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I am gay

and I fuck my dad.

I fuck my father's brain.

And I'm gay too.

Cause I'm gay.

Sucking on my dad's day.

Anyways,

you wouldn't think you could get

three years of bits out of that combo.

Oh, yeah.

But, brother, you'd think incorrect.

Incorrect.

What I like, too, is there's going to be people that do that for the rest of their lives now, but like at their job at GameStop.

They're like, I'm like the guy on the show.

I'm like Stave Rose

and Alan and Nate.

I'm like Nate Mullins.

I'm like

Nate Mookie

and Stimros Halabad

and Aaron Jewish.

They're my heroes.

I'm just kidding.

They're not my heroes.

I'm better than them somehow.

But I sit and listen to their show every day and repeat the things they say.

Ha ha ha.

That's so gay and stupid.

Not me, though.

I'm a perfectly normal guy.

Elmer Fudd, is that you?

Yeah, it's me, Elmer Fudd.

How about Elmer Fudge?

You know, his name originally was Elmer Fucks Dudes.

What?

But then they shortened it to FUD.

Oh, that makes sense.

Yeah, that's too long.

The thing, back then, the whole thing was get your name as big as you can on the marquee.

Well, it's one thing I do.

It's hunting Wabas and Fud Dudes.

Elmer Fud Dudes.

Elmer, yeah.

Elmer Fudge Dudes.

Fud dudes.

It kind of works when you just

FUD.

I'll FUD dudes.

I'll FUD dudes.

Elma FUD dudes all day long.

Who's the guy that I would love to just have an hour of this show is nothing but just a Down syndrome voice?

So people are like, yeah, I've been listening to this podcast, Come Town, and somebody tries it out.

They're like, let me listen to one.

And it's just an hour of like, I don't know where the receipts swamp.

I bought nilla wafers earlier, but I'm I what I do is I ha I replace most of the niller wafers with the mini nillow wafers.

You swap the box

because they make the mini ones, and then you bring the nill wafers back and you say, What the fuck is this?

They're too small.

And then you get an extra box of the regular size niller wafers.

Do they ever catch on to you?

Never.

That's how you save

14 cents.

It's like more of a hassle than it's worth.

I do not understand

the value of time.

Time is not a concept that applies to me.

The immortal, retarded man.

The Highlander.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

There can be only one.

Here we are.

We're the princes of the food corps.

I am immortal.

I have inside me blood of kings and extra chromosome.

Born to be kings.

Princes of the food corps.

This is some Scottish guy with Down syndrome.

His long-ass hair.

Just horrible, stringy, not conditioned, correctly hair.

His parents died 3,000 years ago.

He can't fend for himself at all.

How do you kill a Down syndrome Highlander?

Take off his helmet, dog.

Take off the helmet.

What is it?

The Kurgan is going.

Yeah, what does Christopher Lambert talk?

I have to do whatever I can to stop the Kurgan.

He sounds like a retarded person.

Yeah.

Is it Lambert or Lambert?

Lambert.

Lambert.

Christophe Lambert.

I won't do the theme unless you can see my balls in it.

Well, this is just, you're just getting a parking ticket in this scene, Chris.

I gotta show my balls.

Everyone's gotta be able to see my ball.

Okay.

What about this scene where you reconnect to be queer?

Princes of being gay.

Is it the same guy in the TV show as the movie?

No, that's Adrian.

Well, Adrian's the character's name.

I forget the actor's name, but he's sexy.

He's sexy as shit in the TV show.

The one in the show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I agree.

Oh, do you?

I want it to be that.

He's not trying to pretend to be gay like me and Stav.

I'm not pretending.

He's trying to suck up to us by being gay.

You used to have a weird crush as a child on a man, too.

No way, bro.

Yeah, we really believe that.

I loved a lot of very strong men.

As soon as you recognize how much cooler me and Stav are for being homosexual, you try and latch yourself on to her.

Classic Adam move.

Are you just smelling the inside of your shoes?

It's a croc for looking at it.

So it's not, oh, I'm sorry.

It's a croc.

That makes it different.

Not a shoe.

I'm playing hurt today.

You gotta, you gotta.

Yeah, Adam has bacterial vaginosis.

No, I got sickle cell, the black African.

No, I'm saying I'm trying to give a bitch bacterial vaginosis.

You know, I got a dirty-ass dick.

My dick, stay dirty.

I have a little flu.

Dirty dick dick.

They call call me dirty dick Donald.

Hey, Donnie, we smell your cock from out here, boy.

Crazy part is, my name's Lamarck.

It ain't even Donald.

How I get that nickname?

Shit.

Having a dirty-ass dick.

Like, yeah, but what about the Donald part?

Shit.

I don't even know what my own name is, man.

I said, Lamarck, man, I never even learned how to read.

Could be Donald.

I ain't have no mama.

Nobody ever told me my name.

That's why my dick so damn hurt.

Okay.

Thank you.

What kind of sandwich did you get, sir?

Oh, my bad.

The chicken frontega.

And I got the apple.

I got the apple on the side.

You know, I'm trying to wash my figures.

I'm going apple.

I can't be fucking with that bread.

No, not even the multi-grain.

That shit is scam.

I did.

I love it.

Donald said, I said chicken frontega and stop immediately.

I knew exactly where you were going.

It's the Panera bread with the apple.

It's a basic math.

I name one menu item.

He's like, Panera bread, side of apples.

I'm here, baby.

You ever want a man to back up your riffs?

Just place them in a fucking food establishment and I'll know exactly where we're going.

That is a good-ass sandwich, by the way, the Fontega.

That was my go-to.

What is it, cheese?

I'm a big fan of it.

What kind of cheese?

Frontega cheese.

I would guess Fontega.

It's got that little cheese.

That's the type of cheese.

It's got that little

slice of tomato.

Frontisian cheese.

It's got a weird, nice, creamy cheese situation.

It's a pressed panini from Panera bread.

Born to be gay.

Princes of the universe.

Yeah.

My living room's finally done.

I guess I got some Ottomans.

It looks cute in here, man.

Yeah.

The shelves look cute as hell.

They do look good.

Now they're all painted.

let me know if any part of this doesn't look like it matches no i don't matches yeah you match the shelf to the wall to the wall yeah yeah it looks pretty good yeah the the the color for the uh whatever the like the shelves themselves and those accents is somewhere in between that like white uh satin and then the yeah i was like the cream wall color but it looks good yeah because i didn't want i wanted to split the difference between the two well that's a good yeah that's a good take yeah

yeah it looks nice.

Yeah, shout out to

TRL Woodworking on Instagram.

The good shit.

He built the boxes,

the shelves.

They look great, man.

He did a great job.

He did a great job.

Yeah.

He wanted to take pictures of my apartment and put them on there.

And I was wary about doing that because I don't want people zooming my apartment

being like, whoa,

nice router, faggots.

Instead of faggots router.

It's like, I guess.

I guess, yeah, you're right.

Having optimum

is a faggot choice

on my part.

Oh, good job, cable management.

Good job with that.

Fucking faggot.

Being zoomed sucks.

That's the worst feeling in the world.

Really?

I always assume any picture you post is going to get zoomed.

Yeah, I don't know.

It's a violation of privacy.

Yeah.

Interesting.

Honestly, that's the one thing I took away from the Me Too movement.

Don't zoom my pictures.

I hear these stories about these women being held down and fucked at gunpoints so they can be in Ghostbusters.

And I thought, this is a lot like when people zoom

that

picture of my car around the wrapper from

Burger King, and they said, oh, are you also a faggot?

Yeah.

And I'm like, what?

Did you have it your way?

Your way?

Did you have it your way?

Gay style?

I said, why are you zooming me?

That wasn't even the subject of the picture.

First of all, it's a violation of my photography.

Interesting.

Yeah.

Oh, it is a violation of your photography.

As a man, I don't really have a body.

That's sort of like women's thing.

My body is my art.

To have my art zoomed is...

It's like being raped.

Yeah, I would agree.

In many ways, you could say I'm allowed to do rape jokes because I've been zoomed.

That's true.

Because my art has been violated.

Have you been zoomed?

Me?

Yeah.

I've been zoomed a million times.

Really?

People say that.

So you gotta preempt the Zoom.

You gotta mention every single thing in the background.

Say, like, that's what

you were of weak mental constitution.

I know that.

You were worried about zooming.

You just said you were worried about it.

I'm not worried about it.

I think you just talked about how scared you are.

I think it should be.

I'm not worried about it.

It should be illegal.

I'm saying it's a violation, but hey, fuck, I don't know.

I'm not worried about rape either.

Go ahead, rape me.

See if I give a shit.

Fucking pussy.

I'm not afraid of anything.

Rape me, fucking put a gun to my head.

Fuck my mouth.

I'm not scared of anything.

I've never been scared of anything.

Damn, dude.

You're living out.

I've been raped so many times.

Never scared of that shit.

What kind of numbers are we?

In fact, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I'm like, ah, ha ha ha.

Actually, I'm laughing about it.

I'm scared of being raped.

Yeah, I'm laughing about the time I got raped.

Just describing it to nobody.

Nobody's there.

Ooh, that's so funny.

It's so funny that that happened, actually.

Just pitch black.

Strongly dark.

YMCA bunker.

Oh, boy.

I'm just...

That's so funny to me.

What a nice laugh.

That's what the new dark.

I just thought of a joke I heard earlier.

That's what the new Martin Scorsese Dark Joker is about.

It's about a guy who just laughs every time he's laughing.

Is that Martin Scorsese?

I think he produced it.

Really?

Yeah, yeah.

Why are they making so many Joker movies?

Because it's a different

Heath Ledger Joker.

Yeah, but there's literally two Joker movies at the same time.

There's Joaquin,

Joaquin, and there's fucking.

I want to get cast as Joker so I can do the like Jared Leto method acting thing.

But like how I prepare for the role is just living at six flags

to prepare for the role.

He never left six flags.

You just get fatty shit off like food court.

Six flag food court.

Funnel cakes.

Yeah.

That would be fucking awesome, bro.

How about fentanyl cakes?

Okay.

That's messed up.

You could die.

How about FR?

Is it messed up or blessed up?

That's messed up.

Welcome to our new segment.

Messed up or blessed up.

That's a question, man.

That's blessed up, man.

Okay, I got one.

Having a scar on your face.

Sounds pretty messed up, but bitches like it.

Blessed up.

That's blessed up.

Blessed up.

For sure.

Messed up or blessed up.

I like that.

You're segregating schools in the 50s?

Messed up or blessed up.

You'd think it was messed up, right?

Yeah, because you would think.

Imagine this.

School, and it's only for blacks.

That sounds pretty cool.

That's blessed up.

That sounds like a cool-ass school.

Yeah.

Isn't that the premise of a different world?

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah, why do they get to do that?

Well, a different world refers to the 1950s.

That series took place in the 1950s.

Really?

Yes.

Interesting.

It was sort of a look at the benefits of segregation.

How cool black people got to be

without annoying ass white boys always telling them to turn the music down.

I was laughing the other day about Steve Urkel and his name's Steve Eccles, but he's from Oakland.

He's like, huh, my name's Steve Urkel.

Go Herm, Steve.

Germ.

Germ, Steve.

Steve.

The fucking.

Lura.

Did you use the n-word?

You said lure.

You said it, bro.

In Oakland.

You said it was.

That's not the Oakland N-word.

I was saying Laura in an Oakland accent.

I just said the N-word.

No way, God.

Come on.

Damn, dude.

Pretending to be gay, saying the N-word.

No, I have.

Sounds like somebody has a little crush on me.

The two classic things you do when you have a crush on Nick.

Pretend you're gay, say the N-word,

and then hope to actually turn gay by fucking him afterwards.

Yeah, you know, I'm not gay.

I'm what I like to call Cinderella gay.

Only until midnight.

Uh-huh.

Wait,

when does that start?

Like 6 a.m.

or

I don't know.

Whatever the spell.

This sexy ass man is.

So until midnight, you're gay.

And then this sexy ass man turns into a pumpkin.

Okay, interesting.

Yeah.

Until midnight.

12.01.

Clock strikes midnight.

Those booty cheeks start transforming, and then I'm just fucking a pumpkin.

Yeah.

You turn back into a man 10 minutes later and then continue being gay.

Yeah.

The spell only wears off from 12 to 12.10 a.m.

Anyways, all right, we got to stop joking around and get serious.

We got to do the podcast.

So

everybody wants our take on the click, Brett.

Okay, you're welcome to come town, everyone.

We got a lot of takes, guys.

Brett, that's your name, dude.

Seriously?

Shitty ass name, I agree.

Strike one.

Strike one.

Strike two, Kavanaugh.

What about Kava?

Yes.

Yeah.

Kavanaugh means yes.

Don't say Kavanaugh.

Kavanaugh means yes.

Kavanaugh means no.

Kavanaugh means no.

Is anyone using that as a Twitter handle yet?

Probably.

What about Cavahell?

Nah.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

I can't believe he did that to Garth from Wayne's World.

That girl?

Yeah.

Through Blazy?

Yeah.

Extreme Blazy.

She looks like Garth from Wayne's World.

That was my takeaway.

I watched the whole hearing, and I watched both their testimonies, and then I said,

She looks like Garth.

That was my reflection and takeaway.

You had your fingers tinted.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You pondered.

This is really making me think a lot about how.

Put Nick on the Supreme Court.

That's what I'm saying.

Let me testify.

You know, number one, this bitch looks like Garth from Wayne's World.

Get him.

How do we know he fucked her and not her dog that looks exactly like her?

Which, if you remember Wayne's World, Garth had a dog.

That is true.

But he has a dog that also wears glasses.

Doesn't Garth fuck a hot version of Garth?

Yeah, that.

Girl Garth.

Yeah.

Dude, I forgot about Girl Garth.

Asia Carrera.

No, you fucking dumbass.

First of all, it's Tia Carrera.

Tia Carrera.

Asia Carrera is the porn star.

Yes.

I did some searching for Tia Carrera's titties.

Yeah.

Couldn't find them.

Well, she was the first hot Asian.

She was

of all time.

No, in like in Holland.

Yeah, in there must have been some like James Bond Asians that he fucked.

He probably fucked some Chinese.

What is it?

Mae Wong or something Wong

from the 50s that was in

the hot Asian.

Yeah, yeah.

There's something about

Tikong or whatever.

I don't know.

Sucky fucky surprise.

Yeah, Sucky Fucky Surprise.

Starring Elvis.

Oh, don't give me that sucky fucking surprise.

Yeah, got those sideways blues.

Sucky fucking surprise.

It's like my little pigger, don't put it in my bun.

Yeah.

It'd be funny if instead of black culture, Elvis appropriated Asian culture.

There's just him on stage playing that little like trash can guitar.

Bang

Oh, thank you, thank you very much.

Thank you very much.

Thank you, thank you,

thank you.

Thank you very much.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has put his shoes back on.

Oh, hey, nothing but a hound dog being served for dinner.

I don't step on my blue suede shoes, which are placed by the door.

I'm not currently wearing them, so that's why you would step on it.

Just look out for them on the way into my house where I take off my shoes, baby.

Yeah, I like Chinese elders.

Chinese elbows are pretty good, man.

Respect to Chinese elders.

Elders.

Chinese elders would be good, too.

Yeah.

I'm Chinese.

Chinese elders.

Everything else is made out of paper.

Suck my blue ass dick.

Sucking all my blue ass balls.

No, so Kavanaugh, I guess people want our take on it.

They want our take on it.

Adam, go first.

I know you like doing politics and being a Chapo guy.

I have the flu.

okay, I will.

I think that he's a real piece of work, that guy.

Okay.

And I think that he acted, he acted, he had bad behavior.

And no one should be allowed to act that poorly and still be on the Supreme Court.

I think he was such a bad boy.

I think it was cool that being a, he's testifying to be a Supreme Court judge and he's talking about the Clintons and then like

liberal biases.

Nice.

Hell yeah.

That's my take.

That's a good take.

I think that he just, I think that if he would have, if a woman, okay, would have behaved like him, everyone would have said fucking killed her.

Everyone would have said, this bitch crazy.

How about instead of a Rubik's Cube, it's a Du Blacks dudes.

And you just fuck Black Eyes.

Yeah.

All right.

Thanks.

That's also a possibility.

Is that a take on Du Black's dudes?

Oh, yeah.

Sorry.

I forgot we were talking about Brett Kavanaugh.

His name is Bart, or who's Bart?

Bart O'Kavanaugh is his friend.

His drunk friend wrote this book about their days blacking out, and he changed Brett Kavanaugh's name to Bart O'Kavanaugh.

Wait a minute.

You mean to tell me that this exculpatory evidence has been sitting here the entire time?

That all of this shit is actually the fault of a man named Bart O'Kavanaugh?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They got the wrong guy.

I love that.

I've been reading conservative defenses of Brett Kavanaugh online, and they're just so wildly reaching.

Yeah, oh, they're so good.

They're like, Christine lied in court.

Here's the evidence.

She said two months ago that she was assaulted in the early 80s in her late teens.

And it's like, explain to me how that math adds up.

She was 15, and it was 1982.

1982, not the mid-80s.

That's a lie.

And 15 years old, not your late teens.

That's your mid-teens.

And it's like, case close.

Just slam the door shut on that one well for a while it was like who hasn't raped in high school yeah

that was the take was like and then he was like and then he was like dude i don't get pussy that i don't get pussy defense and they're like who hasn't raped and not gotten pussy simultaneously in high school he's like in high school there were two things i like to do have breakfast and say yes ma'am

no he's not a yes ma'am guy i know but he was trying to paint himself no true he did try to paint himself as a yes ma'am i busted my buttons anybody who's ever busted He busted his butt.

As a yes ma'am guy.

No connection.

We busted our butts in community college to get this commercial printing degree.

Yeah.

To get this H-VA guy.

My dream is to get married and earn $27,000 a year

as a substitute teacher.

Yeah, fuck Bart, dude.

Yeah.

Fuck his little ass.

Yeah, I mean, he...

And his little fucked up teeth.

That guy is clearly a real piece of work.

It's also funny that

he's got the littlest fucking teeth of all time.

He's got big hair, little teeth.

Look how big my man's hair is.

It's also funny that everyone was like, because George Bush gave

the Obamas like a cough drop at John McCain's funeral, they're like, what a good guy.

Yeah, he's good, and Trump is bad.

He's a mass murder.

Get Brett on the phone.

Well, because Brett worked for Ken Starr, and he asked Bill Clinton if if he busted in Monica's mouth.

That was one of the questions Brett wanted to ask.

Did you bust in?

Yo, I'm back in on Brett.

Never mind.

And everyone's like, you don't have to ask that.

I mean,

he got head from her.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, but did he bust it in her mouth?

I get to know if he busted.

That guy really didn't get Pussyman.

Brett?

Yeah.

Yeah, he's a fucking loser.

Yeah.

What the fuck kind of name is Renate?

Renata.

Renata?

Yeah, yeah.

That's a cool name.

Renata.

Yeah, they brought her up in the hearing, and I didn't know who she was, but he was like, How dare you bring her up?

She is a good woman.

Why are you bringing her name into this?

And I was like, I didn't watch his testimony, actually.

Renata is that's a stupid name.

No, it's a good name.

It sounds like Regatta.

It sounds like what you would name like a captive import.

Like a word Renata.

Yeah, yeah.

It's like some shitty Corolla.

Yeah, yeah.

Like they changed the name.

Yeah.

It would be a shitty term, but I feel like it's it's a hot lady's name.

Renata?

It's like a European aristocrat.

Sounds like Portuguese.

They're like Brazilian.

Yeah, there you go.

Renata.

Some little flavor.

Renata.

Renatao.

No, that feels pretty.

Renatao.

No.

You know how Portuguese is like, oh.

No.

Portuguese sounds like a deaf person saying it.

I don't remember.

I feel like...

I think you're thinking of that one type of Spanish.

where Barcelona.

I think

the best language is that African shit that's got clicks and whistles in it.

Yeah, it's pretty cool.

They're like, listen to this.

Simon, I have come up with the best language.

There is no reason to ever develop society.

We do not need civilization.

Because we get to click and whistle all that.

I don't think they were civilized if, you know.

Well, you know, I mean, no, I'm talking about like the

like, what is that?

Koza.

Koza, but the, like,

what is it?

It's got a click in it.

Like the Kong.

Yeah, yeah.

Moza.

Yeah, yeah.

It's supposed to be the South African language.

When I say uncivilized, no.

I mean, they live in

little huts.

That's pretty tight.

Yeah.

It's probably.

They've accomplished plenty folks.

They've taken a lot of white people.

I mean,

it's a better way to live, definitely.

Like, you just...

No PlayStation, though.

No PlayStation, but nobody really owns anything.

People go out and print, and then you can kind of just take their food.

There's no sense of property, so they don't give a shit.

That's pretty cool.

Yeah.

I'd like for there to be no property.

Nelson Mandela was

like that's because

the perfect

socialist society.

Nelson Bangs fellows.

Living in a house made out of your brother's turds.

What about Nelson Bangs fellas?

Don't say that about the boss, dude.

What's this really like the ANC?

Did you read that New York Times article about like there's just been

so many murders?

Yeah, yeah.

It's a super corrupt, fucked up country.

Wait, where?

South Africa?

Yeah, like

I said.

South Africa.

There's a bunch of

hits, like political hits that really put on politics.

There's been 90 murders since 2016.

Whoa.

Intra-party murders.

In the party, yeah, yeah.

In ANSI.

Yeah, that's awesome.

ANSI is like the ruling party since Mandela came after apartheid.

Ever since he left, they've had like a series of pretty corrupt

where people are killing each other.

Yeah, and people kill each other and stuff.

Yeah, yeah.

It's pretty messy.

That's honestly pretty cool.

That would be cool if Nancy Pelosi had like somebody killed.

I would respect her more.

If like she got Chuck Schumer killed.

If she got Chuck killed.

Yeah.

Cuck Schumer.

Yeah, Chuck seems to be a bitch.

Work his ass.

She's got Hansie Pilblosi.

Mm-hmm.

And she's addicted to Xanax, and she gives hand jobs and blows her.

I like that.

Nancy Pilblosi.

Nick, did you feel anything when Brett started crying talking about working out?

I didn't see that part.

You didn't see that part?

Uh-uh.

I think that you might have felt something when he was.

A lot of people are making fun of him about that.

Can you imagine what that would be like to feel something?

Yeah.

A lot of people are making fun of Brett for

crying.

I wanted to suck penis alone.

But everybody came in and started watching me.

The best part is that.

That doesn't fit it all.

Yeah, but sometimes it's in the hardest.

Sometimes it's bad.

Sometimes you gotta, you know.

How about Brett having sex with a girl?

Oh, yeah.

Having a having an offer.

Having sex.

Yes, man.

All of having sex.

Can we kill Supreme Court justices?

Like, let's say.

I mean, we could kill anyone, really.

Who should we kill, dude?

I heard that the inside of his robe was filled with porn.

That he would tuck his head in there and he'd be looking at porn all day long.

If you excuse me for a minute.

Like a turtle.

There's Thomas beating off under his robe.

He did some shit, too, right?

Everyone was talking about Anita?

He put his pews on her coke can, which is a funny move.

That's the thing, man.

There's some types of sexual assault that are just like

pranks.

But also, did he really think that woman was going to be like, hell yeah?

Like, you know,

if you're a boy and you get knit bagged, traumatic, sure.

But also,

you know, that's a prank.

Credit where credit is due.

The Egyptian goggles, that's a prank.

The old guys did Matto?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a good move.

Close someone's eyes, close someone else,

and go right in the arms.

That's sexual assault.

Pretty good prank, though, honestly.

I guess it's if a guy is doing it to a guy.

I was in Pensacola Beach with my extended family, and my uncle, like, passed out or whatever, and like

one of the beds or whatever.

But he fell asleep like this, you know.

And so, you know, where his head is like facing the edge of the bed.

So I pulled down my pants and I put my ass right in his face and I took a picture of it.

So it's just him like smiling into my ass.

And then my like cousin or something showed him later and he was like really upset.

Hell yeah, man.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Some people just don't get good pranks, man.

Yeah, that rules, dude.

If somebody's smiling while they're asleep and you don't like put your ass right in their face and take a picture.

Oh, my God.

Put your nuts on their nose.

You know, that's next level.

Yeah.

I love pranking older male members of my family.

Oh, shit.

Well, this episode is brought to you by BetDSI.com, which we were supposed to talk about 10 minutes ago.

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You've got a bologna cum sandwich.

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Sunday.

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All the ice cubes.

You just fill up ice trays full of cum.

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You're going to have sex someday.

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You know, I'm on the subway.

The other day, it was pretty packed.

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I just place it on a woman's ass.

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It happens.

It's a reflex.

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Really?

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In the last 17 hours.

What is the promo code you whispered into her pussy before fucking her?

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Into a full-out pussy.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that the camera is showing.

This is Nick's face next to just a gnarly-ass pussy.

And it's like, come 120.

Come on, twenty.

By the way, you guys are lucky for the, you're welcome for the radio.

And I hold up a Pepsi and I go, the voice of a generation.

And then it's like, Zoom, Zoom, Zoom, Zoom.

D-S-I.

Zoom, Zoom, Zoom, Zoom.

Who came up with Zoom Zoom?

What had agent taming that commercial?

Zoom Zoom.

What's that kid up to these days?

I don't know.

He's probably dead.

Zoom Zoom.

Zoom Zoom.

That commercial is so gay, dude.

I'm gay.

I hated that kid.

I hated that commercial.

It would make me so angry.

Every time that came on, I would get so fucking angry.

For some reason, me too.

I would get so fucking angry at that kid.

Zoom, Zoom.

Shut up, bitch.

Shut up.

There's one right now so funny that it's like you forget that, like, because you become a grown man at some point.

You're not supposed to be just pissed all the fucking time.

At dumb shit.

That's one thing.

It's like all this gender bullshit.

It's like, maybe you shouldn't be mean to girls, which is like fair.

But like, this whole like men are supposed to be more sensitive.

It's like,

no, because that'll fuck you up in a different way.

You're supposed to be wildly aggressive, fly off the handle, pick fights with people,

scream at customer service, agents, kick shit off

people.

That it makes you feel good.

Yeah.

You know, maybe what we're missing is those Moz.

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Take the Ravens.

Caveats.

Take the Ravens always.

Ravens every week.

We just won again, baby.

Fuck the Steelers.

What did I say?

Fuck the damn Steelers.

Beat their asses in Heinz Field.

Yeah.

Hey, check them out.

And we're back.

And we'll

go back.

And I.

Mike Werbaklia.

My name is Mike Werbaklia.

Nice.

And it's Mike Werbaglia, but he's a dinosaur played by Joshua.

What about Mike Burst?

Did you hear that?

Well, hey, everybody, it's me, Mike Werbaklia.

People are like, what?

What is this?

You barely get this?

It barely makes sense, even in your retarded world of logic.

What's happening?

It's like schizophrenic stand-up comedy.

Do an hour of like, how about Mike Werbaklia?

And then it's like, well, here I am.

It's me, Mike Werbaklia.

Zoom, Zoom, Zoom, Zoom.

Fuck that fucker.

Shut that Zoom Zoom kid.

Nobody has any idea.

There's a guy right now for Chevy.

Have you seen the Chevy ads where it's just some...

Like a rock?

No, I miss like a rock.

Like gay cock.

Like gay cock.

It's just some mayo.

It's a mayo-ass crack-a-ass guy

wearing dockers, and he's like, what do you think of this car?

And there's like a room full of people, and then, and then, like, he and then he like brings out J.D.

Power Awards, and he's like, did you know it won three JD Power Awards?

And people are like, J.D.

Power Bottom.

This is a commercial.

I'm on a commercial right now.

And it's like, it's clear they've known they were on a commercial the whole time.

They're also actors.

I've been paid out.

I'm the J.D.

Power Bottom Award.

Yep.

Yes.

That's a good one.

Hi, I'm JD Power.

And this is, ooh, I just love this truck.

This is just such a good truck.

Sometimes I go, we put the fucking seats down.

It's got an extended cap.

And I just, I fucking ram my ass.

Putting a fucking dildo at the head of it and having it driving it into J.D.

Power's ass?

He gets in the back.

He's like, we're tailgating.

And he sits on one end of the pickup bed, right, with his ass facing the interior,

but towards the end.

And then another guy sits on the other end.

So if you imagine, if you're looking at the truck from the back, right?

They're both sitting facing each other on the lip of the pickup bed towards the back.

So, right in front of the tailgate, right?

That's like that's the positioning.

I think I get it.

One of them's turned around, right?

The JD Power bottom is turned around,

and then he's like, He's like, fire him up, boys.

And then they start, the guy driving starts doing grownuts so fast that the centrifugal force

propels the other guy into JD Power.

JD Power bottom's ass at full speed.

It just whips.

Yeah, the back of the truck just whips it.

That's like the rock.

Well, that's what torque is.

Have you ever wondered what people mean when they say, you know, torque?

It's got 7,000 pounds of torque.

It's fat.

Yes, it's how fast it goes into J.D.

Power's ass.

J.D.

Power Bottom's ass.

J.D.

Power bottoms.

Yeah.

Who are his associates?

I want to teach a class at Harvard called Physics for Gay Guys.

Yeah, that's good.

It's all the different ways you can get fucked up.

Gay while hunting.

Yeah, it's all like just trapeze.

It's just like there's all these numbers or whatever.

And it's like, how do you fit this in your ass?

What are those things?

Rube Goldberg machines.

Rube Goldberg machines.

Yeah.

Pube Terdberg.

Yep.

Yeah, it's just gay sex Rube Goldberg.

The Pube Turdberg machines.

Different ways to get cocks into your ass with a bunch of little

Rube

Holt.

The machine is just like one of those like dinosaur head grabber things that he's picking up turds with.

That's the pube,

the hold turd

machine.

Sucking dick because I am gay.

It's like in my dad's.

You guys should do the lyrics for that song.

Yep.

The Acme.

Yes.

Japan's coming up.

What are we going to do in next week, bro?

I got to get healthier, dude.

That's my.

The next week and a half.

What a better place to get healthy than on vacation.

I'm excited to hang out with you guys again.

It's going to be fun.

Every time we go on the road, we say we got to hang out more, and then we just don't.

We have so much fun on the road.

Well, I've been on the road all week.

Like, this month has been tough.

But Adam lives, like,

three blocks away from me.

That's true.

Whenever it's true, yeah.

You haven't been going over the last couple weeks.

But, you know,

fun stuff to do.

Painting these shelves is a fucking pain.

I've had the flu.

It looks cute, though.

Yeah.

This looks really nice.

I went this weekend to

Arthur Avenue.

We should go sometime.

I finished God of War.

I know you guys were

waiting for an update on that.

How'd it go?

Great.

Oh, I went to a place where you should buy your house, Nick.

Where?

City Island?

City Island?

In the Bronx?

In the Bronx.

In the Bronx.

Is it really?

That sounds majestic.

It's a city in.

It's an island?

It's just an island off the coast of the Bronx that's part of New York City.

They have one bus that goes through it.

Makes one street.

Beautiful.

That's exactly what I mean.

A lot of hennicoladas, though.

I said, I want to stay in the city.

Ton of CFA.

I'm paying an outrageous price.

Yeah, yeah.

You want to make sure it's inconvenient as possible.

All the fun-ass taxes.

I want all of the taxes,

all of the,

you know, I want all of the price of New York City without the convenience.

Well, it's beautiful, though.

It's like a small little New England fishing town.

You know, it's funny.

I'm going to look this up, but I'm going to be like, ooh.

I'm going to just be in love with this.

That's where people from the Bronx go to go to the beach.

No, they go to Orchard Beach to go to the beach.

You're right.

City Island's a little step away.

City Island is across the water from it.

And then there's another island next to it, which is not open to the public.

It's called Heart Island.

And it's just the cemetery for the penal system.

Really?

Rikers Cemetery?

It's the Rikers Cemetery.

It's badass.

Yeah, and you have to get approval from Max is telling me you have to get approval from the city to go visit your relatives' graves.

And then there's a ferry that goes out like once a week.

Damn.

I wonder if they let people shoot there.

If that's like a location.

That'd be cool.

Yeah.

It's called Heart Island.

But City Island, Nick, you should watch out.

Why were you out there?

Because

I went to Arthur Avenue.

Yeah, it's pretty cheap.

Yeah, it's pretty cheap, dude.

Yeah.

Is it a fucking house for $384?

It's probably got one bathroom.

Two beds, one bath.

Yeah, there you go.

761 square feet.

That's an apartment, basically.

Yeah.

But some of these houses aren't bad.

That's what my favorite is.

No, some of them are nice.

This looks like Portland.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

And they got a ton of seafood restaurants out there.

Hell yeah.

Stop for you.

Yes.

Nick can like make us commute to go record the pot out there.

That's when the pot ends.

That's when they can move.

No, it'll be fun, dude.

It'll be fun.

It'll be fun for two weeks.

It'll be fun for two weeks.

Then we'll be done.

Yeah.

Even with the outrageous amount of money we make, this isn't worth coming here.

But yeah, it's part of the it's you get to vote for the mayoral election of New York City still.

You don't lose that right.

I know how much you love that.

I want to vote for Mayor Bill, dude.

No, not ever since I found out his name was fake.

No, I'm voting for him ever since I found out that Dick Succio Dante is our homie.

Oh, yeah,

shout out to Dante.

Dante, if you can hook up some permits where we can sell some shit illegally out of our homes, let us know.

Yeah, if you got, if you could get your dad the eminent domain, one of these houses for me.

Yes.

Yeah, Dante,

what are we going to make this relationship work out for us?

It's kind of one way.

It's not a good thing.

Time to wet the beak a little bit.

You know what I'm saying?

How about Eminem domain, and that's where they take rap away from black people.

The government says black people aren't allowed to pay vaccine anymore.

There's only white guys.

Damn, that's big for yellow wolf.

Yeah, I tell you, I'm looking through this, and most of this housing stock looks like shit.

Yeah, it looks pretty bad, and it'll probably be destroyed in any type of inclement weather.

But let's think about the seafood.

You get to live out on that island.

Fried shrimp.

There was one house I saw on Zillow out there for like $900.

There was a house I saw in the Bronx that looked like it was clearly some like Russian criminals mansion.

Hell yeah.

Because it was in that.

Riverdale?

No, what's the Russian architectural style that is like brutalism?

Collectivism?

I only know brutalism.

Well, anyways, yeah, it looked looked like a fucking

municipal pool or something.

Like Soviet Union.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's brutalism?

That's weird because most Russians, when they come here,

they like the opposite of that.

Yeah.

It's like

concrete and like simplified forms.

Big ass shapes and shit.

It's like big, blocky, square.

Big, blocky shit, like prisons.

I mean, D.C.

has a lot of that shit.

The FBI building is probably like the best example.

It was very popular in the 60s.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Why?

To make shit everyone sad.

No, it's scary.

No, it's like conveying.

Yeah, the austerity of the building or whatever.

It's like not flashy.

Give me some chandeliers, dude.

Form follows function, that sort of shit.

Follow this dick to your mouth.

I saw a really cool pic.

Oh, we could talk about this after the show.

What?

No, go ahead.

There's a really cool.

There's like a housing estate in London.

that has like these two like rows of houses and it's all in brutalist style, but it looks really cool.

It's like all terraced.

Unless they have big, scary faces.

Yeah, yeah.

But

it is actually very cool, Brutalist architecture.

I don't know.

Sounds fucking annoying.

Anyways, you want to hear something brutal?

Yeah.

I shit

every single pair of underwear that I have.

That's it.

I actually, you know what?

I literally did piss my pants the other day.

Really?

I thought I had pulled my dick all the way up.

I shit myself while we were doing the podcast.

I didn't tell you guys.

Yeah.

On my couch?

Yes, but it didn't get anywhere.

It didn't even get out of my underwear.

But I thought I was about to fart.

And I went to the bathroom the other day.

I was pissing and I was looking at my phone or something, and I realized that water's not making any noise.

I just hadn't pulled my dick out.

I was just pissing in the middle.

You were at the bathroom.

That's fucking incredible.

I think I did a sign of a deteriorating mind.

I think I took it.

You did all the steps, but take your dick out.

Yeah, it was pretty.

It was like, well, I guess this is where I'm at.

Mac Weldon.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, Mac Weldon.

Anti-microbial.

They have underwear that makes it so you don't do that.

You remember to take your dick out.

Yeah.

You don't leave your dick in.

I took 20.

They patented dick out technology.

I took around 20 shits yesterday.

Nice.

I was just caught running between the.

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I don't think that's correct.

No, it's a tree.

What is it called?

The Wallan cuckoo tree.

The Wallan cuckoo tree.

It's real.

It is real, dude.

Mayans used to fuck it.

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We do not promise that.

The only thing we promise is that you're gay.

Here's the thing.

MacWaldon, their lawyers told us.

Hey!

MacWaldon told us, their lawyers said that you are allowed to sue them for anything we say on this show as long as in the affidavit, every sentence ends with, by the way, I'm gay.

And not if you're actually, if you're actually gay, then it has to say, I'm racist.

Yes, yes.

And if you're actually gay and racist, well, guess what?

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Check in, man.

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anyways if you do need underwear go to macweldon.com and check out i used it myself you know i went on there most websites i go to i'm like what the fuck is it what the hell is going on my head hurt i don't know what i'm doing i can't i'm clicking it's so hard for me to shop online but i wish i knew how to piss and shop

but this website not on mac weldon not confusing at all it's it's simple they got a silver line of underwear and shirts that are naturally antimicrobial, which means, Adam.

That means that you could take it.

It means that you can clean yourself up with the underwear.

Wet your ass with the underwater.

Wipe your ass with the underwear.

Underwear, piss in it.

So you don't need to wash it.

I don't give a shit.

Do whatever you want.

And then if you want to.

I don't mind fucking underwear.

Once you buy that shit, it's yours.

So you can fucking do any weird groceries.

Yeah, until then.

Fucking free country, okay?

Do whatever you want with your underwear.

Hey, Republicans.

Last time I checked, this was a free country.

Yeah, it's a free country.

It's a free country, Republicans.

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Yeah.

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But it's Cheetos, but it's C-H-E-A-T.

Cheat.

Because she won the popular vote, folks.

She won.

Yep.

And guess what?

Kanye West,

you're not it, Chief.

Bill Maher just goes on TV.

Kanye West, more like, boo.

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Bill Maher has done it again.

Yeah, it was so funny when he dropped that inbox for no reason.

Absolutely no reason.

It's just like a very mediocre-ass joke.

Like, you know me.

What kind of a joke?

It's barely a joke.

Just like house versus.

I'm a house beep.

Yeah.

Versus a field beep.

So anyway, macweldon.com promo code come

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All capital letters.

C-U-M-T-O-W-S.

C.

For our listeners, Cometown is spelled C.

Okay, like

U.

Like underpants.

Like underpants.

M.

M.

Like Mac Weldon.

Mac Weldon.

I guess we got to spell Mac Weldon, too.

So it's M.

No, we don't spend M-N-M.

C.

No, we don't have to spell M.

M-NM, but there's only one of them.

No, we can't.

I think the ampersand is technically part of the alphabet.

It is.

Why is it in Scrabble?

It's a very good question.

You should have a lot of people.

There's been times when I've been waiting to play Ben and Jerry's.

No proper nouns, bro.

You can't do it.

It's against the real proper nouns.

I love a movie about a competitive Scrabble guy who wins the world championship of Scrabbles with the plural form of the N-word.

And then, like, he did what he had to do to win.

To win.

But he's ostracized.

Yeah.

And so, you know, he's working at fucking Kmart, which he already worked at anyways, because who the fuck gives a shit about Scrabble?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And his son's like, you're a fucking loser.

And he, like, just looks at his son and he wish you could tell him who he was.

He was a champion.

Oh, he's hidden.

Oh, he's hidden it from from his family.

It's like Vigo Mortensen in

the Most Violent Year.

The Most Violent Year.

I watched a really good movie Jeremy Flu yesterday.

History of violence.

History of violence.

History of violence.

Yeah, Most Violent Year was with Oscar Isaac.

Was that good?

No, I didn't think it was that good.

It's not that good, but it looks cool.

It looks really cool.

The costumes are really cool.

Because you watch it and you're like, oh, this is like,

you know, it's like watching French Connection.

Right.

Yeah.

You think you're watching one of those like 70s

gritty crime.

But it's a bad movie.

It's not that good.

That sucks.

I was gonna watch it.

I watched The Bone Tomahawk.

I got a Bone Tomahawk.

Yeah.

Which is the other movie made by that guy that made you watch?

That made the Vince Vaughan movie I was telling you guys about.

Wedding Crashers?

Wedding Crashers.

No, that made it.

The one where he snaps people's jaws and stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cell Block 99.

And it was equally as violent, if not more violent.

Nice.

And fucking sick.

What was it called?

It's called the Bone Tomahawk.

Who's in it?

And this guy,

you got Kurt Russell.

Okay.

You got

Matthew Fox from Lost.

You got

that guy.

Was he the main guy off Lost?

Yeah, yeah, the main guy off Lost.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What was that motherfucker?

He was in Bone Tomahawk.

He was pretty good in Bone Tomahawk.

You got fucking Fred Malamed,

the guy that fucks the guy from Serious Man's Wife.

So look at this.

You got City Guy.

You got Heart Island, but then what's this?

David's Island?

We're talking about islands in the...

What is this?

The Jews got their Long Island

Long Island Sound?

David's Island.

Is that the Long Island sound?

Adam, can you get us into this place?

David's Islands?

Yeah.

Nope.

I make two phone calls.

We're in.

Doesn't look like this shit.

I'll make two collect calls.

Two collect calls.

I'd love it if Adam was still making collect calls.

He's got to.

He's like, yeah.

My mom just went back to the hospital.

Like, you're going to call her?

And you're like, well, let's just drive around and see if we see a payphone or something.

Yeah, it's Bob.

We had a baby eats the boy.

That commercial was amazing.

Great fucking commercial.

Yeah, yeah.

Probably the opposite of the Zoom Zoom ad.

That was an amazing commercial.

I think it's Masa.

That ad agency.

That's all ATT commercial.

That ad agency was literally wanting to just piss people off with that fucking ZoomZoom kid.

They're like, let's create a commercial people will remember for the rest of their lives and hate.

Yeah.

And I have no right

towards Zoom Zoom.

ZoomZoom was stupid.

And it made who Maze into like African.

Bob, we had a big Saboi is a great ad.

It is.

You know what's also good?

Yeah.

He doesn't want to get charged for the collect call.

Yeah.

When I saw that, I was like, that guy's a fucking legend.

I used to do that with my mom.

I would call her collect from Greek school and tell her to come pick me up.

Like, Savros, I'm ready to get it picked up.

Literally, yes.

Stop, come get me.

Stop, come get me.

And then hang up.

Monk, come get me.

Yeah.

Wow.

Wow.

Crafty.

True scammer.

You used to run the Bob We Had a Baby Eats.

I literally did.

I literally did.

Do you remember?

Did you ever learn how to do the payphone trick where you make the payphone call itself back?

No.

I could do that.

I thought it was so cool.

You're a freaker, dude.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was you dial.

So you know how they have the number of the payphone itself on the payphone?

And this is before you had to dial area codes.

It just went to the local exchange unless you you specified an area code.

I think it was 958, and then the last four digits of whatever the phone number was.

And then you wait like five seconds, and the dial tone would come back, and then you hang up three times,

and then it would like call itself back in like

five seconds.

Hang up three times.

It would like test, like, the line for like you know, it was some like sequence that like unlocks some kind of like line test.

Nice.

Yeah.

Could you ever get free phone sex lines?

Yeah, we could.

We used to, that's what we used to do.

We used to use payphones to call like hot chat lines, but like only listen to like the automated message.

Yeah.

Because we wouldn't, you know, we obviously didn't want to pay.

But then we'd be like,

be like, yeah, I'm really.

I never understood that.

Where am I naughty, boy?

When I saw that, I was like, wait, so you just talked?

Like, I've never

to talk to other adults.

I want to see TVs.

It's an adult.

It's a party line.

That's what they call it.

A party line.

That was very confusing to me, too.

Like, as a youth, I had no idea what

the upside of phone sex would be like.

And I still, to be honest, not that into it.

Oh, it made sense to me.

Because I used to jack off the scrambled porn, too.

That's basically just the noises.

I just wanted to see.

I'm very visual, I guess.

I wanted to see titties.

I didn't want to hear about the titties.

You know what I'm saying?

No, I could use my imagination if I got some noises.

If you had a woman be like.

Although, I guess if a woman was telling me to come, that would be pretty cool.

Yeah.

If she was like, you know,

being real nuts, you know, please.

I'm going to transition to, after

the show ends, to becoming a musician that like makes women have real orgasms over every single track.

You know?

They have to be real orgasms.

Yeah, like that, you know, that,

you know, there are a ton of songs where women are like, ah, you know, but

I'd be the guy that was like, these are the most authentic orgasms.

So you want a woman to be like,

yeah.

Ah!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fuck false.

I'm going to blast.

I'm going to come.

Come here, hot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

What do you got there, Nick?

I'm looking at the micro scenes table that he's.

Oh, yeah, he's stealing woodworker valor.

How do you feel about that?

There's no such thing as Nick.

He's stealing worldwide.

Nick thinks that he's taking women.

I have not said that at all, you fucking stupid asshole.

I encourage people.

Look, I've always encouraged people to get into hobbies like this.

Fucking make it significant.

Why does this big sign say microcene stole my woodworking idea?

Yeah.

Why is that?

Was this separate woodworking project?

That was my thing.

That was my thing.

I'm doing it.

Hold on.

No, it wasn't a separate woodworking project.

And I hate that Dago Micro Scene.

That's so weird, man.

And his retarded brother.

I don't invite you ever to my house to read things.

You're right.

I'm sorry.

This is the equivalent of zooming.

Zoom, zoom.

I don't want.

That's what the Zoom Zoom boy invented, dude.

That's the callback.

That's a callback.

That's a callback.

It's like a guy posting a picture of his apartment.

The kids are like, Zoom, Zoom.

That's a nice Cheetos under your bed, Faggot.

Would you have Cheetos last week during gay sex?

God,

no.

I did it.

Are you reading this book?

I'm punching it.

Which one?

White Tiger?

I got it for free.

My grandma gave it to me.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's pretty good.

Wow, interesting.

Yeah, weird.

I have a similar story.

Yeah, that's wild.

My grandma gave you that book, too.

Yeah.

She must really like it.

I got that book from.

I didn't catch her name, but she was an old Jewish woman.

What did you call her?

The

tube hog of Cape Town.

Everyone knows her as that.

I mean,

yes.

No, don't make any eye contact.

Just write in the pussy, please.

She is.

She gets him in and out.

She's wearing a bandana that covers her eyes.

Don't look me in the eyes.

Just fuck my ass and pussy, please.

Wow, I'm still fucking sick.

Bro, you need to.

I gotta go back to bed after this.

You need fluids?

I know.

I'm like starting to sweat right now.

You need chicken soup?

Tasha made a very nice chicken soup for me.

She was taking care of me.

That's very nice.

How's she doing?

She's great.

She was sick this weekend.

I got whatever she had.

Damn.

The beginning part of AIDS.

We did watch also

almost the entirety of that new Jonah Hill show on Netflix.

Was it any good?

It looks interesting.

It's like if you're sick for a day and you want to crush something, it's fun to crush.

It's kind of maybe dumb, maybe okay.

It's all right, it's fun, it's watchable.

Speaking of zooming, you're zooming right now.

Nick, what are you zooming on?

I'm zooming

Mike's woodworking project.

Oh, he's zooming?

Yeah, he's zooming.

Dude, zooming should be illegal.

No, but I'm zooming in on the subject.

No, no, you said all zooms should be illegal.

All zooms are fucked up, man.

Dude, Nick, we thought you were a man with a code, you know?

Yeah.

And then you break your own code.

Code is

up, down, left, right.

A A B

X X Y Y.

Cheat codes.

You remember that shit?

Yeah, of course.

On this cheat codes.

You can still do it on going to fucking IGN, looking up cheat codes, being like, hell yeah, this game's so much better when there's zero challenge whatsoever.

When it's just me murdering people with no consequence of risk.

It is better.

That's the thing.

GTA with that thing.

Dude, I used to just, I would do the tank code in Vice City and then just drive around in the tank killing people.

And it's like, yeah.

For 44 years.

That would be a pretty sweet life to live.

Doing nothing.

Murdering police officers while high for hours.

This super jump, this super jump on GTA is hilarious.

Love the super jump.

Yeah, yeah.

Damn.

That's really satisfying.

I should bust out Grand Theft Auto and get a little cheat code.

Exploding bullets, super jump.

Because I'll tell you, man, Grand Theft Auto V sucked.

It was boring as shit.

I need to get it.

Which one was that?

The last one.

I played like a quarter of the way through it, and I just got tired of it.

I know.

There was too many.

I mean, but it was good, though.

It wasn't great.

But Edward Grand Theft Auto game is fine.

They all kind of...

Four was okay, but like Vice City was the best one.

Is that just nostalgia?

Is that just like when you were in the height of your loving video games?

Nah, I mean, yes, but no.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I feel like after Vice City is like right around when I stopped playing video games.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Every GTA.

I do think it was the best story for sure.

Yeah.

And it was the funnest one.

GTA.

Well, it had added enough to, like,

the stuff they added in Vice City as opposed to three.

Like, motorcycles, the helicopters, like the boats.

That was like enough.

And then the shit they added in like San Andreas was like,

now you can get fat.

You date people.

You know, it's like, who gives a shit?

That was annoying when like people you would get phone calls and it's like you have to you have to like a relationship meter and it's like get the fuck out yeah that shit's fucking gay dude and then that continued in

the USB.

Yeah, in four.

Four was the worst with that.

I feel like they kind of stepped back a little bit with five.

I hate the cell phone thing, dude.

I hate cell phone.

All the cell phone shit you have to do.

That's annoying.

Yeah.

But other than that, it was a great game.

I feel like every time a new GTA comes out, people are like, Can you rip in this one?

Yeah.

There was a, I do like it.

Because you feel like you get closer and closer.

Or you could go to a child pornography website.

What?

Really?

Yeah, and if you went to it, you would automatically get like a three-star or whatever.

And the cops are just.

That's pretty funny.

Yeah.

And you could just jack off.

There's real images of it.

There's actual child pornography.

Wow, what a loophole for the child pornography community is that they could just buy GTA.

Yeah, that would be a smart way.

Buy some old video game franchise.

That is the government standard.

Like crash bananas.

It's illegal because black teenagers can just get free access to it.

It really is like a racist law.

Yeah, I mean, they just pass these laws because they they don't like

young black men having just unrestricted access.

So true.

No, I'm serious.

If you look at the racist history

the redlining of child pornography

for too long are young black pedophiles that have not had access.

That's true.

That's true.

That's why with the mullet.

They say they want to decriminalize and having sex with kids, but you have to do it in your house.

Could anyone just start a think tank?

Just have a think tank.

You need funding, dude.

You need to.

God damn, I would love for you to get on like Tucker or whatever the fuck.

Tucker

show and just do that and him have to like

argue against whatever was positive for black people.

Yeah.

No, be like, no, let's be honest with ourselves.

If child pornography cost a million dollars and it was just for white millionaires, then it would be legal today.

It's the fact that it's free,

you can access it in public libraries,

do anything we can.

You're right, what's going on, Adam?

Yeah, I'm fucked up.

That is funny.

That's a fun take.

That's so funny, dude.

That's such a wild take.

It's true, man.

Nick's wrong.

I'm not wrong.

Usually, we disagree over stuff like this.

He's not not wrong.

I'm not wrong.

That is it, Chief.

Miso.

Anyway, so I guess we should get to the bottom of this Kabanaw thing.

Yeah, oh, yeah, for sure.

Well, Trump, the Republicans all took the line.

They were like, she was very brave, and we found her testimony very compelling.

And then, like, the first time Trump, like,

hit the room and, like, you know, started working the room, then he's like, yeah, you know, she can't remember it.

You know, then he he just started making fun of her immediately.

I went looking for Girl Garth, and then the first thing that comes up is a Garth Brooks song called That Girl is a Cowboy.

Nice, which is, you know, a trans thing.

Oh, yeah,

Garth Brook, trans hero.

Him and Steve Tyler.

Dude looks like a lady.

It was 107.

We were heading to town.

She had her sleeves rolled up and the windows rolled down.

That girl is a cowboy.

Robert Earle was singing out the Buchan song.

With every word that Keene was bringing.

She was singing along, That Girl is a Cowboy.

Sometimes the best cowboys ain't cowboys at all.

She's got my back, even when it's against the wall.

So she can lift him up physically and slam him against the wall.

When I need to fuck him up against the wall, when I need a friend, she's the guy I call.

Because sometimes the best cowboys ain't cowboys at all.

So I took her tout to show her how to rope and ride.

I took her out, this is a typo, to show her how to rope and ride.

I can't believe that it was me that wound up broke and tied.

Whoa, this bitch tied him up.

This girled him in the ass.

The girl is a cowboy.

So that night I decided we should paint the town.

I made it home, although I don't really remember how.

That girl is a cowboy.

They got roofied.

Like you got raped by this woman.

You're roofied and raped.

Sometimes the best cowboys ain't cowboys at all.

She's got my back even when it's against the wall.

When I need a friend, she's the guy I call.

Because sometimes the best cowboys ain't cowboys at all.

There's just something that a cowgirl has

ain't no cowboys got

man she's something when she's one of the boys but something else anytime she's not

so thought yeah so garth brooks wants to fuck a trans

a trans cowboy and sometimes the best cowgirls got a little something extra you know what i mean got a couple of balls you're listening to you know what i'm saying by garth brooks

Sometimes you just take a ride side saddle just to keep things from flopping around.

You know what I'm talking about?

A little bit.

I'm just looking for a cowgirl in the men's bathroom.

Cruising Garth.

Yeah.

Hey, Garth, good to see you here, buddy.

The Lost Sessions.

Let's see what other songs I'm here.

Good Ride, Cowboy.

Let's pretend this is about a man.

Okay.

Where life's, yeah, from the hills to KC, Wyoming, where life's woolly and wild, came an Air Force brat in a cowboy hat.

Already, this is.

Yeah, this is gay porn.

And that Copenhagen smile from bucking Bronx to honky tonks.

He always sang a cowboy's song.

We were too much,

we were much too young, having too much fun.

We all sang along.

He just randomly picked a song.

And we sang.

Life's a highway, which I'd like to imagine they're singing along to the rascal flats together while having gay sex in Casey, Wyoming.

There's only one way you're going to get through it when she starts to twist, but more like Chris, pull your hat down tight.

Chris gay.

Lidoo it.

When that whistle blows and that crowd explodes, and then pickup men are at your side.

They tell you he's gone.

He's hallucinating from being come drunk.

And he has no idea.

He's part of some

ritual

sacrifice in the middle of the rodeo ring where they blow a whistle and the crowd go nuts.

and there's a bunch of guys in pickup trucks fucking your body.

They tell you, good ride, cowboy, good ride.

Oh, yeah.

From gold buckles to gold records, well, once again, he was spinning round, took the whole world on, and he turned us on to that western underground.

I can't, I can't believe this.

Next line.

And from bareback Jack

to this cowboy's hat,

the songs were stronger than his pain.

He would not slow down

from town to town, like children running through the rain.

And we sang, Life's a highway.

There's only one way you're going to get through it.

When she starts to twist, be more like Chris and put your hat down tight.

I guess that's your foreskin.

Yeah.

Your medically tight foreskin.

Yeah, yeah.

And just do it.

And when that whistle blows and that crowd explodes and them pickup men are at your side, you tell them, good ride, cowboy, good ride.

Interesting.

I bet he crossed that River Jordan with St.

Peter on the other side.

Don't sully the Bible's name with your fucking homosexual cowboy bullshit.

If there's one thing I could ask of the people who listen to this show

is don't besmirch the good name of St.

Peter with cowboy repeats.

Yeah, here's another one called Under the Table.

Well, I sucked his cock up under the table.

Just immediately.

And by the table, I mean another guy who was on all fours.

I don't know if we're going to top that last one.

That last one.

No, that was awesome.

Have you seen that billboard?

That Garth Brooks billboard just off the side of the BQE?

I don't know what it's doing.

Yeah, it's awesome.

It's about love or something.

Yeah, I've seen it.

Yeah, it's so weird.

Shouts out to

anyway.

So, Brett Kavanaugh.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, we got to get to the bottom of this.

Yeah, people want to know.

They want to to know.

Fuck him.

I know there are a lot of senators listening to this, and they're not sure if they should vote yes or no.

So, probably the bitch from Alaska, Mercows.

How about janitors?

And they have genitals.

I think they already do have genitals.

Wouldn't you say, are you saying all senators don't have genitals right now?

Yeah, no, I'm trying to see Garth, Girl Garth.

Oh.

I don't know why that I got.

Wayne's World, suck me off.

Wayne's World, I'm gay.

Wayne's World, fuck my ass.

Swiggity, shriggity, shriggity, shriggity.

Speaking of Tia's, you know it was pretty hot Tia Leone.

Hell yeah.

Remember her?

I'm all in on Tia Leone.

With the raspy ass voice.

Girl Garth is not hot.

She's not hot.

No, not at all.

I thought maybe she was hot.

Oh, wait, wasn't there a hot girl that wanted to fuck him, but he ends up fucking Girl Garth?

Isn't that how it goes?

Or maybe he did fuck the hot girl?

I don't remember, man.

She's a total babe.

Wayne's World Game.

I tried watching Wayne's World.

Jimmy Hen.

It doesn't hold up.

I think none of Mike Meyer's shit holds up, except maybe the one about being an axe murderer.

So I

so I sucked off

an ass murderer.

An ass murderer?

Yeah.

So I sucked off an ass murderer.

Um,

shit.

I should eat something.

I think The Love Guru is still

real good.

I would watch that one for you.

Maybe I should rewatch it.

It's insane how bad it is.

I can't wait.

I'm going to watch it.

It's like you feel like you're on mushrooms or something.

It's awesome.

Yeah.

I can't wait.

Justin Timberlake doing that whole thing.

What the fuck is this, dude?

Look at Regar's girlfriend.

I found a meme, and it's a picture of James Earl Jones and Morgan Freeman.

And it says, if you really think about it, and I was hoping the subtext would be, all black people are the same.

I thought it was going to be a funny racist.

Yeah, but what is it?

But it says, if you really think about it, James Earle Jones and Morgan Freeman tickling each other would be pretty much the greatest thing ever.

What the fuck?

And it's like, what?

That sucks.

What kind of fetish is that?

You've got to be the only deep-voiced black guys laughing and tickling each other.

Like, just say

sharing a joke.

Yeah.

Tickling?

Like, just say laughing at the same time.

Tickling.

And each other?

Yeah, what the fuck?

They can't be getting tickled by a couple

by their daughters or whatever.

That would be an impeachable offense, I feel.

Did Morgan Freeman fuck his daughter?

Tickling?

Okay.

Well, gang, listen.

If you're in Australia, come see us.

Because I have to shit and then I have to take the train, and so I gotta go.

We are in Sydney on the 23rd of this month.

Melbourne on the 26th.

Briz Give Me Brain on the 28th.

I believe we're doing podcasts and stand-up shows.

So please buy tickets to one or both.

And then our goodbye, farewell, Avida Zeng goodbye show is on the 8th.

Funny Moms.

This Monday coming up.

Funny Moms.

We haven't booked anyone yet, but it's going to be good.

Believe you, man.

Thanks for everyone who came out to the live.

Thank you.

It was packed as hell.

Probably gonna have to find a bigger venue.

Probably.

Yeah, we should talk about that.

And then we have Southern Tour happening at some point.

Studio.

Sioux, Sue Studio.

What are our dates for the South?

Nashville and the 11th?

Yeah,

I don't know.

I booked it all back-to-back, and I forgot that

everything in the south isn't 20 minutes from each other.

So this is going to suck ass.

Can we delete one?

Can we just be like, fuck one of you guys?

Nah.

No, it's just going to be a gay week.

Nah.

Whatever, man.

We don't have to try hard.

Fuck you idiots that buy tickets to the South South.

You don't buy tickets to these shows here.

Dumb.

You know what?

This is the North's revenge for the Civil War.

Just three yanks.

That's what you get for being here.

We're marching to the sea, folks, and we're going to burn down every

nation that is effectively below the Mason-Dixon.

Is that so?

I think so.

But.

Isn't the Mason-Dixon in between Maryland and Pennsylvania?

Maryland and

I think Maryland was on the Union side, but very

Maryland was

Union-occupied.

Yeah, and that's why begrudgingly.

They watched it.

Beyond begrudgingly, it was just like the federally occupied during the year.

Yeah, it declared martial law.

Yeah.

Lincoln had his dick out and said, either you suck this or you're on my team.

It surrounded

three-quarters of Washington, so he declared martial law.

Makes sense.

No, it's really.

I gotta go back to that.

It surrounded Richmond.

Richmond is in Maryland,

the capital of the

South.

Second May.

Not at all.

That's not true at all.

Bitch, every once in a while I know a fact you're obviously lying about.

How about a show like Drunk History, but it's just called Drunk?

We drug comedians and tape them without their consent?

How do we get here?

It's like, quick, put your dick in Cameron Esposito's mouth.

It's a prank.

It's a prank show.

It's a prank show.

No, I don't want to.

That's not Cameron Esposito.

That's Adam in a Wig.

They like produce that show.

And then Viacom has to be like, look, we try to strike a balance.

You know, you have some, like, we represent a lot of voices.

You know, yeah, it's great that we're getting all these LGBT voices out there and like hearing victim stories, but we also need a show where there's white men that rape people that violently rape people this is your pitch this is your tv pitch no this is the network excusing after they buy it after they buy it

which they will they will do

all right man let me be an ep on that shit dude yeah

eats pizza yes

yes that would be fine also

um all right gang well that'll do it for us please eat our nuts and suck our dicks bye

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