Ep. 205 – Youtube Live

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five minutes that's probably not the best way to do it because now this you've been broadcasting yourself

yeah well I didn't there's no like

There's no like green room or whatever.

Well, I mean, I guess there is in Zoom.

You just wait and then don't hit live until but you just don't hit live, yeah.

Yeah, but I just want to make sure everything's set up.

That's cool because you got to post the link to Patreon prior, like because it's not with Crowdcast, you can post an hour before, and then you just wait to go live.

I see with this, you have to go live, then go into the event, edit it.

I mean, there's probably a smarter way to do it, I just don't,

yeah, I don't know how, but boys, let's ask Bobby.

That's what, yeah, so you know, you got to see behind the scenes,

you know,

what it's really like to be the boys outside of broadcast time, you know?

Dude,

that's what they've been wanting to do.

Try it now.

What about now?

I have to shit.

Hold on, I have to shit.

Kind of that kind of stuff.

Yeah, you definitely like, let me go make a coffee.

Okay, I'll piss.

I like that.

Yeah, that's the kind of,

that's the kind of crazy world that

we live in outside of,

you know, doing the show.

Yep.

Before.

Dude, I'm standing up.

I got to sell full range of motion when I do

now.

Is that because of your tailbone issue?

What's going on?

Well, I just figured I'm not going to sit too much today.

Yeah.

My ass cheeks get a rest.

Where is the pain?

The pain is right at the tailbone, at the bottom of the tailbone almost, but it hurts when I squat.

And I did some really wide squats yesterday.

So it hurts when I come back up.

But it's not a muscle issue.

It could be

your SI joint.

I mean, it could also be a muscle issue.

There's a lot of things down there.

A lot of stuff, man.

It could be a nerve issue.

That's a nerve issue.

i just i i i would get the same i don't know if it's the same thing but if i drive for like 12 hours when i get out of the car when i straighten up it's like being like stabbed in my tailbone oof and i don't know

yeah because i mean i'm sitting all we're all sitting i don't know about you guys i'm sitting a ton no i'm not i'm i'm mostly pacing around i'm at the workstation yeah

I'm at the battle station.

I got my two monitors right now.

I'm looking at them right now.

I'm looking at you guys.

I'm looking at fucking audition.

Like a stockbroker.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Exactly right.

I don't know if you guys know.

Somebody found my keys.

What?

Yeah.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

Who?

I don't know.

I was like, where?

I was out

working on a car this morning.

How did they know they're yours?

You had your name there?

Nice background.

It's Bob Dylan.

Yeah.

I know what it is.

It's Howard Stern.

Tell me, Baba Bowie, did you know I make shitty music also?

Yeah, it's Howard Stern wearing his microphone on.

Baba Bowie, my music sucks, and I'm gay.

Yeah, no, some old guy.

I'm not even going to debate it.

Some old guy just came by.

He's like, Yeah, did you lose keys for your car?

How did he know they were yours, though?

Well, I was going to tell him the story.

Maybe, yeah, Adam.

Maybe if you just give him one second, I'll be able to answer.

He was in the process of answering.

Yeah.

That's the last apology you're getting all of them.

So

you broke your smoking vape on screen rule, and you look like a dumb bitch.

Yeah,

I might have to take off the mask to drink coffee.

How does Bane drink coffee?

That's a great question.

Because I'm sure you got to wake up to be Bane.

You know, he has like a, what do you call it?

He's got a you don't want to see me before

I had my coffee before I've had my first cop.

Mondays.

Mondays, am I right?

Yeah, Mondays are more of a cunt than the office cunt.

Right.

The stocks.

Can you

Can you call people cunts in an office?

No.

It depends what office.

Yeah.

Yeah, but the Glen Gary-Glen Ross situation, you can.

Yeah.

The cops.

Yeah.

It would be funny to read

Glen Gary Glen Ross, but there's just like two women that work in clerical positions in that office.

Just getting abused.

Not even getting abused.

Just all of that going on while a woman's like fucking calling her husband on the phone.

Yeah.

Doing her nails.

They're probably tuning it out.

They're professionals.

Just doing dumb bitch stuff.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Their nails.

Yeah.

Filing.

Complaining.

Yeah.

Being mad when they're racist towards the Indians or whatever.

Yes.

Well, I got my keys, so what's going on with you?

What's new, guys?

What's new in the world?

Well,

I did an apartment pump yesterday that I'm really fat that really felt good.

Fat man and the little boy.

What do you mean, an apartment pump?

The pump, dude.

At the home gym.

People keep messaging me,

texting me also also to go gallery view, not speaker view, Nick.

Okay, how do I do that?

It's on the top right corner.

Perfect.

Well, I did it now.

Yeah, okay.

All right.

Should be good.

So we're working out the kinks.

Does anyone message you that the audio is fucked up still or no?

I can ask Joe.

I don't believe there's any audio either.

No, it was when I first, like before I closed YouTube, there were people in the chat saying that the audio was

of fucked up I can't see the chat because we're just into right I know but if you open up YouTube it'll like Jonah says the audio is good okay because it was like it was like fucking

well I don't know the word not feel Jonah I said he's cute yeah tell which which one's Jonah again the tall he'll see it on the stream shut the fuck up

he's not even you could you know him

look at his mischievous little eyes I didn't say it I said

I can tell that I know what your face looks like underneath it yeah because we're friends.

Of course, you know what my face looks like.

Everyone knows what I know what face

expressions.

Yeah.

Well, it's mostly in the eyes.

See, that's the thing: this runs counter to the theory that my eyes are dead.

Oh, because now your eyes are alive.

You only get, yeah.

This whole thing is to prove you don't have dead eyes.

That's why I set up the whole quarantine.

I faked the whole thing just to prove to everyone that I have expressive eyes.

I have expressive eyes that do lots of

extra dead eyes to overdo it.

To overdo it.

Hey.

You can have expressive brows.

Why do we even have bottom eyelids?

The only expressions that bottom eyelids can relate are like, I'm going to burn all your stuff.

You know, it's like, it's always just like insane.

It's for insane women.

Because the top eyelid goes down all the way.

It's like how men have nipples and they don't need them.

We also have bottom eyelids that we don't need.

They're like,

those are female vestigial organs that only exist to do crazy, dumb bitch shit.

To be a bitch.

To be a bitch.

You know, to like just be like, I don't know, man.

I think maybe I'm going to, once quarantine's over, I'm going to start getting my titties sucked.

You're going to get them licked on?

I think so.

By who?

Adam?

No, women.

No.

Adam, would you suck on it?

You would.

You would think it's very funny to do that.

To suck on it.

If there was a poison in it, maybe.

To suck on stop

in a heroic suck, of course.

Oh, oh, oh, to get the poison out of me.

Oh, kind of a Romeo and Juliet sort of situation.

Yeah, if the snake bit his nipple, I would gladly suck it to save my friend.

Would you tickle my nuts and kiss my neck back and forth while you did it?

Well, if the snake.

Yeah.

The snake also had a little poison in my neck, and the only way to get the antibodies going is to stay.

It's in the testicles.

So you'd have to tickle my nuts and kiss my neck and then suck my tits at the same time.

It's so cool how much we're learning about science now that there's a corona.

Yeah.

I fucking love science.

I can't get enough.

Yeah, so, but I'm just kind of basically what I'm trying to do there, Nick, is to fight back against the idea that nipples are as vestigial as the bottom eyelids.

Yeah, I see nipples as more useful than bottom eyelids.

If I was trans, I would refer to my junks as my vestigial penis.

I was actually born with a vestigial penis.

Doesn't it feel good to get your dicks jacked, even if you're a woman?

Is it vestigial in that sense?

I don't know.

I mean, I don't know any of the rules.

I don't know how the mechanics are.

Who knows what those folks are doing in quarantine?

Do you think they're not getting their dick sucked if they still have them?

I think they are.

I remember reading.

If they get a sex change, do they refer to it as a phantom penis?

That's cool.

Phantom of the penis.

Starring Billy Zane.

That would be cool.

And they have to wear a little mask on half of the dickhead.

Billy Zane is the phantom penis.

He does have a nice smooth cockhead.

Did we talk about it?

You've seen that movie, right?

The Phantom.

I have not seen it.

Yeah, it's like a PG-13 movie, and I saw it when I was a kid.

And like, Treat Williams plays like the bad guy.

And there's a scene where he likes a cool name.

Treat.

Yeah, I would love that if I'm on a name.

I know.

I wish my name was Treat House.

Yeah, just come penis treat.

Treat penis.

Treat.

Now that's a name.

Yeah, it is.

The penis treatment facility.

Treat penis.

Yes.

Well, there's a scene in the movie where he fucking like he has like a

microscope, I guess, that he has some guy look through, but the microscope is rigged so like razor blades come out of the eye sockets and stab the guy in the eye.

And it was like brutal.

Yeah, and it like stayed with me.

And like, even when I was like a fucking little kid, I'm like, I don't think this should be in a kid.

This shouldn't be in a movie.

Yeah, because they kind of, I remember the branding for that movie being like, it's kind of like adventure-y, but it's not like an action movie.

But there was a string of movies that the only point of them was to sell like cups at 7-Eleven.

Yeah.

It was like, they just existed to get people to get really into like the diabetes sodas when they were going wild in the late 90s.

That was the Phantom.

Was it like 1930s?

What's that?

Yeah, they were all 30s movies.

They were all in the 30s.

All this superhero bullshit.

The old Batmans, too.

That people like now.

It's like they tried doing that and it didn't work.

You know, they made like Dick Tracy, the Phantom, the Shadow.

Fucking I was Dick Tracy for Halloween and kindergarten.

Yeah.

You were Dick Sucky for Halloween last month.

And you know what the costume was?

Yeah.

What?

Do you know what the costume was?

I was too young to be Dick Sucky.

No, this last year you were Dick Sucky.

You know I didn't dress up.

You know I was being mature.

No, you were Dick Sucky.

You're dressed up now.

You're wearing your blouse.

It's coming.

You're wearing your.

That's a nice blouse.

You're borrowing a tank top from your sister to do the podcast.

Of course.

It was the sports bra.

You look absolutely ridiculous.

Me?

Yeah.

Of the three of us, you look the stupidest.

All right.

It's like an upscale wife beater.

Yeah.

It's hot here right now.

You know, we're going to break a hundred for the first time in April ever.

Really?

It's overcast and shitty here again.

Yeah, it sucks.

It's really hot here.

And the air conditioning is not great in the upstairs right now.

So you're toughing it out.

I'm toughing it out, boys.

I might go down to stav

shape.

Stav

whatever.

What?

Wear no shirt?

No shirt.

You don't have the guts.

Is your penis out underneath?

I'm fully nude.

I'm fully nude, but I'm wearing new balance shoes.

Oh, that's good.

That's my pocket.

Like a black guy in a porno.

Like a black man in a porno about to get my turn to tear it up.

Nou balance.

I'm wearing a do-rag and new balances, and I'm about to get that pussy.

What if you thought he was like, I like the nou balance of these shoes?

Have you ever tried to fuck all nude with shoes on?

Never.

I want to try it.

Fuck all nude.

You know, we get a second chance at life after this quarterback.

That's what I'm saying.

I'm getting my teeth.

I want to try.

I'm not going to have shoes.

I want to try to have sex with basketball shoes on.

Like, you've never fucked outside?

Of course, you've.

I've

had pants around the ankles kind of situation.

I mean, I've come close to the side.

I'm talking all new just sneakers.

Through the zipper.

I mean, you know, we've gotten close to that kind of territory before.

I don't go through the zipper.

I pull the pants down if I'm fucking like.

Yeah.

Well, that's because your pants are all like elastic.

You got to go over the fence.

Yeah, you don't have any pants with zippers.

I have plenty of pants with zippers.

I have at least four pairs off the top of my head with zippers.

Thank you very much.

Welcome to

Men's Wide and Gross.

I very briefly shopped at a men's plus size.

Did they have short and fat stores?

No, they just torture us with big and talls.

And all the models are these 6-8 fucking hot guys.

And everyone in there is fucking 5'7 and 450 pounds.

And it's fucking, it's ridiculous.

There should be a short, fat model there.

And I'm pissed off about it.

There's never a short, fat guy.

It's always some fucking giant, awesome-looking guy.

Casual male taking L's.

Casual male.

Your whole life has been a series of L's.

Yeah.

What is the euphemism that casual is implying?

I think it's because traditionally big and tall stores were only for suits.

Because

so it's like more for like you could have it on the golf course.

They figured in your casual life you just throw a fucking potato sack.

Right.

Okay, see, I always thought it was, yeah, it was like you have sort of a cavalier approach towards your health.

Yeah.

Are you casual about the

sack in your arteries?

Right, exactly.

Yeah.

That was always the vibe I got from the name of those stores.

Yeah.

I will say, when you're in there, it's all.

Because I guess if you're super fucking fat and you don't have a wife, you're usually just buying sweatpants from Costco or something.

So every time I would go into that store,

it was when I had a girlfriend who cared about me,

like in college, recognized

shirt.

That's right.

That's a cool shirt.

That's a cool shirt.

I respect that shirt for sure.

I love that.

It's got a sandwich on it.

I hope they open back up.

I went by Speedy Romeo's and it was boarded up.

No,

Speedy Romeo's is gone.

It's boarded up.

I just found out that my favorite taco place in Jackson Heights is

coming back tomorrow.

Oh, Pinky.

Common men's asshole tacos is closed?

That's a fucking joke.

I know the Latin American community is incredibly homophobic.

They're going to name it like that.

Cabron tacos.

Yeah.

Yeah.

American tacos for gay guys who

are also

weak.

Jewish Maricon tacos.

Yeah, Jewish

weakling tacos.

Is that the place that closed?

No.

Is that the name of the place?

Well, I was going to say it's back, it's coming back, but

uh-huh.

Well, that's how it is.

I'm not

penis tacos.

Well, I'm not going to go there with you, I guess.

I was planning on a boys' trip.

All of us going to Jackson Heights

and having some nice beady tacos.

They would respect us.

They wouldn't serve us because we're not Marico's.

They would serve us.

They would serve you.

It's not an expressly homosexual style.

That would be cool if it was like the opposite of

the people in power.

Like, if only gay guys could eat here.

Yeah.

Only Chinese guys could eat here.

Nice.

An inversion.

You know?

What if only Elizabeth Warren was allowed to eat?

Did you see that fucking house?

People have been like, or the tweet that was like...

2020 owes an apology to Elizabeth Warren.

That was so fucking funny.

Yeah.

What do you think?

I didn't say fucking.

Right.

You know who the essential worker should be apologizing to?

It's Elizabeth Warren.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, the fucking pork packers that have to go keep dying to go to work.

Yeah.

We're so sorry we failed you, Elizabeth Warren.

I love this chainmail, dude.

I really, I wish I knew how to pronounce all my S's as F's.

Like what?

What do you mean?

Stavros?

Oh, yeah, like Favros.

Fatavros.

Favros.

You know, like in the script, the way it looks.

Oh, Favros.

Fatavros.

Fatavros.

Favavros.

Fat Tavros.

Ftavros.

Honestly, fat Tavros.

Fat is fat, and Tavro in Greek means bull.

Yeah.

I could be the fat bull, dude.

That's not a bad name.

Fatavros?

Tavros means bull.

Yeah.

Fatavros.

Bull cum.

What's bull cum?

I guess hesi.

The only word I know for cum is hisi, which literally means spill, your spill.

So they call it your spillage, basically.

Interesting.

But there's probably a technical term for a semen that I don't know.

Yeah.

Because I only know it from the streets.

The streets of Athens?

Yes.

I didn't learn Greek in

a formal setting.

So you speak like Ebonics.

I speak Ebonics.

The Greek version of the Greek.

You speak like a kind of like a Uyghur kind of thing.

Yeah, absolutely.

Yep, Jamie Kennedy style.

Malibu's most wanted.

Yeah.

So

de Blasio's centering his sights on the Hasids.

Did you see that tweet?

Bop, pop, you're gone.

That is pretty funny.

No, it was not the Hasids.

It was all Jews.

It was just any Jew whatsoever.

Going back to his German roots.

What's his real name?

I know German Miller.

Willem.

Yeah.

Willem.

What's his name?

Willem something.

I mean, de Blasio might be like the biggest fucking idiot.

I mean, like, for all the shit Trump gets for how he's handling the coronavirus, like, we know what Donald Trump is.

Like, debasio is like just a fucking moron.

Yeah.

I mean, what has he done wrong?

I haven't really paid attention.

I mean, he's just pretty late on shutting the school.

He's late on shit.

He's hysterical.

He never, like, talks about things in terms of like kept the schools open for a while.

There being any kind of plan, it's always just like, guys, this shit sucks.

Have you seen this?

This is fucking crazy.

Anyway, that's what we need right now.

The message to the kite community, community, you know, and it's like, what do you, what are you doing?

Yeah.

You can't say that.

It's a pretty funny sweet.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was funny.

And it was brave because we all know.

It was brave, especially in New York City, where there's what, like two million.

Yeah.

Well, it's all,

but no, why it's why it's stupid is because it's like they're not going to enforce that.

You know, that there's not going to be mass arrests of Hasidic people.

It just won't be.

No, there's just going to be, they're going to send a cop in with

it's going to be the same exact thing it already was.

What they've always been.

So the only thing you stand to gain by tweeting that out is having people call you anti-Semitic.

Right.

Yeah, from a PR perspective, I'm very dumb to it.

It's fucking stupid.

It would be wild if he just started a little mini-holocaust out of the blue.

Right.

It would be a wild move.

I will admit that.

I think, literally,

I guess

everyone's upstate right now, so go ahead.

If he gets the gats out, dude, if the Blasio gets the gats out,

that'll be something.

That'll be something else, boy.

I'll tell you what.

Should the Blasio start exterminating Jews.

I would be like, damn, that's fucked up, Bill.

Don't do him like that.

That would be kind of my perspective.

His name is like Kaiser Wilhelm II.

Kaiser Soze.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, it's something German.

Let me look at it.

It's Willem, I think.

Yeah, we've looked this up probably every time.

Well, it's so funny.

It's because the people that point out his name the most are the same guys that did the Barack Hussein Obama thing, and that's to point out that he's like

not

that he's even less white than you thought he was.

But when you do it with de Blasio, it just makes him sound like the guys that are like, oh, Bill de Blasio, you mean Hank Verman?

And it's like, well, that sounds like your name.

Sounds like you'd like that guy, probably.

Yeah, they're pissed he changed it up, dude.

Honestly, that's, I respect that about him.

I think that's the coolest thing about him is that he changed his name to some Dago shit.

I agree.

Yeah.

I agree wholeheartedly.

I mean, you should have given himself a black name.

That would have been so cool.

Yeah.

My name's Tyrell Hussein

LeChocolate.

And I'm the mayor of New York.

We do it after he wins the election.

Tyrell Hussein LeCholate.

Yeah.

He's already been elected, and then he does the paperwork to change his name to Tyrell, who's saying La Chocolate.

God damn, that would be incredible.

La Chocolate is a great name.

You just see that name blasting out tweets.

Like, the Jews better wise up.

That makes a lot of sense to me, actually.

Right.

I feel like a guy named Tyrell LeChocolate is definitely not too pleased about what the Jews have done to his neighborhood recently.

It is funny, though, to watch, like, the conservative Jews react to that tweet, who already call everything anti-Semitism, anyways.

Yeah, that's been.

They're like, you know, the the guys the guys who like take a picture of like the price of peanut M ⁇ Ms have raised like 35 cents on the subway and they're like, not since the night of crystal knocked has an injustice this grave been levied against the Jewish community.

And you're like, what are you talking about?

Just like, yeah,

the Jews who got a suit for their bar mitzvah and never stopped wearing it.

Those kids.

They just keep fucking

curling into it.

Right.

And then them reacting to this thing is so funny.

One of them is like tweeting like a side-by-side of like de Blasio's anti-Jewish tweet, but then also just another tweet from him that just says hat, like it's like basically just says happy Ramadan.

Yeah,

I saw that the question mark face, which is like

you're just proving that you hate Muslims.

Why bring that in?

Yeah, that's the most slam-dunk, actually, anti-Semitic thing that public official has ever done.

Yeah, he's like, he said something anti-Semitic, but also he's being nice to Muslims, the garbage religion.

They wipe their asses with their hands.

with their hands,

fuck yeah, dude.

All those guys are named Ari.

Every single one of that type of Jewish guy is named Ari somewhere.

Not my Ari.

They're all from T-Nax.

Not my sweet boy.

Yeah, your Ari is cool.

Not my sweet boy.

Which one's Ari again?

The tall one?

You've known all of these people for years, Nick.

Have I?

I don't know anybody anymore.

She's transcended knowing anyone.

You know, it's funny.

I kind of thought that, like,

being funny was dependent on not being around people, and like, you know, you just become more

your ability to socialize breaks further and it makes you better at jokes.

Right.

But now it might be that you do require interacting with other people.

Oh, okay.

Because I feel like I'm forgetting the English language.

Oh, I've become so dumb.

Yeah, I'm at the point now where I can, like, barely communicate.

Like, I just won't speak to anyone for three days.

My mom will call me and be like, How's it been?

I'll be like, me have breakfast.

Oh, wait, outside, you go in, there's clouds there.

What?

How are you?

I know, dude.

Yeah.

I know, bro.

I've been forgetting really easy words.

Like what?

Like

uncle

and

all the safe words.

What are the

just

he's forgotten the safe, like safe words while he's getting fucked in the ass.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Uncle.

Yes.

You know, Sesame or whatever.

Right.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Is there a universal number of safe words that I don't know about?

I don't know.

I really only know uncle.

Oh, well.

That's the classic.

Yeah.

That's the classic.

Say uncle.

But is that about getting fucked in the ass or is that about being put in a full Nelson?

I don't know if people say uncle when they're getting fucked in the ass.

Yeah, why does that satisfy a bully who's giving you a headlock?

The word uncle.

Why is that?

I made you say the name of your mother's brother.

Well, because bullies are actually bullied themselves.

You know, it's true.

A bully's being molested by his uncle at home.

That's right.

He's like, now

I'm the uncle.

It triggers a PTSD response where he starts crying.

He's like, I'm sorry.

And then he pulls his ass out, and you have to fuck him in the ass.

And that's how you beat a bully.

What's that shitty Sean Connery movie where he can talk to dragons?

Is it dragon hard?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I think that might be the key to sitting down and watching things.

I have to watch things that are bad and then get mad at them.

Yeah, for sure.

I might live stream Twister later.

I might do Twister.

Oh, Twister sucks.

I might put Twister on and just do

it.

Twister's fucking brutal.

Go through the whole thing.

It's an insane plot.

Yeah, pack my pipe up, make a little coffee, put Twister on, and just

go to work.

ain't nothing wrong with that poppy yeah

twister who's in that shit bill pullman it's paxton yeah bill paxton it's uh who's bill pullman bill pullman's the president one of the bill p's independence day

yeah the president hold on a second

that's a different guy yeah paxton they're completely different there's also

there's also will

Paxton.

I don't know him.

Yeah, you do.

He's another another guy.

Hold on.

Wow, that's wild that that's not the same guy, Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Who is Bill Paxton?

I know Bill Pullman.

He was in

that show with the Mormons.

Big Love?

I've never heard of that.

Is this show on HBO?

Is that Bill Paxton?

I think it was.

Hmm.

Damn, R.I.P., though.

Even though I didn't know who the fuck he was.

There's also a guy named Will Patton, who's one of those guys.

Damn.

I honestly thought.

So Paxton is not, isn't it not Pullman?

Yeah, well, look up Will Patton.

Will Patton.

Yeah, because he's the other Bill Pullman.

There's Will Patton, Bill Pullman, and Bill Paxton.

There's also a guy, Scarsgaard, and a guy, Sarsgaard.

Yeah, this guy is not as much of those guys as the other two guys, though.

Will Patton is more Bill Paxton than Bill Pullman is Bill Paxton?

I guess I don't know who Bill Paxton is.

That's kind of my thought.

You do know who Bill Paxton is.

No, I know, but I always, in my head, every time I've ever thought of Bill Paxton, it's always been Bill Pullman.

But Bill Pullman isn't in that many movies.

I mean, he's like, Independence Day is his big thing.

What is Bill Paxton in?

You tell me a list of things Bill Paxton's in, and I'll tell you if I thought Bill Pullman was in them or not.

See?

Beethoven 3

they should bring the Beethoven movie

all the dog movies back there's Beethoven there was fucking prime time for dog movies obviously the airbuds uh

there's the shaggy dog where

is it Tim Tim the Toolman Taylor's a dog and he has to watch his wife get fucked

god damn I wish I could just I need

I can't do I can't I can't, I'm trying, and it's just like, I cannot make my fucking brain work.

I can't, I have, it's just silence.

It's just absolute silence in my fucking head.

This fucking quarantine sucks.

I know, bro.

I can't do it.

There was like maybe, maybe one or two times where there was some novelty to it so I could extract something, but talking to a fucking computer sucks.

This is bullshit.

I know.

I don't even like hanging out with people, but I need to hang out with people.

It's fucking, it's, this is shit.

Nick needs to be in a room

looking at his phone.

Not with you.

I don't look at my phone.

First of all, motherfucker, you're the phone looker at her.

No, you're not.

You're a phone looker at her.

You're the phone looker.

No, no, no.

But in social circumstances, if I'm hanging out with you guys,

Adam, you look at your phone too.

Don't pretend like you're not a phone looker at her.

If there's enough of a familiarity, I feel free enough to look at my phone.

Right, right.

But if I'm in like a social setting, like

like a gathering,

sure, Nick is more likely to do that, but you, I would say at the end of the day, it sort of evens out because you,

although sometimes Nick, you just won't look, you just straight up will not talk for 40-minute stretches.

During the show or like hanging out?

No, no, no, no, in a like a party in life.

Yeah, no, of course.

Yeah, no, if I'm, yeah, of course I'm going to be looking at my phone.

Yeah.

What the fuck am I supposed to do at a party?

I don't drink.

Well, you know, even just.

It's like, oh, is there a bag out?

Just a kickback.

All right.

Well, I guess I'll look at my phone then.

Let me know if the bag comes out, and then

maybe we can talk about being social.

I gotta look at Bill Paxton's IMDB.

Yeah, we're gonna take a quick look at the Paxton brothers, see which one is which

and get to the bottom of this.

Who is Kip Pardew?

We're gonna go ahead and take a look at at all the Kip Pardew movies while you tell me about your sister as breast cancer.

And I'm like, huh?

Oh, yeah, no, that's wild, dude.

Damn.

Did you ever see South of Pico?

Yeah, and then she was in chemo for like six weeks and it didn't work.

Is South of Pico any good?

You ever see that?

No?

Oh, oh, your sister.

You're talking about

that.

Yeah, it's not bad.

Yeah.

Christina Hendrix is in that.

it's crazy we never saw her breasts

speaking of breast cancer by the way

speaking of i mean you see her breasts somewhere don't you no never

on the internet nope

come on i feel like i've jacked off to pictures i thought were her breasts her breasts have never been seen i mean it should there that that should be a section on her wikipedia page it should say

many christina hendrix is an actress and many have wondered have we ever seen her breasts

oh maybe there was maybe i've jacked off to very convincing photoshops yeah you have that's a shame you've been tricked and

that and the photoshops are most likely done by men so you're jacking off to another man's art

which makes you

gay yeah

damn it it makes you serious these

who is this lady there's a redhead with big tits

that I'm looking at right now.

I love that you have a dual monitor set up.

I really do.

To quote on Kidding.

And one of them is looking at Photoshops.

Get work done.

Anything in your life involves even one monitor setup.

Damn, dude.

I'm pissed.

I cannot believe I jacked off to somebody else's tits.

Why not?

Because I wanted to jack off some of them.

Because it makes him dishonorable.

It makes me dishonorable.

That was a not-earned jack.

Your hair is a good one.

I didn't earn that nut.

It looks like a newborn baby's hair.

You look like a Korean infant.

Honestly, I say let it grow.

See, see, it might fill out, I think.

I'm growing.

It's not a girl filling out, but I'm growing it out.

Yeah.

I'm getting the bald ponytail.

That's sealed.

That's in the put that on the books.

Yeah.

I just hope it grows in fast.

Do you guys know a way to get hair to grow fast?

Not fuller, but faster?

uh no no

because i want to come out of this with a ponytail but i feel like i'm unfortunate i can grab it which is nice yeah i mean i guess it'll probably this will go on forever so you it'll happen you know yeah that's true you gotta you want to flatten the curve of how long it takes for your hair to grow out i want to look like danny devito in twins yeah that's a good look That's dude, that's my look when all this is said and done.

I'm trying to get like a fiefdom haircut, you know?

Everything combed.

Like like a bowl cut.

Yeah, and then, yeah,

just look like

shaved like an absolute fucking retard.

Yeah, absolutely.

I had that haircut once.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, as a kid.

Yeah.

You still cut your hair.

My job is to god of the stones and put the stones.

You mean you had a proper bowl cut?

Yeah, I went to my mom's went to a salon and she got me a haircut and they let like the Cuban shampoo boy like try out

they let him try out haircutting and i got he gave me a bowl cut and he said uh to my to my mother he said all the boys on the playground have this haircut

all the boys that was his uh i got a bowl cut my damn self and it was from my mom's friend who we these old these old greek people who we later found out were swingers

they were just this lady would cut hair in her house and then her and her husband with an earring in the 90s so you just had like businessman come all over your hair.

Yeah.

Just wife.

You just use those fucking scissors to clip fucking pews.

Wife swaps.

Did either of you ever have this haircut?

The Ricky Martin?

Of course.

That was where I fucking cut it.

I love that Dan Soder still gets that haircut.

Yeah, Soda still does.

Soder's fifth grade haircut.

Soder's whole shit is like fucking 1998, dude.

That's when we

long-sleeve t-shirts, the flip-up, you know, hair.

He really is.

He's wearing his Queens of the Stone Age t-shirts.

Queens of the Stone Age, Abercrombie jeans.

Yeah, dude.

He really is like a giant kid.

Yeah.

And he's also good in the way a child is.

You know what I mean?

He's a nice boy.

He's a good guy.

He's a good guy.

He hasn't been corrupted by adulthood.

Yeah, it's true.

Shout out to Dan.

Shout out to Big Soats.

So, what's going on?

You guys got any new

skills?

Skill sets?

I'm trying to learn how to...

I'm not learning how to paint, but just paint every day.

But

that's really only so I cannot hang out with my family.

Talk to us about that for a little bit.

Maybe tell, tell, tell.

Do you want to see what I was working on this morning?

Tell the whole world out there exactly what you know, what needs to be done to progress at that.

Well, I think that learning lighting.

We got to start getting guests on the show.

We got to have people.

I got to just throw the worst questions possible to people.

I'm down.

Yeah.

So, Edward Snowden, you did something or whatever.

So, what's up with that, man?

Do you get pussy in that little shit?

Did you get pussy off of the leak?

Russia's

Russia's got to be crazy.

What kind of pussy they got over there in the world?

It's got to be fucking crazy over there.

So, when's the last time you busted a nut, Ed?

Can we get Snowden on for real?

How hard would that be?

What do you do?

Pretty easy, probably.

You hack stuff?

Is that your job?

Is you're like a hacker or something?

Do you have bang bros?

Do you hack into bang bros in the So you don't have to pay.

You ever see Short Circuit 2?

Do you think that movie's going to come real?

Do you think the science was good on that movie?

Yeah.

Do you think that what we're headed towards is something like the film Short Circuit 2?

Is that like what we could expect?

Where do they got my man?

Is he just in a house in Russia or is he like.

I think he's in an embassy.

Yeah, I don't know.

The media goes to

where they're like, Google wants to put microchips in everyone's brain, and then Edward Snowden goes, I think that's bad.

And then it's like, well, of course he does.

Everybody acknowledges that's bad.

But they'll just go talk to Edward Snowden anytime there's like

another development.

What did he leak initially?

That the NSA's like fucking spying program.

Oh, okay.

So he's chill.

He's a chill bloke.

Yeah, he is.

He's a good bloke.

And he's got a little apartment.

Do you think he's got a PlayStation?

Yeah, he lives.

How does he pass?

He's roommates with Anders Bravik.

He's in Norwegian.

They put all the guys from 2011 in the same.

Oh, damn.

I thought you meant Anders from Workaholics.

Yeah,

that guy's name is Anders Bravah.

Yeah.

He went by Durs.

Who the fuck is Anders Brevik?

He's the guy that we talk about him all the time on the show.

He shot all those Muslim kids.

Oh, right.

Right, right, right.

That guy's not chill.

That guy's not a chill.

He's not as chill.

He's not as chill as the worker.

Give me Durz.

I'm taking Durs over Andrews Bremik, dude, 100% of the time.

Damn.

And what did the other guy, what did Assange do?

Assange did WikiLeaks,

that drone bombing video.

And he's getting pussy from Pamela Anderson somehow.

That's what they say.

That's a weird.

That's weird.

I was not expecting that one, I'll be honest.

Damn, drive-in movie theaters are making a comeback.

Should we go?

That would be fun.

Well, I mean, they're just forget for fingering.

It would just be nice to leave your house, bro.

Yeah.

We could shout to each other from our cars.

Is that what you mean?

Like, hi, Nick.

Hey, stop.

We're probably never going to hang out again unless they open a socially distanced Chinese buffet.

I'm there in line like it's fucking Phantom of the Menace.

Just a megaphone from the Root Beer float station.

It's good to see you again.

Phantom of the Menace?

Is that what you said?

The Phantom of the Menace?

Yeah.

Yeah, I did.

I meant Phantom of the Menace.

Episode one?

Phantom of the Menace.

I'm trying to see see that shit like it's Phantom of a Menace, dude.

That's what Tyrell the Chocolate would call Phantom Menace for sure.

That guy is cool.

Oh, fuck.

I would go to a drive-in movie theater.

Yeah.

Is that shit safe?

What do you mean, is it safe?

Yeah.

Fuck yeah.

And then could somebody give me top?

I mean,

when do we get testing so we know who has it and who can suck your dick again?

Well, they had that those antibody tests and it proved that most people already have it, but then they're like, oh,

that's all bad science.

So wait, we're not going to go with that.

How do you get that test?

There was in LA County.

There was one in LA County.

There was that Stanford one.

It's just like.

There was one in New York, too.

Because there was like last week,

I just stopped reading the news because it's like, I can't with this fucking thing anymore.

And

I guess, yeah.

Dude, I'm like those protesters.

America's open for business, if if you ask me.

Adam just marching up and down the Capitol steps, holding his asshole open with a sign that says open for business.

I'm open for business, gentlemen.

Honestly, if you made a hazmat suit and the dick part is made out of condom material, you could fuck like that.

The dick part?

Yeah, sure.

So why are we getting those going?

Can you get COVID from fucking?

I don't think so.

So, you're saying you don't even need to wear a condom.

The rest of you just has to be.

You just need to airlock your dick ass.

As long as you wear a mask, kind of like maybe even a scary mask or a Venetian mask.

Right, right.

Yeah, like as long as you're wearing a cloak

mask with a giant bird beak.

What about the little Red Riding Hood wolf where it's the wolf, but it's the grandma?

She's wearing glasses.

Uh-huh.

You remember that mask?

That was a standard scary mask.

That was really scary.

I didn't even look at that.

You could be wearing that and having sex.

Yeah, we could.

Nick, you're upset?

Yeah, I'm just trying.

I can't fucking think.

I can't think.

Yeah.

Yeah, because

there's no change in life.

I think that that's the problem.

The problem is there's nothing.

There's nothing.

You can either go read fucking bad news

or do nothing.

I mean, it would be okay if I just could like shut off and be fucking comatose, but there's like zero fucking inputs.

There's nothing, there's like nothing to fucking talk about.

There's really, there's like not like none of the distractions work.

They're all bullshit.

I don't want to watch any more fucking movies.

So you haven't watched a single movie before.

I've watched Hero like 15 times in a row.

I try to watch it.

I watch maybe 10 minutes of a fucking movie and I just can't.

I just put, turn it off, make another fucking coffee, pace around my apartment.

I don't know what the fuck to do.

You know, I mean, it's like,

I don't,

i i like yeah i don't do handstand push-ups that's pretty good for you sure i just like i can't i i need like something else has to fucking happen you know what i mean it's just this fucking bullshit over and over again dude that's what i'm saying we got to open characters

stand outside de Blasio's office at a certain point it becomes a matter of creative necessity for everyone to become COVID denialists.

I'm in it.

I mean it's true.

It's like, what the fuck?

You can't do your your job as somebody that has to fill an hour of time unless you're saying this thing's bullshit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, you could just watch Twister.

We could talk about who's Bill Paxton.

Yeah, that's great.

That sounds like great.

Yeah.

Just fucking not only super interesting, but definitely not extremely well-tread territory.

No one has ever

thought that maybe Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman might be the same guy.

I wonder what similarities they have, other than they're both named Bill and they're fucking like bisyllabic last names that start with P.

I mean, it's like

both actors too.

Yeah.

Yep.

White guys.

Brown.

They're both white guys.

Yeah.

I just need something else to happen.

And I like I lost my keys, but then I found them.

And that's the most exciting thing that's happened this month.

Yeah.

You know?

We need like a war or something.

We don't need a war.

We need them to try to do a war and then you'd you'd have something else to fucking talk about.

I mean, they would do a war anyways.

You can't stop them.

This shit sucks.

This shit, it sucks.

I hate this.

I'm with you.

You could start cooking, but you're not eating.

I am eating.

I do cook.

No, I'm tired.

I'm furious.

I'm like, just fucking like, if I try to think about anything, it's just, oh, right, I'm fucking furious.

I'm angry.

This shit sucks.

I don't know what to do.

And it's like, okay, well, I guess I can just turn my brain back off.

Welcome.

Welcome to the team.

No brain thinking.

I mean, that would be fine if we didn't have

a responsibility to

just say something.

Just say anything.

I mean, like, when it goes, it gets to the point of, like, okay, well, if I can just fill an hour.

And it's like, but now I can't even do that.

I can't even fill an hour with bullshit conversation.

Damn.

Yeah.

What about the UFOs?

They think

they got UFOs, bro.

Yeah, that's it.

The genesis of every conspiracy theory is just fucking like

a capital interest in needing to maintain some kind of audience.

No, they really didn't.

Alex Jones just released UFOs.

Alex Jones.

Like footage.

Did they?

Yeah.

I feel like Alex Jones would just be like a normal guy if he didn't get a job saying things.

You know what I mean?

Oh, because he has to generate UFOs.

Yeah, he's got to fill the outer.

He's like, Oh, I guess I'll talk about

fucking lizard globals.

Well, what about other people that don't talk about shit like that?

You know, you got Howard Stern, he talks about pussies and retards and that kind of stuff.

You got

my girl Terry Gross, she interviews people.

What's with this fucking UFO thing?

Let's go ahead.

Well, I guess we'll look at this.

Pentagon officially releases UFO videos.

I wonder why

they're trying to distract us,

get us off the scent, yeah.

Um, oh, damn, I went back to my Christina Hendrix shit,

UFO.

Yep, mm-hmm.

I tell you, one thing that did kind of spook me, you said story about like the New York Times, you're like, uh, that one of the top doctors in New York killed themselves because of having to deal with the patients.

And it's like, did

does that happen?

I mean, is that like

that seems weird to me.

I know.

She was like a coronavirus doctor.

So it feels like it's out of the fucking Clinton playbook.

You know what I'm saying?

Some Epstein stuff.

I'm at the point now where I don't think that anyone has ever committed suicide ever.

I think David Carradine was murdered.

I think Robin Williams was murdered.

No, he was jacking off.

He was murdered from jacking off.

That's it.

Those are the only things that happened.

Either people were masturbating or they were killed by the Clintons.

This is the only two options.

The whole concept of suicide is just mostly an abstraction.

It doesn't.

Top ER doctor who treated virus patients dies by suicide, according to the New York Times.com.

A top emergency room doctor, Manhattan Police, and a Manhattan Hospital that treated many coronavirus patients died by suicide someday.

Just listening to Stop try to read.

Yeah.

Damn.

Sounds like sort of a Vince Foster situation.

She died by suicide.

Yeah.

One to the back of the head.

Yeah, she shot her.

She was found in her garage.

She's one gunshot through the back of her head.

She shot herself four times in the back of the head after deleting her video that said coronavirus is like, I'm not seeing any patients.

But didn't she?

She got coronavirus and then recovered and then went back to work.

Dr.

Breen's father

said

she had described devastating scenes of the toll the coronavirus took on patients.

Her father, who I guess

must be in on it,

says that what she saw caused her to kill herself.

What did she see?

The truth?

The truth.

Maybe she could give us some insight in these UFO videos.

Dr.

Breen did not have a history of mental illness, her father said, but he said that when he last spoke with her, she seemed detached.

And he could tell something was wrong.

She had described to him an onslaught of patients who were dying dying before they could even

be taken out of ambulances.

She was truly in the trenches, he said.

He added, make sure she's praised as a hero because she was.

She's a casualty just as much as anyone else who has died.

Wow.

I'd like to see his bank account statements, if you know what I'm saying.

Well, I don't understand that statement.

Let's make sure she counts as a hero just like everyone else who died, which is like, well, yeah, she's a hero.

She was a doctor, but it's like the people who are dying of corona aren't heroes.

Yeah, they are.

They're heroes in the war against the virus.

Why?

And that's that's kind of in.

It's like, okay, well, why are they framing it like that?

Because she's more of a hero than them.

Easy.

Easy, yeah.

Nobody was even close.

No, yeah, who's like,

this bitch, taking the easy way out.

A lot of people are saying that.

Yeah, like civilian casualties in the war aren't heroes.

It sucks.

They're French.

Sorry.

None of those Iraqi children get medals.

That's what you get for not standing up for your French self.

That's true.

You should have joined La Résistance

and died like a hero's death, gone to Valhalla.

Les Miserables.

Yeah, that's true.

Les Miserable.

That's right.

Les Miserables.

Damn, this is fucked, dude.

What?

Did this lady got herself?

What is Les Miserables?

It's just about French people.

The miserables.

They're dirty.

That's what it means.

Oh, that's what it means?

Yeah, the miserables.

Damn.

I didn't know you're miserables.

that he knew French.

It's something, it's a musical named after Adams Dick and Balls.

The miserables.

That would make sense these days.

It's about the French Revolution.

Yep.

This bitch is giving up pussy for bread.

There's guys going to jail and shit

for bread.

It's mostly about bread.

There's a guy named Javert.

Yeah,

John Veljan.

There's

Cosette.

Cosette.

Is she the one giving pussy for bread?

I think that's...

I think so.

A lot of people were giving up pussy back then, which is fucked.

It's fucked that you have to give up pussy for basic needs.

You know?

Do you think there's...

You saw that story where landlords are trying to get people to give up pussy now?

Yeah, I did.

That's when we're in trouble is when we go back to a pussy-based economy.

Why?

That's what you want.

That's what I want, but society is in trouble.

Also, I don't want that.

I don't want it to be an economy.

I don't want it to be an exchange.

I mean, what makes you think that women are sleeping with you

for any other reason other than

some kind of social exchange?

Well,

that's what everyone gets.

That's how everyone fucks.

Yeah.

I mean, I don't want it to be an economic exchange.

I mean, it is an economic exchange.

Well, it's not for money.

It's not, I mean, per se.

That's my wheelhouse.

But it's because you have the money, is the reason that women are fucking you.

As long as it ain't coming out of my pocket, I'm not looking too deep, brother.

I'm on the surface waters, having a nice time doing this float move.

Right.

You know where people float on their back?

I'm on a lazy pussy river.

I'm not trying to go underneath the surface.

Check what's going on.

I'm not trying to see all this cum.

You don't want

the hypodermic needles.

You know, thank you.

You want to talk about lies of the system.

One of the greatest systemic lies of all time is that if you piss in a pool, it'll turn blue.

It really is a great lie.

I mean, I was so scared.

The times I've not pissed, and the times are like, oh, yeah, it'll turn red, you know, and then you go ahead and you piss or whatever, and it's fine.

And you're like, these motherfuckers.

I could have been pissing this whole time.

This whole system is based on fear and lies, which is like if you had a different method of imposition, one that was based on honesty, that may be even more draconian, it wouldn't feel like such a spiritual violation.

I agree with that.

Even if it was tougher, as long as I knew the real rules and there was no getting fucked one way or the other.

Right.

If you told me that instead of a red dye, if you piss in the pool and the lifeguard would find out, he would pull down your pants and make everyone laugh at the size of your child penis,

then I would not only respect the rule, but if I was caught, I would say this is a just system.

I knew what the terms were, and it turned out to be true.

There was a crime and there was a punishment.

There's crime and there's punishment, but there's there's honesty at the core of the thing.

And your little kid dick will probably be wrinkled, too, because you're in the pool.

Justice without truth is not virtuous.

So true.

Yeah.

So effing true.

Can there even be justice without truth, my friend?

A question for the ages.

I guess, probably.

I can think of an example.

Like when you shit and you realize you're out of toilet paper, and then you get toilet paper, and then you wipe, and it was one of those, like, turrets that didn't need to be wiped.

Wow.

Now, that is a great...

Yep.

Wait, you're saying that's justice without truth?

Yeah.

I don't think that qualifies as justice without truth, but that is some kind of specific circumstance of something.

It is justice without truth.

What's the justice?

Well, the justice is that you didn't have toilet paper and you wiped your ass and like you didn't need it.

You didn't have the toilet paper and you didn't need it, which is a just reality.

And the truth, the truth of the matter.

There's no way to not having truth is that you didn't know you didn't need it.

Right.

Not having truth is that there's no way to prove it unless you did have the toilet paper.

Interesting.

I guess truth and knowledge are the same.

Yes.

I was not equating them as the same thing, but you're right.

I was just fishing for anything to say.

Maybe truth with knowledge instead of

justice without knowledge.

I was looking for maybe anything that might even remotely seem like sentences.

So I went to Lowe's yesterday.

Oh, gotta go to Lowe's.

Yeah.

Adam loves to blow, man.

Gotta go to Lowe's.

Lowdells.

Lowdells.

Low Lowe's.

Black Home Depot.

Lowdells.

Home Depot is Black Lowe's.

It's the other way around.

It's true.

Lowe's is nice.

Lowe's is nice, dude.

Lowe's is really nice.

Have you been to the Lowe's in Red Oak?

First of all, no.

Home Depot is Eastern European Lowe's.

Thank you very much.

Home Depot is

chaos.

How about this?

Heckinger's was the best.

I've never been there.

Yeah, you'll never go.

You'll never know about.

Heckinger's was nice.

You'll never know about Heckinger's.

I went

some of the last fond memories with my father were at Heckinger's.

Dude, as a kid, going to Heckinger's with my dad,

my dad used to

have no idea what anything in that store is.

And as a kid, you're like, one day I'm going to be picking up this shit and it'll be a reason for it.

You know, I'll know it.

I used to love going to like track auto when I was a little kid and be like, wow, someday I'll have like a shitty Honda

and I'll come here to buy things for my shitty Honda and I'll know what they are.

I thought that would be so cool.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But then Hecken just went out of business.

I know.

Yeah.

But now it's all advanced auto.

I don't think I've ever been to Lowe's.

I've only, I'm a Home Depot guy.

Adam, I cut you off.

I'm sorry.

You You were going to Lowe's for what?

Wow.

Things are tough.

Yeah, let's just go to Adam.

That didn't go anywhere.

No bit there.

Time to go to Adam.

I went to Lowe's for an Ethernet cable.

Nice.

And I'm going to go.

You're coming in crisp.

You're coming in clear.

Yeah.

I bought it, and it didn't have the connector plugs on the end, so I had to go back to Lowe's.

What?

It was just a cable without

the connector.

What?

It's just Adam was like looking at the table.

I ordered it

only three dollars.

This one's got three dollars and it doesn't come with the clips, but you know, you save some money just trying to plug the bare wires into his computer to save money on the clips.

Electrocuting himself off his equipment.

Because I'm now recording back upstairs again so I can have some privacy for the show.

And

yeah, and they didn't have the connector, so I had to go back.

and uh it was a pleasure.

It was a real pleasure.

Leaving the house twice, going to Lowe's.

I did a little people watching.

Do you have to wear masks in Vegas?

What the fuck is people watching?

People say that and that's just like, oh, it's a great spot for people watching.

And it's like, does that mean that you think that you're like you're not an idiot?

I mean, that's the implication always.

Is that like what you go to hang out and watch other people be stupid and banal in ways that you think that you're escaped from?

I don't think there's anything.

You're just around people, just soaking up

different types of

lows.

There was a.

I always thought it was kind of like shitty and condescending, that expression.

I think it can be read that way.

I think that people that claim to be really into people watching are typically dickheads.

Yeah.

It can be vindictive.

I'd like to watch them.

That's who I'm talking about.

Who watches the watchers?

Who watches?

Who watches the people watching?

Why don't we go take a look at these fucking dickhead people watchers?

And, you know, some guy sitting on a bench, just get right up in his face.

What are you looking at?

See, now you know how it feels.

Now you know how it feels.

You fucking asshole.

You fucking.

Yeah.

What are you doing?

You're a guy who's never recovered from teenagers watching you shit your pants one time.

Right.

What are you doing?

You and your new girlfriend here having a nice spring day?

Yeah, it's always about, yeah,

it's a big couple.

I feel like that's what the Zodiac killer was all about.

He's going up, like, what are you guys doing?

Your people watching?

And they're like, please leave us alone.

And then you tie them up and stab them to death.

Yeah.

It's like, consider yourself watched.

You're watched, bitch.

Yeah.

Welcome to Aquarius Rising.

Your house is in Saturn.

It's funny that this guy going around murdering people is just a dumb astrology, bitch.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's very funny.

That it's like the same kind of person.

He's like, you know, dear Mr.

Police, if you ever want to see Caitlin reach her ninth birthday, you'll send $200

and 18 healing crystals

to P.O.

Box

for 18.

When this stick of incense burns out, I chop one of her toes off.

They're calling him the Fortune Cookie Tarot card killer.

They're calling him the I Ching killer.

Oh, fuck me.

At Lowe's, I did see a gentleman

who I believe was a Mexican gentleman wearing a t-shirt from a funeral, like

the t-shirts that they make.

The swag?

Yeah, the swag, the funeral swag, which I guess had been donated somewhere.

He was wearing a funeral,

which I thought, you know, and that's the kind of stuff you get from leaving the house, being out in the world,

people watching.

Salvation Armies, you go into them, it used to be like half the rack was like the Jefferson Jackson 150th anniversary.

Family reunion.

Six flags reunion.

Growing and glowing, baby.

You know, and it was just, yeah, just 500 of those shirts.

I know.

Or like a class trip or it's like some asshole just donated them en masse.

We should get some of that shit, man.

I haven't been to a thrift store in a while.

Damn.

People be going to thrift stores.

Thrift stores are worthless in New York.

You have to go.

They are pretty picked through.

You can go to Jersey, though, for some gold.

Yeah.

I mean, what are you going to do?

Get into, like, ironic thrift store t-shirts now again?

Is that 35?

Yeah, in my 30s.

The shit.

2007.

The shit that, like, by the time you turn 22, you're like, oh, I'm just a tool.

Yeah, this is.

I love that shit, man.

I don't begrudge my face of ironic wacky shirts.

I'm going Westernwear.

Restaurant graphic teas is the way to go, friends.

It's a good look.

I respect that.

Yeah.

I got two shirts from La Philippe.

I'm sucking John Wick's cock.

Yeah.

Your head is the wrong way.

It should be the back of your head.

Shut up.

Everybody keeps asking me if I'm gay.

And I didn't really have an answer.

But now I'm thinking, yeah.

I'm gay.

Yeah, I'm gay.

Yeah, I'm gay.

I'm thinking I'm gay.

I'm thinking I'm gay.

Dude, that movie rocks.

I re-watched that one recently, too.

Yeah, I could could re-watch John Wick.

That's a classic stone cold classic.

I'm gonna have to watch two again.

My boyfriend gave me that dog before he was.

My doorfriend used to put that dog in my ass.

That poppy lived in my ass

for years.

Adam, what's your background about?

Why is Bob Dylan with a Yarmaka?

He's praying

the Western Wall, I believe.

In occupied Palestine.

Damn, I wish I could go to Bob's Big Boy or Bob Evans or.

Damn.

What's the.

You're going to have to dine in the middle.

It must have been awesome to be, like, to leave some Eastern Bloc country in the 1980s.

You spent your entire life there, and then you, like, moved to America in, like, 1993, and you get to go to, like, Wendy's for the first time.

Oh, yeah.

Can you imagine that?

I probably rocked.

My family, we have gone to Wendy's, and it is

filled with joy in my heart

to have square capitalist hamburger.

Damn, do they even have burgers in Russia?

No, they ain't got shit, dude.

That's another question.

You got to eat a radiated wallpaper for Snowden.

For Snowden.

Y'all got hamburgers over there?

Yo, Ed, y'all got hamburgers?

Y'all Y'all got them square Wendy's hamburgers?

They got different menu items at the McDonald's.

Yeah, they got a McDonald's over there.

Y'all got Borscht at your McDonald's?

Yeah.

What's the pussy situation like?

Because they're mailing them all out elsewhere.

I'm thinking, what's left over?

It's got to be like a thrift store here in New York.

It's true.

It's picked through.

All the good, ironic pussies taken.

You're only left with the sincere stuff.

Yep.

Sturdy Russian wives.

Oh, fuck.

I smell like shit.

Did you guys feel like your body odor is worse than the quarantine?

No, I've been fine.

I mean,

kind of, I guess, but not really.

I've also been showering more because I'm like exercising.

So I'll shower in the morning and I'll work out and I'll shower again afterwards.

I see.

Ooh.

You do a little sandwich.

Little shower, shower sandwich.

That's the other thing.

I take a million showers now.

I wasn't for a while.

I stopped bathing for the first couple of weeks.

And then there's nothing to do.

So it's like, okay, well, I guess I'll take a shower.

Right.

I mean, I don't know.

Maybe I should get a punching bag.

I really have no idea.

Punching bags are a good idea.

I have no fucking idea.

And this is going to go on for another.

I mean, it's going to be interesting to see what happens in New York after May 1st.

When people can't pay their rent, when it's like, you know, they're tired of it.

Nobody wants to clap anymore.

That's the thing.

These are the kind of models I need.

And statistics.

Somebody should do a clapping at 8 p.m.

index and see how long it takes before that peters out.

Because

the first night in New York where there's only a single person clapping, the next night is the one when the fires start.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No one has clapped here once in Astoria.

Yeah.

I mean, I can hear Williamsburg from here.

I don't think my neighborhood's clapping.

It's like

because my neighborhood is like mostly older black people, I think, still.

Yeah.

You know.

And they, uh,

I don't know.

Yeah, maybe Adam.

Madam was right to flee, dude.

Yeah, Adam had the right move to flee New York.

To abandon New York.

To be scared.

We have natural

Adam's natural fear instinct when confronted with anything.

It was not a cowardly move.

I would own up to it if it was, but it wasn't.

I'm just saying you were right to do it, and I think now it's after May, we've proved the real New Yorkers have proven who they are, and they are now free to flee without any judgment attached.

And maybe it's time to get a fucking cabin, get a property,

walk the grounds.

Yeah, I just want to, I want to touch grass, bro.

Well, you know, exactly what will happen is you'll buy a house somewhere, right, and leave.

And then that's when like all podcasts just immediately go bottom up, and then you're fucking

and you can't get a job at all, and now you have a fucking 30-year mortgage on a property.

You're like, oh, well, now I'm also out of work and I can't pay you for anything.

Yeah.

So it just puts you in this like fucking holding.

But like, what the fuck?

What the fuck is going to happen, dude?

This shit sucks.

I know.

It's not funny.

It's not.

I know.

It's fine.

I've found something that isn't funny to me.

When I come back, if it's still quarantine, I'll hang out with you.

I don't care, dude.

You're not coming back, dude.

I'm coming back.

You know when I'm coming back, but I'm coming back eventually.

But yeah, I'll hang out with you.

I don't care.

I'll hang out with Stop.

We go to that taco place, pick up those tacos, and check out the business.

We're not doing that.

Why?

Look, me and Stop.

Me and Stop live here, and we don't hang out.

I have not seen Stop in months.

Yeah, but you and I are neighbors.

I'm not leaving this Astoria, bro.

He doesn't leave Astoria.

He doesn't leave his apartment.

I don't leave my apartment.

There's really not a reason to hang out.

Nick, you should go for a drive.

Maybe that'll make you feel like.

I can't go for a drive.

There's nowhere to go driving.

Go down to the Coney Island.

Check it out.

All desolate drive back yeah you gotta go for it that's not a bad drive yeah go for it

my car's been up on um

on like blocks for like three weeks because i just i'm gonna go to the strip i think and see it all they suspended alternate side street parking so i've been doing all like the work that i put off that would require like not moving the car for a while

how's it going how's the work on it's nice it's nice to have a project but again it's like all the things that i have to distract myself with it's like i don't know how to like turn that into

like there's not, I'm not, I'm so fucking understimulated that I can't produce anything.

I can't fucking like do anything.

I've been making, I've like sit around and I make like

instructions for myself on like how to do things, you know, and like I format them and page.

I'm getting into like document processing.

I mean, it's like I don't know what to fucking do.

I know, brother.

Yeah.

it's ice food yeah well my offer to hang out with you when i get back is no it's still on the table no

all right

ian said he's gonna ride his bike and then we're gonna talk from my balcony while he's downstairs yeah that sounds nice it's like that it's like i mean it's you kind of watch everybody creatively kind of flailing right now and the only emotion you're really capable of having is like disgust and then you witness it in yourself and you're like fuck

it's like what do you like what do you do i mean all we can do is just sort of like

hey look at me you know and then people do and you're like whoops sorry

yep i got nothing i don't have the answer either sorry yeah yeah yeah

yeah people's uh

i've seen a lot of cringe content

oh yeah recently oh yeah and comedy was

comedy already was shit

it was it's gotten it was gotten pretty it was already like incredibly superfluous.

All of this content that nobody really wanted, but there was enough money in the industry that

they would keep making it.

Somebody would just fucking throw them in.

They'd be like, yeah, let's do like, let's do it.

Viacom's doing like a web series.

I mean, like, that's what, like, Quebee is.

It's funny that Kweeby hit right when this happened because that's the pinnacle of like old media waste throwing all this money at a fucking idea that's dog shit.

Just setting money on fire.

Just like, you know, did you how much money they fucking raised for billions, yeah.

Billions,

billions of dollars

for a proprietary subscription phone-only service where there's no way to share any of the content on social media.

I mean, it's like

it's unreal.

Just how much and like, you know, there's a lot of people that got into the like the entertainment industry banking on the idea that like, you know, because it was like funny.

It was like 10 years ago, they're like,

comedy has a mediocre white guy problem.

And it's like, yeah, you're right.

And the answer is, like, we should get rid of the mediocre white guys.

It's not that we should have a bunch of mediocre

everything.

Mediocre of every strike.

Yeah, we should, we should, it's not an introduction of a bunch of mediocre bullshit from everybody else.

They should just fire the mediocre white guys, leave the 15 of them that are fucking talented, and then maybe find like, you know, a black woman that's loud in a funny way.

You know, maybe throw Leslie Jones there.

Maybe we do Ghostbusters,

and there's only one of them.

There's one of them.

You pick one.

The best one of the Lady Ghostbusters.

The best one.

There's one Lady Ghostbuster.

Yeah, you go Egon,

Leslie Jones, and then I guess maybe you get maybe a Chinese Ghostbuster in there.

I like that.

Chinese Bill Murphy is Ken Jong.

It's yeah, Jet Lee.

Oh, not Ken Jong.

Jet Lee.

Ken Jong.

Dick is so small.

It's so funny.

His dick is small.

That's funny, but it's so funny how small his dick is from the oceans 11 movie.

What's that?

From the oceans 11.

Jet Li in the Oceans 11 movie.

Yep.

That's the other ghostbuster.

That's Chinese Ghostbuster.

That's not Jet Li.

I used to think it was Jetboxbuster.

That's not Jet Lee.

Yeah, it's just a small guy.

Isn't he one of them?

I thought it was Jet Li too, bro.

He's in the Expendables.

That's it.

He's not in the Oceans 11.

That's not even close to the same movie, dude.

And he's doing way too much guns, not enough.

It is close to the same movie.

I'll say that.

They're both ensemble casts with a Chinese I guess all right fine they're ensemble cast but one is much more of an action movie the other one's a caper

not exactly a caper but

something a heist

heist movie what did you guys said are the kind of movies I should watch the long goodbye yeah all those like 70s like gritty crime movies

I'm about to write it down yeah we should all you know we should how we should have this conversation is uh we should do the podcast from now on.

Is one of us will say something, and then the other person will go, hold on a second, let me write that down.

And then we just have

minutes of silence while we just take down notes here.

What was it?

I've been taking notes this whole time.

Hang on a second.

You said it was Bill Pullman?

And he's a different guy.

Let me assure you.

And so that's, hold on, real quick.

P-U-L-L-M-A-N.

And now, I'm sorry, just to follow up to

back to what you were saying earlier, there is a Bill Paxton.

Yeah.

To be clear.

Okay.

And that is P-A-X-T-O-N.

Correct.

That's correct.

You got that right.

Very good.

What are the other movies, though, for real?

Long Goodbye, what else?

Oh, yes.

Well, let's write these down.

So Long Goodbye, and I'm assuming that's the classic spelling of Long, L-O-N-G.

What's the other option?

L-O-N-G-E.

L-A-W-N-G.

Long.

That's the original name of Long Island was

L-O-N-G-E-I-S-E.

Lonege.

Lone.

Lone Salon.

Lone Isle.

I have a very lone spin-ass.

My balls are lounge.

Long balls.

So long goodbye.

We'll go ahead and write that down here.

You're listening to the Taking Notes podcast.

This is episode 783.

And, you know, note-taking is, I wouldn't say an art form, but it's certainly nothing to thumb your nose at.

Oh, yeah.

And a lot of people, they don't know the right way to go about it.

They think somebody says something, you just jot it down.

That's incorrect.

Well, I mean, not technically.

What are the other aspects?

Not technically.

I mean, technically speaking, it is correct.

That is both the essence and entirety of what note-taking is.

Right.

But

if you were to,

I wouldn't say necessarily belabor it,

but

add some flourish, there's things you can do.

Like, for example, I use capital letters, and that way I never have to dot my I's.

But isn't that more work overall?

No.

In fact, over the course of years, I've saved probably $22 in pens

on the ink I've conserved.

Are the capital letters smaller?

Damn, what's that?

Do you use small capitals?

Who's sneezing?

Who's sneezing?

Let's investigate.

Oh, what are they?

My roommate.

What's going on with that?

You want me to go check?

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right, one sec.

Be right back.

Hold on.

Okay, we'll just sit here.

We'll sit here in silence.

So, Adam, you were saying earlier, I want to make sure I write this down.

I get this down.

You went to Lowe's.

All right, bro.

Yeah, all right.

You went to Lowe's, you said?

I went to Lowe's twice yesterday.

Yeah.

And that's L-O-W-E-S.

He's all right.

Lowe's.

Yeah.

Lowe's.

He's doing fine.

I just took down some notes here.

Adam apparently went to the store Lowe's.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, what happened?

Did you ever get the correct cord?

Then I went back, got the correct cord.

That's fantastic.

You know, just to add a little bit more.

Just make sure I stop.

You got that down here?

You got that.

I ordered the correct cord with the connectors on the end.

And then I got there the second time to the because they have an online pickup thing.

Right.

I ordered it to the wrong Lowe's.

So then I had to get refunded for that one.

Yeah.

Then go into the aisle.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah, no.

I'm looking at the order now.

This one went to the Lowe's for the straight guys.

Yep.

We don't have it here.

Yeah, this is actually the guys.

The guy behind the counter is trying to rip on you.

And he's like, yeah, Yeah, sorry, they went to the Straight Lows.

This is it's only for gay guys.

And you're like, So you're gay?

And he's like, What?

No?

Fuck!

No!

No!

Fuck you!

The guys that work here, that it's the other guys.

It's the other guy.

It's the customers that are gay.

I'm going to assure it that says the customer is always gay.

Yeah, that's right.

And it's a businessman bending over, exposing his asshole.

But would he be the customer?

He's the businessman.

He's selling his ass, and he's straight.

Oh, okay.

I see.

But the rule here, there's only one rule.

There's only one rule.

They call them the whole rule.

And it's like the customer is always gay.

Customer is always gay, but I'm straight.

The guy getting fucked in his ass in a suit,

I'm straight.

Yeah.

I'm straight.

I'm a businessman.

I'm doing a job.

Sex work is work.

It'd be funny, yeah, like mad men.

It's like a sex work office where it's just a bunch of business guys

going out and getting fucked in their ass all day wearing suits.

And then coming back to the office and being like, Meg, your tits look better every time I see them.

Just the cum dripping out of their pockets.

After the CEO of Polaroid just fucked him with the ass.

I got a three o'clock over at the Pan Am building.

Juan Tripp's going to be blowing out my holes for about 15 15 minutes.

I was thinking, Meg, maybe me and you could go get some Tom Collins after this.

Listen to some jazz down in the West Village.

What do you say?

I have a fiancé.

I'll have him killed.

Either we have sex or I'll have him killed.

You have no idea how much gay sex I've been having in 1960s corporate America to keep my job.

And now it falls on you to make me feel straight again.

They've got a big Japanese client coming over, and they're stressing out that they're having gay sex in in the correct cultural way.

Right, the Japanese clients coming, they got to figure out who has to lay down on the table,

just cover yourself in sushi

while being bukakied.

Oh, okay, that's another thing they do.

Yeah,

who goes out for eating a sushi off of a sexy lady and is like, this is cool?

What do you mean?

I would think it would be cool.

That doesn't really.

Really?

Yeah.

I would feel bad for her.

I'd want to talk to her.

Be like, are you enjoying this?

Yeah, of course.

This is your job.

I'd like to talk to her because you're like a predator.

You don't mean I'm like a predator.

Well, you would have to.

I think it's a predator kind of move to pay to you.

You would have to

do it.

It's a transaction.

You'd have to escape yourself from the transaction while still trying to get the ultimate result, which is to you to have a teacher.

No, first of all, I wouldn't do it because it's kind of lame.

Some kind of sexual interaction with this woman.

You want to establish an emotional relationship with her and be like, I'm not like the other guys.

And then you get to fuck her without.

Whereas

I'm happy to pay her for her talents.

Right.

We're being honest.

This is back to the pool.

You know what you are?

Is you're a pool liar.

You're a guy who would lie about the fucking die in the pool.

That's not true.

I'm a pool pisser.

I've been a pool pisser my whole life.

I knew of the purpose of the porch.

Oh, I know you're a pool pisser.

I know you're a pool pisser.

I'm saying you're one of the charge.

You would have been one of the people propagating the lie.

You'd be sitting there pissing in the pool and being like, you know, there's a red dye that's in the pool.

Yes, that's true, because I'm the puppeteer.

I'm the puller of the strings.

Dio Seeker.

Do not, do not lie to me.

You're actually not the puppeteer.

You're not the puppeteer.

I'm the puppeteer.

Nope, I'm the puppet master.

I'm Geppetto.

You are Geppetto, in that you would make a voice.

What the fuck happens in Pinocchio?

So Geppetto Geppetto like loves Pinocchio and then he turns him into a real boy and then Geppetto's just out of the picture.

He's not in the rest of the movie.

Wasn't there something with a whale?

I think Pinocchio does something fucked up and Geppetto's like, fuck you, you fucking bitch.

He lies.

Yes.

So he's like, go get fucked.

Go get fucked by that donkey boy.

Then go get fucked by a whale.

You watch a lot of baby movies, Stop, don't you?

You've re-watched Dumbo recently.

I have not re-watched Dumbo.

I just figured I just saw on the line that it was shorter than I thought.

You re-watched Moana, though.

You told us that.

That was a year plus ago.

You rewatched.

It's not a re-watch.

Lilo and Still.

Moana is not a re-watch.

It's a watch.

I watched it for the first time.

Thank you.

You watched Moana.

A couple years ago.

Was it good?

It was pretty good.

I actually saw a pretty cute video of The Rock's daughter singing to the Moana song, and she has no idea her dad is the guy.

He didn't even tell his own kids.

She's a baby.

You know what would be a fucking dude for The Rock and Jason Momoa to just switch and see if their children know.

They look kind of different.

One has long hair.

Yeah.

That's true.

That's kind of the whole.

In your plan.

Let's see.

What else is going on?

They got this Michael Jordan documentary.

How about like a Civil War plantation owner coming back to his plantation after being at the Civil War for years?

Uh-huh.

And then making a video.

Dumbo's only 64 minutes, by the way.

I like that.

Interesting.

Too short.

In and out.

Not too long.

It's too short.

You know, the sand lot is only 20 minutes long.

Really?

I did not know that.

Look at this.

What is that?

Shit?

A piece of shit?

It's paint.

It's dried paint.

You got a piece of shit that you stick it on your head?

I didn't stick a piece of shit on my face.

Yeah.

Do not say that.

Maybe it's time to call it quits on the dots, okay?

That was getting me for weeks.

Just Bill Maher.

You know,

maybe we've had enough of the dots.

That water bottle looks like a big, like the innards of a flashlight.

It looks very fleshy.

Yeah.

It's a half gallon.

I got to stay hydrated.

I drink two of these a day.

Biological.

Nothing wrong with that.

You drink two of them a day?

I try to.

Your skin looks nice.

I think it's from drinking all that water.

Thank you.

Why are you just shaking your head?

I'm just so disappointed with my inability to have any kind of thought.

Listen.

You should do cocaine, man.

I know.

I really should just start doing cocaine.

Is cocaine still delivering?

I have no idea.

In New York?

I have no idea.

But I don't know how to.

You know.

Or maybe a different different drug that's that's designed to make your brain work.

Like what?

I don't know.

Something a doctor would prescribe?

No,'cause it's not what do you got I go to a doctor and say, hey, I'm in quarantine and I'm having uh trouble like harnessing my natural erratic thought patterns and I need to maximize them in a certain way.

How can my how I need help making my thinking more disordered

so that I can do my fake job?

Yeah.

No, I was just saying you should should take your regular pills again.

They don't help.

It's just a thought, man.

Yeah.

Well, why don't you take your thoughts and bring them right to the Chinese buffet?

Meet me there.

That's what I need.

That's the answer: I need a fucking, I need a day out at Chinese fucking buffet.

I need to be able to live my goddamn life the way I did.

And it's not even like, you know, like all these, these protesters think they're protesting for freedom or whatever.

It's like, it's not even like a fucking, these are like basic human needs, and it's not even a matter of protest.

It's like eventually you're just gonna like bash your head against a fucking wall yeah i can't i can't like i don't i don't know what to fucking do

yeah you gotta leave new york go to the middle of the country i guess i you know i don't know i mean yeah maybe i'll just put the fucking wheels back on my car maybe i'll try a drive but this shit is fucking driving me goddamn drive is nice i'll say a couple of my friends a couple of my friends have fleed and although it is irresponsible their lives sound so much better yeah where have they gone a couple like one of them went to ohio There's like, there's like 10 cases there.

Everyone just fucking goes to the grocery store with masks.

Ohio is like way locked down, though.

Ohio is the first place to lock down.

They have all these like ridiculous measures.

So they're, so they just did it right, is what you're saying.

Um,

if you think that that's right, I mean

because it's does it seem pretty chill over there, is what I'm saying.

What do you mean?

Compared to here.

It's the same.

I mean, again, I haven't paid attention, but like they were, they were

also locked down.

I think the video surface of a house party in Chicago with like a thousand people at it.

What?

It's really fun.

Yeah.

Why, dude?

Damn, we're gonna be in here pretty lit.

Did it?

Yeah.

We're gonna be in this motherfucker forever.

I want some fucking top.

I want top

baby want pussy.

What time is it?

It's 4:30 or 1.30 your time, I guess.

Yeah.

Damn, I should get into making fireworks in my apartment.

I think that's the answer.

Why not?

You know,

put in a big fertilizer order, man.

Just practicing Chinese, learning how to make fireworks.

Yeah.

God damn, it's so funny that we would have already been and come back from Australia by now.

Yeah.

And that'll never happen again.

There won't be in Australia.

Australia is going going feral.

Yeah.

Kangaroos on surfboards are overrunning everything.

Fuck.

Are they fucked over there?

I don't know.

I don't know.

That's the thing.

It's like I can't pay attention to this shit because the only thing I can do is like get upset.

I mean, it's like.

Everything's with you, mate.

Everything fucking sucks.

It just fucking sucks.

It just sucks.

Yeah, there's no.

I'm not.

I can't even be like, oh, come on.

You're fucking dick.

I hate it.

You're a fucking

shit.

It's fucking awful.

It's just fucking awful.

And it's like,

you know,

everybody already wanted to kill themselves.

You know, it's like,

the feeling, the overwhelming feeling is like, it's too late.

You missed your chance to kill yourself.

Right.

Now it would have been a kill.

If you kill yourself now, there's no.

No one's going to be sad.

You already.

I think someone pointed out that Prince died right before Trump got elected in 2016.

Would have been an awesome time to get fucked, just kill yourself on with drugs, dude.

Yeah, you ever know how fucking gay the world gets?

Yeah, I mean, how to rock.

Also, you kill yourself now.

It's like fucking those, those EMTs are probably busy, you know?

Yeah, they got to come scoop your brain off like your PlayStation or whatever.

It's rude.

It's rude.

It's rude.

It's rude to kill yourself right now.

That's the only reason you can't do it.

You could have done it.

You could have done it weeks ago.

Now you're just like, well,

early March, baby.

That was the end.

Yeah, let me see if quarantine ends.

And then, yeah, you know, fuck.

Fuck, dude.

Life is gay.

Did you eat any Easter candy?

Did you get any Easter candy to eat?

Didn't get any Easter candy.

Oh, that's a shame.

Fuck.

I just remembered that.

It's a shame.

Fuck.

I didn't get any fucking tsureki, the Greek Easter bread.

You know how good it is to eat fucking chocolate with tsureki?

So good.

I have no idea.

I've never had it.

Maybe when this ends.

Fuck.

Yeah.

Do you know what the funniest part, too, is about like doing it?

Because everybody's doing it.

Everybody in the world is like, after this, it's like, it's like the whole kind of like premise of all that Glenn Beck like 9-12 movement bullshit is that like, oh, you're supposed to have some appreciation for things when this ends, you know?

None.

No.

It'll take 35 seconds.

Immediately.

You know what?

It's funny because it's like it started and my dad's like FaceTiming with me and shit, which we've never done.

And it took like, we FaceTimed one time.

And now he's back to just blowing off my text messages for weeks on end.

Does not respond to me, won't pick up the phone.

You know, he's like, well, I miss you.

It'd be nice if, you know, like we could see you, but, you know, obviously that's not like an option or whatever.

Now it's just fucking radio silence.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's in the lab, dude yeah he's in the lab taking advantage of this time no he's not he's not doing i know he's just fucking doing the same thing everyone else is doing is nothing and i keep seeing that shit on instagram is people being like use this time to work on yourself and it's like you're not doing that You just made that stupid fucking picture and then you're going back to eating oranges or whatever you're doing all day.

It's like no, that's the other thing.

The thing to be productive when everything you worried that the world might disappear

is it sucks.

it's hard to do anything it's also you were probably already productive you're just not talented I mean there's like

for the most people I know their their hang-up isn't that they're not productive they're very productive it's just they produce nothing but dog shit

it's that the majority of your production fucking sucks

You're absolutely right.

Yeah.

If the time is actually worse, it becomes, it allows you to realize that you've got the time and you are dog shit.

Yeah, there's probably some people actually putting in the work right now that are like, oh, I sucked it.

You're fucking terrible.

The only real work to be done is coming to terms with that fact.

That maybe, like, a life dedicated to yourself was not the fucking answer.

And now that you're locked alone and isolated, you have to find like some kind of meaning and mindfulness or something small or immediate or like fucking doing the dishes or like some other sustainable aspect other than just like pointing at yourself all fucking day long.

And

I don't know what it is,

you know, costume changes.

I mean, I'm enjoying that

to be honest.

I mean, I think I might, if I, you know, maybe I should just buy a couple more costumes.

Yeah, you need a crown to go over that.

A crown would be cool.

I was thinking, you know, maybe get, maybe get into cosplay, you know, and that's the thing.

It's like right back to like, your just brain just goes, well,

no, I guess I'll just continue to distract myself.

I'll think about anything else, waste more money.

And it's one team distract yourself, yeah, get through it one way or the other.

And it goes on for so long that it's like, you know, it's like people are like, oh, well, the world will get so bad, they won't like people have this idea that it'll inspire people to action or whatever.

There'll be some kind of res revolution or something.

But you become so worn out and drained and like tired and numb that really there's nothing you there's nothing to to even

rebel again i mean it's just like you don't care i mean you just shut off

like what would be the motivation to do anything

i don't know not dying i guess for some people yeah who cares who cares yeah literally who cares that's the right answer yeah

It sucks, dude.

I'm not talking about what's going on here, but it's

not an ideal situation.

Yeah, going to Lowe's, coming back.

Going to Lowe's, placing a restaurant.

There's a lot of difficult things.

Accidentally

going to the straight guy Lowe's when you should have gone to the gay guy Lowe's.

Yep.

Yeah.

That was pretty funny.

No, it wasn't.

It was

nothing was funny.

Yeah, it's a good note.

If nothing was funny, and it's over now, everyone.

So, thank you.

We'll get guess.

Yeah.

We're going to have Dr.

Edward Snowden on the show.

Yeah.

Honestly, if you know Edward Snowden, up to if you know Edward Snowden for real, ask him if he wants to do the show.

Yeah.

I don't know.

No, we really should start having guests.

We'll start doing that.

Yeah.

I mean, because, you know, to be honest with you, I did like Kurt's podcast, and that was like, it's like when there's other people that are new.

I mean, like last week.

I've been doing it.

I mean, like, me and Tim and Lewis now are doing

that bastard radio show show regularly.

And that one is like, but you know, it's only a matter of time before you get comfortable doing that.

I mean, not being in person is fucking like

again, yeah.

If it's a different show and there's like a different group of people, there's some like, you know, because it's like a new conversation or whatever, there's some kind of like novelty to it and having to figure out Kurt's show was a lot of fun.

Doing Matt and Shane was a lot of fun, but it's like, you know, it's like you need something,

you know, yeah, I guess.

You should get guests to mix it up.

Yeah, all right.

Yeah, I don't know.

Maybe we'll see if Tim wants to do it or fuck it.

Yeah, that'd be good.

Yeah.

Let's get Tim in the mix.

Tim or Tim?

All right, folks.

Well, I got a fucking curry I'm trying to check up on.

See how that bad boy's doing.

Oh, nice, dude.

Indian or Thai?

Sort of.

It's kind of more Indian, I guess.

Oh, so I have to end the

check me out on Twitch, twitch.tv slash stopby baby.

Every Friday at 6 o'clock, I do a call-in show.

You can leave, I forget the number, 903-883-STAV, I think, and you can call a voice, leave a voicemail, and I will answer it on the air.

That sounds great, it's pretty fun.

Adam, do you have anything?

Nope, no, nothing.

Okay, well, yeah, bye, everyone.

Bastard Radio, if you want to check that out, check out Bastard Radio.

It's kind of like this, but instead of Adam and Stav, it's two other guys I have nothing to say to

after

weeks on end.

All right.

Goodbye, everybody.

Bye, boys.

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