The Adventure Zone Royale: Episode 11

Previously on Taz Royale, aspirants, you're now in direct control of the elemental you have evoked.

To the east, you see a towering tree.

You recognize it as a Christmas tree.

To the northeast, you see a two-story ranch-style house.

And to the north, you see the water team, the Titanic.

Everyone's after you all.

The other teams came to my aids and convinced to gang up hide in the trees, hide in the trees.

But if everybody agrees to be cool and work with us, I can help and let you go.

Well now, it seems we've got a fair fight on our hands.

Welcome back to Taz Royale.

We are in the throes of the

finale of the trial of Evocation.

Evocation.

Our Evokemon are fighting.

Your Evokemon

are dueling to the death.

Well, only one team will die.

What's that, Juice?

Every episode could be somebody's first.

Yeah.

I hope not.

This is like

assuming a lot here.

So if we could back up.

And every episode could be somebody's finale.

That's right, Dad.

We should try to have a satisfying conclusion.

At the end of every episode,

in case the listener perishes.

Man.

Now, to be fair, Justin, they might just not not like us anymore.

That's entirely possible.

I just want a bunch of people who have stopped listening because they're like, I could have sworn that was the end.

It was so sad.

It was so satisfying.

I can't believe it continues.

To set the stage, our four Evokemon are currently battling it out on the Isle of the Octave Ziggorot.

You all, embodying the Elemental Swamp Thing, a 25-foot-tall,

goopy, mucky, swampy creature,

have have found yourselves aligned with the Christmas tree elemental, the team comprised of Hasty Jane, Rictus' good buddy, as well as Gunk, Dr.

Legume, and Burger Man.

You two are squaring off.

Burger Man is one I've been trying to shoehorn.

Like every time you roll to see which NPC you interact with, I always pray it's Burger Man, but

he has remained in the shadows so far.

You are squaring off against two elementals.

One, a big old house.

The house has been created and occupied by the Gladiators, Rays, Days, Haze, and Blaze.

And they are joined by the fucking Titanic, a giant metallic

living ship,

which has been created and embodied by a few wizards you haven't met.

Horrigan, Hilda, and Enigma.

And one that you have run afoul of a couple times already here on the island, the gentleman from Wisbury.

So we have the house and the Titanic versus the Christmas tree and the swamp thing.

Tail is old as time.

Tail is old as time.

Natural predators.

Christmas tree is a bit banged up, largely because of you.

They were trying to join in the ambush against you until you, I mean, hurt them really bad and then convinced them to

join your side.

And so that is everybody else's.

House is a little banged up.

Titanic's a little banged up.

I think Swamp Thing has not been hurt yet.

So

you also spent most of the last episode hiding.

don't.

I mean,

it was a really good strategy.

I was really proud of you.

So next in the order is the Christmas tree.

They size up the Titanic in the house, and they realize the house is going to be much easier to defeat.

Just a reminder of the stakes.

The first team to be eliminated, it will perish.

The other three teams will receive sort of rewards based on how they place from there.

So nobody really wants to go out first here.

With that in mind, the Christmas tree is going to charge forward towards the house and shoots out a few tendrils of garland.

I'm going to roll a D20 on the table here as they try to ensnare it.

That is a seven.

They are unsuccessful.

They smash out a few windows with

their tendrils as they attempt to wrap it up to

weaken it, but they are unsuccessful.

All the damage that they have done appears to be purely cosmetic.

Next up is the Titanic.

Noticing that the Christmas tree is a bit weaker, I think they are going to go for them just based on the strategy of no one wants to go out first.

Everyone wants to kill someone before they themselves get off the Titanic.

Do they take an opportunity attack if they move by us?

Who moved by?

Oh, you know what?

Yeah, you're right.

In order to reach the Christmas tree, they are going to have to wander by the swamp thing.

I will let you roll that opportunity attack since it was your idea, Travi.

I guess just the basic attack of Swamp Thing here is the has a 19 on the dice.

Great job, Trav.

Yes, that's a 19 plus 8 for the Tendril Lash.

So go ahead and roll 2d8 plus 5 bludgeoning damage.

Yeah, 13 on the dice.

Oh boy.

so 13 plus 5.

They are going to take 18 points of damage.

You also, with a Tendril Lash,

they have the grappled condition.

So their speed is going to be reduced to zero,

and they have disadvantage on attack rolls against any target other than the grappler.

So

strategic change here.

You hear the gentleman from Wisbury sort of psychically project out, oh, oh, okay, I see how it is.

You want to have a tete-a-tete, a duel?

I like my odds.

He is going to try to drop the anchor of the Titanic directly onto the head of Swamp Thing.

This is a

plus eight roll.

Yes, 14 plus 8 is going to hit the AC of

Swamp Things AC is 17, so yes.

You take

21 points of bludgeoning damage

mark on the token on this big tabletop we're playing on.

And

I guess that's the end of his turn.

He can't save because that's an action to try to break out of grappling, I believe.

Next in the order is the house.

Can we talk to the house?

Or I guess talking about

talking is a free action.

Absolutely.

hey hey gladiators um i know that like we haven't like hung out or anything but real quick just to kind of like get you guys on the same page of where we are in the situation

even if like you guys take one of us out first

the titanic team is just gonna turn around and knock you out right like Their goal is to get the gold.

But if the three of us were to take them out, it's a pretty even match as to which one of us would get gold, right?

That doesn't really sound sporting.

Three-on-one?

This is days.

That's what you were going to do before.

Oh, yeah, that's a good point.

This is Hayes.

He's got you there.

You do have actually a pretty good point there, but did you see how big and heavy he is?

This is Blaze, by the way.

Did you see how big and heavy?

How are we going to kill a ship?

That's crazy.

I think it would probably be smart for us to focus on the weaklings first, so then we can engage in honorable combat.

that doesn't sound honorable like you heard it right i did hear it make a um make a persuasion check here um i i in order to convince them to fully change sides well that's a three griffin yeah three plus one it's a four if that makes any difference sorry there's nothing honorable about going back against an agreement and we had an agreement with titanic first so i get that yeah i understand but the seeds of doubt have been sown not on a four yet, man.

That's the double double double.

Not on a floor.

If anything, the seeds of doubt.

Fallow ground, my man.

Deep roots.

Okay,

they are going to.

You see the house sort of unnaturally bend at its midsection and a...

That's a foundation issue.

You got to get that checked.

You got to.

A burst of flame shoots out of its chimney towards the Christmas tree.

There's a 13 plus 6, a 19, which almost certainly hits a tree.

Yes.

Okay.

And.

Okay.

The Christmas tree

takes 19 points of fire damage.

They are back to bloodied.

You see some of the ornaments starting to fall and shatter to the ground off of the Christmas tree as some of its broke.

Maybe it's first Christmas broke.

Start to sag.

And we are back to the top of the order, which is...

Popcorn's on fire.

The swamp thing is up.

Now, I believe Rictus was last to pilot.

So we will.

I don't think it's very interesting for me to take a turn as Scorpo.

Well, what would you do, Griffin?

As Scorpo?

You know,

Scorpo do.

You hear Scorpo psychically say,

well, L Grammet,

you uh

you tell bugs what to do, right?

So, what do you want me to do?

I would suggest that you use your

sting

on the feet of the house.

He looks down at the nasty feet of this two-story house and says,

You want me to sting its big feet?

It's a big nasty feet.

Yes,

you have a sapping sting, do you not?

Yeah, yeah, I guess so because I if you can attack the feet I have an idea for

the rest of it

Okay,

if I ever get another turn it's a little bit gross

I don't know how my tail's gonna reach it so

he is going to tendril lash at the house's feet

and

gets a dirty 20.

So you see him whip the his whip his lash around the feet dealing 10 points of damage to the house

Who is not quite bloodied yet

and then for the next action here uses reel the sewer thing pulls each creature grappled by it up to 20 feet straight toward it that includes the Titanic and the house

So just kind of pulls them both away from the Christmas tree into range of

of of you something Something.

Okay, you have both of these, your opponents sort of bound up here.

Next in the order is the Christmas tree.

You hear Hasty Jane say, hold them still, and they are going to launch a volley of pine needles at your two opponents.

They get a five and a one on their decks saves.

They are both going to take...

points of piercing damage.

With that, some of the siding is starting to peel off of the house.

Almost all the windows are broken.

The house is in pretty rough shape.

The Titanic is going to try to break Grapple.

That is, wow, they have a...

Oh, is it the start of its turn?

It is.

It needs to make a constitution saving throw to avoid taking the damage from being close to the...

Swamp thing because we have a toxic aura.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Like one of those friends that only talks about themselves and doesn't like let the other person vent their things.

That's our toxic aura.

They have immunity from poisoned status, but oh no, and they also have immunity from poison.

They are a big boat, so yeah, that's fair.

Hard to poison a boat, hard to poison a boat.

That's always been my experience.

God knows I've tried.

Okay, so this is a strength saving throw 21.

They are going to break grapple.

And they are just going to charge full steam ahead into uh team Christmas tree here.

Uh, so I mean, was that Titanic's turn or were they just escaping the grapple?

Breaking grapple is the action,

and he's gonna move away.

This is another opportunity attack.

Dad, why don't you roll this one?

He's gonna try and move towards the Christmas tree just to kind of like get out of range of swamp thing.

Um, so this will be a uh d20 dad plus eight, I believe.

Okay,

That would be

10 plus 8, 18.

Does an 18 hit the Titanic?

It does not.

What?

Yeah, the Titanic has an AC of 19, which is very good, because otherwise he was going to be stuck in a pretty gnarly loop there of

being pulled back in over and over and over again.

Can you tell me about the feet of the Titanic, Griffin?

The feet of the Titanic,

it doesn't appear to have any visible feet.

As it moves, it kind of like like carves a trench through the earth.

It does not seem to be anthropomorphized quite as much as the house was.

What method of ambulation does it seem to be employing?

Magic.

Magic.

Okay, great.

So the house, can I just get, I just wanted to ask her if it was the house needed feet to walk around.

Yeah, for whatever reason, the house got feet and no one else really did.

I just wanted to see.

There's an internal logic here that I just want to absorb myself in for future historians.

It's like a Baba Yaga hut.

It is sort of.

It is sort of like a Baba Yaga hut.

Is Keanu Reeves in the house?

Have we looked?

What do you mean?

Like the Baba Yaga?

Obviously, you have not watched the recent ballerina movie as I did on a flight, Travis.

No, I don't think anyone's watched a recent Ball Arena movie, Dad.

I did on a flight.

Except you.

Yeah.

I will say I saw John Wick in Waiting for Godot.

That is where he is.

So I will see you.

I'm so fucking jealous that you got to see that, man.

Okay, so the house you see.

Like, because the dog in John Wick.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So the lights start to flicker inside of the house.

And Beckett would have loved that, Travis.

You feel a

pulse pulse of necrotic energy channel through

this house.

And

because you have it sort of ensnared, it's not going to spend its action trying to break out.

It is going to attack you with this.

Now it does need to make a con save, right?

Or is it also immune to poison?

Let's see, let's see, let's see.

Nope.

Yep, it does need to make a con save.

So you can poison a house.

You can absolutely poison a house.

Oh, yeah, that's when the love goes.

That is a 19.

That was really good.

good in the episodes of House.

Pretty good roll.

Frequently poisoned.

So it is going to cast inflict wounds.

Wait a minute.

A house sounds just like homes.

Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa!

It's a Sherlock story, but a doctor.

Ooh, that's not very good.

6 plus 814 is not going to hit Swamp Thing.

It...

Any partial damage?

No.

Okay, yeah, you see it try to do something spooky, and nothing happens.

You hear a voice say, oh man, this is kind of like dark magic.

Is it really our stuff?

Why did we make a fucking haunted house?

This is so stupid.

This is Ray's, by the way.

Shit.

Hi, Rays.

Hey.

All right, back to Swamp Thing.

And now, Hell Grammit, you are.

You do have...

Obviously, teamwork is encouraged here, but you do have the final say being at the top of the initiative order.

And it also needs to make a con saving throw for being engulfed.

Is it engulfed?

Engulf is an action, I think.

Engulf is not an automatic dealio.

Yeah, that is something you do on your turn.

You have not engulfed it.

Okay, so we have to do it.

The only thing I've engulfed was...

Yes.

That's right.

Okay.

And we do have access to our own magic, right?

You do have access to your own magic.

It does not, as you have discovered in the last episode, it doesn't quite scale.

So, you know, the bugs you create will be the size of the bugs you would create as

Hellgrammate.

But you do have access to all of your spells, yes.

Okay, in comparison, I know it's a big house, but is it bigger than a normal house?

It is a two-story ranch-style home.

Okay.

Then I cast swarm on it.

Okay.

And I'm going to shoot a whole mess of termites through its open mouth.

That's very good.

I like that actually a whole bunch.

What level are you casting the spell at?

I am casting infestation,

I guess.

Say eight.

He doesn't know.

No, it has to be first level because it doesn't scale up until I hit level level.

You reach fifth level, yes.

Because this is a cantrip and cantrip scale with the wizard's level and not with the spell slot level.

Okay, right.

But I would also, but if I may, and I know this is bending a little bit.

Would you not say that being infested with termites?

Oh, for sure.

No, I like the termite thing a lot.

It is.

You're going to make an attack roll or is this a...

No, con save for them.

Okay.

This is...

Their con save is pretty good.

Termites

is a very fun idea, very gnarly.

I'm going to say you cast this.

It'll be 3d6 instead of just 1d6.

Okay.

If they fail their save.

Con save plus 6.

Ooh, I mean, that's pretty good.

23.

Oh, yeah.

Con save.

Yeah.

Beach the third.

That's just quite good.

Here's what I'll say.

No damage dealt, but the house does seem to be quite distracted by the bugs.

You hear the

sort of frenzied...

panicked conversation of these four almost identical gladiator voices as these bugs start to climb around inside of it.

You didn't deal any damage with this attack,

but they are, I mean, they are grappled by you.

They are very distracted by these bugs.

They are in a bad sort of way.

Next in the order is the Christmas tree.

Christmas tree is, what can they do?

Are you asking me?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, needles, needles on the ground.

Did you see that?

That tripped up Travis force.

Are you asking?

Yes, Travis did, as a child, get a pine needle in his foot for a long time.

Okay, they are going to use flaying leaves, or I guess needles, launching a barrage of razor-sharp, cold-iron needles from its branches.

Did I ever say you guys, after that, I was able to hear the thoughts of pine trees?

Did I mention that?

I did not know that.

Yeah.

Okay.

All three of the competitors here are within range of this attack.

Everybody is going to make a dexterity saving throw trying to beat a DC-15.

Even us?

Yes, even you.

Who's next?

Lorvith.

Juice, why don't you roll the dex save for swamp thing?

Your dex save here is only plus one, so you need to get a 14 or higher.

I'll just roll a 20.

Here you go.

Titanic fails.

The house succeeds.

I rolled a seven.

Okay.

So

there's just this huge

storm of sharp needles that come flying into your swampy body.

Holy shit.

Jesus Christ.

What?

Okay.

The Titanic

is...

The deck of it is barraged by these needles.

You see

chairs, furniture that was up there come flying off.

The house...

The deck chairs, they're completely rearranged from how they were before.

Oh, man.

Tell me.

It seems futile, but for some reason, it's worth it.

And a bunch of the other deck chairs, somebody's already put their towels on them to reserve them, so we can't use them.

Yeah, brutal.

That's bad.

The house sort of clumps down to the ground and plants its foundation and only takes half damage from the attack, but the house is still looking pretty rough.

You all take the full brunt of it because you are sort of

in this exact moment so focused on keeping the house all tied up.

You take 34 points of piercing damage.

And you are bloodied.

You're at 37 hit points out of 92.

You hear the voice, you hear Burger Man say, sorry about that.

I thought you guys were out of the way.

Eat shit, Burgerman.

Okay.

And

eat shit, Burger Man.

Just a quick rundown now that I realize you all can't see the health of all of these tokens.

Titanic is still above half health.

The Christmas tree is just below half health.

You saw it starting to wilt a bit.

The house looks really bad.

The house

looks quite rough.

All of its windows busted out, siding hanging off.

And you, as Swamp Thing, like, you can feel it becoming harder and harder to kind of move your, like, all of the swamp that makes up your body.

It's getting harder and harder to move it all along with you.

Parts of it are just kind of like sloughing off as you go.

Okay, next in the order is the Titanic.

Seeing that its house friend is kind of on the ropes, is going to make a kind of desperate play here.

You see the Titanic just sort of start to lean and fall over

onto the Christmas tree, trying to crush it beneath its

massive weight.

Oh, ma'am.

And rolls a 29.

What?

The 29.

How?

How to do that?

An 18 plus 11 is a 29.

Wow.

Yes, you should be able to see these rolls in the dice log.

I don't know if they're showing up publicly or yes, it's just real big.

Well, wait till you hear about this, man.

That is 3d12 plus 7.

They got a 10, a 12, and 11 on the dice rolls.

That is 40 points of bludgeoning damage.

They are

now pinned underneath of the Titanic.

And you see the top of the Christmas tree has snapped like completely off and rolled a few feet away.

Now the Christmas tree is definitely the most injured of all of the

all of the things here.

And the house, I think, knowing that it's either probably the house or the Christmas tree at this point, they are both like at their weakest,

is going to try to make an attack roll against the Christmas tree to finish it off.

However, you do have it grappled.

And so it will have disadvantage on this attack roll.

Oh, wow.

They rolled a five and a five.

Plus five is ten.

Neither of those attacks are going to do it.

Knowing that.

He needs to make a constitution saving throw that the house does.

Constitution saving throw for the poison.

Yes.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

It's just like our main thing.

Yeah, sure.

18.

Yeah.

So I believe going to save.

Okay.

You now hear the voices of the gladiators.

We're back to the top of the order.

It is a swamp thing, and it is Loravith kind of at the head.

You hear.

Hey,

so actually, now that we think about it, the four of us have been talking.

This is days.

And we think it would actually be a great idea for the three of us to team up against the Titanic.

That sounds great.

We,

it would be a great contest.

And is this.

Is Loravith on that team?

Seems very convenient now, doesn't it?

It's Loravith.

We talked to your buddy, and he said that you were like, this is Hayes, by the way.

He said that you were like a really honorable warrior

type.

So, maybe.

Yes, I offer.

I think it is

only honorable to offer a partnership once.

Okay.

Okay.

So,

what is what?

You are up, Lorabeth.

I'm going to.

I'm going to...

Is there a window within reach?

Oh, yeah, for sure.

All the windows are punched out.

I'd love to.

They're all busted out.

I'm going to punch in one of the windows.

Okay.

I really just, I'm not interested.

Okay.

You have a multi-attack.

You make two things and can use in golf.

So roll of d20 is going to be plus eight.

The number you are trying to beat, I will tell you, is 14.

Okay, so I got 17 plus 825.

Yes, absolutely.

You are going to roll damage.

That is going to be

2d8 plus 5.

That is 7 plus 512.

Okay.

That is the first attack done.

What else?

I'll go ahead and just...

How are they looking after that first attack?

The lights are starting to flicker uh off as if there is a uh like the fucking torquelson's going to bed like one by one the lights are starting to click off in the in the house they're looking real bad uh house yeah

do you yield absolutely all right second attack goes right at the hull of the titanic oh right and it's majestic figurehead the classic beautiful mermaid that we all know at the front of the titanic you know the figurehead of the mermaid.

Perfect, beautiful, busty mermaid at the front of the Titanic that we all love.

Okay.

Plus eight.

You're trying to beat a 19.

A little d20 for me.

Takes a pretty bad roll to not win when you got an extra eight.

Yeah.

But a five is going to do it, and it doesn't feel too great.

You're vying.

Try to punch a Titanic right in its juggy front.

Now you embarrass yourself and you look like quite a jerk.

Oh, good save.

You guys remember the old days back in episode 10 when we rolled really, really good?

So good.

Those were really good.

Okay,

as part of the multi-attack, you can make two attacks and use engulf.

Your second attack against the Titanic bounces harmlessly off of the hull.

You hear the house say.

So you're going to

let us go?

Or.

Yeah, I'm not addressing the house the house is yielded.

I don't know why I have to speak to house anymore

is it to the death?

Is that what it has to be?

Yeah, it I mean must it the first team to be eliminated dies that is the those are the stakes of the game.

I am must we I'm asking you I'm yelling.

I'm I'm yelling now swamp thing is yelling.

Okay must we

You hear Hasty Jane say, yeah, it would be great if you could kill them before we die.

It's just a question of if you want to engulf them or not if you don't want to you do not have to

you have it grappled you have fulfilled the conditions so uh the um of the titanic right do i want to you have the house you have the house grappled part of your multi-attack is you make two attacks and use engulf if you do not want to use engulf because the house is yielded and you do not want to try to finish it off

yeah i'm not gonna i'm not gonna finish it off no absolutely not i can't i can't it's not that's not nah that's not the loravith way loravith if we don't do something to take out the house then the tree is gonna die and they were our allies first right i i

i'm

can we

we're talking within our own head yes this is yeah this is all a telepathic kind of like conversation okay

I'm struggling to strike the final blow.

I understand it's what the game requires, but I'm struggling to

finish off an opponent who's already yielded.

Especially when it means his life.

I'll do it.

It's a trade, right?

Life of spirit for a spirit.

We have a team that was willing to help us, and now this team, with failure in sight, is willing to help us.

Who do we want as a future ally?

I don't want either one.

Yes, Bugman, imagine our surprise that you are loath to form partnerships.

So,

I tell you, Rictus,

you strike.

You hear the voice of Scorpo say.

Yeah, Rictus,

you should take this one.

Okay, thanks,

thanks, Scorpo.

Frankly, none of us were on pins and tender hooks wondering about your opinion.

Okay, Scorpius.

It is important.

Okay, Scorbo.

That Rick does take this one.

Yeah, I was going to.

Thanks, Scorbo.

It's cool.

So with him grappled, we have advantage.

Yes, you've only used one of the attacks of the Monty Attack.

If you want to...

Okay, so a 14 and a 6.

And we have a plus 8.

Yeah, absolutely.

Okay, 2d 8 plus 5.

You would have to roll pretty shitty to not.

6 plus 511?

The house is surprised.

You hear a gasp of surprise after they yield

as

the tendrils of Swamp Thing smash in through the windows and begin wrapping around rafters and beams and

splatting onto the floor, ripping up floorboards.

It is a

violent

destruction a violent deconstruction of

this house

as all of its

planks and drywall and insulation and roofing tiles are ripped into the swampy form of your body

and

pulled downward, eliminating the house and the four gladiators from the competition

gladiators

as that happens

Rictus

you see standing right where the house was moments ago that

statue

of the specter of death that you bargained with and were cursed by before this trial began.

You

see it nod,

and as that happens,

you feel the curse release.

And it hasn't been affecting you as badly inside of this swamp thing body

because, you know, it was a curse of the body and you don't really have your own at the moment.

But you can feel this

dark presence leave your consciousness.

and moments later, the statue vanishes.

God, what the hell was that?

Oh, yeah, I was cursed.

I was cursed.

Sorry, guys.

Yeah, I was cursed by death, but it seems cool now because I fed it.

I feel like I wait, where are we?

Are we still in Swamp Thing or is something gone?

You're still in Swamp Thing, the house.

Ah, I feel like I was one-third cursed.

Then now I'm not.

Oh, one-fourth cursed.

I am still.

Yeah, Scorbo.

Hey, yeah.

Yes, okay.

Okay, well, we're rounding up, Corbo.

It's creepy, creepy.

Give me an insight check,

Rictus.

That is 17 plus

2, so 19.

It occurs to you, as innocuous as it kind of seemed,

Scorpo's instruction that you should be the one to do it, you get the sense that he knew what was going on.

He knew what this curse was and what needed to be done to break it.

We'll talk about this later.

We'll talk about this at home, Scorpo.

Okay.

You know, you could say that what we do on this show is we take our dreams and we turn them into sort of audio tapestry.

We take our dreams and we make them real in an audio.

We bind them up and we put them through the grist mill to turn them into audio.

No, we like make roles and we have dreams and we think about amazing fantasies and then we make them real with our words.

That's kind of like Squarespace, you know?

Squarespace is kind of like a DM where you say, here's the kind of adventure I'd like to go on.

And then they say, here's some website templates.

Let's build a website.

And you say, but maybe an adventure.

But what you're saying, Justin, is that Squarespace is like...

a campaign, a tabletop RPG campaign of websites.

Yeah.

No, it's like Squarespace is the game master of each cave.

Each individual cave is a website.

There's infinite caves.

And they say, What?

Yes.

And they say, I'll help you choose the cave that has the template created by world-class designers.

That's a dragon.

That's going to look like great for your dreams.

It's going to make your dreams come true.

That's the goblins.

Right.

And what's great is that

also like a DM, a Squarespace can help you get paid with a professional on-brand invoices and online payments.

So if you're a young professional or an old professional or anywhere in between, you can do a business online and get paid for real with Squarespace like a GM do.

Well, I think that would be like,

you know, like the person in the game who's like, what are you buying?

What are you saying?

That's cool.

That's the part of it.

Every game's got to have one of them.

If we get serious for a second, I feel like there comes a point where yes, anding something is just enabling.

And guys, I posted up a real nothing burger and because you guys

believed in me and fought so hard by the end of it, I thought, oh man, it wasn't that bad of an idea.

But I feel like that is maybe a worse crime.

Yeah.

So we don't want to turn this bad idea into a website.

But if you have a great idea that you want to turn into a website, head to squarespace.com slash adventure for a free trial.

And when you're ready to launch, use offer code Adventure to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Can I tell you guys something I've noticed about computers?

Yeah, Travis.

These dang things are everywhere now.

Have you noticed that?

Dude, thank you.

And they've got these things now where you can like take computers with you and put them on the top of your lap.

Yes.

Yeah.

And it seems scary, right?

Because it's like a computer.

So it's got to be like the size of my size of my kitchen.

Well, but I listen, I have to know, like, at least I know that a laptop, there's no way it can be as powerful, like a gaming kind of thing, as like, say, a desktop couch.

Travis, before you embarrass yourself anymore,

take a look inside this.

Whoa!

Holy shit.

Yeah, dude.

This is the new Alienware Area 51 gaming laptops.

These are going to push your brain and your gaming to the limits.

They're combined with Intel Core Ultra9 processors that merge CPU,

NPU, neural processing unit, and integrated GPU graphic processing unit into one AI Alfred I Newman optimized chip who delivers fast, smart, and seamless processing,

fast, smart, and seamless performance across everything you do.

Everything?

Yeah, Travis.

No matter what you're playing, Alienware is going to make the game run precisely as the developers intended because this is a powerhouse.

Let's take whatever you can throw at it.

And what does the Mad Magazine guy have to do with it?

I just forgot what AI stood for.

Okay, Griffin, don't make a big production out of it.

Discover Area 51 today at www.alienware.com/slash area-51 laptops.

Hey, everybody, this is Griff McRoy, Dungeon Master, your best friend and your dungeon master and your best friend and your dungeon master.

Hey, some quick announcements here before you get back to the rest of the episode.

Did want to tell you that we have one more leg of our 20 Thunder Drive tour coming to Salt Lake City and San Diego.

We're going to be doing Mabim Bam in Salt Lake City and Mabimbam and Taz in San Diego.

Tickets for all of those shows are on sale now over at bit.ly slash McRoyTours.

Come out and see us.

Come help us close out this year of touring.

And we're going to, we've got some fun stuff planned.

So we also got some merch up in the merch store.

Have you been there?

Have you been in the merch store?

Have you been there in a while?

It's at macroymerch.com.

There's all kinds of great stuff over there, including a new Geral shirt designed by Lynn Doyle that I am absolutely just wild about.

And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Equality Florida, which is dedicated to securing full equality for Florida's LGBTQ community.

Hey, we also have a newsletter.

We don't talk about it much, but if you want to keep up to date on all the stuff that we're doing, because we are doing a lot of stuff, you can sign up over at bit.ly slash McRoy newsletter and be the first to know about new tour dates and projects and everything else that we're doing, all the pies we got our sticky little fingers in.

Okay, enjoy the rest of the episode.

Bye.

Hi, I'm Travis McIroy.

I'm here with Maria, and we're excited because as a member of the month, Maria, thank you so much for being a listener and a supporter of the show.

Hi.

How did you find out about the shows?

When my daughter was in high school, we kind of connected over Taz.

She introduced me to Schmanners and Sawbones.

What made you decide to become a Max Fund member?

I kind of decided that with the economy being so difficult, it was worth me giving up my Starbucks to join in with you guys.

Well Maria, I owe you a cup of coffee then.

At some point, I'll get a cup of coffee into your hands to pay you back.

Okay.

Maria, again, thank you so much for your support.

Thank you very, very much for your time and getting a chance to be the member of the month.

My daughter was shocked when she found out about it, so I can't wait for her to actually maybe catch a little bit of this.

I can rub it in her face a little bit.

That's what we do it for.

Thank you, and thanks to everybody for your support.

Maria, have a great month.

You have an amazing month as well.

Become a Max Fun member now at maximumfund.org/slash join.

Hey there.

Do you like books about various shades of gray?

Maybe 50 of them?

Or books about winged men searching for soulmates?

Is your e-reader full of stories that would pair well with Berry White in the background?

We're Bria and Mallory of Reading Glasses, and we have a brand new show for people who crave reads with just a dash of sriracha sauce.

That's right.

Every other Friday, we dive into books that could be measured on the Scoville scale and talk to the people who love them.

You can find our new show by visiting maximumfun.org/slash spicy.

That's maximumfund.org/slash spicy.

Okay, with now with the threat of death off the table, we are now battling for place to see what kind of awards will await you after the completion of this trial.

Next in the order is the Christmas tree.

So the Titanic is on its side, pinning the Christmas tree to the ground.

I think instead of trying to escape the grapple, the Christmas tree is going to attack with its tendrils to try and like hold it down to the ground so you all can kind of team up on it a little bit.

And that is at 24.

You see these

frantic tendrils of garland and strings of lights whip across the deck of the Titanic.

They are going to take

22 points of slashing damage.

Are they...

Nope, not quite bloodied yet.

And they are also

grappled.

So...

It's a mutual grapple.

It is.

We are up to the Titanic now.

The Titanic, you hear the voice of the gentleman say ah

you've

eliminated my teammate disappointing i but i knew that you were the ones i should have teamed up with this whole thing could have gone so differently such a shame

you're a shame

uh the uh billowing smokestack of the titanic is going to burst out a deafening thunderous honk I need a dexterity-saving throw from Swamp Thing.

Trav, why don't you roll that one for me?

A four.

Okay, with a four.

Plus a one.

Okay, you are unsuccessful.

Swamp Thing, you take

11 points of damage.

That has brought you down to 26 out of 92.

And you are launched backwards

30 feet

you careen towards the edge of the octave ziggurot uh and very luckily uh you land on the observation deck this one sort of small outcropping hanging over the side if you had been sort of anywhere else on the island uh that that uh you know big honk would have been enough to uh to push you off of the edge to your not death but elimination uh and then we're back to the top of the order swamp thing you are up and uh we'll say it's hell grammat's turn since rictus you dealt the

well but i didn't get the cheese what to do

um i had a thing i've been wanting to do okay yeah that's fine yeah you have been you have wanted a thing okay uh then yeah technically you took uh lorivis final action there so it is your turn rictus

um i'm going to

target the titanic's greatest weakness and hurl a chromatic orb made of ice

at the the side of it as it lays on its side.

Oh, wait.

Okay.

Can't hit the damage.

I thought you were going to say hubris.

Well, yeah, I mean, I guess that's.

You already rolled.

You already did roll damage, which is.

Yeah, that was maybe preemptive.

Presumptuous.

That's grappling.

Wait, the hubris of that action

is enough to bring down the Titanic, Riven.

It is grappled.

And on its own.

That doesn't.

Yeah, that doesn't.

I don't think grappling is.

Oh, it is prone, isn't it?

Yes.

Yes, you have advantage.

Yeah.

You would need to get closer.

You need to be within five feet to have advantage on a prone attack.

But

you do have the movement for that.

Okay.

Okay, then D20.

You have advantage, so you'll roll twice and then add your spellcasting modifier.

And that's a seven.

Shit.

Okay, so an eight.

Eight plus what?

For spell cousin modifier, it's plus five.

13.

Does chromatic orb deal any damage on a miss?

Let me see.

Probably not.

I think it's only you only deal like half damage on like a save, right?

Yes, you're correct.

It does not, it does not take damage.

Uh, kick-ass idea.

You see your

iceberg that you have generated from this chromatic orb, however, go wide

and uh fly off into the distance uh

give me a history check rictus oh okay

well there's a nat 20 plus five perfect the his fucking librarians over here we can't do any adventure but like if you need us to tell you where to find something yes i can see back in the dawn of time i just can't hit the broad side of literally the titanic there's a future you can't see you since you have been here on the island of the Octave Ziggurat, you have been subject to

quite a few instances of really powerful divination magic, of memories that are not your own, entering your mind and influencing your ability to cast different spells.

With a Nat 20, you are fully cognizant of the fact that like

the Titanic, the history of the Titanic, the sinking of the the Titanic is like not a thing that you knew or should have known.

It was just kind of like instinctive in this moment you remembered the story of this old ship.

And it is enough to kind of like, even in the heat of combat, kind of shake you a bit.

Next is the Christmas tree.

They are now going to try to escape.

They are being being sort of slowly squished into the ground.

So they are going to make a strength saving throw here.

That is sufficient.

They got a dirty 20.

They are going to plant their roots down in the ground and attempt to recover some of their

arboreal vitality here.

And they are going to do so to the tune of 25 points of damage.

They are up to 44 out of 126.

You are at 26.

The Titanic

is

almost bloody, but not quite.

Okay, next up is the Titanic.

You

see it stand up.

It's going to ride itself.

That's its move.

Getting up from prone.

It is going to swing its anchor chain around and launch it

at you, Swamp Thing, seeing that you are now the the weakest of the competitors here um

yeah

that isn't uh 18 plus

11

29.

it's still oh yeah it's still grappled right

what do you mean by the tree uh no the tree got up and and broke grapple to move away um oh okay yeah that also broke their mutual grapple right um so a 29 and that is going to hit Swamp Thing.

So no dexterity

safe.

No, this is a attack roll.

For 23 points of bludgeoning damage as the anchor smashes down into you, Swamp Thing.

You are now...

You feel like you are losing your connection to this elemental that you have created.

You had gotten into sort of a routine, into a swing of things here,

and now it feels like that is getting harder and harder and harder to maintain.

You are down to three hit points.

I see.

And we are back to Swamp Thing, top of the order.

We'll go to Hellgrammit.

Scorpo seeds his turn to you because I do not want to keep taking bonus actions as Scorpo.

I thought you liked DND.

I do like D ⁇ D.

Scorpo seems to be

every time he seeds his turn, he is doing it to Hellgrammate.

And you feel like he is doing that Hellgrammit kind of like purposefully.

Well, of course, he recognizes greatness.

Yeah.

Can we talk just for a moment?

Since we're in connected mentally?

Yeah, how's your day?

It's good.

Not bad.

Almost dead.

But listen.

Yeah.

Why don't...

I think...

Going up against the Titanic is a lost cause.

Right now, we're fighting for second place or third place.

I say we turn our attacks on the tree.

So at least,

perhaps, we'll have a better shot at second place and the second place rewards.

Okay, I'm glad you all agree.

No,

I'm...

I'm trying to decide the difference between Travis the player and Rexus.

Okay, I mean, whether or not there is a dissent

is your turn in the initiative order of the Swamp Thing cockpit.

Well, so it is.

I guess I just Hell Grammar just wanted to kind of let you guys know where his mind was at.

So he's going to turn towards the tree and

cast Scorching Ray.

Yeah, okay.

Scorching Ray, that is, I believe, an attack roll, right?

Yes, it is.

Scorching Ray.

You hurl three fiery rays.

You can hurl them at one target within range or at several.

Make a range spell attack for each ray.

On a hit, the target takes 2d6 fire damage.

Yes.

You can cast this as a third level spell, if you so choose,

which would add another, an additional ray.

So you would have four attacks here.

I would say the giant Christmas tree has got to be pretty dry by this time.

Do you guys have three

thirds?

Do you guys have third-level spells?

I don't remember where you know, only second-level spells.

Okay, I take it back.

You cannot do that.

So, you have three attacks here.

Uh, yeah, I mean, the the tree is looking quite quite uh barren, even though they have healed up a bit.

Um, and they will have a weakness to fire damage here.

You do have to hit your attacks, though, right?

Okay,

so here we go.

Do do do do do.

That would be a 10.

Uh, a 10 does not hit.

Your first ray goes with the ring.

Yeah, sorry about this, Hasty James.

It's like, it's purely a strategic

because like you hit us with needles too.

Sorry.

Uh, you hear a voice say, Let me guess.

It's hell grab it.

Yeah.

Okay.

You have two more attacks here.

T T.

Okay.

That's a little better.

23.

Yeah, 23 hits.

Go ahead and roll damage.

That's 2d6, and we'll double it.

Oh, hold two.

Four points of fire damage

to the Christmas tree.

Okay.

Okay.

And a 24.

24 hits.

That's 2d6 fire damage, and we'll double it.

5 double 10.

Okay.

5 double 10.

You hit the tree with two of the three scorching rays.

You shear off a few of its branches

and you see the Christmas tree take a step back.

You hear the voice of Dr.

Legume say, I told you we couldn't trust him.

I mean, we did kill the house so that you guys wouldn't go out first.

So, like...

Yeah, so I spared your life.

That's a pretty good move, kind of, when you think about it.

You're welcome.

Give me a D4 roll Rictus.

This is sort of going back to the

Hasty Jane thing.

If you get a four,

they are not going to come after you.

That's a two, Griffin.

You hear Hasty Jane say, no, no, no, focus up.

We can take down the Titanic if we.

But whoever is in control of the Christmas tree is not having it.

You

see

them reach back a few tendrils of garland

whip down at you.

This is a

D20 roll here.

This is plus 10.

20 is going to hit.

You

see the Christmas tree

damaged,

but still upright, furious at the betrayal.

like the third or fourth betrayal of this one sort of free-for-all

combat.

Bring one of its flaming bows right down on top of your head swamp thing.

And as

it does,

you feel yourselves sinking down into the ground, being absorbed by the dirt, turning back into dormant swamp.

And as that happens, you feel your senses start to fade.

You feel this

horrible choking as you all are

in this elemental destroyed and everything goes dark.

And then a second later,

you

four

are standing on the steps of the Ziggurat next to all of the other aspirants waiting for their turn to take on this trial.

You see they are looking quite

scared just at the ordeal that you you all have faced.

And

you all can see the form of Swamp Thing fading into the ground

as

the other two elementals

continue their fight.

It is.

Sorry.

Loriveth wanders over.

And he scoops up a handful of swamp things to remember him by.

And then he looks as that handful starts to turn fetid and melt in his hand.

And then he drops that handful on the ground and finds some real grass to go wipe his hands.

That's really good.

You all can see

the Titanic cast a shadow over the Ziggurat as it rears up and brings the final blow down on top of the Christmas tree, which was in a pretty bad state.

And with that, a horn sounds above the Ziggurat.

You see

forming right alongside you, the gentleman, Corrigan, Hilda, Enigma to one side.

To the other, you see Hasty Jane, Gunk, Dr.

Legume, and Burger Man, all of whom look at you all kind of

nastily.

Even Hasty Jane in this moment looks, I don't know,

kind of shaken.

She gives you a nod,

Rictus,

that you take to mean like, we are cool, but you get the sense that

there is some bad blood there.

And as that happens, a small leather sack appears in all four of your hands.

It is cinched with a small clasp,

and the clasp on all of the sacks that you have been awarded is a sort of a dull bronze color.

And

you see Trace appear and say,

congratulations, aspirants, you have survived the trial of evocation.

Lorovith raises his hand.

Trace says,

yes, Lorovith?

Do we have to clean this up, or is there you're going to send someone else for this, yes?

Trace.

I am absolutely wretched.

Look at us.

She says, ah, yes, clean up.

Thank you for reminding me.

I must reset for the next group to take on the trial.

I don't need to clean up.

I need fire.

I need to burn my skin.

She waves a hand.

You see all of the damage that was dealt in this melee,

just as it did in the last trial, just instantly vanish as four more quartets begin to walk out

into the field.

She looks you up and down and says, oh, yes,

you are quite filthy.

please will you all uh like take just take take your shoes off or something before you go in i have scorching ray if you want me to burn it off you that's it is there is an omelette my own smell

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