive a semi.

This is the boss hog.

That's it.

Pigs are never conductor.

They're taking the train to get pussy in Mexico where the car parks are coming from.

Just to prove you're right.

Because there's hotter fucking pigs.

I'm going to look this up right now.

The boss hog is going to get exotic types of pig pussy.

He's going to be a conductor because I guarantee you no one's ever.

I don't know.

I don't know what that is.

He's not the conductor.

The boss hog's not the conductor.

He's riding the train that people respect and giving the finger to the gay little son.

And the worm is

getting eaten by the eaten friends.

No, no, no, no.

He's kind of his ratatouille style friend.

No.

And it's like, you got to ride from a train.

I got to ride from my pig friend.

Actually,

boss hog for real is like he's the cop in Dukes of Hazard.

And guess what happens constantly?

The Dukes of Hazard jump over a train track and Boss Hog is stopped by the sign.

The sign is not what stops him.

It's the train that stops him.

He doesn't care about the sign.

The sign is fucking gay.

Once again.

And also, we're talking about a real hog, not the fucking character from Dukes of Hazard.

We're talking about

fucking warthog that gets pussy in the wild.

That's who we're talking about.

I don't even know what we don't need to be fucking.

Wait a minute.

Why aren't I throwing there?

50 miles an hour.

We need to be stopping this.

We do not need to be watching this.

I don't even know what this is, man.

I think it's a clip.

That's less than two minutes from here.

Well, you know what?

I'm not watching this.

I looked up Deukes of Hazard, Boss Hawk, and then had a picture of Burt Reynolds with Ariel Winter.

And now I'm looking at pictures of Ariel Winter with their big ass tears.

You know what?

Yeah, you can see, Adam.

There you go.

Oh, whoa.

Hey, look, there it goes now.

I'm going to look up Ariel.

You're going to get mad at me, but I have to pee.

No, I'm looking up now.

Alright, look at

a movie where a chimpanzee is a doctor.

God damn.

Is Virgil Texas in jail?

Yeah, he's in jail.

He's in jail.

Look at this movie.

Spy Mate?

He's in groom jail.

When the fuck is this?

You ever see this?

Where a monkey is an FBI agent?

No, I think um

I think that was after the Dunstan checks in craze.

They got some nice fakes of Ariel Winter with their tits out.

Like, I know this is fake, but I got no qualms with it.

Oh, no.

That's perfect.

That's what you call right up my goddamn alley.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

Yeah, pretty cool stuff.

What?

Oh, I don't know.

No,

the show is not over.

We're still looking at breasts for you.

You appeared like we weren't on air.

Is the show over?

We're on air.

We're just looking at breasts.

We're live.

We're live here on location with a fat man that's afraid of a red train sign.

Not afraid of the train sign.

Worm controlling a plane.

Train sign is for fucking losers.

No, dude.

Oh, shit.

I did not mean to look at a leaked picture of Aerial Winter, which appears to be getting fucked, but

I am now currently, it seems, looking at it, and I didn't mean to.

But I'm, you know, damn, these are huge tits.

Anyway.

Anyway, I don't have my phone on me, so.

This is a picture of me fucking Adam in the ass.

Why do you think that?

Dude,

the fucking train sign is so fucking gay.

The train sign rules.

Yeah, so fucking gay.

Why would you want to be that?

Ding, ding, ding, ding.

Why would I want to be?

Ding, ding, ding, ding, I'm fucking gay.

That's not what it sounds like.

You know what I am?

No.

You know what I am?

Meanwhile, the boss hogs like,

I'm loving it.

You're a sign of green stops.

And you're like, oh, I just want to get out of everybody's way.

I'm not a green dude.

I'm the one who's a song.

I said I'm the Welcome to Hershey Park sign, by the way.

And I'm definitely a welcome sign.

I changed my mind.

Because everyone's having a good time when they see me.

Everyone's having a nice time around me.

You know, I changed my mind.

What are you?

I'm the sign that says, put your towels here in the ladies' locker room.

I'm the sign that says, towels go here.

So you're fucking ladies.

I see ladies.

I'm just a sign.

I didn't put my signal.

That should be a girl.

I'm just a sign.

That sign should be for girls.

Nope.

So, you know what?

You're right.

Because whoever's my job, they wouldn't have to be a girl.

You're a girl.

You're a girl.

Well, I get to check out a hot chicks all day.

So you have a pussy now.

In a locker room.

You have a pussy now.

No,

you're a sign with a pussy.

What up?

I picked a really cool sign just now, you could admit.

What are you watching?

It's a video of different train signs.

Yeah, it sounds pretty fucking stupid to me.

The train is the only fearsome thing there.

With Verizon Fios, you can make your new home work even better for you.

The stress isn't really good.

Oh, look, I could be like this interracial gay couple.

Easy.

That's the only way I know how to buy the internet is if I

see myself represented in the commercials.

Yeah, I know.

Hello again, rail fans.

A question that I've been getting frequently recently for some reason is about railroad grade crossing signals, automatic signal activations.

How do they work?

How does the signal know when the train is there?

How does it know when the train is gone?

Well, I'm going to give you the simple answer to this because, frankly, it's the only one.

All right, shut up, you fucking shit, dude.

Just get to me.

That guy's doing my job.

No, he's not.

He's crossing U.S.

Highway 92.

He was already on the crossing when I got there, but you can still see how this works.

It's a conventional track circuit system.

When the train passes into the detector circuit, the wheels shunt the two rails and begin changing the impedance of a coded circuit in the track.

The electronics and the signal box trigger the crossing lights and bells.

As the train gets closer, the impedance keeps changing, letting the software in the signal box know that the train is coming toward the crossing and to keep flashing and ringing.

Here comes Q453 working.

Here comes my co-worker and friend that we see each other outside of work sometimes.

Yeah, the sign is kind of like the Stevie.

It's absolutely

Stevie of the train.

Yeah, we, the Stevie of the train.

Yeah, yeah.

The train is Kenny Powers.

The train's 100% Kenny Powers.

And the boss hogs hanging out with Kenny Powers, doing drugs, about to get pussy.

No.

Riding Kenny Powers to get pussy from the bottom.

Stop before the crossing.

The motion detector would sense that the track impedance stopped changing.

And after a night.

What a great noise.

You fucking freak.

What do you mean, freak?

I can't wait to get my curly-ass boss hog dick just fucking saturated with pig pussy juice while you're fucking waving to the train that doesn't respect you.

I can't wait for you to die of a heart attack.

Well, it's not gonna happen, dude.

It's not gonna happen.

I can't wait for you to get convicted of childborn.

No, I can't wait for you, boss hog, to go to jail for the crimes you've committed against.

I am not the boss hog.

Maybe you're both the things you guys have said, because you're thinking of boss hog from Dukes of Hazard, who I guess is a pedophile that's gonna have a heart attack.

I'm in the ladies' locker room minding my own damn.

Me, I'm a fucking animal.

I'm the boss hog of the forest, and I ride the train to get pussy from pigs in Mexico.

You're not, you are that train, you're minding your, or you're that sign, but you're a girl.

We've been through all of this.

Well, whatever.

And I clearly come out on top, and that's all that needs to be said.

Well, I'm a cool legendary.

Why don't we move on

and talk about the Free Britney conservatorship controversy and how we're all pro-Britney Spears here?

I'm pro-the father.

You're pro the father?

I trust the courts.

You trust the courts.

And until the courts say otherwise, that's the way I'm going to go.

I say free Britney, bitch, personally.

I haven't really been paying attention.

Well, I don't know what's happening either, but I'm always going to side with this person who I've jacked off to more in a dispute.

Yeah.

That's just kind of how that's kind of how I'm built.

That's kind of my philosophy.

Well, I'm honest enough to admit that I was probably not able to jack off at the time of her, the peak of her celebrity.

What are you talking about?

She was famous when we were like fourth grade, dude.

No, no.

What are you, are you out of your mind?

I'm not out of my mind.

Britney Spears.

Be

Britney Spears' first single.

What was it called?

The one where she dressed like a single one.

Hit me baby one more time.

Hit me baby one.

We were in elementary school.

Comes out in 1998.

Yeah, we were in elementary school.

10 years old.

Yeah.

What about the one where she's in the fucking red tape leather suit?

What's that one called?

I don't know.

I was having sex by then.

No, you weren't.

Yeah, I was.

Don't lie to yourself.

Yes, I was.

Britney Spears red jumpsuit.

Oops, I did it again, of course.

How could I forget?

Oops, I shit my pants.

That comes out in 2000.

Oops, I shit did my pants.

That was good.

That is good.

That is good.

2000, I'm 12.

I missed inside my pants.

It would be incredibly unfortunate to shit your pants and wear that red jumpsuit.

Where's the shit going?

That would be incredibly uncomfortable.

All the way down to your ankles.

They make special suits for children with fragile X syndrome because I like it.

What's Fragile X?

It's a congenital mental retardation disease.

But one of the symptoms is they love playing with their own shit.

Really?

So they make these suits for the kids that are like, they just seal at the neck and the ankles and the

shit.

So they just like fill up with shit like a water balloon so they can't get their shit.

It's like a full-body diaper, basically.

Did you just make that up?

No, look it up.

It kind of looks like the kid from

Big Daddy.

Prominent, broad forehead, large ears, long face.

Stop, would you ever be in a movie called Pig Fatty?

I guess it depends on the roll.

I guess it depends what the role is.

That was pretty good.

I don't think it was.

What about instead of Fragile X Syndrome, it's Static X Syndrome.

It's like that band, Static X.

Do you remember

Okay, never mind.

Yeah.

See what happens when I don't yes and the joke on the front.

Yeah, toileting issues in fragile X.

Don't forget who fucking makes the laughs happen around here, Adam.

Next time you say that was pretty good.

Because I could have fucking backed you up with that horrible fucking little joke.

Well, it was horrible.

If that got a little laugh, you know what?

If that got a little laugh from me, and I said, yeah, that's the real laugh.

I don't want the real.

I don't want the laugh.

Well, I want you to keep me on it.

That's what you think.

That's what a real friend does.

You want me to keep you honest?

You're not going to to like how this podcast goes for you, pal.

All right, keep me honest.

Starting now, we're keeping me honest.

Okay?

Starting now, we're never going to lie to you.

My job is to lube up the fucking pod, all right?

And don't forget who greases the fucking wheels around here.

The next time you say pig fatty, he was a good one.

Okay, that's all I'm saying.

It was.

Come on.

Next time,

just remember how the fucking, how the fucking laughs roll around around you.

I'm trying to look this up now.

It looks like I may have completely made up that thing about you.

Yeah, it I think that isn't that what Doug Fluti's kid has, or is it just regular?

I don't know.

Child

playing

with own feces

suit.

Oops, I sucked on your dick.

It tasted bad.

I fucking

preventative

preventative

suit.

They make it

oh, it's autism.

Fecal smearing and how to help reduce this in children with autism from specialkids.company.com.

That's the name of the website.

Fecal smearing or poo smearing is a topic that can no longer be ignored.

It's uncomfortable.

For a while, it was ignored.

This is already going to be funny, but let's crank it up a notch.

It's uncomfortable for much

to talk about, and happens more often than we want to acknowledge.

Specialkids.company help you to make this behavior of the past or at least minimize its impact.

Interesting.

Tips on how to deal with fecal smearing in children with autism.

What should be in your cleaning kit?

We've made a short list.

Rubber gloves, cleaning clothes, toilet paper, bucket.

Dude, this is brutal.

Imagine having a kid with autism.

You come home and they're like, I painted

the walls are covered and god life can be just so shitty yeah

you know absolutely dude that's your fucking kid yeah

in the old days there used to be a way to fucking handle that old

children you kill yourself you kill yourself

you leave the kid a nice big pile of chocolates and then you fucking take a nice fucking find a nice big rock and jump off it yeah you disrespect the train sign the train sign's like, whoa, pal, where are you going?

You're like, I'm killing myself.

My son keeps scaring shit.

You can't do shit about it, by the way.

You're a fucking gay ass little son.

No, the sign's like, I got you.

No, the signs are.

You go ahead.

The sign's like, no, no.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

You go ahead and you can.

Listen to me.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

People are like, stop that guy.

I'm like, leave him alone.

He knows what he's doing.

Ding, ding, the train is coming.

When we listen to the train sign, how about this?

Let's listen to a different sound.

No, do not play.

You know what it's going to be.

It's going to be an oink sound.

So I'm taking the power away from you.

No.

Like Eminem from.

Like Eminem from.

He's like, yeah, I am in a trailer park.

My mom is a sale.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

That's what I'm doing.

That's what I do.

I do that every episode.

You're right.

I'm gay.

I am.

What is this?

Pigs squealing.

Okay, great.

This doesn't even offend me because I don't sound like that.

Come on, drop them like you mean it.

You're too fat, but you.

And yeah, the pigs are agile, by the way.

Yeah, that's not me.

Doesn't do me no, never mind.

That's you.

It's not me.

I feel like that guy was was being mean to you.

No, no, I feel bad for the pig now.

Well, that's the kind of shit you fucking just.

That guy's harassing.

You know what I'd love to do?

I'd love to take that guy.

I'd like to take that guy and kidnap him and his daughter.

Take him down to a basement and then watch him

force him to watch as I spend a week killing his daughter with a razor blade and a salt shaker.

Yeah.

I don't know.

That's what he deserves for bothering that pig.

That's what he gets.

For bothering that pig.

I'd really love to.

You're just vacillating wildly between pro and anti-pig.

What I'd do is

I'd tie that guy to a chair, take his

boss hog call.

See if I'm doing this.

No, this is not even a real pig.

This is a man making pigments.

Boss hog call.

Wait, that's a guy imitating a pig?

That's a guy imitating a pig, whereas I played a video of a real pig.

I thought we said we weren't lying on this show.

I didn't lie.

You said that that was a boss hog call.

Because he was doing a boss hog call.

That was a man sound.

Well, I don't have time to pull up a fucking real boss hog.

Ooh, this looks like a good video.

Cop begs for her life after fugitive pulls out gun.

Is it a related topic?

Is it related to big squealing?

I think that's just your algorithm.

This would probably be saddest to me.

Hey, everyone, welcome to Forward.

We are a new kind of doctor's office that's doing primary care differently.

Imagine doing an ad for this video: a police officer walking down a dark road.

She's checking out a suspicious vehicle with out-of-state plates.

Hello.

In this police body cam video, she questions the driver behind the wheel.

What are you doing parks back here?

Just telling them that.

Do you happen to have a driver's license on you that I could see?

He seems nervous, fumbling for the license.

It's suspicious that you're back here.

This doesn't normally happen.

The guy tells her he doesn't have a license.

I just have to make sure, you know, you don't have any warrants or anything, which I'm sure you don't.

What Officer Brianna Tedesco doesn't know is that the man is a fugitive wanted for murder.

He gave her a fake name of James Duncan.

They're not finding a DL driver's license record for James.

Can you try Dunkin' Donuts?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Can you try Dunkin' My Nuts in your mouth?

That's when all hell breaks loose.

No!

He pulls a gun on the officer.

She begs for her life.

Jesus fucking.

They struggle for 20 seconds.

From another angle, you can see the backup unit.

As Officer Tedesco struggles, her backup opens fire.

He killed both of them.

He's taken down.

His real name, Kenneth Martell, and he was wanted in Pennsylvania.

Damn.

That was a real sound.

I was a real person.

It did sound a lot like the pig, though, to be fair.

Yeah, it did sound a lot like that.

Those two videos sounded a lot alike.

And I didn't like either of them.

It didn't sound as funny as the name.

Well, hold on.

Here's what we're going to do, guys.

We're going to calm down.

We're going to forget that that woman's a human being.

Yeah, that's funny.

And we're going to say to ourselves, fuck around, find that.

I'm right.

Yeah, yeah.

We're gonna remove

because she's part of a system.

Okay.

Yep.

All right.

And you know what?

When you're doing that, go to stavi.biz.

If you have a problem with that, maybe you can look up,

you know, the history of the United States.

Is that true?

Because there's a lot more worse stuff there than in the video that I think is good.

No one thinks it's good.

I think it's good.

But she's a cop.

And I think it's very funny.

I thought, yeah, I thought you're the

one.

one.

I went down to the border, and we showed this video, and I said, we need more of this.

And they said, well, what is this?

And I said,

I think it's a Tupac music video.

It's an intro to All Eyes On Me.

It's a music video for my favorite musical rappist, Tupac.

Tupac Shakur.

I still would smash Kamala, though, to be fair.

A lot of people, they say, Kamala, now that you're vice president, are you giving up the pussy to the

fourth caller?

Right.

Today's 100th caller.

And I said, yes, two tickets.

Call up 98 Rock.

I want two tickets.

Yeah, two tickets for Caesar's and

I want to go see Theory of a Dead Man

and Meriwether Post Rebellion and get a piece of pussy from the vice president.

That's not a bad afternoon.

Yeah, yeah, that's you called up.

There would be some power to get fucking the vice president.

Oh my god, Doug?

I'm so envious of him.

Toug.

No, not Doug.

I'm saying I fuck her.

I'm just saying that's his life.

That's weird we're talking about.

Fucking Kamala Harris.

And Adam's mind is like, what would it be like to be a man?

What do you mean, Doug?

Oh, it would be a fucker, whatever he was.

Who the fuck is Doug?

Here, fucking.

That's what's going on in this guy's head.

No, that's not what I'm thinking about.

And then he's imagining being Patty Mayonnaise.

I wish I was a little boy.

Imagining the guy.

Oh, imagine a little bit.

The guy that gets to smash.

Oh, Patty, your dick is bigger than mine is.

How do you do that so good?

Oh, Patty.

How did you do that so good?

Because you're gay.

Patty, why is my dick so small?

Is it because I was circumcised?

Doug, Doug,

you're fat.

My boyfriend Doug's a fat.

I'm telling everyone at school that Doug's penis wouldn't get hard.

Does he ever get Patty Mayonnaise's cheeks?

They get married, dude.

They spend the rest of their lives together.

I didn't know that.

That's fucking lame.

I'm going around the school telling everyone Doug's a fad.

Oh, is that Roger?

Yep.

Yeah, you're a dick.

You're mean.

I'm green, and my dick is big.

I got a big, green dick.

That's so true of R.E.

Roger.

Oh, fuck.

You know, Roger is the first name.

What does the friend say?

Hawk honk.

He does like a noise.

Skeeter?

Yeah, he does like a honk.

I don't even know.

What does Skeeter sound like?

I don't remember.

Skeeter, Doug.

Yeah, proof that Skeeter Valentine was black.

That's the first video.

Alright, we'll just skip ahead here.

We'll just skip ahead here, I said.

Alright, there's just music in this video.

The Skeeter teaches you how to dance.

Hey, Doug, here we go.

Here's Hall Corner.

998, 999, 1000.

You have done it.

I love you.

Just fucking just get to people speaking.

What is with the Doug fans?

Adam's like, uh,

a man's penis.

Oh, I love the smell of a man's penis.

Mmm, delicious.

Delicious.

Can you put it in my mouth?

Yeah, that's it.

Anyways, what we're talking about, how did we get to that?

Is that that's what I'm thinking about when we're talking about having sex with him all the time?

Oh, yeah,'cause he said, Doug, it must be awesome to be Doug.

You know, I went down to the border and I told them

who I won't have sex with, who I will not have sex with,

is a man boy obsessed with the show Doug

when I'm trying to give pod c p pussy to his podcast host

when his co-hosts on the podcast that he's friends with.

That's fucking true.

Hey, they keep asking me

where's Kamala?

Where's Kamala?

Why isn't she?

Why isn't she here giving out a pussy to the White House?

I said she's down there at the pussy getting fucked by our disturbing opinion.

She's down there giving pussy to the podcast, guys.

We have Matt and Shane here at the White House next week, and we're doing a dick measuring contest.

We're having Matt and Shane put their dicks together and then have Hunter stand next to them to

see if their powers combined can even come close to the size of Hunter's cock.

That's awesome, man.

That would be cool.

They killed this dog, Champ.

Oh, yeah.

R.I.P.

to him.

Champ got got for being too fucking rowdy.

Yeah,

for biting too many penises around the White House.

Oh, fuck.

All right.

I got a piss.

It's time to end the show.

It's time to go do a bunch of fucking drugs

at 2 o'clock in the afternoon.

It's time to do cocaine by myself in my apartment.

What if, you know?

What if your data team could be 10 times more productive?

Most teams waste hours switching between fragmented tools, rebuilding the same analyses, and debugging AI chatbot outputs.

Hex integrates the whole analytics cycle, deep analysis, self-serve, and trusted context in one platform.

The result, faster insights, higher trust, less tool sprawl.

Transform your data team from a dashboard factory to a strategic insights engine.

Join teams from Anthropic, Lovable, Ramp, and 1,500 other customers at Hex.ai.

When the right team comes together at the right time, the potential is unlimited.

In the world of biotech, that time is right now.

At Unicisive Therapeutics, we've assembled an industry-leading biotech team to tackle the biggest unmet needs in kidney care.

Our lead investigational therapy is on pace to deliver a potential best-in-class profile for treating hyperphosphatemia in chronic kidney disease patients on dialysis.

What's next in kidney care is almost here.

Join us as we work to cross the finish line at unecisive.com.