Bugle 240 – Political Gooaaalllsss!!

And Robson puts it away six four six one

This is a podcast from thebuglepodcast.com

The Bugle audio newspaper for a visual world Hello buglers and welcome to issue 240 of The Bugle the prized turnip in the otherwise rotten vegetable box of life for the weeks beginning Monday, the 1st of July 2013.

That's another half year we won't have to do again.

Phew.

Half a year close to the mirthful release of Armageddon.

With me, Andy Zaltzman, live in London's glamorous central London districts and joining me by the commercialised witchcraft that is modern technology.

Live from the Big Apple.

It's the Big Apple Pip, the Scheheraz Art of Showbiz himself, John Oliver.

Hello, Andy.

Hello, buglers.

It's been a frantic week here in the United States, Andy, with the Supreme Court throwing out decisions like it's their job, which it is.

They struck down the Voting Rights Act and also the Defense of Marriage Act simultaneously, taking America 50 years backwards and hundreds of years into the present.

It's been a crazy week at...

at the Daily Show, sending us into our two-week summer break, which is now upon us.

So we'll also be taking a couple of weeks off the bugle, as I need to lie down and try to navigate the blur of what the f happened over the last month.

But there was a nice moment last night Tom Goldstein was the guest.

He runs Scotus blog which is

a fantastic blog about the Supreme Court.

He's a lawyer who's argued cases before the Supreme Court numerous times and there was a great moment when I went to see him in his dressing room before the show and he was with his daughters and they were playing on the floor.

They're about six and

seven.

And he said to them, what's the most important thing that you're going to remember about tonight?

And they looked up at him and they said, don't repeat any of the words you hear on the show.

Those are well-trained kids, Andy.

And he was right to prepare them because little did he or they know at that point that the first act ended on a chicken f a joke.

There's a context for that joke, but it wouldn't actually make significantly more sense.

And

how was Maggie Gillenhall, John?

She was very charming, very beautiful, very, you know, she was very nice, Andy.

Yep.

Yeah.

You didn't tell her about the picture that you had pinned up, but that BBC job.

Did I have a picture?

I think I might have repressed that, Andy, so I could have a conversation.

I definitely, I do remember in the past finding her incredibly attractive.

I mean, distractingly attractive.

And then I do, I think I remember when she was booked on the show thinking, I need to try and behave like a human being.

Not like saying, Maggie, you might be the single most beautiful woman on the planet.

That's not really a question, that's a statement.

Tell me about the movie.

So this is Bugle 240, 240, of course, the number of pence in a pound until 1971.

When we had decimalisation before that, we were all 240% better off under the old pence, unless we owned more than a pound, in which case it started to balance out.

240, also the number of times Lyndon B.

Johnson referred to his Doombo bar as little Mr.

President in cabinet meetings before going off for a toilet break.

And we've got some big anniversaries this week.

Today, as we record the 28th of June, 99 years since Archduke Franz Ferdinand had his clogs involuntarily popped.

Disappointing for the big lad.

1st of July, John.

I'm surprised you're being allowed weeks off the daily show and one of the most historic anniversaries in American history.

50 years of zip codes.

I mean, where would America be as a nation without that?

Well, just bumping into each other, Andy, just, you know, postmen just slamming into each other, running mindlessly with envelopes with no destinations.

And, of course, Independence Day, the

4th of July.

But not just Independence Day.

It's the 210th anniversary of the Louisiana Purchase in 1803.

What a buy.

What a buy.

Well, the USA bought 2 million square kilometers of real estate off the French, containing not just Louisiana, but loads of other states thrown in free as well.

Not all of them still exist, but some do.

They include Oklahoma, Arkansas, Kensaw, Arkansas II, Kanaboriosaur, Arkanax, Canuax, you're Arkanax, Nebraska,

Iowa.

We'll pay her back then, Wyoming and Montana.

15 million bucks for all that in today's money, $230 million.

And you have to ask, John, was it worth it?

Because on today's values, that land is now worth around $231 million.

Is that enough?

Is that enough of a return?

top story this week brazilian protesters set their goal

for the last couple of weeks andy tens of thousands of people in brazil have taken to the streets in protests um at least i think they're protests andy it's a little hard to tell with the brazilians what the difference is between a protest or a carnival especially when with them involved, a protest can so easily turn into a carnival anyway when people suddenly start elaborately celebrating how well their protest is going.

I think

there are clearly some warning signs that can help you define between the two.

Are people naked?

Probably a carnival.

Are they naked because they've had their shirts torn off while being dragged along the ground by police?

Probably a protest.

Are there people dancing?

Probably a carnival.

Are there people fighting?

Probably a football match.

Are there police in riot gear?

Probably a protest.

Is that riot gear actually body paint?

Probably a carnival.

Is there tear gas in the air?

Probably a protest.

Is there glitter in the air?

Probably a carnival.

Are there water gunners being fired?

Shit, that's a grey area.

That is a tricky one.

It's complicated, Andy.

They're complicated people.

Even when they're angry, they're joyful.

Well, they do certainly write with a lot more flair than our writers, as we saw a couple of summers ago.

Very tremendous to watch.

And it's really fancy.

It's hard to know whether

it's born technique or whether it's just the way that you're brought up to express yourself better.

But also, you have to ask,

with all that flashiness, John, is there enough end products?

And I guess

history will be the judge of that.

Well, we'll get to that.

But, you know,

the Confederations Cup is being played in Brazil at the moment, all around the country, a tournament which is supposed to be a warm-up for Brazil hosting the World Cup next year and then the Olympics.

And Brazil

loves football, Andy.

Brazil loves bikinis, football, women with feather wings football beach volleyball football beach football and football those are in the last countries that's right those are the countries main areas of interest but these rallies protests riots and violence are nothing to do with the particular games during the Confederations Cup they were triggered by a 20 cent rise in public transport fares and it just goes to show Andy everyone has their triggers now it turns out that the Brazilian people will put up with a lot they'll put up with systemic corruption.

They'll put up with poor policing.

They'll put up with deforestation and vast wealth gaps.

But you do not.

I repeat, you do not f ⁇ with their bus fares, hundreds.

You don't do it.

Well, that's how all revolutions began.

Just like this one with, yeah, it was 20 Brazilian cents, 10 US cents, about six pence rise in bus fares.

I think that's what got Spartacus so cranky when he went rogue in the ancient Roman days.

Might also have been something to do with having been made to fight to the death for the sake of entertainment and everyone having sex all the time in slightly unrealistic ways.

I don't know.

But it depends how much history was in the TV series.

Turkey, recent Turkey protests, of course, began with a little tiff about town planning.

The American Revolutions, as I'm sure our American bugles will know, kicked off because of a misunderstanding about whether you should brew tea in a cup or a pot or a harbour.

And the Russian Revolution was triggered by Lenin losing Beard of the Year to Rasputin three years in a row.

That's just really

too much.

It was too much.

Because at that point, now, when you win it three years in a row, you keep the beard and he just wouldn't have that.

But Brazil,

minor bus fare rise, and that is understandable, I guess, when your buses basically take about three hours to get anywhere and you have no money anyway.

So that's, you know, an extra maybe four to six hours a day in traffic.

That is four to six hours less that you can spend playing football on the beach with an alarming acreage of buttercon shows.

I mean, that is going to get right to the heart of the issue.

The public transport issue was clearly just a trigger for Brazilians to express other frustrations that have been building up.

There are big concerns in Brazil over healthcare, security, and rising inflation.

And the government overspending on the World Cup and the Olympics has become the focus of this frustration.

And you know that if Brazilians are angry about money being spent on the World Cup, there must be a huge problem.

Because they would be happy with the government setting fire to a pile of money if they were told that pile of money was a sacrifice for Pele.

It was exacerbated as was the

protest in Turkey by the police reacting to the initial petal protests with the restraint and delicacy of a hippopotamus in a lingerie shop.

Oh god, don't try the basque.

Don't try the basque.

Oh, it's not your size.

That was inevitable.

The protests have spread across the country and numerous people have died in the Brazilian media claim the situation is out of control.

In the capital, Brasilia,

campaigners against social inequality placed 594 footballs in front of parliament to show that, and I quote, the ball is in the court of the Congress to pass the reforms demanded by those on the streets.

See, Andy, Brazilians even deliberate complicated economic issues through footballs, both hypothetically and physically.

They love football, Andy.

I don't know how much clearer they need to make it.

But there were, as you say, there was a lot of issues that have bubbled to the surface amongst the rather beef-laden placards at these protests, include one saying schools, not stadiums,

which, I mean, that would, I mean, if they do follow that, that will make it a very different World Cup indeed.

Massive crowd here, huge excitement now.

Here comes the teacher.

Right, quieting down, please.

Can anyone tell me the name of the Polish-born astronomer who formulated a heliocentric view of the universe?

Yes, Xavier of Spain.

Is it Galileo?

No, no, it's not.

Anyone else?

Yeah, Khershikov, Russia.

Is it Nicolas Confirm of course?

Yes, Russia into the quarterfinals.

And off the Argentinians went out after completely failing to understand the principles of differential calculus in yesterday's maths off against Mexico.

This draw is opening up.

Oh, it's been a long week.

That's like a glorious one-man show, Andy.

Glorious?

You took me there.

These protests have been the biggest that for me.

Say a word, John.

I'm just happy.

It doesn't need to be a major Smurf.

Just any Smurf.

There is no major Smurf, Andy.

That's a fundamental misunderstanding of the Smurf world.

It's basically communism.

It's blue communism.

All Smurfs are equal.

Some Smurfs are more equal than others.

Katy Perry Smurfs is more equal.

I can't talk about this, Andy.

Don't get me into trouble.

Is she a Smurf?

I think she's the lady Smurf, and I can't remember her name.

And I should, as a Smurf, I should have more knowledge of what the Smurf movie is.

Does your Smurf buff her Smurf?

Is that, I mean...

I don't, possibly.

They made me make a lot of noises in there.

They can use those noises however they want.

You're just abdicating responsibility, Jorah.

They said at one point...

I was only following you.

Act like you're running.

Those kind of noises are transferable.

Anyway, let's...

I cannot talk about this, Andy.

The point is, the protests have been the biggest that Brazil has seen in decades and definitely throw into focus the questionable logic of spending billions on sports tournaments when millions of Euro citizens live in borderline 16th century squalor.

But they're already showing signs of success, these protests.

President Dilmarusef resorted last week to praising the peaceful demonstrations for making democracy stronger.

And I wonder how gritted her teeth were when she made that statement, Andy.

Does she have an emergency dentist at the side of the podium afterwards to prize her Jura part?

And the results aren't just verbal, they're also practical.

In Sao Paulo and Rio Janeiro, the proposed transport fare increases have been reversed.

The government has also pledged to speed up the broader reforms and Congress voted to use all the royalties from some newly discovered oil fields for education and health.

So again, Andy, see, they even...

They even protest like they play football with flair, technique, and impressive results.

You can't argue with the results, Andy.

Well, I don't know, John, because when we look back to the last World Cup, Brazil started very strongly in the group stages and then all that to be going well, those early results going forward.

They couldn't see it through, could they, John?

Couldn't see it through.

They tanked it against the Dutch in the quarterfinal.

So, I mean, will we see this all over again?

I'm just saying, Andy, they've already achieved some very impressive

goals.

Competition time now, and we have yet another exclusive bugle competition following on from last week's Do You Want to Know What It's Like to Be a Tennis Ball Competition?

This week.

I've forgotten that Andy, but I really, really enjoyed that.

Oh, good.

Good.

Glad to be of service, John.

Just trying to bring some light into your otherwise unremitting gloom, stateside.

Now, there's been a big, big stories this week about what is going to happen to British banknotes.

Because

the Fiverr is undergoing a change.

The 19th century social reform celebr and humanitarian prison fan Elizabeth Fry is being ditched from the Fiverr.

Really?

Yep.

Due to her face being too distracting and aggravating the economic crisis because there's been a lot of reports of people queuing up in shops to buy stuff thinking, yeah, I'm keeping the economy moving, and then looking down at Lizzie Fiverr Fry on their banknote and thinking, hang on, those prisons have not been sufficiently reformed.

You drop your £4.99 Ming Vas, you're about to buy, sprint out to the nearest prison and start shouting, Reform, cursed naughty house, reform.

So Fry had to go.

And the talk on the streets is that the woman set replacer is none other than Winston Churchill, the man and V-sign pioneer.

Certainly told Hitler where to stick himself with that.

Also at the forefront of developing other hand signals, including the Shacker sign.

That's the thumb and little finger out hang loose signal, which

was adopted by Surf Culture, but originally developed by Churchill during his brief stint as home secretary to signal when he wanted someone executed.

Also pioneered the loser sign, the talk to the hand sign, and the timeout T signal, which I believe launched the Dunkirk rescue.

But of course the big problem is Churchill's not actually a woman, which will leave Britain with a dude-only back of the banknote roster.

And

it's not ideal.

There's quite a lot of understandable upset about this.

But that's not our problem at the Bugle because we've reached an exclusive deal with the Treasury, Buckingham Palace, and the Royal Mint, who are all big Bugle fans.

And we're looking ahead to the next change of of banknotes, which is the £10 notes, in a few years.

And the Bugle has been selected to choose whose face should be on the new £10 notes,

alongside, of course, the Queen herself, the banknote babe, the cutie on the currency, the Marilyn of the Mint, Britain's leading numismatic model for the last 61 years.

And Buglers, this is what this competition is about.

It could be you.

One lucky bugler will be the new face of the £10 notes, the new mush on the money.

Chris,

have we definitely have we definitely cleared this I mean the ink is still drying okay so you will have your face adorning Britain's favourite banknote has it definitely been signed yes it's okay right following in the footsteps of such luminaries as Flow Nightingale the toastiest of all hotties from history the Nicki Minaj of nursing no less um it's just uh

Do you understand what you just said, Adam?

Or did you just did you just realise you needed some alliteration?

Oh, well, you needed a singer starting with an N, and you thought of Nicki Minaj.

Do you know a single Nicki Menage song?

It's, did she do Walking Back to Happiness?

Was that Helen?

Was that Helen Shapiro?

I get them confused.

We'll meet again.

Was that no?

Was that

Dame Vera Lynn?

She did the

Edith P.F.

songs.

Did she do an album of Edith P.F.

songs?

A simple no would have done, Andy.

Okay.

Simple no.

Simple no.

Anyway.

Also, on the £10 note, previously, Charles Dickens, the original Chuck D, hip-hop pioneer and novelists.

Is this definitely happening, Chris?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because I think I don't want to raise people's hopes.

And of course, currently on the £10 note, Charles Darwin, the original Chuck D, the hip-hop pioneer, turtle fancier, and inventor of evolution.

If it hadn't been for him, we'd all still be dinosaurs, and I do not mean that as a compliment.

So you would be joining in the current roster.

Chris, can you just

give the guy at the Bank of England a call, just a check?

This is

all right, good.

You'll be joining on the current roster of banknote bonds.

It's not only Winnie Churchill before he's ditched from the Fiverr, but also on the £20.

It's Adam Smith, 18th century economic star.

And

alongside him, there's a picture of an illustration of the division of labour in pin manufacturing, which was a key phase in Britain pinning the tail on the economic donkey in the 19th century, I believe.

Also, the

smash hit author of the blockbuster, The Wealth of Nations, which he explicitly linked the wealth of a nation with the quality of its motorway service stations.

And on the £50 notes, currently you've got your Matty Boltons and your Jimmy Watts, the literally steamy industrial revolution hunks who did so much terrific work with steam engines, really kick-starting industrial manufacturing and making it possible, for example, such things as the George Foreman Grill, the Oreo cookie, and the bugle t-shirt.

So, to win this honour, to earn your place in British currency history, all you have to do, buglers, is promise to do something of similar cultural, scientific and industrial importance and impact to the kind of shit that people like Dickens, Churchill, Whatley and Darwin did.

So email us and tell us how you would revolutionise art, life, international politics or nurses' uniforms to win your place on the new £10 note.

It's...

Is this definitely...

Definitely.

Because I just read this article in the paper saying it's probably going to be Jane Austen, so...

I mean...

It's fine.

It is definitely going to be a bugler.

Right.

And they're not just going to be on the watermark or something, it's actually going to be there.

It's fine, it's sorted, right?

Properly on the note, guaranteed, right?

You're not, I mean, you're not just going to get a tenor and like stick a passport photo on it.

No, okay, good, you've reassured me.

Email your entries to info at thebuglepodcast.com and mark your subject,

subject box, my face, your money.

Your emails now.

We have an email here from Canada saying Andy, John and Chris in order of least likely to be hiding from the US government in Moscow.

I've been listening a long time and I really don't have anything worthwhile to say to you guys, but then again, I'm sure some then again, I'm sure sometimes you guys start the show feeling the same way.

Wow, that's that's a very point that's very difficult to argue.

I'm a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

Yes, the cops on horses with funny hats on your grandmother's Canadian souvenir coffee mug.

And I was born in Newfoundland.

A very funny place

on my grandmother's shoulder blade as a tattoo.

I was born in Newfoundland, a very funny place you must visit.

I was driving an unmarked police car, surely an unmarked police horse.

I was driving an unmarked police car, ghost car, in Surrey, British Columbia, near Vancouver one day, listening to a particularly bullshit-ish episode of the bugle, when a guy started changing lanes very aggressively while holding an iPhone in his hand.

He was so focused on the iPhone that he didn't even seem to care about human life around him.

That's what good design does, isn't it?

Distracts him.

So I called up to him at the next traffic light, planning to pull him over and ripping him a new one using my ticket book and telling him he was an idiot for driving like that.

While sitting at the light beside him, what did I hear blast from his window?

The Bugle Rooster!

How could I stay mad?

I did pull him over and discuss roadside the awesome f ⁇ eulogy as well as his driving.

If you read this on the podcast, he knows who he is and should make a significant contribution to the bugle as you guys saved him a very big ticket and a pissed-off newfie cop yelling at him.

Love the show.

Keep it up.

Daily show is no smurfs, John.

Keep your eyes on the prize.

And he says, P.S., I'm a mountie, so I'm too polite to say, f ⁇ you, Chris.

F ⁇ you, Christopher.

Very.

We kept his name out of that for the sake of Christian.

We kept his name out of that because...

But

that is fantastic.

We're buglers coming together in the best possible way.

Yeah, it's like the football match on Christmas Day in 1914 across no man's land.

But more so.

Thanks again for your emails.

We're off for the next couple of weeks, but do keep me coming in and further suggestions for how John should end his run as the Daily Show host in a

blaze of career ruining Gloria.

Don't say ball of fire, Andrew.

That's what you're.

A metaphorical ball of fire.

I mean, it would.

Yeah, it would be unmissable television.

You can't deny that.

A literal thought.

It's true.

It's true.

No one's going to forget that.

It's not going to be like the Sopranos ending.

Or cheers.

You know, where you feel, oh, you're going to know where you stand.

So do keep the emails coming into info at thebuglepodcast.com.

Check out our SoundCloud page, sloundcoud, soundcloud.com/slash the hyphen bugle.

And don't forget to come to my political animal show at The Uddebelly on the 11th of July.

And the recordings of the greatest test on the 3rd and 17th of July with me and Chris.

And now,

over to you, John, for a final moment in Melbourne Broadcasting History.

It's been a while, but like any volcano, it must erupt.

He has walked into the studio with a hot dog in one hand, a hot dog in the other hand, and a hamburger in his heart.

Please welcome from America the American!

Hey, we're so bad you guys doing, huh?

Hey, big build-up there, big build-up.

Well, that's how you like them, isn't it?

Build-ups?

Yeah, I just want to be clear.

One of my left hands is an Italian sausage.

Not a hot dog.

There's a difference.

That's good to know.

Now, you actually came into the studio bursting through a paper American flag and there was a lot of people.

I would never destroy an American flag.

Let's go back.

Let's go back.

Take two steps back.

Either we're going to edit that out or we're going to get it right.

There's a couple of choices.

So what was it?

That was

what I would call a patriotically themed paper display.

That's what that was.

That was absolutely not an American flag.

There were a lot less than 50 stars on it.

There was a couple of stars, a little red, white, and blue.

Well, maybe, you know, an Uncle Sam face.

You know, things you can rip through, but you know, you get the spirit, but you never destroy an American flag.

And I'm going to say that, too, while we're on this topic, July 4th is coming up.

It is.

A lot of people think, hey, you know, maybe I'll put my American flag t-shirt on.

Yeah, do you put that in the laundry?

Then don't wear it.

Okay?

Because it's disrespectful.

So you're saying don't wear it or don't wash it?

Look, if you love the flag, it's a flag.

All right, you don't turn it into underwear.

You don't need your dirty balls rubbing against red, white, and blue.

You know what I mean?

Okay.

You don't need old Saggy rubbing against old glory like that.

I mean, that makes some...

That makes sense.

That makes sense.

That makes sense.

Now, where do you stand on an American-themed leather jacket?

Well, you know, it depends.

Is it American cowhide?

You know what I mean?

Well, I guess.

Look, if it's made out of kangaroo leather, don't wear it.

You know, you got to know where it's made if it's made by China burn it that's not by the way if a flag is made in China and you burn it that's not disrespecting the flag

it is not disrespecting the flag that is awful advice

disrespecting Chinese crap

what they make in that country is garbage wow it's some kind of an Asian fusion I don't know what it is

it's not anything of quality it's garbage well you work there they work their workers till they die yeah they're not right they don't respect them there's no unions okay low wages.

Don't even get me started.

I guess you didn't.

I didn't.

I didn't get you started.

I literally, I made one comment about how you walked into the studio and now we're here.

That's how life works.

Okay.

It's a big series of questions.

Well,

that is unexpectedly profound, American.

Now, we have a lot of questions for you from Lucas.

I heard the ratings have been down.

You know, you guys need a little boost.

I get it.

So, first.

Fucking ding dang over here.

First, Simon Canning has tweaked in the question, where the f have you been and why?

It's a good question, Simon.

First of all, I appreciate the way it's worded.

It's straightforward.

You're not beating around a bush there.

You're literally asking me, where the f ⁇ have I been?

The answer is this.

I've been trying to do something special.

I've actually been attempting, or I was attempting,

to be the first man to circumnavigate the globe on a jet ski.

Hold on.

I mean, obviously that is not possible.

Well, that's what they said.

That's because that's what the designers of jet ski said.

No, that's what everybody said.

The scientific community,

even a religious community, chimed in a little bit.

But really, just my priest was like, you should not do this.

But

I didn't listen.

And I was going, no, you know what?

They told out to Amelia Earhart.

Look how great she ended up.

And they told that to the other guy,

Lindy.

What's his name?

Lindy, the guy whose baby they took?

Yeah, they told it to him.

The point is this.

I almost did it.

Did you?

Really?

How far did you get?

I got off the Long Island Sound out into the Atlantic.

And what happened was this, I ran out of gas.

But I knew that I had to pack a little bit of extra gas.

And then I had to...

That sounds very dangerous.

Well, no, hold on a minute.

Now, what I did was I put a sale on my jet ski.

Look, it got a little bit...

The truth of the matter is I didn't make it that far, but there was some initial design flaws with my team

on the jet ski.

We're trying to make kind of a long-range jet ski.

We're working on it right now.

The boys down at

the shop are working on it.

Okay, well, that's good to know uh andy have you got any questions from bugler well this one actually uh this one came in from otto who says dear american you and edward snowden on your jet skis how long would you be able to outrun the authorities

well first of all if i was next to snowden on my jet ski i'd turn around and handcuff him because he's a criminal

really so that's interesting we've had a lot of other questions from buglers saying now is he an American hero or is he an American villain?

Oh, it's a very simple answer.

You know, I don't even know why it's still up for grabs here.

He was initially an American hero because he ratted out the Obama nanny state for spying on us.

And I said, this guy deserves a medal.

Then all of a sudden, he's got to open his big mouth about how we're spying on other countries.

Yeah, of course we're spying on other countries.

You know what I mean?

I mean, what do you got to do?

You got to tell everybody now and make it awkward for us.

So then he became, he went right there from hero to Benedict Donald.

Right.

All right?

Wow.

Okay.

He's a Benedict Donald, really.

You feel that strongly about it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He was a traitor, Benedict Arnold.

So

that is correct.

So

are you okay then with the US government spying through your emails?

No, of course not.

But I'm okay with them spying through your emails.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

I want to know what's going on over in England.

I want to know what's going on in Russia.

I don't ever trust the Russians.

This whole BS the last couple of years with friends.

We've never been friends with the Russians.

This poutine character, I don't trust him one bit.

Any man who doesn't wear a shirt on a horse, I don't trust.

Okay, not wearing a shirt's fine, but not on a live animal.

Any live animal,

yeah, any live animal.

You're around that animal, you put a shirt on.

It's out of smack, yeah, um, out of just out of laws of nature.

You don't want bad skin touching a pig or something.

Well, on the subject of geography, we have uh, Mr.

Graham Pierce says, uh, can you point to Syria on a map of the world?

In fact, can you identify any country apart from those in North America?

I mean, look, there's a hunk of countries over there, there is a hunk, with a you know like around Israel over there that's yeah what's the difference Syria yeah well what's the difference between Syria and Israel well no no historically I know where Israel is but then there's a whole group that surrounds it you know like yeah Iran Syria yeah you know Liberia you know hysteria I don't know what he's it doesn't make a difference all I know is they're all bad they're all bad they're all bad yeah it's Israel good it's good and then bad it's not that complicated there's a little bit of strip of good and a big sea of bad I mean that is Why do I need to know what borders, which way?

I don't know.

That is actually a pretty good way to articulate American foreign policy.

You know, that's the thing.

We always overcomplicate things.

There's a red ring around a blue ring.

You know what I mean?

There's good and there's bad.

Black, you know, black or white, yin and yang.

This question came in from Johnny Ingram.

He writes, Do you think John's hosting of the daily show is destroying everything that makes America great?

We had a number of questions basically along the same lines.

So just a lot of people would

definitely answer that yes.

Well, what's your view on it, American?

Well, look, I'll be quite honest with you.

I'm more of a Glenn Beck guy than a Jon Stewart guy.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I just think if you're going to get somebody who gets it.

You want the truth.

Yeah.

You want someone who's not afraid to give you the truth.

Exactly.

Yeah.

So, look,

to me, John.

One guy, John, one other guy, John, hosting a show.

I don't know.

It's just another thing that you're not going to watch.

Yeah, I mean, you know what I mean?

There's only so much room on my TiVo, and Duck Dynasty's got a lot of reruns going on right now.

I mean, he makes a certainly, and in terms of like the US TV ratings, that is definitely, that checks out with us because it's a good show.

Duck Dynasty is,

viewers may not know, it's about a group of men who make duck calls to go and shoot shoot ducks.

Yeah, but in other words, you think...

It's popular on an inexplicable scale.

It's not inexplicable.

I mean,

they're people who work hard.

It's a family business.

It's not some big, it's not some big, you know, Monsanto or whatever you call it over there.

These guys that sit around, father and son, they have beards like gentlemen.

You know what I mean?

They sit there, they carve duck whistles out of wood.

They do.

Jesus was a carpenter, you know?

I don't know.

It's about real people.

You know what I mean?

It's about real things.

Okay, so yeah, Duck Dynasty.

Yeah.

It's a reality show.

They should start, by the way, I think they should start making reality movies, you know, movies that aren't, you know, movies that are like about real things, you know?

reality movies.

Yeah.

That's The Love Guru was basically a kind of pioneer in that film.

Let's not.

There's no need for that.

By the way, bro.

Love that movie.

Love that movie.

Literally

one of the, I mean, talk about an underrated comedy of our generation.

Oh, God, that hurts a little bit.

That hurts a little bit.

I saw that movie on a flight down to Miami Beach.

I almost wet my pants.

Oh, God, that hurts.

That hurts worse than the alternative.

Nick Johnson asks, what kind of political system do you have when a woman talking non-stop for 11 hours is seen as a hero?

Well, so that's that's that's if you don't know that's a Senator Wendy, State Senator Wendy Davies in Texas.

She filibustered an abortion bill down in the Texas Senate this week, eventually successfully, but she spoke on her feet for 11 hours.

That's the background to that.

What do you think of it?

I don't know.

You know what I call a woman speaking for 11 hours?

Marriage.

Right, guys?

Huh?

How come you won't give me a high five of you?

I don't understand.

Perfectly.

That's a good joke.

I just can't.

I can't.

That's a good joke.

It's awful.

That's just awful.

I'll tell you one thing I will say about Texas.

Good for them.

If you're going to make someone filibuster, at least make them do it.

Well, that's a fair point.

Stand up and do it.

There's nonsense in Washington.

Hey, I'm filibustering.

Yeah.

Hey, hey, gray hair, old man, why don't you stand up?

See how your prostate could stand it for 13 hours.

Huh?

Mr.

Flomax, see what you could do.

Maybe you make the system work work a little bit if you couldn't just say I'm filibustering, but you actually have to filibust it.

You know what I mean?

The terrifying thing is, Andy, he's actually right there.

That is objectively right.

That's how crazy things have got.

He is right about that.

Yeah, I'm right about most things.

You're right about that one.

Being scared of the truth doesn't make me not right.

That makes you fearful.

Okay.

There was another question on filibustering from

Love Rhino or Lovrino.

I'm not sure.

Possibly a Brazilian footwear.

It's probably Lovriny.

A lot lot of creative names out there right now.

How about this blue?

How about this blue, right?

Blue.

All of a sudden, that's a name.

Northwest.

That's true.

Northwest.

What are we talking about?

It's kind of Northwest.

We're going North.

Come on.

What are we doing?

If the American were to filibuster a Bill, what Bill would be worthy and what tricks would he employ?

Well, you know, somebody asked this on the Twitters yesterday.

You know, I was trying to think of like a movie I'd liked, and then I and then like, you know, a lot of times, well, most of the time, they'll make a movie into a novel.

You know, it's a good way to read a book if you don't, you know, if you, yeah.

And

there was a novelization of one of my favorite movies that came out when I was younger called, with Corey Hayme and Corey Filmer called License to Drive.

Yes.

And this is an interesting movie.

Deep Common.

Yeah, it's an interesting movie because, you know,

not everyone's

able to get a driver's license.

And I think this movie really, you know, it's worth watching.

I'll put it on your cue.

Put it on your cue on the Love Guru.

But

I would probably read one of my, you know, a book.

I would probably read a book.

And then, but Bill, I don't know anything that my guess is, you know, anything Obama proposed, I guess.

Does it matter which one it is?

President Obama.

You call him President Obama.

Well, he's no, President Obama.

President Obama.

President Obama.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

And you don't have to say that.

I mean, again,

again, when the birth certificate comes in, we'll see.

Oh, come on.

Has that not been settled?

Have we not settled that?

I know we've stopped talking about it.

There's a difference between getting distracted and the truth.

Well,

Aristotle.

Told you I had an awakening out there.

American,

it is that, look, a man finds out about himself when he's stuck on a jet ski 30 miles off the Long Island Sound.

Yeah, you're a detector for over four or five hours in the hot sun.

You start to think.

You start to think.

American, I cannot thank you enough for being here.

I think you made a a good, coherent point in the middle of all of that.

I think it may have been accidental.

You know,

you guys like to dip those little jabs to me.

You know what I mean?

You like to undercut sometimes, and I don't mind.

I get it.

There's a little rivalry here.

You know what I mean?

I get it.

You know, we're the best.

You used to be the best.

I understand.

But I will say this.

It's always a pleasure to see you guys.

Well, that's very cool.

And this close to July 4th, I think it's important to really be friendly and sweet if you see a British person because it's a very tough holiday for them.

Don't forget.

It is.

Don't forget.

You know what I mean?

It's like celebrating D Day around a German.

You know what I mean?

You just want to be,

you want to be friendly.

You want to be friendly.

But at the same time, remind them, remind them they were wrong.

All right?

So how did they go wrong?

So how are you going to be celebrating it this year?

The way I do every year, blowing stuff up.

Yeah.

What I mean?

You know, usually this year, I think what we're going to do is I have a lot of my friends I send out a mass email, which people love, by the way.

group and this BCC nonsense unnecessary.

That's the way you get people to get in touch.

Anyway, I told them all.

I said go around your house, look underneath, and if it says made in China, put it in a box.

Oh, no.

We're going to put a barge out on the sound and we're going to blow it up.

Not even fireworks.

We're going to stuff it with fireworks, but mainly with Chinese items and just sink it and blow it up.

I'm 100% sure that is against the law and the EPA are going to come down on you hard.

Oh, yeah, the EPA.

Oh, okay.

Nannies, nannies, nannies.

They're all running after me.

The environment.

Let me tell you about the environment.

Who's ruining it?

The Chinese.

By sinking their stuff, we're saving the environment on the long term.

Look at that smog over that country.

Okay.

Okay.

Well, happy July the 4th.

It does hurt to say that a little.

Yeah, USA, USA, USA.

Okay, there it is.

And yeah,

we'll look forward to hearing from you next time.

Yeah, hey, you know,

you guys got my number, number, right?

Yeah.

You know, feel free to dial it, you know?

Okay.

Feel free to dial it.

We will.

Look, I'll lower my rate if that's the issue.

The American, ladies and gentlemen.

Yeah, nice to be here.

So that's it for this week.

I think we promised you a British Lions rugby update, but we've run out of time because of our special guests this week.

So we have to leave the studio.

So

we will have the exclusive result of the British Lions Test Series and the next full bugle in three weeks time.

So

otherwise you're just not going to know unless you're actually at the ground.

As we are the exclusive rights holders to that series.

We will probably put out some half-assed bullshit sub-bugles to assuage your grief and staunch your tears of devastation due to the lack of a full bugle over the next couple of weeks.

In the meantime, again, check out the SoundCloud page, soundcloud.com/slash the bugle

and thebuglepodcast.com where you also find links to the greatest test cricket show.

And, well, a couple of weeks off, you won't be able to see John on the daily show for the next two weeks.

So

it's going to be a tough fortnight for everyone, John.

The world's going to seem an emptier place.

Until so, we will talk at you next week or the week after.

We'll be back with Bugle 241 in three weeks' time.

Until then, Buglers, goodbye.

Bye.

Hi, buglers, it's producer Chris here.

I just wanted to very quickly tell you about my new podcast, Mildly Informed, which is in podcast feeds and YouTube right now.

Quite simply, it's a show where me and my friend Richie review literally anything.

So please come join us wherever you get your podcasts right now.