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I want to be done

on that corner

because they had Chaz Bar, Chaz Bar, SoFu restaurant, Atlanta Punchline, and some Mexican restaurant with a Sharpie, and then the daycare. And right across the street, they had the strip club, Flashers.
Iconic. Flashers.
The next episode of the commercial break starts now that's my opinion hey there cats and kittens and best to you welcome to the episode before the episode that officially starts season number six of the commercial break here's a history lesson on march 10th 1876 alexander graham bell made the very first phone call to assistant, Tom Watson. And do you want to know what the first thing ever said was? Speak louder, you dipshit.
I can't hear you. And then Watson and Bell went on to figure out how to charge us all a bunch of money to send electrical signals across wires.
And when I was born, if you wanted to call a place like England, you'd pick up your physical phone sticking to your kitchen wall, dial zero, and have an actual person help you connect to the phone number across the pond. Then AT&T would charge you $26.56 a minute to say three words, wait six minutes, and hear three words back.
And if you were lucky, you'd be able to understand each other. But if it was raining or the sun flares were out or whatever the fuck, it's likely you'd hear some weird echo, fuzzy noises, or just generally have a shitty connection.
Telephone technology has come a long way. Now I can call Timbuktu, and it'll sound like that person sitting right next to me.
Why am I giving you this lesson, you ask? Well, here's a TCB history lesson. Early on in the show, I made a decision, for or for worse to air everything that came out of the microphones.
You see, some podcasters like to cut out the ums and the ahs and the breaths, and they even go so far as to fact check and make sure the things that they are saying are actually true. Not here on the commercial break.
When I speak, I'm just as dumb as I sound. So when you hear an episode of the commercial break, there's almost zero editing of the actual content.
This is a very long precursor to today's episode with the incredibly talented comedian Felipe Esparza. A couple of weeks before the holidays, Chrissy had to take a day off.
So Christina joined me in the studio when I interviewed Felipe. And even though we're using the magic technology of 2024, this episode at times sounds like we're making the very first phone call in 1876.
We didn't realize any of this until long after Felipe had said goodbye. Then I struggled and striped in my own brain.
I tossed and turned and lost sleep, not really, over whether or not I should even air this episode. But Felipe was hilarious, and the conversation is one of the most wide-ranging, weird, and interesting we've ever had with a guest.
So today, on the very last episode of season number five, I'm making the fearless decision to send out to the world the not-so-perfect audio of Christina and I talking to Felipe. I promise the substance is worth it, and I'll tell you right now, some of this episode has been edited because parts of the audio were just unlistenable.
That's okay. We'll have Felipe back, and we'll get it right the second time.
Go to felipesworld.com to check out all things Felipe Esparza. He's a former winner of The Last Comic Standing.
He's had roles on The Eric Andre show, Superstore, and has a popular podcast, What's Up Fool? And as you'll learn in the show, he's got a new podcast, All About History. And it would be a shame if I didn't mention that Felipe is on an immense world tour right now.
All right, let's do this. We'll take a short break.
And when we get back, Christina and I sit down with the incomparable, very lovable Felipe Esparza, and we talk about slaughterhouses. That's right.
This episode is not for the squeamish. I'll be back with that interview after this.
Did you know that we have a phone number? Well, we do. And you should call us.
Nobody's going to answer, but you can leave a voicemail for us that we may or may not play on the show. And if that's not the vibe, then just send us a text, okay? Our number is 212-433-3TCB.
So get texting and give us something to talk about, please. We need it.
While you're doing that, you can also follow us on Instagram at The Commercial Break and on TikTok at TCB Podcast. And as always, check out our website, TCBpodcast.com, for all of our audio and video content.
Speaking of video, we are also posting full video episodes at YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break. So go watch them, please.
Anyway, now let's hear from our sponsors and get back to the good stuff. Hey, all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe.
I want to tell you about Rule Breakers with Soraya. It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way.
It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large. And while in the moment, it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those rule breakers often define what it means to be a success.
Each week, former wrestling superstar Surya sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations, and rewriting the rules. They're talking about it all, the fights, the failures, and the moments moments that changed everything you can follow and listen to rule breakers with suraya on the free odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts and hear here to the rule breakers for keeping life interesting and felipe is here with us now hey felipe how are you what's up, listen, I don't have any complaints.
Of course, I could complain, but no one's going to listen. So I have 13 to 20 children.
You have children. You have a lot of children, don't you? You have four children? I have three.
Three of mine and one with my wife, but I'm not the real father. How old are the children? They're not children.
They're adults now. I had them when I was in high school.
Oh, God bless you. You're out of the...
I've been out since they've been born. What you call...
What do people say that empty nester? I was an empty nester when I was 18. They're out of my life.
Oh, man. I wish I could claim the same.
I'm in the middle of it right now. So are the holidays big for you, Felipe? Do you like, does everybody get together? I think we're big when I was growing up.
When I was growing up as a kid, we always spend holidays with our cousins and our aunts and our grandma. We have most of my father's family.
live in um los angeles like all of them i

think of all his brothers and sisters migrated to los angeles at one time in the late 70s early 70s and so all the family we knew as my father's family so we would go over there and they would kill a pig man or kill a goat really killed it right in front of us and in like they didn't care about the city code or nothing.

No, fuck that.

It's weird, man.

We would go to a place where there was slaughter animals in Rosemead, California, which is only, like, 35 minutes. And people just have ranches with livestock.
And we would just go over there and buy goats. I didn't even know.
Because they were going to baptize my brother when he was three. and we didn't know we were a slaughter farm.
I'm still affected by it because that's probably why I'm vegan now. No, we were playing with these three goats and we were, I thought it was a petting zoo because we were kids and we're, we're just like petting them.
And, and next, you know, these two guys grab our, our, our playful goats and they slit their throats right in front of us.

And they run around spraying blood on their necks, crying, of course.

And we ate them the next day.

Yes.

So, Felipe, you learned this lesson early.

My father was in like the commodities trading business.

So he would like buy 100,000 head of cattle, send them somewhere to be slaughtered, package them, sell them. That's what he did.
Wow, cool job. Really cool job, killing a bunch.
He's not there when it happened. At least there's that.
He was there sometimes when it happened. We spent three months in Mexico when I was 15 years old.
He brought us down to see what he did for a living and he was there doing business. He took us to a slaughterhouse in Monterrey, I think it was, and we saw the cattle alive and then we saw them chopped up.
Like the whole situation, we saw it from beginning to end and it changed my perception about food altogether because it can't not. When you actually see that happen, it's a whole different animal pun intended.
It's a weird thing. I'm sorry.
Is the C.O.L.D. the C.O.L.D.
was that little cop router, like no country for old man, that they slit their throat or they shot them? They would zap them into a little lane and then in in that lane, there was an automatic shot machine.

And they would give them a shot.

It would stun them, and then they would hang them up by their back hoofs.

Oh, my God.

And I'm not kidding you.

I know this is like Merry Christmas, everybody.

I wasn't expecting to hear about all of this today.

I'm sorry, guys.

Christmas house story.

Yeah.

A guy

would come and they call it

Stip to Stern and he would just take a machete

and he would just slit it down the middle

and then everything would fall out and on

to the next and on to the next.

The people that

are actually doing the slaughtering are

not the people that can actually put a

sentence and a paragraph together.

You know, my dad's first job was also a slaughterhouse. Really? Yeah, but he calls it the abattoir because he's English.
Yeah, they call it the abattoir. The abattoir.
I was like, what's that? He goes, a slaughterhouse. Yeah, the United Healthcare CEO.
He said that was a guy's name when we went to Rosemead. His name was Alboa Torres.
Oh, wow. Maybe that's what he did.
You know, I asked about the pig because there were no cows where we went, but there was a lot of pigs. And I remember the guy shot the pig.
With a gun? Yeah, right in the forehead. Like, he just grabbed them and just shot them and put them upside down.
And then they cut it. And then a bucket.
I remember everything falling down. I was like four or five watching.
And then they saved the blood. I remember that I asked my dad, what are they saving that part? And my dad said that that's the stuff they could sell to a doctor to make medicine, I guess.
Insulin. Oh, I didn't know that.
Yeah. Insulin for diabetes.
That's crazy. Yeah, I mean, listen, you know, if you go to McDonald's, you have a hamburger, you go to your family, you have the Christmas ham, you do that, there is a whole situation that went into that, A through B.
And I think when you see it, there's some, there's some intelligence, like you're imparted with some kind of like universal intelligence about how the world really fucking works. A little trauma.
Yeah, a little trauma too. I think you two need some therapy.
I got therapy, but I can't get over that slaughterhouse. I just can't get over the slaughterhouse.
Are you vegan now? Yeah. People don't believe me because I'm so big.
They say, what do we eat, crops? What do you eat, deep fried lettuce? Oh, I don't know. Oh, yeah.
Nutter butters and Oreos are vegan, so you must eat that all day. Nutter butters are vegan? Yeah, they're peanut butter.
Well, that's great news. I love that.
Nutter butters are fantastic. That's one of my favorites.
Good fucking Nutter butter. What is your favorite? Nutter butters are good, man.
I gotta tell you. You said good nutter fucking butters.
I just imagine you with a big cup of milk and stuffing them all in there and eating it with a spoon. That's so on brand for you.
That's right. That is on brand for you.
It really is. Only not milk.
Half and half. I only drink it.
Half, yeah. It's disgusting time you get all the cereals, you crush it up and you eat it like a cereal pudding.
Yeah, now we're talking. Felipe has video cameras.
He has video cameras. He would get like those sweet potatoes or the I guess they're called sweet potatoes, right? He'll just put a piece of aluminum foil and cut up chunks of brown sugar and put it in the oven and take it out and eat it he'll add extra syrup and then he'll eat it like that never like that what that one of my favorite things in the world during the holiday season is like the very caucasian dish of marshmallows on top of yams.
Do you know what I'm saying? I know about it. I've never had it.
Man, candied yams. I had that for the first time at my friend's house and they're Mexican but they were all born in America so they got more of the good food, more of the American Thanksgiving.
He made candied ham and he made cand candied yams and man that ham i know we just talked about the slaughter but that ham i don't know how he did it but every piece tastes like candy it's crazy yes my dad does this too it's caramelized they put like syrup on they like marinate it in syrup and water sugar water is so fucking delicious it is so good and probably just extraordinarily terrible for you but it is so delicious and there's something about candied yams or yams with marshmallows on it caramelized marshmallows that is just one of my favorite things and i only have it during the holiday season it's not like i go and i make a sweet potato with marshmallows every day i know you're not're not going to find a street vendor selling that. Yes.
Now, there's an idea. It's time has come.
Honestly. Yeah.
Thanksgiving food. You know, it's funny you say Monterey.
I saw a street vendor in Mexico in Monterey, and he was selling baked potatoes like that. Yeah.
I love baked potatoes. And he would put that tres leches, that condensed sweet milk over them.
Yes. And sprinkle marshmallows and just mix it all up.
Oh, that's delicious. That's good stuff.
Do you like tres leches? So my wife is Venezuelan, right? So, you know, Venezuelan. They're there for the first 22 years of her life.
So she's really Venezuelan. And one of the things she imparted on me is tres leches.
And it's one of my favorite fucking desserts in the world. It's so good.
It's hard not to like tres leches. It's condensed milk and sponge cake.
I mean, what else is there in life but tres leches? Oh, that's good. Is that something you eat? Is that something that's in Mexican culture also? Yes.
The condensed milk, the tres leches, the sweet condensed milk, they put that on everything. But I didn't really start liking it more so I went to Hawaii and they put it in snow cones.
Oh. Oh, I've never seen that.
So like pineapple syrup and then coconut syrup and then they put the white cream over it. Oh my God, that's all good.
That sounds good. That sounds fucking delicious.
Wow. They are little, they're little sorcerers over there.
Opening my eyes up today. I mean, a slaughterhouse, a snow cone with sweetened condensed milk.
It's a big day. You're giving us ideas for lunch this afternoon.
I'm going to shave some ice with some trace leches on it. What is in the, uh, in your household, and I know you're vegan, but when your household, what is like is the one dish you guys cook for the holidays that you just look forward to every

year? We make tamales.

My wife was raised vegan by

her family. I think they were

at,

I don't know the name of religion, Third Day Adventist,

I think. Oh, yeah, yeah.

They grew up on all that

horrible vegan food from

the 80s.

Horrible, man. Like, she, she, they need to buy, she told me this, I think it's called Lorna.
And they sell, oh my God, they sell vegan franks in a can. In a can? In a can.
So you open it up and there's like four or three vegan franks in there. And then there's another package that has four vegan chicken nuggets.
And then you can just break it apart with your hands and you can make, I guess you can put mayonnaise and make tuna or tuna salad or chicken salad or cut it up. Yeah.
You're going to add a bunch of seasoning to it though. Yeah.
I made a chickpea salad the other day like the fake tuna salad for my sister she's vegetarian and um i went in with the garlic powder and the onion powder i was like i gotta make this taste good or she's gonna kill me you know we found out that the chickpea can the the juice that's inside the chickpea if you whip it hard enough it'll turn into a meringue and you can use that as a fake meringue in a meringue pie. I've seen people use it in cocktails as well.
Like on top of a little pisco sour. Wow.
Some good stuff. We're learning stuff here in the commercial break that I had no idea.
You can take the chickpea juice. It's called aquafaba.
Aquafaba. Sounds fancy.
Yeah. If you put your aquafaba, is it meringue? Is it, you put some sugar in it, it becomes sweet? I would assume.
It does. It becomes sugar.
I got to whip it. I got to work it.
God, Felipe. Well, I mean, you're vegan, so you have to have like a bunch of recipes at your disposal because it's not like you can just drive through somewhere and grab something.
You have to have a bunch of recipes ready to go. I don't know about Lorna weenies in a can, but the chicken nuggets don't sound too bad.
The weenies in a can. I know, Matt.
I remember also when I was growing up and, you know, when you're single, I remember buying Hormel canned tamales. Oh.
The most grossest thing ever, man. It was like a canned Hormel chili, but they make tamales too, but you got to really want them.
And you just open the can, and there's three or four tamale steaks wrapped in a wax paper, and you got to microwave it. Oh.
Yes, bro. Yes.
It's like one. It comes out.
It looks like a real fat mozzarella steak, But it's like one it comes out and looks like a real fat mozzarella stick but it's it's it has um it has corn like a tamale and a sliver of meat inside of it no just like one little tiny ribbon of meat yeah one line you know this this reminds me of something so one one of the things that i used to eat when i was single was taquitos by El Paso. I think they used frozen taquitos.
Corn and flour. Now listen.
Shredded beef, chicken, taquitos. I used to go in on these things.
I put five of them, microwave them, put some cheese on them, a little hot sauce. Did you buy the half gallon guacamole to go with it? Listen, I'm not ashamed to say that pre-made guacamole, like made the year before, is something that I have had in my life.

I mean, I don't know what they put in it.

Okay.

So, I started realizing something during the pandemic.

If you go to Publix and you buy those flour taquitos, and then you go to Walmart and you buy the flower taquitos. The difference in quality is incredibly crazy.
They are terrible always, right? I mean, they're terrible for you, but they taste good when you buy them from Publix. When you buy them from Walmart, something's different.
Such as like an emotional bias you have? I don't think it's an emotional bias. I have this theory that the exact same box, let's say that you're on a big, you know, El Paso's in this El Paso factory and they're making these and some get rejected because they look different.
They have different quality meat. There's bones in one of them.
I don't know what happens. But then they send those to Walmart because the difference in price is like $3 a box.

And I'm like, wait, how does Publix get away with, I know Publix is like, you know, the upper crust of society grocery stores, but how did they get away with selling it for $7.99 when you can buy it for $4.99 at Walmart? I thought it was being cost constant. And what I realized is, no, fuck that.
They're selling the rejects to Walmart because that's how they do it. Takedo rejects.
Big Tiquito. Big Tiquito is after us.
Big Tiquito is fucking us. Remember one time I was like, I was really high and I was eating those tacos, the ones you're talking about.
The cheaper ones with a little cheap gallon of guacamole. And I opened one up.
Don't do that. Danger zone.
Yes. I opened one up to see what the meat looked like.
And it was just a black, round meat patty. Yes.
Oh, that's giving like a black patty. And they rolled it in a taco.
And I was like, aw. I felt like that kid from Christmas Story when he found out that the golden ring was just a commercial.
Yes. Oh, that's, yeah.
I don't know what possessed you to do that.

A black patty.

A brown, like, bologna patty, black.

And that was just a taco.

I guess you're not supposed to open them, I guess. But I don't know who to be, like, shredded meat

or something, but no,

it was just a black patty.

Tomatoes and spices. He had his drink

your Ovaltine moment when he opened up. I said in Spanish, eat real tacos.
So, Felipe, you're on a never-ending tour. I saw on your website you've got dates well into 2025.
Are you in the middle of the tour right now? Yes, I'm in the middle of the tour right now. I just got back last week from Dublin and England and Amsterdam.
I had a show in Dublin and it was cancelled. I was in Dublin already, so I stood there for three days.
I went to England and I did big show. And then the next day I did a regular show with British Comics.

Oh, fun.

Okay, so this is interesting.

So tell me about Dublin.

What did you think about Dublin?

Oh, man.

It was, I learned a lot.

I learned a lot of history about Dublin.

I found out that they had the revolution in 1916 against the British.

And then they had their own civil war against each other in 1921 to 1922. And I went to the prison where they actually killed most of the prisoners of war.
It's called Kellenham Prison. Yeah.
Kilmainham. Kilmainham, yeah.
Kilmainham Prison. And I went on a boat ride.
I went to the Guinness. Guinness factory nice that's what i was gonna ask you yeah and i went there with my my wife her brother his three daughters my friend and my my stepson and they made me a big non-alcoholic guinness and the foam had my face on it oh yeah oh they imprinted your face on it with like foam printer? Yeah, they take a picture of you when you order it.

And then when you go over there,

you can watch your beard being

formed to your face. It's incredible.

I can send you a video of it later if you want.

Yeah, no, please do. I'll text you.

I'll get that video. Because I didn't go

to the Guinness factory. When I went to Dublin,

we went during one of the...

You'd think it snows in Dublin, right? That's the assumption

I made. When we went to Dublin, we learned quickly that snow doesn't happen there very often, but it snowed almost a foot and a half the night we arrived.
The entire town shut down. So we weren't able to go to the Guinness factory, but Dublin was lovely.
I mean, it was lovely. The people treated us lovely.
Everyone was stuck. Trucks couldn't get there.
We didn't have food or water at the hotel. It was scarce.

Everyone was coming together to make it a thing.

But that Guinness factory is a town.

It looks like a town.

Like Hershey, Pennsylvania.

Rig.

Yes, exactly.

You're right about that.

Big walls.

And then inside of the...

I think that people live there.

I think some people live inside of the Guinness factory or the management or something like that.

Why did the show get canceled? Oh, we didn't sell enough tickets. Oh, that's a reason.
We know about that. That's a reason.
Yeah, but then you did a big show in England? Yeah, I did a bigger show in England at the Leicester Theater. Okay.
It was like 200 people. And now the next day I did a small show at a regular comedy club.
Just like a regular... When you go over to Europe, is this your first time taking a leg in Europe or have you done this before? I said my first time doing a leg in Europe.
I've been there before, but just to do a one-nighter in Rotterdam, Holland, Netherlands. Sure.
Yeah, but the crowd at my show were all mostly European Latinos or expats that left Mexico or that left Venezuela to live in England. Sure.
But there were a lot of people from Los Angeles or people who moved from Los Angeles who live in England. They all came to my show.
Yeah. The next show was all British people.
Like, all British people. I had to change words around for that show.
Oh, I know. Because they weren't going to understand.
No, in America, we have child support. And I would talk about child support.
In England, it's called child maintenance. Oh, child maintenance.
That sounds like a more appropriate word because that's what you do with children. You maintain them.
There's no supporting them. You just maintain them.
Make sure that they stay alive. But that's got to be exciting to you that you now can go over there and do a leg over in Europe.
that must be an exciting part of the career when you can go over there and sustain a couple shows and have some have some people come out and there are quite a few expats in venezuelans you know in spain and england and and and stuff like that they moved they're moving out of the shithole somewhere yeah yeah man they were uh some of them were from actually east los Angeles. I met a Colombian guy in Dublin, actually.

No, Dublin?

No, I met a Colombian guy at my show.

He was there by himself, and he had a lot of weed.

He was smoking right outside the theater.

He didn't care.

And I talked to him.

How did you make it out here?

He goes, my wife, she's in the British Navy. And I get to wait over here on her dime.
Wow. Nice.
He has full benefits. He's probably going to be a British citizen already.
And his wife, she's a Navy officer somewhere, and he's enjoying stand-up comedy. He's enjoying stand-up comedy and smoking weed outside.
His wife must be proud. They don't give a shit over there, actually.
He's living the life. Yeah, a lot of people smoke weed over there.
It doesn't seem to be that big of an issue to me, actually. When I went over there, I noticed a lot of...
I never really thought about it. The smell of weed was in the air, kind of like how it is here in Atlanta.
Yeah. Have you been to Atlanta a bunch? I'm sure, sure.
You know, when you said people in Dublin were nice, they are very

nice. When we were on the train,

there was a sign

on the train, and it

said, I'll report anybody

that's being rude and not

friendly. Yes.
That's cute.

So if somebody's going to say hello,

you've got to report them.

You know what? If anybody's listening, if you go to Dublin, Ireland, you're not allowed inside pubs wearing tracksuits. Oh.
I was wearing a full Adidas tracksuit with Adidas shoes, and I tried to get in. me at the door mate they said no tracksuits and I said okay I can see it a lot of soccer games people wear tracksuits with colors of their teams you know or they might be a drug dealer or anybody who looks you watch a European movie all the drug dealers wear tracksuits that's true so I had to stand outside at the we went to the famous bar the temple bar oh yeah the temple bar sure yeah yeah and so they didn't let you into the tracksuit but I do think you're right about this I think that they have notoriously had issues when teams clash soccer teams clash you know that's the thing they get all upset about over there is when the team loses or wins and they've had riots and people have died.
There's been whole wars fought over local soccer teams. I went to a soccer game in England.
It was Crystal Palace versus Newcastle. Oh, really? Fun.
I was in South London. That's where the stadium is.
I was sitting with Crystal Palace.

I think that's where they shoot that show,

Ted Lasso.

Oh, is it?

Yeah, I think you're right about that. Yeah, and man,

it was different from watching

an NFL or a baseball game.

It was fast.

And you know what?

They don't allow you to take your beer into the stands.

Oh.

Is that because you'll throw it?

The future is going to be a good one. fast.
And you know what? They don't allow you to take your beer into the stands. Oh.
Is that because you'll throw it? People go crazy. People are crazy sober already.
So, during halftime, everybody goes to the stand, the beer, and they start chugging beers, man. And they don't sell like nachos, man.
They sell mince pie. Oh, I love mince pie.
She's from Scotland. They had a vegan mince pie and I tore it up.
It was delicious. Was it really good? It was like dark black meat.
And they give you the sauce. I think that's the meat they put in the taquitos over here.
They have really good vegan options in the UK. Yes, a lot of vegan options.
They have such good vegan options. I went to a steakhouse in Dublin and they had like T-bone steaks, like those big chug steaks.
They have pieces of the cow outside. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And they actually had a vegan steak. They had a steak made out of a mushroom, a lion mane mushroom.
Oh, nice. So it was like red, this fat, and they made it look like...
My wife said it tastes like steak, because she never had steak before, so she has nothing to compare it with. So I guess it tastes like steak if you forgot what steak tastes like.
Yeah, but Lions made mushrooms. Some of those mushrooms, they do have a steaky flavor.
Umami, some might say. Umami, that the special.
Umami. When you went to that soccer game,

like it's a different atmosphere over there.

Rowdy,

man.

I see any women besides my wife and my sister-in-law.

It's dangerous.

They get crazy over there.

It's crazy,

man.

Like,

um,

I don't know the parking,

like, I don't know the parking situation,

man,

over there,

but it seemed like everybody took a bus and they were screaming in the bus

and they were singing their,

um,

Thank you. I don't know the parking situation, man, over there, but it seemed like everybody took a bus, and they were screaming in the bus, and they were singing their anthem.
Oh, well, well, well, well, Crystal Palace. That's the one thing that I love about, I mean, there's a lot of things I love about Europe, but one of the things I love about Europe, and I think they've gotten so right, and I know that they have history on their side, but they don't rely on a vehicle for everything.
You can literally get a bus to anywhere. The villages are small, they're walkable.
And if the bus says it's going to be there at 8.01 in 30 fucking seconds, it's there at 8.01 in 30 fucking seconds. Here in Atlanta, the martyr says it's going to be there at 8.01.
You don't know if

that's a.m. or p.m.
You have no

fucking clue what time it's

going to be there. And that's just, we just

don't have great transportation here.

I know, man. Would it hurt

the bus companies

anywhere in America to leave

a sign that says, run the

bottom. Doesn't run on Sunday.
Just tell us. Yeah, just let us know.
Exactly. That's all we're asking.
A little heads up. You're so right about this.
Yeah. No, it's Big Bus.
Big Bus and Big Tiquitos are after us. Big Bus.
Big Tiquitos. In Atlanta, I went to a restaurant called Blacksican.
Blacksican? Yeah, it's a black Mexican restaurant. It's like Mexican soul food.
Was it good? Was it good? It was good. Ooh.
Wow. Catch me there next weekend.
They had like, I think all the regular beef, like the barbecue beef, it was made into a quesadilla. You could have like, I don't know, black eyed peas.
Wow. That's my kind of food.
Yeah, and Blaxican. He used to have four trucks and a restaurant, but now he has a restaurant and maybe two trucks.
This does sound like something that happens in Atlanta, Blaxican. Because we're so multicultural in this city, and I see how that's a thing.
There's a lot of Mexican folks that live here, people that lived in Mexico or from that descent and we have a lot of black folks. We've got a lot of good food here.
That's why I love Atlanta. We're such a great hodgepodge of human beings.
I know, man. It's a thing that happens in Atlanta.
I eat a lot of vegan food over there at Overpriced Slutty Vegan. Slutty vegan, yeah.
Slutty vegan, yeah. Our S's are for dollar signs.
Yeah. I mean, it's good, but it's expensive.
But it's very expensive. Yeah, you know, there's also the Sunflower Cafe, I think, is another one.
I love that place. I went to that place.
It's by the Yodelan Punchline, right? That's right. Yep.
It's down there in Buckhead, I think. Yeah, Buckhead.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's great. How often do you come to Atlanta? I used to go there every year to the Atlanta Punchline.
That's the original one. But now they moved to Buckhead at that diner.
Oh, yeah. The Buckhead.
But when I was at the original one, OMG. Right next

door, I had a 24-hour daycare.

Yeah, man. So you could be

at the club, man, and then

drop out your

chick's baby at that place

and then go handle business.

That's snowing,

man.

I love that for us.

I want to put on that

corner because they had Chaz Bar, Chaz Bar, SoFu restaurant, a lot of punchline and some Mexican restaurant with a Sharpie and then a daycare. And right across the street, they had the strip club, Flashers.
Iconic. You know, Felipe, when I was a young guy, that punchline corner was the place to go if you had drugs or you wanted them.
That was one of the two reasons you would go to that corner. Let's be honest about it.
A jazz bar in Atlanta does not survive without a little cocaine pushing it along. Absolutely.
And those jazz bars were the place. You didn't even have to know anybody.
You just walked in and you knew you could see the guy at the corner of the bar.

You knew what he was doing. But

all of a sudden, you're into jazz. If you do a little

toot, you're into jazz. All of a sudden, I'm a jazz musician.

I'm a jazz man.

I only went there for the toots.

I ain't talking about the trumpet.

I was there having

some fun.

That little corner right there was rowdy. Punchline Jazz Bar.
I forgot what that jazz bar, New Orleans Jazz Bar or something like that. But that was quite the scene.
Oh, man. And I did a show there for American Insurance.
I'm pretty sure it was big. American Family Insurance.
And I did a show in Atlanta because American Family Insurance

they like to put up a big stand-up show every year

and they put all the stand-up

in their website so when people go

to their insurance company

or they're filling out forms they can watch

Bill Ballamy do stand-up

right?

So we went there

and I didn't know

that Atlanta was

a lot of gay people

huge, huge

Thank you. So we went there and I didn't know that Atlanta was a lot of gay people Huge huge We got there at the hotel room.
Nothing but man like that. I tripped over a dick, but there was no There was no there was no women But we got invited to a after-hour at this club, Bro, that was the most expensive club ever, man.
It was called the Pulse or the Vault or the Compound. I don't know what it was called.
Compound, yes. Yes, it's in an old vacant car lot.
It used to be a car lot. $1,500 For a bottle service That's crazy I didn't get it, Tony Rock got it But there was a big line to get in And everybody was They were making you get bottle service When you came in And I saw Tony Rock walking with two bottles Because he wasn't sharing And then like It a big line for vip which is real long and then the general admission was just as long but if you wanted to buy bottle service right away they just let you right in that's it and i saw a police officer he let the the guy the alana the alana police officer he was the size of a regular linebacker in the NFL.
And he was fighting.

He got into an argument with another person that was like a regular size defenseman from an NFL.

And they were both yelling.

And man,

that cop,

he took out that extended.

Oh yeah.

The baton.

The extended metal baton.

And I saw him,

I saw him from the,

from the hotel van. We're about to park.
And I saw him take it out and started beating that guy in the right places you know like a real cop if he wants to really beat you up he'll hit you on the elbows the wrist fingers kneecaps and the ankles and that way nobody will see see it. That was just a regular beating.

I'm going to let you get off.

I'll let you off easy on this one.

Because if he wants to murder you, he'll hit you in the face,

the eyeballs.

So this guy got hit in the elbows,

both elbows, so he couldn't

swing no more.

And then he took one to the

kneecap and he got down

and he took one to the shoulder.

And then he didn't arrest him. Honestly, it's like you've lived here.
It's like you know all of our secrets. You've had all of the Atlanta experiences.
Right, Atlanta. APD is not to be trifled with.
When they say the good old boys, it's the good old boys. It's the good old boys.
And the good old boys And in Atlanta The police officers got hard work to do I agree with that But they ain't fucking around They ain't fucking around Atlanta PD Not just like LAPD Where some guy woke up And saw Chips or TJ Hooker And wanted to be a cop. Alana PD is someone who's already mad because he didn't make it to the NFL.
Yes. You're right about that.
And he's too smart to be a regular bouncer somewhere. Yeah, but too dumb to be anything else besides a cop.
He was a star linebacker in high school, but he just couldn't make it past college. So he's putting his big prowess to work.
And you know Compound, which you don't know about because you're a little too young for that. But Compound was a huge deal, and he's so right about this.
It was really well known that mainly tourists and people who had just had a lot of expendable money, mainly rich, old white guys, would go in there and they would force you. If you wanted to get in the door, you're going to have to pay not just a cover charge of $50 or $75, but you're going to have to buy a bottle.
That's the way you get in the door. And then once you got into compound, if you knew somebody, somebody at a table, once you got into compound, half the time, the place was half empty.
And they kept it that way. They kept people outside to make it look like there was a bunch of people waiting to get in.
And they would just sell you $1,000 bottles. It was fucking insane.
How strange. But, you know, that's the club business in general, I think.
A lot of times that's the way it works. You got to make your money somehow, right? Yeah, you got to be a little kid to be in there.
Yeah. Yeah, that's true.
I went there twice, I think. Once for a bachelor party, I was not paying, but somebody else paid and it was a lot of money.
And then the second time, we actually had an office across the street and the people who, the head bartender, he gave us a pass that we could go in and whatever. But I only went once.
Even though I could get in, I only went once because I only found it interesting once. All right.
Felipe is on tour from now. When are you, how many dates are you doing on your new tour? Probably like 50.
We're gone every week. Damn.
50. You like to travel? I love to travel, man.
I come a family of seven kids. I couldn't wait to get away from them.
Like whenever, whenever like, whenever my family would go on a trip and they would say, who wants to stay? I look at their hands. Okay, I'll stay alone.
I'll stay home alone. Perfect.
My plot. I grew up in a big family too and I feel that.
I think the people who grow up in big families are the people who end up needing a lot of alone time. Because you just grew up in all that chaos.
It's like for five fucking seconds, can I get some peace and quiet? Yeah, man. And I sit alone on the couch.
Yeah. Yeah.
Nothing like it. My dad used to say, sit and ponder your navel.
That's what I'd like to do. Yeah, that's why I do a bit about how I said Home Alone only works with a real rich white family.

Because if you're rich, you're never alone.

Because even if you're left alone, grandma will be sleeping somewhere and you got to take care of her now.

And the whole movie will be you trying to kill grandma.

That's the truth.

Felipe is on tour. You can buy tickets now at Ticketmaster or the website.
That's the truth. Felipe is on tour.

You can buy tickets now at Ticketmaster or

the website. What's the website address for Felipe?

Felipeworld.com. Okay, and we'll

put that link right in the show notes below.

We'll also put a link to Ticketmaster to buy those tickets

directly. Lots of cities, probably

coming to one near you when you come to

Atlanta. We would love to see you, Felipe.

We'll come and say hello. Send us the video

with the phone. I'd love to see you.
I will. I'll send it send it to you.
I'll send you an email. You can respond to it.
Felipe, such a pleasure. Also, Bad Decisions on Netflix if you want to go see some of his work.
It's a great special. I watched it last night.
Congratulations on all the success, Felipe. Please come back and visit us.
We'd love that. Thanks for having me, man.
I'll take you to Blacks again. Yes.
If you come to Atlanta, I'll take you to Blacksican. Thank you, man.
This was fun. Yeah.
Blacksican and compound. It's a night.
Massacre and massacre animals and then the compound. Yes.
Thank you, Felipe. We appreciate it.
Happy holidays, brother. Happy holidays.
Happy Kwanzaa. Merry Christmas thank you that was fun I have a wild idea go to our Instagram and follow us at the commercial break and then go to our TikTok and follow us there at TCB podcast and then go to our YouTube youtube.com slash the commercial break and follow us there and then text us at 212- 4 3 3 3 TCB and tell us that you followed us on all of those other places.
And then go to our website, TCB podcast.com and browse, I guess. Well, those are all the ideas I have for today.
So see you tomorrow. Bye.
And if you made it this far, I am super proud of you. Super proud of you.
No fault of Felipe's. That audio was at times pretty rocky.
And I swear to God, we pay for like the best interview interface software supposedly ever in the world. And it just fails us miserably sometimes.
But that's okay. Technology has never been our strong suit here at the commercial break anyway.
All right. All of Felipe's shit is available at FelipeWorld.com.
Tickets to his tour, links to his specials, his social media, his podcast, and his ever-growing library of YouTube videos. The guy is prolific and he's fucking hilarious.
He is a favorite here at this household and I think once you get turned on to him, you'll figure out why. Also, I am going to post on social media that video of his face actually being put on a pint of Guinness.
You won't believe it. The things they're doing with technology these days, yet I can't make a phone call to Felipe without hearing myself in triplicate.
You think I'm fussy about this situation? You think? Anywho, I want to thank very much Christina for joining me in studio to tackle this one with Felipe. Chrissy and I with Christina back in studio tomorrow.
You will hear from us as we start season number six, the fifth year of the commercial break. 256,000 hours of this dumb show with zero end in sight.
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on the 675th episode of the commercial break for the start season number six until then i must tell