Ep. 263 – cruella summer

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Welltra.

Well, sir,

you may know this is a show.

This is a show about nothing.

This man doesn't even have his fucking...

Look at this fucking guy.

Adam's watching.

He's just on his phone where the show started, motherfucker.

I had no headphones.

Come on, dude.

How little fucking professionalism?

I'm sorry, I don't know.

Adam does

pro-bethanolism.

Reacts like a prostitute named Beth.

Probethanolism.

Probethanolism.

Probethanol.

I would fuck a prostitute named Beth.

Adam Hemi, that's a good thing.

I've been drinking

probethazine.

Probethazine?

Yeah.

No, you haven't.

What is this?

The AC remote?

This one?

Got it in.

This is the one you want.

These fire hook crackers are.

Shout out to the fire hook corporation.

I like the rose.

Yeah, put them somewhere because if I have one, I'm done.

They're addicting.

This is bullshit.

I mean, this is what they were eating, you know, back in the

Judan times.

Back in the days of King Solomon.

Where you couldn't have leavent bread.

The kings of Leon.

The original Jewish kings.

You now want to suck dick

Because I'm gay.

The Jewish kings.

Will you please fuck me?

Solomon.

Solomon David.

Cedric the N-word Sayer.

I'm gay and I'm Jewish.

Bernie

Madoff.

Bernie Madoff.

Mac.

Bernie Madoff.

Why was the Mac?

Freddie Mae and Fannie.

Freddie Mac and Fernie Mae sounded like a black couple from like 1971.

That's who it is.

That's who it is.

The Jeffersons.

Freddie Mae.

Fannie Mae.

Yeah.

Fan of Mae.

Don't you fuck with me, Freddie Mac.

Oh, Freddie Mac.

No, it sounds like what it sounds like is like

it was like the name of two popular blackface characters.

You know, in the days of...

Like, not Al Jolson, but the Borsch Belt.

Totally.

The Days of Thunder.

Yeah.

The Days of Thunder.

Never saw that one.

Yeah, you know, a lot of people,

you know, a lot of Jews, you know,

it's tough being a Jew these days.

Absolutely.

The anti-Semitism, but a lot of Jews are like, hey, we invented,

you know, psychotherapy and socialism, but we're not, we don't often publicize the fact we also invented blackface.

You didn't invent it, you stole it.

What do you mean we stole it?

No, we invented the South

South.

We popularized.

I mean, we stole it from black people's faces.

But we popularized that.

First of all, that's very problematic of you to say.

In the Catskill Mountains, Yeah.

In the board.

Just a bunch of Jews laughing at a guy with shoe polish on his face.

Doing song and dance.

That was one of our great inventions.

We should get cabins in the catskills.

It would be nice.

We should get ourselves genetically modified to look like

dogs and cats.

I don't know if one of us could be a pig.

Yeah, maybe one of us.

I wonder which one of us.

Could be any of us.

Because all of these are fantastical ideas, and none of us really look like any of those animals.

You want to be a good pig.

I don't want to be a pig.

What if you replaced your feet and hands with water?

I don't want hooves.

What if you just had hooves, though?

I don't see that.

I don't have them.

Yeah, but what if you already did?

Yeah, you would look like a...

I'm not entertaining.

We're not talking about

Pan, like one of those Greek with a goat's leg.

You'd have to hold the microphone like this.

You wouldn't get me a fucking stand?

and have to hold it.

Yeah, but you would have gone through your whole life using your little pig paws to navigate the world.

I don't have them.

What if you guys had that?

Ever think of that?

No, but yeah.

I think you have thought about it.

Okay, and what's the issue?

I love eating push.

You'd have a snout.

No.

Can you imagine snouting down on a

clit?

That sounds pretty good.

Honestly, I think the girl.

Sprinkling my nose and tickling the clit with my snout.

Exactly.

But visually, I don't think I would want a snout.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I'll tickle the clit with my current nose.

I don't have an issue with that.

Just getting in there,

doing the side-to-side move.

Oh, yeah.

Hummina, hummina, hummina, humming.

Women don't have to put truffles in their pussies.

I don't need to snore it out.

I don't need to find.

That's in a scenario where you have to trick a pig into eating pussy by putting a truffle in there so it would snout it out.

Even if I had hooves, you wouldn't have to fucking convince me to eat pussy.

Yeah.

And here's my question.

Would women want to fuck me with hooves?

Well, your dick wouldn't be a hoof.

But you know, I'd be a freak show.

It'd be kind of like a spiral.

Is this in a world where some people have hooves?

It's in a world where.

Am I the one guy?

You're the one guy.

No, it's in a world where people have a lot of people.

Other people.

Yeah, I would be probably some kind of.

Oh, I see.

I'd be like a flamingo.

I see how we've backed our way into this.

A flamingo guy.

That's what I mean.

A long beak.

You'd stand on one foot.

Yeah.

I'd stand on one foot, the other one up, and I'd have a long beak, and you'd be having a snack, and I'd use my extended beak.

I'd be pissed off if you took my snack.

Get some of the snack.

I would be really pissed off.

Yeah, well, then I would gracefully fly away.

With my egret friends.

No, the egrets wouldn't fuck with you.

Yeah, they would.

Your little gay-ass flamingo-ass.

They would fuck with you.

No, they would fuck with you.

They would get sucked off by by you.

No, they wouldn't.

Yeah, they wouldn't.

They would use you as a little pussy.

You know what you would be used as?

An even bigger pussy.

No, no egret would fuck me, dude.

Because I'm basically a man with hooves.

So I'll just punch them in their fucking stupid bird head.

Well, I'm also a man with hooves.

Yeah, but they can fly away, bite you.

You're just a man with long-ass legs, long, skinny legs.

And then I turn pink when I have seafood.

Is that why they become pink?

Yeah.

Because they eat shrimp?

Yeah, they eat shrimp and they turn pink.

Interesting.

Wow.

So if they had a different...

What if they had like

blueberry faygo?

You should make juggalo flamingos.

You should make juggalo flamingos, dude.

That would be awesome.

Is it the gathering right now?

Is that right?

I don't think so.

How about the blathering of the juggalos?

Oh, my God.

Talk more.

Tell me about it.

They won't shut up about

the DSA.

I bet you getting pussy from a juggalo would be awesome.

A juggalette.

A juggalette.

Or a juggalo.

You want to get a pussy from a a guy juggle.

I guess if he's cute enough.

I watched, somebody went to the gathering of the juggalo and did a video.

And, you know, even though there was something

very dirty about a lot of them,

I would have fucked them.

Put some hot ones.

Put them through a spin.

Put them through a car wash with their pussy out.

Pussy first.

Put them through a car wash, pussy first.

And I'm in.

I'm fucking some of the juggalettes I saw.

I wonder what the hottest juggalette looks like.

I bet you there's a smoking, a couple smoking juggalettes.

And if you're out there, if you're listening to this, and you want to suck a man who doesn't have hooves, his cock.

Well, he does.

I'm on a website called World Sexiest Juggaloes.

Imagine Stav on stage, and

he's got the

gathering of the Juggalos, and he's holding the mic like this.

The zoo's describe it for the people.

I got to say, these girls aren't too sexy to me.

It's not, it's how insane they are.

They're crazy.

And how they go buck wild on a cock is

my inclination.

Yeah, they'd go like whoop, whoop all over you.

Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop.

They'd whoop, whoop, whoop.

I would love to get my dick whoop-wooped.

And how about jungalos?

And they're black people.

They're like

clown pause.

No.

No.

No, nice try.

We're trying to look at hot juggalos.

You think you're going to sneak that one in there?

God, no.

You were both on your phone.

No, you're trying to find hot juggalo.

It's like when you fucking

leave some hot dogs out.

It's like you're grilling and you leave some hot dogs and you turn your back at the dog and it's just all over them.

I remember because like Juggalos, they say

MMFWCL.

What's that?

I saw the first time I saw it and I saw Juggalo type it.

Mm-hmm.

And my brain was like, what's that stand for?

Mad motherfucking wicked clown love?

Wow.

And then they're like, yes.

Wow.

I was like, oh.

You guessed it.

You were meant to.

You were meant to be.

I juggle it.

That was like King Arthur getting the sword out.

Yeah, but Instagram Clown Posse sucks.

I've actually, I don't think I've heard a full song.

I heard that one about mirroring.

What's that, Stav?

You said, let's play music.

Yeah.

I didn't say that.

There's the one about.

It's Christian, right?

Didn't it turn out that's several albums in the Dark Carnival series.

Really?

The message of the Dark Carnival was to be revealed in the last album.

And it was revealed.

And it came out in like 2007.

And then they were like, it's Christianity, y'all.

The Lord Joe.

This is the kind of shit I'm talking about.

This girl would be awesome to fuck.

Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty sure.

I actually did fuck her before you say it.

No, I did.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

See, not for you.

That's all right.

Because you don't know how to get some rough and tumble pussy at him.

What are you talking about?

All you get is big city pussy.

Big city.

That's not true.

That's so true.

You only can get pussy if.

I've gotten truck stop pussy.

No, no, no.

If you're not in fucking a major metropolitan area,

your Jewish charms have not have no

fucking

pussy.

I like a dad, raw boom, shock a day.

I'm by the day and I'm back like a vertebrae.

And I come with a hat full of trucks, trunk full of vango, car full of fact shit.

Fuck you, wicked

If you go to the DallasObserver.com, there's something called the Lovely Jugalettes of the 2013 gathering.

Just if you got, is the Dallas Observer a real

Dallas?

Yeah, there's one of them.

How about this?

It would be great if you're Dallas Observer.

It's like

every day the newspaper comes out and there's one article that's like,

yeah,

this place is fucking gay.

Observation over.

I've observed it.

Once again, Dallas.

Here we go.

This is who Adam blows it with.

Adam's going around.

He's like, I think I'm going to fuck a mom.

Have you ever...

Do you know about Criterion?

That would be funny.

Why clowns?

What's up with the clowns?

Are you guys in like a rivalry with the wringling bros?

That'd be a funny question.

I don't hiss.

No, I don't.

I don't do a hiss.

Sound like a balloon.

Sound like animal man would be the snake.

Yeah.

The snake.

Or there it god.

Not even a snake.

Whatever that legless lizard is.

You know what I'm talking about?

It's not a snake.

It's just some dumbass lizard.

Doesn't even have to be a snake.

And he drags his cock all over the fucking ground.

No, come on.

It's a little ass cock.

And that's why it evolved.

This is what Adam is: the slow worm.

The slow worm.

That's my dick's name.

I'm not sure you, dude.

Come on, man.

I'm cooler than Lingo.

Let me see.

I'm the coolest one as the flamingo, naturally.

Well, first of all, I'm not the pig.

You're the pig.

Why?

I'm the bull.

No.

I still have hooves, but it's bullshit.

Joel Gillis already uses that as a nickname.

You can't be the bull.

Yeah, that's the thing.

All right, fine.

I'm the buck.

Adam can't be a regular snake because that's Lulus.

Yeah.

I'm not the pig, bro.

You're the pig.

Okay, how about this?

I'm a wild boar.

Stavros, the pig, however.

There's no difference between wild boars.

Yes, there is.

They're unruly.

I'm the boss hog.

Fine.

I'm the boss hog.

Here we go.

Then we'll split the difference and we'll refer to you as the common wild pig.

No, no, no.

Pig is not going to be involved at all.

Okay, let's get that out of it.

And then we'll use the Latin name, the sus scropha.

That sounds good.

You guys both are the sus scrodems.

No, you're the sus scroll.

No, you're the sus.

It's right there.

I'm not that.

I'm a fucking...

I'm a wild boar.

Wild boar, also known as the wild scroll.

I'm the fucking warthog.

Common wild pig, or simply wild pig.

I'm not a fucking wild pig.

I am wild.

I am a wild pig, actually, when it comes to the pussy.

I'm the wild pig of pussy getting.

I'm one of those big-ass boars with tusks and shit.

Yeah.

Mean.

I'm a fucked-up guy that you don't want to cross paths with.

You're a Taiwanese festival pig.

Let me see.

What do they look like?

If they're cool, then maybe I am.

But I have a sneaking suspicion they're not.

Oh, trust me, it's the worst kind to be.

Well, then I'm not that.

They're force-fed to be.

No, that's not what I am.

Here you go.

Oh, no, dude.

These poor guys.

Adam.

Would you like to see stuff?

Jesus Christ, dude.

This is fucked up.

Yeah, that's you.

I'm not.

That's not me.

There you go.

Here's you eating at Sarku.

No, that's not me.

How much I love Sarku.

Look, here he is at Sarku.

No.

That's a big fucking pic.

Okay, I can't really think of what I am, so I'm just going to Google cool animals.

Dude, what the fuck?

Is that real or is that a sculpture?

No, that's serious.

Good God.

Yeah.

Wow.

Taiwan rules.

Cool.

The coolest part about Taiwan is that it's a part of China.

In our opinion.

I mean, as a fact.

Yeah.

Look at this.

Jesus Christ.

What?

No, that's got to be a drawing.

This is not a drawing.

This is stuff.

Everyone chill out.

We've been saying that stuff.

That's kind of stuff.

If you're playing along at home, check out the Holy Pig Festival in Taiwan and then look at the pictures of Stav.

I'm a fucking gorilla, dude.

No,

now you're completely off the mark.

Come on, man.

We were allowing you wild swine.

I'm not wild.

First of all, it's wild boar.

It's wild boar, also known as the common wild pig.

No, we're not.

It's not also known as that.

I'm going to Google most powerful boar.

And then we'll see what the fuck I am.

Yeah, then we'll see.

I'm a warthog, matter of fact.

Do you remember?

I'm the boss hog.

Do you remember warthogs from

Twisted Metal?

Oh, I don't.

Warthog was the Humvee.

Oh, I'm a rhinoceros.

I just realized.

You're a rhinoceros?

A guy.

No.

Yes, hold on.

Gynecologist.

That's the only guy thing that I am.

A gynoceros.

A guy.

An OBGY.

An OBGYN.

An OB's G-Y-N.

Fuck.

I don't know why I helped you out with that one.

It's not it.

You shouldn't have because I am firing on exactly one cylinder.

For the folks at home, my tonsils are swollen.

Oh, yeah.

I never got them.

I had a second cock all weekend.

I never got them removed.

Neither did I.

That was a thing they would just do to people in Victorian times.

Adam probably had his tonsils removed.

Yes, I did.

Adam, what's this like tumor on your face?

I have a thing on my chin that I'm getting removed.

What is that?

It's just a zit.

It's my nuts.

I thought it was a zit for a while, and then it says.

It's my nuts.

It's a small.

And I will remove them when I please.

I have a bump on my chin that is.

I've had a schedule to have it remotely.

I've had a sty since fucking February or something.

This shit won't go away.

That sucks, brother.

The bump on my chin doesn't really bother me.

Life in the big city.

How'd you get it?

I think I got it after my mother died.

Like from stress?

I think so, yeah.

Damn.

And then I've, I noticed, I thought it was a zit.

Are you sure it's not just having bad skin?

No, no, I asked

the dermatologist.

You have a history of horrible skin.

I did when I was in high school.

I had acne.

But no, I went to the dermatologist and she said, yeah, it could be stress-related.

And then they shot it with a steroid.

And they said, if it shrinks.

It got stronger.

then it got stronger, dude.

So, wait, stress-related, you just got a little bump?

What if I got really stressed and my dick kept growing bump by bump?

That'd be awesome, huh?

That'd be really awesome.

That would be cool, wouldn't it?

Yeah, like somebody I love dies, and my dick gets 1.001 centimeter bigger.

That's how it should work.

You should, you honestly should get the more pain you know, the bigger your pain.

Your dick should get, yeah,

honestly, I feel like that's true.

No, because there's some guys who just some guys that have massive feelings.

The more pain I feel,

the bigger my dick gets.

I don't think that's true.

Well, it gets harder, I guess.

Yeah, the more pain you feel

specifically in your asshole, the harder your dick gets.

That's what I mean.

The deeper the pain inside of your ass gets, the harder your dick gets.

Famous ICP song.

Oh, man.

I got to say, going through

nude juggalettes, the quality starts to drop off dramatically.

There's one girl where there's three pictures of her in that photo series.

She's pretty hot.

She's imagining like the one hot.

How bad you have to fuck up to be a hot woman and be a juggolette.

Yeah, you just wanna be.

You could just fucking

be naked at home.

Well, but the thing is, dude, that's even hot women are dumb pieces of shit, you know?

That's true.

It's a bit about being part of a community.

And even if you're fucking hot as shit, you can still like something stupid as fuck.

You know?

Yeah, well, I think it's smart, personally.

Gathering 2016 Crowning Miss Juggalat.

Oh, do you get to fuck Violent Jay and Shaggy?

Oh, yeah.

Violent Jay Ogerson.

Violent Jay Ogerson?

I mean, not that far off.

The same guy.

Just wash the fucking paint off.

Yeah.

I guess Violent Jay's probably not as funny.

He's wearing the same clothes.

They're wearing si style-wise, but Big Jay is much funnier.

Big Jay is very funny.

But is he as good at clown rapping?

Probably not.

Probably not.

No.

So we each have our own skills and talents.

Who are some other clown comedians?

Adam Friedland.

Me?

Pagliace.

Pagliachi.

Let's think.

Yeah, hell yeah.

Most of the women that do comedy.

That's right.

Yeah, they're all clowns.

Yeah, they're all fucking clowns.

You tell them, dude.

Yeah.

Fucking clowns.

Put on your fucking red nose.

My pussy hurts.

Thank you.

Yeah, Louis J.

Bozo.

Louis J.

Bozo.

Oh, I see what you mean.

Oh, you want to change people's names.

Yeah.

Let's see here.

What do you or what are our fucking clown names?

Hold on, wait.

Nice, dude.

Nice ripping of the ass.

Thank you.

Bozo really is just one of the only clown names.

Bozo, noodles.

Noodles.

Noodles?

Krusty.

I'll give you Krusty.

Homie.

Homie.

Ronald Norm McDonald.

Okay.

That's quite good.

Norm Ronald McDonald.

Yeah.

Normal, normal, Ronald.

Norman

McDonald.

Normal.

Okay guys.

Real quick, I should just mention

Bluechew.com.

Oh,

thank God, the guys at Blue Chew.

You should mention.

Bluechew.com is a website selling the finest boseual

products.

Adam,

when you tell them about it.

Bluechew.com are chewables that are available online.

You don't need any in-person doctor visits.

And what are chewables?

Why don't you tell us, for those of us playing along at home, they're two different, they come in two different kinds.

That's talatophil and telatophilophil.

Let me ask you something.

I'm a regular guy.

What the hell are chewables?

Listen, you're a regular guy, right?

So what are you into?

You know?

Getting pussy and chewing stuff.

Getting pussy and chewing, right?

Yeah.

And these are

a pig's favorite thing.

I'm not.

I guess.

I don't, in theory, maybe,

but i wouldn't know

so keep going at them these are uh these are these are chewables that inside of them have the same active ingredients as sialis and viagra to to get your goddamn dick hard to get your dick and because they're because they're chewable they can work faster than it's possible they could it is a possibility that is a possibility

and we we know you're a professional businessman You don't have a lot of time in the day.

Sometimes you take your Viagra, and then the five minutes that it takes to attain an erection might feel a little too long.

So why not chew it

and blue it?

Right?

Chew it and do it.

No, no, no.

Oh, I guess maybe, yeah, chew it and do it.

Yeah, look.

Listen, if you love sex, you're going to love BlueShoe.com.

Absolutely.

And listen, you don't have to go to the doctor and say in person, Doctor, my weeno don't get harmed.

and then typically when you go in person the doctor has i dropped the trout i i collect them now oh yeah

i fired the uh prescription back up just so i was like let me see how many i can get can i have some before you fuck well i won't you have to guess how many there are in the jar

um

yeah and you know what i what i did for a while i just took a bunch all the time to just get to just walk around with a hard-ass dick yeah that's true and it feels good you can get pussy with them or ass

or mouth i like to uh or you could just keep your dick on hard at all times to feel p the power i like to chew them and then get ass to call that the james bond james bond

that's true i like to chew them and then get ass you know yeah and then on monday i'm back at school we're all sitting around the uh you know the table cafeteria and we all tell each other about all the ass that we got i love getting ass Yeah.

I love getting

beaver.

No.

No.

I like getting play, you know.

Yeah.

Getting some ass.

I love chasing muff around.

Oh, my God.

I can't get enough of that sweet Poontang pie.

Poonani.

I love punani.

I like poonani because it sounds like maybe Indian or maybe Hawaiian.

Yeah, either one.

But what it really is is that gooshy gooshi cunt.

Gucci gushi cunt from blue chew.com.

I like to be

sitting on a beach and meet a girl named Keheka Aka Oloha

and get some of that sweet puntang

and then make her say her name while she sucks my dick and she says and it feels the vibrations feel you hand me the firestone crackers so I can break one off of my mouth and really really get real with these people fire hook crackers the fire island crackers the fire is the only it's just

rich with cum on them.

Good afternoon, folks.

We're the Fire Island Crackers.

Well, we love getting fucked in our asses.

We love getting super fucking a man stick.

Oh, I love that.

I'm fucking good.

It's been

15 minutes since I've seen a penis.

And I'm gonna kill myself.

My heart has grown so sore.

I'm glad my eyes have not lain upon a penis.

One as fine as yours.

Boom, boom, boom, boom.

Your boardwalk days.

Boom, boom, boom.

Let me see you, Dick, please.

The 1920s.

The 1920s is probably the pinnacle of being a homo.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, you could still get killed for it, though, right?

Yeah, but I mean, you would just be like, oh, of course I love girls.

And then, like, as long as you were like,

you know, fucking dancing and singing on the boardwalk, people were like, like, all right, I guess that that works.

I wonder if there was a regular Jersey boy.

I wonder if there was a spike in hate crimes.

You're probably right.

There's probably some times where it was more chill.

Yeah, I think hate crimes spiked in the 40s, but it depends on like how you what you consider a hate crime.

Right.

Because for some people, it's like

that's just uh

that's just good science, brother.

Good science?

Yeah.

1942 to 1945.

There was I think oh, I see.

I see, I see, I see.

Oh, I know.

I was thinking more

like gay shit.

At bluechew.com.

What do you mean?

By the way, yeah.

Yeah.

If you want to figure out when the best time, you know what I'll tell you?

Actually, I think is the best time to be gay right now.

Because you could go to bluechew.com, get you and your boyfriend and the 15 other guys in your life that you fuck blue chewables.

All the cocks in your life are hard as shit, shit, no matter what, no matter how fat you are, no matter how unhealthy you are.

Everyone that you fuck can have a hard-ass dick.

And that's the meaning of pride.

Happy pride, everyone.

And the promo code is Cometown, by the way.

And the promo code, by the way, is Cometown.

And you're going to want to do that.

You're going to want to log on and get your dick harder than fuck.

You can just go to go.bluechew.com.

Don't do it.

I'm looking out for you.

You're right, man.

I almost picked up a cracker.

Put it down.

I put it down.

Put it fucking down.

Go.bluetchew.com slash come down.

You know what?

I'm going to stop eating after the deal.

Okay.

You're a good friend.

Out of solidarity.

Thank you, man.

I appreciate it.

That's what socialism is all about.

No, I know.

I know.

These are devilish.

They're good.

Yes.

Go.blujo.com slash come town.

That's right.

And you tell them that the fucking guys sent you.

The fellas sent you to get your prick hard.

The coolest guys in the world.

I got to piss.

All right.

Adam, get off your phone.

Nick needs you.

I'm here.

I'm here.

I'm here.

Nick needs you while I piss.

I was looking for you.

You know, I got a wicked throat infection.

Yeah, I wonder how you got it.

Sucking my dick.

No, no, no.

You got it from sucking a little bit of

a sound piece.

It makes you think: like, what would Gary Sinise have to say about all this?

Lieutenant Dan himself.

And he'd say,

hey,

hey, Forrest, gump.

Did I ever tell you I'm fucking gay?

Yeah.

And it'd be like, I didn't know that.

What is Gary Sine?

I didn't know that.

What does Gary Sini sound like?

I was driving around the other day and I picked

Gene Hackman back up.

Tried that out for a little bit.

Got very close.

Wait, like a gruff kind of.

Well, he's gruff.

It's like...

It sounds like it's coming from the back of his throat, but he speaks up here in the front.

Uh, did we get that promo code out?

Yes, we did.

Okay, cool.

It's bluechew.com because it's not

very easy to turn it into

turn into ripped horn.

Like, it goes that way, too quickly.

Yeah, he's a tough one because it's distinguished.

You can just

distinguish it from other ones, but it's tough to

strain the voice more than anything.

Yeah.

Have you seen my penis?

Yeah, it's not bad.

Yeah.

Where the hell is my goddamn penis?

That's Gene Hackman stuff.

That's quite good.

Yeah, yeah.

That's awesome.

I heard a little rip torn.

Were you in the bathroom looking at pictures of my penis?

I'm a farm fucking gang.

Yeah.

That's quite good.

Let me see your penis.

Like this kind of stuff, you're going to want to check out.

Come.town.

Yes.

And pick up a t-shirt where everything we've said on the show will be memorialized in t-shirts.

Yep.

Everyone, I haven't released a new shirt in a while.

But the print shop can't seem to keep anything in stock anyways.

So now we both now after two years of

them being the ones dragging the old feet.

Now it's your turn.

Now it's my turn to let the business die.

Nothing wrong with that, brother.

Out of spite.

Not bad at all.

Fuck them.

Yeah, fuck them.

This is what's how the Dodge brothers

had their fallen out.

Yep.

Yep.

Eric and Charlemagne.

Eric and Charlemagne Dodge.

And listen, go to stavi.biz.

You know, maybe I'll have a couple t-shirts up there.

Maybe some dream to imagine shirts.

Yeah, maybe I'll start doing political shirts, you know.

And I'm also designing them with some of my famous catchphrases.

I want to do a shirt during the Women

rarely make history shirts.

You should.

With that picture of you.

With just a picture of you.

That's pretty fun.

That's not bad.

You should do all of those.

Like a picture of you, and it says if you go over to someone's house and they don't have books, don't fuck them.

Yeah, yeah.

That's the most obnoxious.

Did John Waters actually say that?

I think so.

Just some offhand comment now, every like fucking.

Yeah, he probably said it in a specific context.

as a joke every gay bookstore the strand has that everywhere and it's like how about nobody in here gets pussy yeah dude how about you just fucking only don't read books watch fucking

i came in here i watched commando starring all of schwarzeneggers i was across the street at models buying basketballs and i had to come over here to piss

so i as soon as i leave here i'm not reading shit i'm going back over to models and fucking the first woman that walks in and also what does books mean a girl could have fucking like Good Night Moon and Babysitters Club is something that's a good one.

I think it refers more to men rather than

to other games.

Yeah, there's no reason not to fuck a woman at all.

Yeah, no one would ever know.

They're like,

that woman was in the middle of the moment.

That's probably the only reason not to fucking watch.

That woman killed nine infants.

And then sometimes

now she owns a company

that

kidnaps Native American people and turns them into the glue

that makes the that they use in the

they kill black people with the glue.

They put in the crack in the inner city.

And her family owns that business and she owns the business.

Also, she's hot.

And on top of that, the last nine people she's had relationships with, she's accused of rape and they're in prison.

Right.

If that woman is hot, definitely have sex with her.

That's a yes.

That's the

yeah, because you said relationships.

Not a guy she fucks once.

Exactly.

So that's smart.

Yeah, that's a hell yes for me.

That's a hell yes for me.

One thing I forgot to say, I'll be in Rochester this weekend, next weekend, the 17th through the 19th.

Get your fucking tickets.

And

yeah, I'll be announcing a tour soon.

Ms.

Spokey is going to Rochester.

I'm not going to Raw Chester.

No.

I'm going to be having unprotected.

I will be using a condom when I fuck sweet little Twink Chester.

I'll be doing protected sex.

I'll be having

sex.

I'll be having

condom gay sex with Chester, and I'll be doing stand-up comedy in Rochester at Comedy at the Carlos.

Go to stavi.biz.

You'll be doing a position known as the garbage plate.

When you Rochester,

are you going to allow yourself a garbage plate?

No.

I got an Airbnb instead of a hotel so that I could get groceries.

That's what's a garbage plate.

That's in Rochester.

That's a regional

cuisine.

You eat the spaghetti with the cinnabon.

No, that's skyline chili.

Spaghetti and chili.

It's

the spaghetti with

the cinnabon frosting.

Oh, right.

Which you mentioned

on Sundays.

But I think that.

I'm going to make spaghetti from scratch,

and then you put cinnamon in the dough before you make the spaghetti.

Sounds bad, dude.

Then you add, shut up.

Raisins.

Raisins.

Ew.

Spaghetti and raisins.

Fuck.

That sounds like sweet.

Cinnamon spaghetti and raisins.

That sounds like sweet weird food.

That is literally...

Like a British dessert.

That is a Jewish food called Kugel.

Called Kaiser.

Kugel?

Yeah, it's called spaghetti.

No, it's not

spaghetti.

It's like a noodle.

It's like an egg noodle with cinnamon.

You could have a cinnamon raisin.

No, you bake it, dude.

Baked.

And it's good.

It's disgusting.

It's not disgusting.

It's not fucking spaghetti.

Well, when I come up with it, you say it's gross.

But now suddenly that it's a Jewish.

Sounds like the pig is

discovered.

Who is the pig?

I don't get it.

Now the truffle pig.

I'm the boss hog.

Has become the pig of the bank.

No.

But I'm the boss hog of the fig.

You're a truffle pig, and the farmer that goes around with you looking for the truffles is the deal.

The deal pig.

I'm not a deal pig.

More me, I guess.

Oh, wait, no, no, no.

This sucks.

What am I thinking of?

What's the tasty thing?

I'm going to start a website

called Deal Pess.

Rugala?

Rugala.

That's what that rocks.

Rugala is just a pastry.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's just like a pastry cookie.

It's good.

Rugalach.

Ruglach.

Also, if you that shit is fucking awesome.

If you guys are into websites, and if you like sex, you might want to check out patreon.com slash come town.

Nick already said it, dude.

He said come.town.

Oh.

True.

Patreon.com/slash Come Town, where for $5 a month you can have access to premium episodes and the entire archive.

I've opened a website called Deal Pig, and it's already a business that someone's selling.

You could buy it for $5,000?

$5,000?

I could own dealpig.com.

Yeah, the

website for obese cheese.

Fat people that are trying to save money.

See, that's not...

I'm not a deal pig.

Because I don't give a fuck about money.

I let the money fly.

We don't care about money at all.

I let the money fly.

I'm going to fucking.

I like to buy luxury.

In fact, I need new clothes, man.

Where should I go to buy clothes?

This is so funny.

Look at these people's bodies at the gathering of the drive.

Yeah.

Yeah, they look good.

I'm going to show it to somebody who might appreciate it a bit more.

I don't get it.

It's horrific.

They look like shit.

You know what's funny?

Sorry.

Look at the chair Adam's sitting in right now.

That man is in the same exact chair as Adam.

Yeah.

That's nice.

A camping.

It's an engineering marvel.

I'm off the box.

I'm now on a camping chair.

I've really made it in life.

You're off the box.

And you get no box.

I get boxed.

No, dude.

You don't get any box.

I get box.

Yeah, how about the blathering of the juggalo?

I think you said that already.

Yeah.

Man.

God damn.

Our brains are just fucking decaying.

Well, I have

a pretty bad infection in my throat and brain.

Yeah, and I'm back to eating healthy for the first time.

Dude, imagine putting your dick into that area.

Whoa.

Look at the tattoo.

Just fucking like...

Just like jet grind radio graffiti tattooed all over her pussy.

But what if her pussy's good?

I'm sure it is, dude.

It's probably already.

It's probably gushy.

Yeah, it's probably gushy.

Just clown tattoo.

She probably has a clown gushy.

Honestly, no.

Now that I've said it,

I want to honk on her clit while I fuck her.

Truck horn noises.

Yeah, I want to do a little doot doot did a

doot do.

My fucker And it gets a little bit busting of the insidal

That's what I'm trying to go to

I'm trying to go to the busting of the insidal

It's a new festival I came up with.

I'd love to go where you're not you get the

women women, you've got a different role

around.

That would be awesome.

Rolls and holes.

Damn, dude, this is a nice little beach scene.

I should have gone to the beach this weekend.

I'm trying to get a beach house in late July, I think.

Dude, let's do it.

Wait, late July.

What about mid-July?

All right, mid-July, whenever.

Thomas is going to be in town.

He texted me.

Oh, when is he coming?

Well, maybe he'll text me.

Thomas Aquinas.

He told me a couple of months ago he was coming in.

Thomas of Penis.

Who's Thomas?

Thomas from Switzerland.

It's funny.

Young Thomas.

Oh, no.

Thomas.

The boy Thomas.

The boy.

Yeah.

He's going to a beach hat.

What do you think?

He's going to be in town.

He texted me today.

Gotcha.

He said, are you going to be around?

And I said, I was planning on getting.

Here's also,

this is someone we know, I think.

Who is that?

Is it someone we know?

I don't know.

Do you know?

I don't know what you're getting at at all.

Let me see.

I'll show you the picture again and you tell me if it's you or not.

Let me stop you right there, Chief.

It's not me.

So you have to answer whether.

Okay.

Okay, now I see what you're doing.

You just have to look at it.

If you lie, you're gay.

I'm not looking.

Well, it's not a picture.

Fuck.

Your honor, objection.

Objection.

If you lie, you're gay.

look at my phone and answer the question.

I'm not looking.

You can't make me answer if I don't look at it.

Okay, this is on the screen presented in front of you.

Let me see.

I can't see.

Can you see the picture?

It'll ruin it.

I can't see.

All right, hold on.

Let me just make sure my phone's working.

This was the screen.

No, it wasn't.

You switched over.

You switched over to some fat guy with some fucking one of those plungers on his tits at the gathering of the juggalos.

And then when you pointed it to me, you get to your camera and you say, Who is it?

Yeah,

on my screen.

No.

Is that a picture or not a picture of me?

That's not a picture of me.

You say, This is not a.

No, it's not.

This is not a picture of me.

It appears to be a picture of you, Sophron.

I can't see it.

Looking at my wife.

Because he's seeing.

No, that's not me.

You're right, Stop.

You really do have hair.

Yeah.

I do have hair.

And plungers on your tail.

No, that's not me.

That guy's face looks nothing like my face.

The fat phobia on this episode is running rampant.

It's not fat phobia.

We're just saying you're a pig.

I have a plunger on your tail.

And you say I look like an ugly fat guy.

No, he's beautiful.

He's not.

Nice try.

No, you don't believe that.

I know in your heart you don't believe that.

In the context of the Juggalo gathering, that's the thinnest person I've seen so far.

That guy looks pretty good.

His face had taken a beating.

You know where else what would make him look even better is if he was carrying around a ridge wallet.

The Ridge Wallet.

Adam, why don't you tell us a little bit about that?

Ridge Wallet

is a wallet company that's reimagining.

It's really disrupting the wallet industry by saying,

why is a wallet leather and in the back pocket?

This is a metal front wallet wallet.

Yep.

Correct.

Front pocket wallet.

Sorry.

They also have a...

Tell your regular wallet to kiss my ass.

Yeah, tell your regular wallet exactly to fuck off.

To fuck right off.

You can kiss my off.

You can kiss me off, pal.

Fuck right off.

You can suck my fucking dick.

Throw it away.

Suck my dick.

Go to Ridge Wallet.

Just tell those other insurance companies to suck my motherfucking.

Suck my penis.

Suck my fucking dick.

Suck my fucking penis.

Yep.

What else do you want to say about it?

This is a product that we use and we use.

Wait.

Wai Use.

Japanese.

Wai Gu's.

I got it right here, pal.

So I've got it right here.

What model do you have?

Titanium, right?

Titanium.

It's a wallet.

It's a wallet.

You know, if you imagine what the terminator is.

Absolutely.

Right?

This is what the Terminator and guys are.

Adam, you got to get one free.

I'm telling you, how long have you had this stuff?

Like a week.

And you're on board, right?

I'm on board.

Yeah.

Because

they sponsored us right when I happened to need

in between wallets.

And I was like, well, I guess I'll use this fucking gay shit.

That's what happened to me.

I threw my phone.

I meant to hit the couch and it actually broke a window.

And I broke my phone.

I broke my phone.

Because of the Knicks game.

Because of the Knicks game.

Stop throwing tantrums.

I didn't throw a tantrum.

I was getting my anger out.

I was getting my anger out in what I thought was a constructive way.

And then you had ordered slices.

Throwing my phone at a couch.

If maybe you had just been looking for truffles.

I have no natural ability when it comes to finding truffles.

And I was in my queen's apartment.

Meanwhile, I was chilling and turning pink.

That's my phone.

I was turning pink from all the shrimp I was eating.

Yeah.

And we were looking at ridgewallet.com.

Anyway,

so I have always been a phone case wallet guy.

But I had a broken phone and no case.

And I said, well, I got this line around since I got the little dick backpack.

And I'm still waiting for the.

No, dude, I'm not going to be able to do that.

I'm going on vacation on Friday.

I need that backpack.

I'm still waiting for my traveler's backpack.

I'm still waiting for my

duffel bag,

which is mine.

That's true.

And I would use it more than the other two people on this podcast.

Yeah, he's always used.

I did get the worst

backpack, so I should get the duffel bag, as we've all shown.

I'm already keeping my eggs in there.

You don't have any eggs.

I do have eggs.

Here's me on my way with my eggs.

You're not a flamingo.

You're not as graceful.

I'm that graceful.

Nope.

I'm beautiful.

Look at me bringing the sunset

to the bay.

No, you're a little chipmunk.

You're always standing in like four inches of water.

I'm not a chipmunk.

You already agreed that I'm a flamingo.

You're a chipmunk.

Hours.

You're a chipmunk.

I've been a flamingo the entire show.

No, you haven't.

Yes.

You're not graceful.

I am graceful.

You're not tall.

I'm tall and graceful.

Nope.

My

joire is that of me.

Your joire is not that at all.

I'm a dolphin.

No, you're a little fucking.

I can echo locate.

you're the slow worm.

You're

the slow worm.

You're the slow worm.

I'm so glad.

Let me see your ridge.

Let me just see it in action.

Let me just hold it.

Hold it.

Come on.

I'm not going to take your credit cards.

No.

So we got...

Listen, Ridgewall's got a lot of good stuff.

I'd love to know what the...

You know what, Nick, why don't you give us a review of the duffel bag that you're using so much?

Go ahead.

Well, it holds about 15 eggs.

Ready to mature.

Keeps them warm.

You can put more of the eggs for eggs.

You can put more eggs.

Ostrich eggs?

No, flamingo eggs.

Oh, those are pretty cool.

But you have to imagine that in this world, we're a part animal.

I'm like, I'm basically a flamingo, but wearing like, what do they call it?

Spats.

And I've got like

a thinner kind of suit on.

Right.

And maybe a little like pork pie hat or like one of those 60s G-Men fedoras.

That would look kind of good on you.

Yeah, on a flamingo, man.

But I'm about five or six times bigger than a regular flamingo.

No.

Okay, so you're about 30 or 40 feet tall.

Yep.

What are you laughing about, bro?

He likes, he's just imagining this.

Just a giant flamingo with a fucking little hat on.

It really makes him happy.

It's nice to see me.

Hence the larger eggs that would take up most of the duffel bag.

Right.

And it, yeah, you know, it keeps them warm.

I'm ready to see off my offspring because, as you know, as a migrable bird.

So it looks like eggs range in size for about three by two inches

and four ounces.

I'll scale those up to 3.5 to 2 inches.

Mm-hmm.

That sounds pretty good.

So those are pretty small eggs, honestly.

Yeah, flamingos aren't big birds.

Yeah.

I wonder what they taste like.

The duffel bag is great.

The backpack is.

I love the backpack.

Yeah, I like the backpack a lot, too.

I like the small little dick backpack that I got.

And I'd love to know what the duffel bag was like.

Stop's got his backpack filled with enough Nutra grain bars to get him out through the day,

which is about 87.

Yep.

But they're healthy.

They're healthy.

They are healthy.

It's got Nutra and grain.

It's got grain.

Ridge Wallet is actually a joint enterprise between

Kellogg's.

Kellogg's and

you know who else sponsors is or uh sorry um

uh is sponsoring no is has it

uh by his own personal volition enjoys the use of the ridge wallet let's hear that frankie muniz really

is according to his instagram malcolm himself really yeah and he's not paid by them whatsoever.

I have no idea, but we're basically

brothers.

Yeah, we're Malcolm in the middle.

Yeah,

I'm Reese.

No, you're Reece.

No, I'm Reese.

You're Stevie.

No, you're Stewie.

You're Stevie.

You already said you were him.

No, I said Reese before you said.

You're not Reese.

You're Stevie.

You're in the wheelchair.

Except this time you're white.

I'm the black wheelchair kid.

Yeah, you don't even get Steve.

Who's the youngest brother?

Dewey.

Dewey.

That's Stav.

Stewie.

That's Stav, and I'm a 40-foot-tall flamingo man.

In a pork pie hat.

In a little pork pie hat and a suit.

Mm-hmm.

That's a pretty good look.

Laying eggs.

I'm the black kid's black father, and I'm getting a pussy from.

He's a nerd, right?

Yeah, but I think he gets pussy in one of the episodes.

Now, Bridgewall.com

will help you get.

I'm going through Frankie Muniz's fucking Instagram.

I don't see a Ridge wallet anywhere, dude.

I think you're lying.

Do you think there are girls that are like...

Maybe I'm confusing him with.

You know what?

Maybe it was a dream I had.

I think it might have been that.

I'm going all the way back to 2012.

I don't see a single Ridge Wallet.

Dude, you think there are girls that are like...

Yeah, it was a dream I had.

That are like, yeah, I fucked Muniz this week.

Damn.

Of course, dude, he was fucking Malcolm in the middle.

Yeah.

Yeah, but like, you know, 2021.

There's probably a woman that did that, and she tells her friends, like, you're not going to believe who I fucked, and then they have no idea who he is.

Oh, for sure.

And then she's just like, she's like, wait, I fucked him up.

What did I do?

And then she was like, I was raped.

Right.

Ben, he has to go to jail.

He has to go to jail.

That's probably what happens a lot.

Yeah.

It probably happens to him all the time.

Poor guy.

That was one of the episodes of the show.

Yep.

He gets a girlfriend.

I willingly got pussy.

He gets a girlfriend, and then she finds out he's a nerd, and she was like,

I'm being raped.

So he hid the fact that he was a nerd?

Mom's like, Malcolm, did you rape a girl at school?

What?

No.

And Brian Cranston's like,

I don't know.

Oh, wow.

I don't know who told him to do that.

Yeah.

I'm naked.

Oh, yeah, he's naked.

How?

Put your fucking clothes on, you fucking faggot.

Put your clothes on, you fucking retarded gay guy, my husband.

You fake naked retard homo.

That was a good episode.

Life is unfair.

So now I got the tension.

I raped this girl out, and my dad turned retarded.

Yeah.

Malcolm,

do

you

think

I'm

going to be?

No, come on.

We've run out of time for today.

Damn, Frankie Musa's bitch is all right.

I actually fucked her a couple times.

She's, I don't know.

I got Joan.

I got Joan.

RichWallet.com.

Actually, she's

kind of hot.

Yeah, he's rich, dude.

Is he rich?

Sure.

He was a race car driver.

He was a race car driver for a while.

And I think that ended.

Shout out to Paige.

Now he's a crypto guy.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

I was going to take a page out of that book.

Yeah, yeah.

I would love to.

I'd like to turn the page over and fuck her in her ass.

Yeah, take that, Frankie Venus.

That's what you get for not actually,

not actually loving the Ridge wallet.

We're going to find your wife and fuck her in the ass.

Yep.

I do with the Ridge wallet, though.

Yeah, we do.

They said more, and I got the gold one now.

Yeah.

Which is probably a little too rich for the blood of some of the peons that listen to it.

You don't deserve it, guys.

Sorry.

Muna's

and his wife, it looks like they live in Phoenix, and they're very happy.

Oh, Phoenix, huh?

Yeah.

Phoenix, Arizona?

Couldn't quite cut it.

Or Phoenix, Delaware.

She looks

like Phoenix, Arizona.

All the way to Tacoma.

Phoenix, Arizona, all the way to Tacoma.

Atlanta, I'm gay.

She's hot.

I fucked her.

I mean, Muna's looks like shit.

Dude.

Dude, what the?

Who cares?

You're going to cause problems for us with the wallet company when they find out that you're besmirching their number one fan.

Yeah, dude.

Which I don't think he is, by the way.

Malcolm.

Malcolm, why the hell are we being mailed the results of your HIV test?

And it says it's positive?

Well, my mom's pretty pissed.

Malcolm, did you get AIDS again?

We can't afford this.

Were you doing gay shit and getting AIDS?

We can't afford

HIV medicine on your father's salary.

As a nude retard,

as an underwear retard?

As the town retarded my pants are gone.

I'm pretending to read the newspaper.

My pants are gone.

Life is on me.

Put your clothes on.

You're not busting me now.

What the fuck?

You're not going to bust inside me now.

You can't bust inside of me now.

You're busting me now.

Put your bust inside of me now.

Put your bust inside of me now.

Malcolm!

Malcolm, did you let your brother come in your ass again?

Malcolm, are you sucking Reese's penis in the garage?

Mom, that's doing.

I'm doing mad.

Well, go over there and help your brother suck your other brother's dick already.

Now, you boys better suck each other's dicks.

How?

Are you teaching the boys how to suck each other's dicks?

Are you sucking to this dude again?

Oh, fuck, dude.

Now that would be a good show.

Yeah, y'all remember that show?

It really is such an awesome formula for comedy that we've discovered.

What the hell is that?

Who's my slave?

You don't get to have a slave.

You're my slave.

Slaves can have slaves.

This is America.

Is that a little kid?

Yeah.

Okay, I'll tell you what.

I'll give you your freedom if if you give me Jamie.

They added, uh...

Your attitude's been pretty lousy lately.

I know you've been spitting in my sandwiches.

I mean, I still eat them.

It's weird.

But now the trust is gone.

What's Reese up to?

Well, Rhys is like

the American version of Spinner from the Degrassi.

I think Reese was in the Capitol, right?

Wasn't he?

I think he...

Maybe that was Malcolm.

I think he was there with...

Malcolm, did you try to hang AOC?

I think he was saying

he wanted to kill Mike Pence's wife.

That's awesome.

He wanted to kill Mother.

He wanted to kill Mother?

The hottest piece of pussy in America?

He wanted to murder Mother Pence.

Would you get head from her?

He said he wanted to get head from her and then kill her.

Wait, who's Audrey Pence?

Mike Pence's daughter.

As of 2010, Burfield is chief creative officer of Virgin Purdue.

Audrey Pence could kind of.

Let's see.

Let's see.

Well, I mean, for a politician's daughter.

What are you talking about?

Apologies for that.

No, none of them are hot.

Yes, they are.

Chelsea, the Bush.

Literally, none of them are ever hot ever.

No, that's bullshit.

Oh, Reese's junior.

Mike Pence's daughter is a liberal who speaks Arabic.

Nice.

That sounds like bullshit.

She's about to speak to my dad.

I'd look at balls.

She's about to say hello.

I'd like to pence her over and fuck her in the ass.

Yeah.

What was Paige Muta style?

I'd like to say

I'd like to take off my pants and put my penis in her vagina.

Absolutely, my friend.

Absolute motherfucking lootly, pal.

I'd like to pull my pants down.

Pull my pants down.

And rape her.

I guess I'm guessing I don't know if it has to be rape.

All right.

Well, you know, that's you gotta find the line.

That's what's cooling me.

Pull Mike Pence down.

That's what Ka.

Eric, so Dewey is from Worcester, Mass.

He's a Mass.

He's 29 years old, born July 12th, 1991.

What's Dewey up to?

Does Dewey have a bitch?

I certainly hope that.

He speaks a little Swedish.

Wow.

What about Hal?

What's Hal doing?

Hal!

Did you suck my dick?

Saw this last night.

I have a cock, Hal.

I have a fucking cockney.

My mom is tram.

My mom's a guy.

Oh, I forgot about the fat guy.

The fat.

Yeah, the fat

Craig, who was trying to get the pussy from the mom.

He was always trying to get the pussy off the mom.

Craig Feldspar.

I don't know.

That name sounds a little bit too close to

home.

To home.

Yeah, it's funny because this is like, this is like, this guy was.

So Craig Feldspar is a guy that was like fucking failing at Open Mics.

No future in comedy until 2014.

And he discovered he could just be woke.

Is he...

Is he...

Oh, you mean that's what he looks like?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's the vibe.

Yeah.

And then

a handful of girls were tricked by it.

But he's still TFW, no pussy.

And that's also the woke shit's not working out.

And it's interesting to see what will be the next step

for the guys in that category.

He looks kind of like Josh Gadd.

David Anthony Higgins.

David Anthony sucked Dickens.

He's 59 years old now.

Wild.

Early life and education.

If you're just tuning in, we're looking at the Wikipedia page for

Malcolm in the Middle.

I would like to put my hog in sins mom's boss.

Yes, sir.

Yep.

Yes, motherfucking sir.

All right, yes, the personal life.

In 2000, he married his wife Julia, and they have two children.

They live in Studio City, California.

Yeah, we're porn studio city.

Oh, dude, dude, chill.

Come on, dude.

That's nasty.

I know.

Higgins was featured in the Hollywood edition of the Discovery Channel series Body Challenge.

We worked with a personal trainer.

He's a fan of Laurel and Hardy and Buster Keaton.

That's no, he's not.

He's Buster Penis.

Why the fuck is that on his Wikipedia page?

Because he wrote it himself.

I suck the fucking dick now.

And my dick got sick now.

And my dick got hard.

I'm

What's the last shit that the mom from Malcolm in the Middlesbridge?

She actually she's a good actor,

in my opinion.

And Jane, uh, Jane Krasinski, she was in the quiet place.

She transitioned and was on the office.

Oh, that's right.

With uh Dwight.

Yeah.

She actually did suck Dwight's cock, I remember.

I know she was in the

Jane Krasinski

movie.

Yeah.

He's an American actor and singer.

He is best known for her starring role as My Dick and Balls.

Jane Krakowski.

Oh, from the uh from Thirty Rock.

Yeah, what the fuck is the other bitch's name?

I wanna suck your hardcop.

In the middle.

Uh fucking uh Jane Kazmerk.

So I guess that's

something different than the other name I said.

She's married to fucking the dude from

West Wing.

Ooh, Fuckley?

Fuckley.

Here's my ass, Mr.

President.

Make with it what you will.

Fuckley.

God damn it, thank you,

Fuckley.

Thank you, Fuckley.

What does Martin Sheen sound like?

I'm gay.

He sounds exactly like that.

Being a president is about something.

He was supposed to be from New Hampshire, right?

I'm from New Hampshire or something, right?

It's me, Marshall.

Has there been a president from New Hampshire?

Yeah.

That's a fucking little dick ass.

James K.

Polk.

I thought that James K.

Polk,

your ass with my dick.

James K.

Polk

was hearing where?

No, he's not from New Hampshire.

Kentucky.

No, he's not from Kentucky.

He's from Tennessee.

Who am I thinking of?

No one, dude.

No, Zachary Taylor Thomas.

Zachary Zachary Taylor Thomas.

It's so funny.

That was the guy's name.

Zach Taylor.

Dude, go ahead.

Do the bit that I used to do.

Do your bit, dude.

No, you do my bit.

You did say it as if you had thought of that, you know?

I didn't say it.

This is something Nick has said.

This is the beauty of it, is that I got all the bits out of the way in my younger days.

So now

I don't even have to use my brain at all.

I can just wait for Mr.

Stiliani over here.

Rudolph Stiliani.

I didn't steal it.

Rudolph Steliani is pretty good.

That's you.

Like the mayor of having a little last dick.

Like.

America's

Stieliani.

Where he's like

the two types of black people.

There's black people and then there's

the Edward.

Yeah.

The Chris Rock bit.

He does the Steel.

There's a Wikipedia page for that joke, and the Wikipedia page's title is just like boob versus black people.

That's crazy.

Yeah, I mean, it's like, it's fucking like

just like Wikipedia should be able to get in trouble for you.

Is it in quotes?

No.

Gotta put it in quotes if you're gonna say it.

Yeah.

I say it, but I put it in quotes every time.

Let's pull this up now.

Yeah, there you go.

Oh, it's got a.

It's the soft A, though.

Well, we'll fix that right now because that's not what he was saying.

Yeah, Chris Rock had to stop doing that bit because guys like me were like, you're so right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't like the rest of what this guy's saying.

Yeah,

thank you, Mr.

Giuliani.

Yeah, how about Rudy?

I'm not scared of you, motherfuckers.

How about Rudy Jewelian?

He's fucking jeweling.

Yeah.

He's doing jewel and he's singing dreams last

so long.

Dreams last.

That's a really good Rudolph Giuliani impression.

He's got a lisp, and he's from New York.

So that's pretty much all I got.

Yeah, Adam, I got something you can root off over here.

Yeah, what is that?

I put my cock in your mouth, and you try and say every slur.

Yeah.

If Nick's dick was in your mouth, that would probably be a pretty good Rudolph Giuliani impression.

It would.

It sounds as if there is a penis in my mouth.

It would be an incredibly small one.

Yeah,

it would be like lisping.

Yeah.

Because Nick's dick is so small.

It would only reach the tip of my tongue.

Exactly.

I don't like how we had to make this about me.

You said that.

No.

You said it.

You're gay.

Your dick is small.

It's perfect.

I was minding my own business over here eating Crackerface, fire sticks, or whatever they're called.

Fire hook.

Listen, Crackerface.

Listen, Crackerwood.

I start calling people Peckerwood.

Peckerwood.

Shut up, Peckerwood.

Don't call me Peckerwood.

I got something good for you right here.

Is it your dick?

It's my fucking dick.

Awesome.

It's my Peckerwood.

Damn, now I'm thinking, you know what?

Beach House would be awesome.

Yeah, let's do it.

Yeah.

I'm going to go to fucking playing Chinese checkers, getting way fucked up on drugs that we already do here all the time.

Dying.

But you're by the beach, dude.

By the beach.

I honestly, dude, I am a fucking beach bum.

Yeah, dude.

Me too.

I I love the beach.

No, you're not.

Well, me, I like, I like being

taking the board out.

I like driving, parking, getting out, swimming 20 minutes, walking directly back, not even toweling off, getting back in the car wet.

Wet and sand.

Wet and sand.

This is fucking upholstery, fucking salty as a bitch.

Chafing your balls.

Yeah.

No, I like to fucking be out there for quite some time.

Yeah.

Stop likes to get roasted.

I love getting.

Dude, I'm going to get fucking tan as fuck.

Because I'm going to go to Greece in August, the first week of August.

I'm going on tour.

Maybe we could just fucking be on the beach, recording.

I would love to go.

We should just record, like.

If we all go together, though, it's because we got the money.

We should go somewhere

extremely tropical.

Not during the summer.

Why?

You go to those kind of places.

Let's go to fucking Jersey.

Go to the Jersey shore.

Get some pussy from some Jugalettes.

Oh, yeah.

Now that I remember, there's Jugalettes in Jersey.

I'm sorry, I meant Guidettes.

Oh, Guidettes.

Oh, yeah.

We go to Carmel.

I'm trying to get my dick sucked by Snookie.

Or Jaywow.

I was thinking we go to Belize and do the show in the jungle.

I honestly, Donna's fucking Jersey shore is nice, dude.

Yeah.

It is.

They got really nice

beaches.

You and Do Long Beach?

That'd be fun.

You can go to Beach Island.

We can go to my dick beach, yeah.

All right.

Well, that's the plan.

Hope you guys enjoy your summer.

You know, whatever you guys are doing.

Yep.

Keep us updated.

Let us know, dude.

Email us at Adam Friedland.

Adam.friedland at gmail.com.

Yep.

If you want to get us there, you can get us there.

It's also

apartment

four.

You got to take that out, bro.

Why?

Don't say it.

You don't have to take it out.

Don't say it.

Don't give his actual address.

Is that your address?

Come on, man.

Just beep it.

You know, just do a beep.

All right.

Just please beep.

And you said the wrong apartments, so now my neighbor's going to get harassed.

It's also not your address.

It is 100% my address.

Is it?

That is the number and the street.

Yeah, just beep.

And don't just beep the number.

Just beep it all.

I tried to pick a number that wasn't the right thing.

No, it's one number.

A very powerful address.

Shouldn't have even given that clue.

Yeah, just beep the whole thing.

Beep the whole thing.

Just the address.

They can figure out the rest.

Well, I'll pick and choose where the beeps go.

I'm going to have to say

only so I remember.

No!

That's the only way I'm going to remember.

Because if it's got, this hasn't been.

He could have said anything, folks.

You don't know what you don't know what he said.

You don't know.

Well, now I can make a mental note.

It's like, you got to make sure that that

was just Adam's address.

And that was the

address.

Why'd you forget and just both go out?

That's how you both go out.

And then literally, we're like, all right, this show's over.

And then I go down to that.

That was it.

And then I go down because someone hunts me down

and blames me for Nick going down.

Well, folks.

Wow.

Ric Flair's Ric Flair's bitch is still hot.

Who's his bitch?

His bitch that he used to go on the

ring with.

Miss Elizabeth?

No, that was.

Elizabeth is Macho Man's.

Macho Man's.

Yeah, she's pretty good.

Wait,

is this a younger woman or what?

No, no, he has a young wife, but I think they're just friends.

No, no, it's not his wife.

What do you think?

Oh, that's not his wife?

Ric Flair's wife's like, give it up for 25.

Nature Boy.

The fucking Nature Boy.

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