TCB Infomercial: Felipe Esparza

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Speaker 2 On this episode of the Commercial Break.

Speaker 1 I want you to be done

Speaker 1 on that corner because they had Jazz Bar, Jazz Bar, Tofu Restaurant, Atlanta Punch Line,

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Speaker 1 And right across the street, they had the strip club, Flatchers. Iconic,

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Speaker 2 The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.

Speaker 2 That's my opinion!

Speaker 1 Hey there, cats and kittens, and best to you. Welcome to the episode before the episode that officially starts season number six of the commercial break.
Here's a history lesson.

Speaker 1 On March 10th, 1876, Alexander Graham Bell made the very first phone call to his assistant, Tom Watson. And do you want to know what the first thing ever said was?

Speaker 1 Speak louder, you dipshit, I can't hear you. And then Watson and Bell went on to figure out how to charge us all a bunch of money to send electrical signals across wires.

Speaker 1 And when I was born, if you wanted to call a place like England, you'd pick up your physical phone sticking to your kitchen wall, dial zero, and have an actual person help you connect to the phone number across the pond.

Speaker 1 Then ATT would charge you $26.56 a minute to say three words, wait six minutes, and hear three words back. And if you were lucky, you'd be able to understand each other.

Speaker 1 But if it was raining or the sun flares were out or whatever the fuck, it's likely you'd hear some weird echo, fuzzy noises, or just generally have a shitty connection.

Speaker 1 Telephone technology has come a long way. Now I can call Timbuck2 and it'll sound like that person sitting right next to me.
Why am I giving you this lesson, you ask?

Speaker 1 Well, here's a TCB history lesson. Early on in the show, I made a decision, for better or for worse, to air everything that came out of the microphones.

Speaker 1 You see, some podcasters like to cut out the ums and the ahs and the breaths, and they even go so far as to fact check and make sure the things that they are saying are actually true.

Speaker 1 Not here on the commercial break. When I speak, I'm just as dumb as I sound.
So when you hear an episode of the commercial break, there's almost zero editing of the actual content.

Speaker 1 This is a very long precursor to today's episode with the incredibly talented comedian Felipe Esparza.

Speaker 1 A couple of weeks before the holidays, Chrissy had to take a day off, so Christina joined me in the studio when I interviewed Felipe.

Speaker 1 And even though we're using the magic technology of 2024, this episode at times sounds like we're making the very first phone call in 1876.

Speaker 1 We didn't realize any of this until long after Felipe had said goodbye. Then I struggled and striped in my own brain.

Speaker 1 I tossed and turned and lost sleep, not really, over whether or not I should even air this this episode.

Speaker 1 But Felipe was hilarious and the conversation is one of the most wide-ranging, weird, and interesting we've ever had with a guest.

Speaker 1 So today, on the very last episode of season number five, I'm making the fearless decision to send out to the world the not-so-perfect audio of Christina and I talking to Felipe.

Speaker 1 I promise the substance is worth it. And I'll tell you right now, some of this episode has been edited because parts of the audio were just unlistenable.
That's okay.

Speaker 1 We'll have Felipe back and we'll get it right the second time. Go to Felipe's World.com to check out all things Felipe Esparsa.
He's a former winner of The Last Comic Standing.

Speaker 1 He's had roles on the Eric Andre show, Superstore, and has a popular podcast, What's Up Fool? And as you'll learn in the show, he's got a new podcast all about history.

Speaker 1 And it would be a shame if I didn't mention that Felipe is on an immense world tour right now. All right, let's do this.
We'll take a short break.

Speaker 1 And when we get back, Christina and I sit down with the incomparable, very lovable Felipe Esparza, and we talk about slaughterhouses. That's right, this episode is not for the squeamish.

Speaker 1 I'll be back with that interview after this.

Speaker 3 Did you know that we have a phone number?

Speaker 6 Well, we do.

Speaker 1 And you should call us.

Speaker 4 Nobody's going to answer, but you can leave a voicemail for us that we may or may not play on the show.

Speaker 9 And if that's not the vibe, then just send us a text, okay?

Speaker 10 Our number is 212-433-3TCB.

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Speaker 6 We need it.

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Speaker 4 And as always, check out our website, tcbpodcast.com, for all of our audio and video content. Speaking of video, we are also posting full video episodes at youtube.com/slash thecommercial break.

Speaker 6 So go watch them, please.

Speaker 4 Anyway, now let's hear from our sponsors and get back to the good stuff.

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Speaker 1 And Felipe is here with us now. Hey, Felipe, how are you? What's up, fool? How you doing? Yeah, listen.
I don't have any complaints. Of course, I could complain, but no one's going to listen.

Speaker 1 So, I have 13 to 20 children. You have children.
You have a lot of children, don't you? You have four children? I have three. Three of mine and one with my wife, but that's not the real father.

Speaker 1 How old are the children? They're not children, no adults. No, I had them when I was in high school.

Speaker 1 Oh, God bless you. You're out of the I've been out since they've been born.

Speaker 1 What you call,

Speaker 1 what do people say? That empty nester. I was an empty nester when I was 18.

Speaker 1 Throw out of my life.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. I wish I could claim the same.
I'm in the middle of it right now. So are the holidays big for you, Felipe? Do you like, does everybody get together and

Speaker 1 they were big when I was growing up. When I was growing up as a kid,

Speaker 1 we always spend holidays with our cousins and our aunts and our grandma.

Speaker 1 Most of my father's family, they live in Los Angeles, like all of them. I think all his brothers and sisters migrated to Los Angeles at one time in the late 70s, early 70s.

Speaker 1 And so, all the family we knew was my father's family. So, we would go over there and they would kill a pig, man, or kill a goat, really kill it right in front of us.

Speaker 1 And in like, I didn't care about the city code or nothing. No, fuck that.

Speaker 1 It's weird, man. Like,

Speaker 1 we would go to a place where they will slaughter animals in Rosemead, California, which is only like 35 minutes. And people just have ranches with livestock.
And we would just go there and buy goats.

Speaker 1 I didn't even know because they were going to baptize my brother when he was three. And we didn't know we were at a slaughter farm.
I'm still affected by it because that's probably why I'm vegan now.

Speaker 1 No, we were playing with these three goats.

Speaker 1 I thought it was a petting zoo because we were kids.

Speaker 1 And we're just like petting them. And next you know, these two guys grab our

Speaker 1 playful goats and they slit their throats right in front of us.

Speaker 1 And they run around spraying blood out of their necks, crying, of course. And

Speaker 1 we ate them the next day. Yes.

Speaker 1 So, so, Felipe, you learned this lesson early.

Speaker 1 My father was in like the commodities trading business, so he would like buy a hundred thousand head of cattle, send them somewhere to be slaughtered, package them, sell them, right?

Speaker 1 That's what he did. And when

Speaker 1 you went to the woman, yeah, really cool job killing a bunch of shit.

Speaker 1 At least he's not there when it happened, though. So I know, but listen, at least there's that.
He was there there sometimes when it happened.

Speaker 1 We spent three months in Mexico when I was 15 years old. He brought us down to see what he did for a living, and he was there doing business.

Speaker 1 He took us to a slaughterhouse in Monterrey, I think it was. And we saw the cattle alive and then we saw them chopped up.
Like the whole situation, we saw it from beginning to end.

Speaker 1 And it changed my perception about food altogether because it can't not. When you actually see that happen, it's a whole different animal pun intended.
Like That's true.

Speaker 1 It's a weird thing.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, did they kill the cows? Was that little cow productor, like no country for old man, that they slit their throat or they shot them? Yeah, they would shoot it.

Speaker 1 They would zap them into

Speaker 1 a little lane, and then in that lane, there was an automatic

Speaker 1 shot machine. And the shot, they would give them a shot.
It would stun them. And then they would hang them up by their back hoofs.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. And I'm not kidding you.
I know this is like Merry Christmas, everybody. I wasn't expecting to hear about all of this today.
I'm sorry, guys. Christmas halves.

Speaker 1 A guy would come and they call it stip to stern. And he would just take a machete and he would just slit it down the middle.
And then everything would fall out and on to the next and on to the next.

Speaker 1 The people that are actually doing the slaughtering are not the people that could actually put a sentence and a paragraph together.

Speaker 1 You know, my dad's first job job was also a slaughterhouse.

Speaker 13 Really?

Speaker 12 Yeah, but he calls it the abattoir because he's English.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, they call it the abattoir because he wants to be. The abattoir.
That's the thing.

Speaker 12 The abattoir.

Speaker 1 I was like, what's that?

Speaker 12 He goes, a slaughterhouse.

Speaker 1 The United Healthcare CEO. The guy's name when we went to Rosemary.
His name was Albuatoris.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 Maybe that's what he did. You know,

Speaker 1 because really I asked about the pig because there were no cows where we went, but there was a lot of pigs. And I remember the guy shot the pig.

Speaker 1 with a gun yeah right in the forehead like he just he grabbed them and just shot them and like they put them upside down and then they they cut it and then a bucket i remember everything falling down i was like four or five watching and then they they saved the blood and i remember that i asked my dad what are they saving that that part and my dad said that that's the stuff they could sell to a doctor to make medicine i guess insulin Oh,

Speaker 1 I didn't know that. Yeah, insulin for diabetes.
That's crazy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, listen, you know, if you want, you know, you go to McDonald's, you have a hamburger, you go to your family, you have the Christmas ham, you do that.

Speaker 1 There is a whole situation that went into that, A through B. And I think when you see it,

Speaker 1 there's some, there's some intelligence, like you're imparted with some kind of like universal intelligence about how the world really fucking works. A little trauma.
Yeah, a little trauma.

Speaker 1 I think you two need some therapy. I got therapy, but I can't get over that slaughterhouse.
I just can't get out of the slaughterhouse. Are you vegan now? Yeah.

Speaker 1 People don't believe me because I'm so big. They say, what do you eat? Crops?

Speaker 1 What do you deep-fried lettuce? Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, look at him and go, oh, yeah. Nutter butters and oils are vegan.
So

Speaker 1 you must eat that all day. Nutter butters are vegan? Yeah, they're peanut butter.
Well, that's great news. Nutter butter.
Fantastic. That's one of my favorites.
It's a good fucking nutter butter.

Speaker 1 What is your favorite?

Speaker 1 Nutter butters are good, man. I got to tell you.

Speaker 1 When you said good nutter nutter fucking butters, I just imagine you with a big cup of milk and stuffing them all in there and eating it with a spoon.

Speaker 1 That's so on brand for you. That's right.
That is on brand for you. It really is.
Only not milk. Half and half.
I only drink.

Speaker 1 That's disgusting.

Speaker 1 You ever done that? You get all the cereals? You crush it up and you eat it. It's like a cereal pudding.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Now we're talking. Felipe has video cameras.
He has video cameras. I don't have to do that, but that will get like,

Speaker 1 he would get like those sweet potatoes or the,

Speaker 1 I guess they're called sweet potatoes, right? Yeah. He'll just cut a piece of aluminum foil and cut up chunks of brown sugar and put it in the oven and take it out and eat it.

Speaker 1 And he'll add extra syrup and then he'll eat it like that. Never like that.

Speaker 1 One of my favorite things in the world during the holiday season is like the very Caucasian dish of marshmallows on top of yams. Do you know what I'm saying? I I know about one.

Speaker 1 I've never had it. So good.
Man, candied yams. I had that for the first time at my friend's house.
And

Speaker 1 they're Mexican, but they were all born in America. So they got more of the good food,

Speaker 1 more of the American Thanksgiving. He made candied ham and he made candied yams.

Speaker 1 And man, that ham, I know we just talked about the slaughter, but that ham, I don't know how they did it, but every piece tastes like candy. It's crazy.
Yes. My dad does this too.
It's caramelized.

Speaker 1 They put like syrup on it. They like marinate it and syrup and water, sugar water.
It's so fucking delicious. It is so good and probably just extraordinarily terrible for you, but it is so delicious.

Speaker 1 And there's something about candied yams or yams with marshmallows on it, caramelized marshmallows that is just one of my favorite things. And I only have it during the holiday season.

Speaker 1 It's not like I go and I make a sweet potato with marshmallows every day. I know.

Speaker 1 You're not going to find a street vendor selling that. Yes.

Speaker 1 Now there's an idea. It's time as

Speaker 1 Thanksgiving food. I saw that.
You know, it's funny you say Monterey. I saw a street vendor in Mexico in Monterey, and he had, he was selling baked potatoes like that.
Yep. I love baked potatoes.

Speaker 1 And he will put that

Speaker 1 Tres Leches, that condensed sweet milk over them. Yes.
And sprinkle marshmallow loads. They just mix it all up.
Oh, that's delicious. Good stuff.
Do you like Tres Leches?

Speaker 1 So my wife is Venezuelan, right? So, you know, Venezuelan. We've been been there for the first 22 years of her life.
So she's really Venezuelan.

Speaker 1 And one of the things she imparted on me is Tres Leches. And it's one of my favorite fucking desserts in the world.
It's so good. It's hard not to like Tresa Leches.

Speaker 1 It's condensed milk and sponge cake. I mean, what else is there in life but Tres Leches?

Speaker 1 Is that something you eat?

Speaker 1 Is that something that's in Mexican culture also? Yes. The condensed milk, the Tres Leche, the sweet condensed milk, they put that on everything.

Speaker 1 But I didn't really start liking it more till I went to Hawaii and they put in a snow cones oh i've never seen that shaved up like pineapple syrup and then coconut syrup and then they put the white cream over it oh my god that's so good that sounds good that's fucking delicious wow they are little up they're literally sorcerers over there

Speaker 1 i mean a slaughterhouse a snow cone with sweetened condensed milk it's a big day you're giving us ideas for lunch this afternoon i'm gonna shave some ice with some chase leges on it what is in the

Speaker 1 in your household? And I know you're vegan, but when in your household, what is like the one dish you guys cook for the holidays that's that you just look forward to every year? We make tamales.

Speaker 1 My wife was raised vegan by her family. I think they were

Speaker 1 at, I don't know the name of religion. Third day at Venice, I think.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Third day at Venice. They grew up on all that horrible vegan food from the 80s.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Horrible, man. Like,

Speaker 1 she used to, they used to buy uh, she told me this.

Speaker 1 It's called Lorna. And they sell, oh my god, they sell vegan francs in a can.
In a can? In a can. So you open it up, and there's like four or three vegan francs in there.

Speaker 1 And then there's another package that has four vegan chicken nuggets. And then you can just break it apart with your hands.

Speaker 1 And you could make, um, I guess you could put mayonnaise and make tuna or tuna salad or chicken salad or cut it up. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're going to add a bunch of seasoning to it, though. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I made a chickpea salad the other day, like the fake tuna salad for my sister. She's vegetarian.
And I went in with the garlic powder and the onion powder.

Speaker 1 I was like, I got to make this taste good or she's going to kill me. You know, we found out that the chickpea can, the juice that's inside the chickpea,

Speaker 1 if you whip it hard enough, it'll turn into a meringue and you can use that as a fake meringue for a

Speaker 1 meringue pie.

Speaker 14 I've seen people use it in cocktails as well, like on top of a little pisco sour.

Speaker 1 Wow. Some good stuff.

Speaker 1 We're learning stuff here in the commercial break because I had no idea. You could take the chickpea juice.
It's called aquafaba. Aquafaba.

Speaker 1 Aquafaba. Aquafaba.
Sounds fancy. Yeah.
If you put your aquafaba, is it meringue? Is it you put some sugar in it? It becomes sweet.

Speaker 1 Because I got to whip it. I got to work.
God, Felipe, you, well, I mean,

Speaker 1 you're vegan, so you have to have like like a bunch of recipes at your disposal because it's not like you can just drive through somewhere and grab something.

Speaker 1 You have to have a bunch of recipes ready to go. I don't know about Lorna weenies in a can, but the chicken nuggets don't sound too bad.
The weenies in a can.

Speaker 1 I know, Matt, I remember also when I was growing up, and you know, when you're single, I remember buying hormel canned tamales. Oh, the most grossest thing ever, man.
It was like a canned

Speaker 1 hormel chili, but they make tamales too, but you gotta, you gotta gotta really know you gotta really want them as you just open the can and there's three or four tamale steaks wrapped in a wax paper and you gotta microwave it oh

Speaker 1 yes bro yes it's like one it comes out it looks like a real fat mozzarella steak but it's it's made it has um it has corn like a tamale and a sliver of meat inside of it no just like one little tiny ribbon of meat yeah one line.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 this reminds me of something. So, one of the things that I used to eat when I was single was taquitos by El Paso.
I think they're like frozen taquitos, right? Corn and flour.

Speaker 1 Now, listen, shredded beef, chicken, taquitos. I used to go in on these things.
I picked five of them, microwave them, put some cheese on them, a little sauce.

Speaker 1 Did you buy the half-gallon guacamole to go with it?

Speaker 1 Listen, I'm not ashamed to say that pre-made guacamole, like made the year before is something that i have had in my life i mean i don't know what they put in it but okay

Speaker 1 so i started realizing something during the pandemic if you go to publix and you buy those flower taquitos and then you go to walmart and you buy the flower taquitos the difference in quality is incredibly crazy really they are terrible always right i mean they're terrible for you but they taste good when you buy them from publix when you buy them from walmart something's different.

Speaker 1 Is that just like an emotional bias you have? I don't think it's an emotional bias.

Speaker 1 I have this theory that the exact same box, let's say that you're on a big, you know, El Paso's in this, the El Paso factory and they're making these, and some get rejected because they look different.

Speaker 1 They have different quality meat, there's bones in one of them. I don't know what happens.
I think those are the same.

Speaker 1 But then they send those to Walmart because the difference in price is like $3 a box. And I'm like, wait, how does Publix get away with? I know Publix is like, you know, the upper crust of society

Speaker 1 grocery stores, but how did they get away with selling it for $7.99 when you can buy it for $4.99 at Walmart? I thought I was being cautioned.

Speaker 1 And what I realized is, no, fuck that. They're selling the rejects to Walmart because that's how they do it.

Speaker 1 Taquito Rejects. Oh, man.
Big Taquito. Big Taquito is after us.
Big Taquito is fucking us.

Speaker 1 One time I was like, I was really high and I was eating those tacos, the ones we're talking about.

Speaker 1 A cheaper one with a little cheap gallon of guacamole.

Speaker 1 And I opened one up. Don't do that.
Danger zone.

Speaker 1 Yes. I opened one up to see what the meat looked like.
And it was just a black round meat patty. Yes.
Oh, that's giving like they rolled it in the taco.

Speaker 1 And I was like, oh, I found out that kid from Christmas Story when he found out that

Speaker 1 the coder ring was just a commercial.

Speaker 1 Yes. Oh, yes.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't know what possessed you to do that.

Speaker 1 Like bologna patty, black, and that was the beef. And it's just the taco.
I guess you're not supposed to open them, I guess.

Speaker 1 But I don't know who it would be, like shredded meat or something, but no, it was just a black patty. Tomatoes and spices.
He had his drink your ovalteen moment when he opened up.

Speaker 1 I'm saying in Spanish, eat real tacos.

Speaker 1 So, Felipe,

Speaker 1 you're on a never-ending tour. I saw on your website, you've got dates well into 2025.

Speaker 1 Are you in the middle of the tour right now?

Speaker 1 Yes, I'm in the middle of the tour right now.

Speaker 1 I just got back

Speaker 1 last week from Dublin and England and Amsterdam. I had a show in Dublin, and it was canceled.
So, I was in Dublin already, so I stood there for three days.

Speaker 1 And I went to England, and I did my big show. And then the next day, I did a regular show with eight British comics.
Oh, fun. So, okay, so this is interesting.
So, tell me about Dublin.

Speaker 1 What did you think about Dublin? Oh, man, it was.

Speaker 1 I learned a lot. I learned a lot of history about Dublin.
I found out that they had the revolution in 1916

Speaker 1 against the British, and then they had their own civil war against each other in 1921 to 1922. And I went to the prison where they actually killed most of the war prisoners of war,

Speaker 1 Kellenham Prison. Yeah, John.

Speaker 1 Killainum, yeah. Johnum prison.
And I went on a boat ride. I went to a Guinness.
Guinness factory. Nice.
That's what I was going to ask you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I went there with my wife, her brother, his three daughters, my friend, and my stepson. And they made me a big non-alcoholic Guinness.
And the foam had my face on it. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, they imprinted your face on it with like the foam printer? Yeah, they take a picture of you when you order it.

Speaker 1 And then when you go there you can watch your your beer being formed to your face it's incredible i can send you a video of it later if you want yeah no please do i'll text you and i'll get that video because i didn't go to the guinness factory when i went to dublin we went during one of the you'd think it snows in dublin right that's the assumption i think i that's the assumption i made when we went to dublin we learned quickly that snow doesn't happen there very often but it snowed almost a foot and a half the night we arrived the entire town shut down so we weren't able to go to the guinness factory but dublin was lovely I mean, it was lovely.

Speaker 1 The people treated us lovely. Everyone was stuck.
You know, trucks couldn't get there. We didn't have like food or water at the hotel.
It was scarce.

Speaker 1 And people were, everyone was like coming together to make it a thing. But that Guinness factory is a town.
It looks like a town. Like Hershey, Pennsylvania.
Big. Yes, exactly.

Speaker 1 You're right about that. Big walls.
And then inside of the, I think that people live there. I think some people live inside of the Guinness factory or like the management or something like that.

Speaker 1 Why did the show get canceled? Oh, we didn't sell enough tickets. Oh, that's a reason.

Speaker 1 We know about that. That's a reason.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But then you did a big show in England? Yeah, I did a bigger show in England at the Leicester Theater.

Speaker 1 Okay. It was like 200 people.

Speaker 1 And then the next day I did a small show at a regular comedy club. Like at a just like a regular.

Speaker 1 When you go over to Europe, is this your first time taking a leg in Europe or have you done this before? It's actually my first time doing a leg in Europe.

Speaker 1 I've been there before, but just to do a one-nighter in Rotterdam,

Speaker 1 Netherlands. Sure.
Yeah, but

Speaker 1 the crowd at my show were all like mostly like European Latinos

Speaker 1 or expats that left Mexico or they left Venezuela to live in England. Sure.
But there were a lot of people from Los Angeles or people who moved from Los Angeles to live in England.

Speaker 1 They all came to my show. Yeah.
That's right. The next show was all British people, like all British people.

Speaker 1 I had to change words around for that show.

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 1 they weren't going to understand. No, in America, we have child support.

Speaker 1 And I would talk about child support, but in England, it's called child maintenance. Oh, child maintenance.

Speaker 1 That sounds like a more appropriate word. Because that's what you do with children.
You maintain them. There's no supporting them.
You just maintain them. Make sure that they stay alive.

Speaker 1 But that's got to be exciting to you that you now can go over there and do a leg over in Europe.

Speaker 1 That must be an exciting part of the career when you can go over there and sustain a couple shows and

Speaker 1 have some people come out. And there are quite a few expats in Venezuelans, you know, in Spain and England and

Speaker 1 stuff like that.

Speaker 1 They're moving out of the shithole somewhere. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, man.

Speaker 1 Some of them were from actually East Los Angeles. I met a Colombian guy in Dublin, actually.
No, Dublin?

Speaker 1 No, I met a Colombian guy at my show. He was there by himself, and he had a lot of weed.
He was smoking right outside the theater. He didn't care.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I talked to him, how did you make it out here? He goes, My wife,

Speaker 1 she's in the British Navy. And I get to be over here on her dime.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Nice.

Speaker 1 Full benefits. He's probably going to be a British citizen already.
And his wife, she's a Navy officer somewhere. And he's enjoying stand-up comedy.
He's enjoying stand-up comedy.

Speaker 1 He's smoking weed outside. Yeah,

Speaker 1 his wife must be probably. They don't give a shit over there, actually.
He needs to live in the live. Yeah, a lot of people smoke weed over there.

Speaker 1 It doesn't seem to be like that big of an issue to me, actually. When I went over there, I'd noticed a lot of

Speaker 1 the smell of weed was in the air, kind of like how it is here in Atlanta. Yeah.
Have you been to Atlanta a bunch, I'm sure, right?

Speaker 1 You know, when you said people in Dublin were nice, they are very nice. When we're on a train, and there was a

Speaker 1 there was a sign on a train, and it said, I'll report anybody that's being rude and not friendly. Yes, that's cute.
So, if somebody's gonna say hello, you gotta report them.

Speaker 1 You know what,

Speaker 1 if anybody listening, if you go to Dublin, you um Ireland, you're not allowed inside pubs wearing track suits. Oh,

Speaker 1 I was wearing a full Adida track suit with Adida shoes and I and I try to get in. They stopped me at the door, mate.
They said no track suits. And I said, wait a minute, okay, I can see it.

Speaker 1 A lot of soccer games, people wear track suits with colors of their teams, you know, or they might be a drug dealer or anybody who looks.

Speaker 1 Even watch a European movie, all the drug dealers wear track suits.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's true.
So I had to stand outside at the we went to the famous bar, the Temple Bar. Oh, yeah, the Temple Bar.
Sure. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And so they didn't let you into the tracksuit, but I do think you're right about this.
I think that they have notoriously had issues when teams clash, soccer teams clash.

Speaker 1 You know, that's the thing they get all upset about over there when the team loses or wins, and they've had riots and people have died. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 There's been whole wars fought over local soccer teams. I went to a soccer game in England.

Speaker 1 I was Crystal Palace versus newcastle oh really fun i was in south london that's where the the statum is i was sitting with uh crystal palace i think that's where they shoot that that show ted lasso

Speaker 1 oh oh yeah

Speaker 1 yeah i think they do i think you're right about that yeah and um man it was different from watching an nfl or a baseball game it was fast and you know what they don't they don't allow they don't allow you to take your beer into the stands

Speaker 1 oh

Speaker 1 Is that because you'll throw it? The people go crazy. People are crazy sober already.
So during halftime,

Speaker 1 everybody goes to the

Speaker 1 stand, the beer, and they start chugging beers, man.

Speaker 1 And no, they don't sell like nachos, man. They sell mince pie.

Speaker 1 Oh, I love a mince pie. She's from Scotland.
She's from Scotland.

Speaker 1 I had a vegan mince pie and I tore it up. It was delicious.
Claps. Was it really good? It was, man.

Speaker 1 It was like dark black meat and they give you this sauce. I think that's the meat.
They put in the taquitos over here.

Speaker 1 They have really good vegan options in the UK. Yes, a lot of vegan options.
They have such good vegan options.

Speaker 1 I went to a steakhouse in Dublin. And they had like G-bone steaks, like those big chuck steaks.
They have pieces of the cow outside. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And they actually had a vegan steak.

Speaker 1 They had a steak made out of a mushroom, a lion-mane mushroom. Oh,

Speaker 1 so it was like red, this fat, and they made it look like

Speaker 1 my wife said it tastes like steak because she never had steak before, so she has

Speaker 1 nothing to compare it with.

Speaker 1 So, I guess it tastes like steak if you forgot what tastes, what steak tastes like,

Speaker 1 yeah,

Speaker 1 yeah, but lions-made mushrooms. Some of those

Speaker 1 mushrooms, you can't, they do have like a steaky

Speaker 1 flavor

Speaker 1 umami some might say umami that's right they've got the special um

Speaker 1 when you went to that soccer game like it's a different atmosphere over there like routine man i didn't see any women besides my wife and my sister and it's dangerous they get crazy over there it's it's crazy man that like um

Speaker 1 i don't know the parking like I don't know the parking situation, man, over there, but it seemed like everybody took a bus and they were screaming in the bus and they were singing their

Speaker 1 their anthem

Speaker 1 that's the one thing that i love about i mean there's a lot of things i love about europe but one of the things i love about europe and i think they've gotten so right and i know that they have history on their side but they don't rely on a vehicle for everything.

Speaker 1 You can literally get a bus to anywhere. The villages are small.
They're walkable. And if the bus says it's going to be there at 8.01 in 30 fucking seconds, it's there at 8.01 in 30 fucking seconds.

Speaker 1 Here in Atlanta, the martyr says it's going to be there at 8.01. You don't know if that's a.m.
or p.m. You have no fucking clue what time it's going to be there.

Speaker 1 And that's just, we just don't have great transportation here. I know, man.

Speaker 1 Would it hurt? the bus companies anywhere in America to put a leave a sign that says run the bottom doesn't run on Sunday just tell us yeah just let us know. Exactly.
That's all we're asking.

Speaker 1 A little heads up. You're so right about this.
Yeah, no, it's big bus. Big bus and big taquitos.
They're after us. Big Taquito.

Speaker 1 In Atlanta, I went to a restaurant called Black Secon.

Speaker 1 Black Sikin? Yeah, it's a Black Mexican restaurant. It's like Mexican soul food.
Was it good? Was it good? It was good. Oh, wow.
Was it down to the next one? Catch me there next weekend. Was it down?

Speaker 1 And they had like,

Speaker 1 I think all the regular beef, like the barbecue beef, it was made into a quesadilla. You can have like,

Speaker 1 I don't know, black-eyed peas. Wow.
That's my kind of Mexican.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and Black Sikhan.

Speaker 1 He used to have four trucks and a restaurant, but now he has a restaurant and maybe two trucks.

Speaker 1 This does sound like something that happens in Atlanta, Blacksecon, because we're so multicultural in this city, and I see how that's a thing.

Speaker 1 There's a lot of Mexican folks that live here, people who lived in Mexico are from that descent, and we have a lot of black folks.

Speaker 1 That's why I love Atlanta. We're such a great hodgepodge of human beings.
I know, man.

Speaker 1 I eat a lot of vegan food over there at

Speaker 1 overpriced, slutty vegan.

Speaker 1 Slutty vegan. Slutty vegan.
Our essays are for dollar signs.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's good, but it's expensive. But it's very expensive.
Yeah. You know, that's the.
There's also the Sunflower Cafe, I think, is another one. I love that place.
I went to that place. It's by

Speaker 1 the old Atlanta punchline, right? That's right. Yep.
It's down there in Buckhead, I think. Yeah, Buckhead.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's great.
How often do you come to Atlanta?

Speaker 1 I used to go there every year to the Atlanta Punchline. That's the original one, but now they moved to Buckhead at that diner.
Oh, yeah, the Buckhead. But whatever was at the original one, OMG.

Speaker 1 Right next door, they had a 24-hour daycare, yeah, man.

Speaker 1 So you could be at the club, man, and then drop out your, your, your, your, your chick's baby at that place, and you ain't gonna have no business.

Speaker 1 That's no Atlanta. That is snow, Atlanta.
I love that for us.

Speaker 1 I want you to know that on that, on that corner, because that jazz bar, jazz bar, tofu restaurant, Atlanta punchline,

Speaker 1 and some Mexican restaurant with a Sharpie, and then the daycare.

Speaker 1 And right across the street, they had the strip club, Flatchers. Iconic.
Flashers.

Speaker 1 Flatchers.

Speaker 1 You know, Felipe, when I was a young guy, that punchline corner was the place to go if you had drugs or you wanted them. That was one of the two reasons you would go to that corner.

Speaker 1 Let's be honest about it. A jazz bar in Atlanta does not survive without a little cocaine pushing it along.
And those jazz bars were the place. You didn't even have to know anybody.

Speaker 1 You just walked in and you knew you could see the guy at the corner of the bar. You knew what he was doing.
But But all of a sudden, you're into jazz. If you do a little toot, you're into jazz.

Speaker 1 All of a sudden, I'm a jazz musician. I'm a jazz fan.
I only went there for the toots.

Speaker 1 I ain't talking about the trumpet.

Speaker 1 I was there having some fun. It was that little corner right there was rowdy.
Punchline jazz bar. I forgot what that jazz bar, New Orleans jazz bar or something like that.
But it was,

Speaker 1 that was a, that was quite the scene. You wouldn't.
Oh, man. And I went to, um, I did a show there with

Speaker 1 for american insurance i'm pretty sure it's big american family insurance and i did a show in atlanta because american family insurance they like to put up a big stand-up show every year and they put all the stand-up in their website so when people go to the insurance company or they're filling out form they can watch bill battle me do stand-up or

Speaker 1 right

Speaker 1 so

Speaker 1 we went there and i didn't know that um atlanta was a lot of gay people.

Speaker 1 Huge. Huge.

Speaker 1 Because as soon as we got there at the hotel room, it was nothing but men.

Speaker 1 I tripped over a dick, but there was no,

Speaker 1 there was no,

Speaker 1 there was no women. But we got invited to an after-hour at this club.
Bro, that was the most expensive club ever, man. It was called the Pulse or the Vault or the

Speaker 1 or the

Speaker 1 compound. I don't know what it was called.
Compound. Compound, yes.
Yes, it's in an old vacant car lot. They used to be a car lot.

Speaker 1 $1,500

Speaker 1 for a bottle service. Oh, you got bottle service.

Speaker 1 I didn't get it. Tony Rock got it.
But there was a big line to get in. And everybody that was ordering,

Speaker 1 they were making you get bottle service when you came in. And I saw Tony Rock walking with two bottles.
because he wasn't sharing.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 it was a big line for VIP, which is real long. And then the general admission was just as long.
But if you wanted to buy bottle service right away, they just let you right in. That's it.

Speaker 1 And I saw a police officer,

Speaker 1 the guy,

Speaker 1 the Atlanta police officer, he was the size of a regular linebacker in the NFL.

Speaker 1 And he was fighting. He got into an argument with another person that was like a regular size.
defenseman from an NFL

Speaker 1 and they were both yelling and man that cop he took out that um extended oh yeah the baton the extended metal baton and i saw him i saw him from the from the hotel van we're about to park and i saw him take it out and started beating that guy

Speaker 1 in the right places you know like a real cop if he wants to really beat you up he'll hit you in the elbows the wrists fingers kneecaps and the ankles And that way, nobody will see it.

Speaker 1 You know, that was just a regular beating. Like, I'm going to let you get off.
I'll let you off easy on this one. Because if he wants to murder you, he'll hit you in the face, the eyeballs.

Speaker 1 So, this thing got hit in the elbows, both elbows, so he couldn't, he couldn't swing no more. And then he took one to the

Speaker 1 kneecap and he got down and he took one to the shoulder. And then

Speaker 1 he didn't arrest him. No,

Speaker 13 honestly, it's like you've lived here.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's like it's like you know, you've had all of the Atlanta experiences.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 APD is not to be trifled with.

Speaker 1 When they say, like, it's the good old boys, it's the good old boys. It's the good old boys.
And in Atlanta, the police, I mean, listen, the police officers got hard work to do, right?

Speaker 1 I agree with that.

Speaker 1 But they ain't fucking around. You don't play.
They ain't fucking around, man. You don't play games with the APD.

Speaker 1 Atlanta PD is not just like LA PD where some guy woke up and saw chips or TJ Hooker and wanted to be a cop. Atlanta PD is someone who's already mad because he didn't make it to the NFL.
Yep. Yes.

Speaker 1 You're right about that.

Speaker 1 And he's too smart to be a regular bouncer somewhere. Yeah, but too dumb to be anything else besides a cop.

Speaker 1 He played, he was a star linebacker in high school, but he just couldn't make it past college. But, you know, and he put, so he's putting his big prowess to work.

Speaker 1 And you know Compound, which you don't know because you're a little too young for that. But Compound was a huge deal.
And he's so right about this.

Speaker 1 It was really well known that mainly tourists and people who had just had a lot of expendable money, mainly, you know, rich old white guys, would go in there and they would force you.

Speaker 1 If you wanted to get in the door, you're going to have to pay not just a cover charge of 50 or 75 bucks, but you're going to have to buy a bottle. That's the way you get in the door.

Speaker 1 And then once you got into Compound, if you knew somebody, somebody at a table, once you got into Compound, half the time, the place was half empty. And they kept it that way.

Speaker 1 They kept people outside to make it look like there was a bunch of people waiting to get in and they would just sell you thousand dollar bottles it was fucking insane how strange but you know that's the club business in general I think a lot of times that's the way it works you got to make your money somehow right so yeah you gotta be a little kid to be in there yeah yeah that's true I know I went there twice I think once for a bachelor party I was not paying but somebody else paid and it was a lot of money and then the second time we actually had an office across the street and the people who so like the head bartender he gave us a pass that we could go in and whatever.

Speaker 1 But I only went once, even though I could get in, I only went once because I only found it interesting once. All right, Felipe is on tour from now.
When are you?

Speaker 1 How many dates are you doing on your new tour? Like 50? We're gone every other, every week. Damn,

Speaker 1 you like to travel?

Speaker 1 I love to travel, man. I come from a family of seven kids.
I couldn't wait to get away from them.

Speaker 1 Like whenever, whenever, like, whenever my family will go on a trip and they would say, who wants to stay? I look at the hands. Okay, I'll stay alone.

Speaker 1 I'll stay home alone.

Speaker 1 Perfect.

Speaker 1 My plot. I grew up in a big family too, and I feel that.

Speaker 1 I think the people who grow up in big families are the people who end up needing a lot of alone time because you just grew up in all that chaos.

Speaker 1 It's like for five fucking seconds, can I get some peace and quiet? Yeah, of course. Yeah, man.

Speaker 1 Can I sit alone on the couch? Yeah. Yeah.
Nothing like it. My dad used to say, sit and ponder ponder your navel.
That's what I'd like to do.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's why I do a bit about how I said home alone only works with a real rich white family. That movie.
Because if you're rich, you're never alone.

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 1 even

Speaker 1 if you're left alone,

Speaker 1 grandma will be sleeping somewhere. You got to take care of her now.

Speaker 1 And the whole movie will be you trying to kill grandma.

Speaker 1 That's the truth.

Speaker 1 Felipe is on tour.

Speaker 1 You can buy tickets now at Ticketmaster or the website what's the website address Felipe Felipeworld.com okay and we'll put that link right in the show notes below we'll also put a link to ticketmaster to buy those tickets directly lots of cities probably coming to one near you when you come to Atlanta we would love to see you Felipe will come and say hello send us the video with the phone I'd love to see you I'll send it to you Okay, I'll send you an email and you can respond to it.

Speaker 1 Felipe, such a pleasure. Oh, also bad decisions on Netflix if you want to go see some of his work.
It's a great special. I watched it last night.
Congratulations on all the sex success, Felipe.

Speaker 1 And please come back and visit us. We'd love that.
Thanks for having me, man. I'll take you to Blacksiken.
Yes. If you come to Atlanta, I'll take you to Blacksiken.

Speaker 1 Thank you, man. This was fun.
Yeah, Blacksikin and Compound. It's a night.

Speaker 1 Massacre animals and then the compound.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Thank you, Felipe. We appreciate it.
Happy holidays, brother. Happy holidays.
Happy Kwanzaa. Yeah, Merry Christmas.
Thank you. That was fun.

Speaker 1 I have a wild idea.

Speaker 5 Go to our Instagram and follow us at the Commercial Break.

Speaker 4 And then go to our TikTok and follow us there at TCB Podcast. And then go to our YouTube, youtube.com/slash the commercial break and follow us there.

Speaker 4 And then text us at 212-433-3TCB and tell us that you followed us on all of those other places. And then go to our website, tcbpodcast.com, and browse, I guess.

Speaker 4 Well, those are all the ideas I have for today, so see you tomorrow.

Speaker 1 Bye.

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Speaker 1 And if you made it this far, I am super proud of you. Super proud of you.
No fault of Felipe's. That audio was at times pretty rocky.

Speaker 1 And I swear to God, we pay for like the best interview interface software supposedly ever in the world. And it just fails us miserably sometimes.
But that's okay.

Speaker 1 Technology has never been our strong suit here at the the commercial break anyway. All right, all of Felipe's shit is available at FelipeWorld.com.

Speaker 1 Tickets to his tour, links to his specials, his social media, his podcast, and his ever-growing library of YouTube videos. The guy is prolific and he's fucking hilarious.

Speaker 1 He is a favorite here at this household. And I think once you get turned on to him, you'll figure out why.

Speaker 1 Also, I am going to post on social media that video of his face actually being put on a pint of Guinness. You won't believe it.

Speaker 1 The things they're doing with technology these days, yet I can't make a phone call to Felipe without hearing myself in triplicate. You think I'm fussy about this situation? You think?

Speaker 1 Anywho, I want to thank very much, Christina, for joining me in studio to tackle this one with Felipe. Chrissy and I with Christina back in studio tomorrow.

Speaker 1 You will hear from us as we start season number six, the fifth year of the commercial break. 256,000 hours of this dumb show with zero end in sight.

Speaker 1 And while we're talking about this dumb show, do us a couple of favors. First, follow us on Apple Podcasts or you can listen for free on the Odyssey app.
That's our home network.

Speaker 1 And if you don't have the Odyssey app, you should get it because it's really cool. Give us a couple stars and a review if you're so inclined.

Speaker 1 But more importantly, just download the show when a new episode comes out. Also, please do us a favor.
Use our sponsors, special URLs and codes when I give them to you on the commercial. commercials.

Speaker 1 That lets the sponsors know we're doing our job. They put a little jingle jingle in our pocket.
We keep making episodes. You smile, that's how it goes.

Speaker 1 At the commercial break on the ever-growing Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok. And now, every single episode is available on youtube.com/slash the commercial break.

Speaker 1 That's right, you have to check out the new studio.

Speaker 1 Chrissy and I in 4K, Christina in 2K, because I can't afford to give her a good camera, and the blue cam, which will occasionally show blue parking at us.

Speaker 1 Also, if you don't mind, call us, text us, send us a message, and we promise to respond. 212-433-3822-212-433-3TCB.
Plus, get your free TCB swag. We won't ask for anything in return.

Speaker 1 Just go to tcbpodcast.com, hit the contact us button, drop-down menu. I want my free sticker, give us your physical address, and we promise we'll send it to you before season 10 starts.

Speaker 1 Also, you can find all the audio and the video right there on the website.

Speaker 1 So if you're just a browser kind of person, if you like to browse, browse, if you don't want to go to any of the applications, you just want to browse shit, Safari, Chrome, Yahoo if you're nasty, then go to tcbpodcast.com.

Speaker 1 No must, no fuss, no worries, no furries. We'll take care of you there also.
All right, you'll hear from us tomorrow on the 675th episode of the commercial break for the start of season number six.

Speaker 1 Until then, I must tell you that I love you. I'll say best to you, and I will say, I do say, and I must say, goodbye.

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