Bugle 243 – The gifts that keep giving

This is a podcast from thebuglepodcast.com.

The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world.

Hello Buglers and welcome to Bugle issue 243 for the week beginning Monday the 5th of August 2013 with me Andy Zoltzmann, the arbiter of of Armageddon.

That's a new part-time job I'm doing on the side.

Not the most interesting work, to be honest.

Sitting around waiting for the end of the world.

Still, keeps me in the house.

And my next guest, regular buglers, will probably recognise him.

It's the News Talker New Yorker, the Muhammad Ali's fist to the George Foreman's face of events.

It's John Oliver.

Hello, Andy.

Hello, Buglers.

Well, never mind the small screen, Andy, because it's movie time this week.

Check your local listings.

Smurfs 2 is here.

Andy Smurfs 2 has dropped this week like a golden stone.

Shiny and heavy Andy.

I haven't seen it because I'm not six years old.

But if I was, I would have done Andy and I'd have loved it, I think.

It's hard to say.

I haven't seen it.

The point is, Andy, Vanity Smurf is in movie theatres now.

Now will the world of cinema ever be the same?

Too soon to say.

History will be the judge.

The point is, I offered a heartbreaking portrayal of a complicated soul trapped in the body of an inexplicably popular blue Belgian creature.

Is it Oscar worthy?

Again, not for me to say, Andy.

Is it Oscar eligible?

I think not, which actually might help take care of that first question.

Now, apparently, apparently, I've not had the box office list receipts.

I don't know.

I don't even know how you quantify a film success.

Apparently, the film is opening very big in Korea and Germany.

Two places that like extremely strange things.

And I've got a horrible feeling that there may be some adults-only screenings going on over there.

But that's not the point.

That's another point.

Everyone is welcome, including German and Korean perverts.

Smurfs too, Andy.

Well, of course, you have

very

highly respected and in many ways illustrious careers

on the big screen.

Decorated on the silver screen, Andy.

I'm a fucking Smurf.

Respect me.

Smurfs.

that is a sentence that's never been said in English language

not since uh Picasso's blue period anyway

on the rotten tomatoes website John which is oh yeah not not entirely a scientific scientific experiment it's pretty scientific

for the the love guru your previous

that was your film debut that got 14%

okay on the Tomatometer out of how many percent well I believe believe it's

roughly 100.

Oh, okay.

The Smurfs 2, John.

What?

What do you reckon?

Are you getting higher or low?

It's a sequel, so

they always slightly dip.

I'm guessing like 82%.

14%, John.

Exactly.

14 again!

It's the 14%, sir, John Oliver.

What did Smurfs 1 get?

Hang on, let me find out.

Because that is key.

Smurf's rotten.

You don't judge it against other movies, Andy.

You judge it against itself and its massive box office potential.

22%

on that.

Yeah, so

that's an acceptable drop for a sequel.

But, John, look,

I don't want to slam your artistic overall.

Let's be clear, Andy.

That 14% means that only 86% of people are leaving disappointed.

That's right.

And these were the critics, John.

According to the audience ratings, 74% liked it.

Yes!

F the critics, Andy.

This is for the people.

I mean, of those who did respond from the public and left a comment, not all of them were in that 74%, and some of them expressed their membership of the 26% in quite aggressive terms.

But still, there's been some, you know,

what do reviews mean, John?

I mean, in fact...

Nothing.

Well, exactly.

There's been some interesting reviews.

Percy Et Lagrille of the New York Flabbergaster really loved it, John.

I mean, this has already gone down a little with some of the big hitters.

She wrote, as cinematic masterpieces go, this is like Orson Welles and Martin Scorsese teaming up with Eisenstein.

Spectacular, moving, and philosophically vibrant.

Smurfs 2 is the silver screen Sistine Chapel, but more so and with Smurfs in it.

Yeah, I agree with that.

Again, I haven't seen it, but I agree with that.

Whilst Professor Arnell McStrain of the Harvard Arts Reposticle says, if I've ever seen a better film than this, I've yet to see it.

Yeah.

Good point.

This review has just come out today.

So damn gutted to have died 40 years before this came out.

What a film.

That's from Lyndon B.

Johnson.

The American Ouija reviews August 2013.

That's their ex-president special.

They already also have Teddy Roosevelt reviewing the Le Corbusier exhibition at MoMA in New York City.

Not enough dead rhinos for my liking, he writes.

James K.

Polk reviews Dr.

Darren Langridge and Dr.

Meg Barker's safe, sane, and consensual contemporaries' perspectives on sadomasochism.

He loved it.

And Calvin Coolidge gives us his perspective on the Broadway Theatre's Theatre's new smash-hit musical, Street of the White Glove, a big-budget musical based on the life of the renowned late 20th century snooker referee, John Street.

Now, without giving too much away, John, it's fair to say that the 30th president of the United States and small government fan was not at all impressed with the casting of Hollywood star Vin Diesel as Street's referee and colleague

Len Ganley.

He thinks, Coolidge very much thinks film stars should stick to film, it seems, and in pretty potty-mouthed language.

So

that section in the bin, the reviews section, but it's

not everyone's against it, John.

This is

Bugle 243.

243, of course, the optimum number of wheels on your vehicle at different stages of your life.

Two for your bike as a kid, four for your car as an adult, and then when you get old, three, car with a wheel taken off as a prank.

You've got to entertain yourself.

And today, what Monday, the 5th of August, marks, John.

125 years of the road trip In 1888, Bertha Benz, the wife of

car maker Carl Benz, took her sons on a 66-mile road trip to see their granny.

It was the first ever long-distance car journey.

It took all day, took her from dawn to dusk to do those 66 miles.

She took her kids with her.

They must have been a nightmare in the back.

Are we there yet?

I need a wee.

Or given that they were German, Ich Nieden eine Bladeger Splatspis.

The pit stop, John, the word pit stop, motor racing temple, comes from the

German word for toilet stop, which is pit stop from Breck.

And that's where pit stop came from.

In fact, in Grand Prix, up to the 1960s, when drivers took a pit stop, they did have to pop out of their cars to use the mentoring before they're allowed back on the track.

That is a fact.

Also, on this day, the 5th of August 1735, landmark in the history of the freedom of the press, the New York journal writer John Peter Zenger was acquitted acquitted of seditious libel against Bill Cosby.

Not that Bill Cosby, it was in fact William Cosby, the then Royal Governor of New York.

And Zenger was acquitted on the basis that what he'd published was true and therefore not libelous.

And we mark this historic anniversary of the Freedom of the Press with some bugle sycophantic libel.

Lies about the great and famous that they would like to be true.

The kind of bullshit that Zenger would probably have been absolutely fine with.

Hot starlit Taylor Swift has hammered out a lasting peace deal that will end decades of conflict in the Democratic Republic of Congo.

Swift, who is also committed to a worldwide one-woman mission to eradicate malaria, will demand that all sides in the Congo conflict sort everything out.

Film star Robert Pattinson, voted sexiest man alive by both the magazine Glamour UK and the Financial Times, has rescued 35 stricken dolphins from public swimming baths this year alone.

And media mogul Rush Limbaugh can kill dogs just by looking at them, but is such a great guy that he chooses not to apply his power.

If any of that is right, sue us.

Top story this week, breaking Berlusconi news.

And we have late-breaking Berlusconi updates.

Here at the Bugle.

Silvio Berlusconi, the real-life leatherface, the sexual assaulters, sexual assaulter, and a man whose body is 60% water and 40% Viagra, the walk-in chemically induced boner.

And

he has had Italy's highest court just uphold his prison sentence for tax evasion.

And that is apparently the end of his appeals process.

Incredibly, it seems that Berlusconi has been found guilty in a permanent way.

Like Al Capone, it's tax evasion that seems to have been his unlikely downfall, especially because also like Al Capone, he's lived a life of a career criminal prior to this decision.

It's extraordinary

that it's over.

And it feels like the end of the Police Academy franchise or something you thought would just never end.

But he described the more than 50 court cases he has faced as, quote, genuine judicial harassment that is unmatched in the civilized world.

I mean,

that's a big claim.

I think what he needs to understand, Daddy, is that some of those charges against him have generally been in response to human behavior from him, which is unmatched in the civilized world.

Well, John, look, I'm not a massive fan of the no-smoke without fire school of justice, which, you know, not all of my family would necessarily side with me on that one.

As you would know, having, for example, met my brother.

But 50 court cases, John.

That is a lot of smoke for a man who's told me that he's never even been to a barbecue.

A lot of smoke.

Apparently, this sentence cannot be appealed.

And yet, Berlusconi, at 76 years old, is evidently unlikely to go to jail still because of his age.

Reports seem to suggest that he's likely to serve house arrest or carry out community service.

And for a start, you know that he's going to try and carry out community service, cleaning the changing rooms of a women's volleyball team.

That's for a start.

But also, does that essentially mean?

Does that essentially mean that in Italy, once you reach a certain age, you can basically commit any crime?

Because

that's an interesting idea.

Age has increasingly been respected less and less culturally.

and maybe that would turn it all around if upon turning 75 you were basically guaranteed not to go to jail that might make kids think twice before messing with old people oh sure keep pushing my bin over on your way to school kids just know that on your way home I'm going to be sitting in my front garden with a fking crossbow oh what's that you don't want to offer your seat to me on this bus how about I empty this bucket of paint over your head if you need me I'll be serving out my sentence for this at home also known as the place I spend all my time anyway.

He said, I've been rewarded with accusations and a verdict that is founded on absolutely nothing that takes away my personal freedom and my political rights.

No justice, no justice.

Moving words, John, because when a man has his personal freedom and his political rights taken away, what is left of him?

The answer, of course, is his penis.

But apart from his penis, what is left of the man?

And the answer is his makeup and his hair dye and his total control of the media.

But apart from that, John, what is left for Berluscone?

Got to feel sorry for the guy.

Berlusconi's legal team said there were solid reasons why Berlusconi should have been acquitted.

But again, Andy, when it comes...

to the sexual charges against him, there are some pretty solid reasons for which he should be in jail.

And many of those solid reasons emanated from inside his trousers.

But that's not the point.

The point is, it could have been even worse for Silvio,

Silvia Berlusconi, the self-styled human snake, because the judges did not uphold the order that would have barred him from public office.

That will apparently be re-examined by a lower court.

So hold on, Andy.

He could still come back.

If he pulls that off, Andy, not only is he technically legal Teflon, it would actually make me feel sorry for Anthony Wiener here in New York, Andy, because he's...

He's having some self-induced trouble running for mayor of New York, but it seems like he could announce running for the mayor of Milan, get on a plane to fly there and have been elected to office before the seatbelt sign was turned off.

Well, it just shows you could never rule Berlusconi out, John.

You know, he's, you know,

because Italy has shown a frankly astonishing willingness to just keep voting him in in the interests of global entertainment rather than national well-being.

And, you know, if he does get back into power, John, the way Italy just keeps voting him in, to me, that would be like getting another blowjob off the same crocodile with your eighth consecutive penis.

I think that is the fairest way to describe his political history.

And I think it's the way of describing it that he'd be most likely to understand.

And also trying to ban, I mean, you can't ban Berlusconi from public.

He'll find a way, John.

You might as well try to ban bears from disappearing into the woods with a newspaper and a crossword solving Dixony under their arms.

You cannot fight nature.

That is his natural habitat.

Zimbabwe holds election question mark update now.

And it's Zimbabwe election time, Andy, which is always a confusing time for the international community, the people of Zimbabwe and the concept of numbers.

Before the election, El Presidente Mugabe made a statement that was akin to a Ming vase.

It was as admirable as it was empty.

He pledged to step down if he lost the election, which of course, Andy, is completely meaningless because he doesn't lose elections.

He's the Harlem Globetrotters of democracy.

His winning record is undeniably impressive, but you have to take into the fact when looking at that record, he's not playing by anything resembling the rules.

It's, I mean, he is,

if he knows, if he knows one thing, Johnny, it is how to win an election.

And the final results aren't out.

The world is waiting with maggots in its mouth.

Sorry, with bated breath.

That's a little fishing joke for all you fish fans for the result of the election.

Is this on?

Is this on?

And he does look set for another win, John.

I mean, there's no substitute for experience.

When you have a winning record like that, John, trying to beat Mugabe in an election is like trying to beat Lance Armstrong in a who's had the most Tour de France title stripped from you competition.

You're going to have to do something pretty special and also something pretty dodgy to pull it off.

Mugabe is now 89 years old, but the official election returns count him as 23 years old.

And he is running for a seventh term.

And he said, if you lose, you must surrender.

Before winking at journalists and saying, that's a pretty big if, though, I'm all right.

Do you get it?

You know, because of all those elections I stole.

Do you get it?

Do you?

It's a pretty big if.

Do you get what I'm saying?

Because there's no way I'm going to lose.

Because if it looks like I'm going to lose, I'll fix it.

Do you get it?

Yeah, you get it.

Mugabe's opponent, Morgan Spangerite, accused Mugabe of vote rigging and must have have said that with an almost bored sigh in his voice.

He claimed that the election was a huge farce and that the poll on Wednesday was null and void, presumably before saying, okay, if anyone needs me, I'll be over here watching people do absolutely nothing about it.

It is tough, as you say, Andy, to run against Mugabe, and for so many reasons, especially when Muggaby runs constantly on his classic platform of vote for me or I might have you killed.

That's a campaign promise that he's kept over the years, Andy.

There's just no room to accuse him of hypocrisy there.

It's a very catchy slogan.

As you say, it was Svangarai described as a huge farce.

And by comparison with other countries' elections, he might have a point.

But by comparison with previous Zimbabwean elections, it's actually been about as farcical as a brick resting in a shed.

Because it's been much more peaceful, it's been devoid of the kind of levels of violence.

And, you know, obviously, some pretty dodgy things have gone on, John.

But it just makes you sort of,

as a neutral, hanker for the old days when, for example, 25% of the electoral register turned out to be dead.

You know, you just kind of miss that level of fraud.

I just feel that the world has lost something.

Now, first official results from the election of Zimbabwe show that Mugabe's party has taken an early lead, which prompted the kind of surprised response when a particular horse takes an early lead when all the other horses have been shot dead in the stables.

There's a reason that horse is a hot favourite, Andy.

That's all I'm saying.

Well, you've got to cut him some slack, John.

He vowed, Robert Mugabe vowed, that's a vow, John, free and fair elections.

Now, obviously, given his form line in this area, that I guess is about as reassuring as Joseph Stalin saying to you, though, honestly, I've really come round to poetry in the end, so please do read on, Mr.

Poet.

I'm all ears.

Don't look so nervous.

I'll probably like it.

As long as it rhymes, I'm not into all this free verse shit.

Didum de dumdy-dum-di-dum-di-dum.

Didum de-dumdy-dum-de-dum-di-dum.

Why piss on a winning sandwich?

Go on.

Ignore the fact that I'm on the the phone to the train company booking a substandard class one-way adult single to Siberia for a, what was your name again?

Yep, go on, right.

Let's hear it.

Why are you crying?

Shit, have I got breakfast in my moustache again?

No, no.

Well, okay, what's it called anyway?

Hang on, let me guess.

Is it what a great guy Stalin is?

Ah, I thought so.

Right.

Is it a long one?

I might get some popcorn in.

I love poems.

Oh, hang on.

This is going to be about how difficult your wife is going to find it after your mysterious death.

It is, isn't it?

I love those ones.

Oh, by the way, that's a lovely tune, Stravinsky.

We should meet up and talk about it sometime.

The international media does not seem remotely interested in the election in Zimbabwe, Andy.

And if it's possible, the American media is even less interested.

And I can speak with experience, Andy, because I'll be watching the news in America all week, and I can promise you that American news networks would demonstrably rather cover an election between hypothetical candidates that will take place here in over three years' time than covering an election in Zimbabwe that is happening right now.

They have have made their choice, Andy, and they're sticking with it.

But

89 years old, John.

I mean, that in itself is intimidating for

anyone taking him on.

It seems that not only can he beat his opponents and the concept of democracy, but I think he might even have bought off the Reaper.

Because elections in Zimbabwe have tended over the years to be about as bitter and divisive as a Zionist lemon in a Palestinian pims.

So it'll be interesting.

It'll be interesting to see.

It's good we can laugh about that situation as it ended.

It's good we can laugh about it.

Johnny Kerry should have opened with that.

It was ages ago.

And although there haven't been the

same level of violence

as in previous elections, and Magabe isn't quite the force he was, you know, the 80-90% turnouts he,

the 80%, 90% of the vote that he returned in the 80s and 90s, that seems to have gone from his game, John.

I guess you lose something

with age.

But

there have been some

irregularities.

Two weeks ago, there was early polling, mostly for the police who were due to be on election duty.

Only around about 60% of them were able to vote.

And after the poll, a pile of ballot papers marked in favour of Svangarai were found in a dustbin.

And Svangarai said, it's a sham election that does not reflect the will of the people.

And Mugabe said, yeah, no biggie.

No biggie.

And I guess also with Zimbabwe, you have to think, you know, a calm Zimbabwean election, to me that is like Lindsay Lohan.

You know, even when it's calm on the surface, who knows what the fk is going on underneath?

Oh, there we go, John.

That's my first ever Lindsay Lohan joke.

Well done, Lindy.

Even though it's yeah, it's really like it's really a duck joke, and you've just used the words Lindy Lohan instead of the words duck.

It's uh

you know, it's very much a career rubicon we all have to cross at some point.

A quick delve into the archives now.

Bobby Mugabe has long split opinion like a lobster in that most of it ends up dumped in the bin.

And like many controversial leaders, he has been the victim of sporting boycotts.

In the 2003 Cricket World Cup, leading Zimbabwean players Andy Flower, who's now the England coach and the opera singing fast bowler Henry Olonga, issued a statement lamenting the death of democracy in Zimbabwe and took the field wearing black armbands to mark their protest.

It was a very brave action.

And I think I'm right in saying neither man has returned to Zimbabwe ever since.

The reaction of cricket as a whole was to say, ah, this is a bit awkward.

Yay, look over there, there's some sport.

But the Zimbabwean protest actually went on beyond the World Cup in a rather more subtle, less attention-seeking way, as this exclusive footage from the first test match of Zimbabwe's Tour to England later in 2003 reveals.

We'll just take you through the Zimbabwe scorecard now.

First man to go was Mark Vermoland.

Took a big swing and a miss.

Clean bowl by young James Anderson for naught.

Yes, Speaker, this was very much an anti-mugabe dust muscle.

Vermolin's wild swash of thin air was clearly a heavily symbolic statement how Zimbabwean society has descended into an uncontrolled mess with no possibility of success.

Well, yes, Nigel, of course it was.

The next mail out, of course, was young Dion Ibrahim.

Bowled by Matthew Hoggard for naught.

Leaving the Tories struggling on naught for two.

Played no stroke and watched the ball go straight into his middle stump.

Bit of a misjudgment there.

Not at all, Peter.

Ibrahim deliberately left a very straight ball.

Did he, Nigel?

Yes, he did, Peter, thus brilliantly expressing his disapproval for the conduct of the international community.

And how exactly did he do that, Nigel?

By doing absolutely nothing.

By refusing to put his bat in the way of an obviously wicked, threatening delivery, Ibrahim implicitly criticized our political world for its failure to act in response to Mugabe's brutal excesses.

Okay, and I suppose you're going to tell me that Ibrahim's inaction led led to the total destruction of the stumps, which instantly came to represent Zimbabwean society as a whole.

You'll bang on the banana there, Peter.

Shattered and smashed all over the place.

Yes, of course.

And the third wicket to fall was that of experienced campaigner Grant Flower.

He also out for nought, leg before wicket to Hoggard.

Zimbabwe, nought for three at this stage.

So what's your finging take on this one, Peter?

Oh, well, Nigel, Grant Flower, but coming to the wicket without a bet, left himself extremely vulnerable to Hoggard's Yorker, very much in the way that the population of Zimbabwe have no means of defense against the brutal Mugabe government.

And Grant Flower made an extremely powerful statement by allowing the ball to crash into his undefended toes at 85 miles an hour, thus sharing and very vocally expressing the pain of the Zimbabwean poor as he symbolically hobbled off the pitch, wincing in agony, whilst all these spectators looked away awkwardly.

Right, and that, of course, left Zimbabwe struggling at naught for three.

Very symbolic, scoreline.

Is it really?

Yes, it definitely is.

Yes, of course.

And that soon, of course, became nought for four when young wicket keeper Tatender Tyboo was also clean bolt by James Anderson.

Also for naught.

So tell me, Nigel, what f ⁇ ing message was young Tyboo trying to get across to the viewing world?

Well, Peter the Bull swung and Tyboo missed it.

Poor betting for me from the young men.

So you don't think he was embodying the desperation of his nation's youth in the face of domestic disintegration and international apathy?

No, I just think the lad's got to work on his technique against the moving ball.

You're an asshole, Nigel.

You're a professional arsehole.

Well, I can see why that show was cancelled.

I mean,

just good luck finding a sillier

sketch anywhere on the internet next week.

Good luck.

Good luck.

I mean, that sketch, Andy, was pointless.

Was as pointless as an orange.

Quiet news week.

Bit of fun.

Bit of fun.

But a fun.

But a fun.

But a fun.

Just a bit of fun.

Your emails now, and this one comes in from Ben Reindeers.

Or Rinders.

Let's call him Reindeers.

Ben Reindeers.

Dear Chris, Andy, and John.

In order of whom I most suspect to be secretly the royal baby.

As John insists on mentioning, the Smurfs movie has somehow made over $500 million.

That's half a billion dollars.

That's right.

Half a billion dollars.

And that was just the first one, wasn't it?

That's not even a one-just the first one.

Trillions that the new one's going to make.

I would imagine through a combination of bribery, espionage, and general confusion, he suggests.

Well, you can't argue the market.

A sale or sale.

Detroit, as mentioned in Bugle 241, is about $18.5 billion in debt.

That is true.

This means that John and Co.

only have to make 37 Smurf sequels to pay off the entire debt of that great city.

Great.

I've figured out that all that is required to make one of these sequels would be some B-list celebrities, and I'm being generous, John.

He says, to write some words, I refuse to call it a script, and someone to draw some Smurf pictures for the animation.

I'm sure there are plenty of children in Detroit who enjoy drawing, and if they can't afford pens, they can draw in the blood of a dying city.

Alternatively, just get a room full of monkeys and typewriters.

As I hear that when monkeys are not writing Shakespeare, they are pretty good at writing Smurf sequels.

Yours, Ben Reindeers.

Well, I mean, Andy, just for just for the recording and from my experience of the timing of making the Smurfs, 37 Smurf sequels would take me about 37 days' work.

So

if I did it quickly, I could probably get that done in a month.

Right.

And do you think, I mean, is Katie Perry going to be

up to the second?

I can't speak for KP, Andy.

I can't speak for her.

I haven't met KP.

We have another email here from Theodore, who says, Dear Andy, John, and Chris, this week, Islamists fighting against the regime of recent Instagram joiner and LMFAO groupie Bashar al-Assad issued a religious decree banning the croissant in Syria as a symbol of colonial oppression.

As if the Syrian people were not suffering enough, and they definitely are, trapped in a seemingly endless war between religious zealots and an authoritarian regime that thinks of nothing of killing its own people, they must now go without this breakfast treat that none of them ate before the war anyway.

Is it

at times like this that one cannot help but take a step back and survey the magnitude of history and how it's been brought to bear on the present.

What if France had never occupied Syria?

Could the rise of the Ba'ath Party in the current civil war have been avoided?

What if another European power, such as Belgium, had ruled the Syrian people?

What would the Islamists be banning now?

Yours in confusion, Theo.

Of course, Theo is the waffle,

but the waffle is not banned in Syria.

And that is what I say to the people of Syria: Yes, croissants are banned, but the waffle waves strong.

Trust in the waffle

waffle be thy name

and this was sent in by Mikey in Bristol and various other people as well sent us alerted us to this this story dear John Andy and Chris in order of likelihood of causing an international incident or in John's case another international incident a number of bugles ago you discussed the mayor of Riga who used a tank to crush a car in order to curb the non-existent problem of illegal parking.

That's a kind of strong gesture politics the world needs more of.

Well, I not only have a related story, but a potential candidate to the Bugle Sports Hall of Fame.

I bring you Atalanta midfielder Giulio Miglaccio, who attended an Ultras rally for his club Atalanta on a tank.

Now, Atalanta's, for American listeners or non-football followers, they're in a football club from Bergamo in northern Italy, a town where you will struggle to get a bad meal on

the evidence of my three-day visit there sometime.

Now, the Ultras, the kind of extreme fans, anyway.

So, he attended this rally on a tank, which is impressive enough.

But he then proceeded to crush two cars painted in the colours of arch-rivals Brescia and Roma.

Oh, that is it.

People say footballers don't connect with the fans anymore.

That is properly connecting with the fans.

Oh, my God, that's great.

He's been charged with what is possibly the greatest incident of bringing a game into disrepute.

Disrepute!

That is bringing it into repute!

Yeah.

Football means...

Introducing repute into Italian football.

He's claiming he didn't know about the cars, which I assume is a valid excuse as the tank was clearly in reverse.

However, I think this car crushing kvuffle makes him a clear candidate for the Bugle Sports Hall of Fame.

Well, I'm not going to argue that.

Giulio Miglaccio.

He's in.

He's in.

Super work.

I'd like to see him

take his work beyond the tank and follow the evolution of mechanised warfare from the tank in the First World War through the rest of the 20th century.

I want him to nuke cars in the colour of Lazio before the end of the season.

Well, yeah, and then at the start of next season, just sit

in an office in Nevada on a computer, send a drone across to Italy, and then just bomb a little village painted in the colours of Roma.

So thanks very much for your emails.

Do keep them coming into info at thebuglepodcast.com.

Don't forget to check out our SoundCloud page, soundcloud.com slash the hyphenbugle.

And on thebuglepodcast.com website, you can buy the merch and take out your voluntary subscription if you've not already done so, which I assume you have,

or you will be hounded by the furies of hell for all eternity.

Now it's gigalert time.

A very momentous time in the history of British show business.

I have a run coming up at the Soho Theatre from the 9th to the 21st of September in which I'm doing a show show entitled Satirist for Hire, in which I will be taking satirical commissions from you, the ticket-buying public, to satirise the issues that you want to be satirized in the show.

So when you buy your ticket, you'll be sent an email link that you'll be able to send in your request, the date of the show you're coming to, and the topic that you want me to address with any kind of...

You can even request a particular political angle you want me to address it from, although obviously, if it is barkingly right-wing or even barkingly left-wing, I might tell you to go f yourself.

But

do so, it'll be basically a fresh, different show every day, and you can play your part in helping the world cure all of its problems through the soothing balm of satire in a room full of about 100 people.

So, do come along to the new show.

It's on the Soho Theatre website, and we'll put up a link also on the Bugle website over the weekend.

That's it.

Plug finished.

John, have you got anything to plug apart from your movie?

Smurfs 2's out, Andy.

Daily shows on next week.

New York stand-up shows on every Friday night at 11.

But most importantly, Smurfs 2 is out, Andy.

I'm a Smurf.

Respect me.

That's it.

Once a Smurf, always a Smurf.

They can't take that away from you, John.

Can't.

There'll always be a little bit of John Oliver that is forever blue.

Thanks for listening.

We'll be back with Bugle 244 next week.

Until then, goodbye.

Bye!

Hi Buglers, it's producer Chris here.

I just wanted to very quickly tell you about my new podcast, Mildly Informed, which is in podcast feeds and YouTube right now.

Quite simply, it's a show where me and my friend Richie review literally anything.

So please come join us wherever you get your podcasts right now.