Bonus Bugle – Frankenbugle

The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world.

Hello buglers and welcome to the third and final part of the Bugle Summer Break.

This is Bugle 4076 Sub-episode C for Carrot.

This week we're going to do something a little bit different with our archives.

We're going to create a Frankenstein's bugle.

We're going to take a bit of bugle from several different bugles to create a kind of monstrous bugle mashup.

So we're going to start with the introduction from one bugle, then we'll have anniversaries from another, sections in the bin from another one, then top story, other news, maybe a feature section and some sport.

All from different bugles to create the perfect monstrous bugle cocktail to keep you going until we return.

with the bugle live from Edinburgh next week.

It'll be recorded on the 15th of August at the Newtown Theatre.

There's also a show on the 22nd, plus my solo show at the stand from the 15th to the 26th.

And many other Bugle co-hosts are doing their shows through the Edinburgh Fringe.

So do go and support all of those.

Let's begin this week's Frankenstein Bugle with the introduction from 124 for the week beginning Monday, the 23rd of August 2010, with me and his altman here in the renowned Scottish city of Edinburgh, the city where angels fear to tread.

Albeit only during August for fear of being mistaken for a student theatre group doing a new hip-hop musical about the conception of Christ entitled God Pimping.

And a little way away as the crow flies, but probably reached but in one go, if you blasted yourself up the Royal Mile in a space rocket and ricocheted off Edinburgh Castle into a low orbit, in New York, it's the multiple Grammy Award-winning country music legend, Willie Nelson.

Oh, sorry, I'm getting my podcast mixed up.

So I thought this was Financial and Bedroom Tips with Willie Nelson.

Sorry, it's the bugle, isn't it?

Anyway, it's John Oliver.

Hello, Andy.

Hello.

Hello, Buglers.

Financial and bedroom tips, Andy.

Yeah, well, he's young.

He likes to multitask.

That isn't...

That is two job skills that should never be merged.

But you'd listen to it.

You would listen to that one.

I'm not denying that.

That is a good point.

That's a good point.

Andy, I was in Milwaukee, Wisconsin for the last couple of days, shooting something for the show.

And about 20 minutes after getting into my hotel room the first night, there was a knock on the door, and a hotel employee was standing there with a bottle of champagne and an ice bucket with strawberries inside the glasses and a card that simply read the Milwaukee division of the bugle army has your back

then

then

there was a drawing of a heart and underneath simply signed Gaddafi

what a fantastic thing to receive with the way the world is Andy flooding in Pakistan fires across Russia serious threat of a double dip recession it truly restores your faith in humanity that people are doing something that juvenile for one another.

Thank you very much buglers whoever you are unless of course unless it was actually Colonel Gaddafi who is currently heading over the Milwaukee division of the Bugle Army.

Next up it's the anniversaries bit from Bugle 4050 today.

As of course all God-fearing subjects of the universe know is the feast day of ladies and gentlemen.

Correct, it is Saint Hugh of Lincoln.

Slightly surprised you knew that.

Who died on this day in the year?

I knew this wasn't going to work.

What?

Who died on this day in the year?

1220!

1220, yeah, you're very, very good.

And of course, he was the patron saint of

beatboxing!

No, no, he wasn't the patron saint of beatboxing.

Try again.

He was the patron saint of

sex dungeons.

sex dungeons not i don't think that's on his official list one more go the patron saint of

swans correct yes he was the patron saint of swans let's have a look at him chris uh here he is there we see uh hugh that is saint hugh with a cheeky little swan down there

uh for our viewers watching only with their ears at home uh this is uh he's got a swan He's got the regulation saintly frisbee stuck to his head there, the saint golden frisbee that all saints have.

That's how you can tell a saint

or a child with an aggressive sibling.

And he's holding, as you can see here, St.

Hugh is holding what can only be described as a cup full of Jesus.

That is

a golden goblet with the infant Christ in.

What I want to know is, is St.

Hugh using Jesus as a f ⁇ ing cocktail stick?

And if so,

what the f does that turn his cocktail into?

I guess merch is merch.

And to mark this historic day, the feast day of St.

Hugh of Lincoln,

we have a special swans quiz.

You have to tell me, ladies and gentlemen, which of the following facts about swans is the least false?

Is it fact one, bagpipes were invented when a Scottish monk in the year 783 AD was caught lustfully French kissing a swan and then hastily pretended he was doing music practice by squeezing the swan until it cried.

Is it fact two?

The Queen is constitutionally allowed to use a pair of swans as magic shoes to walk across a lake.

Is it fact three?

The average length of a swan's neck is three centimetres.

What we think of as their necks are in fact periscopes with a fake head on.

Or is it fact four?

St.

Hugh of Lincoln employed an aggressively violent guard swan as his bodyguard.

The swan would honk at anyone who came near Hugh of Lincoln using phrases such as, Chris?

Got the translations here.

That meant f you, buddy.

Also, this.

That means clear off, you obvious shitheads.

swan phrase three:

Oi, you non-swan schmuck, hands off my Huey, or I will beat you in the balls, Capish.

If you so much as look at him, you short-necked bastard, I will personally feather honk you into the middle of next week.

This is Hugh of finging Lincoln, we're talking about.

Bit of sophisticated swan satire there for you, ladies and gentlemen.

Well, where would a Frankenstein's bugle be without some a section in the bin?

This week, the section in the bin comes from Bugle episode 154.

This week, with the experts predicting that the world will end, or will have ended, on Saturday, the 21st of May.

That's tomorrow as we record, or yesterday, if you're listening to this whilst floating through space, clinging on to a bit of what might once have been a bit of Albania, wondering what the f has happened to your planet.

We present the exclusive Bugle End of the World supplement, including how to explain looming Armageddon to A, a baby, B, an optimist, C, an old person who might be a little confused and tell you that it already happened in 1960 with a Lady Chatterly trial, or D, a Belgian.

I guess the easiest thing to say in that circumstance is just to say, no more waffles.

Oh, no.

God,

that would be very hard for them to even hear as a joke.

Also, we tell you, if you've lived a dissolute or immoral life, we advise you how to brazen it out on Judgment Day.

Be courteous and complimentary to your interviewer dress smartly but not overly formal and do not use do not overuse the phrases we all make mistakes i'm my own biggest critic or don't judge me and do not say well what about you big dog you're not exactly captain perfect yourself are you mister i can't build a planet without it being vulnerable to natural disasters and unending suffering and also we explain if the world ends what will happen to the olympic ticket ticket allocation process what will it do for share prices where now for the derivatives markets will bin larden still be dead does this mean colonel gaddafi gets away scot-free?

And would this have happened if Sarah Palin had kept her mouth shut?

All in the bin.

Top story this week is Top Story from Bugle 108.

So welcome, Chris.

Introduce yourself to the Buglers.

Hi, Buglers.

I'm Chris.

There you go.

What a slightly pleasant, friendly.

Didn't have that kind of downbeat, oh, the world is crushing me, spirit of top.

This is Bugle 2.0.

Let's give it three bugles and we will lower the pitch of that voice by at at least an octave.

Africa Special!

Andy, Africa struggles to make it onto TV news in the West, which is particularly unlucky when you consider just how many newsworthy things they do.

They just can't catch a break from the schedulers who don't seem to quite give enough of a shit about what goes on over there to give it the airtime it deserves.

What more do they need to do?

Famines, mass genocides, coups, even pirates?

Nothing seems to be able to hold the Western media's attention.

So this is a bugle update on what is going on in the second largest continent on Earth.

Well, it's interesting.

It is the second largest continent on Earth, John.

I actually typed the words Africa, continent of, dot, dot, dot, into an internet search engine.

And it's a continent of many things, John.

It's a continent of change.

That's one of the first things up in the search result.

A continent of opportunities, a continent of contrasts, then a continent of the future, a continent of dualities, which is a bit like contrasts, a continent of economic opportunity.

Now, there we're laying our cards on the table about exactly what kind of opportunities those opportunities I mentioned earlier were.

A continent of origins.

Okay, we get it.

We're sorry.

A continent of hope.

That's just a nicer way of saying economic opportunity.

A continent of light.

That doesn't really mark it out from any other continents, to be fair.

A continent of my dreams.

How do they know?

A bit presumptuous.

A continent of hope and opportunity.

Well, they've whacked two of them together.

There, that's efficiency.

A continent of Obama's origin.

Well, where's that going, John?

It could be good.

It could be he's not eligible to be president, you know.

He's not, he's not.

Anyway, it's already the continent of origin, so they're just falling into celebrity culture like all the other continents now.

It's the continent of 2,000 languages.

That puts me off.

It sounds overcomplicated.

Continent of potential.

That's a bit like the future, a bit like opportunities, a bit like hope.

Three for one.

I like it.

A continent of adventure.

That really was Africa's problem throughout the Imperial Age.

And also, it's interesting that no one has gone with Africa continent of the ravages of imperialist irresponsibility and religio-politically exacerbated HIV epidemics, which seems to be fairly near the top of the list.

Also, Africa continent of half of Andy Zaltzmann's recent family origins.

That's not there either.

True.

Or Africa, the continent that puts the K into chaos.

So first stop on our new safari, Nigeria, where the acting president there, President Good Luck Jonathan, has dissolved the entire country's cabinet.

And first, you're right to Geelandy.

Let's just deal with what is a sensational name for any president, but it's even better for a Nigerian one.

Good luck, Jonathan.

Not so much a name as a piece of good wishery.

President, good luck, Jonathan, is to be followed by President Hangin There Magee, who will in turn be succeeded by President, give it your best shot, Stevenson.

Sorry to my little alarm clock.

What's going off there?

It does sound a bit like what a departing British governor might have said as he handed over the newly independent Nigeria in nineteen sixty.

Good luck, Jonathan, you'll need it.

And he's been in charge since President Umara Yaradua was hospitalised in Saudi Arabia last November, and he hasn't been seen in public since.

And it also, another good name, Yaradua,

sounds a bit like what South African President Jacob Zuma says whenever he sees any woman.

Yar, I'd do her

concentrate on your job, Jacob.

Concentrate on your job.

Let's also remember that Nigeria has a long and proud history of acting presidents, specifically people acting like presidents while focusing most of their time on their main job of being international racketeers.

But Good Luck Johnson, as you say, was only pointed to acting president on February the 9th, and his powers were supposed to allow him to sign legislation, chair cabinet meetings, reshuffle ministers, and release oil funds.

And he has certainly reshuffled those ministers, Andy.

He briefly shuffled their cards before throwing the entire deck out the window saying, get the f ⁇ out of here.

And the information minister in Nigeria was quoted as saying, today, the acting president of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, good luck Jonathan, he didn't laugh there, I don't know, I cannot understand why that isn't the case, dissolved the Federal Executive Council.

He did not give us any reason, and so I cannot give any reason.

Well, that's pretty impressive moves from someone in office for only slightly longer than a month.

He was only supposed to keep the chair warm, not set fire to it and commission a new bejewelled throne for himself instead.

But you have to look at this from his point of view, Andy.

The taste of power is very moorish.

He's like heroin.

You try it, maybe it turns out you like it, and suddenly you'll break any law to have some more of it.

You think you're happy just as vice president of the largest nation in Africa.

Next thing you know, you're stealing copper piping from people's houses to sell and giving out hand jobs for smack.

It happens that quickly, Andy.

I have seen the wire.

Sounds like chapter two of your autobiography, John.

Yeah, and also,

this information came from Dora

Akunyili, who's the information minister.

And if the information minister cannot give any reason why the cabinet's been reshuffled, no one can.

Good luck, Jonathan, had been seen as something of a low-profile administrator, sort of safe pair of hands to keep things ticking over gently until the president was fit again, not as someone who would completely dissolve the country's entire cabinet.

But things, John, are never simple in oil-rich, poverty-stricken Nigeria.

Hang on, how come those two words go together?

Well, as usual, little Colin corruption has come out to play.

Corruption described by Human Rights Watch as being in Nigeria rampant and endemic.

And part of the reason for this is that

there was a drive to try and reduce it, at least.

And the head of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, Nuhu Rubadu,

he claimed that in 2006, since independence, $380 billion

have been stolen or wasted by Nigerian governments.

Wow.

He identified thirty one sitting governors in Nigeria as being corrupt.

And bear in mind that there were only 36 sitting governors in Nigeria at the time.

Holy shit.

But the problem is they were immune from prosecution at the time.

And then he even had his boss convicted of corruption.

And his boss was ordered to return.

I'll give you a little multiple choice quiz on this.

How much dodgy money did his boss, the Inspector General of Police in Nigeria, have to pay back, John?

Was it A, $50,000?

Surely it can't have been any more than that.

Was it B, $500,000?

This guy seriously had his fingers in some pies.

Or C, $120 million.

And it can only have been $50,000.

That's the only realistic option there.

Well, John, I know we love to bullshit on this show, but

you might think no one's going to filter that amount, but it was C.

It was $120 million that the Inspector General of Police had to pay back.

And this was far from isolated.

Ribard had also helped undercover the involvement of the American construction company and until recently Halliburton subsidiary KBR,

who'd been involved in a number of questionable activities, with a multi-million dollar bribery scandal in his country, for which the company was fined $400 million and its former chief executive jailed for seven years.

Now, America must be pretty embarrassed, John, at this company's proven corruption overseas, not to mention various other allegations, including covering up sexual assault and rape of female employees, involvement in people trafficking allegedly, alleged tax avoidance, corruption, bloody buy, standard everyday glitches, any business inevitably runs into.

Is America embarrassed?

Not really.

It's the biggest US government contractor in Iraq.

And besides, on its website, KBR states that its core values, quotes, which drive everything we do, include, quotes, integrity in all we do.

Now,

you simply have to admire the scope of this company's moral ambition.

The challenge of having integrity in normal, above-board business dealings wasn't enough.

Anyone can do that.

But it takes a special kind of company to have integrity whilst bribing government officials.

And if you can pull that off, you can be integritus anywhere.

I say good luck to the

sorry, I know I'm drifting off topic.

We're not talking about corruption that stretches to the highest echelons of American politics.

This is about dodgy Africa, my mistake.

That's right.

So, what happens now?

Well, President Goodluck will apparently draw up a short list for a cabinet, which will be screened and approved by the Senate.

Although, some disaffected former ministers may well mount court challenges to the constitutional legality of his assumption of executive powers and therefore his authority to sack them.

And Andy, I just worry that this is going to damage the integrity and good name of the Nigerian government.

That really would be the biggest tragedy here.

Other news now from Bugle4047.

In Australian news now, the rollout of the national disability insurance scheme has been plagued by issues and may need to be plugged by migrants.

The Commission said it might not be possible in the short term to train enough allied health professionals.

Look, as an Australian, I'm outraged at the slow implementation of the scheme, which is a major reform of disability services designed to provide the right support according to each person's needs and goals in a holistic way across their whole life.

The government is bullshit and lame and failing us as Australians.

On the other hand, as an Australian who was recently in the US, I find it incredibly difficult to complain about a slight inefficiency in a massive rollout of $22 billion a year of comprehensive government services to an underprivileged group.

I mean, of course, yes, it's very annoying.

It's a failure of our piss week, arrogant government, but also I saw people in America whose kidney dialysis was about to run out.

Do you know what happens when your kidney dialysis runs out, Andy?

I don't.

I'm Australian.

It makes me feel like

it makes me feel like Paris Hilton complaining that my coffee's three degrees too warm.

Buy another coffee, Paris.

I think it's going to work out fine.

Spin the wheel.

Bugle issue 174.

Your emails now, this one comes in from Heather A.

Lawson, who writes on the subject, Badonkadonk offers insight into the bugler mind, which is a headline I think that would grasp anyone's attention.

Let me pre-empt this, Andy, by saying I think this is the greatest email that's ever been sent or received.

Dear Andy, John, and Chris, in order of the person most likely to buy a ninja-folding grappling hook with black finish and rope.

Something which is available, ladies and gentlemen, on Amazon for $21.89.

I was recently enjoying a visit to the spiritual home of the Badonkadonk and delighting once again in the customer reviews of the official vehicle of the Bugle when I happened to glance at the section just above the customer reviews where Amazon very helpfully reveals to you what customers who viewed this item also viewed.

Considering that buglers must be the most frequent pilgrims to the Badonkadonk spiritual online home.

It has to be us.

It has to be only us.

These items should tell me much more about those most mysterious and secretive of creatures, the bugler.

The items on the customers who view this item also viewed list in the order listed by Amazon's algorithm are

the mountain three wolf moon short-sleeved t-shirt.

And that is a magnificent t-shirt Andy which I believe is available for $11.95.

That's three wolves howling at the moon.

I've got one.

Yep.

Well that's very much how I see me, you and Chris.

So

what would the natural next step, Andy, be?

You've looked at a badonka donk, a kind of portable arms weapon.

You've looked at a t-shirt with three wolves howling in the moon.

How about Tuscan whole milk, one gallon?

Yeah, I think that's obviously what you want.

You know, you've got three, you've got a t-shirt with three wolves on, you're going to start thinking, what do wolves like to drink?

A gallon of milk.

You know, if you're going to be driving a tank and pretending to be a wolf, you're going to need a lot of milk.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

So, yeah, I think, you know, a whole gallon, a whole 128 fluid ounces of Tuscan whole milk.

Because

you wouldn't want whole milk from any other region of Italy.

Also.

Well, you wouldn't want Pulian whole milk or

whole milk

from the Latio region.

I don't think that is the right type of Tuscan.

Tuscan whole milk, John.

You finish looking at those things, Andy.

Obviously, you're worked up, so you need to calm down.

So the next thing you would probably look at in this list is the relax man relaxation capsule uh which comes in at a just just shy of forty thousand dollars on Amazon

it's uh

you've missed one out John what did I you missed one you you missed a fresh whole rabbit oh a fresh whole rabbit sorry that makes sense there was a logical jump there yeah because I couldn't understand how you get from milk to relaxation capsule without eating a rabbit in between that's right and then straight after that you want to go to the wheelmate laptop steering wheel desk I don't know what that is Andy Andy, but it seems to be something for your laptop which fits to your steering wheel so you can check your emails while driving.

Now, the problem is, Andy, what are you going to wear whilst you're doing that?

Well, you'll be wearing Zubaz pants, Andy.

What, mate?

Zubaz pants.

They are for a Mia $34.95.

You can look like if a zebra had had sexual relations with MC Hammer.

Didn't Zubaz pants play third base for the Baltimore bastards back in the 1970s?

If he didn't, he should.

Now, Andy, you've been on a huge shopping spree.

It's not all fun.

What you'll definitely want after that, naturally, is the 3B scientific W43014 testicle self-exam form.

And that comes with, I believe, some squeegee testicles so you can know what you're looking for.

Well, this is the thing with buglers, John.

They're very health-aware these days.

Yeah, and that's also, that got 4.4 out of 5 from the user ratings.

So I think, you know, if there's one thing that the bugler has stood for, it is testicular self-examination.

I think that's been true with emails over the years.

Oh, God, I don't know just what you'd naturally go to next, Andy.

Well, I don't know, John.

I mean, I guess what you'd want

once you've examined your own testicles and

gone in your relaxation capsule and eaten a rabbit and drunk a gallon of milk and

worn a wolf t-shirt, what you're probably going to think is, well, you know, the wolf t-shirt isn't really working.

I'm going to need some wolf urine

Not just some wolf urine, Andy.

32 fluid ounces of wolf urine for just $31.95.

Wolf urine, Andy.

Wolf urine.

I don't want that.

I need it.

Wolf urine, he was a point guard for

the Nantucket Ninnies, wasn't he?

Oh my god.

After that, there's...

What do you do with wolf urine?

Is that a health product or I don't know what you do with it, Andy, but I tell you what you use it with, and that's the next item, the DNON AKD L1 dedicated.

And then once you've linked up your cable to your wolf piss, you're going to think,

you're going to think, what do I need now?

Well, I've got to earn some money somehow, and I want to go into business.

And the business I want to go into is selling wood toilet seats in China.

So you're going to want to buy the 2009 to 2014 Outlook for Wood Toilet Seats in Greater China.

PDF download.

That's going to cost you a cool $495.

Yeah.

Andy.

Yes, it's an essay on wood toilet seats in China.

And it's hard to explain.

The best way to explain it is just to go to the first comment, which gave this item five stars and says, this is weird.

This is so weird.

My husband and I were just discussing the 2009-2014 Outlook for Wood Toilet Seats in Great China the other day.

Now today, here I am surfing Amazon and wouldn't you know it?

The 2009 to 2014 Outlook for Wood Toilet Seats in Greater China.

I'm so happy the price seems reasonable.

I'm thinking anniversary present.

It's things like this, Andy.

It's emails like this that make me so proud to be a human being, that we've evolved to this level of childishness, and this is what we're doing with our time on earth.

Well done, everyone, involved in this.

Everything's gonna be okay.

So there you go, that's so anyway, so uh Heather concludes the email.

Apparently, most buglers buglers are interested in doing the following: wearing wolf t-shirts and or photoshopping them onto a bomber,

drinking whole milk and or estimating how many gallon jugs of milk they would need to line up to equal the height of the leg, Colonel Gaddafi, eating a whole rabbit, relaxing and or pretending to be on a mission to Mars, writing to the bugle whilst driving, wearing 80s fashion disasters, practicing their testicular exam technique and or gathering material for more realistic giant wangs, luring wolves and or impressing the ladies.

Well, I mean, it has got a kind of musky animal attraction, hasn't it?

I'm guessing if your garden stinks of wolf piss, then you're not going to have a fox problem.

True.

True.

That's a fact.

Practical.

Our old producer Tom, he used to wear an aftershave made of wolf piss.

Yeah.

That's why he had to emigrate.

Because the Australians love it.

Luring wolves and or impressing the ladies.

Oh, yeah, writes Heather, a lady.

Watching DVDs without fear of vibrations interrupting the signal.

And last but not least, speculating in the wood toilet seat market of Greater China.

If you go further down the list, you will find that buglers are also interested in liquefying ass, yodeling pickles, and or yodeling with yodeling pickles and eating unicorn meat.

I can only say that I find myself in very good company indeed.

Regards to your mammas, etc., etc., Heather.

Congratulations, Heather.

It's taken 174 bugles bugles, not to create a community, but to start a cult.

Thank you, Heather.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Sport now, and this is what was happening in sports in Bugle issue 4038.

We now give you a quick bugle rundown of implausible excuses for failing drugs tests.

The Thai Romanian wrestling star that had gone really askew tested positive for the band's steroids, I'm acting like an animal, and now here's my scandal.

Uh, drugs, which of course can lead to an increase in both sexual orgies and homesickness.

Reliescu, he claimed that he'd fallen overboard during a pedal boat ride on a local lake and swallowed a mouthful of contaminated tadpoles.

Tadpoles, of course, long suspected of illegal drug use.

The way their bodies so obviously changed, that has to be suspicious.

In horse racing, Elgar Luch, who of course rode three consecutive winners of the King Rollo and Queen Latifah Memorial Stakes at the Wessexhire Horsodrome in the late 1990s, he tested positive for the agricultural growth hormone vegetablastolodone after starring in a pantomime production of Jack and the Beanstalk, ironically, as the very small back half of a pantomime horse,

and eating one of the magic beans on set, unaware that it was in fact a pantomime verite production, and that beanstalk really was growing that fast.

The now 12 foot 7-inch jockey was given a suspended 12-month ban by the International Quadruped Racing Association and special dispensation to ride elephants instead of horses until he'd shrunk back to his normal size.

The Turkish shot putter Wapomaz Popay Bazalamazoglu claimed his in-competition spinach cans had been spiked with a steroid.

I can't even read my own fing bullshit words now.

That's it.

Remember what I said before this show started, Hari?

Oh, yeah.

In my head, I was remembering the typing while he was talking.

He claimed his in-competition spinach cans had been spiked with a steroid I don't want to die alone, the side effects of which include a fear of growing old in solitude.

And Canadian sprinter Doug Schnautz tested positive of being a spider.

His tests came back an unusual 50%

arachnid, which he put down to swallowing a cobweb after having a snack whilst cleaning out an abandoned kitchen cupboard in his late great uncle Hank's house.

Hank himself, famously no stranger to sporting controversy, after being DQ'd from the 1952 Olympic 100m freestyle swimming after using a homemade jet ski before storming the podium shouting freestyle means fing freestyle.

Top sporting family, the Schnauz's Auntie Mildred herself, of course, banned from competitive scrabble after being found to have a 12-volume 12-volume dictionary hidden in her brazier.

And

famously, American javelin star Beshurt Claundry, after failing a test for testosterone, claimed he'd recently returned from being kidnapped by time-travelling aliens, taken back in time to the year 2500 BC, and being forced to eat a plate of stegosaurus testicles as part of a religious ritual.

A creationist judge rejected the World Anti-Doping Agency's contention that Stegosauruses had died out by

2500 BC.

But Claundry Clondry was still banned after further tests revealed that his blood was that of a rhinoceros, something he claimed was the result of spending time on a crowded arc.

Amazing what people will do for glory.

Well, there you go.

You can just imagine an unscripted and slightly formless outro, and there you have the perfect Frankenstein's bugle.

Thank you very much for listening.

We'll be back next week with the Bugle live show from Edinburgh featuring Alice Fraser and Alex Edelman.

If you've enjoyed the show, tell everyone you know about it.

You can also support the show by clicking the donate button on the bugle website until next time goodbye

hi buglers it's producer chris here i just wanted to very quickly tell you about my new podcast mildly informed which is in podcast feeds and youtube right now quite simply it's a show where me me and my friend Richie review literally anything.

So please come join us wherever you get your podcasts right now.