Ep. 236 - Tug Douglas

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Speaker 2 okay good morning good morning everyone oh now that i got that said there's just 15 hours remaining that's all right we're trying some we're doing a little uh adult swim on this one yeah oh yeah

Speaker 2 we're doing a little straight swim yeah so on this one guys with regular dick swim i wake up. I wake up at like 6 a.m.
every day. Yeah.
So I'm up, you know,

Speaker 2 doing karate down here in his robe. Yeah.
And then,

Speaker 2 you know, Stav wakes up, because Stav has sleep apnea, so he wakes up. That's not the reason I wake up.
For a different reason.

Speaker 2 I have a machine that regulates my sleep. He wakes up with sleep apnea.
I don't wake up with sleep apnea anymore. And

Speaker 2 in fact, my Fitbit could tell you right now how many hours of sleep. Do you wear it while you're asleep? Yeah, dude, it tracks my sleep.

Speaker 2 My dad's got sleep apnea, and I got him an Apple Watch, and he was like, all excited to use the sleep tracker. But I'm like, you've got to charge a shit while you're asleep.
No, dude.

Speaker 2 I mean, I guess he could probably charge it during the day. That's what I do.
Because he doesn't do exercise. Right.
So that's why I need the Apple Watch because it's like a track.

Speaker 2 You're not fucking every hour of the day. You're not doing exercise.
Well, I'm at my desk doing a little something,

Speaker 2 I use it as an activity track. Because I try to hit like the minimum, like.

Speaker 2 right but you're sitting at your desk working for at least a couple hours that's when you charge it no I'm I'm constantly standing

Speaker 2 in fact I'm standing right now

Speaker 2 I didn't even hand you my jacket

Speaker 2 I got six hours and 34 minutes of sleep last night I was awake for 46 minutes of it really I let me see let me check my but that's mostly in the morning when I just kind of wake up and lie there.

Speaker 2 Let me see. How do I get on sleep? Yeah, dude, this shit rocks.

Speaker 2 I went to bed at 1.53 a.m. and I woke up at 9.13 a.m.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah, see, this just you can only like set a sleep goal.

Speaker 2 And and that and I was strapped up to the apnea mask

Speaker 2 with fucking beautiful fresh air pumping into my lungs. Yeah, anyways.
Ensuring I don't die. I'm up early, you know.
I'm up the second earliest. I'm getting my shit reg ready to go for the day.

Speaker 2 Stop waked up, wakes up. And we said, wouldn't it be funny if we just didn't wake up Adam?

Speaker 2 Did the show with Adam?

Speaker 2 And it was

Speaker 2 such a good idea.

Speaker 2 He's right upstairs.

Speaker 2 He's probably awake. He's probably, he's dreaming.
He's probably just fucking... He's in bed.
He's in bed looking.

Speaker 2 He kept Tumblr.

Speaker 2 Somehow his is the only Tumblr that doesn't not have porn anymore he's in bed masturbating the pictures of his girlfriend like a loser they're on vacation bro look at porn look at porn he's just he's got a picture of they had they had another friend shoot it from behind it's the two of them in harvard square holding hands

Speaker 2 and he's masturbating that picture in the autumn uh yep he's got a scented candle that she likes he's smelling that

Speaker 2 you ever jack off the smells

Speaker 2 no

Speaker 2 but there's i've there's been, you know, when you use somebody else's shower and they'll use like a shampoo of

Speaker 2 somebody that

Speaker 2 sucked you off.

Speaker 2 Absolutely. You get hard looking at that blue,

Speaker 2 that blue curls condition. What was that one? And then you just, you got to have like a beat-off in the shower, and then you walk out.
You're like, hey, Bal, that thing's a bath now.

Speaker 2 That thing's permanently a bathtub.

Speaker 2 Give that about 25 minutes before you look at the drain. Yeah,

Speaker 2 don't look at the drain at all. I remember

Speaker 2 when I was like 13, I discovered beating off in a shower. I discovered it.
I didn't know you. Yeah, like Christopher.
Christopher Columbus, that's a very Columbus move. Bustifer, Bustifer.

Speaker 2 Columbus.

Speaker 2 Bustifer Make Columbus. There we go.

Speaker 2 I need the money. So I go on my boat and beat off.
I need to go to the boat. I can't beat off over here on the sea level.
I want to go see if

Speaker 2 we could go around the the world if there is a way to put your penis in it.

Speaker 2 My idea is that the world is not round, but also there's a hole on one side. In the center, there's a pussy.

Speaker 2 And you can only get to it from India. And you can fuck the globe like a big, beautiful lady.

Speaker 2 The globe can be sexually fucked.

Speaker 2 I need two million francs for that.

Speaker 2 Here he talked to you, the queen of Spain. He went to every fucking queen of Italy.
Italy was.

Speaker 2 So Columbus,

Speaker 2 he was Italian, but the Spanish funded him, right? I believe so. And according to Furio, I think

Speaker 2 he was a northern Italian. What did he say?

Speaker 2 Columbus, I don't like him.

Speaker 2 I don't remember where Columbus is from. Because he's not Napolese.
He's not he's not Napolitan.

Speaker 2 Where the fuck was Columbus from?

Speaker 2 Yeah, he was a fucking s he was just begging

Speaker 2 monarchs who were trying to get their cloud up

Speaker 2 to fund him. Who discovered America? Columbus.
Oh, so it was him. Oh, God.

Speaker 2 It's kind of said that. Who the fuck was Americo Vespucci? Everyone talks about him, but I've never heard his story.

Speaker 2 What were his three ships named?

Speaker 2 The pussy, the penis, and the suckama penis.

Speaker 2 Exactly.

Speaker 2 The pussy, the penis, the suckama penis.

Speaker 2 The penis vojanatini kaka pussi.

Speaker 2 Absolutely. Oh, he's Genovese.
Yeah. He's from Genoa.
I'm so gonna fucking sick in a dick in the pool. I'm second to fucking skinny.

Speaker 2 It feels so awesome, you say. Yeah, and it's it's really I was just uh I was just sorry, I was a little boss.
I was missing

Speaker 2 a fucking dick in the pool. How the colored fellas must feel when they do the raps.

Speaker 2 You know?

Speaker 2 Absolutely. I feel like Twister right now.
I feel like Twister. I feel like it's the mid-2000s and I'm fucking doing a guest verse on everybody's fast song.
You know who Lord Buckley is? I don't.

Speaker 2 He's just like.

Speaker 2 He's just fucking... I don't know if he's American, but you do this weird look British character.
I don't know. It was like...
Oh, it was a character? I don't know if it's jazz necessarily.

Speaker 2 Well, honestly, everything you're saying sounds gayer by the instant.

Speaker 2 It's one of the worst things

Speaker 2 that has ever been made.

Speaker 2 What year is this guy from?

Speaker 2 What era? 1950s or something? That's me, and there's you.

Speaker 2 And I dig all you cats out there whipping and wailing and jumping up and down and sucking up that fine juice and patting each other on the back and telling each other who the greatest cat in the world is.

Speaker 2 Mr. Malinkoff, Mr.
Dallinkoff, Mr. Reisenhahn, Woosen Weasen, Misenwoosa, and Mr.
Woodhiller, Mr. Beach Hiller, Mr.
Joints Hill, and all them hills. They gonna get in straight.

Speaker 2 So it's basically, it was a black guy that did the voice, or a white guy that did the voice rather than paint himself.

Speaker 2 And so it was like considered jazz,

Speaker 2 but it's it was like spoken words. Black voice.

Speaker 2 Y'all trying to get some pussy, but you ain't got it. You ain't got it.
You ain't seeing no pussy. You ain't getting no motherfucking pussy.
You can come around here. This is a general store.

Speaker 2 We only got two kinds of sweet potatoes. We got regular sweet potatoes and we got yams.
The yams, you can fuck. You can stick a dick in them.

Speaker 2 You can cut the top of the can out, stick your dick straight through the damn thing. Looking like a train going in the tunnel.

Speaker 2 Coming out the other end, covered in orange, orange, sticky, icky, ooky, gooky, baby. Please come over here.
She can wipe down my car with her ass.

Speaker 2 We needed to cover her ass with pulled her sundress down and use it as a squeegee, clean all the windows off the coupe deville, back when they got bubble windows.

Speaker 2 Remember that bubbles, big old bubbles, like a retard will blow while he's asleep. Coming off his head so big you could go live in it like a bio dome with Paulie.

Speaker 2 Remember that Paulie Shaw, he would do yoga in the movie. That's my Paulie.

Speaker 2 The Pauly Shaw movie.

Speaker 2 He get it, he got, he was so flexible from the yoga, he could suck his own dick. You got two ways you can suck your dick.
You can either bend or you can have a big dick. There's two ways to go.

Speaker 2 That's the yin and yang yang of life. Some men, they got hogs so big they can suck them standing up.
He's saluting the flag, he's got his cock in his mouth.

Speaker 2 Other guys, they got a fold up like a pretzel. They call him Snyder.

Speaker 2 They call him Snyder, the penis hider, because he bent over and put his cock so far down his own throat.

Speaker 2 Very, very nice. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Stop me over here coughing, maybe, because I thought

Speaker 2 that's pretty good, dude.

Speaker 2 Sucking all all my painters, getting my dig hard, taking it out, putting it in the man's ass.

Speaker 2 Making you bug me, taking you to the store, pulling my dick out.

Speaker 2 You're a really good guy. That's a big old bitch, biggest you ever seen.
So big, she clipped herself more and the whole damn thing blew up. They call her the Hindenburg.

Speaker 2 Bitch so fat, she grew a swastika on her ass.

Speaker 2 Very good, Lord Buckley. Yeah, and that was that was spoken word.
That was awesome. Yeah, now who who's that? The fuck, like the modern equivalent,

Speaker 2 not Bubba Sparks or something like that. Seth Simons.

Speaker 2 Seth Simons.

Speaker 2 I saw somebody say a slur when he was in eighth grade. I saw that motherfucker go

Speaker 2 see ego, ego.

Speaker 2 Eagle. One of the worst things I've ever seen.

Speaker 2 Ego. Ego.

Speaker 2 Damn. That's one of those kids where it's like, you know, they make all these, all these like common sense arguments against bullying.
It's like, yeah, why do children do that to each other?

Speaker 2 There's no reason. I mean, it's really, you know, you think back about like, you know, because it's both doled out and received.

Speaker 2 It's like there's a lot of like emotional trauma that everyone goes through in the first, you know, 15 years of life just because like human beings are kind of ill-suited for socialization.

Speaker 2 Right, right. You know, I mean,

Speaker 2 some people are.

Speaker 2 I don't want to say that. Well, not ill-suited.
They're not ill-suited for socialization, but just because they're fucking shitheads and cruel and like, you know, it's like that is sort of part of...

Speaker 2 It's not all. It's not...

Speaker 2 Your, I guess, libidinal impulse is to

Speaker 2 be aggressive or shitty towards people aren't properly sublimated yet at that age. Yeah.
Mainly because we don't allow children to join something like

Speaker 2 a police organization for youth, like

Speaker 2 a Hitler Youth Army or something. No, because

Speaker 2 a lot of people,

Speaker 2 one of the good things Hitler did,

Speaker 2 I mean, look,

Speaker 2 if you had a way for children to properly sublimate their libidinal impulse towards organizational state violence, they wouldn't need bullying. Exactly.

Speaker 2 And one of the things that marked Hitler's Germany was how peaceful everyone was as an adult. Anyways.
Because you got it out of your system as a kid. You got it out of your system as a kid.

Speaker 2 They didn't do anything. I'm not saying they got it out of your sid, but I will make this argument.

Speaker 2 Okay. You can fact-check me on this.

Speaker 2 I would love to. There was no bullying in

Speaker 2 they did not have it. It didn't exist.

Speaker 2 Everybody come inside. It's time to share your feelings.

Speaker 2 We're going to do conflict mediation. Yeah.

Speaker 2 We're only punching up.

Speaker 2 But I don't know.

Speaker 2 With that guy, you watch that video and you're like, oh. This man, I swear,

Speaker 2 maybe bullying does. Maybe bullying does have a place

Speaker 2 just for this type of person. The type of person who decides I'm going to be a snitch

Speaker 2 professionally. Beyond the snitch, he's getting it on social media now because apparently he was just shitting all over Rebecca or the Creek in the Cave or something.

Speaker 2 Because they closed. See, that's interesting to me because it's like, you're not even a fucking comic.
Like, maybe some comics could have had. I like the Creek in the Cave, whatever.
I was there.

Speaker 2 I didn't really experience it, and some people really loved it. But I don't fucking give a fuck.
It's not really my place. I wasn't a part of that scene when it was, like, really jumping.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 This motherfucker isn't even...

Speaker 2 But I'm sure some comics have a fucking gripe with The Creek in the Cave. Fine.
If you're a comic and it was bad to you for a while. Well, the gripe is that it's like it.

Speaker 2 But he's not a fucking comic. He always smelled like diarrhea, and it always smelled like shit.
Yeah. And it was just

Speaker 2 a place for like autistic people. Right.
The people around there were horrible sometimes half the time. But it was a good hangout.
A lot of the time.

Speaker 2 To me, it would be like if GameStop closed. Right.

Speaker 2 Right. Well, it sucks.
You know, but

Speaker 2 I just mean... I'm glad now.
You know what? The benefit of the Creek in the Cave closing

Speaker 2 is that there's no longer the risk of becoming someone that hangs out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you might not wake up at 37 having another PBR on Happy Hour. Yeah.
Trying to fuck a 23-year-old girl. For a lot of those of those guys stand up.
It's a good thing that there's nowhere to go.

Speaker 2 You have to go somewhere else.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's like when they clear out an underpass, and you're like, well, where are all these homeless people going to go? And it's like, probably to a warmer grate. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 Probably somewhere better than where like RVs empty their septic tanks. This is a long term, this will be good for them.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 They'll go back to their five people in a three-bedroom in Bushwick apartment.

Speaker 2 But I guess my point was, motherfucker wasn't even a stand-up. It didn't affect you.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 He wanted to.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I mean, I don't really know anything about the guy, but with his SNL

Speaker 2 grudge,

Speaker 2 it seems like he just wanted to be somebody that was like a TV writer and fancied himself funny because he was like.

Speaker 2 That seems to happen a lot in motherfuckers that cover the things. Whoever covers the thing.

Speaker 2 It's a guy.

Speaker 2 I call it like homework brain. Right, of course.
Where people

Speaker 2 who love homework and think that because they're good at school, that they're automatically funny. And that you can check a series of boxes as if it was like...
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 The opposite is true, which is how Donald Trump became president.

Speaker 2 It's like, it's all the evidence. You know, like, it's the homework brain is very similar to that's what I should have said mentality.
Right, right, right.

Speaker 2 You know, even if, like, that's why. I mean, Hillary is the ultimate example of homework brain.

Speaker 2 She checked off every single box of what you're supposed to do to get to do what you want, but it's like nobody liked you, bro. I think the worst era of homework brain was probably like 2013, 2014.

Speaker 2 I don't know if you remember the toast

Speaker 2 that that website.

Speaker 2 Is it like Ivy? There was a period where like all online humor was like that McSweeney's tier. Oh, yeah.
Like fucking dog shit. Right.
Shouts. Barely a joke with like way too many words.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's like, what if, what if,

Speaker 2 like, text from Jane Austen is the best example. Yeah.
Plug anything into that formula, which is like,

Speaker 2 here's a reference to college,

Speaker 2 to a thing I had to learn.

Speaker 2 And then, you know, Modern Seinfeld. That's what I say.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, just updating it or whatever. Right, right.

Speaker 2 At least Modern Seinfeld is stealing Seinfeld and not some gay book. Remember Seinfeld 2000? It was like making fun of that.
Yes, I do. That was pretty good.

Speaker 2 Crane gets his dick sucked outside off Tinder. Crane goes on Tinder and gets pussy.
That's my Seinfeld 2000. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Claymore.

Speaker 2 Claymore. Claymore.

Speaker 2 Oh, fuck, dude.

Speaker 2 Yeah, thank God I don't have fucking homework, brand dude.

Speaker 2 All I got is getting fucked up, playing Settlers of Catan with my boys on drugs.

Speaker 2 And then losing at Mario Kart. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You're so fucking good at Mario Kart.

Speaker 2 No, you guys are just bad at it. You don't know.
Like, you have to.

Speaker 2 You were in first place, except for fucking Rainbow Road, where... I ended with a nice third second place finish.
That was bad driving on my part. Well, I also got fucked over by Donkey Kong.

Speaker 2 It was exemplary driving. I'm not going to say anything about the other Kongs.

Speaker 2 This is specifically Donkey Kong is the one I have a problem with.

Speaker 2 So I don't want to hear anything about how I.

Speaker 2 You're prejudiced against the Kongs? The Kong.

Speaker 2 When it's specifically Donkey Kong.

Speaker 2 But no, you guys don't know how to... And I tried to tell Adam.

Speaker 2 You can't, like, you don't just drive. In Mario Kart, you have to, like,

Speaker 2 like, drift the whole time. It's a Tokyo drift situation? Yeah, you got to use the shoulder, use use the shoulder button.

Speaker 2 Oh, I see. You start turning like way before, like you spend most of the race sideways.
Because when you drift, like the car, the back of the cart will turn blue and then red. Oh, that's let go.

Speaker 2 That happened a couple times. It was pretty tight.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And anytime you go over a jump, you got to hit the shoulder button and then it'll do a flip or something.

Speaker 2 You can drive. I didn't know any of this.
That's why Adam was beating me. I was driving with nothing but panache.
That being said, I put a lot of time in the racing simulator. That's right.

Speaker 2 That's why you're good at it.

Speaker 2 My driving wheel. Nick was in a wheel.
It's his driving wheel, by the way. He was playing Martin Martin's 800 driving wheel.

Speaker 2 My whole racing sim setup.

Speaker 2 Dude, I'm not going to.

Speaker 2 I did not care about

Speaker 2 PlayStation 5, but if they do like a Gran Turismo 7 special edition, I'm going to get that. Of course, dude.

Speaker 2 You've got to find a way to get that wheel going again. I have it going.
But I mean, I'm on PS5. Yeah.
Now I got night.

Speaker 2 I mean you kind of let the cat out of the bag already, but I got I kind of wanted to sometimes I like stuff for me. Of course.

Speaker 2 There's nothing wrong with that. Yeah.
You know, turning one of the rooms. Turning an entire room into a driving simulator.
Yeah. It was a good thing.

Speaker 2 Dude. Stop no longer pretending that that's an office.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm going to go do emails. Yeah, this is my office.
I'm going to take my laptop from the couch to the office. Office and do emails.
There's a bag of cat shit sitting in there for like fucking.

Speaker 2 There's a rumor I put a contractor bag filled with garbage. Yeah, that's my office.

Speaker 2 I'm writing a novel in there about a

Speaker 2 fuck. That rocks.
I'm jealous. I want a fucking arcade.
I want a fucking little arcade machine. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like a cabinet? A cabinet. You know what I mean? The best one for home I always thought would be the old Jurassic Park one where you go

Speaker 2 It's like a photo booth that one rocked dude I was I sucked at every one of those games I was getting your dick sucked in is the

Speaker 2 fucking Chuck E. Cheese when you're the fucking cool older cousin.
Yeah, dude. And you bring your girlfriend

Speaker 2 getting ahead from Chucky when you're seven.

Speaker 2 Yeah, close the curtain Aaron. I'm being a grown-up.
You're probably afraid of this game.

Speaker 2 You're probably afraid of getting molested by Chucky by getting your little child's dick sucked through his mouth. Sucky cheese.
Sucky cheese, baby.

Speaker 2 I hope it's a girl under here. I hope it's a fucking...
I hope it's probably a hot girl. It's probably a 58-year-old man, but I'm pretending it's a girl.

Speaker 2 I'm having a dream. I'm having a cushy dream.
Oh, I'm having a cushy dream where the person sucking my dick as a child in the Chuck E. Cheese costume is a girl.

Speaker 2 I can't wait to get my pen sucked by Chuck E. Bust.
Oh, man.

Speaker 2 I don't know about you guys, but if Chuck E.

Speaker 2 Cheese was open right now, what me and Nick would be doing, we'd be smoking high-quality CBD from our friends at Cushy Dreams, getting absolutely not stoned, but feeling good, and then going and playing Time Crisis at Chuck E.

Speaker 2 Cheese. Don't you agree, my friend Nicholas? I do agree.
In fact, I agree so much that I have to find the copy for the ad read. I don't know how you guys remember this shit.

Speaker 2 It's the same bullet points over and over again.

Speaker 2 For example, with cushions. And listen, they're not even bullet points to me because I love the fucking product so much.

Speaker 2 I love fake weed. How about

Speaker 2 real weed more? Huh? How about bullet ants? Bullet ants? Are those the ones that if they get in your cock, they'll f completely like split it open?

Speaker 2 I hate that.

Speaker 2 I hate stuff that goes in your cock hole.

Speaker 2 There's that little fish apparently in the Amazon that swims up your dick hole and then it lives in your nuts. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then it comes comes out like the fucking alien oh I just got an email back from the

Speaker 2 from a business leader yeah yeah we got it we got it we might it might finally be time to switch podcast hus nice just because there's been

Speaker 2 yeah there's been issues there have been who knows I don't know how to deal with it yeah and I just don't but I will say this we've been with shout engine for years right and they've never charged us that's that is weird well it's it's

Speaker 2 because it's like it's like three guys yeah yeah and then um

Speaker 2 you know like i don't know like you know so like on one one on one side it's like if something fucks up you know it's like

Speaker 2 it's like the i mean right right

Speaker 2 two guys first of all i can empathize with that person of course

Speaker 2 more than anything running a business that's successful by accident yeah with just two other guys when the print shop sends out fucking 900 shirts that are completely wrong and then suddenly you owe a bunch of people forty thousand dollars and you're like i tried my best

Speaker 2 i why don't you just be happy for me for trying my best i did i tried something but then the flip side is is that they were also too like incompetent to ever charge us anything right right you know exactly it's that my landlord is horrible right but at the same time we had an illegal room in there for three, four years, and he never knew.

Speaker 2 Right. It's like, okay, so yeah, maybe sometimes you got a fucking, the toilet gets clogged, but also you can have

Speaker 2 your good friend Ryan Shuttle live in an 8x8 space. I think it's finally time to pay for podcasts.
I think...

Speaker 2 Have a single overhead for this fucking

Speaker 2 four years in or whatever it is. Thank God we got cushy dreams.
Thank God we smoke cushy dreams.

Speaker 2 You can smoke cushy dreams to chill you out while you deal with the anxiety of having to to do anything.

Speaker 2 I know. And they got a lot of different blends, too.
They got... Now, when we're actively doing work, I like to smoke the fucking create.
Yeah. Or hustle.
I smoke imperialism.

Speaker 2 Ooh, that's the you and spectrum. Yeah, racism, imperialism, colonialism.
Colonialism? Is that your favorite brand of cushy dreams? That's your favorite strain?

Speaker 2 My version of colonialism is when an Indian guy walks into a small room and you have to open a window because

Speaker 2 they've got got too much.

Speaker 2 That's a very good analogy of what the British did to the world, ironically. Too much axe bodies.
Yeah, yes, exactly. That's what the British did with tea and going,

Speaker 2 yeah,

Speaker 2 they made everybody do that. Anyway, look.

Speaker 2 Coroniarism.

Speaker 2 That's what that's.

Speaker 2 Coronarism is when we make the coronavirus.

Speaker 2 Oh, shit. And we send it all over sponsored by cussy dreams.
Coroniarism. Coronialism.
Coronaliolism. Coronarism is when we make sponsored by cussy dreams.

Speaker 2 Coronavirus

Speaker 2 new conspiracy theory that

Speaker 2 I'm not sure it sounds like

Speaker 2 the Japanese did the coronavirus, not the Chinese. That's like Jins's same accent, it's just like a fucking nerd.

Speaker 2 Smoke of the cussy dreams.

Speaker 2 My penis is to smile.

Speaker 2 My penis is too small.

Speaker 2 I'm gay.

Speaker 2 I wanted to suck at a pin.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry, you said you're gay.

Speaker 2 I spent like an hour by myself just pretending to be Japanese into Siri and having Siri not understand me and laughing.

Speaker 2 I have a diarrhea. Cushy Dreams has, you can either get eights.
Yep, they got 3.5 G's or my favorite, the single pre-roll G Graham Joints.

Speaker 2 And let me, it feels nice. Yeah, I don't really fuck with the.
Yeah, I don't like the, because I don't want to bowl. Because I don't really smoke weed.
Right. So the pre-rolls are nice.
Exactly.

Speaker 2 I also got a nice little lamp for my apartment. I love the lamp, by the way.
So it's dark and

Speaker 2 Amazon. Really? Yeah, just look up like they have like these Chinese-made like fucking knock-off Tiffany lamps.
Interesting. That are like nice.
It looks great, yeah. Interesting.

Speaker 2 So I keep the lights down low and I smoke in there and I sit. I have a home phone that I gossip on.
Right. Who do you call?

Speaker 2 Who are you go-to gossip? I don't know if I'm going to put anybody on.

Speaker 2 Oh, but is it maybe... I don't know.
People that nobody knows. A gay man? No, it's not a gay man.
Is it an older woman?

Speaker 2 Who are you gossiping with? What are the types of people are you gossiping with, you know? Yeah. That's what I'm wondering.
It's actually, yes, it is an older gay man. Thank you.

Speaker 2 It's one of my older gay associates.

Speaker 2 And it's not Adam. I know many of you are thinking that that describes Adam perfectly.

Speaker 2 Anyways, I smoke it, and it fills the apartment with smoke.

Speaker 2 It's a scene, dude. It's a fucking scene.
It's a hardcore mood. It's a hardcore.
It's a big mood.

Speaker 2 And then the cushy dreams gets me just right. Yep.
And I'm ready to. Nick's over there smoking the cushy dreams with me like Lucius.
You'll never believe what happened.

Speaker 2 Lucius. That's the case.
His name is Norman.

Speaker 2 Dorian Norman. Norman Wilkerson.

Speaker 2 I don't want to put anybody on the glass, but his name is Nicola. Here's his actual name.
His name is Norman Wilkerson.

Speaker 2 Yes, I love smoking cushy dreams. Oldest and only friend, Norman Wilkinson.

Speaker 2 It's nice to call your boys and gossip. Yeah.

Speaker 2 The only problem now with my friend, a friend of mine moved in with me is that he took the guy that, oh, actually, I guess I could call Ben O'Brien. Ben O'Brien's still over there on LA Time.

Speaker 2 Give him a fucking call. See what's up with my boy Benny.

Speaker 2 Anyway, folks, go to cushydreams.com. Fucking

Speaker 2 smoke a joint

Speaker 2 and gossip with your gay old friends.

Speaker 2 You know you love it. Now a lot of you are going out there getting that fake Chinese Tiffany's lamp that Nick has.

Speaker 2 And if you want to complete the thing, you got to get a gay old friend and you've got to buy, most importantly, some cushy dreams. Some cushy dreams.
So go to cushydreams.com, K-U-S-H-Y-Dreams.com.

Speaker 2 And use your code. Use promo CBD because you can.
Use promo code Cometown. And let's never forget, smoke your CBD.
Come town for 20% off your first order. 20% off your first order.

Speaker 2 Smoke your CBD because you can.

Speaker 2 One of the finest marketing shits. Ultra premium, premium.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think we covered all this. We got it.
It is nice, though. I like it.
I like it, too. I like it a lot better when, see,

Speaker 2 right now. We should have brought some, actually.
We honestly should have.

Speaker 2 I'm currently... We've been here two days, not even, right? Yeah.
Day and a half.

Speaker 2 Fully off the rails. I'm right.
Like, it took

Speaker 2 the kind of stuff I'm eating to excess is insane. Because we bought healthy, quote-unquote, stuff.
And ate it. And just ate everything.
I ate so much. The only thing that was slightly bad is butter.

Speaker 2 Adam's dumbass brought a loaf of bread. That entire thing of kerry-gold butter.
Bread's gone.

Speaker 2 Butter's gone. It's like fucking.
I was spreading butter on my shit like hot spring cheese. Be a glutton with like a head of lettuce.
Yeah, dude.

Speaker 2 I was shocked. I was going to get a strawberry all gone.
You ate berries and pineapples. They were all gone.

Speaker 2 Because animals don't get fat, but occasionally there'll be a squirrel or like a fucking orangutan that's like just obese. And it's like, I guess I would be that one.

Speaker 2 I'd like to think that I'd be one of the normal animals. But there's just one of them that's like fucking like, what are those? What do you got there? Leaves? Yeah.

Speaker 2 What is this? Leaves? What is this? Garbage? What the hell is this? Garbage? Let me try this out. I've never had garbage before.
Yeah. Raccoons love garbage.
They really do.

Speaker 2 I've got my Explore tab on Instagram is like nothing but like Korean raccoon accounts. Really? Yeah, because I follow a couple of them.
Interesting. Mine, let me see what I got.

Speaker 2 Mine's mostly basketball highlights and girls with big breasts. You know what I'm saying about doing it? Once we get the video set up,

Speaker 2 which that's coming, by the way. Yep.

Speaker 2 Instead of having our own YouTube channel. Yeah.
Let me know what you think about this idea. Because there's already people that are like upload all the shit.
Mm-hmm. Just identify like the top five

Speaker 2 accounts that already repost stuff

Speaker 2 and then just give them the video to upload. In exchange for them, like emailing view counts,

Speaker 2 an aggregate view count.

Speaker 2 I think that seems like a little too much logistical work. Is it? And also, who are these guys? I have no idea.
I don't give a shit. They're probably crazy.
So what?

Speaker 2 Can they they handle email? That way you don't have to. Hopefully.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't know. We'll see.
I mean, we'll get the video going. It actually probably would not be a problem to write like a scraper that just pulls the public view.

Speaker 2 Yeah, isn't that one of the most readily available pieces of information on YouTube? It is. I just don't want to actually go to the website myself.

Speaker 2 But there are like, isn't there like back-end analytics that only the account on or would have access to? I don't think it's that crazy.

Speaker 2 We can look at my YouTube channel later. I still haven't used it.
I was thinking about doing it that way. Because I like the idea of the brand being something that's just distributed with no clear.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You know?

Speaker 2 Although then one of those guys starts posting N-words. Because I like the idea.
Like, we don't own the Cometown. I know.
But I like the idea of being like a wholesaler rather than like, you know.

Speaker 2 So people come and they're like, I want to buy my thing. And it's like, well, then you got to find autistic guy that's paying up on the light and making clips.
Yeah, you got to find a

Speaker 2 dealership. You got to go to a Cometown dealer.
Yeah, we have a website, and then you click buy, and it's like there's nothing there.

Speaker 2 Because I don't want Cometown to be a thing that you can just go get. I want it to be like Shee-Hee Cometown.
You know,

Speaker 2 Fitzgerald. Oh, oh, oh.
Yo, you know what? If they buy,

Speaker 2 if we sell that. Okay, I like this idea.
We have to sell them,

Speaker 2 we have to sell dealership rights, naming rights, and then it can be blanks Cometown. Yeah.
Well, we sell the show to those guys who sell it for whatever they want. Right.

Speaker 2 And then the dealers, you know, they add dealer options. Right.
Like, so they can, like, people can get the podcast with Adam edited out. Right, right, right, right, right.
You know, absolutely.

Speaker 2 So we sell the raw files. That's good.
I like that. As the manufacturer.
And then you can do whatever. You can mod it any way you want.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's not a bad idea. So you got to go to the mall.
You got to go to like a specific come town dealership to get like your own options. Yes.

Speaker 2 You can have it edited. I'll provide a supplementary file where I'm only doing like different races.
Right.

Speaker 2 You can get get the entire episode. Every episode you can have.

Speaker 2 But then you would say to yourself, what if it's the regular one? But then he goes into Indian, but you have Indian, you have Indian

Speaker 2 as the regular one. You have the regular one.
But you already, but then, so it's the Indian version of the regular episode. But in the regular episode, it switches to Indian.
Well, how well?

Speaker 2 How would I know that he's regular? Where is it descriptive? Because then Indian become

Speaker 2 then Indian become a different one. Oh, it doesn't go back to normal blue.

Speaker 2 It becomes Chinese. You find like if you look at color chart.
Yellow plus fucking blue is green.

Speaker 2 So regular plus Indian. Whatever the opposite of brown is.

Speaker 2 So you take brown, the other side is purple. And I guess that would be what? Like a like a fucking like a Vietnamese woman's pussy?

Speaker 2 So like just

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think that's about right. Or I think a Thai woman's pussy.

Speaker 2 I would say Thai, not Vietnamese.

Speaker 2 Is that what I mean?

Speaker 2 I don't think that's right, dude.

Speaker 2 I think you got the flapping down. Yeah.
Just somebody with like what beets pill in the train. They're like, what it is.
Where is that coming from? It's Thai Pussy Come Town.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I got it at the dealership.

Speaker 2 I got it at.

Speaker 2 You like it? Yeah, it's a dealer option. I got it from Nubian Finance.
Yeah, I got it.

Speaker 2 I got it down at Nubian. Nubian Cometown.
Nubian's Come Town. I got it down on Route 5.

Speaker 2 Chicago-style Cometown. Shouts out to that guy.
He does make some good. They pop up.
When I was using YouTube to do my show, his shit would pop up.

Speaker 2 Seems to do a good job. Well, that's what I mean.
Just fucking give the raw files to that guy. Well, they can still do the clips if we just have the whole episodes.

Speaker 2 Well, they can do whatever they want with it. They just get the raw files and then we take the metrics from like the aggregate.
You pick the top five, ten people to distribute the thing or that

Speaker 2 could do whatever. Because they already have, because what you don't want is when people like, you know, the less, if we did our own channel, we're already diluting.

Speaker 2 There's already people that.

Speaker 2 I mean, we, I think we just have to, I mean, why even do the video if we're not going to do our own channel?

Speaker 2 Because if you get the aggregate numbers, you can still sell ads based on those numbers.

Speaker 2 I don't know. If you don't control, I think it's hard to sell ads on something you don't control.
I mean, from whoever we talk to, what is it? I can do it. Okay, man.
Forgetting.

Speaker 2 I think if you went to a company and were like, hey, there's five guys we don't know that run a YouTube channel that also they look, it's like, well, how do we, how do they even know the ads are going to be, the channel's going to be?

Speaker 2 Don't worry about it. I'll take care of all that.

Speaker 2 Okay, that's fine.

Speaker 2 I think it's a stupid idea.

Speaker 2 God bless those guys, but. I think it's a novel idea.
And you know what? Who gives a shit about it's all about finding something new.

Speaker 2 That's true. A new way to do business.
You know, that's how you stay fresh. You know who would do that?

Speaker 2 J.P. Morgan Chase.
J.P. Morgan.

Speaker 2 JP Morgan was always doing that stuff. He's always straight.
He's like, what if we had a bank that was also an orphanage? Yep. You put the fucking little kids to work.
Put the kids to work.

Speaker 2 Putting their little, making their little fingers and making rolls of pennies. Put them to bed.

Speaker 2 Old style. Old style.

Speaker 2 Molest them. Nick

Speaker 2 arched his eyebrows in a way that says old style means molest them. I was thinking about that ventrilo harassment video.
Still one of the funniest collections of

Speaker 2 hack Ventrillo servers.

Speaker 2 It's not a ventriloquist thing? Ventrillo was like the precursor to Discord, basically.

Speaker 2 It was like a chat server that you could like if you play games online they didn't have their own like oh i see native um voice that's a good name yeah ventrillo a stop of having a sex with your puppet there was some guy that went into one with like a duke nukem soundboard oh yes i know that i know exactly the one you're doing guys like there's like somebody's mom yes yes that's a classic of course um pointer

Speaker 2 we're gonna get you bent we're gonna have you bent from the server i've got balls of steel or what did they say and you've got you all out of cum, too. Just a fucking impotent woman.

Speaker 2 I've got balls of steel. Who is that? I'm going to kill you, old style.

Speaker 2 Balls of steel.

Speaker 2 Balls of steel. I've got balls of steel.

Speaker 2 It is funny because that woman had no idea what she was getting into.

Speaker 2 Are you going to stay here or are you gonna leave? I've got bowls of steel.

Speaker 2 Okay, that's nice. Bowls of steel.

Speaker 2 Steel.

Speaker 2 There has to be somebody from the guild or somebody that we know.

Speaker 2 Oh, I hope not because I don't think your mother's very happy about it.

Speaker 2 I want every person name written down who's on the guild right now. I've got bowls of steel.

Speaker 2 That's so.

Speaker 2 And when the

Speaker 2 bowls are all over the place,

Speaker 2 I've got bowls of steel. Get my goddamn.

Speaker 2 Get the fuck off.

Speaker 2 Dude, I love it.

Speaker 2 I mean, that woman has just never been trolled in her life. She doesn't understand what's going on.
Well, this is from the golden age, man. Back when people weren't ready for it.

Speaker 2 People didn't know how to handle their shit online. And ironically, those people won.
Because now the internet is like, if you come online with that attitude,

Speaker 2 like they give you a TV show.

Speaker 2 Right, right, right.

Speaker 2 Everyone's hurting my feelings. You're like, one of the bravest.
This is the most beautiful.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Wow. Wow.
You should see this guy. He's one of the biggest facts we've ever seen.
Wow. Everybody loves him.

Speaker 2 Everybody loves how much of a fucking loser this guy is.

Speaker 2 I've got balls of steel. I've got balls of steel.
My dick can't get hard. My dick sucks.
I've got a little dick.

Speaker 2 My dick's small and it doesn't work.

Speaker 2 Oh, fuck. Damn, I love being out here in the fucking country.
Yeah. We should, I wish there was, is there's a mountain nearby, right? There's a hike we can go do.
Let's go do that.

Speaker 2 We didn't do shit yesterday. Yeah, I would like to do a little hike.
We should probably, you want to go, like,

Speaker 2 Adam's probably not even going to be up by the time this is done. We should go get some

Speaker 2 bacon or something for breakfast. Yeah,

Speaker 2 I'm down. Take a little trip to the grocery store.
I would also like some.

Speaker 2 This coffee's not bad, but I want some like some better coffee? No, just like milk or something to put in. Uh-huh.
Just because it's like I'm getting tired of drinking. Creamer.

Speaker 2 Getting tired of drinking black coffee. I've got balls of steel.
I've got balls in my ass. I've got a man's balls in my ass.
I've got dick in my mouth. I'm going.

Speaker 2 It's me, Dick Suck'em.

Speaker 2 Dick Suckum. Pull on your pants.
Pull on your pants. Let me CC your penis.

Speaker 2 I want to suck your dick. I'm here to suck dick and chew bubblegum.

Speaker 2 And all the bubblegums in my ass. And all the bubblegum is actually more dick.

Speaker 2 And when I said bubblegum, I meant penis. I'm here to suck dick and eat ass and get fucked in my mouth.

Speaker 2 And then my ass after that.

Speaker 2 I'm here to get bent over and fucked until I'm out of room in my ass. And then you've got to fuck my mouth.

Speaker 2 And I drink all the comma and throw it up all over your dick to lube you up so you can fuck me in the ass again and eat bubble cop.

Speaker 2 All out of you.

Speaker 2 Ridge wallet. Oh my God.

Speaker 2 I love Ridge Wallet. I love my Ridge Wallet, but it might be time for...

Speaker 2 I kind of want to, I'm going to hit them up and get another. Getting you one, something fresh for the season? Yeah, just the other one I have is fine, but you can have it actually.

Speaker 2 I'm not a Ridge Wallet

Speaker 2 so much.

Speaker 2 It's, you know what? I don't need it. What I was going to say, Nick, is I don't need it because I already have one.

Speaker 2 It sucks because it's like, you know, you do these reads and we have to lie about the product and this. But the, the, the, like, it,

Speaker 2 I will say that I, like, instantly, because I did, I did, like, Real Ass Podcast or whatever and Lewis had it. Yes.
And that was like the fidget spinner era

Speaker 2 before he became a professional fighter. Fighting.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And so he's like, check this out. I'm like, just.
Come on. Whatever you like is probably gay, Lewis.
Yeah, it's gay. Don't just stop.
And it happened to not be for once. Dude, well, because

Speaker 2 I mean, they sent us them, and then I just started because my wallet was fucked up. So my plan was to just use the Ridge wallet.

Speaker 2 Until I went and backed to

Speaker 2 go get a regular, nice leather wallet. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And it's been.

Speaker 2 Now, I will say the regular wallets are fucking impractical. Who gives a fuck? You don't need all that shit.
You just need something for a couple cards and IDs. Yeah, because

Speaker 2 when you first see the Ridge wallet, you're like, well, where am I going to put all my shit? Like,

Speaker 2 I have six years worth of receipts. Right.

Speaker 2 Like, all this bullshit that you don't fucking need. And then the Ridge Wallet makes you pare down your stuff.

Speaker 2 So my,

Speaker 2 there's like a whole subreddit called like daily carry where people are like check out my my loadout or whatever and they'll have like they always put their shit out on like um you know those like those like kind of soft rubber grids that you use with an x-acto knife or whatever yeah I've seen those yes it's like tactical well they act like it's a fucking drug bust yeah when they just have like yeah they have all their shit laid out to go like work in a call center doing technical support

Speaker 2 and the best is like half of them are g have guns also.

Speaker 2 Something like a gun, a ridge wallet, a compass. Right, right, right.
A mustache. What are you preparing for? Be honest with yourselves.

Speaker 2 Well, I don't want the see, I don't like your ridge wallet because I have the one that's a phone case. That's my shit.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I just like carrying one thing. I want a phone case.
I want to put my ID. I love the naked phone.

Speaker 2 I love the naked phone. See,

Speaker 2 I like the Ridge Wallet phone case. I don't like the naked phone because I'll fuck it up.
I will fuck it up too. I finally, I've never broken a phone ever.

Speaker 2 And when I had the iPhone 10 and I finally broke it, but I was like, I would throw that thing across the room all the time. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, I'd come home and I'd like, you know, take off, I cut off all my clothes with a pair of scissors. Right, right.

Speaker 2 I never really learned how to undress myself or

Speaker 2 do anything in life.

Speaker 2 Yep. You come home, you cut off all your clothes, you get mad, your boyfriend hasn't texted you, and you throw the phone against the wall, which is what you do every day.

Speaker 2 But what's more importantly is that what you would, it doesn't matter how hard you throw it, the Ridge wallet will never break. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And it's good. Yeah, they don't break.

Speaker 2 It's very... Why the fuck can't I ever find a fucking car?

Speaker 2 Literally every episode.

Speaker 2 Fucking take snap screenshot and put it in your favorites.

Speaker 2 Well, you know, I have them all in like a Google Drive.

Speaker 2 Like, I have all the copy in a folder on Google Drive. Yes.
When I open Google Drive on my phone, it's like, oh, here's a bunch of bullshit you don't want. Right, do recents.

Speaker 2 I do do recents, but then it's like, so recent, and it's, it's, because I also use Google Drive for everything. Right.
So it's all of my like accounting shit.

Speaker 2 It's fucking like, yeah, you know. Line one: a hundred thousand extra small condoms.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Expenditure line two.

Speaker 2 Shut up. Expenditure line two.
There we go. Oh, I have to go to starred.
A subscription to game. Starred.
And then I go to podcast browsers and then for whatever

Speaker 2 $400,000. And here either.

Speaker 2 Expenditure three. Yeah.
So when you go to Google Drive, you go to starred because I guess the app one has starred and then the fucking desktop one. Expenditure four.

Speaker 2 A tiny dress for a little woman. Yeah,

Speaker 2 for my three-foot wife. No, you wear it.
No. It's a little woman's size because you like being exposed mostly.

Speaker 2 A dress. A dress where they like being

Speaker 2 exposed.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it feels sexual to you.

Speaker 2 Add the starred. Perfect.
There we go. I just did it.

Speaker 2 Stard. Live re copy.
Wow. Yeah.
We did it. What the fuck is like the shortcuts app on iOS? I don't know.

Speaker 2 Like, I love that every like, every like couple iterations of whatever software they'll like roll out.

Speaker 2 They'll have some new feature that some dickhead like Gil from the Simpsons guy at Apple was probably like this is gonna be it's gonna change everything.

Speaker 2 This is gonna be the thing that everybody wants to use. The shortcuts app.
Look all you have to do is you learn how to create iOS specific macros. It's basically you just re

Speaker 2 it's just your fucking the bat your phone again.

Speaker 2 It's just they're grouped in the same exact little box as you already fucking grouped them in.

Speaker 2 It's fucking stupid, if you ask me. It's gay.
Let me do a sorta cut for me to look at a pussy. It's gay, and it makes me pissed off.
I want to do a sorta cat. I hit the button, I look at the titties.

Speaker 2 Now that's a shortcut I can get behind. And

Speaker 2 I'm looking at the shortcut options. It's like, you know what? I'm going to start using shortcuts.

Speaker 2 How about you fucking cut to the Ridge Wallet ad copy very shortly? Oh, yeah. That's live read copy and it's blue chew, cushion dreams, McWalden, Landscape, my bookie.
It's not in here.

Speaker 2 Come on, grab a mic. You wake up.
Grab a mic. We just started.

Speaker 2 You wake up too late, dude. Just grab a mic.

Speaker 2 Hello?

Speaker 2 Hold on. You got to press the button, Nick.

Speaker 2 There you go. Hello.
Hey, Adam. Why don't you talk about your experience with Ridge Wallet? The dreams you had about it.

Speaker 2 Weren't you sleeping extra long?

Speaker 2 What? What? God damn, he just woke up. What? You were sleeping extra long because you were dreaming of the Ridge Wallet, weren't you? Oh,

Speaker 2 yeah, I was having great dreams about the Ridge Wallet.

Speaker 2 It was great.

Speaker 2 Damn, I just want to get a picture of you looking nice, dude. Do I look like shit, right? You look horrible.
I hit too many mango claws last night.

Speaker 2 Shit got wild over here in the cabin. We played katan.
Some almost killed me.

Speaker 2 I play with passion. I play with fire.

Speaker 2 He's a passionate competitor. I'm a passionate competitor.
Save here. I did it.
I fucking did it. You did it.
Thank God. We've been looking for the Ridgewall copy for like four minutes.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 Wait, so you're like 20 minutes in? Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 2 You're in the second read right now?

Speaker 2 Come on, man. Just wake me up.

Speaker 2 We were doing you a favor. You were doing me a favor.

Speaker 2 It's nice. We're giving you the day off.
You're not giving me the day off.

Speaker 2 We're giving you one whole episode off, dude. It holds up to 12 cards plus room for cash.
There's 30 colors in style. The style is including carbon fiber.
Oh, you know what?

Speaker 2 I'm going to ask them to give me that burnt titanium one. That's awesome.
You should. I'm going to try this.

Speaker 2 I have the carbon fiber one now, which makes me feel like a like a little Honda.

Speaker 2 Do they have a fresh fresh? I drive around, I put my hand on my hip, and I look over my shoulder and I have the Ridge wallet hooked on my ass. Yeah.
And I go into...

Speaker 2 We're out here in the woods. I go into these country bars and I'm like, did anyone order a Honda?

Speaker 2 And people are like,

Speaker 2 we don't know whether to beat you up because you're regular gay or because you're autistic gay. Whatever you're doing bothers me so viscerally that I'm

Speaker 2 short-circuiting. I'm having a meltdown because you're doing a gay fucking game.
I want to fuck you up for two reasons. I do not understand what the Honda is.
What the joke is.

Speaker 2 It doesn't make any fucking sense.

Speaker 2 You are so deeply embarrassing as a human being that it is making me want to kill my own unborn son.

Speaker 2 Don't threaten me with a good time. Did anyone order a Honda?

Speaker 2 What the hell are you talking about? What the fuck are you talking about? What is that me? Fucking weirdo. Are you trying to have sex with me? Beep, beep.

Speaker 2 I think he's talking about, he's got a carbon fiber wallet.

Speaker 2 Sort of looks like a Honda, I guess. Well, you know how the risers will get like a carbon fiber hood on their car, like it's a car modification, but it's not even specific to Hondas.

Speaker 2 Even Japanese cars. I mean, you can put carbon fiber on anything.
It's just like a

Speaker 2 way to reduce the weight.

Speaker 2 Oh, I got it. So, yeah, I think that's a good idea.
So, anyway, so I think that's what he's doing, but I don't know. I believe that's it.

Speaker 2 And then he's pretending he's got his ass stuck out like a homosexual would.

Speaker 2 It's made with RFID blocking technology that protects you from digital pickpocketers.

Speaker 2 That's a thing that's been happening a lot, more and more.

Speaker 2 Oh, sir. Any oil for my microchips, have you? I get digital pickpocketed constantly.
Left and right. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Every time your girlfriend's like, why the hell did somebody order gay porn on my computer? Yeah, it's like I've been digitally pickpocketed. These gestures.
It's a little like a British child robot.

Speaker 2 That's good. Yeah, a little street urchin robot.
Oh, beep, beep, govner. Beep, beep, little WD-44.
Oh,

Speaker 2 look, quick there, Governor, over there.

Speaker 2 Quick, get his pockets. Check for microchips and circuitry.
We can eat. We live off circuitry.

Speaker 2 Use promo code Come Town for 10% off your order. That's right.

Speaker 2 And you want to do it right the fuck now. Free worldwide shipping and returns.
Going to ridgewallet.com slash Cometown and use code Cometown

Speaker 2 for a fucking 10% off. That sounds great.

Speaker 2 There's something like

Speaker 2 a weird vibe on the show now.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was pretty fun.

Speaker 2 Kind of, I don't know. Well, we'll just finish this one up and we'll try and figure out what changed.
But we were really rolling there for a while. Yeah, tell me about it.

Speaker 2 It was like you were getting in a zone where you'd be able to explain. You could have just knocked on the door.
You'd be able to explore something like the digital pitpocket. Right.

Speaker 2 And the idea of like taking it, you're doing a joke with that. And just kind of running with it fully.
Rather than, yeah, someone just saying, oh, yeah, I got a digital pickpocket.

Speaker 2 Just repeating the word. And expecting the word itself.
So you're mad at me. Expecting the word itself.
You're mad at me.

Speaker 2 You're doing like a punitive thing where you could have woken me up, but this is like an extension of a greater thing where you're mad. You've been mad at me.
No. For the last time.
We woke up night.

Speaker 2 Honestly,

Speaker 2 we thought it would be funny. We thought it would be nice, actually.
It wouldn't be nice. Oh, to do the show without.
But you wake up and then it's like, hey, but guess what?

Speaker 2 You know it wouldn't have been nice. We're already done with one.

Speaker 2 You know it wouldn't have been nice. And then

Speaker 2 we could go get breakfast and then we could do another one. I wake up.

Speaker 2 I've got one just for us that we keep, we don't release, and it's just for us. It's not going to be just for us.
We'll have one that's just for us.

Speaker 2 We'll keep it in a little cinder ridge picture frame. It's a special version of the podcast.
It's just the three of us, and we're not, and it's just, you can take it home.

Speaker 2 You can put it on your mantle, hang it up on the fridge. And you can press the button.
It'll be like one of those cards, a greeting card, and you open it and it plays the full episode.

Speaker 2 Listen, I went to Radio Shack and I made a fake version of the mixer with even more buttons that you can take home with you, and you can press all the buttons.

Speaker 2 There's a little car horn in there, you press it, and it's like,

Speaker 2 it's got a little steering wheel. Feels like you're driving.
You took it to

Speaker 2 a Fisher Price mixer. Fisher Price podcasting equipment.

Speaker 2 My first studio.

Speaker 2 Baby's first thing to fuck up.

Speaker 2 I used to fucking do little radio shows on. Are you actually upset?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm offended. Really? Yeah, and I blame you and not Savros.
No, it's true.

Speaker 2 I know that Savros was like kind of like one of the collaborators before the Holocaust, but you were definitely one of the Gestapos. What are you talking about? In this instance.

Speaker 2 No, honestly, I was like, let's just say. Savros was a Danish farmer.
How is this the Holocaust?

Speaker 2 Maybe if you want to go down remotely close to the Holocaust. Maybe if you want to show up.
Yeah, the Nazis came in and forcibly gave the Jews a day off work. It wasn't the day off work.

Speaker 2 Without affecting their income in the slightest. Yeah, we're not Daisy.
We allowed the Jews to

Speaker 2 sleep in and get an extra paycheck. It's 10.30 a.m.
If you said we have work at 10,

Speaker 2 I would have been up. I would have had an alarm.
No.

Speaker 2 We don't have work at 10. We have work whenever we feel like it.
We have work whenever we feel like it. Right, exactly.
I understand. And I, you know, I...
For me, I'm an early riser. I'm waking up.

Speaker 2 I'm thinking about new business model dealership ideas.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we talked about it. What are you making a dealership? Don't worry.
Just listen to the show. Just listen to the show.
I'm not going to listen to the show. I never listened to the show.

Speaker 2 Adam? Yeah. You don't spit in our face when we did this show.
I'm not spitting in your face. Now I'm the bad guy.
You are the bad guy. We did a fucking nice thing for you.
We did a nice thing.

Speaker 2 It wasn't take the day off. Honestly, if I had woken up and exactly done the show, you know how happy I'd be? I would have been like, this is the best day of my life.

Speaker 2 Maybe tomorrow I'll do that.

Speaker 2 You both will be sleeping. I'll wake up at 5.

Speaker 2 People will love that episode. What, people? What do you mean, people? It won't happen.
So Jews don't have waking up early. Okay, now you're bringing up Jews because they don't have

Speaker 2 Jews. That's true.

Speaker 2 They never culturally

Speaker 2 train themselves to me. They're never trying to meet Santa culturally.

Speaker 2 You know, that's one of the biggest charms of my life. The Judeo-Christian? The Judeo-Christian?

Speaker 2 Yeah, everyone was goddamn waking up early for presents. The Goyam have waking up early built into them because they're always trying to meet Santa.
That's right. You're always trying to catch Santa.

Speaker 2 This man that brings good fortune overnight.

Speaker 2 No. We wake up

Speaker 2 at 9:30.

Speaker 2 You ever wonder why the financial markets don't open until 9 a.m.? What is that? 9:30. 9.30.
Which is fucking obscene. 9:30 to the floor.

Speaker 2 It should open it like why

Speaker 2 because people trade on the West Coast.

Speaker 2 Guess which kind of

Speaker 2 sleepy group of people

Speaker 2 owns the markets? And like, maybe we'll wake up at 8:40. Because stockbrokers on the West Coast have to start at 6:30.
Once again, we're playing a round of real answer or joke answer.

Speaker 2 No, it's not real answer with joke answer.

Speaker 2 We found ourselves

Speaker 2 When it comes to the oldest.

Speaker 2 Oh, oh, it's not because Jews own the

Speaker 2 sleepy Jews in the markets. It's not because of a stereotype.

Speaker 2 I just pulled out of my ass to justify

Speaker 2 doing a podcast.

Speaker 2 The sleepy Jew is one of the oldest

Speaker 2 anti-Semitic ever.

Speaker 2 Sleepy is not even one of the oldest. It's sonicable.
I'm so tired.

Speaker 2 It's too many days.

Speaker 2 They call me the eight-day laborer.

Speaker 2 The eight-day laborer?

Speaker 2 That's something there. Yeah, eight crazy day laborers.
Eight crazy days and laborers and nights. Nights, yeah.
Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 But basically, Adam, this was kind of like Christmas, where you wake up. And you're wearing my socks.

Speaker 2 Those are my socks. You're out of your fucking mind.
I bought these on Amazon like two years ago. They came out of the case from my drawer.

Speaker 2 You're fucking, you

Speaker 2 waking up, looking at the markets, demanding everyone stole things from it. I did look at the markets.
Of course you did. How'd you do? I'm doing okay today.
Yeah, everything's up.

Speaker 2 It was a rough Friday, but yeah, there's a vaccine announcement, so everyone's doing all right. Respect.

Speaker 2 I don't trust the markets, vaccine.

Speaker 2 I only buy land. That's why

Speaker 2 I'm counting on Greek town

Speaker 2 more Maryland to shoot up in value. Dude,

Speaker 2 that's the other idea. I'm going to just crowdsource opinions on all of our ideas.
Okay. And by that, I mean only if you know what you're talking about, please.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 were you here yesterday, Adam, when we were discussing? Yeah. What's that, the bus? Yeah, get a bus.

Speaker 2 I've been here the whole time, except for this morning when I was sleeping because I drank too many mango white claws last night. I need an extra little shut eye.

Speaker 2 You buy an empty lot in Brooklyn, and then you park the bus on it and you retrofit the bus to be a podcast studio. Then we can go on the road,

Speaker 2 take the bus, but also just use it as an in-town studio. Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 2 And now you're saying that, and our competitors are going to beat us to it.

Speaker 2 Lewis is going to listen to this, and he's going to get

Speaker 2 a fleet of buses.

Speaker 2 Lewis's move is always moving in the direction of pretend radio station. That's true.
That's true.

Speaker 2 He wants to make a serious XM

Speaker 2 where we're going John Madden. Yeah,

Speaker 2 across the country getting pussy. I'm a big fan of that idea.

Speaker 2 You got a podcast in studio? What do you got it?

Speaker 2 It's too hard. That's ripped torn.
That's ripped torn. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't think we need a whole bus. I think we need a van.
Nah, van's too small.

Speaker 2 No, we need a bus, dude. Why do we need a bus? The gas will be expensive.

Speaker 2 Only when we're on the road. I mean, it's like a marginal difference in terms of expenses.
I get it. Also, it's a nice domestic touring is a much nicer alternative to flying.

Speaker 2 Do you see yourself as the driver? Do you see us hiring a coach driver? I would hire a driver. I don't know.

Speaker 2 I think you have to hire a driver. It also has to be the dealer and to get the rupees.
If you retrofit,

Speaker 2 you need a CDL if you're driving something that has the capacity to carry more than 16 people.

Speaker 2 If we retrofit it and it's just a studio and it's basically like a motorhome,

Speaker 2 then you might not need the CDL. Well, that's why I'm also saying we should get a van because that's easier to drive.
I could drive a bus.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but if we have a van,

Speaker 2 I'm just saying we're not going to sleep in the motherfucking. Well, you want to get like an Econole?

Speaker 2 Huh? We could, I guess. Yeah, I want to get like an Econoline.
You go to the Grand Tetons.

Speaker 2 What's that? I see Econa lot, they would be cramped. They're shitty.

Speaker 2 I mean, you would have to get at the very least, you have to get a sprinter or like one of those or like a little school bus in RetroFit to see. I like that.
Sprinters would be nice.

Speaker 2 And then the studio is just sideways in the thing. It's all studio.
You know what I'm saying? No, you do one, like,

Speaker 2 trust me, there's a way to build it out. You got a lot of room in a bus.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay. Would the equipment run off the battery?

Speaker 2 You got like a width of like

Speaker 2 at the very least

Speaker 2 internally, like seven, eight feet. That's true.
What does the equipment run off of?

Speaker 2 There's like a generator on the bus. Yeah, we have a generator.
That's right. We have to, but we have to run the bus every time.
Yeah, why not? I don't know. Oh, when the bus is parked? Yeah.

Speaker 2 There's probably a way to hook, like, you know, I don't know, fucking electricity up to the bus because the bus has shit that, you know, you would just set all that up. Okay.
All right.

Speaker 2 I'm asking the questions. Yeah.
I'm asking the questions we need answers to. I mean, we'd have to get a loan anyways to do all this shit.

Speaker 2 So it's like I figure roll that into the cost is getting like the electricity hooked up to the thing. Also like some kind of like hardwired data connection when it's just parked there.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Now it's starting to seem like there's a lot of parks. And we can sleep in Walmart parking lots'cause those are open 24 hours a day.
Maybe we just buy a van and drive around in it.

Speaker 2 The problem is that there's an idea and the idea is ambitious. Right.
And you want to dial it back so far that it just becomes a bad idea. Yeah.

Speaker 2 A van sucks.

Speaker 2 No, I don't want to buy a van. I don't want to fucking.
A van to tour in

Speaker 2 or win.

Speaker 2 Rent a van whenever you want to go on tour. Well, then maybe that's what we should do.
There's no point in having a van still. That sounds like it sucks.

Speaker 2 No, we need a big, big fucking fucking bus yeah then we'd stop off at ymc as take showers yep meet the fellas around the shower there's a shower in the bus they have a shower in the in the bus yeah we'll get we'll get it all set up so then it would that would run off of uh gray water right

Speaker 2 what's gray water it's what in rvs and campers what they it's like water you can't drink but you could shower with what you shit inside of in a mega bus

Speaker 2 or is that just a vat uh no i think that's just

Speaker 2 blue, isn't it? Yeah, I don't know. One thing I keep forgetting to do, I want to make sure people go buy my calendars.
Oh, yeah, for Christmas. These are out now.

Speaker 2 By the time this comes out, you guys will have the stopby.biz, the 2021 Stobby Baby calendar, is out there. Go buy it right now.

Speaker 2 If you get it right now, you'll probably get it before Christmas or something. I don't know what day this is coming out, but whatever.
Just

Speaker 2 today.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 come.town. Also, go get some t-shirts.
For shirts, shirts, you're closing. We got your stocking stuffers figured out, folks.
Calendars and shirts. We're closing in on the

Speaker 2 final couple days here to because this comes out December 2nd to

Speaker 2 buy shit before the holidays. Exactly.

Speaker 2 If you get it now, you'll be able to have it before the holidays.

Speaker 2 And that'll probably.

Speaker 2 That's it. That's it.
That's the show. See you later, folks.