Dr Evil Set To Impose Million Percent Tariffs!

The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world.

Hello buglers and welcome to issue 4337 of the Bugle audio newspaper for a visible world with me Andy's Ultiman, the undisputable fountainhead of all truth and some lies.

It is, for both the first and last time, the the 11th of April 2025, and I'm joined today to take the pulse of the planet, to then frantically press the planet in different areas, trying to find a pulse, any pulse, and then to hopefully make badum badum badum noises to make it sound like there is a pulse whilst pretending everything is just fine.

By firstly from San Francisco, the city where tech bros sprout from the flower beds and the birds sing in computer code.

It's NATO Green.

Hello, NATO.

Hello, Andy.

Hello, Buglers.

Andy, I have a confession.

Okay.

I'm not at my best best today

because

regular listeners to the bugle will know that I am a failed comedian and podcaster with a side hobby as a union negotiator.

And yesterday I was 13 hours at the bargaining table attempting to sort a first union contract for 350 workers at a science museum.

One implication of that is that I'm exhausted.

The other implication of that is that at points where bargaining got heated and people needed to cool down,

the solution was, hey, let's go have a look at the albino alligator.

So that was my day yesterday.

Right.

He wasn't even in the museum.

You just brought him a lot.

Yeah.

He was on a leash outside.

Well, you've just heard of joining us from Glasgow where 18th century engineering superstar James Watt helped spark the Industrial Revolution with his new improved steam engine, paving the way for the hyper-technological age we live in today.

And where John Logie Baird, the man who would go on to invent television, studies as a young man.

So basically, the city that's ultimately responsible for both Elon Musk and Donald Trump.

But joining us from there, it's Josie Long.

Hello, Josie.

Hello.

I'd like to stress I'm not personally implicated.

Well, you moved there.

So, you know,

it does look like you are validating

those behaviour.

Yep.

Yeah.

And I'm doing nothing to stop it.

any albino alligators roaming the streets of Glasgow today no but I would see your albino alligator tiredness and I would raise it both of my children throwing up at 4 a.m.

in a holiday cottage the day we're checking out of it

right and say that you know some people would argue

What I just didn't fully appreciate when I entered into becoming a parent was the sheer amount of viscera that I would have to mop.

I just think nobody said, oh, there's actually five different types of viscera you're going to be mopping.

And they'll come at random in the middle of the night.

And multiple subcategories within those five as well.

Yeah, Josie, when I became a parent

a bit longer ago now than you, the big revelation was discovering that someone else could ship my pants.

That's the problem with America.

You're outsourcing everything.

But we are recording on the 11th of April.

The 13th of April is National Scrabble Day, apparently.

The popular word-based board game Scrabble.

Makes me think back to my greatest win in Scrabble, which was...

uh literally hours before i i became a a father while my wife was in labor with our first child uh having just had an epidural to pass the time we played scrabble and i mercilessly thrashed her uh led off with a seven letter word huge lead there was no way back from there it was uh an absolute humiliation and uh still one of the most satisfying moments of my adult life.

Son of God.

Do your children know that?

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yep.

It's just because

they know where they come from.

It's part of their heritage.

As always, a section of the bugle is going straight in the bin.

This week, we have the world's stupidest books,

including...

Why the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire Has Nothing to Teach Us Today by Loewen Snidge, Demeritus Professor of History at the University University for Real Life.

Dr.

J.

L.

Splatchcock's The Undiscovered Plughole, Why Rising Sea Levels Might Not Be That Big a Deal.

The Happy Ostrich by Palimses Delahunt Jr.,

which tells us why ignoring things such as climate change, the evisceration of democratic institutions, and strange unexplained skin rashes is quite likely to be a good idea.

And also Lucian Hawkhammer's Proof Schmoof, Why Facts Don't Help in Third Millennium Science.

A follow-up to Hawkhammer's multi-million

science schmeians, just because you're in a lab coat doesn't mean you're Einstein, and diagnosis schmeagnosis, why trusting a doctor is like wearing a seatbelt on a jet ski.

A compulsive read, which shows how qualified medical practitioners are, on average, only 6.3 times more likely to get a diagnosis right than spinning a wheel of fortune with a load of diseases written on it.

Anyway, reviews of all of those books in our section in the bin.

Top story this week, the upshots of the top story from last week.

When we recorded last week, Donald Trump, the President of America, had just launched

his tariffs.

I don't even know if that word is correct.

As a result of which, I mean, you know, as they say, you know, night inevitably follows day and day inevitably follows night.

Mayhem inevitably follows Trumpic policy announcement.

After days of market mayhem, Trump then paused his tariffs.

Essentially, the chicken blinked, the cock cocked up, the turkey turned, and the goose shat itself.

And now we're in a slightly bizarre situation where the tariffs are still going to happen, but not for about three months.

After Trump acknowledged something that he described as transition difficulty, which is not something that he has always shown the most sympathy for an intuitive understanding of, I think it's fair to say.

NATO, you are our

American decline into a vortex of

inescapable disaster, correspondent.

It's been a busy week for you.

Oh, dear.

So the stock market crashed.

The Trump announced the tariffs.

The stock market crashed.

And just to give you a sense of

what that means for me,

at this point, my pension plan is the the bugle.

So

that's where we are.

And it raised prices even further.

And so I found myself saying things like, well, I guess my family doesn't eat eggs anymore.

The eggs are now luxury goods only available to the super rich, as if the only eggs were ostrich eggs served to hedge fund managers on a velvet platter during a a ritual on a full moon.

Working-class families are singing mournful boleros to say farewell to the last egg they're going to enjoy.

There are Americans, it reminds me of when I was in Cuba and there was like a black market of like egg dealers, like drug dealers, where a man would pass you on the street and whisper, huevo, huevo, huevo.

And then and then you would you would say, yes, huevo.

And then you would hand him some money and he would whistle and a car would pull up and someone would hand you a carton of eggs out the window and then the car would drive away.

So

that's how America is.

There's been a big debate about how to understand the tariff policy.

Like how do you make sense of what Trump is doing?

So he's a quick multiple choice.

Is it A, a brilliant calculated master plan by the author of the Art of the Deal to simultaneously wreck the American economy in order to justify privatizing everything and replace all social functions with AI and crypto while returning America to a 19th-century framework of funding government via tariffs and abolish the income tax, or B, the actions of a coterie of impulsive, grievance-obsessed imbeciles who lurch from one bad idea to another in a futile sense for anything to fill the bottomless hole of insecurity.

They all obviously have, or is it C the predictable result of giving chat GPT too much ketamine?

Could it not be all three of those things?

Hard to say.

They're calling them reciprocal tariffs, which they are not.

Reciprocal tariffs are when both countries have a tariff on each other's imports to that country.

But the formula for these tariffs is based on a percentage of the deficit, the trade deficit divided by the imports to that country, which is not an economic standard that has ever been used.

And so the solution for the other countries is that if they want to lower the tariffs, they need to buy more American shit, which raises the question: what do we have that they want?

We can offer to Vietnam or Madagascar or France

guns,

basketball, all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet,

non-fat mocha with whip, the freedom not to put a U in color.

We have a lot to offer the world as America.

Josie, I know

you've long been a fan of

isolationist global economic strategies.

What's your take on this?

Well, yeah, absolutely a big fan.

It's

the biggest thing for me has been

really having to accept that the word tariff has a single R at in the middle and a double F at the end

when barrel has a double R in the middle and a single L in the end.

Both of these seem to me

crimes against any kind of reason, just as a basic uh basic thing.

And it's something that I can't get beyond as I try to examine and understand this story.

In fact, every time I try to write the word tariff, I put two R's in it.

I think you've probably still gone a little deeper into how international economics works than Trump himself, though.

This is true.

And it's less silly.

I mean, it is genuinely less silly.

You were talking about what the US has to offer.

And I've actually gone into this because

obviously there's been a lot of grandstanding between the US and China.

And I always love it when China kind of cattily snaps back against the West because I feel like they have so much power and they're doing things so successfully within their country that every time they do, I'm just like, drag us.

Drag us so fing hard.

Like I remember when the UK.

You're such a sub, Josie.

I'm a bratty sub.

What can I say?

I really remember there was a time in the UK where

we were really put down by, I think it was the Chinese ambassador who was just like, China is not in competition with the United Kingdom.

Okay.

You are not a competitor to us.

We are a fact to you.

Sit back and shut up.

I looked at what the US's main export to China is, and it's soybeans for pigs.

Not even for humans, soybeans to feed their pigs.

Isn't that a subservient export?

It's pathetic.

Like, and also I was thinking, good for soybeans for pigs, you know?

Soybeans for pigs are having their day in the sun.

I would never, and they would never, to be fair to them, have put themselves as the main character in any news story.

Then they're looking at the league table, they're higher than petroleum, you know?

They are top of the league at 9% of U.S.

exports to China.

They can't believe it.

I can't believe it.

It's a wonderful day for soybeans for pigs.

Well,

Josie, just on the soybean for pigs issue.

Yeah, on the soybean.

Continuing on the soybean for pigs issue, yep.

Yeah, it could be crippling for China to cut off their supply of American soybean for pigs because obviously we all know that China doesn't have land on which they could grow crops or people who could tend those crops or any familiarity with soy as an agricultural staple, despite the fact that they've been eating tofu since I looked it up, the Han Dynasty in the second century BC.

So it raises an important question, which is why is China's biggest import from the U.S.

something that they are famous for?

And there is an obvious answer, which is that Chinese pigs are snobs and

prefer the superior mouthfeel and hints of sandalwood and blackcurrant finish of American soybeans.

Chinese pigs live better than the American proletariat.

Also, I mean, just thinking back to a story from a while ago,

I remember when David Cameron was prime minister, he made a big, a big thing about a deal that he struck to export British pig semen to China.

So it does.

I mean, that does back up, you know, that they only want the absolute best.

The British pig splaff is all that Chinese lady pigs will accept.

This is barely on topic, Andy, but I must share this with the world.

The other day, I was on a bus, and the woman next to me was googling how much does it cost to send semen abroad.

So even in this age of tariffs, there are still entrepreneurs willing to take on very important jobs.

It's interesting you describe it as

silly,

because those are the words used by

a Harvard economist quoted in the New York Times, described it as totally silly.

There's no other way to say it.

It makes no sense.

But Andy, Elon Musk clapped back at that and said a PhD in economics from Harvard is actually bad, not good.

Well, okay, fair enough.

And

who we to disillusion the lad.

I mean, that is perhaps the highest praise that Trump's actions have received from the non-Trump community.

Totally silly.

It's a rather more positive angle than many have gone to.

Bunsley Horridge of the International Multi-Drillion Dollar Sludge Fund Capito Gasmet Capital described Trump's pirate program as like feeding 10 cocaine-addled porcupines to a hippo.

It's not going to end well for either party.

Julia Streve of the Organization of Strategic Hegemonic International Transactional Ethics, or O-Shite,

described it as like plonking your Willie on a barbecue and claiming it's a sausage.

People will take a long while to trust you as a chef again.

Whilst gk3000xqx the uh one of the leading ai bots do you still think you can't trust us you bunch of fleshy losers so um it's uh i mean really has shaken up the uh the economic world

the china uh were tit for tat eye for an eye um scrotum for a scrotum revenge tariffing has now shunted the tariffs up beyond the 100% mark which is i mean i i think that's not enough i think having gone past 100%,

you might as well just keep going.

I will not be satisfied with this trade war until we are looking at a million percent tariffs on goods between China and America.

Reciprocal million percent tariffs.

That will give the world something to cling to.

Also very exciting for people who accidentally order something small off of Timu.

You know, you're spending 40 pence, you think.

The chief executive of JP morgan chase said his bank is quotes absolutely shitting kittens at the state of the global bond markets not not in those words so when i said quote i didn't actually mean but the inference uh was clear uh gold is one of the few things that has been standing up reasonably well in the international markets all those rust belt voters who backed trump to sort the universe out for them just need to sit on their bullion reserves a little while longer to really cash in on the benefits of their uh their chosen one um but uh yeah i mean once again it's just further proof you know in the who can come up with a more sensible solution competition that we've seen with the Middle East, we've seen with Ukraine, in this case, on the global economy, it's a competition between the president of the USA and Bertrand, the uncontrollably vomiting buffalo, then you're going to go with Bertie and his cauldron of Chanda as a more stable plan for the world to cling to.

As I would say, as somebody who really was subjected to a lot of vomit this morning, I, you know, I'm happy to go with the accelerationists, the nihilists, and the small mammals who are very often the biggest winners in mass extinction events.

You know?

Yeah.

I said, tariff it up.

Keep going.

I think there's something in this as well that is very funny to me.

Like, I read,

JD Vance was very catty or tried to be very withering,

sort of about Chinese peasants, as he called them.

And I was reading the article because it was, oh, J.D.

Vance is being scathing about China.

And then I started to read a quote, which was that he says, What has the globalist economy got?

The United States?

It's based on two things, incurring a huge amount of debt to buy things that other countries make for us.

And I was like, yeah, drag them, China.

And then I was like, oh, no, that's that's JD Vance talking about the actions of his party and capitalism as if he didn't do all those things.

It's very weird to me that they've set up this order where the United States exploits other countries.

And now they're like, oh, I can't believe this has happened.

It's nothing to do with us.

We should punish everyone else.

It's very weird to me.

And then I was thinking, oh, yeah, all he wants is for the normal people going into debt for those debts to be to people in the United States.

They took our sweatshops and we're going to go get our sweatshops back.

That's exactly it.

It's not saying the sweatshops are bad.

It's saying, why can't we have more of those fires in the shirtwaist factory?

That's right.

Yeah,

we missed the glory days when teenage immigrant women had to leap out of burning buildings because of unsafe working conditions, and men were men.

I got very excited about how they're trying to sell this as a masculine revival.

It's so wild to me how they think that if you just say enough culture war stuff, it will override material conditions.

Yeah, well, let's not jump to conclusions, Josie.

We've just got to give it to they've got four years to make that come true.

Well, what was weird for me is like to hear Trump sort of

idealizing blue-collar workers and blue-collar workers' big strong hands.

I was like, Is Donald Trump also a recent divorcee on a voyage of sexual adventure?

Well, I mean, that could make the next four years on missable television

which it already will be

it should be said that you know even if yeah if global market mayhem does catapult the world into economic catastrophe that takes years perhaps even decades to recover from the resurgence of masculinity will be a price yeah that'll be a price worth paying for the resurgence of masculinity.

Masculinity has of course been one of the most enduringly popular and successful contributors to the sum of human misery and the journey of humanity to the precipice of of oblivion.

And many have expressed a concern about the decline of traditional masculine values, such as immovable stubbornness, a steadfast refusal to recognize your own shortcomings and failures, and the testosterone-driven assumption that the best way to find an evolutionary mate is to roar like a lion, chop down a tree with your penis, throw bear in the air when something exciting happens at a sporting event, and take the stupidest available option at all times.

So at least...

That is some good to come out of this

chaos.

Another good to come out of it is that a lot of people have been making some pretty good money out of it.

There have been accusations of insider trading after Donald Trump.

Donald Trump wrote, This is a great time to buy on his truth social website shortly before announcing his tariff climb down.

And to me, this is progress.

It's good to see that insider trading is now honest and out in the open.

That when the president is confident enough in his mandate from the people to conduct his insider trading through publicly available social media, I this is a huge step forward for human corruption.

I was very excited to see that

there had been the sharpest single-day gain in stocks since 2008, which is a year that has no negative financial associations.

Well, I was thinking about it.

So, the world's

500 wealthiest people, apparently, on Liberation Day, in the 24 hours after

Trump unleashed his tariff storm, their combined wealth dropped by $208 billion.

They then regained $304 billion

after the 90-day cease mayhem that Trump announced on Wednesday.

The 500 then, of course, pledged instantaneously and automatically to share their added $96 billion of wealth by buying a luxury sofa and armchair set worth $9,600 for 10 million randomly selected poor people from around the world before the markets then shape-shifted and readjusted once again.

And they realized they had now lost that 96 billion again.

And the 10 million poor people owed them $100 each to cover administrative fees.

But such is the way that the global economy works.

The retraction of the tariffs

described as a step back from the cliff edge.

But the problem with that seems to be stepping back from the cliff edge in order to take an even longer and faster run-up so that they can jump further across the canyon.

So

and that doesn't necessarily mean that you will have a smoother landing when you hit the bottom of the canyon.

So we we should remember that.

Destabilizing as the tariffs have been, I I did cherish some hope that like Trump's stupidity mess messing with the wealth of the ruling class, like they don't the global elites don't mind if Trump wants to round people up and port and put them into deep deportation concentration camps, but if he starts just casually chucking aside billions of dollars in their assets, that's the kind of thing where you feel like the Illuminati step in.

It's funny when you don't really have a horse in the race, you know, where either of them having negative consequences is

good.

You know, it's like when Elon Musk is falling out with people in the government.

It's like, I would love to see you both being harmed here.

Right.

We did see that quite a public falling out this week.

Elon Musk

described Trump's trade advisor, Peter Navarro, as being dumber than a sack of bricks.

So that's for those of you who slightly got behind on the story.

Elon Musk is the civilization sundering tech tornado and...

failure to avoid doing things that look like Nazi salutes celebrity.

And he is not a happy plutocratic bunny.

Tesla's share price has been banging cowbells at itself as it slides downhill amidst the Trumpo terrific turbulence and the understandably growing reluctance of people around the world to drive cars associated with a man who does not, I think it's fair to say, disassociate himself from fascism quite as much as you would like if you're the kind of

car owner that likes to enjoy a quiet Sunday drive without the nagging thought that your choice of automobile is boosting the rise of the far right and the demolition of democracy.

So it's been a bit of a tricky time for

Musk.

Dumber Than a Sack of Bricks, though, was in fact one of the stipulations on the job prospectus for being Trump's top trade advisor.

And also economists have suggested that a sack of bricks would in fact be a more reliable advisor than any human that Donald Trump would himself pick.

Because whilst not necessarily coming up with its own suggestions

on the economy and trade,

the sack of bricks would at least not suggest suggest completely ludicrous things, nor would it obligingly and grovelingly support the president's latest whim.

In fact, the Bugles AI economic predictogram has suggested that if all Trump appointees were sacks of bricks, the U.S.

economy would currently be doing 12.4% better.

And if the president himself was also a sack of bricks, the global economy would be on the precipice of a historic boom.

So

again, you know, a little shred of optimism to cling to in these troublesome times.

Earth freezing over news now, and by earth I mean American government funding for certain universities after pro-Palestinian protests.

Josie, quite a

Cornell University has had a billion dollars of funding blocked and North Western University,

close to $800 million

in federal funding

following protests.

As previously noted on the bugle, Donald Trump was democratically elected in a free vote to dismantle democracy and undermine freedom.

So we can't really argue with it, but what exactly is going on?

It's very depressing to see a punishment that has

no, a punishment that is undeserved, a punishment that's completely overreaching, and a punishment that does not follow logically

from what it's stated that it's doing.

So what they're doing is taking away, for example, funding.

They're taking away funding from Northwestern University, but these are grants and contracts where the universities are aiding the government.

They are aiding world knowledge.

They are doing useful and important things.

Some of the things that have been cut in Northwestern, for example, is they are cutting research that is fueling the fight against Alzheimer's, which, you know, given the average age of the people doing the cutting, feels like a very self-defeating thing.

But then

they're cutting research, they're cutting federal funding for researchers for the world's smallest pacemaker.

And when you hear that, you think, so many hamsters are going to die.

And for what?

What did they do?

You know?

Just because they're Syrian?

Well, that puts everything in perspective.

It's because we're American and we want

bigger pacemakers.

You want to see hamsters struggling to drag along a pacemaker, ideally, in the back of a truck.

I want to be able to see the pacemaker from across the

Open carrier pacemaker.

Well, we will have further coverage of the end times of all humanity on the bugle over the next however long it takes.

Man dressed as rats makes political point news now.

And,

well,

things might not be

not be going too well broadly across the world and across the UK but what we have in this country is a lot of people with the willingness to dress up in stupid costumes to make a point whether that is

on a stagdo or doing a charity fun run or in this case going to a council meeting in Birmingham to highlight the the issue of rubbish across the city.

There's been a strike of

Birmingham's

rubbish collectors that has resulted in almost 20,000 tons of rubbish being strewn, uncollected across the city.

And a man went into a council meeting in a full rat outfit.

Now, local politics in the UK doesn't always grab the nation's attention.

But I think the headline, man dressed as rat, now polling at 98.4% approval as voters turn to rubbish expert rodent species to sort out their problems over humans.

I think that is a huge boost for local politics and

what it can truly achieve.

It had been assumed that the intervention was a man-in-a-rat outfit, although the bin crisis has become so extreme that it is possible that Birmingham's rats have speed evolved over the last few weeks to become human-size, as of course, famously happened in many cities in England during the 14th century plague epidemics.

Josie, did you see this as the future for British politics, that really people will now only

pay any attention to people who are either in in fancy dress or pretending to be another species.

I'd like to make a point on behalf of my beautiful adopted city of Glasgow, the greatest city in the world, to say that this rat in Birmingham is a scab rat and a fraud.

This rat has come out against union workers on strike.

Whoever this rat is, they will undo.

They'll undo the rat costume and they'll find a rat, a metaphorical rat.

They'll find an absolute slug under there because someone is doing that to undermine a strike.

And I'll tell you something: not only are they doing that to undermine a strike, but they are a fraud and a copycat, and they have stolen it from Glaswegian strike pattern because

Chris Mitchell, one of the absolute union heroes of Glasgow, the convener of the

Come on, which is it?

The GMB.

Chris Mitchell, the GMB union hero of Glasgow, they had a big campaign for the workers on strike using giant rats.

They had a great giant rat mascot, a beloved, dare I say, by all for the bin men and the bin lorries.

To take this man's beautiful Glaswegian work, to distort it through the magic mirror of union busting, to take that to the council?

It just yet again makes me so glad I've renounced England.

That's the difference between Scotland and England.

My giant rats are fighting for the working man, and your giant rats are fighting against them.

Not just the working man.

I've just got distracted by the earlier talk of McKismo.

You know,

in American union stuff, we actually call it Scabby the Rat.

And it's like a thing at strike lines.

We have

like a

10 or 15 foot inflatable rat that we blow up on the picket lines.

to

represent the scabs.

And there's actually been legal cases where like some employers have gotten injunctions against Scabby the Rat.

And so then the union would retaliate by bringing out Scabby the skunk because the injunction specifically named a rat.

That's why the rat's shown up in Birmingham.

He can't get the work anymore in the States.

He's having to stick scabbing even on that.

The Bing's strike has come as a result of Birmingham Council having basically completely run out of anything even slightly resembling money.

It's facing a three-quarters of a billion pound bill for equal pay claims.

It's also the cost of an IT system that turned out to have had an S and an H before the I and the T.

And government cuts of around £1 billion over the last decade because the government logically came to the conclusion that if local authorities have not yet learned how to monetise their children, old people, bags of rubbish, benches and vulnerable, well, frankly, you have to ask if they ever will.

There are concerns that if the bin strike is not resolved within the next 20 years, the Birmingham rubbish mountain could become a sentient trash city and start roaming around the northern hemisphere uncontrollably.

Sure, we've heard that somewhere before.

And that the smell of two decades of uncollected garbage could cause the entire Midlands region to shear itself off from the UK and escape across the Atlantic before attaching itself to Newfoundland and Canada, leaving a giant cavity in central England, which would now have become a don-up nation.

Also, I mean at the sort of other end of the scale, London has fallen out of the top five wealthiest cities in the world with millionaires fleeing for their

lives, fleeing for their fortunes, I think.

The question is, why are so many of the super wealthy leaving London?

One theory is that the wealthy community contains a higher than national average proportion of self-serving egotists with absolutely no sense of social responsibility.

A second theory is that that first theory is correct.

A third theory is that the British Society of Millionaires has hatched a secret plan to spread its membership around the country to divest their wealth into community schemes and public facilities that will spark a new era of utopian egalitarianism across the land.

And a fourth theory is that that third theory is total bullshit.

A fifth theory is that the 18 centimillionaires, so that's 100 million pounds or more of personal wealth, are all off on rival expeditions to find buried treasure in the Amazon.

And a sixth theory is that the government secretly sold London's centi millionaires to a breeding program in the Cayman Islands where they will try to create baby billionaires that emerge straight from the laboratory with an in-built understanding of how to manipulate the global economy.

So we'll keep you updated on that.

In all likelihood, what they're doing is just getting on a private jet and going to one of their many other houses in another country.

For a bit.

For a while.

Until all this cools down.

Well, on that note, it seems an appropriate time to end this podcast.

Thank you very much for listening, Buglers.

We will be back

in about a week and a half's time.

The news quiz is back on radio for next week, so we're shifting back to Monday recordings mostly for the next

next few weeks um nato anything to plug

uh i'm i'm on i'm on a uh a bit of a tour uh april 19th at the den theater in chicago april 22nd at the throckmorton theater in mill valley california may 8th at the hereafter in seattle may 9th at the blue room in bellingham washington um i do not have like a big apparatus behind me so like the Some of these gigs are coming about because fans like went to their the somebody went to their theater in Bellingham and convinced them to reach out and book me.

So, people rise up and demand NATO in your town, and I'll come talk to you.

So,

and it's been great to see Buglers on the road.

Josie?

I am doing a number of preview shows for my new show that I'm writing now is The Time of Monsters, which is going to be in Edinburgh at the fringe,

7 p.m.

at the Queen Dome, every night.

And I would love people to come to the preview shows I'm doing.

I've got some in Glasgow,

I've got a couple in London.

I'm just knocking about.

God knows how you'll find out about them but I feel like people are very smart and if they want things bad enough they make them happen don't they?

Other than that I'd just like it known that I am available for any lucrative work especially for my gentle soft voice

so if you would like to pay me thousands of pounds in any capacity I will consider those offers of work.

Thank you so much.

I have two small children.

Thank you.

I also I'm going to continue my offer of if anyone has any jobs outside of the United States that will give me and my family political asylum, because we are ready to flee

the crumbling ashes of empire.

Yeah.

This is a real flea.

We're ready to flee.

It's not a fake flea.

Well, there you go, Buglers.

Consider yourselves thoroughly plugged.

And if anyone can either provide Josie with thousands of pounds or note with political asylum, do email us at

hello buglers at the Buglepodcast.com.

If you've enjoyed this bugle, why not join our Bugle voluntary subscription scheme to help keep this show free, flourishing, and independent?

Go to thebuglepodcast.com and click the donate button.

Until next time, goodbye.

Hi, buglers, it's producer Chris here.

I just wanted to very quickly tell you about my new podcast Mildly Informed which is in podcast feeds and YouTube right now.

Quite simply, it's a show where me and my friend Richie review literally anything.

So please come join us wherever you get your podcasts right now.