A Classic Josh-Vs.-Lamar Battle, the Week 1 Panic Meter, Guess the Lines and Parent Corner With Cousin Sal

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

As fun as it is to chat about life's problems with friends, it's not always helpful, especially when you're looking for guidance on relationships, anxiety, or depression.

Instead, try talking to a therapist for BetterHelp.

They can match you with a fully licensed therapist and get you the answers you need.

As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise.

Find the one with BetterHelp.

Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/slash Bill Simmons.

That's my name.

That's betterhelp.com/slash Bill Simmons.

The Bill Simmons podcast brought to you by FanDuel Sportsbook.

We're also brought to you by the Ringer Podcast Network, where I have a new rewatchables coming for you on Monday night.

We did Legend of Billie Gene, 40th anniversary of an absolute cable classic.

It was on all the time in the mid-80s.

Chris Ryan and I broke it down.

It's a one for us because it's the first week of football season.

We figured we could sneak it in.

Also, on the Prestige TV podcast, there's a great new show on HBO called Task.

And me and Mallory, I'm sorry, me and Joanna Robinson and Rob Mahoney.

Mallory's not on it, but the other two are.

And we're breaking down Task on Sunday nights right after the episode goes up on HBO.

You can listen to our recap episode about it.

So the first one's up every Sunday night.

We'll be doing that.

And it's an awesome show.

I highly, highly, highly recommend it.

I recommend all of our ringer podcasts, obviously.

Football season.

This is our time.

Basketball's coming.

Pop culture is in full swing.

And

we're excited to serve all kinds of content.

I would highly encourage you to check out our two, one's a relatively new college football podcast.

The other is brand new, the Ringer Tailgate with Van and Joel and Tate.

And then Todd McShay's podcast, just a staple, has already turned into an awesome podcast for us.

So they're going live on YouTube on Saturday on Stagger Times.

Tailgate is first and then and then McShea is after that.

And then last but not least, the Ringer Sunday pregame.

We launched that today too on our YouTube channel.

So subscribe to Ringer Gambling on YouTube and all of our stuff is on YouTube and on Spotify video as well.

Coming up, week one, cousin Sal.

We're back, baby.

Let's take a break.

Let's bring in Pro Jam and then the cuz.

It's the Bill Simmons podcast presented by Fando and the NFL is back and thank God Fando has everything.

They got an awesome app.

They have SGPs.

They have great futures.

They have good prop bets, live betting, your way bets.

Clean app.

It's great to use.

Been using it for a few years.

Every time I go back to Boston or any place that has Fando and I get to use it, I'm always excited.

I'm on an airplane runway.

Have you done the airplay runway?

Yes.

Oh,

airplane runway.

There should be a button, the runway button.

I'm on the airplane runway.

I got to get this in.

Get your bets in.

Build something bold.

Make every game feel bigger.

Download the Fando app or head to Fando.com slash BS to get started.

The Ringer, committed to responsible gaming.

Please visit rg-help.com to learn more about the resources and helplines available and listen to the end of this episode for additional details.

You must be 21 plus in president select states or 18 plus in president in DC, Kentucky, or Wyoming.

Gamble problem, call 1-800-GAMBLE or visit rg-help.com.

Call 1-88-789-777 or visit ccpg.org/slash chat in Connecticut.

Paid endorsement.

All right, we are recording right after Bills Ravens.

It is 8.42 Pacific time.

I'm just traumatized by that game, Cousin Sal.

I had Ravens minus one and a half.

I had it in the Ringer 107, had it in real life.

I marked it up to win.

Bills fans leaving the stadium.

Ravens, I think, had at least 10, 20-plus yard plays.

And yet again, they proved why they are the Harden Rockets.

It all looks great.

Lots of stats, lots of points.

And yet you can't trust them in moments like this.

I'm sure it'll be fine.

We'll forget this game 15 weeks from now, but better win for the Bills or worse loss for the Ravens?

I think it's a worst loss for the Ravens.

I feel like for the first two and a half hours,

maybe I'm wrong.

They seem focused on, all right, we're not fucking around.

We're going to get the one seed and we know what to do with it this year, right?

And we're light years ahead.

That's a more depressing thing.

I watched these two teams.

I'm like, holy shit, these teams are so much better than the team I root for.

But

it's true.

No, but honestly, why are we betting these guys?

I might not bet the Sunday night game anyway, just because I'm on with you afterwards and this should be a pleasant thing.

But to bet Baltimore, Buffalo, I think it's like, why are we doing this to ourselves?

We're just, it's going to be a classic.

It's going to be one tiptoe inbounds or not.

We're just, it's like going to a Michelin star restaurant and like, and like doing, uh, loading up on gummies ahead of time.

Like, no, let's enjoy the, the great meals.

Yeah, but they rope it up this on this one because this game was done.

The Ravens were scoring every time they had the ball.

The fans were leaving for a reason.

I was, I called house halfway through the fourth quarter to talk about our ringer 107.

I'm like, well, two and two.

I'm really mad at the Falcons.

We should be three and one.

Like, I just didn't see a scenario where if the Ravens had the ball with a lead, they weren't going to be able to put the way the game.

The Bills have that weird, awkward drive midway through the fourth quarter, near the end of it.

Ravens get it back, fumble.

Now all of a sudden, it's like, oh,

what happened?

And then the Ravens had just an awful three and out

in the last two and a half minutes of the game where it's like, just use Lamar, use Derrick Henry, just use your assets.

They haven't stopped it all day.

And I thought they played scared and conservatively, but

I just, this Lamar versus Josh, I was thinking about it during the game.

This is the best possible football game we can have in 2022, 2025 with these two guys.

There is no better matchup.

There are no two players I'd rather see play each other.

And it's weird to shove Mahomes to the side when he's won three Super Bowls and he's allegedly the face of the league.

But I just think this is the marquee matchup from an entertainment standpoint.

Am I correct?

You're correct.

It has to be.

The Chiefs are not the team that scores 40.

Not that, you know, some people don't like the 40-40 games, but I loved it.

I enjoyed it.

We saw the two best players going at it

at the highest level.

But Mahomes and the Chiefs aren't there anymore.

I don't think they have been in like four years where they could score in the 40s consistently, but it was such a great one.

And I just feel like.

we're idiots for having so much riding on it.

Like there should be something, though, but something.

All right, if we're going to bet it and we have all the- It's like betting Canillo Crawford next week.

Like you have to bet it.

It's the the two best quarterbacks.

But can we hook up some device that buzzes our neck hard if

we can cash in at 15 to 1 on live odds on the freaking bills?

Yeah, we should have to be able to do that.

But a great game.

It was unfortunate with Henry because he dominated and then

that's the big fumble and that's what everyone's going to talk about.

But yeah, you don't want to give any, either of these quarterbacks the ball last.

That punt, did you have a problem with that punt on fourth and three?

Like, I thought it was weird.

I mean, what are they going to do?

They're going to go for that?

Then you don't get it, and you're basically handing them the game.

But maybe you get it back is the thing.

Like, you've seen them score.

There's 80 points.

Like,

it's rained the last three weeks.

Bring a freaking umbrella.

Like, you know, they're going to score again

if you don't wind that clock out.

I don't know.

Yeah, I guess.

So the Bills defense, I just thought, got crushed all night.

It was embarrassing.

Like, they were just giving up big plays all over the place.

And it almost seemed like the Ravens couldn't decide which big play to go for.

I thought Allen was spectacular.

I thought the Ravens defense was better than the Bills' defense in this game.

And Allen just made a couple of awesome throws.

And when they had the all 22 behind him camera for some of the throws, this is why a month ago, when I was like, I know he doesn't have the resume yet, but I just, I find it hard to believe there's a better quarterback than than Josh right now.

And he kind of needed this one.

I think, you know, because if the Ravens come back and they flip what happened happened last year in the playoff game, the Bills defense has all these questions.

And it's like, ah, same old, same old with the Bills.

They're going to go 12 and five or 13 and four in a crappy division.

And I'm still not going to trust their infrastructure and their coaching and all these other things.

But now they can say, no, no, it's different this year.

Remember when we came back?

And then if you're the Ravens, it's like, we did this last year.

And then we won like 10, 11 in a row.

Like nobody loses dumber games in the fourth quarter than the Ravens.

And I guess I got to take some accountability because on our Ringer 107 chat, I was doing all the records and I had House and I had two and two.

And all of a sudden, the Bills scored again and it was a one-score game.

And people are like,

I'm like, no, you're fine.

The Ravens stopped the Ravens all game.

I'll take some accountability.

It was a rookie mistake for me in my mid-50s.

I think all, I think, I think actually Collinsworth was blaming you after the game.

Bill, just shut your mouth and watch history.

Come on.

Who needs to hear from you right now?

I just want to spoon with these two quarterbacks at halftime.

Is that against the rules?

I was thinking the Collinsworth tackle scale.

Yeah.

Lamar's a 10, and Josh is like a nine and a half.

And I think Mahomes is probably a nine because Lamar had that crazy scramble when he almost got.

I feel like he does this once a game on national TV.

The I almost get sacked twice.

I do the whirly burl.

All of a sudden, I'm running.

And he, I think they said in next-gen stats, he traveled 76 yards.

But as he was doing it, if you rewind it, you can hear Collinsworth like, oh,

he's just like Ed McMahon.

He wasn't even

like, yeah, he's just running.

He's just running.

And then Henry was like, oh, I'm like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

But those, both of those guys, they were just, especially when you're watching all the games all day and they're just so clearly above all these other guys we watched all day, you know?

Definitely, definitely some of those quarterbacks at 1 p.m.

on the East Coast.

Yeah.

And so many times you thought the Bills were done, right?

Between the two guys just running faster than anybody, Lamar and Henry.

And then DeAndre's making these one-handed catches.

It's like, well, that's unfair.

That's going to be, he's 32, 33.

He's going to bring that in.

Like, that's who the hell's even going to come close to stopping this team.

But that's, they have some grit, man.

The Bills to be able to come back from that when everybody in the world thought they were done.

To be able to come back from their fans walking out.

They ended up with almost 500 yards of offense: 497

and 389 passing.

Meanwhile, the Baltimore had 194 passing,

238 rushing.

And I swear they had 10, 20-plus plays.

The Buffalo had 29 first downs.

Do you see if you had to bet right now, I could give you an over-under of one,

and you could bet the push of these two teams in the AFC title game, would you go zero, one, or two?

What the hell am I answering here?

Oh, how many of the teams?

Oh, I see.

Ravens Bills.

Sorry to be making confusing.

I'll give you zero, one, or two.

Yeah, I'll go two.

Both are in.

Yeah, I mean, all right.

I think the Chiefs now fall back a little bit.

I'm going to say one.

I think one of them makes it, one of them doesn't.

Yeah.

But then who jumps in?

Oh, so then the Chiefs would have to upset.

It really would be an upset at this point, I think, if these guys are playing like this.

Chargers, maybe the Chargers after what we saw in Brazil.

I don't know.

Oh, Scott.

You know what's interesting?

I looked at the MVP 20 minutes ago.

It was Lamar 3-1, Allen plus 500.

Now it's Allen plus 380, Lamar plus 550.

And Henry Fandel?

This is on Fandel.

And Henry, 125-1.

He was 65-1 20 minutes ago.

Just that fumble killed him?

Yeah, that was it.

Was Daniel Jones on there or no?

No, but can he win comeback player?

I don't know.

Baker's 33 to 1.

Jordan Lovedown to 12 to 1.

Remember, we were talking about that when that was

25 to 1.

I had another unbelievable one.

so in fantasy in the league that we care about the knockout league right that uh we have a lot of drama that we got to talk about um oh yeah a little bit later um

i had james cook going against the bills defense and i'm down like 20 plus points to our friend the mook

and the the fantasy site we use has me as a 1% chance of winning for two hours.

Meanwhile, James Cook has a touchdown.

He has 18 points.

The Bills defense has nothing.

And I'm six back with that last TD drive.

And they still have me at 1%.

I'm like, update the site, you motherfuckers.

And then Cook gets stuffed at like the half-inch line.

And that's been the story of me in fantasy football for 18 years, not to mention gambling losing this game.

So sorry.

I don't think the guru watches the games.

It's like, hey, the defense is playing with seven players.

Cook should not be at 1% on their guru is definitely AI.

So the other thing we had were the unders today were 11-1 before this game.

And the two games that went over went spectacularly over, this game and the bizarre Jets Steelers game.

And then everything else went under.

And that's where I feel like, yeah, but we always know this.

This is where you and I need to be smarter.

It's like the offensive lines are the latest to gel, right?

Why aren't we betting unders?

Like, just, all right, if we lose, whatever.

And then we can move on to a different narrative.

But yeah, it was so mad.

I did tell you that Steelers, Jets, I didn't think they'd be, I didn't think Rodgers was doing for four touchdowns, but I thought that was a four-box game.

Ended up being a great one.

Yeah, you did call that one.

I got to hand it to you.

So the Bills, that was their first win by 15-plus in the fourth quarter in the regular season since 1967,

before either of us were alive.

Right.

Memorable game.

I picked the Bills to win the Super Bowl, to beat the Green Bay Packers.

Did you have them in the Super Bowl or not?

I have them beating the Buccaneers, so I'll stick with it.

I'll stick with it.

So weirdly, it was a loss for us with the Ravens today, but a win for us long term.

And I think the Bills, I'd be shocked if they didn't sign Jabril Peppers, who the Patriots inexplicably waived last week and then probably needed today.

But

I just think they're going to keep throwing bodies at

that safety issue and try to figure it out.

Listen, we're excited and rightfully so about this game, but the Ravens beat them in the regular season, right?

And then the Bills beat them in the playoffs.

So you can only put too much weight on September 7th.

Usually when a fan shoves the

player on another team and then the star player on that team shoves the fan back and we have like a stands altercation.

The karma of that usually sinks the fan base.

Right.

It's the opposite.

Seemed like it ignited the bills.

Yeah.

Lamar shoved one of our guys.

We don't know some drunk idiot, probably.

I don't know if he was drunk or just crazy, leaning over.

Way to get involved.

He's going to catch up.

He's going to get like 14 signed balls now because of it.

Yeah, you think he'll be victimized somehow?

Oh, sure.

Yeah.

Where'd you have in the Phillies lady?

What'd you have in that whole thing?

That was too harsh for her?

Was that too harsh?

Yeah.

You know, I don't know.

I go

like three aunts who would do that.

Yeah, I know, I know.

But it's like, we're gonna find out where she lives.

We're gonna, she's never gonna work another day again.

It's like, all right, she, she was in the moment, she got caught up and thought the ball was hers.

Probably shouldn't have left her seat, but you know, people do dumb things.

Philly's fan, too.

Yeah, yeah, Philly's fan.

Any other Ravens Bills takes?

Not really.

I just, I mean,

again, you seem distraught.

As we get distraught, I lost a lot of money, Sal.

money.

I was on the 107.

We had the Ravens as well.

And

that third part of it, what I said earlier, that my team is never going to be even close to that good.

Yeah.

You were either, by the way.

We'll talk about it.

The AFCs, that was their only win today.

The Bill Simmons podcast is brought to you by Fanduel.

Football fans, week one.

Not over yet.

FanDuel, still the best place to keep celebrating because they're giving all customers a no-sweat NFL bet on tonight's game for the money line to player props, same game parlays whatever you want your no sweat bet could be used on any NFL wager type and if it doesn't win you'll get bonus bets back so we got Bears hosting the Vikings a Monday night game I think the Bears are going to win I would I would uh probably if I was doing a same game parlay I would probably do something with uh a Caleb TD maybe Roma Dunes why not um

Bears to win.

I don't know, put it together, but I think the Bears are going to win on Monday night.

Visit fando.com slash BS to kick off your NFL season with a no-sweat bet every game day during week one.

Make FanDuel your go-to app for all of this stuff, by the way.

Play your game with Fanduel, an official sports betting partner of the NFL.

Must be 21-plus president in select states or 18-plus president in D.C., Kentucky, or Wyoming.

Opt-in required, refund issue as non-withdrawable bonus bets that expire seven days after receipt.

Max refund unless otherwise specified $5.

Restrictions apply, including token expiration.

C terms at sportsbook.fano.com.

Again, problem, call 1-800-gambler or visit rg-help.com call 1-88-79-7777 or visit ccpg.org slash chat in connecticut this episode is brought to you by linkedin as a small business owner you don't have the luxury of clocking out early your business is on your mind 24 seven so when you're hiring you need a partner that works just as hard as you do that hiring partner is linkedin jobs When you clock out, LinkedIn clocks in.

LinkedIn's new feature can help you write job descriptions and then quickly get your job in front of the right people with deep candidate insights.

Nice.

At the end of the day, the most important thing to your small business is the quality of candidates.

And with LinkedIn, you can feel confident you're getting the best.

You can even add a hashtag hiring frame to your profile picture and get two times more qualified candidates.

Post your job for free at linkedin.com/slash Simmons.

Terms and conditions apply.

Week one panic rankings.

I'm just going to throw some things out at you.

You tell me what the number is from a zero to 10.

We got to start with the Dolphins.

They got absolutely demolished.

I think the halftime, the yardage was like Indy had 270 or something like that, and Miami had like 44.

Tua looked atrocious.

Daniel Jones, his career was rejuvenated to the point that there's now comeback player of the year action on him.

Indy statistically had the best offense, I think, of week one heading into this game.

And then the Bills, Ravens demolished him.

But you and I, neither neither of us like Miami heading into the season.

And I think the over-under landed at seven and a half.

I bet it multiple times.

I have them alt under five and a half.

I just thought they were going to suck.

And guess what?

They sucked.

I don't know if it's going to last, but they suck today.

I think you nailed it.

I would be careful because they have your team next week.

So maybe don't say too much.

But seven and a half to Panic Meter, we're picking a number or goes to the next one.

I mean, I got a 10 on Miami.

I think seven and a half is a good number for that, too.

Yeah, I would say eight because their defense is way worse than I thought, too.

I mean, Tua could throw the picks and we could point and laugh at that stuff.

That's going to happen, I guess.

But the Colts, this is a weird stat.

The Colts had seven drives the whole game and scored on every one of them.

And that's never happened or that hasn't happened like 70 years.

Like, how do you have seven drives?

You have three drives, one half, one and a half.

You had three drives.

They had a couple long ones.

They had

there was interceptions where they got the ball in Miami Territory.

And then, I don't know, a lot of clock killing.

39-21 time of possession.

So, I mean, that's pretty dominant, but good job.

I mean, that guy,

if they don't fire him,

is it Halloween?

Do we have a name for that?

Like, can you get to Halloween?

I was going to

ask you this.

We lost the clapper.

Sadly, we didn't really lose him because he's on NBC and we have to watch him on television.

We have to watch him fill during a rain delay.

We lost coach middle seat.

We need a new kind of coach whipping boy with a nickname, and obviously, it should be Mike McDaniel.

Um,

possible nicknames for him: Mike McWeirdo,

Coach One Day Closer to Death, because that was a quote from his.

Mike McDonough.

I don't know.

What do we want to call him?

Do we, or maybe we let the listeners come up with it or people in the YouTube chat?

What we gotta, it's gotta be on the par of the clapper and coach middle seat.

And I don't know.

I do, I don't mind coach one day closer to death.

That's pretty good.

That's pretty good.

I'd I'd like to hit the nerd angle a little if someone's thinking about it.

I can't.

What's the

coach McDungeons and Dragons?

I don't know.

He's very, I don't know what he's, I don't know what his thing would be, but he's more annoying.

You know, if you're a tough coach.

Coach McDungeons?

Oh, that's good.

Coach McDungeons.

I don't know.

The clapper, that shout out to Lombardi.

I don't know if we're ever

popping the clacker.

I do.

I don't mind Coach One Day Closer to Death because he's also

closer now.

Oh, now I know what it is.

He's closer to first coach fire.

Yeah, he had that quote.

Yeah.

Yeah.

When he was like kind of shaking off a bad practice and said, we're all one day closer to death.

Coach death.

That might be it.

The other achievement they did.

So I had them in the multi-view,

knocked them out like halfway through the second quarter.

I don't ever remember a week one.

You need to go.

Here, here's the door.

Here are the keys to your car.

The valet's pulling car up.

Please leave.

Just knocked out, never to be seen again because we had eight games in the early games.

Had to get them out.

Next week, we have nine.

One day, FanDool's going to have odds on how long it takes for you to knock a certain game out of your four box.

Oh, yeah, it would be great.

Like, oh, I thought it was going to be Pittsburgh Jets.

I thought would have been over under 50 minutes, just like a slug fest six to three

fourth quarter.

And it actually was entertaining, as you said.

Week one panic ranking.

So I'm going to go, I'm going higher than you.

I'm going nine and a half for Miami because

defensive backs, terrible.

Offensive line didn't look good.

Tua, I don't know.

And then the coaching thing and just the general malaise, but they do, they are getting the pats who seem like a mess against the Raiders.

My son looked, there was a shot of Tyreek Hill like just convulsing on the sideline.

He's like, oh, he's crashing out.

That's a big thing with the kids crashing out.

I was like, what's that bad?

Is that sneaking?

Yeah, is I have the medical thing?

Should he really be?

It's like, no, no, he'll be all right.

He's just crashing out.

Like, oh, he's having like a little tantrum.

That's good.

So he'll demand the trade in three weeks.

So old, crashing out.

Yeah, crashing out.

Okay.

Week one paint and crackings.

Kansas City's AFC West dominance.

So they're in last place for the first time since like 1998.

It's interesting.

Vegas looked good.

We're going to talk about that game later.

Vegas's offense looked good, and I was pretty impressed by them in general.

The Bowers did get hurt.

The Chargers were awesome on Friday in Brazil.

Excellent.

And then And then Denver turned the ball over four times at home and somehow still won by eight.

Casey's AFC West run,

do you still think they win the division?

And is that a panic yet?

I'm going to stay with it.

I'm going to say a five panic, but that could jump to a seven if they lose to the Eagles.

I know it's not a division game, but yeah, they could be in a little bit of trouble.

I mean, Worthy's, it's a giant loss.

They're not moving the ball.

Like I said, you're not going to count on Kelsey for, you know, three touchdowns every two weeks or anything.

Well, Kelsey with the friendly fire, just annihilating Worthy wasn't a great way to start the game.

Also wasn't great in our guillotine league for

our publicist, Louis Kay,

who I think is getting bounced, who got one play out of Xavier Worthy, and that was it for him.

Yeah, that's bad news.

I'm in another league with someone at Worthy and A.J.

Brown.

So it was like a zeros across, a one across the board.

Yeah, Chiefs are plus 170.

What were they?

There was like a pick on the battle.

Yeah, they were like minus 110.

So they're plus 170 on Fanduel.

Chargers are plus 190.

Broncos are plus 260.

So they were around 300 to 330 all year.

Now that's plus 260.

And then the Raiders are nine to one.

That Chiefs plus 170.

That has to be the highest it's been since they've had Mahomes.

There can't be any other situation where they haven't been minus 110 or higher.

That year they went on the road, they still won the division, right?

Yeah, they always win the division.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Plus 170 is giant.

Well, I'll tell you,

oh, uh, would you want to talk about that game now really quick?

Sure, why not?

Friday Brazil.

First of all, I'm never betting on the Brazil game again.

So good luck to the rest of the Brazil games.

I just think we're two in a row.

Just that, like, just put that game over there.

It's just basically on crack.

Herbert was incredible.

That was the best game I've ever seen him play.

And I know

I've been in the camp of, all right, can he at least earn it before we call him a top seven QB?

And the nerds love him.

And it's been this whole thing.

And the nerds have always been about the potential of him and the efficiency versus the actual results and stuff like getting his ass kicked in the playoffs last year.

He fucking crushed the Chiefs in that game.

That was one thing.

The Chiefs defense, I thought, looked really wobbly.

And then same stuff with

Chiefs' offense where the explosive plays seemed just really hard for them.

Now, Worthy went out early,

but

they remind me of the Pats after the 07, but kind of between the two eras before they got it going again, when they were in that kind of weird trying to figure out who they were and the infrastructure was there and they still had the QB, but it was obviously a transition from one era to another.

And I just wonder what the ceiling for them is.

I didn't think they were impressive at all.

No, they weren't.

But so the ceiling is, are they 11-0 and one score games, you know, going forward?

Because that's what they were last year.

They're 0-1, right?

0-1.

But

you know, what do we expect?

Like, is this going to be a team that hangs on and makes you pay in the end?

I mean, it didn't look like, they looked like they were dominant, like you said.

Like, Herbert, like, we've seen, well, how many quarterbacks have we seen in our life?

Like, 73,000?

I don't know.

But when he's hopping around in the pocket

and he has time, I get like Dan Marino vibes.

I'm like, he's going to complete this pass.

I don't know where it's going.

And now I feel like he's comfortable.

Like, he had eight different pass catchers on Friday, whatever day it was.

And Quentin Johnston looks like a serious player now.

So it's kind of like a different offense.

He was killing them on third and longs, which are usually where the Chiefs would dial up some Spagnolo, something.

It wasn't working in that game.

And

the other thing, we talked about this when we did the preseason thing about Slater going out and how they were equipped to replace that better than the Norman League because they could move Joe Walt over, which still made them weaker.

But they did have Joe Walt, who was like the sixth pick in the draft two years ago.

And by all accounts, I mean, he was awesome in the game, but then the advanced metrics of like, he was 0 for 44

when you tried to pressure him, like he just completely dominated whoever he was going against.

Right.

There's a little nobody believes in us too that I considered.

I shorted them.

I went against them for the playoffs, but everybody had either Denver or Casey in that division.

Everybody had them going backwards, the Slater injury, but I thought they had a little oomph to them in that game.

Well, first of all, I think we overvalue or overrate or don't know how to analyze offensive line injuries.

Like that Vera Tucker guy goes out for the Jets and he's obviously their best lineman and they're still scoring

matter.

They're still tackling the Falcons.

They're still moving the buttons.

Right.

Like, so just maybe ignore it.

I know it could be a disaster if two or three of these guys go out, but I don't know if it's nobody believes in us, but it might just be nobody roots for us.

Like nobody roots for us like they do in Brazil.

Yeah.

And so now it's because I feel like people love the Chargers.

They want the Chargers to win.

They want the Bengals to win.

These are teams that disappoint over and over over and over for one reason or another

what do you got for the ravens on the panic scale i mean they've been here they've literally been here before

no that's a good team that that's a that's a great team i i don't i mean what what are they gonna they're not gonna win the division you know like you saw cincinnati you thought was better than that pittsburgh fine with about eight minutes left in that game The lead of this podcast would have been, holy shit, Baltimore is head and shoulders above every team in the league.

Right.

And this is what they did multiple times last year, where they would play these.

That's why the Hard and Rockets analogy is so perfect for them.

Hit a million threes, and then the game gets tight, and all of a sudden, those threes, it gets a little tighter.

I'm not worried about them.

I'm a two.

I'm a two.

It's a dumb loss, and nobody will remember it happened eight weeks from now.

Right.

It's way more important for Buffalo.

The Bryce Young bandwagon, he was bad.

Yeah.

He was bad.

And that was a weird game because there was like a very strange

lightning delay.

Yeah.

It was like three to three for a while.

Then it was 10-3.

There was a lightning delay.

Travis Etienne ran for 71 yards, took him down inside like the 20.

All of a sudden, it was 17-3.

And Bryce Young, two picks, a fumble.

He had a pick six that got saved by a Jacksonville penalty called back.

On the other side of the field, and then he follows it up with a touchdown.

So his stats would have looked a lot worse than that.

And then the other one he had, which really should be, there should be a way to keep track of this.

Fourth and goal

throws it out of the end zone.

That should almost be a turnover.

If you're not, instead of throwing it out of the end zone, just lob it into a group of people and hope it gets batted around or something.

Like, you know, it's not going to work, throwing it in the end zone.

So I just thought he was awful.

And I didn't really understand the Bryce Young.

I mean, it was nice that he wasn't a bust last year because he played better, but it wasn't like, oh, here comes Bryce Young.

Like he was okay second half of last year compared to what we thought he was going to be, but he was bad today.

I think he took him to overtime like three times or something.

It's a little overblown how great he was towards the end of the year, but it's a bad sign that they got Andy Dalton a driver,

the team, which means they're looking to put him in anytime soon.

They got him a Waymo.

Yeah.

24-hour Waymo.

It's like Secret Service protection with quarterback, but just when it comes to driving.

The Bryce on bandwagon, I'm going to put at a solid seven.

Yeah, that's good.

Okay.

I'll go seven.

How about the Detroit Lions offense without Ben Johnson?

What do you got for that?

No, I'm going four here.

I don't know why.

I mean, isn't that to be expected that they're out of sorts a little on the offense without a great coordinator?

And the athletes are good enough that they'll eventually catch up.

You forget, like these guys, the dumb thing is a lot of these guys didn't play in preseason, right?

Yeah.

So if you lose a coordinator and you don't play in preseason, that first game is going to suck.

I mean, you had the Packers, right?

I did.

I thought the Lions offensive line was pretty sketchy in that game.

And that game was not as close as the final score.

The game felt like it was over for an hour and a half.

And at one point, it was like 23-3, 26-3, something like that.

I'm more worried about the Detroit offense than you.

I think that Ben Johnson,

they were kind of just had an overqualified coaching staff, and now they they have a normal coaching staff on top of not having as good on an offensive line, which was one of the reasons to go under with them.

So, I'm probably like a six with that.

I think Gibbs had 10 receptions for 31 yards or something.

Like, they

that's enough.

We've saw like five stats that never existed before, and that's that's one that's oh man, they were trying so hard to get him going.

Yeah, uh, next one for the Payne-Grant Kings, Bo Nick's fantasy owners.

Yeah,

he was he wasn't a top five fantasy QB, but he was like kind of right there, like, oh, if I can get Bo Nicks, I'm good.

Yeah.

He was awful in that Tennessee game, like really bad.

And the Broncos in general, the offense was alarmingly bad.

But I thought he was like bad.

This was the Bo Nicks we were worried about when he was coming out of college.

So I'm going to be,

I'm at least a five for my Super Bowl

fringe contender, Broncos hopes that I had and then win the division, all that stuff.

I'll put it at a five also.

He was not good today at all.

Probably could have had like four interceptions.

He calls his own number a lot.

He runs his way out of like bad situations.

So that's good.

And he threw a dime.

The touchdown pass was

very solid.

But yeah, for the first half, it looked like he was the rookie and,

you know,

Cam Ward was the second year quarterback, kind of like Caleb Williams versus Will Levis game one last year.

But it picked up.

That game had, and we all stamped it out.

We knew with Survivor.

We knew with teases and parlays.

That game had all the makings.

And Denver did everything they could to try, but the Titans offensively just, they had no chance against that Broncos defense.

They couldn't move the ball.

I think that was the NFL Eliminator Gods putting their hand on our shoulders and be like, hey, guys, it's not going to be easy this year.

Don't think you're going to.

We had that.

We had Arizona against New Orleans, New Orleans driving at the end.

And then we had that ridiculous Cleveland, Cincinnati game.

Next for the panic rankings.

The look on another person's face as you tell them, I think I'm going to bet the Falcons at home.

What are your thoughts?

Because for me, it needs to be intervention, like TV intervention style.

It's like the first of a one-hour show in the 90s where somebody knocks on the character's door and it's like, hey, can you come over to Bobby's house?

And then all his friends are there and they intervene.

I'm just never doing it again.

I can't do it again.

I can't.

I'm writing down all the things you're never doing again.

That one I'm never doing again.

And then I had a drive that was an hour long to try to to try to go ahead in the fourth quarter that where they were inside the 10 and somehow had two consecutive four down

uh there were challenges there was like where they it ended up being 10 plays inside like the five and then they got it and then they lost anyway Yeah, I feel like we get it with Penix already.

Every play is going to be him diving for the pylon.

It's going to be close or his knee is down or his elbows down before he reached over the goal line.

But I thought we agreed not to bet this one.

I thought we said we like Tampa Bay.

Tampa Bay's banged up.

We're going to sit out because Atlanta is going to probably win this game.

And then

we could pound Tampa Bay for the division.

That's not how it worked out, but they're still minus 170.

I wouldn't mind that.

And you could blame yourself, too.

You did the Falcons three

exclamation points on our text when

Pennix scored there, I think.

Right.

I did.

I forgot Jaker Mayfield.

Yeah.

Well, Dubundo said in our text thread that

for some reason, Koo has been involved in an intimate moment of 42 straight Falcons games.

I don't know how that's possible.

1 p.m.

game, yeah.

It's funny how I did not think he was going to make that kick.

Boswell in the Pittsburgh Jets game, where it's like, Boswell from 60.

It's like, ah, this will be good from 90.

And Koo is a good kicker, but for some reason, there was a little bit of a stink.

He'd already missed a PAT earlier in the game.

Tampa missed a PAT, right?

McLaughlin missed that.

Yeah, the special teams is awful today.

I know it takes a minute for the offensive lines to gel, but the special teams, other than the Steelers, somehow Boswell getting out there.

All of a sudden, I don't know.

Is he a top three kicker you would trust for that?

I couldn't believe how confidently he went out there and knocked it through.

Last one for the panic rankings, Houston's offense, which looked awful against the Rams.

Now they're missing a couple of receivers, but

I thought their offensive line was alarming.

And

the Rams,

they're a good defense.

It's not that good.

And Houston just couldn't do anything.

They took out Collins.

And this was the big fear with Houston going into it.

All of us were trying to figure out a different AFC South team to pick.

None of us could talk ourselves into Jacksonville, Indianapolis, or Tennessee.

Everyone begrudgingly took the Texans.

Well, they have C.J.

Stratton.

They have some good receivers.

Ah, their defense is good.

I thought the offense.

The fact that they were relying on Nick Chubb like that, too, is just kind of, I kept hearing rumors of this the last couple of weeks, but man,

nine points for them.

And

I'm concerned.

Yeah, I'll give it a six.

I'll give it a six.

You don't need to score a lot to win that division, probably.

But

yeah, Chuck, I mean, what happened?

Our friend Hench drafted, like, he drafted Marks.

I was like, what?

Who is that?

He's like, it's still like the fourth string running back for Texas.

I was like, there's that many Texas.

Is that ARX or CKS?

How is that?

But yeah,

you said two receivers are gone and Collins did nothing.

So weird, weird game.

Do we have

a nobody believes in us team, in your opinion, yet, in 2025?

Because I think the nominees are Las Vegas and Indianapolis, unless there's another team I can't think of.

I think those would be the two.

I guess.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

You really

want to do this with Indianapolis?

I'm just trying to think of a team that won today that it is actually conceivable they'd make the playoffs, but it seems ridiculous.

Yeah.

I think those would be the two.

I think the Raiders are the only underdog who won outright today right well i guess the

bills technically but um yeah so that would make sense uh i'll throw the jaguars in there i know you don't you don't like them but i believe in them i think they win that division

we can talk about that game in a second did week one

change your mind on anything from how you felt before this season is there one thing where you're like oh i would mulligan the shit out of that i was trying to think about that like what would i take back so i'm most happy about my Bucs to win the division, making it to the Super Bowl pick.

I'm most bummed about shorting the Rams, but like you said,

who knows with that game?

Maybe the Rams defense isn't that good and the Texans just didn't bring it for week one.

But those are the two right now.

Mine is, I already talked about it with you a week ago about being bullish on the Pats and gradually coming off it over the last two, three weeks as a couple injuries and

just some of the feedback coming out of camp and the coaching stuff.

And it just seemed like they were kind of preparing people like, yo, we've had a lot of turnover.

Like this is, we don't have high expectations.

I think that one.

And then

I kind of wish I had gone harder on Detroit or Casey, just like not picking one of them to miss the playoffs.

Cause I do think it's really possible that one of those two teams is a year from hell candidate.

But I could just see one of those two teams missing it.

I don't think, I don't know if they will,

But especially the Lions, like I could see a scenario where they don't make it.

And we talked about it.

We circled that I didn't have the balls to do it.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, don't, you know, I think you had the right idea right away with your initial pick.

Maybe the Patriots have the year from hell.

Are they the second or third worst team in the league?

I'll give you a Dolphins, Giants.

You'll be, you could be third.

No, we're better than the Browns and the Saints.

The funny thing is that they didn't even play well when they were in that game the whole game.

The defense was pretty good.

They had pressure the whole game.

I don't know.

They gave 362 yards to Geno.

And I don't know.

And you were making good plays.

But your offense isn't good enough.

You battle back with Kayshawn Boot.

What's his name?

I don't know.

It's going to be tough.

Campbell at left tackle was playing hurt, and they just were working him like a speedback.

The offensive line was not great.

They couldn't run the ball.

I thought Vegas played pretty well, though.

One other thing, this isn't a change your mind, but

it felt like kick returns, and people were predicting that this could be the case, but I thought kick returns were way more noticeable this year with changing field position.

I thought it had an impact on the Tennessee Denver game.

There's a couple of games where all of a sudden people are on the 45 or the 50, whereas, like, for years and years, we were just having touchbacks and people starting drives on the 22, the 24.

Now, all of a sudden, it felt like we were in the 30 to 45, right?

Did you notice that?

Yeah, I did.

I think, yeah, special teams just in general, like we were talking about, even punt returns, the bills fumbled a punt return and the more kick returns.

I'm still not sure of the rule exactly where you're short of the zone of intention or whatever the hell it's called.

But yeah, that was such bad clock management.

How can you kick it through the end zone in Denver?

Like, how does it go to the 10 anyway?

I know.

That screwed them up.

The only other thing, and I picked Green Bay to make the Super Bowl.

This was before the Parsons trade.

But I do wonder, this isn't a thing I would change necessarily, but

they did have a look to them today,

like a kind of a juggernauty kind of look.

And we've seen some teams flash this in week one and they go away, but I was looking at their schedule:

Commanders on Thursday, at the Browns, at the Cowboys,

bye week, home Bengals,

at Cardinals, at Steelers on a Sunday night, home Panthers, home Eagles, at Giants, home Vikings, at Lions on Thanksgiving.

It's not that hard of a schedule.

Well, if

every game

at Pittsburgh will be close, but yeah, they're favored in all those.

Yeah, like if you said, all right, at gunpoint, pick a team that's going to start out 10-0.

Right.

I think I would pick them.

I don't think probably nobody's going to start 10-0, but I think that's probably the team that has the best.

Just their, they can do it.

They didn't really have weaknesses from what we saw today.

They can run the ball.

They can throw the ball.

They can rush the passer.

They can cover.

They can basically do everything.

And they're a monster home team.

Yep.

So it looks like they hit on the rookies, too.

Golden's, golden solid.

They do have Fandel does have first team or last team to lose.

They don't have it up right now.

I do like that Parsons played like 29 snaps and he's getting almost all the credit.

So it seems like they're going to be out of those 29 they had like he had like four or five genuinely impactful moments on there.

So the AFCs could have been on four.

They're not.

The Chiefs are in last place.

Only one NFC team scored 25 points today.

Two point.

Yeah.

That's right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Everyone was 24 and under except for the Packers.

So, all right.

We're going to take

one more break for the podcast and then keep going here on the

YouTubes.

This episode is brought to you by Michelob Ultra.

Cracking open a cold one on a hot summer day is one of the best feelings, but it's even better when it feels like you earned it, like in a friendly little competition.

It's always better when there's something worth playing for.

And Michelo Boltra, a superior light beer is a pretty great prize.

Hmm.

I would, I mean, I would be all tennis for Michelob Ultra because that's what I do all summer because

tennis is an actual sport, unlike pickleball.

So, tennis, doubles, singles, whatever.

Let's play for an ultra.

Fill your fridge with Michelobeltra this summer at doordash.com.

Enjoy responsibly copyright 2025, Anheuser-Busch, Michelobeltra Light Beer, St.

Louis, Missouri.

This episode is brought to you by Uber Eats.

Parents, if there's one thing you deserve to make it easier on yourself, it's back to school Susan.

I know that's how I feel as well.

On Uber Eats, you can get up to 40% off back to school essentials like notebooks, pencils, calculators.

You got lunch boxes to fill.

Get discounts on fresh fruit, juice boxes, string cheese, and more.

Get everything you need for back to school delivered right to you.

Just a tap away in the Uber Eats app.

offer.

And September 16th, see app for details.

So, quickly zipping through the games,

Packers beat the Lions.

That one never fell close.

We need to talk about that.

We do need to talk about 49ers, Seahawks.

It had all the makings of a classic Niners dominate, somehow blow the game, have some stupid special team stuff.

They missed a field goal.

They had a block field goal.

I was like, oh, this is the classic, really stupid Niners week one loss.

And McDaniels, I'm sorry McDonald McDonald yeah fourth down and one

we now have 15 years of nerds explaining to us why you have to go for this and go for the kill yeah and the game don't let the niners get the ball back just just go for the first down you win the game if you get it

and he kicks the field goal and the niners come right back down and score and Seattle ends up losing the game um

I especially in week one I'm going for this This is like, you're sending a message to your team.

Like, it's a different season.

We're fucking ramming it down their throat.

Fuck them.

Fuck the Niners.

We're fucking doing this.

And instead, like, well, we'll kick the field goal.

Hopefully our defense could hold.

I just hated it.

Did Olson do that game?

Olson did that game, right?

I mean, he brought up, I'm pretty sure Greg Olson did that.

He had a good point.

Like, yeah, of course, because they had three timeouts left.

It was three and a half minutes left for San Francisco.

So, I don't know, if you kick a field goal, I feel like it's

it's a push at that point, right?

You got to run clock.

You got to make them eat some of their timeouts.

You know, fourth and one, you can make that.

If you don't make fourth and one, you use your timeouts well and you'll get the ball back.

But I think you got to knock them out right there for sure.

Hated it.

And then the play.

So they get this long first down on their, they're trying to pull off a game-winning drive.

And JSN, who is awesome, who's their only receiver.

No other receiver had more than 15 yards.

Right.

He makes this play, sets them up.

It's getting close to the two-minute warning, and they kind of did like a spasm.

And it's like,

but they hand the ball off, nothing.

And then all of a sudden, the second down pass play where Darnold, they're like on the 11th, Darnold, you know, in the middle of chaos.

Like, I'm just getting the ball out as fast as possible with Sam Darnold in that situation because you know the Niners are bringing.

I didn't like the play.

I didn't like how they handled that last stretch.

I mean, they were third, three for 10 on third down.

They had 230 yards yards total, and they only had 22 minutes of possession.

So maybe he just didn't believe in the offense for a reason, but I just didn't like the coaching by them.

I thought they should have won the game.

I don't think he's going to win 13 games with them like he did last year.

It was 13 he won with the Vikings, right?

But yeah, that was unfortunate because it was his own guy who knocked his hand and the ball loose.

But right.

Yeah, but you just, that's why you can't take things for granted.

Like just,

you know, mash it down their throats.

San Francisco was ready to be had, I thought.

Kid Olin Jennings got hurt.

Trent Williams was hurt, came back.

Seems like he's still hurt.

Moody is 12 for 23 with field goals since week 10 last year.

Wow.

Steelers, Jets.

Steelers win, don't cover, which I think Kaus and I predicted.

So Steelers two and a half, they somehow win, don't cover.

The Steelers, the Cousins House special did cover.

Beautiful.

You did it again.

Almost seven to one.

Steelers to lose the first half and win the game.

And they went down by what, like one point and a half or something?

Just think about this.

If you just before the year bet $100,000 every week on on this and it hits five times, I know.

It's like one of the great bets, and it hits five times every year.

Yeah, it's free for two months right now, right?

If I won that seven to one, yeah, I had a little, not enough on it.

He was very good.

He was good.

He was moving around, Rogers.

You know, I bet his completions and yards over today.

So

I didn't think he'd have the four touchdowns, but this could be a nice offense for him.

I've spent the whole summer saying I thought he was washed.

I thought he looked really good.

Now, it might be one of those things where it's it's the old, older athlete who looks good in September.

And as the year goes along, the weather gets colder.

But

it looked like a fit.

He seemed very,

very engaged.

He talked some shit after about the Jets, four touchdowns.

I thought he looked good.

And I thought Fields was about as good as he can play, right?

He made plays.

I thought some of his passes were pretty accurate.

He ran the ball a little bit.

He

didn't seem like a liability.

And the Jets ran all over Pittsburgh's defense and somehow lost.

Like, you'd think the Jets getting 32 points, that game should be over.

Right?

I thought their defense could be better than that.

And listen, they made a 60-yard field goal.

Otherwise, it's all Rodgers can't win a big game.

That would be the narrative.

So

that could go either way.

But yeah, I mean, that was the best both of those quarterbacks you could expect to see them play.

And what about that press?

I don't understand that Jack Hole comment in the press conference.

Like, it feels good to beat everyone in the Jets organization.

like

you're counting your boy nate hackett or or shoving salah or going to egypt like they they did everything you wanted them to do what do you want what they gave him everything so i'm not sure who in the organization he's talking about i mean sal we're not players we can't possibly understand what that's true

yeah

we're just non-players

you're gonna apologize for that we're not smart enough to understand how he's thinking because we've never played yeah um

bucks falcons we talked about that did want to mention igbuka was as advertised.

I think, did you get him in our fantasy league?

My guy.

I tried to get him in everything.

I bet on him.

I only got him in one or two leagues.

He makes the big play at the end, but he was heard from all game and just looked great.

He's so good in the fourth quarter, Baker.

He really is.

If you look at his numbers, it's mysterious how he saves it all up.

He passes the final test where when you're going against him, you're nervous.

And like that, it's like, oh, shit, I have the lead.

Right.

But I feel like Baker is going to ram it right in my Keister.

And it's exactly what he did.

The Rams, Texans, 14-9.

I had the under in this game.

It was the only under I bet.

11 Houston penalties, two turnovers, and nothing from Nico Collins, two for nine on first down in the rough offensive line.

So all around, not awesome.

Bengals, Browns.

So we, we had, we all had the Bengals as like, this is the offense you want with the, in fantasy.

They had 11 first downs and 141 total yards, and the Browns should have won the game.

Like, I know nobody watched this game except for the true diehards, or if you saw a couple plays on red zone, but this was done.

The Browns kicker, Andre

Schit.

Is that how you pronounce it?

Hold on.

S-Z-N-Y-T.

Andre shit, I think is how it's pronounced.

Andre Schitt.

Yeah.

Schmidt.

Schmidt.

Schushmidt.

Doesn't matter.

Mr.

P-AT and then a 36-yarder with 225 left.

That was just a stomach punch.

I hated it.

I had the Browns all over the place.

I mean, they covered fine, fine, but I was like, this Zach Taylor thing, this is a real thing.

He's one in 10.

And it's for weeks one through three, the last, you know, three, four years, whatever it is.

And, but I feel like the Browns, this is, we should be used to it.

And I feel like they took him aside and they said, like, listen, kid, you come to this organization, you're going to suck.

It's as simple as that.

There's going to be guys like Miles Garrett and Joe Flacco going to play their asses off.

But for the most part, we're incorrigible losers.

So the talks about the Haslams and Deshaun, but we want to spread the wealth a little.

It's your turn.

So go miss an extra point in a 12-yard fucking field goal.

We'll take care of the rest.

Yeah, you're shit to us.

I love the Browns.

Did not want to put them in ringer 107 because I just wasn't putting a terrible team in first week ringer 107.

In retrospect, I should have.

Broncos Titans, we talked about.

The only thing we didn't talk about,

the Titans might be okay.

I'm not ruling them out as like a nine and eight team.

I know the offense did nothing today.

They had seven first downs, 133 yards, but I like their defense.

And I thought the quarterback made a couple really nice throws.

He was under duress, to say the least.

And Denver's defense, especially at home, might just be awesome, especially in the altitude.

So I'm not, I would just be careful going against them in parlays and teams for the next couple of weeks, don't you think?

The Titans' defense was good.

There was a pass, pass.

How are we saying that this year?

Pass rush?

It was a pass rush.

We're saying pass rush.

Yeah.

As shaky as Nick's was, sometimes he was just kind of under attack and it was weird.

I like Cam Ward.

I don't know what's going on with these receivers.

They appear to have never played with him before because,

you know, he has a weird delivery, right?

So it comes out kind of sidearm and it like takes everybody by surprise.

There's a little mustard on it, so it's hot.

But Ridley like dropped a bunch of pass like, and then, you know,

you don't know, you don't know if he's gambling.

You don't know.

But he points to himself and he's like, that was on me.

So then you can't talk about the other stuff.

But it really doesn't seem like anybody's ever seen a pass from Cam Ward before.

And even his father, that was a great moment.

His father got up.

Did you see when Ridley dropped the ball?

His father got up and had him walk around.

Oh, Jesus.

Yeah.

So

he could be good.

He could be good.

I thought Ward looked all right.

They had a Poward had a really bad fumble at one point.

But that game was, it was 2012, but that was either team could have won that game.

And if I'm the Broncos, I thought there was also a very, very, very, very, very weird Sean Payton coaching moment

in the final three minutes.

Fourth and eight and 36.

They go for it.

They run like a fucking, it was like a tech mob ball player where you just chuck it down and hope somebody catches it.

Right.

And all of a sudden, the Titans had the ball with like, I don't know, a minute and a half left.

It was just very bad.

That's a field goal attempt.

Everyone attempts 53.

Or just punt it out of bounds.

Put them inside the 10.

Like, don't do what they did.

Washington beat the Giants.

And the only thing we didn't talk about with this is it was an awful game.

I thought Washington looked bad.

Russ was empty calories.

And it feels like Dart,

Dayball wouldn't commit to him for next week.

I think they might just go with Dart sooner than later.

What does Dayball care?

He's going to get fired.

He's not going to throw Wilson out there for a month.

I like that.

He says, I want to make this clear.

This loss is not on Russell Wilson.

Okay.

Will you commit to him being the starter next week?

Oh, no, no, no.

Not a chance.

No, no way.

No way.

Come on.

Does he seem under pressure?

He can't move.

I want to make this clear.

It's pretty clear.

I'm looking at the box score.

But now they had no pass rush or any defense sucked to the Giants.

So is it bad game.

Raiders, Pats.

I don't feel great about the Pats.

I don't want to talk about it.

Cards, Saints.

New Orleans almost tied this.

This was 20-6, and then all of a sudden it was 2013.

Then all of a sudden, Spentler Rattlers driving.

Then all of a sudden, somebody almost gets

the TO diving up in the air with the two guys hitting them on the goal line touchdown, but they dropped it.

And

this was not a good game for your cards that are going to win the NFC West.

Not that the Seahawks were much better,

they're going to beat the Panthers next week, they're going to be 2-0, and they were making impressive plans to see them in the Super Bowl, really unimpressive.

Uh, the Saints are, you know, they're one of the things we learned today is: I'm not sure there's a terrible team, at least I guess.

Really?

So, if I told you someone's going to win three games or fewer,

you would before the season, I would have said definitely.

Yeah,

I don't know.

Miami was the worst team team today, and I don't think they're going to go 3 and 14.

But

all these teams, like

the Saints can block.

They had a couple of playmaker plays.

I don't know.

They're not awful.

The quarterback's awful.

But they went through that.

But we have to see.

I mean,

the Patriots might get their act together.

Maybe I've been too harsh.

I didn't appreciate that.

I'm laughing like my team's good.

I don't understand.

Why does Henderson get five carries?

Like, Johnte got 19.

Like, put them in big boy pads.

Last thing on the games today, Hunter on Jacksonville,

39 snaps.

What do you think the breakdown was for offense, defense?

Oh, I didn't even see this one.

45 snaps total.

Wait, 45 total?

45 total.

39 on one end, six on the other.

Oh, defense.

Played 39 on offense, six on defense.

He did?

Well, how did I miss that?

Yeah, I missed it too.

I saw it during the line.

Wow.

So, this big trade, they give up all the stuff.

And this is like, this guy's going to be a two-way revelation.

And they're only playing him on one side.

I know, I granted it's week one.

I just thought it was notable.

Yeah, that's why people say

that's a rookie of the year.

I was like, hey, he might just not get the coordinator decides you're not in.

Then

it's out of your hands.

If you're playing him at receiver, guess what?

He's not going to be better than Egg Buka.

Right.

That's true.

The thing that would have made him special is trying to play both sides.

Anyway,

all right, you ready?

Little guest of the Lions action?

I guess so.

I'm glad we didn't talk about my team.

It's good.

We can

tell you.

We can talk about your team when we do the matchup.

Too many days, too many days gone.

All right.

Talk about it on Friday's ringer game like that.

You're right.

You're right.

I'm fine.

Week two.

You beat me in Guest of the Lions last week.

Yeah.

Thursday night, Packers, Washington.

This is a very good game.

It's in Green Bay.

I thought Washington

was a crappy game, but it was kind of a violent game.

And I don't know what that's going to mean for four days later.

They ran all over them.

They did run all over the Giants.

Let me make this clear that that loss is not on Russell Wilson.

Did I make that clear?

Yeah, you did.

Okay.

I have the Packers favored by three points against Washington.

You got it it's three and a half i said four and a half

where do you think that ends on thursday night

i think four

don't you i don't know i uh

the betting public should like just continue to like green bay right

this feels like a pretty juicy live bet opportunity where the packers are up 10 of 14 all game and then jaden daniels looming right right late with doing when he starts running around and doing the things he does.

This is a must-watch game.

Very excited for it.

Yeah, it's a good one.

Sunday's marquee game is the Chiefs against the Eagles.

It's in Kansas City.

And,

you know, last year we had the Tic-Tac zone.

Right.

This year, you talked about how there was this run of minus two and a halfs, and you're like, we need a name for that.

And I didn't think of the name until like three hours after the podcast.

And I was so mad that I didn't think of it in the moment.

I feel like 10 years ago, I would have had it right away.

It's got to be something with Charlie Sheen, right?

Yeah, the Sheen zone.

Yeah, what was his character on Two and a Half Men?

I don't know.

What is that?

A trick question.

You're going to make fun of me if I know it.

Yeah.

Well,

it would have been funny if you're like, his name was Bob, the other guy's name was John.

Ah, sissy.

Someone name was Charlie.

Oh, it was Charlie.

Yeah, yeah.

Charlie and Alan.

And then,

oh, Angus T.

Jones.

Angus T.

Jones is Jake Harper was the half man.

So maybe it's the Angus T.

Jones zone or do we go the Charlie zone?

Well,

Charlie Zone, the Sheen Zone is good.

I mean,

he's about to be big again, right?

He has a documentary coming out.

The Cryer Zone, someone recommended.

John Cryer.

I'll do whichever.

Oh, other people had the two and a half men thing?

Yeah,

somebody else.

I guess it's not hard to come up with.

What do you want to do?

Charlie Zone or Sheen Zone?

It would be fun to give Angus T.

Jones someone, but

I do like the the Sheen zone, tic-tac zone and the Sheen zone.

I turned down Charlie Sheen coming on the pod.

You did?

Yeah.

What could happen?

He should go to your house.

Yeah, he should go to your house.

It doesn't seem like a great guy.

I didn't have one slip up.

Come on.

Last year.

18 years.

Sunday marquee, Chiefs Ages.

I'm putting this in the tic-tac zone.

That's the whole reason I brought it up.

I have Chiefs minus one and a half.

Oh, the Tic-Tac.

Okay.

We went Tic-Tac over Sheen.

We went to Tic-Tac.

We all get it.

It is one and a half.

Yep.

We both get it.

Yep.

Oh, wait.

Who do you have favored?

Chiefs.

Oh, no.

You don't get it.

Philly's favored.

Philly's favored in Kansas City?

Yeah.

What?

Yes, sir.

Let me check.

Let me double check.

Philly's favored in Kansas City.

Yeah, people have had enough of Kansas City shit.

Wow.

So this is really it.

The Chiefs have lost

home favorite Pencilman.

Mahomes has lost his place

on top of the hierarchy because it feels like Alan and Lamar have both kind of supplanted it.

And he can point to the three rings, but they were two plus years ago now.

Has this happened before?

Someone's going to correct us in a minute.

You know, aside from like a week 18 game where they're home and not playing, guys, have they been to another dog in years?

I'm really surprised by this.

Yeah, I thought for sure.

Now, is Worthy out?

Is Worthy playing?

What's the deal?

I don't know.

He has like a

dislocated chill.

I feel like he could do the

Mel Gibson thing for lethal weapons where he just slams it into the no, not that thing.

Yeah, when he does the chill.

Come leave it moonshadows.

Yeah, watchables.

I only have two: Lions, Bears, and Detroit.

Yeah.

Now, we have no idea with this Bears team, like what's going to happen tomorrow night, but

I have the Lions by two and a half in the

bench game.

What do you got?

I got it.

I said five.

It's four and a half.

Yeah, that's too high.

Well, this is a short week.

And they're not going to, that shouldn't be 0-2, should they?

A short week on a Detroit?

That's too high.

Doming it up.

That's going down.

I like it.

Bills, Jets.

Good Lord, I have no idea what to do with this one.

In the old days, this would have been market down.

It's in Buffalo

minus eight.

Is it in the Jets or Buffalo?

I didn't do that up.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, Jersey, technically, but it's all right.

It's in New York.

That doesn't really change my pick that much.

I'm going Bills by five.

If I went seven and a half, it's six and a half.

So we'll get that one.

It's kind of a must-win, right?

Teaser game.

Must-win for who?

The team that's going to be good eventually, the Bills.

Well, they're 1-0.

Why is it a must-win?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Jesus Christ.

I'm thinking in my head that they lost.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

Are you sure?

Right.

And I just look, they actually did.

So it still was a win.

That's ridiculous.

They won that game.

All right.

This could be a big Justin Fields game.

That'd be funny.

Yeah.

Fairly watchable.

So they got six.

We'll start with Bengals home for the Jaguars.

I'm still, I know the Jaguars won convincingly today, but

I don't know.

It wasn't like they were unbelievable.

They did a couple of good things.

Carolina was really bad, and I don't know if we know what we have with the Jaguars yet.

I have the Bengals favored by three.

You get that.

I said four and a half.

It's three and a half.

I mean, I just, it looks like Fandal skittish.

Well, they should be about the Bengals laying a big number.

They should have lost today.

It was the rare.

It was the same game as last year when they played the Pats, except this time they actually won it, but it was just as bad.

They had seven yards in the second half.

Yeah.

Seven yards.

They're awful.

They're awful.

Gross.

Cowboys home for the Giants.

Speaking of gross, yeah.

As a non-player, did you blame CeeDee Lamb for the loss?

Let me make something clear.

CeeDee Lamb is not to be blamed for this loss.

Okay.

On the other hand, if he caught every ball that touched his hands, he would have had 265 yards.

But I want to make it clear.

So you're saying that as a non-player?

Yes, as a non-player.

Yeah.

Gotcha.

You think we could sign one-day contracts so that we could, you know,

say, well, I played

for coffee at the Rams are value.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I wonder if the team would say, would the Patriots sign you to a one-day contract?

And you could just say you're a player.

It's like an honorary doctorate.

Probably not after my thoughts on the dynasty.

I had the Cowboys over the Giants.

I have minus three and a half, and I think I hit it exactly.

It's four and a half.

I said seven, and this is, this is super depressing.

I mean, the fact that this is not a Thursday night game, it's not a Thanksgiving game, it's just a 1 p.m.

kickoff, and we're not, and the Giants were as miserable as they are and were, and it's only four and a half.

Good God.

Can you walk me through your feelings as you watch the Carl Pickens mixtape of

George Pickens?

Who is Carl Pickens?

Is that my first, my first, my first screw-up?

Tennessee receiver back then.

I did the Carl Pickens from university years ago.

Can you walk me through the George Pickens not finishing blocks or finishing routes mixtape that went around Friday?

I'm not going to walk you through that.

No, I'm not your monkey.

I hated it.

You know, I wasn't, I shouldn't have been mad, but I, you know, they, they really didn't screw up much other than the fumble.

And that's what gets me mad.

Like Sanders had a 50-yard run, but he also fumbled.

They didn't do stupid things.

You know, coaching wasn't terrible.

I don't know.

I think as long as every team's best defensive player spits on Dak, like one or two players plays in, I think we got a shot.

Giants didn't have their left tackle today.

I guess they're saving him for the Thursday game because they probably thought they had a better chance to win the Thursday game.

Yeah.

And with the left tackle, I don't know.

Kind of like the Giants.

Rams, Titans in Tennessee.

Let's see.

Rams outdoor.

I feel like we've bet on this game and lost on the Rams 12 times since 1998

uh i have the rams favored by two and a half i put it right in the sheen zone it's actually should have put in the vegas zone i said four it's four and a half

oh that's too high

it's too high i think it's high too but tennessee's a whiff frisky i'd be be careful of them

They play so many games just in history, right?

Where they're in it for 58 minutes and then, well,

they lost by 11.

How'd that happen?

This is the Castaway ball.

What do you mean?

Who is it?

Oh, right.

Right, right.

Yeah.

Chuck Nolan goes to Helen Hunt's house.

Yeah.

And they're making small talk.

And he's like, let me get one thing straight.

Yeah.

Tennessee has a football team.

And she's like, we were so close.

We were one yard away.

Did you be honest with me right now?

You wept when they were making out in the driveway in the torrential downpour?

No, I'm on record.

I just think about the husband that whole time.

Yeah, right.

I'm just silently sobbing upstairs Four and raid.

I kept the love of his life.

Kept all your clippings.

Let's go through these for four hours.

Yeah, there's an intervention with the clippings in the dining room.

Yeah.

It's like, all right, the guy survived.

Put the fucking things in the attic.

What are we doing?

Steelers, Seahawks.

Wow.

In Pittsburgh.

This could be yet another Cousins House special and yet another Stewart's win, but don't cover the minus three i have steelers minus three i hit it exactly it's two and a half oh you sheened me let me see what's going on here five to three you gotta catch up a little jesus christ i don't know i don't know how you got good at guest alliance i know rampant cheating

ravens home for the browns

And this number has to start with a nine.

And I don't know whether it was going to be a nine or a nine and a half, but it's early in the season, so I'm just going to say nine.

Oh, I said nine and a half.

Swear to God, it's 11 and a half.

Oh,

this is everybody's culminator.

Well, they come on.

One or lost today, the Ravens.

Will you fact-check that for me?

They lost.

What?

Their own one.

They're winning 40-25, a five-minute game.

40-25, and they lost somehow.

Come on.

Didn't lose that game.

11 and a half.

That's too high.

They think that's too high or am I not?

Flack up against his whole team.

I don't know.

We'll be putting the Ravens in a

three-team tease with 2-0.

No doubt about it.

Let me tell you this.

They're going to have more than seven yards in the second half, the Ravens.

Broncos, Colts, it's in Indianapolis.

Has all the makings of the Colts are 2-0.

Nobody saw this coming.

It's got to be one of those teams, too.

Those teams.

I'll tell you this.

It's going to be a little bit of a different situation for them with the defense they're going against in this game versus the defense they went against.

I agree.

Today, I think the Broncos will be favored.

I have Broncos by one and a half.

That's what I had.

We should have gone Sheen zone.

Two and a half.

Sheened it?

Fine.

Sheened it up.

Running out of space.

We got the poop facto with three games.

Dolphins pats.

Had to put in the poop facto.

Both of them stunk today.

Yeah.

Wow.

The Drake May thing bummed me out.

It's a tough one because because we had Jason Tatum, Drake May, and Roman Anthony were the trifecta for us.

And Tatum got hurt.

Roman Anthony beat was Ted Williams for two months.

I'm watching, I watched more Red Sox this year than I have since the 2018 season.

And then he hurts his oblique.

And it's like timed perfectly that he's probably not even going to be able to be back unless they make like the second round of the playoffs.

Yeah.

So that sucked.

And then Drake May, who we had all these hopes for.

Wait, is he done?

Drake May?

Drake May is done?

His stats were okay today, but I did not think he was that good today.

Yeah, he wasn't.

I thought he was sailing balls.

He seemed skittish in the drives in the first drive of the first half, first drive of the second half.

It just wasn't a great Drake May game.

He wasn't running the ball.

He just didn't seem like young Josh Allen.

I didn't like it.

Wow.

I need more from my guy.

I don't think he was ever young Josh Allen.

This is what happens.

That's what we're going to debate.

He wants to be young Josh Allen.

All right.

Well, Josh Allen was losing 40-25 with five minutes left.

So I think you could do that.

He's going to be married to an Academy Award nominee.

Speaking of nominees, our guy, our cousin.

Yeah.

Game show, Emmy.

Second one.

Ben Sen's money and then this one.

Right.

First one he tried to give to Susan Lucci years ago because she had that long run of not winning.

So, yeah, good job by you, Jimmy.

Did he cry during the speech or no?

No, I don't think.

I don't think so.

Has Regis Foe been alive still or no?

He's dead.

Regis and Alex Rebecca took him out to dinner afterwards.

Yeah.

I have the Dolphins favored by three over the Patriots.

Yo, you're losing this week.

I said one.

It's one and a half.

Really?

Come on.

Anybody see my team today?

Oh, put up 13 points against the fucking Raiders.

They have two guys on defense.

The Dolphins were way worse than anybody.

Tyreek still crashing out.

Five out of the way.

I mean, if the Dolphins can't win this game, they're going to go 2-15.

This is a, is this, Do we cross off?

First of all, do we have any cross-offs?

And is this a Cardinal?

We don't yet.

Because you can't cross off the Saints.

You can't cross off the Browns.

Okay.

Because 9-8 might actually make the 7 CRIFC.

I don't think we have any cross-offs.

Cardinals, Panthers.

It's in Arizona.

And this is another one where the Cardinals are going to get a nice big, fat.

favorite line that they probably don't deserve, but I have Cardinals by seven.

Yeah, I didn't didn't think it was that high.

I'm glad they're being regarded like that.

It's six and a half.

I said four.

Oh, so I get that one.

You get it.

The Panthers look bad.

They gave up over 200 yards rushing, so they learned nothing from last year when I think teams ran for, what, 3,000 yards on them?

Yeah.

And then Bryce Young was terrible.

The only thing is Macmillan looked okay as like a big, like you could see the potential with it.

But other than that, not a lot going on there.

Yeah, Travis at the end was all of a sudden Walter Payton.

I don't know what they did there.

Sunday Night Bikings Falcons.

It's in Minnesota.

It's the.

Did you forget one?

Did we do San Francisco, New Orleans?

No, I did forget one.

You're correct.

Poopfeck, the last one.

Niners Saints

in New Orleans.

I put it in the Vegas zone.

I don't feel great about it.

Five and a half.

Niners, five and a half.

I said six and a half.

It's seven.

Some of these garbage teams,

you got to give a big number here

oh i see too many teasers i got to stop looking at this i see too many teasers i like sunday night minnesota home for the falcons i put this i sheen this one vikings uh minus two and a half yeah i did too they made it four and a half now come on can we see this kid take a snap first before we make it anything four and a half i know the atlanta's not great but come on

Monday night, two games.

Two Monday nighters this week.

I thought they were going to be done with this.

Is it next year that they're done with this?

I like it.

You do?

I'll tell you another thing.

I could have used a Europe game today at six in the morning, waking up.

Could have started the year.

Sunday morning.

Oh, it's a year.

Yeah, I could have started the year with Jacksonville, Carolina, and like fucking Zimbabwe.

Wow.

Well, we have nine Sunday morning games this week.

Yeah.

So they could, they could mix it up.

Yeah.

They could send the Patriots Miami to Zimbabwe.

That'd be nice.

Monday night, Houston home for the Bucs.

I tic-taced it.

Houston minus one and a half.

You should have sheened it.

It's two and a half.

We have our own dumb language, but you get it.

You get it because I had one.

Okay.

Let's see if you could do anything.

Seven to nah, it's over.

Oh, it's over.

10-7, me.

Jesus.

What were Baker's MVP odds?

I'm going to look this up right now.

They were

similar to

33-1.

We liked Love, and they were similar, right?

33-1 is too high for him.

Because that's a team.

Yeah.

In the NFC South, they could just go 6-0.

He could end up like 13-4 somehow.

Yeah, you got to do that.

And be in the mix.

33-1 is too high.

But you have Jordan Love, don't you?

At 30 or 20?

What do you have now?

25 to 1.

He's 12 now.

Already cut in half.

Josh Allen's going to win the MVP.

He's the best player in the league.

And if he's not the best player player in the league, Lamar Jackson is the best player of the league.

Those two guys are the best two guys in the league.

Whether you'd want Mahomes in a playoff game with the life depending on it, fine.

But day-to-day, week to week for four months, those are the two best guys.

It's really hard to argue if Joe Burrow is not going to show up and put up fewer than 10 yards.

Did he play today?

Not the second half.

No.

Last one, Chargers, Raiders.

It's in Vegas.

And I predicted the overreaction: Chargers favored by one and a half in Vegas line.

No, I got this exact.

It's three.

Chargers by three.

You got it.

You're obviously cheating this year.

Yeah, I'm cheating.

You weren't this good for 20 years.

Now your light's out.

Well,

John Elway, who's done that?

I don't know.

That's fine.

Somebody good.

Let's go to this game.

Let's do Guest Alliance from Vegas.

Let's see the Chargers and Raiders.

That sounds terrible.

Oh, that's Monday night anyway.

Yeah.

This episode is brought to you by the Wells Fargo Active Cash Credit Card.

This is an ad for the active cash credit card from Wells Fargo.

That's a mouthful, but that's because it packs a lot in.

Earn unlimited 2% cash rewards on purchases, with it big or small.

So whether it's buying tickets to the game with your mom or grabbing a coffee with your dog, earn unlimited 2% cash rewards on purchases made with it.

Say it with me.

The active cash credit card from Wells Fargo.

Learn more at wellsfargo.com forward slash active cash.

Terms apply.

This episode is supported by FX's The Lowdown, starring Ethan Hawk.

Allow us to introduce you to Lee Raybon, a quirky journalist slash rare bookstore owner slash unofficial truth seeker who is always on the tail of his latest conspiracy.

This time, his most recent expose puts him head to head with the powerful family that rules Tulsa, meaning only one thing, he must be onto something big.

FX is the Lowdown premieres September 23rd on FX.

Stream on Hulu.

Today's parent corner is presented by Uber Eats.

Let's be real.

It wouldn't be game day without a spread of your favorite foods, pizza, burgers, burritos, you name it.

Uber Eats is here to deliver it to you all season long.

What do you have for Parent Corner this week?

I have a good one, but I feel like I'm in the Ben zone.

I know there's the Sheen zone and the Tic-Tac zone, but I'm in the where my high school kid,

I can't risk him here and he'll just fucking flip out on me.

So damn it.

I have three of those a week.

I know, I know.

I'll tell you separately, but I do have one that I held on to from spring break.

Actually, this is

this as the intro presented by Uber Eats, where we give our fifth best story about our kids because we can't say the first four.

I probably have four Uber-related parent corners that are not flattering for the sponsor.

So I would stick away from that.

But

I'll tell you this one.

This happened a few months ago.

So we were coming back from Cabo.

It was February.

It was a couple of weeks after the Super Bowl.

And I'm sitting in the airport in Mexico with the family.

And the family's to the right of me.

And I'm in a seat.

And I'm looking down on my phone, and I hear someone being ushered over in my area by like private security.

And she sounds important and she smells good, and she sits right next to me.

And so, I can't look up now, right?

And also, I'm jaded anyway, so I don't want to.

I'd rather keep looking at my phone.

You work for a late-night talk show, yeah, yeah.

And also, I'm looking at my phone, telling my losses for whatever shitty golf matchups I had.

It was Sunday afternoon, so I had to do that.

So, finally, after 10 minutes, I get up to use the bathroom or El Bano, as it's called in Mexico.

And I leave my charger in the seat, right in the waiting area, right where I was.

And then, because I'm coming right back, whatever.

I'm just going to, I don't want to give up the seat.

And I come back, and the whole family is looking at me and laughing because moments before the important woman approached my wife and handed her my charger.

And referring to me, said, I think your father forgot his charger.

She thought I was Melissa's father.

And this woman, Jessica Alba, she thought I was 75 years old.

The kids are dying laughing.

The kids called me grandpa for like a couple of months, and I didn't acknowledge it.

So it went away.

That's what you should do, by the way, if you just don't acknowledge anything.

Right.

And maybe it'll go away.

So thanks for nothing, Jessica Alba.

You're not my dark angel, but there you go.

Your father left his charger here.

Oh, my God.

Alba.

That's unbelievable.

That's a killer.

That's a freaking killer.

I got to get plastic surgery or something.

I have to do something.

I mean, they're laughing at me.

I'm like, why are you laughing?

She thinks that you married your father, basically.

That's not a, it's not a compliment to you.

I've noticed that when I'm with my daughter, because my daughter is pretty and she could pass for,

you could think she's 20, but you also might think she's 25.

Yeah.

And I could see people when they see us together now, if we're like power walking or we're at dinner.

Out here, sure.

Yeah.

Like 60% of the people think I'm the dad and then 40% think I'm some creep.

21-year-old trophy girlfriend.

You can just see like certain people just kind of like, what the fuck, dude?

Right.

That girl's 21.

How are you dating her?

It's like, no, no, no.

I apologize.

Yeah.

She's actually the subject of my parent corner this week.

So

she's around the same size as my daughter height-wise.

She's like, my wife.

She's like two inches taller than my wife.

So they can wear a lot of the same clothes.

And my son's maybe an inch and a half shorter than I am, but can wear all my t-shirts.

And they've been stealing clothes from us for, I don't know, ever since they hit a certain height.

And it's gotten to the point it's beyond a thief.

It's like 50 to 60% of the fights in our house is somebody stole a favorite t-shirt.

My daughter stole this sweater from my wife.

My wife is helping her move in in Boston and found like nine things of hers that she's been looking for for like a year.

And it's it's all we fight about.

And my daughter does this really interesting, like Jedi mind trek with this, where she steals the thing.

And then if she has it long enough, it became hers.

Right.

It's like

squatting.

Yeah, it's like, it's like she's been here a year, so it's now her property.

So when I was there, when we were moving her in for soccer in mid-August, she was out.

She's like, oh, it's going to be, it's going to be cold tonight.

I'm going to wear my

Jimmy Kimmel sweatshirt.

I'm like, what Jimmy Kimmel sweatshirt?

Somehow she had the sweatshirt that Jimmy gave all of us that first year for Christmas.

Right.

It had the logo in the back.

It was blue.

It looks like it's like from a million years ago.

And I always loved it.

And I just thought it was gone.

I left it somewhere.

And it turns out she's had it for three years.

And I got mad about the sweatshirt and she's like, but it's my sweatshirt.

And I was like, it's definitely not your sweatshirt.

It was first year of the show.

That's my sweatshirt.

You took it.

And she's like, I know, but I'm your daughter.

So now it's mine.

Like, why can't I have it?

And I just think like, when does this end for us?

When our kids, because we, you know, we're the parents, we're supposed to give them stuff and we're supposed to put them above ourselves, which is what you do when you're a parent.

Right.

But does it extend to clothes?

Because I have no white t-shirts left.

Like I have to just go out because Ben's taken every white t-shirt I've ever had and just takes it.

So if I want to have like, oh, I'll wear this blue shirt.

i'm going to work lunch i'll put a white t-shirt under and i have zero white t-shirts left even though i used to have 17.

would it what are what are our rights here as parents because i don't really know i think our right by the way that sweatshirt now that he's an emmy winner is worth something but it's what i feel bad for you because it is it's the argument is stupid because she probably is like you didn't miss it you never asked for it in the last three years and you're like yeah because i didn't know it was gone you know whatever right but i thought it was in there i think this is why guys our age dress like idiots because we have to buy clothes that we know our kids won't steal.

So we have the cargo shorts with 40 pockets on each side.

And then we end up looking like buffoons going out to pick them up.

And it is their fault.

I don't know what we can do.

I really don't, aside from that.

I have this one light blue t-shirt that I love.

And Ben just keeps taking it from me.

And we fight about it like once a month.

And he's like, it looks good when I wear it, though.

And just.

I don't know.

They just don't care.

They just see us as ATM machines and things that they can just steal stuff from with no repercussions because there's going to be a moment much later in life when they're the last people that we can count on to take care of us.

Right.

Well, I'm already a grandfather, a parent, according to Jeff.

Alba.

Yeah.

I forgot about that.

Your grandpa Sal, your uncle, Sal to Dubundo, because you and Dal Sara's two uncles on Wednesday rigger gambling.

He loves it.

It's ridiculous.

All right.

I think that's it.

Unless you have anything else.

I think that's it.

That's all I have.

Uber Eats.

I think they do.

Do you win or lose money on you?

Oh, I got to do today's parent corner presented by Uber Eats.

Get almost anything for game day, like your favorite game day foods, drinks, and snacks on Uber Eats, the official on-demand delivery partner of the NFL order.

Now, I actually used it today.

I got some sandwiches from Giata.

They have Giata in there.

No, no, no.

They do have Ralph's, and I got a bunch of Coke Zeros and watermelon

from Uber Eats.

How about

the draft?

Did you want to talk about that?

Yeah, let's do that before we go.

So

so we have our vote out draft on tuesday and our friend brad who we've talked about a million times on this pod who every year that he's alive is a miracle for all of us um it's it's just it's year by year

and uh he's like lebron it's year by year could retire in a year he might come back and be an all program we don't know right he's been voted out three times before Tuesday's draft and our friend Tony

voted him out.

And I thought Brad was going to toss an entire thing of ribs on me, which you somehow got a picture of the one moment when I was like, oh my God, those ribs are going to go in my lap.

He didn't do that, but he's very mad.

And where do we stand now with Brad and Tony?

So Tony, as a consolation gift, because he knows Brad loves ribs, he kicked him out.

He did a funny bit about it with he had AI kick Brad out, which is actually a voice of a friend of ours.

But a lot of inside jokes, so I won't get into it.

But then he's

a voice of a friend of ours that Brad recognized the voice.

So now he's mad at two people.

Very mad at her.

He's going to hate her.

She's on the enemy list.

But Tony leaves the room and brings out a gigantic plate of like, it was like a frame poster size pan of ribs.

And then Brad is now angry at Tony and he opens the tinfoil.

Any other time, he'd be delighted and like pours nerds on him.

I think that's the best result you could have asked for being in the,

being right there in the names game.

Worst result were the ribs ending up on my head or my lap.

Best result was him pouring an entire bag of nerds.

And then he ended up taking some of the ribs, but then Mike August, our auctioneer, who ate anything, and it just became a matter of time when Mike was going to have the ribs and scrape the nerds off the ribs or then just eat the ribs with the nerds on them, which he did.

He did, and I'm not going to lie to you, I did as well.

I had one.

It's not that bad.

We're not that bad.

It's good.

I mean, you put like honey on ribs and like, you know, like sweet sauces.

Nerd ribs are the thing of the 2030s.

Well, I felt bad for Brad.

yeah the draft's always more fun when he's when i somehow sitting next to him so maybe i was the one that uh that made out the best so then brad leaves you call him you get him an uber oh yeah yeah he gets in the uber

he doesn't all of a sudden you get an email during our draft we're drafting and brad emails you that he left his phone in the uber so now you have to stop the draft you have to call the uber brad's already murdered your uber stars oh yeah i went down three-tenths of a rating easily easily do the lost item thing for the brad so the phone, it's an extra 20 bucks.

You'd put that in.

And then what happens after that?

Yeah, this skid cost me 50 bucks because it's 30 to Uber him home.

I had to get him out of there.

He's tossing and turning, like you said, screaming in the Uber because he got kicked out.

So that becomes the driver's problem.

So my rating goes down.

He gets home.

He sends this email, says urgent.

I left it in the car.

So now I'm talking to this Uber driver.

He's like, all right, it's an extra $20.

I'm like, go ahead, ding me for it.

We got to get this draft going.

50 bucks.

And then like another 10 minutes later, I hear from Brad,

abort, abort.

It's fine.

I had the phone all along.

So

this whole skit cost me 50 bucks kicking Brad out.

Thanks for the laughs, Tony.

Yeah, there you go, Tone.

And now Brad, it's been five days and he's still like genuinely mad.

Yeah, he's reported to other people.

I think he's spared me of it because he's already cost me 50 bucks and some hardship.

But yeah, he's plotting his revenge.

So that's going to be fun.

What does Brad's revenge look like?

And does this become like a Hulu true crime documentary?

Like, there's nobody's going to die, right?

I don't think so.

Is he poor nerds down Tony and Joelle's throw in the middle of the night when they don't know it?

I don't know.

No, nobody's going to die.

All right.

Brought to you by Uber Eats.

Uber.

Yeah, we worked Uber back in the year.

Thing.

Well, I missed Brad at the draft.

It was good to see him.

Very

All right.

So, plugs for you.

You're on the Ringer Gambling Show, which we're doing live on YouTube Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday.

I thought we had a spectacular first week.

Lots of fun, man.

Yeah.

I was power walking around on Wednesday listening to you and House and Dubundo just

one especially.

Yeah.

Well, yeah, I was walking around.

I was like, this is great.

This could go on for four hours.

You're done good.

I'm with Tate on Tuesdays.

Yeah, Dubundo and House on Wednesday and Debundo and Heifitz on Friday.

Debundo's going to hate me by

probably

the playoffs.

but all the shows are a lot of fun, informative, and live.

Like you said, noon, Eastern, Monday through Friday.

You fill the slot there right there.

And then your Friday Ringer 107.

Yeah.

And then

the Sunday Ringer pregame, which I watched the entire one today, which was

excellent.

What was your pick?

Your pick won, didn't it?

Denver Bonnie Line, Seattle plus three and a half.

Oh, that did win.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, that one.

Bear things was good.

Scraped it out.

All right.

Try to protect your clothes from your kids.

I'll do the same.

And I'll see you in a week.

Good job by you.

Good job by you, buddy.

Thanks to everybody for staying on the live podcast.

Thanks to Gahal and Eduardo as well.

Don't forget Prestige TV podcast, Task.

Great show, Sal.

You got to watch Task.

We broke it down the first episode.

We beat Joanna and Mahoney, and then new rewatchable is coming tomorrow.

We did Legend of Billie Jean with Helen Slater and Christian Slater.

Oh, you probably don't have a ton of thoughts about that one.

Do you?

Maybe no, I don't have anything,

sort of.

Uh, I really don't.

I might go watch Helen Hunt, I might watch that scene over and over again.

I do like that scene.

You should watch the last five minutes of uh of the Ravens Bills game because

I didn't catch the result.

The Bills won, yeah.

I think you black.

I don't believe you, you're a good friend, but I don't believe you with this kind of stuff.

All right,

thanks, everybody.

Say that, bye, sal.

See you, bud.

I wanna see them

when

Must be 21 plus in president select states for Kansas in affiliation with Kansas Star Casino, or 18 plus in President D.C., Kentucky, or Wyoming.

Gambling problem, call 100 gambler or visit rg-help.com.

Call 188-789-7777, or visit ccpg.org/slash chat in Connecticut, or visit mdgamblinghelp.org in Maryland.

Hope is here.

Visit gamblinghelplinema.org or call 800-327-5050 for 24-7 support in Massachusetts or call 1-8778-HOPENY or text HopeNY in New York.

This episode is brought to you by Warner Brothers Pictures.

One battle after another is coming to theater September 26th.

Don't miss legendary writer, director, and producer.

My guy, Paul Thomas Anderson, teaming up with Leo DiCaprio for the first time ever.

Pretty exciting.

They almost teamed together in boogie nights, actually, alongside award-winning actors like Sean Penn, Tiana Taylor, and Benicio Del Toro in this hilarious action-packed adventure following Bob Ferguson, an ex-revolutionary, on a mission to find his missing daughter and overcome the consequences of his past.

One battle after another.

Only in theater September 26th.

Get tickets now.

Rated R R under 17, not admitted without parent.