Osama Bin Laden's taxi driver

The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world.

Hello, Buglers, and welcome to Bugle number 40 for the week beginning August 11th, 2008.

The first ever Olympic bugle with me, Andy Zaltzmann, in the beautiful city of Edinburgh, in Scotland, and in New York City John Oliver hello Andy and hello buglers I'm here in New York in the same studio as Randy Newman did an interview on Monday he did an interview here and the man's my hero Andy so I feel closer to him by sitting in this chair where that great man

socially awkward man sat

I feel like I'm pretty socially awkward as well I like to think everyone else likes to think that too John if you put the two of us in a room that will go really badly

How's the week been in Edinburgh Andy?

It's riding totally sold out of course John.

By which I mean I've totally sold out some of the tickets.

Still sell out.

That's right.

It's been good.

Edinburgh's still standing despite everything.

This of course is as I said the first ever Olympic bugle.

As we record the Olympic ceremony has literally just begun and that means that this bugle will in accordance with Olympic tradition be faster, higher and stronger than ever.

It will also skirt around major political issues, be used principally as a commercial vehicle for large corporate sponsors, and mostly concerned subjects people don't take much notice of for the following 206 weeks.

As always, some sections of the bugle will go straight in the bin.

This week, a free periodic table, and the featured element this week in issue 40 of the bugle is zirconium, with its atomic number of 40.

Zirconium, named after Aristotle's pet dog Zirko, who discovered the element while chasing ideas on a walkies with his philosophy-loving owner, is principally used in nuclear reactors, which categorises it as one of the naughty metals.

With a covalent radius of of 148 pm this hexagonally close-packed silvery white little trumpet is also a key figure in the blu-97b combined effects bomb a tasty little submunition used in many cluster bombs which also makes zirconium a bit of a dick and we have a competition as well to win one of the new elements that have just been added to the periodic table uh you can have one of the following four elements uh sarandonium in tribute to susan sarindon it's so cool because this element never degenerates also

here

if anything that element's getting better with AIDS.

Also, there's Mecanium, in memory of John McCain, an unpredictable element that can blow up at any time.

Also, John Denverium, a new element whose molecular structure looks like a profile of John Denver in a stetson stabbing himself in the leg with a toasting fork.

And also, perhaps most interestingly for bugle listeners, Buglon, a new element which can be created by dipping a set of headphones into a beaker of liquid sulphur and playing the bugle into it backwards.

Incidentally, buglon bicarbonates can be safely used as a dietary supplement to boost juvenility.

Also, in the bin this week, week, an audio poster of pop star Justin Timberlake locking himself in his shed.

What's he doing in there?

What is Timberlake doing?

He's up to something, John.

I'm sure of it.

Top story this week and safety update.

So, how do you feel?

Do you feel safe?

Do you feel safe where you are?

I suppose that really does depend on where you're listening to this.

If you listen to this, say, halfway up a staircase trying to move a piano, then you're clearly not particularly safe.

You're in danger of something at worst life-threatening and at best hilarious happening.

But aside from slapstick, I'm really talking about the kind of safety that only governments can provide us with.

And you should feel safer.

Because this is the week that the mastermind behind 9-11 was finally brought to justice.

Well, yeah, I mean, maybe not the mastermind, but certainly the man who drove them around a bit.

This really isn't so much of a terrorist as a man guilty of a traffic violation.

And the point is, you should feel a lot safer.

Salim Hamdan, who was Bin Laden's driver from 1997 to 2001 and did it for $200 a month, about £99,

said he worked for wages, not to wage war on the US.

I suppose the war on the US was just a tip, Andy.

Pretty generous one as well.

Kind of a Christmas bonus.

I guess that works out at more than 15% as well.

That's a pretty good tip.

Yeah, not bad at all.

He's a generous man, Bin London.

That is as far as we've got in the war on terror.

Seven years after the attacks on New York, Andy, the driver, and not even the get-away driver, the get-around driver.

Well, I guess we can all sleep much easier in our beds at night, John, knowing that the world's number one-ranked baddie will have to get another person to chauffeur him around.

That makes me feel much more secure.

And to be fair, John, he was slightly more guilty than people have made out.

He was convicted of supporting terrorism and also of having one of those in-car air fresheners hanging from his rearview mirror in the shape of bin Laden hitting Abraham Lincoln on the head with a baguette.

That is very provocative.

Prosecutors had wanted a 30-year sentence to deter would-be terrorists, to be more accurate, to deter people from driving them around.

And it's now going to be virtually impossible for Bin Laden to get a cab.

That's what we've achieved.

Let that monster stand in the rain with his thumb out as cabs with their lights on just drive past.

and let him use that time to think about what he's done.

Bin Laden's gonna have to walk if he wants to get somewhere or learn to ride a bike, which I'm sure is very difficult in those mountains.

So yes, I think we can all agree Al-Qaeda is officially on the run.

Quite literally, on the run.

The court took a massive one and a half hours of deliberation to come to the conclusion that, including time served, he should probably be released in around five months.

And how did this evil, hardened killer of none react?

Well, Andy, he smiled as he left court, said thank you to those in the room, and then bye-bye in English.

Bye-bye!

That is not how I pictured the first sentence at Guantanamo going down.

That place just keeps throwing up surprises.

I thought that whoever it was would be dragged out by the hair screaming death to the West, not thank you and bye-bye.

It sounds more like the end of an Osman's concert.

Well, maybe America could try and build bridges with the al-Qaeda community by employing this man as the president's president's new driver to show that he can be converted from driving terrorists around to driving the leader of the free world around.

I think that'll be a message of hope for everyone.

Well in terms of rehabilitation the judge said I hope the day comes that you return to your wife and daughters and your country and you're able to be a provider, a father and a husband in the best sense of all those terms.

I'm not really sure what the negative sense of all those terms is, but Hamdan responded, God willing.

And I've always thought it must be tempting in that situation if you're the judge to say, no, not not God willing, me willing.

I am the judge.

You will be released if I will it.

I don't want to be a dick about this.

And, you know, I'm not saying I'm God.

I'm just saying that this is genuinely my decision.

It does conjure up a rather lovely image of Dick Cheney watching the sentence come through and just kind of throwing his remote control at his television saying, what the f ⁇ ?

What is the f ⁇ point in setting up f ⁇ ing military trials if they go soft at the first sign of a defendant not being guilty?

What the f is the point of that?

That is a compelling mental image, Andy, and I appreciate you putting it in my head.

Good.

He probably had his wang out as well while he was doing it.

And okay, now you've ruined it.

His wang out ready to celebrate.

And Ivan, you've done this.

You started this.

I'm angry with you, not.

I never said anything about celebrating.

I was merely suggesting that he might have just had a shower and rushed out of the shower to see the result come through and not had time to put his jock strap on.

In terms of how important a figure this man was, a CIA officer admitted that in the wanted wanted terrorist deck of playing cards, he'd be the two of clubs.

But that's not even true.

He wasn't even on those cards.

He didn't make it to the deck.

Instead, he'd be the joker and that you look at him and just say, well, why did they put him in here?

Well, if that doesn't make you feel any safer, then try this.

Would it make you feel safer if you knew that the CIA had attempted to forge a letter tying Iraq to Mohammed Atta, the 9-11 pilot, to hasten the war in Iraq?

What's that, you say?

It wouldn't make you feel safer?

Well, you may want to ignore this next bit.

The new book, The Way of the World, by Washington journalist Ron Susskind, quotes two CIA officers as saying they were instructed to forge a letter.

It says, the White House had concocted a fake letter from Habush to Saddam, backdated July the 1st, 2001.

It said that 9-11 ringleader Mohammed Atta had actually trained for his mission in Iraq, thus showing finally that there was an operational link between Saddam and al-Qaeda, something the Vice President's office had been pressing the CIA to prove since 9-11 as a justification to invade Iraq.

There is no link.

And the White House issued a brief statement on behalf of the two men saying, no, they didn't.

So that clears that up.

This is like their weapons of mass destruction, John.

Iraq pretending there were no weapons.

But that's exactly what you'd expect of a country like Iraq.

You know, everyone lies about weapons.

If they did have them, they'd say they didn't have them.

And if they didn't have them, they'd claim they did to look tougher.

So we had to assume, by them saying that they didn't and everyone else saying that they didn't that they did.

And if it takes a forged letter to accept that, then I, for one, am quite happy to eat that forged letter.

Other forged letters came out.

This one is quite clearly a forgery, I think.

It goes, Dear Mr.

Attor, you have been selected to help destroy the West.

To claim your free prize, please contact Mr.

Roomsfield, that's a bit obvious, on Washington 26253223.

Yours, Alan Coeda.

I do think that fake letters are a tremendous idea, Andy.

It can make history a lot more entertaining, Which is why I released this week a series of fake love letters between Gandhi and Prime Minister David Lloyd George.

This is one from Lloyd George.

Dear MG, it says, and then there's a little smiley face and a flower that he's drawn afterwards.

Hope you're well.

How unfair it is that we cannot be together due to my nation violently suppressing yours.

And please let's not argue about that like we did last time.

I hate it when we fight.

You left a t-shirt here when you were in London, rounding up support for independence.

But I sleep with your t-shirt on my pillow.

it helps me miss you less all my love and complete contempt for your struggle DLG what a glimpse Andy into an awkward relationship although to be fair there was no need to fake that letter there were real ones between them and actually they were quite a lot bluer than yours I just think these are better this is better for the kiddies this lot but what I say is Lloyd George was a vigorous man But we shouldn't be surprised about these forged letters because let's not forget that Iraq itself was a forgery.

It was faked by Britain out of some old bits of the Ottoman Empire and passed off as a genuine country.

So it's hardly surprising that it should spawn other forgeries.

And I've also got a recording here of Saddam Hussein actually talking to Mohammed Atta about how to really stick it to the USA.

Listen to this.

This is proof.

Sorry, that was just a recording of a horsey.

Still.

No smoke without fire, John.

We had to invade.

We had to invade.

But I don't think there's anything wrong with forging evidence for war, John.

Surely, it's actually far better to tell a little white lie when you've got to do something a bit awkward, like the Iraq War, rather than forcing the unpalatable truth down the innocent, immature throats of the public.

It's like when you're explaining to your little child that his or her pet Impala has died.

You make something up to protect Little Nipper from the harsh realities of reality.

You don't tell your impressionable young child the harsh truth.

You don't say, hey, you know Spike, your beloved pet Impala.

Yeah, well, I've got a bit of bad news.

He's dead.

Pretty nasty, actually.

he was gradually hunted down by a lion over several soul-freezing minutes, enduring a hideous, deathly terror as the massive carnivore closed on him with the dread inevitability of a Viking pillaging a post-office.

The certainty of an agonising end clamping his heart and soul until the lion's savage claws ripped into his tender flesh, sending searing bolts of pain through the very soul of the young antelope, as his spindly legs betrayed him and the merciless teeth of the lion crunched into his stupid neck, and an elemental scream of annihilation from the Impala's despairing lungs rent the skies as every nerve in Spike's body burnt with appalling finality before the great beast finally ended the primeval suffering with a final blood-curdling howl.

Spike's limp and lifeless form was then paraded around like a disappointing school trophy before the lion set about ripping the twitching cadaver into a thousand pieces of Impala Carpaccio, the final indignity of absolute defeat visited upon little Spike, who died feeling totally, irredeemably alone.

Sorry about that.

It was my fault entirely really.

I shouldn't have taken him to that safari park.

Or if I did, I should have kept him on his lead, and not covered him in zebra blood, and released him him into the lion enclosure.

Still, Adair's Adair, stop crying, it's how nature works.

Right, let's go swimming to cheer you up.

That you wouldn't say that.

That's all I'm saying.

You wouldn't say that.

His stupid neck.

They have stupid necks.

Impalas have stupid necks.

Have you never seen them?

They're just kind of lulling about like that.

They can get away with it because they've got twisty horns.

So it makes me sick.

There's the complacency in the antelope world.

They've been being eaten by lions for, you know, thousands of years now, and they've done absolutely nothing about it.

Nothing.

Wow, Andy, you are calling out antelopes like a heavyweight boxer.

Yeah, well, if I'm wrong, they can come on the bugle and defend themselves.

Iraq now, and news came out this week that the Iraqi government has an $80 billion budget surplus, which was met over here with cries of, I'm sorry, how f ⁇ ing much?

This apparently does not count the $48 billion which America has spent on reconstruction.

Now you might think, what is happening to all that money?

Is it in a bank?

Well, yeah, but obviously not one bank.

That is simply too much money to fit inside a single building.

I guess they could build a bigger bank to put it in, but that would involve spending some of that $80 billion.

And why do that when they can just wait for us to build one for them?

The truth is they're probably saving it for a rainy day.

And rainy days are pretty infrequent over there, Andy.

So they're probably saving it for a sandy day and then immediately building a hospital or 10.

I think it's, I mean I understand that America's pretty angry that so you know it's footing the bill for reconstruction which is a bit harsh given that they paid most of the bill for the initial deconstruction that has meant the reconstruction is necessary.

And it's about time someone else stepped up to the plate.

And I can relate to this John because I went to a restaurant recently where I set fire to a silk tablecloth and I'm the one who has to pay for it when these guys are charging twenty quid for a plate of dead cow.

Is that fair?

I don't want to get I don't want to get involved Andy that's between you and the restaurant.

I don't wanna I'm gonna be Switzerland on this.

I guess we just haven't felt comfortable asking for any of our reconstruction money back because, you know, they're our ally now, Andy, and you don't want money to come between friends.

Iraq have become like our old college buddy, who we lent money to after we kind of accidentally burnt their house down.

Asking for it back would just be awkward, and we don't want things to be any weirder between us than they already are.

This really is the ultimate business model.

Get invaded, destabilizing the region, pushing up the price of your primary export around the world, leading to a huge boost in your economy.

The only way for America to get out of the mess that they're in at the moment is to invade themselves.

Or if they don't want to do it, at least let someone else have a go.

I'm sure Canada would love a crack at it.

Maybe Canada and Mexico could team up in a kind of classic pincer movement.

Here's the thing, I am an American taxpayer now, Andy, so I technically have some investments over there.

And I would really love a plaque or something.

You know, maybe they could just name anything after me, a road or a tennis court, something like that.

Just a John Oliver tennis court.

I just just want to get a bit of visual bang for my buck.

Bugle feature section now and coups.

And there's been a coup in the African country of Mauritania.

This is the first coup for three years, so you can see why they were getting itchy feet over there, John.

I don't see what's wrong with military coups myself.

Everywhere around the world, people are not happy with their governments, and a military coup is just a quick way of voting them out by the military on behalf of the people.

So what do we know about the Mauritania coup and Mauritania as a country?

Well, what do you know about them, John?

I'll throw that ball into your court.

Well, loads, Andy, because for a start, I've lost count of the number of times that we've received emails saying, why don't you ever cover the news in Mauritania?

Your conscious avoiding of this nation's current affairs seems almost racist.

I mean, the truth is, not a week goes by that we don't do a Mauritanian update, but it's usually cut out due to time constraints, whether it's about their currency, Andy, the Aguir, or their dialing code, which as we all know is plus triple two or their capital which is Andy

it's got a long and complicated name that's right Andy it's Nuakchot Nuakchots of course in fact John there is a reason why the capital is Nuakchot it's so cool because when the first post-colonial Mauritanian leader Moktar uld Dadda was naming the new city he sneezed and the name stuck Nuakchot it was supposed to have been called New Scruttington under Frange after Dadda's favourite British village Troops overthrew the first democratically elected president this week after he attempted to dismiss some army chiefs.

Wow, that firing did not go well, Andy.

I bet he was rehearsing how to let them go and had probably read up about the potential consequences, you know, crying, shouting, anger, disbelief, all of that stuff.

Not, though, being immediately overthrown by a military coup.

I guess they need to add that to the management training manuals now.

Yeah, well, that's what I did when I was fired from my only ever proper job.

Next day, there I was with a tank.

Unfortunately got stuck in the lift because the office was on the fourth floor.

I've made my point.

The military promised to hold fresh elections as soon as possible and in a statement released a day after Wednesday's coup, a member of the junter promised the polls would be free and transparent.

He then said, I wish I was a real boy.

And a little cricket sang, when you wish a porn a star, and a kindly old man called Geppetto came to take him away.

What I'm saying is, that's bullshit.

John, you've been singing quite a lot in the bugle in recent weeks.

Really?

I've been rapping a lot.

You're going for a part on Broadway, aren't you?

You're using this to audition for a musical.

I just want to be in the movie Mamma Mia 2.

We do have some advice for any bugle listeners who are planning to go on holiday to Mauritania.

Firstly, take a hat and some sun cream.

Secondly, check your tickets.

Are you sure you're supposed to be going to Mauritania?

Are you sure it wasn't Spain or Florida?

And C, take a tank and join in with the coup.

It's hard to get involved in a military coup in most countries, so knock yourselves out, get stuck in and have a blast.

As you Andy, the culture minister was the first to appear on TV reading a statement announcing the coup on behalf of the military.

And there must have been a few magnificent moments of confusion there as people thought that the country may have just been overthrown by the culture minister.

There have been very few culture-based coups since a ballet company ruled Belgium for two years in the 50s before people noticed.

Some other facts about Mauritania, the French colonised Mauritania, but can't now remember why.

It might have been as a practice for colonising somewhere more useful or because the French are lazy and Mauritania was quite close.

Mauritania has had more coups than a professional pigeon impersonator but is really good at both droughts and poverty.

Less than three billion people live in Mauritania and also actress Genevieve Bujold has never been to Mauritania as far as I'm aware and if she has been she hasn't told me about it John which I guess is her prerogative but it does reveal how little Boujold and I communicate these days.

The truth is though Andy we in the West need these dictatorial villains like Wiley Coyote needed the Roadrunner.

Because if Roadrunner had looked to make peace then the Coyote would have spent far far less on weapons trying to destroy him, the Acme company would have gone out of business and the whole economy built on the Acme arms trade would have collapsed.

In other change of government news, Tajikistan has elected US rock group Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers as its new Prime Minister.

Petty, the 57 year old spokesman for Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers said, whilst it is a great honour to have been elected by the people of Tajikistan, it is with regret that we, Tom Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, must turn down this position.

Whilst we are prepared to consider non-musical projects, we feel that at this stage of our careers, governing a nation with such a dubious human rights record is not the right move for Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers.

It's just north of Afghanistan as well, for Christ's sake.

That doesn't sound safe for a band like us.

Petty continued, We hope the Tajiks understand our decision.

By way of compensation, we are letting the people of Tajikistan use our classic hit Free Falling as their new national anthem, Royalty Free.

I'll shout.

That's what Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers are all about.

But the Heartbreakers longtime bass player Ron Blair said, I can't believe Tom Petty has turned this down.

I'd love to knock Tajikistan into shape.

It's so far away and so strategically crucial to the Western military operations in that region.

I reckon you can pretty much do anything you want there.

I reckon the Heartbreakers will do a great job.

What else are we gonna do?

Flounce around the world playing the same three fing chords over and over again.

I wanna see my face on a banknote before I die.

Is that wrong?

And I've written a new song about hydroelectric power in Tajikistan.

Do you want to hear it?

Come back.

Come back.

Other news now and a census of supposedly endangered gorillas has shown that populations are actually doing much better than people thought.

Hooray!

Yeah, well done the gorillas.

We can start eating them again.

Sorry, I just really, really, really feel I have to come down strongly on that.

That is not what this means.

Is that not how it works?

It's been a couple of years since I ate a gorilla and, you know.

I know, I know it has it, but I think you need to push on with that.

It's great.

That two years has been terrific, but don't lapse now.

Don't go back to your old ways.

Just go so well with my banana sauce, that's all.

I'm not saying it doesn't, I'm just saying it's a bad idea.

For anyone confused about the bewildering number of primates in the world, monkeys are lady apes, and gorillas are male apes.

And the ones with brightly coloured humbadugas are the clever ones.

I hope that clears it all up.

Say that word again, I've humbadougas.

I think that's going to have to become official now.

What a right pain in the humbadouga.

Kiss my humbadouga.

It is finally some good news from the world of nature.

It turns out that we're not wiping gorillas out quite as fast as we thought we were.

Are we still wiping them out?

Of course we are, but we're doing it slower and we deserve some credit for that.

Baby steps, Andy.

A census of critically endangered western lowland gorillas has found out that there are in fact 125,000 of them living in the northern part of the Congo.

And wow, they're really intelligent and incredibly intelligent.

A census.

I guess that either involved them turning up to censor stations during office hours or sending in forms absentia.

What amazing beasts they are.

Your emails now and just time for a quick hottie from history nomination.

This one's from Rebecca who says, I have written to submit Alexander Hamilton as a potential male historical hottie for August.

I've long gazed into the smoldering eyes staring back at me from the $10 bill, wondering what sultry secrets they held.

Born in Nevis, the bastard son of a Scottish laird, he possessed the sun-drenched eroticism of how Stella Got Her Groove Back with the bodice rippling romance of Braveheart.

In the 13 colonies, he quickly established quite the reputation, becoming Washington's right-hand man.

As the first Secretary of the Treasury in US history, you can be sure that Hamilton had access to all the money he needed to keep several ladies in high style.

He became the central figure of the United States first ever political sex scandal.

The steamy love letters he wrote to his married mistress were published by political enemies.

Unfortunately, his life was ended early by the villainous VP Burr.

But that only cemented his hotness in the minds of future generations.

Whatever downturns the economy might cycle through, I'm convinced that US currency will never truly decrease in value as long as Hamilton's smoking hot visage is printed on it.

Economically yours, Rebecca.

Andy, I'm looking at a $10 bill now.

The guy, he's absolutely stacked.

He's cut, he's ripped, he's got an incredible jawline.

He's got, I'm not, I'm going to say it, he's got it's going on.

Whatever it is, it's happening with him.

He is 12 bucks of hotness on a 10 buck note, Andy.

Testify.

Do keep your emails flooding into thebugle at timesonline.co.uk or else stop stop issuing those empty threats Andy.

I really don't think they're helping.

Sport now and the Olympics has now officially kicked off.

We all know John that the Olympics are all about enabling authoritarian regimes to plant some new flowers by the side of the road and pass it off as social progress.

Absolutely.

That's the spirit.

That's what it's all about, always has been.

And it's also about enabling the international community to see people throwing things really far and moving really fast or quite weirdly and say, to what?

Was it to what?

The Dalai who?

But anyway, here's my predictions for the first week in some of the less well-known sports.

In synchronized monk beating, I think the Burmese are going to be tough to beats, although the Chinese are always strong.

In egg poaching, well, I've got to be in the running, John.

I'm on fire.

I poached two of the most perfect eggs last week, and really, I think, you know, the star Australians are going to be quaking in their their boots.

And in toe stubbing, my money's on the Germans.

It's just they've got the steel toe caps.

They they just don't feel it.

But swimming is kicking off, and here's some advice to our bugle listeners on how to win an Olympic swimming race.

Firstly, intimidate your opponents by making shark noises on the blocks.

Then distract your opponents by asking them how recently they shaved.

Then whilst they're trying to remember, tie concrete blocks to their feet.

Also, once you hit the water, splash your arms and legs around like a puppet in a microwave.

That's what all the good swimmers seem to do.

Also, wear goggles.

And finally, store on the blocks as if you were scared by the funny starter hooter and thought that the Japanese swimmer was about to harpoon you.

Then, when all the other swimmers have hurled themselves into the water, get your coach to throw a toaster into the pool to electrocute your opponents.

Once he's removed the toaster, dive in and romp to a spectacular victory.

Good plan.

I don't think there's a rule specifically against that yet.

I mean, they might ban it before you get to the final, but at that point, most of the opponents are dead anyway.

So I think you're taking you're at least getting on the podium.

In other swimmer news, news, US swimmer Amanda Beard controversially posed naked for Group Pater as a protest against the poor treatment of animals and in fact British athletes also posed naked before the Olympics but theirs was for PowerAid, a drink by Coca-Cola.

I suppose that's a protest in a way Andy.

It's a protest to highlight people not drinking enough Powerade.

But naked sports is an area that I really think is worth thinking about Andy.

Not only would people having to play sports naked kind of combat the inflated egos that you tend to see in most sports now, but I'm also, I'm not sure that there's a single sport which wouldn't benefit from being done in the buff.

I think shot puts, fences, something like that.

We take it back to the old Greek shot put throwing, just seeing a man or a woman spinning around with their bits wanging proudly in the breeze as the shot put is projected and the wang settles in triumph at a putt well shot

what

I think you put too much thought into that John

I think fencing naked would be would be dangerous is it dangerous or does it encourage you to be a better fencer

there you go I just think that humanity has not grown up enough as a species not to just try and skewer each other's plums

so finally just time for the bugle forecast for this week.

And the forecast is, will I get to my show in time?

As we record now, it's just past two o'clock British time.

My show starts at 2.40 at the stand for anyone passing by.

But will I get there in time, John?

Bearing in mind that I do have to get into my costume.

Well, I mean, I know that takes a while, and I guess it really does depend on how long this prediction section lasts.

Yeah, I mean, if it really drags on.

Yeah, I mean, there was definitely an option for it to wrap up quickly, but it doesn't seem like that's gonna.

Hi buglers, it's producer Chris here.

I just wanted to very quickly tell you about my new podcast, Mildly Informed, which is in podcast feeds and YouTube right now.

Quite simply, it's a show where me and my friend Richie review literally anything.

So please come join us wherever you get your podcasts right now.