Ep. 28 – How Many Y’all Like Sex

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Speaker 2 fuck is this a family reunion

Speaker 3 god damn it's brooklyn in the house

Speaker 2 all right we're gonna set this up fashion your seat belts this shit is definitely real now how many of y'all like sex

Speaker 2 We're gonna talk about sex. Now, check this out just the other day, right? I went to the top floor of the World Trade Center.
They got a bar up there.

Speaker 2 And I see this bitch got more buttons than a box of Newports. Woo!

Speaker 3 Now, this shit is definitely real. Hell yeah.
Now, how many of y'all like sex?

Speaker 3 Check this out, man. I'll be having sex sometimes.

Speaker 3 And this is what you do, man.

Speaker 3 You know how it is, man. You get the girl down there,

Speaker 3 a hole. You bend over.
You pull your dick out. What you do? You put your dick inside of the pussy.

Speaker 3 17-minute act out.

Speaker 3 God bless y'all. And remember, let's get the guns off the streets, people.

Speaker 3 Get the guns off the streets. And then Martin Lawrence comes back on.
There were 157,000 murders in Chicago yesterday.

Speaker 3 I got caught in a deaf comedy jam.

Speaker 3 I don't want to call it a black hole.

Speaker 3 I want to sound

Speaker 3 lacest.

Speaker 3 I don't do not want to sound like a lacest.

Speaker 3 It's a Chinese guy saying he doesn't want to sound racist. What's the guy's background? Give me a little bit of flavor.
Taiwanese. The guy I'm doing? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 It's a Jewish man doing a racist impression of a Chinese Jewish. Oh, that's why it's a little off.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah. No, I see it.
I see it. Because that's the thing about it.

Speaker 3 All these damn Jews are so racist. Every single one of them.
I agree.

Speaker 3 I went to D.C. last week and met a lot of nice fellas.
Yeah. And they were saying a lot of the same things about Jews I've been saying since I went to

Speaker 3 the Black Israelites. Yeah.
They're the original. That's quite a show, by the way.
I love those guys. Just setting up shop and watching them.

Speaker 3 So somebody, I had kind of a legal issue going on this week, so I didn't have time to respond to them. Oh, also, just a heads up.
I'm getting a lot of notifications for Facebook messages.

Speaker 3 If you're messaging me and I'm not responding, I am banned from Facebook. I can't respond to you.

Speaker 3 I have no, I can see the messages, but I can't respond, so I'm I'm not ignoring you. I know a lot of people are probably

Speaker 3 people sliding your DMs trying to suck you off on Facebook? Yeah, I don't know. I think, you know, I mean, if it's, it's, it's,

Speaker 3 I don't want to say Reddit guys, but basically anyone in any online community is fickle. So you don't respond to them for two days, and they're like, actually, you know what? Fuck this guy.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 So I'm not ignoring you. I just can't

Speaker 3 respond to anything. Hey, guess what? Fuck you, pieces of shit.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Stop. Stop

Speaker 3 thinking about it. I don't care.
I'm the bad boy, dude. You're going to be fickle.
I'm the bad boy of of the group. I'm like the administrator.
I'm like the chief of medicine here.

Speaker 3 I don't know what that means, but I'm House. Who's the guy that runs the hospital?

Speaker 3 You're the chief. You're the sexy child.
No, chief of medicine. This is more of a doctor.
So what's the administrator?

Speaker 3 You're the bitch with the big nose on the O, so I'm House. No one watches House, dude.
And Adam is a bit more. Who knows who the fuck you're talking about? Adam is, I don't know, the gay character is.

Speaker 3 This is a diagnosis murder household. You're right.

Speaker 3 But I am House.

Speaker 3 I'm fucking Dick Van Dyke. Okay.
You're Scott Bayo, who's written off the show.

Speaker 3 And Adam is the guy that replaced Scott Bayo. Yeah, yeah.
No, but Scott Bayo is so much better than the guy that replaced him. Yeah, and then he went on to do some bullshit show where he's like a

Speaker 3 doctor that's also a poet, I think. Who's Scott Bay? Scott Bayo.
That's why he left Iggress Murderous, to do some other shitty daytime

Speaker 3 drama. To switch up the doctor.
He was the dumb dog.

Speaker 3 I forget. You know, I used to run, I think it's still on Twitter.
If you go to twitter.com slash PAX television, I had like a Twitter parody account.

Speaker 3 Back when I was struggling to find content that hit,

Speaker 3 where I would just pitch PAX TV shows.

Speaker 3 So I know that there was one Scott Bayo joke on there, and I can't remember the difference between the Scott Bayo joke show I came up with,

Speaker 3 where he's a doctor that's also a hobbyist beekeeper that moves to the big city and needs to use his bees to,

Speaker 3 you know,

Speaker 3 cope with the medicine life in the big city. The best idea I had on that one was the show called Checking Engine.

Speaker 3 And Branscombe Richmond plays a Navajo man that uses stereotypes to solve crimes in the nose also.

Speaker 3 Branscombe Richmond, by the way, plays Billy Six Gun on the show Renegade, starring Lorenzo Llamas. Yo, that was a good show.
That show was badass, dude. I'm trying to watch some Renegade.

Speaker 3 I liked Lorenzo Llamas. He was, I mean, I'm a fan of a lot of 90s action guys.
You know, your Llamases, your Lundgrens, you know. You would put Llamas in the same category as Lundgren?

Speaker 3 No, no, Llamas was a TV guy. Lundgren was a movie guy.

Speaker 3 I forget the guy who played Adrian on the Highlander TV show. Oh, yeah, he was great.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Gabrielle or something?

Speaker 3 Union. Gabrielle Union.
Gabrielle Union. She fucks Dwayne Wade.

Speaker 3 Dwayne Wade? Well, no, hold on. There was a point.
Oh, yeah. Also, there's some point.
Dwayne Wade?

Speaker 3 There was some guy. He's like a university, he goes to some school, and he fucking

Speaker 3 emailed me questions, but then I had this legal file. Oh, yeah, the guy who wants to do a steam report on us.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I don't know. I mean, it was like

Speaker 3 basically the question. I guess, you know, maybe I shouldn't just

Speaker 3 blow up.

Speaker 3 I guess I can respond to them on the podcast. That's easier than typing.

Speaker 3 Was it? You listen to this. Montana.
Well, he was like, yeah, I guess I could pull him up. He was like, you know, are you worried that people are going to think you're a bigot? And

Speaker 3 it's like, you know, I am, I guess, right? No? No. By pretty by, you know, the looser modern definition.
I don't think anyone's. I don't think you are.
I don't think anyone is.

Speaker 3 I don't think substantive subst

Speaker 3 substantively you're bigoted. I think that you're I run a barely ironic uh podcast.
I say racist shit all the time, and I get money from actual Nazis to do it.

Speaker 3 So, I mean, if I'm not for sure that they're not

Speaker 3 a bigot, then Steve Bannon isn't a bigot. Nah, dude.
We're by the same definition. You're right.
We aren't as funny as Breitbart. That is true.
Those fucking good.

Speaker 3 Steve Bannon made his money off of the Jewish sitcom Seinfeld. Yeah, that's true.
And we are making our money off of the Nazis, so we're the opposite.

Speaker 3 Well, I read some shitty article that was like he drew inspiration from.

Speaker 3 Who's the filmmaker that made Birth of a Nation?

Speaker 3 Oh, fucking.

Speaker 3 Oh, no, not Birth of a Nation. Triumph of the Will.
Lenny Riefenstahl. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 They show in every film class. Yeah, she's like, she's a genius.
Yeah, to be like, oh, he drew inspiration from a Nazi propaganda. And so was the guy who made Birth of the Nation.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 What's his fucking name? Not DeMille.

Speaker 3 Yeah, she wasn't DeMille.

Speaker 3 We're idiots, dude.

Speaker 3 This is the whole file.

Speaker 3 First of all, I don't know.

Speaker 3 Michael Bay. I think anything, you know,

Speaker 3 I used to say any movie that's a silent film is bullshit, not worth watching. Hell yeah.
It's too antiquated. And I'm right about that.
Yeah, no, there's one good movie. No, there's not.

Speaker 3 There's one good. There's not a single good.
Is there one with titties? I don't care what you're going to say. You couldn't even have titties back then.
There's one. You could.

Speaker 3 In the pre-code Hollywood, you could have titties. Really? Yeah, they were much sluttier back then.
Oh, hell yeah. And women played bigger roles, and then after they introduced all the

Speaker 3 code and all that, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Where you couldn't even kiss you. Like 1938 is like a window outside.
But no, I used to fuck off screen. No silent movies are worth watching.
And then I updated, now it's no movies without color.

Speaker 3 A couple years ago. That's fine.
I buy that. Yeah, so

Speaker 3 now if it doesn't have CGI in it, it's fine. Yeah, I mean, there's no turn.
Because the technology's gotten good enough now. You know, I'm not talking about Scorpion King, you know, Mummy 3.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that shit sucks. I'm saying, you know, I want it.
Avatar is the only good movie.

Speaker 3 Avatar is the only, not even a good movie. Because, you know, it's not a good movie, but it's the only movie worth watching anymore.

Speaker 3 Wasn't he

Speaker 3 going to go to the theater unless it's for sale? You guys should know this. I'm shopping around for a 4K television.
And basically, what that is, is it's four 1080p televisions combined into one TV.

Speaker 3 So that level of resolution means that's four different ways that I'm better than you.

Speaker 3 I just bought you a movie. I'm experiencing it to a degree that you'll never experience before.
There are no Steven Seagull movies in 4K. Yeah.
We all just got a check for $1,000.

Speaker 3 We're rich, bitch.

Speaker 3 I'm talking to millionaires. I'm buying a $700 blender.
I'm fucking making soups in that that bitch because that's how hot they are. Stop actually copied my idea to get the blender.

Speaker 3 Guess who's going to buy it first, bitch? I got a meaning. It's my idea.
I got a new TV, guys. Did you? Yeah, it's a 3K TV.

Speaker 3 And it only shows

Speaker 3 racist.

Speaker 3 Nice. Oh, yeah.
Okay, I got it. That's pretty good.
It's a KV TV. That's really good, Adam.
You were sitting on that while we were talking about 4K.

Speaker 3 Then we started talking about what we're going to buy

Speaker 3 checks. I couldn't get in the topic of discussion.
I couldn't get in in there.

Speaker 3 And you thought this 3K joke is so good, I thought I'm going to save it for after a whole nother topic has been introduced. Well,

Speaker 3 it was fast. It was fast-moving.

Speaker 3 And it was just one topic. Next,

Speaker 3 I couldn't really feel the flow of the conversation instead of being pleased with yourself.

Speaker 3 I just thought that if I brought back the 3K joke, that it would be a funny enough joke to disrupt.

Speaker 3 So, what else are you going to buy with the channel? When I was a kid,

Speaker 3 I thought

Speaker 3 I I get anxiety when people bring up the Klan because as a kid, I thought it was Klu Klux Klan. Yeah, yeah, me too.
What do you mean?

Speaker 3 Hold on. And so I said that to somebody one time, and they laughed at me in fourth grade for saying Klu Klux Klan.
And then that's why that's like, so whenever the Klan comes up, I get nervous.

Speaker 3 It's not Klu?

Speaker 3 It's Ku. It's Ku.

Speaker 3 And it's because

Speaker 3 I fucked it up one time. Well, I used to think it was like...
The thing that makes you nervous about the KKK is the pronunciation

Speaker 3 is not their existence. And you're just like...
Yeah, no,

Speaker 3 that's my privilege is that I get nervous about everything.

Speaker 3 I'm embarrassed about conversations. I'm pronouncing it wrong, not them fucking doing hate crimes to your family.
Well, that doesn't affect me. Well, no, it does affect you, apparently.

Speaker 3 Nick can't handle anti-Semitism. I thought it was crazy.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah. I had to get off Twitter.
Nick quit Twitter because of all the anti-Semitism. And you know what? I support you.

Speaker 3 As an ally, you know, he's also wearing a yellow star in solidarity with me for the month. And I think that's great.
I really, I support you. Well, we did make you wear a yellow star.

Speaker 3 Well, I have to. The true punk rock.

Speaker 3 True punk rock tradition. I got a giant swastika tattooed on my chest.
Yeah. And a little arrow underneath it that says

Speaker 3 bad.

Speaker 3 No, get out of here, swastika. Yeah, yeah.
Underneath. So people know.
Fuck, dude, that's awesome. Yeah, people know that I'm against the swastika.
That's fucking tight as shit. Yeah, it's cool.
It's

Speaker 3 anti-fascism. I like anti-fascist.
Dude, anti-fascist. I love putting pins on my legs.

Speaker 3 Oh, dude, yeah. Did you guys see that pin that was like $10,000? Like Swarovski crystals.

Speaker 3 It was a safety pin. So funny.

Speaker 3 I just mean I like putting like Gigi Allen pins, you know? Like I'm a cool guy.

Speaker 3 I love Giga. That's real music, man.
Real music is when you just get up there and you take a dump on the stage.

Speaker 3 Have you seen the documentary?

Speaker 3 And then you show everyone your dick and then you smear the shit all over your face. That's real music.
That's what I'm fucking kids. And you eat the poo.
And then you eat the shit. Eat the poo poo.

Speaker 3 And that's like, you know, that's the kind of shit you miss out on with your fucking MP3s and your CDs, you know. That's like real vinyl.
Who is this? Visceral? It's immediate.

Speaker 3 You know, you're like seeing the man poop on stage. You're smelling the poop on stage.
You know, you're seeing him eat it. It's something more.
It's punk rock, you know? It's crooked.

Speaker 3 And then there's always some poster.

Speaker 3 Then there's always some poster

Speaker 3 wearing the shit from that show to the show instead of shit. Yeah.
older shit.

Speaker 3 You gotta wear last year's

Speaker 3 shit he left. He went to the merch table.
She gotta wear shit from the same guy who shit. He just walked in.

Speaker 3 He walked in and shit. Went to the merch table.
He bought a t-shirt. Yeah, no, you gotta have 311s shit.
Yeah, you gotta get it. You gotta have a big turkey.
Not even the same genre of music.

Speaker 3 Who the fuck went to a Gigi Allen concert? You saw that documentary. You found out what that was like and was like,

Speaker 3 hell yes. That's what I want to fucking.
Some guy's screaming. It's going to smell horrible.
The guy that might rape my mouth while I'm fucking.

Speaker 3 It's also like you can get that for free in New York City everywhere. Yeah, just take the train.

Speaker 3 That's what the train is.

Speaker 3 Dude,

Speaker 3 the only people I knew that

Speaker 3 liked Gig Allen were just like fucking try-hard 13-year-olds, right? That's how it still is.

Speaker 3 Were there any grown men at those shows? Were there grown people? No,

Speaker 3 it's music for 11-year-olds. To say that you're cool.
To have zero imagination. They're mad that their dads haven't come back.

Speaker 3 That's why I'm glad I never liked Bukowski. There was a whole period where people are getting into Bukowski, and I'm like, you realize this is trash, right? It's garbage.
This is really bad.

Speaker 3 He's bad at that. Jake liked Bukowski.
Joe, well, Jake is a man of

Speaker 3 many tastes.

Speaker 3 Well, no, it's one taste. He liked Bukowski.
Bukowski.

Speaker 3 What do you have to say about that, Adam?

Speaker 3 I think it's cool if he's into that, but I think I don't... I agree with Nick's take

Speaker 3 because Nick is my boss.

Speaker 3 Nick ain't my boss dude I'm a fucking independent contractor I'll do whatever the fuck yeah you guys are independent contractors I'm not necessarily your boss no you're you're my boss chief that means that means if one of you individually gets sued for something that happens on the show I don't have to help you out well if I get if I what are the odds that someone gets sued for something on the show and it's not you if I get injured why would I get sued I've never said anything bad about anybody if I get injured on the show

Speaker 3 is Jake gonna sue me for saying he likowski it's fucking true I don't want to talk about that if I get injured on the show I'm going to file Jake doesn't need to be in the city.

Speaker 3 Can we do Workman's comp? No, you don't understand

Speaker 3 what it is. You have to do it if I get hurt.
Dude, come to me. What if I just fucking

Speaker 3 stopped Adams' bitch ass? How? Stop. How?

Speaker 3 That's a work-related. Yeah, what if I hit him?

Speaker 3 Then shouldn't you be accountable? I'm part of an independent contractor, don't you understand it? If you're employees, yes, actually, because of

Speaker 3 Respondit's Superior. Well, let me be vice president.
Which means that anything that happens, even something like that, in the course of normal day-to-day business, I would be responsible for it.

Speaker 3 Now, after that, I could go and sue you. I could also sue him because you colluded to make it happen.
It wasn't a collusion.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you pose it as a hypothetical.

Speaker 3 First of all, already I have nine lawyers.

Speaker 3 And everything I say,

Speaker 3 everything I say, they go lobby and make it into law. Oh, wow.
Holy shit. Whoa.

Speaker 3 That's fucked up.

Speaker 3 That's what I'm talking about. That's juice.
That's real juice. That's power.
You know? Yeah. Yeah, that's power.

Speaker 3 So we're going to become Wall Street guys. We have been wearing suspenders ever since we got these $1,000 checks.
Yeah, dude. I'm in Hair Club for Men now.
I just have slick black hair.

Speaker 3 I have two suspenders attached to my oversized basketball.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that is such a bad look. I have a French cuff shirt, you know, stripey.
You do have tie-dye socks, though, bitch. Don't tell the listener.

Speaker 3 That's some straight Jewish summer camp socks right there, my dude. Oh, hell yeah.
These socks listen to fish, dude.

Speaker 3 Guster.

Speaker 3 So, what's going on this week? I guess, you know. Thanksgiving, bitch.
Yeah, Thanksgiving. I can't wait.
I guess

Speaker 3 in honor of Thanksgiving, we have a couple of

Speaker 3 fun little facts. Maybe stuff you didn't have to do

Speaker 3 about Thanksgiving. We've been prepping this bit, so I think

Speaker 3 it's ready to go. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 It's been in the oven. It's been roasting.
Yeah, like a turkey. Like a turkey.
Yeah. That's pretty cool.
Like a big turkey. So that's pretty good.
That's pretty funny. Adam, do you you want to start?

Speaker 3 Oh.

Speaker 3 I have one. Hold on.
That doesn't pick up.

Speaker 3 Why?

Speaker 3 He does that every episode where he farts like a fucking mic.

Speaker 3 It just doesn't. You know what?

Speaker 3 The fart gets trapped in the wind guard. Dude, I bet it registers, honestly.
It doesn't. I'm the guy that fucking listens to it.
Every once in a while, one of them goes through. No.

Speaker 3 That wasn't a good one, but anyway. They're never good.
Also, you should do better farts.

Speaker 3 I'm trying, man. As a fat fight.
I have not been eating that. I'm not that bad, by the way.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah you do very small lame like french girl type i've been trying to eat better that's why you're a frog you should do some thunderous kind of i'm wearing a fat suit i'm sexy as shit actually

Speaker 3 you're dead sexy dude i'm so i wish fat suits would come back hopefully in the trump administration absolutely that's all comedy honestly you know people are like oh this is going to be good for comedy it's like yeah it's going to be good for comedy if comedy goes back to being racist and dumb because that's good comedy you know i mean seriously people are like oh wow adventure time it's actually got a lot of jokes for adults.

Speaker 3 No, it's for babies. You know what had a lot of jokes for adults? Fucking Daffy Duck when he was using the N-word? Those are jokes for adults.
You want to talk about children's entertainment?

Speaker 3 It's meant for a grown man.

Speaker 3 How about Porky the Pig calling somebody a Jap and shoving bamboo under his fingernails? That's a joke for adults.

Speaker 3 You're dead, Jap.

Speaker 3 Those are good adult-oriented children's cartoons. Yeah.

Speaker 3 The seven dwarves. That is.
You expect a child to understand the jokes printed on the back of that murder incorporated truck?

Speaker 3 Well, it's very nuanced and adult. Oh, fuck.
The seven dwarves. That shit is.

Speaker 3 The prince's teeth are made out of gold and they've got like dice markings on them. Well, gold, that's an expensive.
Yeah, children don't understand that. It's expensive.

Speaker 3 They don't know about any of that stuff. Yeah, that's true.
Well, children are fucking stupid as shit. Yeah.

Speaker 3 You're right. I still think we should make that cool Sultan sketch.
That would be a good sketch

Speaker 3 with all this money. I had another idea for a fucking sketch the other day.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah. It's like a,

Speaker 3 so it's like a dog fight, you know? Oh, I love that. So it's in like a warehouse.
Oh, you can use my dog. Real tough urban setting.
Yeah. Very.

Speaker 3 And there's all these dudes that are like, yeah, and then I'm, you know, we'll write the N-word into it. There'll be a lot of guys sexing it.
Yeah, you know.

Speaker 3 Like Square Sides.

Speaker 3 I'm going to say my man. Territivity.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean. You know what I'm saying? It's like, yeah, my man.
Let me get.

Speaker 3 So they're setting up the dog fight. They got the dogs in the pit.
Then they're like,

Speaker 3 you ready to do this shit, my man?

Speaker 3 You ready to do this shit?

Speaker 3 So this is like the UK 20 version of the sketch.

Speaker 3 So they got the dogs there, and then there's a guy with like a boom box, and he hits play on the boom box.

Speaker 3 But then, you know, the audio is like obviously coming from the boom box. It's not, you know,

Speaker 3 overlaid, the shot. And then out of the boom box, they're all listening to like, in the arms of an angel.
Like, that's their favorite shit at the dog pop. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 That's the song they listen to. The one from the commercial.
Like, yeah, yeah, that's my shit, my man.

Speaker 3 Yeah, my man. My man.

Speaker 3 My man. Yeah.

Speaker 3 That's the sketch idea. That's really good.
Tarantino, like, he's like added to my board.

Speaker 3 My man, please.

Speaker 3 Tarantino has a lot of my mans running around. Oh, guys, stop it.
So, to answer your question,

Speaker 3 yes, the show is bigoted. It is ironic, but you know, what does it matter? Because it's a slippery slope irony.
Look, you know, look, that's why I had to leave Twitter.

Speaker 3 Van Colt is going to openly defend the American Nazi Party. Yeah, that's tough.
There's no room for guys like me anymore. At least online.

Speaker 3 Relegated to the world of podcasts where there's still a little bit of nuance left.

Speaker 3 This is nuanced. This is nuance, dude.

Speaker 3 That's what I was thinking. I would break my heart if my daughter ever brought my man home.

Speaker 3 Shut up.

Speaker 3 Do you think there's a guy out there that's like,

Speaker 3 you know, a guy that's like, I don't care if you're gay, you're my son, I love you, but don't you ever bring a Mexican man.

Speaker 3 Yes,

Speaker 3 sure.

Speaker 3 You can be gay. In fact, I'm glad you're gay.
Yeah. The Bible actually says it's okay.

Speaker 3 People read it wrong. It's like that for gay Jews where they're like, where they're like,

Speaker 3 as long as you break hope and doth it you

Speaker 3 which book which book actually says that it's wrong to be gay Leviticus yeah it's the same one where it's like you can't wear shit you can't fucking eat shelf it was my it was my bar mitzvah portion actually oh yeah your parents chose it no that was just

Speaker 3 in case you have to make sure he's not a

Speaker 3 they're a little suspicious I had to like read it like this now Adam read this very carefully

Speaker 3 my dad crocodiled that.

Speaker 3 No. Good day, mate.
I'm from South Africa. I'm Adam's gay dad.
Blooming onion, Governor. Cheerio.
Time top. Put another Boffet on the lorry.

Speaker 3 I'm going to suck off a kangaroo, I am. That's not how South Africans sound.

Speaker 3 I can do a South African accent if you want. No, Adam's gay.

Speaker 3 Adam, my son is gay. We want to do our version of the South African accent.
We don't want to hear your gay. I have a gay son named Adam.
He's guy.

Speaker 3 Oh, he's guy because I ate too many crumpets while I was pregnant. Well, I was snorging his mom.

Speaker 3 In South Africa, the man gets pregnant because he's got a pouch. Like a fucking roux.

Speaker 3 I can show you guys a South African. And then he sucks.
You know what he does is he puts a kangaroo's kangaroo tail up his ass, and then the kangaroo nuts. And he sex off a wallaby?

Speaker 3 Yeah, my son Adam's gay, dude. You know, it's okay for us to say that because South Africa is racist.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 That's us doing freedom fighting. There is a story my dad used to tell me.
Fucking white ass. Down with fucking white ass out of South Africa.
There's a story my dad used to tell me when I was a kid.

Speaker 3 What was that shit called? Apartheid. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Down with that shit. There's a story my dad used to tell me when I was a kid.
And was he like, eat him? He sat me down and he said,

Speaker 3 Dear was a lion

Speaker 3 and a great warrior.

Speaker 3 Great. That's pretty good.
Yeah. Scottish.

Speaker 3 That's pretty good Scottish Scottish accent. Unlike our spot-on South African accents.
Wait, what were we talking about before we started? Thanksgiving irony.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah. Getting head.

Speaker 3 It's not stupid.

Speaker 3 South Africa is pretty stupid. It's beautiful.
They've been making so many shitty movies. Don't easily.
Because that guy. District 9.
It's just that one guy. Chappy.

Speaker 3 Got away. Chappy making a fat movie.

Speaker 3 District 9 is kind of tight. No, it's not.
It's not bad.

Speaker 3 I watched it recently. It's not bad.
It's bad. District 9 was pretty good.
District 9 wasn't that good, and people thought it was good. And then he's like, what if I made an even shittier movie?

Speaker 3 No, he's like, what if

Speaker 3 he's like,

Speaker 3 okay, first of all, we're going to have robots, right?

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 3 The middle one is a little bit different. The robots.
The robots

Speaker 3 represent the bleaks. The bleaks.
And then everyone else represents the whites. And it's really about apartheid.
It's not. It's like, y'all, it's like.
Is that Chappie, or is that District 9?

Speaker 3 It's not like District 9. That's what District 9 is.
That's what Elysium is. Elysium is the one where

Speaker 3 it's Matt Damon, who like,

Speaker 3 he has some bullshit accent, or he speaks Spanish or something. He doesn't speak Spanish, or he's the one guy raising the barrio that died in the middle of the year.
Yeah, there's a guy.

Speaker 3 There's a bunch of fucking Spanish people. Movie sucks.

Speaker 3 Elysium sucks.

Speaker 3 Chappie sucks. Okay, well, sorry, dude.
It's not my fault. I don't know that guy, Neil Blumkumpf.
I'm mad because we were talking about something, and then we got sidetracked.

Speaker 3 Thanksgiving, irony, and cultural Nazis. Oh, yeah, the Nculture thing.
Yeah, that's fucked up, dude. Yeah, that is fucking weird.
She's just outright defending Nazis now. I'm shocked.

Speaker 3 I would think she's going to be that dumb. Yeah.
You know,

Speaker 3 it's legitimately scary that Nazis are just like

Speaker 3 punching.

Speaker 3 People say that all the time.

Speaker 3 Like, whenever they're confronted with somebody that, you know, is just has these ridiculous beliefs, they go, oh, oh, they're a troll, which is the case with maybe two or three people.

Speaker 3 She knows how to piss people off, though. Sure, but she believes it.
Oh, sure. If her beliefs just piss people off, why wouldn't she, anyways?

Speaker 3 There are plenty of bigoted idiots that don't know how to piss off a ton of people, and she is not one of them.

Speaker 3 I don't understand the motivation behind saying, oh, well, they're just a troll or whatever. I think that's like.

Speaker 3 I'm not saying that as an excuse.

Speaker 3 I'm not saying that she.

Speaker 3 But there is this this narrative of these people that

Speaker 3 just have regular beliefs, but put on this fucking facade. People think that about

Speaker 3 Bill Back, Bill O'Reilly, all these types of stuff. There's nothing fuckers.

Speaker 3 And I guess I sort of did think that about Ann Colton. Well, Glenn Beck and Bill O'Reilly makes more sense because they're like former radio guys.
Right, right, right. Glenn Black more so.

Speaker 3 Bill O'Reilly was

Speaker 3 that shit now. He's got the little hat in that scarf.
Oh, yeah. He was horrible in that picture.
He looks so funny. Oh, yeah, now he's partying.
Black Lives Matter. Wildwild West.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Wild, Wild Kanye West. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 He's like Westworld now. Yeah.
He looks like he goes to get his dick sucked by fucking barmaidens in Westworld. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, he goes, he goes to Westworld.

Speaker 3 He goes to Westworld to suck Thomas Jefferson's dick.

Speaker 3 I fucking watched one episode of Westworld when I was high. And is the point of that thing, these people pay money to have these fantasy experiences? Yeah.

Speaker 3 And then just like a lot of them are just rape. I'm like, yeah, yeah, and murder just rapes people.
What the fuck is that? I don't understand why it has to be the Wild West.

Speaker 3 Why would

Speaker 3 rape be like a destination? It's not rape, but they're having sex with prostitutes in the Wild West. No, that guy, like, but it's also like there's

Speaker 3 a future world that would just have prostitutes, right? Like, I don't understand why you would go with your family to the Wild West and then you'd be like, honey,

Speaker 3 you and the boys have fun. I'm going to have sex with this extremely realistic robot that has its own personality and needs to be wiped at night.
Like, no, it's not cheating.

Speaker 3 It's like if Jurassic, if you could rape dinosaurs in Jurassic Park, that's essentially what this is. That's what happened.
That's crazy. Why would you...

Speaker 3 I can't believe that's the fucking. It's because human beings actually have a dark nature.
Oh, man. And

Speaker 3 that's how you know the show is smart. That's pretty good, man.

Speaker 3 It's kind of like Black Mirror. It's for smart people.

Speaker 3 I actively hate hate west world but i for some watched three episodes of it i didn't want to watch it i watched ten minutes of the first episode and i was like yeah this is a bad show yeah and uh and i've kind of been it just costs so much money that i feel like i have to watch it i don't know why it's stupid i don't know why that's dumb as hell i watched i was watching sopranos again i love it back in i had never technically finished the sopranos

Speaker 3 i know you're fucking work to do i know no i'm i'm plugging away dude that's what i'm doing over thanksgiving i'm just fucking eating a steak by myself.

Speaker 3 And watching the sopranos.

Speaker 3 Guys, so Thanksgiving facts. That's what I was trying to do.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, I didn't sidetrack us on that one. That was someone else.
No, I said, Adam, what's your Thanksgiving facts? And then Stop said something. That was our homework for this week.
We're rich now.

Speaker 3 We have to prepare for this podcast. Absolutely.

Speaker 3 We have to start writing bits in advance like all the other good podcasts do.

Speaker 3 You think Mark Marin just lets his show happen? He's like, nah, how am I going to act like a conjurer? He writes all that. This is a character I'm doing.

Speaker 3 He's actually a really nice guy. Yeah.

Speaker 3 But that's his character.

Speaker 3 He's an angel. So Thanksgiving is basically the holiday.
He hates going to the fucking post office.

Speaker 3 Where

Speaker 3 Christopher Columbus met with the Indians. That's right.
Noted Italian-American Christopher Columbus. Right.
And he said, we're going to have a lunch. We're going to have a big old fucking meal.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And then that's how we got. They had macaroni.
They had gravy. That's how we're going to make peace.
They had a lot of gravy. Yeah.
They had some gravy. Very good gravy.
Smacaroni.

Speaker 3 And then what happened was

Speaker 3 because of his flashy style, his flashy but very accessible style,

Speaker 3 all the squaws wanted to fuck him. And the chief got mad.
What are squaws? That's a type of Indian? I think that's a woman. I think it's like a group of friends.
I thought that was like a woman in.

Speaker 3 Squad.

Speaker 3 Squaw. Squaw.
Squaw goals. Squaw goals.
Squaw goals.

Speaker 3 And then the Indians got mad and tried to fight him. Well, what are the types of people? And then he had to have a genocide.
It's Apache, Dothead, Savage.

Speaker 3 Savage.

Speaker 3 Jesus. Muslim.

Speaker 3 Red Indian. Sikh.

Speaker 3 Sikh? Yeah. Turban style.
Sikh is actually, that's like the SS. If Muslims are Nazis, if Muslims are Germans, then Sikhs are like the SS.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Like the schzzzstaffle

Speaker 3 of.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 that's why you know people are like, oh, these Sikhs are being attacked after 9-11. Yeah, it's like they had too much pride to do 9-11.

Speaker 3 It's not, you know, they weren't responsible for it because they thought they were too good for it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's a cowardly way to die. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 If the Sikhs could have found a way to chop down the towers, I'm sure they would have. And that justifies it in my mind.

Speaker 3 Guys, Nick is just a troll.

Speaker 3 No, he believes all all this stuff.

Speaker 3 You know what? And I probably brought it up before, but like, where the fuck is what happened to those turbans that had the jewel and the feather? No, that was tough. Yeah,

Speaker 3 I could fix

Speaker 3 Muslim-American relations with the general public in fucking 20 minutes if you just let me sit these people down and just say to them, once and for all, bring back the jewel feather turban. Wear it.

Speaker 3 Muslims, you have to put it on. Muslims don't have it.
Just fucking

Speaker 3 will pay for it. I don't care.
Start wearing them. That's what people want.
They do want that. You make a deal with the police.
You put a camera in the jewel. One gold tube.

Speaker 3 Yeah, the NSA will pay for the cameras. The Muslims become the police body cams.
They get the cool, everyone thinks they're Aladdin's dad-in-law,

Speaker 3 Jasmine's dad, the good guy. Because right now, I'm telling you, you're Jafar.
Yes, most people. He had a turban with another thing, too.
He did not have a jewel.

Speaker 3 I think he did. I think he he had a red jewel.
No. He was also kind of

Speaker 3 fruity. That's true.
That is true. But then he wanted to fuck Jafar.
He wanted to fucking fight. All the bad guys were gay.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 But Jafar and Jafar was sort of.

Speaker 3 Jafar was sort of an Omar Mateen character.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you think about it, he was like a closeted.

Speaker 3 He used to just go to the gay clubs and be like, I hate it here.

Speaker 3 I hate it.

Speaker 3 Everyone's so bad. I don't want to have sex with anybody here.

Speaker 3 That's my Jafar. Pretty good.
Not bad. Not bad, right?

Speaker 3 Yago, let me suck Yagar. You're supposed to be Muslim in Aladdin, right? I don't know.
They're supposed to be Arabian. Arabian, yeah.

Speaker 3 But didn't Jafar want to fuck Jasmine? Yeah. No, he only wanted to marry Jasmine so he could do the power.

Speaker 3 But then he had like a weird creepy wanting to fuck her fucking eat her. That's not creepy.
She was hot.

Speaker 3 She was the hottest girl

Speaker 3 out of any Disney girl.

Speaker 3 She was fire, dude. And she was hot as shit.
She had ass, too. She had ass.

Speaker 3 I'm actually only attracted to the POC Disney princesses.

Speaker 3 In case anyone's listening and keeping score in terms of the things I've said, Chuck, a big fat, that's like 100 points in the good guy category. Yeah.

Speaker 3 In real life, just white women. I actually only wanted to fuck Sebastian, the Jamaican lobster.

Speaker 3 I wanted to have. That's huge, man.
That's trans species. That's

Speaker 3 I want to

Speaker 3 use pinchers on my balls. Ooh, put his claw in my ass.
Puts his tail in your ass while he pinches your balls.

Speaker 3 The Jamaican.

Speaker 3 I want to fuck Mulan when she's dressed as a man. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I want to put the tea kettle. I want to fuck the tea kettle.
Warm up that. Yeah, I want to put my tea kettle.
I want the candle.

Speaker 3 That French candle.

Speaker 3 Oh.

Speaker 3 I don't know about this one.

Speaker 3 What is going on in here?

Speaker 3 That has to be the gayest word. Condelabra? Yes.
That's the gayest word. Yeah, wow.
There is a Karachi documentary, yeah, for sure.

Speaker 3 That wasn't bad.

Speaker 3 That candle definitely went in people's asses. That guy was definitely a gay candle.
Gaston was gay. Gaston was hella gay.

Speaker 3 Gaston was the only straight character in Massachusetts Beast. What are you talking about? The Beast was gay? They were all gay except Gaston.
Gaston's the only guy that's straight.

Speaker 3 Gaston's assistant, LaFou.

Speaker 3 Holy shit. I wanted to suck off Gaston so

Speaker 3 my favorite thing about Beauty and the Beast is that, like, you know, first of all, Belle is a piece of shit. That character sucks.

Speaker 3 She's just, like, the only person in town that knows how to read, and she's like, she's just better than everyone here. Yeah, everyone.

Speaker 3 Her dad works hard. Like, you know, he's got a job making shit.
Sure, the shit he makes sucks. But she's like, no, I'm just going to read all of that.
Yeah, all these adventures did suck dick.

Speaker 3 Yeah, she fucking didn't do shit. She sucked.
And then everyone in the town is just like, you know, like, no one's like, didn't we have a prince at one point? Yeah.

Speaker 3 Wasn't there some kind of government here that oversaw everything? The prince has just been missing for years. There's a mansion in the woods that no one checks in on.

Speaker 3 I think we talked about this.

Speaker 3 We might have.

Speaker 3 But who else would you fuck, though? Sleeping Beauty? Jasmine, dude. She's so fire.
Yeah, Jasmine is the hottest one. She's so fire.

Speaker 3 She had the ass.

Speaker 3 Were there any women dwarves?

Speaker 3 Why weren't there any women dwarves? On what? In Sleeping Beauty and the Beast or the old man.

Speaker 3 The other one. No,

Speaker 3 there were seven dwarves. I love that.
Oh, Maleficent probably. She was fucking.
I love going to DeviantArt accounts where the seven dwarves are doing gangs. Oh, the best shit on Deviant.

Speaker 3 That shit is great. The best shit on DJ.

Speaker 3 No, the best shit on DeviantArt is train sonas. It's autistic people that draw themselves as trains.
Oh, yeah. So they have like, you know, so it'll be like a Thomas Tank.
Hell, yeah.

Speaker 3 It'll be like a colored pencil drawing of like a Thomas the Tank engine character, but then it'll have those like those shitty rectangular lens crafters glasses on the on the train.

Speaker 3 Just no emotion on the train's face. Like, this is my train sona, Eric.

Speaker 3 It's a D-Z. Train Sona.
Yeah. Which fucking stupid name

Speaker 3 persona.

Speaker 3 But his train. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Damn, that's some good shit. Chu Chusona.
Oh, Arthur Chu got divorced. Oh, that's funny as shit.
She left him? Yeah, she divorced him. Did she look good?

Speaker 3 His wife, I mean, better than Arthur should be able to do. Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 3 Arthur should

Speaker 3 only fuck people that look identical to Arthur.

Speaker 3 There's no lateral shit. I have seen

Speaker 3 so many women that look luckling like that. You want to hear it? You want to hear it? You can't be like, oh, well, his wife's ugly, but in a different way.
Like, that's peak ugly, is Arthur.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that is true. You want to hear us? Arthur looks like the brain bug from the end of Starship Trooper.

Speaker 3 Oh, fuck you.

Speaker 3 My cousin, this is a funny kind of racist thing. My cousin

Speaker 3 is dating a Chinese guy, and she did

Speaker 3 Snapchat face swap with

Speaker 3 his grandparents, like these two little Chinese people.

Speaker 3 And they look exactly the same

Speaker 3 as without the face swap.

Speaker 3 Old Asian people, it's like completely

Speaker 3 created. Do you think that's why communism worked in that country? Is because they all look exactly the same? Yeah, you just replace one.
One goes out. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but I mean, because even the Chinese people, they have to

Speaker 3 have to be like, come on.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I mean, you know, I mean, there's like with white people, they all came from like

Speaker 3 at some point, all extremely racist countries that insisted on inbreeding for, you know, thousands of years. So that's what you do have some kind of.
So we're all cocker spaniels and yeah, exactly.

Speaker 3 There's different like breeds of white people. but with china it's like i mean come on there's like four people that live there no it's like the sims dude

Speaker 3 dude it's like uh china is an entire country built around like create a wrestler presets

Speaker 3 there's one guy that's like an asshole with like tie-dye sweatpants and a parrot on his head i think juggalo makeup

Speaker 3 i think they all look really different i think there's at least 12 types there's like the yao ming There's the Jackie Chan. There's sexy bitches.
There's different flavors of sexy bitches. You know?

Speaker 3 The ones with big titties.

Speaker 3 Ones that are tall but trim. So that's like two people right there.

Speaker 3 Thoughts?

Speaker 3 You know, I think that probably

Speaker 3 if you live in China, it's probably easier to differentiate between different people that you

Speaker 3 live with. I don't know, guys.
If we have any

Speaker 3 Chinese nationalists that listen to the show, just call in. Go ahead and call in.
Let us know whether or not. And I know this is definitely an extremely stale inquiry.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 Probably dating back 30 years, but it hasn't been resolved. We're doing like a

Speaker 3 David Brenner bit right now.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Have you ever watched David Brenner? There's just no answer. Oh, I'm getting a call right now.

Speaker 3 This better be good, dude. This better be a fucking hilarious thing you have to say if you're going to do a phone act out.

Speaker 3 What is it? Adam, go through with it. They hung up, dude.
Who hung up? Oh, they hung up. The Chinese national that was calling me.
All right, Thanksgiving facts.

Speaker 3 So, the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria. Yeah, yes.

Speaker 3 Do you know it was originally the Nina the Penis in the Santa Maria?

Speaker 3 I do now.

Speaker 3 I saved it. Hell yeah, dude.
It was Nina, Latina, Rita, Chalandra, Freakily. It was a P.D.
Pablo.

Speaker 3 There was a fourth ship called the the Freakalika. Freakily.

Speaker 3 P. D.
Pablo was the original settler of Catan

Speaker 3 who came over from Europe for spices. How fucking funny is that? That, like, all of the problems

Speaker 3 as far as racism and the food was taken to the bottom. And too globalism, yeah, is because somebody was like, I'm trying to put some hot sauce

Speaker 3 on my damn bread.

Speaker 3 That's how Europeans actually talked back in the day. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 I learned this from the black Israelites.

Speaker 3 Medieval Europe, all black men. It was.

Speaker 3 Just the kings. Yeah.
Everyone else was white. Everyone else's subjects were white.
And the queen of the kings and queens. Dude, I fucking love them so much.

Speaker 3 I wish I could participate. I would fucking love to be a part of that.

Speaker 3 Jess up in their stupid costumes. I love it.

Speaker 3 They're just screaming at people. Yeah, King Arthur.
Oh, he was black.

Speaker 3 Merlin? Merlin was black. Merlin was black.
Yeah. Like, yeah, none of those people were real.
You know how you spell Merlin? They weren't. They said they weren't to take them away from us.

Speaker 3 You know how you spell Merlin? M-A-L-Y. M-A-R-Y-L-A-N-D.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Nice. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 God.

Speaker 3 Very nice. Very nice.
Balmer Merlin.

Speaker 3 Yeah, what do you guys do for Thanksgiving? I was going to roll with you, but I just found out that you're not going home till Friday. Yeah.
So what the fuck is that? But Thanksgiving is tomorrow.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but.

Speaker 3 So you're not going. What's the fuck is the point of going back on Friday? Well, some of my family's not even going to be there till Friday.
So I just, I don't even care about that.

Speaker 3 Are you having Greek Thanksgiving? No, we don't really give a fuck about Thanksgiving. Greek people don't really care about Thanksgiving.

Speaker 3 This is why Ant Culture's Right. That's why

Speaker 3 I'm going Friday.

Speaker 3 Greek people don't care about Thanksgiving. That's why we need to kick them out.
This isn't a women's shelter. It's a contributor.

Speaker 3 Yep. I went to Starbucks today and had them write Thanksgiving on my cup.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Just pretending they have a problem with it. You have your gun in the selfie video you're taking.
I want you to watch this, YouTube.

Speaker 3 I'm going into Starbucks now, and I'm having them ride Kwanzaa, Christmas, Hanukkah, Thanksgiving, Arbor Day, Memorial, every holiday I can on the cup.

Speaker 3 If they run out of space, I am discharging my weapon

Speaker 3 directly on the face.

Speaker 3 The ethnic barista that's paid too much money.

Speaker 3 How is that? That's like the last battleground of America. Why are they so mad at Starbucks? His fucking lattes.

Speaker 3 I'll tell you why, because if you drive cross-country and you go to some of these shitty-ass towns in the middle of nowhere. The only thing they have is a Starbucks.

Speaker 3 That's like the most cosmopolitan place they have. Yeah, dude.
That is New York. That's the beacon of liberalism.

Speaker 3 You walk in there, it's like a fucking Woody Allen to these Woody Allen movie to these people.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I love that. Every year it's fucking something.
They were just writing Trump. That shit is so good.
Yeah. What a fucking movie.
They won't rotate.

Speaker 3 They won't write that.

Speaker 3 I'm going to give these motherfuckers $12.

Speaker 3 My name is Swastika.

Speaker 3 You got to write it on there. That's the rule.

Speaker 3 Yeah, like that's even a law or something like that.

Speaker 3 It's in the fucking Constitution. These are the same people that insist on misgendering people.
Yeah. And they're like, I am fucking saying, Bruce.
They're like, they wrote my name wrong on the cup.

Speaker 3 On my double-shot red-eye, flat white.

Speaker 3 That I had to have mine special.

Speaker 3 And they wouldn't do it.

Speaker 3 So now that you're not rolling, what are you doing? How about you, Adam? We're having Thanksgiving at my apartment.

Speaker 3 I don't have to go back to Las Vegas. No Vegas, dude.
Your parents are immigrants, too. My parents are immigrants, but they

Speaker 3 embraced

Speaker 3 like bitches.

Speaker 3 Unlike my dad, who hates America. He doesn't like basketball or anything? He hates everything, dude.
Really? He hates it all. If we didn't even take the language.

Speaker 3 Fuck no. You couldn't even really speak to him.
Well, my parents were English-speaking immigrants, so we had a little bit easier. My dad got kicked out of his citizenship exam.
Did he? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Because they're bullshit.

Speaker 3 Literally, yes. He was like, because he couldn't spell things right, and they were marking him wrong.
And he was like, I don't want to be a fucking citizen anyway. Literally, he did just like that.

Speaker 3 Fucking. He got kicked out.
He got tossed, and he never went back. So, wait, he's just overstaying his visa now? I think he's got some kind of...
I mean, I don't know. Hopefully he's legal.

Speaker 3 Because I don't get my dad deported. Dude, we will report his ass.
It It would be so funny if, because of Trump, my dad gets deported. I'm going to report his ass.
Dude, don't do it, dude.

Speaker 3 Don't report him. I wouldn't, I won't say his name.
Yeah, it's a scary time. You know, it's like in the first Care Bears movie when they call the cosmos.
Yeah, we can all help. But did they win?

Speaker 3 Did they beat Trump in the Care Bears?

Speaker 3 Yeah. Hillary becomes president in the Care Bears.

Speaker 3 I just found out that woman, Tulsi Gabbert, on our Smart Politics episode. I was like, yeah, she's going to be the next president.
She's a U.S. ambassador.
She's a

Speaker 3 no, no, that's Nikki Haley. Yeah, well, she just got it, but they were talking about Tulsi.
She met with Trump. She met with Trump, yeah.
She's also a fundamentalist Hindu.

Speaker 3 She like supports Prime Minister Modi in India.

Speaker 3 Modi supported genocide. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like killing all the Muslims in India. Jesus God.
She was like protesting against gay marriage, like real hard. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 So you think you open your stupid mouth. When I say smart shit, yeah, yeah.
Great. Well,

Speaker 3 for everyone that's wrong about Todd.

Speaker 3 For everyone's so wrong about the fucking stock market, which nobody has apologized to me for yet. I never said that.
Yeah, you did on the election night.

Speaker 3 Everyone was like, oh, the fucking stock market.

Speaker 3 No, I said immediately on election night that they were going to be running hog wild and like making a ton of money until the next fucking collapse and we have to bail them out again and fucking collapse.

Speaker 3 No, no, no. Everyone's like, oh, the markets are collapsing.
I was like, it'll bounce back. No, and he's going to have a fucking political operative as chairman of the Fed.

Speaker 3 He's going to lower interest rates around election times, and he's going to keep winning.

Speaker 3 And,

Speaker 3 But that doesn't mean that we're going to have an overall healthy economy. What do you think

Speaker 3 the next bubble is? The next bubble? Yeah. I mean, like, financial institutions are going to, it's going to be the same thing.

Speaker 3 Like, financial institutions are going to get way too big, and if any of them fail, we're going to have massive systemic failure, and it's going to tank the entire economy.

Speaker 3 It probably won't be the finance industry that does it. It's probably going to be the.
What market? What market is going to close a bubble? Sex stole industry? Sextile? Yeah, I think water.

Speaker 3 you think water is gonna do it? I think water is the like most important thing in the next hundred years. Yeah, yep.

Speaker 3 We have more water though. The glaciers are melting.
No. See, look, these people, they don't even think these things through.

Speaker 3 Look at him, he's making up excuses now. We're gonna melt the ice caps.
Everybody's we're gonna import the melted ice caps all the way to Flint.

Speaker 3 I think that's clearing up the trans P P bill.

Speaker 3 The trans P P

Speaker 3 Trans P P bill lets trans people go to China for free to P P in the Coke's revenge.

Speaker 3 Sounds good to me, but it costs a lot of people toilet-making jobs.

Speaker 3 I went to a toilet factory in flushing, Queens, where they invented the toilet. I met all these people.
They love me.

Speaker 3 I said, we're going to flush Hillary.

Speaker 3 So he's not locking her up now. No, he's not locking her up.
You should go to R/slash

Speaker 3 lock her up. It's pretty funny right now.
Oh, is it? Yeah, yeah. That sounds great.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 They're very upset. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. They're like,

Speaker 3 he's not the FBI. He's just the fucking president, man.

Speaker 3 He's like, he can't tell them not to lock her up. Yeah, they're pissed.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 I love how much they want Hillary Clinton to be in jail. Oh, no.
Like, why do you be? I mean, look,

Speaker 3 Trump this week is like, first of all, I met Obama. He's really cool, guys.

Speaker 3 First of all, he's really, really cool.

Speaker 3 My man Kushner is just running shit, it looks like. Who's got a hilarious name? Kush Kushner.

Speaker 3 No one's got a better name than Mike Crapo.

Speaker 3 The

Speaker 3 Crapman.

Speaker 3 Hey, Crapster. Where is he from? I'm with Crap.
I'm with Crap. God damn, if he ran for anything, he fucking.

Speaker 3 Who is that guy? Who's Mike Crapo?

Speaker 3 He's

Speaker 3 Idaho. Hold on, hold on.
He's you.

Speaker 3 He's the senator from Idaho or Congressman or something? I don't know. Fuck.
Is he really me? Yeah, he's you, dude. That's fucked up, dude.
Whatever, dude.

Speaker 3 He'll be in a bathroom trying to fuck a guy pretty soon. That's why they want to keep trans people out of the bathrooms.
Because that's where they try to fucking.

Speaker 3 I might accidentally fuck a trans person when I'm trying to. I'm trying to fuck a real man.
I'm trying to have sex with a real man in the bathroom, stupidly. I've made that joke.
I've made that joke.

Speaker 3 Yeah, well, I just made it now. Nobody's heard you made that joke.
I said it on stage.

Speaker 3 None of us witnessed that. Sounds like you're fucking lying again.
I'm not lying. When, where, what show? Fucking piece of shit.
I did it at the

Speaker 3 Hollywood Improv. I did it at the Hollywood Bowl.
Hollywood Bowl. Yeah, well, I did it at fucking Carnegie Hall, dude.
Really?

Speaker 3 The Carnegie Deli in line.

Speaker 3 Across the street from the city.

Speaker 3 They named the hall after the deli? Yeah,

Speaker 3 it was their first. God damn it.
You learn a new thing about this city every freaking day. Well, that's what I love about it.
Andrew Carnegie actually took his name from the deli.

Speaker 3 He named himself after a trans woman that lived in the bathroom. And

Speaker 3 when he chose he got rid of his dead name he chose andrew carnegie wow after that he chose that his name from because he likes the sandwiches

Speaker 3 god we should go to we should get a delivery name junior we should get deli for lunch

Speaker 3 you guys want to get deli for lunch not really no let's go to cats i want i want there to be something funny to happen in this episode so i don't feel bad about it there's funny stuff no you know what it's my fault because i wore workout clothes i got too comfortable yeah your t-levels are out of control dude you're wearing your compressions or pheromones i'm too masculine masculine right now.

Speaker 3 It's no time to be funny. You just want to fucking get yoked.
Yeah, I want to snowboard. I want to fucking pull Sean White's bitch-ass hair.

Speaker 3 How dare he have that hair? On my mountain? He doesn't have it anymore. He cut it.
Not on my mountain. Not on my fucking mountain, dude.
Not on my mountain.

Speaker 3 He's a soda-drinking, crew-cut-wearing fucking mountain.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 if you ponytail boys come up here again, I'm going to tie your balls to the fucking chairlift and put that shit on full blast and rip them off. Holy shit.
Yeah. And I saw it.
And he surfs too, dude.

Speaker 3 He surfs? Yeah. Not on my water mountain.
No, this beach, this beach locals only. Hey, locals only.
Hey, everybody, do the shock assign at him.

Speaker 3 Listen, look at this fucking behe over here, man.

Speaker 3 This fucking boohoo behe.

Speaker 3 Fucking behe.

Speaker 3 Hawaii voted for Trump, right? No, Hawaii is like the most liberal state in America. Hawaii loves Trump.

Speaker 3 They love him. They got that spammy.

Speaker 3 His haircut looks like the ocean.

Speaker 3 That is true. They do clouds.
Whispy clouds over the ocean. He's very tan.
They love skin. Do they still have a king? They love having skin cancer.
Yeah, they all do have skin.

Speaker 3 Didn't they used to have a king? They have a king? I feel like

Speaker 3 the king of Hawaii is the guy that eats a 15-pound burger and gets his picture on the wall. It's the guy from the punch.
It's whoever the fattest Simone.

Speaker 3 Some king of the buffet.

Speaker 3 Yo, I'm about to chant. Mahalake.

Speaker 3 Let's do a Hawaiian. Let's do a Hawaiian.
anti-man This has drank so much coconut milk.

Speaker 3 This species is locals only, bro. Yo,

Speaker 3 the king is the guy from the punch. The punch guy.
What punch? Hawaiian punch. Oh, that guy.
You know, that's a hat. Yeah, I didn't know it was a hat.
That's crazy.

Speaker 3 I thought it was part of his head.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I thought it was antlers. It was a weird antlers.
No, it's a hat. It's weird hair.

Speaker 3 Well, they updated it. They made him.
They've got a new Hawaiian punch guy now. Who looks like he has cancer, by the way.

Speaker 3 Yeah, he does not look good why is he some real pale male yeah I thought it was some weird ginger like the ginger in uh city of god oh yeah yeah yeah and you're like I understand he's actually from the favela but do you understand how confusing this is going to be to racist American audiences like Ron Weasley yeah yeah exactly why the fuck Archie Angers is in

Speaker 3 you know yeah he should be denying these people welfare

Speaker 3 he shouldn't be in the slums Karen

Speaker 3 Yeah. Fucking Carrot Top in Brazil.

Speaker 3 Dude, that guy looks fucked up. I met him once.
Have you met the guy? Oh, yeah. I saw him at Costco.
I thought you were. What, Carrot Top? Oh my God, guy.
Carrot Top. At Costco in Vegas? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 He lives in Vegas. I would love to walk up to Carrot Top and be like, man, I just got to ask you, where did your name come from?

Speaker 3 And then just act completely blown away when he's like, it's because I have red hair. Like, oh my God.

Speaker 3 I never realized that. Mr.
Topp, big fan. Dude, he was buying so many props.
You want to know something autistic about me. My friend, like, quizzed me one time.
Like, Sonic came up.

Speaker 3 Sonic the Hedgehog? Sonic the Hedgehog. And, like, do you know Tails? Sure.
He's like, do you know Tails' full name? It's like, yeah, it's

Speaker 3 Miles Tails Prower.

Speaker 3 Which is his full name. His name's Miles Perhour.
What the fuck? That's true. I like happened to know that.
And he's like, yeah, it's miles per hour.

Speaker 3 And I was like, oh, and I just, yeah, it's Miles Brower, but I had just

Speaker 3 known that it was Miles Prower.

Speaker 3 And he was like, wait, you just remembered that as a name?

Speaker 3 I was like, yeah, I didn't understand why that character. I never thought about it.
Right, right, right.

Speaker 3 I thought it was, yeah, he was just like a weird deformed animal that has a man's name for some reason.

Speaker 3 Like a black tax attorney's name. Yeah.
Yeah, it sounds like law office of Miles Prower

Speaker 3 Esquire. It sounds like a pool right now.
Please leave a message and we'll get back to you at our earliest convenience. Sounds like a South Central LA personal injury attorney.

Speaker 3 That's basically an identical joke to what I just said that adds nothing. That adds literally nothing.
It's just adding a location. To what the fuck I just said.

Speaker 3 You're going to take the joke and now I'm going to make it mine by saying the exact same fucking thing you did.

Speaker 3 You couldn't even go on with another middle-class occupation.

Speaker 3 I bought a TV the other day. That's a classic.
Yeah, that's a classic Adam right there, my dude. I got a 3K.

Speaker 3 Shut up, bitch. 3K TV.

Speaker 3 Tails was a small boy that Sonic fucked, right? Yeah, Sonic fucked Tails. Sonic fucked Tails.
I think Sonic

Speaker 3 was saying, like, Donkey Kong used to fucking do it. What was Knuckles' thing? Did he fuck Sonic? No, he punched.
He was a punch guy. He loved punching.
But do you think he fucked Sonic?

Speaker 3 Was there a woman in this universe? Yeah, there's a girl. And I don't know if she's

Speaker 3 yellow.

Speaker 3 Amy.

Speaker 3 Amy is the girl. And did Dr.
Robotnik fuck anyone? No, Dr. Robotnik is asexual German.
Was he German? Yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, maybe he's Russian or something. Yeah, I always figured he was the villainous Jew.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 I always thought he was a villainous Jew. Right? Didn't you?

Speaker 3 One of the classic archetypes. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I just wish I could grow his facial hair. Like just giant orange triangles coming out from the sides of my face.
Yeah, what is that? It's just like a Chester B. Arthur game.

Speaker 3 Yeah, they just put no effort into animating this shit. They make it.
Because, you know, all of it stems from when video games were fucking 8-bit. So

Speaker 3 the proportions fit into whatever they could make look like a distinct shape

Speaker 3 on that screen. So when it became a cartoon and they just kept going going with that blueprint, they were like, what the fuck is I guess that's just this guy looks like a freaky messed up?

Speaker 3 Some weird oval. I want to remember what he looks like.

Speaker 3 What's up with Chris Chan these days? With who? Chris Chan. Who's Chris Chan?

Speaker 3 Oh, you don't know who Sonichu is? No. Christian Weston Chandler? No.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 How the fuck did

Speaker 3 I not told you? Is this like a computer thing? No.

Speaker 3 It's the most trolled individual in the history of the internet. Really? So it sounds like a computer thing.

Speaker 3 I mean, I don't even know if it would be worth it to go into it because I'm sure everyone listening to this knows who Chris Chan is. I think probably a lot of people don't.
Like me and stuff.

Speaker 3 Well, you're completely ignorant to what I'm talking about, so I don't even know what your frame of reference is to say people do or don't know about it.

Speaker 3 I just

Speaker 3 think we have a lot of listeners. Yeah, okay.
Well, I'm sure a lot of them. Anyhow, so about 10 years ago.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah. about 10 years ago,

Speaker 3 this guy got popular on the internet,

Speaker 3 mostly on 4chan. It was an autistic guy, like a 24-year-old autistic guy, loves his parents for posting this video where he's like, it's wrong to be gay.

Speaker 3 Being gay is incorrect, and you should always be straight, you know, or whatever. But he's got around his neck this weird...

Speaker 3 medallion made out of model magic that looks like a yellow sonic. Hell yeah.
And people dig deeper and they find all these

Speaker 3 cartoons.

Speaker 3 He makes comics that looks like shitty. He has the artistic abilities of a fucking 10-year-old.

Speaker 3 So he draws these comics called Sonichu, which is a character he created that's just Sonic combined with Pikachu.

Speaker 3 Oh, that's cute. Yeah.

Speaker 3 But he's a homophobe, he's weird.

Speaker 3 So, you know,

Speaker 3 people were just sort of observing him.

Speaker 3 But over the years, the trolls became more and more involved in his life. And he had all of these ongoing dramas.

Speaker 3 And his main things, at least 10 years ago, were he was in search of a boyfriend-free girlfriend. And he just

Speaker 3 self-described a boyfriend-free sweetheart.

Speaker 3 So he would put up, he would have a sign that he would write up that would be like, I'm looking for a girlfriend. And he would go sit on the community college campus.

Speaker 3 But then he had qualifies on there, like, she has to be white. She cannot be, you know, like just racist and stuff.

Speaker 3 Like, you're not allowed to be fat or whatever the hell he is. This is this autistic guy.

Speaker 3 And, like, the dean of students, you know, kicked him off, and he got into this feud with the dean or whatever.

Speaker 3 And then he was constantly being banned from his local game stop.

Speaker 3 And so he had these feuds going with it, you know, and he would make these videos of like, of, like, create a character in, like, Soul Calibur of him murdering the Dean. Yeah.

Speaker 3 He would, like, make the dean, then make a character for himself, and then have videos of him stabbing the dean. And then the police had to get involved.
And, like, you know,

Speaker 3 and it just got better and better and better. So

Speaker 3 he had this quest to find a

Speaker 3 he described himself as a noviophobic, which is some bizarre combination of Spanish and

Speaker 3 Latin or Greek, I guess, yeah,

Speaker 3 which means boyfriend-free or boyfriend-phobic, you know. Okay, and so he became a

Speaker 3 but he just stalks women.

Speaker 3 There's a woman that worked at the mall that was nice to him, and so he like, unfortunately, she was nice to him. So he would just, like, wait outside the store and stare at her.

Speaker 3 And she'd be like, get out of here. And he would, like, run away, you know, come back and stuff.
Jesus Christ.

Speaker 3 So as he got more and more attention online for his shitty comics, like, people started trolling him. And it was all these 12-year-old boys that would call him up because they sounded like girls.

Speaker 3 And they would pretend to be girls to troll this grown autistic man. Oh, fuck.
Where did he live with parents? His parents, yeah. Obviously, yeah.

Speaker 3 And, you know, so then obviously his nudes got leaked, and videos of him fucking blow-up dolls

Speaker 3 and screaming like, oh, Julie, I love you, Julie.

Speaker 3 A 12-year-old boy pretending.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 this was like all happening 10 years ago. And he's got

Speaker 3 so now he's trans.

Speaker 3 Is he? He's trans. He basically killed his own father.
I think he set their house on fire.

Speaker 3 He got them kicked out of their house because he uploaded, he's like, a tour of our home. And the Department of Health found the video and their home is just in disarray, and there's trash everywhere.

Speaker 3 What? So they got taken out of their home.

Speaker 3 Imagine being this kid's parents. And a couple of years ago, he got arrested.
We'll buy him a computer. It'll be good for him.
Yeah, he got arrested again at GameStop because they changed, get this.

Speaker 3 This is one of my favorite recent Chris Chan things.

Speaker 3 Sony changed the color of Sonic's arms from tan to blue. Yes.
Oh. And he's like, that's not what Sonic's arms look like.
Yes. And so he went into the GameStop.

Speaker 3 And this video of him doing it, he's just, he's fully trans.

Speaker 3 So he's dressed like a woman. And he goes into the GameStop and he's trying to color in Sonic's arms with like a blue magic marker.
Yes. And the employees are like, what are you doing?

Speaker 3 And he starts macing the employees. Oh,

Speaker 3 what? I love that it's like how stupid you are. And then, like, Sony makes a change.
So you go to your local GameStop and decide that's what's going to change it. That's what's going to change it.

Speaker 3 You got to be the change you see.

Speaker 3 No, he's

Speaker 3 so good. You know what? And but he's from an older version of the internet that was much fucking meaner.

Speaker 3 And that's where, like, you know, Brandon and all these fucking idiots are like, oh, I love BB or whatever. It's like, you're exploiting him.

Speaker 3 And at least the older fucking generation of internet people had the courage to be mean to these people. Yeah, positively.
Like, positive and pretend like you care about fucking BB, Brandon.

Speaker 3 You're laughing at a retarded man. Fucking own it.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Oh, BB's so nice.

Speaker 3 Oh, no, BB.

Speaker 3 Shut up.

Speaker 3 No, don't support Trump, BB.

Speaker 3 Bibi must be thrilled. Isn't BB a Trump supporter? Yeah, he's Trump.
Oh, fuck, dude. Well, we got to find something to close on.

Speaker 3 I don't feel like recapping Sonic you for people that already know about Chris Chan is really worth it.

Speaker 3 Geez,

Speaker 3 what else? I've had nothing, man. I've been dealing with this legal bullshit all week.
Yeah, I won, by the way. I can't go into details, folks, but chalk one up for the little guy.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's looking good. Adam, have you fucked recently?

Speaker 3 Actually, I haven't fucked. Really? Hit a little bit? Yeah.
What's a little bit?

Speaker 3 It's your dick.

Speaker 3 Shut the fuck up. Nick, take that back.
No. Dude, take that shit the fuck back.
No. Take your dick back to the tiny dick store.
Dude, I lost the receipt, so I can't even, I can only get store credit.

Speaker 3 No, but if they look up your daughter, if you paid for it with your debit card, they could look it up. I didn't.
It was a cash transaction. You paid cash for your tiny dicks.

Speaker 3 That's so

Speaker 3 stupid.

Speaker 3 Fuck. Now I tell you, these tiny dicks, a lot of people say that the girls don't like them, but they're wrong.
I tell you, they're absolutely wrong. The girls go crazy for these tiny dicks.
It's true.

Speaker 3 The only thing they want is to have their clip played with. And that's the whole secret of the penis game.
Now, I'm telling you, because you don't look like a sucker to me.

Speaker 3 You look like a straight shooter, and I respect you.

Speaker 3 So, what do you say right now, right here? Let's do it together. Let's make a cash deal for this tiny little dick.
I don't know, mister.

Speaker 3 Just do a bigger dick. I'm telling you, I'm looking at you now, and I can see that you want it for this amount of money.
Can I get a big dick? I'm interested, but I'm not sold.

Speaker 3 I think you're gonna have to sell me a little harder. Look, if you maybe you want to put it in the ass in the future, what we're doing is future-proofing here.

Speaker 3 Maybe big dicks are in now, but I'm telling you, in five and a half years, everybody's going to want to narrow to an aircraft.

Speaker 3 I don't know, bro.

Speaker 3 Look what happened to the sedan market. Everyone was saying big cars were going to drive a big car.
Oh, we want a big car.

Speaker 3 And then the Japanese came in with their tiny dicks, and everyone wanted a tiny one. Yeah, that's true.
That is true.

Speaker 3 I'm telling you.

Speaker 3 Listen to me. Very close here.

Speaker 3 You have to sign on the line.

Speaker 3 I got to talk to my wife before I. Don't do that.
Don't talk to her, that fucking bitch. That bitch.
She's a cunt. She just doesn't want me to make financial decisions.

Speaker 3 I can't listen to her for anything

Speaker 3 for any one of these women. They're driving a working man mad.

Speaker 3 What kind of dick do you have, sir? I don't worry about what kind of dick I have.

Speaker 3 I have whatever dick I need to have. This is about you.

Speaker 3 This is about a deal I'm giving you here, Shelly. I'm telling you.

Speaker 3 Well, it's just she, we have a joint checking account, and she's going to see the charge. And I just want to get her permission before I

Speaker 3 get a chance. I think we've done enough, Jeff.

Speaker 3 I don't think that's really adding anything a bit. Thanks for trying, Adam.
What about the insurance policy? Just get more and more mundane into the dick. Is there a warranty on this?

Speaker 3 That's really the only impression I can do is him.

Speaker 3 No, that's not true. Nick, you're a good actor.

Speaker 3 Did you guys know that, listeners, that Nick in secret is a good actor?

Speaker 3 He's going to be in a new.

Speaker 3 I'm actually method acting as a guy that's not actually racist.

Speaker 3 For the podcast? For the podcast. Oh, I see.
That's cool. Yeah.
That's a fun

Speaker 3 act

Speaker 3 out. No, that whole method acting thing

Speaker 3 sounds like bullshit to me. It is bullshit.
You know, like, though, like Val Kilmer's like. Do you know who the greatest actor of all time is? Who?

Speaker 3 Jennifer Anderson. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I'm serious.

Speaker 3 Jennifer Anderson? Jennifer Anderson.

Speaker 3 She says, she goes, you just remember the lines. You just say the words.
That's it.

Speaker 3 That's it. That's all it is.
That's really all it fucking is. No, no, no.
There's some people that are charismatic, and then they're just like that in their everyday lives. But yeah, no, acting is.

Speaker 3 Well, no, you got to get a haircut, and then you got to get a haircut. You get a haircut, and then you say

Speaker 3 the word clothes. And then you say the words.
You could see. There was an era of friends where you could see so much nip, and it was tight.
Yeah. What? Everyone was showing nip.

Speaker 3 Everyone was showing nip. It was like a bra-free, like a bra-free air kind of 90s.
Yeah, dude. We're feminists.
You know what was crazy on that show?

Speaker 3 It's like, so Joey and Chandler have an apartment together, and then they watch Bay Watch because it was

Speaker 3 network television, yeah. So the implication there was that, you know, that was like TV code for Joey and Chandler would sit around watching porn beating off the television.

Speaker 3 Well, no, there was an episode where they watched porn. What? I think, yeah, there's an episode where

Speaker 3 you get porn for free or whatever.

Speaker 3 So the actual implication is that they literally were watching Baywatch and beating off together, I think. Well, maybe they thought of it as a stranger, I think.

Speaker 3 Which is like watching Baywatch with your boys and beating off. That had to have been like one of the EPs was also collecting royalties on Baywatch, and they're like, it has to be in the show.

Speaker 3 You have to force people to watch Baywatch. I think it was like a 90s.
Another thing people don't realize is that theme song was just written for the show. Yeah, it was.

Speaker 3 A lot of people think that that's a song that was just on the radio and then they used it for the show. Guys, really,

Speaker 3 that's an idea. Yeah.

Speaker 3 What about we don't have a theme song right now? We get the Rembrandts to do it. We get the Rembrandts.
Or we just use the Friends theme song. That's what I'm saying.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 You want to use the Friends theme song now?

Speaker 3 Jobs, Joke. You're broke.
You love life's got HIV. There There you go.
Yeah, they're not really broke.

Speaker 3 They all had pretty good jobs.

Speaker 3 They lived in the West Village.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Yeah.
But he never got. Did you call him Joe? I mean, this is well.
Joey's like a successful guy.

Speaker 3 I don't want to go into the bit about how Friends is unrealistic because they have a nice apartment. Please don't do that.

Speaker 3 I'm just saying that the theme song is a lot of lies. Yeah, the theme song is a lie.
I wish people fucked as much as people fucking said people. Also, where's that?

Speaker 3 That fountain's in Central Park, right? Thank you.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's the Angels in the America Fountain. Did that in that fountain? You would be arrested.
Yeah. You would be arrested.
Unrealistic. There weren't that many people around, man.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 You tell me there wasn't anybody around? You just take your time. Here's my question.
Dance move. The Hulk gets mad.
How does he, how does the shorts stay on? That's what I want to know.

Speaker 3 Who made Superman's costume? Oh, shit.

Speaker 3 Where'd he get that? So true. Where does that come from?

Speaker 3 He probably made it himself.

Speaker 3 Right?

Speaker 3 How is he also just like a journalist? He's just also a successful journalist, and that never comes up.

Speaker 3 Well, he went to school. Well, he was at smart.
He grew up in Kansas. He went to college.

Speaker 3 But you never hear anything about his journalism career in the comics that I've never read or really paid attention to.

Speaker 3 There's probably an actual explanation for that. They're running by Mike Lawrence.
He's like, actually,

Speaker 3 there's a whole

Speaker 3 side story. Yeah, he probably writes

Speaker 3 a 700 comic series that's just Superman's articles

Speaker 3 about municipal legislation in fucking Gotham City or whatever.

Speaker 3 It's sitting there turning the page. It's just a drawing of a newspaper that's like the city council met today to discuss the new bus terminal at Marabeth Avenue.

Speaker 3 This is good stuff. It's him trying to get fucking student loans, student loan paperworks

Speaker 3 in order. All right, well, none of this is funny, but you know, we did an extra long episode.
This is sort of how how long was it? This is hour ten minutes. Woo! Ten free minutes.
Hold on, hold on.

Speaker 3 Let's plug the show. We got a show on Monday, at uh this Monday, uh at Come On Everybody.

Speaker 3 Oh, fuck, I forgot to ask Sam. But Liza Traeger's on it.
Liza Traeger Temple. Lisa.

Speaker 3 Lisa. Why do they say Liza? Lisa Traeger.
She's an actual friend of mine, and I know how her name is. And it's not Traeger's Trieger.
It's Traeger. Lisa.
Lisa Traeger. Well, Lisa's on it.

Speaker 3 Lisa's on it, and she's hilarious, and Jordan Temple's on it. He's very funny, too.
And then Sam Michael. Oh, yeah, I saw him.
I forgot to ask him. But yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Anyway, yeah, come to the show. It's going to be good.

Speaker 3 That's it. All right.
You finished? Yeah, we're done.

Speaker 3 Turn this off now or turn it off. Just turn it the fuck off.
Just shut up, bitch.

Speaker 3 No, you know what?

Speaker 3 Keep this.

Speaker 3 Turn the fucking thing off. I'll turn it off when I'm ready to turn it off.
I'm hungry. Turn it off.
I want to go. Turn it off.
I want to go to Katz's. Lock her up.
We're that lady at a fake orgasm.

Speaker 3 I've been to Katz's. It's not.
I want to send the fake orgasm. Carnita sandwich.
We already talked about it. I want to go fucking bake pies.
We already talked about

Speaker 3 the Katz's Deli thing. About the fake orgasms? I don't know.
Sorry.

Speaker 3 We probably did, yeah. Did we? We definitely did because I got a bit about that.
You do have a bit of a podcast. You know what a podcast is for?

Speaker 3 It's for all the shit that you know wouldn't work at Open Mike. Yeah, that's what we're doing with each other.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll tell you, I got a TV.

Speaker 3 Shut up. Just press the fucking button.
Let's go make pies. Fucking.

Speaker 3 Do it, bitch. All right.

Speaker 3 Just end the. No, hold on.
Here's what I'm going to do. I can turn your mic off.
Now I get the final.

Speaker 3 No, now I get the final word.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I turned both of your mics off. So that's been the episode, guys.
Thanks for listening. It's not going to pick up.