Ep. 257 – clockstoppers

Speaker 1 Cold mornings, holiday plans. This is just when I want my wardrobe to be simple.
Stuff that looks sharp, feels good, and things I'll actually wear. For me, that's Quince.

Speaker 1 And the bonus, Quince pieces make a great gift, too. This season's lineup is simple but smart and easy with Quince.

Speaker 1 $50 Mongolian cashmere sweaters that feel like everyday luxury, and wool coats that are equal parts stylish and durable.

Speaker 1 Their denim nails, the fit, and everyday comfort, all at a fraction of what you'd expect to pay.

Speaker 1 By partnering directly with ethical factories and top artisans, Quince cuts out the middleman to deliver premium quality at half the cost, ooh, half the cost of other high-end brands.

Speaker 1 So you can give luxury quality pieces without the luxury price tag. Guys, with Christmas around the corner, my girlfriend has added two extra names to my Christmas list this year.

Speaker 1 Her father and brother. And what am I getting them? I'm getting them $50 Mongolian cashmere sweaters.
But, guys, I've never seen a Mongolian cashmere sweater for under $350.

Speaker 1 So take advantage of what is clearly

Speaker 1 some sort of glitch on their website with $50 Mongolian cashmere sweaters. Guys, give and get timeless holiday staples that last this season with Quince.

Speaker 1 Go to quince.com/slash TAFS for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.
That's quince.com/slash T-A-F-S. Free shipping and 365-day returns.

Speaker 1 Quince.com/slash TAFS.

Speaker 1 Are you? Say that again. I'm ready to have my ass fucked by you, Sabrus.
Sir, yes, sir.

Speaker 1 Wow, dude. Are you fucking serious? Wait, we're recording.
Suspect alert. Come on, bro.
You can't

Speaker 1 get full tiny penis. Full tiny penis.

Speaker 1 The FTP Margo? Yeah.

Speaker 1 God damn it, Friedland. What is wrong with your dick?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I've never seen a dick so small. Last week we did The Simpsons.
We did do The Simpsons.

Speaker 1 I'm not as familiar as Stanley Kubrick. Oh, the Kubrick universe.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. Just a bunch of monkeys.
I'm Barry Linden, and your dick is small. That's good.
That's a nice poet. I love it, man.
A bunch of monkeys in the desert.

Speaker 1 They're looking at a very small dick coming out of the ground.

Speaker 1 A tiny metal penis. Yeah, yeah, they can't even see it.
Yeah. They're squinting really hard.

Speaker 1 All the monkeys, their eyes explode because they're trying to see your penis coming out of the ground. Yeah.
Boom,

Speaker 1 boom,

Speaker 1 bum.

Speaker 1 Adam

Speaker 1 is fucking small. Yeah, just Shelly Duvall horrified looking at a piece of paper on a typewriter that just says Adam's dick is smaller.

Speaker 1 Adam's dick is small. Tiny balls and a small dick.
That's fair.

Speaker 1 Make Jack go crazy.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What's the little dick spelled back?

Speaker 1 My name is Adam's dick.

Speaker 1 My name is Adam's dick, and I'm small.

Speaker 1 Who's that there? That's your friend? That's your friend you got there? What's it called? Doc, is that your friend, Doc?

Speaker 1 Your son can talk to Adam's penis.

Speaker 1 What's that mean? Well, Adam's got the smallest dick in the world. And only children can see his own.
It's only children that he comes alive in the hands.

Speaker 1 So Adam's dick haunts children's hands.

Speaker 1 Small dick. Ow, one-eighth of my nail really hurts.

Speaker 1 What's small dick back? That's what I was trying to figure out.

Speaker 1 Kid last.

Speaker 1 Or kid lambs, right?

Speaker 1 Kid lambs.

Speaker 1 Small lambs. Skid, wouldn't Dick be.

Speaker 1 Dick would be kid, yes. Kid lambs.

Speaker 1 Kid lambs. Kid lambs.

Speaker 1 Kid lambs. Kid lambs.
That kind of works too.

Speaker 1 Scary. Adam kid lambs.

Speaker 1 Scary.

Speaker 1 Hopefully, this will drive our audience towards the cinema of Stanley.

Speaker 1 Well, you know what? Back to the movie houses because things are open. Let's fill it up there.
Thank you very much to everyone who came to Stock Baltimore. Doctor Strange Dick or How Small My Dick?

Speaker 1 How I learned to stop worrying about how small my dick is and so are my balls.

Speaker 1 You guys ever see The Killing? That's him, too. That's really good.
Yeah, that's good. But there's not really like an identifiable

Speaker 1 thing just

Speaker 1 to be killing his classic, pulling his pants down closer. That's Jerry.

Speaker 1 Just bombing for 30 minutes.

Speaker 1 And then check this out, folks. And then he's.

Speaker 1 And it's like we're at the Harvey Weinstein trial.

Speaker 1 How's your dick doing in real life, Adam? Because we've disparaged it.

Speaker 1 Pretty good. We've disparaged it for the last two years.
Pretty good recently. Not bad.

Speaker 1 I'm learning to love him again. Are you getting hard nicely? I'm getting hard all the time.
Yeah, I'm getting harder.

Speaker 1 Yeah, from hugs.

Speaker 1 My dick has been getting hard all the time. I'm getting hard from the dog sitting on my lap.
I'm getting hard all the time. It's great.

Speaker 1 Light touches, brushing against strangers on the subway, masked up. Wow, yeah, I'm getting hard.
I'm always getting hard, as Arnold would say in uh pumping iron. Yeah, I'm always,

Speaker 1 I'm always coming.

Speaker 1 That's fucking awesome. I'm trying to pump iron.
You know what I was watching? I was in Baltimore, you know, I was watching Clumping Iron.

Speaker 1 You gotcha.

Speaker 1 You got you. Cook a lead.

Speaker 1 I'm not bad. Clumping iron.
I can't be one of the clumps.

Speaker 1 Stop working to ring. I can't be one of the clumps.
I'm not. Stop stopping so strong.
My baby stopped so strong. Oh, he got you there.
No, he didn't.

Speaker 1 I'm not the clumps. Although, I will say, the little fat kid.
That boy too big.

Speaker 1 They're eating too damn much. I did like the Hercules.
Hercules, Hercules. Absolutely.
That was actually, now that I'm thinking about it,

Speaker 1 that was a big move as a fat kid was to do Hercules. It was also the Truffle Shuffle, of course.
The classic

Speaker 1 one will re-watch Nutty Professor.

Speaker 1 I bet it's good. I haven't seen it in a while.
Yeah, baby.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the classic line from the nutty professor. Yeah.
Yeah, baby.

Speaker 1 Mamo Joe, baby.

Speaker 1 Janet Jackson was in the first one or the second one?

Speaker 1 Maybe the second one. Who's in the first one? I bet the nutty professor, but he's like,

Speaker 1 it's a nerd. It's nutty professor, but it's like

Speaker 1 it's a nerd, and he drinks a potion. But it's com.
Well, no, and then he's just like,

Speaker 1 and he's just like busts. Oh, he's like, no, I'm not just fucking busting.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And he's walking around, and he's just spraying cum all over the inside of his pants. And people are like, look how cool that guy is.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Look at that nerd. You know, now that I think about it, I'm actually pissed off at the Night Professor.
Why is that? Because the original, he goes from, what is it? It's Jerry Lewis, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 He just uncrosses his eyes, basically. Yeah.
Yeah. But the second one, why did they have to take such a fat phobia? Well, nobody was fat in the 1950s.
But come on, they were just Jewish.

Speaker 1 That's true, which is a problem, which is an equally bad health problem to have. That's true.

Speaker 1 Honestly, I would rather be a fat non-Jew than a Jew. You guys have

Speaker 1 intolerant. Everyone's got a deviated system.
Everyone's always hypochondriac or have real health problems. Whereas, you know, as a fat non-Jew, sure, I'm not as healthy as

Speaker 1 your average non-Jew.

Speaker 1 But also, there is an element of inbreeding, too. I agree.
It's just I'm cold because my BMI is low, and I'm constantly having to defend Israel. That's right.
You're using up some.

Speaker 1 The fat community is always inbreading.

Speaker 1 That's right.

Speaker 1 They're doing their own in-house breading and frying of common foods.

Speaker 1 Buying Chinese food and deep-frying it. And re-frying it.
It wasn't done right the first two years. Yeah, we're going to heat it back.
We get take out and then we heat it back up at home.

Speaker 1 You know, the way the way people like restore antiques, that's what we do with fast food. Yeah.
Like, this wasn't grilled correctly. Oh, yeah.
You're like working on your 57-Shevians. Yeah, that's me.

Speaker 1 That's me with a voice. You're a

Speaker 1 wing style. I'm hosted by Guy Fieri.

Speaker 1 Today, we're restoring a 17-minute-old dominoes panel.

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude. You strip the old cheese, you put a new layer of cheese over top of it.

Speaker 1 And we're converting this one to pepperoni. Oh, yeah.
He got to. You're doing a pepperoni conversion.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Nice, dude.
Fuck. I haven't had pizza in so goddamn long.
Yeah, nice little fucked crust pizza. Oh, I would love a pizza fucking pizza.

Speaker 1 We should go to Pizza Hut.

Speaker 1 Drive out to the suburbs, go to Pizza Hut, play a little Area 51. Yeah, dude, that would be awesome.
Yeah. Drink a bunch of orange soda out of the soda machine.
We need to go and then go bowling.

Speaker 1 I remember in the movie

Speaker 1 in the movie Mars Attacks, the kids got really good at killing aliens because they played enough Area 51.

Speaker 1 We show up as a bowler.

Speaker 1 The three of us go to the bowling alley, and they're like, okay, two pairs of shoes. And I see one of you brought your own bowling ball.
No.

Speaker 1 I don't look like a bowling ball. I'm just polishing stop.

Speaker 1 I'm just putting Stop in a towel.

Speaker 1 Whatever it was.

Speaker 1 I didn't know what the angle was going to be exactly, but I knew I did not. You must be a real pro.
You brought your own ball.

Speaker 1 First of all, I'm a grown man.

Speaker 1 I'm not the size of a ball. Maybe if I was a little, a smaller fat guy who's rounder.

Speaker 1 And first of all, maybe back in the day when I didn't have any hair, maybe I could see this one.

Speaker 1 But I am not a bowling ball. Maybe if you had said something like, I don't know,

Speaker 1 one of those machines, you know, those machines that little kids ride? Which ones?

Speaker 1 Where you put 25 cents in? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Are you jacking on it? I'm scratching my nuts.

Speaker 1 You just got off the road. You look like you've been masturbating for the last 15 minutes.

Speaker 1 My nuts, Ditch, what do you want from me?

Speaker 1 I don't have the kind of soaps I like in Greek talent. I'm just asking you.

Speaker 1 There was an article that said that apparently showering less in quarantine has made people cleaner. Really?

Speaker 1 Once again, I've been vindicating. No, this is.

Speaker 1 I got to see all your science on this, man. Who came out with that?

Speaker 1 Fucking Harvard or some shit.

Speaker 1 Harvard? You hear that song?

Speaker 1 How about this?

Speaker 1 None of us got into Harvard. I probably could have if I tried, dude.
I just didn't feel like it. We got honorary degrees.
I got.

Speaker 1 We bought this.

Speaker 1 One of my favorite things about Epstein was that he was like a Harvard guy, but he didn't go to Harvard. He didn't go there.
He just got the shirt. He was like us.
He thought it was cool.

Speaker 1 He was like one of us. He was so fucking gay.

Speaker 1 By the way, listen, watch how you speak to me. I was waitlisted at Johns Hopkins.
You were weightlisted at WASP-IT. No, no.

Speaker 1 W-A-I-T. You can get in, but you're too fat.
It's true. They put him on a scale.

Speaker 1 He's crying. It's a truck scale.
It's one of those truck weighing stations.

Speaker 1 They're like, I'm like, what? Is this the last part of the interview? Why are we going all the way out? He's definitely got illegals inside of him.

Speaker 1 Yeah. He's smuggling them.
He's smuggling two small Peruvians in his ass.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, no, I'm just incredibly fat. I just weigh as much as three people.

Speaker 1 Yeah, maybe I should have just fucked it. Sometimes I wonder, what if I had just went to Johns Hopkins? Waited it out.
Dr. Stoffkin.
You would have been a real nutty professor.

Speaker 1 I would have been a busted nutty professor. I'll tell you that much.

Speaker 1 That's good.

Speaker 1 Should we make that movie, The Busted Nutty Professor? It kind of goes back to what you were saying earlier. You sure you weren't waitlisted at Tim Hopkins? No, whatever it is, no.

Speaker 1 And what, Tim Hortons? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just because it's a name.

Speaker 1 It's a name like Johns Hopkins isn't a lie.

Speaker 1 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 That's the idea.

Speaker 1 Long John's, Long John's. Long John.
Yep. That's good.

Speaker 1 Big John's boy. No, it's Bob's Big Boy.

Speaker 1 Big John's Boy. It should be another restaurant.
Big John's Boy.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you got waitlisted at

Speaker 1 Sloan Kettering, the hospital. The hospital? What the fuck? They said you were too bad.
Too bad to go to the hospital. Yeah, they broke their Hippocratic art.

Speaker 1 Who sees me? The guys does the elephants at the zoo? Yeah, you gotta go.

Speaker 1 He's gotta go to a vet. He's gotta go to a hippo vet.
His

Speaker 1 satisfying.

Speaker 1 How do you pronounce that word? S-A-T-I-E-T-Y.

Speaker 1 S-A-T-I.

Speaker 1 e-t-y I don't know that word satiated school

Speaker 1 satiated like satiated yeah

Speaker 1 satiate school satiated instead of sati school

Speaker 1 yeah yeah it's like satiatey satiatey

Speaker 1 what does that mean is that a fucking word like to be satiated yeah the feeling or state of being sated

Speaker 1 satiate let me look let me read it satiety satiety

Speaker 1 yeah that's your satiety can i see it in the i'm gonna count that as a good riff

Speaker 1 Let's take it to the judges. There you go.

Speaker 1 Can I see it on computer? Satiety. Or on computer.
Satiety. Satiety.
Yeah, we live in one. Yeah, satiety and the spectacle.
Fuck that. Fuck that word.
That word sucks. It's about how everything...

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 1 it takes the shh off. Everybody's constantly snacking.
We live in a world with no discrete meals anymore. No one experiences meals.
They're just sacking.

Speaker 1 No one's sated. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know what? I am never sated. That's true.
It is true.

Speaker 1 I was going to say.

Speaker 1 It's a mark of the obese. No, it's not.
We did some real fat phobic stuff on the

Speaker 1 premium episode, which is coming out this Sunday. Stop us on the road.
That's so fucked up. When I'm away, you just attack my community.
No, just the girls.

Speaker 1 Instead of UMBC, just the girls. Instead of UMBC, Steph went to TCBY.

Speaker 1 I would have loved to go to DCBY for four years.

Speaker 1 Just checking in every day, having a different cake. Yeah.
Stop got mad that he got rejected from an HBCU because he thought it meant hamburger, bun, cheese, universal. There you go, Adam.

Speaker 1 There you go, buddy.

Speaker 1 I'm fucking pissed off. You're like, what are all these black people doing at hamburger, bun, cheese universal?

Speaker 1 Damn.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck. I do want a burger.
Yeah. And UMBC is junior western bacon cheese.

Speaker 1 A junior. Yeah.
A junior cheese. A junior.
I love that. I love that old tenacious D sketch.

Speaker 1 Western bacon cheese. What is that? I never got that.
I didn't understand why that was supposed to be funny.

Speaker 1 Because it's like a guy that wants to be on a diet, but he's ordering a lot of food. So he's getting the small versions of everything, but he's getting a lot.
It's pretty small.

Speaker 1 And the charm of Jack Black, I think we can all agree. He's so charming.
There's nothing better than a charming fact guy.

Speaker 1 He's a lot better than so much correct two little mean gay guys you know i think that we can all agree charming fat guy is better than that yeah a little mean gay guy and his last name is black which reminds you of

Speaker 1 of how cool black people are that's true

Speaker 1 that is another that guy's got everything going for him that is another element to his personality yeah

Speaker 1 i'm thinking about carls jr

Speaker 1 I have yet to eat it at Carl's Jr. How is that possible? Because it's on the West Coast

Speaker 1 Jr. They have Hardy's.
We don't even have Hardy's. No, there is Hardy's on the Eastern Shore.

Speaker 1 Not in my stomping grounds. Yeah, you have to go to Shakespeare.
I got sick at a Hardee's.

Speaker 1 Poop My Pants and Nick's

Speaker 1 in Richmond.

Speaker 1 Richmond, Virginia. Carl's Jr.
is the best fast food restaurant. It's pretty good.
You can catch a good one. Popeyes is the best.
Yeah, but we've had this conversation.

Speaker 1 Did you try the challenge? Fried chicken's in its own category. I suppose.
It is fast food. But if I had to have one meal, all I know is I'm going Popeyes.

Speaker 1 My friend would just say, keep that sandwich at $4.

Speaker 1 Shut the fuck up for a second, Adam. This is like being like, what's the best sushi restaurant? And then someone names like a ramen place.

Speaker 1 It's not at all. Stop.
Nick, Nick. We're at dinner.

Speaker 1 A bunch of little kids stormed at the restaurant. They had like a Fagan.
They had like an old man that sends them out with candies.

Speaker 1 I got mad at the kid because she's like, someone tried to give the kid a dollar. She was selling six Oreos.
She's like, it's $3.

Speaker 1 Wow. And I was like, that's a terrible deal for six Oreos.

Speaker 1 It's an atrocious deal. That's wild.
Wait, wait. She was cutting us a deal on the Oreos.
Who was this girl? It was just a bunch.

Speaker 1 You know, like, they send a bunch of kids out with candy to sell on the street. Yes.
And then they return it to their, you know, to their... to their Fagin character, like Fagin from.

Speaker 1 What the fuck is Fagin? He's the man, the old Jewish man man from Oliver Twist who makes all the orphan boys go out and make money. He's in Oliver Twist, bro.
You don't have to read it.

Speaker 1 I'll never watch it. There's a wishbone of it.
There's a lot of those. Is Fagin in the wishbone, bitch? Hopefully, I don't know.
Probably not.

Speaker 1 Because he doesn't seem like an essential part of the story. His young boy is an orphan.
He joins a band of little orphan boys. It's being run by an old Jewish man who's sending them out to

Speaker 1 make money for him.

Speaker 1 So this is like the kids are like, we're raising money for our basketball team type of thing? Yeah, Yeah, they're part of one of those Fagan-style schemes.

Speaker 1 No one knows who Fagan is. Fagan is one of the, he's like one of the old anti-Semitic characters.
And

Speaker 1 I appreciate his aspect. He's like, you know, like him and Shylock.
Shylock, again, the clash in the Venice. So good that they kept the name around, which is a great name.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you don't hear a Fagan, but you hear a Shylock. You think Fagan's pissed?

Speaker 1 I think Fagan.

Speaker 1 I think Fagan got paid.

Speaker 1 I think Fagan got paid. Anyway, Dude, there are movies of Oliver Twist.
You don't have to. I don't know who Fagan is.
A lot of people don't know who.

Speaker 1 I guarantee you, a lot of people listening right now are like, what the fuck is Adam talking about? A lot of people listening right now don't know much. Let's be honest.

Speaker 1 It's kind of not a so you were haggling with a little girl for Oreos. I didn't get haggled, but it did bother me that she was charging three dollars for six Oreos.
That's too much, money. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then one of the other kids came back and she's, and I told her, we already gave.

Speaker 1 We already gave. We already gave.
Yeah. Please.
What did you buy? I didn't buy anything. Someone else did.

Speaker 1 A weak person that was biased.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to give them $3 for six Oreos.

Speaker 1 You could give them a dollar just to be a good guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I guess. I didn't.

Speaker 1 That kid, though.

Speaker 1 What's up? Do you think they make money on that $3 Oreo?

Speaker 1 I'm still thinking about schools and candy schools. Schools that I could have gone to.

Speaker 1 All right, let's see here. Oh, candy schools.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's, I mean, how are we going to play this? Because it's like we could just pick, like,

Speaker 1 do we go TCU? Toblerin.

Speaker 1 Oh, Larry. What's the

Speaker 1 Oberlin? Toblerin. Yeah.
Yeah, that's where, like, already fat girls. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.

Speaker 1 Hamford.

Speaker 1 That's not. Okay, so we'll just go fat in general.
Yes. Doesn't have to be candy.
Yeah. Hamford's good.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Fuck, let's see here.

Speaker 1 N-Y-U-M.

Speaker 1 And like N-Y-M, like N-Yum.

Speaker 1 What else we got?

Speaker 1 Am I sweet tea?

Speaker 1 Okay. That's good.
These are pretty good.

Speaker 1 Oreogon State. Oreogon State.
Yeah. Instead of Oregon State.
Oreogon State. Yeah, that's good, Adam.
I like that.

Speaker 1 Fuck. Let me get, let's see here.
Tulane Bryant.

Speaker 1 All right. Oh,

Speaker 1 it's the fat lady store. Yeah, that's pretty good.
Tulane Bryant. That's pretty good.

Speaker 1 It is good, but it's pissing me off because it's good.

Speaker 1 That's good.

Speaker 1 I got to be a fat lady, too.

Speaker 1 I didn't go to Tulane Bryant. Thank you very much.

Speaker 1 You got a waitlist to this one. You guys waitlisted at Tulane Bryant.
I didn't want to go. Because I didn't want to major in wearing fat lady pants.

Speaker 1 That's such a funny concept for a store.

Speaker 1 What? It's like big, big bitches that try to look professional. Nothing wrong with that as far as I'm concerned.
Trying to look powerful in the workplace.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'd like to get sucked off by a BBW and a pencil skirt. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 It'd be one of those jumbo novelty-sized pencils. Yeah, it's still a pencil skirt.
More like a, yeah.

Speaker 1 More like a what? I was gonna say like marker, but jumbo novelty size is bigger. Yeah, a marker.
A marker pencil. Or a marker pencil.
Sharpie. Sharpie.

Speaker 1 yeah nice pencil skirt bitch what is it like a big novelty size pencil

Speaker 1 you have fat fucking cow

Speaker 1 that would really show her

Speaker 1 that would really show her

Speaker 1 well if you uh if you're not enjoying the show maybe you should get high off smokable CBD I think so you should get obliterated absolutely ripped off uh cushy cushydreams.com.

Speaker 1 Smoke your CBD because you can. Luxury pre-roll joints and extraordinary smokable flour.
Extraordinary is correct. It comes in smell-proof and discrete packaging, and it's 100% guaranteed delivery.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 It's guaranteed delivery, huh? Yeah. The product you order, you will get.

Speaker 1 It's

Speaker 1 lap tested for compliance.

Speaker 1 Full flower, full spectrum, full flavor.

Speaker 1 No autism here. Create all parts of the spectrum.

Speaker 1 Yeah, not just autism. Energy.
Not just hustle, peace, and relax.

Speaker 1 I'm a peace and relax and a dream guy, to be honest with you. Yeah, you like rolling a spectrum.

Speaker 1 Energy and hustle are kind of the same thing.

Speaker 1 That's what hustle means. And a peace and a relax.

Speaker 1 You know, there's subtle differences.

Speaker 1 I would say the foremost connoisseur of cushy dreams amongst the three of us, I will say that I do like

Speaker 1 the peace, the dream, the relax, all that kind of stuff. Here's some of the testimonials from their website.
This is probably better than your experience. Okay, no worries.

Speaker 1 My husband has been battling depression and anxiety for the last few years. It was only getting worse.

Speaker 1 From seeing a therapist, he was quick in the first 20 minutes of his session to prescribe medication to trying other CBD products,

Speaker 1 other CDB products.

Speaker 1 Nothing worked. He was feeling like an utter failure until he tried your product.
That's all. Thank you for giving me back my husband.
More importantly, giving our kids back their father.

Speaker 1 That's not your making this morning. No, it's just as Justine, which sounds like maybe she's got a little of the old trash pussois, as they say in French.

Speaker 1 Pussois du garbage. Pussois du garbage.

Speaker 1 Pussois le pieu. You should pusso.
Pussie le pieu. Pussi le pieu.

Speaker 1 For as long as I can remember, I've been sort of a restless sleeper, and it's rare I wake up after a good night's sleep feeling refreshed.

Speaker 1 I've tried various methods to improve my sleep, and nothing worked. A few weeks ago, I tried cushy dreams, and the results I've had are almost unbelievable.

Speaker 1 I fell asleep while driving and crashed into an elementary school.

Speaker 1 Now

Speaker 1 I'm awaiting trial for murder. Wow.
But nothing keeps me calm. From Philip P.
Like a pre-roll of dream. Here's another testimony from Daniel Kay.
I am a pedophile.

Speaker 1 Smoke cushy dream CBD

Speaker 1 before molesting children.

Speaker 1 What? They put that on their website. Why would they add that? That's crazy, dude.
It makes me feel better about being a pedophile.

Speaker 1 It's the next one for Matt B. Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Faggot, Faggot.

Speaker 1 What? From Matt B. That's right.
That's it.

Speaker 1 I think maybe they're testimonials. Do they let anyone write anything? It's like I'm so fucked up right now.
Hitler, Hitler, Hitler. Is it Matt B again?

Speaker 1 See Kyle. I look at saluting Hitler while I'm dick deep in a baby.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 1 These have nothing to do with

Speaker 1 Christian James anymore. Yeah.
No, it's still on their website, dude.

Speaker 1 Testimonials on ChristianDreams.com. I guess anyone can write

Speaker 1 it. That's crazy.
This one's real for Michael T. Wow.
I've bought the cheaper CBD cigarette packs before and wasn't really impressed.

Speaker 1 I've bought

Speaker 1 it literally.

Speaker 1 Wow. I've bought the cheaper cigarette,

Speaker 1 which is probably why I heard your guys is on Skeptic Tank.

Speaker 1 Oh, hell yeah. It was so, which is a podcast you shouldn't listen to.
You should listen to this one.

Speaker 1 And it was still a while before I finally decided to give it a try. I'm blown away by how relaxing and calming the feeling is from after smoking your guys'

Speaker 1 products.

Speaker 1 Whose podcast? That's Arshafus.

Speaker 1 It's like it's something, It's like it is something completely different than what I was trying before. I really have enjoyed what I tested out so far.

Speaker 1 This guy writes like John Coffey in the Green Mile.

Speaker 1 I tried your CBD, boss.

Speaker 1 It was pretty funny that we landed on that one at the end. I love you guys' products.

Speaker 1 We love those guys as products.

Speaker 1 I've bought in the other products before.

Speaker 1 Just edit that out.

Speaker 1 Just do the guy a favor.

Speaker 1 Just write a fake one.

Speaker 1 I've bought editing.

Speaker 1 I literally do smoke Cushy Dreams and it is actually pretty good. That's great, dude.

Speaker 1 I do smoke it a lot. It's changing lives.
And it's changed our friends. Because I haven't really smoked.

Speaker 1 I've been off the fucking weed for quite some time.

Speaker 1 And when I get a little hankering, bro, I straight up smoke. Because, you know, once you get fucking high as shit off of Mary Jane,

Speaker 1 you're nuts deep in a fucking bag of pringles. You're having sex with a guy within 10 minutes.
You're smoking something called bussy dreams.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah.

Speaker 1 What is that?

Speaker 1 Where do you get busted? I've never scrolled down this far on the page, but if you go far enough, it just says, What does Joe Rogan say about this? What does he say?

Speaker 1 What does Joe Rogan say?

Speaker 1 That's awesome. We love our podcast partners.
Not anymore, bitch.

Speaker 1 Why don't you love these nuts? Yeah. Why don't you sprinkle some fucking...
Because here's the thing. It comes in pre-rolls.
They got the little half grams. They got the whole gram.

Speaker 1 They also come in tins of eighths. So why don't you sprinkle some of that onto my nuts and smoke that? This shit is very nice.
I have some, but it fell under the couch, and I've been too.

Speaker 1 You want me help you get them in? No, I'll do it myself at some point. I'll find a stick or something to get under there with.
You sure? Why don't we just squat the couch, dude?

Speaker 1 Engage our glutes. I don't want to do anything.

Speaker 1 I don't want to move. Recent posts.
You've been doing too much cocaine, dude. Recent post: Louis J.
Gomez smokes big.

Speaker 1 Is Lewis a guest blogger for CushyDreams that guy? Marijuana. Louis J.
Gomez smokes big.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 I love that guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, anyways, no, this shit's good. And if you use promo code ComeTown,

Speaker 1 right? Yep. You get 20% off your order and it ships guaranteed directly.
It's guaranteed delivery, which is one of the best things. It's one of the best ways to consume this shit.

Speaker 1 Take it from guest blogger Louis J. Gomez, who smokes big loud.

Speaker 1 Dude, Louis gets big loud on fucking cushy drinks.

Speaker 1 Why do they have a blog?

Speaker 1 Damn, I'm trying to write for Cushy Dreams blog. They got free shipping on all orders over $50 right now.
I don't think you need the promo code for that.

Speaker 1 This shit is good. It's independently lab-tested,

Speaker 1 which, you know, if you want to... Indo-penisly.
If you're like the Walter White of this kind of shit. Yeah.
Heisenberg. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Adam's ass is independently ass-tested. You know, it doesn't have fence.
It's tested by scientists.

Speaker 1 Fentanyl. No fent in the fucking cushy dreams.
No, no fentanyl.

Speaker 1 No fent at all. Yep.

Speaker 1 Yep, so go get that shit, man.

Speaker 1 No say ends at all. No say ends at all.
You know what? That's good. That's a good rule for you.
I've been taking my

Speaker 1 hands. I've been taking my no say ends at all.

Speaker 1 Daily.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and look, does he have as much energy?

Speaker 1 Is he as happy as he used to be?

Speaker 1 But he's not saying it anymore either. So sometimes you have to fucking do trade-offs.
Oh, no, I accidentally took seienza all the time. No,

Speaker 1 fuck.

Speaker 1 I've been taking my say inn every time. You got a spiked dose.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I gotta, I gotta, the doctor says I got say insane. The doctor's saying I got say ins.
I got sienza cut. I can't stop.
I can't stop doing it. I can't say that.
I got damn science.

Speaker 1 I got chest pains for my say inside. I got to say it too much.
I can't help. It's like sweets.

Speaker 1 I know I shouldn't. I know I should only do one a day, but I can't help myself.
The new Hyundai Seienza.

Speaker 1 Fifth chance financing, so sweet a deal, you can't help yourself to say it. That's right.

Speaker 1 The brand new 1997 hyundai sands

Speaker 1 damn bro imagine what a 97 hyundai is looking like right now

Speaker 1 you think anybody's patrolling one right now anybody's whipping a 97 i don't know i saw saturn the other day in my neighborhood very nice and i completely forgot about saturn yeah oh

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 no they just they just went out of the like gm just like canceled half their brands and that was like the first one to go that's fucked up dude yeah pontiacs don't exist anymore

Speaker 1 what When am I?

Speaker 1 I want a firebird. Yeah, too bad.
Is it too late? Too bad, dude. You're also thinking of the burrito.
I'm not.

Speaker 1 I didn't even know that was a burrito restaurant.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you did. Subconsciously.
Yeah. You could feel it.

Speaker 1 So you'd think the reason I've wanted a firebird is because there's a part of my soul that renecks when something is named after a restaurant.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can feel it in the collective, the collective concept. The collective fat.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You mean collective cafeteria is

Speaker 1 young called it.

Speaker 1 I have wanted a fucking firebird since I was like 13. Yeah.
There was a I think I've talked about this. There was a lime green firebird on a Dundalk

Speaker 1 lot for a year.

Speaker 1 For some reason, it didn't sell. I don't know.
Yeah, you told this story already. I know, that's what I'm saying.
So that's so maybe, dude. Maybe from the time I was a little boy, I knew.

Speaker 1 Firebird was the type of burrito. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Now, just since

Speaker 1 we did broach the subject, what kind of burritos do they have over there?

Speaker 1 Where is it available? The same kind of burritos they have literally anywhere you go. That's not true.
Anyways, CushyDreams.com, Tomo could come down.

Speaker 1 Dude, that is not true. Burritos are fucking vastly different places you go.
Codoba versus Chipotle versus... What's the queso?

Speaker 1 No, there's a qualitative difference. Versus the place that used to be open that was awesome that's dead now.
You're saying all this and all that. Lucha Lucha?

Speaker 1 All I'm hearing is Ching Chong, Ching Chong.

Speaker 1 I miss Lucha Lucha. Lucha Lucha was incredible, dude.
Lucha Lucha was high quality. Yeah, there's fries in burrito.
It was good.

Speaker 1 That place was so good that I got food poisoning from there twice.

Speaker 1 I would still come crawling back. I remember when Chipotle got queso and Stop and I went to Chipotle.
Yep. We're like, oh, God, we got to see what this is all about.

Speaker 1 I haven't had a good burrito in a while, dude. There isn't the Mexican food in

Speaker 1 New York Sun.

Speaker 1 Mexican food here is fucking gay. No, there's one really good place.
You got Cowen instantly contradicting himself.

Speaker 1 You were the one who forgot. For the most part, it's really bad.
And then Nick says it's bad, and then you're like, no, it's actually good.

Speaker 1 One really good place. He's just arguing with himself.

Speaker 1 You should see it when you guys aren't even here. What is what it's like? What's it called? I'm furious at myself.

Speaker 1 You went there. There's the place in Jackson Heights, and then they just added a second place.

Speaker 1 Did you hear I went to dinner with Woody Allen? No, I didn't. You saw Woody Allen at dinner.
Really? Yeah. That's awesome, dude.
He's like talking to us

Speaker 1 in the restaurant. Yeah, him and Soon Yee were just like get the fuck out of here.
Like two tables away from us. Are you joking? No, I'm dead serious.
Whoa, that rocks. He came out of his cave.

Speaker 1 Did you say, did you say I'm a big fan of your

Speaker 1 not so much of your films? I was like, there's this guy, Adam, I know, that he does this whole thing where he goes,

Speaker 1 he like coiled, does this like Woody, innocent thing? He does it with Michael Jackson, too. It's really good.
No, Michael Jackson actually is innocent. Shut up, Adam.
Just shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 And Woody Allen was like, do you have any coordinates?

Speaker 1 And I was like, wow, aren't you like a billionaire?

Speaker 1 I can't stop.

Speaker 1 I can't help myself. I can't help myself.

Speaker 1 It's part of my rapist.

Speaker 1 My rapist. Yeah, rapists are always trying to save money.

Speaker 1 I'm saying that because he's a rapist, by the way. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Not for any other.

Speaker 1 There's no other reason we're disparaging Woody Allen or talking like that. We were doing a rapist voice.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is the voice of

Speaker 1 a smooth criminal.

Speaker 1 It is so funny when you say Michael Jackson didn't fuck kids. No.
Joe Jackson chemically castrated when he was a child. He didn't have sexual function.

Speaker 1 He was like an angel sent from God. Did angels have genitalia? I don't think so.

Speaker 1 The ones in Noah did. They had big old dicks.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah. Either an angel should have a smooth or it should have a giant hinge.
It's a huge cock. It's awesome.
Yeah. Massive.
But doesn't get hard.

Speaker 1 It's It's like an engineering mistake. Why would God make that? Like Dr.
Manhattan. Yeah.
Yes, exactly. That big, floppy blue thing.
You just want to see. How about Nurse Manhattan? And it's Dr.

Speaker 1 Manhattan. He's got the blue dick, but then also a big pair of tits.
Oh, yeah. Sign me up.
That'd be cool. What is Dr.
Matt? I have to live on the moon because everyone's trying to fuck me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because I'm everywhere I go, people just keep trying to fuck me. But does Nurse Manhattan look the same way in the face, or does she have?

Speaker 1 Same way in the face, but she's got the nurse hat on. Yeah, nurse hat jacked.
Big tits. No, I don't want to jacked it.
Big dong. I'd like big tits, cute, big dick.

Speaker 1 You're going to be manhandled by a nurse. That's what your dream is.
Not really. To be sponge-bathed and manhandled by...
Spongebob and sucked off? Now we're talking. By Alice from

Speaker 1 Super Jail. That's your dream, Woman.
I don't think I've seen Super Jail. Yeah,

Speaker 1 your mind is suppressing your memory of it because you know that it's to be true.

Speaker 1 I would like... I just said I'd get sponge bathed and sucked off.

Speaker 1 I have no problem with that uh-huh i don't know about getting manhandled spongebath square pants i would prefer to do to do that if someone's got to get manhandling i would prefer to do the manhandling yeah i don't particularly want to be but sometimes the lady does the manhandling

Speaker 1 i've never really fucked anybody strong enough to manhandle me actually that's not true I've got

Speaker 1 my head squeezed pretty vociferously while eating pussy with some very strong thighs. It was pretty tight, actually.
Like a Xena style. Honestly, yeah, and that was awesome.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But for the most part, no, the women that I have sex with are not capable of manhandling me. I'm sure you have definitely fucked women that you.

Speaker 1 Stop streaming. Wow.

Speaker 1 She looks good.

Speaker 1 No, I don't think so. Yes.

Speaker 1 That would be a good look for you, stop dating a fitness lady. Dude, I'm so in.
But she's got to be strong then. Of course.
I don't have a problem with that. But that's the thing.

Speaker 1 Psychologically, I would have to be powerful to not get manhandled. It would have to be my cunning and my charisma.

Speaker 1 All the ladies I've had sex with are incredibly strong, but on the inside, you literally strong people. Tell me, you've definitely fucked at least a couple women that could beat you up.

Speaker 1 Just mostly because of how frail you are. I've fucked a lot of women that have beaten me.

Speaker 1 You're just getting backhanded by fucking little-ass girls.

Speaker 1 I've experienced them.

Speaker 1 What's the largest woman you fucked? Like, that could... Biggest? Just in gen.
And I'm not just saying fat. I'm saying in general.

Speaker 1 Just powerful. How about that? Most physically powerful.

Speaker 1 I think in college in the laundry room in my dorm. Yeah.
It was a big girl. She pinned you down and fucked your ass.

Speaker 1 She pinned you down. She's powerful.

Speaker 1 She's pretty powerful. So in a wrestling match, she would have beaten you at the time, Would you say

Speaker 1 at the time? Uh, possibly, yes. I didn't start weight training at that point, I was still on the tail end of puberty at that point, freshman year of college.
Who was this girl?

Speaker 1 Uh, we didn't really even say any words to each other, it just kind of happened. No, shut up, are you serious? Very erotic.
I masturbate to the thought of it. Are you fucking serious?

Speaker 1 You were in a laundry room and you just fucked a stranger? It wasn't fucked.

Speaker 1 It was third base,

Speaker 1 Oral pleasure.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Did you only get it then sex? You only got your dick sucked or did you eat pussy too? I only got my dick sex. Wow.

Speaker 1 I can't believe I'm saying this. This is awesome, Adam.
That's pretty cool. That's pretty cool.
Yeah, yeah. So what? Oh, that's.
I see you're around, kind of.

Speaker 1 Did you ever hook up again? No, never hooked up again. Wow.
It was nice. That's magic.

Speaker 1 It was very nice. That would make me believe in.

Speaker 1 Honestly, that would make me believe in God. That kept me going for a while.
Absolutely, dude. That's huge.
I'm so happy right now. Shout out to her.
She was very nice to me. That's so cool.

Speaker 1 And what happens? You guys are

Speaker 1 college. It's college, but it's like, hey, what's up? But it wasn't regular college, like, you know, Toga party, everyone getting laid or me getting laid all the time.

Speaker 1 I wasn't getting laid all the time. So I'm just curious.
This is one of my few sexual experiences that you're here. That's huge.
And that's so huge. And she was like stout.

Speaker 1 She was built. She was taller than me.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 She was solid. You would say she was driving the encounter.
You got your dick sucked. You were chosen.
It was a vibe thing. It was hot.
It was a vibe. It was a vibe.

Speaker 1 It was doing her in the fucking thing. Late at night, doing laundry.
What time are we talking? 1 a.m.? Yeah, like 2, 2 a.m. Oh, my God.
It was hot. And you just start talking?

Speaker 1 I think we turned the light off. Who turns the light off?

Speaker 1 Maybe me, maybe her. I don't remember.
Light goes off. Light goes off, and then...
You just start kissing? A little bit of kissing.

Speaker 1 A little bit of kissing.

Speaker 1 There was no talking.

Speaker 1 I don't remember clearly, but no, I don't think that there was a lot of pre-I don't think there was a lot of pre-amps. It's huge.
The whole thing lasts seven minutes. I think I came immediately.

Speaker 1 Oh, I wouldn't have told you.

Speaker 1 I think I came very fast.

Speaker 1 I still come very fast.

Speaker 1 Dude, that's huge.

Speaker 1 How about this? You still beat off to a huge film? Honestly, I'm not going to beat off to it. Honestly, that might be my peak.

Speaker 1 My entire life. I think it is.

Speaker 1 That might be my vibe, and she's sucking you off. I don't know if it was her vibe or my vibe.

Speaker 1 It was very, very hot. I think I'm going to, not to disrespect you

Speaker 1 any more than we usually do here, but I'm going to say. I appreciate the compliment.
You're making me feel really nice.

Speaker 1 I'm going to say that you did, you were, it's a little bit of right place, right time. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I think you caught her in a real dick-sucking mood, and the guy, and God said, Adam could use a W right now. It was an accident.
Let's get this fucking rugby player to suck.

Speaker 1 Let's get him to grip onto some fucking huge shoulders while he gets his dick sucked it was an accident and

Speaker 1 it was i it wasn't an accident if you're out there i think about you it was beautiful yeah holy fuck no it felt it felt nice didn't really say anything okay went back to my dorm didn't really say anything to anyone i'm just asleep that's incredible put on uh

Speaker 1 what i put on uh i put on the it was either the movie waiting

Speaker 1 waiting oh that's a bang with ryan reynolds

Speaker 1 or grandma's boy it was during that

Speaker 1 dude. Those, and you know what?

Speaker 1 On my Dell

Speaker 1 laptop? A kid that was watching those movies, nothing could possibly be better than randomly getting your dick sucked to the laundry room. Best seven minutes of my life.
Oh, I'm so jealous, dude.

Speaker 1 Pretty cool. Fuck.
Pretty cool. I'm trying to think of any spontaneous shit.
None of that stuff happens anymore.

Speaker 1 We're adults. I mean, you're not, where are you going to, you know.
Also, we're still getting your dicks. We're so fading

Speaker 1 in a bathroom bar. We're such celebs now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're randomly popping up.
I go to like a gas station. Usually, I fuck any woman all the time.

Speaker 1 There's like an old lady behind that counter. Yeah, you'll fuck her.

Speaker 1 For the most part? For the most part, yeah. Yeah, I mean, that I have fucked pretty much.
Whenever I want to fuck a woman, I do. Yeah.
Me as well.

Speaker 1 I show them my Ridge wallet.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 That would carry those through. And that gets their pussies going.
They're like, what is that? A solid gold wallet? 15 carat? And you're like, zip? I say, that's exactly right.

Speaker 1 And i got it at ridgewallet.com which they just sent us a whole bunch of yes they did we got the duffel and maybe you guys can talk about how nice the large backpacks are i can't really speak to that stav as you remember there was battle of wits last week and stav lost i can't really speak to this one

Speaker 1 i'm sure you've used it i have used it and i put my power bank in it and a cord and i was on the go the other day and i was able to charge my uh that's great charge my phone and use it that's great and i'm happy for you and it's kind of nice too because because you have the cord coming out of the backpack, so you feel like one of those guys in World War II, like calling in that they need air support or something.

Speaker 1 You're the communications guy with the backpack.

Speaker 1 Pretty cool. That is cool.

Speaker 1 No, this is tough when I see Adam with that. I think, well, there goes a mentally retarded fan.

Speaker 1 That's pretty much what you look like. I say, there goes one of the gayest guys I've ever seen.

Speaker 1 Cool backpack, though. Yeah.
The backpack rules. The guy is gay.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And you can decorate it with different pins and stuff.
Yeah, you should see the kind of pins.

Speaker 1 I have one with the American flag and the Israeli flag crossing.

Speaker 1 I normally wear it on the lapel of the side. They sent me the 18-karat gold one, which I took for myself.
Yeah, by the way,

Speaker 1 I gotta get the duffel. You don't need the duffel.
You got the you got the duffel's right next to me. Yeah, but the duffel now has other stuff in it.
No, you said a karat gold.

Speaker 1 Why are you getting a backpack and a duffel? Well, why do you get the 18 karat gold?

Speaker 1 You can have one.

Speaker 1 They're in the bag. If you want a wallet, you can take a wallet.

Speaker 1 How about listen, I'll take the bag home to check the wallets I want. The bag contains other items.

Speaker 1 That argument is such a Jedi mind trick attempt on your part. Just because there's other things in the bag, you could put the thing somewhere else

Speaker 1 and empty the bag. Perfectly in the bag.
You have a lot of bag. What about your old backpack that you don't use? I'm using them to cat sleeps on that.
that

Speaker 1 i'm using the bag to do i got the little backpack to do brand work for the company

Speaker 1 what kind it's your company i'm going around handing out the products to ridge wallet yes so you got a side deal with ridge wallet now i have a side deal where i do additional marketing for them by handing out the products to homeless people okay well listen when it's empty since that's what you're doing well you can argue with the homeless man that ends up with it

Speaker 1 you're gonna give it to to a homeless man. You're stealing from the homeless.

Speaker 1 You're stealing from the homeless again.

Speaker 1 What are you going to put in there? Candy? That you're going to eat in one day, anyways? Yeah, you're going to check the donation bin, go back to the camera. I'm not.
I don't put candy in duffel bags.

Speaker 1 Anyways,

Speaker 1 this gold wallet is very nice. It is nice, I have to say.

Speaker 1 It's got the money clip, the cash strap. They all got the money clip and the cash strap.
And it's made out of money. But I really like this thing.
I've been using it for

Speaker 1 years now because I had a regular.

Speaker 1 Let me just take a look here. What do you why are you going through the bag? You told me, you just told me I could go through the bag.
I know. You can get a wallet.
Oh, yeah, you can do that.

Speaker 1 But don't look at my medicine.

Speaker 1 You don't have any medicine. I do have medicine in there.
A lot of people don't know.

Speaker 1 There's a little dick pills. No, they don't know that I'm dying.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And I'm actually a hero for continuing to do the show, despite the fact that.
Yeah, he's like the guy, Black Panther guy. Yeah, I'm like fucking.
I'm taking the knife. All right, take the knife.

Speaker 1 You're giving him a knife? Fuck you, Adam. I didn't have a knife.
Dude, I was going to buy you guys knives. I know, you were.
And then

Speaker 1 I couldn't find the Jewish knife. I was trying to find the kind of.
Can I see your knife? No, fuck you. I'm not going to cut you.
I was trying to find the kind they used to do the circumcisions.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's more of like. The Ridge Damascus.
What's this?

Speaker 1 I have no idea. Let's see.
Let's open it up and find out. Yeah.
Take the knife and open that up. Anyways, Ridge Wallet, promo code ComeTown or Come Town20.

Speaker 1 Do you remember what it is? I think it's 20, but I don't remember. Yeah, it's Come Town 20, free shipping and returns on all orders.
Wow, a black blade. Yeah.
Yeah, you fucking shipped it.

Speaker 1 Like the operator. Be careful with your finger there, dude.
Dude,

Speaker 1 you're cutting in a very unsafe way. Now that's cut away from yourself.
Shut up. Cut away.
You're about to stab yourself. No, I'm my skin.

Speaker 1 Stop. Stop.
He's flying around the room.

Speaker 1 He's flying around the room.

Speaker 1 Help, God.

Speaker 1 Let me fucking crack open the Damascus. Yeah, the Damascus.
But that's just like, it's just wood. Wood grain, right? It's pretty cute.
It's a metal wood grain or it's an actual wood? No, it's metal.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's metal with a wood grain.
Hmm. Interesting.
It's a weird look. I think I'm going to go full-time Ridgewater, you know? Yeah, they are nice.
What is that?

Speaker 1 What? Did I see that little microfiber cloth? No. I just want to clean my glasses.
No. Yeah, they're not for cleaning glasses.
What? They're microfiber cloth. You can use it for your glasses.

Speaker 1 We're not going to be able to do it. Maybe your large backpack came with a microfiber cloth.
To wipe off the residual burned-in image of a man's penis.

Speaker 1 That's not a picture.

Speaker 1 That's not a glasses burned in. That can't happen.
That does happen. Staring at a picture of it.
It's burned in, you can't wipe it off.

Speaker 1 It's like the way, like a, what is it, like an LED TV if you leave it too long? It's OLED. OLED, that's what happens to Adam's eyes with a man's penis.

Speaker 1 Have any of us stepped it up to OLED yet? No,

Speaker 1 you are.

Speaker 1 I want to. You're buying a CX.
I haven't yet. A CX that you got a deal on because you know a guy.

Speaker 1 I think

Speaker 1 C1.

Speaker 1 How much does that cost?

Speaker 1 I might have a deal. So what's the cost?

Speaker 1 So I'm going to call them and I'm going to. Ridgewallet.com.

Speaker 1 If your birthday, you get an $80 million gift card and something.

Speaker 1 You buy the wallet, it's guaranteed shipping.

Speaker 1 They absolutely will ship it to you. They guarantee that it will come in the mail.
This thing where it says get $15 to $19.

Speaker 1 I don't really

Speaker 1 share this offer with friends. They get 10% in their first purchase, and you can earn increasing rewards.
Wow. So go to ridgewallet.com, use promo code ComeTown or Come Town20.

Speaker 1 I can't remember which one it is, and I never will.

Speaker 1 That's our promise. And And it's a great product.
Yeah, and it's really enjoying the product. I'm actually really enjoying my new duffel bag as well, which I will be taking.

Speaker 1 See, this is what you did, you fucking idiot. Now he's taking the knife, the wallet, and the duffel bag.

Speaker 1 You could have taken the knife yourself. It's been in your house.
No, it would have been unfair. Everything's fair.
I've been trying to be fair because I felt bad that Stop wanted the backbone.

Speaker 1 No, you're an idiot. Everything stayed fair.
Sorry that I simply leaving it all in there.

Speaker 1 No, it wouldn't have been fair. What do you want, Adam? I just want to see what's in there.
Here, I'll hand you the stuff. I'd love to.
Yeah, I'll hand you everything in the duffel bag, Adam.

Speaker 1 You're taking it. You can see what's in it.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 Here's another one.

Speaker 1 I like this one. But I don't know.
I'm a wallet guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, maybe I'll try to

Speaker 1 do it. I'm a Ridge wallet guy.
Yeah, I'm a Ridge Wallet guy. What are you doing?

Speaker 1 Sorry. That's the story of the show.

Speaker 1 I was in between wallets, and they sent me one, and now I've never looked back. That's true.
And you know me, I do plenty of looking back. We should sell your old Ridge Wallet.
I do nothing but

Speaker 1 just put it in the duffel bag.

Speaker 1 Put it back in the duffel bag. Now Nick's going to be mad.
There's going to be garbage. There's just going to be shit all over the place.
Put it all back in the duffel bag. Get him another bag.

Speaker 1 Fine.

Speaker 1 Next week, I'm coming with a shitty bag.

Speaker 1 Just ask them, just email them and ask them to send you a duffel bag. You don't need to...

Speaker 1 Are you using the duffel bag? The duffel bag is filled with the Ridge wallet shit, which is being distributed to

Speaker 1 the socially enfeebled people. There's only three wallets in here.
That I do work with.

Speaker 1 What about the penis?

Speaker 1 The penisfully enfeebled. Yeah, they're also getting stuff.
You're also getting condoms.

Speaker 1 Dude, the Ridgewood. Ridge makes condoms.
Yeah, I'm bringing condoms. 100%.

Speaker 1 Should I get this one or the other one? Or the Damascus? What do you guys think? I like the gradient. I like the metal gradient.

Speaker 1 I'm going to get this one. Yeah, do that one.

Speaker 1 Go to RidgeWallet.com. The products are beautiful, folks.
They have a great line of products, and it's not just wallets.

Speaker 1 And the backpack, I got the little backpack. And I have to say, it's pretty good, too, as well.
It's nice. And because it's little, it's like you're like a slut girl.
You're like a slut.

Speaker 1 Well, it also helps stop with dieting because if he had the full size, he's going to get the fucking candy. I wouldn't fill it with candy.
There's going to be

Speaker 1 an entire roasted pig.

Speaker 1 He would have had just a

Speaker 1 liquid

Speaker 1 puts the bag down. There's an apple rolling across the floor.

Speaker 1 Oh, whoops.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's true. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Now you can just fit two hams instead of the entire pick. No, dude, I'm off the fucking pork.
I'm on that shit. I'm off that shit.
That's good, dude.

Speaker 1 I'm on that Osalama Lakeum type shit right now, dude. Yeah.
Yeah, no pork. Actually, that's a lie.
I guess I actually haven't eaten pork in quite some time. Because I'm eating a lot of seafood.

Speaker 1 And when I want to treat myself, I get a little fucking fucking beef I went to the the hand roll place in decal mark here so good it's bigger now too they got a larger menu they got more now you want to go after this I have to go home and

Speaker 1 FaceTime my friend we're working on something

Speaker 1 a gay porno it's a gay porno it's a gay porno over face time yeah

Speaker 1 what are you working on dude

Speaker 1 nothing i don't want to talk about it well if you want to hear what adam's working on check out

Speaker 1 premium yeah i did mention on the premium this week. Saav was on the road for it, so we saw

Speaker 1 Patreon. We say a lot of anti-Greek,

Speaker 1 pro-Albanian,

Speaker 1 pro-anorexic, pro-Albanian. Slash Cometown.
Yeah. There's an extra episode.
There's an extra episode every day. There are about 300 episodes on the Patreon feed I checked this week.

Speaker 1 And as you know, I am dying. And Nick's dying.
So

Speaker 1 enjoy this while you can. Like Chadwick Bozeman.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It would be funny if you guys continued doing the show, but you probably would. That's kind of how everybody works.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 I think I would feel kind of weird. Adam would keep doing it.
Yeah, I'd keep doing it alone, of course. I'd act like you guys would.

Speaker 1 Adam would do some kind of hostile takeover, just bleed the Patreon drawing. Yeah.
Yeah. Like

Speaker 1 I would insist on being entombed with both the Ridge Wallet Duffelbag and Adam.

Speaker 1 Just pyramids somewhere. Just people.
They're laying the bricks while I'm streaming. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like Smithers. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Exactly like smithers.

Speaker 1 Oh, baby, I want to fuck. Yeah, now I want one of those hand rolls or a burrito or something.
You're a hand. Those hand rolls are very good.
I'm down to go. What's a hand roll?

Speaker 1 It's like a sushi that they don't cut. Yeah, they don't cut it.
I see it. I see.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it's like you eat it immediately, and the nori is extra crispy, and you tip it.

Speaker 1 It's so good. That's fucking good.
The fucking eel and the salmon belly there are fucking amazing. Salmon and Toro, yeah.
Oh, God.

Speaker 1 Fatty salmon or fatty. That sounds awesome.
Oh, no, that's Toro's too now.

Speaker 1 Adam had to say he knows the word. Yep.
Ooh. But the NYPD bomb squad has been called in to examine a package.
Where? All traffic around the museum is being... Which museum?

Speaker 1 Hopefully the African American. The Museum of Get wait, why? Why that one? It's not in New York.

Speaker 1 It's not in New York. On the other show.
Oh.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I was talking about the African American Museum just just being like a regular museum, but with sort of like an African-American theme.

Speaker 1 So it's still like... Y'all ever see electricity? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Y'all want to see some old paintings? Yeah. Some Dutch shit.

Speaker 1 The Ben from the Dutch Masters. The guys from Dutch Masters.
They call this shit Tromplet.

Speaker 1 What's Chomple?

Speaker 1 I don't know. It's the only thing I learned in art history class.
I think it's something that looks like

Speaker 1 it is in real life. How about our wordstory class? Our wordstory.
R word story. Yeah.
Yep. But you know how you can do like women's studies in college? You should be able to do retard studies.

Speaker 1 Yeah, why can't you? This is doing

Speaker 1 studying the history of retards.

Speaker 1 I don't understand why you can't. Like, if you can stay, yeah, if they're like, yeah, this is what it's been like to be a bitch throughout history.
Right, right. Well, how about being like a retard?

Speaker 1 Let me see.

Speaker 1 Why can't you major in the matter? Why do

Speaker 1 let's see famous retarded people uh Sean Penn and I am Sam yeah that wasn't even a real guy just writing her thesis on IM Sam

Speaker 1 the special the women's Olympics

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 I guess there who are the I mean I guess they were like monarchs and stuff who are probably mentally enfeebled yeah yeah

Speaker 1 I guess yeah if you look this up it just seems like guys they used to put it in the circus unfortunately

Speaker 1 so we can't it's not really going for well you can write a thing about the circus you can write a paper about the circus it was funny back in the day when like p. T.

Speaker 1 Barnum at his like museum of bullshit in New York and they have an exhibit called the what is it and it was just a retarded black guy

Speaker 1 that they put in a gorilla costume no it was just kept in the museum god damn dude he was he was a genius of spectacle but but then there was like like contemporaneous accounts of people being like you know they have this exhibit called the what is it And it's clearly just a mentally disabled guy from Virginia.

Speaker 1 It's like, even then, they weren't like, wow, what is it? They're like, oh, this is a retarded person.

Speaker 1 What about Asperger's? That's probably... People are saying Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart was an Asperger's guy.
That's true.

Speaker 1 Isaac Newton, Jerry Seinfeld. Well, I think Seinfeld admitted that himself.

Speaker 1 History's 30 most inspiring people on the autism spectrum. Here we go.

Speaker 1 Dan Aykroyd. Megan Fox.
Hans Christian Anderson. Benjamin Banneker.
Oh, the clock guy, of course.

Speaker 1 Susan Boyle. Tim Burton.

Speaker 1 Henry Cavendish. Charles Darwin.
Emily Dickensuck. Paul Dirach.
Dirac.

Speaker 1 Einstein. Bobby Fisher.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's all really smart guys.

Speaker 1 Michelangelo. The New York Herald ad tells the reputed story of the creator of Nintendo's Pokemon so that it's a very good idea.

Speaker 1 The capture and process of civilizing what Barnum called the nondescript. The What Is It exhibit presented an African-American man as the link between man and monkey.
Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 What Is It opened at the American Museum shortly after the publication of Charles Darwin's Origin of Species and at the height of political tensions over slavery in the U.S.

Speaker 1 The exhibit claimed to prove that Africans descended from monkeys and thus merged supposedly objective scientific findings about evolution with ongoing antebellum debates over racial definition.

Speaker 1 Hmm. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, pretty fucked up, if you ask me. Daryl Hanna, apparently.
She's autistic. I don't know.
Asperger's? That's cool.

Speaker 1 Barnes' promotional material for the What Is It claimed that it is the opinion of most scientific men that he is the connecting link between the wild native African and the orangutan. Well, Kinsey,

Speaker 1 the sex guy, the woman,

Speaker 1 he needed to have a scale. Kubrick.

Speaker 1 Ba call back

Speaker 1 to the beginning of the show. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, nice.

Speaker 1 Tesla.

Speaker 1 Andy Warhol. Elon Musk.

Speaker 1 Yeah, probably.

Speaker 1 Damn. Oh, congrats to Elon, friend of the show, for

Speaker 1 finally long overdue.

Speaker 1 We've been a lobbying for that for a while. It's nice that a certified meme lord

Speaker 1 could be

Speaker 1 the best thing about his fans is that they think he's really funny.

Speaker 1 Look at this picture of Adam I found. That's not me.

Speaker 1 That guy's got a button nose.

Speaker 1 That looks exactly like me, dude.

Speaker 1 If I looked like that, my mother would be... My parents would think I was such a good boy.
Yeah. If I was just a

Speaker 1 bow tie, sweet young man. The thing is, you do look like that.

Speaker 1 This guy, Sam Humphrey. He's like a weird baby adult.

Speaker 1 Sam Humphrey is a New Zealand actor from Frankston, Victoria, Australia. He's best known.
Yeah, I guess he's 27 and he's 4'2. Nice.
He's Adam. What's he been in?

Speaker 1 The greatest showman. Yeah, the greatest showman.

Speaker 1 This is Adam for sure.

Speaker 1 It is you? Yeah, Adam. Are you hearing this? That's not me.
It's you.

Speaker 1 It's you.

Speaker 1 There's no, you can't dispute it.

Speaker 1 He looks exactly like him. He looks just like him.
We looked at the pictures and it's some really amazing stuff. It looks exactly like him.
It's him.

Speaker 1 Apparently he starred in the 2017 TV film Jeremy the Dud.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So check that out.
Check out Sam Humphrey,

Speaker 1 which in what I'm guessing is Australian or New Zealand television.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 Adam's been watching Barney and Friends lately.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you want to tell us about that Adam? What's this it's

Speaker 1 It's mostly about socialism these days

Speaker 1 There's a lot of

Speaker 1 everybody do you do your share. Yeah, everyone do your share this this shooting in in North Carolina has to be horrific.

Speaker 1 It seems as if

Speaker 1 It's really bad. Yeah

Speaker 1 Well, they already declared the state of emergency, but you never you can never really trust the cops.

Speaker 1 They might be, it might be like one thing where it's not as bad, but they're doing all this to get people to riot beforehand. They're like to the neighborhood showing the video

Speaker 1 that's bad. Yeah, wow, the genius cops.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Sort of the joker. What was the situation? It's like a middle-aged guy who got shot in the back.

Speaker 1 We're gonna release the video

Speaker 1 a couple of days later so we can have gay sex with each other.

Speaker 1 We're declaring a state of emergency. So we can have gay sex.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Damn. What was the situation?

Speaker 1 He is just some guy got shot in the back randomly by a cop? Yeah, looks like they... Was he at a traffic stop? No, I don't know.
I have no idea.

Speaker 1 We'll see when we see the video.

Speaker 1 So keep your eyes peeled for that. Keep your eyes peeled for it.
Oh, another

Speaker 1 Cheney's trending. I think her pussy fell out or something.
Oh, yeah, I did it. Let me look at it.
Let me go to cnn.com. Oh, no, it's something else.
Oh, really? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Any day now. Proud rodeo mom, soccer mom, baseball mom, hockey mom, dog fucker, and constitutional conservative.
That's her Twitter bio? Yeah, weird. She must have gotten it.

Speaker 1 Honored to serve the people of Wyoming in Congress and also have sex with Golden Retriever.

Speaker 1 You know, if you were to pick a dog to fuck, there are some, like, like a Marmadu, a Marmaduke type dog. A big ass dog?

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying? I don't have sex with pit bulls.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you already know. Powerful, strong pit bulls.
No, no, I don't have sex. She retweeted this woman who's like, posted some woman, that the Iranian woman that got fucked up by an acid attack.

Speaker 1 But look how hot this woman is. That even with the acid, still,

Speaker 1 still hit. Yeah, she's pretty hot.
She's still hot, even with her half-er-face melted. She's kind of got a Harvey Dent situation.
American woman could never. Yeah, she is sort of like a two-face.

Speaker 1 Kind of a two-face. A two-faced bitch.

Speaker 1 That's what I'm trying to.

Speaker 1 In fact, it's like it might,

Speaker 1 you probably overlook this woman if she wasn't like that because you'd be like, ah, she's, that's just a pretty lady. Right.
But now, a little bit of acid, a little bit of monica in my life. Yep.

Speaker 1 Mambo number five.

Speaker 1 If you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 Wow. Mambo number.
I gotta get my dick sucked by a guy. If you don't fuck me, I'll kill you.
I have a gun, you fucking bitch.

Speaker 1 Don't try anything funny. What was that guy's name? Fucking Lou Bega.
Lou Bega. Vega?

Speaker 1 Lou Bega. Lou Bega.

Speaker 1 That's correct.

Speaker 1 That is Korea. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I Lou Bega, you to suck my dick as well. Bum bum.
Bum bum.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, he was German. David Lubega.
He was German. He was a black man.
He was a German guy. His name was David Lubega.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and he changed his name to Lou Vega. Wow.

Speaker 1 They got a lot of black German guys over there. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Where do you think that's from?

Speaker 1 Soccer.

Speaker 1 No. Well, aren't there like a bunch of American German black guys because of like war?

Speaker 1 I thought this guy was American service. I thought this guy was fucking Cuban or something.
That's what I thought, too. His mom's Italian, his dad's black.

Speaker 1 Are you serious? That does kind of equal Cuban. Sicilian and Ugandan.
That's basically Cuban. No, that's just extra Italian.

Speaker 1 That's just doubling down. That's just making the Sicilian even more Sicilian.
That's true. Half Sicilian, half black is 100% Sicilian.
That's true.

Speaker 1 It's 110% Sicilian. I too have seen True Romance.
I don't want to. I had those opinions before that movie.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, a little bit of genus in my ass. You're actually Lou Bega.

Speaker 1 You ever hear that song, Mambo Number Five?

Speaker 1 That's about you, dickhead.

Speaker 1 I'm not black. How about

Speaker 1 this guy?

Speaker 1 Uno, dos, trace. A little bit of Monica, suck my dick.

Speaker 1 A little bit of penis in my mouth. A little bit of penis in my mouth.

Speaker 1 A little bit of balls on a lady named Monica.

Speaker 1 Just a pinch of having balls. So it's still a girl.

Speaker 1 Just a little bit of headache.

Speaker 1 Maybe she's got maybe one ball,

Speaker 1 but the rest is a pussy

Speaker 1 and a big old pair of tits. Where does the ball come out of?

Speaker 1 When I say a little bit of moniker, that's what I mean. A little bit of half of her.

Speaker 1 Is one of her lips droop all the way down?

Speaker 1 One ball? Mambo is a dance where you suck a guy's cock.

Speaker 1 I think.

Speaker 1 I think so. I didn't know that.

Speaker 1 Dude, Adam, I'm about to chop your cock off.

Speaker 1 I won't cut my cock off. I'm about to double circumcise you with this ridge knife, dude.

Speaker 1 Dude, I told you, my neighbor converted to Judaism three times.

Speaker 1 Like Reform, conservative, Orthodox. He had to have three circumcisions.
What the fuck is this? That doesn't make any sense. He got his foreskin cut off.
He was was a Mexican-American man.

Speaker 1 He had his foreskin cut off. And then the next time they have to just draw blood to have it count as a circumcision.
So he had it three times. Get the fuck up.
He had a little slit on his cock.

Speaker 1 That's not true. That's true, dude.
So he had to. He's not making that up.

Speaker 1 Why don't they just prick it?

Speaker 1 I don't know if it was a prick or a slit. I didn't ask to watch his adult male circumcision.
No, I didn't. But

Speaker 1 I understand that he had three ceremonies. I heard it was the rabbi drew blood with his teeth.

Speaker 1 He broke the skin.

Speaker 1 Well, what they do is they

Speaker 1 put a dime on the tip of the penis, and then they pull the foreskin around the dime, and then the rabbi bites around the ridge of the dime.

Speaker 1 That's how they sever it. No, you picked it up.
And then the rabbi eats the foreskin and the dime.

Speaker 1 That's what I heard, too. Yeah.
Is that true, Adam, would you say? No, you put a dime on top of the foreskin and then you try to flick it over your head.

Speaker 1 Where's the expression, drop a dime on them, comes from?

Speaker 1 Chew their foreskin. Chew a dime on their fingers.
Eat a baby's penis. Part of a baby's penis and also money.
Yeah. As a garnish.

Speaker 1 As a treat.

Speaker 1 Moils can eat a little baby's penis as a truth. The mole doesn't want to eat the baby's penis.

Speaker 1 God is telling him to do it. He's not enjoying it.
He's enjoying every second of it. It's what God needs that man.
And why? Because Jewish God is a fucking Woody Ellen type guy.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying? He's more of a Cushy Dreams customer.

Speaker 1 He's a Cushy Dreams type man.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 A little bit of penis in my cheeks.

Speaker 1 Fuck, dude. I'm trying to.

Speaker 1 Stuff, are you going to start playing harmonica anytime soon? No.

Speaker 1 Sunglasses, harmonica? No. Yeah.
No. Yeah.
That's not happening for a while.

Speaker 1 No. The next.
Well, actually, I don't know. There's got to be something between here and Full Bald Pony Smart.
Or maybe. Or you say, like, John Popper kind of vibe? Blues Traveler.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm not into that scene. That's your scene.
That's not my scene at all. Yeah, you said I'm done with hip-hop and all that crap.
I'm getting back into Blues Traveler.

Speaker 1 I can't get back into it. I've never been in it.
You said when you were a child, it was. I never was.
I was into Elvis. I told you that guy's that.

Speaker 1 But I'm not. I was never into blues or any of that.
Some like it fat.

Speaker 1 He wasn't even in that movie. Yeah, he was.
That's just an old movie. Yeah.
Those Marilyn Monroe. Some like being fat.

Speaker 1 Some people like being a big fat stuff.

Speaker 1 A little bit of fucking

Speaker 1 pussy cream.

Speaker 1 Chantilly, ladies.

Speaker 1 Don't cut it. Don't cut it.

Speaker 1 Extra cheese.

Speaker 1 A little bit of bacon.

Speaker 1 Ooh, baby, that's what I