Women Are Wrong About What Men Really Want | Episode 76

Hello guys, according to X, my husband probably hates my postpartum body and has statistically proven to leave me.

Happy Wednesday!

So there is a raging debate on X right now about women's postpartum bodies, what that means for their attractiveness and their marriages, and women wanting to have children or being too afraid to have children.

And while I think looking at that debate and reading some of those comments and posts, it would be very easy to take the black pill and doom scroll.

I do actually think that our culture is changing for the better and we need to talk about it.

Before we do though, make sure that you like this video and subscribe to my channel if you have not already.

And of course, ring that notification bell so that you never miss an episode of the Red Cooper Show.

There are a lot of different things going viral on X right now that sort of circumnavigate this conversation and this debate.

There's a lot of things floating in this arena, but there was one post in particular that made me want to talk about this.

It was a viral tweet from last week from this girl named Nicole, and she posted a meme from Gossip Girl of Latin Meester.

And she said, y'all really want to get married and have sex with the same person for the rest of your life?

All capital letters, the audacity, the insanity.

And so that was posted on October 5th.

And it has a whopping 20 million views.

20 million impressions on X.

And obviously, I looked at that and I kind of laughed.

I saw it before it really took off.

I think she was maybe posting it in regards to the Taylor Swift discourse with her getting engaged and her new album, all of that stuff.

But Gina Florio, who I adore, she wrote a great piece about this post in particular for Eevee magazine where she laid out the argument for commitment for marriage.

And she titled it, Is it Boring to Sleep with One Person for the Rest of Your Life?

The Truth Behind This Viral Post on X.

And in this article, she basically talked about why this tweet is so unsurprising in our current landscape due to the cultural messages that women have received about marriage and sex.

and what it means to be an empowered woman over the last couple of decades.

And, you know, her article was very spot on about a lot of things.

She also talked about the dangers of promiscuous hookup culture and not having a steady partner.

And obviously, her argument for commitment was completely spot on.

I agreed with everything.

I do want to offer a bit of a different perspective about our current culture.

I'm not saying that I have a different perspective about the messages that have been shoved down women's throats for the past few decades, but I do think that something is changing.

And while it would be very easy to look at a world of Alex Cooper's and Hollywood promiscuity and hookup culture and just feel impending doom.

Like there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

I promise you, it does feel like things are starting to change.

Now, I actually touched on this a little bit last week when we were talking about Taylor Swift's new album and the social media response to that.

We talked about her getting engaged and writing songs about wanting to be married and wanting to have kids and wanting to live a suburban life with a basketball court in the front yard and have a bunch of baby Travis Kelseys running around the neighborhood.

We talked about the myriad of other pop stars that are getting married, like Charlie XCX, Dua Lipa, Selena Gomez, and of course Taylor Swift.

These are extremely, extremely attractive women at the top of their game with huge currency in the sexual marketplace.

And they are choosing to very publicly commit themselves to one man, not just in a long-term relationship, but saying, no, I am very publicly getting engaged, very publicly saying that I am so excited to be married, writing songs about it, after they have been pining for this kind of relationship for a majority of their careers.

Now, another example of how things are changing are the fact that shows like Sex in the City and Girls that were almost grotesque in their portrayal of casual sex and dysfunctional, unhealthy romantic relationships have majorly declined in popularity.

Like I was doing some research this morning.

I do not know of another show right now.

that is currently airing that is very popular that resembles either of those two shows in the slightest.

Whereas women today are watching shows like Nobody Wants This, which is about fighting for love, fighting for a committed relationship across cultural and religious lines, or probably the best example are shows like The Summer I Turn Pretty, which is a sweet, gushy, YA TV show.

And these adult women are watching the show.

They're waiting with bated breath to figure out how a youthful teenage love triangle turns out.

Literally grasping at Netflix.

Amazon!

Amazon!

Being like, where is the next episode?

I'm like waiting to figure out what what is the girl I even watched it Bunny is her name, something like that.

Benny Belly, I think is the girl's name.

But adult women are captivated by this very romantic show.

Elle even wrote about this phenomenon recently.

And the article reads, why almost every woman you know is obsessed with the summer I turned pretty.

And the reasons probably won't surprise you.

Because they are natural, because they are normal, because they are almost biological in nature.

Shouldn't say almost biological, they are biological in nature.

But the article reads, quote, the summer I turned pretty is especially appealing to Gen X, millennials, and Gen Z because it is tender, layered, and psychologically rich, says the therapist who specializes in relationships and attachment.

Quote, it blends nostalgia, emotional intensity, and romantic fantasy in a way that taps into our earliest understandings of love and longing.

In a world that often feels overwhelmingly real, Deborah Robbins, who's the therapist, adds that the summer I turn pretty offers more than just escapism.

Quote, even if we've outgrown fairy tales, most of us are still carrying around that little voice wondering, what if it could still end happily ever after?

That blend of fantasy and familiarity is exactly what makes the show resonate so deeply with women who came of age in the early 2000s.

The music choices, the storyline are so reminiscent of summer back then.

The summer I Turn Pretty is more than a teen drama.

It is a time machine, a soft glittering portal to the versions of ourselves that we used to be and maybe still are.

I mean, can you imagine how shocking this is?

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Okay, now back to the point.

Another example that I just want to layer on top of this is that after a major slump in the 2000s and 2010s, again, when Sex in the City and girls, those types of shows, the girl boss, the lean lean in empowerment was, you know, skyrocketing in our culture.

Rom-coms, after a huge slump, they are now making a return over the last couple of years.

Netflix is leading the charge in that, but this is the type of content that adult women are consuming.

And yes, we can laugh and say, okay, well, that's just Hollywood, that's just media, but that is indicative of a changing culture.

The types of things that we consume that are influencing our decisions, our values, our attitudes, it is important to dissect that and try to understand what that means.

And you see all of this in the comment section of that initial viral post that I read to you guys.

I actually did not see a single person after 20 million impressions echoing or supporting what that girl said.

In fact, most of them were actually just making fun of her.

One comment read, why would I want to have sex with different people?

That's effing gross.

Another person basically used her same meme format and said, y'all really want to avoid committing yourself to one person to instead have sex with dozens of strangers till you're like 40 and then be all alone and miserable for the rest of your life?

Yeah, ooh, that's gross.

You might think settling down and being in love and having somebody commit to you is disgusting, but I would make the same gossip girl Leighton Meester face at you hooking up with random people until you are old and they move on to people who are younger.

Like, sorry, that genuinely is gross.

That is genuinely how I feel.

Another commenter said, yeah, it's called happiness, L-M-A-O.

You should try it sometime.

Somebody else commented and said, Y'all really want to have sex with a bunch of randomers who also sleep around, who care nothing for you, who won't lift a finger to help help you if you get sick, pregnant, or need companionship, and who will no longer be there for you when you're older?

Again, that is like an insane thing to think of.

That is how backwards our society has or had become.

And that comment right there brings us to a completely different conversation that is currently happening on X, and that is the one about postpartum women.

Because remember, that commenter just said, somebody who will not lift a finger if you get sick, pregnant, or need companionship in sickness or in health.

Now, that debate that is happening on X right now is about whether women are actually attractive postpartum, if that means that their husbands will cheat on them and leave them postpartum, and how this makes childless women think about having kids.

Because a lot of women, you know, are not interested in having children and a big reason why is because they do not want their bodies to change.

They don't want their romantic relationships to change.

And obviously, this is a really pleasant debate for me to hear when I am six weeks postpartum, but it's okay.

I feel good.

I feel confident.

We're just going to ignore this.

Just kidding.

We actually do need to talk about this.

Now, this whole debate started with these two posts.

This woman said, I've had multiple women in New York City tell me that they don't want to get pregnant because they're afraid of what it will do to their body.

And RFH doctor said, that is because men are disgusted by postpartum bodies.

And that quote tweet now has millions and millions of impressions and thousands of comments.

Now, interestingly, when I was going through the quote tweets of this post, when I was scrolling through the comment section as I do, it was the women who were agreeing with this.

They were crapping on men, and they were also saying that they were the ones who found postpartum bodies scary or unattractive, and it was the men that were denying it.

Now, for a lot of you, this probably is not shocking in the slightest, especially if you are a woman, if you have been around groups of women, if you understand gender relations, how women treat themselves or others, because women are our own harshest critics.

That is something I have actually talked about a lot because many feminists like to point the finger at men and say, You've done this to me, you made me have to be skinny, you did all of this, this when actually it's other women.

Women are the ones who pressure other women to go get plastic surgery, who make them feel insecure, who say that you need to be skinny or look a certain way.

Nine times out of ten, it is women who are doing that and not men.

And that was very much on display in this comment section because just listen to some of this.

This is all from men.

This guy said, as a man with three kids, this is nonsensical rage bait.

Another one said, no, we're not.

LOL, who told you that?

Somebody with purple hair.

And then I love this one because this guy said, if the male opinion on female beauty mattered this much much in women's life choices, buckle fat removal would be a crime.

And true, I am very much in support of that.

Another one said, extremely urbanite feminist take and false.

And then this guy said, not when it is the mother of our children.

And right there is the key point.

That should be the end of this entire debate.

And I hope that the women who are still afraid of what motherhood means for their attractiveness or their love lives or just their bodies, I hope that you hear this.

Because obviously, having children changes your body.

It is one of the many sacrifices that women women make when they choose to have a baby.

Now, does that mean that you are automatically unattractive forever?

No, that is ridiculous.

I mean, there was a whole other viral post just two weeks ago.

I'm telling you, there has been a lot orbiting about postpartum attractiveness right now.

But there was another viral post where Benny Johnson's wife posted about loving her postpartum body, about how she's worked so hard to get back in shape, she feels great, and she was saying that, you know, having kids does not have to destroy you.

She said, I'm 36 weeks postpartum.

I've had four babies in four years.

Don't believe the lies that having kids destroys you.

And this caused a whole other debate on the same subject.

But she's absolutely correct.

And while our culture today seems to want to reject exceptionalism and health in favor of relatability and enablement, especially when it comes to content, especially when it comes to women, seeing these types of stories is a net positive thing.

And seeing the type of posts for many women should be empowering and hopeful for you.

But regardless of how quickly you get back on the horse postpartum or feel like yourself or feel attractive again.

I certainly am like trying to find my normal equilibrium.

I don't feel like myself six weeks postpartum.

But regardless, your body still might change.

You might not look like Benny Johnson's wife.

But does that mean that your husband will stop loving you or finding you attractive?

I mean, we would hope not.

And he is an asshole, if so.

And again, this all goes back to the same conversation we were having at the top of the episode about commitment and why that is so important for pregnancy and motherhood and raising children.

Now, something that pro-choicers pro-choicers like to say all the time is that consent to sex is not consent to pregnancy, which is completely false.

It is a completely distorted view of reality.

It's just completely ridiculous.

Because when you have sex, no matter how careful you are being, no matter what birth control forms you are using, you are opening the door for pregnancy.

And so as a woman, I mean both men and women, but especially as a woman, you better be damn sure about the man that you are sleeping with.

Because is this a man who will take care of you and find you beautiful when you are nine months pregnant, when you are 42 weeks pregnant and you are dressing like Adam Sandler every day?

Is this a man who will find you beautiful and uplift you when you are crying because it is 4 a.m.

and the baby will not sleep and the baby is crying and things are coming out of you and you feel like your body is still split open from giving birth?

That is what you should be thinking about.

That is what you should be searching for, not some fleeting pleasure with a different guy every single night that you do not know and you do not trust.

And again, I'm not trying to blackpill here and say that all women are in search of that because based on earlier comments, it does seem like attitudes are shifting and that is a very, very good thing.

And I also think that this whole conversation about postpartum beauty and husbands finding their wives attractive hinges on a very specific kind of beauty, like being super model hot, being back to the same weight that you were when you were 18 years old when you met your husband, like never aging.

None of that is realistic, and it's also not realistic for him because men's bodies also also change.

They age, they might get a dad bod, and guess what?

You will probably still love him regardless.

All bodies change, whether that is through giving birth, aging, injuries, illness, stress, etc.

We can only hope that we did our best to marry somebody who will love us and find us attractive and fight for us and encourage us, encourage us to be healthy above all, throughout all of that.

And based on the comments that I have been seeing from men on X, it does seem like there are a lot of great ones out there.

So this should be permission and encouragement to go out there and find a great partner who will love you and support you in whatever stage of life you're in, whatever body you are currently in.

That is the beauty of commitment.

That somebody will stand by you when you don't feel your best, when you probably don't look your best, but will encourage you to get better, who will be there when you do feel your best, when you feel you're most attractive, and you will be able to share that together.

And you should not let the fear of what-ifs and the TikTok fear-mongering, the girl with the list who tells them in all the reasons why they shouldn't have children.

You should not let that stop you from wanting children because of your attachment to your current body.

Because, guys, it's going to change regardless.

Like, that's just kind of how life works.

We just have to get on board and try to take care of it and find a good partner who will love you through all of it.