Ep. 144 – my girl

Speaker 1 Cold mornings, holiday plans. This is just when I want my wardrobe to be simple.
Stuff that looks sharp, feels good, and things I'll actually wear. For me, that's Quince.

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Speaker 1 So you can give luxury quality pieces without the luxury price tag. Guys, with Christmas around the corner, my girlfriend has added two extra names to my Christmas list this year.

Speaker 1 Her father and brother. And what am I getting them? I'm getting them $50 Mongolian cashmere sweaters.
But, guys, I've never seen a Mongolian cashmere sweater for under $350.

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Speaker 1 Go to quince.com/slash TAFS for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.
That's quince.com/slash T-A-F-S. Free shipping and 365-day returns.

Speaker 1 Quince.com/slash TAFS.

Speaker 2 I cannot wait for you to check out my pen.

Speaker 2 Bitch, look at my. Hey, bitch, why don't you check out my bows?

Speaker 2 Why don't you check out my boss?

Speaker 2 Let's go to Blockbuster and maybe check out my movie called My Bows and Bitch.

Speaker 2 That's right.

Speaker 2 Mr. and Mrs.
Melestrios, your son

Speaker 2 told one of the girls at school to go to Blockbuster. I quote, go to Blockbuster and check out a movie called His Balls.

Speaker 2 How does he even know about Blockbuster? He's been gone. This is a period piece, Adam.
Oh, this was in the 90s. Yeah.
I'm sorry, are you on the writing staff?

Speaker 2 I thought I was.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 We're introducing a new segment for Adam Adam where he reads us the weather for the week. Yep, I got that under.
What do we have, Adam? What's the weather coming up? Adam's weather corner.

Speaker 2 All right, so we got an exciting week of weather coming up in the New York area. Uh-huh.

Speaker 2 We got Thursday, 41 degrees.

Speaker 2 Dude. Oh, wow.
Are you kidding? Friday, 41 degrees. Again? Saturday, 42 degrees with a little snowflake symbol.
Uh-oh. Wait, is it supposed to snow?

Speaker 2 The fucking sign on the road said winter weather. Today.
Today and tomorrow.

Speaker 2 I think it might

Speaker 2 be tomorrow.

Speaker 2 I would love a nice snow day.

Speaker 2 Yeah, nice day off work. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just make a chili all goddamn day.

Speaker 2 I cannot wait for a fucking snow day. I'm making a chili, dude.
I love chili. I love crafting a chili overnight.
Slow roasting the meats. Although, you know what? I'll probably do chicken chili.

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 I'm watching my stomach. I'm watching your fig.
That's right.

Speaker 2 I'm signed up on MyFitnessPal.

Speaker 2 Keeping it under 2,000 calories. Yep.

Speaker 2 You got an Apple Watch? I don't.

Speaker 2 I don't. Track your meat.
I don't believe in exercise. Abs are made in the kitchen, Adam.
Everyone knows that. Yeah.
Yeah, I agree.

Speaker 2 I will not be exercising ever as a result.

Speaker 2 That's what I take from that saying, abs are made in the kitchen. You got to eat as much as possible.
You have to eat it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Because the stronger my stomach, you know how fucking distended my stomach gets?

Speaker 2 That's like that's maxing out on a rep is when you fill your stomach completely,

Speaker 2 but then you have to empty it, which most people don't do, and that's taking a very big shit. Well, that's the most Adam's weather form.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I enjoyed just getting the opportunity to do the weather. It's been a lifelong dream of mine.
It's been a big part of the show.

Speaker 2 I did always like when a radio show had a guy who was the newsman, and ostensibly he was not to talk the rest of the time, but he would always chime in, and then every once in a while he would say the stories of the day.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 What do you talk? Give me a shot.

Speaker 2 Like, for example, a classic example for big Baltimore heads, Baltimore morning radio heads, is Josh Spiegel. Okay.
Who has survived many incarnations of that morning show

Speaker 2 as the news guy. All right, Josh.
Yeah, yeah, he goes to the show. What's What's going on in the news?

Speaker 2 I think he started even before whatever Mickey, whatever the show was. Whatever the show Mickey was.

Speaker 2 Yeah, even before Mickey and Amelia, I think Spiegel popped up. I don't remember anything prior to Mickey and Amelia.
Because when I was a kid, I would listen

Speaker 2 exclusively to HFS.

Speaker 2 That was like the. Did you guys get Howard Stern in Baltimore? No.

Speaker 2 He wasn't on any stage? No, I don't think so, dude. Yeah, no, the only way I knew of Howard Stern was from the movie Private Bar.
Exactly, which I never saw. Me neither.
And then that show that was.

Speaker 2 We got on like the rock stages. Yes, yes.
Of course. We've talked about this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I definitely feed off to the censored Sibian rides.

Speaker 2 Which is great if they censored shit, but they still just showed bitches on a Sibian coming.

Speaker 2 Because really the face is.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's all you need.

Speaker 2 The fuck.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Morning Radio. We were left to the locals.
That's why I spent a lot of time with the junkies. Yeah.
You know, you remember those guys?

Speaker 2 They would say donkey. They would call people donkeys and they would say hurting or hurting or some fucking bullshit.
I don't remember that. I barely remember HFS.

Speaker 2 I remember

Speaker 2 Johnny Riggs was the HFS DJ. It's so funny how you just become a guy that's like 30.

Speaker 2 We're all officially 30 now. Yeah, I know.
The baby, me, has finally turned club.

Speaker 2 I remember I used to listen to some radio station in Austin, and it would come on. I would like be on my commute to work, and like the one of the guys from Butthole Surfers was the DJ.
Whoa,

Speaker 2 my man cashed in, got the corporate job. Yeah, and I remember like numerous times he would find a way to bring up that he was in Butthole Surfers.

Speaker 2 And I mean, maybe that was a one-off. I just remember hearing that and being like, wow, this is what the Butthole Surfers guy.
I mean, I guess it could be worse.

Speaker 2 It could be working at a radio shack or be Blake. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 But yeah, no, Johnny Riggs got caught with a bunch of child child pornography. Oh, yeah.
Dude, there's always scandals with those guys. There's another guy, I think, Stash.
Every day.

Speaker 2 Yeah, every day. He wasn't a child pornography guy, but he liked.
That's how he got the name Stash.

Speaker 2 And you can go either way with that. It could be mustache or it could be a stash of child pornography.

Speaker 2 Yeah. But yeah, he was.

Speaker 2 We're jerking off the child pornography. What up? You're listening to me.
Every cachet on the morning.

Speaker 2 What is her name cachet? Because I've got a secret. I'm not clearing it for anyone.
A secret storage facility under my bed that's filled with pictures that go back to the 1970s.

Speaker 2 Grown men, accountants, lawyers. I got them as children jerking on.
Right. So if the child in a child pornography is now an adult, legal baby.
Then it's legal.

Speaker 2 Your honor, this man has a mustache and a family now. I should be fine looking at pictures of his uncle sucking him off.

Speaker 2 If we find out that those kids in those pictures ended up being Trump supporters,

Speaker 2 if you're wearing a MAGA hat, yeah, maybe you deserve it. You deserve to be retroraccess.

Speaker 2 Spread that MAGA hold. I've been watching a lot of Ellen Page videos,

Speaker 2 and she's really convinced me. Oh, dude, listen,

Speaker 2 we've said it many times, or maybe we haven't, but we'll pay good money for videos of the boys in Covington getting raped. Yeah.
If you have a video of

Speaker 2 his face one way or the other, Helen Page right now is

Speaker 2 by having him be have an adult have sex with him. That's right.
Against his will. Yeah.
Still smiling, fucking. What was his name? Joker Man or some shit? Yeah, Joker Man.
It's something stupid. The

Speaker 2 Slender Man.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Slender Man? Yeah, Nick Slender Man.
It's a dumb name. What is the Slender Man? It's like a tween thing.
They're like like

Speaker 2 12-year-olds believe in a skinny man that lives.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that kills you with his fingers or something.

Speaker 2 Oh, I guess we should say,

Speaker 2 I'm ready to get my Bernie bro shit fired back up. Hell yeah, dude.
Oh, you're a girl out there, you don't like Bernie Sanders? Guess who's going to hold you down and rape you?

Speaker 2 Me.

Speaker 2 The burn dog. Yep.

Speaker 2 We did get a letter from Bernie. It's like Hogwarts.
Please stop telling people that you're going to rape them on my behalf.

Speaker 2 Yeah, if I see a woman running her mouth about Bernie, I'll just fucking

Speaker 2 threaten her. I'll say this right now.
I'm going to do as much as I possibly can to not pay attention to this election. I probably won't vote.
But

Speaker 2 Come Town gives a full-throated endorsement. A full, deep-throated endorsement

Speaker 2 of Bernie Sanders. Absolutely.
We do not like his policies. We don't know what they are.
He seems to be the candidate that stays. Look, I'm a one-issue voter.
There's one thing I like.

Speaker 2 And he's made it clear

Speaker 2 what he's only care. He only cares about white men.
I mean, he said numerous times, there's no such thing as the black working class. They do not exist.

Speaker 2 He said that.

Speaker 2 He said that verbatim.

Speaker 2 I don't care about these people.

Speaker 2 I mean, and like, you know, Hillary Voters proved in 2016 that there's no such thing as minorities that embrace any kind of socialist policies, That these are things that only white guys

Speaker 2 care about. Rich white men.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And like, that really appeals to me. The fact that there's zero, you know, people like AOC are Russian plants, obviously.
100% not real. Yes.
And just fake. She's also a white man.
She's a white man.

Speaker 2 She's a white man. Wearing a titty costume.

Speaker 2 They got, yeah. Oh, and let me tell you, they got their money's worth on the titty part of that.
As a woman, I can tell you, looking at AOC, there's no way that that woman has better breasts than me.

Speaker 2 It's not a real woman.

Speaker 2 There's no way anyone has juicier tits than me. A woman that votes for Hillary.

Speaker 2 A woman's

Speaker 2 fucking. I love when these relief pitchers' haircut.
These bras, you know, they're complaining about our man Bernie Sanders, right? And then they just talk about how tired they are. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because that's really the goal is that we want to get them all sleepy. Tuckered out.
Tuckered out. So that glass ceiling intact.
So that they can't smash through the glass ceiling.

Speaker 2 We're just trying to make every woman in this country.

Speaker 2 Glass ceiling, how about this? Why don't we start working with glass floors, right?

Speaker 2 Women to the top positions in business. I love that.
You put a glass floor in there, we can see their pussies. I love that.
From the bailout.

Speaker 2 Okay. I like that.

Speaker 2 We got a boss bitch up there barking rules at everybody. Guess what? I can see your pussy.
I'm looking at your labia. I can see your entire vagina.
Yep. And asshole.

Speaker 2 And we're beating off that.

Speaker 2 We'd like to invite every Hillary supporter to one of those cruises with a glass-bottom boat. And we will be scuba diving

Speaker 2 in shark guns. Beating off a shark.
Dressed like street sharks.

Speaker 2 I got roller skates on. I'm drowning.
You can watch.

Speaker 2 The bubbles are leaving my body as I beat off.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, trip,

Speaker 2 drag me, blue bitch.

Speaker 2 Bernie, Bradley, Bernie. Bernie, bitch.

Speaker 2 Honestly, I hope that like Kamala and all these fucking losers drop out and Hillary gets back in there. Yep.
And we could just play it out again.

Speaker 2 Hillary versus Bernie. It's going to be awesome.
I kind of miss it. Those were films.
No, isn't Biden about to get in the mix? Which is awesome. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I love every picture of Biden feeling titties and shit. Yeah, he's like, there's so many pictures of him molesting people constantly.

Speaker 2 Well, it's just so funny. It's like, because then if it's Biden, it's not even like a fucking white guy thing anymore with Bernie.

Speaker 2 It's just, they just have like some pathological hatred of Bernie Sanders.

Speaker 2 Which can only be one of two things. It's like you don't, you think socialism is bad, or you're an anti-Semite.
Those are like the only two options left. Yeah, because Biden's old as fuck.
Right.

Speaker 2 And his son

Speaker 2 raised brain cancer. So he's got a weak mind.
He's got those bad genes.

Speaker 2 He passed them on. Yeah.
That's right. I mean, yeah, Biden is truly a piece of color.
I like that. Everybody talks about what a hero John McCain is and how tough he was for going to a PDOW camp.

Speaker 2 And then he's like, I have a headache.

Speaker 2 I can't do my job anymore. My head hurts.
Wow.

Speaker 2 Right. Wow.
My head hurts too much to beat Senator.

Speaker 2 Oh, really? Yeah, grow the fuck up, you fucking bitch. Dude, how old is he and he's still not grown up? Yep.
Well, yeah, he's dead. Yeah, he's dead.
I'm glad. Hey, rest in peace.
All right, Pete.

Speaker 2 To a soldier. To a fucking

Speaker 2 real soldier. A S-O-U-L.
A real no-limited response. As you know, 85% of our listeners are first responders.

Speaker 2 What was that pop?

Speaker 2 I don't know. Something stupid as shit.

Speaker 2 85%.

Speaker 2 Those numbers. 85% analysis.

Speaker 2 Number one, there's a way to track that.

Speaker 2 And number analytics

Speaker 2 are 85%.

Speaker 2 as you know 80 85 of our listeners are military first i think he said yeah he said military or first responders

Speaker 2 i know i love it

Speaker 2 um

Speaker 2 but yeah i can't wait for politics man i'm about to get my i want corey book does corey booker really fuck um guys no no no oh yeah probably yeah he's good but he was rumored to date uh that hot ass woman with the big-ass titties.

Speaker 2 Who Aaron Rodgers? No, no, no, no, no. Who are you talking about? Oh, fuck.
She's got like a big mouth, big teeth. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Rosaria Dawson. Rosaria Dawson.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 She was dating Eric Andres, too. Yeah.
Rosaria Dawson.

Speaker 2 She's so hot. I saw a picture of her like a year ago.
Maybe it was like two years ago or whatever.

Speaker 2 And I was just like looking at it. And like, I guess I haven't seen Rosaria Dawson since she was in like rent, maybe.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And

Speaker 2 Introduced to her in Spike Lee's 25th Hour. I was introduced to her, I don't remember where, but I was very well introduced to her in the stills from Alexander, where you can see her titties.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Oh, yeah, brother.
Colin Farrell. Oh, yeah.
And Greeks were real mad because they made Alexander sort of gay. He was gay.
He was definitely gay.

Speaker 2 But I think he just sucked and fucked everyone. Yeah, we're all gay as shit.
Wait, what were you saying? You saw a picture of her a year ago and she looked good, Nick? Oh, no. I just

Speaker 2 quietly remarked, like, oh, she's gotten old. She's not hot anymore.
No, she's no, she's hot. Well, I just said that.
It was a bad picture or whatever. Have you ever,

Speaker 2 you know, that monologue from 25th Hour where the guys... I don't think you're going to be able to do it.
Yeah, yeah, no. Go ahead.
The monologue first. He was clearly speaking.

Speaker 2 No, no, it's all right. You said and.
It's not going anywhere.

Speaker 2 He was just saying how he thought she was ugly and then he realized she's still hot. Well, that's a 20.
Was it going to be? No, that's not where it was going. But you go ahead.
Oh, sorry. Sorry.

Speaker 2 No, never mind. You can go.

Speaker 2 I don't care to tell the story. Well, you go here then.

Speaker 2 Do you go back to your thing? Hold on. I'm trying to find this thing somebody sent me.

Speaker 2 Okay, well, it's not a picture. I'm looking at it.
I'm trying to find this Ellen Page article.

Speaker 2 What's that guy's name? Is it Elijah? Elijah Dushku? No. Elijah Wood? No, from Twitter.

Speaker 2 Microsoft Incel. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Is he.

Speaker 2 Did he get banned again? He's banned for posting child pornography. God damn it.
You're having

Speaker 2 yet another. Eli, you got to stop doing that, my man.
Eli. Yeah, Eli.

Speaker 2 Did he get banned? Like a year or two? Mike Shane. Yeah, he always is.
One of our famous pedophile fans.

Speaker 2 As you know, 85.

Speaker 2 Shout out to Pedophile Eli for sending me this article. At Microsoft Incel.
At Microsoft Incel. He is a pedophile.
AKA pedophile Eli for a second.

Speaker 2 Well, whatever it is, find the guy who used to be at Microsoft Incel. That guy, whatever he is now, he's a pedophile.

Speaker 2 Oh, I also want to say shouts out to the cumboy

Speaker 2 who gave me

Speaker 2 acid on my birthday. You really came through in the clutch.
I kept making. Shout out to the guy that gave Stavass on his birthday.

Speaker 2 That juicy butthole felt so good on my cock.

Speaker 2 He wanted me to say that one of his friends. That was a cool move by Eldis to have his birthday party at a crowded bar, so everyone thought he was cool.

Speaker 2 Oh, so it's like,

Speaker 2 oh, all these people are here to see Eldis. Yeah, they were.
They weren't.

Speaker 2 No one was there. Eldis was the bell of the ball.
That was a great fucking time. Hey, that was a fun time.
Eldis' debut.

Speaker 2 We looked cute. His spring debut.
Oh, yeah. Fuck.
Where the fuck is it?

Speaker 2 He also wanted me to say one of his friends was gay. Yeah, they all want that.
But I can't fucking give them what they want. I do, though.
Because then they keep coming back.

Speaker 2 No, he came through in the fucking clutch, dude. That's why I don't give homeless people money.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because then they're just going to keep coming back saying, ooh, can I, you know, can I have more money? Can I hang out with you and your girlfriend? Oh, yeah. Has that happened to you? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And did you hang out with the homeless guy? Give a bum a dollar.

Speaker 2 And what else do you make them do?

Speaker 2 What do you mean? For the money. Well, obviously you have to make them do a little dance.

Speaker 2 Sort of a tap dancing routine. Oh, Sam is a fag, I would like to say.
Yeah, Sam. Sam who.
That's just what the guy who gave me acid told me to say.

Speaker 2 That's your payment.

Speaker 2 Just saying Sam.

Speaker 2 Who's this guy? Pedophile Mike? Yeah, pedophile Jimmy.

Speaker 2 All our fans.

Speaker 2 No, 85% of our fans are first responder, pedophile.

Speaker 2 USMC pedophile, first responder.

Speaker 2 85% of our fans are military first graders.

Speaker 2 They're either tier one operators or six years old.

Speaker 2 Should we fucking enlist? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'll enlist, dude. Dude, I just watched Sicario.

Speaker 2 What's the oldest? You just watched Sicario? Sicario. And I was like, damn, maybe I should be on like a fucking illegal ass fucking black ops squad.
Dude, I would love to.

Speaker 2 I would love to be fucking Josh Brawlin in that movie. Dude, he rules.

Speaker 2 just a complete speaker.

Speaker 2 Yeah, 100%. DEA or CIA? CIA.
They're CIA? Well, no, it's about an FBI agent. F that's like Broadway

Speaker 2 on a task force. Now, see,

Speaker 2 you don't really know too much about the intelligence community. Oh, I know.
As a stupid person, you would not know all about intelligence. I know a lot about the Day of the Space.

Speaker 2 How funny is that that the FBI goes around calling themselves the intelligence community?

Speaker 2 That does rule, actually. I never considered that.

Speaker 2 We're part of a program called SNOE.

Speaker 2 It stands for the smartest

Speaker 2 snow program.

Speaker 2 Snow protocol.

Speaker 2 Smartest.

Speaker 2 Anyways, you know what it's doing. On Earth.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we were all pretty fucked up when we came up with that one. You can email me at agentjohnson at snoe.fbi.gov.

Speaker 2 The intelligence community. The intelligence community.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's a beautiful day here in the intelligence community. Half of them are just like trying to,

Speaker 2 you know, pretend to be the little girls in chat rooms, right? So they can

Speaker 2 do it. Hard-working pedophiles.
Is that

Speaker 2 pedophile Eli? They arrest a lot of uh retarded muslims who the fbi and send them to gitmo

Speaker 2 like mostly gitmo is like just a puzzle room yeah most mostly it's just like blocks and didn't they sort of harass like some muslim guys after 9-11 that were like straight up of course 65 iq yeah yeah

Speaker 2 they tricked a guy into like fake doing a terrorist attack and then they arrested him for doing a terrorist attack that was pretty that's actually a pretty foot i gotta salute that move move, honestly.

Speaker 2 No, there was a handful of them that were like

Speaker 2 borderline entrapment. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. But I don't know if any of them have been determined to be entrapment by the courts.
No, they got away with it all. Yeah.
That's whatever.

Speaker 2 It's a fucked-up world. After watching Sicario, I realized it's a fucked-up world out there.
Yeah, who's the good guys? Who's the bad? Who's the good guys? Who's the bad guys?

Speaker 2 The ending of Sicario is great, though. It really fucked up.
That he's just some other fucking like

Speaker 2 drug dealer or whatever.

Speaker 2 And then he's just getting revenge. He's a hitman who wants revenge.

Speaker 2 He's like, yeah, we can use this toward me. Yeah, that's fine.

Speaker 2 I can't wait for this. I haven't seen the second one.
It's out on it. I heard it's bad.
It's been out for a year.

Speaker 2 The day of the Soldado. It's not bad, Adam.
Shut the fuck up. I heard the second one.
Shut the fuck up. I didn't see it.
I didn't see it. Don't say it's bad.
I said I heard it's bad.

Speaker 2 Well, you're fucking bringing negative energy into this fucking podcast. I like to go into every movie thinking it's bad, and then I can be pleasantly surprised.

Speaker 2 No, apparently, they had to remove the want to see meeter from the new Captain Marvel movie. Oh, yeah, because everyone's mad it's a woman.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 from what I've read, is that they're mad that she has bad feet.

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah, just gross looking. Does Bree's live bad bad feet according to what I've heard?

Speaker 2 Bree, if you're out there, I'll suck your toes. Dasha hates her.
Why? She hates her. Why?

Speaker 2 Apparently, she's a big cunt. So, what? This bitch is just going to be named after cheese? Spree, yeah.
That is a good point.

Speaker 2 She had a big, like, anti-groping

Speaker 2 thing under Me Too against sound guys that put on your actresses' laugh mics. Shut up.
She's like, yeah, they graze. They graze.
Hey, that's part of the job, baby.

Speaker 2 That's one of the perks of the gig. She had another thing about getting hit on by a TSA agent, like a tweet or something.
Which is like,

Speaker 2 you're just shitting on peasants.

Speaker 2 Dude, so many of the guys at MSG would cut my nuts, and I didn't say anything. What do you mean? Cut your nuts.
The voice of the peasants.

Speaker 2 I am the voice of the peasants. Yeah.
Me and Bernard.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's another thing that those dumb bitches do. They call him Bernard.

Speaker 2 Sanders, like, that's supposed to be a fucking insult. Yeah.
Sounds cool. He sounds black.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's like calling Barack Obama Barry. Yeah, that sounds tight.
Yeah. Barry Obama sounds like he plays a lot of people.
How about we start calling Barry Weiss Barack Weiss?

Speaker 2 Barack Hussein Weiss.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I saw a dumb tweet from

Speaker 2 somebody that was like

Speaker 2 about Bobby Jindal or whatever. It's like, all the people that get mad about Barack Hussein Obama are probably going to be pretty pleased about pre-yush Bobby Jindal or whatever.
It's like...

Speaker 2 You understand the point of the Barack Hussein Obama thing is that it sounds like Saddam Hussein. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 It's not that it's a foreign name. Fucking fucking idiot.
It's like whatever dumb point you're trying to make, you just expose your own racism.

Speaker 2 I know that was so funny when they thought he was the future of the Republican Party, and then he opened his mouth and he just sounded like

Speaker 2 he sounded like Kenneth from 30 Real. He really does.

Speaker 2 He sounds like a man that's never gotten pussy in a day in his life. Hi, how's it going? Imagine how poorly Bobby Jindal fucks, dude.

Speaker 2 He's so little and skinny. Yeah, he's probably got bad dick game.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 He's got a high-pitched voice. You don't want to hear that motherfucker whispering in your ear.
Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 You know, he wore suits to school. To high school.
100%. He was the suit kid.
With a clear roller back. You know what would be a cool combo?

Speaker 2 Suit kid, but also a kid who pulls his pants all the way down.

Speaker 2 That would be awesome.

Speaker 2 Who fully removes his suit to become naked? Yeah, he puts it on a hanger and takes a piss at a urinal.

Speaker 2 His butt has naked.

Speaker 2 that would be good miles. Why are they laughing at you? Did you take your suit off again?

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 yes, he did.

Speaker 2 It gets wrinkly. I wanted to get wrinkles before speech, the big speech tournament.
The big speech tournament.

Speaker 2 That guy's in speech, dude. Is he? Of course he is.
Did you see this article about how

Speaker 2 Bill Hicks is canceled? Yeah, that's all I sense.

Speaker 2 It really makes sense

Speaker 2 to cancel him.

Speaker 2 But if you read the article, it's weird. It's the Guardian interviewing open micers in London.
Yeah. Yeah.
And then they don't even make a point about how he's misogynist.

Speaker 2 It's like, yeah, he does yelling and stuff. It's like toxic.
Yeah, they actually were way like it's the way. They're like, this is pretty good.
Yeah. He says some stuff that doesn't hold

Speaker 2 because yelling is like rape. Yeah, yeah.
If you think about it.

Speaker 2 If you really think about it, it's almost like he's right in you.

Speaker 2 He don't write his voice.

Speaker 2 He's betting you over and putting a gun in your pussy.

Speaker 2 If you really think about it.

Speaker 2 That is

Speaker 2 cool.

Speaker 2 And especially to drop it on the 25th anniversary of his death. I think

Speaker 2 that's sick. Drag him.
Yeah. No, it's great, dude.
I want more of this shit.

Speaker 2 I want it to get to a point where it's like

Speaker 2 every comedian except Nanette is bad.

Speaker 2 I don't even want it to be Nanette is good. I want We Hate Everybody But Nanette.
Dead or Alive. Nanette's coming through with the follow-up, dude, apparently.
She got Nanette too? Nanette 2.

Speaker 2 It's called like Fred or something.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Turtles in Times.

Speaker 2 Secret of the University of Texas. Hell yeah, dude.

Speaker 2 Teenage Nanette, Ninja Turtles. His name's something stupid.
Michelangelo, he was raped. Donatello, he was also raped.

Speaker 2 Leonardo is the one that's a little bit more chill, but he was also raped.

Speaker 2 Teenage Nanet, Ninja Turtles. Teenage Nanette Ninja Turtles.

Speaker 2 Teenage Nanette Ninja Turtles.

Speaker 2 Turtles, I was raped. Turtle power.
Turtle being raped.

Speaker 2 Yo, you think Splinter raped the turtles, dude?

Speaker 2 Did he? Child molested them. Splinter was a Japanese man trapped in a rat's box.
Yeah, yeah. Because of sorcery or something.
Or was it chemicals? No, no, no.

Speaker 2 Splinter. And I didn't watch it.
I mean, I watched the show. You know what? You remember the movie?

Speaker 2 He was the pet of a samurai. Oh, yes.

Speaker 2 And he trained. He watched him and did all the movies.
Shredder, yeah, Shredder killed his master or whatever. And then he became big from Slime.
Remember the movie starts with a little rat?

Speaker 2 I really do. Now that you're talking about it, that is cute.
That is. I literally seeing it exactly like

Speaker 2 a cage, and he's doing

Speaker 2 the moves.

Speaker 2 Who's the hockey mask guy? What hockey? Oh, Casey Jones. Casey Jones.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And he gets some pussy off April, played by Greek actor. That's right.

Speaker 2 Elias, what's his name? I don't know. I don't know, but it's a point of pride.
Yeah. A great point of pride for the community.
He's one of the top five.

Speaker 2 Well, it was funny because it's like he did that movie, and I think right after that, he he went completely bald. Yeah.
And it was like, well, that's the end of you. Yeah, it really was.

Speaker 2 And it literally was. He was a fucking-that's why Billy Zayn is a genius.
100%. Because he started going slightly bald, and he just shaved his head completely.
He's like, Yeah, give me a wig.

Speaker 2 Wigs, I'm hot. Just put a wig on me.
I'm beautiful. Give me a wig.
Yeah, just let me wear wigs. Should I get a wig? Yeah.
You should. A Billy Zayn wig.

Speaker 2 Dude. People are going to be like, is that Billy Zane?

Speaker 2 After I do John Wick for Halloween, I'm going to do Billy Zayn. Honestly, Titanic would make way more sense if someone who looked like you played the husband.
That's true. It's like he's a rich guy.

Speaker 2 Why is she cheating? And she's hot ass and smart. Yeah.
He's bringing her on vacation. I mean, I've made this point.
I've made this point before. Yeah.
You know, I mean,

Speaker 2 some fucking, some fucking guy from the city. Well, I don't get how an also hot guy, but a different style of hot guy would make sense then.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? That's greedy of her. Because she's a shit lib.
That's why.

Speaker 2 She's a cut. Rosie is.

Speaker 2 She wants to pander to the working class until it's time to share your door or whatever once the ship sinks.

Speaker 2 And then those people can fucking die.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Billy Zane is pretty much the OG cuck for

Speaker 2 the role. He truly got cucked wildly up and down.
But

Speaker 2 he lived, right? I love that he stole some poor guy's daughter. They're like, please, I'm all she had.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yep. But it's also like...
I don't understand. That doesn't make any sense because it's like,

Speaker 2 the rest of the kids are like just not on the boat boat with their parents. Right, right, right, right.
No, they get their moms.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but

Speaker 2 they don't. So, but listen, hey,

Speaker 2 hold on.

Speaker 2 What's next? The violin guy is going to

Speaker 2 get their own boat or something.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I mean, there's a lot of, there's many different angles you can come into this stuff.

Speaker 2 You know what they could have done? They could have used that Kathy Bates as a flotation device. That crawls into her pussy.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's a whale from Pinocchio. That's a big, big woman.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Do you remember the movie where she's naked? Yeah, because she's also new money, so she's sympathetic. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 How did she get rich?

Speaker 2 Well, I was the first woman to invent camming.

Speaker 2 Nobody liked big pussy until you put it on the internet.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Me, I'm a proud, loud, big fat bitch.

Speaker 2 I made all my money being a big bitch.

Speaker 2 Kathy Bates, chatterbait, Kathy Bates. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wow. Chathy Bates.
She's fucking doing the fucking. What's the Morse code? But she's tapping it on her pussy.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Sir, there's a huge bitch

Speaker 2 about

Speaker 2 15 clicks south of here.

Speaker 2 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I want to see the where are the movie where what did Billy Zane do with that girl? Did he raise her as his daughter?

Speaker 2 Yeah. You know, does he wait? Well, he kind of groomed her.

Speaker 2 Like, well, he makes her train.

Speaker 2 And then the sequel to Titanic is There Will Be Blood. Oh,

Speaker 2 interesting.

Speaker 2 What else was he?

Speaker 2 Ladies and gentlemen, if I say I'm a family man, you will agree.

Speaker 2 No, I won't. Shut up.
Look what they've done to my boy. Hey, that's him after they cut his dick off to make him trans? Yeah,

Speaker 2 I did add a dad. It was my choice.
I actually got a writing job by pitching the trans father as a sketch. Oh, yeah, yeah.
They massacred my boy. Look how they massacred my boy.

Speaker 2 May your first child be a masculine child.

Speaker 2 Look how they massacred my boy

Speaker 2 you come to me on this the day of my daughter's transition

Speaker 2 damn sunny with tits and a pussy that would be an aggressive woman I don't know that I'd like to have sex with James Conn as a woman yeah he's you know he is kind of barrel chested you can imagine a pair of tits on there I guess kind of like like stormy daniels she does have those yeah she has that wide

Speaker 2 she's got kind of a powerful A powerful power titty. It's not that good look, honest.
Not that stormy. I mean, it doesn't really appeal.

Speaker 2 Although, she was the porn star from 40-year-old Virgin, wasn't she? You can count, you can bet on it. Oh, I would love to bet on it.

Speaker 2 Where I've betsi.com. Hell yeah.

Speaker 2 I love betsi.com. Do you? Yeah, because they fucking pay out winners, dude.
They pay out winners, dude. If you're a loser, stay the fuck out of the fuck out.
Get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 2 Pedophile Josh or whoever. As you know,

Speaker 2 97 percent of our listeners

Speaker 2 are winners and first responders

Speaker 2 And they only win at betdsi.com That's right

Speaker 2 They got so much good shit man. They got a fucking mobile app one of the things I like the most about betsi.com is that they have a ticket system

Speaker 2 so you know you put in a thousand dollars let's say you gamble on something you win like six thousand You don't get some fucking boring $6,000 back. Nope.
You get $6,000 worth of tickets tokens.

Speaker 2 To their cool gift shop where you can get things like vampire teeth. Yeah, like vampire teeth.

Speaker 2 Rings with spiders. Right.
An inflatable bullet bill from Mario that costs the equivalent of

Speaker 2 $75.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I was like, I love when Damon Busters fucked up and they added like, you could just buy the shit in the cage or whatever, and then you see what they're charging for it, and it's like, oh, this is this ruin.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 I remember there was a pair of night vision goggles at Dave and Buster's when I was a kid, and I was like, man, if I could get those night vision.

Speaker 2 And then I just, of course, was imagining myself spying on girls trying to put on their clothes. Seeing green titties.
Right.

Speaker 2 Me going around my neighborhood at like eight years old as a peeping tiger.

Speaker 2 That was the fantasy that I had. So if I

Speaker 2 If I could be good enough at

Speaker 2 Time Crisis 2 to spy on the jack off in seventh graders. And that's right.

Speaker 2 That's what fucking BetTeSI lets you do. That's what they stand behind.

Speaker 2 Every game you win, you go on BetTheSI.com, you play poker. I'm assuming it's a poker website.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Exclusively online poker. Yeah.
Bettheanside.com, the premiere,

Speaker 2 they got Monopoly, they got life.

Speaker 2 You can flip a coin and take a video of it and be like heads or tails. Right.

Speaker 2 You take the video of you flipping a coin, you mail it to your friends, and then Betty Inside works as some sort of escrow server. You have your hand like this.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You don't, yeah, you have it covered. Yeah.
So they can't tell. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But it just makes me inside makes me think of that casino

Speaker 2 scene from the movie Mafia. You remember that? What's that?

Speaker 2 When there's like a bunch of people, it's a bunch of people sitting at a card table or whatever, and above it, it just says, you lose the money or whatever.

Speaker 2 The guy puts the money down, and he's like, you lose.

Speaker 2 Mafia was good, man. That movie is hilarious.

Speaker 2 My favorite line in that movie is when it's supposed to be like old New York or whatever, and that WAP immigrant is like, Anthony, come to the duck fights.

Speaker 2 And he just holds up a duck that's got boxing gloves on it.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I remember that part. I was like, oh, that's.
Because it's so stupid. So stupid.
Anyways, unlike this show, where we're promoted or sponsored by BettheSi.com and Kathy Bates.

Speaker 2 And Kathy Bates, the premier sports betting website. They got 24-7 customer service.
They got an award-winning mobile app.

Speaker 2 24-7. You can use the app and call up their customer service from anywhere in the world.
That's right. This is the only app that offers this feature.
The only one, dude.

Speaker 2 The only one where you can bet on stuff. Yep.
And they've been in business over 20 years. What? Are you fucking shut up? Think about that.
Are you lying? 1999. That's a long ass time.
I know.

Speaker 2 Back when Tony Hawk was still the king of the world. He was king.
When he was king of the king. When Hawk was king.
I would have bet he would have been president.

Speaker 2 I mean, I still would have been killed. I mean, he probably could be president.
If Tony Hawk ran against Trump, do you think he'd win?

Speaker 2 Yeah, Tony Hawk would win. Do you think Eminem would be Trump? That's like our few.
Yeah, Eminem would for sure be Trump.

Speaker 2 That takes a lot of his base, bro. That's all.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah,

Speaker 2 I mean, I guess so. But if he did that gay-ass rap again, maybe Trump would win.

Speaker 2 A million noises. I've got boys in my basement because now I'm doing gay shit with a seven-year-old.
These holes are all over my nuts. I'm getting old, but who cares?

Speaker 2 Because I stay young by fucking a kid.

Speaker 2 I'll do a bid for having. That's oh, that's a pretty good man.
That's his whole thing.

Speaker 2 That sounds exactly like it. That's basically,

Speaker 2 no, but it's more like this

Speaker 2 awfully hot coffee part.

Speaker 2 It's a guy from Boston. No,

Speaker 2 I lost it. I lost it.

Speaker 2 Oh, you lost it?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Awfully hot coffee part.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it sounds even gayer and from Boston now. Yeah, I guess that kind of sounded Boston.

Speaker 2 Thank you for telling me I did it wrong so you could do that. Yeah, you know.
Yeah. Nick did freestyle, which was impressive, honestly.
That was a good freestyle. And then you just kind of said

Speaker 2 the bars that he has already written tomorrow. Yeah, the first in a bad impressive

Speaker 2 as a gay guy for Boston. Which, if you wanted to participate, that's fine.
But to tell me, no,

Speaker 2 I did it wrong.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't know about it.

Speaker 2 You know where you can't go wrong, though?

Speaker 2 It's literally impossible to lose. You can't offer

Speaker 2 live in-game wagering.

Speaker 2 You know what that is?

Speaker 2 Live in-game wagering. So you're watching the big game, you know?

Speaker 2 You guys are. I'm playing Mario 64.
I'm not watching the game. I'm recreating my childhood.
Wow. You know? That's awesome.
As

Speaker 2 a grown child. Get my child.
My child. For real? Bet DSI is a great mobile app that's easy to use from anywhere.
They offer live in-game wagering. You know what that means?

Speaker 2 You're watching the game. Yeah.
And you can

Speaker 2 change your mind. Yep.
For sure. You make plays throughout the entire year.
Yeah, which is awesome. You know, I love that.
Plays. Like Tom from Miller's Crossing.

Speaker 2 That's the name of a play. It's a bad play, Leo.
We got to go on betsi.com.

Speaker 2 We got to put down $40 at the Danes having gay sex.

Speaker 2 Jesus, Tom.

Speaker 2 There's no way of knowing that.

Speaker 2 Listen,

Speaker 2 I'm going to ask Steve Bascemi to marry me.

Speaker 2 You don't want to do that, Leo.

Speaker 2 Why? He's such a sweet girl. Is he in that movie? Oh,

Speaker 2 Is he only in one scene? He's literally only in one scene. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Pretty cool. I rewatched him.
Jesus, Tom, we're just talking. Pretty cool.
Why is Dean going to find out about that? Yeah, I love that movie. The movie is great.

Speaker 2 I love it almost as much as I love Betsi.com. That's right.
So let's get through this here. What are we going to be betting on this week, folks? Well,

Speaker 2 tonight, if you're listening to this today, I'm perusing the games. You know, Clippers at Jazz?

Speaker 2 The Clippers are getting nine and a half points. They still still want to make the playoffs.

Speaker 2 But what are the Clippers? It's named after like haircut place? I think a shitty little boat. Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 I thought that was weird. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, Great Clips. Yeah, like a haircut team.
A haircut there, I think, was like $3.

Speaker 2 What? I think it was the cheapest haircut. There's super cuts, there's Clippers.

Speaker 2 Great Clips was cheaper. Great Clips.
I used to go to Haircuttery. Yes.
Haircuttery. But my barbershop was the haircuttery behind the Roy Rogers across across from Lake Forest Mall.
There you go.

Speaker 2 And they were painting a picture. Yes, which I did not

Speaker 2 Roy Rogers was gone. It's still there? It's still there because somebody called me out on it.
They're like, it's still there.

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah. I went and saw my dad and it's still there.
Wow. Yeah.
Did you get a roast beef Sammy? No, I guess I just stopped going to Roy Rogers. Yeah, probably.
That's what happened.

Speaker 2 I think it was a haircuttery was in the front of East Point Mall, the entrance by McDonald's. And McDonald's is no longer there, and by Aladdin's arcade, that's no longer there.

Speaker 2 It'd be interesting if the McDonald's is still there. It's not a weird thing with haircuts.
I don't think it is, but you know what is still there? The Brass Hen, which is a Chinese fried chicken spot.

Speaker 2 So check it out at East Point Mall. We're also sponsored by East Point Mall.

Speaker 2 East Point Mall in conjunction with BetTheSI.com. They're the same company.

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Speaker 2 If you use promo code COME120, up to $1,000, they're going to give you 60% bonus cash, which would turn $1,000 into $1,600 to play with. Hell yeah.

Speaker 2 So if you like playing with shit, you know what I'm talking about? Like my dick and balls. Quit playing with your penis.

Speaker 2 You kids got to.

Speaker 2 All right. So once again, that's si.com.
Come on, 20. Let's start the show.

Speaker 2 I'm gay.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 I'm gay.

Speaker 2 I'm gay.

Speaker 2 What are you doing? Is that like ACDC or something?

Speaker 2 I think what it was, I wasn't really thinking. You know what I wanted to do? Now that I have the ability to make shirts and get them, I tried to learn screen printing when I was like 20.
Uh-huh.

Speaker 2 And I couldn't do it. I just kept fucking it up with some like cheap fucking screen printing kit my roommate had.

Speaker 2 But I want to make

Speaker 2 shirts that

Speaker 2 it's like the ACDC logo, but it's ABDL for adult baby diaper lovers.

Speaker 2 That's good. Yeah.
I would watch that. I would wear that.
I would watch that shirt. I would wear it.

Speaker 2 I'm going to make Bernie t-shirts, sell them online, give all the money to Trump.

Speaker 2 What? Or battered women.

Speaker 2 No, dude. What's worse?

Speaker 2 Who are more harmful to society? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know it'd be great if Bernie Sanders like completely copied Hillary Clinton's 2016 campaign and won. That would actually be.

Speaker 2 So he's like, I'm here with Beyonce and Cedar Rapids and we're chilling.

Speaker 2 It just works.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Just Bernie with Cardi B and the fucking city girls.
Well, Ellen, I will tell you, I've been been doing the nay nay lately.

Speaker 2 Most recently, I've been

Speaker 2 involving myself in the nay nay.

Speaker 2 That would rock my cock.

Speaker 2 It would be, listen.

Speaker 2 I bet you could get more people to be like, to vote for Bernie if they were like, imagine how mad it would make Hillary. That's how you fucking get

Speaker 2 center like Republicans.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? Oh, like as a troll. Think about how much as a troll to crooked.
Yeah. Crooked gut.

Speaker 2 She would hate it more than Trump winning. For real.
I bet Hillary would rather Trump winning again than Bernie winning. It should be interesting to see.

Speaker 2 Because I would like a rehash of the 2016 election.

Speaker 2 Like, I want Hillary to run to see how many people... who vote for Hillary do not vote for Bernie in the general election.
Yes.

Speaker 2 When it's like the stakes are even higher this time because of the increase. They won't.
They won't. They'll be like,

Speaker 2 it would probably be like a horrific number. Probably like 45% of them.
Everything that they fucking accused Bernie Sanders people of doing,

Speaker 2 they will actually do and worse.

Speaker 2 Well, in 2008,

Speaker 2 like more Hillary people voted for McCain than Bernie.

Speaker 2 25% of them. Of course they did.
25% of them went to McCain because they didn't want to support Shakespeare's. And then they sleep.

Speaker 2 She came in a turban and shit. Like Hillary was like, fucking.
She was the one that started all the fucking birther shit.

Speaker 2 Dumb bitch, dude. Fuck Hillary.

Speaker 2 God damn. I hope she comes back, though.

Speaker 2 That would rule, dude. That would be hilarious.
I would love it if, and then they like, somehow we get rid of the Electoral College at the same time that we get rid of presidential term limits.

Speaker 2 They think that that's like a good move.

Speaker 2 And then that's when Trump starts winning

Speaker 2 the popular vote.

Speaker 2 And then it's every four years Hillary loses to Donald Trump

Speaker 2 over and over and over again

Speaker 2 until the Chinese invade.

Speaker 2 I'm enlisting in the fucking Red Army, dude. Yeah.
When that shit happens. The Bread Army? The Bread Army.
Yeah. Let me get, I'm fucking General sourdough and that motherfucker, dude.

Speaker 2 I'm a five-star Chabada general when that shit happens.

Speaker 2 Damn, now I'm thinking about the Bread Army for real. Yeah.
The Bread Army would be cool.

Speaker 2 I'm going want to eat a big loaf.

Speaker 2 Fuck, dude. A big loaf of bread.
I'm trying to think of Bread Army puns, and I'm getting stuck here. Okay, let's see here.

Speaker 2 What kind of, we have to start with different kinds of dough, different kinds of stuff.

Speaker 2 Wait, didn't we fall into this trap a year and a half ago? We did it with bands.

Speaker 2 That's right, that's right. Yeah, I was wondering why Pantera bread kept coming up.

Speaker 2 Yes, yes, yes. Because I'm like, well, there's pans or tanks, and that doesn't really fit.

Speaker 2 But why do I keep thinking of Panera and Pantera? Yeah,

Speaker 2 that's why. That's why.
Bread Zeppelin. Because this is one of the critical failures of my career.
It was

Speaker 2 falling short with Bre Zeppelin.

Speaker 2 And Kazzi Osborne.

Speaker 2 Oh, let's go Kazi, the same thing. Would have been a stretch, because I think we went from Pantera to Kazi Osborne.

Speaker 2 And it was like, well, if we did Panera, but Panera Bread in and of itself was kind of a stretch.

Speaker 2 We don't have to relitigate the bread. All right, let's get to work.
I kind of want to just listen to that episode, though.

Speaker 2 Yeah, can we play it on one of our mics?

Speaker 2 You want to do a clips ep

Speaker 2 sometime?

Speaker 2 Yeah, we should, honestly.

Speaker 2 We should Mystery Science Theater our own show and be like, oh, yeah, that was funny. Oh.

Speaker 2 Instead of Taoism, it's Doeism.

Speaker 2 Oh, you're thinking of Chinese bread stuff. Well, yeah, because it's Red Army and then Bread Army.
But, I mean, you could do any kind of military shit. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, the options are wide open with this one, and we're failing here. Colonel, so that's, you could be like,

Speaker 2 fuck.

Speaker 2 The Croissantinistas.

Speaker 2 That's, yeah.

Speaker 2 Croissantinistas. It's pretty good.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Hmm.

Speaker 2 Bagayonette. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, like a bayonet. Yep.

Speaker 2 Pumper nickel back. That's a band.
That's not.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're just doing it again.

Speaker 2 Not only that, that was probably something someone else said on the bread episode. Maybe.
Yeah, it's very possible.

Speaker 2 The odds are. I'm not calling you out for

Speaker 2 the odds are.

Speaker 2 If I was a bet DSI-ing man, I would say. Well, we can bet on that.
We can listen back.

Speaker 2 Let's listen to the whole Brett episode. I love it.
In the middle of that.

Speaker 2 I can't. I would love to just do a come-town clip show.
That would be. But just we're doing it on our own.
But to really produce it well, where it's like, man, we've had so much fun.

Speaker 2 Remember that time? Yeah. Put it in there and then it just cuts back to us laughing.

Speaker 2 That would get great. That would be great.
That would be great.

Speaker 2 I would love to do The Dream is an episode entirely in Mandarin Chinese.

Speaker 2 You know? We could do it. Probably.
I mean, I would have to write an hour of Mandarin Chinese.

Speaker 2 Do we know any Mandarin Chinese people that can help us?

Speaker 2 No, we don't.

Speaker 2 What about your old roommates? They would not help.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they might. There might be.
I bet you we know a person.

Speaker 2 I'm sure they don't remember me either. Yeah.
Well, how many white people do you think they've lived with? I don't know. You're probably.

Speaker 2 They definitely remember. You're probably the foremost honky in their lives.

Speaker 2 You think they would forget about you ever?

Speaker 2 Those people don't have memories, do you? What's going on? They're always moving forward. It's a bread army, huh? Oh,

Speaker 2 let's get back to that.

Speaker 2 Oh, Commandos.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Commandos.
Easy money. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Well, don't say easy money because no one's said it.
Right.

Speaker 2 I'm saying good.

Speaker 2 We're getting rolling.

Speaker 2 It's see, you don't have to take it all as a. I'm saying good.

Speaker 2 It's a positive that we're getting the easy money. That's how you start.

Speaker 2 SEAL team six grain.

Speaker 2 Like a six.

Speaker 2 Okay. Like a six grain.
I don't know. Okay.
I don't know. Okay, that one.
All right.

Speaker 2 Um

Speaker 2 um

Speaker 2 PETA fl you know, what do we do with PETA? PETA people people for the

Speaker 2 no, PI. Yeah, but they're e they're they're economic or they're environmental terrorists.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow, we're really stretching. No.
The already. No, we're being creative.

Speaker 2 Let's see. It's so funny how many TV shows, like, this is like what work is during the day.
Yeah. It's true.
Is doing this kind of shit. And actually, maybe making $4,000 a week to do it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Actually, making

Speaker 2 midnight or whatever. Oh, yeah.
Do they still have that show on TV? No.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 you can't keep old Chrissy down. He's back.
He's He's working. How about Glassy and Bat? And it's a show where Chris Hardwick is just eaten by rats.

Speaker 2 It's a bunch of, he's at the bottom of the cage, and he's like, Star Trek the next generation.

Speaker 2 You know, I don't know.

Speaker 2 Right. Batman, Garfield, you know,

Speaker 2 the Joker Renaissance Festival.

Speaker 2 He's slowly consumed by the rats.

Speaker 2 Like T2. No, he's just throwing out references to nerd bullshit.
Yeah, nerd bullshit. Well, he sinks into the pile of rats like the Terminator.
Oh, that's cool.

Speaker 2 And he's like, look at me, sinking into the pile of rats like the Terminator.

Speaker 2 Because that's also a reference that he would make. That is true.
You know, because there's zero difference between me and Chris Hardwick.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You say you treat women the same.
We're both billionaires. You don't play mind games with your girlfriend.
Yeah. Like Chris Hardwick.
He does, dude. He does big games.

Speaker 2 Every night I force my wife to play a trivial pursuit with me.

Speaker 2 And she loses.

Speaker 2 You better be careful, Winnie. You're going to get called out for this.
She's just got bruises all over her face, and the blood is trickling down from her nose.

Speaker 2 And she's like, you memorized all of the cards already.

Speaker 2 I'm like, is it my fault that you didn't?

Speaker 2 For my gaming chair. It's you and your wife alone.
And you're beating her in trivial pursuit.

Speaker 2 And physically beating her.

Speaker 2 Because I've memorized all of the cards.

Speaker 2 Just spending four hours doing that.

Speaker 2 A husband.

Speaker 2 Under God.

Speaker 2 God wouldn't have a problem.

Speaker 2 Crust. Were you going to say crust?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But I don't know for what.

Speaker 2 Crust Cole from True Detective. Yeah.
Well, he's kind of like the army. Tom is a piece of flatbread.
Oh, flatbread. Nice.

Speaker 2 That's right. Crushed Cole.
And scene. And I just imagine we ran across the stage like a horrible improv.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's a new scene.

Speaker 2 Yeah, weren't we joking about going to like the WID or whatever at the source, and then everything is like, oh, I'm gay, and I'm sucking your gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Going to some improv jam, and we're like an indie troop, and we're just like,

Speaker 2 pretending to suck each other off every scene.

Speaker 2 We're gay guys.

Speaker 2 We're homos

Speaker 2 with each other. And just running across and starting a new one and clapping it.

Speaker 2 We're at the gay sex museum.

Speaker 2 It's like, oh, I'm a caveman.

Speaker 2 I'm gay sexy. Me liking me.
That gay sex caveman. Then a million years later, oh, I say, governor, the colonies would be even better if we were to buttfuck each other.

Speaker 2 One of the worst things in the world is when they do, like someone's playing piano and they make up like musicals. Have you ever seen that? Like they were singing improv?

Speaker 2 Oh my god, it's brutal. No, that sounds horrible.
Yeah, it is fucking horrible to do improv. I hate performance.
I hate comedy.

Speaker 2 I hate music. Oh, speaking of performance that Nick's going to hate, we're going to be in D.C.
on March 30th.

Speaker 2 We're doing a live stand-up show at the Black Cat. We're coming back.
We're doing a live stand-up show. The early show, and then the late show will be a live podcast.
So come see both shows.

Speaker 2 It's going to be fun. It's part of the D.C.
Underground Comedy Festival. Those tickets are on sale now.
Some of you already bought some.

Speaker 2 Please go buy them, and we'll tweet about it and all this other shit, too. And actually, I believe, my friend Adam, do you have some things to plug? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm living in Chicago and Milwaukee and Eau Claire with Eau Claire, Wisconsin. Hell yeah.
With Racine.

Speaker 2 Major markets. Major markets.
The major markets first. Dude, I'm hitting all the big cities like Eau Claire.

Speaker 2 Oh, how about the E Claire force? Eauclair born. Eauclair, Wisconsin.
We Claire born. E-Clair born.
There we go. Yes.
There we go. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 It's more of a dessert, but we will take whatever we want. Sure, yeah.

Speaker 2 It's bread with custard in it. But that counts.
I do forget.

Speaker 2 March 22nd, Chicago, 23rd,

Speaker 2 Milwaukee, 24th, August. Oh, you're Claire.
You're a little road dog that weekend before DC.

Speaker 2 And then, yeah, and then we have Funny Moms the next night. Next night, and then March 30th, like we said, and then the following weekend.

Speaker 2 It's going to be out with Mike Gracine, who's a very talented, much more talented stand-up comedian.

Speaker 2 That's Italiented. Italianted.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I'll post all the retarded posts.

Speaker 2 I'll post the links on Twitter. Special breaducation.

Speaker 2 Okay. Yeah.
Your son's got

Speaker 2 Dones syndrome.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, the doctor said my brain is made out of dough.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry, but

Speaker 2 your son's brain is made out of uncooked.

Speaker 2 Oh my god, what does that mean? Well, he's just

Speaker 2 retarded, huh? You can tell what it means.

Speaker 2 Hung out with him. Yeah, that's that's

Speaker 2 you've seen him try to navigate the refrigerator.

Speaker 2 Oh, fuck, dude. Yeah,

Speaker 2 damn.

Speaker 2 Chaw autism,

Speaker 2 chocolate,

Speaker 2 choctaw, chalkism, choctautism,

Speaker 2 I didn't check, but did anyone call Nathan Phillips shitting bull? No, that's good, though. It is good because he's a liar.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 what I have said, what I've always said, is that I have never stepped foot in South Vietnam. They just cut that.

Speaker 2 I'm a Vietnam vet. Yeah.

Speaker 2 This guy just telling his lies like a crazy old guy and then he had to get on TV. It's really not his fault.
Yeah. I mean, it's the fucking media's fault.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 How many fucking dumb motherfuckers claim to be?

Speaker 2 Of course, he's just some like drunk.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You know what? He seems like a pretty chill guy. Yeah.
Nathan.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 if it weren't for all that bullshit, he's like a guy that you would just take with a grain of salt. Yeah, you'd be like, oh, I'm sure.
Oh, you shot a grenade launcher at Ho Chi Minh.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, right. Like, that's cool, man.
Yeah, that would be a cool guy to hang out with with at the bar and just listen to his bullshit or whatever. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You could spend a couple hours just kind of leading him on and

Speaker 2 seeing how much you could get him to do. Oh, and then what happened?

Speaker 2 Buy him a fucking sandwich,

Speaker 2 make him suck your dick.

Speaker 2 What? Yeah, this episode kind of peaked with big bitch Kathy Beats.

Speaker 2 Oh, me, I made all my money being a big bitch.

Speaker 2 That's why they got me here on the boat because I I made all my big bitch money and now I'm the big bitch on the boat. Mm-hmm.
The big bitch of the West.

Speaker 2 Don't you see her pussy or something and fucking about shit? Yeah. You don't see her pussy.
You see her tits. You see her big old old tits.

Speaker 2 You get bush?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's full frontal.

Speaker 2 Really? Mm-hmm. That's disgusting.

Speaker 2 I remember people being mad about that shit, too. They're like, I'm not trying to fucking see that shit.

Speaker 2 Just an old lady was naked in a movie? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because you see that shit. Oh, no.
Gastop's upset. I mean, I'm upset.
He's whatever. I mean, the kimono is nice.
Pull up Rosario Dawson's stuff. Does Sam B do full frontal in her show?

Speaker 2 Yeah, her pussy's out every single day.

Speaker 2 You can see her pussy when she's like.

Speaker 2 I went to go talk to real working class people.

Speaker 2 She finds like. Did you see that segment? No.
She went to like Pittsburgh to meet up with

Speaker 2 the black women that represent the real working class who are they

Speaker 2 um i don't know they're like nurses and stuff because she's she's like yeah coal miners don't exist what yeah well i gotta say rosario dawson is so fucking hot she's amazing yeah god shout out to rosario did you see the front line on on uh black lungs jesus christ watch alex it's insane I don't know, they changed something with the way mining works or produces all this like silica dust.

Speaker 2 So now miners just get black lung. I mean, it's like worse now.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that shit sucks, dude.

Speaker 2 Poor miners, dude. Nah, there's something weird about Rosaria Dawson.
What? What are you talking about, dude? Look at this pic is fucking hot. This is fine.

Speaker 2 Look at this shit, dude. Do you remember the movie Kids? She was in that too, right? I don't know.
She kind of she's got like

Speaker 2 she seems like she's wearing a human skin. No, I mean, what are you talking about now? She looks like some kind of like sexy alien.
No, not like a shape-shifter or something.

Speaker 2 I don't give a fuck. She was Bernie.

Speaker 2 She can shape-shift her pussy on top of my nuts, as far as I'm concerned.

Speaker 2 If she shapeshifted into a man while I was fucking her, I wouldn't be thrilled.

Speaker 2 How about a mutant whose power is he's a shape-shitter? And he can like shit out Play-Doh shapes. That would be good.

Speaker 2 Little star asshole. That's the thing I didn't get about X-Men is these are just supposed to be like genetic variations and it's like what qualifies what's a mutant and what isn't.

Speaker 2 Right, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 Didn't you have great questions about

Speaker 2 the guy with a really small dick being in the Xavier Academy? And he's like, small dick guy.

Speaker 2 We didn't have the heart to tell him.

Speaker 2 It's not a superpower.

Speaker 2 He's like, can I come on this mission, guys? They're like, I. Why don't you hang back? Why don't you just maybe someone with a very little pussy come into the

Speaker 2 school and need to be fucked? And then Magneto is like, the only way you can rescue Wolverine is if someone fucks this child without killing it.

Speaker 2 They're like, fuck.

Speaker 2 What are the odds?

Speaker 2 How the fuck did we not?

Speaker 2 God damn it.

Speaker 2 Poor small. And beast, like, let me try.
They're like, no, beast.

Speaker 2 They're like, you lose.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry, Professor.

Speaker 2 I thought maybe I could do it. He's just got infant blood all over his cross.

Speaker 2 Shouts out to Frasier being Beast in the last one that Brett Ratner directed. Yeah.
Oh, that's right. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I fucking love Fraser, dude. I fucking love Kelsey Grammar.

Speaker 2 Me too, man. He's such a natural talent.
Dude, it's crazy

Speaker 2 how well this Ed Buck thing is staying out of the news. What's Ed Buck thing? Ed Buck, the Democratic donor that murdered two gay blacks.
Yeah, what the fuck?

Speaker 2 But I mean, it's like, like, there's a lot of things where it's like, how about this? It's like with all this whataboutism, and the media doesn't want to be, like...

Speaker 2 probably participate in like this whataboutism but like he's murdered two black gay black yes yes yeah and he's like and it's like and like one is is like, okay, I guess with a good enough lawyer, there's not enough evidence.

Speaker 2 You could say it was an accident. But like three weeks later, the exact same shit happened.
And it's like, you have to, you have to fucking talk.

Speaker 2 He's like, yeah, he's a huge donor or whatever.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Well, I'm surprised.
I think that

Speaker 2 it seems like the Epstein thing is looping back around on the guy. Well, it's because of

Speaker 2 the folks at the Miami Herald who will probably all commit suicide in the next. Acosta.
What's his name? Acosta.

Speaker 2 I don't know the names of the journalists, the Miami Herald. No, no, no.
And you know, the Secretary of Labor

Speaker 2 was the

Speaker 2 US.

Speaker 2 Listen to what I said. I know I heard it.

Speaker 2 The Miami Herald had those, like, you know, that long expose, and then they've been reporting on it ever since then. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So you think

Speaker 2 they're going to get got?

Speaker 2 Well, what they found was like the deal,

Speaker 2 like

Speaker 2 the there was some, it's pretty insane. There was someone now the labor secretary.
There was some like uh uh like Playboy model or whatever in Argentina

Speaker 2 that like announced that she had evidence of a pedophile ring or whatever and stuff like started because she was like this like call girl for elites basically right and claimed she had like evidence of a pedophile ring and like posed on social media.

Speaker 2 She's like, I'm not going to kill myself. I'm not going to die of a drug overdose.
She's like, I have hard evidence of this. And then she died of a drug overdose.
Oh my God. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then like like the media was posting pictures of her, like naked body trying to shame her afterwards. That's insane.
Yeah, what are the pictures?

Speaker 2 Yay, how big are her tits? Does she look good? Well, she was already a

Speaker 2 nudress,

Speaker 2 a lady of the titty.

Speaker 2 I'm gonna have to do some more research. A lady of the titty.
You know what? Most of these stories don't really apply. I'm really that interested, but this one I'm gonna do a little more research on.

Speaker 2 Look how nice this cat is. Yeah, your new cat is really nice.
Yeah. Ernest Jr.
Ernesta. Ernest.
No, I'm not going to name the cat. Ernesta.

Speaker 2 I don't think

Speaker 2 I like it better if the cat doesn't have a name. It's my hunting companion.
Cats never learn their name. It was nice.
There was no reason for them to have a name.

Speaker 2 I was having like a big spring cleaning day. I was like cleaning the kitchen and shit and doing the dishes, and she was, she's like, found a cockroach to kill.
Hell yeah. So

Speaker 2 it was helping clean. Yeah, good for her, man.
Yeah, it's a good cat. You got a big futuristic litter box for her now.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 she respects you as an alpha master.

Speaker 2 A daddy dom. No, Adam, I don't fuck my pets like you do.

Speaker 2 I'm just saying.

Speaker 2 I'm just saying I don't have sex with my animals. I'm just saying that that's how you get a picture.

Speaker 2 You do pull her nipples. You pull on your dog's nipples all the time.
You can have a pet has to respect you. When no one else is around, so it's not a bit.

Speaker 2 I don't pull on my dog's nipples when no one else is. You do, dude.
Be honest. Be honest.
Don't pull it out. But it's not sexual.
Have you done it before?

Speaker 2 It's just like in a tactile, tactile, it's like fun to play with, whatever. Her long ass just like the pedophile defending himself, of course.

Speaker 2 Your Honor, I'm not attracted to a child's pussy. It's just it's interesting, it's interesting to me because it's a it's a small, it's the same as a regular pussy, but it's so small.

Speaker 2 I have a vaginal fixation.

Speaker 2 I enjoy the tactile, I can appreciate that, the tactile difference

Speaker 2 because it's a pussy, but it's small.

Speaker 2 And the boy's penis, it's like a regular size penis, but smaller.

Speaker 2 As you'll notice, I also collect miniatures. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That, you know what?

Speaker 2 If you want to establish yourself as a guy who's only in it because of the size, you've got to start collecting dollhouses and shit. You've got to start collecting, like, you know, little dioramas.

Speaker 2 That will not play. I think it might be a lot of fun.
You got a shot at least.

Speaker 2 I don't know. There was a small shot.
You got a shot, at least. You like small.
Yeah, miniatures and that kind of shit. Yeah.
Like a kind of mar won. Welcome to Marwan.

Speaker 2 Connor, it's not because they don't know any better, it's because they're tiny.

Speaker 2 It's not my fault society couldn't create miniature people. Yep.
Like miniature horses. Oh, I guess you could fuck midgets.

Speaker 2 Well, there was that article trying to, like, that guy who's like airtight theory. That guy whose son with autism was like downloading a bunch of child porn.

Speaker 2 And like, you know, he's like,

Speaker 2 there should be a way for my autistic son to download child porn, you know, or whatever. And it just turns out he's a pedophile.

Speaker 2 Well, it's like, if you're, if, like, I don't know, I don't know what conclusion you're supposed to draw from that.

Speaker 2 He was trying to. It was like an autistic teenager that got, like, arrested for downloading, like, a bunch of child pornography.
And their defense was that he was autistic?

Speaker 2 Well, that he's autistic, and like, you know, the autistic kids are, like, you know,

Speaker 2 they're not, they don't have proper social skills, so they don't get that it's like wrong, and they're like, you know, babies in the head or the age of the kids getting fucked.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't remember, but no, the answer was no. That's so.
Yeah, and it's like,

Speaker 2 like, if, if, like, if that's, because I guess it's a thing that happens like somewhat regularly and it's like well then you're just gonna have to keep them off the internet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 It's not a thing. Yeah, it'd be like well it'd be like well he just keeps fucking kids.
It's like well he's retarded. So yeah, he's going to a fucking playpen and just raping children.

Speaker 2 It's like, well,

Speaker 2 come on, give him a pass. Yeah,

Speaker 2 I guess you're going to have to create another computer for those kinds of kids that doesn't actually connect to the internet. Yes.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Give him the way the way you would get your little brother to play PlayStation when it wasn't their turn,

Speaker 2 give him a keyboard and something that's not hooked up to anything. Right.
That's the same three pictures over and over again. You'll never know.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 What's your take, Adam?

Speaker 2 I think that if you're retarded, you should be allowed to be a pedophile.

Speaker 2 Is that what we're talking about? Fair take. Honestly, thank you for bringing

Speaker 2 opposing view. Yeah.
I kind of zoned out there. That's Bernie.
That's Bernie Sanders platform.

Speaker 2 Listen, if you're a retarded,

Speaker 2 we should create a system where you could download child pornography.

Speaker 2 Makes sense to me.

Speaker 2 Only 1% of retarded people are pedophiles,

Speaker 2 but they download 99% of the child pornography.

Speaker 2 Hell yeah.

Speaker 2 There could be a national child pornography registry.

Speaker 2 You know, and it's like... What do you mean? It's like 10 videos that you just lend out, so there's no new porn child pornography being created.
But the guys that want to get

Speaker 2 jacking off, so they're not raping children.

Speaker 2 That could be an elegant. After a while, you've seen all 10 videos, you know.
You throw some Snapchat filters on there.

Speaker 2 Some like some puppy. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Probably right now. But okay, how about this? You seize all the child pornography, right? So that's a lot.
Okay?

Speaker 2 And you rotate

Speaker 2 different. So it's like for a month, there's 10 videos.

Speaker 2 And that's where you get that month. And then they go back in the vault.
And then you release another 10 videos.

Speaker 2 And so with all the child pornography that already exists, you dole it out.

Speaker 2 And you sort of, you know.

Speaker 2 And it's like, and that way they're satiated and they get new releases every once in a while. And no children are getting fucked.

Speaker 2 Right. Yeah.
That's pretty good. Would you like to pay residuals to the kids that were in those videos? The actors, yeah.

Speaker 2 I guess if you knew, yeah. Should we be like paying attention to this Cohen testimony while doing the show? I know.
Like, I really haven't watched any of it.

Speaker 2 I think it's happening right now. It's been happening all day.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Nothing.

Speaker 2 He said that Trump said that Donald Jr. is like dumb.

Speaker 2 That's so awesome.

Speaker 2 He's like, by the way,

Speaker 2 he shit all over his son.

Speaker 2 That's so funny to have that

Speaker 2 on the congressional. Also, he submitted the check that he wrote to reimburse him for the Stormy Daniels payoff, which he wrote after he became president.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 That rocks. I'm pretty sure.
I haven't seen any of it, though, today. I feel like...

Speaker 2 Do you think anything's going to happen? I feel like this shit happens every day now.

Speaker 2 I mean, it might, maybe it'll hurt. I don't fucking know.
I really don't know.

Speaker 2 Look at this.

Speaker 2 Well, what's important is that there's a lot of silence on the podcast. I think that's.
I'm looking at Rosaria Dawson fakes now because I've looked at all the real ones. Yeah.

Speaker 2 See if you can find a picture of her dressing. This was not bad.
Sub-Zero for Mortal Kombat.

Speaker 2 That's not bad. Oh.
Let me see. I mean, I think she would be hot, but only if she wasn't.
Those aren't what her titties look like. Sub-zero? Yeah, I want her to freeze and shatter my dick.

Speaker 2 Would you like that? Just looking down at your face. I mean, that would be cool.
Going, beaty.

Speaker 2 Gatality.

Speaker 2 Why didn't they have gatalities?

Speaker 2 That'd be pretty tight, huh? That would be good. He's fucking my ass.

Speaker 2 And you're immortal, so you'll have to live with the trauma forever.

Speaker 2 You don't even get the release of death.

Speaker 2 Oh, these are really good now.

Speaker 2 These are the ones that are just like, I love the fakes where it's like hardcore pornography and like a a picture of them like different lighting from like the red carpet just like full makeup

Speaker 2 yeah

Speaker 2 that would be a cool you know be kathy bates from titanic would be a cool wrestling persona

Speaker 2 like the unsinkable um the unsinkable woman

Speaker 2 just coming down the the fucking sidewalk with her arms waving around i'm a big bitch

Speaker 2 i'm a big 1910s bitch

Speaker 2 has there ever been like a big fat female wrestler? There's one right now. I mean, she's not fat, but she's like bigger than the rest of them that are hot as shit.
And she like wears a one-time.

Speaker 2 Do you watch wrestling? No, I don't watch it, but I'll, you know, I have friends that watch. I pop in every once in a while.

Speaker 2 And I pay attention to the D.Vas because, like I said, that's one of the first ways I was jacking off. So

Speaker 2 they're wrestling, and they just slap their tits against me.

Speaker 2 I would love to be wrestled.

Speaker 2 I would love to get tasted. And here come the Brestlers.

Speaker 2 The World Bride Brestling Federation.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Apparently the big bitch injures all the other little ones.
Because she's so powerful. She's so powerful.
Does she fight guys? I don't believe so. China, I guess, was big, but she wasn't fat.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she was like

Speaker 2 muscular, had that big old clit. Yeah.
Got her pussy worked over by the guy again.

Speaker 2 Getting too fucked by X-Box too hard.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Xbox gave her the Bronco buster till she died.

Speaker 2 Then he Bronco busted her with his dick in her mouth. And then she suffocated.
What if Bernie did suck it? Do you think that would bring the toxic masculinity levels up an extra notch?

Speaker 2 That's going to do it for this week. Are we done? Yep.

Speaker 2 Hey, a bunch of people DM'd me and shit about if you're a lawyer, could you actually email me at stav at stavi.biz S-T-A-V-atst-T-A-V-V-Y dot B-I-Z.

Speaker 2 I do legitimately need legal assistance. For what? I got fucking moving violations.
They might suspend my license.

Speaker 2 Why don't you just pay them? Because you still get points on your shit. Yeah, but didn't you do it? No.

Speaker 2 So I'm being framed by the law. What happened?

Speaker 2 That's for me and my lawyer to discuss, Nick. But what moving violations?

Speaker 2 No, texting while driving? Handheld electronic device. I'm being framed for this.
So I was watching Porter. Do you need a lawyer for that?

Speaker 2 Why don't you just go fucking talk to a judge or like a traffic court magistrate or whatever?

Speaker 2 That's not a real thing. Yeah, they do.
Well,

Speaker 2 in New York, they don't have like

Speaker 2 an entirely separate court system for fucking traffic violations.

Speaker 2 So you have to go see the count of moving violations.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you could.

Speaker 2 You could get creative.

Speaker 2 Well, you have to make an appointment, but then they pick you up in a chariot, and then

Speaker 2 they take you to the estate.

Speaker 2 Oh, really? Yeah, then you go up to the count's house, and the door shuts behind you by itself. Oh, no, you look around scared.
Vercom.

Speaker 2 Oh, he's a vampire.

Speaker 2 Oh, he lives there alone. See, I would like to.
I would like you to stay the month.

Speaker 2 Would you stay with the count for a month, Suck? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Would it get my

Speaker 2 license?

Speaker 2 Stop writing letters home? My dearest eldest,

Speaker 2 how I miss thee. Cannot wait to come home to your loving embrace.
Just kidding.

Speaker 2 I wish I could kiss you, and we were married right now. Psych.
Psych.

Speaker 2 I listened to the children of the night. Damn, what happens in that movie? In Dracula? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You don't know the story of Dracula? Who's the guy writing the letters?

Speaker 2 That's

Speaker 2 Keanu. You said like it was Keanu.

Speaker 2 Does Keanu get out alive?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah, eventually.

Speaker 2 Nice.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Then, yeah, I'll do that.

Speaker 2 He doesn't. You guys are lying.
No. He becomes a vampire.
I'm trying to figure out who Van Helm is. When you go to court, you should wear a judge's wig.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, so the judge thinks you're like one of them. Yeah, so the judge is like, oh, I didn't know you were in the Brotherhood, the fraternity.
The fraternity.

Speaker 2 Just going to court dressed like a fucking British judge. Powdered wig, roses.
He's like, what are you doing? It's like, this is just

Speaker 2 my personal style.

Speaker 2 That's how you ingratiate yourself with the judge.

Speaker 2 He's like, I'm culturally a judge. I'm not

Speaker 2 identifying. I'm not practicing a judge, but I'm culturally.
I'm one of you. Yeah.
Yeah. That could probably work.
I like that idea.

Speaker 2 It would be nice to dress up like a trans person and go to court, and the judge is like,

Speaker 2 you know, like, I'm sorry, but these violations. Excuse me, I'm not done talking yet.

Speaker 2 And then it's like federal judge lit up for trying to talk over a trans

Speaker 2 that doesn't work, though. Remember that big, big-ass lady? Big ass blonde one? She's like yelling at a judge? Yeah, it went viral.
Of course, it wouldn't work. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm trying to get these tickets figured out, man. What tickets? The ones we're talking about.
What big-ass blonde lady? Or, you know. Why don't you just threaten the lady? Kaelin Jenner?

Speaker 2 That's a good idea. I just show into the courtroom and I lift up my fucking waistband and I have a gun in there.
I'm like,

Speaker 2 who's got a ticket now, motherfucker?

Speaker 2 Oh, one more thing, though, Your Honor. What do you think of this?

Speaker 2 I bet somebody that like misunderstands the waistlifting thing up and they don't have a gun. They just think that that's like a sign of aggression

Speaker 2 to show people their belly.

Speaker 2 What now, motherfucker?

Speaker 2 Like, what?

Speaker 2 That's weird. You're less hairy than I thought you'd be.

Speaker 2 Your belly.

Speaker 2 Do you know also the... Have you seen that movie Dead Man on Campus? Yeah.
So you get straight A's if your roommate dies. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's like a well-known rule at Elder College. Of course, every college that's well-known.
Yeah. So if Eldis dies.
Oh, really? Yeah. I get out of these tickets.
You could.

Speaker 2 Well, what about Shudd? Could I kill Shutt? Definitely kill Shut.

Speaker 2 I don't want to kill kill Shudd, but I can't kill Eldis. I mean, I like Shudd a lot too.
I love Shutt, but he's Barack Obama. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But he's gay and he's Barack Obama, and he's got to go.

Speaker 2 All right. Well,

Speaker 2 that's also the legal. We covered a lot.
We had Adam's Weather Corner. The legal corner.
Thanks for letting me do that.

Speaker 2 And we talked about Kathy Griffin or whatever being a big bitch. And again, I'll be in.

Speaker 2 That's funny. I'll be in Chicago the 22nd.
Well, me? I'm the big bitch on the boat.

Speaker 2 I made all my money being the big bitch. Milwaukee the 23rd, Au Claire, Eau Claire the 24th.

Speaker 2 And I'll be posting links to that on

Speaker 2 the 30th. Come suck all three of us off in D.C.

Speaker 2 later.