Ep. 221 – suCk my PNC

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I guess I didn't really think about this.

That's true.

Someone sent me a sword.

An actual one?

Recently?

Yeah, the sword showed up in my mail at my house yesterday.

Is it sharp?

Yeah, throwing knives with it.

Nice.

Okay, you want it?

I guess I'd have to take a look at it aesthetically.

Yeah.

Yeah, is it like a

European or Eastern?

You know, I'm getting real tired of offering free shit to people.

They go like, well, I need more information.

I'm trying to get rid of

all the fucking bedroom furniture that I bought.

just as like it needed I needed shit.

So I went to IKEA a year ago.

Right.

I just bought shit.

Yeah.

And it looks like shit.

Just give it away for free.

You are shit, pal.

Hit the bricks.

That's what you're saying to your friends.

To my

friend.

Just do a curb alert, dog.

I did.

I tried to give it away for free.

And no one got it.

No one gets away.

People are like, well, I just posted on Instagram.

And then somebody suggested that's not the best way to do it.

That's crazy, because what you're going to get is people that know you're going to talk to them at least three exchanges now.

Yeah.

What you're going to get is guys that were being ignored.

Yeah.

They're like, oh, what?

Oh, yeah, I'll come by.

I just want a fucking St.

Cloud who I'm going to go to.

I wanted to go to

a black woman of color who's also a business.

Yes.

To a melanated business voice.

Because that's really who, after seeing the George Floyd video, I was like, what needs to happen right now is I need to buy cappuccinos from melanated Voices.

Absolutely.

Yeah, you want your fucking nightstand to be used

solely to store cocoa buttons.

If I give my Brimna's

custom bed and headboard setup to anything other.

Oh, I thought you had the Maum.

Now that I think about it, I do.

Thanks for knowing more about my bed than I do.

I used to have that bed.

The Maum?

I used to have the Malm.

What do you have now?

In the dark color, the black.

That's a classic.

That's ebony Malm.

Ebony.

What do I have now?

I have just

like a metal

platform.

Yeah.

Platform bed.

I have a low metal one myself.

For the time.

Low is what's in style.

For the time being, I'm going back to just sleeping on the floor.

I love it.

I already test ran it.

I'm still good to go.

That's your roof.

Yeah, well, I mean, I wake up.

Yeah, you put just a little futon mattress.

It's perfect.

You know, I mean, the only reason I had, it was women's fault that I had furniture.

Absolutely.

Guess what, bitch?

Yeah.

No headboard.

Right.

Nothing.

Now.

Now the apartment will be empty.

You need to go back to like,

you know, like a beach chair, PS4, and an enormous television on the floor.

Yes, absolutely.

That's it.

B-Y-O-C when you want to come hang out at Nick's spot.

A stack of high times magic.

One of them,

pizza boxes that you've you've made furniture out of.

I had a friend, Andrew, when I was like 17.

He was like 23, and his roommate was probably 24, 25.

And that guy's room was so funny.

Yeah, hell yeah.

And because it was like, it literally that, like a fucking twin-sized, disgusting mattress on the floor with like just a single comforter that would like make its way halfway across the room.

Stack a high times magazine and one of those like boom boxes from Mexico.

Yes, dude.

That's just in like a magna box.

Right.

That's in the

broken electronic section of Best Buy.

Just shit that's like open box and fucked up.

Like a real cool

malin boom box.

Right.

It's very defined, the base.

It's circles.

Yeah.

It's like a different, it's like red.

Red circles.

High Times magazine, a lot of infected mushroom coming out of that room.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

Hell yeah.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

No,

that was a hilarious setup.

I've never been a floor mattress guy, but I do go back spring and I've been low mattress and I'll be low mattress for the rest of my life because of I like the height it is when you fuck.

I like to be able to stand up and fuck from behind you.

If you had a box spring, and it looked like that, Stav getting in bed looked like that video of that bulldog that couldn't get onto the pool chair.

It did not look, I haven't seen it, it did not look like that.

We're going to pull that out, but it was cute.

But it is cute when I get into bed, it's cute when you missed when I successfully get in.

I don't miss it, he misses.

I don't ever miss my own bed,

That's why I like a low bed.

Yeah, here's Stop trying to get into bed.

Oh my god, it's adorable.

I haven't seen the video.

You literally have that ass.

Oh, hell yeah.

That is me, but I get it.

Literally, no, that's you trying to get it.

That's me sneaking into pussy.

That's me getting my dick in pussy.

Look, here's you trying to get into the right position.

Oh.

Watch.

Here comes.

Let the people get some of the music.

Yep, this is from

getting up in the words

Tell them tell them the link

He fell off the chair so you can follow along at home.

That's a bulldog in a beach chair.

Yeah, if anyone wants to watch it Nick found it on the woof woof Facebook page

Which he is a moderator of.

I am a moderator.

Did I tell you I had a roommate John, that I lived with him for like

a year and a half.

This is a fake name.

And

I lived with him for a year and a half.

And

he's like, actually, I'm the moderator for the Facebook page for

Seltzer.

Yes.

We never had Seltzer in the house or anything.

I was like, you don't even like Seltzer that much?

He's like, it's all right, actually.

And I was like, why'd you start the page?

He's like, they didn't have a fan page for Seltzer.

I thought they should have one.

Did he ever fuck off of that?

Off of his Seltzer thing?

No.

I don't think so.

He should be able to get pussy off of doing something like that.

Or a couple dollars.

I'm sure there's at least one woman that's like, oh my god, he started the Facebook Seltzer.

That's what I'm saying.

There's got to be a couple people that post so much in that that it does matter to them.

Yeah, I want to get like a Santa Claus outfit and a bell and then like a little like A-frame or whatever, and it has like a red shield on the top.

An A-frame, what?

Like a little like

a sign or whatever.

Yes.

And it says, you know, red shield on the top, and it says pussy for Santa.

And just stand outside of Macy's and ring the bell.

And then as women walk by, just be like, ma'am?

God damn.

Then when they look closer,

be like, do you want to have sex in my car?

In Santa's car.

Just point to a fucking Nissan.

Yeah, pussy for Santa's.

Point to a Nissan Maxima.

We're out here getting Santa's penis wet.

Either you can have sex with me or you can donate money to go towards a high-class escort.

Because I won't be fucking some street.

Santa doesn't get bad pussy.

How about just like a junkyard?

And there's an old guy with white hair and a white beard, and he's carrying a girl that's covered in bug bites and like a raggedy and dress, and she's got dirt all over her face.

Yeah.

And he's walking through all the garbage, and he looks at the camera.

He's like, hi, these kids need pussy.

These kids need some motherfucking pussy.

And the Christian Getting Pussy Network,

for the cost of one pussy a month and one American pussy a month, you can buy these kids.

So would he be carrying some junkyard pussy?

So the girl he's carrying.

She needs pussy.

She needs pussy.

He's taking her to get pussy.

He's taking her to get pussy.

That's awesome.

And it ends with him

walking out of the junkyard.

And then we see that this is just a set.

And he's actually in Hollywood.

He's on the sounds.

And now he's on the Sunset Strip buying a prostitute for the junkyard kid.

And she eats the prostitute's pussy.

It's a hard knock

for us.

Instead of pussy, we get bust.

We have to eat a bunch of bust.

That honest is bust.

i would be really pissed if i wanted pussy and i got semen instead

we have to eat bust

i'm checking the mailbox every day that would be freaking miffed yeah if i had to eat cum instead of have sex with a woman yeah that would that would freaking piss me off too brother thanks man

i'm glad we're on the same page here you know it's like it's statistically almost if you make it to like 35 years old if you've been going to restaurants your whole life there's a almost a 100 chance chance you've eaten bust.

Nice.

Because

a lot of people think that it's nobody's doing that in restaurants, but every restaurant I worked at,

every single one of them.

They're putting bust.

There's always somebody nutting in the food.

Yeah, and it was me.

Yeah.

I bet you the percentages are nice.

Do you think you've eaten somebody's pews?

I bet you you have, Adam.

People don't like you.

Oh, 100%.

People hate you.

I will be poisoned.

It's weird to know the way you're going to die.

Actually, there are two possibilities.

But I know that it will be one of two.

What is it?

One will be a poisoning

from someone I don't even really know that well.

Right.

You know, someone that I've pissed off so badly, and I don't even.

You're not even aware of it.

I'm not even aware of it.

Maybe our enemies from the Red Scare.

Oh, yeah.

Maybe that.

Could be that.

We'll poison you.

You should be like, Adam, I have some cool clothes for you to wear that That we both picked up.

Poison.

We both the same size that we are.

Yeah, Adam.

Except

my shirts are bigger because of my tits.

I thought I'd extend an olive branch.

Put our pants, we can share.

Yeah, and I'll give you,

you can dress like a 1920s lesbian.

But little do you know the buttons?

Like fucking the poison clothes.

Classic.

The classic poison clothes.

The other way, Will.

You can both look like fucking Howard Hughes' friends.

Yeah, here.

Hold now, put the golf club on your shoulder.

That's right.

That's how you activate the poison.

I want to re-watch the aviator.

I only saw it once.

Well, you're not allowed to.

Okay, sorry.

I'll ask you.

You have to go to the hospital for your medicine.

Yep.

Uh-huh.

The second possibility will be: I'll have a sneezing fit during while driving, and I'll just slam into a wall.

Interesting.

But it'll be one of two.

It'll either be anikatche and poisoning, which means with clothes.

You only think as a funny move is like being in public and saying cheese while taking a selfie.

That's very funny.

Yeah.

Cheese.

Too bad.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm new.

I'm new to selfies.

I'm new to the hole.

What you were texting about yesterday now, that's a good idea.

Yeah.

A guy having sex, and as soon as he comes, lay out the scenario.

He busts again.

That was very good.

Well, I was just listening to Bat Country.

Yeah.

Imagine a guy just busts and immediately plays eventually.

Puts on Bat Country on his phone.

Nothing talking about that.

You were listening to

the Divorce Kid playlist.

That playlist was never finalized.

There's only three songs on there.

Bat Country and what else?

I forget.

Probably like Trapped.

Oh, yeah.

Trapped.

Yeah.

Hoobastank.

Yes.

And the reason is I'm gay.

I am crawling in your ass, looking for some semen.

Hell yeah.

Yeah, well, basically, the idea behind that song is I was thinking about like a really fucked-up magic school bus episode

where Carlos gets raped.

Yeah.

And so they have to do a rape kit.

Yeah, well, they don't do a rape kit.

Miss Frizzle makes the school bus tiny, and this kids drive into Carlos' ass ass to find the semen from his rapists to give to the police officer.

They had to do an investigation.

They cover the school bus with cotton.

Yeah, so they go.

Well, the school bus shrinks down, goes into Carlos's ass while he's asleep.

And then

while they're in there, and Miss Frizzle's like, look, kids, that's the HIV virus.

Oh, no.

And it's killing Carlos or whatever.

And then the nerd,

what's his name?

Arthur?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Adam.

Yeah.

His his name.

Adam.

He's like,

he's like, what's this button do?

And Miss Frizzle's like, don't press that button.

It turns off the magic.

And he presses it, and the bus becomes full size.

In his ass.

In Carlos' place.

He pulls Carlos up.

And it fucking, yeah.

It tears his ass.

It tears his ass completely open.

Well, his whole body, you this

to the size of a bus.

The sad truth is that the rest of him is fine.

His ass is just tornt.

And Carlos is like, adios, meo.

Not again.

And then that was sort of the idea behind the song.

Crawling in the dark.

Crawling in the dark.

Yep, by

Huba Stank.

By Huba Stank.

There was a guy that we used to call Huba Stank at Greek Church Camp.

Why'd you call him that?

Because he smelled?

No, he was good at singing Huba Stank.

That's a good reason.

Wow, that's a great reason.

He kind of looked like the guy, and he would fucking

shy, but he would crush singing hoopa stank just outside.

And we'd be like, hell yeah, hooba stank.

Everyone's playing basketball.

Hooba stank's just fucking crushing the acapella versions.

What about Cuba Gooding Jr.

Stank?

Yep.

And they're like,

I'm crawling in the dark.

Why don't you show me the money?

And show me the money.

I'm crawling in the dark.

Somebody sucked that baby's dick.

Yeah.

The stank.

And the reason is, my agent, Tom Cruise.

That's right.

And the reason is Cruise.

Cruise.

I found a reason to be straight.

I can't think of anything.

The stank songs.

And the reason is, I love the taste of fucking bass cocks.

Like, those years were such dog shit.

There's really just those two.

The reason and then crawling.

Oh, wait.

Oh, now I'm thinking of Lincoln Parks crawling.

Yeah, that song's good.

Sucking on my dick.

My balls, they are now empty.

Something like that.

Yeah.

R.I.P.

Chester.

R.I.P.

Chester.

Mike Shinoda is holding it down for you.

I have it on Good Athletic.

Mike Shinoda actually killed him.

No way, dude.

Don't put that out on the vibras.

You fucking samurai sliced him up.

Oh, man.

Not a day goes by where I don't think about Chester and Bradley from Sublime.

No, Bradley, I don't think about it anymore.

The moon is healed.

But Chester, it's still so fresh.

No, Bradley still hurts.

Ever since he died in 1994.

dude, I used to absolutely rock with Sublime, dude.

I remember, like, do you remember wanting to be a stoner?

Like, before you

ever got high?

There was like an older kid at camp, and in retrospect, it's one of the gayest things anyone's ever said.

Literally, half-baked is probably the reason I ever smoked.

Yeah, of course.

It seems so cool.

It was awesome.

But he was like, You had the voice before you've ever smoked weed?

He was like, dude, he's like,

dude, indeed.

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

You're cool.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, that movie is so cool.

Jon Stewart's part's pretty.

Have you ever seen the bag of a $20 bill on weed?

I literally knew that.

I would recite that before I saw Half-Baked.

Oh, yeah.

And then I saw the movie.

I was like, oh.

That's where this is from.

Yeah, but the older kid was like, dude, you got to start smoking weed.

And when you do, you got to put on a little sublime.

And I thought that was the coolest thing anyone's ever said.

Oh, yeah.

Do you guys kiss after that?

No.

I remember.

I was like, that kid, like.

They kissed.

Yeah, we kissed.

Be honest.

They made a movie called Smoke Me By Your Weed.

Smoke Me By Your Your Weed.

Where Army Hammer

plays, yeah, he's the older gay man that teaches the younger homosexual Jewish boy about weed.

He penetrates into Santa Rosa.

They've got an apple that he shows him how to turn into a pipe, and then he puts his cock in.

Sucks his cock to him.

Because they both have

Jewish dicks, by the way.

Yeah.

That fits in the middle of an apple.

Yeah.

Smoke me by your weed.

Smoke me by your weed.

Yeah.

The Adam Friedland story.

Honestly, if that movie.

And the dad's like, you don't have any idea how jealous I am.

I've been waiting to have gay sex

for decades.

Damn, it is perfect in that regard.

Yeah.

Well, it's real.

That's part.

Didn't we have an argument?

Wasn't I the only one who said that he's gay now?

That his dad is gay?

I just didn't participate in the conversation.

My father?

Well, your dad, yes, but also the dad in Call Me By Your Name.

Oh, yeah, he is gay.

You find out at the end of the movie.

I feel like I was the only one who was arguing that.

Were we arguing about Call Me By Your Your Year?

Or maybe I was arguing with Eldis.

I think it doesn't matter whether he's gay or not.

He's definitely gay.

The point is that he doesn't love his wife.

That's true.

That's that's what we can all agree on but it's not all women are homo gay to not love your wife so much yes it is cool it's cool exactly and that's yeah hey hey nice wife homo yeah

that's what i love saying the the the moral of the story is you can either choose to be gay to or be a bitch who doesn't love his wife or be a cool guy that gets pussy on the side his more his dad's moral failing was not not coming out of the closet and living as himself but it was it was it was not cheating on his wife who gets boy boy, pussy on the side?

Does she?

Well,

what about instead of Gary Busey, it's Gary Bussy.

Gary Bussy, yeah.

Yeah,

okay.

You know how cool of a movie Call Me By Your Name would be if it was, if instead of Army Hammer, it was a lady with big-ass tits sucking off with like a regular

hot chick.

That would be awesome.

Yeah.

What was it?

Army Hammer was Arlie Ermie.

Who's that?

Oh, the Army guy?

The drill instructor from Fullmetal Jacket.

Full metal jacket.

God damn it, boy.

I love the taste of your cock.

The only thing that comes from Texas is steers and queers.

Thank God you're not a steer.

Look at it all covered in shit.

Looks like a Snickers bomb.

Oh, that would be awesome.

Yeah.

Just pounding your ass viciously.

Army style.

See, I would worry about the aftercare with Arlie Ermie.

Would he cuddle the way Army Hammer did?

Bullshit!

I'm a very sensual lover.

Yeah.

Didn't Army Hammerfion Stevens.

What a cool guy to be.

That is an awesome guy.

You're just so what you are that they just like, all right, you get to be you in movies.

Well, just, I mean, because it's like, yeah,

I had a friend growing up that

just knew he was going to be in the military.

Like, he just knew, like, he was from when we were very young, he was like, I'm going to be a Marine.

Right.

And then he was a Marine.

Then he got blown up.

Now he's an airplane mechanic or something.

Does he have all his limbs?

Yeah.

I mean, it was like, I think he was in a car.

There'd be like a

Jeep or something.

I mean, he didn't lose anything.

Hum D.

But I know he had to spend time in Walter Reed and then he took his GI bill or whatever to

like airplane fixing school.

Cool.

Lives in the Pacific Northwest doing that.

Okay.

But

he, yeah, I mean, it was just like all he ever wanted.

And he, I mean, he clearly modeled his personality off after Arlie Ermi.

Even as children.

And so I guess I kind of like project that onto Arlie Ermy himself.

Right.

But the idea of a guy that's just like, I'm just going to scream, and this is going to be me for my entire life.

You know, it's like, that's perfect.

That's beautiful.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, just, yeah, just one gear, one note.

Yeah.

Just crush it, though.

Did it great, and then he became famous for it.

Right, right, right.

You know,

he was actually in the army.

He was a Marine Corps drilling.

He's exactly what he's played every time.

It wasn't surprising.

It wouldn't be surprising to me if he just wasn't in the army at all.

I don't know if it was like how it went down, but I remember reading that they needed him as a consultant on full metal children.

Something like that.

And Kubrick was just like, you just do it.

You're perfect.

Yeah.

You're perfect for this.

That's what happened to me about a movie.

What happened to Adam in a movie called Smoke Me Bucks?

They brought

a gay gold

Jewish

gay guy to explain how sucking dick works.

Well, you know how, like, Hollywood.

Can you just do it?

Yeah.

Hollywood, they have a lot of problems getting gay right in movies.

Yeah.

So they have to bring in extra consultants.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

That's how you know that

Harrison Ford was actually discovered because he was sucking dick on the set of Star Wars.

Yep.

He was hired as a cocksucker.

That's a fluffer.

And they,

which they needed for because they had to have.

It seemed that got ultimately cut out.

Well, a lot of the puppets were very complex, and it would require not only the use of your mouth, hands, arms, and legs, but also your penis.

It had to be hard.

And yeah, and Frank Oz was like, you know, to make Yoda work because he's already doing Jabba and fucking chewing with his arms and legs.

Yep.

He would need a guy to save it.

And they shot all those at the same time, by the way.

To save money.

You don't know this, but it was a very low-budget movie.

They were shooting three scenes at once with one guy playing all the time.

There were three scenes where R Du D2 and Yoda would have to be having a conversation with Chewie

and Lando.

And so they would have Frank Oz's, one of his feet would be in blackface.

Yeah.

And then one was Yoda and Chewie.

And then they would, in the middle of it all, they would have to have

Chewbacca.

And so they would have to, someone would have to suck his cock to keep his dick hard.

And that's Harrison.

That was Harrison's

job.

He may may have been a carpenter.

I may be mister Frank.

Well, that was it.

I think it was he was sucking Frank Oz's dick so that he could perform chewy.

He was a blue-collar style rent boy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And

he would do whatever he wanted.

Sometimes it was carpentry, sometimes it was getting your dick hard.

That's actually where Adam Carolla got his start, too.

A lot of people don't know this, but he had to suck Jimmy Kimmel's dick

to keep Jimmy Kimmel hard so that Jimmy Kimmel could play

Carl Malaysia

with his arm.

while he would also be of his famous Carl Malone meets Chewbacca Yoda

and R2D2 sketch.

That's right.

And what's really crazy is that they met while he was on radio.

Yeah, doing Loveline.

Yeah.

But that's how he got into character.

Yeah, he was, he was.

It had to still work visually.

Yeah.

He was

sucking penis.

So true.

It is true.

So motherfucking true, actually.

So,

you guys probably could have guessed, but the three of us right now, we have DNC fever.

Oh, yeah.

I can't get enough of it personally.

I didn't pay attention, so we're not going to talk about it.

Okay.

I haven't watched a single.

I just want to say shout out to Colin Powell.

Colin Powell.

Uh-huh.

For being the DNC speaker.

You know what I call him.

What's that?

You don't want to know.

You don't even want to know.

Yeah, you're right.

Yeah.

I call him War Machine from Iron Man.

Cool.

That's awesome.

That's pretty cool.

You're giving him too cool and Black Iron Man.

He was Black Iron Man.

Isn't that the story?

It's like fucking Iron Man makes a suit and he was like, no, to make a shittier version for

the used the iPhone 6 version of the suit to a melanated voice.

Yeah, to a black dog who has actual combat experience.

Yeah.

I'm just a rich prick.

Come on, man.

Come on, man.

You got to give me a better suit than this, I mean.

Let me get one that makes my dick bigger, man.

Yeah.

Poor Terrence.

Poor Terrence getting owned and them just giving the role to Don Cheeto for no reason.

I love Cheeto, man.

Yeah, he's cooler than Terrence.

He's so cool.

I just watched.

What do you call it with J-Lo?

It's funny because he's in Hotel Rwanda.

And it's okay for them to ask him to do like an African accent.

But imagine you make a movie with like...

I'm trying to think of who like the leading Chinese actors or Asian actors are.

Jackie Chan.

Yeah, but Jaggie Chan artists.

Oh, he talks like that.

The guy from...

He had like a regular...

Fresh Off the Boat?

I guess there aren't any.

Yeah,

there's a bunch of Korean actors, I feel like.

What do you call it?

Chow Young Fat?

No, man.

There's a handsome...

They just announced there's a guy who played Korean Jim on the office for one gag.

I guess because some big parts are the biggest Asian in Eugene Park, is that his name?

The biggest Asian stars are like people that were already famous in Asia and then they came over here.

Yeah.

Yeah, because you're trying to make that international bank money.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it would be funny if you had like an Asian actor that speaks perfect English because he's from Chicago.

Yeah.

And they're like, yeah, this is this movie's called Hotel China.

No, that guy's name is not Eugene Park.

I don't know what the fuck his name is.

Is there any way that you could make your voice

Randall Park?

I don't know why I said Eugene Park.

Randall, interesting name for a Chinese guy.

He's Korean.

And he speaks fluent English.

Even better.

He grew up here.

He's exactly the guy you were talking about just now.

Oh, fuck.

Well, that's like, you know.

There's no way Randall is his Korean name.

Well, they do that with

Furio from the Sopranos.

He's from Jersey.

Yeah, he's American.

Apparently, they auditioned people in Italy, and no one got it.

Because they're so bad at acting, though.

They were too busy trying to have sex with the female casting directors.

That's true.

Can I see you, pussy, please?

I don't want to do the audition.

I want to make a love to you.

You have a bee on your head.

You have a bee on your hat.

Yo, you know, have you guys been listening to Talking Sopranos?

It's good.

I listened to like a little bit of the first episode.

I love it because it's my friends.

If I don't want to hear anything about the Sopranos, I'll just close my eyes and go into my own head.

They said that apparently Jerry Stiller was supposed to play Hesh,

but he dropped out.

Wow, that would have been cool.

Wouldn't that have been awesome?

That would have been really cool.

And that's the kind of tidbits you're missing by not listening.

I love tidbits.

Jason Alexander was supposed to play Tony.

Really?

They have a similar vibe.

Could you imagine how bad that show would be if all the characters were Jewish?

I don't know.

Tony's the only guy that's not in therapy.

He's like, yeah, I'm trying out drinking.

I'm trying out getting pussy.

I've been trying to get pussy.

I've been trying to commit crimes on the side as a way to make myself feel better.

It's really just all kind of stuff.

I'm trying having confidence.

All the other Jews are like, something's wrong with Moore.

Something's he's we have to kick him out of the law firm.

He's not allowed to be in part of the r child the pedophile ring.

This thing.

He's not allowed to be a producer anymore.

Yeah.

We're going to be making spy kids for without him.

How about this this sting of ours?

This sting.

Like d uh

committing Committing crimes.

That is the only that's my go-to sting song in my desert rose.

Desert Rose.

That's the best one.

That shit took over Greece.

I was there the summer.

It was a hit.

It's blasting everywhere in Greece, dude.

I'm like 13.

Everybody's blaring Desert Rose in Athens.

It's fucking awesome.

I remember seeing it on SNL, I think.

The Desert Rose?

Yeah.

Well, he was a musical guest.

Yeah, oh cool.

Yeah, he got like some what did you think?

What possibly else could have been?

I thought that they did a sketch where they're like

about Sting.

Maybe the joke is that he doesn't bust because that's his whole thing, is that he likes tantric sex for hours and not busting.

That could not be me.

SNL is so fucking lame, dude.

Are they even coming back?

What are they doing?

I don't know.

They're going to take Zoom.

I'll tell you what it doesn't do, is it doesn't get my dick card.

Oh, that's what do you do about that?

I don't know.

You know what?

In fact, I'm going to go piss.

Well, maybe you could.

Okay, well,

let's offer some suggestions.

Absolutely.

Yeah, I hate when my dick doesn't get hard when I watch SNL.

Just in case, you know, if there's a...

What?

Oh, I thought you were going to give us a copy.

No.

There's no copy.

I don't have my phone with me.

Of course you don't.

One of the basic tools of the trade of podcasts.

I'm missing.

No, I was trying not to have it.

You're constantly on your phone every other episode.

The one time you need to have your phone, it's not here.

No, I was trying to not have it.

So

it's very funny.

Anyways, the promo code is ComeTown in case I'm not.

But I'll be back.

I just got a picture.

Okay.

So go ahead and I just set up my phone, so I actually can't sign into my Google.

But listen, here's the thing about talking about...

Oh, you got a new phone?

It's the same one.

Apparently they're coming out with new ones.

My screen's all fucked up.

I have insurance, so they just gave me the same one.

So I'm just going to wait until the new ones come out.

Yeah.

Hopefully four cameras this time.

I might try to get rid of the smartphone if I can, but I don't know.

Go to a flip?

Yeah.

I don't know.

Well, once we quit the show, we'll just all get flip phones, get in little cabins, never get on Twitter ever again.

Zero pussy.

Anyways, I'm going to go piss.

Okay.

Nick's going to be pissing out of his soft little dick.

But if you want to be a man and piss out of a hard big dick, what you need to use is blue motherfucking chew.

If you're a guy like us, you like to piss hard.

Dude, I love pissing hard.

The stream is, you don't know.

It's uncontrollable.

In In fact, it's like a fire hydrant.

The alpha move is to fuck soft and piss hard.

Fuck soft, piss hard.

So don't take Blue Chew before you fuck.

Slather your little fucking wet, fucking soft cock into a pussy.

The girl's like, what the fuck's going on here?

And you're like, shut the fuck up, bitch.

I'm soft right now.

And you're loving it, aren't you?

And you're like, I guess.

And then

as soon as you're done,

as soon as you bust, you have to strain yourself to bust.

As soon as she comes, which will be a softness.

Which will be almost instantly because she feels what an alpha you are.

Right.

How much you're about to go.

And you're like, the whole time you're fucking rubbing your little nub at her pussy, you're like, I'm about to go piss hard, you fucking bitch.

Because as we don't even get the hard dick, I enjoy my hard dick whenever you're exactly.

And so being dommed so hard like that, she fucking busts loads all over the fucking station.

Because the female orgasm, as we all know, is not a physical thing, it's an emotional thing.

It's emotional, it's mental, and you have to treat her poorly.

So she'll get

violence to her pussy.

Exactly.

So she'll get off emotionally to your soft dick.

Then immediately afterwards...

You pop a blue chew.

You pop a blue chew, bring her into the bathroom, tell her to lay on the bathroom in the tub.

I heard Trey Songs does this.

Really?

In between sex sessions, he'll tell the girl to go to the bathroom, lay in the tub, play with her pussy, and then he'll piss on their face.

It was all over black Twitter today.

I didn't realize that.

This is the black Twitter Twitter minute from coming Adam Friedland.

Hip-hop.

So you're not talking about the.

No, we're talking about it.

We're saying you should piss off a hard time.

You fucks off and you piss hard.

We're saying that a real true alpha gets his dick hard and then pisses on a woman

as a means of marking one's territory, much like a dog would.

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Dr.

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I want men to know that.

The other thing, too, about Bluetooth is that it is a 100% black female-owned

company.

These are melanated voices that run this company.

So when you buy...

Yes, the people that sealed your little, the hands that sealed your pills were wearing big, long acrylic nails.

Yes, and it's not just the workers.

It is the people at the top, too.

The board members, the CEOs.

In fact, the workers are white men who are news states.

The workers are white men that are wearing GIMP outfits.

Yeah, the people that own the company are all black billionaire.

Yep.

Black billionaire.

Have you ever seen, have you guys seen

Wall Street?

Exactly.

Went to a time machine, went to Tulsa, got Black Wall Street before it was

firebombed or whatever, which was fucked up.

And they took them to the future, and then now they own Blue Chew.com, and all the workers are the white guys that were going to do the terrorism against them.

Yeah.

If you like sex, you'll love Blue Chew.com.

That's right.

A lot of the people, like another thing,

the Blue Chew would also,

a lot of the guys down at the orphanage, they take it to

make the bust for the orphans.

Right.

Because they can't get pussy.

They can't get.

Yeah, imagine how hard it is to get your day card after just the endless bust thing.

Right.

Not even in a way that.

You're being milked like a cow.

You're being milked like a cow to make food for homeless children.

And, you know, I mean, it's, it's, some would say it's sexual exploitation.

Of the man.

Of the man, but you know, your boss is

your boss is a black-owned woman.

Right.

Wait, wait, wait.

She's a black-owned woman?

Yeah.

A black woman owns your boss?

She's a melanated voice.

Okay.

Gotcha.

She's a melanated character.

Right.

Yeah.

And anyway, you know, you know, you get your card.

Same medicine as the regular shit.

How about watermelonated?

No.

No.

I don't believe so.

Maybe not in the middle of a reason.

Yeah, no, we got to get.

The thing is, we're doing these protests to help out watermelonated voices.

Right.

I'm going to double down on no.

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Yeah.

Yeah.

Whether you need them or not.

It's practice for girls.

Right?

That's why I used to beat off into condoms when I was a kid.

Right.

To practice for one day I was going to have sex with a girl where the first time I saw a condom at Sex Set, I beat off into it, and then I didn't use a condom for years.

I think I did the exact same thing.

I've never beaten off into it.

I was like, I think when I was like, yeah, seventh grade, 13, health class.

I beat off into a red-colored lifestyles condom.

Yeah, why did they always give like banana-flavored condoms in health class?

They were shitty-ass condoms.

That's what was left.

Yeah.

There's a kid at my school who chewed on a strawberry condom as a bit.

It was pretty funny.

That's funny.

That is pretty funny.

Every guy has performance issues at some point in their life.

Blue Chew Doc.

Not me, though.

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You need to bet that bulldog again.

The girl would be like, Do you need a hand?

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Make sure it looks like our performance is bad.

Tell them come to the ball.

The new bid is losing all of the sponsors.

Yeah.

Hell yeah.

Because it would be funny.

It would be funny.

It would be so hilarious.

And we're back.

And we're back to the regular part of the episode.

We're back to having sex.

Show me, pussy, please.

I give you $100.

I can't wait wait to have sex in my ass.

Show me your pussy.

What if every time you just do a show like this, and

it's very

thin.

But you commit to it?

To doing the

whole show?

No, for years.

And then,

but the podcast because people will still listen to something.

Oh, now we're making sure we change the name.

They go from Iran to Mexico.

They never figure out what race

that guy is.

Oh, that sounds good to me.

Nick?

What are you doing, dude?

Whoa,

what the fuck?

What the fuck, dude?

Why are you holding your eyes like that?

Yeah, it's not funny.

I thought we were doing different accents.

Take the tape off your eyes.

Yeah.

And where'd you get that hat all the time?

This is just like last week when you said the N-word.

Yeah.

And

we had to suspend you for a whole show.

And we pretended you were doing something to cover for you.

I went to an intensive therapy this weekend.

We went to a melanated voice therapist.

Yeah.

And

we made him repeat to her exactly.

I said, say exactly what you said on the show.

And that black woman sat there while Adam screamed.

We got to get these boop out of.

And then I think he stopped himself.

Yeah.

Recall correctly.

Yeah, it sounded.

Yeah.

Okay.

Anyway, so

yeah, I was, I've I've learned a lot.

And then a single tear went down her face like in glory.

Right.

And he was like, can you please say I'm cool?

Say I'm good.

Can you say I'm a good guy?

Yeah.

But I got kicked out of therapy because I thought she was giving me a vibe.

It is very funny.

Now in particular, there's a lot of white people that are like...

just like stupid white people that just desperately want black people to say that they're okay.

To launder their like

they're having like a religious experience with with black people right now,

just like

just so pathetic.

There's this like you've clearly never spoken to a black person in like a regular way ever in your life.

Yeah, and now you're like, Yes, you're the best, you know, like

me and my oh, me and my friends, and it's like just a selfie with three black people they met four months ago.

Yeah, yeah,

no, there's this, I don't know what it's maybe on Instagram.

People have like reposted it on on the the feed.

But this girl like interviews white women and asks them who famous black people are.

And it's just the most uncomfortable shit in the world.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

Are you talking about Z-Way show?

Z-Way, yeah, yeah.

That's what it is.

Yeah, I think you try and catch someone being racist.

Yeah.

But I don't get what it is.

She gives them a quiz on.

I haven't seen the show.

I just...

I see sometimes it gets reposted.

Yeah.

It just seems to me like knowing who black people people are isn't the entire problem.

I couldn't tell you.

Yeah, whatever.

Yeah, but then she gets like these girls that are like so

I think she tricks dumbasses into saying exactly.

Like they want to be publicly humiliated and with the I don't know the carrot on the string is that they'll be

accepted or forgiven.

I have no idea.

I just whatever.

Okay.

Yeah, I don't even really know what I'm talking about either.

It does pop up every once in a while, but

I haven't watched it.

Well, it's lucky for me that I know who every single one black person is in America.

I'm too busy watching

the Lone Wolf and Cub movies.

Have you guys seen those?

No.

They fucking rock cock.

Yeah.

They're incredible for real.

You'll love them.

It's like An Assassin is the Son.

Yeah.

And they're on the demon path to hell.

I got to calm down.

I got some stuff I got to take care of before I can go back to watching movies.

I had a nice run there, but now I'm like, You stopped.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think for me, it's like

I'm just watching basketball all day, and if basketball's off, I'm watching movies.

I have like periods where I just have to get things done, and then once that's over, then I can like recharge and go back to either watching or reading.

But if I'm like reading, if I get stuck in like a

if I get stuck in like a thing where I can't, like, it's like I should be working and I can't.

Right.

You know, like,

I I get you get no, you derive no pleasure when you feel like you should be doing something or watching a movie.

Yeah.

That's like, that's, you know, it's like not having because it's not, I mean, if you have like a day job, you get that right a second you're off the clock.

Yeah, then you can go, but yeah, with this, it's like

it's, it's, uh, you need to have something else that makes you feel like you put effort into something.

Yeah.

I know what you mean.

For example, I'm starting straight to gay conversion

So I can get some cock.

You're starting a gay conversion camp?

From straight to gay.

Yeah.

That's a good spin on things.

Pray away the straight.

It's weird that the Nazis didn't just try

conversion camps.

Oh,

to make them non-Christian.

There had to have been one guy in the pitch meeting that's like, can't we just make them be Christian?

Well, yeah, we'll dye their hair.

Yeah, we'll have contacts.

Yeah.

At least the ones with big tits.

I don't know if we need to kill them.

I mean, that seems like a little little extreme.

They're not gay.

You know.

They're not gay or gypsies.

Those two we can all agree on.

I'm just saying, you don't hear the gypsies yap too much about the Holocaust.

It's because they're too busy tricking people into, you know.

Playing five-card monsters.

Yeah, exactly.

They're too busy hiding a fucking acorn under a cup.

You know, they they're like still around like in the United States in Ohio.

There's like a ton of Roma.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

It's weird.

They're like they're just like rednecks basically.

It's awesome.

Wow.

That's awesome, dude.

Yeah.

What else can you tell us about Roma?

It was a good movie.

I haven't seen it.

Do you want to bat them?

Do you want to do a little book report on the movie?

Some Mexican people.

They're all in black and white.

Yeah.

You liked it?

Oh, yeah,

I thought it was great.

Why?

Because

I have a tenderness for the country of Mexico.

No, you don't.

Yeah, I do.

What did you like about it?

Oh, because you had a lot of shoes.

Yeah.

Oh, it was really cool.

But why?

I saw it once.

I thought that the scene with

the riots was awesome.

It had a tracking shot that was similar to the one he did in Children of Men, where

the movie sort of explodes and it's like

comes out of nowhere.

That reminds you of when a man's cock explodes in your face.

No, it didn't.

Is that what it was?

It was.

Next question.

Okay.

Okay, so on record, that's why you liked it.

Because the tracking shot reminded you of a guy exploding on your face.

Just to be clear.

Hey, got his ass.

Yeah, you're right.

Yeah.

Why don't you El Succo, my Carone?

You're a cuckoo ratcha?

Well, I don't know about any of that, but I definitely want some chips and salsa now.

I would love that.

I would eat a burrito.

I want to go watch jazz.

The Utah Jazz?

Yeah.

Yeah.

The Jazz play the fucking Nuggies.

It's cool having basketball in the middle of the day.

I love it so much, dude.

I don't have to think about anything.

I'm back on cannabis.

I was telling you guys.

Welcome home.

Yeah, I've been getting so fucking high that I fall asleep watching the late games.

I didn't get to see the end of that Lakers.

I had to wake up to watch the end of the Lakers.

I think you were texting me in your sleep last night.

Literally, I would wake up and text you and go back to sleep.

But yeah, it's nice, man.

I love sports for just tuning out the world.

Yeah.

I'm going to start gambling.

The world is hell.

The world is a vampire.

Well, it sucks my pain.

The world is my pain, ass.

It's fucking big as shit.

I'm fucking gay.

I'm fucking gay.

Secretly gay.

I am gay.

My dick is small as shit.

I don't know the rest of that song.

Yeah, I wish there was something else that's happened recently to talk about.

Are there any more riots?

Is that going on?

You got a girl Kamala, dude.

Oh, yeah.

Got a girl Kamala in the mix.

Biden's gonna lose probably.

It's gonna be funny.

Yeah, I mean,

fuck this stupid election.

Damn.

I'm not voting.

No, no.

Not even, like, like as a child?

No.

Not, no.

I'm voting for Ken Bone.

I'm voting for Ken Bone.

It would be epic if Ken Bone won.

If somebody does Call Me By Your Name, where I get to play Timothy Chalamay, and the Army Hammers, a lady with big ass fucking tits.

It'd be funny if that was in the movie about a 17-year-old boy that just like gets pussy from some like high 23-year-old.

Yeah.

No,

she would have to be older.

She'd have to be in her 30s.

Isn't isn't army way older yeah but he's like late 20s in the movie he's supposed to be like 24 24 yeah he's like the

graduate student oh i i felt he was older yeah no but it would be funny just about a family going on vacation some 14 year old boys just getting like yeah just choice 27 year old pussy

that would be awesome that's the kind of movies we need more of enough with this gay shit

All right, you got that one.

You got Moonlight.

Imagine that movie came out.

People would just be like, what was the point of that?

The movie's called The Awesome Kid.

Yeah.

He's getting rocks.

It's called Blank Check.

A gritty reimagining of Blank Check where he fucks the lady.

Yeah, blank pussy check.

It'd be a

remake the movie blank check, but it's about a kid that finds a gun.

Yes.

And so he just can get whatever he wants.

Yeah.

'Cause he keeps pointing the gun at people.

He gets a mansion at a butler.

He gets pussy.

That would be cool.

Because of the gun.

Yeah, because of the gun.

Interesting.

These girls at her school are like, wow, just like my dad.

Yeah.

If you have a gun, you're pointing a gun at me just like my dad does when he gets pussy.

Okay, interesting.

Interesting turn.

Well, that's that's the circle of

the circle of life.

That's pretty interesting story.

Mahatma, or whatever the fucking dad's name is, in Lion King, he takes Simba.

He's like, look out, look at...

Where everywhere you see the sun, when you look down and you see these women being abused by their fathers, then later you will abuse them in the same way.

That's the circle of life.

That seems kind of fucked up, Dad.

And I don't remember if I'm the guy that says this in the movie or the parrot.

It could be the parrot.

I don't think there's a parrot.

It's a bamboo.

No, there's a fucking parrot, dude.

Oh, Zazu?

Yes.

Yes.

Is he a parrot?

A toucan.

I don't know if he's a parrot.

That doesn't make any sense.

Because aren't toucans in like fucking Belize?

Yeah, I thought they were South American.

Yeah.

I think you might be confusing Zazu and Toucan Sam.

I might be.

It might be the same guy.

God, I want more coffee.

Shut the fuck up.

Shut the fuck up.

Let me get my coffee one second.

No.

No.

Sam, two breaks and one.

Two breaks and one.

I'm the only Iron Man.

I'm Cal Ripken.

Yeah.

I'm not pissing.

I'm not drinking coffee.

I'm over here laughing, saying, what about if a lady had big teeth?

How about this?

How about me, 2K and Sam?

Okay.

Now we're talking.

And he's like, follow your nose directly into the pussy without permission.

The kids are like, I don't know.

Oh, so he's an advocate for rape.

He's an advocate for rape.

I thought he had gotten raped.

Yeah, Zazu's got to be some kind of African bird.

They got parrots in Africa.

Do they?

Yeah.

Zazu, the Lion King.

Put your nose in a woman's pussy.

Tell her she'll never get on.

They're both British.

Tell her she wants to be in Rush Hour 2.

She'll let you put her

nose in her pussy.

Yeah.

What the fuck is that?

Most bird cartoons

I see as Jewish.

Because of the beak.

Yeah.

That's racist of you.

No, well, I can be racist.

But it is.

To me.

That's internalized anti-Semitism.

And while you were getting the coffee, we found your journal that said I hate it.

Don't talk about my journal.

I hate black women.

Don't, come on, man.

You know it doesn't matter.

It's fucked up that you said that.

It's in your, it's right here in your journal.

Page one, chapter one.

Come on.

I thought it was weird you put chapters in your journal.

Chapter one.

My dick is small and I hate black women.

That's not what it is.

The Adam Friedland story.

One day I'm going to be a star.

One day

everyone's going to know the Adam Friedland name.

And second to that,

my dick is small, small black women.

And I get pissed when I see a black black woman.

And I can't wait to hide my secret hatred for black women.

No, come on, dude.

You know, it was weird that you wrote that in your diary.

In your diary, the date here is written January 4th, 1992.

Wow.

Wow.

You were fucking four years old, five years old.

I was very eloquent for my age.

But I had some,

I was kind of messed up.

I was in the peace issues.

No, it wasn't about that.

My family had to leave South Africa where I was a prince because black people demanded too many rights.

And so now I'll take it out on them.

That's not what happened.

Now I'm taking out.

You know that's not what happened.

No, I don't know.

I'm just reading your diary.

Dude, yeah.

We kind of making out my diary.

Your journal.

Your diary.

Which one's Gary?

Diary.

Then it's your diary.

Diary, for sure.

All right.

Okay, folks.

I know you've been waiting for it.

We got an answer here.

Zazu is an uptight red-billed hornbill.

That's what I thought.

That's what I thought the whole time.

And his role is that he's like the

prince's

consort.

Yeah, well, he's like a consiglier to fucking Mufasa.

And he trains Simbon how to be a king.

So the baboon's like a priest?

Yeah.

They should do a lion king where Mufasa has to go to therapy.

And then there's a lioness.

And he's like, What part of Africa are you from?

Yeah, what part of the.

She's like, I'm not.

I'm Italian.

He's like,

that's a part of Africa.

Have you ever seen

that move?

Fuck, I'm blanking on the name.

I got this fucking brother.

He's a fucking

what do they call it, Gabe Fanouk?

A Fanouk.

Yeah.

My fucking, my Fanouk brother.

He's running around with all these hyenas.

He's trying to take over the fucking desert.

One of the hyenas is Whoopi Goldberg.

It's a fucking desert now.

It's not how it used to be.

It used to be fucking grass.

Everything's fucking dried up.

The business ain't the same.

I can't.

You got to diversify.

I came in at the end of this thing.

Oh, fuck, dude.

I loved that movie as a child.

Of course, it's a classic.

And then you found out that they were supposed to be a movie.

No, come on, dude.

And then you said, Dear Diary, I don't like this.

I don't like this besmirching of

my good name.

Interesting.

Of my name, which is completely unimpeachable

in public.

That's true.

I think.

Do you think have you guys ever had Athlete's foot?

No, that's fungus, right?

Yeah, I've been wearing my shoes a lot, and now my feet itch.

No.

In the house?

Get some tough acting, tenacting.

I'm about to go right in.

Bam!

That's right.

John Madden.

John Madden here for a foot fungus cream.

Bam.

I'm gay.

Bam.

I'm gay.

I won't take a plane anywhere.

Ten actin.

You spray it it on your cock and then you're gay.

Yeah, I heard the reason he would stay he wouldn't do planes is because you can't have gay sex on the road.

Yeah, that's the thing about my bus is you get on the bus and you have gay sex.

Bam.

Yep.

Him and Pat summer.

The thing I love about your penis is

you got your balls right here, and then the penis comes up this way.

This part of the arrow, that's where it's going into my mouth.

She's scribbling on it.

Some guys got

it.

Boom, you got balls right there.

You got two.

You got a ball here on the left side, ball on the right side, left side hanging a little bit lower than the other one.

But when you tug on the cock,

you get this back and forth action that pulls the skin, and the balls go up and down.

Bam!

Oh, fuck.

Shout out to Johnny Johnny Madden.

Is he alive?

Yeah.

He is?

He's alive, and he's like, fucking, he's only like 72 years old.

No way.

Hysterical.

You know, I don't.

I just feel like he's one of those guys where it's like, I don't remember him dying, but there's no way he's still alive.

You think so?

No, he's still alive.

No way.

He's 84 years old.

That's crazy.

Nice.

Well, because you know, it's like Irish people look like they're about to die when they're like 37.

That's true.

He looked like he was 80 when he was coach of the Raiders in the 70s.

This is him at 18 years old.

Is Pat Summerall still alive?

No, he's got to be dead.

Boom!

You put your penis in my ass.

You fucked me in my ass.

Oh, he died in 2013.

Damn.

Pat was looking bad.

Hell, dude.

The thing I love about having my nipples removed and placed higher on my chest.

That's the only place they use markers.

It's in the

breast enlargement videos I've watched.

Oh, yeah, I love those.

Those are great because the YouTube comments on them are all like Muslim kids from countries where you're not allowed to look at porn.

So they're like, such a beautiful surgery, thank you.

Yeah, it's the one thing that gets through the filter.

Yeah.

It's like medical breast augmentations.

Yeah.

She has such beautiful breasts.

I've seen a couple of those I could probably just.

Well, you know, you

you got my asshole here, and it opens up, and then the cat goes in there, and

they call that getting fucked in the ass.

John Mannon.

A guy like that, he's going to hold on to his nut until the very end.

This is offering play-by-play commentary.

Yeah, you're going to have to reach back, tickle his nipples.

I'm just doing my fucking

riptor.

They're very

blind claws, just pushing.

Yeah, another thing they tried out is that

you get fucked in your mouth and you laugh so hard.

The cum comes out of your nose, ends up back on the balls.

And they call that blowing out the birthday cake.

They call that move the birthday wish.

Oh, fuck.

Of course, you can't tell anybody about the wish, or it won't come true.

Scott, it won't come true.

Keep it to yourself.

That's one of my wishes, Pat.

I'll tell you, is that I get hemmed up on a bullshit charge and I get violently raped by a prison guy.

They see me as, you know,

some simpleton to take advantage of.

Get me drunk off bathroom wine and fuck me to death in a makeshift covered wagon in your cell.

That's wonderful, John.

How do they make wine

in the toilet?

I think shit just ferments.

Yeah.

Would they ferment poo?

No.

You don't shit it.

What are you talking about?

You don't shit in it.

You take stuff and you leave it in the toilet.

You clean it out.

They get grapes or something?

I don't know, I guess.

Maybe grape juice?

Uh-huh.

I actually don't know how they do it.

That should be, they should market that.

Toilet wine.

It'd be pretty cool.

It probably tastes really good.

Yeah.

We can start sponsoring parties.

Toilet wine, start sponsoring parties.

We do like the picture in front of the wall where it says toilet wine in the background.

Get some celebrity influence.

Step and repeat.

Do a step and repeat.

That'd be pretty sick.

Yeah, dude.

You can have a party here.

Let's have an illegal COVID party.

Oh, I would love that.

You did have a party here that one time.

It was pretty fun.

Which time?

A while ago.

It was like a big big party.

Here?

Yeah.

Maybe years ago.

Yeah, probably when I moved in or something.

Yeah, it might have even been literally the housewarming.

Yeah.

But it was fun.

Those are different days.

I was thinking about wanting to have a big-ass party, and then I was like, oh, wait, you can't.

Your crib now is great for parties.

I know.

I'm fucking pissed.

The living space is huge, though.

Humongous, but...

I'm getting tired of it.

My fucking landlord put the place up for a sale.

The building.

Old building.

Oh, wow.

So I might have to get a new spot.

You might be getting squeezed out.

Yeah.

And I'll make him squeeze something.

I'll tell you that much.

Oh, he better squeeze.

All right.

You know what I'm talking about?

Oh, he's knocking balls with his ass.

That would be nice.

Well, I'll tell you what: if you want to squeeze into a t-shirt, you can go to come.town and buy a t-shirt from the show.

That's right.

Or stoppy.biz, for that matter.

But they're different.

They are different.

Those aren't options as far as typing in different URLs and landing at the same spot.

Come.town is a different operation.

It's absolutely a different operation.

Oh, Estavro shorts.

But those are the only two.

The important thing is that you do go to those two.

Yeah.

And never a third one if it ever starts.

And I'll tell you what, folks, that's how you know the show's over.

That's how you know the show's over.

That's right.

We finished that plug there.

We plugged our t-shirt businesses.

Hey, you know, the thing about plugs is you want to tactically put one in the middle of the show or you put another one at the end.

Yeah, well, it's kind of like getting your asshole plugged up.

Really?

In what way, John?

That's interesting to think about, John.

I guess I didn't really

think about it.

I think Summerall was drunk a lot of the time, people say.

Yeah, I think so, too.

That's pretty cool.

I think that was a primarily drunk profession, sports announcing for all of history until recently.

This should be a drunk profession.

That's true.

That would be cool if we started getting it would be great if, yeah, and then just have no recollection, really not remember what it was on the show.

Start spilling some real tea.

Yeah, and I'm surprised that comic hasn't tried that yet.

They're like, you're listening to Blackout Podcast?

He's just killing himself.

Yeah, I've been doing mics for

17 years.

I started headlining.

Things are going pretty good.

COVID hit, and now,

you know, I'm just going to get...

I did premium blend.

But since then, I've mostly just been working at a Panera Bread.

But that all changes now.

It has to be a real thing.

This is the Blackout podcast.

And today we're talking about George Floyd.

And I got some ideas

on how we're going to fix this thing.

And we're taking a look at this issue from both sides.

I love the like mental health podcasts that are because it's comedians at stardom, and it's like

you're the because, well, comedians.

You're the least healthy

people of all time.

Right, exactly.

It's like, why the fuck would anyone listen?

It would be very funny if you lost literally just 10 pounds and then were like,

need help dieting, making lifestyle changes.

I'm your guy.

Yeah, right.

Have you tried ordering not an appetizer and an entree every time from C-Monday?

You don't have to eat the fortune cookie.

Just get a second entree.

And the fortune is that you will die.

Good night.

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