The Adventure Zone Royale: Episode 14

The wizards' numbers nearly halved are separated wheat from chaff to measure with a trial so strange

their mind's capacity for change.

They sink below and then ascend, as one by one they meet their end,

till eight escape the quiet pond

to glimpse the lifeless lands beyond.

Hello and welcome back to Taz Royale, our PvP winner-take-all

1v63 season.

Today we begin a new trial, the fourth trial, as we approach the halfway mark of the Conclave.

It's been a hundred years since we've recorded due to having to reschedule for illness and tour and what have you. I'm excited.
So everybody's dead. Everyone died and came back to life.
And

yes, there's a whole Christ allegory thing. And if you want that, you got to subscribe to the Patreon.
That's where we put the bonus episodes. That's where all the lore drops are.
And the Lord drops.

We should start putting in like voice recordings that people can find around the area where they get like lore drops from within the world.

Yeah, that's cool. And you can, like, you, it'll be like Bioshock, where you'll be kind of listening while someone's like, he threw the party, but the plasmids were.

But meanwhile, like, a bunch of you know, masked killers are trying to. Can we that's why you have to do it, that it's unidirectional.

And if you're not standing in front of the player and you start to walk away, it like fades out, and you're like, fuck, now I got to stand here and look at it. Yeah, can we call them pop-up audios?

We can call them

pop-up audios for you. Pop-awa.

Okay.

Different skins that you can get from loot boxes that you pay for. Go on.
Yes. All that is going to be

after the next content drop. The sun rises over the octave ziggurat.
As the three of you open the doors and flaps of your respective lodgings,

you find a small copper-colored card sitting right before you, and it reads in embossed lettering, Group 1, First Horn, the Gilded Lily.

As you arrive at the Gilded Lily

over the

northwest sort of quarter of

the octave Ziggurat Island,

you make your way to the luxurious crystalline spa. on the sort of man-made lily pad island there at the appointed time.

And as you arrive, there's a small crowd of other aspirants gathering inside the Gilded Lily. You see a few familiar familiar faces.
You see Scorpo, your teammate from the previous challenge.

You see the skateboarding bird man, Tommy Falcon.

You see

Rhyme, the final icy survivor of the Elemental Rangers, who Loraveth dispatched

in the very first trial, or I guess second trial.

as well as like a half dozen other faces you're not quite as familiar with.

Moments after your arrival, sunlight glints off of a shape that comes flying from the top of the ziggurat and soaring in your direction.

And moments later, a glorious golden Thrykeen scarab hovers over the waters in front of the group.

Mine, mine, mine. I call it.
I call it. That's mine.
That's mine. I mean, mine.
Mine.

It's mine. Oh, it's

cool.

As you say all of that, this golden scarab kind of floats into the gilded lily where everyone is standing and gives you a sort of a weird look hell grammat that lingers for a moment yes oh it's mutual admiration i i it is not mutual at all believe me i good good morning i want to do a zorak too if we're all getting to do zorak no zorak voice

you only if you played a threat king you get to do the zorak voice that's the oh that's the rule um

you recognize this golden scarab as as one of the members of the octave that has appeared before you during past trials. And he speaks, he says, Good morning, aspirants.
Good morning.

I like that chipper. Good.
Face the day with zeal and enthusiasm. It will serve you well.
I am set.

And today

I will be administering the trial of transmutation.

This group of twelve has been assembled based on your placement in the previous trial. However, today, this is not a team challenge.
You shall soar or fall based solely on your own individual merits.

Oh.

Transmutation is a peculiar discipline.

While my colleagues' schools measure power based on intellectual acumen or spiritual attunement, transmutation is the study of flexibility, adaptability, and cleverness.

These are the virtues that shall be tested today.

And Set flutters his golden wings and the doors to the Gilded Lily seal shut. And almost immediately, the entire building begins to descend downward into the lake.

The sunlight from above.

While this is happening,

Lorwith is looking around at everybody with this really smug expression on his face because because he definitely knew this was happening. Yes.

Because of the last episode, there's no context for it, and no one clocks it, but he's looking around.

I like to think he's the only one who's like, Yep, this is exactly what I thought was about to be. Yes, because you saw the Golden Tower,

you definitely feel a little bit prepared. I'm going to give you a point of inspiration if I did not remind you to do that in the previous episode.
Oh, baby, you know that that's on the ship.

Shake ask me. I'm ready.

So,

the sunlight that was kind of

coming in from over the foggy wall surrounding the fold is replaced by these flickering neon flashes from these tiny bioluminescent fish schooling sort of around the spa as it sinks down into the lake.

And through a rising curtain of tiny bubbles, you see a structure built onto the floor of the lake coming into view. It is a large, ornate...
golden tower, the one Lord of Ith saw during his

intense massage.

And the lily thumps down into the lake floor, sending up a plume of sediment. And you see the whole building kind of move inward toward the entryway into this golden tower.
It thumps to a stop

and it forms a seal. You hear a sort of sucking vacuum sound.

And then

the doors to the Gilded Lily unseal and slide open. You see it is docked with this golden tower, which Seth leads the group into.

As you step into this golden tower, I'm going to now start the virtual tabletop so you can see the map. You walk into

a tall, tall, tall building

with a very prominent three-story high spiral staircase right at the center of it. I can't tell if you're laughing at.
I'm laughing at all your icons, Griff. I'm sorry.

I did some good work on the icons. No, there's like, it's good, man.
There's like, it's the thick Spider-Man that really got me.

There's like a Spider-Man that's been edited by a small-town newspaper ad director. So the pencils are just all stretched to hell, you know?

He's the only knows how to do is like drag the corner and doesn't know how to just drag the corner in the venture.

Didn't hit control T to transform, just kind of squipped it on out there. Unsurprisingly, when adding

square pictures of thick Spider-Man,

bring, give me 640 by 640 pictures of Spider-Man. Parker! Bring Parker.
Bring me a rectangular picture of Spider-Man that will be auto-corrected into a perfect circular form. This is a PNG.

I can't make that. No, I know what I'm dropping.
Pictures of Spider-Man. Yes, every other aspirant.
Did you say a Jeff or a GIF of Spider-Man?

All the other aspirants here, this art was included in DD Beyond. The Spider-Man picture did have to be added in post.

You all walk into this golden table. No pictures of spiders in DMTB.
No spiders, men.

Your footfalls crunch into dried red kelp that lines the floor of this chamber, which stands about 50 feet wide.

There's this huge three-story tall spiral staircase, and the tower extends up well, well beyond that.

There are these big, bulbous kind of porthole windows looking out into the lake where you see those flashes of

fish swimming by periodically.

And all around you, the walls are just coated in this glimmering golden facade.

And

you make your way in, surrounding

this huge spiral staircase. You can spot

periodically at certain points around this column that this spiral staircase is winding up around small alcoves with

different runes etched into them. From your position, you can't quite make out exactly what those shapes are or what their purpose is, but you do clock those.

Set continues. He says, I will not overburden you with explanations, as it is my intention to measure your ability to think on your feet.
However, I must establish some ground rules before we begin.

The point of today's exercise could not be simpler.

Survive.

The trial shall end when four of you have been eliminated. Now, you may not make armed attacks against one another, nor may you directly target each other with your suite of spells.

You must find more inventive methods of defeating your rivals. To further test your resourcefulness, there will be one more restriction applied to this trial.

While the spells you have slotted into your grimoire will be available to you, you may only use each spell currently seated within your grimoire a single time.

For the eight of you who survive, your reward tier shall be determined by your height upon the staircase when the trial concludes. In addition, the survivors will be granted an insight most rare.

You will be given an opportunity to gaze upon the blighted world beyond the fold, a privilege afforded solely to the octave alone.

You may have a few moments to discuss these rules amongst yourselves before taking your place, and then we shall begin.

Oh, yep. Yeah, I heard that some of you do like to ask a lot of questions.
What I don't know any of your names.

Rictus. Ravenwood.

Ah. Of the...

Of the Ravenwoods? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Interesting. The rest of the fields.
Yeah.

What is your question, Rictus?

Is this... Did you do this kind of challenge when you went through your

process of becoming a member of the octave?

i'm not sure how much i'm allowed to divulge uh i am one of the newer members of the octave although i suppose since the conclave is held

every several generations i have been at it a while but when he says that yeah when he says that i'm not sure how much i'm allowed to divulge does he look around does he feel is there somebody watching him give me an

give me an insight check okay

hmm 15.

He does not look around. He says it in a way that suggests that it was, he didn't actually think about it.

He doesn't want to share this information. And so.

But maybe he hasn't been asked all these questions a hundred times before. Like he's having to actually think about it.

No,

the exact opposite. It is like he is saying that because he doesn't want to answer that question.
And so he just basically, you clocked him, basically. Just he made that up entirely.

My trial, my trial was similar to this in nature. It tested my transmutational magical abilities and

my flexibility.

And I believe that today's trial shall measure your own capabilities in these. Rick just raises his hand again.

Does anyone else have any other questions? But you did go through a series of trials like we're doing to become a member?

Yes, that is how we are. Not just one.

Yes.

I have a question. All right.

How about this? Everyone gets one question. What of the flyers among us?

What of the flyers? Are there flyers among you? What of the flyers among us? He looks around. There are a couple of

Aero Cockra,

specifically Tommy Falcon here with his flying, with his flying hoverboard. What about Hippocrates?

Hippocrates, you look at. Kinku, baby, can't fly.
Well, actually, you think at first, like, oh,

that is a Kenku or some sort of bird, you know,

you know, race in

the D ⁇ D sort of parlance.

But actually, you looking at him, it appears like he is wearing

an elongated sort of black mask, sort of like a plague doctor mask. He does not have any wings to speak of.

You see Set smile and say, ah, yes, you would

assume that they would have an unfair advantage in this trial. But

for those who are

insightful enough and most attuned to the arcane energies of this place, we'll find a way of dealing with them as well.

I would advise you all not to lean on shortcuts. This trial has a theme.

I think he wants us to.

I think you say I'm smashing him in the head with a hammer.

Nope. No armed attacks against one another.
That was not to you, Griffin. If I specifically

speaking to you, I beg of you.

Hell Braman, no, you must listen to me. I'll find the biggest hammer you can, Brother Bran.

Smash that bird.

It will quite literally, Bugman, be two birds with one.

I have wings. Look, I have wings.
Right, Toe, I'm I'm eliminating two winged foes in one. You directly attacked Tommy Falcon.
You understand? Yes,

you and your jokes.

I would like to take this moment to remind you of the blood oath you swore to me in episode 7

to always have my back and always protect me. Do you remember that? I'm sure you do.

As a matter of fact, I think it's a good thing. It's not fair for Dad to use the fact that I don't remember things very well.
Yeah,

for all we know, he's making that up. It's his main targeted.
No, no, it's not.

Hey, Dad, how's this going to feel like? Remember, you signed this will, Dad. You promised me everything.
You know, that's not going to be very fun.

Hell, Grandma, I use my questions up. Can you ask a question for me? I just want to.
I will.

I assume that there is a possibility that people will be

afforded some

extra benefits. And he winks his giant compound eye at Seth.
And it's really...

I love... Yeah, he thinks he's...
He thinks he's... Hell Grammar thinks he's going to get a little home cooking.
So, yeah. I mean, I'm sure that even vestigial wings

will be

an advantage. Oh, my God.
Hell Grammitt trying to be subtly charmy. He's got to be one of the most unskilled.
Yeah, off-putting as hell, man.

It's like making weird noises, like weird clicking and creaking.

He doesn't have eyebrows, or he he would wiggle his eyebrows. Yeah, it's like listening to TikTok from Return to Oz fall down a flight of stairs.

Set looks at you and says,

Do you feel as if you require extra help?

Oh,

Zing! Oh, got you, man. Withering, buddy.
Oh, withering. Oh, you're gonna feel our way.

No,

we're from the same

hook. Uh-huh.
No, no.

He burned you real badly. Okay.
Thank you for the encouragement.

By the way, the hood is the technical term for the dome that covers the cloakal opening that they emerged from. So it is technically the same hood.
Sure, because there isn't

biological.

No, I'm sure there's no special favor.

Wait. Is Adventure Zone the podcast that contains more uses of the term Cloaca per capita than any other in our staple of that's what we got, the iHeartRadio Podcast Awards Worker.
Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, uh, Rick just raises his hand and says, I know I already asked questions, but that was before you made the one question rule. So, can I have one more? Well, it depends on the question.

It's simple. Yeah.
And I, it's kind of embarrassing that we're on what, like the fourth trial now. And I didn't think to ask this before, but what happens if we like

abstain?

What do you mean?

Well, like, not have babies. No.

No. I suppose that is everyone's choice.

I told you that in confidence. No.

No.

Well, I saw you had that ring on.

Well, that's because I'm married. Yes.
But no, what I'm saying is

if, like, if we decided not to go through, if we said, like, okay, I don't want to do this and attack people. Would we just get to like leave the island and go home? Would we be killed?

Would we just sit out

this challenge with that set flies uh back down he lands close to you looks at you kind of inquisitively he says uh

have the

terms and conditions of the conclave not been made explicitly clear rictus ravenwood

oh i'm i'm speaking purely hypothetically

i'm perfectly happy yeah kill everybody that's that's great i'm just wondering i'm just curious. He says,

all who stand here have cleared the trial of divination, the first trial we place before you, where the

dangers and rewards of this process are outlined. And

by agreeing to those terms, you have bound yourselves to a type of contract.

That is what brings you here. If

you do not feel like

terminating

the aspirants around you, that is your prerogative. However, I will remind you that only one wizard will emerge from the conclave.
And I have wonder who that will be.

He says,

to my knowledge, that

champion has

never been a pacifist.

So just to simplify, kill or be killed.

I thought that would be obvious at this point.

Just wanting, I just, it makes choosing in the future way simpler to have it laid out like that.

And makes the pathway way clearer for me. Thank you.
I'm glad I could clear it up. He, with that, flies very quickly,

exhausted by the salvo of questions,

up to the top of the tower. There is a small observation perch built into the window.
Are we the only three Aspirans that ever have questions? No, the other ones ask questions too.

I just don't include it in the show.

Those are edited out.

There are nine other wizards in this chamber. And so, you know, if we included all of those,

that's what the Patreon bonus episodes are.

Okay, great, great. As people kind of mill about a set takes his place,

Hellgrammate, you see

Rhyme, this sort of masked

blue-clad, sort of ninja-looking wizard, sort of slink towards you and try to get your attention to pull you aside for a conversation.

Wait, what? What?

What? I'm with my fellows here.

No, it's okay.

Yeah, you can go.

We have not met. I am Rhyme.

I am

the sole survivor of a group called the Elemental Rangers.

I heard you saying that you were looking for an advantage, a bonus,

some sort of leg up, so to speak, in the trials.

I have an offer for you.

I am happy to give you my... prize in this contest

under a certain condition and and that is that you help me fulfill a sort of oath of vengeance that I have made against one of the aspirants here and Rhyme points at Loraveth

very subtly says

that Goliath there

led to the death of my friends in the in the in the trial of abjuration and I am unmoored without them and my rage is the only thing that I have really been able to find solid ground with.

If you help me to defeat the Goliath, I will happily give you whatever prize we may earn from this trial.

You strike me as an enterprising sort, and maybe

this offer would appeal to you. Well, I will say that unmoored rage is the worst rage.
That's...

That chills the blood.

Exactly

what kind of revenge uh are you are you talking about? I mean like

just like displeasing him or you know cheating him out of the four of us are going to die during this trial. I would like him to be one of them.
If he is, you get my rewards.

Wow. And what will I be adding to this? I mean just am I just standing by ready to act when you want me to? I leave that up to you.

I have seen you in previous trials. You are

quite canny.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I work on my can. I will do what I can.
If you choose to assist me,

I will reward you in the end.

And with that rhyme, Slinksoft starts doing some calisthenics, starts stretching, getting ready to go. Can I approach Scorpo? Sure, yeah.

Hi, man.

Did you

have a good break between, you know, the last challenge of this

I spent my time contemplating the

challenges before us and the

unfavorable odds each of us face.

How fare you? Have you recovered from the death marks curse?

Yeah,

I think. So

you know what it was, right?

I am

something of a recluse.

I have no hive. I find myself drawn to the fog wall, the borders of the fold.
And out there, things get strange. The connection to

death and its ways is different from how it is in the interior.

I am familiar with the workings of death. Yes, and I saw it upon you.
Yeah, man. Tell me about it.
Did you make some

manner of bargain with death?

I.

Because I would assume someone in your position from the family you come from would know better than that.

Well,

you think that,

but even like I think that curse is gone, but it's been kind of weird since then.

Yes.

There's like a lingering... You know what? That's not what I can.

I can't... You've got a pretty good strategic mind.
Looking around at the group here.

Who's like, who are your... Who's the target for you?

He looks around and...

You get a sense that he's doing so a little bit theatrically

because it doesn't take him very long to look down at you. And he says,

You're not going to like it.

I hope I have earned some level of trust with you in

sharing what I know.

And I have no reason to think that you wish me harm. And so I will tell you,

I may not move on it during this trial.

But Hellgrammat cannot win the conclave.

I have seen into his mind.

I have seen what he wishes to do with the powers granted to the octave

and it simply cannot come to pass.

I realize that the two of you have worked together in the past and I am not going to ask you to

take any kind of action against him. I merely want to advise you that

his intentions

are

perhaps not as

pure as his uh

his gregarious demeanor might suggest

okay i was gonna do randolph

yes that seems good too he's an old man

he's an old man that with that we jump over to randolph and duber sweetleaf have approached you loraveth uh randolph of a tall sort of slender aged looking wizard with a long white beard, and Duber Sweetleaf,

a kindly little halfling, cherub-cheeked little guy

wearing sort of

farmer's clothing overalls, barefooted, crunching in the red kelp on the ground. Randolph approaches you, Loraveth, and says, Ah,

excuse me, sir. May I introduce myself? My name is Randolph, and this here is my halfling ward, Duber Sweetleaf.

Duber Sweetleaf says, Oh, hello there, sir.

Hello there, sir. I'm Duber Sweetleaf, and

this is the grand... This is.
This here is the grand sorcerer, Randolph. Randolph says, yes, yes.

May I ask your name, sir? Randolph the Peus.

Lorvyth, Conjubon Dream Wanderer. Ah,

a grand name for a person of such grand stature such as yourself. I

and Duba, what a pleasure it is to make is it all right if I talk to Duba directly? Yes, of course you can talk to me. I'm

go.

I'm just a little guy.

I'm the little guy from Swineberg. I love nothing more than a a kind

helping of the the good uh green smoke from

uh old old basher and eating

is he a little boy that smokes?

Is this a character that is this what he is? Is this just a little boy who smokes, you remember? He is

fantastic, though.

You have a hard time discerning Duber Sweetleaf's age. He says, I pick him up and put him on my shoulders like tiny Tim.
Everyone, look! Look at me.

I'm way up high.

He rips out a big, he casts fog, actually, as he draws from his slender wooden pipe. And I hope the one-time personal thing doesn't happen now.
Yeah, Randolph smiles and says, Ah, good, I see.

You are similarly taken with Duber Sweetleaf. He is under my protection.

And during this trial, I must say, my own arcane abilities are nothing to be sneezed at, but it seems like this one shall be more of a measure of our physical prowess, which myself and Duber sorely lack.

You are tremendous of frame, and I was hoping that you might keep an eye out for the two of us.

And if you do, we shall make sure to return the favor in future trials, ones that perhaps do not measure our physical prowess quite as judiciously as today's.

If you round up, the two of you are perfectly safe.

Because one of you I assure you no harm is coming to Duba Sweetleaf. Oh, I do hope that you will honor that promise.
And once we are free from here, I would love to take you to Swineberg.

And we will go to Mark Hessen's place and have a fat rasher of bacon.

I can't understand a single word he says, but I'm obsessed.

You adopt this fucking little fucking laboo-boo as he sits on your shoulder. Randolph nods and says, Laboo time.

He says, look. Laboo boy.

Yes,

I suppose that that will suffice. I can watch out for myself.
But Dupa Sweetleaf, he is a helpless little baby. And

right here, sir. I am so glad that

he will be protected.

As you all sort of finish up these conversations, the 12 aspirants gathered here,

including one sort of mechanical-looking

construct with

almost looks like an alarm clock for a head. The wizard clacks on.

And also one that is just a huge, somewhat realistic

stuffed teddy bear, the wizard Snugjaw. There's also Spider-Man is here.
One of the three, the spiders, the one that is Spider-Man is

also here. The three of them seem to be congregating and strategizing.

And from way up high above you, past the surface of the waters beyond the ceiling of this tower, you hear a horn, drowned out slightly by

the depths of the lake that you are under.

And with that, Set looks down at the twelve wizards gathered below from his perch and says,

begin.

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Hi there. It's me, Travis, your middleest brother.
I'm on the show you're listening to.

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And 10% of all proceeds this month will be donated to Harmony House, which seeks to end homelessness in the Huntington area through permanent housing and supportive service programs.

Harmony House is also our partner for Candle Nights, which is this week, December 6th in person at 7 p.m. Eastern Time in our hometown of Huntington, West Virginia.

But if you're not able to make that, you can also get a virtual stream ticket to watch it on December 19th when we premiere it in the video on demand. We'll be in the chat.

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From theme parks to cartoons to 80s, 90s, and 2000s nostalgia, we tackle it all. Check us out every Tuesday on maximumfun.org and wherever you get podcasts.

let's roll for initiative, guys.

Before we do, can we do one quick thing?

If it's very quick, okay. Very quick.
Can we just have a quick prayer? Yeah, sure. Yeah.
Just a quick prayer.

Oh,

I was joking.

Dear gods above,

as the three of us gather close together, please let us win.

Amen. And while he's saying this prayer,

without him knowing it,

Hellgrammat casts alarm on the back of Lorave's

back.

Okay.

You cast alarm on the back of Lorovith's...

On his back. On his...
His back. You set an alarm against intrusion.
Would the back of his back be inside his body? Yes. Good point.
Yes.

On his jacket. Choose a door, a window, or an area within range.
Okay.

And the spell lasts for eight hours. Okay.
And if anyone touches his back,

there will be an alarm that alerts me that the creature has touched or entered the warded area. Yes.
So when you, this is

an uncommon usage of the spell, but you can designate creatures that... The Matt McElroy story.

you can designate creatures that won't set off the alarm so i assume you designate him right right uh and you're casting this on uh who

on loraveth

yes okay you can also choose that the alarm is mental or audible so this can be an alarm to be audible okay

and i want it to be uh a viso a viso no it's actually it produces the sound of a handbell for 10 seconds within 60 feet so i can't have that no you can't uh i'll live with that. Okay.

Okay, you have cast this spell. If anyone touches Loraveth's back, you will be.

That is not me. Or Loraveth.
And Rickus pats Loraveth on the back.

Oh, okay.

Bing bong. Bing bong.
Okay, cool.

With that, please roll initiative. I got an 18.
Amazing roll.

Three. Okay.
God almighty.

I'm getting new die. Loraveth.
I have got.

Damn.

Damn. Damn.
Damn, damn, you know.

Four. Great.
So, you all take off

as the horn rings and set

begins the trial up the spiral stairs. I'm going to place you all on these stairs based on the results of these initiative roles.

Some surprising outcomes here. Didn't expect Randolph to beat much of anybody,

but here we are.

Duber Sweetleaf also ahead. And down here, we've got Loravith, Hellgramma, and

Tragically Spider-Man.

Okay,

you all race up the stairs as the horn sounds.

You, looking up, just to give the folks at home a sense of the battle map here, there's a three-story tall spiral staircase, sort of measured out here into 30 steps.

Rictus, with your very high initiative role, you are front of the pack with Scorpo and Klaxon up on the fourth step, the rest of the crowd kind of gathering behind, and then on the very first step, Loriveth and Hellgrammat and Spider-Man

are rounding out the pack at the back.

As you all begin racing up the stairs, you feel the ground moving beneath your feet and see that these spiral stairs surrounding the central pillar have begun to rotate around that pillar and descend down the height of the tower.

Looking up, you can see new steps seemingly appearing from thin air at the very top of the tower.

And at the very bottom, the step that you are standing on, Lorvin and Hellgrammate, has begun to like vanish into the ground at the bottom. It is forming a sort of like spiral escalator

type effect where the steps are constantly moving downward. Are they

at the bottom? Are they at risk of like

danger from this? That's a really, really great question.

As you look down, as the stairs begin to descend, you also notice that water has begun to trickle in through small vents around the ground floor.

And as water splashes onto this carpet of dried red kelp, you see a sudden, violent transmutation take place as all of the kelp is transmuted into a vicious swarm of blood-red fanged eels.

Oh, that is what is happening

in this room. Every round of combat, the stairs will descend, the waters will rise.
If you find yourself in the water, you are going to be set upon by

many, many eels.

Okay, first in the order is Rictus. Now, Rictus, with a speed of 30, you are able to move up six of these stairs with your move action if that is how you want to spend your entire move action.

Scorpo is standing right next to you. He could have an attack of opportunity, but

you have no reason to think he would do that to you.

The alcoves are staying in place. The alcoves are built into the tower.
You actually see that these stairs are kind of rotating,

you know, around

this central pillar, but the alcoves are set into that pillar and they are not moving. So, yes, they are set in place.

And are these stairs like... Can you tell me about the construction of the stairs? Like, are they

going all the way to the ground?

No, they don't go all the way to the ground. Imagine sort of like

big sort of thick slab, cement slab, like fan blades almost right um that are coming out there's there's not much clearance between uh between the different steps but it takes you a you know about five feet of movement to get up onto the next step and and move all the way forward okay great um

first i'm going to cast mage armor on myself okay

which increases my ac to 15.

And that is action bonus action? No, it's an action. That's my action.
Okay, great. Mark that as being used for this trial.
Yeah, and that's going to last for eight hours. Yeah, you're good on that.

And then I'm going to

listen,

the clear red exclamation point you've put here

is probably a danger warning. But it could also be like a Mario Kart like block that gives me a turtle shell that's going to knock everybody down.
Yeah. So I'm going to duck into that there alcove.

There's not enough space for you to get into the alcove, right? There's not enough space for someone to stand and

be exempt from this constant downward spiraling movement.

There is just sort of a very, very narrow pocket of the wall that has been carved out where there is this

rune resembling an exclamation mark.

What would you like to do to sort of examine it? Let's do an Arcana check. Okay.

Oh,

three plus five or eight?

Uh, yes, it, it, it definitely appears to be something uh

that is uh like a receptacle for kind of magical energy. Um, you it would take some time to uh interact with this and uh figure out what it does and how to use it.

And as you have already acted on this turn, uh, you get the sense that you, you know, are not

Rick just loudly announces, oh no, a curse, and continues up the stairs. Okay, you want to use the rest of your movement? Yeah.
So you can go one, two, three, four, taking up to step number 10.

That is it for your turn.

Scorpo is going to do the same thing. He is going to move up his six.

He is going to step up to the

rune that is here on step number 10.

You watch as he kind of places his clawed hands against the rune. As he does, you see

an exchange of kind of magical energy take place

as he

places his hands on the runes. It seems to drain him of

some of his essence, some of his magical ability here. As he does, you see

vines. emerge from the rune and begin to drape downward over

two two of the steps here, surrounding them

in tricky-looking, thorned, brambly

vines, making those two steps difficult to rein, requiring double movement to get past. Next in the order is Klaxon, who runs up and

gets tangled up in those spaces, and he is actually going to spend his movement or his action as a dash to move up five more steps to reach the front of the pack. The rest of the group is going to...

I'm going to get through their moves fairly quickly as

I don't want this to take all day.

Of note, Tommy Falcon on his hoverboard is able to fly immediately over the

vines without being slowed by them at all.

He started on three, so he is going to move up 12 whole steps up to step 15.

Yeah,

he is moving very, very quickly.

Randolph is not... Why did Klaxon move so quickly?

Claxon dashed. He used his action to dash, which I will remind you is something you can do.
In lieu of taking an action,

you can take another move. Randolph moves ahead.
Duber Sweetleaf gets stuck a little bit in the...

Duber Sweetleaf is going to take a push action, a shove action against Rhyme, just for shits and giggles here. But it's unsuccessful because Duber Sweetleaf is very small.

Rhyme looks at him like, what the fuck kid? Continuing to move up, you see

everyone else has gone up to make their way up to the respective stairs, leaving just Hell Grammat and Loraveth at the bottom.

Next up is Lorave.

It's your turn. Hmm.

Well, you actually have 35 feet of movement. So Lorave, you're actually able to move seven steps with your move action.
I don't know why you have extra.

Maybe your legs are super long, but that's what your character sheet says.

So what stair, if I use the maximum of my movement, who would I be on a stair with? You would make your way up to this sort of first viney stair that

Snugjaw is on.

To move past that square, you would have to use double movement, but that is, you could land there. I want to get up.
I want to stand.

There's like an open spot if you were to triangulate between Duber Sweetly. Yeah.
Snugjaw. If you triangulated, there's a spot there.
That's where I want to get. Okay, you.

I want to be in between Duber and Snugjaw. You make your way up the seven steps from step one up to step eight.

You step into these viny brambles, and even with your considerable height,

you find yourself slightly tangled up by them. That is your move action.
You still have your action on bonus action. What would you like to do? Oh, man.
I can't. So

I can't attack anybody. You can make unarmed attacks.
You can take, you know, pushing and shoving is okay. You can't make armed attacks or directly target someone with a spell.

If you have a spell that, you know, attacks an area or does like a burst or something, that is not prohibited.

You just can't, you know, set someone on fire for that. Okay.

I am going to try something. Okay.
A technique. Great.
I'm going to throw Snugja off the stairs. Okay.
So this is going to be a shove.

Instead of making an attack roll, you make an athletics check, contested by the target's athletics or acrobatics check. They're going to use athletics because they are a big bear.

And if you succeed, you will either knock the target prone or push it five feet away from you, which, because Snugjaw is standing on the edge of the stair, you could elect to knock him right off.

We're going to roll this right on the table. Oh my God.

That's a critical fail from poor old Snugjaw.

And I rolled a 15. Yeah.

Okay. As you place your hand squarely against his chest, looks up at you.
You hear like a... With a critical failure grip, I would like, I would just feel like

he has stuck out his leg, and it's not even like a it's not hard. Yeah.
He's like using momentum against him, right? He's like tripping him at the bottom, sweeping with the leg, shoving with the top.

Like he's played this game a lot. Yeah.
Back in back

on the hill. He's like, for sure.
King of the hill is like one of his favorites. Yeah, absolutely.
This is a, this is, this is like your area of expertise, as it were. And Snugjaw falls bad.

Snugjaw has a bad dive off of this step.

And you see him look at you and go, oh,

and I saw the way you looked at Duba.

And he goes flying off the step

and falls and lands in the water. As he does, you all watch as

these sort of ropey red eels from all around the circles surrounding the spiral staircase just converge on Snugjaw.

Snugjaw is attacked by these eels and

takes 24 points of

eel damage.

Eel base. It's the screeching eel.

That is actually, looking at Snugjaw's character sheet, you lose sight of this enormous kind of like

somewhat grotesque living teddy bear

as he is consumed by these eels. And

moments later,

they part and there is nothing floating in this shallow water but stuffing.

as Snugjaw is instantly killed as he lands in the water. And I think all of you have a moment where you think, boy howdy,

you don't want to go into the eel water. Holy shit.
Oh Christ, no.

And then Lorvith looks behind him, looks behind him, back at everybody and says,

in a sense, you could blame society.

And then

continues on his way.

Okay, with that, you hear the chiming of a bell from the waters up above you as another aspirant falls in the very first round of this trial.

And

one of the four required deaths have taken place already. We move to the bottom of the order, which is Hellgrammit.
Your turn, Hellgrammut.

Okay, Hellgrammit is going to

move up into

the space formerly held by

Swedoms, whatever

it was. was.
So

you are not actually able to get all the way up there. With your speed, which is 30, you can get up to step number seven, which is where Hippocrates is.
Well, then I'm going to use dash.

That is your action. If you do that, you can do that if you want.
That would give you. I realize that.
Okay. Yeah.
And I'm going to dash

so that I'm right there in that space. Okay.

And I'm going to stop on eight. Okay.
You are right up in the brambles with Lorave.

Yeah. And just kind of, oh, that feels.
that's kind of good. Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Yeah. And he's kind of, you know, like you do when you scratch your back against the corner of a wall and your wife yells at you.
Yeah. What?

Yeah, I'm a big bear. Scratches.

More timing, dad.

Too soon.

Is it too soon? Yes. Okay.
I would say so.

Okay.

You do that. To what end, may I ask?

Why do I stay there? Yeah. I just kind of like it it's

because he's a weird beard okay cool cool cool cool cool cool uh all right that brings us uh back to the top of the order before that happens the stairs rotate downward we go

oh it rotates a lot

it rotates three steps

Everyone moves three steps down. The vines, you can see, because they are being projected out of this runic symbol, they stay sort of put where they are on steps seven and eight.

But everyone else moves down

three.

And the other thing that happens is the water rises. You all watch as the first step disappears underneath.
the rising water and is overtaken by eels.

Next in the order is Rictus.

I

want to target the where step four

is attached to the center pillar. Yeah.

With a thunder damage chromatic orb at level two.

Okay.

Read me the description of chromatic orb if you would. You hurl a four inch diameter sphere of energy at a creature.
Oh, my gosh is not a creature. Hmm.

Tell me what you're trying to accomplish. I'm trying to blast the step loose from the wall.

Okay.

I will allow this

to happen. These steps are extremely sturdy.

And so I'm trying to remember the term for it in 5th edition.

where an object is not invulnerable, but you have to deal a certain threshold of damage for for it to have any effect at all.

How thick is the slam?

I mean, it's like a

six-inch thick sort of

thing. Oh, okay.
I didn't realize it was so heavy. Okay.
Different idea. Okay.

I'm going to cast Cause Fear at level two.

And this is a new thing I got. Because of the curse that I had and the death mark that was on me, I'm now shadow touched.
Oh. Which was the feat that I took at my last level up.

Well, tell me what that means, Travis. It gave me some stuff.
It looks like you have some extra spells like cause, fear, and the invisibility spell prepared. Yeah, because I'm not like shadow touch.

You know, the shadow touches me. So you can cast, uh, you can cast each of these spells without expending a spell slot.
Correct. Great.

Does that, how does, but I assume it's still the same deal with the one person. So as long as cause fear.
So Travis. Unfortunately, this is a uh target a targeted spell yes

but i'm not dealing damage it's still you the the the terms of the of the challenge are are

as such that you you you cannot target a if this was like an area fear spell where you made everyone afraid in a certain range um then this might surprise you a lot of my shit is targeted spells yeah uh what if you target the darkness

Just target the space directly above them. Just like right above.

Okay, I'm going to dash up the stairs then. Okay, cool.

So you first take your first six steps of movement. The vines are going to require double.
So that's two, four, five, six, bringing you to 11.

And then...

Did Tommy and them rotate down or does it stop? They already did rotate down.

They were higher up. They moved three steps down already.
I got everyone. Don't worry.
Okay. And then you're going to keep rocking?

So now that I'm up here? Yes.

You have made it to where you are right now without dashing. Oh, okay, great.

I'm going to try to

push Claxon down the stairs. Okay, down the stairs or off of the edge of the stairs? Direction is important here.

If you want to push him, you know, down the stairs or take a tumble down the stairs, that's one thing. If you want to push him off the edge,

down over the side and downward,

you can do that. How sturdy does he look? I mean, he is a metal construct.
So, like, he looks somewhat sturdy, but also at the same time, like, maybe not the strongest.

There's a heaviness there that is suggested, but not

a strength because he is made of,

you know, kind of reedy brass piping and stuff. Oh, wait.
Actually, I want to grab the disc that Tommy is floating on. Oh, amazing.
Okay, yes, he has Tincer's floating disc.

You're going to just grab onto it. Are you skitching?

Yeah, I'm going to grab onto it. I don't know how high he is, but I want to have a hold on it.
Tincer's floating disc. Let's try to slow him down.
Yeah, that's great. Tincer's floating disc is

floats three. Oh, okay, so it floats...

Three feet above the ground. So, I mean, he's on the next step, but you are able to grab onto it.
It It can hold up to 500 pounds.

Well, if he goes, then he's taking me with him. Okay, why don't you make a

Let me think what kind of check this would be. Just to see how good a grip you can get onto this, you know, magic flying skateboard.

Can we see this going on? Yeah, I mean, you're looking. You are close enough to see this going on.

Okay. You

give me just a...

Am I in the room? He's doing all this.

If there's any babes. Okay.

we can actually only reference that

yeah you say tensor's floating disc one more time yeah sure i'm i'm

you're gonna have second virginity

tfd tfd you are able to grab onto it trav it's just a question of how much of a grip you're gonna be able to keep on it once tommy starts moving i really do like this this this move quite a bit um so give just give me a strength check just to see how how much you're able to hold on to them while this strength check is happening travis yes yes i we've referenced that thing now twice.

Have you guys ever thought about how much actual play podcasting does owe to that one? Yes, yeah. That one skit about the dangers of dungeons and dragons.

It's like it's just an expounded version of that. The entire genre is just based on this one.

Entirely. Yeah.

Okay. I got a seven, which isn't good.

It is, it's not great. It is enough for you to hold up your own way, right? So, like, Tommy Falcon on his flying board.

On his wonderful flying machine. on his wonderful flying machine

is continuing to move upward as he does.

You are able to grab onto it. If he tries to shake you off, it would not be super hard for him to do that, but

you will get a little bit of extra movement here off of Tommy's board if you so choose. I'm drafting.
Okay, cool.

Next in the order is Scorpo.

Scorpo is going to

take a shove action against the spider.

The spider is going to try to acrobat his way out of it,

which he does. He is unsuccessful.
Scorpo fails at that and is going to take his movement.

The spider is just going to punch him with his attack of opportunity here in Retribution.

And Scorpo

takes four points of bludgeoning damage.

But he moves upward. Two, four, five, six, landing on the same step as Claxon and Rictus Ravenwood.

With three of you on these higher steps, you notice that the steps kind of like emerge outward further from the wall the further down it goes.

It is kind of cramped having three people on the same step up here. Well, I mean, technically, I'm holding on to the hoverboard.
Yes, absolutely.

Next in the order is Claxon.

And you all watch as Claxon takes one step forward and on his second step forward he

places his metal foot on step number 13 here and as he does

it

turns into sand

It transmutes instantly before your eyes and Claxon just completely absentmindedly

steps forward and then falls 10 feet, coming down with a crash on the ground next to Randolph,

who looks down at him

and kind of

chuckles knowingly.

As that happens, and this trap that you're not sure when it appeared was deployed,

you see the sand reform back into a step. Claxon takes

six points of bludgeoning damage and is prone on step number three, close to the rising waters. Rhyme is actually going to

step forward towards this red exclamation point glyph. Hellgrammat and Lorovith, you are right next to Rhyme as this happens.

You watch as Rhyme puts their hands up against the glyph and you see this same kind of like magical exchange happen

where they are channeling some of their own arcane energy into this rune in the tower.

And

you see

no effect that you can tell on the tower

as they do this. But they are then going to

take a step upwards and stop on spot number nine there.

Most of the other folks here in the order are going to just try and get some distance from this water in a sort of reactionary, fearful response to watching Snugjaw be torn apart.

Tommy Falcon is going to move, and I'm going to say because this trap has been deployed,

there is not any danger really to you, Rictus. So you are going to be pulled alongside.
Tommy looks down at you and says, hey, what the hell, man?

You could at least ask first. I don't mind

giving folks

a lift, but damn. Thanks, dude.
Yeah. All right, it was kind of a panic response.
Yeah, sure. I get it.
This is scary stuff, man.

Tommy Falcon. You seem nice.

Yeah, I guess. Thank you.

He is going to

move up

to

spot number 18. I think that's as far as he's going to be able to move, actually, with you hanging on to his ass.

With that, he says,

I'm not hanging on to his ass. Yeah.

Hey, can you

will you please let go?

Oh, sure. You seem cool.
Do you let go? Yeah, yes, nice. Okay, great.

Okay, you have disengaged from the board, but you have moved up extra spaces up to spot number 18.

So...

Randolph is going to move his few spaces here. Klaxon is prone, so he can't take a sort of retaliatory attack.
But Randolph is lagging behind because he is not moving very quickly.

Hippocrates is going to move.

Do the people that he passes get opportunity attacks?

If you want to use your reaction to place an attack

or a shove or whatever against people who are moving past you, please holler and say so.

Placement on the tower again is important, right? So Hippocrates is kind of on the inside track here. You wouldn't be able to necessarily shove him off, but

Hippocrates moves up there.

and

you see Hippocrates move up to step number eight,

and then Hippocrates casts Misty Step,

is going to teleport up to 30 feet to an unoccupied space that he can see.

That doesn't mean he can go to the very top of the tower because of the way that this spiral staircase is laid out, but he is able to

Misty step basically to the spot directly above,

which is where Rictus and Tommy Falcon are placed. You see, all of a sudden,

this plague doctor just appears in a cloud of mist directly next to you.

Brings us to. Can I use my reaction to shove him? No, because he has not moved out of the space.
That is how opportunity is. I know.
I just got surprised. Yeah.

You can use

it startled. It's fight, flight, or shove.
Yeah.

Duber Sweetleaf is up next. Duber is going to go one,

two, three, four, five. Oh, God, someone's making a scary red triangle on the map.
I'll take care of it. Hey, fucking give me my triangle back, dick.

I'm trying to do measurements over here.

Duber's. Okay.
Duber Sweetleaf is

going to cast burning hands.

to shoot forth a 15-foot cone actually from the tip of his pipe.

He is actually going to do it right here and he's going to blast it towards the vines and towards Rhyme.

Rhyme is going to

fail their dexterity saving throw and is going to take quite a bit of damage here.

3d6.

Okay, nine points of fire damage. In addition, these vines that have been covering the stairs are burned away as Duper Sweetleaf melts them with his powerful magics.

So those vines are now gone. Okay, next in the order is the spider.
The spider? Get this. Cast spider climb.
Jumps onto the pillar.

Starts to climb straight, uh, straight upward.

Now, it's not like a great solution because he can't climb upward through the stairs, but he is able to sort of like climb clockwise around the tower, not stepping on any of the.

I think he saw what happened to Klaxon and is like, fuck that so he's just he's just not gonna go on the steps anymore so he's just kind of like holding on to the wall here at step number 12 uh moving us to loraveth

your turn uh all right i'm gonna bound up as many stairs as i can okay

uh one

two three

when i pass step seven i whisper close your eyes okay you used to pass by duber sweetleaf and randolph warning them to close their eyes step eight step nine,

you are, as you land on the same step as Rhyme,

they look at you and just through their like, give me an insight check, actually.

Okay.

Four.

They look at you in a somewhat sort of inscrutable manner.

Last time you saw Rhyme, it was when you killed all of Rhyme's friends

or led to the

sometimes accidental deaths of Rhyme's friends

in the trial of abjuration. You know there's beef there, but Rhyme is giving you a look that you cannot quite interpret.
Okay.

You still have movement.

You were on step five, so you can keep rocking up if you want to.

Okay.

I look at Rhyme and Rhyme looks at me and I say, Watch this.

I keep going up. Okay.

Make a dexterity saving throw for me, please. please.
Okay.

No, it's a natural 20. Holy shit.

You are a very, very fortunate man, Justin. With that natural 20, you take a step forwards onto step number 10.
As you place... Griffin, if there's one thing I believe, it's this.

Gary loves a bold player. Gary does love a bold player.
Gary loves a bold player. That's true.
As you take a step forward, you feel...

And it is, I think, of your mountaineering nature, right?

You know how to scale craggy cliffs. You know what it feels like when your footfall doesn't land exactly

how you expected it to. You take a step forward instantly.

As soon as your foot touches the surface of this step, you realize something is wrong and you do not allow yourself to fall through as it also disintegrates into quicksand beneath your feet.

Instead, you go into a controlled fall using your tremendous height to reach forward and catch yourself on step number 11 and in a physics-defying forward roll, you step directly over the trapped stair that Rhyme had set for you.

Instantly,

the neurons fire and you connect that Rhyme was pretty excited for you to take a step onto this step number 10 where they had channeled this trap.

However, you foil their plan and you hear a scream of impotent rage coming from behind Rhyme's mask as you land safely next to Scorpo. It is still your move action.

Actually, that is the end of your move action. You have your regular action.
Instantly, the step reforms and step number 10 is returned to its normal state.

So what step number 1? You are on step number 11 next to Scorpo. Rhyme is still on step number 9.
You have your action. You could dash or do whatever else you would like.
It's your prerogative.

I'm having trouble. This has become a three-dimensional.
Yes, we're playing hype. I'm trying to solve.
Yeah.

Okay, here's what I'm going to do. I'm just going to tell you what I'm going to do.
I'm going to do a...

What I'm doing, Griff,

is I'm going to cast Color Spray. Oh, cool.
What does Color Spray do? You launch a dazzling array of flashing, colorful light.

Each creature in a 15-foot cone originating from you must succeed on a constitution saving throw or have the blinded condition until the end of your next turn.

Okay, so you're just aiming this squarely at Rhyme. Are you trying to catch Scorpo in it? Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm trying to catch the highest number of people possible, but I can't do those calculations when I'm splitting

it with, you know what I mean? Ryan, I feel you. So there's an artificial split in our diagram.
Yes. So you can see...
Rhyme is two steps below you, right? You are, you are essentially here.

but like 10 feet up, right? So like you could see Rhyme very clearly. They are just two steps behind you.

You could aim this at Rhyme. You could also hit Scorpo with it.

These three Tommy Falcon, Hippocrates, Rictus, they are all, you know, way fairly high up above you.

So with your 15-foot cone, you could get Scorpo and Rhyme or Scorpo and Spider.

And that is pretty much

all you can get.

Yeah, well, if that's the situation, I've changed my mind and the cone instead is going to be one of burning hands. Okay, great.

And I'm going to cast a 15-foot cone just at Rhyme. Yeah, cool.
And Rhyme's got to do a dexterity saving throw. Yeah, again, Rhyme is going to roll dexterity saving.
And I'm going to cast...

And now, since we can only cast it...

Are we doing spell levels or slots or is it one per like casting? So yes, we still do. Yes, if you want to cast it at a higher level, you can absolutely do that.

But it is still like your only use of burning hands that you have available. Gotcha.
Well, I'm going to keep it at a first level then. Okay.

Cool. They rolled a two on their

dexterity setup, so that's not going to hit.

And

that's

six damage. Okay, Rhyme already took some damage from Duber Sweetleaf's spell,

which looked quite similar to the Burning Hands you just cast. Obviously, there was like...

A different kind of like visual effect to it. It wasn't like explicitly the same exact thing.
Rhyme is bloodied.

Rhyme is having a

very, very difficult time now getting up these stairs.

Okay. And that brings us to Hellgrammet.
How big are the steps, dimension-wise? I mean...

Yeah, I mean, they are, you know, roughly four feet across, and then moving from one step to another is maybe like one foot of height total.

So the steps are like six inches high, about four feet across. Okay.

Hellgrammat's going to use his motion to get as far as he can. Okay.

So that moves you up to step number 11 with Loraveth and Scorpo. Okay.
That's just your move.

And

he is going to

cast

obscure object.

An object you can see within range becomes invisible until the spell ends. The object can be no longer than a five-foot cube and it can't be worn by a creature.

So

basically what he's doing is I want him to cast it on 10

and

11.

Okay, so the object can be no longer larger than a five foot cube. I think you can get one step with this, right? If it's in a five A five foot cube would would get you one step.

Also, like these steps are separate objects technically. Um, okay.
So, if you, you are, you're more than welcome to do that. Denny's just going to cast it on 10 to make 10 invisible.
Uh, okay, weird.

Awesome. Cool.
Uh, instantly, Rhyme looks in front of them. Rhyme, who is kind of like looking a little bit worse for wear, looks down at 10 and then looks at sort of the gulf above you all and

looks very, very nervous about this, this sudden development. Okay, that's okay.

Okay, cool. That brings us back to the top of the order.

With that, the waters are going to rise once again.

Aww.

Goodbye, Claxo. Step two has been overtaken by water, and everybody is going to be pulled down three steps.

As that happens,

Randolph, Duber Sweetleeve, go down, Rhyme goes down,

Scorpo and Lorave,

and Hellgrammet go down. 12, down to 12.
Now, spiders on the wall. Oh, you're so right, Travis.
Where was he? He was on 12. Yeah, so he does not move at all.

Thank you so much for clocking that, Travis.

Hippocrates, Rictus, Tommy, down to 15.

Okay, everyone moves down. The waters rise up.
And Claxon, who was prone on step three after falling through the trap set by Randolph, is pulled down under the waters.

And immediately you see these eels converge on Claxon.

Claxon being a kind of metallic construct, you see the eels maybe don't exactly know what to do with him but they are still going to swarm and attack him anyway.

He takes

17 points of damage and

for a moment you see just kind of like these this loose machinery floating in the water. You think like, oh damn, that's just scrap.

And then you see, fucking Terminator 2 style, a single metallic hand punch its way out of the eel pile as Claxon drags himself up onto step number three,

leaking oil, making horrible grinding noises as half of his machinery he leaves behind him floating in the water as the stairs continue to turn ever downward.

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