Bugle 4072 The Question

The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world.

Hello, Buglers, and welcome to issue 4072 of The Bugle, which is not only the world's leading and only audio newspaper for a visual world, but also a truly indispensable guide to life packed with sage advice on issues ranging from how not to become a tribal warlord, how to avoid being mistaken for a billionaire oil tycoon, and how not to win Wimbledon.

If you've listened to this show from the start in 2007, you will have achieved all three of those goals.

I am Andy Zoltzman, you may know me from such well-known shows as The Bugle Podcast, Andy Zaltzman's Water Slide Mayhem, Why Is My Turkey Still Alive, How to Avoid Simple Cooking Errors at Christmas, and When Andy Met Gandhi, Fictional Meetings Between Low Profile Comedians and Major Historical Figures, part one.

I'm also a freelance astronaut, although I will admit work has been a little thin on the ground.

What with the moon landings having ended in 1972, a couple of years before I was born?

I chose the wrong time to specialize.

And this, as I said, is Bugle 4072.

By the most piquant of coincidences, that is the exact same number as the number of spider's legs found this week in a secret drawer in Steve Bannon's old desk in the White House.

It remains unclear whether Bannon, the former White House chief chief strategist and incarnation of Beelzebub franchisee, had pulled all the legs off 509 spiders or one leg off 4,072 different spiders or an average of 4.51 legs off 903 spiders or some combination of the above or whether he'd actually more positively ordered a job lot of spiders legs from an alternative medicine site on the Dark Net in order to find the perfect fitting replacement leg for his beloved pet policy arachnid who of course went by the name of Inziman Win Stanley or Inzi Wincy Spider.

See, he is human after all.

I'm joined this week, all the way from Mumbai, India, by a man who skillfully combines the varying challenges of being a comedian, a screenwriter, and a glamour model by focusing ruthlessly on the first two of those three jobs.

It's Anuvad Pal.

Hi, Andy.

Hello.

Happy to be here.

And also, Andy, I should tell you, the monsoons have started in India.

And I don't know if your listeners know, but during the monsoons, very interesting time to be doing this, Andy, because while we speak, you know, there is a very strong possibility that my neighbors may get washed away and I will get new neighbors.

I may get washed away to a different location.

So

this is going to be an interesting conversation, Andy, because

although I am stationary, I cannot guarantee that I will be for the hour.

Right, okay.

So, I mean, what level of rainfall is there at the moment?

Are you in a dry bit or a very wet bit?

Well, I'm glad you asked that, Andrea, because I think Noah, the guy that you guys have in your religious books,

Noah, when he built that ark, has nothing going on an average South Asian monsoon.

Nothing.

I could say I'm in the dry bit, but when I say dry bit, it basically means ankle deep in water.

So we are recording on the 15th of June 2018,

the anniversary of the exact same day, by amazing coincidence, of the 15th of June in the year 1215 when King John of England put his seal to the Magna Carta, the document that burns bright in the heart of every English-hearted person, enshrining such precious rights that we hold dear to this day.

For example, the rights for anyone who has borrowed a sum of money from Jewish people and has died before that debt has been replayed, their heir needs to pay no interest on that debt for as long as they remain underage.

That is, you know, one of the most important rights enshrined by the Magna Carta.

Also, a crucial right, this, that no town or person shall be forced to build bridges over rivers, except...

Those with an ancient obligation to do so.

I mean, that is...

I mean,

I cannot begin to explain the number of times I've been saved from being obliged to build a bridge, Anuvab.

And it's just nice to have that freedom to walk down a river as an English person protected by the rights of the Magna Carta to think, well, someone could ask me to build a bridge over that, and I'd have to tell them to f right off.

And also, that heirs, H-E-I-R-S, may be given in marriage, but not to someone of lower social standing.

And that, I mean, he's an absolutely, as a father of two children, that is a right I'm going to be absolutely all over at some point in my life.

On this day in 1667, the first human blood transfusion was administered by Dr.

Jean-Baptiste Denis in France, and the 1668 Tour de France smashed every single record in the book.

Draw your own conclusions, 17th century cycling fans.

As always, a section of The Bugle is going straight in the bin.

This week, a special pull-out section, celebrities and the things they temporarily lost.

Well, I mean, admittedly, we and other media outlets are struggling to find new things for celebrities to talk to us about.

But we are looking at...

Things that have been lost for a little while by the great and famous.

We talked to film actor Al Pacino, who looks back on the time he couldn't find his favourite pen before finally locating it after a mildly irritated eight-minute search in the trouser pocket of a suit he'd worn the day before.

American golf legend Jack Nicholas tells us about trying to make a beef stroganoff from a recipe book whilst frantically trying to locate a pot of mustard that turned out to be on his spice rack rather than in his fridge where he had been looking.

German politics star Angela Merkel shares the heart-rending tale of when in her days on the amateur German athletic circuit she misplaced a discus and had to throw a sleeping cat that she found by the side of the track instead.

And the former Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, he spills the beans on how he once left his Bible in the place that he usually kept his 1954 edition of Advanced Lawn Mohaw Maintenance and vice versa, and then had to improvise an Easter service about how Jesus was both the oil in the engine and the grass box providing refuge for the humble blades of lawn cut down by fake.

That section in the bin.

Huglers, here is an important announcement.

It seems that none of us know how to brush our teeth properly.

But don't panic, quip is here to save your teeth.

Quip is an electric toothbrush that's a fraction of the cost of bulkier brushes.

It's essentially like having your teeth gently licked by a benevolent angel.

It has an inbuilt timer, no cutting corners, my toothy friends, and they send new brush heads every three months so your brush keeps your teeth looking absolutely sensational.

Quip was called the best electric toothbrush by GQ and the Tesla of toothbrushes by Bloomberg.

Let's assume those were meant as compliments.

Quip starts at just $25, and if you go to getquip.com slash bugle right now, you'll get your first refill pack free with a quip electric toothbrush.

That's your first refill pack free at getquip.com slash bugle.

Spelled G-E-T-Q-U-I-P dot com slash bugle.

Time now for top story this week.

And as always, the question is, what the f is going on in the world?

Anuvab, you represent over 60% of the world's population in your God-given role as the Bugle's Asia correspondent.

Correct.

You have been right on the continent where it was all happening earlier this week, the North Korea summit, which took place in Singapore.

How has your continents reacted?

One of the first things that I think Trump said is that he will know in the first three minutes of meeting Kim Il-Jong whether the treaty may or may not be signed.

And when I read that, I realized...

Isn't that that is how all great treaties did get signed.

The Marshall Plan, the Treaty of Versailles,

all great treaties, the end of the World War, the Japanese Japanese surrender, all great treaties, in about the first three minutes, based on twitching, eye contact, and a certain feeling in both the world leaders' bottoms, they were able to decide.

As you know, we have been tearing ourselves apart over Brexit and the complicated negotiations.

Do we need to just adopt the Trumpian style?

and just have Theresa May and whoever is currently king or queen of Europe standing six inches away from each other's faces for three silent minutes before they both go, yeah, and it's all done.

I think so, Andy.

I think so.

Basic diplomacy involves years of back-end paperwork and aids and assistance drawing out minutiae of nuclear documentation.

I think it's time to do away with that, Andy.

I think it's time, like you said, for a mix of basic illiteracy, on-the-spot exuberance, with a fair dash of insanity.

And also, Andy, I want to know what you think of this because this is probably for the first time where something happened and the whole world went to Singapore and no one actually knows what happened.

And do you think this is the future of diplomacy where people will meet, but we don't really know why?

Because no, no,

a lot of journalists said no tangible deal was signed, no actual dates for North Korea to get rid of their weapons was decided.

So is this really how we'll have meetings in the future where there will be meetings, but we would not know why?

Well, I think there's a lot to be said for that.

There's that famous saying, isn't there, that the devil is in the detail.

So, if you remove all detail, then you have no devil.

I mean,

it's very hard to fully understand exactly what's gone on, how much we should trust Donald Trump on this matter.

He's got a bit of a boy who cried wolf issue going on, as discussed on this podcast in times gone by.

Maybe we should take Donald Trump at face value.

Admittedly, his face is an orange-tinted lie,

but still, you know,

we'll do our best.

The wording appears to be about as water-tight as a fishnet dry suit.

And I mean, will it, I mean, what if it does work?

Maybe this is the future.

He said some truly extraordinary things about his new best friend, Kim, particularly, and we'll get onto this later when you set aside what he's been saying against

world leaders who are slightly less tainted by the human rights abuse brush than Kim Jong-un.

He described Kim as, and it was very, very touching.

I mean they gave each other some lovely gifts at the summit.

Donald Trump gave Kim Jong-un the Joy of Nepotism, a classic book from the same publisher as The Joy of Sex, complete with odd 1970s pencil drawings of hippies handing power and influence to their relatives.

Whilst Kim gave Trump his new PlayStation 4 game, Kim Jong-un's Descent Crusher 2018 from the EA autocracy range of games.

Trump described Kim Jong-un as very talented,

which I guess you can interpret in a number of ways.

Talented at having his relatives executed by anti-aircraft guns.

I mean, that's a talent, I guess.

Not one that I've...

I mean, maybe I do have that.

I just haven't explored it.

Rich, have you ever slain any members of your family using large-scale weaponry?

Without the talent, that's what it is, isn't it?

So you've tried, but you just missed.

You sprayed your shoulders.

But Kim Jong and top of the world rankings for killing relatives with anti-aircraft guns.

Although, to be fair, Novak Djokovic has been injured for a lot of the last year, so he's dropped down the rankings.

Also very talented at being the son of a dictator and inheriting both the dictatorship and the genes that make one more dictatory.

And talented at human rights abusing.

Again, elite level.

Not my thing, and not a talent that I admire, but I'm I'm not really a fan of motorsports.

Doesn't mean I think that Lewis Hamilton is not a talented driver.

So I guess we need to cut Kim Jong-un some slap.

He also said, and this was odd, Trump said this about Kim.

He said, he's got a great personality.

He's a funny guy.

He's very smart.

I mean, that just sounds like feedback on a first date.

Is this really acceptable?

Well, Andy, you know, I, look, like all romances, it has to start somewhere.

I think too much of world diplomacy has been cold, you know, has been political and covered in so much

process.

Like imagine if Kaiser Wilhelm I,

when meeting with Queen Victoria, could have said something similar.

You know,

if

any time in human history, if really stodgy Franz Joseph, the head of the Austro-Hungarian Empire, had at one point referred to a fellow world leader as having a nice bottom, you know, I think we'd get somewhere.

Instead, the world looks like the way it does because there weren't enough people talking like they were out at first aids.

Which leads me to a question, Andy.

A lot of people are saying that, you know, that there is no credibility to this meeting, but do you think, do you think, like the actual document that they sign, it says North Korea will dismantle its nuclear weapons at a time mutually decided sometime in the future?

Now,

to a despot who you cannot trust,

who's displayed, shocking disregard for any treaties or human rights.

Don't you think that's a sufficient enough system?

Are you talking about Kim here or Trump?

I mean, you have to define these things.

There was a, I think, a CNN newsreader described in the Build Up to the Summit, talked about when the two dictators meet.

I don't know if that was a Freudian slip or just a basic fact.

It's very hard to

say.

I guess we all have to let history be the judge.

The problem with history being the judge is history comes up with some pretty rogue judgments over the time and I'm not sure it always sifts through all the evidence.

I mean maybe we need to get some kind of jury system involved.

I mean another thing Trump said about Kim, he said he loves his country very much.

Citation needed.

Citation needed, Mr.

President.

I mean admittedly, Anavab love does manifest itself in some of the most curious ways.

But if Kim Jong-un loved his pet Impala like he loves his country, that Impala would be starving to death, mangeridden, flea-bitten and blind after spending its entire life locked in a cellar, thinking to itself, well now the chance to choose owners as an impala.

With hindsight, I should have gone with Mickey the freelance lion owner when I had the chance.

Kim's love for his country is not so much the love that dare not speak its name as the love that speaks its name far too much through state-run TV propaganda channels.

Well, you know, Andy, here's the thing.

You know, all the great world leaders, and I've been studying dictators recently.

I don't know why.

It just seems to be dictator week in my life, Andy.

And I've been looking at Muamag Gaddafi, looking at Robert Mugabe, I've been looking at a range of people.

And, you know, I think that a fair sign of love is

a major part of love is also fear.

Right.

I think many relationships between nations and dictators work very well when one side says, I love you, and you know, if you do not respond with, I love you, you will die.

I do hope

when you got married, Anna Babba, I don't know if if you did a speech at your wedding, that you did not use that line, a large part of love is fear.

Yeah, I did not, Edi, because sadly I was also not backed up by a large nuclear arsenal when I got married.

Like some of these gentlemen are.

You know,

I think it also

helps that you bring weaponry to a relationship,

which Trump and Kim did, you know, and I think it's the basis of all good love for Saddam Hussein knew it.

You know, all these people know it, Edi.

um

which which begs the question you know where does the relationship go from here right because you have two uh as described you know by cnn dictators who are in love you know is that enough for them not to have nuclear bombs pointed at each other i don't think it is i think in fact it's imperative to have nuclear weapons when falling in love

yeah i hadn't really thought of it as uh you know from the romantic angle and uh well, Trump, as we know, I mean, he's not necessarily been entirely monogamous and faithful through his romance career.

So whether this applies in politics,

who knows?

Let us turn now to what he said about other world leaders, particularly in the aftermath of the almost surreally bizarre G7 summit, which

seemed to have ended in a slightly tense agreement that then disintegrated into an extremely tense lack of agreement.

Having described Kim as talented and loves his country and looks like he works out, he's a real dream boat, he described Justin Trudeau as very dishonest and weak.

I mean, surely those two are the wrong way round.

But I guess welcome to the new world of duplicity plomacy where no one really knows what anyone else means.

It was

very, very strange, the G Summit.

I mean, Trump successfully brokered a peace deal with his key ally, Kim Jong-un, a globally influential trading partner North Korea, while skillfully and bravely standing up to the looming threat of Canada and the worthless economic speck that is Europe and the rest of the Western world.

And one of the highlights was this famous photograph that went around the world.

One of the classic political photographs of all time.

It's kind of photograph that you feel could almost have been like a painting on a 16th century frieze of some biblical scene or the human tension involved or the carvings on a Greek temple.

And I'm sure all buglers will have seen it.

It's basically the two central characters are Angela Merkel looking at Trump as if he were a talking turd, which is not the largest leap of imagination, it must be said, and Trump looking back at her as if he's just wazzed in her fish tank with that unmistakable your problem, not my problem look that he's perfected since birth, whilst everyone else is standing around patently thinking, How the f have we come to this?

India News, the Indian Prime Minister released a YouTube video a few days ago where

he was given a fitness challenge by the Indian cricket captain and I believe a personal friend of yours, Andy Virat Kohli.

Deep, deep personal friend.

Deep personal friend.

I have his autograph in my toilet.

Where it belongs, actually.

Well, it's in a little

book of cartoons of the Indian 2011 World Cup squad that I wrote the text for.

So it's, I believe, the only document in the world that has the autographs of both Andy Zoltzmann and Virat Kohli in the same place.

So, I mean, the value of that unbelievable.

Now it's priceless, Andy.

Anyway, he threw a challenge to the Indian Prime Minister, a fitness challenge, and he

was doing some push-ups.

And he said, now I challenge you, Prime Minister, to do something.

And then the Indian Prime Minister decided he was going to make a whole YouTube video in his garden.

And basically, I highly recommend all buglers buglers watch this YouTube video.

What it looked like basically Andy was I mean I think he was doing yoga exercises but what it looked like was that he was lying down on a large rock and throwing his arms out.

That was the move but it was shot with four different cameras.

Some cameras focused on the Prime Minister's feet.

There was also a little pond in his in his garden.

The Prime Minister of India has a garden.

And not only did he run around his lawn, he also took a little dip in the pond and sort of splashed about like a three-year-old.

At one point, he was twirling some sort of a baton.

Do you think this is half the world's

well, I guess nothing says I'm a serious world leader more than splashing about in a pond like a three-year-old.

I mean, there are just no certainties anymore in politics, Anivab.

And, you know, if this is if this is the way to make India function as a 21st century economic force, you know, so be it.

Congress President Rahul Gandhi described it as bizarre and ridiculous, which is generally

a shortcut to massive electoral success.

Well, Andy, you know, if you were leading the world's largest democracy, you know,

and which I know you are, but were you to do it in practice, and you were told that 60% of your electorate is obese and disgusting, and you wanted to make a video to tell them to get fit, to get physically fit, would your approach be to go out into your garden and splash about a little in the pond and then generally do a little dance with the stick?

I mean

yeah absolutely it would.

I mean because I mean clearly you mentioned the obesity problem affecting this nation and we've had various issues with that.

We brought in a new sugar tax not very long ago

because the prospect of major disease and an early death doesn't resonate with the British public.

But, you know, 25p extra on a bottle of Coca-Cola, you have our full undivided national attention.

But we don't respond well to harsh criticism in democracies.

So telling us to get a fit, serious message, we might take that on board.

Showing us that we can do it by just splashing around in a pond, you know, that's the way to do it, isn't it?

Just a nice, acceptable message that does not require anything.

Modi is not the only world leader to have released a video of his daily morning routine.

Theresa May has just done the same today.

Jumping on this bandwagon, she's released a video of her average morning.

It's simply a video of her sitting alone at a breakfast table, poking at a bowl of cornflakes with a fork, sighing before pushing the bowl of cornflakes away from her and mumbling, No.

Then staring vacantly into the middle distance, then pulling the cornflakes back, eating one cornflake, staring the middle distance again, demurely spitting the cornflake into a handkerchief and saying, C can I c

can I have toast?

So all the world leaders are up to this now.

There's been some

other exciting news coming from India.

Particularly intrigued, Anuba, by this story about the chief minister of Delhi moving into someone's the governor of Delhi's house.

because they couldn't find time to meet.

That's correct, Andy.

I mean, I don't know how you do your business dealings, but I think this is a perfectly legitimate thing to do.

The chief minister of Delhi needs a bunch of documents signed for day-to-day administration of Delhi from the governor of Delhi.

Now, it appears that the governor of Delhi was giving him the runaround.

He didn't want to meet him, he was avoiding him.

So, the chief minister did the next best political thing.

He moved into the governor's house and refused to leave.

posted photographs on Twitter of him and his two ministers sleeping in the governor's couch.

Now, I think in the West you might call it trespassing.

Some people call it squatting.

You may even call it lunacy.

But I think a

perfectly legitimate way to meet someone, if they don't want to meet you, is to just live in their house.

Because eventually

we don't know what else will happen.

We don't know if the nuclear deal will work out or not work out.

But we know that when a man lives somewhere, he will go home.

That's a very interesting philosophical way of looking at it.

And I mean, it's also the British way in many ways to just turn up somewhere where someone else lives and just stay there.

Worked tremendously well throughout history.

Well, the relationship between Britain and India continues to evolve with the exciting news that Britain is world number one ranked nation for Indian billionaires on the run from accusations of fraud.

And just showed what a great nation we are in this

Brexit era.

We can still be one of the world's leading havens for fraudulent billionaires.

Well, it's interesting you bring that up, Andy, because in the last four years, we've had four

different billionaires cheat the country in four completely different innovative ways.

But surprisingly,

all of them have ended up in London.

I mean, we had, there are accusations against the founder of the IPL, a tournament you know well, Andy, Lalit Modi.

And he's supposed to have cheated the league out of a vast sum of money.

He disputes it, but he disputes it from central London.

The next person, Vijay Malia, a liquor-barren billionaire, refutes the fact that he had an airline, Kingfisher Airline, and he says he does not owe Indian banks any money, but he's saying this not from the comfort of his home in Bangalore, but from a suburb of southwest London.

The

most recent

Indian fugitive is a diamond billionaire

called Nirav Modi.

So there is also a high proportion of Modis involved in running away with money.

No relation to our Prime Minister Modi.

And this gentleman has been spotted in Britain.

He is accused of taking out fraudulent letters of credit from the Punjab National Bank of over $2 billion

and subsequently has not been seen in India, but has been seen in Leicester Square.

So I don't know what it says about Empire, Andy, but I know you have extensively thought about loot, loot during empire of how money went from India to Britain.

That fortunately, you know, is a tradition we've kept up.

But now, luckily, our own people are looting us and going to Britain.

So that's good.

Brexit news now and well, Buglers, it's been a sensational week in Brexit as as we move towards the glorious hammer of freedom, the democracy-induced sledgehammer,

which we are furiously debating with ourselves exactly how hard to swing it to crack ourselves in the nuts.

There's been some major developments in Brexit within the British Parliament and in Europe.

And I was really hoping to be able to give you a full rundown, Buglers, on exactly what's going on.

But I will be honest with you now, I haven't got a fing clue.

Partly because I've been busy this week with my other quotes job, which is talking about cricket on the radio, and snuggling down in the factual comfort blanket of statistics.

And I was planning to catch up on what's been going on with the various Brexit votes and negotiations.

But I have reached the point this week where I have definitively concluded that it is no longer worth working out what the f is going on.

Because by the time you've worked it out, something else the f will be going on.

There's no point trying to work out what our politicians are currently squabbling over because by the time you've got even some of your head around that, other politicians will be squabbling about something else whilst the original squabblers are saying, come on, now is not the time for squabbling.

Now is the time for coming together for the sake of this nation.

No one knows what's going on any VAP.

It's getting all ridiculous.

The political parties have been tearing themselves apart but in such a way that the shards of those political parties are flying into each other's laps so the parliamentary votes are essentially the same.

There have been U-turns, double U-turns, triple U-salcos, backstabbings, front stabbings, all of which gives the impression that currently the British Parliament and the British government is essentially acting like some kind of Goldilocks for the 21st century, wandering around a deserted house, sticking our metaphorical national penis in every available electrical socket until we find the electrocution that feels just right.

These are confusing times.

Sport news now, and well, we can ignore all of the above buglers as discussed because the World Cup is underway.

The beautiful game on the surface, as it's known, depending on who's playing.

And it's all underway.

I don't know if there's much excitement in India, but what a classic opening match.

Russia against Saudi Arabia, the world-tuned-in Syrians watching excitedly on their telly to support one or other of the two forces pulling the strings in their endless civil war.

Yemeni football fans coming together as one to see if Saudi Arabia could bombard the Russian penalty box with unstoppable crosses, as effectively they've been bombarding civilians with unstoppable bombing raids over the last few years.

The answer to that was no, it was a 5-0 win for Russia.

Against a Saudi Arabian team evidently discombobulated and confused by seeing women allowed in a stadium without also seeing women instantly removed from that stadium.

A 5-0 win for Russia.

That feels like it must have been a hack.

I will not believe that result for at least 20 years until all the evidence has come out.

There were some interesting

sights at the opening of the World Cup.

In particular, there's that saying football and politics should not mix.

Well, try telling that to Vladimir Putin, the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia, and the FIFA president Gianni Infantino, who sat grinningly next to each other, chatting about one assumes football, banning protests, how much fun it is to use oil wealth to repress political opposition, and how funny it is when major sporting bodies validate your dictatorial leadership by toadying up to you at sporting events and sharing beauty tips.

Not beauty tips, sorry, cracking down on dissent tips.

I'm always getting those two mixed up, which explains why I lost my job at Cosmopolitan Magazine.

I was always, I love the idea, Andy, that Vladimir Putin in his opening speech had to mention, you know, apart from welcoming the whole world, said, Russia is like any other country.

I don't know that many speeches I've heard at opening of events where the leader had to clarify that it was indeed a nation that they were at.

And he said, don't go by the media reports.

Russia is a normal country.

And then he added, we are a country.

I don't know what these media reports are, Andy, but it seems like the West are a little confused about whether Russia is or is not a nation.

We're confused about everything to do with Russia, to be honest.

And in particular, whether we are sufficiently sceptical of Mr.

Putin to abandon the World Cup, which we

our football team may well issue some form of protest.

We've protested against the leadership of the host nations of World Cups repeatedly at every World Cup we've been to since 1970 by being eliminated.

And it'll be interesting to see at what point and how strongly we protest against Putin by doing the same.

Putin talked about the wonderful power of football.

He said, said, wherever we live, no matter our traditions, we are all united as one team by our love for this spectacular, dazzling, uncompromising game.

And this is football he's talking about, a game renowned for its tactical negativity, its endemic cheating, its rampant profiteering, its exploitation of poor people from developing countries, its corruption, and its complete moral vacuum.

So

interesting take on football.

He also called for

sport to strengthen peace and mutual understanding among peoples.

An extraordinary claim for Vladimir Putin, for whom that is not a prime top ten hobby.

And it disappointed me that a tournament with 35 referees on duty, there was no referee on hand to run up to Putin as he said those patently mandacious words: peace and mutual understanding among peoples.

Do not run up to Putin with a yellow coward, stand right in front of him, make a vigorous no-more signal with his hands, and order a free kick for humanity.

Well that brings us to the end of this week's Bugle.

If you have any emails for us, do send them in to hellobuglers at thebuglepodcast.com.

There are some Bugle live shows to alert you to.

The 10th of July at the Underbelly in London, the 15th and 22nd of August at the Edinburgh Festival.

We're doing a show at the End of the Road Music Festival.

That's on the Friday, the 31st of August.

Leicester Square Theatre on the 13th of September and the 14th of November.

And we're doing a show at the Lowry Theatre in Salford on the 7th of October.

I'm also doing a short run of the Satirist for Hire show at the Soho Theatre from the 18th to the 21st of July.

So, do send your email requests for that show to satirise this at satiristforhire.com.

All issues considered, there's a World Cup special Satirist for Hire at the Underbelly on the 5th of July.

Nish will be appearing in that, and I'm at the Edinburgh Festival from the 15th to the 26th of August with right questions, wrong answers.

Here endeth the plugs.

Anuvab, do you have any shows you'd like to alert our listeners to?

Yes, shockingly, Andy, I'm at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival this year from August 1st to the 27th.

I have never been to Scotland.

My closest association with Scotland is the Shakespeare play Macbeth, and I believe the place has changed a little since then.

Parts of it have, parts of it have not.

So So,

I look forward to performing there, talking about very recent events like the British Empire and its relationship with India, a subject that you and I have never explored, Andy.

August 1st to 27th

at the Pleasants Courtyard.

Anubab, thanks as always for joining us.

I do hope the monsoon season treats you well.

Send us some water.

We will be back next week.

Until then, Buglers, goodbye.

Hi, Buglers.

It's producer Chris here.

I just wanted to very quickly tell you about my new podcast, Mildly Informed, which is in podcast feeds and YouTube right now.

Quite simply, it's a show where me and my friend Richie review literally anything.

So please, come join us wherever you get your podcasts right now.