Ep. 257 – clockstoppers

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Are you?

Say that again.

I'm ready to have my ass fucked by you, Staros.

Sir, yes, sir.

Wow, dude, are you fucking serious?

Wait, we're recording.

Suspect alert.

Come on, bro.

You can't

get full tiny penis.

Full tiny penis.

The FTP, Margo?

Yeah.

God damn it, Friedland.

What is wrong with your dick?

Yeah.

I've never seen a dick so small.

Last week we did The Simpsons.

We did do The Simpsons.

I'm not as familiar as Stanley Cooper.

The Kilbrick universe.

Just a bunch of monkeys.

I'm Barry Linden, and your dick is small.

That's good.

That's a nice poet.

I love that movie.

A bunch of monkeys in the desert, and they're looking at a very small dick coming out of the ground.

A tiny metal penis.

Yeah, yeah.

They can't even see it.

Yeah.

They're squinting really hard.

All the monkeys, their eyes explode because they're trying to see your penis coming out of the ground.

Yeah.

Bum,

bum,

bum, bum.

Adam's

fucking small.

Yeah, just Shelly Duvall horrified looking at a piece of paper on a typewriter that just says Adam's dick is small.

Adam's dick is small.

Tiny balls, small dick.

That's fair.

Make Jack go crazy.

Yeah.

What's the little dick spell background?

My name is Adam's dick.

It's the finger.

My name is Adam's dick, and I'm small.

Who's that there?

That's your friend?

That's your friend you got there?

What's it called?

Doc?

What's that?

Is that your friend, Doc?

Your son can talk to Adam's penis.

What's that, man?

Well, Adam's got the smallest dick in the world.

And only children can see his face.

Only children, he comes alive in the hands.

So Adam's dick haunts children's hands.

Small dick.

Ow, one-eighth of my nail really hurts.

What's small dick back with that?

That's what I was trying to figure out.

Kid Lass.

Or kid lambs, right?

Kid lambs.

Small lambs.

Skid, wouldn't dick be...

Dick would be kid, yes.

Kid Lambs.

Kid Lambs.

Kid Lambs.

Kid Lambs.

Kid Lambs.

That kind of works, too.

Scary.

Adam Kid Lambs.

That's scary.

Hopefully, this will drive our audience towards the cinema of Stanley.

Well, you know what?

Back to the movie houses because things are open.

Let's fill in.

Thank you very much to everyone who came to stay in Baltimore.

Doctor Strange Dick, or How Small My Dick?

How I learned to stop worrying about how small my dick is, and so are my balls.

You guys ever see The Killing?

That's him, too.

That's really good.

Yeah, that's good.

But there's not really like an identifiable

thing just Adam on Sunday,

pulling his pants down and clothes.

That's Jared.

Just bombing for 30 minutes.

And then check this out, folks.

And it's like we're at the Harvey Weinstein trial.

How's your dick doing in real life, Adam?

Because we've disparaged it.

Pretty good.

You've disparaged it for the last two years.

Pretty good recently.

Not bad.

I'm learning to love him again.

Are you getting hard nicely?

I'm getting hard.

Yeah, I'm getting hard.

Yeah, frequently.

Yeah.

Yeah, from hugs.

My dick has been getting hard.

I'm getting hard from the dog sitting on my lap.

I'm getting hard all the time.

It's great.

Yeah.

Light touches, brushing against strangers on the subway, masked up.

Wow.

Yeah.

I'm getting hard.

I'm always getting hard, as Arnold would say in Pumping Iron.

Yeah.

I'm always

coming.

That's fucking awesome.

I'm trying to pump iron.

You know what I was watching?

I was in Baltimore.

You know what I was watching?

Clumping iron.

He got you.

He got you.

Cook a leaves.

I'm not back.

I can't be one of the clumps.

Stop working differently.

I can't be one of the clumps.

I'm not.

Stop stopping.

So strong.

My baby stopped so strong.

He got you there.

No, he didn't.

I'm not the clumsy.

Although, I will say, the little fat kid.

That boy too big.

They're eating too damn much.

I did like the Hercules.

Hercules, Hercules.

Absolutely.

That was actually.

Now that I'm thinking about it,

that was a big move as a fat kid was to do Hercules.

It was also the Truffle Shuffle, of course.

The classic lucky kids.

We'll re-watch Nutty Professor.

I bet it's good.

I haven't seen it in a while.

Yeah, baby.

Yeah, the classic line from The Nutty Professor.

Yeah.

Yeah, baby.

My Mojo, baby.

Janet Jackson was in the first one or the second one?

Maybe the second one.

Who's in the first one?

How about the nutty professor, but he's like, it's a nerd.

It's a nutty professor, but it's not.

It's a nerd, and he drinks a potion.

But it's cum.

Well, no, and then he's just like,

and he's just like busts.

Oh, he's like, no, I'm not just fucking busting.

Yeah.

And he's walking around.

He's just like spraying cum all over the inside of his pants.

And people are like, look how cool that guy is.

Yeah.

Look at that nerd.

You know, now that I think about it, I'm actually pissed off at the night professor.

Why is that?

Because the original, he goes from, what is it?

It's Jerry Lewis, right?

Yeah.

He just uncrosses his eyes, basically.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But the second one, why did they have to take such a fat phobia?

Well, nobody was fat in the 1950s.

They were just Jewish.

that's true which is a problem which is an equally bad health problem to have that's true

honestly i would rather be a fat non-jew than a jew you guys have all everyone everyone everyone is everyone is

intolerant everyone's got a deviated symptom everyone's always hypochondriac or have real health problems whereas you know As a fat non-Jew, sure, I'm not as healthy as

your average non-Jew.

But also, there is an element of inbreeding, too.

I agree.

It's just I'm cold because my BMI is low, and I'm constantly having to defend Israel.

That's right.

You're using a...

The fat community is always inbreading.

That's right.

They're doing their own in-house breading and frying of common foods.

Fucking Chinese food and deep-frying it.

And re-frying it.

It wasn't done right the first two years.

Yeah, we're going to heat it back.

We get takeout and then we heat it back up at home.

You know, the way people like restore antiques, that's what we do with fast food.

Yeah.

Like, this wasn't grilled correctly.

Oh, yeah.

You're like working on your 57-Shevens.

Yeah, that's me with a point.

You're a sticker with wing style.

By Guy Fieri.

Today, we're restoring a 17-minute-old dominoes panel.

Yeah, dude.

You strip the old cheese, you put a new layer of cheese over top of it.

And we're converting this one to pepperoni.

Oh, yeah.

He got to.

You're doing a pepperoni conversion.

Yeah.

Nice, dude.

Fuck.

I haven't had pizza in so goddamn long.

Yeah, nice little fucked crust pizza.

Oh, I would love a pizza fucking pizza.

We should go to Pizza Hut.

Drive out to the suburbs, go to Pizza Hut, play a little Area 51.

Yeah, dude, that would be awesome.

Yeah.

Drink a bunch of orange soda out of the soda machine.

We need to go and then go bowling.

I remember in the movie.

In the movie Mars Attacks, the kids got really good at killing aliens because they played enough Area 51.

We show up as a good practice.

The three of us go to the bowling alley, and they're like, okay, two pairs of shoes.

And I see one of you brought your own bowling ball.

I don't look like a bowler.

I'm just polishing stock.

I'm just putting stop in a towel.

Whatever it was.

I didn't know what the angle was going to be exactly, but I knew I did not know.

You must be a real pro.

You brought your own ball.

First of all, I'm a grown man.

I'm not the size of a ball.

Maybe if I was a little, a smaller fat guy who was rounder,

and first of all, maybe back in the day when I didn't have any hair, maybe I could see this one.

But I am not a bowling ball.

Maybe if you had said something like, I don't know.

One of those machines, you know, those machines that little kids ride?

Which ones?

Where you put 25 cents in?

Yeah.

Are you jacking off?

I'm scratching my nuts.

You just got off the road.

You look like you've been masturbating for the last 15 minutes.

My nuts, bitch, what do you want from me?

I don't have the kind of soaps I like in Greek town.

I'm just asking you.

There was an article that said that apparently showering less in quarantine has made people cleaner.

Really?

Once again, I've been vindicating.

No, this is.

I got to see all your science on this, man.

Who came out with that?

Fucking Harvard or some shit.

Harvard?

You hear that song?

I don't.

How about this?

None of us got into Harvard.

I probably could have if I tried, dude.

I just didn't feel like it.

We got honorary degrees.

I got, we did.

We bought, we bought this.

One of my favorite things about Epstein was that he was like a Harvard guy, but he didn't go to Harvard.

He didn't go there.

He just got the shirt.

He was like us.

He thought it was cool.

He was like one of us.

He was so fucking gay.

Yeah.

By the way, listen, watch how you speak to me.

I was waitlisted at Johns Hopkins.

You were weightlisted at W

No, no.

W-A-I-T.

You can get in, but you're too fat.

It's true.

They put him on a scale.

He's crying.

It's a truck scale.

It's one of those truck weighing stations.

They're like, I'm like, what?

Is this the last part of the interview?

Why are we going all the way out?

He's definitely got illegals inside of him.

Yeah.

He's smuggling them.

He's smuggling two small Peruvians in his ass.

And I'm like, no, I'm just incredibly fat.

I just weigh as much as three people

yeah maybe I should have just fucked it sometimes I wonder what if I had just went to Johns Hopkins waited it out Dr.

Stopkins you would have been a real nutty professor

I would have been a busted nutty professor I'll tell you that much

That's good.

Should we make that movie, The Busted Nutty Professor?

It kind of goes back to what you were saying earlier.

You sure you weren't weightlisted at Tim Horton?

No, whatever it is, no.

and what tim hortons yeah

just because it's a name because it's a name like johns hopkins isn't a lie yeah exactly that's that's the idea

long john's long john's long john yep that's good big john's big john's boy no it's bob's big boy

big john's boy should be another restaurant big john's boy

yeah

uh you got waitlisted at um

Sloan Kettering, the hospital.

The hospital?

What the fuck?

They said you were too bad.

Too bad to go to the hospital?

Yeah, they broke their Hippocratic artists.

Who sees me?

The guys that does the elephants at the zoo?

Yeah, you gotta go.

He's gotta go to a vet.

He's gotta go to a hippo vet?

His

satiety.

How do you pronounce that word?

S-A-T-I-E-T-Y.

S-A-T-I.

E-T-Y.

I don't know that word.

Satiated school.

Satiated.

Like satiated?

Yeah.

Satiatey school.

Satiatey school.

Instead of satiating satiate.

Yeah, yeah.

It's like.

Satiate?

Satiate?

What does that mean?

Is that a fucking word?

Like to be satiated.

Yeah, the feeling or state of being sated.

Satiate.

Let me read it.

Satiety.

Satiety.

Yeah, that's your satiety.

Can I see it in the...

I'm going to count that as a good riff.

Let's take it to the judges.

There you go.

Can I I see it on satiety?

Or on on on computer?

Satiety.

Satiety.

Yeah, we live in one.

Yeah, satiety and the spectacle.

Fuck that.

Fuck that word.

That word sucks.

It's about st how everything...

It takes the shh off.

Everybody's constantly snacking.

We live in a world with no discrete meals anymore.

No one experiences meals.

They're just sacking.

No one's sated.

Yeah.

You know what?

I am never sated.

That's true.

It is true.

That's true.

I was going to say.

It's a mark of the obese.

No, it's not.

We did some real fat phobic stuff on the

premium episode, which is coming out this Sunday.

Stop was on the road.

That's so fucked up.

When I'm away, you just attack my community.

No, just the girls.

Instead of UNBC, just the girls.

Instead of UMBC, Stav went to TCBY.

I would have loved to go to TCBY for four years.

Just checking in every day, having a different cake yeah stop got mad that he got rejected from an HBCU because he thought it meant hamburger bun cheese universal there you go Adam there you go buddy

I'm fucking pissed off

what are all these black people doing a hamburger bun cheese universe

damn

oh fuck I do want a burger yeah in UMBC it's junior western bacon cheese

a junior yeah a junior A junior.

I love that.

I love that old tenacious D sketch.

Western bacon cheese.

What is that?

I never got that.

I didn't understand why that was supposed to be funny.

Because it's like a guy that wants to be on a diet, but he's ordering a lot of food.

So he's getting the small versions of everything, but he's getting a lot.

It's pretty sad.

And the charm of Jack Black, I think we can all agree.

He's so charming.

There's nothing better than a charming fat guy.

He presses a lot better than

two little mean gay guys.

You know, I think that we can all agree.

Charming fat guy is better than that.

Yeah.

A little mean gay guy.

And his last name is Black, which reminds you of

how cool black people are.

That's true.

That is another element.

That guy's got everything going for him.

That is another element to his personality.

Yeah.

I'm thinking about Carl's Jr.

I have yet to eat at a Carl's Jr.

How is that possible?

Because it's on the West Coast

Jr.

Hardy's.

We don't even have Hardy's.

No, but there is Hardy's on the Eastern Shore.

Not in my stomping grounds.

Yeah, you have to go to Shakespeare.

I got sick at Hardy's.

Poop my pants and Knicks.

We know.

In Richmond.

Richmond, Virginia.

Carl's Jr.

is the best fast food restaurant.

It's pretty good.

You can catch a good one.

Popeyes is the best.

Yeah, but we've had this conversation.

Did you try the best?

Fried chicken's in its own category.

I suppose.

It is fast food.

But if I had to have one meal, all I know is I'm going Popeyes.

Incredible.

They keep that sandwich at four dollars shut the up for a second adam this is like being like what's the best sushi restaurant and then someone names like a ramen place

stop nick nick i were at dinner

a bunch of little kids like stormed at the restaurant they had like a fagan they had like an old man that like sends them out with candies

i got mad at the kid because she's like someone tried to give the kid a dollar she was selling six oreos she's like it's three dollars Wow.

And I was like, that's a terrible deal for six Oreos.

It's an atrocious deal.

That's wild.

Wait, wait.

She was cutting us a deal on the Oreos.

Who was this girl?

It was just a bunch.

You know, like, they send a bunch of kids out with candy to sell on the street.

Yes.

And then they return it to their, you know, to

their Fagan character, like Fagan.

What the fuck is Fagan?

He's the man, the old Jewish man from Oliver Twist who makes all the orphan boys go out and make money.

He's reading the Oliver Twist, bro.

You don't have to read it.

I'll never watch it.

There's a wishbone of it.

There's a lot of is Fagin in the wishbone, bitch?

Hopefully, I don't know.

Probably not.

Because he doesn't seem like an essential part of the story.

Because a young boy is an orphan.

He joins a band of little orphan boys.

It's being run by an old Jewish man who's sending them out to

make money for him.

So this is like the kids are like, we're raising money for our basketball team type of thing?

Yeah, they're part of one of those Fagan-style schemes.

No one knows who Fagan is.

Fagin is

like one of the old anti-Semitic characters.

And

I appreciate that aspect.

He's like, you know, like him and Shylock.

Shylock, again, the clash.

So good that they kept the name around, which is a great name.

Yeah, you don't hear a Fagan, but you hear a Shylock.

You think Fagan's pissed?

I think Fagan.

I think Fagan got paid.

I think Fagan got paid.

Anyway, dude, I don't know.

There are movies of Oliver Twist.

You don't have to see it.

I don't know who Fagan is.

A lot of people don't know who.

I guarantee you, a lot of people listening right now are like, what the fuck is Adam talking about?

A lot of people listening right now don't know much.

Let's be honest.

It's kind of not a big.

So you were haggling with a little girl for Oreos.

I didn't get haggled, but it did bother me that she was charging $3 for six Oreos.

That's too much money.

Yeah.

And then one of the other kids came back and she's, and I told her, we already gave.

We already gave.

We already gave.

Yeah.

Please.

What did you buy?

I didn't buy anything.

Someone else did.

A weak person that was biased.

I'm not going to give them three dollars for six Oreos.

You could give them a dollar just to be a good guy.

Yeah, I guess.

I didn't.

That kid, though.

What's up?

Do you think they make money on that three-dollar Oreo?

I'm still thinking about schools and candy schools.

Schools that I could have gone to.

Let's see here.

Oh, candy schools.

Yeah.

uh,

it's, I mean, how are we gonna play this?

Because it's like we could just pick, like, like, do we go TCU Tobelerin?

Oberlin, Toblerin, yeah, yeah, that's where, like, already fat girls, yeah, yeah,

okay, okay,

Hamford,

that's not okay, so we'll just go fat in general, general.

Yes.

Doesn't have to be candy.

Yeah.

Hamford's good.

Okay.

Fuck, let's see here.

N-Y-U-M.

Like N-Y-M, like N-Yum.

What else we got?

Am I sweet tea?

Okay.

That's good.

These are pretty good.

Oreogon State.

Oreogon State.

Oreogon State.

Yeah, that's good, Adam.

I like that.

Fuck.

Let me get, let's see here.

Tulane Bryant.

All right.

Oh,

it's the fat lady store.

Yeah, that's pretty good.

Two-lane Bryant Store.

That's pretty good.

It is good, but it's pissing me off because it's good.

That's good.

That's good.

I got to be a fat lady, too.

I didn't go to Tulane Bryant.

Thank you very much.

You got waitlisted.

You guys waitlisted at Tulane Bryant.

I didn't want to go.

Because I didn't want to major in wearing fat lady pants.

That's such a funny concept for a store.

What?

It's like big, big bitches that try to look professional.

Nothing wrong with that, as far as I'm concerned.

Trying to look powerful in the workplace.

Yeah, I'd like to get sucked off by a BBW and a pencil skirt.

You know what I'm saying?

It'd be one of those jumbo novelty-sized pencils.

Yeah.

More like a, yeah.

More like a what?

I was going to say, like marker, but jumbo novelty-size is bigger.

Yeah, marker.

A marker pencil.

Or a marker pencil.

Sharpie, sharpie skirt.

Yeah, nice pencil skirt, bitch.

What is it, like a big novelty-sized pencil?

You fat fucking cow.

That would really show her.

That would really show her.

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Testimonials, yeah.

I think maybe they're testimonials.

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See Kyle.

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Because here's the thing.

It comes in pre-rolls.

They got the little half grams.

They got the whole gram.

They also come in tins of eighths.

So why don't you sprinkle some of that onto my nuts and smoke that?

This shit is very nice.

I have some, but it fell under the couch.

And I've been too.

You want me to help you get them in?

No, I'll do it myself at some point.

I'll find a stick or something to get under there with.

You sure?

Why don't we just squat the couch, dude?

I don't want to engage our glutes.

I don't want to do anything.

I don't want to move.

Recent posts.

You've been doing too much cocaine, dude.

Recent post: Louis J.

Gomez smokes big.

Is Lewis a guest blogger for Cushy Dreams that guy?

Marijuana.

Louis J.

Gomez smokes big.

Wow.

I love that guy.

Yeah, anyways, no, this shit's good, and if you use promo code ComeTown,

right?

Yep, you get 20% off your order and it ships guaranteed directly it's guaranteed delivery, which is one of the best things one of the best ways to consume this shit.

Take it from guest blogger Louis J.

Gomez, who smokes big loud.

Dude, Louis gets big loud on fucking Cushy Dreams.

Why do they have a blog?

Damn, I'm trying to write for a Cushy Dreams blog.

They got free shipping on all orders over $50 right now.

I don't think you need the promo code for that.

This shit is good.

It's independently lab-tested,

which, you know, if you want to...

Indipenisly.

If you're like the Walter White of this kind of shit.

Yeah.

Heisenberg.

Yeah.

Adam's ass is indipenisily ass-tested.

You know, it doesn't have fence tested by scientists.

Fentanyl.

No fent in the fucking cushy dreams.

No fentanyl.

No fent at all.

Yep.

Yep.

So go get that shit, man.

No say ends at all.

No say ends at all.

You know what?

That's good.

That's a good rule for you.

No say ins at all.

I've been taking my no say ends at all.

Daily.

Yeah, and look, does he have as much energy?

Is he as happy as he used to be?

He's a verb.

But he's not saying it anymore either.

So sometimes you have to fucking do trade-offs.

Oh, no.

I accidentally took seienza all the time.

No,

fuck.

I've been taking my say ins every time.

You got a spiked dose.

Yeah, I gotta, I gotta.

The doctor says I got say ins.

I got seienza.

The doctor's saying I got say ins.

I got seienza colours.

I can't stop.

I can't stop doing it.

I can't stop.

I got goddamn sayenza.

I got chest pains for my say

I'm gonna say I gotta say it too much I can't help it's like sweets

I know I shouldn't I know I should only do one a day but I can't help myself the new Hyundai Seienza

fifth chance financing so sweet a deal you can't help yourself to say it's right

The brand new 1997 Hyundai Seenza.

Damn, bro.

Imagine what a 97 Hyundai Hyundai is looking like right now.

You think anybody's patrolling one right now?

Anybody's whipping a 97?

I don't know.

I saw Saturn the other day in my neighborhood.

Very nice.

And I completely forgot about Saturn.

Yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Yeah.

They forgot Saturn

or some shit?

No, they just went out of the...

Like, GM just canceled half their brands, and that was the first one to go.

That's fucked up, dude.

Yeah.

Pontiacs don't exist anymore.

What?

When am I...

I want a firebird.

Yeah.

Is it too late?

Too bad, dude.

You're also thinking of the burrito.

I'm not.

I didn't even know that was a burrito restaurant.

Yeah, you did.

Subconsciously.

You could feel it.

So you'd think the reason I've wanted a firebird is because there's a part of my soul that rejects when something is named after a restaurant?

Yeah, you can feel it in the collective, the collective consciousness.

The collective fat.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The collective cafeteria is

young called it.

I have wanted a fucking firebird since I was like 13.

Yeah.

I think I've talked about this.

There was a lime green firebird on a Dundalk

lot for a year.

For some reason, it didn't sell.

I don't know why.

You told this story already.

I know, that's what I'm saying.

So maybe, maybe from the time I was a little boy, I knew.

Firebird.

Firebird was a type of burrito.

Yeah.

Now, just

since we did broach the subject, what kind of burritos do they have over there?

And

where is it available?

The same kind of burritos they have literally anywhere you go.

That's That's not true.

Anyways, cushydreams.com, promo code come town.

Dude, that is not true.

Burritos are fucking vastly different places you go.

Codoba versus Chipotle versus...

What's the queso?

The place.

No, there's a qualitative difference.

Versus the place that used to be open that was awesome that's dead now.

You're saying all this and all that?

Lucha Lucha?

All I'm hearing is Ching Chong, Ching Chong.

I miss Lucha Lucha once a day.

Lucha Lucha was incredible, dude.

Lucha Lucha was high quality.

Yeah, there's fries in burritos.

It was good.

That place was so good that I got food poisoning from there twice.

I would still come crawling back.

I remember when Chipotle got queso and Stop and I went to Chipotle.

Yep.

We're like, oh, God, we got to see what this is all about.

I haven't had a good burrito in a while, dude.

There isn't the Mexican food in

New York sun.

Mexican food here is fucking gauge.

No, there's one really good place.

You go to Cowan instantly contradicting himself.

You were the one for the most part, it's really bad.

And then Nick says it's bad and then you're like, no, it's actually good.

He's just arguing with himself.

You should see when you guys aren't even here.

What is it?

What's it called?

I'm furious at myself.

You went there.

There's the place in Jackson Heights, and then they just added a second place.

Did you hear I went to dinner with Woody Allen?

No, I didn't.

You saw Woody Allen at dinner.

Really?

Yeah.

That's awesome, dude.

He's like talking to me.

And Soon Yee.

Yeah, him and and Soon Yee were just like get the fuck out of here.

Like two tables away from us.

Are you joking?

No, I'm dead serious.

Whoa, that rocks.

He came out of his cave.

Did you say, did you say I'm a big fan of your

not so much of your films?

I was like, there's this guy, Adam, I know, that he does this whole thing where he goes,

he like coy, he does this like Woody Innocent thing.

He does it with Michael Jackson, too.

It's really good.

No, Michael Jackson actually is innocent.

Shut up, Adam.

Shut the fuck up.

And Woody Allen was like, Do you have any coordinators?

And I was like, wow, aren't you like a billionaire?

I can't stop.

I can't help myself.

I can't help myself.

It's part of my rapist.

My rapist.

Yeah, rapists are always trying to save money.

I'm saying that because he's a rapist, by the way.

Yeah, yeah.

Not for any other.

There's no other reason we're disparaging Woody Allen or talking like that.

We were doing a rapist voice.

Yeah.

This is the voice of

a smooth criminal.

It is so funny when you say Michael Jackson didn't fuck kids.

Joe Jackson chemically castrated when he was a child.

He didn't have sexual function.

He was like an angel sent from God.

Did angels have genitalia?

I don't think so.

The ones in Noah did.

They had big old dicks.

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

Either an angel should have a smooth or it should have a giant king.

It's a huge cock.

It's awesome.

Yeah.

Massive.

But doesn't get hard.

It's too, it's like an engineering mistake.

Why would God make that?

Like Dr.

Manhattan.

Yeah.

Yes, exactly.

That big floppy blue thing.

You just want to see.

How about Nurse Manhattan?

And it's Dr.

Manhattan.

He's got the blue dick, but then also a big pair of tits.

Oh, yeah.

Sign me up.

That'd be cool.

What is Dr.

I have to live on the moon because everyone's trying to fuck me?

Yeah, because I'm everywhere I go, people just keep trying to fuck me.

But does Nurse Manhattan look the same way in the face, or does she have?

She's the same way in the face, but she's got the nurse hat on.

Yeah, nurse hat jacked, big tits.

No, I don't want to jack.

Big dong.

I'd like big tits cute, big dick.

You're going to be manhandled by a nurse.

That's what your dream is.

Not really.

To be sponge-bathed and manhandled by...

Sponge bathed and sucked off?

Now we're talking about Alice from

Super Jail.

That's your dream, Woman.

I don't think I've seen Super Jail.

Yeah, your mi your mind is suppressing your memory of it because you know that it's to be true.

I would like I just said I'd get sponge bathed and sucked off.

I have no problem with that.

Uh-huh.

I don't know about getting manhandled.

Sponge bath, square pants.

I would prefer to do that.

If someone's got to get manhandling, I would prefer to do the manhandling.

I don't particularly want to be.

But sometimes the lady does the manhandling.

I've never really fucked anybody strong enough to manhandle me.

Actually, that's not true.

I've got

my head squeezed pretty vociferously while eating pussy with some very strong thighs.

It was pretty tight, actually.

Like a xena style.

Honestly, yeah.

And that was awesome.

Yeah.

But for the most part, no, the women that I have sex with are not capable of manhandling me.

I'm sure you have definitely fucked women that.

Stop streaming.

Wow.

She looked good.

No, I don't think so.

Yes.

That would be a good look for you, Stop.

Dating a fitness lady.

Dude, I'm so in.

But she's got to be strong, then.

Of course.

I don't have a problem with that.

But that's the thing.

Psychologically, I would have to be powerful to not get manhandled.

It would have to be my cunning and my charisma.

All the ladies I've had sex with are incredibly strong, but on the inside, you literally strong people.

Tell me, you've definitely fucked at least a couple women that could beat you up.

Just mostly because of how frail you are.

I fucked a lot of women that have beaten me up.

You're just getting backhanded by fucking little ass girls.

I've experienced them.

What's the largest woman you fucked?

Like, that could biggest?

Just in general.

And I'm not just saying fat.

I'm saying in general.

Just powerful.

How about that?

Most physically powerful.

Hmm.

I think in college in the laundry room in my dorm.

Yeah.

She was a big girl.

She pinned you down and fucked your ass.

She was powerful.

She's pretty powerful.

So in a wrestling match, she would have beaten you at the time, would you say?

At the time, uh possibly yes i i i didn't start weight training at that point i was still on the tail end of puberty at that point freshman year of college who was this girl uh we didn't really even say any words to each other it just kind of happened no shut up are you serious very erotic i i masturbate to the thought of it are you fucking serious you were in a you were in a laundry room and you just a stranger it wasn't fucked

it was uh third base oral oral pleasure you were okay yeah did you you only got it then sex you only got got your dick sex or did you eat pussy too?

I only got my dick sex.

Wow.

I can't believe I'm saying this.

This is awesome, Adam.

That's pretty cool.

That's pretty cool.

Yeah, yeah.

So what?

I see you around, kind of.

And you did you ever hooked up again?

No.

Never hooked up again.

Wow.

It was nice.

That's magic.

It was very nice.

That would make me believe in

honestly, that would make me believe in God.

That kept me going for a while.

Absolutely, dude.

That's huge.

I'm so happy right now.

Shout out to her.

She was very nice.

That's so cool.

And what happens?

You guys

college.

It's college, but it's like, hey, what's up?

But it wasn't regular college, like, you know, Toga party, everyone getting laid or me getting laid all the time.

I wasn't getting laid all the time.

So I'm just curious.

This is one of my few sexual experiences that you heard.

That's huge.

And that's so huge.

And she was like stout.

She was built.

She was taller than me.

Yeah, yeah.

She was solid.

You would say she was driving the encounter.

You got your dick sucked.

You were chosen.

It was a vibe thing.

It was hi.

It was a vibe.

It was was a vibe and her in the in the fucking thing late at night doing laundry how what time were we talking 1 a.m yeah like two a.m oh my god it was hot and you just started talking uh i think we turned the light the light off who turns the light off uh maybe me maybe her i don't remember light goes off light goes off and then you just start kissing a little bit of kissing

a little bit of kissing and then there was no talking

uh i don't i don't remember clearly but no i don't think that there was a lot of preamble i don't think there was a a lot of preamble.

That's huge.

The whole thing lasts seven minutes.

I think I came immediately.

Oh, I went to the camera.

I think I came very fast.

I still come very fast.

Dude, that's huge.

How about this?

You still beat off to it?

Honestly, that's going to beat off to it.

Honestly, that might be my peak.

My entire life.

I think it is.

That might be my peak.

The vibe, and she's sucking you off.

I don't know if it was her vibe or my vibe.

It was very hot.

I think I'm going to, not to disrespect you

any any more than we usually do here, but I'm going to say.

I appreciate the compliment.

You're making me feel really nice.

I'm going to say that you did.

You were.

It's a little bit of right place, right time.

Oh, yeah.

I was not in control of this.

I think you caught her in a real dick-sucking mood, and

God said Adam could use a W right now.

It was an accident.

Let's get this fucking rugby player to suck.

Let's get him to grip onto some fucking huge shoulders while he gets his dick-sucked.

It was an accident.

And it was.

It wasn't an accident.

If you're out there, I think about you.

It was beautiful.

Yeah.

Holy fuck.

No,

it felt nice.

Didn't really say anything.

Went back to my dorm.

Didn't really say anything to anyone.

Did you sleep?

That's incredible.

What did I put on?

I put on the...

It was either the movie Waiting.

Waiting.

Oh, that's a bang.

With Ryan Reynolds.

Of course.

Or Grandma's Boy.

I was doing that.

Dude, those.

And, you know,

on my Dell laptop.

A kid that was watching those movies, nothing could possibly be better than randomly getting your dick sucked to the laundry room.

Best seven minutes of my life.

Oh, I'm so jealous, dude.

Pretty cool.

Fuck.

Pretty cool.

I'm trying to think of any spontaneous shit.

None of that stuff happens anymore.

We're adults.

I mean, you're not, where are you going to, you know.

Also, we're still getting your dicks.

We're so famous in a bathroom bar.

We're such celebs now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're afraid of the popularity.

I'm going to like a gas station.

Usually I fuck any woman.

There's like an old lady behind the counter.

Yeah, you'll fuck her.

For the most part?

For the most part, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, that I have fucked pretty much.

Whenever I want to fuck a woman, I do.

Yeah.

Me as well.

I show them my Ridge Wallet.

All right.

I get that.

It'll carry us through.

And that gets their pussies going.

They're like, what is that?

A solid gold wallet?

18 carat?

And you're like, zip?

I say, that's exactly right.

And I got it at ridgewallet.com, which they just sent us a whole bunch of shit.

yes they did we got the duffel and maybe you guys can talk about how nice the large backpacks are i can't really speak to that stavas you remember there was battle of wits last week and stav lost i can't really speak to this one i'm sure you've used it i have used it and i put my power bank in it and a cord and i was on the go the other day and i was able to charge my uh that's great charge my phone and use it that's great and i'm happy for you and it's kind of nice too because you have the cord coming out of the backpack so you feel like one of those guys in like in uh like World War II, like calling in that they need air support or something.

You're the communications guy with the backpack, which is pretty cool.

That is cool.

No, this is a tough one.

I see Adam with that.

I think, well, there goes a mentally retarded fan.

That's pretty much what you look like.

I say, there goes one of the gayest guys I've ever seen.

Cool backpack, though.

Yeah.

The backpack rules.

The guy is gay.

And you can decorate it with different pins and stuff.

Yeah.

And you should see the kind of pins.

I have one with the American flag and the Israeli flag crossing.

I normally wear it on the lapel of the ball.

They sent me the 18-karat gold one, which I took for myself.

Yeah, by the wallet.

I got to get the duffel.

You don't need the duffel.

You got the...

The duffel's right next to you.

Yeah, but the duffel now has other stuff in it.

No, you said a carrot gold.

Why are you getting a backpack and a duffel?

Why do you get the 18-karat gold?

You can have one.

They're in the bag.

If you want a wallet, you can take a wallet.

How about I?

How about, listen, I'll take the bag home to check the wallets I want.

The bag contains other items.

That argument is such a Jedi mind trick attempt on your part.

Just because there's other things in the bag, you could put the thing somewhere else

and empty the bag.

You have a lot of bags.

What about your old backpack that you don't use?

I'm using them to cat sleeps on that.

I'm using the bag to do

to do brand work for the company.

What guy?

It's your company.

I'm going around handing out the products.

To Ridge Wallet?

Yes.

So you got a side deal with Ridge Wallet now?

I have a side deal where I do additional marketing for them by handing out the products to homeless people.

Okay, well listen, when it's empty, since that's what you're doing.

Well, you can argue with the homeless man that ends up with it.

You're going to give it to a homeless person.

You're stealing from the homeless.

You're stealing from the homeless again.

What do you mean?

What are you going to put in there?

Candy that you're going to eat in one day, anyways?

Yeah, you're going to check the donation bin, go back to the city.

I don't put candy in duffel bags.

Anyways,

this gold wallet is very nice.

It is nice, I have to say.

It's got the money clip, the cash strap.

They all got the money clip and the cash strap.

And it's made out of money.

But I really like this thing.

I've been using it for

years now because I had a regular.

Let me just take a look here.

Why are you going through the bag?

You told me, you just told me I could go through the bag.

I know.

You can get a wallet.

Oh, yeah.

You can do that.

But don't look at my medicine.

You don't have any medicine.

I do have medicine in there.

A lot of people don't know.

Let's just show you dick pills.

No, they don't know that I'm dying.

Yeah.

And I'm actually a hero for continuing to do the show, despite the fact that.

Yeah, he's like the guy, the Black Panther guy.

Yeah, I'm like Farmer.

He's taking the knife.

All right, take the knife.

You're giving him a knife?

Fuck you, Adam.

I didn't have a knife.

Dude, I was going to buy you guys knives.

I know, you were.

And then

I couldn't find the Jewish knife.

I was trying to find the kind of thing.

Can I see your knife?

No, fuck you.

I'm not going to cut you.

I was trying to find the kind they used to do the circumcisions.

Oh, yeah.

That's more of like...

The Ridge Damascus.

What's this?

I have no idea.

Let's open it up and find out.

Yeah.

Take the knife and open that up.

Anyways, Ridge Wallet, promo code ComeTown or Come Town20.

Do you remember what it is?

I think it's 20, but I don't remember.

Yeah, it's Come Town 20, free shipping and returns on all orders.

Wow, a black blade.

Yeah.

Yeah, you fucking shipped it.

Like the operator.

Be careful with your finger there, dude.

Dude,

you're cutting in a very unsafe way.

Now that's cut away from yourself.

You're about to stab yourself.

Nah, my screen is.

Stop!

Stop!

He's flying around the room.

He's flying around the room.

Help, God!

Let me fucking crack open the Damascus.

Yeah, the Damascus.

But that's just like, it's just wood.

Wood grain, right?

It's pretty cute.

It's a metal wood grain or it's an actual wood?

No, it's metal.

Yeah.

It's metal with a wood grain.

Hmm.

Interesting.

It's a weird look.

I think I'm going to go full-time Ridgewald, you know?

Yeah, they are nice.

What is that?

What?

I see that little microfiber cloth?

No.

I just want to clean my glasses.

No.

Yeah, they're not for cleaning glasses.

Wait, they're microfiber cloths.

You can use it for your glasses.

We're not going to click on it.

Maybe your large backpack came with a microfiber cloth.

To wipe off the residual burned-in image of a man's penis.

That's not a picture.

That's not a glasses burned at a picture.

That can't happen.

That does

staring at a picture of it.

It's burned in.

You can't wipe it off.

It's like the way, like a, what is it, like an LED TV if you leave it too long?

Is OLED.

OLED.

That's what happens to Adam's eyes with a man's penis.

Have any of us stepped it up to OLED yet?

No.

You are.

I want to.

You're buying

a CX that you got a deal on because you know a guy.

I think

C1.

How much does that cost?

I might have a deal.

So what's the cost?

So I'm going to call them and I'm going to.

Ridgewallet.com.

If your birthday, you get an $80 million gift card and something.

You buy the wallet.

It's guaranteed shipping.

They absolutely will ship it to you.

They guarantee that it will come in the mail.

This thing where it says get $15 to $19.

I don't really.

Share this offer with friends.

They get 10% in their first purchase, and you can earn increasing rewards.

Wow.

So go to ridgewallet.com, use promo code ComeTown or ComeTown20.

I can't remember which one it is, and I never will.

That's our promise.

And it's a great product.

Yeah, and it's really enjoying the product.

I'm actually really enjoying my new duffel bag as well, which I will be testing.

See, this is what you did, you fucking idiot.

Now you've taken the knife, the wallet, and the duffel bag.

You could have taken the knife yourself.

It's been in your house.

No, it would have been unfair.

Everything's fair.

I've been trying to be fair because I felt bad that Stop wanted the backpack.

No, you're an idiot.

Everything stayed fair.

Sorry that I simply leaving it all in there.

No, it wouldn't have been fair.

What do you want, Adam?

I just want to see what's in there.

Here, I'll hand you the stuff.

I love it.

Yeah, I'll hand you everything in the duffel bag, Adam.

You're taking it.

You can see what's in it.

Oh, okay.

Here's another one.

I like this one.

But I don't know.

I'm a wallet guy.

Yeah, I'm a little bit more.

Maybe I'll try to get a Ridgewallet guy.

I'm a Ridge Wallet guy.

I'm a Ridge Wallet guy.

What are you doing?

Sorry.

That's the story of the show.

I was in between wallets, and they sent me one, and now I've never looked back.

That's true.

And you know me.

I do plenty of looking back.

We should sell your old Ridge Wallet.

I do nothing but Ridgewood.

No, you can have these.

I don't want all of it in the middle of the middle.

No, you can have them.

Just put it in the duffel bag.

No.

Put it back in the duffel bag.

Now Nick's going to be mad.

There's going to be garbage.

There's just going to be shit all over the place.

Put it all back in the duffel bag.

Get him another bag.

Fine.

Next week, I'm coming with a shitty bag.

Just ask them, just email them and ask them to send you a duffel bag.

You don't need to.

Are you using the duffel bag?

The duffel bag is filled with the Ridge wallet shit, which is being distributed to

the socially enfeebled people.

There's only three wallets in here.

That I do work with.

What about the

penisfully enfeebled?

Yeah, they're also getting stuff.

You're also getting condoms.

Dude, the ridge.

Ridge makes condoms.

Yeah, I'm bringing condoms.

100%.

Should I get this one or the other one?

Or the Damascus?

What do you guys think?

I like the gradient.

I like the metal gradient.

I'm going to get this one.

Yeah, do that one.

Go to ridgewallet.com.

The products are beautiful, folks.

They have a great line of products, and it's not just wallets.

And the backpack, I got the little backpack, and I have to say, it's pretty good, too, as well.

It's nice.

And because it's little, it's like you're like a slut girl.

You're like a slutty.

Well, it also helps stop with dieting because if he had the full size, he's going to get

candy.

There's going to be

a entire roasted pig.

He would have had just a

liquid cheese compartment.

He puts the bag down.

There's an apple rolling across the floor.

Oh, whoops.

Yeah, it's true.

Yeah.

Now you can just fit two hams instead of the entire pig.

No, dude, I'm off the fucking pork.

I'm on that shit.

I'm off that shit.

That's good, dude.

I'm on that Osalama Lakeum type shit right now, dude.

Yeah.

Yeah, no pork.

Actually, that's a lie.

I guess I actually haven't eaten pork in quite some time.

Because I'm eating a lot of seafood, and when I want to treat myself, I get a little fucking beef.

I went to the hand roll place in Decal Mark.

So good.

It's bigger now, too.

They got a larger menu.

They got more now.

You want to go after this?

I have to go home and

FaceTime, my friend.

We're working on something.

A gay porno?

It's a gay porno.

It's a gay porno over FaceTime.

Yeah.

What are you working on, dude?

Nothing.

I don't want to talk about it.

Well, if you want to hear what Adam's working on, check out

the found premium.

Yeah, I did mention on the premium this week.

Stav was on the road for it, so we saw it.

I can't wait to see.

we say a lot of anti-Greek, Patreon, pro-Albanian, what?

Pro-anorexic, pro-Albanian.

Slash Cometown.

Yeah.

There's an extra episode.

There's an extra episode every week.

There are about 300 episodes on the Patreon feed.

I checked this week.

And as you know, I am dying.

And Nick's dying.

So

enjoy this while you can.

Like Chadwick Bozeman.

Yeah.

It would be funny if you guys continued doing the show.

But you probably would.

That's kind of how everybody works.

I don't know.

I think I would feel kind of weird.

Adam would keep doing it.

Yeah, I'd keep doing it alone, of course.

I'd act like you guys would.

Adam would do some kind of hostile takeover, just bleed the Patreon dry.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, like

I would insist on being entombed with both the Ridge Wallet Duffelbag and Adam.

Just pyramids somewhere.

They're laying the bricks while I'm streaming.

Yeah.

Like Smithers.

Yeah.

Exactly like Smithers.

Oh, baby, I want to fuck.

Yeah, now I want one of those hand rolls or a burrito or something.

You're a hand.

Those hand rolls are very good.

I'm down to go.

What's a hand roll?

It's like a sushi that they don't cut.

Yeah, they don't cook it.

I see.

I see.

Yeah.

And it's like you eat it immediately, and the nori is extra crispy, and you tip it.

It's so good.

It's so fucking cool.

The fucking eel and the salmon belly there are fucking amazing

toro.

Yeah.

Oh, God.

Fatty salmon.

That sounds awesome.

Oh, no, that's Toro's 2.

Adam had to say he knows the word.

Yep.

But the MYPD bomb squad has been called in to examine a package.

Where?

While traffic around the museum is being...

Which museum?

Hopefully the African American.

The Museum of Get...

Wait, why?

Why that one?

It's not in New York.

It's not in New York.

On the other show.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

I was talking about the African-American Museum just being like a regular museum, but with sort of like an African-American theme.

So it's still like...

Y'all ever see electricity?

Yeah, yeah.

Y'all want to see some old paintings?

Yeah.

Some Dutch shit.

Mm-hmm.

The Ben from Dutch Masters.

The guys from Dutch Masters.

They call this shit Tromplet.

What's Chopple?

I don't know.

It's the only thing I learned in art history class.

I think it's something that looks like it.

it like it is in real life.

How about our wordstory class?

R wordstery.

words?

Yeah.

Yep.

You know how you can do like women's studies in college?

You should be able to do retard studies.

Yeah, why can't you?

This is

studying the history of retards.

I don't understand why you can't.

Like if you can stay, yeah.

If they're like, yeah, this is what it's been like to be a bitch throughout history.

Right, right.

Well, how about being like a retard?

If I get a major,

let's see famous retarded people.

Sean Penn and and IM Sam.

Yeah, that wasn't even a real guy.

She's writing her thesis on IM Sam.

The special the women's Olympics.

Yeah.

I guess there are, who are the, I mean, I guess there were like monarchs and stuff who were probably mentally enfeebled.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I guess, yeah, if you look this up, it just seems like guys they used to put it in the circus, unfortunately.

So we can't, it's not really going for one.

Well, you can write a thing about the circus.

You can write a paper about the circus.

It was funny back in the day when, like, P.T.

Barnum at his, like, Museum of Bullshit in New York, and they have an exhibit called The What Is It?

And it was just a retarded black guy

that they put in a gorilla costume.

No.

It was just kept in the museum.

God damn, dude.

He was a genius of spectacle.

But then there was

contemporaneous accounts of people being like, you know, they have this exhibit called The What Is It?

And it's clearly just a mentally disabled guy from Virginia.

It's like, even then they weren't like, wow, what is it?

They're like, oh, this is a retarded person

imprisoned.

What about Asperger's?

That's probably...

People are saying Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart was an Asperger's guy.

That's true.

Isaac Newton, Jerry Seinfeld.

Well, I think Seinfeld admitted that himself.

History's 30 most inspiring people on the autism spectrum.

Here we go.

Dan Aykroyd.

Megan Fox.

Hans Christian Anderson.

Benjamin Banneker.

Oh, the clock guy, of course.

Susan Boyle, Tim Burton, Henry Cavendish, Charles Darwin, Emily Dickensuck, Paul Dirach, Dirac,

Einstein, Bobby Fisher.

Yeah, it's all really smart guys.

Michelangelo.

The New York Herald ad tells the reputed story of the New York Times.

The creator of Nintendo's Pokemon Supervisor.

The capture and process of civilizing what Barnum called the nondescript the what is it exhibit it presented an African-American man as the link between man and monkey Jesus Christ what is it opened at the American Museum shortly after the publication of Charles Darwin's origin of species and at the height of political tensions over slavery in the U.S.

The exhibit claimed to prove that Africans descended from monkeys and thus merged supposedly objective scientific findings about evolution with ongoing antebellum debates over racial definition.

Hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah, pretty fucked up, if you ask me.

Daryl Hanna, apparently.

She's autistic.

I don't know.

Asperger's.

That's cool.

Barnes' promotional material for the what is it claimed that it is the opinion of most scientific men that he is the connecting link between the wild native African and the orangutan.

Oh, Kinsey,

the sex guy, the wilderness.

Yeah, because

you needed to have a scale.

Kubrick

back callback to the beginning of the show.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, nice.

Tesla.

Andy Warhol.

Elon Musk.

Yeah, probably.

Damn.

Oh, congrats to Elon, friend of the show, for

finally long overdue.

We've been lobbying for that for a while.

It's nice that a certified meme lord could

have the best thing about his fans is that they think he's really funny.

Look at this picture of Adam I found.

That's not me.

That guy's got a button nose.

That looks exactly.

That looks exactly like me, dude.

If I looked like that, my mother would be.

My parents would think I was such a good boy.

Yeah.

If I was just a

bow tie sweet young man.

The thing is, you do look like that.

Who is this guy, Sam Humphrey?

He's like a weird baby adult.

Sam Humphrey is a New Zealand actor from Frankston, Victoria, Australia.

He's best known.

Yeah, I guess he's 27 and he's 4'2.

Nice.

So he's Adam.

What's he been in?

The greatest showman.

Yeah, the greatest showman.

This is Adam for sure.

It is you.

Yeah, Adam.

Are you hearing this?

That's not me.

It's you.

It's you.

There's no, you can't dispute it.

He looks exactly like him.

He looks just like him.

We looked at the pictures and it's some really amazing stuff.

It looks exactly like him.

It's him.

Apparently, he starred in the 2017 TV film Jeremy the Dud.

Yeah.

So check that out.

Check out Sam Humphrey.

Which in what I'm guessing is Australian or New Zealand television.

Well,

Adam's been watching Barney and Friends lately.

Yeah.

Do you want to tell us about that, Adam?

What's this?

It's m

um It's mostly about socialism these days.

There's a lot of.

Everybody, do your share.

Yeah.

Everyone do your share.

This shooting in North Carolina has to be horrific.

It seems as if

it's really bad.

Yeah.

Well, they already declared the state of emergency, but

you can never really trust the cops.

It might be one thing where it's not as bad, but they're doing all this to get people to riot beforehand.

They're like delaying showing the video.

Not that big.

Yeah.

Wow, the genius cops.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Sort of the Joker.

What was the situation?

It's like a middle-aged guy who got shot in the back.

We're going to release the video.

We're going to make it look a couple of days later so we can have gay sex with each other.

We're declaring a state of emergency so we can have gay sex crazy.

Yeah.

Damn.

What was the situation?

He was just some guy got shot in the back randomly by a cop.

Yeah.

Looks like they.

Was he at a traffic stop?

No, I don't know.

I have no idea.

We'll see when we see the video.

So keep your eyes peeled for that.

Keep your eyes peeled for it.

Oh, another

chanee is trending.

I think her pussy fell out or something.

Oh, yeah.

I did it.

Let me go to CNN.com.

Oh, no, it's something else.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Any day now.

Proud rodeo mom, soccer mom, baseball mom, hockey mom, dog fucker, and constitutional conservative.

That's her Twitter bio?

Yeah, weird.

She must have gotten a lot of money.

Honored to serve the people of Wyoming in Congress and also have sex with golden retriever.

You know, if you were to pick a dog to fuck, there are some, like

a Marmaduke type dog a big ass dog

with a big ass dick

You know what I'm saying?

I don't have sex with pit bulls

Yeah, you're powerful strong pit bulls.

No, no, I don't have to retweeted this woman is like posted some woman that the Iranian woman that got fucked up by an acid attack But look how hot this woman is that even with the acid still

hit.

Yeah, she's pretty hot.

She's still hot even with her half her face melting.

She's kind of got a Harvey Dent situation.

American woman women could never.

Yeah, she is sort of like a two-faced.

Kind of a two-faced.

A two-faced bitch.

That's what I'm trying to.

In fact, it's like it might, she probably, you probably overlook this woman if she wasn't like that because you'd be like, ah, she's that's just a pretty lady.

Right.

But now, a little bit of acid, a little bit of Monica in my life.

Yep.

Mambo number five.

If you know what I mean.

that, I gotta get my dick sucked by a guy.

If you don't fuck me, I'll kill you.

I have a gun, you fucking bitch.

Don't try anything funny.

What was that guy's name?

Fucking Lou Bega.

Lou Bega.

Lou Bega.

That's correct.

That is correct.

Yeah.

I Lou Bega, you'd have sucked my dick as well.

Bump, bum, bum, bum, bump, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

Oh, yeah, he was German.

David Lega.

He was German.

He was a black man.

He was a German guy.

His name was David Lubega.

Nah.

Yeah, and he changed his name to Lou Bega.

Wow.

They got a lot of black German guys over there.

Yeah.

Where do you think that's from?

Soccer.

No.

Well, aren't there like a bunch of American German black guys?

Because of like war?

Yeah, I thought this guy was American service.

I thought this guy was fucking Cuban or something.

That's what I thought, too.

His mom's Italian, his dad's black.

Are you serious?

That does kind of equal Cuban.

Sicilian and Ugandan.

That's basically Cuban.

No, that's just extra Italian.

That's just doubling down.

That's just making a Sicilian even more Sicilian.

That's true.

Half Sicilian, half black is 100% Sicilian.

That's true.

It's 110% Sicilian.

I too have seen True Romance.

I don't want to.

I had those opinions before that movie.

Yeah.

You know, a little bit of a venus in my ass.

You're actually Lou Bega.

You ever hear that song, Mambo Number Five?

That's about you,

dickhead.

I'm not black.

How about this guy?

Thanks, man.

Uno, dos, trace.

A little bit of Monica, suck my dick.

A little bit of penis in my mouth.

A little bit of penis in my mouth.

A little bit of balls on a lady named Monica.

Just

a pinch of having balls.

So it's still a girl.

What is just a little bit of half?

Maybe she's got maybe one ball.

But the rest is a pussy

and a big old pair of tits.

Where does the ball come out of?

She's like out of her pussy?

When I say a little bit of Monica, that's what I mean.

A little bit of half a dozen.

Is one of her lips droop all the way down?

Mambo.

One ball.

Mambo is a dance where you suck a guy's cock.

I think

I think so.

I didn't know that.

Dude, Adam, I'm about to chop your cock off.

Don't cut my cock off.

I'm about to double circumcise you with this ridge knife, dude.

Dude, I told you, my neighbor converted to Judaism three times.

Like Reform, conservative, Orthodox.

He had to have three circumcisions.

What the fuck is this?

It doesn't make any sense.

He got his foreskin cut off.

He was a Mexican-American man.

His foreskin cut off.

And then the next time they have to just draw blood to have it count as a circumcision.

So he had it three times.

Get the fuck up.

He had a little slit on his cock.

That's not true.

That's true, dude.

So he had to.

He's not making that up.

Why don't they just prick it?

I don't know if it was a prick or a slit.

I didn't ask to watch his adult male circumcision.

No, I didn't.

But

I understand that he had three ceremonies.

I heard it was the rabbi drew blood with his teeth.

He broke the skin.

Well what they do is they put a they put a dime on the tip of the penis and then they pull the foreskin around the dime and then the rabbi bites around the ridge of the dime

and that's how they that's how they sever it.

No, you put it in the rabbi eats the foreskin and the dime.

That's what I heard too.

Yeah.

Is that true Adam would you say?

No, you put a dime on top of the foreskin and then you try to flick it over your head.

Where's the expression drop a dime on them comes from?

Chew their foreskins.

Chew a dime on them.

Eat a baby's penis, part of a baby's penis, and also money.

Yeah.

As a garnish.

As a treat.

Moils can eat a little baby's penis as a treat.

The mole doesn't want to eat the baby's penis.

God is telling him to do it.

He's not enjoying

every second of it.

It's what God needs that man.

And why?

Because Jewish God is a fucking Woody Allen type guy.

You know what I'm saying?

He's a Cushy Dreams customer.

He's a Cushy Dreams type man.

Oh, fuck.

A little bit of penis in my cheeks.

Fuck, dude.

I'm shutting him.

Stuff, are you going to start playing harmonica anytime soon?

No.

Sunglasses, harmonica?

No.

Yeah.

No.

Yeah.

That's not happening for a while.

No.

The next.

Well, actually, I don't know.

There's got to be something between here and Full Bald Pony.

So maybe.

Are you saying like John Popper kind of vibe?

Blue Traveler.

Yeah.

I'm not into that scene.

That's your scene.

That's not my scene at all.

Yeah, you said I'm done with hip-hop and all that crap.

I'm getting back into Blues Traveler.

I can't get back into it.

I've never been in it.

You said when you were a child, it was.

I never was.

I was into Elvis.

I told you that guy's that.

But I'm not.

I was never into blues or any of that.

Some like it fat.

He wasn't even in that movie.

Yeah, he was.

That's just an old movie.

Yeah.

That was Marilyn Monroe.

Some like being fat.

some people like being a big fat self

a little bit of fucking

pussy cream

chantillies

extra cheese

a little bit of bacon

oh baby that's what i like

this is bethany frankl Frankl from Just Be with Bethany Frankl.

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