BakerMania, Kelce’s New Identity, Cross-Off Teams, Guess the Lines, and Parent Corner With Cousin Sal and Jimmy Kimmel

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All right, we're recording.

It is 8.11 Pacific time Sunday night.

Cousin Sal is here.

Worst start-to-finish day of football we've had.

I'm not going to argue.

I love football.

You get sad.

This is right around when you start getting sad about

four weeks from now when you really actually start getting sad.

Okay.

You're like, oh, no.

Oh, my God.

Thanksgiving's coming up.

Oh, we're halfway.

I'm not going to complain too much, but this was not a good day of football.

It really wasn't.

No, it wasn't.

I was almost thinking that now I know the purpose of the London game, have two quarterbacks that are so bad that it distracts you from the slew of bad quarterbacks in the 1 p.m.

games.

And it's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's sure that, you know, yeah, Dylan Gabriel has negative air yards in the first half, but did you see Knicks against Fields?

That was awful.

I don't know anymore.

So it's like when they bring a sorbet taster at a restaurant, but the sorbet tastes like poop.

Yeah, and after that, the food is like, oh, I mean, this is better than that sorbet they gave us.

That's it.

Poop sorbet all day long.

There were a couple of highlights.

I guess we can talk about Chiefs Lions later, even though it just happened.

Bucks Niners, I think, was the story of the day.

I don't want to start with my guy, Drake, definitely.

I'd rather start with

Bucs Niners.

Warner's out for the year.

They only brought back three starters from last year, and Warner and Bosa were two of them, and both of them are now gone.

Warner broke his ankle.

It was so bad they didn't.

They came out of the replay, and they're like, we're not showing it.

Here's a wide shot.

So the Niners are four and two, but they feel like they've become the year from hell team, even though the Ravens are like, we already locked this up.

What are you guys talking about?

If you're going to say Niners, Ravens, who's more realistic to be a playoff team?

You would obviously say Niners, but is it possible the Ravens will be the playoff team and the Niners would not be the playoff team?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's possible because of these injuries.

And like we got excited for them.

They won that Thursday night game against the Rams and they were finally for a week spared a major injury.

And now, right back at it, Fred Warner, huge bummer, great player.

Even Jawan Jennings, who was questionable all week, told reporters after the game, I'm playing with five broken ribs and a high and low ankle sprain.

It's like, is that the new, like, is that the 12 Days of Christmas song?

Can we do that with 49ers' injuries?

Like, I don't know.

It is, it is a lot.

Five broken ribs is like you basically be in traction.

Yeah.

Five broken ribs.

How many do we have?

Do we have eight?

How many ribs do we have?

12?

I thought maybe we should probably know this.

All right.

Six or eight on each side.

If anybody knows, have you ever broken ribs?

I think I fractured a rib in playing football, but it didn't matter.

I wasn't starting.

So I just had multiple ribs once.

And let me tell you something.

Not a good time.

You would not be wanting to play football.

I cracked a rib in 2010.

And even then,

I couldn't do anything for two weeks.

So I don't know what Jawan Jennings is going through or what they're shooting with.

The Baker Mayfield thing, we talked about his MVP stuff last week.

It dropped from 15 to 1 to 13 to 1 on FanDuel

before I even wanted to make it a topic for the pod all the way through when we were doing the pod.

Now, what is it, like plus 380?

I saw plus 380.

I feel like we did our job.

Like our job is to find value in these MVPs.

I'm almost sick of talking about it already.

Like, he's great.

He's probably too good for this award.

Like, if I'm Baker Mayfield and I win this award, I'm like screw it mark mosley won mvp give me something different i want something but we know how it is this is uh he's gonna have to get a top two seed he's playing better than everybody else well they're five and one they have one of the best records in the league it's it's there's two five and one teams right now he's plus 430 on fan duel mahomes is ahead of him at plus 270 and allen is plus 140.

mahomes is ahead of him at what that three and three it must be all about just trying to attract kind of casual football fans because to me, Mayfield should be like plus 150 or something at this point.

He's been that good.

There was an insane draft today.

They're up 2019.

And House and I, we ended up betting.

We didn't do it for Ringer 107.

We had the Niners and a parlay with the Chiefs money line.

Niners, plus seven and a half.

So we'll come back to that in a second.

But they have third and 14 on Mayfield, and he has that crazy play, which they showed for the rest of the day, where he gets away from five guys.

He's running in, somehow jukes a guy.

Everyone falls for these fake football throw quarterback moves when they're nine yards past the line of scrimmage, gets a first down.

Then same drive hits a guy who fingertips, catches it, and then does the rollover and keeps the ball, which I think happens twice a year.

And they're up eight.

And that was it.

We lost by a half point.

But he's just, I'm tired of betting against himself.

No, you're right.

We're stupid.

And there's always that play.

The one you talked about was it third and 14.

30 and 14.

He's starting to get an erection.

I look at the bottom half of these guys, so you could tell, like, but he's like, I'm gonna, he plans one of these games.

Like, I'm gonna scramble, I'm gonna break three different tackles on all different parts of the field, and I'm gonna lunge for the first down flag, and I'm just gonna make it.

And it's just dynamite, just dynamite.

And after watching terrible quarterback play all day, like that makes it worth it for me.

Well, the irony of that happening after we watched poor Dylan Gabriel in Pittsburgh, right?

Who,

you know, the more you watch him, I'm not sure what the average skill is.

Right.

No height.

I wouldn't say he's fast.

I guess he's a little accurate on short passes, but

that's about it.

But you think like all the, but there was that stat this week about what are they paying eight guys to play quarterback?

Yeah, right.

Even though they only still have three and they let Mayfield go.

Since I've known you, the only two QBs who have been resurrected were him and Carson Palmer.

Right.

Is there anybody else where there was like

Gabriel and Carson Palmer?

No, no, no, no.

Baker and Carson Palmer, where it was like we'd given up on them as guys who could potentially be on a contender, much less like a decent starting quarterback.

Carson Palmer had that Raiders run.

It was like, this guy's career is over.

Then he went to Arizona and got rejuvenated.

But the Baker thing is much crazier.

I mean, I think we both bet against, didn't we both bet against him when he had the Rams drive when they picked him up on like

the Thursday Christmas week?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I feel like I've been losing money to him for five years, but I can't think of any other resurrections.

The other one's Kurt Warner is the only one that we didn't know each other.

We didn't, yeah, yeah, we didn't, we refused to speak during those times, but that was it.

I think there's no other career arc for a quarterback like Baker's.

Well, if you were like, if we were like the rich owner of some team and we needed a quarterback, at some point you're bringing in, if you still have the same front office, you're bringing those guys in and you're like, what the fuck did we miss with Baker Mayfield?

Like he was, Carolina waved him.

And then if you're, if you're Tepper, the Carolina owner, he's got to be like, I had Matt Rule.

I had Baker Mayfields.

I had Christian McCaffrey.

Like, why did we just throw away the last couple of years?

Like, we actually had the nucleus.

So I don't know.

He gained his, he got his mojo back, and I don't know how it happened.

In everyone's defense, I mean, there's no defending it.

But when this contract came up for those teams, the Panthers and the Browns, he was dealing with injuries.

But I feel like out of all the embarrassing things the Browns have gone through, is this top three?

Is signing the

Watson trade's one?

The Watson trade is

worse than Baker, letting Baker go.

I guess it's the same thing, right?

One won him bad, one out of the battle.

I mean, the case for it was like, this guy's never going to be the same.

It's almost more like a Drew Brees thing.

I know, but

he's got damaged goods.

Yeah, I know it.

I know it.

Yeah, he's great.

Like I said,

although now that Mahomes is ahead of him, I think we have to talk him up even more.

This is ridiculous.

Well, the thing is, he was really bad on Carolina.

It's not like

nobody was like, what are they doing?

They waved Baker Mayfield.

Like he was bad.

And then Darnold replaced him and they actually played better with Darnold.

I don't get it.

I mean, it's like in a sports movie, this would happen where somebody's great, or in Baker's case, very good on the Browns.

Like he took him to around two.

He had a great college career.

Does the dip.

It's like the days of thunder Tom Cruise.

Like, you know, you're in the hospital bed.

I don't know if I can race again.

It's like one of those.

I don't know if I can QB again.

And he's got some, some girl like, Baker, you've got to come back.

And he gives some speech on a balcony, like Brad Pitt F1.

And now he's back.

And now he's like,

NFC, like, is there a team?

I know they've had a bunch of injuries, but all the injuries, all the people are coming back, which is different than the Niners situation.

He's got everyone coming back, Bill.

Every Lions have everyone coming back.

Everyone's coming back.

No, I'm with you.

You know, I almost think think the,

I don't know.

Like, if you go to Carolina or the Browns, like that should be treated as your like middle school years.

Like, oh, yeah, he had acne and, you know, he had braces.

He just got divorced.

Yeah.

Yeah.

His voice was cracking.

You can't count those years.

Look, look at what he did as a junior in high school.

So I think that's.

Uncle went to jail.

Well, their schedule is about to get tough.

Right.

So they're.

They're five and one right now, but they have the Lions on a Monday night next week.

They're at New Orleans.

That's the next two bye week.

Home Pats at Bills at Ramps.

So this is, we marked down.

We said that when we looked at this before the season

that we thought they were going to start out fast.

And then this would be the stretch when we found out what we had.

The problem for them is the stretch is coming when Igbuka is now out at least for a couple weeks.

Evans, who knows with him.

Godwin came back and got hurt again.

Macmillan's still out.

Bucky Irving's out at least another week.

So they might not have, I mean, next week they might be down all of their best weapons.

But they had

to get them out today.

And you just, you can't keep them under 30 points is a thing, at least like the last three weeks, right?

Or four weeks now, right?

29 against the Jets.

All right, 25 against the Eagles, 38 and 30 this week.

And really, without flinching, they didn't even need to score in the fourth quarter, and they could have.

Yeah, what was the final score today?

30-19.

Unbelievable.

So they're, I mean, they're basically,

and you look at that

week two, that was the game when it seems like the, when it seemed like the Texans had them beat on a Monday night.

Right.

And then he went right down the field and got him.

But they, their offense was pretty inept that whole game.

So when they get Evans back with Godwin and McMillan, I assume, comes back at some point, and then Igbuka will be healthy.

And you have Bucky Irving.

That's, that has a chance to be the best offense of the week.

Yeah, that's gross.

I think.

That's gross.

Yeah.

That's

pretty ridiculous.

Because it doesn't seem like, because they're also down linemen, right?

We don't even talk about the offensive line, but going into every week, it's like well they're down two starters and who who knows with the worfs or what's going to happen that doesn't ever seem to matter the way he scrambles it's kind of like barry sanders as a quarterback like sanders like didn't follow his blocks and would have like 70 yard runs right like i don't know is this going to take him to the super bowl they had a left guard leave the game today against the niners and they said it was the third string left guard that was leaving.

And the announcers are like, I don't even know who the fourth string guy is.

Look, we'll see who they bring in.

What's interesting is they have the fifth best odds on FanDuel right now.

They're eight to one.

Now, I think the injuries and the schedule that they have coming up are factored into that.

But I haven't liked how the Packers have looked at all, like, at all.

Detroit,

we saw today, like, they've had some bad luck with the defensive injuries.

That'll come back.

I'm not willing to write them off or...

get excited about them.

It's too early.

Eagles is the wild card.

And we haven't done, I haven't done any pots since thursday night um yeah i just don't think jalen carter should mean that much where you just look like complete shit on both sides of the ball like i know i know he's good but uh they got manhandled in that game and the offense looked awful and it's a it's a the hurts thing is just really strange like the the lack of pace that they have, like especially when they fall behind.

He doesn't seem like he changes his demeanor at all.

There's no urgency.

Everybody seems unhappy.

I don't understand it.

I don't understand what's wrong with them.

And I think I've watched like 80% of their plays this year.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, I bet them every week.

So I got off to a very, very slow start Thursday, then Friday, then Saturday, then today.

But yeah, I mean, this is an athlete, one of the great athletes, right?

He squats 600 pounds, whatever he does, and he can't get it together.

He can't get this offensive flow.

His wide receivers pretty much hate him.

And

I don't know, was Barkley, was that just a weird thing last year that isn't going to happen again?

That's what I'm worried about, thinking about.

Like, is that going to make a comeback?

Yeah, their offensive line certainly isn't the same.

They won the Super Bowl last year.

So we always forget to completely factor that in, even though it's always factored in with the odds and the discourse.

But it is a, you know, when you haven't done anything versus when you just did it, it's a little different.

But

it's the lack of,

they're like a basketball team that only runs kind of one play over and over and over again, right?

And even if the other team figures it out, it's like, well, I guess we're gonna do the exact same thing again, and maybe they won't figure it out this time.

And by the way, they might have killed their hopes of renewing the tush push by running it four times in a row.

I think that might be enough for the owners to be like, All right, we don't have to wait around for someone to get injured, right?

This is ridiculous to watch.

People are horrified by this.

Yeah, um, Green Bay being the favorite at plus 360.

I, Yeah, I guess somebody has to be the favorite, but I don't know.

I look at that list and I don't really like any of the teams.

And the Niners, by the way, have the sixth best odds at 10 to 1.

But what's interesting is Seahawks, the Seattle Seahawks are 8 to 1.

I'm sorry, they have the 8th best odds.

They're 16 to 1.

Yeah.

And I would, I

honestly like them as much as any of those other teams, just because they, I think somebody's got to come out of that NFC West.

Somebody's going to be a two or a three seed they've stayed healthy i i kind of like their defense when their defense is actually healthy they have some playmakers quarterback's playing pretty well they're winning on the road i thought the win today was really good but they don't look the way they're playing as much as anybody yeah win on the road that's what you want in a playoff team right like i just think the quarterback is still not trusted right if you look at every team ahead of them except for san francisco uh you would probably take that quarterback but to your larger point should there be four teams ahead of tampa bay i say no way in the NFC.

Maybe two.

The other thing with San Francisco, and you can hide behind all the injury stuff, and they've certainly had some terrible ones, not to mention Kittle's played one game.

Right.

You know, they've had Mac Jones playing on one leg for the last couple of weeks, but they can't block.

Yeah.

And I don't know if that's like, oh, and all those injuries they've had on the offensive line.

It's more like, yeah, Trent Williams got old.

That guy used to be the best left pack in the league.

And

I don't think they have a dominant

numbers aren't great anymore.

But I thought Mac, there was a moment in that second half when all of a sudden it looked like Mac was on the 2023 Pats again.

He was just going backwards and there was five guys there.

And that's when he's at his worst.

He had no time to do anything.

So

I know they're 4-2, but to me, it feels a little like when Cincinnati was 2-0 and neither of us, both of us were like, oh.

this is going arrow pointing down.

I don't see it with the Niners.

I think too much has happened.

Yeah, I mean, we looked at all these teams, but they're getting these guys back.

Detroit's getting defenders back.

Tampa's getting guys back.

You don't know that for San Francisco just seems to lose one key player every week.

Yeah, they got the Falcons at home week seven.

That's a Sunday night game.

Then they go at Texans, at Giants.

And that's pretty tough when you have all the injuries on top of the fact that you've had trouble blocking people and now you're going Texans, Giants, back to back.

Right.

Right.

The Giants have the best pass rush in the league, and I think the Texans are probably in the top four or five.

So I, you know, I was looking at the

odds for the NFC West,

and I think they're still favored.

Yeah, they're plus 135.

The Rams are plus 160.

And the Seahawks,

I haven't gotten it for five, six straight weeks.

I still don't get it.

The Seahawks are plus 290.

And I don't understand that at all.

To me, it's like those three teams have to be neck and neck.

I would not put any of them over anybody right now.

Do you understand that?

No, it was four to one last week.

I think it was eight to one the week before.

And we were talking about this then.

So, yeah, I think they're the most balanced.

If you trust Sam Darnold, they're kind of the most balanced team with a good enough coach, I think, to get it done.

And they have, I would say, JSN is now a top three or four or five somewhere in their receiver.

Now that Puka finally got hurt, which was unfortunately like you could only throw to a guy 15 times a game.

Can I tell you something about JSN?

I don't know if you saw this.

21.11 miles per hour on this touchdown reception.

Oh, really?

I thought that was like a 20.9.

When I watched it live, yeah, I watched football at House today and we were like, just watching this 20.9?

I was like, yeah, that seemed like a 20.9.

21.1?

Oh, no, watch it again.

That's a 21.

Maybe they time that correctly?

21.1.5, I would think.

Wow, 21.1.

21.1.1.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just think if he had gone a mile an hour faster, he would have been going 22.

Wait a minute.

Okay.

Are you swimming?

I'm going to go get coffee tomorrow and go 22 miles an hour and see how many people beep at me.

Do you think this is something?

Should they have like the sperm count for the receivers too?

Like, I might as well just

pick up numbers.

Let's do blood pressure.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, I was saying, I think I'd be more interested in that.

What was his blood pressure as he ran down?

Maybe that would explain what happened to Dee Mercado.

he blacked out his good cholesterol is actually low so we're all right

i had a thing i wanted to bring up with you because you know the mariners are doing really well they won tonight yeah there's like a kind of a seattle moment happening even the wnba team got a little frisky in the playoffs and then the seahawks doing well and i do believe in the the the city cluster theory because it's happening now with indiana this is what made me think of it the pacers had their whole like crazy, crazy improbable run, right?

Right.

Now the college football team and the pro football team are both on these crazy runs.

And everybody's thanking Pat McAfee.

He's like at the center of it.

How does he do it?

It happened in Boston when the

in 2002, when the Pats, when they won the first Super Bowl with Brady.

Happened a few times.

And then the Celtics that in the playoffs that year had this improbable run.

And the mindset shifted.

It was when they came back and they almost made the finals.

They came back from 25 to beat the Nets in game three, which was just on NBA TV recently.

And I wrote a comment about being at that game.

And the Boston fans were so beaten down, but the Pats thing kind of swung the perspective.

And then the Celtics are doing well.

And it was like, maybe we can come back.

And it was like, it was like a mood cleansing.

And I wonder sometimes if that happens with cities, but I was thinking about that with Seattle.

This is one of the dumbest theories I'll ever have.

But the further the Mariners go, I also think it's good for the Seahawks.

There's just good vibes and happiness everywhere in Seattle.

And maybe it'll transfer.

Okay.

I mean, I don't know.

Steep it there.

We should ask Vandal if good vibes and happiness figure into any of these lines.

Good vibes theory.

Well, we do it the other way, right?

Like New York sucks.

They had a bad week.

Philly had a bad week last week.

Now kind of Detroit's there, too, right?

Scoobel and Tigers lose game five.

You get like the, you get the stink.

Lions lost this week.

Who's the other Detroit?

There's another Detroit.

What happened?

Yeah.

Am I missing something?

Oh, Michigan lost.

you you were in michigan yeah yeah so yeah we had that in 07

when uh when

the the kg trade happened the red sox won the world series and right as the patriots spy gate we were ripping off that whole thing and the celtics were going for like 70 wins and it was just Sometimes it happens where the city, where good stuff aligns.

And then like you just said, like the opposite happens where you just feel like, oh my God, every single thing is going wrong.

Anyway, stupid theory.

Let's move to the KC game really quick.

So

this line stayed at two and a half.

Yeah.

And apparently a lot of the Sharps were on the Lions.

I didn't understand why anybody thought the Chiefs were going to go two and four.

It was like 90% of my reasoning for the Chiefs is like, they're going to go two and four.

Like they're, it's not like they're that banged up, right?

They didn't, their left tackle got scratched pretty late.

I don't know.

We don't know what happened with that, but their blocking was fine.

But they should have won last Monday.

That was one of the dumbest.

That was one of the three dumbest losses of the season.

And I thought with all the Detroit defense injuries, I thought that line was disrespectful.

I didn't understand it.

Did you understand it?

Yeah, you called it.

I don't know.

I thought it was about right, but I hold a grudge and I was still so mad at them for Monday night.

I actually didn't think they played that great Monday night.

I know the pick six is 14, nothing.

I mean,

so why don't they swing the game?

Like they're up 14, and they and then they end up with, like they still have 14 late in the third quarter.

Like this is the Chiefs.

And then I don't know, it's all if you depend, if you believe that now they're not the one score team, winning team, right?

Like they were 10-0 last year and one-score games.

This year, I think they were 0-3.

Tonight wasn't one score, right?

So I don't know.

Yeah, I mean, good for you if you took it.

But I just,

I don't know.

I didn't buy into the Detroit secondary thing.

And I know a lot of Detroit fans want to blame that illegal shift call or whatever when, you know, know, golf wasn't lined up right in the first drive, but they did get beat up today.

Well, the reality, how many points did they end up scoring?

They had nothing.

17.

Yeah.

Their vaunted offense.

What do you think a team's record is when either a running back fumbles as he's about to go in the end zone or a quarterback throws a 99-yard interception or a guy fumbles it when he's about to go over the goal line or the fumble where it goes out of the end zone and it's a safety for the other team.

Has any NFL team in the history of the league ever then won the game?

No, no, no.

I'm going to say they're like 0 and 1200.

It's impossible.

It's impossible to do that.

Yeah.

And there's so many close calls, but yeah, it's that 99.

And then you've got, even for them to win, Lawrence had to like fall down, roll over, keep rolling, stumble again, and then they almost won anyway.

That's what the Chiefs do to teams.

Yeah.

House and I made a lot of jokes during the game about Travis Kelsey because

it's a little bit of a deep cut on the Taylor Swift album, but it was a very controversial song in the album called Wood, which people thought was about

Travis Kelsey's healthy manhood and satisfying her and how she finally has,

you know, she's finally...

the sex thing has finally really worked out for her.

And if you go back and look at all her boyfriends, maybe this is a different type of guy she's dating.

So we were just calling her him Wood whole game, and it was very enjoyable.

It's like, Mahomes, get it to Wood.

Like, this clearly should be his nickname.

She wrote this whole

gushing love song about his sexual prowess.

Like, he should just be Travis Wood Kelsey.

Yeah.

Oh, look at Woody over there.

Wood.

Wood.

Come on.

I mean, that's why you see

Taylor's smiling.

Dude, Wood's just getting it done.

I like it.

I like it.

You think it'll catch up?

It's not a negative thing.

Right.

It's positive.

Right.

Just praising him.

It's like when we did the Pete Davidson, the big dick energy, or what was it?

Yeah, all that stuff.

I saw, we went to football camp, and

I ended up seeing our offensive lineman in the shower, and he had a gigantic schlong.

And then I told everyone, and they ended up calling him tripod, and he hated me for it.

He wanted to kick my ass every day for it.

I was like, what the fuck?

It's a great nickname.

Like a people point, ah, ha ha ha.

He's got a big dick.

Come on.

Come on, Wood.

Tripod is a compliment.

Of course it is.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, on that note, we're going to take a break and we're going to come back and talk about the rest of the week six slates.

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Louis, Missouri.

All right.

You want to talk about your team first or my team first?

Let's get mine out of the way.

Okay.

You lost to the Carolina Panthers.

They did it again.

They dragged me in.

They dragged me in.

I loved it.

I was like, just win this game.

Half game behind the Eagles.

We have a home game against the game.

Are you thinking that way?

Damn it.

Why did I do that?

Why didn't you tell me?

You should have told me.

You should have reminded me of that.

You were doing that on the Sunday pregame show.

I thought it was a bit.

No.

You really were sucked in?

Yeah.

I mean, he's playing great.

he really is this is a in a way a baker mayfield thing like last three weeks dak has i think 11 touchdowns one interception over 800 yards and the defense allowed i think 90 points like and i'm like he could carry them and he almost did just despicable though we were talking today watching the game

it's not just that he's playing great like every throw is perfect yeah Every throw is like the guy's in stride, running with it.

It's right here.

It's on the sideline in the only spot where the guy can catch it.

Like he's really playing out of his mind.

And Pickens has been phenomenal too.

Right.

I mean, like, I know people see the highlights on social media, but

in the open space, you just feel like he's going to get an 80-yard touchdown every time.

The irony of them getting their asses kicked by Rico Dowdle, I thought was unbelievable.

When all everybody did last year was complain about the Cowboys running backs.

And then they have this guy who looks like, you know, he's playing, like his family's being kept in a log cabin.

And unless he gets 200 yards, everybody's going to die at midnight.

Like that's how crazy he was running.

And he called him out before.

He's like, I'm going to do this.

This is my the Rico Daddle revenge games.

Like, okay, is it that easy to exact revenge on the Cowboys?

Like you could just say it and then you're good for 160 yards.

Like could anyone he was

like the woman that works concession stand at Cowboy Stadium.

Can she, they, they ripped her off for overtime.

She's going to run for 160.

Like, I'm sorry, Rico, we moved on from you and your two rushing touchdowns last year, but Jesus.

I don't remember a single Rico Doudo conversation.

I don't remember him being on a fantasy team.

I don't remember you being like, man, we let Rico Doudo go.

I think he's going to come back to haunt us.

Like there was no conversation.

So I don't know what happened to him this year.

It's a borderline free DAC, though.

Like this, this, he's got this terrible defense.

Yeah.

All these injuries on the offensive line.

And it's, it's very similar to that Burrow Higgins Chase situation.

He's not taking too many sacks.

It's not that bad, the offensive line.

But yeah, as long as it does come back bad as, I mean, in probably a couple of weeks, they're saying I think it's still two weeks.

But I mean, Pickens as a one is really not bad.

It's crazy.

No, it's funny that you do the Parsons trade, which it's not like he's coming back to haunt you that much either.

Why?

No one's talking about that, by the way.

He's not that good.

I know the idea is that Jerry has to lose everything, but I don't know.

He's not even top 50 in sacks.

He's sixth in tackles for losses on his team.

So not outside of the TVs, I'll tell you that much.

No, no, you would think back injections, a stationary Joe Flacco would be a good place to shine, but didn't happen.

Well, and then the Pickens trade, would you give up for him?

A third?

Was it a third?

Yeah, I think it was three.

Yeah.

So three or four?

Yeah.

Three.

Whatever.

That trade was.

We'll take credible.

Yep.

Carolina.

So McMillan had a breakout day.

That was the other thing that happened.

They got two running backs.

They could actually probably shop Hubbard if they wanted to.

They felt like Doudo was.

And there's a few teams that need a running back, including my team.

But Carolina, three and three,

this is the furthest they've made in a while because we're going to do cross-off teams later.

Not crossing them off.

They can't cross off them.

They don't have a chance to be a seven seed.

Yeah.

They're not bad.

They're three and oh at home.

Let's wait till they get to six and three, and then we'll cross them off.

Bryce Young just killed us.

He has like 160 pass rating against when he's losing to the Cowboys.

It's ridiculous.

He's very calm.

Well, my team,

the worst officiated game I can remember of a Patriots game, just five or six calls that we still don't know where the flag came from.

They had a touchdown called back.

They're kicking the extra point and they're like, no, no, there's a flag.

There was no flag in the field.

Nobody knows what happened with that.

There was an offensive pass interference that nobody understands what happened with that.

There was a fumble that we recovered that they decided it wasn't a fumble.

Nobody could.

I've just never seen anything like it.

And at some point, you're like, well, if they were ever going to have a rigged NFL game, I think I'm watching it.

If there were ever like three officials who said, fuck it, we're in New Orleans.

Gambling's legal here.

Let's go for it.

It was that bad.

And the Pats, and the Pats,

they won anyway.

And they won because Drake May was out of his mind.

He was so fucking good, Sal.

Just give me the Drake definitely.

It's over.

You've lost.

How about Drake?

He's Drake definitely.

For now, Drake May B plus.

How about that?

Drake May was

the best quarterback performance of the day, other than maybe your guy, but at least Drake May won.

Today, the stat has been around a bunch of times.

The 23 and under quarterbacks to throw for 200 more passing yards with

100-plus passer rating in five straight games, him, Mahomes, and Dan Marino.

He's hit on eight straight 20-plus passes, not counting the two that got called back on penalties.

When he's throwing deep, which was his thing, coming out of the draft where everybody's like,

this guy loves the big plays.

He's a big play hunter.

He loves throwing deep.

He's great at it.

And the Pats are five and two.

I'm sorry, four and two with the Titans and Browns as their next two.

And Drake Drake May is down to 16 to 1 for MVP.

Well, he can't win MVP.

So just stop.

He's 16 to 1.

This is when people, I don't want you, people stop listening to you if you say things like this.

He's not going to win MVP.

I'm just pointing out he's 16 to 1 and win the MVP.

Well, I don't know if you read the fine print, but.

Six best odds.

If you lose to the Raiders, you're not eligible for MVP.

So it's Drake May and it's Cam Ward, the only two that can't win the MVP

right now.

That's fair.

No, he's been great.

He's been great.

He makes amazing third down throws down the field wherever he has to hit it.

He extends drives.

Great, great, great.

I agree with you with everything.

I even had the Saints plus three and a half.

And I'm like, you know what?

This is officiated so poorly.

I won't be able to take Simmons crying like this.

I now hope New England wins the game.

And they did.

You have to turn on your own bet.

That's it.

Our running backs were so bad in this game.

That, and the play calling, too, the two running backs, Stevenson and Remondra.

I don't know what happened to both of them.

22 for 45.

Every time it was like third and eight, third and 13, third and 11, third and nine.

And the Pats were somehow six for 13 on third down.

But Drake was just,

I can't believe how good he was the last two games.

It's a completely different ceiling.

Like it's all the Pats fans are talking about.

Like it's like we have a guy.

Like this is it.

It's happening.

So with this easy schedule, I just feel like,

you know you feel like he's doing well on this easy schedule sure yeah i feel like we're in a good spot with this guy all right you are you definitely are and listen coming into the year we thought at worst they were going to get the seventh seed and now there's nothing to shake us from that right like the four and two so what's that the rest of the way they'd have to go

six and

six and four well it doesn't even matter like six and five six and five six and five gets them in the playoffs they play six shitty teams But yeah.

But

they still have the Jets in Miami.

I think both of them again.

But when we do this in August, we thought the Ravens were in.

We thought the Bengals were in.

Those teams are not in now.

So you're not going to say you're going to sneak in because you're going to have 10 wins anyway.

Yeah, and then the AFC South, like the way the Jaguars look today, because you would have said, oh, we'll have Indy and Jacksonville.

But Jacksonville, I thought, looked terrible.

I know they had some injuries, and they shouldn't have won last week.

So they're, I would say, a pretty soft four and two.

And then it looks like we're 100% only getting one AFC North team unless there's some sort of miraculous ball.

Well, and I don't know if you saw those division odds, but it finally flipped to Pittsburgh being a favorite of minus 135 because now they're three and a half up on Baltimore.

And I know it gets dicey for them in November.

The games are tough, but three and a half is a very big lead for a team that doesn't have their starting quarterback yet.

Well, the Ravens got killed by the Rams.

And,

you know here are the stats so since we had the 14 team playoff format

only 2020 washington started one and five and made the playoffs

before that one and five was a death sentence we only had the 2012 redskins 2018 colts and 2015 chiefs the only three that made it coming out of one and five

so

If you're going to make the case for them,

the defense got a little healthier.

They have a bye week next week.

Their next six are Bears at Miami, at Vikings, at Cleveland, three in a row on the road, home Jets, home Cincy.

And I think they're going to be favored in five of those if Lamar is playing, right?

They'll be favored in all of those and maybe even favored in the at Vikings game.

Yeah.

So there's a chance they go five and one.

I would say five and one

if you're a Ravens fan.

That's what you're hoping for.

And five and one puts you at five and six heading into the stretch of the season.

You get to play Pittsburgh twice still.

God only knows what's going to happen with Rogers.

So it's weird.

They're 1-5, but it doesn't feel over.

But, man, they suck today.

And I thought they were poorly coached.

Listen, we could make them a cross-off if you want.

We could do it right now.

I can't do it with Lamar.

He's won like 80% of his games.

I think the wild card's out, though, because they're one and five.

They're going to have, even if they're 10-7, they're going to lose a lot of tiebreakers here.

I think the way to get in is nine and eight, head-to-head.

They beat with Steelers.

Yes, nine to eight, and they win those, obviously, when those two heads.

They win both Pittsburgh games here.

Yes, definitely.

Yeah.

But that's tough.

I mean, that's not even a good thing.

The Steelers are four and one.

So the Steelers would have to go five and six the rest of the way, basically, and lose both of the Baltimore games.

Right.

But this is like, you bring up those division odds.

I just think minus 135 is, I think Pittsburgh should be like at least a two to one favorite.

Yeah, I thought they should be minus last week before even gaining another game.

I thought they should be favored because they're kind of doing everything right.

And by the way, they, you know, I think we've been at this too long because that was such a gimme from the gambling gods, the Steelers.

I saw it as a rat line, but the Steelers five and a half.

Why the hell weren't we all over that?

I mean, the Browns.

What do you do with the Browns defense against

how simple that Steelers offense is?

I thought there was a real scenario where the Browns defense just won the game.

They couldn't do anything on offense.

They came from London.

They opted to skip the bye after London.

The Steelers are

off a buy.

Tomlin doesn't really lose too much off a buy.

You know, you have Dylan Gabriel going in there, and we whiffed on it.

Stupid.

Well, speaking of London, Broncos, Jets, what a way to start the morning.

Yet another horrible London game.

And I felt like the Broncos were about to win by 30.

Bo Nix is running for a first down.

They have the lead.

There's not even guys around him.

He slides,

but he slides before the first down marker, which I think is in my top four least favorite plays in football with number one, obviously, being the punter that kicks it into the end zone because the special teams guy knocked the ball into the end zone.

That's my least favorite.

But he did the slide and he's just short.

And you're like, oh, here we go.

And then.

delayed game penalty or whatever.

Now it's, and then all of a sudden they're going backwards and the Jets are just hanging around and they end up barely winning 13-11.

But I felt like they were going on a run.

It seemed like they were going to go win by 30.

Their defense gives up 95 yards total, 100 yards total, whatever it was.

Jets do nothing.

And the Broncos almost lose.

And this is like betting on her against Bo Nicks.

I just don't know what the answer is anymore.

Well, the answer for me is I can't have a lot of money riding on.

the London game when we're also doing the pregame show because I just get too angry and too distracted.

It's like showing up to work, tripping your face off on Molly.

And I was like, I can't, I don't even care what these guys are saying.

I have to, what is going on with this game?

Why isn't Denver winning?

And then you're right.

Like,

Justin Fields,

he's the first quarterback to have nine or more sacks and nine or fewer completions since, you want to guess since who?

It was Justin Fields.

Since Justin Fields in 2021.

This is so sickening.

The Jets had two first downs in the first half.

One of them

was on a fake punt, right?

Fourth and one when they went for it.

They're celebrating it.

I've never seen a team losing, celebrating converting fourth and one only to run the clock out, but they were losing, right?

That was bizarre to me.

I didn't know what I was watching.

And Aaron Glenn is on the sidelines.

He's acting like he's a disgruntled fan that's in the stands that flew to London.

And it's like, you're actually the coach.

You could fix any of this.

He's just like, I don't know what we're doing.

It's like, you're the coach.

This is your team.

He is, and he really really went.

And you know, he has Mark Sanchez third on the depth chart right now.

I mean, things are really bad in Gotham.

Really, really bad.

But what honestly, though, when does England get pissed at us?

Like, I think it would have happened three years ago.

This is way worse than dumping tea in the Boston Harbor or whatever the hell.

Like, if they did this to us and sent the club soccer team over here who kept batting the soccer ball around with their hands and were charging 200 bucks to see it.

The striker has one leg.

I think we'd be pissed.

It's not an act of war, but it's pretty bad.

Yeah.

No, it is like if we if we put Nathan Fielder in charge of our experience of sending football to London, this is what he would do.

Yeah.

He'd be like, what if we send Justin Fields?

He has eight completions in three hours.

Is this a rehearsal?

Is this whole thing a rehearsal episode?

Wow.

It's so bad.

It might be.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So now people are like, should they bench Fields?

He's just not accurate.

It's not going to change.

He's been in the league like that.

There were multiple plays when Garrett Wilson was open and then he's just straining to catch these things that just normal quarterbacks just complete the thing.

If you take out his running, he can't really do anything.

These are unworldly stats.

Negative 10 yards passing net.

I mean, you can't, you can't see.

I'm sure he's a nice guy.

We've seen enough at this point.

Great guy.

We've seen enough.

Somebody I thought we saw enough of, but obviously.

Obviously, I didn't see enough of, even though I thought I did, was Jacoby Brissette, who when he was the guy blocking Drake May for a few games,

just seemed like he had been washed up three years ago.

He comes in for the cards today.

Yeah.

And then immediately, Kyler can't play.

He gets scratched.

And this is like, this is a godsend.

Who can I tease the Colts with?

What buddy line parlay can I put the Colts with?

Right.

This is amazing.

What a stroke of luck to get Jacoby Brissette.

He goes 27 for 44 for 320.

They're 9 for 14 on third down.

And they're just hanging the whole game to the point where House and I are going, you got to be fucking kidding me.

The Cardinals are going to win this.

Every time you think they're about to roll over, they had another drive and they finally lose by four.

They were on their third string running backs.

Harrison left with a concussion in the second quarter.

None of it mattered.

They kept driving.

And first of all, kudos to him.

Second.

I think the Colts' defense has to go on fraud watch.

Yeah.

That's it.

Like Denver was moving up and down on them.

Brissette was moving up and down on them.

And I know they have the record, but with their weapons, I like Warren.

I like Jonathan Taylor.

Dimes is fine.

They have some receivers who can make plays, but their defense is not good enough.

I don't think.

No, I think you're right.

Maybe cut them some slack.

How much can you get up for a game like this?

You know, Arizona coming to town with the second string, everything.

But

it's still very weird to me that they have the best record in the AFC right now, right?

Like, and weird shit's happened.

Like before the game, guy goes out with a concussion, like a deep back.

Anthony Richardson, not that he was playing, but he had like a, I read that he had a band injury.

I was like, what the hell is this now?

He got hit in the head with a tuba coming out of the tunnel.

Yeah, yeah, no, but it was actually those bands.

I've done that a million times.

So now he's got, but this is something that happens to like a two and nine team, right?

Not someone, not a team that's, I mean, what are their odds?

Minus 130 to win the division?

They're going to be around there in January, I think.

Well, let's go backwards.

They killed the Dolphins in week one.

Yeah.

Not impressive now.

They barely beat the Broncos in the game, the leverage game that they should have lost.

They killed the Titans.

They lose to the Rams.

They kill the Raiders.

And they barely beat Brissette.

Those are their six games.

Okay.

So we've been down this road before with teams.

And what was that year, a couple of years ago with Minnesota when they were like 13 and four and we were like, I can't wait to bet against this team in the playoffs.

I'm not sure I would say that yet with the Colts because

they can move the ball.

Yeah.

Like, and they, I think,

you know, they've gone 33, 29, 41, 20, 40, and 31 in these six games.

So they're always going to have the offense, which is a little different than some teams.

But

schedule's going to get harder here as we get to the week nine range.

They're going to be, well, they're at Chargers next week.

Although the Chargers are pretty banged up, but they still have at Stayers, at Chiefs, at Jags, at Seahawks, at Texans.

It's tough.

All left.

And they're playing the Falcons in Berlin.

So

I'll back off a little.

We're not ready to know with this team, I don't think, yet.

Yeah, but we know what the Titans, we know we're not confident with the Texans.

And I don't know, the Jaguars are the Jaguars.

You know, they came into this game with 14-4 turnovers.

I mean, you just know that's not going to continue.

They're not going to have 60 by the end of the year.

Right.

Yeah.

It's, it's, what's interesting about Houston is their schedule is just a lot tougher in general.

Yeah.

Where,

you know, because they're playing the first place schedule from last year, and you go through their games and like they have a Raiders game.

They have an at Titans game.

And that's really it.

Like every other game is either pretty hard, hard or like really hard.

So yeah, it's sitting there for the Colts, but I'm still a little dubious.

I just don't think they can get stops.

I thought they were over and over again.

Arizona had a running back that, who was that guy?

Knight?

Yeah, Knight.

Do you know who that was?

Is that the third straight or something?

It's not Shook Knight.

Shook Knight.

There he goes.

Oh, I forgot to mention with Steeler Browns.

11 straight games of 17 points or less for Cleveland.

Did you see that's that?

Is that what it is?

No, I didn't say that.

11.

What a streak.

Against the Steelers?

Against anyone.

Oh, really?

Oh, wow.

Currently.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's a problem.

Why didn't we have that?

Damn it.

I mean, they had lost 23 straight in three rivers, Zack Shore,

Heinz Field, whatever the hell you want to call it.

Ravens-Rams, one other thing I forgot to mention.

Should the Ravens trade Derrick Henry and just say, fuck it, it's not our year?

I think they maybe should have traded him after they went 0 for 4 from the four-inch line.

Right.

And he got the last

shot at it.

Interesting.

Can I start the rumor of Derrick Henry to the Patriots?

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, yeah.

Start the great.

But they can't leave.

They won't give up on.

They'll give up on Lamar before they do Henry.

I mean, not trade Lamar.

What pick would get their attention?

Oh, man.

Like our second?

I wonder if he wants to.

What if our second and Ramondre?

Ramondre get caught.

Yeah, they got to take Ramondre.

You do?

Oh, they need a running back.

That's a fantasy trade right there.

You know

who used to work together?

Derrick Henry and Mike Frabel.

Oh, yeah, that's true.

Yeah.

Yeah, they used to have a really great relationship once upon a time.

You don't need a running back.

You got the greatest quarterback of all time.

You're going to be fine.

Our running backs are 22 and 45 today.

We need a running back.

Our short yardage stuff is a disaster.

It's like America if we get a yard.

Brady dealt with that for years and you brought no shortage of rings.

When's the NFL trade deadline?

So like that, like

week nine?

Yeah, right around there.

Like after Halloween.

They lose that Bears game and they go one and six.

Why not trade Derrick Henry at that point?

How many years does he have left anyways?

the Bears game is after the buy, so they have a buy now, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

maybe, maybe they scrap Lamar for the year.

If the Pats traded for Derrick Henry, I would absolutely, I would actually lose my mind.

That'd be it.

Yeah, that'd be it.

I'd be just, I'd wake up, I'd be two blocks.

I'd be like Di Mercado fumbling the gold, like I'd just complete blackout.

I'd just be two blocks from my house.

Like, how did I get here?

Where am I?

You'd be fumbling your hot water with lemon.

It would go all over the place.

Derrick Henry would be the one of the most beloved Boston veteran athletes like we've ever had.

He would just immediately be beloved.

This is great.

Thanks.

Is he a Henry?

Is he like a John Henry?

Is there a relation?

Because you can make that work.

No?

Packles, Packers, Bengals.

We don't have to talk about that game.

Although, I don't understand why Love has the fifth best MVP odds in the league.

Have you watched any Jordan Love game this year and been like, whoa, this guy's amazing.

Like, Dak Prescott's 10 times better than Jordan Love this year.

Jordan Love has guys running around wide open all game.

Golden made him look good today, and Kraft came back a bit, but they still were in danger of getting that game tied on them in the fourth quarter.

Titans Raiders was the other one that happened.

They really fucked up with these only three games since the late games.

And that's one of them.

They should have flexed the fourth game.

Right?

They should have just flexed Pat Saints and made it like a later game.

You like the two Monday nights, but one of them could have been a late afternoon game.

Like, well, now we have two Monday nights, one at seven, one at eight Eastern, and then we got a,

you know, we got a baseball game at like three.

It allowed House and I to watch Wizards preseason, so that was fun.

Oh, okay.

Had that on one of the TVs.

Then House did this thing where he, I think, just because he's old.

It turns out House is old.

Turns out we're all old.

He kept falling asleep and waking up.

So he would snore and then the snoring would wake him up.

What time was this?

I was going to, it was like 2:30 in the afternoon.

Oh, come on.

No, it was.

I should have videotaped it because I could have sent it to the NFL, like Roger Goodnell and all those people.

I'm like, this is what happens when we have three people, three teams in the wake games.

That's crazy.

This is my buddy House who loves football.

He's sound asleep.

It's 2:30.

Gino and Cam Ward did it.

Yeah.

There you go.

Yeah.

House was like, ah, I flew cross country yesterday.

All right.

Cross-offs.

Jets 0-6.

Yeah.

It's the first time we've done this.

Jets cross-off.

Yep.

Okay.

Browns, 1-5, cross-off.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Tennessee, 1-5, and should be 0-6.

Sure.

Or probably the worst coach in the league.

Yep.

All right.

That's three.

Are you going to have one more or no more?

Let's see.

No, we're going to have five.

Dolphins.

One and five.

Dolphins, one and five are our automatic cross-offs.

Yeah, yeah.

They're done.

They're gone.

We didn't talk about whether DJ Mikey Mack, I don't think he gets fired because two weeks in a row, the team could have rolled over and they actually like really fought and tried to win for him.

Like today, they took the lead with a minute left.

Two actually came through.

And then, of course, they fucked the game up.

I thought

it was the same old bowl, right?

Like the Chargers, Miami.

Like, whoever lost is going to be, oh, this is the same old team, right?

Same old Chargers, typical Chargers.

They get the lead and they blow it at the end.

Well, but they're playing the same old dolphins with the same old coach with his analytics and drawstring sweatpants.

He's a mess.

And now, like, what is Tua's going out and saying the players are meaning, missing, they're skipping meetings?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Not great.

Well, that was, I forgot to mention that was a pretty massive win for the Chargers because,

you know, I don't think they're going to win the Super Bowl without

Slater.

Not to mention they're missing their top two running backs, even though Vidal looked good today.

But if they'd fallen the three and three

with the depth that we have in the the AFC, I don't know.

I feel like they're at much worse shape at 3-3 than Kansas City is, even though they beat him head-to-head.

Yeah.

So 4-2, at least possible time.

Herbert made a great, I mean,

what's his face made?

An awesome McConkey.

Yeah, McConkie.

Awesome.

Seemed like he was

going out to kill some cuts back in and ended up getting it.

But terrible loss for Miami.

They're a cross-off.

And then

I don't mind the Saints.

I thought they were pretty frisky today.

And in general, I don't think Rattler's that bad.

They can move the ball.

I think they're like decently coached, but they're a cross-off.

They're one and five.

They're not going eight and three over their last 11 to make the playoffs.

Yeah, so normally we might keep the NFC South last place team around because the first-place team is usually like three and three at this point.

We're not doing that this year.

Tampa's too good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So we have five cross-offs.

Okay.

That is five.

One.

Yeah.

Two.

Okay.

And who is

on the lookout?

Ravens have a bye, so they get to survive.

I think we're okay for a minute now.

Yeah, I think, listen, we have cross-off scouts in Cincinnati and Las Vegas.

There's no question.

Arizona.

And,

you know, the Giants, we didn't talk about, I mean, all the Giants fans we know, they're absolutely

going nuts about Dart and Scataboo

in the front four.

But Dart,

we went through this with Drake May last year.

Like they have to like have an intervention with him.

He's going to spend the entire season in the blue tent.

Yep.

You can't seek out hits when you're a quarterback.

Like you're not playing

high school football anymore.

Like these are 6'5, 290 pound people.

I don't know if he's a great fit for New York either.

Like he went right after the reporters.

I know a lot of them are assholes, but he's like, yeah, you guys are so negative.

And the reporter's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are we negative about?

And he's like, well, now he has to decide how much he wants to commit to this whole thing.

Yeah, to the bit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But

people didn't believe.

It's like, yeah, you're right.

We didn't believe a one in four team.

We're going to beat the Super Bowl champs.

Shoot us.

Sorry.

It's just based on the whole last month, but okay.

But who did what?

Okay, let me ask you this.

What 80s tag team does Scataboo and Dart remind you of?

Oh, wow.

When we first saw them,

like the Belg.

B.

Brian Blair and Jim Brunzel, the killer bees.

No, I think a little more grit than that.

Who do you got?

Road Warriors.

Legion of Doom, right?

Oh,

delivering the soul lines every play, and we'll see like one climb the other's shoulders.

I feel like this is a, they're just a battering crew.

Like, what the hell did we just see?

Just run everybody over.

They won that game and did media for like an hour and a half after.

Yeah.

I just had Amazon on because I was doing stuff and came back and Fitzpatrick and Scatterboo both.

They're shirts off.

They did their shirts off.

They're chest bumping.

bumping.

I'm like, these guys are two and four.

They're the freaking

NFC title game.

They're hawking animal.

I don't know who's which, but they're hawking animal.

This is the Road Warriors.

All right, we're going to take a break and then we're going to do guest alliance.

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Last week on Guest Alliance, I hit 10 exactly.

Controversial.

What's the point of this anymore?

You thought I was cheating.

I've never cheated in Guest Alliance.

What kind of feedback did you get from people with the cheating, non-cheating?

People, it's so funny because people are like, well, we know Bill's been cheating all these years.

I'm like,

I laugh at it.

I don't think it's true, but I do think that's funny that that's a consensus for this.

And I'm going to go.

Like, go check.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Buy association.

What would be the fun about cheating and guest alliance?

Like, I'm honestly curious about that.

I don't know.

I mean, has sponsorship rate gone up since you hit 10 in a row on the podcast?

No,

nothing happened.

No, it didn't.

Okay.

I don't know what it would be then.

Thursday night, Steelers at the Bengals.

I hit this exact, and you're going going to think this is a payback, but go ahead.

Well, you won the first two weeks.

I won the next four, so I'm up for it.

This is bad.

Am I a cross-off?

No.

I put this in the Vegas zone.

I have Steelers by five and a half.

You see what I mean?

I can't even gain on you here.

It's five and a half.

It's five and a half.

All right.

And I'm thinking,

is it?

Well, before we go on, this was what it was when they were home against Cleveland.

Is this still a little light?

This is still, this is Flacco now.

I thought the Bengals,

you know, unfortunately, we had to watch that game semi-carefully because we only had three games.

Yeah.

Look, Flacco's 40.

I'm not.

Nothing to write home about at this point, but he is pretty good at throwing that 20-yard sideline throw like up in the air for receivers.

There's something there with them.

So, okay.

So, this might be the trip-up game here, Thursday night.

I listen, are the Stawares just going to week after week, things are just going to go right for them?

Like this is how it's going to go?

I don't know.

By the way, the Eagles made me not want to bet any Thursday night games.

I mean, that was clearly a team that was unprepared and everything else.

And oh, yeah, this is a game coming off of three days' rest.

I just, me personally, if I didn't bet the Thursday games or the Europe games, I'd be having an unbelievable year.

Yeah.

It's, and by the way, we know not to bet those games.

They know what they're doing.

It gets near game time.

We're like, all right, fine.

You know what we should have done before we move on?

If we had bet against all the backup quarterbacks on a parlay, it was plus 270.

They all lost five for five.

Even as good, some of them played well.

Brissette was good, but it still lost.

Does Dylan Gabriel count as a backup quarterback?

He back, back, back, back, back up.

Yep.

Way back.

I think I'm going to hit the London game too.

9.30 a.m.

Sunday.

I'm going to try not to bet it.

Rams, Jaguars,

probably be 80% Jags fans.

I have Rams by 2.5.

That's what I had.

It's three.

Okay, at least you're not hitting them exactly now.

The rare three.

We don't have threes anymore.

Yeah.

I mean, part of the science against the lines this year is you just bet one and a half, two and a half for Vegas.

Right.

You tell them.

Maybe you could tell them they're wrong.

I mean, you're as reliable as anyone.

This is not

at two and a half, though.

It's not a tick of a home game for Jacksonville, having been there a zillion times.

You know, I don't know if they're expecting fans after what happened today.

It might just be an empty stadium.

It might be like a COVID.

They might have to have cardboard cutouts of people.

Right, right, right.

I don't know if they go back.

Burning cars outside.

I mean, this will be a nice little tester for the Jags, right?

Sure.

You win this year 5-2.

You lose this year 4-3, and you should have lost the Chiefs game, and you're kind of frauds.

So we'll find out.

There was a classic.

I still, I just can't get there with Lawrence.

I know he was pretty good last week, but there was a play.

They're down.

He wasn't very good today.

They're down 26.

Throws this pass that it felt like it could have been picked.

And it bounces up in the air and it goes to Brian Thomas, I think, or one of their receivers.

And the guy runs down.

And then it turns out it gets called back for a flag.

But they cut to Lawrence and he's like, doing this.

Like he did something.

It's like, that pass was terrible.

It should have been picked.

It's like, yeah, we did it.

They're still dropping some.

By the way, I would move this.

I think a couple of weeks ago, we were talking about how Nakua, I don't want to bet, I don't want any part of the Rams if Nakua is not in the lineup.

You don't do this for a receiver, but this could move a half a point if he's teaming.

Is he out?

I don't know.

He's limping around for the whole second half of that game.

He could sit this.

I mean, it's in London.

If he's out,

the Jags, I think, are a live bet on Sunday.

Sure.

Sunday Marquis, sadly,

Slim Pickens.

We got to go with Colts Chargers just because that's a 5-1 against

4-2.

It's in L.A.

Chargers have lost some people.

I hesitate to say this is a test for the Colts, but I do have them favored.

I have Colts one and a half.

Oh, you do?

Oh, good.

I have the Chargers by two and a half.

It's Chargers by one and a half.

Oh my God, it feels so good to win one

by myself.

Do you agree with that?

Well, I agree with you.

I think the Colts should be favored.

Really?

All right.

I mean, you just said how they might be a fraudulent defense and everything else.

I know, but the Chargers have, they're on the third stream running back and they're missing both tackles still.

All right.

Will they have, what will the fan situation be like?

Oh, you know, a lot of the Ringer guys are coming to town, right?

It's a special week for Spots.

It's core week.

Right.

And our nephew Anthony Debundo is a big Colts fan.

I wonder if he'll go to this game.

Interesting.

A lot of Colts.

That'd be great.

He sent me a wedding photo of him and Drew Carter, the Celtics guy that I love.

The two Syracuse guys.

I just felt really proud looking at it.

I frame it.

I was going to put it over my shoulder.

I love Drew Carter.

Drew Carter should be one of the NFL play-by-play guys.

I don't understand how they do the scouting with this stuff sometimes.

Yeah.

When there's actually like a legitimately like Noah Eagle is like, oh, that guy's good.

Like, you just know right away.

Right, right.

There's certain guys and it doesn't really matter what the sport is, but you know who the good guys are.

And like Drew Carter is great doing the NBA games for the Celtics.

It's like,

clearly should be doing NFL.

Yeah.

Well, there's a couple of commentary position open.

I don't know about play by play, but yeah, he could get it.

You hate that.

You're cutting all these.

Not cutting any of them.

The Watchables.

We got three.

Eagles at Vikings.

I don't, it's even questionable whether this is a watchable, but it is Wentz going against the Eagles is fun.

Yeah.

Right.

I assume we're not going to get McCarthy.

No.

And God only knows what to expect with the Eagles.

It's in Minnesota.

And I went Eagles minus one and a half.

All right.

I get this.

I said two.

It is two and a half.

Yeah.

That might come down to.

It's a tough one because I don't know what to make of that Vikings team.

Right.

Do they have, you think they'll have Van Ginkle and Cashman back?

I don't think they will.

I feel like they haven't played in forever, but one's going to get 10 days.

One will have two weeks rest.

So next Watchables, I just.

I think the Giants are a watchable if they're playing a good team.

So Broncos, Giants, and Denver, i think have to has to be in the watchable category as long as this dart thing is going and all the giants fans are fired up at it i have uh broncos by seven against the giants yeah you hit that exactly i don't think i have to tell you anymore i said five and a half i thought that was a little rich uh seven but i forget hawk and animal coming to denver I had it lower in my head too, but then I thought this is such an obvious teaser.

They're going to jack it.

We can't bet it on a teaser.

It's obvious to others.

We can't.

After what we went through this morning.

Well, that right guard on the Broncos, what was that guy's name?

Number 69, Pert.

Oh, right.

79.

Just over and over again was murdering them with holding calls at the worst possible times.

If they played anyone else, they would have lost by 17 points today.

That giant front four really is something.

You know, we'll find out.

They beat the shit out of the Eagles.

I think Peyton, the announcers were even saying it, Eisen and Warner.

They were even intimating, like, Peyton was like, like, I'm worried about this game.

We just had this awesome win against the Eagles.

This is like a stupid Jets team.

And I just want to get through this and pull a win out.

The other Watchables,

I'm sorry, your team is exceedingly watchable.

I have Washton at Dallas.

It's a watchable game.

I'm going to enjoy it.

All your team does is play awesome games.

Oh, yeah.

The Carolina Dallas game was super fun.

I really enjoyed it.

Listen, regardless of record, let's just do Tampa Bay, Dallas, and and the NFC Championship.

It would be great.

Let's do it.

Let's do it.

It'd be a really fun game.

Play out the rest of the year, but make that the championship.

It's fine.

I did Washington favored by three

over Dallas in Dallas.

I think I got this exact.

Yeah, two and a half.

Washington favored by two and a half.

I don't have the same magic today.

I think

they're close.

I'm hovering around every line.

Yeah.

Well, you can look them up real quick if you want, like you did last week, and then just jot them down.

They're the game.

Bears home for the saints.

Now, you're asking, why isn't this a poopfecta game?

The saints are kind of entertaining.

I don't know.

I don't mind the saints.

I didn't mind watching them today.

And I think the bears are mildly entertaining as well.

And it's in Chicago.

And I have the Bears favored by four over the Saints.

I had the same.

Is there an injury?

Because this went,

so we tie.

It's four and a half, but it opened at five and a half.

Did something

someone get screwed up there?

So what, what's the last, it's four and a half?

It's four and a half.

Huh.

Wait, if it started at five and a half, now the Bears aren't favored.

Maybe, I think it might have been gotten bent down or bent down because the Saints have kind of been hanging against teams that would all be in the playoffs if the season ended today.

I guess.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Chicago on a short week.

I just

interesting that that would move so much.

Chiefs home for the Raiders.

It has to go past the T's number.

I have Chiefs minus seven and a half, probably too low.

All right, yeah, I have eight, and I was way low.

It's 10 and a half.

Oh, Jesus.

That's too high.

What do we do with that?

It's too high.

This is going to be, we're going to have this on a money line parlay.

We're going to have to be watching with a minute 20 left in the fourth quarter to see if Butker kicks a field goal.

We had a two-week window with the Chiefs where they were getting

people actually like flipping the other way and not respecting them enough.

And now it's gone back to Steve again.

That's what happened.

But you have Gino.

Could he?

I mean, to his credit, he was giving up his interceptions on the other side of the field, like now the other end.

Shifted toward the red zone.

That's what he could do.

That's all he needs to do.

The Titans almost covered that game.

Oh, we were watching it, just trying to, it was 20 to 1, and we're like, all right.

So they'll score.

Gino will do something dumb.

They'll get a 2017 final, just waiting for it.

And then,

you know, Cam Ward just plays like a rookie quarterback in push.

How he gave up the ball there at the end was really like, hey, I'm sick of holding this thing.

Take it.

Yeah, it's not great.

Packers, Cardinals in Arizona.

No idea if Kyler Murray is starting, but I would assume he is.

And then Harrison with the concussion.

That's usually a two-week injury now, the concussion.

Yep.

Pretty rarely the guy comes back after one.

I initially had this at three, but I'm bumping it to three and a half post-concussion.

Am I going to beat it?

The Packers three and a half.

You might.

I said six.

It's six and a half.

In Arizona?

Yep.

They're done.

They're done with this team.

Yeah, but has anyone watched the Packers?

I mean, they're late in the world on Packers.

That's true.

They'd really be better off even if he's ready, keeping Brissetti.

I don't agree with that at all.

I both don't agree with that at all, and I've never bet Arizona.

So maybe the line's right.

Exactly.

Poop Fecta, three games.

Browns home for the Dolphins.

Wait a minute.

How are you not putting your game?

Your half-my game in Poop Fecta.

Oh, it's better than that.

This is a rivalry.

It's a huge rivalry.

Go ahead.

Go fairly watchable.

All right, I'll move it down.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, because Raybo going back to Tennessee.

Of course, there's a lot of

shenanigans could take place here.

All right, fairly watchables.

Pats

at Tennessee.

So,

you know what?

If you say it like that, maybe we should move move it down.

Now that happened floating in my head.

Well, so they played the Saints today.

Yeah.

And they're basically three and a half all week and it didn't budge.

And I think the Saints are better than the Titans.

So I'm going to say Pat's by four.

All right.

So you're light on all these.

I said seven and it's six and a half.

You got to, these cross-off teams have to get five, six points.

You can't run the ball.

Yeah, but these teams that don't even really,

they're either going to lose by 10 or 7, some of these teams

or 40.

I don't know.

I was on it last week.

I don't agree with some of these.

I love this week.

I love this.

I just think that Titans team is going to be really fired up because they're a fucking mess.

Vrabel is doing great with the Pats.

It's going to be a whole week of why did we let Mike Vrabel go.

So either that's bad for the Titans or they're going to be all fired up to play him.

Yeah.

But there's going to be a lot of emotion.

What happened?

Lots of more emotion if they signed Derrick Henry on Thursday, going back to Tennessee.

Can you get it done that quickly?

Can we make the trade?

Yeah.

Second rounder, second rounder and uh remondre for Derrick Henry in a fourth, even for a week.

Can we call it in?

Just trade for a week, a rental,

then trade him back and

Airbnb him for the week and then just slaughter the trade.

That's great if we could do trades like that.

Poop back to Browns Dolphins in Cleveland.

And I have no idea who should be favored in this game, but I'm going to say Browns by one and a half.

Yeah, you got me here.

I said Miami by one.

It's Browns by two and a half.

Oh, man.

I mean, we're right.

I mean, they're both cross-offs, but Miami's more of a cross-off, I guess.

So bad.

They're,

I mean, giving up all that.

rushing yardage to this guy that was released by the Chargers before the season and then re-signed.

Yeah.

Pretty bad.

Yeah.

Getting beaten in the last 40 seconds by a team that basically had one receiver,

pretty bad.

Any chance we see Shador here, or did Dylan Gabriel just, do they feel bad for him because he really didn't have a lot of chances?

I mean, they should just put Shador in once.

They can't lose.

If he's good, it'd be like, whoa, he's good.

And if he's bad, they never have to have the conversation again.

But it makes more sense to play him, though.

Which makes me think he's not ready.

Like, why wouldn't they put him in?

He has to really not be ready to

further embarrass this club.

I think that's what's happening.

Yeah.

Panthers at the Jets.

I have the Panthers favored.

I think the Panthers have a legitimate chance to go four and three here.

Panthers minus one and a half is my guess.

All right.

I have to check this.

I had Panthers by two.

Yeah.

The Jets are favored by one and a half.

You get this one.

The Jets are favored.

The three and three Panthers are an underdog to the 0-6 Jets.

Well, so, all right, let's talk this out.

That's a, there are two Panthers teams, Rode Panthers and Home Panthers.

And the Road Panthers are bad.

It's the only thing I could think of.

Sunday night, 49ers, home.

Oh,

we just talked that out.

That's what that was?

Yeah, that was it.

What about how many versions of the Jets are there?

Because I just see the one that loses every week.

I mean, if they can't win this game, are they going to win this season?

You're right.

This is not going to be favored.

How many wins are left on the schedule?

No, they can't be favored by anyone else.

They're home for Miami, though, who just got a raw number against Cleveland.

Well, they got their home Browns week 10.

Home Dolphins, week 14.

They're at the Saints.

No, they won't be favored.

Those are our last three chances.

Yep.

Sunday night.

49ers Falcons.

And

this line could move if the Falcons look good against Buffalo tomorrow, would be my guess.

But right now, I have a 49ers by three.

Yep.

That's why I had it also.

That's exactly what it is.

Okay.

I think I won more five, six, seven, seven,

ten, seven.

Oh, I won.

Wow.

You took a big haymaker and bounced back.

That's resilience.

You know what?

There's a lot people could learn from you.

Thanks, buddy.

It's how to just suck it up.

Yeah.

Just move on to the next week.

It's impressive.

Monday night, Lions Bucks.

it's in detroit

and it feels like the bucks are going to be missing at least their first three receivers i don't know if bucky irving's playing i have uh lions minus three

i had two and a half yeah it's five and a half oh so that's pricing in all the injuries yeah but come on wait don't we too high Are they going to get slaughtered, Tampa Bay, or are they Baker going to have a chance to win it in the fourth quarter?

Oh, our special guest is here.

Let's guess this last one really fast.

There he is.

Seahawks, Texans in Seattle.

I have Seahawks minus two and a half.

Jimmy, guess for me because I already won.

So it's okay.

This is, you can screw this up.

Yeah.

I go Seahawks minus three and a half.

All right.

You split it.

It's three.

Yeah.

All right.

Great job.

Jimmy, it's a rookie mistake.

You should have, you need to prices right him.

If he says two and a half and you think it's three or three, you should have gone three.

I too much integrity for that.

You know that.

Yeah, that is true.

All right.

Okay.

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It doesn't count as a parent corner story.

But Jimmy, your mom showed me a picture of the bag that the Uber Eats delivery driver left on her front porch and said, please tip me well.

And she was really bent out of shape about it.

She's like, I was going to tip them well.

Why?

I don't understand you say that.

Jimmy,

we want to have you on for a variety of reasons for Parent Corner, but your son is in the all-time sweet spot for Parent Corner.

I went through it when my son Ben was around this age.

It was just this smorgasbord of stories.

And then Sal just went through it with Harrison.

And now

your beloved young Billy,

it's in the sweet spot right now for him.

Billy's eight years old now, and there are a lot of kids in our family.

And as my father said, this is the weirdest one.

He's,

you know, he's into a lot of the normal kid stuff, the eight-year-old stuff like Roblox and Mr.

Beast,

but also obsessed with death in a weird way, like

tornadoes and tsunamis, earthquakes, hurricanes.

He always wants to know if they're going to, if they're coming, if they're going to, and he also wants to know who will get them if we die.

If Molly, my wife and I die, who will get cut, where will they live?

And he wants all the details on who it is.

It almost gets to the point where it feels like he's hoping it happens.

Yeah.

Well, wait a minute.

Did you tell him?

Did you tell him why?

Who was the answer?

I'm Rev Smart said the answer.

You know what?

We don't know the answer.

I think we had a plan like when they were babies, but now like, now my older kids are are like each married, and so yeah, it probably would make most sense that they would live with their sister and brother in, in some way.

But now you have an answer.

Yeah, I guess so.

But then which one do we pick?

And then do we even we tell, do we tell the people we picked?

No, it's a nice surprise.

I think you might have been kidding.

You can find out later.

Me for a second.

And then you saw House Eats Three and the vomiting.

You said we can't go.

You were the leader in the clubhouse until Brad, you get custody custody of him two weekends a year.

That's true.

That was the deal breaker for Jimmy.

You were queer the deal for anybody.

The labor days with Brad.

They couldn't do it.

So give us some of the highlights because I got to see young Billy in action a couple of weeks ago.

Yeah.

I'm not going to say it was a tense atmosphere before your first show back, but you know, people were moving around.

Pete was emotional.

And then he showed up and had a water gun and was just antagonizing and attacking everybody and lightened the mood.

He sees the when they come to the office, he just sees it's just a bunch of adults as his victims and we actually had a stern talk with him afterwards like you can't because like nobody can say anything to him he's the host's kid you know right and i think somewhere down deep inside he senses that because he goes absolutely wild it's also probably the free snacks at the craft service table have something to do with it right but he is i mean He and his penis are like Starsky and Hutch.

They are

a team that cannot be separated.

And every story goes to his penis.

I mean, he's, he

really, I think his,

his greatest move was

he's walking around the house and he's got his dick out.

And I go, all right, put your penis away.

And he's like, what?

I say, put your penis, put your pants on and put your penis away.

And Molly, my wife's like, you know, Billy, okay, all right.

It's funny, but put, put your penis away.

He's like, it's not, my penis is not out.

And he kept a straight face and insisted that his penis wasn't out and then started crying, like as if, as one would if his penis wasn't out.

And he's just like, why are you saying this?

It's not, why are you saying my penis is out?

It's not out.

And it's fucking out.

And you just like, you don't know what to do, you know,

because it's out, number one.

But part part of you really admires this insane avenue that he's chosen to walk down.

And then the other part doesn't want him to do it at school, you know?

Right.

So it's that's where it goes from adorable and hilarious to an actual issue.

Yeah.

Pretty fast.

It hasn't become an issue yet.

I mean, like he, he's shy with.

with like people outside of the house.

Like he said he doesn't like to shoot his doctor, the doctors to see his penis.

And we're like, well, who do you like to to see your penis he said my cousins um

we also

what if we were all what if we all wore scrubs would that you think um put an end to it i think it's important for context to know that he dresses now like aaron paul in the first season of breaking bad

like he'll wear like a skull cap and jewelry he's got a gold chain that he thinks is pretty valuable that i bought him for like eight bucks on amazon um he's always in black.

And if he's not in black, he's in something absolutely crazy.

He uh, that sounds good for Hollywood Boulevard.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He looks like, um, he looks like like a skateboarder from the 80s, but he doesn't ride a skateboard.

So we come down in the morning and he's eating tortilla chips.

And

Molly says,

Who told you you could eat tortilla chips in the morning?

And he just goes, thinks for a second.

And he goes, my penis.

He also squeezes.

He likes to grab our asses, not just with one hand, but two hands.

He'll just really, and he'll make sounds like an old pervert.

He says to Molly,

her last name's McNearney.

He goes, oh, squishy McNearney.

He's behind her, squeezing her ass.

I took a picture of him squeezing his friend Mo's ass at school.

He's got a handful of Mo, his best friend Mo's ass, and he's holding a book.

And the book is a photo book that Mo's mother has made for Billy.

And on the front of the book, Billy is also squeezing Mo's ass.

So it's like an, like, if you were to hold it up to a mirror, you'd see infinity of Billy squeezing Moe's ass.

And then he does the fun little things like he'll take Molly's chapstick and just start applying it to his penis.

no

my god

molly said you i actually overheard her say this and i wrote it down put on your clothes your penis is not entertainment

that's what she thinks

that could that could help that could help the abc's uh fall lineup yeah your penis is not entertainment on tuesday nights

yeah yeah

yeah he's very um

all the bad things that boys are into.

Not farting, not the farting poop area, not really.

Farting for sure, pooping.

You know, he loves to fart.

He will, he'll get naked and just like just sit right on my head and fart while I'm sleeping.

The morning he gets in bed with us and he just gets upside down in the bed.

just puts both of his feet right in my right in my mouth like right in my face like i'm trying to sleep

he said his um favorite dinner, his dream dinner is cereal with prime.

You know, that

shit Logan Paul or Jake Paul sells that like poisonous crap.

Yeah, that's his dream dinner.

And cereal and prime.

Yeah, cereal and prime.

That's his dream.

That's that's like for an eight-year-old, like a bump of cocaine or something.

Yeah, for sure.

Yeah, we're going to Ireland with my family next week, you know?

And

he uh i don't know if he decided this or my dad decided it's but they decided they're gonna have a sip of beer together in a pub oh nice interesting that should go well yeah that should be great

is there anyone in the southern california area that your dad hasn't told yet that he's going to ireland or there's still like 10 people left there's nobody um the numbers

you got through everybody okay can we talk about parents i guess we can in parents yeah oh it's all all parents and kids are eligible i mean for god's sake this man there the details the texts are right now first of all i know the exchange rate the exchange rate for euro for the whole year like from january what it was what it is today and what a shame it is that it's it was we didn't get this money exchange in january because it was you'd save 15 cents on um for each dollar um i know how many pounds are allowed in his luggage.

He wanted to know because you can get up to 70 pounds if he should bring two pieces of luggage with

under 70 pounds or add a third.

You know, just like all these crazy questions he's asking us.

We're having a big family reunion with our Irish family.

And

he keeps reminding us that one member of the family, this kid who had the same heart surgery Billy had, is going to be there.

And he's now reminded us of this six times.

And Molly and I are the over-under's 11 on it.

So

we still have a few days, but 11 is what we're shooting for.

I was thinking that should be, you know, those ads they have, the old people ads, where it's like, this is wrong.

And you could take this.

And that would be the ultimate one is to not tell the same story 10 to 20 times.

Oh, yeah.

So you get to a certain age as a parent.

And it's just, did I tell you that blah, blah, blah?

It's like, yeah, you

told me 20 minutes ago that you're going to be able to do that.

Most parents will tell you if when you tell them, yeah, you told me that story, they have to finish it.

It doesn't matter.

They finish it anyway.

It's like they got started and they're going to finish it.

And you'll go like,

there's no one else in the room right now.

Like, who are you telling this to?

I told you

told me this story already.

They're on Broadway, like doing a performance.

They just don't care who they are.

Or you have to hit a quota at the end of the month, like a cop given like speeding tickets or parking tickets.

Like that.

Maybe there's a number in their head they have to hit.

Let me read you a text that Molly sent to me

last night.

She said, I am not exaggerating in the slightest when I tell you your dad just came to the door with Todd, Todd's our dog, and was mid-sentence about his great-great-grandfather when I opened the door and then just went through his entire genealogy.

I think I said three words, and then he said, All right, gotta go.

Meanwhile,

these are the texts I get from my mom, whose name is Jan.

This is just out of nowhere unsolicited on October 4th.

Do I have Janheimers or did I never watch another nine and a half weeks?

Is this pre- or post-Wild Orchid?

Oh my God.

Text for my 70-year-old mom.

Nice.

And does she pronounce it orchid or is that you?

That's just me.

Orchard.

Yeah, that's just me.

That's me.

So who is the funniest texting parent?

Sal, what are your parents from a texting standpoint?

Well, my father's like got gorilla hands and a gorilla brain too.

So he can't really text.

He doesn't know how to text, but my mother doesn't text it off.

My mother's like a big team.

We've featured some of my mother's texts on Jimmy Kimmel Live.

She's just a lunatic, all caps, all knowing everything.

and voice texting it too.

So it all comes out ridiculous.

I get a lot of good texts from your mom, you want to hear.

I think I got one just the other day.

Yeah.

uh,

I mean, just, I mean, they're mostly complimentary, but um,

also

a lot of times they're, you know, give me a tip.

Oh, my friend is the executive producer of this documentary.

She is a retired judge.

Thought you should see this.

And then there's a two-hour documentary she wants me to watch on my phone.

My mother's name is Fran, and

she changed on the phone.

She changed her name to Melanie.

You know what it'll say, like maybe.

It says maybe Melanie, maybe Melanie.

And I was like, I'm like, you know what?

I'm just going to change it to Melanie.

Now she's Melanie in my phone.

So I call her Melanie.

She hates you.

Okay, don't go buy that.

I don't even know what the hell that is.

Don't do that.

But it's clearly something she did in the settings or something.

My mom sends me texts, like these thought-provoking texts out of nowhere.

Like, I'm not even 100% sure OJ did it.

That'll just be the text it'll just be their no context or anything like wait what

yeah that's that's my uh my dad's way more my nose is sick on on this too the only texts i really get from my mother are her her daily wordle and connections i get connections

yeah wordle and connections every day every day i never respond to them i mean i'm looking through them right now

there's there are like 50 of them

and i've never responded to a single one of them but i keep getting them every day.

Can I tell you, I get them from her too, and

it ruins my day.

I love hearing from her, but she'll wake up at like 4:30 in the morning.

So she'll get it done first, and she'll always write, this was too easy.

And I'm like, God damn it.

Now I can't get even one wrong, right?

So now I have to get four for four.

And if I don't get perfect, it's like, oh, she did it again.

Wednesday, 4:51 a.m., Wordle score.

Thursday, oh, she slept in 7:10 a.m.

Friday, 5.42 a.m.

Saturday, 5.42 a.m.

I mean, it's insanity.

Jimmy, do either of your parents still do the thing where somebody recognizes them and they tell you about it?

Like it's going to be this amazing story about how they got recognized, but you immediately know by the twinkle in their eye before the story starts where the story is going to be and what it is.

Yeah, yeah, I do.

Yeah.

Although it's hard for my parents because it's hard to get recognized when you're shouting your son's name at strangers before they even see you.

You know, it's a little bit different.

My aunt Chippy, our Aunt Chippy, I should say,

she told me three times in the span of 24 hours that

Garth from Mazda sentence is best.

There's a guy named Garth that works at a Mazda dealership in Las Vegas who one time provided Aunt Chippy with a car.

I've never met Garth, but the third time she was about to tell me, she goes, Oh, did I tell you?

Did I tell you who reached out?

I go, Garth from Mazda.

She's like, Yeah, Garth from Mazda.

This is a huge, huge for Garth from Mazda.

That should be your mom's next thing for her phone.

So she could be Garth from Mazda.

Garth from Mazda to Melanie.

Wait, Jimmy, what about your daughter?

No, or have you hit that point now?

Is she too cool to hang out with you yet?

Or is that happening in real time?

And

I like to find out what kind of like the new lingo that the kids are using.

And then I just drop it in in the middle.

And she hates it so much.

It is so funny.

Apparently, Battylicious is something that they're saying.

And so we were having dinner last night, and I knew she had said Baddylicious.

They went to the Chapel Rowan concert, my wife and

daughter.

And

she called some woman who's all dressed up, baddylicious.

And so I was eating last night.

We were eating Chinese food.

I was like, oh, this is baddielicious.

And she just like looks at me like, they get so mad, right?

She daggers.

And Molly does a bit called Cool Mom, but she's like, Jane, you're so lucky.

You got a cool mom.

And she starts like dancing around.

And Jane really like genuinely hates it.

It's not even like a joke.

Like she hates it.

Like, she'll pull her aside and say, please, please stop doing that.

Stop doing that for some reason they tolerate my nonsense more also like

nothing i say you know nothing i say is ever serious so it's right

it's part of it but yeah that's that's the big thing she also just started her new season of basketball and she scored four points today which is huge she has not scored before and but she plays like

The level of intensity with which she plays is insane.

It's like

a young Dennis Rodman.

I mean, she is like just running as hard as she can.

She was, she's pretty tall, you know, and she was assigned to guard this little girl who was about half her size today.

And she would not, I mean, you would, she was glued to this kid, this poor kid, the whole time.

She did not let up on this kid.

And this kid had no chance of scoring, you know, even with, if this kid was alone on the court, she had no chance of scoring.

But Jane was up this kid's ass.

And she is so serious.

It's really funny to watch her play.

And she wound up scoring a couple of baskets.

So she was very pleased with herself tonight.

Nice.

I missed those days.

And she's wearing deodorant now, too.

Deodorant.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Dennis Rodman never wore deodorant.

So there's the difference.

She said, hey, can I have some deodorant?

I was like, yeah, I guess so.

Sal, did you have a parent corner?

Because I gave mine to Jimmy.

I did.

And I think this is a good one for all of us.

So Saturday morning,

Harrison, my 12-year-old, approaches me and is like, can we play golf?

I know you're busy, but can we, is there a way we could play golf this morning?

I'm like, oh, Jesus, there's so many good college football games.

He doesn't have a tournament.

I just wanted to veg out, you know, and so now I have to weigh my gambling addiction with my duty to be a good parent, which I'm not addicted to.

So,

and I ask everyone, nobody else wants wants to go golfing.

So it's just me and him, no one else in the family.

So we have 90 minutes before the Oregon game.

So we go to that hotel golf course a couple miles away on Rose Krantz.

And I am bad.

I am so bad at golf.

Like my swing, people say they're bad.

I am really fucking bad.

Like Charles Barkley would giggle like a schoolgirl if he saw my swing.

And if I have a driver, I could hit it 180 yards or 35 yards.

And there's no rhyme or reason.

There's no way, you know, why I would get one more than the other.

And like my Harrison has like a classic smooth baseball golf hybrid swing, but I'm more powerful.

So I should beat him.

And I'm beating him by three going into the seventh hole.

I'm beating him by two, going into the eighth hole.

I'm beating him by one, going into the ninth hole.

Oh, God.

And I'm like, I can't fucking lose to this guy.

There's no way I can lose.

And I need to make a five-foot putt, which I had not been doing all day to secure the win.

And I did it and I was giddy.

And he didn't even care that he lost because he's like, you're an old man who's done this.

Yeah, you've played all your life.

But it got me thinking: like, what age do you have in your mind that you would be okay with your kid beating you at every sport?

Like, I think like golf, I would say 19.

He would have to be 19.

I think basketball, because I'm short, I would say 14.

Tennis, around 17, 18.

In a race, I would say 16 because

I'm fat fast.

You know that, Jimmy.

So I'm going to try to hang on to that.

You're fat fast.

You really are quick.

Yeah, thank you.

It's because you have a 22-inch inseam and like your legs are like

cartoon legs.

You know, they just get a lot of movement.

All right.

He's like Fred Flintstone.

He goes really fast.

You guys could slow down on the compliments here.

No, but so do you guys have ages for when you when it's uh allowable to be beaten by what about boxing oh yeah well hopefully i know i mean that's the last front there it's an actual fight

like palmo horse 37.

no i think everything is before 20.

Sure.

I've been playing chess with Billy, and that's another one that I just don't let him win.

I just won't.

Like, I'm just never going to let him win.

He's going to have to beat me because I feel like when he does beat me, which he will eventually, that it will be much more exciting and satisfying for him yeah yeah sure but so i've had that argument with my wife too because i never intentionally lost anything to my kids ever and my wife made her mad a couple of times like really you couldn't let ben win the one monopoly game i'm like well what kind of lesson is that then if he actually wins he won't know that he achieved the win i'm with you on that letting him win does nothing

But physical storage is worse, though, right?

Isn't that like,

I don't know,

you lose your vulnerability a little bit.

I would think, like, what is the bigger ego blow for the dad?

I think losing a race would be number one.

That's tough.

Like, when your kid's faster than you, like, fundamentally, the most primal thing you can do other than fight is race somebody.

And the moment they're faster than you, I would think that's, that's, that's like.

both they're faster than you and also you'd feel old.

It's all bad.

If Ben beat you in tennis right now, how mad would you be?

He'd never beat me because I would just, I, I would psychologically just, just, I would make him mad.

He would melt down.

Like, tennis is the easiest sport.

Somebody can be better than you and you can still beat them because you just have to fuck with them.

Interesting.

Yeah.

You do.

I always do feel like you have the edge over your little brother or your child.

Whatever it is.

If you have that

childhood edge over them, that you always maintain it in some way.

Right.

Yeah.

If you know where

the pressure points are,

you can go.

Like my wife plays tennis tennis six times a week.

I can still beat her anytime we play because

I can always get her rattle and I can do stuff.

When I was dating Sarah Silverman, she lived in a condo complex that had a tennis court.

And I was just like, well, why don't we?

We've never pulled, but you got a court at your house.

We should play.

She's like, yeah, you're right.

So, you know, I get my tennis racket and she gets her tennis racket.

We go down to the court and we play and she beats me.

And that was the last time we ever played

okay so how old does your ex-girlfriend have to be before that's okay

yeah

chess is a good one scrabble is always fun like the board games are the ones

scrabble when your kid can beat you

85 yeah jimmy has too much of an advantage on something like chess you know

We did sneakers for Rewatchables for Monday with Robert Redford, and there's a big Scrabble scene in it.

And we were talking about whether Scrabble is still as relevant as it was when they made the movie 92, when it was completely one of the most relevant board games.

And the argument

my co-host made was that it still is completely relevant.

I have no idea.

More so if you count Words with Friends as Scrabble, which it is,

you know, because

a lot of people play Words with Friends, and it's Scrabble.

It's just a slightly...

different shaped board so you know boggles the next thing i've been i've been playing boggle on the toilet for quite some time now, and they actually ruined the app on the iPhone.

It stinks now.

But I've been seeing Boggle in the future.

And then I was at this event last week, and Netflix is putting Boggle on their platform as a game that you can play against others on TV through your phone.

And I was like, God damn it, I knew it.

I should have gotten in on some kind of boggle stock or something.

something.

I have air people on the toilet playing each other.

How does that or you just

go to a public restroom and you line up and

you tap toes and then you know that it's time to play.

I did have a bone to pick with Jimmy.

He went on Colbert's show

and he told the story about when he found out his show wasn't going to air, but he was in the bathroom and he found out.

Yeah.

And there were natural follow-up questions that Colbert just didn't ask.

And I just feel like if there's a career type thing that happens to you when you're in the bathroom, this is your exclusive home for those stories.

That's true.

And you forgot that and hurt my feelings.

Well, everything big happens in the bathroom because it's the only place where people can't hear what I'm saying.

And to be honest, I'm not even sure that that's the case because I've never been out in my office while someone was in the bathroom talking.

So I should probably test it to make sure it's soundproof your bathroom.

I think it's soundproof, but I don't know for sure but you know what i do because i have five guys in my office when i have to take a call that's private i go in the bathroom yeah and so and it's weird i think it was soundproof because they would tell me if they could hear you and they'd they're just always like something's up something's up i know yeah so you're good well when i worked for you And I started coming in and helping you out in the office every day.

And I was the one person there.

And then you would go in there for a while

and get a lot of stuff done.

And I just got used to it after a while it seemed totally normal to me but i thought that was like where you get got some of your best work done i do often tell people that you credit me with inventing um taking the laptop onto the toilet well you had that you were the first one i'd seen with the laptop desk you had an actual desk

so the heat from the laptop wouldn't singe your privates picking up before we go wait so you're going to ireland jimmy i am yeah with the fam um

but we did have to uh

say something about our friend Alex who passed away this year.

Yeah, Alex Wallow, one of the great all-time greats.

He was the president of ABC when we started there and was really

our biggest champion and supporter.

For whatever reason, we took a liking to each other right at the outset.

And

Alex, Alex passed away.

at 81 years old.

He was diagnosed with stage four cancer in 1987.

Crazy.

He had six months to live in 1987.

And he was the toughest guy and the funniest guy.

You know, Al Michaels was one of his best friends.

And

I don't think he'd mind me sharing this story because Al was at his bedside this week when the great Alex Wallow passed away.

And he said, he al said, I took his hand and he said his hand was really strong.

Like really for a person who had hours to live.

He was really strong.

And Alex, at this time, he wasn't particularly verbal.

He'd only said like a word here or there.

He's semi-conscious.

He's laying in bed and he takes his hand and then Al puts his hand on top of the other hand.

And they got four hands kind of holding each other.

And Al kisses Alex on the forehead.

And Alex takes his hand out of the pile and he points to his lips.

He wants

Al to kiss him on the lips.

And so Al kisses him on the lips and Alex says, what a way to go.

Wow.

That's amazing.

Kind of all you need to know about Alex because he was always funny no matter what was going on.

Yeah.

He was a huge champion of the show in the early days.

Until his very last day.

Yeah, but I mean, when we really needed somebody somebody in the early parts,

I got this show too, Fat, right?

He would give you shit about what he did.

Well, every time I ran into him, he would, he would read the column in the pod.

And every time I ran into him, he was just,

it was like we had had a seven-minute conversation before the conversation were about that.

He was just right into like, I can't believe you said that about Eli.

And then he's just...

just in and he'd be going and jimmy i think for christmas one year took all these Alex was yelling at me about something for

nothing that I think.

It was something.

I think I made a joke about Al on a podcast and he was furious about it.

And he was just berating me about it in a good-natured way.

But, and Jimmy was so delighted.

He just started taking pictures of us and then made this collage photo frame thing that he gave to me that I still have.

But he was a, Alex was a man of passion.

Like he really

when he was riled up, he was riled up.

Yeah, and he was an amazing boxing guy.

I mean, he was one of the first great boxers.

I didn't know

before he started.

I didn't even know Jimmy.

Yeah.

He was doing boxing analysis and interviews in the ring, and then somehow became president of the whole network.

Which, yeah, I still

don't understand how it happened.

You know, it's just, I don't think he ever really understood how it happened either, but he was just a great guy.

And his wife, Martha, is a great person.

They're really, really strong people with a great marriage.

And

he was the best.

Yeah.

yeah good one um really good person i know great career cool guy all right jimmy

i mean

she was pretty great too yeah i got the sense that diane keaton had a little crush on me to be honest yeah i remember that that was fun my last couple of appearances and uh the feeling was mutual yeah there you go is there an all-star team of i had a feeling they might have had a crush on me well you know it's not a full five i mean i you could call it an all-star team, but

there aren't many on the list, and most of them are men.

Al Michaels kissed him on the mouth once.

Yeah, it's a different story.

All right.

Today's Parrot Corner presented by Uber Eats.

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Jimmy, anything to plug?

Your late night show, any news?

Any agent news?

Do you still have an agent?

I still have a a job, which is good.

I don't have an agent.

I have a manager.

He's great.

Great manager.

Yeah.

So I heard, Sal, do you want to tell the Brooklyn parking space story?

Jimmy didn't even know about that until I told him.

Jamie's publicist Louis Kay was all up in arms because when Jimmy, you did the show at the BAM in Brooklyn, Jimmy Kim Alive, and then had to immediately travel to do Colbert's show.

Tuesday night, Colbert's on my show, and then I'm going to go do his show.

So he has to change his whole schedule around, you know, to do this.

And I have to race and it's an hour's drive from our studio in Brooklyn to his studio in Midtown.

And what happens when we get there?

So

well, baby had taken your, you know, they're very, you know, obviously this is a

highly charged time for you.

And they want to make sure that when you're outside, you can get right into the studio.

And so they had a parking lot set up, a parking space that would require about 10 steps.

And Baby Doll swept, swooped into that spot and took it from you.

And I think you had to park at least across the street.

And maybe now

a little bit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But he didn't care.

He didn't really, he wasn't remorseful at all.

That's the thing.

He has no shame.

Yeah.

There's no shame.

He at least moved the car.

So when you left the show, he moved it.

Yeah, yeah.

He had to give up his keys.

He wasn't happy, apparently.

But yeah, that's what happens.

That's a baby for you.

My name is Chuck, and I don't give a fuck.

And as all this stuff was happening in your career,

he was handling it from the streets of Martha's Vineyard.

He was, were it not for Zoom, I don't know that I would be employed today.

He said it was 20 hours a day.

What was the actual number for him?

He said it was 20 hours a day for him was the number he quoted.

I don't, it's hard to say because um, a lot of it was him talking to other people.

It couldn't have been because there's no way it was 20 hours because it couldn't have been.

Yeah, I mean, there's 24 hours in a day, so he did tell me 20.

He goes, you know what?

Tanya has been great through all Tanya.

Has been, I really, I really appreciate that was a really so understanding.

She's been so great.

And I'm sitting here thinking, like, great.

You're still in Martha's Vineyard.

Like, you're still going to this wedding like

i'm in i'm in turmoil right now no but she let me during the cocktail hour you know they're handing out the nice pigs in the blanket but i got out to make a 10-minute phone call so you know she understood so is he like on speakerphone during some of these huge meetings like how did this work zoom yeah

Yeah, Zoom.

So we could really see him.

But even the Zooms were like, he's in a place that's just ridiculous, you know like it like clearly

clearly like uh at his vacation home he is like nine shades of tan he is so tan you can barely see his face like just just to lighten the zoom so you can actually make out his features in our big meeting he was wearing a white shirt and he was like burnt umber and you just really could only

see his like a little bit of his eyes and then of course if on the occasion he would smile yeah see his teeth and then a little flash of cigarette oh man right like a little drift of smoke that's when i need to pull up with marinara sauce whenever he's wearing a white shirt it just gets me crazy yeah does he does he speak more or less when he's on the zoom than when he would in person during these gigantic career auditory meetings for you it depends who it's with if he feels um they're above him he speaks less If he feels they're beneath him, which is almost everyone else, he speaks the whole time.

And do we know what wedding he went to that weekend that he couldn't fly by?

Daughter's friend.

Okay.

Daughter's friend.

I'm glad we saw that.

Was it like a top three friend?

Was it a college roommate?

There's a lot of daughters and there's a lot of friends.

Yeah.

All right.

Glad we settled that.

Jimmy, have a great time in Ireland.

Great to see you.

Cousin Sal.

We'll see you on the Ringer on the Ringer Gamble Show Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday.

Ringer Sunday pre-game on Sunday.

And then back here next week.

Jimmy, can't believe it.

You guys watch games and then talk about them.

And that is your actual show.

We're so

excited to be here.

It kicked off at 6.30 this morning.

They put these games in London.

It used to be one a year, and now it's like

six straight Sundays, they do.

14 straight hours of football today, Jimmy.

Had you known, maybe you would have chosen a different sport.

You're right.

Yeah, you're right.

Boggle.

Yeah, bog would have been great.

All right.

Bye, guys.

Great to see you.

All right.

Sal.

See you next week.

Bye.

Bye bye.

Good job, bye.

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