Bonus Live Bugle – “this lie happened last Wednesday or Thursday”

The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world.

Hello buglers and welcome to Bugle issue 4037 Part 2.

More choice pickings from the live bugle recorded at London's Underbelly Festival on the 13th of July.

I am Andy Zoltzman and I'm about to go on holiday so if you have any important questions, information, requests, gifts, ransom notes or other correspondence for me please send them to me careofrance with a cover note explaining how to find me.

I'll probably be face down in a bucket of mules.

And don't forget to use an unnecessarily large number of words.

It is the only language they understand.

Actually, they are considerably more multilingual than us Brits, but it is definitely one of their best languages, alongside, of course, the language of Leuve.

But before we get cracking into the live show, it would not be an audio newspaper without a section going straight in the bin.

This week's section in the bin, a feature on massively large, massively dead skeletons.

The Natural History Museum in London has controversially sacked Dippy the Diplodocus as its star celebrity dead creature.

The dino skeleton fired from being the main exhibit in the museum's entrance hall and replaced with Hope, a much less dead blue whale skeleton uh just hope that is uh no other name uh brazilian footballer style mononym for the 126 year old novice there dippy was sacked for being just too dead at 152 million years and seven months and also allegedly for being pretend after shocking tabloid revelations that he was in fact historically provable to be a fake dinosaur a replica in fact of an american dinosaur it's like destiny's child and mystique all over again for the younger younger bugle listeners amongst you.

Dippy is not taking it lying down though.

He's set to tour Britain early next year with a Watson-All show

around the same time as I'll be touring Britain coincidentally.

So we'll probably bump into each other at around 1.30am in a motorway service station to bitch about the industry at some point.

Rumours are that Dippy was fired after trying to get it on with a replica Stegosaurus.

These have been denied by the Natural History Museum, who say the decision was based purely on form.

The museum boss, Mike Bones Dixon, explained, he's just not been quite as natural or historical as this natural history franchise wants its star exhibits to be.

But the signing of Hope has not met with universal approval.

The British Association for the Rights of Krill, BARC, is protesting the installation, saying the Natural History Museum is normalising the slaughter of millions of krills every day who are the victims of Hope's living relatives.

But Dixon insists that Hope will appeal more to today's kids.

He said today's children with their iPads and shit like that are much more likely to relate to something that's only been dead for 126 years, rather than a doddery old 152 million year dead dino-codger.

There are also hopes that Hope, who was a lady whale, not a dude whale, technical terms those, will be a female role model for the modern age, despite being paid considerably less than Dippy was paid.

But you have to ask, is she a positive role model in terms of body image?

Is she going to make other blue whales think that she is some kind of idealised norm to which they should be aspiring?

And do we not also want active female role models?

A blue whale out there getting stuff done, wailing it about, being independent, not just standing there pointlessly, doing nothing of use, being stared at and photographed and judged on her body.

Do we really need another Princess Marilyn Monroe of Troy?

That section in the bin.

Also in the bin, this plug for my forthcoming Edinburgh Festival shows, there are live bugles bugles on the 16th and 27th of August.

A political animal runs from the 15th to the 17th and the 22nd to the 24th.

And above all, it's the return of Satirist for Hire, new and improved, hopefully, at the stand from the 15th to the 27th of August at 3pm.

Do send in your satirical requests as soon as humanly possible to satirise this at satiristforhire.com.

Advance requests will receive writing precedence.

And if nothing else, it will give me something else to read in the Satirist Fire fire inbox that is not telling me how much larger my scrumble blatch could be.

All topics in this crazy world we live in will be satirized to order.

Show may also feature the brain of Donald Trump and a large magic teapot.

Anyway, that section is in the bin, but do please feel free to fish it out of the bin and take a closer audio look at it before deciding to buy tickets and send me a request for the show.

Thanks.

Right, let's get back to the live bugle from last week and we'll pick up the action now with your host Andy's Altsman and alongside him, Helen's Altsman and Nish Kumar.

You can have children but if you want to cut their carbon footprint down you need to then dump them in a UN airdrop into a Sudanese refugee camp because the facts show that people in

the developing world give off a fraction of the CO2 emissions compared with people in major industrialized nations.

So that's what I'll be doing with my children next week.

You can change your transport habits.

Do you know the most environmentally friendly form of transport, anyone?

Sorry?

Swimming?

Swimming?

No, no, no.

That's after the world floods.

I've been hanging out with Kevin Costner.

Yes,

that was a water world joke.

What of it?

Yep.

What of it?

That's an up to date reference then.

That is one of the most up-to-date cultural references in Bugle history.

That is from less than 30 years ago.

I'll do a banana armor gag later if you're good.

Why don't you swim like Esther Williams?

That's another up-to-date cultural reference, Andy.

Is it?

Did she win the Olympics?

Wartime swimming sweetheart.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Second World War.

Not Crimean.

What?

Don't go to the Crimean War.

He's going to talk about Nightingale now.

Oh.

Oh, Lordy.

Actually, scientifically, the most environmentally friendly form of transport is the motorcycle pyramid.

Because...

And you don't have to pay congestion charge.

It's even better than the donkey,

which of course Jesus championed as an early green activist.

But

that's a fact.

You could become more apathetic about politics because, do you know, burning effigies is responsible for 90%

of the Antarctic falling to pieces.

That's a fact.

Or at least only burn effigies of environmentally friendly politicians because they ironically give off less CO2

than the effigies of politicians in the pockets of the oil industry.

Or start a gangland war in your local neighborhood.

This is excellent for the environment because your reign of terror on the streets will make local people wary of leaving their homes, cutting down significantly on unnecessary short car journeys.

The collapse in the local economy will also mean there are fewer businesses in the local area too, and people will be forced to live an eco-friendly, self-sufficient existence.

So we can build a better world, people.

The mafia were way ahead of the game.

Testify.

It's going to be it.

It is going to be a tricky sale, though, because the study found, it was done by Lund University in Sweden, and it found that eating a plant-based diet, avoiding air travel, living car-free, and having smaller families is going to help.

And that is going to be tricky because it basically boils down to no meat, no holidays, no cars, and less.

And I think when presented with those options, I suspect 90% of the world's population will react by saying, Well, we had a good run.

You wanted to talk about Donald Trump.

You're a massive fan, aren't you?

I wouldn't necessarily put it that way, Andy.

But in the interest of bullshit, fine.

Yeah, Donald Trump has an imaginary friend named Jim.

That is a glorious sentence to hear.

I'm pretty happy for him because for a long time they've just been constant articles going, Donald Trump has zero friends.

He used to go to studio 54 on his own and not drink anything and not do drugs and not have sex with anyone.

He has no friends, but now he has Jim.

And he talks about Jim quite a lot.

Usually he says, every year Jim goes to Paris with his wife every summer.

They love Paris, not anymore, because it's full of insurgents.

Yeah, Jim.

You see, Jim is.

Jim.

They can't work out whether Jim is real.

They have no surname for Jim, no visual.

They only have Trump evidence for Jim.

So I think we can assume Jim is just the avatar for fear.

Has anyone asked that in a press conference at the White House?

Is Jim the avatar for fear?

Do you think he would understand those words?

No,

it would sound like he was calling in a nuclear strike.

But Donald Trump is in Paris right now, and he'll be there for Bastille Day when foreign people are setting fire to explosive things.

So, how's he going to take that?

That's French people and fireworks

because it's Bastille Day.

Right.

Well, I hope he doesn't come here on November the 5th, otherwise, all bets are off, frankly.

I think the telltale thing with Jim and the way that you know it's bullshit is in the conversation that he has.

I said to Jim, how's Paris doing?

You're like, no one would ever speak like that.

Well, as if Paris was human.

So unless the whole conversation was actually about Paris Hilton, and she is now absolutely occupied by ISIS.

That is a world exclusive from Donald Trump and his friend Jim.

I guess how's Paris doing could come from the very informal first draft of Homer's Iliad.

There's a little joke for any

Iliad.

And that's, and that's,

that is why

I don't play the club circuit.

But who'd have thought your degree in classics would ever be useful?

Worth every penny of the then government's money.

On the subject of

global population, obviously immortality would be a bit of an issue for it.

But

I mean, there's no getting around that, unfortunate fact.

But, and so, what the probably the last thing the world needed right now is more people becoming immortal.

But that is essentially what the Pope is trying to

create, more immortal saints.

Yeah, well, saints tend to be

there.

That is the Pope in his cricket kit

taking guards.

He's not asking for a middle and leg guard for any cricket fans out there with his two fingers

out there maybe saying, there's that two balls the over left or anyway.

Yeah.

What?

Why are you looking at me like that?

I've seen that look so many times in the last 37 years.

I was expecting a full five-day commentary to come out of his mouth.

That's the video extras.

So

he's come up with a new way of becoming a saint.

Yes, this could be good news for you, Andy.

I'm on Teddy Hooks.

Because I'm failing on the other.

This is the fourth way.

I'm 0 for 3 at the moment, I think.

Yeah, yeah.

So hitherto, to get considered to be a saint, you had to have been a martyr.

Yeah,

it's a painful way to get sainthood.

You had to live a life of heroic values or have a clear, saintly reputation, and also have done miracles.

Now,

this is the new way you must have freely and voluntarily offered your life in the face of certain and soon death to save somebody else.

Oh, right.

Well, I think actually, we've done something, that Mish and I pretty much did at the Andover light and that gig we did together.

But I think he basically went up and took the enemy fire for me.

Yeah, I took the enemy fire, but then it turned out the enemy had more bullets, and so they just shot you as well.

Well, have either of you performed miracles?

Well, if by miracle you can do you define that as awful comedy, then yes, Helen, yes, we did.

Do you qualify?

That's exciting.

Andy?

Well, an actual miracle.

No, I make a pretty good carbonara, but I don't know if that's

when it's recently reviewed by Jewish Food Monthly as so good it's kosher.

Well, I don't know, does that count?

Have you ever done a miracle or are you all thrown it at us?

When are you going to become a saint?

When are you going to settle down and get a proper job and become a saint?

How big was that shit, Helen?

I was not sentient, but I'd imagine.

Nor was anyone else by the end of it.

You're welcome.

I made you that doll of Tony Ben.

That was pretty miraculous.

Yeah.

Well, yeah, but then he died.

Look, what you did with it was up to you.

Didn't come with instructions.

You didn't tell me it was that kind of doll.

I mean, he did die, it was quite a few years later, but anyway.

You also made me one of Donald Rumsfeld, so maybe I'll give that one a go.

That's just the kind of family we have.

She makes dolls of leading politicians.

Who doesn't want to play with an effigy of an old man in a grey suit?

Kids?

That's why she's one Auntie of the Year, six years in a row.

Is this Jewish voodoo?

Is this Judus?

We usually just do that on oceans.

Anyway,

fancier trundle.

Now, there was another scientific report that came out that said that coffee can basically make you live forever.

That's the way I interpreted it.

What the report actually said was coffee might or might not make you live slightly longer.

But I'm prepared to take that on board and drink as much coffee as possible.

Because I have a problem with sleeping patterns.

And another, yet another scientific report has blamed our distant ancestors for people having bad.

bad sleeping patterns.

This is going out as a recorded show as well, Helen.

So you doing a visual gag for the people in the room is really absolutely no use

to anyone apart from the people in this room.

But other people might just interpret it as general enjoyment of your words.

Right.

Stop complaining.

Yeah, apparently, the reason some humans today have bad sleeping patterns, according to scientists, is

don't not trust science.

It is witchcraft in a lab coat.

The reason is because some of our distant ancestors in the early days of human life, they always had to keep someone awake through the night when they live in their early communities to keep an eye out for things like dinosaurs,

asteroids,

once been, twice shy.

Although, ironically, one did solve the other.

But anyway,

dinosaurs, asteroids, Randy's use.

That was always a big,

big, big thing you really had to keep an eye out.

That's another one of your wrestling names, isn't it?

Avengeful Four.

And they just keep coming.

Cave to cave mammoth insurance salesman, that kind of shit.

You had to keep awake.

You had to keep awake, and that is why today

my sleeping patterns were basically designed by Jackson Pollock.

Isn't it because they televise a lot of sports from other time zones?

And if you don't watch it, who will?

I'll talk that up to your saint application.

That could be, although it does.

I'll share something from the early life of my children.

Both my children were born in the winter.

And during the winter, there are such things as test matches in Australia and the Australian Open Tennis.

And for any imminent parents, I can heartily recommend

having those as an option for volunteering to look after the baby during the night.

Don't worry.

I will selflessly take charge of this crying baby for the next seven hours with a 40-minute break in two hours time and a further 20-minute break two hours after that.

They also, this same study on sleeping patterns, came to the conclusion that John Bon Jovi's philosophical maxim, I'll live when I'm alive and sleep when I'm dead.

Well, that has now been studied.

And the author of the report, Professor Freya Greenstein-Finkelblatt Jr.

from the Chicago Institute of Snoozing, found that, and I quote, Mr.

Jovi's eschewant of sleep will result in a largely unfulfilled, unexciting life in which he is too tired to indulge in the rock and roll hell-raising whereto he apparently aspires.

Moreover, the renowned singer of the hit song but poor dietary advice, living on a prayer,

will find himself disappointed by the absolute and unremitting nothingness of death.

Sleep by its nature being an active restorative restorative process, not withmenting the possibility of dream, a gift or curse bestowed not upon the corpse.

Hence, we do not sleep in refrigerators.

Mr.

Jovi would therefore be medico-psychologistically advised to both live and sleep whilst he is alive and listen to some of his later works whilst he's dead.

His early work, concluded the report, stands up pretty well.

55 minutes, Andy.

Oh, 55.

Right, okay.

I'm here for the fun tonight.

Every so often, Chris is like, I cannot believe I'm still doing this shit.

Little Chrissy clock in the corner is perfect up.

So, um, right, we should, uh, we should, uh, we should, we should move on.

We have quite a lot to get through, but uh, we're running running out of time.

Helen, you have some do you want to bang on about umbrellas for a bit?

I don't know, I don't know how pressing it is.

What have you got?

Uh, what have I well, I've got something on uh see the words bobsled origin on your screen.

How do you need us to tee that up?

I don't know how to break the news that I'm moving into prog rock.

It's almost a name worthy of having a third child for Andy.

What was the.

Oh, no,

that's the origin of Bobsled.

were talking well let's let's do this about the uh this Chinese umbrella sharing company now in a r last week's bugle uh talked about a Chinese bike sharing custom uh company that had lost 90% of its bikes

now there's this

not good sharing is it it's not arguably it's it might be too good I don't know

a Chinese umbrella sharing company has now gone brolly up after similarly

sim

similarly

Right, so this is a Chinese startup called Sharing e Umbrella, and it opened in April with 300,000 umbrellas left around the town, like eleven cities in China, and

it costs about two pounds twenty to hire an umbrella, and then you pay six pence per thirty minutes.

Each umbrella costs six £6.85.

So, what they found is people are not bringing the umbrellas back

because it's getting an umbrella at a heavy discount.

So, they have lost nearly all 3,000 umbrellas.

So, maybe they just should have gone for an honours system rather than just even pretending it was a higher scheme.

But apparently, undeterred, there are three more Chinese umbrella-sharing startups entering the space.

Really?

Yeah.

Wonders of human ingenuity.

And the founder plans to put 30 million more umbrellas in circulation by the end of the year.

He is undeterred.

He says, anything that you can have on the streets, you can share.

Which works for bikes and cars, big things that you might not want to own and are difficult to store.

Bins.

Sharing a bin, fine.

You don't like sharing bins historically.

That's a deep bugle cup.

But

umbrellas, not such a difficult thing to possess permanently.

Right.

Good luck to that.

But I mean, people try to share everything in this sharing economy.

Well, it's a communist country these days.

That arguably is taking communism one step too far.

I think even Karl Marx would be like, come on, lads.

They have a basketball sharing scheme now.

Do they really?

Yeah.

How does that work?

Otherwise, just playing with the game.

So

Bobsled originally.

Yeah, it's the origin of Bobsled was a

sharing economy thing.

Oh, God.

Where are we going?

No, no.

Get out now,

don't jump in the back of this.

It's coming later.

It's like that sinking feeling when you've realized you've left your house without your keys.

Like, that's the.

Well, no,

because the bobsled as a sport, it's just a man that jumps in a sled, and then three people get in behind him and do nothing.

That's clearly they've just cadged.

It began as people cadging a lift in a bobsled.

That's a fact.

Did anyone have any

pressing questions?

We'll do a quick, maybe take two questions.

Chris can go out in the

one hand went straight up.

Can you guys please pass this along?

Chris, don't trust these people.

I'm actually quite impressed that they managed four people managed to pass that microphone along without one of them shouting f you, Chris, into it.

Straight in.

Any idea what happened on Love Island tonight?

Love Island, what you mean, Britain?

In this new age of post-Brexit utopia where we all learn to live together?

On Love Island, a stat I didn't get to earlier on is that 113 people in this room have had sex in a car.

At the same time?

In the same car?

Surely it

must have been a coach.

Surely, at least.

I didn't actually, I haven't seen Love Island, but I can tell you what happened tonight.

Some twats had sex.

Really demystified that.

There's a man who I believe...

This person are really enthusiastic.

Yeah, I believe this man is currently wearing an Andy Zoltzmann t-shirt that he concerningly appears to have fashioned himself.

So

exciting times for us in the bugle.

We could be about to witness Andy's Mark Chapman moment.

Do you think Dwayne The Rock Johnson has any decent chance of winning the 2020 US presidency?

Dwayne The Rock Johnson.

You know, Kid Rock is running for Senate in Michigan now, so it's a big week for rock-named celebrities going into politics.

Excellent.

He's got hats and everything, so it's official.

Right.

Kid Rock running for Senate in Michigan.

Cool.

Dwayne The Rock.

Johnson, you're our Buell's wrestling correspondent, haven't you?

Perhaps you'd have a greater insight on

this than I do.

I think this is probably the future for...

I mean, to be honest, now, American politics has become more infantile, less believable

than American wrestling.

So

to be honest,

let's put this to the public vote.

As I said, Americans shouldn't be allowed to vote in American elections, so we'll do this on behalf of the rest rest of the world.

Who here would like to keep Donald Trump as president?

Hands up.

There's just one hand going up there at the front, and is that just for entertainment purposes?

Yes, oh, just for pure entertainment.

Who here would rather see Trump replaced with

oh god, I'm gonna need a Dwayne the Rock Johnson.

Not Duane the Rock Johnson, let's go for another one for another one, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Okay, let's go.

Stone Cold Steve Austin, of course, very big opponent of global warming.

So we might have got to be a big, big step forward.

I am forgiving you every single pun in our pun run for that one Stone Cold Steve Austin global warming ad lib.

That is absolutely phenomenal work.

Extraordinary.

One final.

So wrestling is the political future for America.

We'll have one final question, Chris.

The man in the Zaltzmann t-shirt.

Oh no, Chris.

Where is Zoltz t-shirt?

He's right there.

He's right there in the middle.

Oh, God, he has actually got my face.

He has, yeah.

Please pass along.

Also,

that is not regulation merch.

He has made that himself.

He has stolen that from my children.

That was an addition of two.

Andy, I was just wondering, which of your current co-hosts do you think will be next to voice a Smurf?

Oh, ooh.

It's got to be

it's time for an Indian Smurf.

Well, I don't know what would the Indian Smurf

I'm not gonna do the accent okay

I was gonna

I was gonna

wonder more what what qualities it would bring.

I saw the look in your eyes.

I anticipated the next request and I headed it off for the pass.

I don't know.

What do you think?

I think you'd be, I think you'd be quite

thanks.

I haven't.

I think you'd be quite like, I think you'd be quite like

all

that's what the franchise needs.

You can imagine that in Happy Meals.

Pedantic,

verbose Smurf.

Yeah.

I'm not familiar with the plots of the Smurf films, so I don't know what happens and what would be required of the role.

Neither am I.

Most of my John Oliver, to be honest.

He just read the words on the page.

Most of my Smurf knowledge has come from over the years listening to Andy berate John for his participation in it.

So I'm not fully up.

I mean, I assume one of the Smurfs does a 25-minute long monologue about the oil industry halfway through

the movie.

Well, this is incredibly funny and well-researched, but it's very atonal with the rest of the film.

Smurfs did really kill John's career, didn't they?

So he only got one Emmy nomination this week.

Quick bit of sport now.

And

as we record, which is let me just take my watch

today.

A British woman has played in the semi-final of Wimbledon for the first time since Virginia Wade in 1978.

Wade, of course, lost that year, losing the title she'd won in...

Hang on, look, just get my calculator around.

1978 minus one.

1877 do you take one off both bits

you carry it I think you carry it over there's a remainder right I get confused by maths anyway Wade lost in 1978 spark sparking a national despond which triggered the victory of Margaret Thatcher in the 1979

general election, a hammer blow to British womanhood that clearly stopped any British woman reaching a women's semi-final until this year.

But finally, some 26 and three-quarter years after Thatcher was ousted from office.

On on the day you got another sports injury you broke your collarbone playing rugby at school as our father told everyone falling over a stile on the way to play rugby No, that's not true No

No, let me put this in proper sporting context.

I broke my collarbone in a game of four aside rugby in a practice for the school 9th 15 match to which only eight people turned up.

That is the level of elite athlete you are looking at.

Yeah, but you're quite accustomed to performing in front of an audience the same size as the number of people on stage.

Oh.

Prepping you for that.

This is good stuff.

Now for Nisha's final thought.

Guys, sometimes with siblings, conflict is inevitable.

Anyway, the point is, Joanna Conter losing basically means at least 18 more years of Tory rule.

But we will report back definitively on that in the year 2056.

But Wimbledon, of course, have you got any tennis fans in?

Been a big problem with Wimbledon this year.

Is all the injuries, Andy Murray went out yesterday with an injured hip, Novak Djokovic,

injured his arm, a spate of withdrawals in the first week.

Australia's Nick Kyrios, even so injured that he pulled out before he'd given himself time to throw a proper full tackle.

That's how injured he was.

A few other injuries you might not have heard of.

Trepal Pletch of Canada pulled out of his second round match against Groovehard Mendip Hills of Australia

after serving a a ball into

his own mouth,

Hawkeye showed the ball.

Can you just all leave while you're in the middle of the morning?

You can, you can.

This is basically now an exit track.

Hawkeye showed the ball.

No, it'd be interesting because my parents are here and they were actually at Wimbledon today, so they'll be able to verify whether any of this information is.

You'll be able to verify that, right, Mother Marshall.

No, I said, Nish, pay attention to the detail of the bullshit.

This is a second round match.

This lie, this lie happened last Wednesday or Thursday.

I don't know.

I do apologise, Andrew.

Thank you.

It's not fresh by the way.

Anyway, Hawkeye showed the ball, clipped his tonsils on the way into embedding itself in his esophagus, so he was ruled out.

Jerky Slink off of Belarus had to retire deep into an exhausting fifth set on a hot day against the Argentinian baseliner Juan Mango Flork.

That after

hallucinating that he was the king of Spain in the heat and trying to climb into the royal box where he copped an umbrella in the plums from a panicking Duchess of Kent.

Romania's Tomash to the rescue

retired.

there's one for any tank engine fans out there retired

when 6-2-6-3-5-lup up against Father Julik McNouc of the Vatican City

after

McNuke held up his crucifix and served a large head of garlic at

to the rescue who

who transpired to be an undiagnosed vampire and

fled the court in panic.

Father McNouch at the press conference afterwards said you never know with Eastern European players.

I saw the same thing happen when Pat Cash beat Ivan Lendl in the 1987 final.

He goes on to meet Poland's

in the third round.

Do you know when Pat Cash climbed up to the to his, you know, famously climbed up, you might have seen it on the T V this week, they showed, 30 years since he climbed up to the box after winning, it wasn't actually to thank his coach and family, it was to get a mallet and some stakes to finish Lendel.

McNuke, incidentally, the first Vatican player in the main draw at Wimbledon since Pope Pius XI

lost in the first round of the ladies' singles in 1925

to eventual champion Suzanne Longlawn.

Controversial on many levels, of course, but did eventually lead to the change in Wimbledon rules, which did at the time state that if you turn up an address, you have to play in the ladies' competition.

Injuries not as bad

on the ladies' side of the draw this year, though.

There were some withdrawals.

Blanche Bingley-Hilliard.

She withdrew on the morning of her scheduled first rounder against Peculiarity Mendez-Clink of the USA.

Bingley Hilliard sadly died in 1946

but was invited as a wild card to mark the 120th anniversary of her fourth women's singles title in

1897.

So going back to which of us deserves to live.

Oh, she's coming with a callback.

She's bringing the good stuff.

Right.

Well, you can catch all the highlights on today at Wimbledon.

It's all there in Claire Balding's eyes.

and in tribute to Pat Cash all three of us are going to celebrate tonight's bugle by climbing through the audience to give our parents a cuddle

we're not going to say there was genuine panic in the front three rounds there

we are not that was a joke genuine panic in our parents eye as well so we are British let's keep things but ball

yes all of that checks out right I'm off on holiday now so there will not not be full bugles for the next couple of weeks.

But there will, however, be some absolute rock-solid gold from the recent and more distant archives to keep you entertained.

Then we will be back fully on the Bugle Bouncy Castle in August, assuming there is still some news in the world knocking around that needs to be bugled.

For now, though, that's it.

I'm out of here.

Hi buglers, it's producer Chris here.

I just wanted to very quickly tell you about my new podcast Mildly Informed which is in podcast feeds and YouTube right now.

Quite simply, it's a show where me and my friend Richie review literally anything.

So please come join us wherever you get your podcasts right now.